April 25, 2025 • 28 mins
When you're a devoted pet caregiver, it's easy to forget that caring for yourself is part of the job.
In this conversation, Gail and Karen reflect on the small but powerful rituals that sustain them—sniff walks, porch time, cups of tea, and the quiet presence of their animal companions. They also explore how grief threads itself through everyday routines when we’re supporting pets through illness or loss. What happens when the things that once soothed us—like evening cuddles or nature walks—are tied to a beloved pet who’s no longer there?
Join us for a thoughtful episode that invites you to reflect on your own self-care practices, and to notice the healing moments that might already be woven into your day.
You can download the BrightHaven Menu for Healing PDF as well as the BrightHaven Menu for Self-Care PDF Gail references in this podcast on this resource page or at https://brightpathforpets.com/resources-html/
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Learn More from BrightHaven Caregiver Academy For free resources, upcoming workshops, and a supportive community dedicated to navigating life with your aging or ill pet:
- Visit our website: brightpathforpets.com
- Join us on Youtube: www.youtube.com/@brighthaven_animals
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- Instagram: @brightpathforpets
Disclaimer: This content is for educational purposes and not a substitute for professional advice.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Welcome to Peace of Mind for Pet Parents, the podcast by BrightHaven Caregiver Academy.
I'm Gail Pope and I'm Karen Wylie.
And together we're here to support you in navigating life with your aging or ill pets.
I. We know how deeply you care for your beloved companions, and we're here to offer guidance, understanding, and resources for this meaningful journey.
(00:25):
Each episode we'll explore topics that address the daily challenges, emotional realities, and choices you face as a pet parent helping you and your pets find peace, comfort, and joy.
Whether it's making sense of a new diagnosis, adjusting to changing needs, or simply seeking a place to feel understood, you're not alone.
(00:48):
Thank you for being here with us.
Karen Wylie (00:52):
Hello and welcome to another episode of Peace of Mind for Pet Parents.
I'm Karen Wylie here with Gail Pope, and today we're going to do something a little different.
Inspired by something Gail mentioned last week when we were talking about self-care.
We were preparing some material for everybody else and Gail said, it might be interesting both for us and for everyone else to hear what we each do to take care of ourselves daily and weekly or in an ongoing way.
(01:29):
So I thought that sounded wonderful too.
Let's go ahead and jump right in, Gail.
I think it was the day after you had suggested it and I said, "Hey, yes, sounds like a great topic for us to do." You then we're working on really thinking through what worked for you.
Gail Pope (01:46):
That's right, put me on the spot.
Karen Wylie (01:48):
Hey, it was your idea?
Gail Pope (01:51):
I know and it was very convoluted and it still is because I realized that over the years, like the consultation work that I do, one of the things that I've always counseled people about is taking care of themselves.
Just talking about things in everyday life and being with your animal and caring and loving with them and just spending time together and some of those kinds of things.
(02:20):
But I realized that it didn't really affect me or my life.
It was like things that I shared with other people.
I never thought about it as things that I would implement or do in my life.
And then I think it was, I don't know, a few years ago we created the BrightHaven menu for self-care.
It started with BrightHaven menu for healing, and then we moved into self-care.
(02:42):
So here it was again and I've actually got it printed out in front of me.
It's the most beautiful menu and great advice.
Did I ever really think of it as for me?
I don't think I ever adopted it.
In some ways, yes but in some ways, no.
And it was only a couple of days ago that I suddenly realized that although I don't take the menu items in order, number five today and number seven tomorrow that kind of thing, I am living in it in a different way.
(03:17):
Something that I have taught for a long time that I have adopted and yet I do it without thinking, is I say in consultations, "Just let your shoulders go down. When you are busy, you are doing, you're doing— stop for a minute and just HAAA." We all notice that if we breathe out and relax, our shoulders come down several, if not more inches.
(03:43):
So I realized that I'm doing that now.
I do it, but I don't think about it.
And so it really makes a huge difference to our energy and, where we are in this moment.
I think changing direction is something that I've noticed in daily life too, because I think I'm very lucky to work from home and so I can sit at my desk for a period of time.
(04:15):
And then I may get diverted and I'll go to the kitchen and do a bit of washing up or cook something or prepare something for dinner, or I go out in the garden, take the dogs out.
So I think that kind of changing direction or maybe doing laundry for a little while, but it takes you out the tension of what you're doing.
(04:37):
See and as I said that, "Phew, it changed— it relaxed me. Now I'm thinking about something different." So again, thinking about the dogs and they come into my life.
They're in my life in so many ways, but I hadn't, again, really thought about them as part of caring for me.
(04:59):
And now I'm realizing because one of them particularly is he can't walk very fast and they both like to stop and sniff and bearing in mind how strong a dog's sense of smell is.
It's so much more than ours.
So they love to have a sniff walk.
(05:21):
So while they're doing a sniff walk and I'm stopping and waiting, watching—
I'm in a better, different state.
Sometimes I'm not.
Sometimes I catch myself, "Oh, come on, for goodness sake, let's go." No, just let them be.
Let them be.
(05:42):
But I don't think about, "Oh, I'm letting myself be", but you know what I realized, actually a couple of days ago, I'd stopped just down the road here and the dogs were sniffing.
Obviously there was some wonderful messages in this bush that they found, and BJ appeared and I realized that there's a blue jay locally.
(06:04):
When I'm walking the dogs, very often he appears and he'll be in a tree across the street or just up there in front of someone's house.
I've nicknamed him very cleverly BJ for Blue Jay and I've noticed that he's quite talkative.
So he'll talk and I respond and mimic him as best I can.
There's a little silence and then he does it again— it's hysterical.
(06:29):
Again, I hadn't thought about something like that as self care.
However, it makes me smile.
It makes me step into this moment rather than even the moment before when the dogs were doing their thing and enjoying their sniffing.
But it's taken me into just another moment.
(06:49):
So I think, I don't know, I just think that we probably care for ourselves in ways that we don't think about, and sometimes if we start to think about those, we realize that these times are a gift.
If we are caring for one of our animals who's reaching the end of life or in an illness, and we go and sit with them and we stroke them and we talk lovingly to them.
(07:18):
What are we doing?
We are caring for them.
However, it's reciprocal and you know, I must say some of the time we are sitting with them and we're thinking,
"What could I? What should I? What else can I do to help?" But at the same time, we still are in that, maybe not always, but we have this loving, calm sensation of being with them and how much we love them.
(07:48):
Again, that helps us to take care of ourselves.
Anyway those are the kind of things.
What are your kind of things?
Karen Wylie (07:58):
It was interesting when you brought that up last week because like you, I really wasn't thinking about self care for me.
Even though each of us needs to be.
We've been so focused on creating PDF downloads for the BCA website or what we're going to provide in our membership hub and I'm always thinking for everybody else.
(08:21):
Just like you, I had not been looking at it for me but after you proposed this last week, I made a conscious effort over the weekend to be thinking about it.
My general activities, my general self-care activities boil down to something in nature, something outside or something with my pets.
(08:43):
And when I say with my pets, my husband's also there but he's on the other side of the couch.
So when it comes to the outdoors, I generally have always loved walking during the later spring, summer and early fall seasons of the year.
We're fortunate to have four seasons in North Carolina, so it's always the root may be the same but what I'm looking at is always very different.
(09:07):
The colors are different.
What's in bloom and what's going out of bloom are always different.
And certainly, on a more occasional basis, I would go somewhere around the Blue Ridge Parkway and there's lots of short paths to different overlooks that could be maybe just even a quarter mile walks.
They don't make it where there are some that are multiple miles to a particular overlook, but I don't usually do those.
(09:32):
But I'm almost, every day from April through November, I'm spending some time on my front porch.
So over the years, we have spent a lot of time and energy creating a very beautiful front yard garden.
Taking a page from some of the structure of the English formal gardens but then making it a mountain or woodland aspect to it, or giving it a mountain flavor.
(09:58):
So sitting outside in the fresh air, looking at shrubs and trees that I planted.
They were 12 inches or 2 feet high when we got them and now, just watching progress and see— just letting my eyes move across the yard.
Again, with the different seasons, with different ones in bloom at various times.
(10:20):
So that's very relaxing to me.
I read a lot.
Most of the time when I read, there's either a cat on my lap, across my chest or a dog under my arm or at my feet.
It's like you're saying, so much of the times that I relax are associated with my four footers and sometimes it's combined.
(10:47):
I don't take the dogs on walks generally.
In the mountains, there's not as many places to go that I would have some control over the dogs, obviously on a leash.
But some of the trails, if we really went on a trail, there might be bears and so forth, or other dogs.
My Aussies, they're going to bark like crazy.
So I generally stay home but they have a half acre fenced yard.
(11:08):
So it's not like they don't get to run and play and so we have sitting areas under the dogwood tree for those hot days when we want some shade.
Then we have the sitting area for later in the afternoon out in the sun if we want to be in the sun.
It's amazing to me how the pups find newness every single day.
(11:29):
You'd think, my God, Chey is six and a half years old now and he knows every nook and cranny of his yard but he finds excitement and newness every day.
Same with Livvy, and they just have their little noses to the ground and they're just casually meandering and they love to be out there hours a day.
(11:51):
If we let them, they love it if we're both out there with them that's their absolute best.
Of course then that's very relaxing to be in fresh mountain air with them and looking at everything.
I also like to listen to music.
So sometimes I'm listening to music, I'm reading and have the babies with me.
Multitasking even when I'm relaxing but the aha that I had as I was thinking through these things is how much of my daily relaxation, self-care opportunities do involve my pets?
(12:27):
And,
on one hand I'm thinking how wonderful that is because, again right now as I've said it at other times, I have no one that I'm worried about right now.
I don't have anyone in any level of health crisis that I'm worried about.
But it the aha for me was then what happens to all of these pet related routines that I take such great pleasure from when I lose someone?
(13:00):
And I started thinking through what that would be, where I'd be out in that yard with only one of the pups, not two.
So very likely every time I'd go out there, I would also be grieving.
And the same with the cats who are on my chest when I'm going to sleep, you know, on me when I'm reading and so forth.
(13:29):
But then when they're sick and they leave, then all these routines that I take such enjoyment in then there's grief threaded through.
And so my aha for myself, and maybe it is for other people too, is how important it probably is to diversify our self-care activities so that some of them are not tied into our pets, because if so many of them or all of them are tied into our pets.
(14:02):
Then when we are worried about them, when we're grieving them,
those activities may not provide the calmness and the comfort that they can at various times.
So that was my ahas that it was like, okay,
(14:27):
everything is revolving around the pets and nature.
And that was the other aha for me, because here I am where Hurricane Helene devastated our area of Western North Carolina, there's over a million acres destroyed.
All the trees are just gone and and there's piles of everything.
(14:48):
You go down the driveway to get on a road and there's still debris from the hurricane.
So even right now, walking in nature, it's a whole different thing because instead of, "Oh, isn't the Blue Ridge beautiful?" instead it's, "Oh my God, look what happened here." So anyway, for me as I was thinking through, because I totally agree with you, self-care is so important for all of us, and especially important when we're taking care of pets that we're worried about.
(15:22):
That we have to find some relief valve for ourselves.
Some safe place for us to just relax and let our guard down and/or, have enjoy something to feel joy in certain activities.
But that was my aha this weekend was, "Wow I'm like, I've got two avenues (15:38):
it's nature and it's the pups and the cats." So for me, just reflecting on what my routines are, what works, and my routines generally work for me.
Like I can still have the front porch because there were some trees that came down.
(16:00):
We've dealt with those.
So there's still some prettiness in the front yard that is relaxing to look at.
So there are aspects of nature that still work for me, but I think I am actively going to try to identify some additional self-care opportunities for me that aren't so focused on nature or my pets.
(16:24):
Although I haven't been painting for actually a couple years now, I really have not been painting very much.
But that used to be something I would be going over to Asheville for the day to a workshop.
We used to have an artist day where everybody would just get together and you'd be painting your own stuff and at the end of the day you'd show each other what you did and so forth.
(16:45):
That was just the drive over which was an hour each way lunch with everybody in a creative mode.
That was so wonderful, every day.
That'd be usually one day a week, most weeks.
Then when I'd come home, boy would I sleep well that night because I'd had such a break in routine.
And I really haven't been doing that really since Covid.
(17:06):
That's a part of my routines that I wasn't doing.
So again, your assignment for us from bringing it up last week really brought me in a different direction of I think I need to create some new channels, some new avenues of self care for myself.
Gail Pope (17:28):
Wow.
Thank you for sharing.
I mean, that does bring a different element into the conversation, but again, it brings me back to we can plan and think about this,
but it really is, for me anyway, it's not something I can do.
(17:49):
I have to allow it and not think about it, and then I can look back and realize that I was relaxed.
Actually, you probably can't see but I have a cat sitting on my lap.
Karen Wylie (18:00):
There he is.
Hello, Purrci.
Gail Pope (18:03):
He never does this, does he?
Karen Wylie (18:05):
No, he really doesn't.
He's usually behind you.
He's your pillow.
Gail Pope (18:10):
Yes.
Or he's not even in the office.
He comes through the door and kind of goes, "Oh God, what's she doing?" and then he's gone again.
This is the first time he's obviously thinking, "Excuse me, if you're talking about self-care, I want to be in on this."
Karen Wylie (18:22):
And while I'm in your lap.
Get your hand going, lady.
Go ahead.
Gail Pope (18:27):
It's astonishing.
When you were talking earlier and watching you just then brings another thought to mind as well.
Something that I think it's a famous quote.
"Smiling is contagious."
It's very powerful because I think when you are exuding a kind of joy or somebody else and you reciprocate or they reciprocate, you step into that beautiful zone again, don't you?
Karen Wylie (19:00):
That's so true.
Isn't it interesting because as you're bringing that up, here you and I focus so much on how to take care of our pets when they're ill, when they're aging, and we might be worried about them; or when something's really wrong and they have a terminal illness, or we're talking about grief and we're developing materials for people.
(19:26):
And yet you and I spend a lot of our time smiling and laughing together.
Where working is a joy.
Gail Pope (19:33):
Yes, exactly.
Karen Wylie (19:33):
And yet the topic that we're dealing with,
at its surface level, people aren't going to say, "Oh, I can see where you guys really just enjoy talking about death and difficulties" but as we've both shared, having the experiences that we've had and being able to find ways to take what we've learned and bring it forward for others— there is a joy in that.
(19:59):
There's a great satisfaction in that.
I guess that's why almost no matter what topic we're talking about when we're recording podcast episodes, we're smiling and we're laughing because it's all part of life.
Gail Pope (20:13):
Yes, exactly.
Joy is really a wonderful product.
Again, this takes me back to something that I've said in the past out of the blue it's in my mind again.
When I was five years old, announcing what I was going to do with the rest of my life.
Then looking back as I'm at the rest of my life and knowing that the only thing I ever wanted to do was help and that evolved into helping people to help animals.
(20:44):
And here I am, smiling at the thought, "Yes it's all tied together. It really is." In our work, we talk a lot educationally about bias and judgment and maybe they come under this umbrella too because they have a negative component which takes
(21:08):
the joy down.
It brings tension and concern.
So letting go of judgment in so many different ways and not being biased.
Because being biased tends to make you a little angry or aggressive in conversation and again, you let that go.
You feel better.
Karen Wylie (21:28):
So much better and that's where you know, all the parts of your daily routine like you were describing, where you're with your animals and what I was describing with mine.
It does allow us to be in the moment with our animals because that's who they are and how they are and so just being in their presence pulls us into their space and where they are.
(21:52):
I think it's hard to be biased or resentful or angry when you have a four footer giving you unconditional love and they're looking at you, they're trying to lick your face.
As with Callie actually is oversleeping.
She's sleeping next to me now.
Usually when we try to do these recordings, we have her tail all over.
Gail Pope (22:15):
Purrci's trying to do his best here.
Karen Wylie (22:17):
He's taken over the roles.
Gail Pope (22:19):
He would like to do it if he could.
Karen Wylie (22:24):
He'll take over our executive producer role today.
Oh goodness.
This conversation has taken us in several different directions.
Gail Pope (22:34):
It certainly has.
Karen Wylie (22:37):
I'm really glad you suggested it last week because like I said I really hadn't been thinking about what I do and had you not brought it up and said, "We should do this as a podcast episode", and I was like, "God, you're right.
That would be great." Then I'm thinking through what I do and what I don't do and it really was a valuable "think" for me.
(23:00):
I learned that in some of my classes with people from the UK, "To go and have a good think on that." would be the phrasing.
So that's what I did last weekend, so thank you for suggesting that for us.
Gail Pope (23:13):
Yes.
That was interesting wasn't it?
It really was an interesting
way to start looking into yourself— your own self.
Who am I?
What makes me laugh?
What makes me smile?
What makes me happy?
What makes me relaxed?
I just remembered something else that I've done for years, but I've never really, again, thought of it in that context.
(23:40):
It all came from a piece I think in the past that I read by Thich Nhat Hanh, and I adapted it.
In fact, I think I actually put it in one of my books.
I was just starting to delve into the world of spirit and Buddhism and meditation.
(24:01):
So I took this piece that he'd written and I adapted it for me.
All these years later, I still, sometimes when I'm walking the animals, I'll feel tense and I do it.
It's really simple and it's all about breathing in.
I'm breathing out and so I say it to myself as I'm doing it and it's, "Breathing in, I heal my spirit. Breathing out, I smile. Present moment, special moment." And it just, ooh, it just brings me back in peace.
(24:40):
I think that's maybe for me in summing up, that might be one of the most important things that I do and don't realize.
Karen Wylie (24:49):
So do you find yourself doing it automatically now?
Gail Pope (24:52):
Yes.
Karen Wylie (24:52):
So it's not where you're saying, "Oh, now I need to do this." You're just clicking.
Gail Pope (24:56):
I didn't realize that.
I used to often in bed at night when you know, the mind is, "Hello, talk.
Let's think of all the things that happened today." Sometimes, I guess I started there by thinking, "Okay, what, how can I divert my mind?" and so it became something that I would do and say.
(25:16):
Not necessarily out loud, but then regulating my breathing— In and out.
It worked.
So I think it just became a habit over time to do it.
Karen Wylie (25:30):
That's really nice.
Because it's both what breathing can do for you, but the intention, it adds another layer of support.
Gail Pope (25:40):
It does.
Well, Purrci.
Karen Wylie (25:46):
Clearly he's enjoying his executive producer role.
While Ms. Callie is over here sleeping.
Gail Pope (25:53):
Wow.
Purrci's taken over today.
Karen Wylie (25:55):
He has taken over.
That's good.
That's good.
We know that if they weren't on opposite coasts, perhaps they would be husband and wife.
With their red and white and torty jeans.
And he's a big guy.
Gail Pope (26:10):
He is, he's big.
He's actually in quite a kind of meditative state here.
His eyes are half closed and he's just this isn't him.
This isn't what you normally do.
Crazy.
Karen Wylie (26:22):
Is it?
Isn't it interesting because Callie's doing something she does not normally do?
'cause of course, before we started the recording, 60 seconds, as soon as she hears your voice, she's up here.
It doesn't matter where she is in my office, she's going to be over here.
But we talked for what, maybe 10 to 15 minutes before we recorded it started to record and she meandered and just laid down and then he came in.
(26:46):
Interesting change in energy for everyone.
I guess with that we will bring this conversation to a close.
I think we've exhausted our current self-care routines and my intention to really try to add in a couple new ways to integrate new self-care ideas into my routines.
(27:09):
I think that would be helpful and it's also given me an idea of something to write a blog post on.
So that's always— ideas everywhere.
So we hope this conversation may have been interesting and helpful to you as well as you think about the importance of self-care in your life and thinking ahead to what works for you or what you can pull into your life and make it a little bit better or easier for you.
(27:38):
So with that, we'll say thank you as always, and we'll see you next time.
Bye-bye.
Gail Pope (27:43):
Goodbye, thank you.
Thank you for joining us on Peace of Mind for Pet Parents.
We hope today's episode has offered you support and insight as you care for your aging or ill pets.
Remember, it's not just about the end.
It's about living well at every stage of life To continue your journey with us, explore more resources at BrightHaven Caregiver Academy's website— BrightPathforPets.com, where you'll find guides, assessments, and a caring community of pet parents like you.
(28:21):
Until next time, may you and your pets find comfort, connection, and peace in every moment.
Take care.
Welcome to Peace of Mind for Pet Parents, the podcast by BrightHaven Caregiver Academy.
I'm Gail Pope and I'm Karen Wylie.
And together we're here to support you in navigating life with your aging or ill pets.
I. We know how deeply you care for your beloved companions, and we're here to offer guidance, understanding, and resources for this meaningful journey.
(00:25):
Each episode we'll explore topics that address the daily challenges, emotional realities, and choices you face as a pet parent helping you and your pets find peace, comfort, and joy.
Whether it's making sense of a new diagnosis, adjusting to changing needs, or simply seeking a place to feel understood, you're not alone.
(00:48):
Thank you for being here with us.
Karen Wylie (00:52):
Hello and welcome to another episode of Peace of Mind for Pet Parents.
I'm Karen Wylie here with Gail Pope, and today we're going to do something a little different.
Inspired by something Gail mentioned last week when we were talking about self-care.
We were preparing some material for everybody else and Gail said, it might be interesting both for us and for everyone else to hear what we each do to take care of ourselves daily and weekly or in an ongoing way.
(01:29):
So I thought that sounded wonderful too.
Let's go ahead and jump right in, Gail.
I think it was the day after you had suggested it and I said, "Hey, yes, sounds like a great topic for us to do." You then we're working on really thinking through what worked for you.
Gail Pope (01:46):
That's right, put me on the spot.
Karen Wylie (01:48):
Hey, it was your idea?
Gail Pope (01:51):
I know and it was very convoluted and it still is because I realized that over the years, like the consultation work that I do, one of the things that I've always counseled people about is taking care of themselves.
Just talking about things in everyday life and being with your animal and caring and loving with them and just spending time together and some of those kinds of things.
(02:20):
But I realized that it didn't really affect me or my life.
It was like things that I shared with other people.
I never thought about it as things that I would implement or do in my life.
And then I think it was, I don't know, a few years ago we created the BrightHaven menu for self-care.
It started with BrightHaven menu for healing, and then we moved into self-care.
(02:42):
So here it was again and I've actually got it printed out in front of me.
It's the most beautiful menu and great advice.
Did I ever really think of it as for me?
I don't think I ever adopted it.
In some ways, yes but in some ways, no.
And it was only a couple of days ago that I suddenly realized that although I don't take the menu items in order, number five today and number seven tomorrow that kind of thing, I am living in it in a different way.
(03:17):
Something that I have taught for a long time that I have adopted and yet I do it without thinking, is I say in consultations, "Just let your shoulders go down. When you are busy, you are doing, you're doing— stop for a minute and just HAAA." We all notice that if we breathe out and relax, our shoulders come down several, if not more inches.
(03:43):
So I realized that I'm doing that now.
I do it, but I don't think about it.
And so it really makes a huge difference to our energy and, where we are in this moment.
I think changing direction is something that I've noticed in daily life too, because I think I'm very lucky to work from home and so I can sit at my desk for a period of time.
(04:15):
And then I may get diverted and I'll go to the kitchen and do a bit of washing up or cook something or prepare something for dinner, or I go out in the garden, take the dogs out.
So I think that kind of changing direction or maybe doing laundry for a little while, but it takes you out the tension of what you're doing.
(04:37):
See and as I said that, "Phew, it changed— it relaxed me. Now I'm thinking about something different." So again, thinking about the dogs and they come into my life.
They're in my life in so many ways, but I hadn't, again, really thought about them as part of caring for me.
(04:59):
And now I'm realizing because one of them particularly is he can't walk very fast and they both like to stop and sniff and bearing in mind how strong a dog's sense of smell is.
It's so much more than ours.
So they love to have a sniff walk.
(05:21):
So while they're doing a sniff walk and I'm stopping and waiting, watching—
I'm in a better, different state.
Sometimes I'm not.
Sometimes I catch myself, "Oh, come on, for goodness sake, let's go." No, just let them be.
Let them be.
(05:42):
But I don't think about, "Oh, I'm letting myself be", but you know what I realized, actually a couple of days ago, I'd stopped just down the road here and the dogs were sniffing.
Obviously there was some wonderful messages in this bush that they found, and BJ appeared and I realized that there's a blue jay locally.
(06:04):
When I'm walking the dogs, very often he appears and he'll be in a tree across the street or just up there in front of someone's house.
I've nicknamed him very cleverly BJ for Blue Jay and I've noticed that he's quite talkative.
So he'll talk and I respond and mimic him as best I can.
There's a little silence and then he does it again— it's hysterical.
(06:29):
Again, I hadn't thought about something like that as self care.
However, it makes me smile.
It makes me step into this moment rather than even the moment before when the dogs were doing their thing and enjoying their sniffing.
But it's taken me into just another moment.
(06:49):
So I think, I don't know, I just think that we probably care for ourselves in ways that we don't think about, and sometimes if we start to think about those, we realize that these times are a gift.
If we are caring for one of our animals who's reaching the end of life or in an illness, and we go and sit with them and we stroke them and we talk lovingly to them.
(07:18):
What are we doing?
We are caring for them.
However, it's reciprocal and you know, I must say some of the time we are sitting with them and we're thinking,
"What could I? What should I? What else can I do to help?" But at the same time, we still are in that, maybe not always, but we have this loving, calm sensation of being with them and how much we love them.
(07:48):
Again, that helps us to take care of ourselves.
Anyway those are the kind of things.
What are your kind of things?
Karen Wylie (07:58):
It was interesting when you brought that up last week because like you, I really wasn't thinking about self care for me.
Even though each of us needs to be.
We've been so focused on creating PDF downloads for the BCA website or what we're going to provide in our membership hub and I'm always thinking for everybody else.
(08:21):
Just like you, I had not been looking at it for me but after you proposed this last week, I made a conscious effort over the weekend to be thinking about it.
My general activities, my general self-care activities boil down to something in nature, something outside or something with my pets.
(08:43):
And when I say with my pets, my husband's also there but he's on the other side of the couch.
So when it comes to the outdoors, I generally have always loved walking during the later spring, summer and early fall seasons of the year.
We're fortunate to have four seasons in North Carolina, so it's always the root may be the same but what I'm looking at is always very different.
(09:07):
The colors are different.
What's in bloom and what's going out of bloom are always different.
And certainly, on a more occasional basis, I would go somewhere around the Blue Ridge Parkway and there's lots of short paths to different overlooks that could be maybe just even a quarter mile walks.
They don't make it where there are some that are multiple miles to a particular overlook, but I don't usually do those.
(09:32):
But I'm almost, every day from April through November, I'm spending some time on my front porch.
So over the years, we have spent a lot of time and energy creating a very beautiful front yard garden.
Taking a page from some of the structure of the English formal gardens but then making it a mountain or woodland aspect to it, or giving it a mountain flavor.
(09:58):
So sitting outside in the fresh air, looking at shrubs and trees that I planted.
They were 12 inches or 2 feet high when we got them and now, just watching progress and see— just letting my eyes move across the yard.
Again, with the different seasons, with different ones in bloom at various times.
(10:20):
So that's very relaxing to me.
I read a lot.
Most of the time when I read, there's either a cat on my lap, across my chest or a dog under my arm or at my feet.
It's like you're saying, so much of the times that I relax are associated with my four footers and sometimes it's combined.
(10:47):
I don't take the dogs on walks generally.
In the mountains, there's not as many places to go that I would have some control over the dogs, obviously on a leash.
But some of the trails, if we really went on a trail, there might be bears and so forth, or other dogs.
My Aussies, they're going to bark like crazy.
So I generally stay home but they have a half acre fenced yard.
(11:08):
So it's not like they don't get to run and play and so we have sitting areas under the dogwood tree for those hot days when we want some shade.
Then we have the sitting area for later in the afternoon out in the sun if we want to be in the sun.
It's amazing to me how the pups find newness every single day.
(11:29):
You'd think, my God, Chey is six and a half years old now and he knows every nook and cranny of his yard but he finds excitement and newness every day.
Same with Livvy, and they just have their little noses to the ground and they're just casually meandering and they love to be out there hours a day.
(11:51):
If we let them, they love it if we're both out there with them that's their absolute best.
Of course then that's very relaxing to be in fresh mountain air with them and looking at everything.
I also like to listen to music.
So sometimes I'm listening to music, I'm reading and have the babies with me.
Multitasking even when I'm relaxing but the aha that I had as I was thinking through these things is how much of my daily relaxation, self-care opportunities do involve my pets?
(12:27):
And,
on one hand I'm thinking how wonderful that is because, again right now as I've said it at other times, I have no one that I'm worried about right now.
I don't have anyone in any level of health crisis that I'm worried about.
But it the aha for me was then what happens to all of these pet related routines that I take such great pleasure from when I lose someone?
(13:00):
And I started thinking through what that would be, where I'd be out in that yard with only one of the pups, not two.
So very likely every time I'd go out there, I would also be grieving.
And the same with the cats who are on my chest when I'm going to sleep, you know, on me when I'm reading and so forth.
(13:29):
But then when they're sick and they leave, then all these routines that I take such enjoyment in then there's grief threaded through.
And so my aha for myself, and maybe it is for other people too, is how important it probably is to diversify our self-care activities so that some of them are not tied into our pets, because if so many of them or all of them are tied into our pets.
(14:02):
Then when we are worried about them, when we're grieving them,
those activities may not provide the calmness and the comfort that they can at various times.
So that was my ahas that it was like, okay,
(14:27):
everything is revolving around the pets and nature.
And that was the other aha for me, because here I am where Hurricane Helene devastated our area of Western North Carolina, there's over a million acres destroyed.
All the trees are just gone and and there's piles of everything.
(14:48):
You go down the driveway to get on a road and there's still debris from the hurricane.
So even right now, walking in nature, it's a whole different thing because instead of, "Oh, isn't the Blue Ridge beautiful?" instead it's, "Oh my God, look what happened here." So anyway, for me as I was thinking through, because I totally agree with you, self-care is so important for all of us, and especially important when we're taking care of pets that we're worried about.
(15:22):
That we have to find some relief valve for ourselves.
Some safe place for us to just relax and let our guard down and/or, have enjoy something to feel joy in certain activities.
But that was my aha this weekend was, "Wow I'm like, I've got two avenues (15:38):
it's nature and it's the pups and the cats." So for me, just reflecting on what my routines are, what works, and my routines generally work for me.
Like I can still have the front porch because there were some trees that came down.
(16:00):
We've dealt with those.
So there's still some prettiness in the front yard that is relaxing to look at.
So there are aspects of nature that still work for me, but I think I am actively going to try to identify some additional self-care opportunities for me that aren't so focused on nature or my pets.
(16:24):
Although I haven't been painting for actually a couple years now, I really have not been painting very much.
But that used to be something I would be going over to Asheville for the day to a workshop.
We used to have an artist day where everybody would just get together and you'd be painting your own stuff and at the end of the day you'd show each other what you did and so forth.
(16:45):
That was just the drive over which was an hour each way lunch with everybody in a creative mode.
That was so wonderful, every day.
That'd be usually one day a week, most weeks.
Then when I'd come home, boy would I sleep well that night because I'd had such a break in routine.
And I really haven't been doing that really since Covid.
(17:06):
That's a part of my routines that I wasn't doing.
So again, your assignment for us from bringing it up last week really brought me in a different direction of I think I need to create some new channels, some new avenues of self care for myself.
Gail Pope (17:28):
Wow.
Thank you for sharing.
I mean, that does bring a different element into the conversation, but again, it brings me back to we can plan and think about this,
but it really is, for me anyway, it's not something I can do.
(17:49):
I have to allow it and not think about it, and then I can look back and realize that I was relaxed.
Actually, you probably can't see but I have a cat sitting on my lap.
Karen Wylie (18:00):
There he is.
Hello, Purrci.
Gail Pope (18:03):
He never does this, does he?
Karen Wylie (18:05):
No, he really doesn't.
He's usually behind you.
He's your pillow.
Gail Pope (18:10):
Yes.
Or he's not even in the office.
He comes through the door and kind of goes, "Oh God, what's she doing?" and then he's gone again.
This is the first time he's obviously thinking, "Excuse me, if you're talking about self-care, I want to be in on this."
Karen Wylie (18:22):
And while I'm in your lap.
Get your hand going, lady.
Go ahead.
Gail Pope (18:27):
It's astonishing.
When you were talking earlier and watching you just then brings another thought to mind as well.
Something that I think it's a famous quote.
"Smiling is contagious."
It's very powerful because I think when you are exuding a kind of joy or somebody else and you reciprocate or they reciprocate, you step into that beautiful zone again, don't you?
Karen Wylie (19:00):
That's so true.
Isn't it interesting because as you're bringing that up, here you and I focus so much on how to take care of our pets when they're ill, when they're aging, and we might be worried about them; or when something's really wrong and they have a terminal illness, or we're talking about grief and we're developing materials for people.
(19:26):
And yet you and I spend a lot of our time smiling and laughing together.
Where working is a joy.
Gail Pope (19:33):
Yes, exactly.
Karen Wylie (19:33):
And yet the topic that we're dealing with,
at its surface level, people aren't going to say, "Oh, I can see where you guys really just enjoy talking about death and difficulties" but as we've both shared, having the experiences that we've had and being able to find ways to take what we've learned and bring it forward for others— there is a joy in that.
(19:59):
There's a great satisfaction in that.
I guess that's why almost no matter what topic we're talking about when we're recording podcast episodes, we're smiling and we're laughing because it's all part of life.
Gail Pope (20:13):
Yes, exactly.
Joy is really a wonderful product.
Again, this takes me back to something that I've said in the past out of the blue it's in my mind again.
When I was five years old, announcing what I was going to do with the rest of my life.
Then looking back as I'm at the rest of my life and knowing that the only thing I ever wanted to do was help and that evolved into helping people to help animals.
(20:44):
And here I am, smiling at the thought, "Yes it's all tied together. It really is." In our work, we talk a lot educationally about bias and judgment and maybe they come under this umbrella too because they have a negative component which takes
(21:08):
the joy down.
It brings tension and concern.
So letting go of judgment in so many different ways and not being biased.
Because being biased tends to make you a little angry or aggressive in conversation and again, you let that go.
You feel better.
Karen Wylie (21:28):
So much better and that's where you know, all the parts of your daily routine like you were describing, where you're with your animals and what I was describing with mine.
It does allow us to be in the moment with our animals because that's who they are and how they are and so just being in their presence pulls us into their space and where they are.
(21:52):
I think it's hard to be biased or resentful or angry when you have a four footer giving you unconditional love and they're looking at you, they're trying to lick your face.
As with Callie actually is oversleeping.
She's sleeping next to me now.
Usually when we try to do these recordings, we have her tail all over.
Gail Pope (22:15):
Purrci's trying to do his best here.
Karen Wylie (22:17):
He's taken over the roles.
Gail Pope (22:19):
He would like to do it if he could.
Karen Wylie (22:24):
He'll take over our executive producer role today.
Oh goodness.
This conversation has taken us in several different directions.
Gail Pope (22:34):
It certainly has.
Karen Wylie (22:37):
I'm really glad you suggested it last week because like I said I really hadn't been thinking about what I do and had you not brought it up and said, "We should do this as a podcast episode", and I was like, "God, you're right.
That would be great." Then I'm thinking through what I do and what I don't do and it really was a valuable "think" for me.
(23:00):
I learned that in some of my classes with people from the UK, "To go and have a good think on that." would be the phrasing.
So that's what I did last weekend, so thank you for suggesting that for us.
Gail Pope (23:13):
Yes.
That was interesting wasn't it?
It really was an interesting
way to start looking into yourself— your own self.
Who am I?
What makes me laugh?
What makes me smile?
What makes me happy?
What makes me relaxed?
I just remembered something else that I've done for years, but I've never really, again, thought of it in that context.
(23:40):
It all came from a piece I think in the past that I read by Thich Nhat Hanh, and I adapted it.
In fact, I think I actually put it in one of my books.
I was just starting to delve into the world of spirit and Buddhism and meditation.
(24:01):
So I took this piece that he'd written and I adapted it for me.
All these years later, I still, sometimes when I'm walking the animals, I'll feel tense and I do it.
It's really simple and it's all about breathing in.
I'm breathing out and so I say it to myself as I'm doing it and it's, "Breathing in, I heal my spirit. Breathing out, I smile. Present moment, special moment." And it just, ooh, it just brings me back in peace.
(24:40):
I think that's maybe for me in summing up, that might be one of the most important things that I do and don't realize.
Karen Wylie (24:49):
So do you find yourself doing it automatically now?
Gail Pope (24:52):
Yes.
Karen Wylie (24:52):
So it's not where you're saying, "Oh, now I need to do this." You're just clicking.
Gail Pope (24:56):
I didn't realize that.
I used to often in bed at night when you know, the mind is, "Hello, talk.
Let's think of all the things that happened today." Sometimes, I guess I started there by thinking, "Okay, what, how can I divert my mind?" and so it became something that I would do and say.
(25:16):
Not necessarily out loud, but then regulating my breathing— In and out.
It worked.
So I think it just became a habit over time to do it.
Karen Wylie (25:30):
That's really nice.
Because it's both what breathing can do for you, but the intention, it adds another layer of support.
Gail Pope (25:40):
It does.
Well, Purrci.
Karen Wylie (25:46):
Clearly he's enjoying his executive producer role.
While Ms. Callie is over here sleeping.
Gail Pope (25:53):
Wow.
Purrci's taken over today.
Karen Wylie (25:55):
He has taken over.
That's good.
That's good.
We know that if they weren't on opposite coasts, perhaps they would be husband and wife.
With their red and white and torty jeans.
And he's a big guy.
Gail Pope (26:10):
He is, he's big.
He's actually in quite a kind of meditative state here.
His eyes are half closed and he's just this isn't him.
This isn't what you normally do.
Crazy.
Karen Wylie (26:22):
Is it?
Isn't it interesting because Callie's doing something she does not normally do?
'cause of course, before we started the recording, 60 seconds, as soon as she hears your voice, she's up here.
It doesn't matter where she is in my office, she's going to be over here.
But we talked for what, maybe 10 to 15 minutes before we recorded it started to record and she meandered and just laid down and then he came in.
(26:46):
Interesting change in energy for everyone.
I guess with that we will bring this conversation to a close.
I think we've exhausted our current self-care routines and my intention to really try to add in a couple new ways to integrate new self-care ideas into my routines.
(27:09):
I think that would be helpful and it's also given me an idea of something to write a blog post on.
So that's always— ideas everywhere.
So we hope this conversation may have been interesting and helpful to you as well as you think about the importance of self-care in your life and thinking ahead to what works for you or what you can pull into your life and make it a little bit better or easier for you.
(27:38):
So with that, we'll say thank you as always, and we'll see you next time.
Bye-bye.
Gail Pope (27:43):
Goodbye, thank you.
Thank you for joining us on Peace of Mind for Pet Parents.
We hope today's episode has offered you support and insight as you care for your aging or ill pets.
Remember, it's not just about the end.
It's about living well at every stage of life To continue your journey with us, explore more resources at BrightHaven Caregiver Academy's website— BrightPathforPets.com, where you'll find guides, assessments, and a caring community of pet parents like you.
(28:21):
Until next time, may you and your pets find comfort, connection, and peace in every moment.
Take care.
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