August 11, 2024 • 35 mins
Hey, what's up, everybody? It's time for another episode of Rigid Expressions. We made it back from the storm, and it was just a lot of rain. Debbie wreaked havoc from South Carolina up to New York. Thankfully, we were prepared and got right back to work on Tuesday.
In this episode, I talk about living in Central Florida and the unique challenges it brings, especially during hurricane season. I also share my recent experience with receiving an award at work and the mixed feelings that followed. Success can be both a gift and a curse, and I delve into the anxiety and imposter syndrome that sometimes accompany it.
We also discuss our upcoming travel plans to Belize and Honduras, and the excitement and nerves that come with exploring new places. Plus, I reflect on the importance of enjoying life, creating memories, and the balance between spending wisely and living fully.
Join me as I navigate through the highs and lows of life, work, and personal growth. Don't forget to follow me on social media and spread the word about the podcast. Thanks for tuning in, and I hope you enjoy the episode!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Music.
(00:46):
Hey, what's up, everybody? It's time for another episode of Rigid Expressions.
Yep, we made it back from the storm.
It was just a lot of rain. I mean, it was a lot of rain.
It rained from Sunday until about early Tuesday, I think it was.
And I got a call from my dad just checking in on me, asking me how I was doing
(01:07):
and how the weather was. And, you know, it's funny because the same system that
was coming over us was going to be causing rain over in his area, too.
But, you know, Debbie, she wreaked havoc.
She went up through South Carolina all the way up to New York.
I had a friend who traveled up to New York, and it rained a lot there.
(01:27):
So she did her thing. And they was talking about her going back out and coming
back in as a tropical depression and continuing the rain.
But, you know, it was cool to get a few gloomy days where the heat wasn't as bad and we were able to,
(01:47):
you know, get right back at it immediately on Tuesday. So it was cool.
So, yeah, preparation is key. and
most often these things in florida that come
through typically you know especially in
the central florida area and i meant to make this point last week but
i didn't finish making it living in central florida
(02:10):
is pretty unique because if it comes on the west side of the west side in florida
we're more than likely going to be involved in that if it comes on the east
side of florida we're more than likely going to be involved in that it's just
a matter of where the The eye is going to be in relation to where Orlando is going to be.
Like, for example, last year when Hurricane Ian came through and how bad that
(02:35):
was, it really got the western part of Florida, you know, pretty bad.
Fort Myers area, they had a lot of, you know, a lot of damage,
you know, quite a few deaths and just overall, you know, storm surges and things
that typically affect whenever a hurricane comes in. We got a good bit of rain.
(02:56):
I don't think that there was a period at all where we were off.
Working through Hurricane Ian. And yeah, so pretty bad.
I don't even remember the last time something came on the East Coast of things
and, you know, affected us.
But a few years back, I remember having situations where I had to leave work
early because they were closing the roads.
(03:17):
And when I lived in Jacksonville, I remember working on out at River City at
the time, and they sent us home because they were going to close the bridges because,
you know, So that becomes a hazard trying to get from that side of town.
So I remember that. But we bared well.
We had water on deck. Didn't need to use any of it. But who's to say what the
(03:39):
rest of the season is going to be?
You just have to hunker down, which I didn't hear a lot this time.
But I also didn't have my ear to the ground as much. I just kind of was doing
my thing, just waiting for any alerts that I might have gotten.
But there's nothing wrong with rain.
(03:59):
So the rest of the week went fine.
I didn't really hear a lot of like news regarding Debbie here in Florida.
But again, I also didn't have my ear to the ground.
So I don't really know how it affected anybody else. I know I had a friend who,
two friends who lives in Jacksonville.
(04:20):
And one said there was a lot of rain. And I remember talking to the other one.
I hadn't talked to them since then, but they had to bring some stuff inside.
So I don't know how they bared throughout at all.
So last week I ended with telling you guys the story about, you know,
the award that I got and how excited I was about getting it.
(04:42):
And today I wanted to talk about the kind of the flip side of that and,
you know, the anomaly of the brain and what it does sometimes to you.
But yeah, I got my reward and everything, and I was very excited about it.
And as the week went on last week, I started to get overwhelmed because—or overwhelmed
(05:10):
is—that's too harsh of a word.
I started to feel anxious about this.
And, you know, success can be a gift and a curse.
In some instances, the gift is obviously you become awarded the curse for me.
And that instance was, I started to let the negativity come in and started to
(05:35):
make me question why I got the award and the work that I needed to do to continue
to maintain it and how eyes are on me now.
And you know, for someone who suffered from anxiety, you know, it's, it's, it's.
It's not a shock that I let this affect me in the way that it does.
(05:56):
If you guys hear me clicking, I'm actually changing my keyboard colors,
the accuracy of how they, you know, keep going.
Because at night, it's so daggone bright that I can see it when I sleep.
Not when I sleep, but when I'm laying in bed, I can see it flash.
But, you know, I'm going to start by saying I do believe that I'm doing a good job.
(06:17):
I think for someone who had no introduction other than just what I knew in claims
before or in insurance before, that I'm grasping that I've gotten it pretty well.
The frustration or the negativity that was coming in was just making me think
like, oh, you know, they gave you that award because you were,
(06:38):
you know, not doing as great as you think you are or you forgot this particular thing.
And, you know, I had my supervisor reach out to me a couple of times about specific
things that I needed to put in claims that I had already worked.
And, you know, we have this thing, we only, we have this thing in claims where
only handle it once. They call it the Ohio method.
(07:01):
And it's pretty neat, which your intention is to make sure everything is done
so you don't have to go back over it again.
And I just had a couple, you know, laps in judgment and it started to make me
question like other claims that I had and, you know, things that I needed to do.
And the fact that we're getting a new, you know, region or a couple of new regions
just kind of stuck in my head and made me feel like, you know,
(07:25):
maybe I'm not equipped. And it's so crazy.
The reason why I think the brain is an anomaly that I was on cloud nine a few days before.
And then by Wednesday, I'm second guessing my abilities and thinking that maybe I'm not as great.
And I was just so in my head, man.
(07:46):
So in my head. And I just was afraid.
That my supervisor was going to find something wrong and it would be something that would impact,
you know, a claim or, you know, thinking about, you know, all the steps that
I've done on some of the claims that I had and the fact that I closed them so fast.
(08:06):
And I was like, damn, did I forget something? thing and, you know,
just learning how reporting works in certain situations.
I, you know, was very, very, you know, anxious about the, you know,
the processes that I was taking and, you know, was I closing it too fast or
was I not making the best decisions,
but I had no other data other than the fact that I,
(08:27):
you know, my own head, it wasn't that my supervisor, the examples that I gave
y'all spoke to me and was like, Hey, you know, Reggie, you, Reggie,
you You forgot this, you forgot that, you know, so,
you know, it's, it is what it is,
but it's just the, you know, it's, it's, it's really the anxiety that's talking,
(08:50):
you know, the anxiety that talks and speaks that's causing, you know,
the, the flare up and, you know, questioning my abilities.
And, you know, you, it stems from a little bit of imposter syndrome.
It stems from, you know, previous corporate jobs that I've had where I'm thinking I'm crushing it.
(09:11):
And then, you know, you find out that you're not because you get this big conversation
and they call you in the office to tell you all the things you did wrong.
It just experiences that I had that are informing, you know,
this feeling and it just continued. And I had a conversation with Carlos and
I was like, Hey, you know, I feel this way.
(09:32):
And, you know, I was just really nervous and anxious and, you know, whatever.
And he said, well, you don't know everything and, you know, it's okay to.
It's okay to, to feel that way.
You're doing great. You know, you got this award.
They didn't give you this award for this reason. You know, you have to,
(09:54):
you know, believe in yourself in a way.
And I promise you, like after he and I had that conversation, I felt better.
I felt a lot better about, I felt a lot better about my overall experience at that time.
And, you know, I had, I had a day, the very next day that I went in and,
(10:17):
you know, I felt better from the conversation that I had with Carlos.
And then I had something that really just challenged me completely and I.
I had some things that challenged me completely and yeah, we,
I ended up tackling it. I did it with no help at all.
My supervisor was like, good job. And I felt better about it.
(10:40):
But I have to understand and remind myself that, you know, there,
every file that I hit is not going to be perfect.
And you know, I just have to make sure that I'm retaining the information that
they're giving me about, you know, the work that I needed to do,
continue to, you know, hit meets on the files that I make and,
you know, just do a, you know, better job of, you know, putting reminders on
(11:06):
things that I have forgotten.
And, uh, cause at first when I initially was going, you know,
when I started, I had a lot less claims than I have now.
And I had time to go back and look over that stuff.
Now, you know, with basically filling my day, I don't have that opportunity
to go back and be like, all right, cool.
You know, let me, let me do that. Let me go back and do that.
(11:27):
Oh, I forgot this. I forgot that. I don't have time anymore.
My days literally now are, you know,
with the amount of claims that I have are essentially like every minute of the
day is filled with something that I have to do with either an existing claim
or a claim that I had prior,
whether it is setting up repairs or going back and reopening a claim because somebody,
(11:52):
you know, finally has time now.
Like I got to reopen a claim tomorrow because I got something from,
you know, a client over the weekend, you know, with fixing what I need to fix.
And yeah, so I do have some things that I need to complete.
So, you know, it's about spending place. I talk about that to Carlos often when
(12:12):
I'm speaking about life and how difficult life can be sometimes and how frustrating
these spinning plates can be.
That I need to really just practice what I preach and I don't always.
So, but yeah, you know, Thursday had a better day.
Friday, you know, had a really good day, you know, told my managers I was in my head.
(12:35):
You know, she made a joke about me getting out of my head and,
you know, she just helped me with, with being able to just like,
Hey, you're, you're on the right path, man.
Just believe in yourself a little bit more. So, and I don't want to make my
anxiety a part of the process.
Not that I'm ashamed to talk about my experience. No.
What I mean about that is, is anxiety can be a very personal thing,
(12:59):
you know, and it really doesn't have anything to do with anybody,
my manager, my husband, my friends, my family members. It's mostly me.
So I tend to deal with my anxiety internally, you know, until it gets to a point
where I'm like, all right, I need to address this.
This is something that, you know, it's starting to affect my mental.
(13:22):
Let me use my resources, you know, firstly, talking myself through the anxiety
and then bringing it to my husband and then, you know, maybe talking to friends
about it and, you know, just continuing to,
you know, use my resources that I have before I let it,
you know, bubble out of control, which,
you know, in the past I have done that.
(13:44):
So, yeah, I made it through. So, you know, on Monday it starts over again.
You know, it's going to be a new set of claims.
You know what I'm saying? I'm going to get a certain amount and I'm going to just do my thing.
And, you know, at the end of the day, it is a situation where,
you know, hey, what can you do?
And I'm always going to have anxiety. It's never going to be a place or point in time where I won't.
(14:06):
It's just being able to manage it. So, you know, it takes time. It takes a lot of time.
So, what else is going on? Carlos, it's August already.
At the end of September, Carlos and I are actually going to be going to,
going on a cruise, we're going to...
What is it? Oh, Belize and Honduras. It'll be both our first times going to go do stuff like that.
(14:31):
I'm excited about going to Honduras. I'm excited about going to Belize too.
I'm excited about going to places that I've never been before.
And, you know, I've kind of reached the point, you know, when it comes to cruising,
like I'm kind of exhausted.
I talked to Carlos. He said he didn't mind. He loves cruising, which I do too.
It's just when it comes to the aura of exploration, you know,
(14:53):
a lot of the ports are the same. It don't matter where you go.
You know what I'm saying?
Like Porta Plata, Port looked the same as San Juan and Puerto Rico.
And that looks the same as the one in Bahamas. Now, I mean, points of reference
and, you know, places are different, but the atmosphere of it is the same.
(15:15):
So, you know, it's very difficult to explore when When you have a cruise,
especially y'all, I know y'all don't see it on like social media,
a lot of people getting missed or missing their cruise.
And I'm not trying to do that. That sounds like, or it looks like a very expensive
mistake and I'm not trying to do that.
And besides me and Carlos love naps way too much, but you know,
(15:37):
you don't really get a lot of opportunity on the boat to be able to experience it.
So, you know, I want to be able to, you know, go to different places and,
you know, have a different experience beyond just the cruising experience.
But, you know, later on this year, around our anniversary, our ninth anniversary,
we have a all-inclusive trip to, I think it's Cancun, Mexico, planned.
(16:02):
And, you know, I'm excited about that. I'm looking forward to it.
And, yeah, we're just going to travel, you know, see what that's like.
It depends on, you know, the experience and how we feel. The fact that Carlos
speaks Spanish is helpful.
I had a friend who told me that she was almost kidnapped once and that scared the shit out of me.
(16:25):
And, you know, she was like, yeah, just be careful. And I'm like, God knows.
And then watching these true crimes don't help. Lately, I've been on a true crime kick.
Like, we've been watching a lot of, like, there was a story,
text me when you get home, about a young lady here in Orlando.
Her name was Mia Marcano.
(16:47):
Very sad and tragic story. And, you know, it's just a bunch of stories that are similar like that.
Like, I know killings and murders happen every day, but if you watch the true
crime stories, you would think it's in your back door.
And, you know, I really need to put that channel out, but sometimes it's just so it's easy watching.
(17:08):
Like I don't have to take notes. I can tune out, you know, do my duolingo and
then come back, you know, 10 minutes later, get a catch up on my husband or
just wait long enough in the store and they'll just repeat what they already
found. And I'll be like, you know, filled back in.
But, yeah, I can't lie and say, I can't deny and say, hey, yeah, it's affecting me.
(17:32):
You know what I'm saying? Like, it's starting to seep into thoughts.
So I need to change my, there's so much more lighthearted content, you know, out there.
And I just need to find it. I need to find it. So we're doing that.
And I'm excited, you know, nervous for the reasons that I mentioned.
And we'll just see how it goes, man. And I mean, looking forward to being able
(17:55):
to experience as much as we can.
You know, the fact that we're doing two vacations this year,
it's kind of fun. But I think nine years married is a monument.
And, you know, we're going to have to start, you know, shortly after that,
start figuring out what we're going to do for our 10th year anniversary.
But yeah, we'll see. So I'm excited. I'm looking forward to it.
(18:17):
I have to go and purchase the excursions. I haven't purchased that just because
I haven't been wanting to spend the money for whatever reason.
But I got to purchase the excursions.
We like to do fast to the fun. We like to get on the boat as quick as we possibly can.
And then we also like to, I like to, I like to have my sodas.
(18:37):
And Carlos, oh, we want to do the internet, too. So, yeah.
I mean, part of the experience is being able to share it among other people.
You know what I'm saying? Like, social media ain't everything,
you know, but we do partake in it, you know, significantly.
So, part of this is social, you know.
(18:58):
Although it's helping me, like, you know, with focusing and,
you know, pinpointing my thoughts.
It's also an element of entertainment, too. So that's not lost on me.
But we're going to do that.
You know, I booked this trip back in March, I think.
I did this really cool thing with Carnival Cruise Lines where I was able to, it's called Uplift.
(19:20):
And it allowed me to, you know, pay over six months. It actually would have gave me a year.
I think they gave you a certain period. If you paid it within a year,
you would only pay what the cost of the cruise.
There's no additional charges. So you kind of got to watch that kind of stuff,
you know, because sometimes, you know, like the Klarna's of it all and,
(19:43):
you know, other things. I've used Klarna in the past.
I tried to use Klarna on the Missy Elliott tickets and I was like, nah, son.
So I was like, all right, well, whatever. It's fine. It is what it is.
So, you know, it was a good thing that we didn't go on the ticket because I
really feel like sometimes the universe will be telling you stuff.
Because I went to buy those tickets, the Missy Elliott tickets.
(20:07):
I went to buy them the first time it declined.
And it wasn't that I didn't have the money. It was just my bank is like,
hey, that amount is too big.
I have to call them to get approval. And I just never got around to it.
And I was thinking about doing Kleiner, and Kleiner was like, nah, son.
And then, you know, a few weeks later, we ended up having to buy a damn washer
because the washer that we had stopped working. And I had to get on that pronto because.
(20:31):
It had water in it still. And then, yeah, you, you, you, you,
you know, we was going to have to wash.
So, you know, you can't go too long without that stuff. I mean,
we can go to laundry mats, but, you know, there, there's an advantage of having it at home.
And I'm grateful to God that I was able to do that with, you know, the coins that I had.
So grateful. So had I, you know, saw that Missy Elliott, I would have been quite
(20:54):
happy, but I would have put myself definitely in a bind had I done that and move forward.
So I'm glad that I did not.
But yeah, so we, you know, you really have to watch those things because they
can, you know, ultimately impact your income.
You know, Carlos and I typically when it comes to buying appliances,
we will do the 90 day same as cash kind of thing because we don't want to be
(21:19):
separated from that amount of money, depending on the appliance of it all.
And, you know, we didn't do that with that because, you know,
just the time frame it would have taken both of us to go and,
you know, all that stuff, it just lended itself for me to just go ahead and,
you know, purchase it outright.
You know, yeah, that chunk of money did, you know, kind of put us in a bind
(21:40):
a little bit, but, you know, we were able to kind of, you know,
rein in our spending shortly thereafter. after.
But yeah, you know, it's easy to do when you think, oh, it's only a small down
payment or whatever, or, you know, it's, you know, it's the best thing to do.
You really have to check yourself because they, you know, before you know it,
you'll have a whole gang of damn, you know, of those set up to where you...
(22:06):
Spending all your coins, you know, so you have to watch it. But it is pretty cool.
The cruise we had, you know, was a significant amount of money and we would
have missed that amount.
So doing it for six months was great. I was, you know, happy about doing that.
And, you know, I do believe that we're going to do that moving forward on certain
(22:30):
things, especially with, you know, traveling more, you know,
doing more cruises, you know, with Carnival since they do have that option.
And we'll just see. We'll see. We'll see.
But yeah, we use that. And my last payment will actually be this month.
So, you know, that's the extra X amount of money that I'll be bringing back
(22:52):
in that I really just need to go in and, you know, allocate more or less to
this debt that I have because,
you know, my debt isn't huge, but, you know, I have some things that I I probably
should be trying to take care of if I'm being real or being honest with you.
And that's, you know, it goes back to the spinning plates analogy.
There's so much stuff sometimes that you have going, and sometimes you overextend yourself,
(23:13):
and sometimes you, you know, you put yourself in situations that in like six
months, you know, it might not have been a good idea, but, you know,
it ebbs and it flows, and sometimes it works.
Sometimes, you know, it takes a little bit more hardship, and sometimes,
you know, it don't work, And you just have to be resilient in that way to bounce back.
(23:35):
But we're just trying to have the best life we could possibly have and enjoy
it while we're here, create memories with each other, and just revel in the
love that we have for each other and just the things that we do.
Carlos liked to say that I done made him bougie, which I think is partly true,
but don't tell him that. Yeah.
(23:55):
Just because, I mean, the way I live life, you know, being someone that came
from poverty, you know, when I was a kid, we really didn't have a whole lot.
And then even as, you know, I became a young adult, you know,
I dug into the, you know, survival instinct a lot longer than I probably should
(24:15):
have, simply because that was the teachings of my parents.
And, you know, a lot of times I would be afraid to spend money because,
you know, what happens if something happens or I would have buyer's remorse
on things that I would purchase because,
you know, oh, that's such a big purchase.
(24:36):
You know, whether it was something I wanted or needed, I didn't even consider
it. It was just like, damn, you know, I probably shouldn't have spent that money
because what if I would have needed it?
But if you, you know, live on what if all the time, then, you know,
you'll never do anything. So, you know, when Carlos and I first met.
You know, he had lived in the survival, you know, lifestyle for a long time,
(24:57):
survivalist, basically just,
you know, sometimes just having enough money to pay your bills and,
you know, trying to find fun and, you know, some of the smaller things and,
you know, not necessarily going on vacation for years and stuff like that.
And shout out to my friend, Sam, you know, 2013, that was the first time I had ever taken a cruise.
(25:17):
And I promise you, I was hooked after that. I was like, damn,
how do I do, what do I got to do to do this more often?
You know what I'm saying? Like, that was the first taste of a vacation that I had in that way.
You know, all the other vacations was, okay, go to Georgia and go see your friends.
Go to, you know, North Carolina.
Although those people I absolutely love, I ain't saying nothing about it.
(25:39):
But what I'm saying is, is I had never experienced like paradise on a boat in that way ever.
And shout out to him, you know. So when I met Carlos, I was like,
oh, look, look at what I can do. Look at what we can do. Let's go on this cruise.
And it was like, hey, you know, and it just, I just transformed the things that I like to him.
(26:03):
It's like, oh, you know, I like, I'm an electronic guy.
So, hey, you know, I want to have the best of the best when it comes to electronics.
I like this. I like that. I like this. I like these clothes.
I like, you know, and some of that came from the poverty mindset too,
you know, having name brand and, you know, wearing rustlers and wranglers back
(26:24):
in school and shit and, you know, people picking at you.
Yeah. A lot of this stuff, a lot of that had, it affected me,
you know, not to, not gonna lie.
And that probably led to some of the overspending, you know, on my part too.
But, you know, after a while, you know, it just was like the bringing it back
to the survival instinct of it is like, if you are always in survival mode,
(26:48):
you're always going to be trying to, you know, you're chasing the dollar, you're chasing,
you know, you know, saving and it becomes this endless bowl of like, just anxiety,
you know, and it's,
Our parents had to live in that survival mentality or mentality because of the
(27:08):
world that they came from.
My parents were born in the 50s. My grandparents were born in the early 1900s, so on and so forth.
So, you know, being a Black person is so easy to get caught up in that survival
instinct of life because that's been the way that we've existed for a long time.
(27:32):
But not saying that, you know, racism and, you know, all the disrespectful things
that Black people went through has ended. It hasn't.
It's just that we are free, you know what I'm saying? And my philosophy is you
can't take it with you when you die, you know what I'm saying?
Like, I can't go to heaven and spend, you know, all this thousands of dollars
(27:54):
that I'm never going to do anything with, you know what I'm saying?
And if I'm always down on myself telling me that I have to, you know,
stay in that mindset, you really, you're not going to live.
And you're just going to be, you know, trying to find those moments to,
you know, of memory where you felt, you know, free.
(28:15):
And you tell those stories over to yourself over and over again.
And you look at that as a reason to not be like that, you know,
to not be free or to not feel free.
Because yes, we are free in the sense that we ain't in jail.
We're not, you know, shackled and changed, but mindset wise,
we're not free. Does that make sense?
(28:38):
So, so when he met me, I was in the early stages of that.
And we've just expanded as time went on that idea that, you know,
if we have the ability to do it, why not? You know what I'm saying?
And if we're going to do it, like it's going to be at the highest level.
You know what I'm saying of experience we could
(29:01):
possibly have you know we're gonna we're we're
doing this because we're enjoying it we're not doing it because we have to
go on vacation because we don't have to go on a
cruise I don't have to do faster to the fun I don't have to have the sodas I
don't have to have you know internet I don't have to have those things but I
want them and part of life is also feeling what you want so my friend yesterday
(29:25):
was like you didn't call us Y'all always doing stuff. We are.
Cause we busy bodies, honey.
You know, we all, we always got stuff to do. Like what, what we do.
And like, that's, you know, like we like a day and a half off.
Cause he's off on Friday.
I'm off Saturday and Sunday where it's like, what are we doing?
You know what I'm saying? And club Orlando. Yeah.
(29:46):
Those of you know, no, just kidding. I just threw that in there because I want
to see if anybody hears that. But anyway, we're going to move on.
I'm finna go, y'all, because I need to get my ass up. I need to go take a shower.
I need to brush my gums, bump my gums, and then get something to eat.
So I will check in with y'all later. Appreciate all of you guys listening.
(30:07):
You know where to find me at Reggie's Expressions, R-E-G-G-E-E-S,
Expressions on TikTok all together.
You can find me at R-A-R-E-L-E-L Socorro Garner, S-O-C-O-R-R-O-G-A-R-N-E-R on Facebook.
(30:27):
And you can find me at R-L-S-O-C-O-R-R-O-G-A-R-N-E-R on Instagram.
So come check me out. I appreciate you guys listening. It always is a pleasure.
And yeah, I will check in with y'all next week. I hope you enjoyed the episode.
And thanks for all the new listeners.
I have seen some uptick in listens, so I appreciate that.
(30:50):
And just, you know, continue to spread the word, man. I'm doing my thing.
Trying to, you know, trying to just share my philosophy of life.
I ain't saying it's correct, but, you know, me and Carlos have fun.
So there's that. Anyway, you guys have a good rest of your day.
Music.
Music.
(00:46):
Hey, what's up, everybody? It's time for another episode of Rigid Expressions.
Yep, we made it back from the storm.
It was just a lot of rain. I mean, it was a lot of rain.
It rained from Sunday until about early Tuesday, I think it was.
And I got a call from my dad just checking in on me, asking me how I was doing
(01:07):
and how the weather was. And, you know, it's funny because the same system that
was coming over us was going to be causing rain over in his area, too.
But, you know, Debbie, she wreaked havoc.
She went up through South Carolina all the way up to New York.
I had a friend who traveled up to New York, and it rained a lot there.
(01:27):
So she did her thing. And they was talking about her going back out and coming
back in as a tropical depression and continuing the rain.
But, you know, it was cool to get a few gloomy days where the heat wasn't as bad and we were able to,
(01:47):
you know, get right back at it immediately on Tuesday. So it was cool.
So, yeah, preparation is key. and
most often these things in florida that come
through typically you know especially in
the central florida area and i meant to make this point last week but
i didn't finish making it living in central florida
(02:10):
is pretty unique because if it comes on the west side of the west side in florida
we're more than likely going to be involved in that if it comes on the east
side of florida we're more than likely going to be involved in that it's just
a matter of where the The eye is going to be in relation to where Orlando is going to be.
Like, for example, last year when Hurricane Ian came through and how bad that
(02:35):
was, it really got the western part of Florida, you know, pretty bad.
Fort Myers area, they had a lot of, you know, a lot of damage,
you know, quite a few deaths and just overall, you know, storm surges and things
that typically affect whenever a hurricane comes in. We got a good bit of rain.
(02:56):
I don't think that there was a period at all where we were off.
Working through Hurricane Ian. And yeah, so pretty bad.
I don't even remember the last time something came on the East Coast of things
and, you know, affected us.
But a few years back, I remember having situations where I had to leave work
early because they were closing the roads.
(03:17):
And when I lived in Jacksonville, I remember working on out at River City at
the time, and they sent us home because they were going to close the bridges because,
you know, So that becomes a hazard trying to get from that side of town.
So I remember that. But we bared well.
We had water on deck. Didn't need to use any of it. But who's to say what the
(03:39):
rest of the season is going to be?
You just have to hunker down, which I didn't hear a lot this time.
But I also didn't have my ear to the ground as much. I just kind of was doing
my thing, just waiting for any alerts that I might have gotten.
But there's nothing wrong with rain.
(03:59):
So the rest of the week went fine.
I didn't really hear a lot of like news regarding Debbie here in Florida.
But again, I also didn't have my ear to the ground.
So I don't really know how it affected anybody else. I know I had a friend who,
two friends who lives in Jacksonville.
(04:20):
And one said there was a lot of rain. And I remember talking to the other one.
I hadn't talked to them since then, but they had to bring some stuff inside.
So I don't know how they bared throughout at all.
So last week I ended with telling you guys the story about, you know,
the award that I got and how excited I was about getting it.
(04:42):
And today I wanted to talk about the kind of the flip side of that and,
you know, the anomaly of the brain and what it does sometimes to you.
But yeah, I got my reward and everything, and I was very excited about it.
And as the week went on last week, I started to get overwhelmed because—or overwhelmed
(05:10):
is—that's too harsh of a word.
I started to feel anxious about this.
And, you know, success can be a gift and a curse.
In some instances, the gift is obviously you become awarded the curse for me.
And that instance was, I started to let the negativity come in and started to
(05:35):
make me question why I got the award and the work that I needed to do to continue
to maintain it and how eyes are on me now.
And you know, for someone who suffered from anxiety, you know, it's, it's, it's.
It's not a shock that I let this affect me in the way that it does.
(05:56):
If you guys hear me clicking, I'm actually changing my keyboard colors,
the accuracy of how they, you know, keep going.
Because at night, it's so daggone bright that I can see it when I sleep.
Not when I sleep, but when I'm laying in bed, I can see it flash.
But, you know, I'm going to start by saying I do believe that I'm doing a good job.
(06:17):
I think for someone who had no introduction other than just what I knew in claims
before or in insurance before, that I'm grasping that I've gotten it pretty well.
The frustration or the negativity that was coming in was just making me think
like, oh, you know, they gave you that award because you were,
(06:38):
you know, not doing as great as you think you are or you forgot this particular thing.
And, you know, I had my supervisor reach out to me a couple of times about specific
things that I needed to put in claims that I had already worked.
And, you know, we have this thing, we only, we have this thing in claims where
only handle it once. They call it the Ohio method.
(07:01):
And it's pretty neat, which your intention is to make sure everything is done
so you don't have to go back over it again.
And I just had a couple, you know, laps in judgment and it started to make me
question like other claims that I had and, you know, things that I needed to do.
And the fact that we're getting a new, you know, region or a couple of new regions
just kind of stuck in my head and made me feel like, you know,
(07:25):
maybe I'm not equipped. And it's so crazy.
The reason why I think the brain is an anomaly that I was on cloud nine a few days before.
And then by Wednesday, I'm second guessing my abilities and thinking that maybe I'm not as great.
And I was just so in my head, man.
(07:46):
So in my head. And I just was afraid.
That my supervisor was going to find something wrong and it would be something that would impact,
you know, a claim or, you know, thinking about, you know, all the steps that
I've done on some of the claims that I had and the fact that I closed them so fast.
(08:06):
And I was like, damn, did I forget something? thing and, you know,
just learning how reporting works in certain situations.
I, you know, was very, very, you know, anxious about the, you know,
the processes that I was taking and, you know, was I closing it too fast or
was I not making the best decisions,
but I had no other data other than the fact that I,
(08:27):
you know, my own head, it wasn't that my supervisor, the examples that I gave
y'all spoke to me and was like, Hey, you know, Reggie, you, Reggie,
you You forgot this, you forgot that, you know, so,
you know, it's, it is what it is,
but it's just the, you know, it's, it's, it's really the anxiety that's talking,
(08:50):
you know, the anxiety that talks and speaks that's causing, you know,
the, the flare up and, you know, questioning my abilities.
And, you know, you, it stems from a little bit of imposter syndrome.
It stems from, you know, previous corporate jobs that I've had where I'm thinking I'm crushing it.
(09:11):
And then, you know, you find out that you're not because you get this big conversation
and they call you in the office to tell you all the things you did wrong.
It just experiences that I had that are informing, you know,
this feeling and it just continued. And I had a conversation with Carlos and
I was like, Hey, you know, I feel this way.
(09:32):
And, you know, I was just really nervous and anxious and, you know, whatever.
And he said, well, you don't know everything and, you know, it's okay to.
It's okay to, to feel that way.
You're doing great. You know, you got this award.
They didn't give you this award for this reason. You know, you have to,
(09:54):
you know, believe in yourself in a way.
And I promise you, like after he and I had that conversation, I felt better.
I felt a lot better about, I felt a lot better about my overall experience at that time.
And, you know, I had, I had a day, the very next day that I went in and,
(10:17):
you know, I felt better from the conversation that I had with Carlos.
And then I had something that really just challenged me completely and I.
I had some things that challenged me completely and yeah, we,
I ended up tackling it. I did it with no help at all.
My supervisor was like, good job. And I felt better about it.
(10:40):
But I have to understand and remind myself that, you know, there,
every file that I hit is not going to be perfect.
And you know, I just have to make sure that I'm retaining the information that
they're giving me about, you know, the work that I needed to do,
continue to, you know, hit meets on the files that I make and,
you know, just do a, you know, better job of, you know, putting reminders on
(11:06):
things that I have forgotten.
And, uh, cause at first when I initially was going, you know,
when I started, I had a lot less claims than I have now.
And I had time to go back and look over that stuff.
Now, you know, with basically filling my day, I don't have that opportunity
to go back and be like, all right, cool.
You know, let me, let me do that. Let me go back and do that.
(11:27):
Oh, I forgot this. I forgot that. I don't have time anymore.
My days literally now are, you know,
with the amount of claims that I have are essentially like every minute of the
day is filled with something that I have to do with either an existing claim
or a claim that I had prior,
whether it is setting up repairs or going back and reopening a claim because somebody,
(11:52):
you know, finally has time now.
Like I got to reopen a claim tomorrow because I got something from,
you know, a client over the weekend, you know, with fixing what I need to fix.
And yeah, so I do have some things that I need to complete.
So, you know, it's about spending place. I talk about that to Carlos often when
(12:12):
I'm speaking about life and how difficult life can be sometimes and how frustrating
these spinning plates can be.
That I need to really just practice what I preach and I don't always.
So, but yeah, you know, Thursday had a better day.
Friday, you know, had a really good day, you know, told my managers I was in my head.
(12:35):
You know, she made a joke about me getting out of my head and,
you know, she just helped me with, with being able to just like,
Hey, you're, you're on the right path, man.
Just believe in yourself a little bit more. So, and I don't want to make my
anxiety a part of the process.
Not that I'm ashamed to talk about my experience. No.
What I mean about that is, is anxiety can be a very personal thing,
(12:59):
you know, and it really doesn't have anything to do with anybody,
my manager, my husband, my friends, my family members. It's mostly me.
So I tend to deal with my anxiety internally, you know, until it gets to a point
where I'm like, all right, I need to address this.
This is something that, you know, it's starting to affect my mental.
(13:22):
Let me use my resources, you know, firstly, talking myself through the anxiety
and then bringing it to my husband and then, you know, maybe talking to friends
about it and, you know, just continuing to,
you know, use my resources that I have before I let it,
you know, bubble out of control, which,
you know, in the past I have done that.
(13:44):
So, yeah, I made it through. So, you know, on Monday it starts over again.
You know, it's going to be a new set of claims.
You know what I'm saying? I'm going to get a certain amount and I'm going to just do my thing.
And, you know, at the end of the day, it is a situation where,
you know, hey, what can you do?
And I'm always going to have anxiety. It's never going to be a place or point in time where I won't.
(14:06):
It's just being able to manage it. So, you know, it takes time. It takes a lot of time.
So, what else is going on? Carlos, it's August already.
At the end of September, Carlos and I are actually going to be going to,
going on a cruise, we're going to...
What is it? Oh, Belize and Honduras. It'll be both our first times going to go do stuff like that.
(14:31):
I'm excited about going to Honduras. I'm excited about going to Belize too.
I'm excited about going to places that I've never been before.
And, you know, I've kind of reached the point, you know, when it comes to cruising,
like I'm kind of exhausted.
I talked to Carlos. He said he didn't mind. He loves cruising, which I do too.
It's just when it comes to the aura of exploration, you know,
(14:53):
a lot of the ports are the same. It don't matter where you go.
You know what I'm saying?
Like Porta Plata, Port looked the same as San Juan and Puerto Rico.
And that looks the same as the one in Bahamas. Now, I mean, points of reference
and, you know, places are different, but the atmosphere of it is the same.
(15:15):
So, you know, it's very difficult to explore when When you have a cruise,
especially y'all, I know y'all don't see it on like social media,
a lot of people getting missed or missing their cruise.
And I'm not trying to do that. That sounds like, or it looks like a very expensive
mistake and I'm not trying to do that.
And besides me and Carlos love naps way too much, but you know,
(15:37):
you don't really get a lot of opportunity on the boat to be able to experience it.
So, you know, I want to be able to, you know, go to different places and,
you know, have a different experience beyond just the cruising experience.
But, you know, later on this year, around our anniversary, our ninth anniversary,
we have a all-inclusive trip to, I think it's Cancun, Mexico, planned.
(16:02):
And, you know, I'm excited about that. I'm looking forward to it.
And, yeah, we're just going to travel, you know, see what that's like.
It depends on, you know, the experience and how we feel. The fact that Carlos
speaks Spanish is helpful.
I had a friend who told me that she was almost kidnapped once and that scared the shit out of me.
(16:25):
And, you know, she was like, yeah, just be careful. And I'm like, God knows.
And then watching these true crimes don't help. Lately, I've been on a true crime kick.
Like, we've been watching a lot of, like, there was a story,
text me when you get home, about a young lady here in Orlando.
Her name was Mia Marcano.
(16:47):
Very sad and tragic story. And, you know, it's just a bunch of stories that are similar like that.
Like, I know killings and murders happen every day, but if you watch the true
crime stories, you would think it's in your back door.
And, you know, I really need to put that channel out, but sometimes it's just so it's easy watching.
(17:08):
Like I don't have to take notes. I can tune out, you know, do my duolingo and
then come back, you know, 10 minutes later, get a catch up on my husband or
just wait long enough in the store and they'll just repeat what they already
found. And I'll be like, you know, filled back in.
But, yeah, I can't lie and say, I can't deny and say, hey, yeah, it's affecting me.
(17:32):
You know what I'm saying? Like, it's starting to seep into thoughts.
So I need to change my, there's so much more lighthearted content, you know, out there.
And I just need to find it. I need to find it. So we're doing that.
And I'm excited, you know, nervous for the reasons that I mentioned.
And we'll just see how it goes, man. And I mean, looking forward to being able
(17:55):
to experience as much as we can.
You know, the fact that we're doing two vacations this year,
it's kind of fun. But I think nine years married is a monument.
And, you know, we're going to have to start, you know, shortly after that,
start figuring out what we're going to do for our 10th year anniversary.
But yeah, we'll see. So I'm excited. I'm looking forward to it.
(18:17):
I have to go and purchase the excursions. I haven't purchased that just because
I haven't been wanting to spend the money for whatever reason.
But I got to purchase the excursions.
We like to do fast to the fun. We like to get on the boat as quick as we possibly can.
And then we also like to, I like to, I like to have my sodas.
(18:37):
And Carlos, oh, we want to do the internet, too. So, yeah.
I mean, part of the experience is being able to share it among other people.
You know what I'm saying? Like, social media ain't everything,
you know, but we do partake in it, you know, significantly.
So, part of this is social, you know.
(18:58):
Although it's helping me, like, you know, with focusing and,
you know, pinpointing my thoughts.
It's also an element of entertainment, too. So that's not lost on me.
But we're going to do that.
You know, I booked this trip back in March, I think.
I did this really cool thing with Carnival Cruise Lines where I was able to, it's called Uplift.
(19:20):
And it allowed me to, you know, pay over six months. It actually would have gave me a year.
I think they gave you a certain period. If you paid it within a year,
you would only pay what the cost of the cruise.
There's no additional charges. So you kind of got to watch that kind of stuff,
you know, because sometimes, you know, like the Klarna's of it all and,
(19:43):
you know, other things. I've used Klarna in the past.
I tried to use Klarna on the Missy Elliott tickets and I was like, nah, son.
So I was like, all right, well, whatever. It's fine. It is what it is.
So, you know, it was a good thing that we didn't go on the ticket because I
really feel like sometimes the universe will be telling you stuff.
Because I went to buy those tickets, the Missy Elliott tickets.
(20:07):
I went to buy them the first time it declined.
And it wasn't that I didn't have the money. It was just my bank is like,
hey, that amount is too big.
I have to call them to get approval. And I just never got around to it.
And I was thinking about doing Kleiner, and Kleiner was like, nah, son.
And then, you know, a few weeks later, we ended up having to buy a damn washer
because the washer that we had stopped working. And I had to get on that pronto because.
(20:31):
It had water in it still. And then, yeah, you, you, you, you,
you know, we was going to have to wash.
So, you know, you can't go too long without that stuff. I mean,
we can go to laundry mats, but, you know, there, there's an advantage of having it at home.
And I'm grateful to God that I was able to do that with, you know, the coins that I had.
So grateful. So had I, you know, saw that Missy Elliott, I would have been quite
(20:54):
happy, but I would have put myself definitely in a bind had I done that and move forward.
So I'm glad that I did not.
But yeah, so we, you know, you really have to watch those things because they
can, you know, ultimately impact your income.
You know, Carlos and I typically when it comes to buying appliances,
we will do the 90 day same as cash kind of thing because we don't want to be
(21:19):
separated from that amount of money, depending on the appliance of it all.
And, you know, we didn't do that with that because, you know,
just the time frame it would have taken both of us to go and,
you know, all that stuff, it just lended itself for me to just go ahead and,
you know, purchase it outright.
You know, yeah, that chunk of money did, you know, kind of put us in a bind
(21:40):
a little bit, but, you know, we were able to kind of, you know,
rein in our spending shortly thereafter. after.
But yeah, you know, it's easy to do when you think, oh, it's only a small down
payment or whatever, or, you know, it's, you know, it's the best thing to do.
You really have to check yourself because they, you know, before you know it,
you'll have a whole gang of damn, you know, of those set up to where you...
(22:06):
Spending all your coins, you know, so you have to watch it. But it is pretty cool.
The cruise we had, you know, was a significant amount of money and we would
have missed that amount.
So doing it for six months was great. I was, you know, happy about doing that.
And, you know, I do believe that we're going to do that moving forward on certain
(22:30):
things, especially with, you know, traveling more, you know,
doing more cruises, you know, with Carnival since they do have that option.
And we'll just see. We'll see. We'll see.
But yeah, we use that. And my last payment will actually be this month.
So, you know, that's the extra X amount of money that I'll be bringing back
(22:52):
in that I really just need to go in and, you know, allocate more or less to
this debt that I have because,
you know, my debt isn't huge, but, you know, I have some things that I I probably
should be trying to take care of if I'm being real or being honest with you.
And that's, you know, it goes back to the spinning plates analogy.
There's so much stuff sometimes that you have going, and sometimes you overextend yourself,
(23:13):
and sometimes you, you know, you put yourself in situations that in like six
months, you know, it might not have been a good idea, but, you know,
it ebbs and it flows, and sometimes it works.
Sometimes, you know, it takes a little bit more hardship, and sometimes,
you know, it don't work, And you just have to be resilient in that way to bounce back.
(23:35):
But we're just trying to have the best life we could possibly have and enjoy
it while we're here, create memories with each other, and just revel in the
love that we have for each other and just the things that we do.
Carlos liked to say that I done made him bougie, which I think is partly true,
but don't tell him that. Yeah.
(23:55):
Just because, I mean, the way I live life, you know, being someone that came
from poverty, you know, when I was a kid, we really didn't have a whole lot.
And then even as, you know, I became a young adult, you know,
I dug into the, you know, survival instinct a lot longer than I probably should
(24:15):
have, simply because that was the teachings of my parents.
And, you know, a lot of times I would be afraid to spend money because,
you know, what happens if something happens or I would have buyer's remorse
on things that I would purchase because,
you know, oh, that's such a big purchase.
(24:36):
You know, whether it was something I wanted or needed, I didn't even consider
it. It was just like, damn, you know, I probably shouldn't have spent that money
because what if I would have needed it?
But if you, you know, live on what if all the time, then, you know,
you'll never do anything. So, you know, when Carlos and I first met.
You know, he had lived in the survival, you know, lifestyle for a long time,
(24:57):
survivalist, basically just,
you know, sometimes just having enough money to pay your bills and,
you know, trying to find fun and, you know, some of the smaller things and,
you know, not necessarily going on vacation for years and stuff like that.
And shout out to my friend, Sam, you know, 2013, that was the first time I had ever taken a cruise.
(25:17):
And I promise you, I was hooked after that. I was like, damn,
how do I do, what do I got to do to do this more often?
You know what I'm saying? Like, that was the first taste of a vacation that I had in that way.
You know, all the other vacations was, okay, go to Georgia and go see your friends.
Go to, you know, North Carolina.
Although those people I absolutely love, I ain't saying nothing about it.
(25:39):
But what I'm saying is, is I had never experienced like paradise on a boat in that way ever.
And shout out to him, you know. So when I met Carlos, I was like,
oh, look, look at what I can do. Look at what we can do. Let's go on this cruise.
And it was like, hey, you know, and it just, I just transformed the things that I like to him.
(26:03):
It's like, oh, you know, I like, I'm an electronic guy.
So, hey, you know, I want to have the best of the best when it comes to electronics.
I like this. I like that. I like this. I like these clothes.
I like, you know, and some of that came from the poverty mindset too,
you know, having name brand and, you know, wearing rustlers and wranglers back
(26:24):
in school and shit and, you know, people picking at you.
Yeah. A lot of this stuff, a lot of that had, it affected me,
you know, not to, not gonna lie.
And that probably led to some of the overspending, you know, on my part too.
But, you know, after a while, you know, it just was like the bringing it back
to the survival instinct of it is like, if you are always in survival mode,
(26:48):
you're always going to be trying to, you know, you're chasing the dollar, you're chasing,
you know, you know, saving and it becomes this endless bowl of like, just anxiety,
you know, and it's,
Our parents had to live in that survival mentality or mentality because of the
(27:08):
world that they came from.
My parents were born in the 50s. My grandparents were born in the early 1900s, so on and so forth.
So, you know, being a Black person is so easy to get caught up in that survival
instinct of life because that's been the way that we've existed for a long time.
(27:32):
But not saying that, you know, racism and, you know, all the disrespectful things
that Black people went through has ended. It hasn't.
It's just that we are free, you know what I'm saying? And my philosophy is you
can't take it with you when you die, you know what I'm saying?
Like, I can't go to heaven and spend, you know, all this thousands of dollars
(27:54):
that I'm never going to do anything with, you know what I'm saying?
And if I'm always down on myself telling me that I have to, you know,
stay in that mindset, you really, you're not going to live.
And you're just going to be, you know, trying to find those moments to,
you know, of memory where you felt, you know, free.
(28:15):
And you tell those stories over to yourself over and over again.
And you look at that as a reason to not be like that, you know,
to not be free or to not feel free.
Because yes, we are free in the sense that we ain't in jail.
We're not, you know, shackled and changed, but mindset wise,
we're not free. Does that make sense?
(28:38):
So, so when he met me, I was in the early stages of that.
And we've just expanded as time went on that idea that, you know,
if we have the ability to do it, why not? You know what I'm saying?
And if we're going to do it, like it's going to be at the highest level.
You know what I'm saying of experience we could
(29:01):
possibly have you know we're gonna we're we're
doing this because we're enjoying it we're not doing it because we have to
go on vacation because we don't have to go on a
cruise I don't have to do faster to the fun I don't have to have the sodas I
don't have to have you know internet I don't have to have those things but I
want them and part of life is also feeling what you want so my friend yesterday
(29:25):
was like you didn't call us Y'all always doing stuff. We are.
Cause we busy bodies, honey.
You know, we all, we always got stuff to do. Like what, what we do.
And like, that's, you know, like we like a day and a half off.
Cause he's off on Friday.
I'm off Saturday and Sunday where it's like, what are we doing?
You know what I'm saying? And club Orlando. Yeah.
(29:46):
Those of you know, no, just kidding. I just threw that in there because I want
to see if anybody hears that. But anyway, we're going to move on.
I'm finna go, y'all, because I need to get my ass up. I need to go take a shower.
I need to brush my gums, bump my gums, and then get something to eat.
So I will check in with y'all later. Appreciate all of you guys listening.
(30:07):
You know where to find me at Reggie's Expressions, R-E-G-G-E-E-S,
Expressions on TikTok all together.
You can find me at R-A-R-E-L-E-L Socorro Garner, S-O-C-O-R-R-O-G-A-R-N-E-R on Facebook.
(30:27):
And you can find me at R-L-S-O-C-O-R-R-O-G-A-R-N-E-R on Instagram.
So come check me out. I appreciate you guys listening. It always is a pleasure.
And yeah, I will check in with y'all next week. I hope you enjoyed the episode.
And thanks for all the new listeners.
I have seen some uptick in listens, so I appreciate that.
(30:50):
And just, you know, continue to spread the word, man. I'm doing my thing.
Trying to, you know, trying to just share my philosophy of life.
I ain't saying it's correct, but, you know, me and Carlos have fun.
So there's that. Anyway, you guys have a good rest of your day.
Music.
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