Should Oppositional Defiant Disorder Be Medicated

Parents of oppositional defiant disorder kids are often told to punish, take things away, or rely on time-outs. But what if that approach is actually making things worse? In this episode, Bonnie shares her story of discovering why traditional discipline failed — and how shifting to a proactive, life-skills-based plan turned defiance into cooperation. You’ll learn why “goal power” changes everything and how to stop living in daily battles with your child. Are you seeking resources that promote harmony and cooperation? Click Here

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Today we're going to talk about medicating kids for behavior disorders,

(00:52):
like ADHD or Oppositional Defiant Disorder.
We can talk about medicating kids for anxiety and depression too,
but maybe that's a completely different episode.
Yeah.

But here's the thing (01:03):
when you're a parent,
you know you dream of what it's going to be like to have this
beautiful family life,
and then you know the little kid comes along and all of a sudden at the age of two,
they start stomping,
telling you no,
being very disobedient.
Some kids have a stronger spirit; maybe they call them strong-willed,

(01:23):
where they act out a little bit more than little Susie who's more
sneaky around the She doesn't really scream in your face but she's
got her own issues over here.
But what happened for me at least is by the time my oldest son was
in grade one he was being diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder.

(01:45):
Back in the day when he was in grade one it was just ADD.
They've since changed the name to ADHD.
The name's been changed several times since 1968,
but that's a whole other discussion.
So I'm calling the school my son's in grade one.
I'm watching him from the back of the classroom going,
huh,
this is like I don't see any weirdness at home.

(02:07):
Could he possibly have something wrong with him?
And when you don't know anything other than what you're reading in
the textbooks and what the teachers are telling you and the school
psychologist is telling you?
Where the heck do you go?
Mm hmm.
So I literally said,
okay,
so he has ADHD.
Maybe he has a learning disability.

(02:27):
His dad had a learning disability.
That could possibly be it.
So for six years,
I refused to go down the path that there was something wrong with my kid.
It is what it is.
If he doesn't get straight A's,
that's fine.
You know,
at least he goes and he tries was kind of what I was.
The time he was in grade eight,

(02:48):
I was still being called to the school.
I finally asked his pediatrician about it and his.
pediatrician showed me a picture that just said,
in this picture,
and there was like a plate with a knife and a fork,
and over in the corner over here was like an orange or something.
He goes,
every other student in your kid's class sees this in the picture,

(03:11):
the plate with the knife and the Your son sees this over here.
So I'm going to recommend some medication for him that'll help him
focus on what he needs to focus on in the classroom for a period of about eight hours.
But by the time afternoon rolls around,
it'll be out of his system.
Like,
it's not addictive or anything.

(03:31):
You don't need to worry about anything like that.
It'll just help him.
with school.
So I bought into the facade.
Yes.
Before you go further,
can I just echo back what I'm hearing?
Yes.
There's a plate with a fork and a knife on it.
Yes.
And over here,
there's a little sunshine,
kind of like an,
like that.
And the picture was to show that most kids,

(03:55):
the compliant,
good,
well-mannered kids,
by someone's opinion,
sees the plate.
But your son sees something over there and we want to give him something to go,
no?
Yes.
Yes.
Okay.
Did I hear you correct?
Okay,
good.
Keep going.

(04:16):
Okay.
Because talking about it right now,
I feel really kind of like I was led down a path of,
he he,
I got another one.
I don't know.
Well,
wait a.
We're just talking.
today Wait a I don't know for sure.
Just for reference,
how many of us have been the butt of a?
Okay Yeah.

(04:36):
Did you see it coming?
No.
Okay.
And I'm pretty gullible anyways.
Well,
I I mean I used to believe that when I was really big into bikes,
that the forks in the frame of the bike weighed three ounces and my
parents were like no you probably mean more like three pounds,

(04:57):
Tommy.
No he said three ounces.
Right?
You're a little gullible because you're exploring the world and you
really don't have much references.
So it is what it is.
It is what it is.
Here we are.
Keep going.
So I started to really believe that I was hurting my son by not putting him on this.

(05:19):
drug Okay Like it took six years for me to get there Finally I caved
and I mean I'm sure there was such a thing as Google at the time but
it wasn't like it is today where it wasn't a habit for us you know
to use Google back in the early 2000s right Like it is today So I

(05:40):
just kind of took their word for it went and filled this
prescriptionMy son starts taking this medication He comes home He's
like I think it is actually helping I'm like oh okay good And then
two months go by and there's about four pills left in the bottom of
his pill bottle And he goes mom I need some So he's about 12 Mom I

(06:01):
need some I'm like okay yeah There's still four days worth there
I'll go out tomorrow and get your prescription refilled.
And he goes,
no,
no,
mom,
no,
you don't understand.
I need my I'm like,
Jacob,
like there's still pills there,
I promise.
No,
mom,
you don't understand.
I need my And he started banging his head on the counter and crying,

(06:21):
and like my oldest and I were looking at each other going like,
holy shit.

(06:45):
Well,
to me,
what if he's starting to see that without this,
I'm a nobody?
Oh,
there is that.
Right,
because there's...
it was deeper.
It was something I'd never ever seen before in my life.
Like where you've got a perfectly normal 12-year-old,
now he's banging his head on the counter and crying.

(07:06):
You don't understand,
I need my Sometimes it becomes a perceived lifeline.
Same reason why a little toddler will come and bug you when you get on the phone.
And as soon as you hang up the phone,
they scatter.
Because there's a perception of,
with this I can live.

(07:26):
Without it,
I die.
Yeah,
but I can do something with it or without it.
But keep going on,
because this is like a withdrawal symptom.
He's thinking like,
oh my gosh,
I need you to do this.
This is a different behavior that you're seeing.
Oh yeah,
it was horrific.
It was a kind of behavior that said I don't care.
What the heck?

(07:47):
I'm never giving him another drug like that ever again.
And I never fulfilled.
the prescription.
And he went on to finish school.
And he went on to now he's actually a manager at Costco,
and he runs the whole tire department.
So okay,
let's talk about first of all what is ADHD.
Does everybody know what ADHD is?
Can you describe it to me?

(08:07):
Put it in the comments below your version of what ADHD actually is.
Because I've learned some things since then,
and I've learned that things like imagination,
will,
memory,
self-control.
Jim Rohn calls self-control the essence of life.

Control is written about in scripture (08:29):
self-control.
So what is ADHD?
Do you know how to describe ADHD?
Well,

I break it down like this (08:40):
There's a deficit.
of attention.
Right,
but textbook.
Oh,
whatever you wanna read in it,
they're gonna say whatever it is.
I couldn't tell you what they wanna say.
Okay,
well,
if you look it up on Google or you read in a the textbook description of it,
you already know this is the inability to focus and hyperactivity,

(09:04):
or lack of,

or impulsive behavior (09:06):
impulsive,
inattentive,
and hyperactive.
Thank you,
okay.
Okay,
but like,
okay,
let's think about this for a second.
Impulsive,
what's the opposite of impulsivity?
Impulsive is to act on something.
Like this,
what's the opposite of impulsivity?
Oh,

(09:26):
random.
I cannot control my body and my actions.
I'm impulsive,
need medication.
to control me.
Okay,
you need something outside where inside you can control your body and your actions.
And this is something that is learned.
Thank you.
It's called self-control.

(09:47):
Self-control,
okay?
Self-control.
Human beings aren't born learning,
learning already how the world works.
They're not born already being the best student,
knowing how to read and write,
knowing how to use their manners,
knowing to open the door for old people.
Kids are kids,
and they are supposed to be hyperactive and inattentive.

(10:12):
So let's test this because there's no denying that something makes this happen.
Because cause and effect.
For those listening.
he's just throwing his arms around.
This is effect; this is effect.
The fact that there's not something that causes that just means you
either don't know or you don't care.
But this is so crazy.

(10:33):
We can't deny that there's something happening inside here.
So what if it could be as simple as,
well,
if this is happening,
either I am doing it from inside out,
or something external they are doing it?
Because how many times we used to say when we were a,

(10:54):
he made me do it?
Yes,
playing the outside force.
They are,
or something is in control of my body,
my actions.
Test it for yourself,
and if there's any other category than those three,
then we'll be ready.
to move forward.
But it's sometimes this simple.
Yeah,
and I'm actually having an epiphany just sitting here talking this

(11:17):
through with you because common side effects are,
oh my gosh!
Okay,

so listen to this (11:22):
in the 1920s,
the only parenting books were,
like,
should I use a warm bath or a hot bath to bathe my baby?
Should we give them a little syringe of rum to help them sleep?
Like,
this is what parents used to talk about.
It was never,
they never talked about how to discipline out-of-control behavior
because there was no out-of-control behavior.

(11:44):
The children were born into the household; they had responsibilities right away.
Napoleon Hill who wrote Think and Grow Rich didn't even own a pair
of shoes till he was 12 years old.
Right,
so there wasn't a lot of money back then.
We didn't compete with the Joneses.
People weren't living in big mansions with pools in the backyard.
Life wasn't like that.

(12:04):
Life was a little more difficult.
You had to work for the things that you wanted in this world.
There was a book that came out,
or an,
and this was in the 1920s where parents were being taught to put
their children on strict schedules,
meaning your baby ate at certain hours only.
And if you kissed and responded to your child's every whim,

(12:28):
that you would raise wussy adults,
okay?
Fast forward 25 years.
What is a wussy adult?
Well,
an adult that whines and cries to get what they want.
They might have adult temper tantrums.
They would not know what it meant to work hard.

(13:00):
That's a wussy kid.
Like any adversity on the playground,
they whine and rant.
Yeah,
it's like what part of, " Okay,
well,
they've taken away all the best Christmas songs because people are
easily offended." So,
I mean,
call that whatever you want.
We're probably offending people right now who are taking ADHD

(13:21):
medications because they're an adult with ADHD and they think they
need the medication to.
You don't,
okay?
There you go,
I said it out loud.
It's a nobody.
needs medication to I mean literally we could sit here it'd be a lot
easier to talk and go on camera if I had a glass of wine first.
Or maybe I could work for 16 hours a day if I did some cocaine,

(13:46):
right?
Like that's frowned upon,
right?
To drink alcohol or do cocaine all day long.
But we choose to medicate children because they lack self-control
and the ability to focus the way school wants them to focus.
Okay,
right?
They're not even getting on to something there,

(14:07):
right?
Because typically the formula is to,
you know,
you raise terrible twos.
You're taught that child meltdowns and temper tantrums and testing
your boundaries is normal.
You're taught that kids want to annoy you.
They don't,
okay?
Nobody wants to annoy anybody.
We're all human beings.
These children are just little mini human beings with thoughts,

(14:32):
feelings,
and emotions,
just like you,
who are born without any idea of how the world works.
Bingo,
you just nailed it.
So what if,
right?
We know something's making this body do this.
Yes?
What if it could be a simple formula?
Because either they are,
or I am doing these two things.

(14:53):
Well,

there's technically three (14:53):
the number one ingredient that this body requires,
and I think the Guinness Book of World Records is like 13 minutes of holding your...
Right?
So we also know that.
Something is getting me to breathe,
or I wouldn't be able to go to sleep.

(15:14):
Yeah.
So wait a minute,
what's this?
I'm in control of my breathing.
Yeah.
Ha ha ha,
check this out!
I can blow bubbles.
I was so afraid I couldn't even breathe.

(15:36):
They are in control of my breathing.
We know something is; they are,
or I am.
But when you get past the breathing part,
then there are two factors that are so crystal clear you're gonna go,
where have they been hiding my whole life,
even until now?
And one is our thoughts.
And this could be as simple as I can,
or I can't,

(15:56):
or I don't care.
But when you engage,
I can do this,
but they tell me they I can't.
Right?
They are in control of my thoughts.
because they tell me you're not old enough.
You're a boy,
you're not a girl,
da da da da.
They are,
or I am.
See,
there's a game changer because when you think you can,
you believe you can.

(16:17):
If you think you can't,
you won't.
So,
there's your thoughts.
And number two is the emotions of confidence versus cowardice,
a victor versus a victim.
And this is energy.
This is motion,
energy to create motion,
motion of energy,
better known as e-motions.
So,
if we can pick our thoughts,

(16:37):
we can pick our what if that was a simple formula that the meat suit,
the body,
would automatically demonstrate every time?
If we are taken away from our thoughts and they control them,
what?
would they want us to be instead of I am?
Or they tell us how to feel or how to act in a certain way.

(16:59):
Same.
There's a lot of power in I'm in control of my body,
my actions.
And when we did this training in the martial arts,
which is called the cornerstone of self-control,
you were given an instruction.
You were given a vehicle.
And here's the instruction formula of how it will work for you or against you.

(17:20):
Breathing's number one.
You have a thought,
and you have a your body will do exactly what is chosen,
whether you're aware of it or not.
Self-control is so powerful,
but maybe over somebody's head until now.
Okay,
so I think what you just said was we don't need medication to give us self-control.

(17:44):
We need to be taught how to have self-control.
And that's what you did in your afterschool program at your martial arts school.
Yeah,
when the kids came to the program,
some of them were on medication.
Well,
yeah,
because that's what they're doing.
Okay,
so here's the formula.
This is what I'm riled up about.
Like,
I guess I didn't just have the I've known this,
but I just didn't think about it for a long time.

(18:04):
Hang on a I'm feeling the cheers coming on.
Okay,
cheers!
Cheers to the epiphany of to the parents of the world who are being
sold into the idea their child needs medication when,
really,
they need to.
practice self control.
Because I'm gonna bring a little humor to the situation.
Let's just say medication.
Do they have the cool little yellow ones with the H on it?

(18:27):
You know the one!
If I took this medication,
it would have H for homework and for two hours.
They do have that.
It's called Adderall.
It's called stimulant medication.
And then I did it.
And then all of a sudden,
it was all dead and I stopped.
Listen,
you know you give your child Adderall,
it's like you,

(18:48):
first of all,
if you're giving your child medication,
take one of their pills today and see what it does to your mind.

Let me ask you a question on this (18:54):
does that pill allow me to be in control?
of me No Or are they in control of me?
It's an outside stimulant that stimulates your body to be able to
sit and focus just like that's the game changer.

(19:16):
It is Okay,
so here's what I want to get off my chest through all of this.
Yes,
now we already know do kids need medication?
No,
they need to practice focus and self-control,
okay?
These are faculties that must be developed,
and sure,
we can take our child's hyperactive personality and we can make them
docile and sit in the corner,
and our lives can be easier as parents because the kids just aren't themselves anymore.

(19:42):
Absolutely,
which leads to a lifetime of drug addiction and alcoholism.
I mean we just had a friend or a friend of a friend talk to us on
the weekend at the Memorial that he medicated his kid.
And now the kid's an adult,
phoning dad,
going you forced me to take medication and that's why I have all these problems.

(20:03):
And I'm crying my eyes out because here's a dad doing the best that
he can with what he knew.
The teachers were telling him he needed this medication.
He was just following protocol and doing what he thought he was doing best.
But I'm here to say it's a trap.
Honestly,
I hope a billion people hear this and I have to wear a bulletproof
vest moving forward because,

(20:24):
as I was saying a bit ago,
in the 1920s they said don't kiss and coddle.
25 years later,
out comes a book called Baby and Child Care that says,
hey,
all your kids require is love and attention.
Well,
congratulations mom and dad,
your job's done the minute you give birth because you love your baby.
That's it.

That's your only job (20:41):
to love your baby and to follow them around for 18 years,
telling them what they can and cannot do.
When they do something you don't like,
take them,
put them in something called naughty time.
Super Nanny calls it the naughty mat; we call it timeouts,
right?
We take our kid,
we put them in a timeout.
Then we should lecture our kid,
even though every article online that You can find about children

(21:05):
who like can't even think abstract till the age of 13,
have no idea what you're lecturing them about.
Well,
because you didn't do your homework,
you can't go to your friend's house,
blah blah.
They don't even know what you're It's like Charlie Brown going wah
wah wah wah wah in the classroom.
I need to finish because this was in 1946,

(21:25):
less than 10 years after Baby and Childcare came out,
sold more copies than every book in the world except the Bible,
every year for 50 years in a row.
Okay,
the book was funded right?
Like,
what other parenting book has gone out to every single parent in the...
Anyway,
so everybody now.
goes,
oh,
we can't spank our children anymore.

(21:46):
Dr.
Spock says we need to love and kiss and coddle and respond to their every whim.
And there's pictures of little toddlers in their diaper crawling all over his desk.
Like there's absolutely no rhyme or reason.
Okay,
here's our new parenting expert.
This was in 1946.
In 1968,
what shows up in the psychology books?

(22:09):
Oh,
something called kinetic disorder or something.
I might have to look up the actual name for it.
Kinetic,
kinergetic was the beginnings of ADHD,
where Dr.
Leon Eisenberg said so many families were bringing their children to
the doctor's office for poor behavior.
We had to come up with a name for it and a medication that would

(22:34):
actually suppress the symptoms of that's the birth,
the truth of ADHD.
Like it or not,
I've got the send me a message share a.
It was 100 made up,
okay?
You make it up in 1968; by 1985,
it's now in the schools.
Every child that gets diagnosed with a learning or behavior disorder,

(22:56):
the school gets an extra 10.
And you know what the special teachers can do that the regular teachers can't do?
Wanna know what their special training is?
It's called restrain.
They can now restrain your child.
I'm gonna cry.
They can now restrain your child when he's having a meltdown or a
temper tantrum because guess.

(23:18):
what He hasn't been heard.
He hasn't been validated.
He's being forced to conform into this box of what the teachers and
society think that he should be when he is not that.
He might be a Steve Jobs or an Albert Einstein or a Thomas Edison or a Henry Ford.
And we're taking these little spirits and we're medicating them.
We're dumbing them down.

(23:38):
We're putting them into a box and telling them there's something wrong.
Now we have a whole generation of young adults who are probably
listening to this going,
but I have ADHD.
You think you have it.
But if you were to practice the faculties of your mind,
if you were to practice self-control and will and memory it's just

(23:59):
like if you want a bicep you don't just lift weights for one day and
go oh I know I have a you lift weights every day for 90 days and now
you have a stronger muscle.
Practice the will every day for 90 days and then you'll have a stronger muscle.
And that's what I wanted to get out.
I'm sorry,
there is a master plan to create mediocrity in today's world.

(24:21):
And you know who's paying for it more than anybody else?
The children.
Yes,
families,
the children who have no voice to speak up for themselves because
they just need to listen and obey and do what the adults tell them to do.
And you know what,
guys?

(24:47):
Bonnie,
I really wish you would tell us what you really think.
Yeah,
well,
oh my God.
Because as you're looking that up,
if we just take a moment,
we don't have to.
No,
because we're not saying whether you should or shouldn't medicate.
We're just sharing the facts of what is,
and now you can choose,
okay?
Yes,
we can't deny that our thumbprint is very unique stamp to who we are

(25:13):
and a beautiful gift that we all have to share with the world.
But if we're being forced into conformity,
to be my thumbprint doesn't look like their thumbprint,
so therefore there must be something wrong with me.
That's where we kind of start to lose our zing and zest in life.
Because there's nothing more powerful than when you tap into your

(25:35):
beautiful gift and you do something in the unique way that you've.
We've seen this countless in sports,
where past generations,
each generation moving forward,
has pushed every sport to another level like the X Games that were
starting off from the Olympics.
They do things in their own unique way that people can't even imagine,

(25:56):
but we gotta let them go and be them.
And that's where it's either as simple as pop a teach the missing life skill.
And it's as simple as that.
Kids are counting on you to teach them missing life skills.
And if you're a mom or dad and you don't have the ability.

(26:17):
To focus,
we can teach you how to.
We can help you develop these faculties of your mind because it's
really hard to teach what you can't do yourself.
And I'm sorry for,
God,
like my peers,
I guess the therapists and the doctors and the psychiatrists who

(26:40):
just believe that they're doing the right thing by you,
but they're not.
They just don't know any better.
And so,
here's the side effects of the drug that I put my son on.
It was a drug called Concerta,
and it starts with decreased appetite,
headache,
dry mouth,
nausea,
anxiety,
dizziness,
weight loss,
irritability,
increased sweating,

(27:01):
elevated heart rate,
depressed mood,
nervousness,
restlessness.
heart palpitations.
Other side effects that occur less than 2% of the time include blurred vision,
constipation,
vomiting,
loss of appetite,
muscle tightness,
tingling sensations,
aggression,
confusion,
a lower sex drive,

(27:22):
grinding or clenching teeth.
Okay,
that's called Concerta.
Risperidone.
Risperidone is projected to be a 26.
3 billion business for oppositional defiant disorder.

Common side effects (27:35):
aggressive behavior,
agitation,
anxiety,
change in vision,
difficulty concentrating,
go figure,
difficulty speaking or swallowing,
inability to move the eyes,
increasing the amount of loss of balance control,
mask-like face.
memory problems,
muscle spasms of the face,

(27:56):
neck,
and problems with urination,
restlessness or need to keep moving,
shuffling walk,
skin rash or itching,
stiffness or weakness of the arms or legs,
tick-like or twitching movements,
trembling and shaking of the fingers and hands,
trouble sleeping,
twisting body movements; less common back pain,

(28:16):
chest pain,
speech or vision problems,
sudden weakness or numbness in the face,
arms,
or legs; rare,
oh my God,
confusion,
dizziness,
drowsiness,
extreme thirst,
fast shallow breathing,
fast weak heartbeat,
headache,
increased thirst,
lip smacking or puckering,
loss of appetite,
muscle cramps pale clammy skin poor coordination prolonged

(28:39):
inappropriate erection of the I'm just reading off here puffing of
the rabbit or worm-like movements of the shivering talking feeling
acting with excitement and activity that cannot be controlled
uncontrolled chewing movements uncontrolled twisting movements of
neck trunk arms or legs unusual bleeding or bruising unusual facial

(29:01):
expressions or body positions oh God and then there's like a whole
no there's like 50 more that I just don't even have time to read
that are you know less common There's one here and this is the last
one I'm going to read to you but this one's pretty popular as well,
and this is something that the teenagers are actually bringing to

(29:23):
their school and selling to their friends at school.
And it is called Adderall,
and this is a stimulant.
It causes hypertension,
fast heartbeat,
insomnia,
appetite suppression,
overdose,
sudden cardiac death,
stroke,
headache,
constipation,
mood swings,
abdominal pain,
depression,
panic attacks,
psychosis,
kidney disease,

(29:44):
seizures,
muscle weakness,
sexual dysfunction.
That's enough!
I mean,
isn't it enough?
We can medicate our kids,
we can risk all these side effects,
or we can take the time to learn how to teach them missing life skills.
You engage the kids by listening to what they want,
validating their desires,
helping them set goals,

(30:05):
and part of their plan to achieve their goal would be called
self-control training.
Focus,
and oh my God,
like everything else just really falls into place once you get that.
True,
true.
Okay,
so that was a lot.
We're going to wrap this up.
We're going to say medicating kids for behavior disorders like ADHD,

(30:27):
oppositional defiant disorder,
anxiety,
depression,
you choose.
So,
pop a pill or teach them a missing life skill.
And until we meet again,
here's to your parenting success.
Cheers!
It's true you can learn to speak kid.
Let us help you starting today Visit learntospeakkid.

(30:49):
com right now for life-changing parent resources that'll help you
enjoy more peace and joy in your home.
We have your back.