Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:03):
This is rest for the revolution.
A projector's dilemma.
Hi, welcome to rest for the revolution.
Today's guest is someone I am so excited about having here today.
.999It is Carla Gomez, the quad left emotional generator of my dreams.
6
00:00:23,979.999 --> 00:00:33,070
have worked together It feels like for an entire lifetime, but it Yeah, hasn't been an entire lifetime, but we have built, sold company, started a new one.
(00:33):
This is my twin flame of business and life.
.999And so we're going to learn all things from her, especially for me as a projector, learning from someone who has seemingly Endless amounts of energy reserves.
9
00:00:48,349.999 --> 00:00:49,389.999
thank you for being here.
10
00:00:50,188.499 --> 00:00:51,568.499
thank you for having me.
11
00:00:52,109.999 --> 00:00:54,409.999
You also have an amazing life story.
12
00:00:54,419.999 --> 00:01:00,699.998
So I'm really excited just to learn from you and what you've been learning and working on over the years.
13
00:01:00,699.999 --> 00:01:03,919.9985
Cause you're such a inspired teacher yourself.
14
00:01:03,919.9985 --> 00:01:07,559.999
And I know your teaching is so rooted in your personal experience.
15
00:01:07,689.999 --> 00:01:17,793.499
I'm curious to start, what has your relationship with rest been over the course of your whole life? That's a brand new relationship.
16
00:01:17,803.499 --> 00:01:24,693.498
Rest wasn't something that I ever really considered cause it wasn't something that I was taught.
17
00:01:24,733.499 --> 00:01:32,873.499
I mean, I assigned so much value to to the services that I could offer other people, to what I could do.
18
00:01:33,353.499 --> 00:01:37,103.499
In general, rather than in myself and in my internal experience.
19
00:01:37,103.499 --> 00:01:44,653.498
And to be perfectly honest, that wasn't something that I considered up until most recently where my body was like, actually, you have to consider it.
20
00:01:46,389.999 --> 00:01:50,463.499
How did that play into your relationship to work? Yeah.
21
00:01:50,463.499 --> 00:01:53,93.498
I think I think what I really.
22
00:01:53,423.499 --> 00:01:58,273.499
Pursued for a long time was that pulse that's behind the sense of urgency.
23
00:01:58,813.499 --> 00:02:05,543.4985
I followed that and I, I correlated success and value to that sense of urgency.
24
00:02:05,543.4985 --> 00:02:08,523.499
And I call that a pulse cause that's very much like how I feels in my body.
25
00:02:08,523.499 --> 00:02:13,53.498
It was just this constant and incessant pursuit that I felt.
26
00:02:13,353.499 --> 00:02:16,993.499
Successful and right that I felt like I was just in constant motion.
27
00:02:17,463.499 --> 00:02:20,623.499
Anything beyond that felt incredibly untethered.
28
00:02:20,653.498 --> 00:02:24,223.498
It felt uncomfortable and it didn't really feel like it was coming from me.
29
00:02:24,713.498 --> 00:02:27,533.498
I've learned to understand that that's actually backwards.
30
00:02:27,603.497 --> 00:02:31,703.498
I've learned to understand that the stillness is really what centers me.
31
00:02:32,183.498 --> 00:02:41,183.497
It's really what allows me to come back to myself and really dig beyond what's expected of me, whether through societal expectations or even through.
32
00:02:41,528.498 --> 00:02:45,628.498
Confirmed patterns that have really just played along throughout my life.
33
00:02:46,218.498 --> 00:03:03,633.498
I've learned that Rest wasn't something that Was ever really taught in any other careers that i've had i've really been successful because of the sense of urgency because of this like Pursuit that I'm really good at and just because I was very good at it.
34
00:03:03,743.498 --> 00:03:07,793.498
It just continued confirming it I just didn't correlate the fact that I was good at it.
35
00:03:07,793.498 --> 00:03:12,303.498
And it was also like killing me I was building the monster that was killing me.
36
00:03:13,264.998 --> 00:03:23,694.998
Has that been across industries as that been a specific industry, tell me about this relationship to being rewarded for something you now feel wasn't in your best interest.
37
00:03:23,694.998 --> 00:03:30,424.998
I think that's a really fascinating part of our society right now is we're rewarding things that often make us sick.
38
00:03:30,424.998 --> 00:03:46,293.498
So yeah, was that an actually adjacent question? Did that start in your childhood or did it start in your first career or take us through that that Yeah, all of the above I mean so As you know, my parents are boomers.
39
00:03:46,363.498 --> 00:03:54,193.497
They're individuals who, generationally speaking, attached so much value and so much meaning to what they were doing for others.
40
00:03:54,623.498 --> 00:04:01,753.498
And it was very appropriate back then, right? If we look at societal expectations and what was appropriate, it made sense.
41
00:04:01,803.497 --> 00:04:04,213.497
But it also bled into our generation.
42
00:04:04,283.497 --> 00:04:06,453.497
We're the generation that's questioning a lot of things.
43
00:04:06,973.497 --> 00:04:15,798.498
And I think part of My own individuation was understanding that through my own experience and through my own body.
44
00:04:15,798.498 --> 00:04:33,828.498
So, yeah, my first career as a chef, that depends so much on my capacity to have that sense of urgency and have it perfectly dialed in, right? Being able to be in control of that barometer of when I want that to really be explosive and intentional and take over.
45
00:04:34,348.498 --> 00:04:41,938.498
And when I want that to be under wraps and when I want to be unassuming and when I want to be intentional with who gets to see that side of me.
46
00:04:42,99.998 --> 00:04:45,849.998
Oh, you And more because I'm not, we work in the mental health space together.
47
00:04:45,859.997 --> 00:04:48,869.998
You got to tell me more about what it's like in a kitchen.
48
00:04:48,870.098 --> 00:04:49,979.998
Take me there.
49
00:04:50,978.497 --> 00:04:52,638.4975
yeah, so it's interesting.
50
00:04:52,638.4975 --> 00:04:52,978.497
Cause.
51
00:04:53,433.498 --> 00:04:58,123.498
I think in a kitchen, I'm a woman and I got into that field very young.
52
00:04:58,163.498 --> 00:05:00,503.498
I'm also like small in stature.
53
00:05:00,503.498 --> 00:05:02,653.498
I'm barely five feet tall on a perky day.
54
00:05:03,73.497 --> 00:05:08,623.497
So I think I definitely played to people's expectations and to what people.
55
00:05:09,408.498 --> 00:05:20,608.498
Assumed of me just based on the external envelope that I carry right and being able to constantly show people left and right that this was a competency thing.
56
00:05:20,608.498 --> 00:05:28,688.498
This was a skill thing and that, you know, I was getting ready to annihilate each and every single one of them did play a huge role in my life.
57
00:05:28,688.498 --> 00:05:28,898.4975
Right.
58
00:05:28,898.4975 --> 00:05:30,748.497
And it was something that I pursued.
59
00:05:30,748.497 --> 00:05:32,948.497
It was something that was really fun when I was young.
60
00:05:33,938.497 --> 00:05:34,928.497
And then I became a mom.
61
00:05:35,48.497 --> 00:05:35,378.497
Right.
62
00:05:35,418.497 --> 00:05:37,678.497
Then I became much more.
63
00:05:38,88.498 --> 00:05:48,188.498
About just myself, and I had to actually pay attention to my nervous system and to how that nervous system really projected to the people around me and to the nervous systems around me.
64
00:05:48,188.498 --> 00:06:01,234.923
Most importantly, one that was fully entangled with my own nervous system, right? So it was fun for a very short amount of time because Okay.
65
00:06:01,283.498 --> 00:06:06,543.498
was a fire that I, that I pursued, right? Until again, it just pursued me.
66
00:06:06,573.498 --> 00:06:12,3.498
And until it was something that was then demanding energy from me that I wasn't willing to output.
67
00:06:12,3.498 --> 00:06:16,963.497
And truth be told, my body didn't have the capacity to, to continue pursuing.
68
00:06:17,724.997 --> 00:06:27,63.498
Did you change the amount of output of your energy or did you just redirect it to motherhood and then career didn't have space for it? I think a little bit of both.
69
00:06:27,63.498 --> 00:06:37,793.498
I mean, in hindsight, that's such a good question because in hindsight, I can see where now with what I know, I can see where there's a there was a demand for both.
70
00:06:37,793.498 --> 00:06:47,413.496
I can see that motherhood required a specific presence and intention from me that really started within me and then extended towards my daughter.
71
00:06:47,413.496 --> 00:06:56,923.497
And that's That's really how I saw that dynamic and how I intended that closeness that I have with her that I have prioritized over so many years now.
72
00:06:57,483.497 --> 00:07:01,893.497
I think that was something that was really evident back then, but I didn't have the language for it.
73
00:07:02,433.497 --> 00:07:06,368.497
And I do think that In terms of redirection of profession.
74
00:07:06,438.497 --> 00:07:10,468.497
I knew that I wanted, I've always known that I wanted to support human beings.
75
00:07:10,518.497 --> 00:07:15,218.496
I've always wanted to do something with human services because food didn't talk back to me.
76
00:07:15,378.496 --> 00:07:15,648.496
Right.
77
00:07:15,648.497 --> 00:07:19,718.497
And I, and I enjoyed that at some point, but I was craving more.
78
00:07:20,33.497 --> 00:07:26,73.497
And I think now, in hindsight, what I was craving was connection and to really understand human beings.
79
00:07:26,143.497 --> 00:07:33,693.497
Little did I know that, that that would mean that I would have to understand myself before being able to help others and their nervous system.
80
00:07:33,703.497 --> 00:07:51,453.497
I Do you think that Being a mom young changed your energy availability then, or do you think that it was motherhood for those who don't know? How old were you when you became a mom? was two months shy of turning 21.
81
00:07:52,14.997 --> 00:07:53,254.996
Yeah, so you're young.
82
00:07:53,444.997 --> 00:08:07,593.497
So do you think that that impacted your relationship to rest or your relationship to mothering? Or do you think that it would have been this either way? That's such a good question.
83
00:08:10,563.497 --> 00:08:11,933.497
That's a very good question.
84
00:08:12,983.497 --> 00:08:14,913.497
I don't know which came first.
85
00:08:15,353.497 --> 00:08:20,673.497
I always talk about matrescence and how motherhood rocked me.
86
00:08:20,703.497 --> 00:08:22,863.497
I mean, I think it rocks everybody.
87
00:08:22,863.497 --> 00:08:42,273.497
I think the fact that it happened for me while I was also in a parallel biological process of change really almost like amplified that transition for me and almost like just forced me to look at certain parts within myself that perhaps I didn't have access to before.
88
00:08:42,734.997 --> 00:08:43,313.497
So if you're Yeah.
89
00:08:43,414.997 --> 00:09:03,778.496
a biomarker nerd like Carla, what do you mean by that? so in our, in our young twenties, we're still in the process of developing our frontal, temporal, right? And that function really what it, or that part of the brain, what really allows us to function is the emotional capacity, right? Emotional regulation, i.
90
00:09:03,828.497 --> 00:09:04,138.497
e.
91
00:09:04,148.497 --> 00:09:13,368.497
internal experience, being very aware of what's Of what happens within our internal world, our thoughts, our emotions, how that connects to the outside world.
92
00:09:14,88.497 --> 00:09:18,878.497
I have always been somebody that's been very sensitive to my internal experience.
93
00:09:18,878.497 --> 00:09:22,108.497
I think both through trauma and just how I was raised, it's just.
94
00:09:22,858.497 --> 00:09:33,105.017
Part of who I am, but I also think that motherhood Okay.
95
00:09:33,418.497 --> 00:09:49,78.497
that was very natural for me and it was something that I embraced and it was something that I, I was really looking forward to and I wanted to fill that role in the most capable, optimized, intentional way and with so much love, right? So it just.
96
00:09:50,148.497 --> 00:10:03,808.497
It moved me in a direction of being just as brutally honest with myself as possible, and that meant that I had to, I had to come to terms with a lot of things within me that were unhealthy.
97
00:10:05,914.997 --> 00:10:12,774.997
You've referred a couple times to how you were raised and how it was appropriate for your parents generation, but we're challenging it now.
98
00:10:13,164.996 --> 00:10:26,734.997
Can you talk a little bit more about how you were raised in relationship to work and rest? And I am extrapolating from what you've said, but I think I'm hearing how you value yourself and what is valued in identity.
99
00:10:26,734.997 --> 00:10:29,294.997
So I'm curious if you can talk a little bit more about that.
100
00:10:30,378.497 --> 00:10:32,268.497
Ooh, this is a rabbit hole conversation.
101
00:10:32,328.497 --> 00:10:32,738.497
Yes.
102
00:10:33,958.497 --> 00:10:36,498.497
Well, I mean, I was born and raised in Puerto Rico, as you know.
103
00:10:37,528.496 --> 00:11:05,683.497
I think my parents are My father's 73 now, my mother's 63, so that's a generation that, my father's a military man, you know, he's a veteran, he is a boots on the ground, workhorse, I swear, he's like Puerto Rican Rambo, like he, I will get him off of the second story floor from like So, Pressure washing the roof rather than hiring people like, you know, like this kind of person that just doesn't stop working.
104
00:11:05,683.497 --> 00:11:13,543.497
And it's just like, it's very hard headed, both a beautiful thing and very difficult in his older age, especially as somebody that doesn't want to see him get hurt.
105
00:11:14,93.497 --> 00:11:19,743.496
And my mother's very type a very organized, very on top of everything at all times.
106
00:11:20,593.497 --> 00:11:24,403.497
Which meant that my parents were very present in my upbringing.
107
00:11:25,253.497 --> 00:11:28,693.497
I had them present for every after school activity.
108
00:11:28,773.497 --> 00:11:31,473.497
You know, they were both very emotionally intelligent human beings.
109
00:11:31,483.497 --> 00:11:40,133.496
So I think they, in terms of like a social expectation of what you perceive the boomer, they're different in the sense of they talk to us.
110
00:11:40,263.496 --> 00:11:49,293.496
They definitely talk to us about the difficult things and about The emotional sense of things as we were growing up to a certain extent, right? To a certain capacity.
111
00:11:49,293.496 --> 00:11:51,493.496
I think what we have access to right now is very different.
112
00:11:52,13.496 --> 00:11:54,153.496
But I think I had access to the best of both worlds.
113
00:11:54,153.496 --> 00:11:58,233.496
I had access to the workhorse generation that just like.
114
00:11:58,663.496 --> 00:12:01,623.496
Really put their heads down and just worked and hustled.
115
00:12:01,653.496 --> 00:12:17,443.496
And, and I think that was a beautiful quality for me to have exposure to, because it allowed for me to just blow through so much work and almost like have an express lane to when people were like, were, were tired and were burnt out, I was like, give me more, I can do this.
116
00:12:17,453.496 --> 00:12:20,173.496
Like I've been under the fire since I was young.
117
00:12:20,173.496 --> 00:12:24,916.82933333
Like this is the environment that raised me I also realized that as I got older and I.
118
00:12:25,616.82933333 --> 00:12:29,126.82933333
I had autonomy over that cadence and over that pattern.
119
00:12:29,996.82933333 --> 00:12:34,406.82933333
I realized that I didn't want to be running out that cadence all the time.
120
00:12:34,436.82933333 --> 00:12:38,666.82933333
And obviously the older I get, the more I'm like, Oh, this, this is a choice.
121
00:12:38,706.82833333 --> 00:12:45,476.82933333
Like I don't, I don't need to equate my value and assign my value to the amount of things I do for other people.
122
00:12:45,476.82933333 --> 00:12:49,806.82933333
And the amount of support that I give others, even though in our field, that's.
123
00:12:50,276.82933333 --> 00:13:13,588.32833333
It's literally the quantifiable aspect of what we do the barometer gets to be mine and the control gets to be mine versus the output and the expectation that it may have on So you become a mom and you're already this workhorse mentality, but you realize that the kitchen and motherhood aren't working together.
124
00:13:14,768.32833333 --> 00:13:15,678.32933333
You go to school.
125
00:13:15,698.32933333 --> 00:13:16,976.82833333
What happens next? it.
126
00:13:17,866.82933333 --> 00:13:23,196.82933333
Yeah, I go to school, part of my trauma response is, was, was.
127
00:13:23,901.82933333 --> 00:13:30,521.82933333
What was to pursue more knowledge was to just bury my face in books.
128
00:13:30,561.82933333 --> 00:13:32,111.82933333
And so I did exactly that.
129
00:13:32,111.82933333 --> 00:13:36,661.82933333
I have pictures somewhere breastfeeding my child as also writing essays.
130
00:13:36,671.82833333 --> 00:13:41,731.83033333
Like I knew that I didn't want to work standing up in kitchens for 16 hours a day.
131
00:13:42,471.82933333 --> 00:13:43,801.82933333
That was no longer it for me.
132
00:13:43,801.82933333 --> 00:13:47,331.82933333
It was fun while it lasted, but that was a very quick flame.
133
00:13:47,781.82933333 --> 00:13:50,821.82933333
I knew that I wanted at that point, right? So South beach.
134
00:13:52,521.82933333 --> 00:13:57,461.82933333
I was at the Versace mansion at that point where it was just party after party.
135
00:13:57,911.82933333 --> 00:13:59,281.82933333
These are parties.
136
00:13:59,331.82833333 --> 00:14:03,951.82833333
So you have these wildly elevated Versace mansion parties.
137
00:14:04,1.82833333 --> 00:14:10,721.82933333
And then you, then you have a baby and now you're like, I think that I will go back to school because.
138
00:14:11,166.82933333 --> 00:14:15,605.32933333
That will be a chiller lifestyle So Little did that so know.
139
00:14:16,146.82933333 --> 00:14:26,296.82933333
you go to school and I know that you had purpose because of of family Experiences and your own experience close to a lot of trauma a lot of grief.
140
00:14:26,576.82933333 --> 00:14:45,650.32983333
So you're in school You have a purpose what was happening with your energy at that point? Yeah, I mean, I will say, and I'll preface this, With the fact that because I'm Hispanic and because I have my family here, I was able to just lean so heavily on my support system.
141
00:14:45,750.32983333 --> 00:14:57,180.33083333
I don't think I would have been able to do what I did without fully understanding and knowing and trusting that I had my family's back to support me with my daughter as I was raising her.
142
00:14:57,180.33083333 --> 00:14:57,390.33083333
Right.
143
00:14:57,390.33083333 --> 00:14:59,110.33083333
So I did have a lot of.
144
00:14:59,415.33083333 --> 00:15:09,295.33083333
flexibility in that terms where I was able to count on my parents and my sister to really help me with bylaw on the times that I just, I needed to hit the books and I needed to pursue a different profession.
145
00:15:09,295.33083333 --> 00:15:15,935.33083333
Cause I understood that that was going to take a lot of humility for me and starting all over once I had already hit a certain marker in my previous career.
146
00:15:17,75.32983333 --> 00:15:21,815.32983333
The reasoning behind that was because, okay, I had already worked back of the house and restaurants.
147
00:15:21,845.32983333 --> 00:15:28,835.32983333
I, and hotels, I understood what that took and it only made sense for me to understand how to run operations in the front of the house.
148
00:15:29,385.32883333 --> 00:15:33,755.32983333
So I went into my bachelor's thinking, okay, I'll do the operational work.
149
00:15:33,785.32983333 --> 00:15:36,695.32983333
I'll understand macro cause I've already been involved in micro.
150
00:15:36,725.32983333 --> 00:15:38,725.32983333
I've been involved in the day to day functioning.
151
00:15:38,775.32983333 --> 00:15:39,365.32983333
I got this.
152
00:15:39,365.32983333 --> 00:15:40,555.32983333
Like I'm a systems woman.
153
00:15:40,605.32983333 --> 00:15:41,285.32983333
I just need to.
154
00:15:41,530.32983333 --> 00:15:44,590.32983333
Understand the systems approach of the front of the house.
155
00:15:45,260.32983333 --> 00:15:50,830.32983333
And I went through my bachelor's, I did my human resources management with organizational behavior.
156
00:15:51,200.32883333 --> 00:15:54,440.32983333
I finished that degree and I don't want to fucking do this.
157
00:15:54,450.32983333 --> 00:15:56,50.32983333
Like, I don't want to do this.
158
00:15:56,90.32983333 --> 00:15:59,920.32983333
This, this is not me, but this doesn't end here.
159
00:15:59,930.32983333 --> 00:16:04,970.32883333
Like I'm sure that I can amplify this and utilize this at some point of my life.
160
00:16:04,970.32983333 --> 00:16:08,340.32983333
This isn't something that I can't just use because it's so niche.
161
00:16:08,970.32883333 --> 00:16:10,680.32783333
Going back to like my personal stuff.
162
00:16:10,680.32883333 --> 00:16:11,50.32883333
Yeah.
163
00:16:11,60.32783333 --> 00:16:13,250.32883333
When, when I realized that.
164
00:16:13,825.32883333 --> 00:16:25,185.32783333
My own family's experience, the exposure that I had on a social level in Puerto Rico and just the overall mental health and drug abuse culture that was happening out there.
165
00:16:25,185.32783333 --> 00:17:02,260.3283333
And I say culture because there's just this immediacy and access to drugs out there that perhaps over here, I mean, nowadays we are kind of catching up and I say here in Miami, but there was just this relationship and this exposure that I had at a very young age where families just decimated and pulverized over, like, the course of nothing in terms of time because heroin was introduced to one of their family members it was just this immediacy that almost happened and The conversations weren't happening quickly enough because people weren't in a position to really have the conversations.
166
00:17:02,260.3283333 --> 00:17:03,700.3283333
They were in a position to respond.
167
00:17:03,790.3283333 --> 00:17:05,330.3283333
They were in a position to intervene.
168
00:17:06,40.3283333 --> 00:17:10,360.3283333
And I would also like, I think I have the autonomy and the agency to say this.
169
00:17:10,520.3283333 --> 00:17:21,720.3283333
I think for a long time, culturally speaking, we're not the ones to send our people away, right? We are the ones to ask for help when things are imploding, but we don't necessarily think about preventive measures a lot.
170
00:17:22,550.3283333 --> 00:17:23,410.3273333
So I knew.
171
00:17:23,730.3283333 --> 00:17:28,700.3283333
I knew that something that was very much within me and my heart, it was something that I felt just this.
172
00:17:29,840.3283333 --> 00:17:48,840.3283333
This incessant pull towards, I'm like, you know what, I'm going to put academia, as much as that was my trauma response, I'm going to put academia behind this messed up thing that just happened to us and all the exposure that I have had because I can do something with this and I can definitely be part of the interruption.
173
00:17:48,840.3283333 --> 00:17:50,500.3283333
I don't want to continue complaining about it.
174
00:17:50,500.3283333 --> 00:17:55,90.3283333
I want to be part of the, of the pool of people that are going to do something about it.
175
00:17:56,826.8283333 --> 00:17:57,186.8283333
Wow.
176
00:17:57,196.8283333 --> 00:17:59,126.8283333
So you went to your graduate degree.
177
00:17:59,146.8283333 --> 00:18:16,155.3283333
Is that what happened at that point? Yeah, yeah, then I did my master's in psych as you know I did it again, then I wasn't done I'm like, well, I guess I'll do my post master's in trauma because I knew at some point I wanted to end up doing my doctorates, but I wasn't ready for that commitment.
178
00:18:16,155.3283333 --> 00:18:28,580.3283333
I wanted to go into work first So I did my master's and then I did my post master's in trauma counseling You were doing your own exploring around healing modalities at this point too, right? Absolutely.
179
00:18:29,70.3283333 --> 00:18:29,610.3283333
Absolutely.
180
00:18:29,630.3283333 --> 00:18:30,710.3283333
Yeah, I've never.
181
00:18:31,440.3283333 --> 00:18:34,250.3283333
I mean, as I'm sure you can tell by now, I'm not a linear thinker.
182
00:18:34,570.3283333 --> 00:18:43,440.3273333
I kind of like expose myself to what feels right and where I'm getting an intuitive pull and I go in that direction.
183
00:18:43,440.3283333 --> 00:18:46,520.3283333
And my sister would call that I'm a bull in a china shop.
184
00:18:46,730.3273333 --> 00:18:56,530.3283333
I've learned to refine that a little bit more now as I'm older, but I'm definitely the risk taker when it comes to exploring things that I have absolutely no idea about.
185
00:18:57,636.8283333 --> 00:19:00,566.8283333
Oh, give me some examples from that period of your time.
186
00:19:02,555.3283333 --> 00:19:14,45.3283333
I think I had access to a lot of people that just like perked an ear or provided me with different trends and research and in data that I was like, Oh, that sounds like it makes more sense than just talk therapy.
187
00:19:14,45.3283333 --> 00:19:23,135.3273333
Like I, there's a what is it? There's a, there's a time and place for everything, but I always knew that I didn't just want to go into talk therapy.
188
00:19:23,135.3273333 --> 00:19:24,815.3273333
There's a lot of therapists out there.
189
00:19:24,865.3273333 --> 00:19:27,955.3273333
I wanted to offer people a way out.
190
00:19:28,225.3273333 --> 00:19:38,95.3263333
That meant, and And this with a lot of intentionality and caution and expressly right that offered people this autonomous intentional.
191
00:19:38,101.8695556 --> 00:19:53,325.3273333
you Almost strategic way of being able to do things that really kind of blended my background of like military and like doing things from a place where the in my own grief and in my own mental health recovery, like I've to be in charge of it.
192
00:19:53,645.3263333 --> 00:20:10,980.3273333
I didn't want to sit across somebody to explain my internal experience and be like, all right, what are we going to do about this now? I still had to sit with the discomfort of my feelings, like I wanted somebody that was going to lead the way and tell me this is what you're going to do, this is what you're going to do, this is how it's going to feel, and this is the end result.
193
00:20:11,360.3273333 --> 00:20:25,221.8273333
So somebody that gave me the strategic plan and a forecasted pattern of like, this is what you're going to expect and this is what you can do about it, right? Quite honestly, the therapist that I sat across, I would eat them alive because I just, Okay.
194
00:20:25,515.3273333 --> 00:20:27,845.3273333
I've already intellectualized my problems.
195
00:20:27,925.3273333 --> 00:20:29,385.3273333
Like I get it.
196
00:20:29,715.3273333 --> 00:20:32,965.3273333
What am I gonna do about it? So it was for me.
197
00:20:32,965.3273333 --> 00:20:51,25.3273333
It's always been about the alternative autonomous sledgehammer approach So what is that approach? What did you find? So assisted psychotherapy is the term assistance can mean anything, right? Can mean medication assisted.
198
00:20:51,45.3273333 --> 00:20:57,315.3273333
I mean, it could, it just depends on what type of substance you're utilizing to assist the psychotherapy in and of itself.
199
00:20:57,916.8273333 --> 00:21:01,536.8273333
So this means you use substances to support therapy.
200
00:21:01,565.3273333 --> 00:21:02,925.3273333
Yes, absolutely.
201
00:21:03,166.8273333 --> 00:21:03,985.3273333
I want to Open.
202
00:21:04,26.8273333 --> 00:21:05,935.3273333
explicit because you've Yeah.
203
00:21:06,156.8273333 --> 00:21:11,986.8273333
around really well and like the people I have access to in Miami and, and a sledgehammer approach.
204
00:21:12,56.8273333 --> 00:21:13,256.7273333
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
205
00:21:13,526.7273333 --> 00:21:16,736.7273333
So to go through front and center.
206
00:21:16,736.7273333 --> 00:21:18,796.7273333
Yes, it means psilocybin.
207
00:21:18,836.7273333 --> 00:21:20,146.7273333
It means MDMA.
208
00:21:20,176.7273333 --> 00:21:22,726.7273333
It means, for me personally, it meant psilocybin.
209
00:21:22,726.8273333 --> 00:21:45,476.7273333
Psilocybin was really the first the first substance that I had experience with that just, was groundbreaking because it, there's something, and those who have had experiences with psilocybin can know that there's something so honest and, and just straightforward about the experience that you can't look away.
210
00:21:45,806.7273333 --> 00:21:46,96.7273333
Right.
211
00:21:46,136.7273333 --> 00:22:02,366.7263333
It brings up all the things that are in our subconscious that perhaps we didn't have access to for whether through external distractors or through internal roadblocks, so to speak, this really allowed for me to.
212
00:22:02,631.7273333 --> 00:22:07,991.7273333
In my experience, look at the last 15 years and say, Oh, shit, this, this is all here.
213
00:22:08,371.7273333 --> 00:22:11,781.7273333
And as I'm sure you know, I'm not linear in my thinking.
214
00:22:12,31.7273333 --> 00:22:13,661.7263333
I go through experiences.
215
00:22:13,711.7273333 --> 00:22:18,441.7273333
I can attach meaning to things in hindsight, but in the moment, it's, it's quite difficult for me.
216
00:22:19,241.7273333 --> 00:22:35,111.7273333
So for me, for somebody like me to go through therapy, it's exhausting because I have to sit through the therapy session for multiple weeks at a time and then go back into the session like, oh, that's what it was, right? So it's not in terms of chronological order really wasn't supportive.
217
00:22:36,511.7273333 --> 00:23:00,436.7273333
Assisted psychotherapy and mushrooms, like psilocybin in my own experience really gave me that linear thought that I was pending, that I was needing, and linear thought that far how do I say it? That far exceeded my current living experience, right? And it went back into when I was a kid, and it almost like played out everything that I had been through.
218
00:23:01,116.7273333 --> 00:23:09,196.7263333
And it pulled apart all the key factors that happened in all of those pivotal moments and brought me to myself.
219
00:23:09,196.7263333 --> 00:23:11,336.7263333
And we're like, this is why everything is happening.
220
00:23:11,436.7263333 --> 00:23:13,326.7273333
And this is why it's disrupting your functioning.
221
00:23:13,326.7273333 --> 00:23:16,976.7273333
And this is why your body is responding the way that it's responding.
222
00:23:17,771.7273333 --> 00:23:24,601.7273333
And for those who don't know the way that I responded to grief was I became claustrophobic I became socially anxious.
223
00:23:24,631.7273333 --> 00:23:30,591.7273333
I would wake up to people carrying me out of places because I would just flat out pass out So I would wake up to a stranger.
224
00:23:30,978.2273333 --> 00:23:31,951.7273333
you Yeah.
225
00:23:32,108.2273333 --> 00:23:33,361.7273333
member and this Yeah.
226
00:23:33,361.7273333 --> 00:23:33,721.7273333
Yeah.
227
00:23:34,481.7263333 --> 00:23:48,116.7273333
Yeah, so I I had a very physiological response to grief and a physiological response that was so opposing to who I was as a person like i'm I'm the happiest, most social butterfly.
228
00:23:48,116.7273333 --> 00:23:49,136.7273333
Like I'll talk to a wall.
229
00:23:49,636.7273333 --> 00:23:51,56.7273333
Suddenly I couldn't talk to people.
230
00:23:51,196.7273333 --> 00:23:53,186.7273333
I couldn't step into places by myself.
231
00:23:53,666.7273333 --> 00:23:54,696.7273333
My nervous system.
232
00:23:54,696.7273333 --> 00:24:04,986.7263333
I mean, you can imagine from there on out, it was just a very, it was a very stark contrast to who I had always been and it was, I couldn't avoid it.
233
00:24:04,996.7273333 --> 00:24:06,536.7263333
I couldn't deny it.
234
00:24:06,536.8263333 --> 00:24:08,616.6263333
Yeah.
235
00:24:08,638.2273333 --> 00:24:12,48.2273333
family member and you're doing this work for yourself.
236
00:24:12,378.2273333 --> 00:24:18,628.2273333
You also have a legit degree in this, right? It's tell us what your degree is called.
237
00:24:19,856.7263333 --> 00:24:22,616.7263333
So I have a concentration in entheogenic plants.
238
00:24:23,156.7263333 --> 00:24:32,546.7263333
So that means largely throughout my master's degree, I focused on a specific population being supported through a specific modality.
239
00:24:32,966.7253333 --> 00:24:37,36.7263333
The population that I really pursued was veterans and first responders.
240
00:24:37,216.7253333 --> 00:25:01,136.7263333
So a lot of PTSD trauma, like war related trauma, how that showed up in their civilian life and in their transfer into like A quote unquote normal life and how assisted psychotherapy and certain substances allowed for them to have these specific neurochemical responses to then be able to enter into top therapy.
241
00:25:01,636.7263333 --> 00:25:08,426.7263333
A lot of what was happening and I mean, in the last 40 years, there's data to support both angles really.
242
00:25:09,256.7263333 --> 00:25:30,666.7263333
A lot of what's happening is these soldiers were essentially being discharged and then just placed in talk therapy with a bunch of medication and I mean, I couldn't go down this rabbit hole for hours, you know me, You but they weren't necessarily given proper tools to actually deal with a nervous system that was fried and a nervous system that was right for all the right reasons.
243
00:25:30,706.7263333 --> 00:25:53,751.7263333
I mean, not only had they been conditioned to To really fragment their experience and compartmentalize a lot of what their internal experience was happening because they were in constant survival mode But now you just kind of shove them into the world and expect them to function in a regular day job and expect them to be in a family and It just, it was so fragmented and so poor.
244
00:25:53,751.7263333 --> 00:25:56,371.7263333
And as you know, my dad is a veteran.
245
00:25:56,491.7263333 --> 00:25:59,371.7273333
He worked for disabled American veterans for almost 40 years.
246
00:25:59,371.7273333 --> 00:26:02,871.7273333
So I grew up witnessing the other side of this.
247
00:26:02,871.7273333 --> 00:26:05,531.7273333
I grew up witnessing veterans with missing limbs.
248
00:26:05,571.7263333 --> 00:26:14,51.7273333
I grew up witnessing veterans go homeless, like people that I knew and loved just because they couldn't process what happened 40 years ago.
249
00:26:14,161.7273333 --> 00:26:14,561.7273333
Right.
250
00:26:15,211.7273333 --> 00:26:16,451.7273333
And so I, I really.
251
00:26:17,51.7273333 --> 00:26:30,613.2273333
I wanted to give access to a modality and to give people education around a modality that was actually showing a difference, that was actually disrupting change, and that was actually Okay.
252
00:26:30,731.7273333 --> 00:26:51,606.7888334
giving people an opportunity for change, and more importantly, like, after I had seen what it had done for me, I think my story and, and really the, the timing that I went to school was pivotal too, because it was when psilocybin and assisted psychotherapy was starting to make a comeback on academia.
253
00:26:51,606.7898334 --> 00:27:01,476.7898334
I think it had a lull for some time, so I think it was a little bit of luck or perhaps my intuition that was just like, go, like now is the time.
254
00:27:02,76.7898334 --> 00:27:14,286.7908334
All right, I want to get into this a little bit because it seemed like When we were talking about this on a personal level, it seemed harder for you to name on a professional level.
255
00:27:14,676.7908334 --> 00:27:15,465.1908334
And I'm into it.
256
00:27:15,896.7898334 --> 00:27:34,466.7908334
even though you're in Miami, even though you're way more credentialed than anyone that I meet that is guiding ceremonies and, and utilizing plant medicine in any way, it seems like there's still something that blocks you a little bit, a little, whether it's self stigma or outside stigma.
257
00:27:34,736.7908334 --> 00:27:36,956.7908334
I'm Yeah, I'm curious what that is.
258
00:27:37,171.8908334 --> 00:27:54,136.6908334
Okay.
259
00:27:54,445.2903334 --> 00:28:04,195.2908334
to 50 year block because society was not ready to understand what this meant because the substances on their own.
260
00:28:04,900.2908334 --> 00:28:24,810.2908334
Were inadequately used for so long and they received such a socially incorrect interpretation that their research and the results and the actual clinical use of it was I mean, overshadowed is doesn't even begin to describe what actually happens.
261
00:28:24,820.2908334 --> 00:28:27,280.2908334
So I am intentional.
262
00:28:27,280.2908334 --> 00:28:28,210.2908334
I'm cautious.
263
00:28:28,250.2908334 --> 00:28:36,240.2908334
I have the utmost respect for this type of modality because I do think that this is a type of modality that's going to change the world.
264
00:28:36,256.7908334 --> 00:28:36,286.7908334
Okay.
265
00:28:36,740.2908334 --> 00:28:51,725.2908334
I do think that this is the type of modality that's going after what you and I call Goliath, right? What's going after these larger health systems that are stuck in, you know, in the modalities that have been institutionalized for so long.
266
00:28:52,525.2908334 --> 00:28:58,585.2908334
I think this goes far beyond my experience, like the people that I know that have gone through this experience.
267
00:28:59,25.2908334 --> 00:29:03,915.2898334
And I'm sure as we're talking and as people are listening, they're going to be like, yep, that's exactly right.
268
00:29:03,935.2898334 --> 00:29:08,805.2898334
There's, there's a certain call and a certain point of no return.
269
00:29:08,915.2898334 --> 00:29:12,445.1908334
Once you go through this experience, you can't unsee what you see.
270
00:29:12,705.2908334 --> 00:29:19,465.2908334
Right? And so with something like this, in my own experience, this then facilitated for me to go into talk therapy.
271
00:29:19,565.2908334 --> 00:29:31,555.2908334
It facilitated for me to then be able to have the capacity, the cognitive capacity, of be able to just describe and identify in language, in basic language, what I was going through.
272
00:29:31,744.8042662 --> 00:29:32,722.0788931
I I.
273
00:29:32,935.4132214 --> 00:29:37,995.4132214
it almost feels like we're doing things backwards in many ways, and obviously this isn't a one size fits all.
274
00:29:38,25.4132214 --> 00:29:39,285.4132214
This is a case by case.
275
00:29:39,710.6878483 --> 00:29:58,690.4122214
I, it's not just psilocybin for all, though, I, I think, I, think there could also be I, for that too, but, I, I think that there is, there's a combination of methods that can be used, and I think what we're tapping into what you and I call the mental health renaissance is.
276
00:29:59,295.4132214 --> 00:30:23,615.4132214
A myriad right of of presentations and a myriad of support services and of modalities and of avenues to get to the same place, but understanding it from the root cause, right? Like, understanding how do we support this 1 person with all their presenting factors from all these multiple avenues and let's just kind of like wrap around this person rather than what I feel.
277
00:30:23,675.4132214 --> 00:30:46,635.4132214
At a certain point sitting across therapists that were just looking at me from such a singular lane like I don't know it it felt like my My internal experience needed support from multiple angles at the same time because my nervous system was fucking on fire And talk therapy was not gonna do it for me, Well, I'm sure at this point, a lot of people are like, I want to work with that girl.
278
00:30:46,645.4132214 --> 00:30:57,585.4132214
So I just want to note that we will put your contact information, in the, in the description of the podcast, but want to go back to to you personally in all of this.
279
00:30:57,585.4132214 --> 00:30:59,445.4132214
So your nervous system's on fire.
280
00:30:59,925.4132214 --> 00:31:09,245.4132214
You have these psychedelic assisted experiences that lead you back to being able to verbally experience your life.
281
00:31:10,215.4132214 --> 00:31:34,898.9132214
Did this shift your relationship to work and rest and energy during this process? Oh my gosh, that's the point of no return that I talk about with everybody, like, don't do this if you're not willing to take a hard look at everything in your life, this forces you to take inventory and absolutely everything about yourself.
282
00:31:34,898.9132214 --> 00:31:36,328.9142214
It changed everything for me.
283
00:31:36,708.9122214 --> 00:31:37,358.9122214
Career.
284
00:31:37,733.9132214 --> 00:31:55,543.9122214
My relationships, my personal relationships with friends, with romantic partners, with family members with work, with the way that I lived my life, with the way that I ate, the way that I moved, with my sleep hygiene, everything, everything, everything, everything in my life changed.
285
00:31:55,543.9132214 --> 00:31:56,253.9122214
So yeah.
286
00:31:56,563.9132214 --> 00:31:57,143.9132214
Absolutely.
287
00:31:58,735.4132214 --> 00:32:03,85.4122214
So, at this point, you enter the workforce as a provider.
288
00:32:03,570.4132214 --> 00:32:06,570.4132214
And you're working at larger treatment institutions.
289
00:32:06,580.4132214 --> 00:32:14,570.4132214
This was before you and I, well, I would say we met, except it's more like Carla found me and pursued me.
290
00:32:14,850.4132214 --> 00:32:15,650.4132214
We'll get to that.
291
00:32:16,550.4132214 --> 00:32:32,765.4122214
What was your experience? In the trenches of pretty major corporate healthcare, you're having this personal Renaissance and now you're a provider on the other end, but you're in a pretty contained healing environment.
292
00:32:32,785.4132214 --> 00:32:41,835.4132214
I can't imagine what you studied and where your passion is, was accepted in a 30, 60, 90 day.
293
00:32:42,570.4132214 --> 00:32:46,460.4132214
Residential program My palms are getting sweaty talking, even thinking about this.
294
00:32:47,930.4132214 --> 00:32:49,140.4132214
It was rough, Alex.
295
00:32:49,170.4132214 --> 00:33:05,630.4132214
I mean, in hindsight, I can understand that it took for me to understand the macro side of things and the big picture system that's currently employed to understand, Oh, I can do it in a different way.
296
00:33:05,680.4132214 --> 00:33:08,80.4132214
And now I know, system like yeah.
297
00:33:08,920.4132214 --> 00:33:22,400.4132214
Yeah, and now and I know that now because I now understand that part about myself that I need to experience something in order to break it down and understand how I can do it better, how I can be more efficient about it, how I can optimize it at the time.
298
00:33:22,430.4132214 --> 00:33:34,310.4132214
And that's very easy to say, not easy to do because it required for me to place myself in the very system that I thought failed my family, right? Like, I say this all the time.
299
00:33:34,330.4132214 --> 00:33:37,580.4132214
I'm the provider that I wish my family had back then.
300
00:33:37,700.4132214 --> 00:33:39,200.4132214
I think had I had we had.
301
00:33:39,965.4132214 --> 00:33:42,725.4132214
Somebody like myself, things would be very different.
302
00:33:42,795.4132214 --> 00:33:45,925.4122214
The conversations would have been very different.
303
00:33:45,925.4132214 --> 00:33:50,765.4142214
The the exposure and the avenues that we would have explored would have been different.
304
00:33:51,525.4142214 --> 00:33:57,965.4142214
In the private healthcare system that we have right now, I was in private treatment centers for some time.
305
00:33:59,205.4142214 --> 00:34:00,215.4142214
You know, it was exhausting.
306
00:34:00,215.4142214 --> 00:34:02,735.4142214
It was seeing the same people sit across from me.
307
00:34:03,395.4142214 --> 00:34:17,490.4122214
It was Me as a provider being dictated what to do by utilization review, which is dictated by insurance companies, not the other way around and it was a specific container that was.
308
00:34:18,510.4132214 --> 00:34:26,140.4132214
Rooted on false expectations, right? Not necessarily rooted on the truth of what that individual was going through.
309
00:34:26,150.4132214 --> 00:34:38,780.4132214
It was much more about the template and the milieu and the container, rather than the individual and how we were creating support systems for them, right? And that's a very, that's a very polarizing statement.
310
00:34:38,780.4132214 --> 00:34:42,460.4132214
That's a very generalized experience that I went through.
311
00:34:43,385.4132214 --> 00:35:05,591.8132214
I was sitting across people that I wanted Nothing more than to support them and the thing was that I knew how to support them and I had systems that blocked my capacity As supporting them whether due through time constraints or through expectations because of levels of care How did your body feel in that environment? Yeah.
312
00:35:05,840.4132214 --> 00:35:07,710.4132214
I was always in a rush.
313
00:35:07,870.4132214 --> 00:35:10,580.4132214
I lacked sleep hygiene.
314
00:35:11,210.4132214 --> 00:35:17,350.4132214
I lacked control over my internal experience and I always just felt fatigued.
315
00:35:17,410.4132214 --> 00:35:19,140.4132214
I always felt guilty.
316
00:35:19,440.4132214 --> 00:35:20,590.4132214
I always felt angry.
317
00:35:22,110.4132214 --> 00:35:30,560.4132214
You know, I kind of compartmentalized under the niche of, okay, I can't help them under this umbrella, but I can at least help them today.
318
00:35:31,100.4132214 --> 00:35:35,170.4132214
I can help them manage their thoughts and their emotions and their cravings today.
319
00:35:35,780.4132214 --> 00:35:41,290.4122214
And if I can be the person that's interjecting in their crisis today, then I can get them to tomorrow.
320
00:35:41,640.4122214 --> 00:35:44,440.4132214
That's a big responsibility for an individual to carry.
321
00:35:44,450.4132214 --> 00:35:45,760.4132214
I carry that with me.
322
00:35:46,845.4132214 --> 00:35:49,865.4132214
So much love and so much honesty and accountability.
323
00:35:49,865.4132214 --> 00:35:57,655.4132214
And, and if you're carrying that through and through, if you've been on the, if you've been on the provider side of that, you know what that does to your nervous system.
324
00:35:59,351.9132214 --> 00:36:05,625.4132214
So was this one of those places where you were being rewarded for not resting? Absolutely.
325
00:36:06,235.4132214 --> 00:36:06,915.4132214
Absolutely.
326
00:36:06,945.4132214 --> 00:36:09,795.4122214
My caseload numbers were absolutely wild.
327
00:36:09,905.4122214 --> 00:36:11,135.4122214
I was.
328
00:36:11,665.4122214 --> 00:36:20,405.4117214
I was very much a rockstar if I maintained a certain number, right? I was very much a rockstar if I kept people at certain levels of care for an expected amount of time.
329
00:36:20,455.4117214 --> 00:36:33,653.9117214
To clarify for people who don't work within the healthcare complex, what do you mean by keeping certain people in for a certain amount of time? Okay, so certain levels of care.
330
00:36:33,853.9107214 --> 00:36:36,3.9117214
So we operate within the behavioral treatment space.
331
00:36:36,3.9117214 --> 00:36:41,23.9117214
We operate in levels of care from anything from medical stabilizing, which is detox all the way out to outpatient.
332
00:36:41,803.9117214 --> 00:37:10,123.9117214
All those levels of care are determined and the amount of time that a patient is within those levels of care are determined by utilization review, which is Then a call and a conversation between the treatment center and the insurance company, right? The insurance network, meaning if I have capacity for five days in detox, but you Alex have capacity for four and you may need a longer stay in detox.
333
00:37:10,583.9117214 --> 00:37:15,363.9117214
You won't get that longer stay in detox due to criteria and appropriateness.
334
00:37:15,883.9117214 --> 00:37:19,693.9117214
That's going to become deemable through your language in the policy.
335
00:37:20,303.9117214 --> 00:37:22,213.9117214
So it really removes.
336
00:37:23,548.9117214 --> 00:37:28,608.9117214
the ability to focus on patient care because of language that's restrictive.
337
00:37:28,658.9117214 --> 00:37:34,58.9127214
It becomes a, a numbers game rather than a conversation around appropriateness.
338
00:37:35,205.4127214 --> 00:37:50,105.4127214
So if you kept a high level of people in a residential setting, navigating insurance, navigating them wanting to leave, all of the factors, you were rewarded for that sort of over functioning for the system.
339
00:37:50,115.4127214 --> 00:37:50,435.3127214
Thank you for your time.
340
00:37:51,155.4127214 --> 00:37:55,615.4127214
Because now it's like, Oh, look at how many people you have institutionalized.
341
00:37:55,858.9127214 --> 00:37:56,168.9127214
Yeah.
342
00:37:56,885.4127214 --> 00:37:57,245.4127214
Okay.
343
00:37:57,439.0127214 --> 00:37:57,958.8127214
Yeah.
344
00:37:58,238.9127214 --> 00:38:18,3.9107214
The percentage and, and I would argue that In a position like that, you're so focused on the milieu that your only interactions with the individual become then the one on one sessions which is limited time, right? As a professional, you're focused on macro rather than micro with the individual.
345
00:38:19,325.4117214 --> 00:38:26,195.4117214
So you're in this environment I would love to put some context around how we met.
346
00:38:26,205.4107214 --> 00:38:33,865.4117214
Because we're moving into a human design framework, which neither of us knew about Yeah, at the time, you're a generator.
347
00:38:33,895.4117214 --> 00:38:34,865.4117214
I'm a projector.
348
00:38:35,255.4117214 --> 00:38:39,585.4117214
You responded big time to what I was being visible about.
349
00:38:39,625.4117214 --> 00:38:43,105.4117214
And then you pursued the hell out of me and invited the hell out of me.
350
00:38:43,405.4117214 --> 00:38:48,505.4112214
Which we now have this language because we've both been so impacted by human design.
351
00:38:48,505.4112214 --> 00:38:54,945.4112214
But tell me, tell me what you saw you recognized in me and, and what happened in your body.
352
00:38:54,945.4112214 --> 00:39:03,653.9112214
Like what was the response and why are we, why are we sisters now? I mean, and I can speak in hindsight because.
353
00:39:04,18.9112214 --> 00:39:05,948.9112214
I remember it this way.
354
00:39:05,968.9112214 --> 00:39:15,318.9107214
So I part of my job with a previous employer was finding programs across the nation and finding lapses of care.
355
00:39:15,318.9107214 --> 00:39:42,238.9112214
And how do we introduce ourselves? Or how do we optimize that? Meaning? I was constantly looking for, Where the mistakes were and that meant that I was constantly studying protocols I was constantly studying other treatment centers the way that providers were applying their modalities and I remember coming across your profile and the work that you were doing and having a conversation with you and I was like I Don't have anything that I can offer you.
356
00:39:42,288.9112214 --> 00:39:47,318.9112214
Like I don't, I think you actually have a pretty sound project in your hands.
357
00:39:47,318.9112214 --> 00:39:50,198.9112214
And I think this protocol is actually going to change lives.
358
00:39:50,828.9112214 --> 00:39:54,438.9112214
And at that point I was like, I can't work for you now, but I'm going to come back for you.
359
00:39:54,568.9112214 --> 00:39:56,78.9112214
Like I will be back.
360
00:39:56,340.4112214 --> 00:40:01,308.9112214
this for the record, you did not, that part wasn't clear to me, No, I do.
361
00:40:01,470.4112214 --> 00:40:02,480.4112214
networking call.
362
00:40:03,708.9112214 --> 00:40:04,828.9112214
Yeah, I knew.
363
00:40:04,828.9112214 --> 00:40:06,388.9112214
And, and I always kept you on my radar.
364
00:40:06,388.9112214 --> 00:40:08,358.9112214
I'm like, I don't know how I'm going to make this happen.
365
00:40:08,368.9112214 --> 00:40:38,578.9112214
Cause again, like, I'm a mom, I have bills to pay, like, I'm, I'm head of household, I've been head of household since my daughter was born, like you know, numbers and money, but I knew there was something that just immediately, and I can't describe it other than pulse, there's, there's a certain pulse that my body experiences when it's a yes, and when it's a It almost translates into like the type of breath that I take in with certain people.
366
00:40:38,578.9112214 --> 00:40:43,528.9112214
It's almost like this safety that I now feel like, I think now I can describe it as safety.
367
00:40:43,558.9112214 --> 00:40:49,268.9112214
Back then I felt it as excitement as overjoy and as if I had found a unicorn.
368
00:40:49,278.9112214 --> 00:40:51,178.9112214
It's like, there's, there's something else here.
369
00:40:51,628.9112214 --> 00:40:56,528.9112214
There's a relatable identity that I, I think it was in the passion too.
370
00:40:56,528.9112214 --> 00:40:58,598.9112214
I think it was in the way that.
371
00:40:59,23.9112214 --> 00:41:08,653.9112214
You were so passionate about the pursuit of something else and an alternative method that I really resonated with because I was also deeply passionate about it.
372
00:41:09,493.9112214 --> 00:41:15,453.9122214
So I think it was more about that experience and knowing like, Oh, this is something that I can definitely pursue long term.
373
00:41:16,320.4122214 --> 00:41:25,320.4122214
So if any projectors are listening and they're in their bitter phase of what do you mean I have to wait for an invitation with recognition, that means I do nothing.
374
00:41:25,710.4112214 --> 00:41:29,30.4122214
I really want to highlight the fact that I live in Northwest Montana.
375
00:41:29,700.4122214 --> 00:41:34,440.4122214
Carla lives in Southern Florida in Miami and I'm not.
376
00:41:35,295.4122214 --> 00:41:36,945.4122214
not a diehard social media person.
377
00:41:36,945.4122214 --> 00:41:38,623.9122214
I wasn't neither was sort I.
378
00:41:39,55.4122214 --> 00:41:40,425.4122214
yeah, you found me on LinkedIn.
379
00:41:40,435.4122214 --> 00:41:43,885.4122214
I wasn't on any sort of paid LinkedIn campaign.
380
00:41:43,895.4122214 --> 00:41:45,775.4122214
I wasn't posting on a schedule.
381
00:41:45,805.4112214 --> 00:41:54,975.4122214
I was literally just oversharing my opinion when I felt like it and then forgetting I had LinkedIn after and still.
382
00:41:55,970.4122214 --> 00:42:04,320.4122214
Not only did an invitation come with recognition, but it flourished into we're now on business number two together.
383
00:42:04,320.4122214 --> 00:42:09,160.4122214
And I think it's really important to highlight that I did nothing.
384
00:42:09,430.4122214 --> 00:42:12,170.4122214
And in fact, I posted a job looking for.
385
00:42:12,665.4122214 --> 00:42:14,975.4122214
An assistant, which Carla applied for.
386
00:42:14,975.4122214 --> 00:42:21,325.4122214
And I told her that was the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard because she has more degrees than I do.
387
00:42:21,685.4112214 --> 00:42:24,415.4112214
And the idea of her being my assistant was ridiculous.
388
00:42:24,415.4122214 --> 00:42:26,165.4122214
And she was like, I don't care.
389
00:42:26,175.4112214 --> 00:42:30,425.4122214
How do I get in? And I said, I don't have the money to pay someone of your caliber.
390
00:42:30,465.4122214 --> 00:42:35,745.4112214
And you said, okay, I'll work for free while I do my other job until you can.
391
00:42:36,805.4112214 --> 00:42:40,935.4122214
talk about a projector receiving an invite to utilize a generator.
392
00:42:41,125.5122214 --> 00:42:54,425.4112214
And it took a lot in me to be this stranger, this woman, this incredible thinker is just in Florida, making calls on my behalf to professionals that I didn't even tell her to call.
393
00:42:54,685.4122214 --> 00:42:57,915.4117214
You'd be like, Oh, I already have, I already have a connection with that conference.
394
00:42:57,915.4117214 --> 00:42:58,535.4112214
I've handled it.
395
00:42:58,555.4122214 --> 00:43:02,615.4122214
I'm like, what the hell is this girl? In the human design community.
396
00:43:02,615.4122214 --> 00:43:06,35.4122214
There's so much discussion of the projector generator relationship.
397
00:43:06,35.4122214 --> 00:43:12,335.4112214
And I think projectors get really disheartened about waiting and generators get disheartened about like, wait, someone's going to boss me around.
398
00:43:12,335.4112214 --> 00:43:14,645.4112214
And I don't think either of us feel like that at all.
399
00:43:14,655.4122214 --> 00:43:18,395.4122214
We are just in relationship that we can't stop.
400
00:43:19,63.9122214 --> 00:43:26,13.9122214
Yeah, I mean, at least for me, I can speak to that obviously as a generator now understanding what that means.
401
00:43:26,593.9122214 --> 00:43:29,423.9122214
It has never been about bossing around.
402
00:43:29,433.9122214 --> 00:43:33,493.9122214
It's always been about you have a visual that I don't.
403
00:43:34,103.9122214 --> 00:43:45,503.9122214
You have this like capacity of holding a container where I don't and it feels very safe for me, right? Whereas before the expansive nature of my energy.
404
00:43:46,138.9122214 --> 00:43:57,108.9122214
And the rhythm and that I can just like pop off at all times was exhausting and felt untethering at times, right? Because I can just, I can just skip over so many things.
405
00:43:57,128.9122214 --> 00:44:01,608.9112214
I think your energy for me has always been so grounding.
406
00:44:01,628.9122214 --> 00:44:07,78.9112214
And truly I think it, it comes from the fact that not only do you understand me, you see me, you know.
407
00:44:07,563.9122214 --> 00:44:15,633.9122214
You know me to my very core, but you've also taken the time to do that, right? Like, I think from the very beginning, it was that constant communication.
408
00:44:15,633.9122214 --> 00:44:17,83.9112214
Like Carla, I see what you're doing.
409
00:44:17,503.9122214 --> 00:44:19,863.9112214
The center, I see what you're trying to hide behind.
410
00:44:19,903.9112214 --> 00:44:27,703.9112214
Let's like, it was this constant accountability and this safety in the relationship where I truly don't think I've ever had a relationship.
411
00:44:27,713.9112214 --> 00:44:29,343.9112214
Like what the relationship that you want to have.
412
00:44:29,433.9112214 --> 00:44:37,73.9112214
It was also that it was the fact that I recognize that I had never met anybody like you, and I don't think I had ever had a dynamic like that.
413
00:44:37,773.9112214 --> 00:44:57,233.9112214
And that safety really allowed for me even, I would argue that even more than the assisted psychotherapy, that safety allowed for me to then look at the other parts of my life and say, Oh, this is the kind of safety that, that I need, that I need to pursue in every other relationship.
414
00:44:57,233.9112214 --> 00:44:59,753.9112214
And I didn't even know this could be reciprocal.
415
00:44:59,803.9112214 --> 00:45:28,925.4112214
Like, I'm not the only one that can be the stable one here, you know? And me too, because it's a different way, what you have given me, but one, the just complete and utter invitation to see you is a delight for a projector, right? Like it doesn't get better than that, but to, You're constantly supporting my ability to be healthy and saying things like, Oh, what can I do? It's in the doing that you seemingly always have energy.
416
00:45:28,925.4112214 --> 00:45:32,815.4102214
If you need to stop, it's usually me going, Carla, go sleep for two days.
417
00:45:33,373.9112214 --> 00:45:33,663.9112214
Yeah.
418
00:45:33,885.4112214 --> 00:45:34,415.4112214
that thing.
419
00:45:34,415.5112214 --> 00:45:35,33.9112214
And Yeah.
420
00:45:35,183.9112214 --> 00:45:35,763.9112214
That's the thing.
421
00:45:35,845.4112214 --> 00:45:40,455.4112214
then you have this magic trick that I don't have in that you're just back, you do that.
422
00:45:40,455.4112214 --> 00:45:41,225.4112214
And then you're back.
423
00:45:41,235.4102214 --> 00:45:53,245.4102214
And so I think of you as someone, this gift that came into my life and allowed all of the ideas that I had to have exponentially more legs behind them.
424
00:45:53,785.4112214 --> 00:46:02,825.4112214
And that I don't think I could get as far in a healthy way without people.
425
00:46:03,165.4112214 --> 00:46:14,465.4112214
And specifically you, because we have this very odd ability to be connected during hard things without, without dissonance.
426
00:46:14,495.4102214 --> 00:46:19,985.4112214
And I think that is something that a projector and a generator can do really, really, really well.
427
00:46:20,625.4112214 --> 00:46:26,745.4112214
In my experience, the rare part that you bring to the table is a genuine invitation.
428
00:46:26,815.4112214 --> 00:46:31,695.4112214
Because I have had very few full open conversations.
429
00:46:32,40.4112214 --> 00:46:46,590.4112214
Ongoing invitations with recognition to be as transparent with someone, probably you and Chris, my partner in, as far as sacral beings in my life are the only ones that have brought that.
430
00:46:46,600.4112214 --> 00:46:53,320.4102214
And I think that is because of all of the work you did on yourself first to where you want to be seen.
431
00:46:54,790.4112214 --> 00:46:57,690.4112214
And I actually don't need that part.
432
00:46:57,750.4112214 --> 00:47:05,800.4112214
What I need is access to a beautiful, mindful of energy that can do more than I could ever do.
433
00:47:06,80.4112214 --> 00:47:11,670.4112214
And the synergy between us has been such a gift that I can't overstate.
434
00:47:11,690.4102214 --> 00:47:15,120.4112214
As an example, I was in Northwest Montana.
435
00:47:15,880.4112214 --> 00:47:24,400.4112214
Carla had made the decision that she was going to work with me before I ever even connected that that was even something that had crossed her mind.
436
00:47:24,410.4112214 --> 00:47:29,310.4112214
So if there are projects out there who are like, what do you mean? I have to wait for an invitation.
437
00:47:29,310.4112214 --> 00:47:30,160.4112214
That fucking sucks.
438
00:47:30,170.4112214 --> 00:47:30,910.4102214
Which I know.
439
00:47:30,950.4112214 --> 00:47:35,860.4112214
That's like the first thing every projector says to me is what do you mean? I have to wait.
440
00:47:36,920.4112214 --> 00:47:44,350.4112214
What if you're waiting for someone like Carla? Like what if that could just show up by being visible? That is incredible.
441
00:47:44,360.4112214 --> 00:47:46,380.4112214
So forward.
442
00:47:47,165.4112214 --> 00:47:48,815.4112214
I'm starting a company.
443
00:47:49,615.4112214 --> 00:47:51,475.4112214
announce that you're going to work for me.
444
00:47:51,835.4112214 --> 00:47:54,665.4112214
You start working for me, which was awesome.
445
00:47:54,995.4112214 --> 00:48:00,775.4102214
We're going to skyrocket through to the fact that you, working for me.
446
00:48:01,485.4112214 --> 00:48:09,755.4112214
was like we were on, I think of it as like a slip and slide, like we were going and was so fast.
447
00:48:09,755.4112214 --> 00:48:16,835.4102214
I have a very vivid memory of sitting in a hotel room with you somewhere and like me looking at you and being like.
448
00:48:17,825.4112214 --> 00:48:22,675.4112214
We just made 100, 000 this month and my email is blowing up.
449
00:48:23,75.4112214 --> 00:48:27,975.4112214
We don't have any staff for and us being like, okay.
450
00:48:28,725.4112214 --> 00:48:38,515.4112214
And it was such a, you remember, it was such a beautiful and bizarre Yeah, We were just like on our laptops, like, holy shit.
451
00:48:41,55.4112214 --> 00:48:59,865.4112214
So I want to talk about, I want to say about a year in we were making the culture, we were defining the company you ran into yourself in a really, really crazy way.
452
00:48:59,970.5112214 --> 00:49:00,940.5112214
I know the date.
453
00:49:00,940.5112214 --> 00:49:02,810.5112214
Yeah, it was terrifying.
454
00:49:03,310.5102214 --> 00:49:04,900.5102214
Intellectually speaking.
455
00:49:05,200.5102214 --> 00:49:07,270.5092214
I knew that I needed to slow down.
456
00:49:07,280.5102214 --> 00:49:08,650.5102214
I was ready for it.
457
00:49:08,790.5102214 --> 00:49:09,980.5102214
I was craving it.
458
00:49:10,0.5102214 --> 00:49:11,460.5102214
My life was craving it.
459
00:49:11,460.6102214 --> 00:49:24,915.5092214
I was craving the stability in the space between having to be Having my time and my effort being constant expectation for the results and for like the outcome of things.
460
00:49:24,915.5102214 --> 00:49:27,615.5102214
I wanted to create a little bit more space and automation behind that.
461
00:49:28,455.5102214 --> 00:49:31,75.5102214
And I think that's what we were striving for in our culture too.
462
00:49:31,75.5102214 --> 00:49:34,45.5092214
Like we wanted for people to have work life balance.
463
00:49:34,45.5102214 --> 00:49:34,360.4102214
That was really important.
464
00:49:34,690.5102214 --> 00:49:36,120.5102214
Incredibly important for us.
465
00:49:37,490.5102214 --> 00:49:38,960.5102214
My body didn't catch on to that.
466
00:49:39,830.5102214 --> 00:49:40,930.5102214
My mind knew about it.
467
00:49:40,990.5102214 --> 00:49:44,460.5102214
My brain knew about it, but my body was like, eh, we're not there yet.
468
00:49:44,880.5102214 --> 00:49:53,900.5102214
So that day I was sitting down on my sofa, watching the lion King with my kid and the right side of my body just went numb.
469
00:49:54,435.5112214 --> 00:50:09,625.5102214
And when I mean numb, I, it first started with like what felt like fire, almost like, like electric little shocks everywhere, almost like, you know, when you're going numb, that was happening from my earlobe, like all the way up here, all the way down to my toes.
470
00:50:09,725.5112214 --> 00:50:12,445.5112214
So I have a good friend of mine who's a physician.
471
00:50:12,445.5112214 --> 00:50:12,995.5107214
I text him.
472
00:50:12,995.5107214 --> 00:50:16,565.5112214
I'm like, should I be concerned? He's like, you need to run to the ER right now.
473
00:50:16,565.5112214 --> 00:50:17,415.5112214
That sounds like a stroke.
474
00:50:17,415.5112214 --> 00:50:17,995.5112214
I'm like a stroke.
475
00:50:18,185.5112214 --> 00:50:20,275.5112214
What do you, I am 32 years old.
476
00:50:20,275.5112214 --> 00:50:22,525.5112214
What do you mean a stroke? He's like, actually.
477
00:50:22,935.5112214 --> 00:50:25,895.5112214
That's the highest incidents in terms of age and women.
478
00:50:25,895.5112214 --> 00:50:27,45.5112214
I'm like, Oh my gosh.
479
00:50:27,95.5112214 --> 00:50:31,185.5112214
So 11 o'clock at night, I run with my child to the ER.
480
00:50:31,875.5112214 --> 00:50:35,785.5112214
I tell the people in the front desk what's happening.
481
00:50:36,255.5112214 --> 00:50:39,105.5112214
Next thing I know, I have like 20 professionals all over me.
482
00:50:39,105.5112214 --> 00:50:42,665.5102214
My kid is to my side, like this is happening very, very quickly.
483
00:50:43,205.5102214 --> 00:50:46,315.5112214
I'm getting the testing for everything.
484
00:50:46,315.5112214 --> 00:50:49,155.5112214
I mean, I was within a CT scan and MRI.
485
00:50:49,360.5112214 --> 00:50:52,20.5112214
Within minutes, I was strapped to IVs.
486
00:50:52,60.5112214 --> 00:50:55,500.5112214
I was, I had, I had providers to my right and to my left.
487
00:50:55,520.5112214 --> 00:50:57,920.5112214
Like it was bizarre.
488
00:50:57,990.5112214 --> 00:50:59,580.5112214
It was an out of body experience.
489
00:50:59,580.5112214 --> 00:51:02,980.5112214
It's almost like I flew out of myself and just witnessed everything that was happening.
490
00:51:02,980.5112214 --> 00:51:04,320.5112214
I'm like, I cannot have a stroke.
491
00:51:04,370.5112214 --> 00:51:05,150.5102214
I have a child.
492
00:51:05,560.5112214 --> 00:51:07,520.5112214
I'm starting my, like I'm finally in a place.
493
00:51:08,285.5112214 --> 00:51:19,595.5102214
Where I feel like I'm in control like a stroke right now cannot be what's happening to me Like I have so much to do and even as I'm thinking I'm like, oh That's that's the problem.
494
00:51:19,645.5112214 --> 00:51:36,725.5112214
Like that's what like awkward that it takes me, you know to be hospitalized and after hours and hours of testing and of obviously I'm reducing this but Hours of just waiting around and being mortified at what this means.
495
00:51:36,725.5112214 --> 00:51:38,445.5112214
Cause again, I'm a mother.
496
00:51:38,445.5112214 --> 00:51:42,515.5112214
I have this little child to look after and to be present for it.
497
00:51:42,515.5112214 --> 00:51:45,95.5102214
Like I have a whole lifetime to be present for her there.
498
00:51:45,95.5112214 --> 00:51:51,605.5102214
You know, that's, that's one of the things that just kind of everything dissipates and the only thing you think about is your loved ones.
499
00:51:51,625.5112214 --> 00:51:54,885.5112214
And obviously as a mom, that's the only thing that was going through my mind.
500
00:51:56,105.5112214 --> 00:51:59,625.5112214
only for the doctor to be like, ma'am, you had a panic attack.
501
00:51:59,625.5112214 --> 00:52:02,585.5112214
I'm like, the fuck do you mean a panic attack? I had those under control.
502
00:52:02,685.5112214 --> 00:52:04,505.5112214
What do you mean? Like, I'm a provider.
503
00:52:04,535.5112214 --> 00:52:06,435.5112214
I know what these are.
504
00:52:06,795.5112214 --> 00:52:08,965.5112214
I know how these manifest in my body.
505
00:52:09,415.5112214 --> 00:52:11,895.5112214
What do you mean? She's like, actually, no here.
506
00:52:12,297.0112214 --> 00:52:16,517.0112214
you were texting me, a licensed clinical therapist, through the whole time.
507
00:52:16,737.0112214 --> 00:52:19,357.0112214
Like, you're surrounded by providers.
508
00:52:19,425.5112214 --> 00:52:30,325.5112214
Surrounded, like I've got my bases covered, both clinical and medical, like all my friends are clinicians, medical providers, so like, what do you, what do you mean? I don't need to be at an ER to know this.
509
00:52:30,335.5112214 --> 00:52:32,965.5112214
Like I know how to diagnose a panic attack.
510
00:52:33,55.5112214 --> 00:52:33,455.5102214
Come on.
511
00:52:34,165.5112214 --> 00:52:40,635.5112214
My body have learned how to express better yet, how to project that internal stress in a different way.
512
00:52:41,85.5112214 --> 00:52:50,115.5112214
Because it was like, okay, you got these covered, and you think you can manage this, but you're not addressing this other stuff, and this is how we're gonna make it now.
513
00:52:50,655.5102214 --> 00:53:00,255.5112214
So it was very much a very hard and fast way for me to run into myself in the most in the most evil way, truly, because it was, it was mortifying.
514
00:53:00,315.5112214 --> 00:53:01,255.5112214
It was mortifying.
515
00:53:01,285.5112214 --> 00:53:02,455.5112214
It was embarrassing.
516
00:53:03,145.5112214 --> 00:53:09,205.5107214
It was terrifying to my child for her to have me witness like that or for her to be exposed to that.
517
00:53:09,205.5107214 --> 00:53:11,425.5107214
And that was definite.
518
00:53:11,455.5117214 --> 00:53:13,65.5107214
I have it written in my notes.
519
00:53:13,305.5107214 --> 00:53:15,695.5117214
It's the first thing I look at every day is like this.
520
00:53:15,845.5117214 --> 00:53:18,605.5117214
There's a reason that was, that was my point of no return.
521
00:53:19,857.0117214 --> 00:53:29,7.0107214
I remember the next day, and I remember saying something along the lines of Carla, nobody is asking you to work this hard.
522
00:53:29,510.5117214 --> 00:53:29,920.5117214
Yeah.
523
00:53:30,77.0107214 --> 00:53:33,437.0117214
I specifically said, I am your fucking boss.
524
00:53:33,927.0117214 --> 00:53:36,257.0117214
I am not telling you to do this.
525
00:53:37,137.0117214 --> 00:53:41,737.0117214
will do fine without you putting yourself in the hospital stop.
526
00:53:42,730.5117214 --> 00:53:43,30.5117214
Yeah.
527
00:53:43,372.0117214 --> 00:53:47,262.0117214
I remember you were just sort of like, yeah.
528
00:53:48,640.5117214 --> 00:54:07,265.5117214
I even have, I laugh because I, on top of the date, there's this saying in Spanish at the very least in Puerto Rico, that's like, en serio, which means like, really? You really, like, you really had to put yourself through this to get, out of all things, this is what you had to experience to, to have it be.
529
00:54:07,515.5117214 --> 00:54:25,40.5117214
And that's terrifying, because what if I, what if it was a stroke? What if it was some medical complication that would have severely impacted my capacity of being a functional mother and, like, being present in my daughter's life? There, that could have ended up in so many different ways.
530
00:54:25,40.5117214 --> 00:54:32,900.5117214
And again, that was, that was very much my point of like, okay, I, I really have to understand how to do things differently.
531
00:54:33,877.0117214 --> 00:54:40,467.0107214
Yeah, we had a huge come to Jesus even within the leadership team at our company, which was, we will not.
532
00:54:41,972.0107214 --> 00:54:49,82.0107214
in ourselves what has been reproduced so many times with other, employers.
533
00:54:49,122.0107214 --> 00:54:54,812.0107214
And we really dove into human design in a big way, even more so at that point.
534
00:54:55,192.0107214 --> 00:54:59,882.0117214
Just for context for everyone listening, you're a quad left emotional generator.
535
00:55:00,22.0117214 --> 00:55:01,452.0117214
You're two, four profile.
536
00:55:01,452.0117214 --> 00:55:02,592.0117214
You have a defined route.
537
00:55:02,682.0117214 --> 00:55:03,232.0117214
So.
538
00:55:04,327.0127214 --> 00:55:15,127.0127214
First talk about how you adjusted just your schedule, your approach to life, work, friendships, romantic relationships, like a lot changed right after that.
539
00:55:16,355.5127214 --> 00:55:25,805.5127214
Yeah, I'll preface that with saying like I had left that environment, but that the memory of that environment was still very present in my nervous system.
540
00:55:26,875.5127214 --> 00:55:32,225.5127214
I think block scheduling and so many other adaptations into my life.
541
00:55:32,705.5127214 --> 00:55:37,395.5137214
I'll say this, we have to create automation and systems.
542
00:55:38,135.5137214 --> 00:55:43,495.5137214
That can support us at our lowest point, not just when we're thriving, right? And I learned that the hard way.
543
00:55:43,495.5137214 --> 00:55:56,620.5137214
I think I was able to create a block scheduling that supported my need for a container because the more and more I dive into human design and understanding, like And you and I talk about this all the time.
544
00:55:56,650.5137214 --> 00:55:58,130.5137214
I am a numbers monkey.
545
00:55:58,150.5137214 --> 00:56:01,870.5137214
I am a science driven, evidence based numbers monkey.
546
00:56:01,870.5137214 --> 00:56:09,60.5137214
The concept of human design was like, what do you mean? What do you mean I have an emotional authority? What does that mean? Right.
547
00:56:09,150.5137214 --> 00:56:11,750.5127214
And you and I joke around a lot about this, but I started.
548
00:56:12,310.5137214 --> 00:56:36,500.5137214
Just trusting in that guidance from you and understanding, really perceiving it almost like a clinical lens, like an energetic and stimulus processing kind of framework, right? And so I was like, okay, I think what I'm hearing is that I receive emotional cues, and then I have to process them in my own time before I expect myself to respond in some sort of a behavioral way.
549
00:56:37,207.0137214 --> 00:56:39,627.0132214
This that, good place to, to flesh out.
550
00:56:39,627.0132214 --> 00:56:42,547.0137214
So you're talking about how you are an emotional authority.
551
00:56:42,847.0137214 --> 00:56:44,237.0137214
You have a defined sake role.
552
00:56:44,237.0137214 --> 00:56:49,962.0137214
And I would say, From a sacral response for those listening, that's often a very physical response for people.
553
00:56:49,972.0137214 --> 00:56:52,332.0137214
Generators have this response to stimuli.
554
00:56:52,622.0137214 --> 00:56:53,652.0137214
You have a huge one.
555
00:56:53,652.0137214 --> 00:56:56,32.0137214
You usually have like a physiological, you have goosebumps.
556
00:56:56,502.0137214 --> 00:56:59,572.0137214
Carla's always like over zoom, like look at my arm, look at my goosebumps.
557
00:57:00,500.5137214 --> 00:57:04,352.0127214
yeah, yeah, for you is you are an emotional authority.
558
00:57:04,352.0127214 --> 00:57:08,382.0137214
So you have these major responses and it actually doesn't mean it's for you.
559
00:57:08,920.5137214 --> 00:57:09,522.0137214
yeah, it's worth.
560
00:57:09,987.0137214 --> 00:57:12,847.0137214
Considering, but sometimes you have that response.
561
00:57:12,867.0137214 --> 00:57:19,307.0127214
And then literally two days later, you're like, Alex, I had this really big response, but now that I've really processed it, I just don't think it's worth our time.
562
00:57:19,507.0137214 --> 00:57:20,857.0127214
Like you say that all the time.
563
00:57:21,147.0137214 --> 00:57:26,997.0137214
Whereas when I met you, you trusted, as long as you had the goosebumps, it meant run towards the fire.
564
00:57:27,400.5127214 --> 00:57:29,200.5127214
You do need to trust your body.
565
00:57:29,420.5127214 --> 00:57:31,890.5117214
You do have very valid responses.
566
00:57:32,130.5127214 --> 00:57:38,740.5112214
It's just, then your authority needs time decide if that response is for you or not.
567
00:57:38,750.5112214 --> 00:57:49,664.0122214
What was it like figuring out how to put space between the goosebumps and the decision? I mean, really through a lot of conversation with you because I've, I've learned.
568
00:57:50,824.0122214 --> 00:58:01,464.0112214
So for me, okay, my own body, not only am I hyper aware of my internal experience, both through trauma, and I think just who I am as a person and like my capacity.
569
00:58:03,164.0122214 --> 00:58:17,624.0122214
I respond not only through like a little bit of goosebumps, it's a full, like from the tip of my head to my toes, like it's a full on, of the most developed sacral responses very, it's very obvious.
570
00:58:18,294.0122214 --> 00:58:20,84.0122214
And it doesn't just happen with that.
571
00:58:20,94.0112214 --> 00:58:47,724.0122214
It also comes with like a shortness of breath that it's like, Oh, this is something like this is very, it sits on me for some time, right? That could be perceived as a trauma response too, right? Like, I will say that I think that also has a lot to do with my attunement to people because of the things that I've experienced in life, and I've moved far enough in my own recovery of things that have happened that I can understand the difference now.
572
00:58:48,164.0122214 --> 00:58:56,564.0112214
Before, I confused that with a sense of urgency with a pull with like, there's something dragging me in that direction.
573
00:58:56,985.6122214 --> 00:59:10,303.0122214
Okay.
574
00:59:10,589.0122214 --> 00:59:32,314.0122214
is important So important that I need to pause and I need to stop what i'm doing acknowledge it create stillness around it And then figure out what's happening and what's, what's an inviting within me before I can respond to it because I do have this like big emotional wave that I go through that usually my first emotional and thought response is not mine.
575
00:59:32,694.0122214 --> 00:59:39,334.0122214
It usually is through social expectations, through external dynamics, external opinions.
576
00:59:39,874.0122214 --> 00:59:40,863.9122214
I usually have.
577
00:59:41,4.0122214 --> 00:59:43,194.0122214
Either one or two rounds that are not mine.
578
00:59:43,554.0122214 --> 00:59:46,494.0122214
And then I arrive at a place where I sink into that feeling.
579
00:59:46,494.0122214 --> 00:59:48,94.0122214
And then I'm like, okay, this, this is me.
580
00:59:48,134.0122214 --> 00:59:50,644.0122214
This is centered and rooted in what I believe in.
581
00:59:51,254.0122214 --> 00:59:58,994.0122214
Whether that's through both the human design and the way that I'm, I'm made up and the way that I process stimuli and energy altogether.
582
00:59:59,914.0122214 --> 01:00:04,154.0122214
Or a combination of, you know, the multitude of things that I've really exposed myself to.
583
01:00:04,154.0122214 --> 01:00:09,264.0112214
I think I've gotten to a point where I have fine tuned up, but I also think it has a lot to do with our relationship.
584
01:00:09,744.0122214 --> 01:00:30,854.0122214
I think that the diversity in communications and the ulterior processing styles that are very much the center of how you and I are in relationship with one another really allowed me to open up and say, Oh, there's other ways that I can go about this.
585
01:00:30,854.0122214 --> 01:00:33,244.0122214
And I'm not in a rush to have to have an answer.
586
01:00:36,220.5122214 --> 01:00:45,120.5122214
And a lot of relationships have changed and fallen away for both of us, think right before we met and then through our friendship.
587
01:00:45,964.0122214 --> 01:00:46,184.0122214
Yeah.
588
01:00:46,184.0122214 --> 01:00:50,824.0122214
For me, mostly through there was, there think was only a way through.
589
01:00:51,440.5122214 --> 01:01:13,300.4122214
I think that, I think that it's really, really powerful in the context of rest for us to consider that relationship as two professional women with responsibilities and personal and professional challenges, both of us unapologetically unapologetically.
590
01:01:13,690.5122214 --> 01:01:16,620.5122214
Tuning into what the other needs, which is different between us.
591
01:01:16,620.5122214 --> 01:01:28,870.5122214
We have very different needs then supporting each other from both a professional and a personal place, kind of an unapologetic way, both publicly and privately.
592
01:01:29,290.5122214 --> 01:01:32,540.5112214
I think that that allows a different sort of.
593
01:01:32,895.5122214 --> 01:01:52,625.5122214
Rest in this world because it's a type of community that as a woman, I don't think I've had a ton of access to, especially in over, there's the sacral response, especially in an overlapping professional, because these are my companies, they're your companies too.
594
01:01:52,645.5122214 --> 01:01:54,105.5122214
Like I'm just the one who signs it.
595
01:01:54,175.5122214 --> 01:02:07,64.0122214
I just think that it's so revolutionary, but it's so simple and that allows both of us to rest like, you know, if I say, turn it off for two days that you can turn it off and you don't have Yeah.
596
01:02:07,284.0122214 --> 01:02:09,384.0122214
Mm-Hmm? And if you say, Mm-Hmm.
597
01:02:09,495.5112214 --> 01:02:10,675.5112214
I will handle this.
598
01:02:11,455.5122214 --> 01:02:12,504.0122214
get to just Mm-Hmm.
599
01:02:12,695.5122214 --> 01:02:15,395.5122214
done like her energy's got this.
600
01:02:15,415.5122214 --> 01:02:28,915.5112214
And I think that that is something that, you know, we joke, like if it comes down to it and you're moving to my property in Montana and you're making butter while I take care of the chickens, right? Like we're good.
601
01:02:29,905.5122214 --> 01:02:38,365.5122214
And I just, I really want to highlight, I think that's quite revolutionary, especially in a world that's trying to tear often tear professional women apart.
602
01:02:40,279.0122214 --> 01:02:43,159.0122214
You know, I think for, at least for me, I'll speak for myself.
603
01:02:43,259.0122214 --> 01:02:52,219.0122214
I think that's so rooted in trust and it's, I think the way that we have built trust is not the common way.
604
01:02:52,219.0122214 --> 01:02:54,69.0122214
Like it's the most.
605
01:02:54,459.0122214 --> 01:03:19,349.0122214
Reasonable and efficient way because we've followed words and promises with action and we've been able to just do that over and over and over again that I think we've compiled this dynamic on such a solid foundation of momentum and action that just speaks to my heart because I'm I'm a person of action and I really don't have a lot of that in my life.
606
01:03:19,349.0122214 --> 01:03:24,509.0122214
So I think For me, there was a lot of safety in matching words with action.
607
01:03:24,519.0122214 --> 01:03:26,89.0122214
Like it was just through and through to a point.
608
01:03:26,89.0122214 --> 01:03:26,809.0122214
I tell you all the time.
609
01:03:26,809.0122214 --> 01:03:29,39.0122214
I trust you with absolutely everything in my life.
610
01:03:29,89.0122214 --> 01:03:34,209.0122214
And I trust that even when I can't get to a point where I'm making objective.
611
01:03:34,799.0122214 --> 01:03:35,849.0122214
Calls in my life.
612
01:03:36,159.0122214 --> 01:03:36,969.0122214
I reach out to you.
613
01:03:37,229.0122214 --> 01:03:39,109.0122214
Like, I, I know that I can do that.
614
01:03:39,109.0122214 --> 01:03:39,469.0122214
Right.
615
01:03:40,199.0122214 --> 01:03:44,29.0122214
I perceive it more through the clinical side of things.
616
01:03:44,29.0122214 --> 01:03:48,599.0122214
And because that's just my nature, I've reached out to you because I don't understand the human design lens.
617
01:03:48,669.0112214 --> 01:03:55,159.0112214
Nowhere near as much as you do for me, it was always just this immediate sense of being.
618
01:03:55,694.0122214 --> 01:04:02,514.0122214
Perceived in the most honest and the most comprehensive and complete way that I have ever been perceived.
619
01:04:03,99.0122214 --> 01:04:06,619.0122214
Right? Like I, I don't let a lot of people in for good reason.
620
01:04:07,249.0122214 --> 01:04:12,279.0122214
And when I do let people in, it has always been fragmented.
621
01:04:12,279.0122214 --> 01:04:14,29.0122214
It's been with intention.
622
01:04:14,29.0122214 --> 01:04:19,419.0122214
It's been very methodical because I am very intentional about the dynamics that I do have in my life.
623
01:04:19,889.0122214 --> 01:04:35,249.0112214
And those that I have let in to a full extent at some point let me down, right? And that's, that's a sad thing to say, right? Like I'm in the process in my life in my 30s where I, I am intentionally letting people in and that comes with a risk factor of people disappointing you.
624
01:04:35,615.5122214 --> 01:04:39,255.5122214
You know, not often do we get to say like this person hasn't disappointed me.
625
01:04:39,315.5122214 --> 01:04:57,125.5132214
In fact, they've made my life exponentially better and we happen to have a collective between the three of us where At every single juncture that we have to make a decision like that the growth is just immediate like we can just trust in the fact that it's going to happen because we have Data to support it.
626
01:04:57,375.5132214 --> 01:05:02,637.0132214
We have proof of concept that it just keeps happening over and over again Yeah.
627
01:05:02,637.0132214 --> 01:05:15,802.0132214
I mean, one more little human design example, so with my splenic authority, I make decisions before I have any fucking clue what I'm doing It's wild You with an emotional authority, exactly the opposite.
628
01:05:15,822.0132214 --> 01:05:17,782.0132214
You process first me.
629
01:05:17,812.0132214 --> 01:05:20,412.0132214
I literally say to you, I'm doing this.
630
01:05:20,452.0132214 --> 01:05:23,72.0132214
I don't know why I will tell you in seven months.
631
01:05:23,462.0132214 --> 01:05:27,62.0132214
You say, Alex, I cannot engage with this yet.
632
01:05:27,520.5132214 --> 01:05:29,182.0122214
Yeah, about this in a few months.
633
01:05:29,182.0122214 --> 01:05:32,142.0132214
Like we have exactly this beautiful mirror image of it.
634
01:05:32,582.0132214 --> 01:05:40,392.0132214
But what I think is so amazing is that to find rest and confidence in that you will say things like.
635
01:05:40,627.0132214 --> 01:05:41,597.0132214
I trust your spleen.
636
01:05:42,280.5132214 --> 01:05:44,120.5132214
it's making me want to throw up right now.
637
01:05:44,120.5132214 --> 01:05:46,310.5132214
I can't but yes, I trust it.
638
01:05:46,967.0132214 --> 01:05:48,257.0132214
Yes, spleen likes risk.
639
01:05:48,447.0132214 --> 01:05:56,95.5132214
And, and then I can do the same where I can say, Hey, this is the thing, but take your time Mm hmm.
640
01:05:56,95.5132214 --> 01:05:58,340.5132214
Mm let you be, because hmm.
641
01:05:58,340.6132214 --> 01:06:01,410.5732214
Mm hmm.
642
01:06:01,410.5732214 --> 01:06:02,945.5532214
Mm.
643
01:06:02,945.5532214 --> 01:06:04,480.5332214
Yeah.
644
01:06:04,480.5332214 --> 01:06:06,15.5132214
Mm.
645
01:06:06,15.5132214 --> 01:06:09,85.4732214
Mm hmm.
646
01:06:09,85.4732214 --> 01:06:10,620.4532214
Mm.
647
01:06:10,620.4532214 --> 01:06:12,155.4332214
Oh.
648
01:06:12,155.4332214 --> 01:06:13,690.4132214
Yeah.
649
01:06:13,697.0132214 --> 01:06:14,917.0132214
have a basis of trust.
650
01:06:14,917.0132214 --> 01:06:19,357.0132214
We have a language that explains why you're scaring the crap out of me, Alex.
651
01:06:19,377.0132214 --> 01:06:27,257.0132214
And I have language to say, like, Carla hasn't been willing to discuss this in eight weeks, but she will be eventually willing to discuss it.
652
01:06:28,597.0132214 --> 01:06:31,537.0132214
Because you have named, I cannot discuss this yet.
653
01:06:31,547.0132214 --> 01:06:35,27.0132214
I need to ride a lot of emotions that are coming up for me.
654
01:06:35,317.0132214 --> 01:06:39,97.0132214
And I can say, I don't have the words to explain this decision to you yet.
655
01:06:39,317.0132214 --> 01:06:42,47.0122214
I promise when I have, then I will backfill.
656
01:06:42,407.0122214 --> 01:06:50,697.0132214
And the fact that we are able to see that in each other allows for a healthy relationship dynamic, which allows for nervous system rest.
657
01:06:50,897.0132214 --> 01:06:56,417.0132214
You and I are a really good example of exploring that through relationship in a very different way.
658
01:06:57,280.5132214 --> 01:06:58,280.5132214
Very much so.
659
01:06:58,280.5132214 --> 01:06:58,970.5132214
Oh my gosh.
660
01:06:59,70.5132214 --> 01:07:57,175.5112214
Rust for me looks very different from you, right? Like, rust for me means I am around people, I am socializing, I'm engaging in connection, I am Engaging and hugs and love from people like I'm I'm bringing people close for that rest because I do process a lot of my own, my own physiological responses through the attunement of others like it's it's really If I can fine tune it I think I'm a true ambivert in that way, right, where I need both my time to socialize with people and my time to just rest in my cave for two days and rot away and not be even perceived, you know, because I think a lot of it is through the perception of it all right, whereas for you, sometimes it just means that you need to be horizontal for the entire weekend and be able to do, you know, connect with your chickens and be able to be out in your land, like there's a very different response to it.
661
01:07:57,175.6112214 --> 01:07:57,240.4122214
Right.
662
01:07:57,790.5122214 --> 01:08:07,310.5112214
I also think that I've also clocked in on how I need rest before I actually need it before my body needs it.
663
01:08:07,360.5122214 --> 01:08:08,830.5112214
I've learned to forecast it.
664
01:08:09,220.5122214 --> 01:08:13,640.5122214
I've learned to create an expectation of when I'm going to need it.
665
01:08:14,160.5112214 --> 01:08:16,920.5112214
It often has a lot to do with my hormonal cycles.
666
01:08:17,320.5112214 --> 01:08:19,620.5112214
Sometimes it has to do like, for example, this month.
667
01:08:19,760.5122214 --> 01:08:25,210.5122214
I know that I'm going to be putting out a lot of social engagement just because of the holiday season.
668
01:08:25,655.5122214 --> 01:08:27,745.5122214
So I prepare myself in a different way.
669
01:08:27,745.5122214 --> 01:08:33,625.5122214
I have periods and lulls where I give myself safety net to be able to get to that point where I can be expansive.
670
01:08:34,215.5122214 --> 01:08:37,35.5122214
Whereas before I, I would have just.
671
01:08:37,460.5122214 --> 01:09:11,545.5122214
Gone with, you know, just kept going and going and going and then wonder why I end up with panic attacks Where I wonder why I my nervous system is shot, right? so I think I've learned to Be a little bit more predictive and strategic about my energy and and do so in a way that can be both instrumental in our professional world and make money off of it I've also learned to be intentional with it on a personal space and, and understand how that can be restorative for me.
672
01:09:13,787.0122214 --> 01:09:19,827.0122214
Well, I'm only going to ask one more question because even though we talk every day, I could talk to you all day long.
673
01:09:19,837.0122214 --> 01:09:21,27.0122214
It's ridiculous.
674
01:09:21,677.0122214 --> 01:09:25,235.5112214
And we didn't even touch men, which is Shit.
675
01:09:25,235.6112214 --> 01:09:34,317.0122214
Oh I would love to know how you're changing the world right now.
676
01:09:35,965.5122214 --> 01:09:43,265.5122214
my gosh, how am I changing the world? Every time that I'm asked something of this nature, I always think about my daughter.
677
01:09:43,265.5122214 --> 01:09:52,35.5112214
Cause like through her, I get to see the different type of human being that she's that I'm putting out into the world.
678
01:09:52,35.5112214 --> 01:09:54,485.4122214
And I think she's a true Testament of.
679
01:09:54,885.5122214 --> 01:10:15,362.0122214
All the solutions and all the mistakes I've made and all the lessons I've learned and she's just like, you know, this little human that I get to put out into the world with all the answers to the things that I didn't have access to and even at her young age of 12, the things that she says, sometimes I'm like, Oh my God, like this is what, be on the podcast.
680
01:10:15,362.0122214 --> 01:10:16,92.0122214
Don't you worry.
681
01:10:16,185.5112214 --> 01:10:34,670.4122214
Oh my gosh, she has to, it's, it's Wild to see her in action, but I, I want to believe that with as much pain and grief and things that I have gone through, I truly operate from the space of love and continuous love.
682
01:10:35,660.5122214 --> 01:10:51,920.5112214
ability to provide for people and to continue educating other families and other individuals that were in a place where my family was 15, 20 years ago, where we didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, or we really thought that we were done with opportunities.
683
01:10:52,530.5112214 --> 01:11:06,175.5112214
I think for me, what gives me that continuous urge is being able to support people and seeing a way out and being able to like, see the light come back up in their eyes and seeing like, Oh, we can actually handle this.
684
01:11:06,185.5112214 --> 01:11:07,945.5112214
Like we can actually find a way out.
685
01:11:08,545.5112214 --> 01:11:11,155.5112214
I think that's my mission as a human being.
686
01:11:11,155.5112214 --> 01:11:13,825.5102214
I was put on earth to do exactly what I'm doing.
687
01:11:13,825.5112214 --> 01:11:17,105.5112214
I mean, it's confirmed time and time again.
688
01:11:17,955.5102214 --> 01:11:22,845.5112214
So I think if I, if I continue doing this for the rest of my life, I'm going to be one happy human.
689
01:11:22,845.6112214 --> 01:11:25,350.4112214
Yes.
690
01:11:25,357.0112214 --> 01:11:27,557.0112214
happy human that you are in my life.
691
01:11:28,217.0112214 --> 01:11:34,927.0112214
How can people get in touch with you? Yes, they can find me through either Instagram, LinkedIn.
692
01:11:34,947.0112214 --> 01:11:36,517.0102214
We also have our website.
693
01:11:36,617.0112214 --> 01:11:37,807.0112214
And also through email.
694
01:11:37,897.0112214 --> 01:11:39,487.0112214
I think that's the best method of contact.
695
01:11:40,303.5112214 --> 01:11:40,673.5112214
Awesome.
696
01:11:40,693.5112214 --> 01:11:45,543.5112214
I will throw of Carla's projects in the show notes.
697
01:11:45,563.5112214 --> 01:11:47,583.5112214
And thank you so much for being here.
698
01:11:47,593.5112214 --> 01:11:50,433.5112214
If we have covered so much, you will be back.
699
01:12:03,723.5102214 --> 01:12:04,533.5102214
Thanks for listening.
700
01:12:04,713.5102214 --> 01:12:11,103.5102214
If you enjoyed this episode, please remember to like and subscribe, and if you know someone who might find value in what you've heard, please share.