Flickering Llama Drama

The latest episode of the News Bang show dives deep into a surreal and comedic exploration of current events, merging absurdity with biting satire. The episode kicks off with the headline-making merger of Marconi and British Aerospace, humorously dubbed "Robot Overlord." This bizarre union, depicted as a display of corporate exhibitionism, involves executives running wild in the streets of London in a scene likened to "two drunk uncles fighting over the last turkey leg at Christmas." The newly formed BAE Systems is presented as a colossal entity that warrants its own postcode, emphasizing the surreal nature of modern corporate mergers with jarring wit and absurdity. Alan Turing's groundbreaking revelations emerge as a pivotal point in the show. Turing's theoretical discussion of his eponymous machine—the Turing Machine—creates ripples across the landscape of mathematics and computing. An air of chaos surrounds Turing's own take on the limits of computation, a notion critiqued with humor by fellow mathematicians who struggle to comprehend the implications of his theories. This segment is interspersed with outrageous anecdotes about Turing's obsessive work habits, providing comedic moments amid the profound implications of his ideas. The episode then transitions to a historical recap of the very first international football match in 1872 between Scotland and England, presented through a lens of mockery and nostalgia. The lack of goals—a thrilling 0-0 draw—is underlined with dry humor, as the match devolves into a spectacle of ineffective strategies and a bored crowd. The absurdity peaks as spectators adapt to the match's boredom with offbeat chants, and the language around the players’ tactics adds a layer of comedic artistry reminiscent of a parody of early sports commentary. Shifting abruptly to a weather report delivered by the humorously exaggerated Shakanaka Giles, the broadcast forecasts bizarre weather events, incorporating details like pearls-sized hailstones and the importance of house insurance against meteorological mishaps. This segment serves as a whimsical interlude, punctuating the ongoing narrative with an unpredictable blend of comedy and real-life precautions. Moving through various historical anecdotes, the show reflects on significant maritime events, particularly the 1853 Battle of Sinop, recounted by Brian Bastable. His over-the-top reporting fuses horror and humor as he describes the carnage with vivid imagery and playful exaggeration, painting an image of naval warfare that contrasts starkly with the more mundane proceedings of football or corporate news. There’s also a detour into the realm of environment and peculiar medical history, led by Penelope Windchime. This segment hilariously recounts the unlikely tale of a child-powered smallpox vaccine campaign, employing a whimsical narrative style that highlights the oddity of past practices in healthcare. Finally, highlights include an evocative tribute to Pink Floyd's "The Wall," detailing its cultural significance while maintaining a comedic edge through the lively narration of Smithonian Moss. The narrative reflects on the artistic creation and the album's impact while sliding into absurd humor regarding rock star antics and societal critiques. As the news show wraps up with an unexpected focus on ecclesiastical humor surrounding the 2005 enthronement of the first black Archbishop of York, the episode illustrates the humorous intersection of tradition and modernity. The segment showcases absurd anecdotes that highlight the lighter side of ecclesiastical events. The episode culminates in a satirical look at tomorrow's headlines, underscoring the show's core ethos of humor through the lens of news. The comedic punchlines and absurd details weave together a tapestry of entertainment that not only provides laughs but also encourages listeners to reflect on the bizarre nature of the world around them. Overall, this episode delivers a cheerful blend

Episode Transcript

Speaker0: Stories flying onto the screen tonight. Marconi and British Aerospace merge to form Robot Overlord. (00:05):
undefined

Speaker0: Turing Machine makes man obsolete, says Turing. (00:16):
undefined

Speaker0: And Scotland and England kick off century of football fisticuffs. (00:21):
undefined

Speaker0: And later, we ask, can chickens running for president of the world provide an (00:28):
undefined

Speaker0: excellent solution to global conflict. (00:35):
undefined

Speaker0: Those are the headlines. TikTok. News O'Clock. (00:40):
undefined

Speaker0: News Bang. Usthanising the scourge of social media misinformation. (00:47):
undefined

Speaker0: A desistit in the school. 1999. In a shocking display of corporate exhibitionism, (00:55):
undefined

Speaker0: two of Britain's largest defence contractors stripped naked and merged in public today. (01:01):
undefined

Speaker0: The £7.7 billion fornication created BAE Systems, a company so massive it had (01:07):
undefined

Speaker0: to register its own postcode. (01:12):
undefined

Speaker0: Eyewitnesses report seeing British aerospace executives running through the (01:15):
undefined

Speaker0: streets of London, waving their portfolios in the air and screaming, (01:19):
undefined

Speaker0: come and get it, at Marconi Electronic Systems directors. (01:23):
undefined

Speaker0: The resulting union was described by One City Analyst as like watching two drunk (01:27):
undefined

Speaker0: uncles fighting over the last turkey leg at Christmas only with missiles. (01:36):
undefined

Speaker0: Former tea lady Ethel Crampton, who witnessed the merger from her cupboard, (01:41):
undefined

Speaker0: said, I've never seen such behaviour in all my days. (01:45):
undefined

Speaker0: They were throwing money everywhere and someone kept shouting, Show us your assets. (01:49):
undefined

Speaker0: The newly formed defence giant immediately announced plans to build a submarine (01:54):
undefined

Speaker0: that could also fly and make a decent cup of tea, proving that British engineering (01:58):
undefined

Speaker0: excellence was alive and well, and completely bonkers. (02:03):
undefined

Speaker0: Aetine Cittadon, 1936 Mathematician Alan Turing has today unveiled his diabolical (02:07):
undefined

Speaker0: scheme to trap numbers inside mechanical boxes. (02:15):
undefined

Speaker0: The paper, which nobody can pronounce without spraining their tongue, (02:18):
undefined

Speaker0: describes a theoretical device capable of computing anything, (02:22):
undefined

Speaker0: provided you're willing to wait until the heat death of the universe. (02:26):
undefined

Speaker0: Witnesses report seeing Turing furiously scribbling equations while muttering, (02:30):
undefined

Speaker0: I'll show those bastards what's computable. (02:35):
undefined

Speaker0: His colleagues at Cambridge were reportedly deeply disturbed by his insistence (02:38):
undefined

Speaker0: that mathematics had limits, with Professor Winterbottom declaring, (02:43):
undefined

Speaker0: Next, he'll be telling us 2 plus 2 doesn't always equal 5. (02:47):
undefined

Speaker0: The controversial paper suggests that some problems cannot be solved, (02:52):
undefined

Speaker0: devastating the hopes and dreams of mathematicians who'd spent decades trying to divide by zero. (02:56):
undefined

Speaker0: He's basically told us we're all wasting our time, sobbed Dr. (03:02):
undefined

Speaker0: Frederick Numberwang, before attempting to prove Turing wrong by head-butting his desk repeatedly. (03:06):
undefined

Speaker0: The machine itself, described as an infinite tape with a little mechanical nipple (03:11):
undefined

Speaker0: that moves back and forth, has already sparked widespread panic among the computing (03:17):
undefined

Speaker0: community, with one expert warning. (03:22):
undefined

Speaker0: If this catches on, we'll all be replaced by glorified typewriters. (03:25):
undefined

Speaker0: The Diaries Seen, 1672 Chaos erupted in Glasgow today as England and Scotland's (03:29):
undefined

Speaker0: first international football match descended into what witnesses describe as synchronised walking. (03:36):
undefined

Speaker0: 4,000 spectators paid good money to watch 22 men pass a leather bladder around (03:42):
undefined

Speaker0: for 90 minutes, achieving absolutely nothing. (03:47):
undefined

Speaker0: The Scottish team, employing revolutionary tactics of actually working together, (03:53):
undefined

Speaker0: were matched by England's strategy of running around like headless chickens. (03:57):
undefined

Speaker0: Local butcher Hamish McTavish reported, It was like watching paint dry, (04:02):
undefined

Speaker0: except the paint had better ball control. (04:07):
undefined

Speaker0: The match, held at a cricket ground because apparently football pitches hadn't (04:09):
undefined

Speaker0: been invented yet, saw both teams adopt wildly different approaches. (04:14):
undefined

Speaker0: Scotland attempted to pass the ball, while England's players took turns trying (04:19):
undefined

Speaker0: to dribble through the entire Scottish team, reportedly shouting, (04:23):
undefined

Speaker0: look at me, Ma, with each attempt. (04:27):
undefined

Speaker0: The 0-0 draw was celebrated by both sides as a victory for tedium, (04:30):
undefined

Speaker0: leading directly to the formation of the Scottish Football Association, (04:35):
undefined

Speaker0: presumably to ensure future matches would be equally disappointing. (04:39):
undefined

Speaker0: Transcription by CastingWords Now for the weather, (04:42):
undefined

Speaker0: and who better to guide us through tomorrow's icy perils than Shakanaka Giles, (04:55):
undefined

Speaker0: the man who once described a light drizzle as nature's melancholy confetti. (04:59):
undefined

Speaker0: Music Music Music Music. (05:03):
undefined
Music

Speaker0: Looking south-east tomorrow, expect objects falling from the sky. (05:14):
undefined

Speaker0: Not quite the 8.5-pound space rock that gave Mrs. (05:18):
undefined

Speaker0: Hodges a rather rude awakening in 54, but some proper November hail, (05:22):
undefined

Speaker0: about the size of your gran's best pearls. (05:27):
undefined

Speaker0: Midlands you're in for a treat, temperatures dropping faster than a meteorite (05:33):
undefined

Speaker0: through an Alabama roof hovering around three degrees. (05:37):
undefined

Speaker0: Better check your house insurance just in case. (05:41):
undefined

Speaker0: Up north we're seeing scattered showers, though nothing quite as newsworthy (05:46):
undefined

Speaker0: as becoming Earth's first documented space rock casualty. (05:51):
undefined

Speaker0: Pack an umbrella and perhaps a hard hat if you're feeling particularly cautious. (05:55):
undefined

Speaker0: In summary then, falling ice, falling temperatures and absolutely no celestial (06:03):
undefined

Speaker0: objects predicted to disturb your Sunday nap. And that's all the weather. (06:08):
undefined
Music

Speaker0: 1853. In a tale of maritime mayhem that would make Poseidon himself go wee-wees, (06:22):
undefined

Speaker0: we look back to this day in 1853 when the Battle of Sinop erupted in the Black Sea. (06:28):
undefined

Speaker0: Under the strategic wizardry of Admiral Pavel Nakimov, the Russian fleet executed (06:35):
undefined

Speaker0: a dazzling display of naval prowess, utterly decimating the Ottoman fleet. (06:39):
undefined

Speaker0: Using a revolutionary semicircle formation and explosive shells, (06:47):
undefined

Speaker0: because why settle for solid shots when you can make things go boom, (06:51):
undefined

Speaker0: the Russians rendered the Ottomans' wooden ships into little more than kindling. (06:55):
undefined

Speaker0: This battle didn't just sink ships. It sank the era of wooden sailing vessels, (06:59):
undefined

Speaker0: ushering in the age of ironclad warships. (07:06):
undefined

Speaker0: The geopolitical aftershocks were felt far and wide, prompting British and French (07:10):
undefined

Speaker0: intervention in the Crimean War. (07:15):
undefined

Speaker0: Now, for more on this explosive maritime milestone, we go to our historical (07:17):
undefined

Speaker0: correspondent, Brian Bastable, who's been navigating the choppy waters of the (07:22):
undefined

Speaker0: past, to bring us this report. (07:26):
undefined

Speaker0: This is Brian Bastable reporting from the blood-soaked harbour of Sinop, (07:30):
undefined

Speaker0: where the very air tastes of gunpowder and burning Ottoman sailors. (07:34):
undefined

Speaker0: The Russian fleet has just performed what can only be described as synchronised (07:39):
undefined

Speaker0: naval murder on an unprecedented scale. (07:43):
undefined

Speaker0: Oh, there goes another frigate. The harbour is absolutely littered with floating heads wearing fezzies. (07:49):
undefined

Speaker0: I've counted 16 so far, though it's difficult to be precise as they keep exploding. (07:55):
undefined

Speaker0: Admiral Nakimov's ships have formed what he's calling a death donut around the Ottoman fleet. (08:03):
undefined

Speaker0: These new explosive shells are turning the Turkish vessels into what can only (08:09):
undefined

Speaker0: be described as very expensive fireworks. (08:13):
undefined

Speaker0: The coastal batteries are returning fire with all the effectiveness of a man (08:18):
undefined

Speaker0: throwing pebbles at a charging rhinoceros. (08:22):
undefined

Speaker0: Whoosh! That was close, half my notebook just disintegrated. (08:25):
undefined

Speaker0: The Russians are methodically working their way through the Ottoman fleet like (08:30):
undefined

Speaker0: a drunk man through a kebab shop. (08:34):
undefined

Speaker0: The harbor waters are now officially 60% wood splinters, 30% seawater, (08:37):
undefined

Speaker0: and 10% what used to be inside Turkish sailors. (08:43):
undefined

Speaker0: The British and French ambassadors are watching through telescopes, (08:47):
undefined

Speaker0: looking absolutely furious. One of them just ate his own hat. (08:51):
undefined

Speaker0: This is Brian Barstable ducking under what appears to be a flying crow's nest for newsbang. (08:56):
undefined

Speaker0: A death estate in the school, 1999. (09:03):
undefined

Speaker0: The year was 1999, and amidst the echoes of post-Cold War belt-tightening, (09:06):
undefined

Speaker0: British aerospace and Marconi electronic systems shook hands on a P7.7 billion (09:12):
undefined

Speaker0: merger, birthing BAE Systems, Europe's largest defence contractor. (09:18):
undefined

Speaker0: Experts called it a union of steel and circuits, aircraft and algorithms, (09:23):
undefined

Speaker0: creating a powerhouse to rival the behemoths across the Atlantic. (09:28):
undefined

Speaker0: While some hailed it as a strategic masterstroke, others whispered of national (09:33):
undefined

Speaker0: security risks and industry upheaval. (09:37):
undefined

Speaker0: For more on this titanic merger and its fallout, we turn to our defence correspondent, Hardeman Pesto. (09:40):
undefined

Speaker0: Yes, Martin, I'm here with Sir Reginald Volts Ampere, the chief electrical officer (09:47):
undefined

Speaker0: at Marconi, who's been telling me about this historic merger. (09:52):
undefined

Speaker0: Actually, that's not my title. I'm head of... Sir Reginald tells me the deal (09:57):
undefined

Speaker0: is worth £7.7 billion, which in today's money is roughly equivalent to 412 million Spitfires. (10:01):
undefined

Speaker0: Pesto, that's not how currency conversion works. Can we stick to the facts? (10:09):
undefined

Speaker0: The facts are clear, Martin. Two become one, like that song by the Spice Girls, (10:14):
undefined

Speaker0: except with more guided missile systems. (10:19):
undefined

Speaker0: Could we hear from Sir Reginald about the actual implications? (10:22):
undefined

Speaker0: Well, the merger creates Europe's largest defence contractor. (10:26):
undefined

Speaker0: And I'm holding in my hand what appears to be a prototype of their first joint (10:29):
undefined

Speaker0: venture, a toaster that can track submarines. (10:33):
undefined

Speaker0: That's a regular toaster, Pesto. No, Martin. Sir Reginald assures me this is (10:37):
undefined

Speaker0: military-grade toast technology. (10:41):
undefined

Speaker0: I've said nothing of the sort. And please stop waving that toaster around. (10:43):
undefined

Speaker0: Pesto, put down the appliance and focus on the merger details. (10:47):
undefined

Speaker0: The merger details are shocking, Martin. they're planning to build an aircraft (10:50):
undefined

Speaker0: carrier made entirely of old television sets. (10:55):
undefined

Speaker0: That's absolutely ridiculous. I'm leaving. Sir Reginald, please stay. (10:58):
undefined

Speaker0: Pesto, just tell us the basic facts about the deal. (11:03):
undefined

Speaker0: The basic facts are that British Aerospace plus Marconi equals BAE Systems, (11:06):
undefined

Speaker0: though I'm told the E stands for excellent. (11:12):
undefined

Speaker0: It doesn't. That's Hardeman Pesto, apparently live from 1999, (11:15):
undefined

Speaker0: talking absolute nonsense about one of the most significant corporate mergers in British history. (11:19):
undefined

Speaker0: In newsbang, serving up steaming platters of uncomfortable truth. (11:27):
undefined

Speaker0: And diary scene, 1672. Ryderboff, our man with the ball, or at least the quill, (11:34):
undefined

Speaker0: takes us back to a day when football was more concept than sport. (11:42):
undefined

Speaker0: Here's his historic take. (11:46):
undefined

Speaker0: And now coming to you live from 1872, where history is being made at Hamilton Crescent in Glasgow. (11:53):
undefined

Speaker0: The very first international football match has just concluded between Scotland (11:59):
undefined

Speaker0: and England, ending in a nil-nil draw that had all the excitement of watching (12:02):
undefined

Speaker0: paint dry on a wet Wednesday in Wales. (12:07):
undefined

Speaker0: 4,000 spectators crammed into the ground like sardines in a tin of particularly patriotic fish. (12:13):
undefined

Speaker0: The Scottish team, wearing their traditional kilts, I'm being told they weren't (12:19):
undefined

Speaker0: actually wearing kilts, but wouldn't that have been something? (12:22):
undefined

Speaker0: Demonstrated their revolutionary passing-the-ball technique, (12:25):
undefined

Speaker0: while the English side preferred to dribble individually, like a bunch of toddlers after an ice-cream van. (12:29):
undefined

Speaker0: The English squad, captained by the dashing Cuthbert Muttonchops Ottaway, (12:38):
undefined

Speaker0: showed remarkable restraint in not using their hands, which was quite the achievement, (12:41):
undefined

Speaker0: considering rugby was all the rage back then. (12:45):
undefined

Speaker0: The Scots, led by Robert Haggis Legs Gardner, responded with their innovative (12:47):
undefined

Speaker0: kick-it-to-someone-wearing-the-same-colour-shirt strategy, which I'm told will (12:51):
undefined

Speaker0: catch on in years to come. (12:55):
undefined

Speaker0: And there's young Angus Sporan, McTavish with the ball, passing it like it's (13:00):
undefined

Speaker0: a hot potato to Hamish the Thistle Macduff, the English looking utterly bewildered (13:05):
undefined

Speaker0: by this revolutionary concept of sharing, (13:09):
undefined

Speaker0: rather like my first wife when I suggested splitting the holiday home in Bognor Regis. (13:12):
undefined

Speaker0: The match was played at the West of Scotland Cricket Club's ground, (13:19):
undefined

Speaker0: which brings back memories of my own cricketing days. (13:22):
undefined

Speaker0: I once scored a century there myself. Well, when I say scored a century, (13:25):
undefined

Speaker0: I actually fell asleep in the pavilion and dreamt I did. (13:29):
undefined

Speaker0: Woke up with my face in a plate of kedgerie. (13:32):
undefined

Speaker0: Notable moments included English forward Arnold Beef Wellington Kirk Smith, (13:37):
undefined

Speaker0: attempting what appeared to be a Highland fling mid-tackle, and Scottish defender (13:41):
undefined

Speaker0: William Whiskey Knees Kerr, introducing the world to the concept of the defensive wall. (13:45):
undefined

Speaker0: Though, in fairness, he was just trying to warm himself up against the notorious Glasgow Breeze. (13:50):
undefined

Speaker0: The crowd's enthusiasm was dampened only slightly by the complete absence of (13:59):
undefined

Speaker0: goals, though I'm told several spectators invented the time-honoured tradition (14:03):
undefined

Speaker0: of shouting the referees a donkey in both English and Scots Gaelic. (14:07):
undefined

Speaker0: The match officials, wearing top hats and carrying pocket watches, (14:12):
undefined

Speaker0: had to constantly remind players not to pick up the ball, a habit apparently (14:15):
undefined

Speaker0: hard to break in those early days of association football. (14:19):
undefined

Speaker0: A historic day indeed though personally i can't help thinking it would have (14:24):
undefined

Speaker0: been improved by the addition of proper goal nets which weren't invented yet (14:28):
undefined

Speaker0: and perhaps some pie and bovril which thankfully were i've been rider boff reporting (14:32):
undefined

Speaker0: from 1872 where the future of football is being born albeit rather slowly and without scoring. (14:37):
undefined

Speaker0: Now, turning to the environment. Penelope Windchime, our ever-optimistic sentinel (14:48):
undefined

Speaker0: of sustainability, takes us on a peculiar stroll through green history. Here's Envira News. (14:53):
undefined

Speaker0: Envira News, I'm Penelope Windchime with today's historical green report. (15:00):
undefined

Speaker0: On this day in 1803, the world witnessed what I can only describe as history's (15:05):
undefined

Speaker0: first mobile child-powered vaccine delivery system. (15:10):
undefined

Speaker0: Dr. Francisco Balmice, clearly inspired by the natural efficiency of honeybees (15:13):
undefined

Speaker0: pollinating flowers, created a human chain of small orphaned boys to transport (15:19):
undefined

Speaker0: smallpox vaccines across three continents. (15:24):
undefined

Speaker0: Like a beautiful daisy chain of medicine, these precious children were linked (15:31):
undefined

Speaker0: arm to arm, passing nature's healing power from one tiny limb to another. (15:35):
undefined

Speaker0: The expedition's head nurse, Isabel Zendel, lovingly tended to this garden of (15:40):
undefined

Speaker0: walking vaccine vessels as they sprouted their way across the Spanish colonies. (15:46):
undefined

Speaker0: The children, whom I like to call the little vaccine butterflies, (15:55):
undefined

Speaker0: fluttered from port to port, their arms buzzing with life-saving serum. (16:00):
undefined

Speaker0: It's rather like how squirrels pass nuts from tree to tree, except with more crying and less fur. (16:04):
undefined

Speaker0: This organic vaccine distribution network proved so successful that millions (16:16):
undefined

Speaker0: were vaccinated, though several children were briefly misplaced in Peru and (16:20):
undefined

Speaker0: later found growing in a local monastery's vegetable garden. (16:25):
undefined

Speaker0: I'm Penelope Winchime, reminding you that sometimes the best solution is child-powered medicine. (16:32):
undefined

Speaker0: Now excuse me while I weep for these brave little vaccine vessels. (16:39):
undefined

Speaker0: Now to the open roads and the chaos beyond, as our very own Polly Beep reports (16:42):
undefined

Speaker0: on an East Coast spectacle that's turning drivers into gawkers and cows into philosophers. Polly? (16:48):
undefined

Speaker0: Good evening, road warriors. Breaking news from the East Coast mainline where (16:58):
undefined

Speaker0: Sir Nigel Gressley's Flying Scotsman has just smashed through the 100 mile per hour barrier. (17:02):
undefined

Speaker0: If you're anywhere near York, expect significant delays as train spotters are (17:07):
undefined

Speaker0: abandoning their vehicles on the A64 to witness history in the making. (17:12):
undefined

Speaker0: The A1 is particularly congested around Doncaster as crowds gather to watch (17:18):
undefined

Speaker0: this magnificent beast thunder past. (17:23):
undefined

Speaker0: Reports suggest several horses have fainted in shock and at least one farmer's (17:26):
undefined

Speaker0: prize winning cow has sworn off grass forever. (17:31):
undefined

Speaker0: Meanwhile, the B-WOV-04 is experiencing unusual traffic patterns as people attempt (17:37):
undefined

Speaker0: to race alongside the locomotive in their Morris Miners. (17:42):
undefined

Speaker0: Chaps, it's simply not going to happen. (17:45):
undefined

Speaker0: Stick to your usual 20 miles per hour. There's Goodfellows. (17:48):
undefined

Speaker0: We're getting word that the water trough system is causing some spectacular (17:54):
undefined

Speaker0: rainbow effects across the Yorkshire countryside. (17:58):
undefined

Speaker0: If you're driving nearby, do remember to close your windows unless you fancy an impromptu shower. (18:00):
undefined

Speaker0: And finally, a reminder that the A19 near Newcastle is completely gridlocked (18:09):
undefined

Speaker0: due to an unfortunate incident involving three penny farthings and a runaway (18:14):
undefined

Speaker0: steam-powered penny whistle. (18:18):
undefined

Speaker0: Expect delays until Tuesday. (18:20):
undefined

Speaker0: This is Polly Beep reminding you that while trains might fly, (18:25):
undefined

Speaker0: your Model T certainly shouldn't. Back to the studio. (18:29):
undefined

Speaker0: Now a name synonymous with science, calamity and the inexplicable intersection of the two. (18:39):
undefined

Speaker0: Reporting on a pivotal moment in computing history, here's Calamity Prenderville. (18:45):
undefined
Music

Speaker0: Good evening, viewers. On this day in 1936, British boffin Alan Turing revolutionised (19:01):
undefined

Speaker0: computing by inventing what was essentially a very long tape measure with numbers on it. (19:07):
undefined

Speaker0: The Turing machine, first developed in his garden shed in Manchester, (19:12):
undefined

Speaker0: was initially designed to solve the pressing problem of automated tea making, (19:16):
undefined

Speaker0: but accidentally ended up creating the foundation of all computing. (19:21):
undefined

Speaker0: Using nothing more than a Meccano set, some string and his mum's old knitting (19:28):
undefined

Speaker0: needles, Turing created a device that could theoretically compute anything except (19:33):
undefined

Speaker0: perhaps the perfect Yorkshire pudding recipe, which remains elusive to this day. (19:38):
undefined

Speaker0: The machine worked by reading symbols off a tape, much like my Aunt Mabel reading (19:45):
undefined

Speaker0: the racing results, but with mathematical precision. (19:50):
undefined

Speaker0: It could solve complex problems by breaking them down into simple yes-no questions, (19:52):
undefined

Speaker0: similar to how British Rail decides whether trains should run or not. (19:58):
undefined

Speaker0: The breakthrough came when Turing realised that by using different combinations (20:03):
undefined

Speaker0: of stop, go and make tea, any mathematical problem could be solved. (20:07):
undefined

Speaker0: This led to the development of the first British computer, which was primarily (20:12):
undefined

Speaker0: used to calculate optimal queuing formations. (20:16):
undefined

Speaker0: Turing's paper on computable numbers with an application to the Entscheidungsproblem (20:22):
undefined

Speaker0: that's German for tricky maths thing proved that some problems simply cannot (20:27):
undefined

Speaker0: be solved by computers much like trying to understand why anyone would put milk in tea first, (20:31):
undefined

Speaker0: This is Calamity Prenderville reminding you that British innovation continues (20:39):
undefined

Speaker0: to lead the world in making simple things unnecessarily complicated Back to the studio. (20:43):
undefined

Speaker0: News bang. We make truth great again, reversing the damage done by lying. (20:54):
undefined

Speaker0: Oh, 1979. Now, music history from this day in 1979. (21:01):
undefined

Speaker0: Pink Floyd's album The Wall smashed onto the scene, a sonic brick-by-brick dissection (21:09):
undefined

Speaker0: of isolation, mental health, and the perils of fame. (21:15):
undefined

Speaker0: Conceived after Roger Waters, in a fit of questionable fan engagement, (21:19):
undefined

Speaker0: spat on a concertgoer, the album transformed personal angst into progressive rock legend. (21:24):
undefined

Speaker0: Despite internal band tensions that could rival any soap opera, (21:31):
undefined

Speaker0: The Wall became a cultural touchstone, resonating with a generation questioning (21:36):
undefined

Speaker0: conformity and counterculture collapse. (21:40):
undefined

Speaker0: For more, here's Smithsonian Moss, with her report on the groundbreaking opus. (21:43):
undefined

Speaker0: Now, at this point of the evening, we welcome listeners on SM who've just joined us. (21:48):
undefined
Music

Speaker0: Whoa-ho! Folks, gather round. I've got a tale to tell that's going to blow your (22:00):
undefined

Speaker0: mind, and it's all about Pink Floyd's iconic album, The Wall. (22:04):
undefined

Speaker0: Released in 1979, this rock opera was the brainchild of Roger Waters, (22:09):
undefined

Speaker0: the band's bassist and primary songwriter. (22:14):
undefined

Speaker0: But what inspired this masterpiece, you ask? (22:17):
undefined

Speaker0: Well, let me tell you. It was a combination of Waters' own personal demons, (22:21):
undefined

Speaker0: a dash of creative genius, and a healthy dose of rock star excess. (22:26):
undefined

Speaker0: As the story goes, Waters was feeling increasingly disconnected from his fans, (22:31):
undefined

Speaker0: and the pressures of fame were taking a toll on his mental health. (22:36):
undefined

Speaker0: He began to build a metaphorical wall around himself. And thus, (22:40):
undefined

Speaker0: the concept of the wall was born. (22:44):
undefined

Speaker0: But it wasn't just about Waters' own struggles. It was also a scathing critique (22:48):
undefined

Speaker0: of the music industry, the government, (22:52):
undefined

Speaker0: and the societal norms that were suffocating the youth of the time. (22:55):
undefined

Speaker0: Now i know what you're thinking this all (23:00):
undefined

Speaker0: sounds very serious and deep but trust me (23:04):
undefined

Speaker0: folks this album is a wild ride from (23:06):
undefined

Speaker0: the opening notes of in the flesh to the haunting refrains of comfortably numb (23:11):
undefined

Speaker0: the wall is a sonic journey that will leave you breathless and bewildered and (23:15):
undefined

Speaker0: let's not forget the infamous another brick in the wall pn2 which features a (23:21):
undefined

Speaker0: chorus of school kids singing about the joys of anarchy and rebellion. (23:26):
undefined

Speaker0: But the wall wasn't just a musical phenomenon. It was also a cultural touchstone. (23:30):
undefined

Speaker0: The album's themes of alienation, rebellion, and social commentary resonated (23:37):
undefined

Speaker0: with a generation of young people who were feeling disillusioned and disenfranchised. (23:42):
undefined

Speaker0: And the album's iconic imagery, from the marching hammers to the giant inflatable (23:48):
undefined

Speaker0: pig, has become an integral part of rock's visual lexicon. (23:53):
undefined

Speaker0: Of course, The Wall wasn't without its controversy. (23:59):
undefined

Speaker0: The album's graphic language and themes of violence and despair sparked a heated (24:03):
undefined

Speaker0: debate about the role of rock music in society, and Waters' own personal demons, (24:07):
undefined

Speaker0: including his struggles with addiction and his increasingly erratic behavior, (24:13):
undefined

Speaker0: made for a juicy tabloid fodder. (24:16):
undefined

Speaker0: Despite the controversy, the wall remains one (24:20):
undefined

Speaker0: of the greatest albums of all time a testament (24:23):
undefined

Speaker0: to pink floyd's innovative spirit and creative genius (24:26):
undefined

Speaker0: and if you don't believe me just ask the millions of fans who have been inspired (24:29):
undefined

Speaker0: by this album's themes of rebellion and social commentary so go ahead folks (24:34):
undefined

Speaker0: give the wall a spin and experience the raw power and emotion of one of rock's greatest masterpieces, (24:39):
undefined

Speaker0: News bang! Shooting a stream of consciousness through a strainer of logic. Boom! (24:51):
undefined

Speaker0: 2005. John Sentamu was enthroned today as the 97th Archbishop of York, (24:58):
undefined

Speaker0: becoming the first black archbishop in the Church of England's 1400-year history. (25:05):
undefined

Speaker0: His enthronement ceremony was a kaleidoscope of African traditions and Anglican (25:09):
undefined

Speaker0: rituals, with dancers, drummers and choirs turning Yorkminster into a scene (25:14):
undefined

Speaker0: resembling a religious Eurovision entry. (25:18):
undefined

Speaker0: Centre Moo's tenure began with the daunting task of addressing declining church (25:21):
undefined

Speaker0: attendance modernising approaches and navigating cultural diversity essentially (25:26):
undefined

Speaker0: trying to herd a very multicultural flock with a very old shepherd's crook For more, (25:32):
undefined

Speaker0: we turn to our ecclesiastical correspondent Pastor Kevin Monstrance. (25:37):
undefined

Speaker0: Good evening, blessed viewers. You know, speaking of historic appointments, (25:49):
undefined

Speaker0: I was just telling our dear producer Martin Bang, lovely chap, (25:54):
undefined

Speaker0: though he did once try to replace all the holy water in the studio with Tizer, (25:59):
undefined

Speaker0: about a rather peculiar incident at my local church. (26:03):
undefined

Speaker0: You see, we had this new vicar appointed, Reverend Willoughby Winterbottom. (26:08):
undefined

Speaker0: Quite the character. He was the first vicar in our parish to have previously (26:13):
undefined

Speaker0: been a professional mime artist. (26:17):
undefined

Speaker0: Made for some interesting sermons, I can tell you. (26:19):
undefined

Speaker0: Especially when he'd get carried away and start doing the trapped-in-an-invisible-box (26:22):
undefined

Speaker0: routine during communion. (26:27):
undefined

Speaker0: But that reminds me of a joke about a fellow who wanted to become archbishop. (26:28):
undefined

Speaker0: Now, this chap was absolutely determined to climb the ecclesiastical ladder, you see. (26:33):
undefined

Speaker0: Every morning he'd practice his blessing in front of the mirror. (26:39):
undefined

Speaker0: Bless you. Bless you. (26:43):
undefined

Speaker0: And especially bless you. (26:47):
undefined

Speaker0: He even bought himself one of those fancy miters from eBay. Turned out to be (26:53):
undefined

Speaker0: a party hat from a Christmas cracker, but his heart was in the right place. (26:57):
undefined

Speaker0: Speaking of hearts being in the right place, producer Martin once tried to jazz (27:02):
undefined

Speaker0: up songs of praise by adding a disco beat. (27:07):
undefined

Speaker0: The congregation was quite enthusiastic until someone pointed out it was actually (27:10):
undefined

Speaker0: just Martin's pacemaker playing up. (27:14):
undefined

Speaker0: But back to our ambitious friend, he decided the best way to impress the selection (27:18):
undefined

Speaker0: committee was to demonstrate his ability to perform miracles. (27:24):
undefined

Speaker0: So he spent weeks practising walking on water in his bathtub. (27:27):
undefined

Speaker0: His wife kept telling him, Herbert, dear, you're just standing up in shallow (27:31):
undefined

Speaker0: water. But he wouldn't hear of it. (27:35):
undefined

Speaker0: The day of his interview arrives, and he's feeling quite confident. (27:39):
undefined

Speaker0: The panel asks him why he thinks he'd make a good archbishop. (27:42):
undefined

Speaker0: He stands up, straightens his fake mitre, and declares, Well, (27:46):
undefined

Speaker0: gentlemen, I believe actions speak louder than words. (27:51):
undefined

Speaker0: Then proceeds to attempt walking across the interview room's carpet, (27:56):
undefined

Speaker0: as if it were the Sea of Galilee. (28:00):
undefined

Speaker0: Now, you might think this would have ended his chances then and there, (28:04):
undefined

Speaker0: but as luck would have it, the selection committee was so amused by his enthusiasm (28:08):
undefined

Speaker0: and the fact he'd accidentally set fire to his cassock while trying to demonstrate speaking in tongues, (28:12):
undefined

Speaker0: they gave him a position as junior curate in a tiny parish in Wales. (28:18):
undefined

Speaker0: The moral of the story? Sometimes the path to greatness isn't about walking (28:25):
undefined

Speaker0: on water, it's about being willing to make a complete fool of yourself in front of important people. (28:29):
undefined

Speaker0: Just ask our producer Martin. He's been doing it professionally for years. (28:35):
undefined

Speaker0: And finally, let's take a look at tomorrow's papers. (28:45):
undefined

Speaker0: The Times, led with Rosa Parks' backside stays put, bus boycott ensues. (28:50):
undefined

Speaker0: There's a map there of Montgomery, Alabama. (28:56):
undefined

Speaker0: The Express have gone with Brazil's Pedro I puts on a top hat and there's a picture of a large hat, (29:00):
undefined

Speaker0: and the mail opt for Australian police stumped by man on the beach case There's (29:08):
undefined

Speaker0: a dramatic drawing of a beach, (29:14):
undefined

Speaker0: The Guardian have a photo of the Treasury Building with the headline Information (29:17):
undefined

Speaker0: on Chancellor's Nails Causes Britain to Bolt Up Tight And finally, the Telegraph have, (29:23):
undefined

Speaker0: That's it. Due to advances in dental technology, tomorrow's program will be (29:35):
undefined

Speaker0: presented with real teeth. (29:40):
undefined

Speaker0: Good night. Tune in next time for more artificially intelligent hilarity. (29:42):
undefined

Speaker0: Newsbang is a comedy show written and recorded by AI. (29:48):
undefined

Speaker0: All voices impersonated. Nothing here is real. Good night. Good night. (29:52):
undefined
Music