27. The Fallacy of Fairness.

🎙️ MEN SEEKING CALM Episode Title: The Fallacy of Fairness — When Keeping Score Kills Connection Host: Greg Martin Website: WalkTheMountain.com

🧠 Episode Summary

In this episode, Greg dives deep into one of the most draining cognitive traps for men in relationships: The Fallacy of Fairness. This thinking habit convinces us that life — and love — should always feel "fair," and when it doesn’t, someone must be doing something wrong. From dish-duty arguments to emotional scorekeeping, Greg explores how the fairness trap breeds resentment, victimhood, and emotional distance — especially when men use it as a mental courtroom to justify frustration or blame. If you’ve ever thought, “I did the right thing, so why is she still upset?” — this one’s for you.

🔥 Key Talking Points

• What the Fallacy of Fairness looks like in real life
• How it shows up in arguments, expectations, and “emotional math”
• Why chasing fairness often leads to disconnection
• How childhood experiences can shape our sensitivity to perceived injustice
• The real difference between fairness and relational generosity

🛠️ Fixes & Tools

• Drop the scoreboard — focus on connection, not competition
• Practice generosity without expecting return
• Reframe “What’s fair?” to “What’s helpful right now?”
• Speak from need, not blame
• Get curious before you get critical
• Shift from “me vs. you” to “us as a team”

💬 Greg’s Takeaway

Let go of keeping score and start building bridges. The real win in relationships isn’t fairness — it’s mutual care, honest repair, and showing up as teammates, not opponents.

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