Flibbertigibbet’s Mustard Emergency

In tonight's episode of Newsbang, a satirical romp through historical and contemporary news, the show kicks off with a vivid declaration of its mission: to expose overlooked truths and challenge the pretenders of modern narratives. The episode dives into several riveting stories across different eras, beginning in 1972, with the explosive introduction of Atari's Pong. Initially intended as a mere training exercise for tennis players, this simple digital game quickly spirals into chaos. Reports flood in from Andy Capp’s tavern, where patrons, entranced by the game's allure, succumb to its hypnotic grip, playing for hours on end. Local accounts describe harrowing scenes of people losing track of time and responsibilities, leading officials to ponder the potential of weaponizing such engaging technology. Meanwhile, a legal battle looms as Magnavox, claiming patent infringements, threatens Atari with court action. The narrative swiftly transitions to a rather theatrical account of the Natchez Nation's uprising against the French in 1729. With tensions escalating over land disputes, the Natchez respond with a meticulously coordinated attack that takes the French colonists by surprise, resulting in the death of 230 French men while sparing women and enslaved Africans. This conflict is described with dark humor, underscoring the absurdity and arrogance that often characterized colonial relationships. Commentary from on-the-scene reporter Brian Bastable paints an intense picture, revealing the chaos unfolding at Fort Rosalie, where Natchez warriors cleverly employ improvised tactics against their oppressors. The segment captures the brutality and strategic execution of the uprising, with a tone that mixes horror and irreverence, emphasizing the tragic consequences of colonialism. Moving into the vibrant and innovative world of the 1980s, the episode delves into the monumental impact of Michael Jackson’s *Thriller*. Described as a cultural earthquake, the album is credited with revolutionizing music, blending genres, and breaking racial barriers within the industry. An extravagant production budget facilitated groundbreaking music videos that captivated audiences, turning the artist into an icon. The show humorously discusses the scientific approach to Quincy Jones’s production techniques, with graphic descriptions of the album's explosive success and its sprawling influence on the music landscape. A new segment emphasizes the sheer scale of *Thriller’s* achievement, heralding it as the best-selling album of all time, and showcases the ongoing legacy it has imprinted in pop culture. As the episode progresses, the tone shifts to a serious investigation of historical events, including the 1987 sabotage of Korean Air Flight 858 by North Korean agents. This segment, delivered with a fierce and emotional intensity by correspondent Ken Schitt, underscores the tragic loss of life and the moral bankruptcy of such acts of violence. The dark humor of the preceding segments gives way to a somber reflection on terrorism and the geopolitical turmoil of the time. The narrative also revisits the Teleco Dam controversy from 1979, examining the contentious battle between economic progress and environmental protection. Congress overrides a Supreme Court ruling, showcasing a conflict that highlights priorities skewed in favor of development over ecological concerns—specifically the plight of the seemingly insignificant snail darter fish. The comedic exchanges between reporters Hardeman Pesto and his guests reveal the absurdity behind legislative decisions that prioritize money over life, continuing the episode’s trend of blending serious subject matter with humor. In a nostalgic detour, the show takes listeners back to 1924, where the Bronx County Bird Club emerges, led by enthusiastic adolescents. This lighthearted narrative delivers whimsical anecdotes about youthful birdwatchers and their quirky terminology, painting an endearing picture of child

Episode Transcript

Speaker0: The calm before the chaos. Tonight's headlines are hot, hot, hot. (00:05):
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Speaker0: France in a pong as Atari changes the game. (00:12):
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Speaker0: Natchez Nation massacres French. Claims 230th scalp. (00:18):
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Speaker0: And Jacko's thriller night, king of pop spills, guts. (00:25):
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Speaker0: Plus, coming up, will sumo wrestlers ever take to the high wire? (00:30):
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Speaker0: Those are the headlines. Disconnect now, please. (00:36):
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Speaker0: A news bang. Revealing the unseen, reporting the overlooked, (00:43):
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Speaker0: and exposing the pretenders. (00:49):
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Speaker0: 1972. Atari has unleashed Pong upon the unsuspecting public, (00:52):
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Speaker0: and the results are terrifying. (00:57):
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Speaker0: This digital demon, disguised as a simple game, has already claimed hundreds (00:59):
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Speaker0: of victims at Andy Capp's tavern, where patrons are transfixed by a bouncing white dot. (01:04):
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Speaker0: Engineer Alan Alcorn, the mastermind behind this digital hypnosis machine, (01:10):
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Speaker0: claims it was merely a training exercise that got out of hand. (01:15):
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Speaker0: But witnesses describe scenes of pure chaos as fully-grown adults stood for (01:18):
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Speaker0: hours, mechanically twisting knobs, while making primitive boop sounds with their mouths. (01:24):
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Speaker0: Local resident Chuck Birgut recalls the horror. I lost my wife to Pong last Tuesday. (01:30):
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Speaker0: She's still there feeding quarters into that demon box. The kids haven't eaten (01:36):
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Speaker0: in days, but she just keeps saying one more game. (01:40):
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Speaker0: The Department of Defence has expressed interest in the technology, (01:43):
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Speaker0: suggesting the hypnotic qualities of paddle-based entertainment could be weaponized. (01:47):
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Speaker0: Meanwhile, Magnavox executives were seen outside Atari headquarters, (01:52):
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Speaker0: waving patent documents and threatening to bounce their balls in court. (01:57):
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Speaker0: 1729. The Natchez nation of French Louisiana has launched the most passive-aggressive (02:05):
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Speaker0: property dispute in colonial history. (02:10):
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Speaker0: The incident began when French Commandant Sieur de Chappard demanded the Natchez (02:12):
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Speaker0: vacate their ancestral lands, reportedly telling them to move their wigwams or he'd do it for them. (02:17):
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Speaker0: In response, the Natchez orchestrated what military historians are calling the (02:24):
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Speaker0: most passive-aggressive house clearance in colonial history. (02:29):
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Speaker0: Local witness Jean-Pierre Baguette described the scene. (02:33):
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Speaker0: They'd just showed up with their eviction notices, very organised, very methodical. (02:36):
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Speaker0: Quite frankly, their administrative skills were impressive. (02:41):
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Speaker0: The French response was swift and predictable. They completely lost their heads (02:45):
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Speaker0: and called in the Choctaw, who had apparently been waiting by the phone for just such an occasion. (02:49):
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Speaker0: We've got your back, they reportedly said, but this is going to cost you in a trade beads. (02:54):
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Speaker0: The entire affair has been described by colonial observers as a bit of a mess, (03:00):
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Speaker0: really, and the sort of thing that happens when you try to nick someone else's garden. (03:06):
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Speaker0: Property prices in the region have since plummeted. (03:10):
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Speaker0: 1982. Michael Jackson has unleashed Thriller, an album so funky it's classified as a biohazard. (03:14):
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Speaker0: The album was developed in a secret underground bunker at a cost of three million (03:21):
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Speaker0: hamsters, using technology previously reserved for nuclear testing. (03:25):
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Speaker0: Eyewitnesses report seeing producer Quincy Jones mixing dangerous amounts of (03:31):
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Speaker0: funk with volatile pop compounds, creating an explosion of sound that literally (03:35):
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Speaker0: melted the faces off three audio engineers. (03:40):
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Speaker0: It was horrific, said studio janitor Pete Wobble. (03:43):
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Speaker0: I walked in and there were just three pairs of headphones sitting on piles of goo. (03:47):
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Speaker0: The album's title track caused widespread panic when first tested on civilians, (03:52):
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Speaker0: with reports of spontaneous dancing breaking out in supermarkets and retirement homes. (03:58):
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Speaker0: The government has issued a warning that anyone exposed to more than four tracks, (04:03):
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Speaker0: in succession, may experience uncontrollable leg movements and chronic head nodding. (04:07):
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Speaker0: Meanwhile, Paul McCartney, who survived a collaboration with Jackson, (04:13):
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Speaker0: remains in quarantine, speaking only in falsetto and occasionally moonwalking in his sleep. (04:17):
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Speaker0: Medical experts fear the condition may be permanent. (04:23):
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Speaker0: News Bang Plunging the fearless truth seeker Into the depths of discomfort And (04:30):
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Speaker0: now here's Shakanaka Giles, who once described a cold front as angrier than a wasp in a welly. (04:38):
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Speaker0: He's here to deliver today's weather forecast. (04:44):
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Speaker0: Right then, South East England's looking grimmer than the Turkeys last Thursday, (04:58):
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Speaker0: with temperatures plummeting faster than Black Friday Expect frost thick enough (05:02):
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Speaker0: to write your Christmas list in. (05:07):
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Speaker0: Midlands, you're in for a proper winter wobbler. Snow flurries dancing about (05:12):
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Speaker0: like bargain hunters at dawn. (05:16):
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Speaker0: Pack your thermals, it's going to be a nippy one at minus two. (05:19):
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Speaker0: Up Scotland way it's looking bleaker than an empty shopping basket heavy cloud (05:25):
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Speaker0: cover with occasional breaks of sunshine like finding the last PS5 in stock. (05:31):
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Speaker0: Wales and the southwest prepare for sleet showers heavier than your post-shopping (05:40):
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Speaker0: gilt but clearing by tea time. (05:45):
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Speaker0: In summary then, frosty, flurrying, and feeling festive, and that's all the weather. (05:50):
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Speaker0: In 1729, the Natchez Indians unleashed a calculated uprising colonists, (06:08):
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Speaker0: eliminating 230 French men while sparing women and enslaved Africans. (06:15):
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Speaker0: This revolt, sparked by land disputes and colonial arrogance, (06:20):
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Speaker0: showcased remarkable Natchez military precision. (06:24):
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Speaker0: However, French forces with Choctaw allies retaliated, obliterating the Natchez nation. (06:27):
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Speaker0: A grim chapter in colonial history, it underscored the fragile and often brutal (06:34):
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Speaker0: dynamics of French-Native American relations. (06:38):
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Speaker0: Now to dissect this historic upheaval, we turn to Brian Bastable, (06:41):
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Speaker0: who is I believe reporting live from somewhere near 1729. Brian? (06:46):
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Speaker0: This is absolute carnage here at Fort Rosalie, where just moments ago what appeared (06:53):
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Speaker0: to be a peaceful hunting party has erupted into scenes of unprecedented savagery. (06:58):
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Speaker0: I've just watched a French colonist's powdered wig float past me, (07:04):
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Speaker0: still attached to most of his head. (07:09):
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Speaker0: The Natchez warriors, their faces painted with what I initially thought was (07:13):
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Speaker0: raspberry jam but now realize is something far more sinister, (07:17):
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Speaker0: are moving through the settlement with extraordinary precision. (07:22):
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Speaker0: They've developed a rather effective technique of using French officials as (07:25):
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Speaker0: temporary clubs before discarding them. (07:28):
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Speaker0: The air is thick with musket smoke and the distinct aroma of burning baguettes. (07:33):
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Speaker0: I've just witnessed a particularly innovative use of a wine barrel as an improvised (07:38):
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Speaker0: rolling device to crush colonial forces. (07:44):
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Speaker0: Rather impressive, actually. (07:47):
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Speaker0: A group of women and African slaves are being carefully ushered to safety. (07:51):
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Speaker0: Quite remarkable organizational skills being displayed here. (07:55):
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Speaker0: Oh, there goes Commandant Shepard, who I'm told rather unwisely demanded the (08:00):
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Speaker0: Natchez abandon their sacred village. (08:05):
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Speaker0: He's currently being introduced to various parts of himself, (08:07):
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Speaker0: The death toll is rising faster than a souffle in a French kitchen. (08:13):
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Speaker0: I've counted 230 colonists who won't be attending tomorrow's croissant breakfast. (08:18):
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Speaker0: The Natchez chief, known as the Great Sun, is orchestrating this entire operation (08:23):
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Speaker0: with the efficiency of a Paris traffic warden, only with significantly more decapitations. (08:28):
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Speaker0: Brian Bastable, newsbang, ducking behind what appears to be half a French nobleman. (08:36):
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Speaker0: In 1987, the skies above the Andaman Sea bore witness to an act of sabotage (08:48):
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Speaker0: so sinister it could have been plucked from the pages of a spy thriller. (08:54):
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Speaker0: Korean Air Flight 858 obliterated midair by a bomb disguised as a radio claim (08:59):
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Speaker0: the lives of all 115 aboard. The culprits? (09:06):
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Speaker0: Two North Korean agents wielding forged Japanese passports, their mission, (09:10):
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Speaker0: to disrupt the 1988 Seoul Olympics. (09:16):
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Speaker0: One agent took their own life, while the other, Kim Hyun-hui, (09:19):
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Speaker0: confessed and was ultimately pardoned. (09:23):
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Speaker0: This shocking event not only exposed glaring security lapses at Baghdad International (09:26):
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Speaker0: Airport, but also highlighted the volatile tensions between North and South Korea. (09:31):
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Speaker0: To delve deeper into this dark chapter, we turn now to our crime correspondent, Ken Schitt. (09:37):
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Speaker0: I'm standing here at what used to be a perfectly good piece of sky over the (09:45):
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Speaker0: Andaman Sea, now forever stained by an act of pure bastardry that would make (09:49):
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Speaker0: Satan himself reach for the sick bag. (09:53):
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Speaker0: 115 innocent souls, mothers, fathers, children, (09:58):
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Speaker0: scattered across these waters like confetti at Satan's wedding, (10:02):
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Speaker0: thanks to two North Korean agents who thought it would be just peachy to stuff (10:05):
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Speaker0: a radio full of explosives and murder civilians to make a political point. (10:09):
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Speaker0: The facts are as cold as a penguin's natchers. (10:15):
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Speaker0: Flight 858 was doing what planes do best, flying through the sky, (10:20):
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Speaker0: minding its own business, when, boom, a time bomb planted by these grade-A specimens (10:26):
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Speaker0: of human sewage turned this peaceful flight into a fireworks display that nobody asked for. (10:32):
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Speaker0: And why? Because some half-witted strategic genius thought blowing up innocent (10:39):
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Speaker0: people would somehow throw a spanner in the works of the upcoming Olympics. (10:43):
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Speaker0: Well, congratulations, you absolute weapons-grade plums. You've succeeded in (10:47):
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Speaker0: showing the world exactly what kind of operation you're running. (10:52):
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Speaker0: One of these cowardly bastards took the easy way out with a cyanide pill while (10:56):
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Speaker0: his partner sang like a canary in custody. (11:01):
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Speaker0: This isn't warfare. This isn't politics. (11:03):
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Speaker0: This is murder, plain and simple, wrapped up in a bow of ideological bullshit. (11:07):
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Speaker0: This is Ken Schitt, reporting from a patch of sky that will never be the same for Newsbang. (11:14):
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Speaker0: For 1979. Tonight we turn back to this day in 1979 when the Teleco Dam controversy (11:22):
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Speaker0: reached its boiling point. (11:29):
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Speaker0: In a move that stunned legal and environmental circles, Congress overrode a (11:30):
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Speaker0: Supreme Court ruling to exempt the dam from the Endangered Species Act, (11:35):
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Speaker0: prioritising economic progress over the survival of the humble snail data. (11:39):
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Speaker0: The Tennessee Valley Authority championed the dam as a beacon of development, (11:45):
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Speaker0: while critics argued it was little more than a soggy monument to misplaced priorities. (11:49):
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Speaker0: This landmark case reshaped environmental law and left the snail darter swimming (11:54):
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Speaker0: in murky political waters. (11:59):
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Speaker0: To dive deeper, here's Hardeman Pesto. (12:01):
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Speaker0: Yes, Martin, I'm here with Dr. Francine Fishfinder of the Tennessee Aquatic Society. (12:04):
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Speaker0: The mood here is tense as workers prepare to close the final gates. (12:10):
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Speaker0: Actually, the mood is quite celebratory among the TVA officials. (12:14):
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Speaker0: Pesto, what's the current status of the snail data? Well, Martin, (12:18):
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Speaker0: I'm holding one right now. (12:22):
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Speaker0: Fascinating creature, like a sort of wet thing. That's a tuna sandwich. (12:24):
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Speaker0: Is it? Well, that would explain the mayonnaise. But the real story here, (12:30):
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Speaker0: Martin, is the triumph of progress over... Over what exactly? (12:34):
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Speaker0: The Supreme Court's explicit ruling? (12:38):
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Speaker0: No, Martin, over tiny fish that frankly nobody can even see. (12:40):
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Speaker0: I've been looking all morning. (12:45):
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Speaker0: The snail data is quite visible, Mr Pesto. (12:46):
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Speaker0: And that's not where you should be looking. (12:49):
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Speaker0: That's the dam's concrete mixer. (12:52):
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Speaker0: Pesto, can you give us the exact economic benefits this dam will bring? (12:54):
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Speaker0: Absolutely, Martin. The TVA project's benefits of roughly several many dollars. (12:59):
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Speaker0: Could you be more specific? Thousands. (13:07):
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Speaker0: Maybe millions. Possibly billions. The point is, Martin, it's a very large dam. (13:10):
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Speaker0: The economic projections have actually been widely disputed. (13:16):
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Speaker0: Breaking news, Martin. I've just been informed that Congress has overruled the Supreme Court. (13:20):
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Speaker0: That happened months ago, Pesto. Where have you been? (13:26):
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Speaker0: I've been right here, Martin, diligently searching for these invisible fish in a concrete mixer. (13:29):
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Speaker0: Well, they're certainly not in my sandwich anymore. (13:35):
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Speaker0: Thank you, Pesto. That was Hardiman Pesto, apparently eating endangered species in Tennessee. (13:38):
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Speaker0: News bang, slicing through the fog of misinformation with a scalpel of truth. (13:47):
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Speaker0: 1924. Ryder Boff, the man who puts the wing in reporting, now takes us back (13:57):
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Speaker0: to 1924 for a flock of feathered intrigue with the Bronx County Bird Club. Over to you, Ryder. (14:03):
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Speaker0: And now, breaking news from 1924, where nine teenage boys in the Bronx have (14:16):
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Speaker0: formed what they're calling the Bronx County Bird Club. (14:21):
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Speaker0: Led by young Alan Binocular Bob Cruikshank and the dashingly named Roger Twitchy (14:24):
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Speaker0: Peterson, these plucky youngsters have been strutting around like peacocks after (14:28):
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Speaker0: winning leadership of the Audubon Society's Christmas Bird Count three years running. (14:32):
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Speaker0: Speaking of birds, reminds me of my own failed attempt at ornithology back in 82. (14:39):
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Speaker0: Started a bird-watching club in Basildon called the Essex Tit Spotters. (14:44):
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Speaker0: Membership peaked at three until we discovered Derek was just there to meet (14:48):
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Speaker0: women. Though I suppose the name might have given him the wrong impression. (14:51):
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Speaker0: But back to the Bronx boys. They've revolutionised bird counting with their (14:57):
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Speaker0: innovative look-up-and-point technique. (15:01):
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Speaker0: Young Peterson's been particularly thorough, even creating detailed sketches (15:03):
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Speaker0: of each bird's distinguishing features. (15:07):
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Speaker0: Though I must say, his early drawing of a blue-footed booby looked suspiciously like my ex-wife, Janet. (15:09):
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Speaker0: The club meets every Thursday in young Cruikshank's mother's garden shed, (15:21):
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Speaker0: where they discuss important ornithological matters such as whether pigeons (15:24):
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Speaker0: have feelings and if seagulls are just chickens that join the Navy. (15:28):
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Speaker0: They've even developed their own bird-spotting terminology. (15:31):
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Speaker0: Flappy McWingerson for common sparrows, Sky Pickle for pelicans, (15:35):
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Speaker0: and flying divorce papers for particularly aggressive hawks. (15:40):
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Speaker0: These pioneering chaps have transformed the Bronx into what locals are calling (15:48):
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Speaker0: the avian apple, though personally I think the big beaky has a better ring to it. (15:52):
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Speaker0: And mark my words, this Peterson fellow will go far. (15:56):
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Speaker0: Anyone who can tell a yellow-bellied sapsucker from a northern flicker at 50 (15:59):
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Speaker0: paces is destined for greatness. (16:06):
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Speaker0: Unless, of course, they're actually looking at a painted fence post, (16:10):
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Speaker0: which happened to me once at Cleethorpes. (16:13):
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Speaker0: 1972. Calamity Prenderville, our science correspondent and renowned chronicler (16:21):
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Speaker0: of curious contraptions and groundbreaking gadgets, takes us on a journey through (16:26):
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Speaker0: Britain's most peculiar and profound innovations. (16:30):
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Speaker0: And now a look back at British innovation that changed the world. (16:44):
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Speaker0: On this day in 1972, after extensive research at the Basildon Institute of Electronic (16:47):
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Speaker0: Entertainment, a revolutionary game called Pong was unveiled. (16:52):
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Speaker0: Originally developed as a training simulation for British tennis players during (16:56):
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Speaker0: rainy weather, it featured two revolutionary digital paddles knocking a back and forth. (16:59):
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Speaker0: The prototype, first tested in the dog and duck pub in Basildon, (17:07):
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Speaker0: proved so popular that the landlord complained the machine was overflowing with 10p pieces. (17:11):
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Speaker0: Players were reportedly skipping their Sunday roasts to queue up for a go. (17:16):
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Speaker0: The genius behind Pong was Dorothy Alcorn, a dinner lady from Essex who had (17:22):
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Speaker0: previously invented the electronic tea cosy. (17:26):
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Speaker0: While serving chips in the Basildon Institute's cafeteria, she noticed scientists (17:29):
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Speaker0: struggling to play table tennis in the narrow space. (17:34):
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Speaker0: Her solution? Flatten the whole thing onto a screen. (17:36):
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Speaker0: The game's distinctive bleep sound was actually recorded from a British rail (17:42):
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Speaker0: announcement system while the paddles were inspired by cricket bats. (17:47):
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Speaker0: American company Atari later licensed the technology though many don't know (17:51):
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Speaker0: that every Pong machine contained a tiny piece of Basildon. (17:55):
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Speaker0: The success of Pong led to Britain's brief dominance of the video game industry (18:02):
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Speaker0: until Margaret Thatcher accidentally sold the rights to Japan in exchange for (18:06):
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Speaker0: a lifetime supply of Sony Walkmans. (18:11):
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Speaker0: This is Calamity Prenderville, remembering when Britain ruled the digital waves for Newsbang. (18:13):
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Speaker0: A Newsbang, seeking the light of truth, even in the darkest corners of deception. (18:23):
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Speaker0: 1982. In 1982, Michael Jackson moonwalked his way into music history with the (18:30):
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Speaker0: release of Thriller, an album so groundbreaking it redefined what we thought (18:36):
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Speaker0: was possible from a record. (18:41):
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Speaker0: With a jaw-dropping $750,000 budget and the genius of Quincy Jones at the helm, (18:42):
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Speaker0: Thriller wasn't just an album, it was an intergalactic event. (18:51):
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Speaker0: From genre-blending hits to music videos that made your television weep with (18:55):
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Speaker0: joy, it obliterated racial and musical boundaries and became the best-selling album of all time. (19:00):
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Speaker0: To tell us more about the cultural earthquake that was thriller d here's smithsonia (19:06):
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Speaker0: moss now at this point of the evening we welcome listeners on sm who've just joined us. (19:11):
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Speaker0: Waho. Y'all, it's your girl, Smithsonian Moss, and welcome to the Culture Vulture (19:24):
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Speaker0: Report, where we dish out the dirt on the most iconic moments in pop culture history. (19:30):
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Speaker0: Today, we're throwing it back to 1982, when the one and only Michael Jackson (19:35):
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Speaker0: dropped the album that would change the game forever. Thriller. (19:41):
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Speaker0: This ain't your grandma's music, folks. This is the king of pop we're talking about. (19:46):
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Speaker0: So, let's get down to business. Thriller was produced on a budget of $750,000, (19:52):
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Speaker0: which is like a gazillion dollars today. (19:58):
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Speaker0: But trust me, it was worth every penny. (20:01):
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Speaker0: I mean, have you seen the Thriller music video? (20:05):
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Speaker0: That shit was like a mini-movie, complete with zombies, werewolves, (20:08):
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Speaker0: and MJ's signature moonwalk. (20:15):
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Speaker0: It was like the OG Walking Dead episode, but with better choreography. (20:18):
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Speaker0: But what really set Thriller apart was its innovative fusion of pop, (20:24):
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Speaker0: rock, funk, and R&B genres. (20:29):
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Speaker0: It was like a musical smoothie, blending all the best flavors together to create (20:33):
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Speaker0: something entirely new and delicious. (20:37):
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Speaker0: And let's not forget the iconic collaboration with Paul McCartney on The Girl Is Mine. (20:40):
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Speaker0: It was like the musical equivalent of a superhero team-up, with two of the biggest (20:47):
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Speaker0: stars of the time joining forces to create something truly epic. (20:52):
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Speaker0: Now, I know what you're thinking. What about the impact on the music industry? (20:57):
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Speaker0: Well, let me tell you. Thriller's influence was like a tsunami, folks. (21:03):
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Speaker0: It changed the way albums were produced, marketed, and consumed. (21:08):
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Speaker0: It was like the music industry's very own Big Bang, creating a ripple effect (21:12):
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Speaker0: that's still felt today. (21:16):
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Speaker0: And let's not forget the numbers, y'all. Thriller has sold over 65 million copies (21:19):
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Speaker0: worldwide, making it the best-selling album of all time. (21:24):
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Speaker0: That's like a whole lot of Thriller. I mean, you could fill a stadium with all (21:29):
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Speaker0: the people who've bought this album. (21:33):
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Speaker0: And that's not even counting the countless tributes, parodies, (21:35):
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Speaker0: and ripoffs that have followed in its wake. (21:39):
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Speaker0: So there you have it, folks. Thriller. The album that changed the music industry forever. (21:42):
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Speaker0: It's like the cultural equivalent of a unicorn. Rare, magical, and totally iconic. (21:49):
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Speaker0: And if you don't like it, well, as MJ would say, beat it. (21:56):
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Speaker0: End newsbang. Whittling down untruths to the sharp point of fact. (22:05):
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Speaker0: And finally, a look at tomorrow's papers. The Times, Jackson sells lots of records. (22:12):
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Speaker0: That's the front page. The Telegraph go with Japanese Navy Sea off Yanks at night. (22:19):
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Speaker0: There's a diagram there of a dark ship. (22:27):
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Speaker0: And the Guardian have Alan's whirlybird does sums. (22:30):
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Speaker0: Today's Daily Mail is going for Soapstar Eats Crab in Seafood Binge. (22:36):
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Speaker0: And finally, The Mirror. (22:41):
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Speaker0: Girl with squint gets engagement to mind a star. (22:44):
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Speaker0: That's it, on the day that Pershore Golf Course reported that its irrigation (22:49):
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Speaker0: system was operating correctly. (22:53):
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Speaker0: More news after this emission. Not from us, though. (22:56):
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Speaker0: Thank you for enduring Newsbang. Please just switch off. (23:00):
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Speaker0: Tune in next time for more artificially intelligent hilarity. (23:05):
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Speaker0: Newsbang is a comedy show written and recorded by AI. All voices impersonated. (23:09):
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Speaker0: Nothing here is real. Good night. (23:16):
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