The Whimsical Turnip Parade

The News Show dives into a series of absurd yet captivating headlines designed to highlight the bizarre intersection of history and satire. Starting with a humorous report from the Bay of Bengal, the narrative describes an incident where French frigates captured British merchant vessels in what is described as the most polite act of piracy in history. The French, decked with baguettes and cheese, engaged the British ships while playing accordion music, leading to laughter among viewers as the British crew resorted to throwing tea crates and penning sharp letters in response to their attacking counterparts. The East India Company's comical retribution involved a new policy that mandates etiquette lessons and the installation of crumpet dispensers on merchant ships. The chaos escalates with a satire-laden exposé of Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev’s antics amidst diplomatic tensions. Khrushchev makes an exaggerated and absurd threat to attend the funerals of Western diplomats, invoking panic among staff members, many of whom have not even passed away yet. The environment at the embassy, described chillingly and humorously, showcases Khrushchev's propensity for over-the-top gestures and his odd way of measuring coffin dimensions, hinting at the absurdity of Cold War diplomacy. Moving to the Balkans, the report describes the woeful incompetence of the Yugoslav People's Army as they allegedly failed to properly lay siege to the city of Vukovar. After 87 days marked by chaos and ineptitude, the army finally marched into the city without successfully engaging in any organized bombardment. The satirical commentary reflects on the lack of military decorum, with military experts condemning the operations for not abiding by basic siege etiquette, calling for mandatory workshops to avoid such blunders in the future. Next, the weather segment humorously outlines the impending atmospheric shifts across the United Kingdom, ranging from drizzle to sharper winds, painting a vivid, chaotic picture of the unpredictable British climate. Weather forecasts, filled with whimsical metaphors and exaggerated imagery, further emphasize the absurdity of day-to-day life amidst such serious global events. As the show shifts its focus back to the deteriorating situation in Vukovar, reports indicate grim developments in the ongoing siege, with casualties rising and the city crumbling under relentless bombardment. War correspondent Brian Bastable offers a raw and darkly humorous account from the frontline, capturing the tragedies unfolding around him. His sardonic observations expose the grim reality faced by combatants and citizens alike, alongside a desperate struggle for survival amidst ruin. In a shocking transition, the show tackles the disastrous events surrounding the People's Temple led by Jim Jones in Guyana, introducing the listener to the catastrophic punch party that resulted in over 900 deaths. The investigation into this malevolent event paints a graphic picture of a mass suicide driven by a paranoid leader’s delusions of control. Ken Schitt’s visceral and unflinching report captures the horror of the scene and the sheer magnitude of the tragedy, illustrating the grotesque reality faced by those caught in this cult's demise. Back to historical events from 1956, a retrospective shines a light on Khrushchev's infamous "We Will Bury You" speech, initially perceived through the lens of mistranslation. This historical episode serves as a reminder of how diplomatic relations can turn into comedic disasters. Correspondent Hardiman Pesto highlights the chaotic nature of the event as diplomats hastily exit while Khrushchev continues delivering his rebuke, inadvertently solidifying his infamous legacy. The program also updates listeners on Mark Twain’s revolutionary contributions to American literature with his comedic short story about a jumping frog, marking a turning point that brought humor into America’s literary scene. Through the whimsical po

Episode Transcript

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Speaker0: Polish Embassy. (00:20):
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Speaker0: And Croatian City gets Yugoslav Jabu. (00:25):
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Speaker0: And later in the program, a special report on why so many Puranas are opening bank accounts. (00:30):
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Speaker0: Those are the headlines. Hold the spouting mustard. (00:38):
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Speaker0: Order News Bang, illuminating the abyss of ignorance with a torch of veracity. (00:47):
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Speaker0: Edi Dezita Siln 1809 Shocking scenes in the Bay of Bengal today as French frigates (00:54):
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Speaker0: captured three British merchant vessels in what witnesses describe as the most (01:03):
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Speaker0: polite act of piracy ever witnessed. (01:08):
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Speaker0: The French ships, reportedly equipped with fresh baguettes and expensive cheese, (01:11):
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Speaker0: approached the British vessels while playing accordion music at full volume. (01:16):
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Speaker0: The Wyndham, largest of the merchant ships, attempted to defend itself by hurling (01:20):
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Speaker0: tea crates and strongly worded letters at the French vessels for nearly an hour (01:24):
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Speaker0: before finally surrendering with a disappointed tut. (01:28):
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Speaker0: First Mate Timothy. Buttersworth described the ordeal as absolutely ghastly. (01:33):
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Speaker0: They didn't even wait for tea time. (01:40):
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Speaker0: The East India Company has responded by implementing new defensive measures, (01:42):
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Speaker0: including mandatory etiquette lessons for all crew members and the installation (01:47):
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Speaker0: of emergency crumpet dispensers. (01:50):
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Speaker0: Meanwhile, French captain Jean-Pierre du Formage was quoted as saying, (01:53):
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Speaker0: We would have taken more ships but we had to stop for lunch at two o'clock. (01:57):
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Speaker0: Maritime experts warn this could lead to a dramatic escalation in naval warfare (02:02):
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Speaker0: politeness, with ships potentially being forced to exchange calling cards before engaging in combat. (02:07):
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Speaker0: Diplomatic chaos erupted in Moscow today as Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev (02:15):
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Speaker0: threatened to attend Western diplomats' funerals, causing mass panic among embassy (02:19):
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Speaker0: staff who hadn't even died yet. (02:24):
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Speaker0: The incident, which occurred at what witnesses describe as the world's most (02:26):
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Speaker0: awkward, Cocteau Party, saw Khrushchev violently shaking his fist while promising (02:30):
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Speaker0: to outlive everyone in the room. (02:36):
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Speaker0: Western diplomats, already unsettled by Khrushchev's habit of removing his shoe (02:39):
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Speaker0: and using it as an impromptu microphone, immediately fled the embassy, (02:43):
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Speaker0: citing premature burial anxiety and acute funeral phobia. (02:48):
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Speaker0: One American attaché was heard screaming, he's going to bury us, (02:52):
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Speaker0: and I haven't even written my will. (02:56):
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Speaker0: The Soviet leader later clarified his statement, explaining he was merely offering (02:59):
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Speaker0: free funeral services as part of the USSR's new five-year plan for efficient capitalist disposal. (03:03):
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Speaker0: Meanwhile, Polish embassy staff reported that Khrushchev spent the remainder (03:11):
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Speaker0: of the evening following diplomats around with a tape measure, (03:15):
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Speaker0: muttering about coffin dimensions. (03:18):
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Speaker0: Uh, 1991. Trouble in the Balkans today as the Yugoslav people's army demonstrated (03:20):
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Speaker0: their complete inability to organize a proper siege. (03:26):
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Speaker0: After 87 days of what witnesses describe as the most incompetent bombardment (03:30):
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Speaker0: in military history, the forces finally captured Vukovar by literally walking into it. (03:36):
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Speaker0: Local resident Mirko Bobic described the scene. They kept missing the city entirely. (03:42):
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Speaker0: Half their shells landed in neighboring farmers' fields. (03:48):
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Speaker0: One commander got so frustrated he tried to knock down a building by throwing rocks at it. (03:52):
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Speaker0: The siege has been widely condemned by military experts as lacking basic siege etiquette. (03:57):
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Speaker0: General Vladimir Petkovic noted, In medieval times, we at least had the decency (04:03):
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Speaker0: to send a strongly worded letter before unleashing hell. (04:09):
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Speaker0: These people just showed up and started breaking things. The UN Security Council (04:12):
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Speaker0: has issued a statement declaring the siege a violation of the Geneva Convention (04:17):
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Speaker0: on how to properly demolish a city, (04:21):
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Speaker0: and demanded both sides attend mandatory siege workshops. (04:24):
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Speaker0: Ah, news bang. Lighting the dark corners of fiction with truth's torch. (04:29):
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Speaker0: And now the weather forecast from our meteorological correspondent Shakanaka (04:37):
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Speaker0: Giles, who's been staring at clouds again. (04:41):
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Speaker0: Right then, South East looking grimmer than a turkey reading the December calendar. (04:55):
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Speaker0: Expect drizzle heavier than your aunt's Christmas pudding opinions. (05:00):
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Speaker0: Midlands will be experiencing what we call a pre-winter identity crisis. (05:07):
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Speaker0: Starting warm as toast before plummeting faster than Black Friday prices. (05:13):
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Speaker0: Pack both sunscreen and snow boots. You'll need them. (05:19):
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Speaker0: Up north, prepare for winds strong enough to blow the stuffing right out of (05:25):
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Speaker0: your holiday preparations, gusting at speeds that'll have Santa checking his (05:31):
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Speaker0: sleigh's insurance policy. (05:37):
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Speaker0: Scotland's getting a proper November soaking, with rain falling sideways like (05:41):
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Speaker0: a drunken penguin. Temperatures hovering around 5 degrees. (05:47):
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Speaker0: That's coat weather for Southerners. (05:51):
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Speaker0: T-shirt weather for Scots. (05:54):
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Speaker0: In summary then, confused, wet and windier than a Brussels sprout convention. (05:58):
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Speaker0: And that's all the weather. (06:04):
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Speaker0: Er, 1991. And we continue now our coverage of the Battle of Vukovar, (06:15):
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Speaker0: where the Yugoslav people's army's siege has entered its 87th day. (06:21):
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Speaker0: The city, once a symbol of Croatian pride, now lies in ruins. (06:25):
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Speaker0: Reports indicate over 1,800 defenders and civilians have perished in what observers (06:30):
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Speaker0: are calling one of the most brutal conflicts in modern European history. (06:35):
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Speaker0: The international community watches in horror as artillery continues to pound (06:40):
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Speaker0: what remains of this historic city. (06:45):
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Speaker0: For more on this developing situation, we cross live to our war correspondent (06:47):
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Speaker0: Brian Bastable, who's monitoring events from just outside the conflict zone. (06:52):
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Speaker0: This is my war, the war that's happening right now, right here in the smoking (06:58):
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Speaker0: ruins of what was once called Vukovar. (07:02):
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Speaker0: The buildings are dancing their final waltz as Serbian artillery conducts its deadly orchestra. (07:04):
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Speaker0: I'm crouching behind what used to be someone's prize-winning petunias. (07:10):
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Speaker0: Next to me, a man is writing his last will and testament on a piece of exploded tank. (07:16):
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Speaker0: He's using his own blood as ink. Resourceful chap. (07:21):
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Speaker0: The city's been under siege for 87 days. That's longer than most of my marriages. (07:28):
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Speaker0: The defenders are down to their last bullets, and some have resorted to throwing (07:34):
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Speaker0: particularly harsh language at the enemy. (07:39):
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Speaker0: Oh, there goes the library. Shakespeare's complete works just hit me in the (07:44):
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Speaker0: face at roughly 300 miles per hour. (07:49):
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Speaker0: The Yugoslav People's Army is advancing through streets that look like they've (07:51):
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Speaker0: been chewed up and spat out by a concrete-eating dragon. (07:55):
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Speaker0: I've just watched a Croatian defender throw his empty gun at a tank, (08:01):
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Speaker0: denting both its pride and its paintwork. (08:06):
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Speaker0: The tank responded by removing his hat along with most of his head. (08:08):
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Speaker0: The city is falling faster than my career prospects. (08:15):
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Speaker0: The streets are flowing with rivers of... Well, best not mention that before (08:18):
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Speaker0: the watershed. Suffice to say it's not strawberry jam. (08:23):
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Speaker0: This is Brian Bastable reporting from what used to be the living room of number (08:28):
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Speaker0: 47, but is now mainly sky. (08:33):
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Speaker0: News bang. Vukovar. 1978. (08:37):
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Speaker0: 1978 now, as we continue our coverage of the darkest chapter in beverage-related cult activities. (08:42):
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Speaker0: The People's Temple, led by Jim Jones, has orchestrated what experts are calling (08:49):
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Speaker0: the most catastrophic punch party in human history. (08:54):
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Speaker0: Over 900 followers have perished in Guyana following what began as a simple (08:57):
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Speaker0: fact-finding mission by US Congressman Leo Ryan. (09:02):
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Speaker0: The congressman's visit to investigate claims of unusual practices took an unprecedented (09:06):
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Speaker0: turn when he discovered that the punch wasn't the only thing that was spiked. (09:12):
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Speaker0: For more on this devastating story, we cross live to Ken Schitt, (09:17):
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Speaker0: who's been investigating the darker side of fruit-flavoured refreshments. (09:22):
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Speaker0: I'm standing in what used to be the People's Temple Agricultural Project, (09:28):
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Speaker0: now just another blood-soaked clearing in the Guyanese jungle where yesterday, (09:32):
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Speaker0: that megalomaniacal circus master Jim Jones orchestrated the most grotesque (09:36):
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Speaker0: farewell party in human history. (09:42):
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Speaker0: Behind me, over 900 bodies are being hauled away like garbage bags. (09:46):
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Speaker0: Men, women and Christ Almighty, children. all because one power-drunk bastard (09:51):
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Speaker0: couldn't handle losing control of his human ant farm. (09:57):
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Speaker0: It started when Congressman Leo Ryan showed up to investigate claims that Jones (10:01):
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Speaker0: was running this place like a prison camp. (10:06):
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Speaker0: Some residents tried to escape with Ryan's team. (10:09):
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Speaker0: Jones' goons responded by turning the airstrip into a shooting gallery. (10:12):
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Speaker0: The congressman and four others were gunned down like dogs. (10:16):
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Speaker0: Then Jones, that paranoid piece of work, gathered his flock for one final white (10:22):
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Speaker0: night Their practice suicide drill turned real Parents were forced to poison (10:27):
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Speaker0: their own kids with cyanide-laced punch While armed guards stood watch Those (10:32):
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Speaker0: who refused got a bullet instead, (10:37):
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Speaker0: The scale of this atrocity is enough to make your breakfast try to escape through (10:41):
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Speaker0: your nostrils 900 people, (10:46):
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Speaker0: 900 all because they believed in this self-appointed messiah with his designer (10:48):
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Speaker0: sunglasses and his god complex. (10:54):
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Speaker0: This is Ken Shit, reporting from Hell's Waiting Room. Back to the studio. (10:59):
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Speaker0: 1956 And on this day in 1956, Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev delivered his (11:05):
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Speaker0: now infamous We Will Bury You speech at the Polish Embassy in Moscow. (11:12):
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Speaker0: What was intended as a metaphorical prediction of communism's triumph became, (11:16):
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Speaker0: through the magic of mistranslation, history's most aggressive funeral invitation. (11:21):
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Speaker0: Western diplomats stormed out, (11:29):
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Speaker0: presumably to check their diaries for conflicting burial appointments. (11:30):
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Speaker0: The phrase went on to become the Cold War's most memorable RSVP decline. (11:34):
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Speaker0: For more on this historical diplomatic (11:39):
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Speaker0: disaster, we cross to our political correspondent Hardiman Pesto. (11:41):
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Speaker0: Martin, I'm here at the Polish Embassy in Moscow, shoulder to shoulder, (11:46):
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Speaker0: with noted Soviet historian Dr. (11:50):
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Speaker0: Oleg Burshtikov. The mood is electric and slightly chilly, as I appear to be (11:53):
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Speaker0: standing in the coat check room. (11:58):
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Speaker0: Mr. Pesto, the situation is unprecedented. (12:00):
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Speaker0: Mr. Khrushchev has just delivered a most alarming statement. (12:03):
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Speaker0: Pesto, are you actually inside the embassy, or are you in fact hiding in a cupboard? (12:06):
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Speaker0: It's a diplomatic observation post, Martin, and it offers excellent acoustics, I might add. (12:11):
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Speaker0: I can hear everything through this heating vent. (12:17):
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Speaker0: For example, right now I can hear the Western delegates leaving, (12:20):
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Speaker0: rather briskly, I might add. (12:23):
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Speaker0: Some without their coats, actually. If I could just explain the significance (12:26):
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Speaker0: of the Premier's words. One moment, Dr. Borshtikov. (12:30):
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Speaker0: Martin, Mr. Khrushchev is now banging his shoe on the table. (12:34):
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Speaker0: Quite vigorously, I might add. (12:38):
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Speaker0: A powerful gesture of friendship. (12:40):
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Speaker0: That was two years later at the UN Pesto, and I highly doubt it was a gesture of friendship. (12:43):
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Speaker0: No, no, he's definitely doing it now. I can hear the leather hitting the mahogany, (12:48):
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Speaker0: or possibly a diplomat's head. (12:52):
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Speaker0: It's hard to tell from in here That's actually the sound of departing diplomats' (12:54):
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Speaker0: footsteps Breaking news, Martin Someone's just opened the coat-checked door and Oh dear, Mr. (12:59):
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Speaker0: Khrushchev himself is looking for his hat And glaring at me And what's he saying, (13:06):
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Speaker0: Pesto? Is he threatening you with a Siberian gulag? (13:11):
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Speaker0: He's saying we will bury you again But this time to a fur coat I believe it's (13:13):
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Speaker0: a traditional Russian blessing for outerwear Dr. (13:19):
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Speaker0: Borshtikov Perhaps you could clarify the actual translation for our historically (13:22):
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Speaker0: challenged correspondent. (13:27):
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Speaker0: The phrase in Russian actually means... Sorry, can't hear you over the sound (13:29):
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Speaker0: of me being discovered by the KGB. (13:33):
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Speaker0: They seem confused by my press credentials. (13:35):
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Speaker0: Pesto, are you in any actual danger? Not at all, Martin. (13:38):
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Speaker0: They've just asked me to leave. And to stop trying to bury myself in the coats. (13:43):
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Speaker0: Apparently it's not the done thing. Quite. (13:47):
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Speaker0: Thank you, Pesto. That was our correspondent. Definitely not hiding in a coat (13:50):
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Speaker0: closet at the Polish embassy in Moscow. (13:54):
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Speaker0: 1865. American literary circles have been thrown into chaos by what witnesses (13:58):
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Speaker0: describe as an amphibian-based narrative breakthrough. (14:03):
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Speaker0: Mark Twain's tale of a jumping frog has apparently hopped its way into the nation's (14:07):
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Speaker0: consciousness, leaving traditional writers ribbiting with rage. (14:12):
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Speaker0: The New York Saturday Press reports unprecedented scenes as readers discover (14:16):
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Speaker0: that stories can actually be funny without involving British people falling into puddings. (14:21):
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Speaker0: For more on this literary leap (14:26):
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Speaker0: forward, we cross live to our American correspondent, Melody Wintergreen. (14:29):
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Speaker0: Calaveras County, California, 1875. Melody Wintergreen here at the epicenter (14:36):
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Speaker0: of a literary earthquake that's shaking the foundations of American literature. (14:42):
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Speaker0: Hold on to your hats, folks, because Mark Twain's celebrated jumping frog has (14:47):
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Speaker0: just hopped onto the scene, and it's about to change everything. (14:52):
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Speaker0: This ain't your grandma's poetry, folks. It's a tall tale, a yarn spun from (14:59):
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Speaker0: the rawhide of the American West, a story about a gambling man, (15:04):
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Speaker0: a gullible stranger, and a frog named Danil Webster with a penchant for lead pellets. (15:08):
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Speaker0: Mark Twain, a.k.a. Samuel Clemens, has just unleashed his comedic genius on an unsuspecting world. (15:17):
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Speaker0: Forget those stuffy British novels with their endless descriptions of drawing (15:24):
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Speaker0: rooms and cucumber sandwiches. (15:28):
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Speaker0: Twain's writing is as fresh and invigorating as a dip in the Mississippi River, (15:30):
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Speaker0: his characters as colorful as a box of crayons. (15:35):
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Speaker0: Here in Calaveras County, the very air crackles with the spirit of Twain's storytelling (15:42):
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Speaker0: You can almost hear the croaking of frogs, the clinking of coins and the roar (15:47):
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Speaker0: of laughter from the miners gathered around the saloon stove, (15:52):
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Speaker0: The jumping frog has become an instant classic a literary landmark, (15:59):
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Speaker0: a story that's as American as apple pie and, well, jumping frogs. (16:04):
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Speaker0: It's a testament to the power of humor, the allure of the tall tale, (16:09):
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Speaker0: and the enduring appeal of a frog that can outjump any challenger. (16:13):
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Speaker0: So saddle up, folks, and get ready for a literary ride that's wilder than a bucking bronco. (16:18):
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Speaker0: Melody Wintergreen, Newsbang, Calaveras County, where the frogs jump high, (16:25):
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Speaker0: the stories fly, and the laughter never dies. (16:31):
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Speaker0: News Bang. The jigsaw puzzle of truth. Missing no pieces today. (16:38):
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Speaker0: Breaking news from London's Transport Network and our travel correspondent Polly (16:46):
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Speaker0: Beep is at King's Cross with what appears to be an escalating situation. (16:50):
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Speaker0: Good evening, Road Warriors. Polly Beep here with a rather grim update from (16:58):
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Speaker0: King's Cross Station. If you're heading anywhere near the underground tonight, (17:02):
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Speaker0: you might want to reconsider your route choices, as we've got what appears to (17:06):
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Speaker0: be a rather nasty fire situation developing. (17:10):
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Speaker0: The wooden escalators have decided to transform themselves into what I can only (17:13):
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Speaker0: describe as the world's most inappropriate barbecue. (17:17):
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Speaker0: In related news, the A501 near King's Cross is absolutely chock-a-block with emergency vehicles. (17:24):
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Speaker0: It's like a blue light disco out there folks and the smoke isn't helping visibility (17:31):
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Speaker0: one bit if you're heading that way might i suggest a delightful detour through (17:36):
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Speaker0: camden town just mind the punks they're particularly spiky this evening, (17:41):
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Speaker0: meanwhile on the m25 we've got a peculiar situation involving three sheep a (17:49):
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Speaker0: morris dancer and what appears to be margaret thatcher's hat more on that as it develops. (17:54):
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Speaker0: News bang, spinning the yarn of reality on the loom of satire. (18:05):
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Speaker0: 2003. The Massachusetts Supreme Court has today ruled that preventing same-sex (18:14):
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Speaker0: couples from engaging in matrimonial (18:20):
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Speaker0: bliss is about as constitutional as serving tea without biscuits. (18:22):
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Speaker0: In a decision that sent shockwaves through the corridors of tradition, (18:26):
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Speaker0: seven couples who were previously denied the right to say, I do, (18:30):
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Speaker0: have effectively changed the landscape of American marriage forever. (18:34):
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Speaker0: The ruling gives lawmakers 180 days to adapt, or as one judge put it, to get with the program. (18:38):
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Speaker0: For more on this cultural earthquake, we go now to our culture correspondent, (18:46):
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Speaker0: Smithsonian Moss, who's been (18:51):
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Speaker0: monitoring the situation from her position inside a giant wedding cake. (18:53):
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Speaker0: Now at this point of the evening, we welcome listeners on FM who've just joined us. (18:57):
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Speaker0: Www.fema.org End Sonia Moss, (19:03):
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Speaker0: and I'm here to give you the lowdown on the landmark case that changed the game (19:19):
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Speaker0: for same-sex couples everywhere. (19:23):
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Speaker0: That's right. I'm talking about Goodridge vs. (19:25):
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Speaker0: Department of Public Health, the 2003 Massachusetts Supreme Judicial court, (19:28):
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Speaker0: ruling that legalized same-sex marriage in the state. (19:34):
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Speaker0: Now I know what you're thinking. Smithsoniania? This all sounds very serious and boring. (19:38):
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Speaker0: But trust me, it's about to get real. (19:44):
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Speaker0: See, there were these seven same-sex couples who were all, hey, (19:48):
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Speaker0: we want to get hitched, just like our straight friends. (19:52):
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Speaker0: And the state was all, uh, no, you can't, because reasons. (19:55):
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Speaker0: But these couples were all, Oh, hell no, we're taking you to court. (20:03):
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Speaker0: And that's exactly what they did. They took their case to the Massachusetts (20:09):
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Speaker0: Supreme Judicial Court, where the judges were all, You know what? You're right. (20:13):
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Speaker0: Same-sex couples should be able to get married, too. (20:19):
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Speaker0: And just like that, the definition of marriage was rewritten to include two (20:22):
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Speaker0: people of the same sex. Boom. (20:27):
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Speaker0: But here's the thing, folks. This wasn't just some feel-good, (20:31):
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Speaker0: rainbow-colored ruling. (20:34):
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Speaker0: No, this was a full-on, bare-knuckle brawl for equality. (20:36):
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Speaker0: The court was all, You know what, state? You can't just deny people the right (20:40):
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Speaker0: to marry because of their sexual orientation. (20:45):
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Speaker0: That's some discriminatory BS right there. (20:47):
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Speaker0: And let me tell you, the aftermath was pure pandemonium. (20:51):
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Speaker0: Conservatives were all, this is the end of the world as we know it. (20:56):
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Speaker0: And liberals were all, yes, finally, some justice. (21:00):
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Speaker0: It was like a real-life episode of The Real Housewives of Massachusetts. (21:04):
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Speaker0: But in all seriousness, this ruling was a major milestone in the fight for LGBTQ plus rights. (21:10):
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Speaker0: It paved the way for other states to follow suit, and eventually led to the (21:16):
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Speaker0: repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act in 2015. (21:20):
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Speaker0: That's right, folks. This case was the real MVP. (21:24):
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Speaker0: So there you have it. A brief history of Goodridge v. Department of Public Health. (21:29):
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Speaker0: It's a story of love, acceptance, and the power of the law to shape our society. (21:34):
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Speaker0: And if you don't like it, well, that's your problem. (21:39):
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Speaker0: As this newsbang, sailing the seas of sensibility with a compass of wit. (21:49):
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Speaker0: And finally, a quick look at tomorrow's papers. (21:57):
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Speaker0: The Times. Singapore handed to East India Company. Two sultans sign over. (22:00):
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Speaker0: The telegraph go with Reds launch Uranus operation. There's a photograph there of some artillery. (22:07):
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Speaker0: The Mail. Knoxville, surrounded by rebels in US Civil War. (22:16):
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Speaker0: That's with a diagram of the siege. (22:22):
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Speaker0: And the Express have led with Lord Bath Grabs as Couples Cottage Burns Down. (22:26):
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Speaker0: Presumably nothing to do with anything else. (22:32):
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Speaker0: That's all from us this evening. (22:36):
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Speaker0: More tomorrow when we'll be having a news as gannet feature. (22:39):
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Speaker0: That is to say, news of gannet. (22:43):
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Speaker0: Meanwhile, Henry VIII's pet goat is the answer to last week's puzzle. (22:47):
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Speaker0: The question was about Tudor cuddly toys. Good night. (22:51):
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