August 18, 2024 • 40 mins
What's up, y'all? Welcome to another episode of Millennial Paws. Today’s episode is going to be very demure and mindful. For those of you who spend hours on TikTok, you know how a sound or video can resonate with you. Right now, Jules LeBron's mindful video is a lighthearted escape for me, which is much needed in my often heavy world.
In this episode, I delve deeper into my emotional being, discussing my journey as an empath. I explain what it means to be an empath, the challenges it brings, and how it affects my interactions and relationships. Empaths, with their heightened sensitivity, often struggle to set boundaries and experience emotional fatigue.
I share personal experiences from the last 24 hours, reflecting on the anxiety and depression that sometimes weigh me down. From financial worries to social anxieties, I open up about my struggles and the toll they take on my mental health. Despite these challenges, I emphasize the importance of acknowledging and addressing these feelings.
Join me as I navigate through these complex emotions, offering insights and advice on how to cope. Whether you're an empath or someone seeking to understand the emotional depths of others, this episode is a heartfelt exploration of the human experience. Remember, it's crucial to talk about your feelings and seek support when needed. You are not alone.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Music.
(00:43):
What's up, y'all? Millennial Paws. This episode is going to be very demure,
very mindful of an episode.
And for those of you who know, no, for those of you who play around on TikTok
for hours, you know, looking for content that's going to engage you aimlessly,
you'll know what I'm talking about.
(01:04):
So sometimes on TikTok, it'll be a sound that really gets me.
And right now, the very demure, very mindful video by Jules LeBron has been hilarious.
And not hilarious in the sense that she's telling jokes, but just the way she delivers the lines.
And I've seen multiple videos. I immediately started to follow her because it's
(01:25):
the most lighthearted thing on TikTok right now.
And being the person that I happen to be, I need stuff that's going to be lighthearted.
It because, you know, it can be very heavy sometimes just existing in my own world.
So this episode definitely will be a lot more, a lot deeper in context in terms
(01:47):
of, you know, my emotional being,
my, you know, disposition and my overall thought process.
So it may be a little heavy. On trigger warning, there will be discussions of depression,
you know, discussions of, you know,
some harsh ideas and thoughts and for that I'm sorry and take this warning as
(02:07):
a way to protect your mental because I really want to go there today and it
has everything to do with the last 24 hours.
Being inside my body. So the first thing that I want to do is I want to give
you guys the definition of an empath because I highly identify as being an empath,
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just as someone who, you know,
has, I'm emotional at times and sometimes I feel things that I can't quite understand
myself and I usually reserve judgment or reserve speaking about certain things
simply because I am unaware of what those thoughts and feelings may be,
you know, and I'm afraid to say stuff because I feel like it may taint,
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you know, to others, their experience,
you know, because of my perception of things.
But an empath is someone who has a higher than average level of empathy, known as hyper empathy.
Empaths are known for being highly attuned to emotional emotions of others and
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can often sense their feelings before they are communicated.
Empaths may experience emotions on a deeper level than others and may even take
on feelings of their own.
For example, an empath might change the TV or the channel on TV to avoid seeing
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a character being embarrassed or they may start to feel sick feelings, emotions.
Lastly, empaths can form a deep relationship with others because of their ability to connect.
However, their sensitivity can also be overwhelming. They may have a hard time
setting boundaries between themselves and others.
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Empaths may also be susceptible to emotional fatigue and stress.
And I feel like that completely embodies who I am.
And this definition just came from Google's AI AI overview, so take that as
you will, but I feel like it definitely.
Can affect you know my my process
(04:15):
of things and just who how I interact with
others and as I'm telling you this I'm starting to get a
little anxious just simply because I'm hyper aware
of making sure that I say the right things rather than just speaking from my
heart and that's exhausting so and sometimes I do understand you know I might
feel stuff and don't necessarily know why it is but then when I when you know
(04:38):
the why why presents itself I'm like that's it You know,
and sometimes it comes as afterthought and sometimes like,
you know, being empathic can really have a toll on the other person because
you can know things about them before they do.
And it sounds like you're being psychic, but it really isn't.
You can know things about the other person in ways that they're not ready to,
(05:00):
you know, quantify just yet.
And that could be scary, you know, a scary thing. And, you know,
when people feel uncomfortable, they typically push against, you know, something.
So I don't know, man, I just all I do really not to minimize it is I just I'm
very big on feelings as much as I'm an extrovert. I am a little bit of an introvert
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when it comes to meeting new people.
If I'm involved in the element where I know I'm going to be around folks,
it's easy for me to show up and present myself in a way that seems more,
what do you call it, more aware or not necessarily aware,
but approachable, you know, responsive and, you know, fun.
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In reality, I'm having anxiety about what I feel and feeling exposed a bit because
you don't really know how it's going to turn out.
The really interesting thing about being an empath is sometimes the world of
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me being a person that happens to be social,
it can clash sometimes with but how I feel versus what I think I should, you know, do.
I don't know if that makes sense. So I'm going to try to unpack that.
So I'm someone who I like being around people.
I wish I had a gang of friends that would allow me to be able to just hang out.
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And I do, you know, the social things that, that I desire.
Like Carlos, he, he has a, I wouldn't say a number of friends,
but he has people that he communicate with on a pretty consistent basis.
And for myself, I have a very limited circle of people that I talk to.
And, you know, you can just say, all right, we'll just talk to them more.
(06:51):
But it doesn't always work that way. You know what I'm saying?
But being an empath, sometimes, you know, a best way I can explain is you don't
want to be around people and you don't necessarily know why.
It could be your own anxiety.
It could be just the fear of just picking up something you don't want to pick up.
Or, you know, you know, if there's some drama between you and a friend and you
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don't know necessarily how to address it.
So, you know, you're like, ah, I know I want to go hang out with Sam and I said
I would, and I don't feel like doing it now.
Cause if I do, then there's going to be all this stuff and I'm going to have
to perform a bit when I really want to say this, this, and this about,
you know, about that friend.
And I know it sounds, I'm being, it sounds like I'm being very lighthearted
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when I'm having this conversation, but it's crippling at times.
Yeah, it really can be. And, you know, even though I desire to want to go out
and be social show all the time, sometimes it's crippling to the sense that,
you know, I want to come home and just take a nap.
You know, I don't want to go anywhere or, you know, I just want to be around my husband.
And the only reason why I really want to hang out with him is he's the only
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person I've kind of allowed to, you know, kind of penetrate my bubble that I've
created, you know, just being an empath.
And honestly, you know, this word didn't come into my world until a young lady
by the the name of Danny Starr.
You can find her on social media, D-A-N-N-I Starr, S-T-A-R-R.
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And Amanda Seals, they, you know, kind of mentioned those words and,
you know, the way they were explaining, I was like, I feel like that's me.
And, you know, I just did more research on it. And, you know,
I just kind of was affirmed that, you know, I think that I suffer or it's really not a suffering.
It's not a diagnosis either, but I think this is who I am as a person.
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And, you know, the more I, you know, learned about being an empath,
the more I started to, you know, just kind of acknowledge like,
hey, this is, this is the type of person that I am.
And, you know, it really, and sometimes being an empath can come out,
can make you come off as someone who's self, not absorbed, I wasn't going to
(09:04):
say that, but self-reliant is also not the word I was thinking of.
But it can kind of have you come off as arrogant in a way.
And that's for lack of a better word, honestly, because I don't think arrogant
really kind of fits the bill.
But I'd explain it more. It makes me feel like...
Sometimes being an empath, you're involved in a situation and you're just hard
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like, hey, I'm not interested in that.
I don't want to do that. And this is why, you know what I'm saying?
And some people at times that can come off as being someone who's not willing
to accommodate others. But it's just like, no, I know this about myself.
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So I'm not willing to put myself in this just to prove a point or to appease someone else, you know?
And I hope that that, you know, explanation kind of digs in a little bit,
but, you know, it's like, no, you know, I don't want to, you know,
it's, it's, it's, it's sometimes being like that with people that I know.
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And I have a friend or a family member that's like, let's go see.
And it's like, no, I don't want to go see them.
And I'm like, well, why? I'm just not interested in going to go see them simply
because I don't think they're a genuine person.
They haven't done anything to me in particular, but I just don't want to go and be around them.
Or let's say you have a friend who happens to be extremely emotional.
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It's just like, no, let's go see so-and-so.
So-and-so is just too emotional. I can't deal with it sometimes.
And others who happen to not be empaths or people who are empaths,
who have a better way of being able to compartmentalize would say,
well, they ain't really got nothing to do with me.
I wish all she does is just talks about herself and blah, blah,
blah. Or, you know, it's, it's okay. I just want.
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The social aspect of it, and I can ignore the rest, for a person like me,
it's like, nah, she's emotional all the time.
And I don't want to take on some of those emotional emotions.
And I'm a very big believer that people may see things that folks have as being
superheroes, like, for example, being a medium or being psychic.
(11:17):
I don't think it's superhero. I don't think it's supernatural.
I think that we all are equipped to be able.
We all are equipped to have those type of things like we're born with it,
you know, and some people are just more hypersensitive to certain things.
So, you know, they they dig in a little bit more into those things and they're
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more actualized or realized by that person rather than,
you know, someone who has a different set of circumstances and understandings
and things that would cause them to have to lean on that superpower more.
You know, coming from where I come from, where I've had to, you know,
I've seen people be upset at me, but not want to go into detail about why they're
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upset has given me this hyper aware,
like I'm more aware that I need to be able to, you know, dig in to myself to
try to understand what that other person is feeling.
And having that level of empathy, of trying to understand why that person feels
that way when they don't have the language to be able to say it about themselves.
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Does that make sense, y'all?
I think it does. I mean, I don't really know, but my family members and friends
or family members that I grew up with weren't the most communicative people, you know?
And, you know, outside of, oh, well, you made me mad or I'm bothered by that or that made me angry.
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We all know that there is a gamut of emotions that exist that don't necessarily
always explain, you know, what a person is feeling.
But if you're only no angry, mad, sad, pissed off, bothered,
and, you know, you're going to feel feelings that are similar to those.
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And that's what you're going to express more when it could be that you're just
like miffed, like, oh, oh, you know, like it was a joke of like, oh, OK.
You know, rather than it being something that angered you or frustrated you
at the time, you know, or better yet, something that just kind of made you excited.
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But in reality, it's like, you know, it's anxiousness, you know,
it's just like the anxiety behind like doing something that's outside of your norm, you know?
And I say all that to say, you know, feelings are complicated,
you know, and it's difficult to explain.
So to prove in the last 24 hours, Carlos and I went to.
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Aquatica. And Carlos and I are very blessed when it comes to money that we don't
necessarily have to worry about paying our bills.
But we have a lot that's happening right now that we have to be a little bit
more aware of the money that we have in the account.
As I told you, I had to buy a washing and dryer a couple of weeks ago.
So obviously that would affect money at hand.
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We We also have some other things, medical things that happen with the dog and
with Carlos that that were kind of unexpected, you know, where we would have
to, you know, use credit to be able to keep our head above water.
So we initially planned to go to Legoland and I was going to go.
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And, you know, my family friend of ours was like, yeah, I took my son to Legoland.
Land and then you know i i'm
a researcher so i researched online like what lego
land was about how it was gonna be and it looks like
for kids and i i began to
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become nervous about going there because me and carlos ain't kids we both have
you know like it's i think i still think legos are amazing i can't build with
legos but i i would love to be able to go see other stuff that's at Legoland.
And then, you know, I shared it with some friends and they were like,
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well, one friend was more or less like, you and Carlos are going to go.
And I was like, yeah. And it was like.
I knew what they were implying. And I had had that conversation with myself
the night before when I was looking at it online.
And I started searching, can adults go to Legoland?
Adults can do whatever they want to do. It's just to not be creepy when you
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go to these places. But that got in my head.
And then the fact that, you know, financially, it probably wouldn't have been
a good idea for us to spend 200 and X amount of dollars considering,
you know, we have another,
you know, few couple of weeks before we get, you know, paid and we are able
to be fully like, we got some bills to come up.
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You know, we got, we got to pay cell phone bill, which is $400.
We got to pay, you know, all these things that continue to go on, you know, as well.
So yeah, it was like, number one, you know, I read somewhere with some,
somebody said, you know, yeah, you can go as an adult, but you might not necessarily
get enough value because it's not a lot for you to do.
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And I was thinking to myself, I'm like, damn, man, why I had to say that?
So, you know, I started to get doubt in my head, you know, about it.
And then the money part of it just started to stress me out even more.
And, you know, I was I brought it up to Carlos and Carlos was like,
and he just became super aware of like what he wanted to spend.
Like, for example, we wanted to get something like it was thirsty and he wanted
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to get like a little drink or whatever.
And it was an alcoholic drink and it was like fifteen dollars.
Like, oh, it's so expensive.
And then, you know, locker is like, oh, my God, it's thirty five dollars.
And, you know, we could probably not probably we could have.
And we didn't, we could have, you know, spent the money on those things and it'd been okay.
But, you know, I was hyper aware about it.
And sometimes I do have to kind of like limit what I say to Carlos because he
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could go from one extreme to another.
Me, I just more internally, you know, aware of it to where, okay,
Reggie, you can't go out and buy $200 pairs of shoes. Like you can't do that.
You know what I'm saying? Like that's unnecessary, you know,
as opposed to, okay, well, this is X amount.
Okay, go ahead. You know? So, yeah.
Yeah, so we were hanging out yesterday. That was looming in my head.
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We, you know, went to Aquatica instead.
We got to Aquatica, paid for the tickets. Tickets online were cheaper than at
the park, which I guess makes sense. I don't know.
But we did that, got in. It was already hot. And we had a fantastic time.
But, like, prior to Carlos and I getting there, like, I felt extremely nervous.
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Like I was, I felt like not nervous, but I had this angst.
There was, I felt like I was a failure because it's like, Reggie,
you have access to this money and you're not doing what you're supposed to do.
And, you know, you're about to, you know, spend all the money you have in your
account and just these extreme thoughts.
And, you know, that kind of turned into me being a failure and,
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you know, Carlos had to be like, breathe.
And, you know, it was just these really depressive of thoughts that I get,
I get from time to time that didn't really like, it doesn't really,
it doesn't really take anything for that to kind of happen, but I'm pretty sure
it stemmed from the fact that I was just,
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you know, in my, in my feelings or just feeling concerned about my financial state.
And, you know, even the addressing of, well, your bills are paid. Yeah. Rent is paid.
You know, mortgages paid, car notice is paid, cell phone is paid.
All these things kind of go into, you know, you know, they pass.
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But, you know, we do have a little bit more disposable income,
you know, than than than some people.
And I just felt like I was just squandering this money away just by spending it frivolously.
And, you know, sometimes I I get buyer's remorse, you know, I get buyer's regret,
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which is the same thing as buyer's remorse. where it's like,
oh, well, we probably shouldn't have spent this money. We probably shouldn't have gone to Aquatica.
But it's like, well, you have the money, your bills are paid,
so why not go and enjoy something that you want to do?
So it really had a stinking on my day.
We still have fun, you know? I still enjoyed myself, but I was thinking about
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2 o'clock. I really wanted to go.
And, you know, sometimes...
When we go out, I try to be thoughtful or I want to be thoughtful to everybody
involved, even when it's just me and Carlos.
And, you know, being an empath and being someone who can tell like how I feel,
OK, about two o'clock, I'm ready to go.
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You know what I'm saying? Like I've had enough. You know what I'm saying?
Like I'm not counting hours in this place.
Like let's, you know, we got on the slide that you want to get on.
We've you know hung out in the water you know
which the water was extremely warm i don't want to do
any of the other slides because a lot of that stuff has weight constraints
and that also affected me too i was
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getting depressed about being you know 300 and something damn pounds and you
know i think i'm just right at 300 i think last time i weighed myself i was
at 295 and i started fucking thinking like oh my god reggie you got this the
exercise equipment i I got a treadmill and a whole ass bike that I never use.
I pass by that shit every fucking day and I don't use it.
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And then I get down about that. And it was like, you spent all that money unnecessarily.
And why did you do that?
And just all these things kind of weigh on me.
And then I get to the place where it's like, you know, 96 degrees outside.
You've walked at least, you know, a mile and a half. You're overweight.
You're sweating just because you're thinking. drinking, and your feet are starting
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to hurt, and the water's starting to, your body's starting to plume,
and you know, on top of that, you still got to pay this, you still got to get
something to eat, and how much time you're going to have to take a nap,
and you know, he said he wants to stay a little longer, I don't know how long
a little longer is, but at this point, I'm ready to go, and I feel like if I
don't say something, then I won't be being true to myself,
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and you know, he didn't specify how
long he wanted to stay it wasn't until after
we left he was like oh about four o'clock and I'm like well okay that's
that would have been another two hours and you know
he was like well you know I know we had to go because we got to go take a nap
and it's like I don't really have to take a nap I could stay up but I don't
really understand staying until four like that wouldn't have made me feel any
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more different and then on top of that Carlos came home and we took a nap took
a nap we ate at Popeye's probably wasn't the best choice but we did and then.
Took a nap, you know, had a probably about a two hour nap. He ended up waking
up because he had to go get a Feifei.
And then he went to go be at Feifei. I was waiting on him to come home.
And then, you know, I was going to get something to eat, figure out what we're going to do for food.
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And then, you know, he tells me that he was sick.
He didn't feel well and kind of frustrated because why didn't he tell me that
I would have just told him to pick me something up on the way home.
I got really upset about that. And I just was in my feelings and I was just kind of bored,
still a little bit sleepy and just frustrations like
at eight instead of at 10 and just
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like all these thoughts in my head and on top of all that you ain't got you
know you don't have the money that you would want to have in your account to
feel comfortable and you still got to pay this and you still got to pay that
and you got to take $200 out of this you got to do 230 on that and then next
week you got to pay this you got to pay that and it's just like on and on and on and on and on and on.
Yeah. That's what happens in my brain.
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And feeling like, you know, on top of that, like I'm, I feel like I'm a burden. I'm a nuisance.
Carlos is annoyed by me. You know, maybe he doesn't want to do the stuff that he needs to do for me.
And maybe I should do more and I need to cook more and I need to be present
more and I need to do more than what I'm doing.
What I'm doing at work is probably not even the best amount of stuff that I'm doing.
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He probably works harder than I do and who am I to complain about
the stuff that I have going on and I'm
tired of talking about that you know and then
you're gonna sleep that's and I think that's if I'm being honest that's
why I like to sleep because I don't hear those thoughts in my head you know
my mind will just go go go go I'm getting a little emotional my mind will just
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get just continue to go and it just never seems like it's enough I don't get
to the point where I feel like Like, I want to just, like...
You know, end it all. It's just like, fuck, can I just have a moment to my,
like, can I just be in limited, you know, like limbo right now?
You know, why am I having all these thoughts?
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And feeling, this was all internal. Like I didn't verbalize any of this to Carlos.
So when he hears it, he's going to like, what the fuck? Like you guys are,
you know what I'm saying?
And, you know, it's just exhausting. And then being
a black person in America and you know
all of the the the fun things that you
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experience is just being a person of color and then
the lack of understanding i don't speak the language sometimes i
even said to carlos maybe you should get a spanish interpreter fall in love
with him and i know that's wrong y'all i know i've said it many times and i
i've not said it many times i i know when i say it i know how horrible that
sounds but you know it didn't i would be lying if i didn't tell y'all that's
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That's what I was thinking yesterday.
You know, it was just an overly emotional day for me.
And I just had a lot going on mentally.
And I was just so easily susceptible to just like the anxiety that comes with
just being a normal person that it just made me feel like I was weighed down
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with so much fucking shit.
It and then on top of that being an
empath and then you know meeting other people and sometimes meeting people
against your will and how exhausting that can
be and how you just desire to just want to be normal that's what you you that's
what you quantify it as you i want to be normal i just want to be normal but
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no one's normal no one's normal and i'm having this thought like why am i telling
you guys this. I don't know.
There's probably somebody out there that feels exactly the way I do.
And it just continues to go on and on and on and on and on.
And the resources that you learn aren't working.
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I got to say that. The resources that you learn aren't working.
The therapy that you've had isn't working.
And you end up finding yourself feeling like you're a burden to
other people it's just exhausting i'm fine
by the way guys i don't you know i don't think that i want to be i don't want
to harm myself or nothing like that so i don't want anybody to be alarmed by
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what it is i'm saying i'm saying that just so we're aware of it and i can understand
how these thoughts will you know can be overwhelming sometimes but i just really you know,
that's why sometimes it's just best for me to stay home and sleep because meeting
people going out and being among folks sometimes is just not the flex you think it is.
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And I love getting to know people. I love talking to people.
Like, for example, yesterday, I met this older lady. It was more or less nonverbal.
She watched our stuff. And I just kept telling her gracias, you know,
because she didn't go into the water.
But our stuff was there. And I think, you know, I think subconsciously,
she probably was like, OK, be aware of it.
(27:05):
And we also used her as a reference point because where she was sitting was where our stuff was.
So, and then I've seen this guy, you know, who was at the thing and he just
seems like very like blah, you know, I was making fun of him and I was like,
you seem excited to be here. I said, do you like working here?
And he's like, yeah, I do. And I was like, oh, you say I can tell on your face.
(27:27):
And his face was like stoic, you know what I'm saying?
And I was like, yeah, I can tell, you know, I see you smiling and you're like,
oh my God, I'm so happy to be here.
You know, I made a joke about that. He's like, no, I really do like it.
You know, I, I work at SeaWorld and And sometimes I pick up shifts and they
allow us to be able to pick up shifts coming from SeaWorld.
So that's why I'm here. If I could do this every day, I would.
(27:47):
That was a nice interaction. You know what I'm saying? I told him good luck
and, you know, you know, I'm glad that you're happy.
And I said something to Carlos like, see, that's how you got to do it.
Sometimes you have to look outside yourself and, you know, see others experience
and be like, all right, cool. You know what I'm saying?
So, you know, it was a moment to tap into somebody else. And then we got on that freaking slide.
(28:08):
I damn near thought I was going to die on that thing. I was just really afraid
because honestly, I can't swim and I wasn't necessarily in control and being,
you know, all the other things that were going on in my head and that,
you know how, well, on this particular slide,
there's a circle that goes and it just, you can continue going around,
around, around, around. And I was like, I had this.
(28:28):
Like push me and Carlos towards the hole so we can get out of that thing.
And I knew that it was going to drop off into like a three or four feet.
And I knew that I was going to be nervous about it because I can't swim.
And we end up tumbling in the water. They asked me, was I okay?
And I said, not really. You know, I was a little discombobulated.
And I think that's kind of what caused Carlos's soreness today.
(28:49):
But yeah, it was fun. But I was like, I need to get up off this thing.
That nerve, the nerves didn't allow me to enjoy it. because by the time we got
on the top of the hill, if you will, that thing was pretty high.
And, you know, my anxiety definitely fucks up my fear of heights.
Like it's time to stand. You know, you would think that it would make you more.
(29:11):
The medicines that I take will make you more level.
But no, I was, no, I was sweating.
And there was this nice little kid that was talking to me, him and his mom.
He was telling all his mom's business, but he really helped me out.
It was really cool. I didn't see them afterwards, but I'm pretty sure they had a fantastic time.
So shout out to the gentleman that the little kid that was from Pennsylvania and his mom.
(29:34):
So but yeah, man, I mean, that's what it would be like, you know,
for me in my head sometimes.
And I just I don't like to make it anybody else's problem, you know,
but I do understand that my husband is my husband and he's the best person to
be able to share these things, too.
But you know the thing about
when you share things with people sometimes they can transfer over
(29:55):
to them and i don't really like all that you
know i'm saying like oh another thing i'm
fearful of too y'all is i think well i am out of shape and i can tell it like
when i'm getting dressed and stuff and i sweat and i don't know if it's sweating
from the nervousness or if it's because i'm out of shape but i'll be going downstairs
like i've gotten dressed and i have a head full
(30:19):
of sweat you know what I'm saying which I'm gonna go get a
relaxer today I have a head full of sweat and it's
like I'm embarrassed by that you
know and I used to be embarrassed by that when I did
weddings and stuff like that too because you know I'm like shit it's gonna be
hot and then you know I'm in my head about it because you know I'm up front
(30:39):
and you got a freaking person that's sweating like crazy that's also affecting
me too man like I ain't got no business I ain't had no No business in how many weeks.
I was just concerned about that.
Sorry about the, you know, the business that I'm not getting.
I don't know what else to do. I took the hours off and I don't really care about work phone anymore.
(31:02):
I have afforded to me just in case I miss it.
But it just seems like, you know, things are at a stop, you know,
and then I'm thinking, damn, man, what happens if, you know,
I don't make any more money for the rest of the year?
And people playing about these weddings don't about I want to book me.
You know it could be the price but then when i go do price market
(31:23):
analysis price is about the freaking same i don't
know but these are all the things that i think about a pretty
consistent basis it's pretty exhausting sometimes to
be the person that i happen to be you know
routine is something that i definitely enjoy
i have a routine for the most part i
get up in the morning i go get something to eat and
(31:44):
then i just kind of meander sometimes i just ride around i get home
you know at about two o'clock take
a nap this is on sundays during the week do during the
week if i work i'm getting off at 7 30 you
know i'm getting off at 3 30 4 o'clock and i'm
going to take a nap you know i wanted i had the thought to go to the movies
but i was like man i don't want to do that ain't no movies i really want to
(32:07):
see it's just a lot of stuff y'all and i do think that you know The sensitivity
is just being a person who happens to be in my feelings often.
There's nothing I can really do about that.
I was reading up on ADHD, adult ADHD.
I was looking on. But I don't think those symptoms really fit me.
(32:29):
I'm just easily bored. You know what I'm saying?
And I think that's the cell phone epidemic, being someone who's always on the cell phone.
I can just continue to scroll and find something that's going to be interesting.
So, and even at this moment, I'm thinking myself, like, I hope that this aligns.
Like, I hope somebody gets this and understand.
(32:53):
And understand what I'm trying to say. You know, I hope somebody out there feels
me. And yeah, you know, I mean, what can you do?
What can you do? But yeah, we, other than that, we're, I'm okay.
I'm better today than I was yesterday.
You know, I guess I just needed a day to be able to articulate,
you know, what was going on.
(33:14):
There wasn't any specific like drama, you know, for me and Carlos.
It was just, you know, me dealing with the faults of my feelings and not really
wanting to say anything about it because I don't want I don't like to do misplaced anger.
You know what I'm saying? Like if I'm angry about something,
I want to find out what the root of it is.
I don't want to go and be like, oh, it could be this could be that or I,
(33:36):
you know, give it to unsuspecting people.
Like I don't really like doing that. I like to be in control of my emotions.
You may find that i'm quiet you know in a sense where i'm not normally quiet
because i'm you know speaking talking all the time or you know unless i'm sleeping or not doing anything.
That's that's the good way to tell if something's wrong if i'm not like speaking,
(34:00):
if i get on here and i'm like just i don't know what to talk about y'all i'm
not really feeling it today then you know something is really wrong wrong.
So that's, that's how I am. And I like to keep it internal, not because I'm
just, you know, I can deal with it myself.
It's just like, Hey, you're, you know, your, your pimple isn't ready to be popped yet.
(34:20):
You know, it's sitting there, it's cooking, it's cooking right now.
And if you, you know, pop it too soon, then you're going to get a scar.
But if you, you know, wait a little bit, let it get right. You know what I'm saying?
Then it'll pop out perfectly to where you can just Just get all the gunk and
everything. And that's how I feel about my emotions.
Okay. That's what I feel about this.
(34:41):
So, all right. That was just the 36 minute rant, guys.
This was going to be a little longer and I hope you commit to finishing and
listening to it. But I think it will be important because if you ever feel this
way, just know you're not alone.
And all it takes is for you to just, you know, sort through your feelings,
you know, use your resources, your family members, your friends.
If you have a therapist, make sure you're talking about it with your therapist
(35:03):
or your best confidant, because these thoughts are not good to keep in.
They will eventually cause and, you know, cause, you know, overflow and,
and kind of go into other places in your life. No.
And honestly and truly, I believe secrets cause cancer.
Keeping things to yourself because you don't want anybody in your business cause cancer.
(35:28):
Your body remembers, your mind may not, but your body remembers. So.
Get that shit out of your system. Talk about it. Talk about it with somebody
who you feel comfortable with.
You know, let this be your first sign to go out and get what you need in terms
of resources to be the best you can be.
Because what I I don't want anything unnecessarily to happen to anybody.
(35:49):
And just because you may not necessarily understand your feelings,
that doesn't give you a pass to offload it to somebody else.
It's about you and making sure
you do what it takes to make sure you're
the best person you can be for yourself first and
everybody else you love second all right
guys you know where to find me this is another episode of reggie's expressions
(36:13):
you can find me on tiktok at reggie's expressions and that's r-e-g-g-e-e-s expressions
r one word you can also find me on the social of the moods Instagram,
R-A-R underscore E-L underscore Socorro Garner, S-O-C-O-R-R-O-G-A-R-N-E-R on
(36:35):
Instagram and Facebook.
And that is A-R-E space E-L space Socorro, S-O-C-O-R-R-O dash Garner, G-A-R-N-E-R.
Okay. Go check me out. Enjoy the rest of your day. And let me know what y'all
think. Thank you for listening to another episode and you guys have been awesome. Peace.
(36:58):
Music.
Music.
(00:43):
What's up, y'all? Millennial Paws. This episode is going to be very demure,
very mindful of an episode.
And for those of you who know, no, for those of you who play around on TikTok
for hours, you know, looking for content that's going to engage you aimlessly,
you'll know what I'm talking about.
(01:04):
So sometimes on TikTok, it'll be a sound that really gets me.
And right now, the very demure, very mindful video by Jules LeBron has been hilarious.
And not hilarious in the sense that she's telling jokes, but just the way she delivers the lines.
And I've seen multiple videos. I immediately started to follow her because it's
(01:25):
the most lighthearted thing on TikTok right now.
And being the person that I happen to be, I need stuff that's going to be lighthearted.
It because, you know, it can be very heavy sometimes just existing in my own world.
So this episode definitely will be a lot more, a lot deeper in context in terms
(01:47):
of, you know, my emotional being,
my, you know, disposition and my overall thought process.
So it may be a little heavy. On trigger warning, there will be discussions of depression,
you know, discussions of, you know,
some harsh ideas and thoughts and for that I'm sorry and take this warning as
(02:07):
a way to protect your mental because I really want to go there today and it
has everything to do with the last 24 hours.
Being inside my body. So the first thing that I want to do is I want to give
you guys the definition of an empath because I highly identify as being an empath,
(02:28):
just as someone who, you know,
has, I'm emotional at times and sometimes I feel things that I can't quite understand
myself and I usually reserve judgment or reserve speaking about certain things
simply because I am unaware of what those thoughts and feelings may be,
you know, and I'm afraid to say stuff because I feel like it may taint,
(02:51):
you know, to others, their experience,
you know, because of my perception of things.
But an empath is someone who has a higher than average level of empathy, known as hyper empathy.
Empaths are known for being highly attuned to emotional emotions of others and
(03:12):
can often sense their feelings before they are communicated.
Empaths may experience emotions on a deeper level than others and may even take
on feelings of their own.
For example, an empath might change the TV or the channel on TV to avoid seeing
(03:32):
a character being embarrassed or they may start to feel sick feelings, emotions.
Lastly, empaths can form a deep relationship with others because of their ability to connect.
However, their sensitivity can also be overwhelming. They may have a hard time
setting boundaries between themselves and others.
(03:53):
Empaths may also be susceptible to emotional fatigue and stress.
And I feel like that completely embodies who I am.
And this definition just came from Google's AI AI overview, so take that as
you will, but I feel like it definitely.
Can affect you know my my process
(04:15):
of things and just who how I interact with
others and as I'm telling you this I'm starting to get a
little anxious just simply because I'm hyper aware
of making sure that I say the right things rather than just speaking from my
heart and that's exhausting so and sometimes I do understand you know I might
feel stuff and don't necessarily know why it is but then when I when you know
(04:38):
the why why presents itself I'm like that's it You know,
and sometimes it comes as afterthought and sometimes like,
you know, being empathic can really have a toll on the other person because
you can know things about them before they do.
And it sounds like you're being psychic, but it really isn't.
You can know things about the other person in ways that they're not ready to,
(05:00):
you know, quantify just yet.
And that could be scary, you know, a scary thing. And, you know,
when people feel uncomfortable, they typically push against, you know, something.
So I don't know, man, I just all I do really not to minimize it is I just I'm
very big on feelings as much as I'm an extrovert. I am a little bit of an introvert
(05:24):
when it comes to meeting new people.
If I'm involved in the element where I know I'm going to be around folks,
it's easy for me to show up and present myself in a way that seems more,
what do you call it, more aware or not necessarily aware,
but approachable, you know, responsive and, you know, fun.
(05:46):
In reality, I'm having anxiety about what I feel and feeling exposed a bit because
you don't really know how it's going to turn out.
The really interesting thing about being an empath is sometimes the world of
(06:07):
me being a person that happens to be social,
it can clash sometimes with but how I feel versus what I think I should, you know, do.
I don't know if that makes sense. So I'm going to try to unpack that.
So I'm someone who I like being around people.
I wish I had a gang of friends that would allow me to be able to just hang out.
(06:30):
And I do, you know, the social things that, that I desire.
Like Carlos, he, he has a, I wouldn't say a number of friends,
but he has people that he communicate with on a pretty consistent basis.
And for myself, I have a very limited circle of people that I talk to.
And, you know, you can just say, all right, we'll just talk to them more.
(06:51):
But it doesn't always work that way. You know what I'm saying?
But being an empath, sometimes, you know, a best way I can explain is you don't
want to be around people and you don't necessarily know why.
It could be your own anxiety.
It could be just the fear of just picking up something you don't want to pick up.
Or, you know, you know, if there's some drama between you and a friend and you
(07:12):
don't know necessarily how to address it.
So, you know, you're like, ah, I know I want to go hang out with Sam and I said
I would, and I don't feel like doing it now.
Cause if I do, then there's going to be all this stuff and I'm going to have
to perform a bit when I really want to say this, this, and this about,
you know, about that friend.
And I know it sounds, I'm being, it sounds like I'm being very lighthearted
(07:36):
when I'm having this conversation, but it's crippling at times.
Yeah, it really can be. And, you know, even though I desire to want to go out
and be social show all the time, sometimes it's crippling to the sense that,
you know, I want to come home and just take a nap.
You know, I don't want to go anywhere or, you know, I just want to be around my husband.
And the only reason why I really want to hang out with him is he's the only
(07:57):
person I've kind of allowed to, you know, kind of penetrate my bubble that I've
created, you know, just being an empath.
And honestly, you know, this word didn't come into my world until a young lady
by the the name of Danny Starr.
You can find her on social media, D-A-N-N-I Starr, S-T-A-R-R.
(08:21):
And Amanda Seals, they, you know, kind of mentioned those words and,
you know, the way they were explaining, I was like, I feel like that's me.
And, you know, I just did more research on it. And, you know,
I just kind of was affirmed that, you know, I think that I suffer or it's really not a suffering.
It's not a diagnosis either, but I think this is who I am as a person.
(08:42):
And, you know, the more I, you know, learned about being an empath,
the more I started to, you know, just kind of acknowledge like,
hey, this is, this is the type of person that I am.
And, you know, it really, and sometimes being an empath can come out,
can make you come off as someone who's self, not absorbed, I wasn't going to
(09:04):
say that, but self-reliant is also not the word I was thinking of.
But it can kind of have you come off as arrogant in a way.
And that's for lack of a better word, honestly, because I don't think arrogant
really kind of fits the bill.
But I'd explain it more. It makes me feel like...
Sometimes being an empath, you're involved in a situation and you're just hard
(09:27):
like, hey, I'm not interested in that.
I don't want to do that. And this is why, you know what I'm saying?
And some people at times that can come off as being someone who's not willing
to accommodate others. But it's just like, no, I know this about myself.
(09:48):
So I'm not willing to put myself in this just to prove a point or to appease someone else, you know?
And I hope that that, you know, explanation kind of digs in a little bit,
but, you know, it's like, no, you know, I don't want to, you know,
it's, it's, it's, it's sometimes being like that with people that I know.
(10:10):
And I have a friend or a family member that's like, let's go see.
And it's like, no, I don't want to go see them.
And I'm like, well, why? I'm just not interested in going to go see them simply
because I don't think they're a genuine person.
They haven't done anything to me in particular, but I just don't want to go and be around them.
Or let's say you have a friend who happens to be extremely emotional.
(10:34):
It's just like, no, let's go see so-and-so.
So-and-so is just too emotional. I can't deal with it sometimes.
And others who happen to not be empaths or people who are empaths,
who have a better way of being able to compartmentalize would say,
well, they ain't really got nothing to do with me.
I wish all she does is just talks about herself and blah, blah,
blah. Or, you know, it's, it's okay. I just want.
(10:56):
The social aspect of it, and I can ignore the rest, for a person like me,
it's like, nah, she's emotional all the time.
And I don't want to take on some of those emotional emotions.
And I'm a very big believer that people may see things that folks have as being
superheroes, like, for example, being a medium or being psychic.
(11:17):
I don't think it's superhero. I don't think it's supernatural.
I think that we all are equipped to be able.
We all are equipped to have those type of things like we're born with it,
you know, and some people are just more hypersensitive to certain things.
So, you know, they they dig in a little bit more into those things and they're
(11:41):
more actualized or realized by that person rather than,
you know, someone who has a different set of circumstances and understandings
and things that would cause them to have to lean on that superpower more.
You know, coming from where I come from, where I've had to, you know,
I've seen people be upset at me, but not want to go into detail about why they're
(12:05):
upset has given me this hyper aware,
like I'm more aware that I need to be able to, you know, dig in to myself to
try to understand what that other person is feeling.
And having that level of empathy, of trying to understand why that person feels
that way when they don't have the language to be able to say it about themselves.
(12:27):
Does that make sense, y'all?
I think it does. I mean, I don't really know, but my family members and friends
or family members that I grew up with weren't the most communicative people, you know?
And, you know, outside of, oh, well, you made me mad or I'm bothered by that or that made me angry.
(12:50):
We all know that there is a gamut of emotions that exist that don't necessarily
always explain, you know, what a person is feeling.
But if you're only no angry, mad, sad, pissed off, bothered,
and, you know, you're going to feel feelings that are similar to those.
(13:11):
And that's what you're going to express more when it could be that you're just
like miffed, like, oh, oh, you know, like it was a joke of like, oh, OK.
You know, rather than it being something that angered you or frustrated you
at the time, you know, or better yet, something that just kind of made you excited.
(13:31):
But in reality, it's like, you know, it's anxiousness, you know,
it's just like the anxiety behind like doing something that's outside of your norm, you know?
And I say all that to say, you know, feelings are complicated,
you know, and it's difficult to explain.
So to prove in the last 24 hours, Carlos and I went to.
(13:56):
Aquatica. And Carlos and I are very blessed when it comes to money that we don't
necessarily have to worry about paying our bills.
But we have a lot that's happening right now that we have to be a little bit
more aware of the money that we have in the account.
As I told you, I had to buy a washing and dryer a couple of weeks ago.
So obviously that would affect money at hand.
(14:20):
We We also have some other things, medical things that happen with the dog and
with Carlos that that were kind of unexpected, you know, where we would have
to, you know, use credit to be able to keep our head above water.
So we initially planned to go to Legoland and I was going to go.
(14:40):
And, you know, my family friend of ours was like, yeah, I took my son to Legoland.
Land and then you know i i'm
a researcher so i researched online like what lego
land was about how it was gonna be and it looks like
for kids and i i began to
(15:01):
become nervous about going there because me and carlos ain't kids we both have
you know like it's i think i still think legos are amazing i can't build with
legos but i i would love to be able to go see other stuff that's at Legoland.
And then, you know, I shared it with some friends and they were like,
(15:23):
well, one friend was more or less like, you and Carlos are going to go.
And I was like, yeah. And it was like.
I knew what they were implying. And I had had that conversation with myself
the night before when I was looking at it online.
And I started searching, can adults go to Legoland?
Adults can do whatever they want to do. It's just to not be creepy when you
(15:45):
go to these places. But that got in my head.
And then the fact that, you know, financially, it probably wouldn't have been
a good idea for us to spend 200 and X amount of dollars considering,
you know, we have another,
you know, few couple of weeks before we get, you know, paid and we are able
to be fully like, we got some bills to come up.
(16:07):
You know, we got, we got to pay cell phone bill, which is $400.
We got to pay, you know, all these things that continue to go on, you know, as well.
So yeah, it was like, number one, you know, I read somewhere with some,
somebody said, you know, yeah, you can go as an adult, but you might not necessarily
get enough value because it's not a lot for you to do.
(16:28):
And I was thinking to myself, I'm like, damn, man, why I had to say that?
So, you know, I started to get doubt in my head, you know, about it.
And then the money part of it just started to stress me out even more.
And, you know, I was I brought it up to Carlos and Carlos was like,
and he just became super aware of like what he wanted to spend.
Like, for example, we wanted to get something like it was thirsty and he wanted
(16:50):
to get like a little drink or whatever.
And it was an alcoholic drink and it was like fifteen dollars.
Like, oh, it's so expensive.
And then, you know, locker is like, oh, my God, it's thirty five dollars.
And, you know, we could probably not probably we could have.
And we didn't, we could have, you know, spent the money on those things and it'd been okay.
But, you know, I was hyper aware about it.
And sometimes I do have to kind of like limit what I say to Carlos because he
(17:14):
could go from one extreme to another.
Me, I just more internally, you know, aware of it to where, okay,
Reggie, you can't go out and buy $200 pairs of shoes. Like you can't do that.
You know what I'm saying? Like that's unnecessary, you know,
as opposed to, okay, well, this is X amount.
Okay, go ahead. You know? So, yeah.
Yeah, so we were hanging out yesterday. That was looming in my head.
(17:35):
We, you know, went to Aquatica instead.
We got to Aquatica, paid for the tickets. Tickets online were cheaper than at
the park, which I guess makes sense. I don't know.
But we did that, got in. It was already hot. And we had a fantastic time.
But, like, prior to Carlos and I getting there, like, I felt extremely nervous.
(17:59):
Like I was, I felt like not nervous, but I had this angst.
There was, I felt like I was a failure because it's like, Reggie,
you have access to this money and you're not doing what you're supposed to do.
And, you know, you're about to, you know, spend all the money you have in your
account and just these extreme thoughts.
And, you know, that kind of turned into me being a failure and,
(18:22):
you know, Carlos had to be like, breathe.
And, you know, it was just these really depressive of thoughts that I get,
I get from time to time that didn't really like, it doesn't really,
it doesn't really take anything for that to kind of happen, but I'm pretty sure
it stemmed from the fact that I was just,
(18:44):
you know, in my, in my feelings or just feeling concerned about my financial state.
And, you know, even the addressing of, well, your bills are paid. Yeah. Rent is paid.
You know, mortgages paid, car notice is paid, cell phone is paid.
All these things kind of go into, you know, you know, they pass.
(19:04):
But, you know, we do have a little bit more disposable income,
you know, than than than some people.
And I just felt like I was just squandering this money away just by spending it frivolously.
And, you know, sometimes I I get buyer's remorse, you know, I get buyer's regret,
(19:24):
which is the same thing as buyer's remorse. where it's like,
oh, well, we probably shouldn't have spent this money. We probably shouldn't have gone to Aquatica.
But it's like, well, you have the money, your bills are paid,
so why not go and enjoy something that you want to do?
So it really had a stinking on my day.
We still have fun, you know? I still enjoyed myself, but I was thinking about
(19:46):
2 o'clock. I really wanted to go.
And, you know, sometimes...
When we go out, I try to be thoughtful or I want to be thoughtful to everybody
involved, even when it's just me and Carlos.
And, you know, being an empath and being someone who can tell like how I feel,
OK, about two o'clock, I'm ready to go.
(20:09):
You know what I'm saying? Like I've had enough. You know what I'm saying?
Like I'm not counting hours in this place.
Like let's, you know, we got on the slide that you want to get on.
We've you know hung out in the water you know
which the water was extremely warm i don't want to do
any of the other slides because a lot of that stuff has weight constraints
and that also affected me too i was
(20:31):
getting depressed about being you know 300 and something damn pounds and you
know i think i'm just right at 300 i think last time i weighed myself i was
at 295 and i started fucking thinking like oh my god reggie you got this the
exercise equipment i I got a treadmill and a whole ass bike that I never use.
I pass by that shit every fucking day and I don't use it.
(20:54):
And then I get down about that. And it was like, you spent all that money unnecessarily.
And why did you do that?
And just all these things kind of weigh on me.
And then I get to the place where it's like, you know, 96 degrees outside.
You've walked at least, you know, a mile and a half. You're overweight.
You're sweating just because you're thinking. drinking, and your feet are starting
(21:18):
to hurt, and the water's starting to, your body's starting to plume,
and you know, on top of that, you still got to pay this, you still got to get
something to eat, and how much time you're going to have to take a nap,
and you know, he said he wants to stay a little longer, I don't know how long
a little longer is, but at this point, I'm ready to go, and I feel like if I
don't say something, then I won't be being true to myself,
(21:39):
and you know, he didn't specify how
long he wanted to stay it wasn't until after
we left he was like oh about four o'clock and I'm like well okay that's
that would have been another two hours and you know
he was like well you know I know we had to go because we got to go take a nap
and it's like I don't really have to take a nap I could stay up but I don't
really understand staying until four like that wouldn't have made me feel any
(22:01):
more different and then on top of that Carlos came home and we took a nap took
a nap we ate at Popeye's probably wasn't the best choice but we did and then.
Took a nap, you know, had a probably about a two hour nap. He ended up waking
up because he had to go get a Feifei.
And then he went to go be at Feifei. I was waiting on him to come home.
And then, you know, I was going to get something to eat, figure out what we're going to do for food.
(22:24):
And then, you know, he tells me that he was sick.
He didn't feel well and kind of frustrated because why didn't he tell me that
I would have just told him to pick me something up on the way home.
I got really upset about that. And I just was in my feelings and I was just kind of bored,
still a little bit sleepy and just frustrations like
at eight instead of at 10 and just
(22:45):
like all these thoughts in my head and on top of all that you ain't got you
know you don't have the money that you would want to have in your account to
feel comfortable and you still got to pay this and you still got to pay that
and you got to take $200 out of this you got to do 230 on that and then next
week you got to pay this you got to pay that and it's just like on and on and on and on and on and on.
Yeah. That's what happens in my brain.
(23:08):
And feeling like, you know, on top of that, like I'm, I feel like I'm a burden. I'm a nuisance.
Carlos is annoyed by me. You know, maybe he doesn't want to do the stuff that he needs to do for me.
And maybe I should do more and I need to cook more and I need to be present
more and I need to do more than what I'm doing.
What I'm doing at work is probably not even the best amount of stuff that I'm doing.
(23:30):
He probably works harder than I do and who am I to complain about
the stuff that I have going on and I'm
tired of talking about that you know and then
you're gonna sleep that's and I think that's if I'm being honest that's
why I like to sleep because I don't hear those thoughts in my head you know
my mind will just go go go go I'm getting a little emotional my mind will just
(23:51):
get just continue to go and it just never seems like it's enough I don't get
to the point where I feel like Like, I want to just, like...
You know, end it all. It's just like, fuck, can I just have a moment to my,
like, can I just be in limited, you know, like limbo right now?
You know, why am I having all these thoughts?
(24:13):
And feeling, this was all internal. Like I didn't verbalize any of this to Carlos.
So when he hears it, he's going to like, what the fuck? Like you guys are,
you know what I'm saying?
And, you know, it's just exhausting. And then being
a black person in America and you know
all of the the the fun things that you
(24:33):
experience is just being a person of color and then
the lack of understanding i don't speak the language sometimes i
even said to carlos maybe you should get a spanish interpreter fall in love
with him and i know that's wrong y'all i know i've said it many times and i
i've not said it many times i i know when i say it i know how horrible that
sounds but you know it didn't i would be lying if i didn't tell y'all that's
(24:58):
That's what I was thinking yesterday.
You know, it was just an overly emotional day for me.
And I just had a lot going on mentally.
And I was just so easily susceptible to just like the anxiety that comes with
just being a normal person that it just made me feel like I was weighed down
(25:20):
with so much fucking shit.
It and then on top of that being an
empath and then you know meeting other people and sometimes meeting people
against your will and how exhausting that can
be and how you just desire to just want to be normal that's what you you that's
what you quantify it as you i want to be normal i just want to be normal but
(25:41):
no one's normal no one's normal and i'm having this thought like why am i telling
you guys this. I don't know.
There's probably somebody out there that feels exactly the way I do.
And it just continues to go on and on and on and on and on.
And the resources that you learn aren't working.
(26:02):
I got to say that. The resources that you learn aren't working.
The therapy that you've had isn't working.
And you end up finding yourself feeling like you're a burden to
other people it's just exhausting i'm fine
by the way guys i don't you know i don't think that i want to be i don't want
to harm myself or nothing like that so i don't want anybody to be alarmed by
(26:23):
what it is i'm saying i'm saying that just so we're aware of it and i can understand
how these thoughts will you know can be overwhelming sometimes but i just really you know,
that's why sometimes it's just best for me to stay home and sleep because meeting
people going out and being among folks sometimes is just not the flex you think it is.
(26:45):
And I love getting to know people. I love talking to people.
Like, for example, yesterday, I met this older lady. It was more or less nonverbal.
She watched our stuff. And I just kept telling her gracias, you know,
because she didn't go into the water.
But our stuff was there. And I think, you know, I think subconsciously,
she probably was like, OK, be aware of it.
(27:05):
And we also used her as a reference point because where she was sitting was where our stuff was.
So, and then I've seen this guy, you know, who was at the thing and he just
seems like very like blah, you know, I was making fun of him and I was like,
you seem excited to be here. I said, do you like working here?
And he's like, yeah, I do. And I was like, oh, you say I can tell on your face.
(27:27):
And his face was like stoic, you know what I'm saying?
And I was like, yeah, I can tell, you know, I see you smiling and you're like,
oh my God, I'm so happy to be here.
You know, I made a joke about that. He's like, no, I really do like it.
You know, I, I work at SeaWorld and And sometimes I pick up shifts and they
allow us to be able to pick up shifts coming from SeaWorld.
So that's why I'm here. If I could do this every day, I would.
(27:47):
That was a nice interaction. You know what I'm saying? I told him good luck
and, you know, you know, I'm glad that you're happy.
And I said something to Carlos like, see, that's how you got to do it.
Sometimes you have to look outside yourself and, you know, see others experience
and be like, all right, cool. You know what I'm saying?
So, you know, it was a moment to tap into somebody else. And then we got on that freaking slide.
(28:08):
I damn near thought I was going to die on that thing. I was just really afraid
because honestly, I can't swim and I wasn't necessarily in control and being,
you know, all the other things that were going on in my head and that,
you know how, well, on this particular slide,
there's a circle that goes and it just, you can continue going around,
around, around, around. And I was like, I had this.
(28:28):
Like push me and Carlos towards the hole so we can get out of that thing.
And I knew that it was going to drop off into like a three or four feet.
And I knew that I was going to be nervous about it because I can't swim.
And we end up tumbling in the water. They asked me, was I okay?
And I said, not really. You know, I was a little discombobulated.
And I think that's kind of what caused Carlos's soreness today.
(28:49):
But yeah, it was fun. But I was like, I need to get up off this thing.
That nerve, the nerves didn't allow me to enjoy it. because by the time we got
on the top of the hill, if you will, that thing was pretty high.
And, you know, my anxiety definitely fucks up my fear of heights.
Like it's time to stand. You know, you would think that it would make you more.
(29:11):
The medicines that I take will make you more level.
But no, I was, no, I was sweating.
And there was this nice little kid that was talking to me, him and his mom.
He was telling all his mom's business, but he really helped me out.
It was really cool. I didn't see them afterwards, but I'm pretty sure they had a fantastic time.
So shout out to the gentleman that the little kid that was from Pennsylvania and his mom.
(29:34):
So but yeah, man, I mean, that's what it would be like, you know,
for me in my head sometimes.
And I just I don't like to make it anybody else's problem, you know,
but I do understand that my husband is my husband and he's the best person to
be able to share these things, too.
But you know the thing about
when you share things with people sometimes they can transfer over
(29:55):
to them and i don't really like all that you
know i'm saying like oh another thing i'm
fearful of too y'all is i think well i am out of shape and i can tell it like
when i'm getting dressed and stuff and i sweat and i don't know if it's sweating
from the nervousness or if it's because i'm out of shape but i'll be going downstairs
like i've gotten dressed and i have a head full
(30:19):
of sweat you know what I'm saying which I'm gonna go get a
relaxer today I have a head full of sweat and it's
like I'm embarrassed by that you
know and I used to be embarrassed by that when I did
weddings and stuff like that too because you know I'm like shit it's gonna be
hot and then you know I'm in my head about it because you know I'm up front
(30:39):
and you got a freaking person that's sweating like crazy that's also affecting
me too man like I ain't got no business I ain't had no No business in how many weeks.
I was just concerned about that.
Sorry about the, you know, the business that I'm not getting.
I don't know what else to do. I took the hours off and I don't really care about work phone anymore.
(31:02):
I have afforded to me just in case I miss it.
But it just seems like, you know, things are at a stop, you know,
and then I'm thinking, damn, man, what happens if, you know,
I don't make any more money for the rest of the year?
And people playing about these weddings don't about I want to book me.
You know it could be the price but then when i go do price market
(31:23):
analysis price is about the freaking same i don't
know but these are all the things that i think about a pretty
consistent basis it's pretty exhausting sometimes to
be the person that i happen to be you know
routine is something that i definitely enjoy
i have a routine for the most part i
get up in the morning i go get something to eat and
(31:44):
then i just kind of meander sometimes i just ride around i get home
you know at about two o'clock take
a nap this is on sundays during the week do during the
week if i work i'm getting off at 7 30 you
know i'm getting off at 3 30 4 o'clock and i'm
going to take a nap you know i wanted i had the thought to go to the movies
but i was like man i don't want to do that ain't no movies i really want to
(32:07):
see it's just a lot of stuff y'all and i do think that you know The sensitivity
is just being a person who happens to be in my feelings often.
There's nothing I can really do about that.
I was reading up on ADHD, adult ADHD.
I was looking on. But I don't think those symptoms really fit me.
(32:29):
I'm just easily bored. You know what I'm saying?
And I think that's the cell phone epidemic, being someone who's always on the cell phone.
I can just continue to scroll and find something that's going to be interesting.
So, and even at this moment, I'm thinking myself, like, I hope that this aligns.
Like, I hope somebody gets this and understand.
(32:53):
And understand what I'm trying to say. You know, I hope somebody out there feels
me. And yeah, you know, I mean, what can you do?
What can you do? But yeah, we, other than that, we're, I'm okay.
I'm better today than I was yesterday.
You know, I guess I just needed a day to be able to articulate,
you know, what was going on.
(33:14):
There wasn't any specific like drama, you know, for me and Carlos.
It was just, you know, me dealing with the faults of my feelings and not really
wanting to say anything about it because I don't want I don't like to do misplaced anger.
You know what I'm saying? Like if I'm angry about something,
I want to find out what the root of it is.
I don't want to go and be like, oh, it could be this could be that or I,
(33:36):
you know, give it to unsuspecting people.
Like I don't really like doing that. I like to be in control of my emotions.
You may find that i'm quiet you know in a sense where i'm not normally quiet
because i'm you know speaking talking all the time or you know unless i'm sleeping or not doing anything.
That's that's the good way to tell if something's wrong if i'm not like speaking,
(34:00):
if i get on here and i'm like just i don't know what to talk about y'all i'm
not really feeling it today then you know something is really wrong wrong.
So that's, that's how I am. And I like to keep it internal, not because I'm
just, you know, I can deal with it myself.
It's just like, Hey, you're, you know, your, your pimple isn't ready to be popped yet.
(34:20):
You know, it's sitting there, it's cooking, it's cooking right now.
And if you, you know, pop it too soon, then you're going to get a scar.
But if you, you know, wait a little bit, let it get right. You know what I'm saying?
Then it'll pop out perfectly to where you can just Just get all the gunk and
everything. And that's how I feel about my emotions.
Okay. That's what I feel about this.
(34:41):
So, all right. That was just the 36 minute rant, guys.
This was going to be a little longer and I hope you commit to finishing and
listening to it. But I think it will be important because if you ever feel this
way, just know you're not alone.
And all it takes is for you to just, you know, sort through your feelings,
you know, use your resources, your family members, your friends.
If you have a therapist, make sure you're talking about it with your therapist
(35:03):
or your best confidant, because these thoughts are not good to keep in.
They will eventually cause and, you know, cause, you know, overflow and,
and kind of go into other places in your life. No.
And honestly and truly, I believe secrets cause cancer.
Keeping things to yourself because you don't want anybody in your business cause cancer.
(35:28):
Your body remembers, your mind may not, but your body remembers. So.
Get that shit out of your system. Talk about it. Talk about it with somebody
who you feel comfortable with.
You know, let this be your first sign to go out and get what you need in terms
of resources to be the best you can be.
Because what I I don't want anything unnecessarily to happen to anybody.
(35:49):
And just because you may not necessarily understand your feelings,
that doesn't give you a pass to offload it to somebody else.
It's about you and making sure
you do what it takes to make sure you're
the best person you can be for yourself first and
everybody else you love second all right
guys you know where to find me this is another episode of reggie's expressions
(36:13):
you can find me on tiktok at reggie's expressions and that's r-e-g-g-e-e-s expressions
r one word you can also find me on the social of the moods Instagram,
R-A-R underscore E-L underscore Socorro Garner, S-O-C-O-R-R-O-G-A-R-N-E-R on
(36:35):
Instagram and Facebook.
And that is A-R-E space E-L space Socorro, S-O-C-O-R-R-O dash Garner, G-A-R-N-E-R.
Okay. Go check me out. Enjoy the rest of your day. And let me know what y'all
think. Thank you for listening to another episode and you guys have been awesome. Peace.
(36:58):
Music.
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