Fawning isn’t a flaw to fix. It is a brilliant survival response that can quietly shape your entire identity until you finally have the words for it.
In this episode, I sit down with clinical psychologist and author Ingrid Clayton for a conversation that I know will resonate deeply with so many of you. We talk about fawning, what it is, how it shows up, and why it’s so often misunderstood. If you’ve ever felt like you disappeared in a relationship or lost touch with your own needs just to keep someone else happy, you’re not alone. And chances are, your nervous system was doing exactly what it needed to do to keep you safe.
Ingrid shares her own story as a survivor of complex trauma, and how that experience shaped the work she does now. We explore the difference between trauma that’s tied to a single event and the kind that builds over time in ways that can be hard to name. We talk about what healing actually looks like, how to start reconnecting with yourself, how to recognize the patterns that no longer serve you, and how to hold space for the grief that sometimes comes with change.
This isn’t a conversation filled with quick fixes or five-step plans. It’s honest and validating. If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why do I keep doing this?” or “What’s wrong with me?” I hope this episode helps you see that nothing about you is broken. There’s a reason for the patterns. And there’s also a way through.
Episode Breakdown:
00:00 Introduction
02:08 How Personal Experience with Trauma Shaped Dr. Ingrid Clayton’s Work
03:17 What Complex Trauma Really Looks Like
10:20 Fawning as a Smart and Adaptive Trauma Response
14:03 Why Codependency and People-Pleasing Miss the Point
20:20 Real-Life Examples of Fawning in Adulthood
27:20 Why Trauma-Informed Therapy Matters
30:10 Rebuilding a Relationship with Yourself
36:09 How Healing Can Change Your Closest Relationships
40:41 Dr. Clayton’s Message to Anyone Who Feels Broken
Links
Book: Believing Me https://amzn.to/4lkulGy
Website: https://www.ingridclayton.com/
Preorder ‘Fawning’ here: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/779579/fawning-by-dr-ingrid-clayton/
https://www.instagram.com/ingridclaytonphd/
Connect with Dr. Z: https://www.drjaimezuckerman.com/
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