September 18, 2024 • 25 mins
Welcome back to another episode of Listen Up Younger Self. I am your host, Heather Solomon, and today we dive into the importance of making time for each other in a relationship. Fresh from a rejuvenating trip to Maine with my husband, I want to share why these little getaways are crucial for reconnecting and keeping your relationship dynamic.
In this episode, I discuss the significance of stepping away from everyday stressors and focusing solely on each other. Whether it's a weekend escape or a one-night staycation, taking the time to nurture your relationship can do wonders. I offer practical tips for budget-friendly getaways, creative ways to spark excitement, and even how to manage childcare while you’re away.
If you feel like two ships passing in the night, this episode is for you. Learn how dedicating just a few nights a year to each other can transform your relationship, reignite your intimacy, and create lasting memories. It's time to make each other a priority and keep your marriage thriving. Your future self is counting on you.
Connect with me, I'd love any suggestions for future episodes.
Email: listenupyoungerself@gmail.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/heather.solomon.14
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome back to another episode of Listen Up Younger Self. I am your host,
Heather Solomon, and if you follow me on social media, you will see that I just
got back from a week vacation with my hubby. We went to Maine.
It was incredible, and it was just what we needed.
And it is something that we have done, not the Maine trip, but the little getaways
(00:23):
together since the beginning of our time together,
because focusing on each other from time to a time when life gets busy, when life gets chaotic,
when the kids are pulling you in 20 directions, when even work is pulling you
in 20 directions, is so important to reconnect with each other,
and that's what I want to talk about today.
(00:43):
I want to talk about the importance of each other, of making time for each other, and just being you.
Not being mom and dad, not being whatever your career is, and not just being
husband husband, and wife in a home setting.
I want to talk about that because I think that people who don't make this time
(01:06):
suffer in the long run and they lose track of each other.
And if you're feeling like that, if you're feeling like you are just two ships
passing in the night, if you feel like your connection is not where it needs
to be, this episode's for you. Are you ready?
It's time to talk to my younger self.
(01:32):
Welcome to Listen Up Younger Self. I'm your host, Heather Solomon,
dishing out the real talk to my younger self about the roller coasters of marriage,
navigating wild relationships, and honestly trying to find that user manual
we never actually received when we had children.
If you ever found yourself tangled in frustrations and and challenges regarding
marriage, kiddos, and other relationships, or if you've ever wished for magical
(01:57):
50-year-old hindsight, well, here I am.
Choosing happiness over being right was a journey filled with facepalms and aha moments.
So if you're ready for a mix of my sass, some laughs, and some I've-been-there wisdom, strap in.
It's time to put your self-righteous ego to bed, trust me.
(02:18):
Music.
I am very excited to talk about this just because,
one, we just got back from our trip and I was thinking about what would be a
great topic for the week and I realized that was the topic for the week because, truth be told,
(02:41):
and I think this happens for everybody at some point or another in their marriage or relationship,
that sometimes you're just not clicking.
You know, the cylinders aren't firing.
Things are just off. Maybe you're a little bitchy with each other or just snippy.
And I felt like here I am, like I have this podcast where I'm talking to people
(03:03):
about how to make their marriage better and essentially not to be a dick with each other.
And I felt like we were kind of being dicky.
And we've had this trip plan for a really long time. So I was so excited to get on it.
I knew we needed just time on our own.
And you might think, what do you mean you need time on your own?
You're empty nesters. You don't have anybody around.
(03:25):
It's not the same. It is just not the same.
If you are home by yourself all the time, you still have laundry and my husband
still goes to work and I'm still working from the home and there's all these
things you're still doing and there's dishes and I had to mow the lawn.
And there's just life. Life is just here. And it's not that it's a bad life.
(03:47):
It's a really, really, really good life.
But it comes with those everyday stressors. And so I think it's super important
that people get away as a couple so that they can reconnect with each other,
they can strengthen their bond,
and they can step away from all of those daily stressors.
(04:07):
I think we were on vacation less than 12 hours when I felt a complete lift of any stress from us.
Like I just felt an immediate connection.
It was just him and I, and it felt so good.
We, you know, sat there, we had our first like glass of wine and we like toasted
(04:28):
to this great vacation we were about to have.
And all we needed to do was focus on each other and having fun and making new memories.
That's what we had to focus on each other, having fun and making new memories.
And that was a really good problem to have. I know that in the past,
(04:48):
I've had many people, many people ask me, like, what's the secret,
you know, and even if they didn't ask me, sometimes I would offer it because that's what I do.
And one of the things I
always say is you have to make
time for the two of you and I know people do date nights and
I think that's super important right but I think especially like starting out
(05:12):
when you have little kids at home it is so important that you get away from
the kids to remind yourself that you are still a dynamic couple outside of being mom and dad.
I love being a mother. I've talked about this before, but I have to have a killer
(05:32):
relationship with my husband if I'm going to have a family, a happy family,
one that my kids want to come home to, right? That has to happen.
And one of the ways that we've done it for years is by having little getaways.
And I want to kind of throw a couple things out there.
One of the things I want to throw out there is we are very fortunate.
(05:54):
We get to travel quite a bit and we do travel with a lot of our friends.
And so we do get away. We get away quite a bit.
But what I found over time is that it's not the same.
It's not the same when you travel with friends that it is with just the two
of you. Yeah, you're getting away from the kids.
Yeah, you're getting away from the laundry and the dishes and all the work and all that stuff.
(06:18):
But when you're with other people, your focus often goes to socializing,
group activities, making new memories with friends, and it doesn't focus on your spouse.
It just doesn't. Because I don't know if you've ever been on vacation with couples,
but so often you'll find that the men kind of gravitate with each other.
(06:43):
And the women gravitate with each other.
I mean, even when we go out to dinner with friends, we are like,
how are we sitting? Are we sitting boy, girl, or are the girls sitting on this
side and the guys sitting on this side?
Because I'm with my girlfriends then and my husband's with, but he's with his guy friends.
And so often that's how the experience is.
I'm with him, but we're not experiencing any kind of intimate relationship together.
(07:09):
I'm with him, but I'm not with him. Do you know what I mean?
And it can be harder to have a really deep personal conversation or a deep intimate
moment or anything that is just him and I when we're trying to balance any kind of group dynamic.
When I am just alone with Steve, we get to focus on each other.
(07:31):
We have uninterrupted time.
We get to strengthen our bond. We get to actually
nurture our relationship and reconnect on such a deeper level without any outside
distractions and that is what is absolutely so crucial for you guys so that
when you get home you're a refreshed amazing.
(07:54):
Healthier version of the couple that left a few days ago right like you might
be this great couple but taking a couple days away just for the two of you adds
a whole other level to your marriage. And I know when the kids are little,
I think, you know, my ever so humble opinion is that you have to do this quarterly, okay?
(08:17):
So before you throw the phone down and think there's just no way,
I will tell you, sometimes we would rent a hotel room in town.
We would get an overnight sitter and take a night where maybe kids just had
practice, they didn't have a game, whatever it was, but we would take a night
and we would go to a hotel even in town.
(08:37):
And we would tell the sitters, unless they're dying or bleeding from the head,
don't call me because they're fine.
They are fine. We always left them in completely capable hands.
Trust me, we never left them with a pack of wolves.
We literally always had somebody super capable that could take over for us for a night.
And we would just get a hotel room in town.
(09:00):
And we just had a night where we didn't have laundry.
We didn't have the responsibilities of of family of
the daily grind of work of routine like
we didn't have any of that we just literally got to get away
and a hotel room we could order in we could go out we could have a few drinks
if we wanted to we could go back to the room and sometimes you guys we just
(09:23):
sat there and binge watch a show without anybody interrupting us and it was
so good for our soul that would just be one night if we needed to.
And here's the thing, you would be absolutely astounded as to what one night
away with just the two of you can do.
You would be astounded. Honestly, if you're not doing this, I challenge you.
(09:49):
I challenge you, pick a night, find a sitter and do it.
And then And get back to me because I'm telling you, it just does something
to your relationship where you feel reconnected, where you feel like a team again,
where you feel like you did when you were dating before all of the responsibilities
(10:12):
of life really came down upon you.
And on a side note, your kids have a blast like they do.
For one, they get a night without you. They get a break from you too.
They don't have mom and dad staring down their throat, monitoring screen time,
or wondering if you've had too much ice cream.
(10:34):
You guys, as much as we get to go and play for a night, I would let the sitter play too.
You know, obviously I don't want my kid like strapped to a TV for 17 hours,
but they do get to have a little bit more fun when we're not there too,
right? And when I get back from just even one night away.
(10:55):
I'm a much happier, better mom because I just got to relax.
And you might sit there and think it's going to take me about four weeks to
relax and come down, but you'd be amazed at what one night can do for you and
your spouse. Don't ever underestimate that.
And if you can, do two to three.
(11:18):
Two to three days is a good set minimum.
You're not gone too long. you're not gone too
short it gives you enough time to disconnect completely and
just fully fully focus on each other without
feeling rushed it can be a perfect little weekend getaway and it can just give
(11:38):
you that chance to relax and communicate and reconnect you'd be surprised at
what a short trip can do a little trip can have a big impact on your bond and you just come
back and you're refreshed and it's so much easier to let shit roll off your back then.
It just is. It's so much easier when you come back and you feel good.
(12:02):
And let's talk about you and your spouse.
I mean, you come back, you're feeling good, you're feeling less stressed,
you've had that time to connect, you've had that time to be more intimate,
to deepen your intimacy, and all of a sudden you find yourself not stressed,
you're home, you're still flirting with each other, you're still walking by,
(12:23):
you're still touching each other.
And that's something your kids get to see. They get to see their parents in a really good state.
So as much as getting away with your spouse is good for you and your soul and
your marriage and everything that has to do with you and your husband,
it's just as good for your kids.
(12:44):
So in this particular podcast, I'm really talking about just you and your spouse
getting away for one night, two nights, three nights, four, five.
I'm not saying you need to be gone for seven. I'm not saying you need to be
gone for two weeks. I'm going, what fits in your life? What fits in your world, right?
The point of it all is asking yourself that question, what fits in our world?
(13:06):
And then making it fit. Then actually making you two a priority and making it
fit, putting it in the calendar, going, okay, if we're going to do this quarterly,
let's put those in the calendar now so that nothing trumps it.
And nothing should ever trump your marriage.
Nothing should ever trump you two trying to stay connected and you two trying
(13:27):
to keep your marriage, you know, dynamic and flirty and spontaneous and sexy, right?
Nothing should trump that because you guys need to always be you first.
But maybe you're thinking, sounds all well and good, Heather,
but we just can't pick up and go two to three nights in some hotel someplace, right?
(13:49):
Maybe with school activities and life, budget's just a little tight.
Okay. But what if you could house swap?
Okay. Now that sounds weird, but there's even like movies about that. So don't judge me.
But what if you could swap? What if you knew friends in a different area and
you guys could consider swapping homes for a weekend?
(14:11):
Or maybe you know someone who has a vacation home and you could either offer
a service or maybe they're just really good people and they'll let you actually
take the house for the weekend so that you guys can get away.
You know, maybe you two could just get in a car and go for a road trip and find
a scenic route to a nearby destination.
It doesn't have to be an expensive hotel. It can be a low cost adventure.
(14:38):
Go off season. You guys, Guys, those are great for deals, travel to popular
destinations when nobody else wants to.
And then you'll really be alone.
You won't have to worry about any of the tourism or anything like that.
But the accommodations and the activities will be really low priced.
You can find a cabin. You guys, I love camping.
(14:58):
I love RVing. I love cabins. And sometimes you can find cabins in the woods
or by a lake week where there's a really incredibly peaceful little escape without breaking the bank.
You can really find great deals. I've even recently found a trailer that's permanently
in somebody's, like, they have a little river in their backyard and they rent
(15:22):
it out and it was like $89 a night they rented out for.
You guys, your marriage is worth it. Your marriage is worth finding a way.
If you're going to do this quarterly, if you can only do one night,
it's worth figuring out, like not eating at jimmy
john's four times for the family and being
able to afford it camping go camping get
(15:42):
a tent that way you've always got it pitch a tent nearby a
national park or a park you know if you can afford more luxurious glamping go
for it but if not grab a friend's camper if they have it and go away for the
weekend there's so many different budget friendly getaway ideas i just mentioned
a couple but google it you guys it's right there there's so many ways of getting away on a budget.
(16:05):
Maybe you're using points from a credit card and that way you guys can get away
and you dedicate those points to each other so that you know you can get away just for each other.
There's other things you can do. I know that I needed to have alone time with my husband.
And in and out of the little trips, we planned daytime dates.
I know that sounds really funky and weird, but lunchtime was exclusively ours.
(16:31):
And the kids were at school. I mean, they always screwed up our lunchtime dates
during the summer when they were home.
But during the school year, we had lunchtime dates.
And that way, the kids were in school. We know they were supervised.
Everything was fine. And we were home alone.
And we could do that. I know it's not a getaway but
it's time together so sometimes you're just going
(16:52):
to have to find those times where it's just the two of you and
you're putting the phones down and you're putting the stress
down and you're connecting one of the things I liked doing and it's not that
I did it a ton I'm not that awesome but I would find a sexy way to invite my
husband to a getaway right so So I know I had actually done this a couple times
(17:16):
when the kids were younger.
I would get a hotel room. I didn't wait for him to do it. You know,
my whole motto, go first. I didn't wait for him to go first.
I got a hotel in town. And then, I don't know if you remember,
do you remember like you could send an e-vite through the email and then they had to click yes or no?
I don't know if they still do that now. I figure there's probably easier ways to do it.
(17:38):
But I would send him an e-vite and he would open it in his email and it would
be like show up to this hotel room 204 at
four o'clock don't bring anything because I already packed his bag and
I only did that I think twice so I'm not that spectacular
over the many many years we've been married but I still did it and it still
worked so try something like that you could do a treasure hunt to make it more
(18:01):
exciting so that they don't know where they're going you could have a scavenger
hunt with romantic or flirty clues leading to a packed bag or a trip itinerary.
You know, give them a gift box, a present that has some items related to the
getaway, like a swimsuit or tickets, something playful. You guys, do a text tease.
Send flirty texts that kind of build a little excitement and anticipation for some romantic escape.
(18:27):
You guys, this really is about sparking excitement.
We want to make sure that you're not only just having a getaway,
but you are super excited about your getaway.
Okay. So maybe you're sitting here thinking, okay, so we've got the whole budget friendly getaway idea.
And we know that we're supposed to do this because our love life is dependent
(18:48):
upon it or the lack thereof, depending upon who you are.
We want to make sure that we get that love life going.
Maybe you're thinking, I don't have any babysitters. I get that.
I get that. We live in a state where we have zero family.
We have zero family. So if we wanted family to babysit for us,
we had to like really arrange it far in advance and hope that somebody could
(19:09):
come and take over for us.
But on the off chance that they couldn't, we made a point of making sure we
knew a bunch of college kids or high school kids that could really come and help us out.
We made sure that we had like a plethora of people that were in our back pocket.
But if you don't have that or you don't feel safe with that,
(19:29):
you guys, you could swap with friends.
And I don't mean it in the way you're thinking right now and shame on you for thinking that,
but you could coordinate babysitting swaps
with trusted friends or family who
also have kids and we did that we
had friends that we had a lot of gymnastics friends who
would be like you take the kids this weekend and I'll take the kids another
(19:50):
weekend and that way they were having fun with their friends but we didn't have
to one pay for babysitting which was huge and two we We didn't feel bad about
it because we knew we were trading, right?
And so coordinating with friends and doing babysitting swap,
(20:10):
like I take your kids, you take mine.
It's actually brilliant. And I didn't come up with it, but it is brilliant.
Now, I understand some of you might be thinking, well, we're just going to do a staycation.
You guys, I get it. A staycation can be very powerful, but it's not as powerful
as an actual get away. way.
When you're at home, it's still easy to get pulled into chores.
(20:34):
It's still easy to get pulled into work, into everyday routines.
And if you can't get rid of those kids because they're still at the house,
you're not connecting on the level you need to be. You're not just focusing on each other.
An actual getaway forces you out of your usual environment and it encourages
more focus time on each other. No distractions.
(20:56):
And you can actually have a little bit of sense of adventure, adventure
which can also reignite a
little excitement and that can reignite a
little connection in the relationship so we also
you guys we want to create more memories how
many times you're like remember that one time when we stayed home
and watched a movie together oh my gosh do
(21:16):
you remember how fun that was but have you ever said do you remember the time
that we went to x y or z and it was just the two of us like i will always talk
about this trip to maine I will always talk about this because we had like one
of our days was one of my favorite days I think I've ever had.
It just was. We rented these e-bikes and we went hiking.
(21:38):
So the only expense we had that day was renting the e-bike.
We had lunches that we packed. Well, okay, so we had lunches packed for us.
That was an expense because we had to go to a deli.
But we packed lunches and we rented these e-bikes. We rode our bikes all over
Acadia National Park, which was absolutely amazing.
(21:58):
And then we did this great four mile hike. And then when we came down from the
hike, which was kind of strenuous, we went to the bottom. There was this lake.
Nobody was there. Like nobody was at this lake. And we sat at this lake.
And we had our lunch, and it was perfect. It was just this perfect moment in
time that is etched in my head forever.
And anybody who's asked me about my trip, I talk about that.
(22:22):
Like the whole trip was amazing, but there was something about that day that
was like the perfect day.
And I don't recall many times in my life where I was like, remember that time
where we were cooking dinner at home and it was a perfect day because I had
to do dishes after, or I had to clean up this,
(22:43):
or I just, let me throw the laundry in real quick.
I'm just going to switch a load quick. You guys, there's always something at home.
If you can get away, and even if that means you pitch a tent in the backyard
and you are not allowed to go inside unless it's to go to the bathroom,
go have an experience and a glamping adventure in your backyard,
but get out of your house and make sure you're alone, and nobody can find you,
(23:05):
because that is the biggest thing.
Nobody can find you. I mean, they can find you, but you're dedicated to each other.
If it's 24 hours, if it's 48 hours, if it's 72 or more, dedicate that time to
each other, creating memories, creating a connection, being sexy with each other, having communication,
(23:28):
reducing your tension, all of this, it just fosters a stronger,
healthier relationship.
And isn't that what you want? Isn't that what you signed up for?
Isn't that what he signed up for? The best version of you, not the what's left of you version.
So get your calendar out, coordinate some stuff, find some friends that are
(23:52):
going to help you out so that you can make these memories with your husband or your wife.
Get out there, have some fun, have some sexy fun, go enjoy each other,
and make the most of your marriage.
It shouldn't just be existing. It should be absolutely thriving and living.
(24:13):
And that's entirely up to you. So go make it happen.
Put one thing every quarter. You guys are 365 days in the year.
What if you only took one night every quarter?
That means out of 365 days, you dedicated four nights just to each other, think about that.
That means that there's 361 that you didn't.
(24:37):
And it's not that you don't want to, but if you are not doing that,
I have heard from so many couples that they never do this.
But what if you made each other a priority?
What do you think your life would look like in a year from now,
in two years from now, in three years from now, in 10 and 20,
do you think you'd be stronger?
(24:57):
Do you think you'd be more connected?
Do you think you'd be more sexy together? I think you would.
And if you can just put it on the calendar, make it happen, I think you're going
to absolutely love the couple that you maybe were once and need to be again.
Because your future self is absolutely 100% counting on you.
(25:23):
Just like that, we're at the end of an episode. Thanks for hanging with me today
on Listen Up Younger Self.
Remember, every oops is just a detour on the road to wisdom.
Don't forget to hit subscribe and share this with someone who needs a little
nudge towards learning how to give some grace to others and more importantly, to themselves.
Drop me a comment if there's a topic you want me to address.
(25:43):
Until then, breathe, choose happiness, and tell your self-righteous ego to take a seat.
Your future self is counting on you.
Welcome back to another episode of Listen Up Younger Self. I am your host,
Heather Solomon, and if you follow me on social media, you will see that I just
got back from a week vacation with my hubby. We went to Maine.
It was incredible, and it was just what we needed.
And it is something that we have done, not the Maine trip, but the little getaways
(00:23):
together since the beginning of our time together,
because focusing on each other from time to a time when life gets busy, when life gets chaotic,
when the kids are pulling you in 20 directions, when even work is pulling you
in 20 directions, is so important to reconnect with each other,
and that's what I want to talk about today.
(00:43):
I want to talk about the importance of each other, of making time for each other, and just being you.
Not being mom and dad, not being whatever your career is, and not just being
husband husband, and wife in a home setting.
I want to talk about that because I think that people who don't make this time
(01:06):
suffer in the long run and they lose track of each other.
And if you're feeling like that, if you're feeling like you are just two ships
passing in the night, if you feel like your connection is not where it needs
to be, this episode's for you. Are you ready?
It's time to talk to my younger self.
(01:32):
Welcome to Listen Up Younger Self. I'm your host, Heather Solomon,
dishing out the real talk to my younger self about the roller coasters of marriage,
navigating wild relationships, and honestly trying to find that user manual
we never actually received when we had children.
If you ever found yourself tangled in frustrations and and challenges regarding
marriage, kiddos, and other relationships, or if you've ever wished for magical
(01:57):
50-year-old hindsight, well, here I am.
Choosing happiness over being right was a journey filled with facepalms and aha moments.
So if you're ready for a mix of my sass, some laughs, and some I've-been-there wisdom, strap in.
It's time to put your self-righteous ego to bed, trust me.
(02:18):
Music.
I am very excited to talk about this just because,
one, we just got back from our trip and I was thinking about what would be a
great topic for the week and I realized that was the topic for the week because, truth be told,
(02:41):
and I think this happens for everybody at some point or another in their marriage or relationship,
that sometimes you're just not clicking.
You know, the cylinders aren't firing.
Things are just off. Maybe you're a little bitchy with each other or just snippy.
And I felt like here I am, like I have this podcast where I'm talking to people
(03:03):
about how to make their marriage better and essentially not to be a dick with each other.
And I felt like we were kind of being dicky.
And we've had this trip plan for a really long time. So I was so excited to get on it.
I knew we needed just time on our own.
And you might think, what do you mean you need time on your own?
You're empty nesters. You don't have anybody around.
(03:25):
It's not the same. It is just not the same.
If you are home by yourself all the time, you still have laundry and my husband
still goes to work and I'm still working from the home and there's all these
things you're still doing and there's dishes and I had to mow the lawn.
And there's just life. Life is just here. And it's not that it's a bad life.
(03:47):
It's a really, really, really good life.
But it comes with those everyday stressors. And so I think it's super important
that people get away as a couple so that they can reconnect with each other,
they can strengthen their bond,
and they can step away from all of those daily stressors.
(04:07):
I think we were on vacation less than 12 hours when I felt a complete lift of any stress from us.
Like I just felt an immediate connection.
It was just him and I, and it felt so good.
We, you know, sat there, we had our first like glass of wine and we like toasted
(04:28):
to this great vacation we were about to have.
And all we needed to do was focus on each other and having fun and making new memories.
That's what we had to focus on each other, having fun and making new memories.
And that was a really good problem to have. I know that in the past,
(04:48):
I've had many people, many people ask me, like, what's the secret,
you know, and even if they didn't ask me, sometimes I would offer it because that's what I do.
And one of the things I
always say is you have to make
time for the two of you and I know people do date nights and
I think that's super important right but I think especially like starting out
(05:12):
when you have little kids at home it is so important that you get away from
the kids to remind yourself that you are still a dynamic couple outside of being mom and dad.
I love being a mother. I've talked about this before, but I have to have a killer
(05:32):
relationship with my husband if I'm going to have a family, a happy family,
one that my kids want to come home to, right? That has to happen.
And one of the ways that we've done it for years is by having little getaways.
And I want to kind of throw a couple things out there.
One of the things I want to throw out there is we are very fortunate.
(05:54):
We get to travel quite a bit and we do travel with a lot of our friends.
And so we do get away. We get away quite a bit.
But what I found over time is that it's not the same.
It's not the same when you travel with friends that it is with just the two
of you. Yeah, you're getting away from the kids.
Yeah, you're getting away from the laundry and the dishes and all the work and all that stuff.
(06:18):
But when you're with other people, your focus often goes to socializing,
group activities, making new memories with friends, and it doesn't focus on your spouse.
It just doesn't. Because I don't know if you've ever been on vacation with couples,
but so often you'll find that the men kind of gravitate with each other.
(06:43):
And the women gravitate with each other.
I mean, even when we go out to dinner with friends, we are like,
how are we sitting? Are we sitting boy, girl, or are the girls sitting on this
side and the guys sitting on this side?
Because I'm with my girlfriends then and my husband's with, but he's with his guy friends.
And so often that's how the experience is.
I'm with him, but we're not experiencing any kind of intimate relationship together.
(07:09):
I'm with him, but I'm not with him. Do you know what I mean?
And it can be harder to have a really deep personal conversation or a deep intimate
moment or anything that is just him and I when we're trying to balance any kind of group dynamic.
When I am just alone with Steve, we get to focus on each other.
(07:31):
We have uninterrupted time.
We get to strengthen our bond. We get to actually
nurture our relationship and reconnect on such a deeper level without any outside
distractions and that is what is absolutely so crucial for you guys so that
when you get home you're a refreshed amazing.
(07:54):
Healthier version of the couple that left a few days ago right like you might
be this great couple but taking a couple days away just for the two of you adds
a whole other level to your marriage. And I know when the kids are little,
I think, you know, my ever so humble opinion is that you have to do this quarterly, okay?
(08:17):
So before you throw the phone down and think there's just no way,
I will tell you, sometimes we would rent a hotel room in town.
We would get an overnight sitter and take a night where maybe kids just had
practice, they didn't have a game, whatever it was, but we would take a night
and we would go to a hotel even in town.
(08:37):
And we would tell the sitters, unless they're dying or bleeding from the head,
don't call me because they're fine.
They are fine. We always left them in completely capable hands.
Trust me, we never left them with a pack of wolves.
We literally always had somebody super capable that could take over for us for a night.
And we would just get a hotel room in town.
(09:00):
And we just had a night where we didn't have laundry.
We didn't have the responsibilities of of family of
the daily grind of work of routine like
we didn't have any of that we just literally got to get away
and a hotel room we could order in we could go out we could have a few drinks
if we wanted to we could go back to the room and sometimes you guys we just
(09:23):
sat there and binge watch a show without anybody interrupting us and it was
so good for our soul that would just be one night if we needed to.
And here's the thing, you would be absolutely astounded as to what one night
away with just the two of you can do.
You would be astounded. Honestly, if you're not doing this, I challenge you.
(09:49):
I challenge you, pick a night, find a sitter and do it.
And then And get back to me because I'm telling you, it just does something
to your relationship where you feel reconnected, where you feel like a team again,
where you feel like you did when you were dating before all of the responsibilities
(10:12):
of life really came down upon you.
And on a side note, your kids have a blast like they do.
For one, they get a night without you. They get a break from you too.
They don't have mom and dad staring down their throat, monitoring screen time,
or wondering if you've had too much ice cream.
(10:34):
You guys, as much as we get to go and play for a night, I would let the sitter play too.
You know, obviously I don't want my kid like strapped to a TV for 17 hours,
but they do get to have a little bit more fun when we're not there too,
right? And when I get back from just even one night away.
(10:55):
I'm a much happier, better mom because I just got to relax.
And you might sit there and think it's going to take me about four weeks to
relax and come down, but you'd be amazed at what one night can do for you and
your spouse. Don't ever underestimate that.
And if you can, do two to three.
(11:18):
Two to three days is a good set minimum.
You're not gone too long. you're not gone too
short it gives you enough time to disconnect completely and
just fully fully focus on each other without
feeling rushed it can be a perfect little weekend getaway and it can just give
(11:38):
you that chance to relax and communicate and reconnect you'd be surprised at
what a short trip can do a little trip can have a big impact on your bond and you just come
back and you're refreshed and it's so much easier to let shit roll off your back then.
It just is. It's so much easier when you come back and you feel good.
(12:02):
And let's talk about you and your spouse.
I mean, you come back, you're feeling good, you're feeling less stressed,
you've had that time to connect, you've had that time to be more intimate,
to deepen your intimacy, and all of a sudden you find yourself not stressed,
you're home, you're still flirting with each other, you're still walking by,
(12:23):
you're still touching each other.
And that's something your kids get to see. They get to see their parents in a really good state.
So as much as getting away with your spouse is good for you and your soul and
your marriage and everything that has to do with you and your husband,
it's just as good for your kids.
(12:44):
So in this particular podcast, I'm really talking about just you and your spouse
getting away for one night, two nights, three nights, four, five.
I'm not saying you need to be gone for seven. I'm not saying you need to be
gone for two weeks. I'm going, what fits in your life? What fits in your world, right?
The point of it all is asking yourself that question, what fits in our world?
(13:06):
And then making it fit. Then actually making you two a priority and making it
fit, putting it in the calendar, going, okay, if we're going to do this quarterly,
let's put those in the calendar now so that nothing trumps it.
And nothing should ever trump your marriage.
Nothing should ever trump you two trying to stay connected and you two trying
(13:27):
to keep your marriage, you know, dynamic and flirty and spontaneous and sexy, right?
Nothing should trump that because you guys need to always be you first.
But maybe you're thinking, sounds all well and good, Heather,
but we just can't pick up and go two to three nights in some hotel someplace, right?
(13:49):
Maybe with school activities and life, budget's just a little tight.
Okay. But what if you could house swap?
Okay. Now that sounds weird, but there's even like movies about that. So don't judge me.
But what if you could swap? What if you knew friends in a different area and
you guys could consider swapping homes for a weekend?
(14:11):
Or maybe you know someone who has a vacation home and you could either offer
a service or maybe they're just really good people and they'll let you actually
take the house for the weekend so that you guys can get away.
You know, maybe you two could just get in a car and go for a road trip and find
a scenic route to a nearby destination.
It doesn't have to be an expensive hotel. It can be a low cost adventure.
(14:38):
Go off season. You guys, Guys, those are great for deals, travel to popular
destinations when nobody else wants to.
And then you'll really be alone.
You won't have to worry about any of the tourism or anything like that.
But the accommodations and the activities will be really low priced.
You can find a cabin. You guys, I love camping.
(14:58):
I love RVing. I love cabins. And sometimes you can find cabins in the woods
or by a lake week where there's a really incredibly peaceful little escape without breaking the bank.
You can really find great deals. I've even recently found a trailer that's permanently
in somebody's, like, they have a little river in their backyard and they rent
(15:22):
it out and it was like $89 a night they rented out for.
You guys, your marriage is worth it. Your marriage is worth finding a way.
If you're going to do this quarterly, if you can only do one night,
it's worth figuring out, like not eating at jimmy
john's four times for the family and being
able to afford it camping go camping get
(15:42):
a tent that way you've always got it pitch a tent nearby a
national park or a park you know if you can afford more luxurious glamping go
for it but if not grab a friend's camper if they have it and go away for the
weekend there's so many different budget friendly getaway ideas i just mentioned
a couple but google it you guys it's right there there's so many ways of getting away on a budget.
(16:05):
Maybe you're using points from a credit card and that way you guys can get away
and you dedicate those points to each other so that you know you can get away just for each other.
There's other things you can do. I know that I needed to have alone time with my husband.
And in and out of the little trips, we planned daytime dates.
I know that sounds really funky and weird, but lunchtime was exclusively ours.
(16:31):
And the kids were at school. I mean, they always screwed up our lunchtime dates
during the summer when they were home.
But during the school year, we had lunchtime dates.
And that way, the kids were in school. We know they were supervised.
Everything was fine. And we were home alone.
And we could do that. I know it's not a getaway but
it's time together so sometimes you're just going
(16:52):
to have to find those times where it's just the two of you and
you're putting the phones down and you're putting the stress
down and you're connecting one of the things I liked doing and it's not that
I did it a ton I'm not that awesome but I would find a sexy way to invite my
husband to a getaway right so So I know I had actually done this a couple times
(17:16):
when the kids were younger.
I would get a hotel room. I didn't wait for him to do it. You know,
my whole motto, go first. I didn't wait for him to go first.
I got a hotel in town. And then, I don't know if you remember,
do you remember like you could send an e-vite through the email and then they had to click yes or no?
I don't know if they still do that now. I figure there's probably easier ways to do it.
(17:38):
But I would send him an e-vite and he would open it in his email and it would
be like show up to this hotel room 204 at
four o'clock don't bring anything because I already packed his bag and
I only did that I think twice so I'm not that spectacular
over the many many years we've been married but I still did it and it still
worked so try something like that you could do a treasure hunt to make it more
(18:01):
exciting so that they don't know where they're going you could have a scavenger
hunt with romantic or flirty clues leading to a packed bag or a trip itinerary.
You know, give them a gift box, a present that has some items related to the
getaway, like a swimsuit or tickets, something playful. You guys, do a text tease.
Send flirty texts that kind of build a little excitement and anticipation for some romantic escape.
(18:27):
You guys, this really is about sparking excitement.
We want to make sure that you're not only just having a getaway,
but you are super excited about your getaway.
Okay. So maybe you're sitting here thinking, okay, so we've got the whole budget friendly getaway idea.
And we know that we're supposed to do this because our love life is dependent
(18:48):
upon it or the lack thereof, depending upon who you are.
We want to make sure that we get that love life going.
Maybe you're thinking, I don't have any babysitters. I get that.
I get that. We live in a state where we have zero family.
We have zero family. So if we wanted family to babysit for us,
we had to like really arrange it far in advance and hope that somebody could
(19:09):
come and take over for us.
But on the off chance that they couldn't, we made a point of making sure we
knew a bunch of college kids or high school kids that could really come and help us out.
We made sure that we had like a plethora of people that were in our back pocket.
But if you don't have that or you don't feel safe with that,
(19:29):
you guys, you could swap with friends.
And I don't mean it in the way you're thinking right now and shame on you for thinking that,
but you could coordinate babysitting swaps
with trusted friends or family who
also have kids and we did that we
had friends that we had a lot of gymnastics friends who
would be like you take the kids this weekend and I'll take the kids another
(19:50):
weekend and that way they were having fun with their friends but we didn't have
to one pay for babysitting which was huge and two we We didn't feel bad about
it because we knew we were trading, right?
And so coordinating with friends and doing babysitting swap,
(20:10):
like I take your kids, you take mine.
It's actually brilliant. And I didn't come up with it, but it is brilliant.
Now, I understand some of you might be thinking, well, we're just going to do a staycation.
You guys, I get it. A staycation can be very powerful, but it's not as powerful
as an actual get away. way.
When you're at home, it's still easy to get pulled into chores.
(20:34):
It's still easy to get pulled into work, into everyday routines.
And if you can't get rid of those kids because they're still at the house,
you're not connecting on the level you need to be. You're not just focusing on each other.
An actual getaway forces you out of your usual environment and it encourages
more focus time on each other. No distractions.
(20:56):
And you can actually have a little bit of sense of adventure, adventure
which can also reignite a
little excitement and that can reignite a
little connection in the relationship so we also
you guys we want to create more memories how
many times you're like remember that one time when we stayed home
and watched a movie together oh my gosh do
(21:16):
you remember how fun that was but have you ever said do you remember the time
that we went to x y or z and it was just the two of us like i will always talk
about this trip to maine I will always talk about this because we had like one
of our days was one of my favorite days I think I've ever had.
It just was. We rented these e-bikes and we went hiking.
(21:38):
So the only expense we had that day was renting the e-bike.
We had lunches that we packed. Well, okay, so we had lunches packed for us.
That was an expense because we had to go to a deli.
But we packed lunches and we rented these e-bikes. We rode our bikes all over
Acadia National Park, which was absolutely amazing.
(21:58):
And then we did this great four mile hike. And then when we came down from the
hike, which was kind of strenuous, we went to the bottom. There was this lake.
Nobody was there. Like nobody was at this lake. And we sat at this lake.
And we had our lunch, and it was perfect. It was just this perfect moment in
time that is etched in my head forever.
And anybody who's asked me about my trip, I talk about that.
(22:22):
Like the whole trip was amazing, but there was something about that day that
was like the perfect day.
And I don't recall many times in my life where I was like, remember that time
where we were cooking dinner at home and it was a perfect day because I had
to do dishes after, or I had to clean up this,
(22:43):
or I just, let me throw the laundry in real quick.
I'm just going to switch a load quick. You guys, there's always something at home.
If you can get away, and even if that means you pitch a tent in the backyard
and you are not allowed to go inside unless it's to go to the bathroom,
go have an experience and a glamping adventure in your backyard,
but get out of your house and make sure you're alone, and nobody can find you,
(23:05):
because that is the biggest thing.
Nobody can find you. I mean, they can find you, but you're dedicated to each other.
If it's 24 hours, if it's 48 hours, if it's 72 or more, dedicate that time to
each other, creating memories, creating a connection, being sexy with each other, having communication,
(23:28):
reducing your tension, all of this, it just fosters a stronger,
healthier relationship.
And isn't that what you want? Isn't that what you signed up for?
Isn't that what he signed up for? The best version of you, not the what's left of you version.
So get your calendar out, coordinate some stuff, find some friends that are
(23:52):
going to help you out so that you can make these memories with your husband or your wife.
Get out there, have some fun, have some sexy fun, go enjoy each other,
and make the most of your marriage.
It shouldn't just be existing. It should be absolutely thriving and living.
(24:13):
And that's entirely up to you. So go make it happen.
Put one thing every quarter. You guys are 365 days in the year.
What if you only took one night every quarter?
That means out of 365 days, you dedicated four nights just to each other, think about that.
That means that there's 361 that you didn't.
(24:37):
And it's not that you don't want to, but if you are not doing that,
I have heard from so many couples that they never do this.
But what if you made each other a priority?
What do you think your life would look like in a year from now,
in two years from now, in three years from now, in 10 and 20,
do you think you'd be stronger?
(24:57):
Do you think you'd be more connected?
Do you think you'd be more sexy together? I think you would.
And if you can just put it on the calendar, make it happen, I think you're going
to absolutely love the couple that you maybe were once and need to be again.
Because your future self is absolutely 100% counting on you.
(25:23):
Just like that, we're at the end of an episode. Thanks for hanging with me today
on Listen Up Younger Self.
Remember, every oops is just a detour on the road to wisdom.
Don't forget to hit subscribe and share this with someone who needs a little
nudge towards learning how to give some grace to others and more importantly, to themselves.
Drop me a comment if there's a topic you want me to address.
(25:43):
Until then, breathe, choose happiness, and tell your self-righteous ego to take a seat.
Your future self is counting on you.
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