Hotdog Circus

In tonight's episode, we delve into historical chaos, sporting achievements, and rather unconventional naval conflicts, offering an absurd yet engaging take on reality. The narrative kicks off with the shocking news of President Kennedy's assassination in Dallas, Texas. The events unfold as we recount the atmosphere of disbelief that enveloped the city, with contrasting anecdotes shared by witnesses who experienced the horror firsthand. Eyewitness commentary brings a touch of dark humor to a grim scenario, providing an unnerving juxtaposition to the tragedy. The swift transition to Vice President Lyndon B. Johnson assuming the presidency aboard Air Force One adds another layer of drama, as we explore the implications of this unprecedented event in American history. Transitioning from the somber to the sporting, we shine a spotlight on Mike Tyson, who made headlines as the youngest heavyweight champion in boxing history. His explosive victory over Trevor Burbick is depicted with colorful imagery and comedic exaggeration, capturing the electric energy of the fight. Local reactions amplify the hilarity, as an unsuspecting grandmother describes the mayhem in delightfully absurd terms. This segment stands out for its vivid descriptions and playful observations, painting a picture of a new champion crowned amidst the chaos of a Las Vegas spectacle. The narrative takes another fantastical turn with the unveiling of the B-2 Spirit Bomber, a feat of military engineering so advanced it seems to mock reality itself. We offer an entertaining overview of the bomber's features, complete with tongue-in-cheek remarks about its costs and the puzzled reactions of military personnel. The witty commentary captures the ironies and absurdities often present in military affairs, delivering laughs wrapped in political satire and social commentary. As the episode continues, we journey across various locations and times, including a quirky weather report from Scotland, an unusual mutiny aboard Brazilian naval ships, and a bizarre historical view tainted with ecological concerns. Each segment delivers a unique perspective, laced with humor and sharp observations about human nature and society at large. From the creative imagery of sailors redefining rebellion aboard their ships to an environmental report lamenting the transgressions of historical figures like Blackbeard, we maintain a consistent tone of absurdity. The storytelling culminates in a critique of British technological ingenuity during a peculiar Chicago hijack incident, vividly illustrating how wit and creativity often triumph over expected norms. In the humorous exploration of a royal transition in Spain, we reflect on the unpredictability of leadership and how unexpected figures can bring about significant change. This episode employs a tapestry of humor, historical references, and cultural critiques to weave a narrative that is equal parts entertaining and thought-provoking. Each topic flows seamlessly into the next, showcasing the absurdities of life while shedding light on significant moments in history. As we prepare to sign off, listeners are left with a smile, ready for our next exploration into the bizarre and unexpected.

Episode Transcript

Speaker0: Tonight it's happening all over again. (00:05):
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Speaker0: Dallas debacle. Kennedy caught dead in Texas. (00:09):
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Speaker0: Iron Mike irons out Burbick in boxing brawl. (00:15):
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Speaker0: And B2 stealth bomber, the invisible invader. (00:20):
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Speaker0: Plus coming up, frog racing frenzy. Amphibian acrobatics, amaze onlookers. (00:26):
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Speaker0: Those are the headlines. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to wrestle a walrus. (00:35):
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Speaker0: National News Bang. Serving the buffet of truth with an all-you-can-eat fork. (00:44):
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Speaker0: 1963. Chaos erupted in Dallas today as President Kennedy was shot dead by a (00:52):
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Speaker0: man with three names, proving once and for all that people with three names cannot be trusted. (00:57):
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Speaker0: The incident occurred during what witnesses described as a lovely drive through (01:02):
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Speaker0: the city, marred only by the subsequent murder of the leader of the free world. (01:07):
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Speaker0: Eyewitness buddy, two names Johnson told Newsbang, I was just standing there (01:13):
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Speaker0: minding my own business when suddenly the president's head did something president's (01:18):
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Speaker0: heads aren't supposed to do. (01:22):
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Speaker0: Next thing you know, Jackie's crawling across the trunk like she's lost a contact lens. (01:24):
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Speaker0: In an unprecedented display of efficient government transition, (01:29):
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Speaker0: Lyndon Johnson was sworn in aboard Air Force One, making him the first president (01:34):
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Speaker0: to take the oath of office while technically being higher than the White House. (01:38):
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Speaker0: Sources say he immediately ordered all the Ks removed from White House typewriters. (01:42):
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Speaker0: The alleged shooter, Lee Harvey Oswald, was later arrested in a cinema during (01:48):
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Speaker0: a showing of War is Hell, apparently objecting to the historically inaccurate (01:53):
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Speaker0: portrayal of Soviet military uniforms. (01:57):
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Speaker0: Shocking scenes in Las Vegas today as 20-year-old Mike Tyson became the youngest (02:05):
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Speaker0: heavyweight champion in history by repeatedly hitting Trevor Burbick until he fell over. (02:10):
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Speaker0: Witnesses described how Tyson, using his controversial peekaboo technique, (02:16):
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Speaker0: traditionally reserved for entertaining (02:21):
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Speaker0: babies, reduced Berbic to a quivering mess in just two rounds. (02:22):
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Speaker0: Local grandmother Ethel Punchworthy, who attended the fight disguised as a ring (02:28):
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Speaker0: girl, described the carnage. (02:32):
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Speaker0: I've never seen anything like it. One minute Burbick was standing there looking (02:34):
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Speaker0: confident, the next he was doing an impression of a spinning top on the canvas. (02:39):
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Speaker0: The fight ended when Burbick attempted to get up for the third time, (02:44):
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Speaker0: but his legs had apparently filed for divorce from the rest of his body. (02:47):
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Speaker0: Medical experts later confirmed his equilibrium had left the building and was (02:51):
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Speaker0: last seen heading for Mexico. (02:55):
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Speaker0: The victory was particularly poignant as Berbic had previously defeated Muhammad (02:58):
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Speaker0: Ali in what boxing historians refer to as that fight we'd rather forget about. (03:02):
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Speaker0: Tyson celebrated his win by eating four opponents and a small car. (03:08):
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Speaker0: The United States Air Force today unveiled its latest contribution to world (03:13):
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Speaker0: peace, an aircraft so stealthy it took them three hours to find it in the hangar. (03:21):
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Speaker0: The B-2 Spirit Bomber, shaped like a massive flying pancake, (03:26):
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Speaker0: cost more than $44 billion to develop, or roughly the same as feeding everyone (03:31):
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Speaker0: in Wales nothing but caviar for six years. (03:36):
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Speaker0: Security at the unveiling was tight, with guard dogs trained to sniff out anyone (03:40):
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Speaker0: who might be thinking about looking at the wrong bits. (03:45):
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Speaker0: It's the most advanced piece of military hardware ever created, (03:48):
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Speaker0: declared General Chuck Thundernuts, moments before walking straight into it. (03:52):
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Speaker0: The bomber's revolutionary stealth technology includes special paint that makes (03:57):
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Speaker0: it invisible to radar, sonar, and most wedding photographers. (04:01):
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Speaker0: Test pilot Randy Skydevil Johnson described flying it as like piloting a shadow (04:05):
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Speaker0: made of nightmares and taxpayer money. (04:11):
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Speaker0: One unnamed foreign military attaché was heard to remark, Is it meant to look (04:13):
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Speaker0: like that, or did someone sit on it? (04:19):
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Speaker0: Before being escorted from the premises by men wearing sunglasses at night. (04:22):
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Speaker0: News bang! Navigating the uncharted waters of truth with a map of absurdity. (04:29):
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Speaker0: And now, with a special weather report focusing on Scotland's peculiar relationship (04:36):
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Speaker0: with meteorological mayhem, here's Shakanaka Giles. (04:41):
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Speaker0: Sweeping across the highlands tomorrow where we're expecting temperatures to (04:55):
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Speaker0: plummet faster than a lost hiking, (05:00):
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Speaker0: Speaking of which, exactly 53 years ago the Cairngorm Plateau showed us why (05:03):
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Speaker0: Scottish mountains deserve our utmost respect. (05:10):
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Speaker0: So do pack more than just your thermal undies if you're heading up there, folks. (05:13):
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Speaker0: The Grampians are in for a proper highland fling with gale force winds reaching (05:19):
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Speaker0: speeds that would make a bagpiper's kilt perform an unauthorised aerial display. (05:26):
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Speaker0: Visibility will be poorer than a church mouse's bank account. (05:33):
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Speaker0: Down in the lowlands, it's looking marginally less brutal, though still chillier (05:40):
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Speaker0: than a penguins pickle jar. (05:47):
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Speaker0: Expect scattered showers and the occasional blast of wind that'll have your (05:50):
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Speaker0: woolly jumper earning its keep. (05:55):
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Speaker0: In summary then, highland hypothermia, grampian gusts and lowland shivers, (06:00):
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Speaker0: and that's all the weather. (06:05):
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Speaker0: It isn't a fool. Sadrassud 1910. (06:16):
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Speaker0: Brazilian sailors have decided they've had quite enough of being whipped. Thank you very much. (06:20):
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Speaker0: Three of Brazil's spanking new warships have become embroiled in what we're (06:25):
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Speaker0: calling the Rather Cross Sailors incident. (06:29):
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Speaker0: The mutiny erupted when crew members, primarily of Afro-Brazilian descent, (06:31):
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Speaker0: objected to white officers treating their backs like naval percussion instruments. (06:35):
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Speaker0: This unprecedented uprising in Rio de Janeiro has thrown Brazil's ambitious (06:40):
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Speaker0: naval expansion into absolute chaos. (06:45):
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Speaker0: For more on this nautical nightmare, we cross to our war correspondent Brian (06:48):
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Speaker0: Bastable, who's been monitoring the situation from his bath. (06:53):
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Speaker0: This is my war, and what a peculiar war it is. (06:58):
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Speaker0: The very ships meant to protect this great nation have turned their guns upon their masters. (07:02):
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Speaker0: I'm speaking to you now from a precarious position atop a barrel of gunpowder, (07:07):
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Speaker0: which is considerably safer than anywhere else in Rio's Harbor at this moment. (07:12):
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Speaker0: Just moments ago, I witnessed a naval officer's epaulets being used to stuff (07:18):
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Speaker0: a cannon before being fired ceremoniously into what was once his own quarters. (07:23):
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Speaker0: The mutineers are dancing on deck, their previously scarred backs now adorned (07:28):
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Speaker0: with improvised battle paint made from ship's grease and gunpowder. (07:33):
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Speaker0: The sound you can hear now is the distinct whistle of a boatswain's pipe being (07:38):
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Speaker0: played through what appears to be yes a severed nose the creativity of these sailors knows no bounds. (07:43):
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Speaker0: That was the officer's mess being converted into several smaller officer's messes. (07:53):
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Speaker0: The harbour is now decorated with floating fragments of what I believe was once (07:58):
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Speaker0: the captain's prized mahogany dining table. (08:03):
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Speaker0: The mutineers are using his finest china for target practice, (08:06):
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Speaker0: though their aim suggests they've been at the ship's rum supplies. (08:10):
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Speaker0: The whips that once tormented these men are now being used to tie elaborate (08:17):
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Speaker0: knots around various parts of their former tormentors anatomies i've just seen (08:21):
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Speaker0: a man using a cat o' nine tails as a rather festive hair decoration. (08:26):
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Speaker0: This is brian bastable reporting from the deck of what is now essentially a (08:33):
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Speaker0: floating republic of very angry sailors for Newsbang. (08:38):
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Speaker0: 1963. Breaking news from Dallas, Texas, where today's events have shaken the (08:43):
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Speaker0: very foundations of American democracy. (08:48):
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Speaker0: President John F. Kennedy has been assassinated while traveling in an open-top motorcade. (08:51):
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Speaker0: The president was pronounced dead at Parkland Memorial Hospital, (08:56):
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Speaker0: marking a dark day in American history. (09:00):
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Speaker0: In an unprecedented turn of events, Vice President Lyndon B. (09:04):
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Speaker0: Johnson Johnson has been sworn in as the 36th president aboard Air Force One, (09:08):
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Speaker0: making this perhaps the most dramatic transfer of power in modern times. (09:14):
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Speaker0: And now to our American correspondent, Melody Wintergreen, who's been following (09:18):
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Speaker0: these extraordinary events. (09:23):
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Speaker0: Dallas, Texas, 1963. A bright sunny day has turned into the darkest of nights. (09:28):
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Speaker0: Melody Wintergreen here, in Dealey Plaza, where the echoes of gunshots still hang heavy in the air. (09:35):
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Speaker0: President Kennedy, the young, vibrant leader of the free world, (09:44):
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Speaker0: is dead, felled by an assassin's bullet. The crowds are stunned. (09:48):
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Speaker0: Their cheers turn to cries of disbelief and despair. (09:53):
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Speaker0: The American dream, it seems, has become a nightmare. (09:56):
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Speaker0: But even as the nation mourns, the wheels of power keep turning. (10:03):
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Speaker0: Aboard Air Force One, Lyndon B. Johnson, a man as Texan as a 10-gallon hat, (10:08):
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Speaker0: is being sworn in as the 36th President of the United States. (10:14):
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Speaker0: It's a scene of high drama, a solemn oath taken in the shadow of tragedy. (10:18):
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Speaker0: Meanwhile, the alleged assassin, Lee Harvey Oswald, a former Marine with a mysterious (10:27):
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Speaker0: past, is in custody. But the questions are swirling like a Texas dust devil. (10:33):
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Speaker0: Was he a lone gunman, part of a larger conspiracy? (10:38):
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Speaker0: The theories are as numerous as the bullet holes in American history. (10:42):
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Speaker0: As the world mourns the loss of a charismatic leader, America finds itself at a crossroads. (10:49):
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Speaker0: The torch has been passed, the future is uncertain, and the echoes of Camelot (10:55):
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Speaker0: are fading into the mournful strains of a nation's grief. (11:00):
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Speaker0: This is Melody Wintergreen for Newsbang from Dallas, where hope and heartbreak (11:03):
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Speaker0: have collided on this tragic day in American history. (11:08):
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Speaker0: Newsbang, a titanic tugboat towing truth across turbulent waters of time. (11:15):
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Speaker0: 13 Edestine, 1986. Sport now, and for those of you who missed it, (11:22):
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Speaker0: Mike Tyson's historic victory in Las Vegas. (11:29):
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Speaker0: Here's our boxing correspondent Ryder Boff with his unique perspective on proceedings. (11:32):
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Speaker0: And now, live from 1986, where tonight at the Las Vegas Hilton we've witnessed (11:43):
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Speaker0: what can only be described as the boxing equivalent of releasing a furious badger (11:48):
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Speaker0: into a Christmas nativity play. (11:52):
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Speaker0: 20-year-old Mike Tyson, looking about as friendly as my second wife's solicitor, (11:54):
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Speaker0: has absolutely demolished Trevor Burbick to become the youngest heavyweight champion in history. (11:58):
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Speaker0: Tyson there, bouncing around like a pneumatic drill in boxing shorts. (12:09):
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Speaker0: Burbick looking concerned, and rightly so. The young challengers throw in punches (12:13):
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Speaker0: faster than my Aunt Mabel spreading gossip at a church fate. And down goes Burbick. (12:17):
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Speaker0: He's up. (12:22):
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Speaker0: And down again. It's like watching a drunk man trying to catch the last bus home. (12:25):
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Speaker0: And that's it. We have a new champion. (12:32):
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Speaker0: I haven't seen such a devastating display of raw power since my cousin Derek (12:38):
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Speaker0: tried to deep fry a frozen turkey in his garage Speaking of which, (12:42):
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Speaker0: I'm told Tyson prepared for this fight by practising his famous peekaboo style (12:46):
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Speaker0: with his trainer Kevin the Whisper, Rooney Though personally I prefer hide and (12:50):
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Speaker0: seek, played at once with the taxman ended up living in a caravan in Bognor Regis for six months, (12:54):
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Speaker0: the Las Vegas crowd went absolutely bananas which reminded me of the time I (13:03):
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Speaker0: commentated on the chimpanzee chess championships at London Zoo that also ended (13:07):
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Speaker0: with someone getting knocked out though in that case it was the referee after (13:12):
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Speaker0: a disputed queen to bishop four move, (13:15):
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Speaker0: poor old Burbick looked like he'd been hit by the 7.15 to Paddington three times (13:23):
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Speaker0: he went down in that second round, each time looking more surprised than my (13:28):
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Speaker0: third wife when she found those photographs. (13:31):
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Speaker0: But that's another story, and my lawyer tells me I can't discuss it until after the hearing. (13:34):
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Speaker0: What we've witnessed here, folks, is nothing short of historic. (13:41):
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Speaker0: The youngest heavyweight champion in history, though I did once see a six-year-old (13:45):
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Speaker0: win a Conker tournament in Basildon using similar tactics. (13:49):
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Speaker0: This is Ryder Boff, ringside in Las Vegas, wondering if anyone's seen my hotel Back to the studio. (13:52):
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Speaker0: Here's an environmental report that's more swashbuckling than a pirate in a recycling bin. (14:05):
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Speaker0: Penelope Windchime, what eco-outrages are making you shiver your timbers? (14:10):
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Speaker0: Oh, the ecological infamy. Tonight, viewers, we expose the true crimes of history's (14:15):
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Speaker0: most notorious marine polluter, Blackbeard. (14:22):
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Speaker0: This 18th century pirate, this scourge of the seven seas, wasn't just plundering (14:25):
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Speaker0: ships and terrorising sailors. Oh no, he was also dumping his treasure chests onto coral reefs. (14:30):
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Speaker0: Imagine the devastation, viewers. Those delicate coral ecosystems crushed beneath (14:44):
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Speaker0: the weight of Blackbeard's ill-gotten gains. (14:49):
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Speaker0: Those poor, defenceless sea turtles forced (14:52):
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Speaker0: to navigate a minefield of non-biodegradable booty. It's an outrage. (14:55):
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Speaker0: And as if that weren't bad enough, this eco-villain was also a notorious air polluter. (15:05):
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Speaker0: He was forever setting fire to his beard, a fiery facial display that released (15:11):
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Speaker0: toxic fumes into the atmosphere. (15:16):
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Speaker0: The air quality in North Carolina has never recovered. (15:18):
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Speaker0: But justice, as they say, is as swift as a dolphin on a mission. (15:28):
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Speaker0: A group of eco-conscious sailors disguised as British naval officers? Really? (15:32):
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Speaker0: Anyway, they brought Blackbeard's reign of polluting terror to an end. Huzzah! (15:38):
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Speaker0: And in other eco-news, we celebrate Juan Fernandez, who accidentally discovered (15:49):
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Speaker0: the world's first island nature reserve. (15:54):
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Speaker0: Those pristine volcanic islands, a haven for biodiversity, a sanctuary for, (15:57):
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Speaker0: well, mostly birds, I suppose. (16:02):
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Speaker0: But still, a victory for Mother Earth. (16:05):
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Speaker0: This is Penelope Windchime reminding you that even pirates can be eco-villains, (16:09):
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Speaker0: and sometimes the greatest discoveries are made by accident. (16:13):
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Speaker0: Time for a traffic report from a time when horses were horsepower and roads (16:17):
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Speaker0: were paved with good intentions. (16:22):
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Speaker0: It's Polly Beep. Polly, what travel tribulations were testing the patience of (16:24):
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Speaker0: our Victorian ancestors? (16:28):
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Speaker0: Good evening, my little horse-drawn hooligans. (16:33):
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Speaker0: Polly Beep here with a traffic report from the olden days. (16:37):
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Speaker0: It's 1873 and the roads are, well, surprisingly empty. (16:40):
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Speaker0: No traffic jams, no motorway madness, not even a rogue penny-farthing causing a kerfuffle. (16:46):
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Speaker0: It seems those Victorians, bless their cotton socks, hadn't quite discovered (16:52):
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Speaker0: the joys of the internal combustion engine. (17:01):
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Speaker0: However, down in London, things are a bit more lively. Over in Piccadilly, it's a right royal mess. (17:08):
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Speaker0: A flock of penny farthings has caused a pile-up of epic proportions. (17:14):
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Speaker0: Top hats are flying, monocles are popping, and those Victorian gentlemen are (17:18):
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Speaker0: sputtering with indignation. (17:22):
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Speaker0: And on the railways, it's temporal chaos. Those newfangled timetables are causing (17:27):
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Speaker0: more confusion than a politician's promises. (17:33):
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Speaker0: Trains are arriving before they depart. Conductors are losing their pocket watches. (17:36):
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Speaker0: And one particularly bewildered passenger has ended up in next week. (17:40):
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Speaker0: And if you're thinking of taking a trip down the Thames, think again. (17:51):
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Speaker0: It's a scene of utter absurdity as a group of gentlemen in rubber boots is attempting to walk on water. (17:54):
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Speaker0: They're calling it a scientific experiment. But I reckon they've just had one (18:00):
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Speaker0: too many gin and tonics. This is Polly Beep signing off. (18:04):
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Speaker0: Remember, folks, whether you're in a horse-drawn carriage or a time machine, (18:07):
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Speaker0: always travel with a sense of humour. (18:11):
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Speaker0: 1987. Now, a special report on British technological superiority from our science (18:19):
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Speaker0: correspondent, Calamity Prenderville, (18:25):
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Speaker0: who's been investigating the Great Chicago Signal hijack of 1987. (18:28):
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Speaker0: Good evening, science watchers. On this day in 1987, British broadcasting technology (18:44):
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Speaker0: proved its superiority when two Chicago television stations were commandeered (18:49):
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Speaker0: using what experts believe was a modified Sinclair ZX Spectrum and a coat hanger from Woolworths. (18:54):
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Speaker0: The mysterious figure, wearing what appeared to be a Max invented in Chinkford, (19:02):
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Speaker0: Essex, by the way, interrupted a sports broadcast and later, (19:07):
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Speaker0: rather rudely, a showing of Doctor Who. (19:11):
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Speaker0: The perpetrator demonstrated the remarkable capabilities of British signal hijacking (19:13):
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Speaker0: technology, developed originally for the Falklands War to broadcast episodes (19:18):
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Speaker0: of Only Fools and Horses to confused Argentinian soldiers. (19:23):
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Speaker0: The broadcast featured the masked individual making references to New Coke, (19:30):
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Speaker0: which, as we all know, was actually invented in Cleethorpes but sold to the (19:34):
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Speaker0: Americans for a packet of wine gums and a signed photo of Margaret Thatcher. (19:38):
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Speaker0: Using what telecommunications expert (19:44):
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Speaker0: Dr Barnaby Trumpet describes as a sophisticated array of rubber bands, (19:46):
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Speaker0: paperclips and a modified TeesMade, the Signal Hijacker managed to override (19:51):
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Speaker0: professional broadcasting equipment worth millions of dollars. (19:56):
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Speaker0: The Americans were naturally embarrassed that their cutting-edge technology (20:01):
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Speaker0: could be defeated by something cobbled together in a British shed. (20:05):
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Speaker0: The culprit was never caught, though rumours suggest it was actually Princess (20:11):
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Speaker0: Anne testing new royal communication methods. (20:15):
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Speaker0: This is Calamity Prenderville, reminding you that British innovation leads the (20:18):
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Speaker0: way, even in signal hijacking. Back to the studio. (20:22):
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Speaker0: Newsbang, where the quill meets the guillotine of fallacies. (20:32):
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Speaker0: And now, with his uniquely effervescent take on historical royal matters, (20:37):
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Speaker0: here's our royal correspondent Sandy O'Shaughnessy, who joins us from the Newsbang Evening Studio. (20:41):
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Speaker0: Good evening. Good evening. And thrice good evening to all you lovely listeners out there. (20:53):
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Speaker0: Sandy O'Shaughnessy here, taking over from the incomparable Martin Bang. (21:00):
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Speaker0: And what an evening it is. (21:05):
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Speaker0: The winds whistling through Dublin, like a desperate banker's whistle. (21:07):
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Speaker0: And the rain's coming down harder than shares in a crypto crash. (21:11):
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Speaker0: Speaking of transitions, did you know that on this very day in 1975, (21:18):
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Speaker0: Spain was going through quite the royal shuffle? Yes, indeed. (21:23):
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Speaker0: Just two days after Francisco Franco bid his final adios, young Juan Carlos de Faiz says. (21:28):
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Speaker0: Stepped into the royal shoes. Now, that's what I call a career change. (21:39):
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Speaker0: Makes my move from the morning show to evenings seem rather tame in comparison. (21:43):
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Speaker0: You know, I received the most fascinating letter from Mrs. O'Malley in Kilkenny. (21:50):
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Speaker0: She writes, Dear Sandy, my cats started speaking Spanish and demanding paella. (21:54):
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Speaker0: Well, Mrs. O'Malley, perhaps your feline friend was channeling the spirit of (22:00):
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Speaker0: la transition, though I'd be more worried if it started demanding constitutional reform. (22:04):
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Speaker0: But back to our royal tale, young Juan Carlos, hand-picked by Franco himself, (22:12):
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Speaker0: turned out to be quite the surprise package, like finding a democracy voucher (22:18):
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Speaker0: in your Christmas cracker. (22:23):
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Speaker0: Instead of carrying on with the old ways, he decided Spain needed a bit more (22:24):
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Speaker0: freedom and a lot less dictatorship. (22:31):
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Speaker0: Rather like my Aunt Peggy, when she finally allowed Uncle Patrick to choose his own socks. (22:35):
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Speaker0: You see, dear listeners, sometimes the most unexpected people can bring about (22:43):
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Speaker0: the most wonderful changes. (22:46):
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Speaker0: Why, just yesterday, our studio cleaner Maurice reorganised the entire music (22:48):
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Speaker0: library alphabetically by artists' shoe size. (22:52):
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Speaker0: Not particularly useful, but certainly unexpected. (22:55):
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Speaker0: And speaking of unexpected, we've got time for one more letter before the news Mr. (23:00):
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Speaker0: Fitzgerald from Cork writes Dear Sandy, found a Spanish flag in my porridge (23:05):
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Speaker0: this morning Is this an omen? (23:10):
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Speaker0: Well, Mr. Fitzgerald, in the words of Juan Carlos the Fur, (23:12):
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Speaker0: Actually, I don't speak Spanish But I'm sure he'd have something profound to (23:17):
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Speaker0: say about porridge omens. (23:21):
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Speaker0: Until next time, my dear listeners, remember, democracy is like a good Irish stew. (23:26):
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Speaker0: It takes time to simmer, but it's worth the wait. This is Sandy O'Shaughnessy, (23:32):
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Speaker0: bidding you goodnight from Newsbang Towers. (23:37):
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Speaker0: Keep those letters coming. And as always, I'll see you later, (23:39):
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Speaker0: alligator, in a while, crocodile. (23:43):
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Speaker0: All over the country for everyone. (23:48):
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Speaker0: The Beatles, that quartet of mop-topped musical miscreants, have today unleashed (23:59):
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Speaker0: upon an unsuspecting public what can only be described as two records in one box. (24:05):
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Speaker0: Yes, you heard correctly, two records. The album, which experts are calling White, (24:11):
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Speaker0: due to its complete lack of anything remotely interesting on the cover, (24:17):
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Speaker0: contains an unprecedented 30 songs about everything from a bladi to a blada. (24:21):
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Speaker0: For more on this musical marathon, we cross to our culture correspondent, (24:28):
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Speaker0: Smithsonian Moss, who's been listening to both records simultaneously. (24:33):
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Speaker0: Now, at this point of the evening, we welcome listeners on FM who've just joined us. (24:37):
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Speaker0: I know what you're thinking. What's the big deal about a white album with no cover art? (25:06):
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Speaker0: Well, let me tell you, this was some next-level, avant-garde, meta-shit right here. (25:12):
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Speaker0: I mean, these Liverpudlian lads were like, You know what? (25:18):
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Speaker0: We're the Beatles. We can do whatever the fuck we want. (25:24):
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Speaker0: And if that means putting out an album with a plain white cover, then so be it. (25:29):
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Speaker0: And let's talk about the music, shall we? this album was like a musical smoothie, (25:35):
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Speaker0: blending all sorts of styles and genres together. (25:40):
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Speaker0: You got your folk, your British blues, your ska, your music hall, (25:44):
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Speaker0: and even some proto-metal thrown in for good measure. (25:49):
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Speaker0: It's like they took all the leftover sounds from the 60s, threw them in a blender, and hit puree. (25:52):
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Speaker0: Now, I'm not gonna lie, this album was a total game-changer. (25:58):
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Speaker0: I mean, who else could make a 30-track double album and still manage to make it sound cohesive. (26:03):
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Speaker0: The Beatles, that's who. And don't even get me started on the lyrics. (26:08):
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Speaker0: We're talking about some of the most iconic, poetic, and downright bizarre words ever penned. (26:13):
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Speaker0: Let's get real for a second. The White Album was also a total product of its time. (26:22):
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Speaker0: I mean, this was 1968, the year of revolution, of counterculture, (26:28):
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Speaker0: of hippies, and free love. (26:34):
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Speaker0: And the Beatles were right at the forefront of it all, pushing boundaries and (26:36):
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Speaker0: breaking rules like it was their job. Oh wait, it was. (26:41):
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Speaker0: So, there you have it, folks. The White Album. a true masterpiece of musical (26:46):
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Speaker0: innovation and cultural relevance. (26:51):
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Speaker0: And if you don't agree, well, you can just go ahead and suck it, (26:54):
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Speaker0: because the Beatles are still the coolest, even 56 years later. (26:58):
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Speaker0: That's all for tonight, folks. Keep on rocking. And remember, (27:04):
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Speaker0: as the great philosopher John Lennon once said, I'd rather be a rebel than a slave. (27:08):
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Speaker0: The News Bang The improbable machine of truth Polishing reality's rough edges. (27:17):
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Speaker0: And finally, a look at tomorrow's papers The Times New Doctor on the Block BBC (27:26):
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Speaker0: Unveils Time Travelling Hero There's a picture there of a police box, (27:33):
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Speaker0: The Telegraph Dutch soldiers go on the rampage in Formosa. That's on page three. (27:40):
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Speaker0: The male lead with Manchester Martyrs Meatmaker. A bit of a downbeat headline, that one. (27:47):
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Speaker0: The Express go with TV's New Time Lord set to conquer the universe. (27:54):
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Speaker0: And I notice they've got a photograph of a sink plunger. (28:01):
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Speaker0: And The Guardian. Hartnell's who's a hit with viewers. (28:05):
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Speaker0: That's a bit of a guess, as it hasn't been on yet. (28:10):
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Speaker0: That's it. And a reminder that the Newsbang team will be taking a hard-earned holiday next week. (28:15):
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Speaker0: We'll be back, eventually, with more of the same, or possibly something completely different. (28:21):
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Speaker0: Frankly, we haven't got a clue. (28:29):
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Speaker0: Good night, and God help us all. (28:32):
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Speaker0: Tune in next time for more Artificially Intelligent Hilarity Newsbang is a comedy (28:36):
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Speaker0: show written and recorded by AI All voices impersonated, nothing here is real. (28:43):
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