Quantum Cupcake Conundrum

In this episode of "News Bang," we delve into a whirlwind of historical and absurd news stories that span decades and evoke laughter alongside disbelief. Our journey begins with the shocking events surrounding Lee Harvey Oswald in 1963. As he was being transferred while in police custody, the moment turned chaotic when Jack Ruby, under the guise of a deli delivery man, shot Oswald on live television. The dichotomy of an assassination unfolding amidst chaotic scenes unraveled a new layer to the Kennedy saga and left the nation questioning security protocols during high-profile cases. We transition from the U.S. to the literary world, discussing Charles Darwin’s groundbreaking work, "On the Origin of Species," which sent Victorian society into a tizzy. The public's reactions ranged from excitement to downright fury, echoing the battle between scientific inquiry and religious belief that continues to this day. Darwin's revelation about natural selection became a catalyst for intellectual discourse, sparking nation-wide debates amidst a backdrop of social upheaval. The episode takes a sudden leap into the enigmatic hijacking incident of 1971, featuring the infamous D.B. Cooper. We explore the audacity of Cooper as he commandeered a plane, demanded a ransom, and then parachuted into obscurity, leaving an intact mystery that even today leaves investigators in a frenzy. His remarkable knowledge of aviation complicated the narrative, making the chase for his whereabouts not just a case of criminal pursuit, but a riveting tale of adventure and intrigue. Shifting our gaze to the 18th century, we dive into the internal chaos of the Maratha Empire as Tarabai executed a fierce political maneuver, effectively imprisoning her grandson to reclaim power. The absurdity of familial drama set against the backdrop of an empire makes for a truly captivating story about the volatile dance of loyalty and betrayal at royal levels. Amid these tales, our weather segment offers a significant twist with forecasts that range from the dramatic to the downright ridiculous. From storms that promise to disrupt daily life to whimsical historical comparisons, the weather takes center stage, creating a vibrant tapestry of humorous meteorological commentary. We wrap up with an exploration of a notorious football scandal from 1906, revealing how match-fixing tarnished the sport's reputation. Ryder Boff paints a colorful picture of lazy gameplay and dubious tactics, transforming an oversight in integrity into a comedic examination of professional football's struggles for legitimacy in the face of financial woes. This episode of "News Bang" highlights the absurdity that punctuates serious events throughout history, where comedy and tragedy dance on the same stage. With zany analogies, biting commentary, and absurd twists on factual history, we offer listeners not just insights but chuckles along the way. Tune in as we navigate through past and present absurdities, ensuring that, no matter the seriousness of the story, laughter always finds its place.

Episode Transcript

Speaker0: Tonight's Top of the Pops. Oswald shot Nation left gasping for breath. (00:05):
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Speaker0: Ape men go ape over ape book. And plain pirate pulls a parachute prank. (00:13):
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Speaker0: Plus, coming up, we'll reveal the shocking truth about the Queen's Corgis' secret gambling addiction. (00:22):
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Speaker0: Apparently, they've been betting on snail races in the Royal Gardens. (00:29):
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Speaker0: Those are the headlines. May the news be ever in your flavour. (00:34):
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Speaker0: News Bang. Carving headlines into the granite of eternal satirical glory. (00:42):
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Speaker0: 1963. Dallas, 1963. (00:49):
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Speaker0: A city holding its breath. Lee Harvey Oswald, accused of assassinating President (00:54):
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Speaker0: Kennedy, was being transferred when a man with a sandwich and a sinister agenda entered stage left. (01:00):
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Speaker0: Jack Ruby, claiming to be a deli delivery guy, somehow bypassed security and (01:06):
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Speaker0: shot Oswald live on national television. (01:12):
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Speaker0: It was a moment of televised chaos. (01:16):
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Speaker0: Oswald's expression, you've got to be kidding me. One witness shrieked, (01:19):
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Speaker0: I came for justice, not a spaghetti western. (01:25):
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Speaker0: Security, meanwhile, realized they'd been outsmarted by a man with a pastrami on rye. (01:28):
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Speaker0: Charles Darwin has unleashed a literary bombshell, On the Origin of Species. (01:35):
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Speaker0: This book, so controversial it could curdle milk, argues that life evolved through (01:41):
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Speaker0: natural selection, not divine intervention. (01:46):
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Speaker0: Victorian society clutched its pearls in horror. The first print run sold out (01:50):
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Speaker0: faster than tickets to a Beatles reunion tour, leaving desperate Victorians (01:55):
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Speaker0: brawling in bookstores. (02:00):
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Speaker0: One gentleman cried, Darwin has ruined spontaneous rabbit generation. (02:01):
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Speaker0: Reactions ranged from scientific excitement, well-played Darwin, to religious hysteria. (02:07):
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Speaker0: Reverend Flambleton reportedly performed an exorcism on his copy. (02:14):
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Speaker0: Thus began the epic battle, God vs. Darwin. (02:18):
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Speaker0: Spoiler alert, Darwin wins. 1971. (02:22):
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Speaker0: In a heist that makes Mission Impossible look like a tea party, D.B. (02:27):
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Speaker0: Cooper hijacked a plane, demanded $200,000, – small bills only, (02:31):
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Speaker0: please – and parachuted into the Pacific Northwest, all while wearing a clip-on tie. (02:37):
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Speaker0: Cooper's aviation knowledge was so advanced, Boeing engineers were left speechless. (02:42):
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Speaker0: One theory? He was a time-travelling wizard with a penchant for rare earth elements, (02:48):
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Speaker0: as traces of cerium were found on his tie. (02:53):
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Speaker0: Boeing responded by installing Cooper vanes to prevent copycat skydives. (02:56):
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Speaker0: One passenger, however, remarked, Nothing can stop a man with a clip-on tie and a dream. (03:01):
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Speaker0: Now, for the weather forecast that promises to mix meteorology with mayhem, (03:15):
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Speaker0: we turn to the storm chaser of words, Shakanaka Giles. (03:19):
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Speaker0: Looking at tomorrow's forecast, we're rather dramatic November performance across (03:34):
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Speaker0: Britain, reminiscent of that cheeky 1950 Appalachian storm that gave Americans (03:40):
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Speaker0: quite the Thanksgiving surprise. (03:46):
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Speaker0: South East England's getting a proper winter wobble, with temperatures dropping (03:51):
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Speaker0: faster than a Turkish fault line. (03:56):
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Speaker0: Speaking of which, happy anniversary to the 1976 quake that gave eastern Turkey (03:58):
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Speaker0: such an unwanted shake-up. (04:04):
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Speaker0: For the Midlands, expect snow flurries thicker than your gran's Christmas pudding, (04:09):
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Speaker0: while Scotland's brewing up a storm that'll make your haggis do backflips. (04:15):
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Speaker0: Whales should prepare for winds strong enough to blow the vowels right out of (04:23):
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Speaker0: Lanfairpool Gwyngill and the southwest looking at rain heavy enough to make Noah nervous. (04:28):
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Speaker0: In summary then, winter's throwing a proper tantrum, so bundle up like it's (04:37):
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Speaker0: 1950 in Ohio. And that's all the weather. (04:43):
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Speaker0: 1221 In a clash that redefined the art of conquest, Genghis Khan's Mongol forces (04:56):
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Speaker0: delivered a decisive blow to the Khwarazmian army at the Battle of the Indus. (05:04):
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Speaker0: With 50,000 cavalry against a mismatched force of infantry and cavalry, (05:08):
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Speaker0: the Mongols showcased their military genius, leaving Jalal al-Din fleeing across (05:13):
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Speaker0: the river and Khwarazmian resistance in ruins. (05:18):
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Speaker0: Central Asia now braces for the ripple effects of this historic Mongol triumph. (05:21):
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Speaker0: Reporting from the battlefield, Brian Bastable has more on this blood-soaked turning point. (05:26):
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Speaker0: This is Brian Bastable reporting from the banks of the Indus River, (05:33):
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Speaker0: where absolute carnage unfolds before my very eyes, the air thick with arrows, (05:38):
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Speaker0: the ground slick with entrails, and I've just been handed a complimentary cup (05:44):
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Speaker0: of fermented mare's milk by a passing Mongol. (05:49):
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Speaker0: The fighting is intense. I've never seen so many dismembered bodies flying through the air at once. (05:54):
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Speaker0: Just moments ago, I watched Jalal al-Din himself leading a desperate charge, (06:00):
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Speaker0: his sword flashing like a disco ball in a thunderstorm. (06:06):
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Speaker0: Oh, there goes another head past my left ear. (06:10):
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Speaker0: The mongol cavalry are executing their (06:15):
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Speaker0: signature pincer movement which rather reminds me of my aunt mabel's crab-like (06:18):
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Speaker0: approach to parallel parking the sound you can hear now is the thundering of (06:24):
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Speaker0: 50 000 hooves and that wet splashing noise is me trying to keep my footing in (06:29):
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Speaker0: what i can only describe as a soup of human remains. (06:34):
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Speaker0: The Khwarazmian forces are being absolutely mullered. (06:40):
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Speaker0: I haven't seen this much one-sided violence since my mother-in-law's last Christmas dinner. (06:44):
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Speaker0: Jalal al-Din's men are being cut down like wheat, though significantly more screaming is involved. (06:50):
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Speaker0: Wait, this is extraordinary. Jalal al-Din is making for the river. (06:58):
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Speaker0: He's just leapt his horse off a 60-foot cliff into the rushing waters below. (07:02):
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Speaker0: Quite the dramatic exit, though I'd give it only a 7.4 for artistic impression. (07:07):
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Speaker0: The Mongols are celebrating now, drinking fermented milk and comparing skull collections. (07:15):
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Speaker0: This is truly the end of an empire, though I suspect the clean-up operation will take months. (07:21):
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Speaker0: Brian Bastable, newsbang, standing in what appears to be someone else's spleen. (07:26):
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Speaker0: 1971. Now, a story from this day in 1971 that has soared into the annals of unsolved mystery. (07:32):
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Speaker0: D.B. Cooper, a name etched in infamy, hijacked Northwest Orient Airlines flight. (07:40):
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Speaker0: 305 demanded $200,000 in ransom and parachuted into history from a Boeing 727 (07:46):
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Speaker0: over the Pacific Northwest. (07:54):
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Speaker0: A case that has baffled investigators, inspired folklore, and even forced Boeing (07:58):
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Speaker0: to create a device to thwart airborne escape artists. (08:03):
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Speaker0: Yet, Cooper himself vanished, like a well-dressed ghost with a penchant for (08:06):
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Speaker0: rare earth elements. Ken Schitt has more. (08:12):
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Speaker0: What you're looking at is the face of the biggest bull bag in aviation history, D.B. (08:18):
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Speaker0: Cooper, the smartest bastard to ever strap on a parachute and flip the bird to law enforcement. (08:22):
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Speaker0: In 1971, this cocky son of a grandmother walks onto a Boeing 727 like he owns (08:30):
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Speaker0: the joint, orders a bourbon, lights up a smoke, and decides to turn Northwest (08:36):
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Speaker0: Orient Airlines into his personal piggy bank. (08:41):
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Speaker0: But here's the kicker. This wasn't some half-baked scheme by a desperate junkie. (08:45):
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Speaker0: This magnificent bastard knew more about that aircraft than the people who built the damn thing. (08:50):
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Speaker0: After collecting 200 grand in cash, that's about a million in today's money, you cheap bastards. (08:57):
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Speaker0: Cooper straps on a parachute, lowers the rear stairs mid-flight like he's taking (09:03):
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Speaker0: out the bloody garbage, and jumps into the pitch black night over the Pacific (09:08):
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Speaker0: Northwest, giving gravity the middle finger on his way down. (09:12):
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Speaker0: The FBI's been chasing their tails for over 50 years trying to catch this phantom. (09:17):
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Speaker0: They found some of his money in 1980, wet and rotting on a riverbank like yesterday's (09:22):
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Speaker0: fish and chips. But Cooper? Gone. (09:28):
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Speaker0: Vanished. Probably drinking Mai Tais on a beach somewhere, laughing his arse (09:31):
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Speaker0: off at the greatest escape in criminal history. (09:35):
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Speaker0: This is Ken Shit, reminding you that sometimes the bastards do win and they do it with style. (09:39):
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Speaker0: Back to the studio, you magnificent animals. (09:46):
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Speaker0: And now to the Maratha Empire in 1750, where palace intrigue reached fever pitch (09:52):
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Speaker0: as Tarabai, once the architect of Rajaram II's rise turned the tables and had him arrested, (09:58):
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Speaker0: branding him an imposter from the Gondali caste. (10:05):
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Speaker0: The move followed a clash over Peshwabalaji Bhaji Rao's position, (10:07):
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Speaker0: which Rajaram II refused to revoke. (10:12):
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Speaker0: While Tarabai sought to reclaim power, the Peshwa retained control, (10:16):
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Speaker0: leaving Rajaram II a mere figurehead in this chaotic chess game of dynastic power. (10:20):
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Speaker0: For more, Hardiman Pesto has the details. (10:25):
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Speaker0: Martin, quite a scene here at the Sitara Fort. (10:29):
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Speaker0: I'm with noted historian Professor Lady Millicent Chutney Spode, (10:32):
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Speaker0: and we're watching what can only be described as a family tiff of epic proportions. (10:36):
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Speaker0: Well, that's putting it rather mildly. What we're seeing is a complete constitutional crisis. (10:41):
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Speaker0: Pesto, can you clarify exactly what's happening there? Yes, Martin. (10:47):
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Speaker0: The elderly Tarabai has just had her grandson arrested. Although she's now saying (10:52):
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Speaker0: he's not her grandson at all, but rather a sort of substitute grandson. (10:56):
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Speaker0: A substitute grandson? Yes, like when you run out of milk and use coffee creamer instead. (11:00):
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Speaker0: That's not at all an accurate comparison. (11:06):
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Speaker0: Pesto, are you suggesting that one of India's most powerful women just misplaced her grandson? (11:09):
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Speaker0: Well, she's saying he's actually from the Gondali caste, Martin. (11:15):
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Speaker0: Sort of a rent-a-grandson, if you will. (11:18):
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Speaker0: This is a serious political power play. The Peshawar's position. (11:21):
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Speaker0: She's just had him thrown in the dungeon. (11:24):
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Speaker0: Bit of an overreaction, if you ask me. I mean, most grandmothers just withhold pocket money. (11:27):
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Speaker0: And this is the same grandson she previously claimed was legitimate? it? (11:32):
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Speaker0: Yes, but apparently she's changed her mind. A bit like when you buy something (11:36):
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Speaker0: and then decide you don't want it anymore. (11:40):
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Speaker0: This is absolutely not like that at all. This is about control of the Maratha Empire. (11:43):
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Speaker0: So, Pesto, what you're telling me is that one of history's most significant (11:50):
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Speaker0: political coups is essentially just a grandmother having buyer's remorse. (11:54):
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Speaker0: That's exactly right, Martin, although I should mention she's now looking this way rather crossly. (11:59):
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Speaker0: Pesto, thank you. That's Hardeman Pesto, demonstrating once again why he'll (12:04):
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Speaker0: never be anyone's favourite grandson. (12:10):
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Speaker0: 1963. A shocking moment in American history unfolded today in 1963 as Jack Ruby, (12:12):
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Speaker0: wielding a .38 caliber revolver and an apparent flare for sandwiches, (12:20):
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Speaker0: shot Lee Harvey Oswald live on television during his transfer from police headquarters. (12:24):
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Speaker0: The audacious act, occurring just 48 hours after President Kennedy's assassination, (12:30):
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Speaker0: left viewers stunned and security protocols in shambles. (12:37):
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Speaker0: Captured in a Pulitzer Prize-winning photograph, the incident has ignited questions (12:43):
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Speaker0: about the handling of high-profile suspects. (12:48):
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Speaker0: Now, over to Melody Wintergreen in Dallas for more on this extraordinary day. (12:51):
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Speaker0: Dallas, 1963. Melody Wintergreen here, in the basement of the Dallas Police (13:00):
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Speaker0: Headquarters, where the plot just thickened, the drama intensified, (13:06):
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Speaker0: and justice took a holiday. (13:10):
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Speaker0: Just moments ago, Lee Harvey Oswald, the man accused of assassinating President (13:16):
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Speaker0: Kennedy, was shot dead by Jack Ruby, (13:21):
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Speaker0: a local nightclub owner with a penchant for fedoras, and apparently a deep dislike (13:24):
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Speaker0: for alleged presidential assassins. (13:29):
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Speaker0: The cameras were rolling, capturing the chaos in grainy, black-and-white detail. (13:32):
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Speaker0: It was a scene straight out of a gangster movie, only this was real life, (13:37):
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Speaker0: unfolding live on national television. (13:42):
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Speaker0: The basement erupted in pandemonium. Reporters scrambled, officers shouted, (13:48):
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Speaker0: and Oswald crumpled to the floor, another victim in this tragic saga. (13:53):
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Speaker0: Robert Jackson's camera lens captured the moment for eternity. (13:58):
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Speaker0: A Pulitzer Prize-winning photograph that immortalized the shock, (14:01):
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Speaker0: the confusion, and the sheer absurdity of it all. (14:05):
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Speaker0: America watched in stunned silence. How could this happen? A high-profile suspect, (14:12):
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Speaker0: gunned down in police custody. (14:18):
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Speaker0: It was a security breach of epic proportions, a Keystone Cops moment on the world stage. (14:20):
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Speaker0: The conspiracy theorists are having a field day, their imaginations running (14:25):
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Speaker0: wilder than a Texas longhorn. (14:29):
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Speaker0: As the dust settles, one thing is clear. the Ruby Oswald shooting has ripped (14:35):
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Speaker0: another hole in the fabric of American history. (14:40):
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Speaker0: It's a grim reminder of the chaos that can follow tragedy, and the questions (14:43):
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Speaker0: that linger when justice is delivered, (14:47):
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Speaker0: not in a courtroom, but in a police basement, live on television. (14:49):
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Speaker0: Melody Wintergreen, Newsbang, where the truth is always stranger than fiction, especially in Dallas. (14:55):
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Speaker0: And these earned newsbang, illuminating the shadows where truth fears to tread. (15:05):
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Speaker0: 1906. And now, our sports correspondent Ryder Boff, a man who once covered a (15:15):
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Speaker0: badminton scandal with the fervour of a tabloid on a royal break-up. (15:22):
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Speaker0: He's been delving into the sordid underbelly of football in 1906. Ryder. (15:25):
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Speaker0: And now, breaking news from 1906, where professional football has been rocked (15:36):
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Speaker0: to its very foundations by allegations (15:41):
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Speaker0: of match-fixing between the Canton Bulldogs and Marseille Tigers. (15:42):
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Speaker0: The second game of their series ended in what can only be described as a theatrical (15:46):
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Speaker0: performance worthy of the most amateur, dramatic society. (15:50):
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Speaker0: The Bulldogs are on the attack, or are they? They seem to be moving around the (15:58):
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Speaker0: pitch with all the urgency of a herd of sloths in a treacle factory. (16:02):
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Speaker0: And now the Tigers have the ball and they're walking it towards the goal. (16:05):
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Speaker0: I've seen more aggressive games of tiddlywinks at a retirement home. (16:09):
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Speaker0: What in the name of Queen Victoria is going on here? It's like watching a training (16:13):
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Speaker0: exercise for exceptionally lazy snails. (16:18):
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Speaker0: Coach Blondie Wallace of the Canton Bulldogs. And what a spectacular name that (16:24):
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Speaker0: is, reminds me of my first wife's poodle. (16:28):
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Speaker0: Stan's accused of orchestrating a deliberate loss faster than my Aunt Mabel (16:30):
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Speaker0: dropping her false teeth in the punch bowl at the BBC Christmas party. (16:34):
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Speaker0: Player Walter East, meanwhile, has been caught up in the whole sorry affair (16:39):
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Speaker0: like a badger in a wind tunnel. (16:42):
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Speaker0: The scandals hit the Ohio League Championship harder than that time I tried (16:48):
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Speaker0: to interview a concussed boxer who thought I was his grandmother. (16:52):
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Speaker0: Gate receipts, those lovely little bits of paper that keep the whole show running, (16:55):
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Speaker0: appear to have been at the heart of it all. (16:59):
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Speaker0: It's enough to make a grown man weep into his handlebar moustache. (17:02):
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Speaker0: East has the ball. He's running towards... Oh, he's stopped. (17:09):
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Speaker0: He's just stopped dead in his tracks. And is he adjusting his shoelaces in the (17:12):
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Speaker0: middle of the pitch with the opposition bearing down on him? (17:16):
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Speaker0: This is the most bizarre game of football I've ever witnessed. (17:19):
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Speaker0: It's more suspicious than a politician's expense report. (17:22):
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Speaker0: Speaking of mustaches, I remember covering the All-England Facial Hair Championships in 82. (17:27):
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Speaker0: The winner was disqualified for using boot polish and a wireframe. (17:33):
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Speaker0: But I digress. The point is, this betting scandal has caused more raised eyebrows (17:36):
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Speaker0: than a Victorian gentleman's club during a lightning storm. (17:42):
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Speaker0: The allegations suggest certain players were planning to throw games with all (17:49):
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Speaker0: the subtlety of a drunk elephant at a China convention. (17:53):
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Speaker0: Though formal charges haven't been filed, the damage to professional football's (17:55):
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Speaker0: reputation is more severe than that time I attempted to demonstrate proper cricket (18:00):
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Speaker0: technique to the Queen's corgis. (18:05):
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Speaker0: The economic impact has been devastating, with both clubs now hemorrhaging money (18:11):
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Speaker0: faster than my second wife's shopping sprees at Harrods. It's a dark day for (18:15):
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Speaker0: Ohio football, and mark my words, this sport won't recover until someone invents (18:19):
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Speaker0: some sort of National Football League to sort out this mess. (18:23):
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Speaker0: This is Ryder Boff reporting from 1906, where the only thing more suspicious (18:29):
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Speaker0: than the scoreline is the mysterious disappearance of all the meat pies from (18:33):
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Speaker0: the press box. Back to the studio. (18:37):
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Speaker0: 1859. Calamity Prenderville, our resident oracle of all things scientific, (18:45):
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Speaker0: steps forth tonight to unravel the tangled web of innovation, (18:51):
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Speaker0: adaptation and possibly questionable cooking. Over to you, Calamity. (18:55):
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Speaker0: Good evening, science lovers. On this day in 1859, British innovation struck (19:10):
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Speaker0: again when Charles Darwin, armed with nothing but a BBC micro and a determination (19:15):
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Speaker0: to understand nature, published his groundbreaking book On the Origin of Species. (19:20):
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Speaker0: Using revolutionary techniques mainly (19:27):
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Speaker0: involving a zx spectrum and some graph (19:30):
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Speaker0: paper darwin proved that animals change over time (19:33):
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Speaker0: much like how my aunt mabel's cooking evolved from (19:36):
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Speaker0: merely terrible to absolutely lethal the book sold out faster than hot cakes (19:38):
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Speaker0: at a vicar's tea party all 1250 copies snapped up in one day the printer using (19:46):
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Speaker0: cutting-edge british technology involving a modified Amstrad word processor, (19:52):
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Speaker0: and what he claims was a magic box couldn't keep up with demand. (19:56):
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Speaker0: Darwin's research, conducted primarily in his garden shed in Kent, (20:02):
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Speaker0: involved watching pigeons through a specially modified viewmaster. (20:05):
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Speaker0: He also spent considerable time observing his neighbour's poodle, (20:09):
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Speaker0: which he swore was slowly turning into a Labrador. (20:12):
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Speaker0: The most fascinating part, Darwin completed his manuscripts using an early prototype (20:17):
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Speaker0: of Prestel's electronic mail system, sending chapters to his publisher via a (20:21):
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Speaker0: modified telephone box in Bromley. (20:26):
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Speaker0: The original drafts were saved on punch cards, which his wife unfortunately (20:28):
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Speaker0: used to make a rather unusual Christmas decoration. (20:31):
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Speaker0: This revolutionary British publication changed our understanding of nature forever, (20:36):
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Speaker0: though critics at the time insisted it was just an elaborate marketing campaign for the London Zoo. (20:41):
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Speaker0: This is Calamity Prenderville, reminding you that evolution is just nature's (20:47):
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Speaker0: way of trying new things out, like my experimental hairstyle. Back to the studio. (20:51):
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Speaker0: Odysseus Newsbang, where headlines collide with truth in a fiery explosion. (21:01):
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Speaker0: 1925. And now, to 1925, when the Forest Theatre opened its doors as part of (21:08):
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Speaker0: the Schubert brothers' audacious attempt to fuse Broadway sparkle with Hotel Hospitality. (21:14):
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Speaker0: Designed by Herbert J. Crap, the theatre's brick and terracotta facade was matched (21:20):
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Speaker0: only by its 1,760-seat interior, which played host to the middlingly received musical Mayflowers. (21:25):
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Speaker0: Later rechristened the Coronet and then the Eugene O'Neill Theatre, (21:33):
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Speaker0: it remains a testament to theatrical ambition and the enduring charm of mixed reviews. (21:38):
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Speaker0: News to tell us more here's smithsonia moss now at this point of the evening (21:44):
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Speaker0: we welcome listeners on sm who've just joined us. (21:51):
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Speaker0: Waho, and a big hello to all you Broadway babies. It's Smithsonian Moss, (22:01):
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Speaker0: your gal on the Great White Way, and tonight, honey, we're throwing it back (22:06):
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Speaker0: to 1925 when flapper dresses were flapping, (22:10):
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Speaker0: jazz was jamming, and a brand new theater was about to light up Broadway, (22:13):
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Speaker0: like a firework, on the 4th of July. (22:17):
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Speaker0: May 18th, 1925, the day the Forest Theater, later to become the Coronet, (22:21):
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Speaker0: and finally, the Eugene O'Neill, first opened its doors. (22:27):
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Speaker0: This wasn't just a theater. It was a temple of theatrical dreams, (22:31):
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Speaker0: a palace of performance. (22:36):
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Speaker0: Uh, well, you get the picture. (22:38):
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Speaker0: Designed by the architectural genius Herbert J. Crap, this Art Deco masterpiece (22:43):
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Speaker0: was dripping in glamour, oozing sophistication, and basically saying, (22:48):
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Speaker0: Darling, I'm the bee's knees. (22:52):
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Speaker0: The opening night was a scene straight out of a Fitzgerald novel. (22:55):
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Speaker0: New York's Glitterati, the who's who of the Roaring Twenties, (23:00):
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Speaker0: all dolled up in their finest flapper finery, flocked to the Forest Theater (23:03):
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Speaker0: for the premiere of Mayflowers. (23:08):
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Speaker0: A musical that, well, let's just say it wasn't exactly Hamilton. (23:10):
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Speaker0: The critics were lukewarm, the audiences were polite, and the show closed faster (23:17):
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Speaker0: than a speakeasy during a Prohibition raid. (23:23):
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Speaker0: But hey even a flop can't dim the sparkle of a truly fabulous theater the forest (23:27):
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Speaker0: with its opulent interior its state-of-the-art stage and its 1760 plush seats (23:34):
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Speaker0: was a star in its own right, (23:40):
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Speaker0: it was like a broadway diva demanding attention commanding respect and basically (23:43):
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Speaker0: saying honey I'm here to stay. (23:49):
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Speaker0: And stay it did. Through name changes, renovations, and countless productions, (23:52):
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Speaker0: the Eugene O'Neill Theater has remained a Broadway landmark, (23:58):
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Speaker0: a testament to the enduring power (24:02):
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Speaker0: of live theater and the resilience of a really, really good building. (24:04):
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Speaker0: It's seen everything from highbrow dramas to lowbrow comedies, (24:08):
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Speaker0: from Shakespeare to Sondheim, and it's still standing tall, a grand old dame of the Great White Way. (24:12):
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Speaker0: So next time you're in NYC and you're looking for a little theatrical magic, (24:20):
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Speaker0: check out the Eugene O'Neill Theater. (24:24):
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Speaker0: Just don't expect to see Mayflowers. That ship has sailed, honey. Wah-ho! (24:26):
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Speaker0: Medaille News Bang, where the unthinkable becomes thinkable through impeccable artificial insight. (24:36):
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Speaker0: And finally, it's time for the last spin of the newspapers for tonight. (24:45):
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Speaker0: The Times screams Java Jive, ends in jungle jumble. (24:51):
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Speaker0: The Telegraph trumpets Yanks Yank Yankees Off Hill, plus a free sweet potato recipe. (24:57):
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Speaker0: The male moans, Granada grunts, treaty makes town tongue-tied. (25:05):
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Speaker0: And the express exclaims, Ipswich in washboard crisis. (25:13):
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Speaker0: And that's your lot, from us, for now, forever, almost. (25:20):
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Speaker0: Join us again tomorrow, when Princess Margaret will attempt to cut a cake with a chainsaw. (25:26):
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Speaker0: Nighty night. Tune in next time for more artificially intelligent hilarity. (25:31):
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Speaker0: Newsbang is a comedy show written and recorded by AI. (25:38):
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Speaker0: All voices impersonated. Nothing here is real. Good night. (25:43):
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