Breaking Barriers and Sowing Seeds of Change: A Conversation About Surrogacy

In this episode of Soma Says, Dr. Soma welcomes Eloise Drane, the founder and CEO of Family Inceptions, the first Black woman-owned surrogacy and egg donation agency in the U.S. With extensive personal experience as both an egg donor and gestational surrogate, Eloise shares her inspiring journey and discusses the challenges and joys of helping families build their futures. The discussion highlights key topics, including the need for insurance coverage in fertility care, addressing the lack of accessibility and information in reproductive health—especially for women of color—and the importance of patient advocacy. Eloise also takes us through the rigorous screening process for surrogates and the importance of trust and relationships in the surrogacy process. This episode serves as a call for better education in reproductive health and patient advocacy across the healthcare system.

Timeline for Apple Podcasts:

00:00 - Introduction and Disclaimer Dr. Soma sets the stage for the episode, introducing Eloise Drane and the impactful conversation about fertility and surrogacy.

00:52 - Meet Eloise Drane: A Trailblazer in Fertility Learn about Eloise’s background as the founder of Family Inceptions and her groundbreaking work in the surrogacy and egg donation space.

01:49 - Challenges in Fertility Care Access Eloise discusses the ongoing challenges in accessing fertility care, especially for underrepresented communities.

03:04 - Eloise's Journey: From Kidney Donor to Surrogacy Advocate A deep dive into Eloise’s personal experiences as both a kidney and egg donor, and how these shaped her advocacy work in surrogacy.

04:24 - Starting Family Inceptions Eloise shares her motivation behind starting Family Inceptions and the importance of creating an inclusive, supportive environment for families and surrogates.

05:23 - The Evolution of Surrogacy and Egg Donation Explore how the surrogacy and egg donation industries have changed over the years and the role Family Inceptions plays in that transformation.

07:54 - Educating Women on Reproductive Health The conversation highlights the need for greater education on reproductive health and fertility options, especially for women of color.

10:54 - The Importance of Self-Advocacy in Healthcare Eloise emphasizes how critical it is for individuals to advocate for themselves within the healthcare system, particularly in fertility and surrogacy.

12:49 - Addressing Systemic Issues in Fertility Care Eloise addresses the systemic barriers in fertility care, including disparities in care and access to necessary resources for marginalized groups.

20:32 - Eloise's Personal Inspiration and Mission Eloise shares the personal experiences and motivations that drive her passion for changing the fertility landscape.

22:55 - Navigating the Industry as a Person of Color Eloise opens up about her unique experiences navigating the surrogacy industry as a Black woman, highlighting the need for representation.

26:41 - Outdated Medical Training An insightful conversation about how outdated medical training can impact fertility care and how new approaches are needed.

29:19 - Advocating for Yourself Eloise stresses the importance of patient advocacy in every aspect of healthcare, especially in reproductive health.

31:48 - Understanding Surrogacy A detailed explanation of the surrogacy process and what prospective parents and surrogates should know.

37:08 - Surrogacy Screening Process Eloise walks us through the rigorous and essential process of screening surrogates to ensure the safety and well-being of all parties involved.

44:08 - Educational Events and Resources Learn about the educational events and resources available through Family Inceptions to empower and educate prospective parents and surrogates.

46:38 - Final Thoughts and Contact Information Eloise offers her final thoughts on the future of surrogacy and fertility care, sharing how listeners can connect with Family Inceptions and get involved.

Connect with Eloise Drane: Website: https://familyinceptions.com/ Instagram: @familyinceptions Facebook: Family Inceptions

Connect with Dr. Soma Mandal (Host): Website: @drsomamandalmd Facebook: Dr. Soma Mandal Twitter: @SomaMd1 YouTube: Soma Says Podcast

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hi, this is Dr.
Soma.
Just a disclaimer, this podcast is for informational purposes only and isn't intended as medical advice.
Always consult with your doctor before making any changes to your diet, exercise, or health regimen.
Let's go to the show.

(00:55):
Welcome to Soma Says Today we're honored to have a trailblazer in the fertility and reproductive health space.
Eloise Drain is the founder and CEO of Family Inceptions, the first black woman-owned surrogacy and egg donation agency in the us.
Since 2008, she's been transforming the family building journey with compassion and innovation.

(01:20):
A six time egg donor and three time gestational surrogate herself.
Loise combines personal experience with professional expertise.
She also hosts the Fertility Cafe Podcast and created surrogacy roadmap and online course for independent.
Surrogacy Journeys.
Eloise, welcome to the show. 14 00:01:49,236.687 --> 00:01:56,326.687 So I think first and foremost we need to do a better job in giving people, in, giving everybody access through insurance. 15 00:01:56,826.687 --> 00:02:05,236.687 There's probably, I think at this point, maybe 16 states in which fertility care is mandated through insurance. 16 00:02:05,446.687 --> 00:02:07,216.687 The majority of states do not. 17 00:02:07,216.687 --> 00:02:27,911.857 So if you are having any kind of issues, then you have to come out of pocket unfortunately, it all depends on what part of the country you're at, what your demographics look like, what the color of your skin is, which is absolutely ridiculous because we call ourselves the country of the free, but it really isn't free. 18 00:02:29,147.027 --> 00:02:32,207.027 Thank you so much for joining me today on my podcast. 19 00:02:32,387.027 --> 00:02:33,617.027 Yes, thank you for having me. 20 00:02:34,17.027 --> 00:02:45,332.027 Your story is a very powerful one as someone who started family inceptions, and then the background behind that in terms of being an egg donor. 21 00:02:45,797.027 --> 00:03:03,237.027 Anna a surrogate, and I wanted to share your story with our listeners as to what inspired you to become a donor and a surrogate in the past and how you Built Family Inceptions and then going forward as to how you obviously help people. 22 00:03:03,777.027 --> 00:03:04,407.027 Sure. 23 00:03:04,557.027 --> 00:03:08,757.027 Long story short I actually was a kidney donor first. 24 00:03:09,372.027 --> 00:03:18,372.027 And after I was a kidney donor, the cousin that I gave a kidney to lived in California, went, visited him, saw an ad for egg donation. 25 00:03:18,562.027 --> 00:03:20,62.027 Thought it was fascinating. 26 00:03:20,402.027 --> 00:03:26,552.027 A year later reached out to the agency and was like, Hey, I would be interested in being a donor. 27 00:03:26,582.027 --> 00:03:30,62.027 And they told me that black women didn't have fertility issues. 28 00:03:30,817.027 --> 00:03:31,107.027 Okay. 29 00:03:32,567.027 --> 00:03:35,297.027 Now this is in 1999. 30 00:03:35,357.027 --> 00:03:35,777.027 Okay. 31 00:03:35,967.027 --> 00:03:36,837.027 Clearly, Dr. 32 00:03:36,837.027 --> 00:03:37,857.027 Google isn't what Dr. 33 00:03:37,857.027 --> 00:03:40,317.027 Google is today, right? I'm like, oh, okay. 34 00:03:40,367.027 --> 00:03:42,677.027 There's anybody that ever reaches out, let me know. 35 00:03:42,677.027 --> 00:03:45,497.027 So they contacted me about 10 months later. 36 00:03:45,657.027 --> 00:03:48,827.027 Told me there was a family that wanted to work with me. 37 00:03:49,47.027 --> 00:03:53,37.027 And I ended up doing my first donation and it was actually a horrible experience. 38 00:03:53,97.027 --> 00:03:53,457.027 Okay. 39 00:03:53,737.027 --> 00:03:57,847.027 And so I just assumed I wasn't going to do it anymore. 40 00:03:57,847.027 --> 00:04:05,127.027 But, God had other plans and so fast forward a couple years later, I decided to go on a website that had. 41 00:04:05,362.027 --> 00:04:07,462.027 It was more of a classified ad website. 42 00:04:07,462.027 --> 00:04:15,692.027 And so put my information on and then within a couple of hours I had so many emails from black women that were looking for black donors. 43 00:04:15,782.027 --> 00:04:20,52.027 And so I got to choose whom I, donated to. 44 00:04:20,52.027 --> 00:04:23,982.027 And I ended up do donating a total of six times twice for the same family. 45 00:04:24,12.027 --> 00:04:28,92.027 And after that experience, I in 2005 was like, I really feel like. 46 00:04:28,942.027 --> 00:04:36,672.027 I need to start an agency because there was none that really specialized in working with black women. 47 00:04:36,732.027 --> 00:04:38,142.027 And but then I found out that I was. 48 00:04:38,532.027 --> 00:04:40,182.027 Pregnant with my youngest son. 49 00:04:40,212.027 --> 00:04:41,892.027 I was already working a full-time job. 50 00:04:41,892.027 --> 00:04:48,742.027 I was trying to finish my MBA I already had three kids married, like all the things, and I was like maybe right now is not a good time to start a business. 51 00:04:49,72.027 --> 00:04:53,642.027 But I decided then to start working for an a surrogacy agency. 52 00:04:53,672.027 --> 00:04:55,22.027 Learned about surrogacy. 53 00:04:55,387.027 --> 00:04:56,827.027 Was fascinated with that. 54 00:04:56,917.027 --> 00:04:58,567.027 I was like, oh, I'm still going to do this. 55 00:04:58,847.027 --> 00:05:02,77.027 And then ended up being a surrogate for three different families. 56 00:05:02,157.027 --> 00:05:08,597.027 And and then my first couple that I carried for actually encouraged me to start my agency. 57 00:05:08,657.027 --> 00:05:11,297.027 And so unbeknownst to me at the time. 58 00:05:11,597.027 --> 00:05:20,357.027 But I started the first agency in the state of Georgia, and then I also ended up being the first black-owned surrogacy and egg donation agency in the country of its kind. 59 00:05:20,857.027 --> 00:05:23,287.027 And that's an incredible accomplishment. 60 00:05:23,687.027 --> 00:05:33,207.027 And so what inspired you to break that barrier, and how do you feel that things have changed since then? So we are talking a span of 20 years. 61 00:05:33,207.027 --> 00:05:37,137.027 So in that 20 year span what have you seen that. 62 00:05:37,972.027 --> 00:05:39,442.027 Can still improve. 63 00:05:39,682.027 --> 00:05:48,82.027 And what do you think has improved since then? So I started the agency because there was definitely a lack and there was definitely a need. 64 00:05:48,182.027 --> 00:05:48,302.027 I. 65 00:05:48,302.027 --> 00:05:54,317.027 When I decided to start the agency in 2008, again, now it was surrogacy and egg donation. 66 00:05:54,627.027 --> 00:05:56,637.027 There was nothing in the state of Georgia. 67 00:05:56,637.027 --> 00:06:03,547.027 And when I decided that I even wanted to become a surrogate I applied to different agencies outside of the state and I. 68 00:06:03,832.027 --> 00:06:07,162.027 No one even called me back, let alone, picked me up. 69 00:06:07,162.027 --> 00:06:10,942.027 So I had to go and find my own parents again, even on the surrogacy side. 70 00:06:11,332.027 --> 00:06:24,562.027 So I really wanted to provide families with opportunities to be able to, help them find candidates, whether it be a donor or a surrogate and also be able to help manage that entire process. 71 00:06:25,112.027 --> 00:06:30,872.027 Again, it didn't, I didn't know that I would've been the first black owned agency at the time. 72 00:06:31,272.027 --> 00:06:38,82.027 There were other black owned agencies, but they were either doing just surrogacy or just egg donation. 73 00:06:38,82.027 --> 00:06:39,762.027 There was nobody that was doing both. 74 00:06:40,242.027 --> 00:06:41,772.027 And over the years. 75 00:06:42,482.027 --> 00:06:44,642.027 Yes, things have definitely gotten better. 76 00:06:44,792.027 --> 00:06:51,202.027 I think, a lot more people understand surrogacy, they understand even egg donation. 77 00:06:51,422.027 --> 00:06:53,72.027 It's becoming more mainstream. 78 00:06:53,72.027 --> 00:06:54,902.027 It's becoming more spoken about. 79 00:06:54,902.027 --> 00:06:56,822.027 People are not shying away from it. 80 00:06:56,822.027 --> 00:06:57,572.027 When I first started, I. 81 00:06:58,227.027 --> 00:07:05,397.027 The mothers who were wanting to work with a surrogate used to walk around with a fake belly because they didn't want anybody to know that they were pregnant. 82 00:07:05,397.027 --> 00:07:06,747.027 They were working with a surrogate. 83 00:07:07,47.027 --> 00:07:10,767.027 So things have drastically changed in that sense. 84 00:07:11,7.027 --> 00:07:15,617.027 However, on the flip side it, this is an unregulated industry. 85 00:07:15,827.027 --> 00:07:35,477.027 They, the, yes, the fertility care as far as the FDA is regulated, but the, the industry as a whole, whether it's an agency, whether it's a a sperm bank, a donor bank, whatever the case might be, it truly is still unregulated. 86 00:07:35,817.027 --> 00:07:38,787.027 And that leaves unfortunately for I. 87 00:07:39,417.027 --> 00:07:41,697.027 Some not some great guys coming into play. 88 00:07:41,977.027 --> 00:07:44,47.027 There are some amazing agencies. 89 00:07:44,47.027 --> 00:07:49,507.027 There are some amazing professionals in the space, but like anything, there's good and there's bad. 90 00:07:49,717.027 --> 00:07:49,807.027 Yeah. 91 00:07:50,147.027 --> 00:07:53,807.027 And I hope that the good will outweigh the bad. 92 00:07:54,992.027 --> 00:08:02,442.027 Of course, I as an internist and I have many women patients I, I brand myself as a women's health specialist. 93 00:08:02,772.027 --> 00:08:09,12.027 I, I see women from the ages of 16 to 103. 94 00:08:09,12.027 --> 00:08:09,42.027 I. 95 00:08:09,542.027 --> 00:08:24,752.027 My oldest patient and for my patients who are interested in starting a family, a lot of it, there, there's a lot of education that goes into play and I'm still surprised as to. 96 00:08:25,237.027 --> 00:08:31,537.027 How much lack of information that women have, especially women of color. 97 00:08:32,77.027 --> 00:08:43,982.027 And so there are oftentimes where I have to share my own stories or other stories that I know of to give examples to women as to what their options are. 98 00:08:45,262.027 --> 00:08:49,152.027 Where they can go how they can educate themselves. 99 00:08:49,542.027 --> 00:09:04,532.027 How do you do that for your patients and do you find that, especially for women of color, that there is a lack of information when it comes to conception and IVF and surrogacy and all of it. 100 00:09:05,32.027 --> 00:09:11,942.027 I think that there's a lack of information, not just for women of color, but for, to your point, women in general. 101 00:09:12,162.027 --> 00:09:14,712.027 But really to society in general. 102 00:09:14,922.027 --> 00:09:19,162.027 Because, when we were attending school, we were taught about sex education. 103 00:09:19,162.027 --> 00:09:21,172.027 We weren't taught about reproductive health. 104 00:09:21,222.027 --> 00:09:24,162.027 We weren't taught about the things that you need to look for. 105 00:09:24,282.027 --> 00:09:40,892.027 We weren't taught that at 11, 12 years old, when you get your menstrual cycle and if it's so bad that you can't go to school or you are vomiting or you are in such pain that you can't really move for a week while you have your menstrual cycle, that is a problem and you should probably go and get looked at. 106 00:09:41,192.027 --> 00:09:47,522.027 We're not taught any of those things to really be able to educate us so that once we are ready to have a family. 107 00:09:47,997.027 --> 00:09:53,7.027 If that's what we decide to do, that we are prepared and armed with that information. 108 00:09:53,217.027 --> 00:10:02,127.027 And then it is even worse for the Bipoc community because we are already, there is already a lack of information that we get. 109 00:10:02,427.027 --> 00:10:07,567.027 There's a lack of information, there's a lack of access, there's a lack of financial resources. 110 00:10:07,627.027 --> 00:10:14,197.027 And so it, it already is compounding on top of all of the other issues that we already have to deal with. 111 00:10:14,527.027 --> 00:10:15,817.027 So one of the things that. 112 00:10:16,832.027 --> 00:10:20,882.027 I take on as I feel as a responsibility. 113 00:10:20,882.027 --> 00:10:25,832.027 When I raised my hand and said I wanted to be into this space is educating people. 114 00:10:25,832.027 --> 00:10:33,42.027 And that's why we created a podcast that we're going into episode 130 at this point called Fertility Cafe. 115 00:10:33,72.027 --> 00:10:39,912.027 And it really is about educating the masses on not just fertility care, but reproductive health. 116 00:10:39,987.027 --> 00:10:42,957.027 Things that they need to be aware of, questions they need to be asking. 117 00:10:43,107.027 --> 00:10:54,342.027 And just because you go to a doctor and the doctor tells you it's, this is it though, you have to question what the doctor is telling you because I know you're a physician a, an internist, but. 118 00:10:54,882.027 --> 00:10:56,112.027 You're still human being. 119 00:10:56,232.027 --> 00:10:56,412.027 Yes. 120 00:10:56,452.027 --> 00:11:04,342.027 So at the end of the day, you as the person who, this is your body, this is how you know how it works better than anybody else. 121 00:11:04,612.027 --> 00:11:08,212.027 The your doctor is only going off of the information that you're feeding them. 122 00:11:08,362.027 --> 00:11:10,972.027 They don't know every single thing. 123 00:11:11,182.027 --> 00:11:18,922.027 And so it has to be where we become advocates for our own care, for our own health, and not just for our own. 124 00:11:19,112.027 --> 00:11:30,152.027 Our care, but for the care for our children, our grandchildren, and even those around us, because if we don't change the narrative now, we're still going to be having these same conversations 20 years from now. 125 00:11:30,862.027 --> 00:11:32,92.027 You're absolutely right. 126 00:11:32,152.027 --> 00:11:40,172.027 And as, as someone who has had kids and been pregnant and obviously I'm a woman first before becoming a doctor. 127 00:11:40,502.027 --> 00:11:46,142.027 There have been times when I have questioned what my doctors have said to me. 128 00:11:46,472.027 --> 00:11:54,932.027 And thankfully I've had that education to know exactly when I feel something isn't right, when to question it. 129 00:11:55,162.027 --> 00:11:56,962.027 What resources to go to. 130 00:11:57,332.027 --> 00:12:03,722.027 To find others that may be able to help me, but that's not available for or everyone. 131 00:12:03,992.027 --> 00:12:07,632.027 So I try to provide that for my own patients. 132 00:12:07,852.027 --> 00:12:10,222.027 But obviously you can only do so much. 133 00:12:10,222.027 --> 00:12:12,562.027 You're not seeing them every day. 134 00:12:12,677.027 --> 00:12:14,267.027 But you'd be surprised. 135 00:12:14,267.027 --> 00:12:16,127.027 I know, actually, you know what, I take that back. 136 00:12:16,277.027 --> 00:12:16,637.027 I know. 137 00:12:16,637.027 --> 00:12:17,867.027 You wouldn't be surprised. 138 00:12:17,867.027 --> 00:12:17,897.027 Okay. 139 00:12:18,77.027 --> 00:12:31,207.027 Because I'm sure you have seen so many different circumstances, so as someone who's in this space who works with women and families, obviously day in and day out from your. 140 00:12:31,642.027 --> 00:12:50,222.027 Vantage point what changes need to be made for better patient advocacy and experience in third party re reproduction? So I think first and foremost we need to do a better job in giving people, in, giving everybody access through insurance. 141 00:12:50,722.027 --> 00:12:59,132.027 There's probably, I think at this point, maybe 16 states in which fertility care is mandated through insurance. 142 00:12:59,342.027 --> 00:13:01,112.027 The majority of states do not. 143 00:13:01,112.027 --> 00:13:07,962.027 So if you are having any kind of issues, then you have to come out of pocket. 144 00:13:07,992.027 --> 00:13:09,912.027 So that's the first thing that needs to happen. 145 00:13:10,917.027 --> 00:13:22,287.027 And quite frankly, the other thing that needs to happen is the quality of care, because let's be real, the quality of care in this country has diminished drastically. 146 00:13:22,917.027 --> 00:13:28,527.027 So before we can even go into anything else, those two pieces right there and. 147 00:13:28,867.027 --> 00:13:38,507.027 And I think too, one thing that I also want to put point out is when people think about fertility care, they almost always assume that it's about, oh, because they wanna have a baby. 148 00:13:38,597.027 --> 00:13:41,147.027 This is so much more than wanting to have a baby. 149 00:13:41,387.027 --> 00:13:43,7.027 I had someone on my podcast, I. 150 00:13:43,552.027 --> 00:14:03,752.027 Who since she was 11 years old actually ended up having endometriosis so severely that she had to have it removed in her twenties, and it attached so bad that it also attached to her pancreas and they also had to remove that had nothing to do with her having a pregnancy. 151 00:14:03,782.027 --> 00:14:09,662.027 It had to do with her overall health and wellbeing and just being able to live a normal life. 152 00:14:10,487.027 --> 00:14:14,27.027 And so the first thing is really insurance. 153 00:14:14,27.027 --> 00:14:18,857.027 The second thing is being able to give everybody the same type of access that's needed. 154 00:14:19,217.027 --> 00:14:32,187.027 And unfortunately, it all depends on what part of the country you're at, what your demographics look like, what the color of your skin is, which is absolutely ridiculous because we call ourselves the country of the free, but it really isn't free. 155 00:14:32,187.027 --> 00:14:35,127.027 It's free for the few and those that's not even free. 156 00:14:35,637.027 --> 00:14:41,967.027 And I think then the other thing is that we also have our own responsibility to go and look out for information. 157 00:14:42,87.027 --> 00:14:47,817.027 There is no reason anymore that someone can't obtain the information that they need. 158 00:14:48,317.027 --> 00:14:52,982.027 Now yes, if you are a much older generation and you didn't grow up with the internet and. 159 00:14:53,62.027 --> 00:14:54,592.027 Doing research and all of that. 160 00:14:54,592.027 --> 00:15:06,652.027 I understand, but you're probably most likely not in that age demographic that's looking to be able to have a child or be able to continue on with reproducing and needing third party reproduction services. 161 00:15:06,652.027 --> 00:15:06,712.027 I. 162 00:15:07,397.027 --> 00:15:17,27.027 If you are, we have at our disposal more than any other time in history, the access to information. 163 00:15:17,267.027 --> 00:15:26,987.027 There's Google, there's ai, there's Chat, GBT, there's all these other things that we now have access to, so it is also our responsibility. 164 00:15:27,332.027 --> 00:15:29,192.027 To go and do the research. 165 00:15:29,492.027 --> 00:15:38,142.027 And there's so many now organizations that's in this space that are trying to get to people, to educate them especially for. 166 00:15:38,997.027 --> 00:15:43,47.027 Women of color, there's organizations called Fertility for Color Girls. 167 00:15:43,47.027 --> 00:15:45,867.027 There's broken brown egg, there's a white dress project. 168 00:15:46,167.027 --> 00:15:47,497.027 There's resolve. 169 00:15:47,497.027 --> 00:15:51,877.027 There is I mean there's so many different organizations now. 170 00:15:52,167.027 --> 00:15:55,137.027 You can go on Instagram, look up different fertility. 171 00:15:55,137.027 --> 00:16:03,77.027 There's different groups that were created by women who've gone through this and are willing to share their experience. 172 00:16:03,357.027 --> 00:16:10,197.027 Access is now there as far as resources to be able to find out who can help you. 173 00:16:10,467.027 --> 00:16:19,77.027 The what as a society we need to work on is being able to help people afford to be able to get that, those resources. 174 00:16:20,157.027 --> 00:16:28,797.027 And does that vary at this point state by state, or is it at a federal level? How does that work? It's all state by state. 175 00:16:28,797.027 --> 00:16:38,437.027 It is not at a federal level, even though the current administration talked about providing IVF to everyone that still has not, nothing has come out of that. 176 00:16:38,497.027 --> 00:16:41,497.027 We are now mid-year of 2025. 177 00:16:41,717.027 --> 00:16:46,842.027 We still have no information on that right now, and we don't know where that stands. 178 00:16:47,72.027 --> 00:17:00,182.027 Unfortunately though IVF or not just IVF again, fertility care, being able to get tested, being able to be seen by a reproductive endocrinologist for many is unobtainable. 179 00:17:00,422.027 --> 00:17:08,222.027 The great thing though, is that for some, you can actually start at your OB GYN office and go to your OB, GYN. 180 00:17:08,407.027 --> 00:17:11,407.027 And ask them to run some tests and do some screenings. 181 00:17:11,557.027 --> 00:17:14,557.027 And it shouldn't just be because you're trying to get pregnant. 182 00:17:14,647.027 --> 00:17:18,847.027 It should be way ahead of time of you asking those questions. 183 00:17:18,847.027 --> 00:17:29,117.027 Hey what is my a MH? What is my anti malarian hormone level? Just so I have a baseline at 22 of where I'm starting, because if my levels are below. 184 00:17:29,392.027 --> 00:17:30,622.027 2.0, 185 00:17:30,682.027 --> 00:17:32,842.027 which is the levels that they're looking at. 186 00:17:32,902.027 --> 00:17:35,812.027 Maybe I need to start thinking about why that is. 187 00:17:35,812.027 --> 00:17:53,282.027 Why am I so low at this age? Is it my birth control? Is there another medical issue? Is there a concern that I need to have? So we need to be, again, proactive about our own health and be able to start advocating for our health. 188 00:17:54,592.027 --> 00:18:08,302.027 I don't think though that medicine as it is, and I'm not talking about all doctors and practitioners across the country, I'm sure that there are many who practice differently. 189 00:18:08,302.027 --> 00:18:14,452.027 But in general, my experience with my own patients is that when they. 190 00:18:14,667.027 --> 00:18:21,447.027 Do ask those kind of questions about checking their a MH, having a pelvic ultrasound. 191 00:18:22,57.027 --> 00:18:31,322.027 It's not necessarily met with enthusiasm if they're not actively trying to have a, a pregnancy at that point. 192 00:18:32,827.027 --> 00:18:32,917.027 Yes. 193 00:18:32,917.027 --> 00:18:35,377.027 And that's where advocacy for yourself comes in. 194 00:18:35,947.027 --> 00:18:36,187.027 Yes. 195 00:18:36,187.027 --> 00:18:38,167.027 You don't have to stay with that doctor. 196 00:18:38,477.027 --> 00:18:52,157.027 Yeah, you can move on to the another one, and if that doctor doesn't answer your questions and can't assist you, then move on to another one because at the end of the day, you are the one who's going to have to live with you, not them. 197 00:18:53,147.027 --> 00:19:01,757.027 And if you have a problem in the, that woman that I was telling you about, it took them 18 years to find out that she had endometriosis. 198 00:19:01,807.027 --> 00:19:09,7.027 And by the time they found out she had endometriosis, it was so far gone that it actually caused her to be infertile. 199 00:19:09,107.027 --> 00:19:12,737.027 It had caused her to have major surgery that also removed her pancreas. 200 00:19:12,737.027 --> 00:19:12,797.027 Yeah. 201 00:19:14,702.027 --> 00:19:23,122.027 Yeah I, share these kind of stories with patients and sometimes it's heartbreaking yeah, because they didn't get the care earlier on. 202 00:19:23,122.027 --> 00:19:29,772.027 And as women families are having children later and sometimes that. 203 00:19:29,847.027 --> 00:19:33,147.027 It obviously takes a priority. 204 00:19:33,377.027 --> 00:19:43,637.027 And so the advanced maternal age, these kind of underlying health issues that may not have been addressed and boom, suddenly you're not able to get pregnant. 205 00:19:44,27.027 --> 00:19:49,242.027 So it can be def devastating and heartbreaking as well. 206 00:19:49,542.027 --> 00:19:53,992.027 As someone who's been an egg donor has been a surrogate. 207 00:19:54,292.027 --> 00:19:55,492.027 Many times. 208 00:19:56,212.027 --> 00:20:07,217.027 How have those individual roles shaped your perspective? And I'm curious because I'm always fascinated what drives people. 209 00:20:07,267.027 --> 00:20:09,577.027 What was the experience? What was. 210 00:20:10,252.027 --> 00:20:28,42.027 The inspiration for me, it was dealing with health issues in my own family as a child and seeing that, and that's what inspired me to become a doctor and I hold onto that and I think that's what shapes who I am. 211 00:20:28,42.027 --> 00:20:28,492.027 Even. 212 00:20:28,822.027 --> 00:20:35,627.027 What was it for you that led you into this field? So as I started I was a kidney donor. 213 00:20:36,107.027 --> 00:20:36,227.027 Yes. 214 00:20:36,227.027 --> 00:20:40,977.027 Unfortunately, six weeks after I gave my cousin a kidney he passed away. 215 00:20:41,157.027 --> 00:20:41,337.027 Okay. 216 00:20:41,827.027 --> 00:20:49,77.027 Prior to him passing away the week that we were in the hospital together, he obviously recovered faster than I did. 217 00:20:49,317.027 --> 00:20:58,597.027 He came into my room and he was holding my hand and he was like, you know what? I got to pee for the first time, like a man. 218 00:21:00,187.027 --> 00:21:09,897.027 In so long and that small little thing that people take for granted, right? And we're saying, granted, it's a part of, what we need to do. 219 00:21:09,897.027 --> 00:21:23,367.027 But that small little thing gave me such a profound impact because not that day, but further on down the line, I realized how one human being. 220 00:21:23,907.027 --> 00:21:27,747.027 Can have an impact and a change in somebody's life. 221 00:21:27,927.027 --> 00:21:29,577.027 And that was my trajectory. 222 00:21:30,147.027 --> 00:21:35,997.027 Now, did I set out to, start an agency and all of this? Absolutely not. 223 00:21:36,367.027 --> 00:21:40,247.027 They always say that you make plans and God lasts well. 224 00:21:40,297.027 --> 00:21:43,147.027 It, this just was my calling. 225 00:21:43,147.027 --> 00:21:45,427.027 This is what I am supposed to do. 226 00:21:45,697.027 --> 00:21:48,457.027 I do not look at this as a job. 227 00:21:48,667.027 --> 00:21:55,957.027 I look at this as a, an opportunity to be able to serve people because I have enough. 228 00:21:56,522.027 --> 00:22:06,902.027 Information now that I've gathered over all of these years, I've been in this industry now for 24 years, and I have seen so much. 229 00:22:07,172.027 --> 00:22:09,212.027 I have spoken to so many people. 230 00:22:09,212.027 --> 00:22:12,572.027 I have helped so many people and I have so many stories. 231 00:22:12,842.027 --> 00:22:21,252.027 And being able to say and speak to somebody and say, oh, you know what? That sounds so and you should consider the A, B, C, or whatever. 232 00:22:22,142.027 --> 00:22:30,392.027 And to be able to have that ability is something that I look at it, it is a huge responsibility to have. 233 00:22:30,722.027 --> 00:22:37,502.027 But it's a responsibility that I absolutely love to do because it is what I was created to do. 234 00:22:38,2.027 --> 00:22:42,162.027 That's, that's how I feel about what I do on a daily basis. 235 00:22:42,162.027 --> 00:22:50,372.027 And as there, there are challenges that we meet, of course, across the way when you question, why did I, why the hell did I do this? Oh yeah, all done. 236 00:22:50,632.027 --> 00:22:51,52.027 All done. 237 00:22:51,607.027 --> 00:22:54,767.027 And then you get a phone call and it's ah, okay. 238 00:22:54,767.027 --> 00:22:55,757.027 I remember now. 239 00:22:55,947.027 --> 00:23:07,767.027 Within those experiences, you've spoken in the past about feeling both visible and invisible as the only person of color in clinics. 240 00:23:07,837.027 --> 00:23:23,587.027 And how does, did that shape your mission and your values as a person of color? Who has been in this space? How did that shape you? Again, when I first got into this industry professionally it was in 2008. 241 00:23:24,97.027 --> 00:23:29,917.027 And the industry clearly has drastically changed over all of these years. 242 00:23:29,917.027 --> 00:23:34,37.027 But when we, when I first started I would go into conferences. 243 00:23:34,427.027 --> 00:23:38,87.027 And there could be two, 300 people at that conference. 244 00:23:38,337.027 --> 00:23:52,17.027 I've been to conferences where there was probably thousands of people in the conference and look around and just be the only person of color, and it used to be where I felt very. 245 00:23:53,802.027 --> 00:23:55,272.027 Again, unseen. 246 00:23:55,632.027 --> 00:24:13,182.027 But seen at the same time, because you clearly, you're standing out so people are looking at you and probably, although no one had ever said anything, but probably wondering what is she doing here and who is she and what is, but one thing about me is I am very comfortable in my own skin and I am. 247 00:24:14,262.027 --> 00:24:18,802.027 I am not known to be shy to speak my voice and to speak up. 248 00:24:20,62.027 --> 00:24:36,562.027 And so I just made it where any place that I went as uncomfortable, I was actually feeling I made it so that I would get myself out of my own comfort zone for them to know you need to do better society, industry. 249 00:24:36,592.027 --> 00:24:37,227.027 You need to do better. 250 00:24:37,477.027 --> 00:24:39,667.027 There needs to be more people. 251 00:24:40,297.027 --> 00:24:46,927.027 Of color in these spaces because if you're talking about treating them, then you need to understand who they are. 252 00:24:47,77.027 --> 00:24:54,127.027 There is no way for you to understand who they are unless you are around them, unless you know them, unless you are some of them. 253 00:24:54,657.027 --> 00:25:07,447.027 And I'm so happy, that a lot of it has drastically changed and then there's many, not as many of course as others, but there are many reproductive endocrinologists that are people of color. 254 00:25:07,637.027 --> 00:25:11,57.027 There's people, other people in the industry that are people of color. 255 00:25:11,327.027 --> 00:25:14,657.027 But I do still feel though that there is. 256 00:25:15,207.027 --> 00:25:31,437.027 A lack, if you will, in some arenas of people still not understanding the full magnitude of how you approach one population is not always the same way you can approach the next population. 257 00:25:31,707.027 --> 00:25:42,447.027 And so you have to be able to be willing to learn and grow and see from different perspectives in order for you to be able to connect with that other person. 258 00:25:44,112.027 --> 00:25:56,222.027 Where does that begin though? Because, I can share with you that I trained and worked for still now the majority of my life even though I live and work in New Jersey now in New York City. 259 00:25:56,492.027 --> 00:26:08,72.027 And so that experience, obviously, I worked with a broad spectrum of people for of different cultures and ethos and religions and beliefs. 260 00:26:08,912.027 --> 00:26:28,322.027 And I'm so grateful for it because it, it gave me a little slice of so many different things and I still hold, and I'm still aware, okay, when you approach this person of this background, this is the way you talk to them about, whatever condition it is. 261 00:26:29,57.027 --> 00:26:41,907.027 Where does that begin with something like this that you were mentioning where does that start? Does that start in school? Does it start, when you're training? Where do you think that would be ideal? Oh, God. 262 00:26:41,907.027 --> 00:26:43,317.027 This has to start in training. 263 00:26:44,637.027 --> 00:26:56,572.027 This has to start in training and even in the training, there needs to be better training because we're being taught off of these books that are not up to date. 264 00:26:57,72.027 --> 00:27:03,672.027 They're still going off of information that was pulled off of studies from men for women. 265 00:27:04,737.027 --> 00:27:12,687.027 Because women were not part of any studies or whatever until what, the 1950s, 1960s, if not later than that. 266 00:27:13,47.027 --> 00:27:14,97.027 No, it was later. 267 00:27:14,97.027 --> 00:27:14,367.027 Exactly. 268 00:27:15,447.027 --> 00:27:15,867.027 Much later. 269 00:27:15,917.027 --> 00:27:20,397.027 And those are the education that is still being taught in some medical schools. 270 00:27:20,667.027 --> 00:27:20,787.027 Yeah. 271 00:27:20,787.027 --> 00:27:23,127.027 And so it needs to start from training. 272 00:27:23,157.027 --> 00:27:25,347.027 And it's not just training from a book. 273 00:27:25,797.027 --> 00:27:31,47.027 It's training people on how to work with other human beings that are not like them. 274 00:27:31,92.027 --> 00:27:31,122.027 Okay. 275 00:27:31,422.027 --> 00:27:43,892.027 And just because somebody is brown or black or whatever color you wanna have on the outside does not necessarily mean that their color blood is the different color blood. 276 00:27:43,982.027 --> 00:27:45,62.027 It's the same blood. 277 00:27:45,272.027 --> 00:27:46,592.027 We all have to breathe. 278 00:27:46,802.027 --> 00:27:49,572.027 We all have to, survive the same way. 279 00:27:49,572.027 --> 00:27:56,832.027 And we all have the hopes and the dreams and the desires and all of the things just like everybody else, but how our body works. 280 00:27:57,432.027 --> 00:28:00,282.027 Might be different than what your textbook says. 281 00:28:00,462.027 --> 00:28:00,762.027 Yeah. 282 00:28:01,262.027 --> 00:28:06,172.027 Yeah, no, it's a problem not just in medical school and nursing school and what have you. 283 00:28:06,172.027 --> 00:28:10,842.027 I think it's a problem, in elementary schools where the books are still outdated. 284 00:28:11,112.027 --> 00:28:11,352.027 Yes. 285 00:28:11,352.027 --> 00:28:20,992.027 And yeah and we're reading information or, and or looking at pictures that don't necessarily represent many different people. 286 00:28:20,992.027 --> 00:28:23,242.027 No, and and let's look at it. 287 00:28:23,242.027 --> 00:28:34,822.027 Some states that are trying to remove educational books out of the libraries and out of the schools because they don't want those, the history of this country to be taught. 288 00:28:35,192.027 --> 00:28:39,512.027 So it goes back to teach to tell you, we need to be. 289 00:28:39,817.027 --> 00:28:50,137.027 It needs to start really from childhood where we're educating our children up, not just waiting until the educators are educating our children. 290 00:28:50,137.027 --> 00:28:55,987.027 We, as the parents need to start educating our children from the time they're young all the way through. 291 00:28:55,987.027 --> 00:28:56,707.027 So that. 292 00:28:57,77.027 --> 00:29:05,427.027 Again, they're not having to get until their late thirties and saying, I wish somebody told me that I should have tested for, my egg reserve. 293 00:29:05,427.027 --> 00:29:11,557.027 Or I, I kept saying I had problems with my menstrual cycle and I would go to the doctor. 294 00:29:11,557.027 --> 00:29:18,637.027 All they kept telling me is either take Advil or we can put you on birth control, and never actually did any testing to see what the real problems were. 295 00:29:19,177.027 --> 00:29:26,887.027 It's those type of things that I keep always going back to saying we have to advocate for the one for ourselves and for our loved ones. 296 00:29:27,387.027 --> 00:29:36,457.027 You're right and one of the pieces of information that I tell my patients even though I do firmly believe that I do advocate for them. 297 00:29:37,237.027 --> 00:29:41,587.027 I tell them that there's no better advocate than yourself. 298 00:29:41,857.027 --> 00:29:58,517.027 So you, there are times that you may feel devastated, and I'm sharing this because I have been in those positions, it's not just me talking as a doctor, it's talking as a woman and as a patient where you feel devastated with the information that was given to you. 299 00:29:58,787.027 --> 00:29:59,207.027 But that. 300 00:29:59,692.027 --> 00:30:04,882.027 Inner voice, that small inner voice tells you this is not the answer. 301 00:30:05,302.027 --> 00:30:14,393.027 That there is someone out there that can actually help me, and you can either shut that voice down or you can listen to it. 302 00:30:15,122.027 --> 00:30:34,222.027 And you can say, you know what? I know that there's more, and I know that there are people who can help me in that situation, but it's very difficult I think, because when you are feeling that way, it's just easier to say this person, they've gone to medical school and they know much more than I do. 303 00:30:34,442.027 --> 00:30:36,782.027 And I am not meant to. 304 00:30:37,297.027 --> 00:30:38,137.027 Have kids. 305 00:30:38,497.027 --> 00:30:42,497.027 It's very easy to, put yourself in that box. 306 00:30:42,707.027 --> 00:30:50,257.027 So I hope this podcast, helps women and families know that they really have to advocate for themselves. 307 00:30:50,467.027 --> 00:30:53,892.027 There, there is actually a lot of information out there. 308 00:30:54,7.027 --> 00:30:55,507.027 You just have to, to. 309 00:30:56,17.027 --> 00:31:18,397.027 Know how to find it, their databases on who are the best specialists out there for, and I'm just throwing some conditions out there for uterine fibroids, for endometriosis, and where the best specialists in terms of reproductive endocrinologists, in terms of their rates of success with those kind of conditions. 310 00:31:18,592.027 --> 00:31:25,372.027 There are databases available where you can download the spreadsheet and actually look up that information. 311 00:31:25,372.027 --> 00:31:33,292.027 'cause these places have to report their success rates or their failure rates to these databases. 312 00:31:33,292.027 --> 00:31:35,152.027 So they're all out there. 313 00:31:35,272.027 --> 00:31:37,312.027 And so I tell patients, look that up. 314 00:31:37,492.027 --> 00:31:41,302.027 See what you find with your particular condition. 315 00:31:41,542.027 --> 00:31:47,242.027 Who is the best person for you to see? Don't just give up because one or two people said this to you. 316 00:31:47,842.027 --> 00:31:48,142.027 Correct. 317 00:31:48,617.027 --> 00:32:02,187.027 That being said, as I mentioned, there are, we are, as women, as families, we're having kids older and older, and sometimes surrogacy becomes, becomes more realistic. 318 00:32:03,507.027 --> 00:32:14,997.027 When should families, when should a woman start consider considering surrogacy more seriously? So it really depends. 319 00:32:15,57.027 --> 00:32:15,207.027 Okay. 320 00:32:15,207.027 --> 00:32:17,477.027 Because we've had women. 321 00:32:17,867.027 --> 00:32:23,267.027 In their fifties who have been able to carry their own pregnancy without any problems. 322 00:32:23,557.027 --> 00:32:27,67.027 Granted they probably utilized donor eggs. 323 00:32:27,117.027 --> 00:32:34,627.027 Or maybe they had frozen eggs and they were now able to carry those frozen eggs that they've had from, years past. 324 00:32:34,897.027 --> 00:32:43,267.027 So it's not necessarily just because you are in your forties, you can't carry a pregnancy, but you also have to look at your overall medical health. 325 00:32:43,782.027 --> 00:32:59,452.027 And do you have any complications? Do you have diabetes? Do you have hypertension? Do you have have you had cancer? Are taking medications for that? And there's a number of reasons why someone would need to work with a surrogate. 326 00:32:59,452.027 --> 00:33:09,682.027 And I wanna also clarify because a lot of people you hear surrogate and they automatically assume sometimes that the woman is carrying a pregnancy that. 327 00:33:09,852.027 --> 00:33:13,122.027 That is of her genetics, which is not necessarily the case. 328 00:33:13,332.027 --> 00:33:14,832.027 So there's two types of surrogacy. 329 00:33:14,832.027 --> 00:33:18,282.027 There's traditional surrogacy and then there's gestational surrogacy. 330 00:33:18,492.027 --> 00:33:26,472.027 Traditional surrogacy is when the woman is using her genetic material as well as carrying the pregnancy on behalf of someone else. 331 00:33:26,832.027 --> 00:33:27,672.027 Gestational. 332 00:33:27,672.027 --> 00:33:38,392.027 Surrogacy, which is the most common surrogacy that is now being done really across the world is where someone is carrying a pregnancy that has no genetic connection to her whatsoever. 333 00:33:38,392.027 --> 00:33:38,872.027 She. 334 00:33:39,27.027 --> 00:33:44,457.027 Is just carrying that pregnancy to give the child back to his or her parents and for. 335 00:33:45,882.027 --> 00:33:51,952.027 Majority of families that are doing surrogacy, they do have some kind of medical issue. 336 00:33:52,232.027 --> 00:33:56,702.027 And that is why they're looking to work with a gestational surrogate. 337 00:33:56,912.027 --> 00:34:07,142.027 Now, you obviously have to create, be able to create embryos and whether you create embryos because you've used your own genetic material in your partner's genetic material. 338 00:34:07,202.027 --> 00:34:15,932.027 Or you had to use donor eggs or donor sperm or both, or you've had to do embryo donation to be able to also work with a gestational surrogate. 339 00:34:16,172.027 --> 00:34:22,722.027 There's a combination of all options but you really have to figure out what your situation is. 340 00:34:22,902.027 --> 00:34:31,752.027 Can do I need to work with a surrogate because the other thing to note is the surrogacy should not be your first jump to it should be your last resort. 341 00:34:32,292.027 --> 00:34:51,492.027 So it needs to, you need to decide is this something that I can do? And then if not, okay, what do I need to do in order then to be able to start creating my embryos and then to go about finding a gestational surrogate? The good thing with family inceptions is we can help them with all of that information. 342 00:34:51,492.027 --> 00:34:52,982.027 So it's not where somebody. 343 00:34:54,47.027 --> 00:34:55,127.027 Has no idea. 344 00:34:55,127.027 --> 00:34:58,577.027 And we're telling them you go figure it out and then come back to us when you're ready for surrogacy. 345 00:34:58,727.027 --> 00:35:00,707.027 We can guide them through that whole process. 346 00:35:00,887.027 --> 00:35:01,67.027 Okay. 347 00:35:01,397.027 --> 00:35:05,297.027 And the thing about to know also about the cost of surrogacy, it is. 348 00:35:06,842.027 --> 00:35:07,922.027 It's expensive. 349 00:35:08,612.027 --> 00:35:08,672.027 Yeah. 350 00:35:08,802.027 --> 00:35:10,2.027 To do surrogacy. 351 00:35:10,2.027 --> 00:35:21,192.027 Now with embryo creation, especially if you don't have insurance, you are looking at easily about 175,000 to a $200,000 to do surrogacy. 352 00:35:21,342.027 --> 00:35:23,412.027 So it is not for the faint of heart. 353 00:35:23,562.027 --> 00:35:25,602.027 It is very expensive. 354 00:35:25,862.027 --> 00:35:27,272.027 And unfortunately. 355 00:35:27,562.027 --> 00:35:33,352.027 It's, it just seems to be that it's getting more and more expensive as, the days go on. 356 00:35:33,402.027 --> 00:35:37,842.027 It's not something that you can just jump right into. 357 00:35:37,842.027 --> 00:35:39,492.027 This is something you have to process. 358 00:35:39,492.027 --> 00:35:41,592.027 It's something that you have to prepare for. 359 00:35:41,862.027 --> 00:35:49,102.027 And, when you have to get yourself educated about, I talked about, we have Fertility Cafe, which is our educational platform. 360 00:35:49,282.027 --> 00:35:57,752.027 But we're September 27th, we're actually going to be doing an educational event in Atlanta. 361 00:35:58,37.027 --> 00:36:17,127.027 And it's free for anybody who wants to attend that are, going through fertility and reproductive care to be able to come and get educated by doctors, by attorneys, by people who have gone through this to learn about surrogacy, to learn about egg donation, to learn about IVF, to learn about fertility preservation. 362 00:36:17,317.027 --> 00:36:21,572.027 Because again, it's not just, oh, I just wanna have a baby. 363 00:36:23,102.027 --> 00:36:23,342.027 Yeah. 364 00:36:24,842.027 --> 00:36:34,432.027 No that's great that there's stuff out there that you make available to people because it is such a daunting experience one, frankly, that I haven't been through. 365 00:36:34,432.027 --> 00:36:39,52.027 But having seen other people who've gone through it, it is such a scary experience. 366 00:36:39,102.027 --> 00:36:49,452.027 And that brings me back, and you were mentioning that every field there are bad players, that's one thing that people have said to me that they feel scared. 367 00:36:49,482.027 --> 00:36:57,282.027 How do they know they can trust their surrogate and they, and it, there's a level of fear about that and uncertainty. 368 00:36:57,522.027 --> 00:37:08,517.027 So how do you ensure that these kind of experiences are not just empowering for families, but ethical as well? Sure. 369 00:37:08,877.027 --> 00:37:12,957.027 So in order for somebody to become a surrogate, there's a lot of screening. 370 00:37:12,957.027 --> 00:37:15,927.027 There's a lot of testing that needs to actually be done. 371 00:37:16,537.027 --> 00:37:20,497.027 Just because a woman has a uterus, does not qualify her to be a surrogate. 372 00:37:20,917.027 --> 00:37:22,957.027 There has to be psychological screening. 373 00:37:22,957.027 --> 00:37:25,747.027 There's background checks on her as well as her partner. 374 00:37:25,877.027 --> 00:37:29,147.027 The psychological screening is on her as well as her partner. 375 00:37:29,297.027 --> 00:37:32,117.027 There's medical screening with her as well as her partner. 376 00:37:32,237.027 --> 00:37:33,377.027 There's drug screening. 377 00:37:33,377.027 --> 00:37:35,327.027 There's st I screening. 378 00:37:35,327.027 --> 00:37:38,277.027 There is overall health screening. 379 00:37:38,737.027 --> 00:37:45,797.027 There's back there's a home visit that, to make sure again, that she doesn't live in deplorable conditions and all of the things. 380 00:37:45,797.027 --> 00:37:51,647.027 And then there's lifestyle screening and determining why does this person want to be a surrogate? Yes. 381 00:37:51,747.027 --> 00:37:58,317.027 The compensation is a motivating factor, which is totally okay, but it cannot be just your main focus. 382 00:37:58,437.027 --> 00:38:00,837.027 It can't just be your main motivating factor. 383 00:38:01,897.027 --> 00:38:09,877.027 So you have to vet this person very well in order to determine if she is really going to be a good candidate. 384 00:38:09,877.027 --> 00:38:20,997.027 And that's where agencies come around, come about, because that is our job, is to vet this person as thoroughly as possible to ensure that she really is a good candidate. 385 00:38:21,97.027 --> 00:38:23,527.027 I would say for every hundred. 386 00:38:23,762.027 --> 00:38:30,72.027 Applicants that we get maybe 2% actually qualify enough to become surrogate. 387 00:38:30,422.027 --> 00:38:30,712.027 Okay. 388 00:38:30,712.027 --> 00:38:39,747.027 And they really have to go through a stringent process before they, we say, yes, you're qualified to work with the family. 389 00:38:39,867.027 --> 00:38:47,157.027 And then once we qualify them, then they still have to go through the medical screening with the Families Fertility clinic to qualify them. 390 00:38:47,457.027 --> 00:38:55,937.027 And then they have to go through legal contracts and everybody has their own separate attorneys that would represent them to draft a contract amongst each other. 391 00:38:56,207.027 --> 00:38:57,497.027 And for the parents. 392 00:38:57,842.027 --> 00:39:00,542.027 You can't allow this just to be a transaction. 393 00:39:00,692.027 --> 00:39:03,122.027 This woman is carrying your child for you. 394 00:39:03,182.027 --> 00:39:05,492.027 You have to have a relationship with her. 395 00:39:05,792.027 --> 00:39:14,302.027 How are you going to know that? She is, doing what you have asked her to do if you don't have a relationship with her. 396 00:39:14,482.027 --> 00:39:17,942.027 This is not other countries where, women have been. 397 00:39:18,197.027 --> 00:39:24,367.027 Placed in homes for nine months of pregnancy, and then once they deliver, then they can go back home. 398 00:39:24,547.027 --> 00:39:26,797.027 That's not how it works in the us. 399 00:39:27,337.027 --> 00:39:31,207.027 These women have full autonomy, have full control over their bodies. 400 00:39:31,447.027 --> 00:39:43,947.027 They've raised their hand, they've said that they're willing to do this, and it has to be a very selfless person to be able to put your life on hold sometimes up to two years in order to want to do this. 401 00:39:44,97.027 --> 00:39:46,947.027 So this cannot just be about money. 402 00:39:47,337.027 --> 00:39:59,817.027 Because if you break it down for the amount of effort, time, pain, pregnancy, delivery, and all of the things that go along with this process, when you break it down, you're not even making minimum wage. 403 00:40:00,367.027 --> 00:40:00,547.027 Yeah. 404 00:40:00,547.027 --> 00:40:03,737.027 No, I if, someone asked me, I'd be like there's no way. 405 00:40:04,712.027 --> 00:40:05,522.027 There's just. 406 00:40:06,22.027 --> 00:40:08,572.027 Pregnancy is not an easy thing at all. 407 00:40:08,572.027 --> 00:40:09,382.027 No, not at all. 408 00:40:09,442.027 --> 00:40:11,272.027 And for some, yes. 409 00:40:11,332.027 --> 00:40:17,902.027 I luckily I've had a total of seven pregnancies eight babies, 'cause one of them was set of twins. 410 00:40:18,222.027 --> 00:40:21,732.027 I didn't have any problems during my pregnancies. 411 00:40:21,732.027 --> 00:40:23,52.027 I did have easy pregnancies. 412 00:40:23,52.027 --> 00:40:27,432.027 The only one that I actually had any kind of warning sickness with was actually the twins. 413 00:40:27,457.027 --> 00:40:27,747.027 Okay. 414 00:40:27,952.027 --> 00:40:33,892.027 But after I delivered, I ended up having complications with the last one and ended up having to have an emergency hysterectomy. 415 00:40:34,252.027 --> 00:40:34,462.027 Ugh. 416 00:40:35,92.027 --> 00:40:45,62.027 So you don't know what all is going to happen, and unfortunately in this country, maternal health is a significant issue right now. 417 00:40:45,92.027 --> 00:40:45,692.027 Yes. 418 00:40:46,232.027 --> 00:40:52,502.027 So these aren't things that you can take lightly regardless of whether you want to be a surrogate or you are the parent. 419 00:40:52,682.027 --> 00:41:05,402.027 It has, there's equally responsibility on both sides, and ultimately when we think about it, both sides have that responsibility and we all have a responsibility to the child that we're bringing into this world. 420 00:41:06,777.027 --> 00:41:07,17.027 Absolutely. 421 00:41:07,127.027 --> 00:41:07,417.027 Yeah. 422 00:41:08,87.027 --> 00:41:08,807.027 Absolutely. 423 00:41:09,197.027 --> 00:41:33,117.027 For someone who's listening to this and even thinking to themselves, you know what, this is something that I want to, think about going into, especially as a woman of color such as yourself, if you had to guide other women considering leadership in this field, what would you say to them? It really has to be something that you. 424 00:41:34,407.027 --> 00:41:44,717.027 And if, and are you talking about leadership in that they wanna be professionally or to become a parent or a surrogate themselves? Let's cover all three. 425 00:41:45,197.027 --> 00:41:45,647.027 Okay. 426 00:41:45,857.027 --> 00:41:46,37.027 Yeah. 427 00:41:46,307.027 --> 00:41:49,47.027 So if it is professionally just like. 428 00:41:49,812.027 --> 00:41:53,562.027 How long it took you to, finally become a doctor. 429 00:41:53,562.027 --> 00:41:54,702.027 It wasn't something you said. 430 00:41:54,702.027 --> 00:41:58,462.027 I decided I want to be a doctor today, and so I'm a doctor tomorrow. 431 00:41:58,612.027 --> 00:42:06,202.027 It was a long process that you had to go through and many sleepless nights and many things that you had to endure to get there. 432 00:42:06,967.027 --> 00:42:34,667.027 And even as a professional, regardless of what situation or what you choose to do, whether it's on the mental health side, whether it's an agency, whether it's a physician, regardless of what it is, ultimately you have to remember you are serving human beings who have a lot of needs, who have a lot of, who have a lot of things that they are carrying for whatever situation they're in, and as unique as you and I are, is as unique as every single person on this planet is. 433 00:42:35,12.027 --> 00:42:37,802.027 And we all are going to come with different things. 434 00:42:38,222.027 --> 00:42:46,232.027 And some days it's going to be hard, and some days it's going to be amazing, and some days you're gonna wanna quit and some days you're gonna be like, let's go. 435 00:42:46,232.027 --> 00:42:47,912.027 I'm ready to go at it again. 436 00:42:48,212.027 --> 00:42:52,82.027 So it really just depends, but you have to go into it with your whole heart. 437 00:42:52,232.027 --> 00:42:55,922.027 And that's the same thing that I would tell the parents as well as the surrogates. 438 00:42:56,72.027 --> 00:42:57,932.027 This is not something that you just. 439 00:42:58,622.027 --> 00:43:03,552.027 Half step into oh I have the money so I might as well just go ahead and get a surrogate. 440 00:43:03,702.027 --> 00:43:04,812.027 That's not how this works. 441 00:43:04,812.027 --> 00:43:10,752.027 This woman is putting her life on the risk for your child, right? And you need to show her that much respect. 442 00:43:10,752.027 --> 00:43:16,2.027 And you also need to know that she has full autonomy over her body, even though she's carrying in your child. 443 00:43:16,552.027 --> 00:43:24,857.027 And likewise on the surrogate side you really have to be a selfless person to be willing to put your life on hold. 444 00:43:24,857.027 --> 00:43:32,327.027 And sometimes you have to hand your children to someone else to take care of because you are taking care of this other person's child. 445 00:43:32,377.027 --> 00:43:41,887.027 You might be put on bedrest and that bedrest could be in the hospital, so somebody else is gonna have to take care of your children for the next 30 days, 60 days, or whatever the case might be. 446 00:43:42,247.027 --> 00:43:52,317.027 Or you may have complications during that pregnancy that ends up, you end up having a hysterectomy or another complication or another issue. 447 00:43:52,527.027 --> 00:44:06,817.027 It is not for the faint of heart, and this cannot be about, I'm coming in because it's a quick, fast way to make money because it's not, I can assure you Yeah, that is clear to me at least. 448 00:44:07,817.027 --> 00:44:08,117.027 Yeah. 449 00:44:08,117.027 --> 00:44:14,447.027 So what's next? What is next for family inceptions? So we we're excited. 450 00:44:14,447.027 --> 00:44:17,297.027 We are putting, again, these educational events. 451 00:44:17,357.027 --> 00:44:21,287.027 We've been doing our Fertility Cafe podcast for the last five years. 452 00:44:21,357.027 --> 00:44:27,57.027 And now that I don't wanna say COVID is behind us 'cause I don't know if that COVID is ever gonna go away. 453 00:44:27,387.027 --> 00:44:36,907.027 But now that people are getting back and just, getting back into meeting in person we're starting to do events across the country. 454 00:44:37,367.027 --> 00:44:38,747.027 They're educational events. 455 00:44:38,747.027 --> 00:44:50,617.027 They're not the typical conferences where you're bombarded with sales pitches and, hundreds of different, professionals all trying to get you to work with them. 456 00:44:50,647.027 --> 00:45:16,342.027 This is an educational platform where there's a physician talking to you about what is IVF and how does it work, and what are the things you need to look at and what are the things you need to be concerned about? What are the questions you need to be asking when you're considering going to a fertility clinic? Or if you're doing fertility preservation, what does that actually look like? It's not just about I'm gonna freeze my eggs and then there it is until I'm ready to use them. 457 00:45:16,472.027 --> 00:45:19,202.027 Half of the people who do freeze their eggs never use them. 458 00:45:19,362.027 --> 00:45:29,572.027 So there's so much more to think about than just, I wanna freeze my eggs, or, okay, we've been trying, we haven't been able to get pregnant. 459 00:45:29,572.027 --> 00:45:32,212.027 It's been six months, or it's been a year. 460 00:45:32,272.027 --> 00:45:40,352.027 Now what? Now what do we do? It's being able to give people the information that they actually need from actual experts. 461 00:45:40,847.027 --> 00:45:59,897.027 That do this day in and day out instead of just, going to Google and putting in something and getting 15 responses and trying to decipher for yourself is this actually right or is this, something somebody just put out there? So we're excited that Atlanta September 27th is going to be our first event. 462 00:46:00,147.027 --> 00:46:02,97.027 And again, it's free to the general public. 463 00:46:02,992.027 --> 00:46:13,252.027 And then we next year we'll be doing it across the country and have I think it's five different states across the country that we'll be doing okay next year as well. 464 00:46:13,302.027 --> 00:46:14,82.027 We're busy. 465 00:46:14,152.027 --> 00:46:14,842.027 It's great. 466 00:46:14,872.027 --> 00:46:15,262.027 It is. 467 00:46:15,292.027 --> 00:46:18,232.027 It's been wonderful, but it definitely is something where. 468 00:46:18,432.027 --> 00:46:26,722.027 I feel like we as an industry need to do better in taking that baton and saying, okay, you know what? We are in this space. 469 00:46:26,722.027 --> 00:46:33,52.027 We need to start educating the masses on not just fertility care, but reproductive health. 470 00:46:33,222.027 --> 00:46:36,912.027 Especially given all of the things that's going on in this country right now. 471 00:46:37,62.027 --> 00:46:37,302.027 Yeah. 472 00:46:38,137.027 --> 00:46:40,417.027 Eloise, it's such a pleasure to speak with you. 473 00:46:40,417.027 --> 00:46:48,647.027 Your passion comes across so clearly that honestly, I had to do very little to interview you. 474 00:46:50,447.027 --> 00:46:51,197.027 I'm a talker. 475 00:46:51,197.027 --> 00:46:51,827.027 Yes, I'm a talker. 476 00:46:52,757.027 --> 00:46:57,882.027 I had, there's very little that I had to do for this podcast because it's so clear that. 477 00:46:58,717.027 --> 00:47:10,57.027 That you're so passionate about this field and that it, it's obviously not just this field about your love of it and your you're so eager to help people and that's a beautiful thing. 478 00:47:10,57.027 --> 00:47:13,267.027 So thank you so much for joining me today. 479 00:47:13,607.027 --> 00:47:14,657.027 Thank you for having me. 480 00:47:14,657.027 --> 00:47:16,7.027 I really appreciate it. 481 00:47:16,47.027 --> 00:47:27,567.027 And I just hope that for anybody listening, that they really do take to heart how advocating for yourself is just going to be the best thing that they can do. 482 00:47:27,567.027 --> 00:47:35,847.027 And again, not just advocating for yourself and your family that should be the first and foremost, regardless of whether this is in your purview or not. 483 00:47:35,907.027 --> 00:47:36,847.027 Yeah no. 484 00:47:36,847.027 --> 00:47:37,297.027 You're right. 485 00:47:37,347.027 --> 00:47:53,297.027 There are times when patients come in, and don't get me wrong, they're advocating for themselves, but they start off apologizing and I say to them, never apologize for having a question, for asking for more information, at least from me. 486 00:47:53,717.027 --> 00:47:53,837.027 Yeah. 487 00:47:53,837.027 --> 00:47:55,607.027 Because that's what I'm here to do. 488 00:47:55,727.027 --> 00:47:57,167.027 I'm here to help you. 489 00:47:57,297.027 --> 00:48:03,507.027 I think advocacy in all health spectrums, it is yes, absolutely important. 490 00:48:03,507.027 --> 00:48:11,427.027 But in this particular area, obviously it is absolutely a must because Absolutely. 491 00:48:12,57.027 --> 00:48:12,267.027 Yeah. 492 00:48:12,267.027 --> 00:48:13,867.027 There's so much to get through, yep. 493 00:48:14,152.027 --> 00:48:15,862.027 Having a child is not easy. 494 00:48:16,292.027 --> 00:48:16,772.027 No. 495 00:48:16,772.027 --> 00:48:21,512.027 And then you have them, and then you still have to raise them and there's a whole other conversation right there. 496 00:48:21,512.027 --> 00:48:22,652.027 That's a whole different podcast. 497 00:48:22,652.027 --> 00:48:22,832.027 Yeah. 498 00:48:22,832.027 --> 00:48:24,272.027 That's a whole different conversation. 499 00:48:24,272.027 --> 00:48:24,932.027 Exactly. 500 00:48:24,932.027 --> 00:48:33,782.027 I really appreciate you giving me the opportunity to come and share and and like I said, we're more than willing to answer anybody's questions just. 501 00:48:33,972.027 --> 00:48:35,712.027 Go on our website, give us a call. 502 00:48:35,712.027 --> 00:48:35,802.027 Yes. 503 00:48:36,292.027 --> 00:48:38,692.027 And even, and you don't have to be local. 504 00:48:38,822.027 --> 00:48:41,787.027 Yes, we work with families across the country. 505 00:48:41,977.027 --> 00:48:45,367.027 Actually we work with global globally as well. 506 00:48:45,367.027 --> 00:48:51,187.027 We can assist anyone anywhere and be able to point them in the right direction and give them the resources they need. 507 00:48:51,452.027 --> 00:48:54,182.027 Our website is family inceptions.com 508 00:48:54,452.027 --> 00:49:01,82.027 and the social media handles is all at family inceptions as or at Family Inceptions as well. 509 00:49:01,82.027 --> 00:49:01,802.027 Pretty simple. 510 00:49:01,802.027 --> 00:49:04,442.027 As long as you remember Family Inceptions, you'll find us. 511 00:49:04,502.027 --> 00:49:05,252.027 Okay, great. 512 00:49:05,432.027 --> 00:49:06,512.027 Thank you so much. 513 00:49:06,512.027 --> 00:49:06,932.027 Thank you. 514 00:49:06,932.027 --> 00:49:07,682.027 This was great. 515 00:49:08,142.027 --> 00:49:12,242.027 And don't forget to like, share and review my podcast. 516 00:49:12,792.027 --> 00:49:16,582.027 Remember, it's always ladies first on Soma Says. 517 00:49:16,882.027 --> 00:49:20,542.027 Let's make a difference one conversation at a time.