November 5, 2025 • 17 mins
Are you exhausted from the endless cycle of timeouts, takeaways, and tantrums? Feel like a broken record constantly repeating yourself? In this eye-opening episode, Bonnie and Thomas Liotta challenge everything you've been taught about parenting.
Discover why traditional discipline methods—punishment, lectures, and behavior correction—actually work perfectly in the wrong direction. Learn the revolutionary paradigm shift from controlling children to teaching them life skills through the "monkey see, monkey do" method.
The Liottas reveal why your child's "bad behavior" is actually a genius asking to be shown how to do things themselves. With a 90% success rate and zero restraints required, their approach transforms crisis management into proactive life skills training—turning your home from chaos to harmony.
If you've tried everything and nothing works, this episode will change how you see parenting forever. Stop being a firefighter putting out flames and become the architect building your child's independence, one life skill at a time. If you love this and need help now, click here and begin a new empowering parenting journey.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
The school calls; your kid's in trouble again.
You're angry; they're defensive.
Welcome to the cycle of hell.
The question is,
what is your role as a parent?
Get over here!
Because I said so.
Why do I have to keep repeating myself?
(00:20):
Mom or Dad,
do you ever feel like a broken record?
Record,
record.
You're listening to Learn to Speak Kit podcast on iTunes with Bonnie and Thomas Liotta,
positively transforming families one out-of-control child at a time.
(00:44):
We are Bonnie and...
Thomas Liotta.
Yes,
and we don't control children; we teach them life skills.
That's the paradigm shift.
Every other parenting approach tries to make the children comply.
We teach cooperation,
emotional regulation,
and puzzle solving.
That's why we have a 90% success rate and zero restraints required.
(01:08):
Now,
I talk to parents every single day,
and what's really heartbreaking,
Tom,
is in the last couple days,
I've talked to five moms who couldn't even find any type of emotion when I'm like,
imagine your kids cooperating with you and getting up in the morning
and doing what they're supposed to be doing,
and the whole family's working like a fine-tuned Swiss watch in harmony.
(01:30):
How would that feel?
It's like no roots to a tree.
There were no references.
Yeah,
absolutely no idea of what that would look like.
In fact,
we've got kids on medication,
and now we've got moms on medication.
So,
here's everything they've tried.
I tried timeouts,
takeaways,
bribing,
talking things through,
explaining to them why they're in trouble.
(01:52):
I've tried dictating.
I overcompensate.
I go out of my way to give my kids a happy,
easy life,
and then when they don't listen or they lie,
they cheat,
or steal,
I end up yelling at them.
I don't want to admit this,
but I've even tried spanking,
and absolutely nothing works to gain cooperation.
(02:14):
Well,
if I were to tell you,
Bonnie,
that everything is working perfectly in the wrong direction,
would you believe it?
Well,
I would believe it,
but when you said everything's working perfectly,
I kind of want to punch you in the face.
I would hopefully hope so because now we're engaged.
You see,
when we use this word,
try,
try again,
(02:34):
try harder,
keep trying.
You see,
this is a word that the parents have been taught to use,
which is setting you up for failure.
It really means failure with honor.
So,
let me just go ahead and prove it,
and we'll move forward.
Can you try and stand up,
please?
You see,
you either do or you do not,
and that's the very first shift.
(02:55):
So,
when you're speaking that way,
everything is working perfectly.
Right,
and it makes the whole parenting industry be magnified for what it really is.
We're trying this; we're trying that based on when the child does
something we don't like.
We've got to do something they don't like in order to correct their
(03:17):
behavior and discipline them.
And I don't know about you listening,
but if it's ineffective and it's not working,
and it's causing us to be exhausted,
perhaps there's another way to approach this whole parenting thing.
You're spot right on because parenting right now looks,
feels like parenting is a driver's ed class first day,
(03:42):
on the highway,
correcting in the moment.
Mm-hmm,
yes.
And what's interesting is like when a baby's born,
well,
we don't even know this until we actually have a baby that the baby
doesn't know how to latch and so that tells me that every other
species of animal is born with instinct because a horse is born,
(04:02):
you don't need to teach it how to latch.
You would think being a human being with such high intelligence that
you could take the baby,
put it up to the nipple and it would know how to latch and suckle,
but unless you're taught as a mother how to teach your baby how to latch,
then you have failure with nursing,
and now you have a bottle and so on.
So,
we're pretty good for the first year.
(04:25):
Oh,
because you have to do everything for the baby,
and isn't it nice when the baby starts holding their own bottle?
Oh,
it's so cute,
he's holding his own bottle and oh,
now they're sitting,
and now they're walking,
but that's when the trouble starts,
isn't it?
Because they start walking and they start getting into everything,
and what's the number one thing parents are to teach their children first?
(04:47):
They must learn what the word no means.
And what no means is a new opportunity is ready to learn a missing life skill.
You see,
when Harley-Faith was 0 to 1,
yes,
you held the bottle and their hands just laid it aside,
but if you're going to hold the bottle,
(05:08):
you take their hands and you put them on the bottle while you're holding it.
And how long did it take before I,
you,
took your hand off?
Because at the end of the day,
the game is,
I want to do.
Mmm,
I want to do.
And so when we're taught to correct behavior in the moment,
(05:29):
it's okay to have feelings,
but we don't hit.
I won't let you hit.
Stop jumping on the couch.
Hey,
no running.
You're too loud.
Be quiet.
Hey,
mommy,
what's my job?
Well,
we're busy over here cooking.
We're busy over here packing.
We're moving.
Your job is to stay out of the way and go watch the television.
(05:50):
There's a problem here.
So if we were to take the house and we take it like a town,
let's call it a ville.
It sounds like housing right now is three different types because
I've always learned that there's three to everything (06:02):
proton,
electron,
neutron,
which is what makes up an atom.
But we have a lot of trivilles out there.
Yeah.
We already discussed that,
but what you're talking about now is the reactive mode,
which is the can't-ville.
This is where you get stuck in can't,
don't,
won't mode.
And what we're bringing to the table,
(06:23):
which is why this works,
ironclad.
Make a shift.
What if there was a place called Canville?
And this is what all misinterpreted behavior,
better known as bad behavior,
is (06:39):
a little genius who is just wanting to embrace his own uniqueness.
And as soon as they are able to do it by themselves,
where do these disorders happen?
They diss the diss,
and everything falls back into order,
the way nature was intended.
Yeah,
you know,
when the doctor told me the first time I brought my oldest son there,
(07:02):
and he said,
oh,
your son has ADHD,
and he's gonna need some sort of pill because he's missing a neural pathway.
I didn't know what neural pathway meant.
They don't teach us that in school,
and because a human being has free will,
that means that we must learn,
and we must see everything that we want to learn,
(07:26):
or we don't even know that it exists.
Like,
on Thanksgiving,
Tom,
this is really embarrassing,
but I love cooking big family dinners for my family,
and I do it every holiday,
right?
But I was watching a Gordon Ramsay video,
and he says,
take the cloth or the rag and stick it in your belt,
and that way,
if you need to grab something hot or you need to wipe something down,
(07:48):
you'll always have a rag.
And because I'm so in tune with what we're talking about right now,
human beings need to be shown what to do every single time,
or we don't have an image.
I Insta-cried.
Like,
how simple is it?
I used to waitress,
too,
long time ago,
but I waitressed,
(08:09):
and I always carried a rag.
But I spent half the time in the kitchen looking for a rag when I
could just put it in my belt,
and I was like,
this is how easy it is to program a human mind in the wrong direction,
because we only know what we know,
and we don't know what we don't know.
And when the school is calling,
the kids have no clue,
(08:30):
Mom,
that you have to leave work early,
and the havoc that it causes in your life.
They have no why.
These little beings come into our life,
and we're taught to tell them,
no,
stop it.
You can't do that.
We're taught to discipline in the moment.
We're taught authoritative control,
but me,
for one,
I never even thought to teach my kids how to make their own juice.
(08:55):
I never thought to transfer independence.
I wanted them to be independent.
I wanted them to take initiative.
I wanted them to do the things that they should be doing.
I just never thought to role-play with them,
or show them,
or model for them.
I thought lectures worked until I met you.
You're absolutely correct,
Bonnie.
(09:15):
You see,
everything you talked about breaks the original 'I am a genius' code.
You see,
when we do anything other than monkey see,
monkey do,
you're breaking the code,
and that is what pretty much sums up all parenting as a whole that's going backwards.
You mean picking your kid up from the school and yelling at them,
(09:35):
you're in trouble again.
I'm so disappointed in you.
Isn't going to teach them what to do next time to stay out of trouble?
When you get five in a row,
you can yell,
bingo.
Oh my,
oh my God.
Let's just pause for one,
two,
three seconds.
Like that is a life-changing awareness right there.
Oh my goodness.
So what do we do?
(09:56):
You start playing games.
And do you remember the first time that Zach always asked you for juice,
and you were the dynamic duo,
all packaged one?
I was the best mom.
I served my kids.
My kids lived in a little hotel,
and I was their maid,
their chauffeur,
their cook,
their everything.
They just rang the bell,
(10:16):
and here comes Bonnie.
I always wondered why you were so fit because you went up and down
the three floors in your house all day long.
Oh yeah,
showing off my mumminess.
So here's how you break the cycle.
Mom,
I'm thirsty.
There goes Bonnie.
Wait a minute,
Bonnie,
I forgot something upstairs.
(10:38):
Could you go?
I just sent her on a wild goose chase,
which gave me a five-minute window,
and I actually went through and asked Zach some questions,
and we played monkey see,
monkey do.
I showed him how I make juice.
I grabbed the concentrator out of the freezer,
and I'm like,
I gotta open this.
Long story short,
(10:58):
I showed him each step.
He mimicked,
and by the time that Bonnie came back,
there was a container of juice already there,
and I asked you,
Bonnie,
guess who made his own juice today?
And it was so obvious that Zach made the juice because he was so proud of himself.
He had the biggest authentic smile on his face,
(11:20):
and that's when I just took a double take and went,
I never even thought to teach him how to make juice.
Now,
because we're always saying no,
don't,
can't,
and we're always correcting behavior in the moment with some sort of punishment,
when you came into the picture,
you started focusing on,
okay,
what can they do to earn it?
(11:41):
And so I think one of the biggest mistakes people make when they come
to Creating Champions for Life,
and they're like,
oh right,
they can earn their phone,
they can earn their sleepovers,
is they start using their goals against them almost,
because we have this thought in our head that our role as a parent
is to get our kids to be who we want them to be,
(12:02):
or our role as a parent is to make our kid do the things we want them to do.
We want the best for them after all.
And so they start asking them,
well,
what did you do wrong in school?
Or they'll ask them,
well,
what do you need to do to earn a phone?
Absolutely,
if they knew what to do,
they would have already done it.
You see,
this breaks the second part of the I am a genius code called your thumbprint.
(12:27):
If you could actually take your thumbprint and make your thumbprint their thumbprint,
that's what parenting is causing the break.
But you see,
it's when I can be a genius when I embrace my own uniqueness.
And so when it comes time to doing all these different things,
you would never say stop,
don't,
won't.
You start going,
(12:47):
what can I can,
do,
and will?
And so this shift right here is,
I'm gonna show you what I do.
Hence,
monkey see,
monkey do.
Right,
so what you're saying in layman's terms is it's not our job to
follow them around like a firefighter constantly putting out flames
or fires (13:07):
crisis management.
Our job is to actually show them,
model for them,
role play with them every second of every day.
Because I think sometimes parents believe that,
well,
we'll send them to daycare,
or we'll send them to school,
or we'll take them to swimming lessons.
(13:29):
I'm going to outsource the life skills training.
But what you bring to the table is the awareness that if kids knew what to do,
they wouldn't need us.
So we need to show them everything.
So when a kid's being disrespectful,
instead of getting mad and punishing them for that,
we take time and we say,
you can earn blank by being respectful,
and this is what it looks like.
(13:51):
Yeah,
be the architect,
so you build it once and then move on.
Because the prime directive is to prepare them to launch out of the nest,
versus what parenting does now is just postpone,
delay,
or outsource it to somebody who does not have their best interest at
heart as much as a mom or a dad.
Right.
So I encourage you to listen to this episode a couple times.
(14:13):
If it made sense for you,
comment underneath what life skill are you showing your child right now?
And just have this awareness.
Every single time your child does something you don't like,
they're asking,
please see me.
Please show me how to pour this milk.
(14:34):
Show me how to cook something with the flour that I spilled all over the floor.
Show me where I can color if I just colored on your white couch.
Your children are not going out of their way to be defiant.
They don't want to piss you off every day.
They're not testing their boundaries; they're testing life.
(14:55):
And they have thoughts and feelings,
desires,
and things that they want to do and be and have just like you do,
but they need you to show them.
And Tom,
when you showed me to build my plans once to role-play with my kids
in the grocery store,
before a dinner,
(15:15):
before closing shopping,
they received so much proactive and positive attention in the five
minutes of role-play that there was no more crisis management.
There was no more chaos in my house.
There were no more three-hour long temper tantrums from a kid who
the doctors were saying has the most severe case of oppositional defiant disorder.
(15:40):
All of these so-called behavior disorders and mood disorders kind of fell to the wayside.
My kids had a new zest for life.
My home was like heaven.
And now today,
like we don't parent to be their friends,
but I tell you what,
when you know how much love you get back from your kids,
when they respect you,
(16:00):
when they see you as their greatest hero,
there's nothing more exciting in life than that.
So thank you for bringing that to my life and to all the parents who
get to listen to you here.
And here's a call to action.
If we put training wheels on a bike so we can help them learn how to
steer and pedal and take the balance out of the equation,
(16:23):
we've given parents a shirt to put on their kids.
And the shirt has this little sign that the kid's holding,
which says,
I am willing to learn if you're willing to,
and that the word is teach is crossed out and it has scribbled on top,
show me.
I am willing to learn if you're willing to show me.
That's awesome.
(16:44):
And that training wheel right there will help every child be able to ride the bike,
do their life all by themselves.
Which is our prime directive as parents.
Stop being in crisis mode and start preparing your children for the real world.
Next episode,
we're going to be talking about bad behavior.
Is it really something that needs to be punished out of them,
(17:08):
or is it their form of communication?
And until we meet again,
here's to our parenting success.
Cheers,
everyone.
Bye for now.
Hey mom,
are you at a loss and feeling hopeless with a challenging child?
Are you ready for harmony and happiness?
I'm Bonnie Liotta,
co-founder of Creating Champions for Life,
(17:28):
where we guide parents to transform even the most challenging child
behavior with principles that work.
We'll show you how to empower and inspire your children to choose
cooperation from the inside out.
Visit us at LearnToSpeakKid.
com and get started on a new,
magical parenting journey today.
The school calls; your kid's in trouble again.
You're angry; they're defensive.
Welcome to the cycle of hell.
The question is,
what is your role as a parent?
Get over here!
Because I said so.
Why do I have to keep repeating myself?
(00:20):
Mom or Dad,
do you ever feel like a broken record?
Record,
record.
You're listening to Learn to Speak Kit podcast on iTunes with Bonnie and Thomas Liotta,
positively transforming families one out-of-control child at a time.
(00:44):
We are Bonnie and...
Thomas Liotta.
Yes,
and we don't control children; we teach them life skills.
That's the paradigm shift.
Every other parenting approach tries to make the children comply.
We teach cooperation,
emotional regulation,
and puzzle solving.
That's why we have a 90% success rate and zero restraints required.
(01:08):
Now,
I talk to parents every single day,
and what's really heartbreaking,
Tom,
is in the last couple days,
I've talked to five moms who couldn't even find any type of emotion when I'm like,
imagine your kids cooperating with you and getting up in the morning
and doing what they're supposed to be doing,
and the whole family's working like a fine-tuned Swiss watch in harmony.
(01:30):
How would that feel?
It's like no roots to a tree.
There were no references.
Yeah,
absolutely no idea of what that would look like.
In fact,
we've got kids on medication,
and now we've got moms on medication.
So,
here's everything they've tried.
I tried timeouts,
takeaways,
bribing,
talking things through,
explaining to them why they're in trouble.
(01:52):
I've tried dictating.
I overcompensate.
I go out of my way to give my kids a happy,
easy life,
and then when they don't listen or they lie,
they cheat,
or steal,
I end up yelling at them.
I don't want to admit this,
but I've even tried spanking,
and absolutely nothing works to gain cooperation.
(02:14):
Well,
if I were to tell you,
Bonnie,
that everything is working perfectly in the wrong direction,
would you believe it?
Well,
I would believe it,
but when you said everything's working perfectly,
I kind of want to punch you in the face.
I would hopefully hope so because now we're engaged.
You see,
when we use this word,
try,
try again,
(02:34):
try harder,
keep trying.
You see,
this is a word that the parents have been taught to use,
which is setting you up for failure.
It really means failure with honor.
So,
let me just go ahead and prove it,
and we'll move forward.
Can you try and stand up,
please?
You see,
you either do or you do not,
and that's the very first shift.
(02:55):
So,
when you're speaking that way,
everything is working perfectly.
Right,
and it makes the whole parenting industry be magnified for what it really is.
We're trying this; we're trying that based on when the child does
something we don't like.
We've got to do something they don't like in order to correct their
(03:17):
behavior and discipline them.
And I don't know about you listening,
but if it's ineffective and it's not working,
and it's causing us to be exhausted,
perhaps there's another way to approach this whole parenting thing.
You're spot right on because parenting right now looks,
feels like parenting is a driver's ed class first day,
(03:42):
on the highway,
correcting in the moment.
Mm-hmm,
yes.
And what's interesting is like when a baby's born,
well,
we don't even know this until we actually have a baby that the baby
doesn't know how to latch and so that tells me that every other
species of animal is born with instinct because a horse is born,
(04:02):
you don't need to teach it how to latch.
You would think being a human being with such high intelligence that
you could take the baby,
put it up to the nipple and it would know how to latch and suckle,
but unless you're taught as a mother how to teach your baby how to latch,
then you have failure with nursing,
and now you have a bottle and so on.
So,
we're pretty good for the first year.
(04:25):
Oh,
because you have to do everything for the baby,
and isn't it nice when the baby starts holding their own bottle?
Oh,
it's so cute,
he's holding his own bottle and oh,
now they're sitting,
and now they're walking,
but that's when the trouble starts,
isn't it?
Because they start walking and they start getting into everything,
and what's the number one thing parents are to teach their children first?
(04:47):
They must learn what the word no means.
And what no means is a new opportunity is ready to learn a missing life skill.
You see,
when Harley-Faith was 0 to 1,
yes,
you held the bottle and their hands just laid it aside,
but if you're going to hold the bottle,
(05:08):
you take their hands and you put them on the bottle while you're holding it.
And how long did it take before I,
you,
took your hand off?
Because at the end of the day,
the game is,
I want to do.
Mmm,
I want to do.
And so when we're taught to correct behavior in the moment,
(05:29):
it's okay to have feelings,
but we don't hit.
I won't let you hit.
Stop jumping on the couch.
Hey,
no running.
You're too loud.
Be quiet.
Hey,
mommy,
what's my job?
Well,
we're busy over here cooking.
We're busy over here packing.
We're moving.
Your job is to stay out of the way and go watch the television.
(05:50):
There's a problem here.
So if we were to take the house and we take it like a town,
let's call it a ville.
It sounds like housing right now is three different types because
I've always learned that there's three to everything (06:02):
proton,
electron,
neutron,
which is what makes up an atom.
But we have a lot of trivilles out there.
Yeah.
We already discussed that,
but what you're talking about now is the reactive mode,
which is the can't-ville.
This is where you get stuck in can't,
don't,
won't mode.
And what we're bringing to the table,
(06:23):
which is why this works,
ironclad.
Make a shift.
What if there was a place called Canville?
And this is what all misinterpreted behavior,
better known as bad behavior,
is (06:39):
a little genius who is just wanting to embrace his own uniqueness.
And as soon as they are able to do it by themselves,
where do these disorders happen?
They diss the diss,
and everything falls back into order,
the way nature was intended.
Yeah,
you know,
when the doctor told me the first time I brought my oldest son there,
(07:02):
and he said,
oh,
your son has ADHD,
and he's gonna need some sort of pill because he's missing a neural pathway.
I didn't know what neural pathway meant.
They don't teach us that in school,
and because a human being has free will,
that means that we must learn,
and we must see everything that we want to learn,
(07:26):
or we don't even know that it exists.
Like,
on Thanksgiving,
Tom,
this is really embarrassing,
but I love cooking big family dinners for my family,
and I do it every holiday,
right?
But I was watching a Gordon Ramsay video,
and he says,
take the cloth or the rag and stick it in your belt,
and that way,
if you need to grab something hot or you need to wipe something down,
(07:48):
you'll always have a rag.
And because I'm so in tune with what we're talking about right now,
human beings need to be shown what to do every single time,
or we don't have an image.
I Insta-cried.
Like,
how simple is it?
I used to waitress,
too,
long time ago,
but I waitressed,
(08:09):
and I always carried a rag.
But I spent half the time in the kitchen looking for a rag when I
could just put it in my belt,
and I was like,
this is how easy it is to program a human mind in the wrong direction,
because we only know what we know,
and we don't know what we don't know.
And when the school is calling,
the kids have no clue,
(08:30):
Mom,
that you have to leave work early,
and the havoc that it causes in your life.
They have no why.
These little beings come into our life,
and we're taught to tell them,
no,
stop it.
You can't do that.
We're taught to discipline in the moment.
We're taught authoritative control,
but me,
for one,
I never even thought to teach my kids how to make their own juice.
(08:55):
I never thought to transfer independence.
I wanted them to be independent.
I wanted them to take initiative.
I wanted them to do the things that they should be doing.
I just never thought to role-play with them,
or show them,
or model for them.
I thought lectures worked until I met you.
You're absolutely correct,
Bonnie.
(09:15):
You see,
everything you talked about breaks the original 'I am a genius' code.
You see,
when we do anything other than monkey see,
monkey do,
you're breaking the code,
and that is what pretty much sums up all parenting as a whole that's going backwards.
You mean picking your kid up from the school and yelling at them,
(09:35):
you're in trouble again.
I'm so disappointed in you.
Isn't going to teach them what to do next time to stay out of trouble?
When you get five in a row,
you can yell,
bingo.
Oh my,
oh my God.
Let's just pause for one,
two,
three seconds.
Like that is a life-changing awareness right there.
Oh my goodness.
So what do we do?
(09:56):
You start playing games.
And do you remember the first time that Zach always asked you for juice,
and you were the dynamic duo,
all packaged one?
I was the best mom.
I served my kids.
My kids lived in a little hotel,
and I was their maid,
their chauffeur,
their cook,
their everything.
They just rang the bell,
(10:16):
and here comes Bonnie.
I always wondered why you were so fit because you went up and down
the three floors in your house all day long.
Oh yeah,
showing off my mumminess.
So here's how you break the cycle.
Mom,
I'm thirsty.
There goes Bonnie.
Wait a minute,
Bonnie,
I forgot something upstairs.
(10:38):
Could you go?
I just sent her on a wild goose chase,
which gave me a five-minute window,
and I actually went through and asked Zach some questions,
and we played monkey see,
monkey do.
I showed him how I make juice.
I grabbed the concentrator out of the freezer,
and I'm like,
I gotta open this.
Long story short,
(10:58):
I showed him each step.
He mimicked,
and by the time that Bonnie came back,
there was a container of juice already there,
and I asked you,
Bonnie,
guess who made his own juice today?
And it was so obvious that Zach made the juice because he was so proud of himself.
He had the biggest authentic smile on his face,
(11:20):
and that's when I just took a double take and went,
I never even thought to teach him how to make juice.
Now,
because we're always saying no,
don't,
can't,
and we're always correcting behavior in the moment with some sort of punishment,
when you came into the picture,
you started focusing on,
okay,
what can they do to earn it?
(11:41):
And so I think one of the biggest mistakes people make when they come
to Creating Champions for Life,
and they're like,
oh right,
they can earn their phone,
they can earn their sleepovers,
is they start using their goals against them almost,
because we have this thought in our head that our role as a parent
is to get our kids to be who we want them to be,
(12:02):
or our role as a parent is to make our kid do the things we want them to do.
We want the best for them after all.
And so they start asking them,
well,
what did you do wrong in school?
Or they'll ask them,
well,
what do you need to do to earn a phone?
Absolutely,
if they knew what to do,
they would have already done it.
You see,
this breaks the second part of the I am a genius code called your thumbprint.
(12:27):
If you could actually take your thumbprint and make your thumbprint their thumbprint,
that's what parenting is causing the break.
But you see,
it's when I can be a genius when I embrace my own uniqueness.
And so when it comes time to doing all these different things,
you would never say stop,
don't,
won't.
You start going,
(12:47):
what can I can,
do,
and will?
And so this shift right here is,
I'm gonna show you what I do.
Hence,
monkey see,
monkey do.
Right,
so what you're saying in layman's terms is it's not our job to
follow them around like a firefighter constantly putting out flames
or fires (13:07):
crisis management.
Our job is to actually show them,
model for them,
role play with them every second of every day.
Because I think sometimes parents believe that,
well,
we'll send them to daycare,
or we'll send them to school,
or we'll take them to swimming lessons.
(13:29):
I'm going to outsource the life skills training.
But what you bring to the table is the awareness that if kids knew what to do,
they wouldn't need us.
So we need to show them everything.
So when a kid's being disrespectful,
instead of getting mad and punishing them for that,
we take time and we say,
you can earn blank by being respectful,
and this is what it looks like.
(13:51):
Yeah,
be the architect,
so you build it once and then move on.
Because the prime directive is to prepare them to launch out of the nest,
versus what parenting does now is just postpone,
delay,
or outsource it to somebody who does not have their best interest at
heart as much as a mom or a dad.
Right.
So I encourage you to listen to this episode a couple times.
(14:13):
If it made sense for you,
comment underneath what life skill are you showing your child right now?
And just have this awareness.
Every single time your child does something you don't like,
they're asking,
please see me.
Please show me how to pour this milk.
(14:34):
Show me how to cook something with the flour that I spilled all over the floor.
Show me where I can color if I just colored on your white couch.
Your children are not going out of their way to be defiant.
They don't want to piss you off every day.
They're not testing their boundaries; they're testing life.
(14:55):
And they have thoughts and feelings,
desires,
and things that they want to do and be and have just like you do,
but they need you to show them.
And Tom,
when you showed me to build my plans once to role-play with my kids
in the grocery store,
before a dinner,
(15:15):
before closing shopping,
they received so much proactive and positive attention in the five
minutes of role-play that there was no more crisis management.
There was no more chaos in my house.
There were no more three-hour long temper tantrums from a kid who
the doctors were saying has the most severe case of oppositional defiant disorder.
(15:40):
All of these so-called behavior disorders and mood disorders kind of fell to the wayside.
My kids had a new zest for life.
My home was like heaven.
And now today,
like we don't parent to be their friends,
but I tell you what,
when you know how much love you get back from your kids,
when they respect you,
(16:00):
when they see you as their greatest hero,
there's nothing more exciting in life than that.
So thank you for bringing that to my life and to all the parents who
get to listen to you here.
And here's a call to action.
If we put training wheels on a bike so we can help them learn how to
steer and pedal and take the balance out of the equation,
(16:23):
we've given parents a shirt to put on their kids.
And the shirt has this little sign that the kid's holding,
which says,
I am willing to learn if you're willing to,
and that the word is teach is crossed out and it has scribbled on top,
show me.
I am willing to learn if you're willing to show me.
That's awesome.
(16:44):
And that training wheel right there will help every child be able to ride the bike,
do their life all by themselves.
Which is our prime directive as parents.
Stop being in crisis mode and start preparing your children for the real world.
Next episode,
we're going to be talking about bad behavior.
Is it really something that needs to be punished out of them,
(17:08):
or is it their form of communication?
And until we meet again,
here's to our parenting success.
Cheers,
everyone.
Bye for now.
Hey mom,
are you at a loss and feeling hopeless with a challenging child?
Are you ready for harmony and happiness?
I'm Bonnie Liotta,
co-founder of Creating Champions for Life,
(17:28):
where we guide parents to transform even the most challenging child
behavior with principles that work.
We'll show you how to empower and inspire your children to choose
cooperation from the inside out.
Visit us at LearnToSpeakKid.
com and get started on a new,
magical parenting journey today.
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