Challenging the Anti-Aging Lie: Embracing Thoughtful Aging

  In this episode, Dr. Soma hosts Alina Wilson, the founder of Bridgeport Laser and Wellness Center and author of 'Thoughtful Aging.' They delve into the societal pressures and internal conflicts women face about beauty and aging. Alina shares her journey, emphasizing self-acceptance and thoughtful aging. She advocates for a shift from external validation to internal appreciation and discusses the importance of seeking comprehensive, informed healthcare. Tune in to explore how aesthetics can be approached holistically, promoting both external and internal well-being.   00:00 Introduction and Disclaimer   00:44 The Power of Self-Love   02:03 Guest Introduction: Alina Wilson   02:59 Alina's Journey and Insights   05:24 The Anti-Aging Industry and Society   07:22 Principles of Thoughtful Aging   08:49 Hormones and Aging   10:56 Navigating Aesthetic Choices   12:41 The Psychology of Beauty   24:52 Generational Influences and Authentic Living   26:50 The Struggle for Self-Identity   27:27 Curiosity and Growth Mindset   27:44 Makeup as Social Currency   29:46 Cultural Pressures on Appearance   32:38 Holistic Health and Longevity   36:14 Navigating Medical Advice   43:39 Advocating for Yourself   48:01 The Power of Compassion   48:28 Final Thoughts and Resources   To learn more about Alina Wilson, visit https://www.bpwcenter.com/   To read Thoughtful Aging, visit https://www.bpwcenter.com/book/  

Episode Transcript

(00:02):
Hi, this is Dr.
Soma.
Just a disclaimer, this podcast is for informational purposes only and isn't intended as medical advice.
Always consult with your doctor before making any changes to your diet, exercise, or health regimen.
Let's go to the show.

(00:44):
.687if I asked you to name all of the things you loved, how long would it take you to name yourself? they're driven by us. 7 00:00:57,127.687 --> 00:00:58,247.687 They're not driving us. 8 00:00:58,277.687 --> 00:00:59,127.687 They're driven by us. 9 00:00:59,127.687 --> 00:01:07,997.687 And the research that I did, I found out that we are creating these narratives. 10 00:01:08,452.687 --> 00:01:18,942.6865 Not because of what we're being told by the anti aging industry, but because of what we are telling the anti aging industry as a society. 11 00:01:24,250.3735 --> 00:01:32,820.3735 We all have a responsibility to live our life in a way that is genuine and authentic to us. 12 00:01:33,310.3735 --> 00:01:54,638.0605 However, when you're in a family setting, if you try and step outside the mold or do something different, You risk rejection and you face this, the feeling of not belonging every woman has an opportunity to love who she sees in the mirror just as she is. 13 00:01:55,178.0605 --> 00:01:57,648.0605 That is absolutely available to every woman. 14 00:02:04,645.7475 --> 00:02:06,765.7475 Today's guest is Alina Wilson. 15 00:02:06,775.7475 --> 00:02:09,305.7475 She's a true champion for women's well being. 16 00:02:09,605.7475 --> 00:02:16,775.7475 She's the heart behind Bridgeport Laser and Wellness Center, where she's empowered countless women since 2007. 17 00:02:17,225.7475 --> 00:02:20,55.7475 Alina is also the author of Thoughtful Aging. 18 00:02:20,385.7475 --> 00:02:26,750.6674 Her passion for writing encourages every woman to embrace her unique beauty and live authentically. 19 00:02:26,750.6674 --> 00:02:31,645.7475 Alina's devotion inspires women to embrace their true beauty inside and out. 20 00:02:32,185.7475 --> 00:02:32,995.7475 Let's meet her. 21 00:02:38,303.4345 --> 00:02:46,963.4365 I just wanted to welcome you, to my podcast and yeah, I don't really meet too many women who are forthcoming. 22 00:02:47,513.4365 --> 00:02:59,53.4375 Such as yourself and obviously you're in the, in this, field where you try to help women feel, better about themselves and look better and look healthy and right, feel better about, how they look. 23 00:02:59,633.4375 --> 00:03:09,143.438 So tell me a little bit about your background so our listeners can learn about you and then, and what motivated you to write this book itself? Sure. 24 00:03:09,643.438 --> 00:03:13,263.437 I was married to a physician for 19 years. 25 00:03:13,678.438 --> 00:03:23,488.4385 And 17 years ago he came to me and he said, Hey, this medical system is broken and I don't want to do this insurance based practice anymore. 26 00:03:24,158.4385 --> 00:03:30,488.4385 Why don't we open a cash based aesthetics clinic? And I said, Sure, I can make that happen. 27 00:03:30,988.4385 --> 00:03:42,848.4385 And so he continued in his he was actually doing urgent care at the time his urgent care job and I built the practice and he came and worked within the practice until we could transition him to the practice full time. 28 00:03:43,518.4375 --> 00:03:48,458.4385 And so started out with myself, my former husband and one employee. 29 00:03:49,113.4385 --> 00:03:55,203.4385 And I just, I found it fascinating within just a short time of being open. 30 00:03:55,913.4385 --> 00:04:12,103.4385 I recognized that this question that came to mind to me was, Why can I see their beauty but not my own? Why can they see my beauty but not their own? And that was so intriguing to me. 31 00:04:12,103.4385 --> 00:04:15,873.4395 So that, that question just bubbled in the back of my head for a long time. 32 00:04:16,423.4395 --> 00:04:33,383.4385 Fast forward 17 years, here I am, no longer married, still running the practice I own the practice now, still running the practice, and I have phenomenal employees, an incredible medical director who's passionate about women's health and hormones and all things aging. 33 00:04:35,463.4395 --> 00:04:40,503.4395 And I just thought last in February of this year, I just woke up one day and said, it's time to write that book. 34 00:04:41,363.4395 --> 00:04:43,423.4395 And so I wrote the book. 35 00:04:44,968.4395 --> 00:04:47,8.4395 Because I feel like there's so much to say. 36 00:04:47,948.4395 --> 00:04:55,498.4395 Women don't know, a lot of times when they come in here, they don't know what questions to ask, and so we're starting conversations. 37 00:04:55,948.4395 --> 00:05:00,958.4395 And a lot of times they come in with feelings of guilt and shame for wanting to do something for themselves. 38 00:05:02,728.4395 --> 00:05:12,88.4395 And it became very clear to me that we need to take right and wrong out of the conversation when it comes to beauty and personal choice. 39 00:05:12,88.4395 --> 00:05:12,308.4395 Thanks. 40 00:05:13,198.4395 --> 00:05:23,988.4395 And if we can do that, then we'll have the opportunity to see each other with much more clarity, with compassion, with grace, and with acceptance. 41 00:05:24,488.4395 --> 00:05:47,603.4385 Do you think we are part of the equation though, where we put pressure on ourselves and others? We, I think there's a stereotype that it's Hollywood, that it's society, whatever that means, or, it could be magazines and, media, obviously, but is it, are we part of that equation too, where, where we're like, oh, we should look this way. 42 00:05:47,603.4385 --> 00:05:50,3.4385 And, I can't believe that person is not looking. 43 00:05:50,503.4385 --> 00:05:51,653.4385 X, Y, Z way. 44 00:05:52,553.4385 --> 00:05:56,23.4385 Are we part of that? We are that. 45 00:05:56,103.4385 --> 00:06:00,783.4385 And that's why the anti aging industry is so misleading. 46 00:06:01,233.4385 --> 00:06:08,473.4395 The lies that they're telling us are you have to look a certain way, you have to buy a certain cream, you have to dress, a certain way. 47 00:06:10,113.4395 --> 00:06:11,613.4395 But they're driven by us. 48 00:06:12,13.4395 --> 00:06:13,133.4395 They're not driving us. 49 00:06:13,163.4395 --> 00:06:14,13.4395 They're driven by us. 50 00:06:14,13.4395 --> 00:06:22,883.4395 And the research that I did, I found out that we are creating these narratives. 51 00:06:23,338.4395 --> 00:06:33,828.439 Not because of what we're being told by the anti aging industry, but because of what we are telling the anti aging industry as a society. 52 00:06:33,828.439 --> 00:06:41,138.4395 And so then you have to stop and look at who is society? Further research showed me that society is us. 53 00:06:42,128.4395 --> 00:06:56,928.4395 We are more influenced by our peers than we are by any commercial, any product, Any man, they are the least influential on us for why we make the decisions we make when it comes to beauty. 54 00:06:58,668.4395 --> 00:07:05,58.4395 The most important factor in the decisions we make is other women and our peers. 55 00:07:05,488.4395 --> 00:07:10,433.4395 So when I realized that I was actually very excited because That gave me hope. 56 00:07:10,883.4395 --> 00:07:19,423.4395 If we are the reason that these narratives are existing, then we can change that, collectively, just step outside that box and change that. 57 00:07:19,613.4385 --> 00:07:21,993.4395 We have the ability to do that if we choose to. 58 00:07:22,493.4395 --> 00:07:44,573.4395 Then how do we do that? And that's what led me to creating the five principles of thoughtful aging and going back to the beginning and leading women to start with the internal, when they come in here to the clinic, where we are, they're looking for an external change 99 percent of the time that external change. 59 00:07:44,953.4395 --> 00:07:57,393.4385 Leads to an internal change because when you start appreciating how you look and loving how you look, so we all seek change, whether it's coloring our hair or painting our nails. 60 00:07:57,643.4395 --> 00:08:01,253.4395 We all seek to change our appearance in one way or another. 61 00:08:01,703.4395 --> 00:08:17,583.4395 The difference is with our, with the aesthetics industry, we have this preconceived idea of people who do it are wrong somehow or should be judged somehow, women face that judgment by other women and for doing and for not doing it. 62 00:08:17,943.4395 --> 00:08:21,173.4395 And then they face that internal conflict within themselves. 63 00:08:21,613.4395 --> 00:08:33,843.4395 Is this okay for me to do? Should I do this? not wanting to be seen or viewed as a certain type of person if they come in and get a neuromodulator or restore volume to their face with a dermal filler. 64 00:08:34,673.4395 --> 00:08:37,883.4395 All of those things are a natural part of the aging process. 65 00:08:38,143.4385 --> 00:08:40,803.4395 We lose 1 percent of collagen per year. 66 00:08:41,273.4395 --> 00:08:44,333.4395 From the age of 25 on, we're not doing anything to cause that. 67 00:08:44,363.4395 --> 00:08:45,473.4395 That's just aging. 68 00:08:46,443.4395 --> 00:08:49,963.4395 And that extends all the way, across how we look to how we feel. 69 00:08:49,973.4395 --> 00:08:52,233.4395 And we can have a whole conversation about hormones. 70 00:08:52,553.4395 --> 00:08:57,693.439 You've had some great conversations with guests on your podcast about hormones and touched on that topic. 71 00:08:57,693.439 --> 00:08:58,863.4395 And that's so important. 72 00:08:59,758.4395 --> 00:09:06,918.4395 Because when your hormones aren't balanced, your skin isn't staying hydrated, you get more wrinkles, more skin laxity. 73 00:09:07,528.4395 --> 00:09:19,708.4395 We want to think that many times we're not using the right face cream, or we're not getting the right procedures, but a lot of times it's just about stopping and taking a moment to care for ourselves. 74 00:09:21,733.4395 --> 00:09:36,903.4385 And it's some of the basic principles, right? Are you sleeping? Are you getting enough sleep? How are your stress levels? And if they're obviously very high and that's affecting your moods and your mental health. 75 00:09:37,423.4385 --> 00:09:56,463.438 And obviously that takes havoc on your cortisol levels and if you're perimenopausal and all sorts of craziness happens, to our hormones already, but that affects women more and it can affect their appearance, obviously their skin, a whole host of things. 76 00:09:56,983.438 --> 00:09:59,553.438 I have been very proactive about. 77 00:09:59,908.438 --> 00:10:05,828.438 Addressing HRT with my patients, but it's almost like it's funny. 78 00:10:05,858.438 --> 00:10:11,88.439 It's like women, I think, cause they're just so unsure about how to approach it. 79 00:10:11,558.438 --> 00:10:16,568.437 And there's a shift in mindset, but they're still scared to bring it up with me. 80 00:10:16,578.436 --> 00:10:24,598.437 Even when I bring up that conversation with patients, when I start talking about it okay, are you having any, hot flashes night sweats. 81 00:10:24,598.437 --> 00:10:46,338.437 How are your moods? Are you sleeping? And then we get into hrt and the benefits and the risks and you know what to and then they still ask me well, so are you going to be prescribing me that medication as if I'm just leading them into it, but they're going to be just dangled off a cliff, and it's sad to me. 82 00:10:46,458.437 --> 00:10:50,688.438 And, for how many decades have women been left hanging. 83 00:10:51,178.438 --> 00:10:55,518.438 Because that trial came out and it changed everything. 84 00:10:56,68.438 --> 00:10:59,508.438 And women's health initiative, women's health initiative. 85 00:11:00,328.438 --> 00:11:01,748.438 And I just feel sad. 86 00:11:01,748.438 --> 00:11:12,38.438 I had a woman, I had a patient who for years, I just saw her yesterday and we've talked about all sorts of sleep meds and this and that, and we've tried everything. 87 00:11:12,478.438 --> 00:11:15,238.438 What are your feelings about HRT? I'm like let's do it. 88 00:11:15,348.437 --> 00:11:17,288.437 Let's do it and see how you feel. 89 00:11:18,28.437 --> 00:11:21,78.437 And, four weeks later, she's I'm sleeping so much better. 90 00:11:21,78.437 --> 00:11:24,258.437 And, my moods are better and I'm not as anxious. 91 00:11:24,888.437 --> 00:11:29,888.437 And I told her, I said, part of me is so happy right now that you're feeling better. 92 00:11:30,323.437 --> 00:11:51,643.437 But a big part of me is feeling sad that you had to suffer for so long, so you talk about the same things about what I'm touching on, restoring honor to the aging process, right? My goal as a physician, as an internist, as a women's health doctor is to keep my patients as healthy as possible. 93 00:11:52,113.437 --> 00:11:55,573.437 But I always tell them just like you, I'm aging as well. 94 00:11:55,793.437 --> 00:12:02,573.437 And my goal for myself and my goal for you is to stay as healthy as possible during those years. 95 00:12:03,163.437 --> 00:12:20,483.437 So as someone in your trade, right? How, what does that look like for your clients and for you in terms of restoring honor to the aging process? Getting back to the values that you live your life by, the values that you carry with you through each day. 96 00:12:20,953.437 --> 00:12:24,613.437 In many cases, we are so busy taking care of everybody else. 97 00:12:25,373.437 --> 00:12:29,123.437 We are doing the best we can every day, waking up, doing the right thing. 98 00:12:29,483.437 --> 00:12:34,203.437 But when we stop and take a moment to really think about what matters to us. 99 00:12:34,898.437 --> 00:12:41,708.437 It's really hard to just bring that up and to draw that to mind. 100 00:12:41,928.437 --> 00:12:56,598.436 One of the questions I ask readers in the book is if I asked you to name all of the things you loved, how long would it take you to name yourself? Because We go through so many different evolutions as women. 101 00:12:56,868.436 --> 00:13:00,178.436 I'm not the person I was 10 years ago or 20 years ago. 102 00:13:00,438.436 --> 00:13:04,648.4355 And we carry all of those different versions of ourselves through life. 103 00:13:04,648.4355 --> 00:13:13,118.437 And then we finally get to a point in life where our kids are grown, or we're retired, or we have a shift in life where we have a moment to stop and breathe. 104 00:13:13,608.437 --> 00:13:29,83.437 And Many times we don't know who we are because we've lost touch with what values we have and what matters to us most and then how to live those out in a day to day basis from a place of action rather than reaction. 105 00:13:31,203.437 --> 00:13:36,373.437 I spent so many years in survival mode, without even realizing that I was in survival mode. 106 00:13:36,758.437 --> 00:13:38,758.437 Just sure I was getting stuff done every day. 107 00:13:38,758.437 --> 00:13:50,868.437 I was accomplishing extraordinarily large amount of things, but where was I in all of that, those feelings of irrelevance start to creep in and those feelings of less than. 108 00:13:51,378.437 --> 00:14:10,68.437 And that's where I think the anti aging industry really, does its best work is when we start to feel that in our 40s, 50s, 60s, that loss of relevance, it's right there with that commercial or that Instagram ad or that message to say, oh, you just need to do this, or you just need to do that. 109 00:14:10,718.437 --> 00:14:19,318.437 And if you have friends doing procedures and they seem happy on the surface then of course, it's going to seem like a good idea to do them. 110 00:14:19,858.437 --> 00:14:30,978.537 And My thing with patients or anybody that I talk to anywhere about aesthetics, please get to the point where you're doing it from a place of want, and not a place of need. 111 00:14:31,408.537 --> 00:14:39,658.536 Because as long as you are approaching aesthetics, or any type of change from a place of need, you're going to continue to need more. 112 00:14:40,593.537 --> 00:14:49,703.537 And why is women know when to stop? Why is women know when enough is enough? Because they're doing it from a place of want and not need. 113 00:14:51,333.537 --> 00:14:55,913.537 Give me an example of want versus need. 114 00:14:56,413.537 --> 00:14:57,493.536 I'll be honest with you. 115 00:14:57,923.536 --> 00:15:01,943.537 Are there things that I do to You know, make myself look younger. 116 00:15:01,983.537 --> 00:15:03,83.537 Absolutely. 117 00:15:03,133.537 --> 00:15:04,3.537 Absolutely. 118 00:15:04,453.537 --> 00:15:05,773.537 I'll be very forthcoming. 119 00:15:05,773.537 --> 00:15:07,683.537 I've not, done Botox. 120 00:15:07,683.537 --> 00:15:09,693.537 I've not had fillers. 121 00:15:10,23.537 --> 00:15:11,653.537 Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror. 122 00:15:11,653.537 --> 00:15:23,603.536 I'm like, Oh I might benefit from a little bit of this and that, but I feel like there's a fine line, right? Where, I've been practicing for a long time and some of my patients have been with me for years. 123 00:15:24,183.536 --> 00:15:25,423.536 Some look great. 124 00:15:25,813.535 --> 00:15:27,73.535 They look awesome. 125 00:15:27,203.536 --> 00:15:30,413.536 And then there's some where I'm like, okay, you've crossed the line. 126 00:15:31,623.536 --> 00:15:37,3.536 So what, give me an example of want versus need. 127 00:15:37,3.536 --> 00:15:47,13.536 So my listeners can understand what you're differentiating between a woman who's doing it because she wants it versus needs it. 128 00:15:48,133.536 --> 00:15:49,423.536 It is a blurry line. 129 00:15:49,553.536 --> 00:15:50,873.536 So there is that aspect of it. 130 00:15:50,873.536 --> 00:15:51,743.535 I'll give you that. 131 00:15:52,143.535 --> 00:16:01,683.536 Because if you're a 60 year old in an office environment and suddenly you're competing with 20 and 30 year olds, And you're facing ageism at work. 132 00:16:02,213.536 --> 00:16:06,963.536 It's going to feel like something that you need to do for your survival. 133 00:16:07,438.536 --> 00:16:32,178.536 Okay, doing things from a place of want means that you recognize that need is there, but you're making the decision to continue or pursue aesthetic treatments because you want to do that because of the way it's going to make you feel, not necessarily what you're going to get from other people, but what you're going to gain for yourself. 134 00:16:32,518.536 --> 00:16:36,723.536 So we oftentimes will outsource our validation. 135 00:16:37,303.536 --> 00:16:47,643.536 So when we get older and our face changes and our skin becomes more lax and we get wrinkles, we are no longer getting the, maybe the attention that we used to. 136 00:16:47,703.535 --> 00:16:48,13.535 Yeah. 137 00:16:48,443.536 --> 00:17:07,273.536 And so if you've gone through life outsourcing your validation, getting praise and compliments because of your look or the way that you paint your nails or the way you do your makeup or whatever your talents are, and you're outsourcing your validation In ways that you could be meeting that need for yourself, you're going to continue to chase procedures from a place of need rather than a place of want. 138 00:17:07,553.536 --> 00:17:17,343.534 So I have done dermal fillers and I'll just, I'm a big fan of it because I actually have Bell's palsy on the right side of my face. 139 00:17:17,343.535 --> 00:17:20,573.535 It was a condition that I had when I was younger, it went untreated. 140 00:17:21,93.534 --> 00:17:27,113.536 And for many years, the right side of my face drooped and I would smile and I had a crooked smile. 141 00:17:27,533.536 --> 00:17:44,918.536 When we opened this aesthetics practice, I watched patients come through it was a year and a half before I decided to try any neuromodulators for myself because I wanted to make sure that I was doing it from a very centric space, not just chasing the next best thing. 142 00:17:46,748.536 --> 00:17:53,698.536 So I did it, and I felt good about it and I felt comfortable with it and then I thought, wow, dermal fillers. 143 00:17:55,58.536 --> 00:18:05,918.536 They could probably address this sagging in my right cheek from the spells palsy, right? Did I need that? No, I had lived my whole life without it. 144 00:18:06,118.535 --> 00:18:13,428.536 I made sure that condition wasn't affecting my self esteem because of the language that I used with myself when I looked in the mirror. 145 00:18:13,858.535 --> 00:18:17,878.536 If I had a negative thought, I would choose to combat that with two positive thoughts. 146 00:18:18,388.536 --> 00:18:19,48.536 But when that. 147 00:18:19,683.536 --> 00:18:26,573.536 opportunity arose for me to address that sagging with a product that was natural and normal to the human body. 148 00:18:26,763.536 --> 00:18:27,883.536 I said, I'm going to try that. 149 00:18:28,123.536 --> 00:18:37,513.536 And I did, and I've been doing it ever since because I prefer to see my reflection symmetrically, not asymmetric. 150 00:18:39,603.536 --> 00:18:51,753.536 If dermal fillers went away and disappeared overnight and they didn't exist and my face drooped again, would that crush my world? No, it's just my preference to, to wear them that way and to use them that way. 151 00:18:54,73.536 --> 00:18:56,963.435 I appreciate you sharing your own personal experience. 152 00:18:57,203.535 --> 00:19:04,573.535 story because that obviously makes a huge difference, right? Obviously, a lot of people don't know what Bell's palsy is. 153 00:19:04,583.535 --> 00:19:14,743.634 So I imagine that, people may have asked you, what happened to your face? Someone like myself may look at you, have looked at you and have figured it out right away and it wouldn't have made a difference. 154 00:19:15,123.634 --> 00:19:19,643.634 But and if that helped raise your self esteem. 155 00:19:20,8.634 --> 00:19:22,558.634 Then those are things that I totally support. 156 00:19:23,518.634 --> 00:19:29,958.634 How do you guide your clients? Who you feel may be crossing the line. 157 00:19:29,968.634 --> 00:19:35,588.634 How do you have that conversation with them? Cause it's going to be very tricky and it's very sensitive. 158 00:19:36,588.634 --> 00:19:42,878.634 So I would walk that back just a little bit and have us that was saying when you say cross the line. 159 00:19:42,948.636 --> 00:19:43,288.636 Yeah. 160 00:19:43,388.634 --> 00:19:44,808.634 We just have to be clear. 161 00:19:44,818.634 --> 00:19:49,698.635 That means that you are applying a moral judgment to another person's looks or decisions. 162 00:19:50,83.635 --> 00:19:50,563.635 Okay. 163 00:19:50,673.635 --> 00:19:57,943.635 When you apply a moral judgment to another person's looks or decisions, then you're bringing right and wrong into the conversation. 164 00:19:58,423.635 --> 00:20:02,423.635 And right and wrong has no place in the conversation when it comes to beauty. 165 00:20:03,353.635 --> 00:20:17,798.634 That being said, there are patients who come in And maybe they have lips that have been filled, and they want more dermal filler in their lips and doing that would be a detriment to them. 166 00:20:18,368.635 --> 00:20:29,768.635 Maybe either physically, or if we can see that they are chasing something emotionally, trying to have an emotional need met through altering their appearance. 167 00:20:30,358.635 --> 00:20:31,158.635 We say no. 168 00:20:32,163.635 --> 00:20:40,603.635 Because what's the first rule of medicine do no harm, right? Yeah, that rings true in aesthetics as well. 169 00:20:40,983.635 --> 00:20:51,163.634 Now they will go find another provider whose ethics might be a little bit different than ours here, and they'll have that procedure done, but that's not something that we would ever do for them. 170 00:20:51,753.635 --> 00:21:19,853.636 We would gently explain to them, you are beautiful, here's what will happen if we put more filler in, here's how you will look, there is the possibility that you won't be happy with it and you'll come back, and because you have volume right now, enough in your lips to create symmetry and volume, we won't be able to offer you any more. 171 00:21:19,853.636 --> 00:21:23,303.636 I had a girl come in one time who actually pulled up a Snapchat filter. 172 00:21:24,8.636 --> 00:21:34,398.635 And said, I will you, I want you to make me, she was in her twenties, I want you to make me look like, can you make me look like this filter? And we said, no, that's a Snapchat filter, that's not real. 173 00:21:35,248.636 --> 00:21:41,308.636 And she insisted that there must be something that we could do to make her look like that beautiful Snapchat filter. 174 00:21:41,978.636 --> 00:21:46,668.636 And no matter how we tried to explain it to her, no that's not real, like we can't. 175 00:21:47,108.636 --> 00:21:47,918.636 We can't do that. 176 00:21:48,448.636 --> 00:21:51,728.636 Here's what we can do, but we can't do that because that's not real. 177 00:21:52,18.636 --> 00:21:54,778.636 She left disappointed and never came back. 178 00:21:55,88.636 --> 00:22:02,458.636 And so we're constantly evaluating the psychological state of patients while we're having conversations with them about treating them. 179 00:22:02,848.635 --> 00:22:12,998.636 Not to just make sure that the treatments are going to meet their needs, But also to make sure that they are going to be able to handle the change that follows the treatment. 180 00:22:15,838.636 --> 00:22:26,778.635 That, that, not only makes me sad, but what you, the example that you just gave me, because, like a young lady like that, I'm sure she was beautiful. 181 00:22:27,128.634 --> 00:22:34,138.635 And then what got into her head that she needed to look that way. 182 00:22:34,648.635 --> 00:22:36,38.635 And so I, I have. 183 00:22:36,798.635 --> 00:22:41,288.635 and I have a daughter and she's beautiful like all girls are. 184 00:22:41,788.635 --> 00:22:48,578.635 I watch her friends and sometimes I listen to, how they define beauty. 185 00:22:49,8.635 --> 00:23:02,948.637 And I remember one, one girl, and this was a couple of years ago in her dance class of all places who didn't want to smile because she said, Oh, I don't have a nice smile. 186 00:23:04,98.637 --> 00:23:15,248.637 what happens? To these girls that they think this way, and then it brought me back to, my own, life and youth and. 187 00:23:16,258.637 --> 00:23:26,438.637 I'm talking about my adolescence and how hard we are on ourselves, right? To be a certain weight and to look a certain way. 188 00:23:26,888.637 --> 00:23:32,328.637 And if our hair isn't just right and how much pressure we put on ourselves. 189 00:23:32,338.637 --> 00:23:54,108.538 So I don't think I was any different, Unfortunately, I think it gets worse as we get older, because, we don't necessarily appreciate the fine lines and wrinkles that come with aging, right? That there is a certain beauty to it. 190 00:23:55,858.638 --> 00:24:08,278.637 And you earned it, right? And that's the part that I feel sad that, this is, we're not just, pretty creatures, right? We were more than that. 191 00:24:08,708.638 --> 00:24:10,238.638 We're a substance. 192 00:24:10,268.638 --> 00:24:10,838.638 We. 193 00:24:11,213.638 --> 00:24:22,823.636 Think and we create and women are they're incredible, right? We're able to have children and we have careers and we take care of our parents and we take care of our families. 194 00:24:23,243.637 --> 00:24:24,433.636 There's so much to us. 195 00:24:24,443.636 --> 00:24:34,673.637 So the package doesn't define everything, but I don't necessarily think that a lot of women feel that way. 196 00:24:35,3.637 --> 00:24:50,323.636 So I often struggle to get that message across to my own patients because, they, I feel like, they've been influenced by whatever it is that, is driving them. 197 00:24:51,953.637 --> 00:24:52,263.6365 Yeah. 198 00:24:52,263.6365 --> 00:24:56,743.637 And a lot of times it's external messaging, not just from say the anti aging industry. 199 00:24:57,398.637 --> 00:25:19,393.637 But from their parents, from their siblings, from their family, from going way back when, and that's where we have the opportunity to stop and say, okay, the rules that I'm living by, or the messages that I'm hearing in my head, about maybe how I look, how I act, how I feel. 200 00:25:19,763.637 --> 00:25:45,623.637 Where does that come from? Is that coming from me genuinely how I feel about myself or are these old tapes that are playing in my head, positive or negative, from other people? See, we're born into this world In the situation that we are given perfectly, we're not flawless and we're not perfect, but we're born perfectly into this world and we all belong here. 201 00:25:46,263.636 --> 00:25:49,513.637 And I can tell you that I never felt like I fit in with my family. 202 00:25:49,523.637 --> 00:25:50,593.636 My parents are wonderful. 203 00:25:50,593.636 --> 00:25:51,203.637 They're great. 204 00:25:51,873.637 --> 00:25:56,323.637 But I never felt like I fit in because my thoughts and ideas were so different. 205 00:25:56,333.637 --> 00:25:59,808.637 However, My parents were born into the world the same way. 206 00:25:59,828.637 --> 00:26:11,948.637 And so the guidelines and rules and structures that they put in place for me were based on the guidelines and rules and structures that their caregivers, their parents put in place for them, and their caregivers for them. 207 00:26:11,948.637 --> 00:26:23,38.637 And do you see the problem that creates? We all have a responsibility to live our life in a way that is genuine and authentic to us. 208 00:26:23,528.637 --> 00:26:36,628.637 However, when you're in a family setting, if you try and step outside the mold or do something different, You risk rejection and you face this, the feeling of not belonging and Dr. 209 00:26:36,668.637 --> 00:26:40,28.637 Gabor Maté, a Canadian physician and author, fabulous person. 210 00:26:40,518.637 --> 00:26:50,558.637 He says human beings, oftentimes he has said this in many ways, human beings, when they're faced with a decision of self acceptance or belonging, they will always choose belonging. 211 00:26:50,858.637 --> 00:26:55,888.637 And so we learn at a very young age to set ourselves aside for the sake of belonging and for the sake of others. 212 00:26:55,888.737 --> 00:26:56,163.537 so much. 213 00:26:56,393.637 --> 00:26:59,823.637 Especially as women, we're trained to put ourselves aside for the sake of others. 214 00:27:00,293.637 --> 00:27:07,393.637 And in that, I think we lose touch with that song that our soul was meant to sing. 215 00:27:08,413.637 --> 00:27:13,693.637 The one that only we can define and create as the melody of our life. 216 00:27:15,743.636 --> 00:27:20,903.636 But, we have opportunities in life over and over again to stop and to pivot. 217 00:27:21,213.636 --> 00:27:24,513.537 And to reevaluate who we are, and where we are, and if we are. 218 00:27:24,993.637 --> 00:27:27,193.637 You don't like where you're at girl change it. 219 00:27:27,353.637 --> 00:27:27,763.637 Yes. 220 00:27:27,773.637 --> 00:27:35,13.637 Stop and change it get curious about why you do the things that you do, which is one of the principles of thoughtful aging. 221 00:27:36,263.636 --> 00:27:38,973.637 Get curious, cultivate a growth mindset. 222 00:27:39,523.637 --> 00:27:44,333.538 Seek change, and then get curious about why you do the things you do. 223 00:27:44,733.638 --> 00:27:52,543.638 Whether it's why you put on makeup the way you do or not, I personally believe that makeup is just simply a social currency. 224 00:27:52,543.638 --> 00:27:54,693.638 It's a way to navigate a superficial world. 225 00:27:55,133.638 --> 00:27:59,993.638 I could go without it, I could go with it, but I use it as a tool to navigate a superficial society. 226 00:28:00,283.638 --> 00:28:01,473.637 It doesn't define me. 227 00:28:01,843.638 --> 00:28:10,13.638 It doesn't impact my self esteem because I know that I am so much more than what on the surface. 228 00:28:11,533.638 --> 00:28:13,393.638 I can't share that with others. 229 00:28:14,28.638 --> 00:28:15,808.638 Until I know that for myself. 230 00:28:15,808.638 --> 00:28:21,698.638 And so my days are spent in curiosity, wanting not just to know more about others, but to know more about me. 231 00:28:22,258.637 --> 00:28:29,68.6365 Why do I say the things I do in conversation? If I have a feeling of, I don't, I don't know how I feel about that. 232 00:28:29,68.6365 --> 00:28:33,388.637 If right and wrong starting to creep in, and there is a place for morals and right and wrong, don't get me. 233 00:28:34,278.637 --> 00:28:40,28.637 And I want you to understand that, but I'm constantly monitoring my moods and my feelings. 234 00:28:40,528.637 --> 00:28:42,248.637 Because I'm curious about me. 235 00:28:44,368.637 --> 00:28:49,468.637 Then as I dive deeper, I can take that information and share that with others because I know myself better. 236 00:28:51,358.637 --> 00:29:08,468.6375 It sounds like, you're in your own way, breaking cycles, trying to at least understand a thought pattern or as to why something is happening, it, you don't necessarily not wear makeup, but you try to understand. 237 00:29:08,968.6375 --> 00:29:18,138.6375 What the process is or why you yourself are doing it and other people are doing it, I believe makeup is, if you used. 238 00:29:18,608.6375 --> 00:29:24,888.6375 In, in the right way can make women look beautiful as long as, they feel good about themselves. 239 00:29:25,418.6375 --> 00:29:37,788.638 And I've always thought of it as, not make up, but you're using a palette of color to enhance your eyes or, to make your look, your lips look a certain way or your skin look prettier. 240 00:29:38,248.638 --> 00:29:41,448.638 So I'm very artistic. 241 00:29:41,448.638 --> 00:29:46,108.638 So I always look at it like, a crayon versus, hiding a flaw. 242 00:29:46,608.638 --> 00:29:54,658.639 One thing that came to mind is, I'm Indian of Indian background and in the South Asian culture, Weight is a very big factor. 243 00:29:55,218.639 --> 00:30:09,518.639 And I've had these conversations with, some of my friends who are also Indian of Indian background, where they're like, do you ever notice when you haven't seen your family for a long time, right? And instead of saying, Oh my God, I haven't seen you in years. 244 00:30:09,998.639 --> 00:30:13,538.639 Instead of saying, hi, it's so great to see you again. 245 00:30:13,958.639 --> 00:30:18,138.638 The first thing they say was, is wow, you've got, you've gained a lot of weight. 246 00:30:19,138.638 --> 00:30:35,398.638 And I've had these conversations with some of my women friends who are Indian and they're I'm like how does it make you feel? How does that make you feel when your aunt or your mom who hasn't seen you in years says that to you? And they're like, I feel really badly because we're, so we're laughing. 247 00:30:35,858.638 --> 00:30:37,968.638 Sharing our experiences with that. 248 00:30:38,858.638 --> 00:30:42,788.638 And we're laughing about it, but somewhere in that is some sadness. 249 00:30:43,338.638 --> 00:30:47,218.6385 And when I bring that up with them, they're like, yeah, it makes me feel really badly. 250 00:30:47,218.6385 --> 00:30:49,838.6375 Why do we do that? And then they'll go, it's cultural. 251 00:30:50,313.6385 --> 00:30:51,93.6385 It's cultural. 252 00:30:51,643.6385 --> 00:31:02,863.6385 So I, for once, I'm trying to break that where I don't necessarily make it about weight, whether it's with my patients. 253 00:31:03,253.6385 --> 00:31:10,363.6385 I don't come into the room and bring up their weight gain as the first subject to talk about. 254 00:31:11,133.6385 --> 00:31:12,823.6385 And then, with my kids. 255 00:31:13,323.6385 --> 00:31:41,18.6375 Okay let's talk about it, from a health standpoint okay, are you eating right? Are you getting enough sleep? Are you exercising? And how do you feel right now? Not to say that I'm promoting everyone to gain weight either, but I step away from it, from a beauty standpoint okay, how is it? Impacting people when they hear that, I don't think it makes them feel good about themselves. 256 00:31:41,458.6375 --> 00:31:47,488.637 So the excuse that it's cultural, really, it just doesn't fly by me anymore. 257 00:31:48,288.637 --> 00:32:01,808.637 To be honest with you, a certain ignorance or a certain projection of their own issues, And I feel like, that may not be every culture, but definitely part of mine. 258 00:32:03,358.637 --> 00:32:11,409.637 And I think it impacts specifically women, in ways that they don't necessarily talk about. 259 00:32:12,23.637 --> 00:32:19,243.637 And I've recognized that in my own practice where even if patients say I know you're going to yell at me because I've gained 10 pounds. 260 00:32:19,663.637 --> 00:32:20,13.637 yeah, sure. 261 00:32:20,13.637 --> 00:32:25,523.637 We'll talk about that in a second, but tell me, we were talking about, you were talking about your job last time. 262 00:32:26,153.637 --> 00:32:29,743.637 How are things going? And because you were telling me that you were really stressed out. 263 00:32:30,923.637 --> 00:32:38,153.6375 So I really try to round it out, and not just make it about their appearance and the fact that they've gained weight. 264 00:32:38,763.6365 --> 00:32:47,983.6375 You in your book, it's not just about the aesthetics and which I really appreciate you talk about, longevity care. 265 00:32:49,553.6375 --> 00:32:53,713.6375 And you listed a whole bunch of practitioners in that. 266 00:32:54,263.6375 --> 00:33:08,443.6385 How did you come to develop that mindset that it's not just about, right? Yeah, not just about us, eating right and exercising, but, Also having other people help us in this journey. 267 00:33:08,443.6385 --> 00:33:22,613.6385 How did you come to that mindset? Honestly, I, it was the frustration of so many women coming in here, having conversations about hormones, getting all excited, going back to their doctor and then coming back and saying, yeah, my doctor said it would give me cancer. 268 00:33:23,893.6375 --> 00:33:25,203.6385 Oh, okay. 269 00:33:25,708.6385 --> 00:33:31,838.6385 I have really smart women coming back in and saying, yeah, he told me I shouldn't do that, oh, okay. 270 00:33:32,118.6385 --> 00:33:36,28.6385 So we develop teams for all different kinds of things. 271 00:33:36,28.6385 --> 00:33:39,318.6375 As parents, we have coaches that help our kids and teachers that help our kids. 272 00:33:39,318.6385 --> 00:33:46,998.6385 And we seek resources through religious organizations and family to meet needs within our family units. 273 00:33:47,598.6385 --> 00:33:51,538.6385 Can we do that for ourselves when it comes to medicine was the question that I asked myself. 274 00:33:51,538.6385 --> 00:33:52,448.6385 Absolutely. 275 00:33:52,698.6385 --> 00:33:58,188.6385 Not only can we, but we have a responsibility to not just play along anymore. 276 00:33:59,108.6385 --> 00:34:00,468.6385 Here's the challenge though. 277 00:34:00,998.6375 --> 00:34:03,468.6385 Many patients don't know what questions to ask. 278 00:34:04,103.6385 --> 00:34:05,403.6385 You're an amazing doctor. 279 00:34:05,403.6385 --> 00:34:08,783.6385 You are I can tell that you're highly engaged with your patients. 280 00:34:09,203.6385 --> 00:34:15,663.6385 You're thinking about them as their total care, not just what they present to you in a 15 minute office visit. 281 00:34:15,663.6385 --> 00:34:20,363.6375 And that's one of the problems is that our office visits with our doctors are 15 minutes. 282 00:34:22,93.6375 --> 00:34:32,973.6375 You can't really talk about a whole lot within a 15 minute time period, so if you're relying only on your Western medical doctor for your total care, you're missing out. 283 00:34:33,673.6375 --> 00:34:40,253.6365 Partly because there are things that they don't know, they know a tremendous amount of information, but there are also things they don't know. 284 00:34:40,623.6365 --> 00:34:48,813.6375 Just because it wasn't provided as training in their medical school, or their specialty is different than something that you now currently need at some stage of life. 285 00:34:49,463.6375 --> 00:35:00,943.6365 It's okay to go out and seek other providers and create a longevity care plan for yourself with a team of providers that you can draw on as you age. 286 00:35:03,798.6375 --> 00:35:07,418.6375 I am a big fan of naturopathic medicine. 287 00:35:08,98.6375 --> 00:35:11,128.6375 I'm also a big fan of western medicine. 288 00:35:11,728.6375 --> 00:35:13,768.6375 I'm also a big fan of therapy. 289 00:35:13,768.6375 --> 00:35:19,358.6365 But am I going to go to my therapist and ask him how my heart's doing? No. 290 00:35:19,618.6375 --> 00:35:21,828.6365 So you've got to know your team, know your players. 291 00:35:22,128.6365 --> 00:35:30,88.6375 But make sure that the health issues that are important to you are actually being addressed in a proactive state. 292 00:35:30,88.6375 --> 00:35:33,798.6365 So I tell patients essentially you are your own primary care provider. 293 00:35:34,558.6375 --> 00:35:42,598.6375 All of these other people around you work for you and are there to support you, but you've got to know where you're going before you can get there. 294 00:35:42,978.6375 --> 00:35:45,538.6365 And that's where creating a longevity plan comes in. 295 00:35:46,928.6365 --> 00:35:54,78.6375 I have a an assessment that I've created and patients, people can go and do it online for free thoughtful aging assessment. 296 00:35:54,348.6365 --> 00:35:54,678.6365 com. 297 00:35:55,8.6365 --> 00:36:05,738.6375 And it will help you get a better understanding of what type of Medical care might best meet your need as you're aging and what type of providers might best meet your need as you're aging. 298 00:36:07,228.6375 --> 00:36:08,488.6375 You're absolutely right. 299 00:36:08,498.6375 --> 00:36:14,448.6365 And I, I did see the assessment and I'm going to take it just to see what it's all about. 300 00:36:14,888.6375 --> 00:36:21,408.6385 But I, as a doctor, I often see women are just they don't know where to turn. 301 00:36:21,833.6395 --> 00:36:40,683.64 Really, they don't know where to go and and without blaming doctors, because there's a lot on our shoulders these days, there's a lot and when you're in an insurance based model, you're often running behind, you're catching up there, emergencies that happen. 302 00:36:41,198.64 --> 00:36:45,688.64 And then, gynecologists, for example, they may be caught up delivering a baby. 303 00:36:45,688.64 --> 00:36:52,298.64 And then all of a sudden a woman comes into their office wanting to talk about HRT and they just don't have the time. 304 00:36:52,408.639 --> 00:37:18,398.64 And as you mentioned The amount of time that was spent talking about hormone replacement when I was in medical school, I don't even remember, to be honest, a lot of what I know and how I practice is basically just reading on my own and listening, to different, doctors who do know about this stuff and educating myself on how to prescribe and what to look out for. 305 00:37:18,888.64 --> 00:37:34,708.64 But it wasn't something that I even learned during my training years, because as we were mentioning the women's health initiative, guess what came out when I was in my residency years and yeah, we got, orders from our attendings at that time, no more HRT. 306 00:37:35,153.64 --> 00:37:38,673.64 You cannot prescribe any estrogen or progesterone for your patients. 307 00:37:38,693.64 --> 00:37:44,133.64 Why? Because it can lead to cancer, and that's the training that, that we received. 308 00:37:45,243.639 --> 00:37:49,353.64 There's so much misinformation in that too, that we know now, and. 309 00:37:49,858.64 --> 00:37:52,418.64 I started bioidentical hormones when I was 40. 310 00:37:52,858.64 --> 00:37:55,908.64 I went through my 30s just feeling like there was something wrong. 311 00:37:55,908.64 --> 00:37:57,568.64 I tried to do my own research. 312 00:37:57,738.639 --> 00:38:00,258.639 For heaven's sake, we have the whole internet at our fingertips. 313 00:38:00,258.639 --> 00:38:08,58.639 We need to be careful what we read and what we believe, but that's where professionals like you come in, where we can go and say, Hey, I read this or I heard this. 314 00:38:08,68.639 --> 00:38:25,698.639 Is this accurate? Okay, I waited another five years before I was able to start hormones, before I finally had someone run a lab test for me that would tell me that my testosterone level at the age of 40 was 14, the lowest that this doctor had ever seen. 315 00:38:26,968.638 --> 00:38:33,558.639 A normal for a woman at that age is 40, 40 to 60, right? So if I'm at 14, of course I'm not going to feel good. 316 00:38:34,478.639 --> 00:38:41,103.639 And I got bioidentical pellets? And within 72 hours, my whole world had changed. 317 00:38:41,473.639 --> 00:38:47,463.639 It literally felt like the key to the lock that had been missing for 10 years. 318 00:38:48,233.639 --> 00:38:49,683.639 And I've been on them since then. 319 00:38:49,693.639 --> 00:39:01,213.639 The other thing that patients are surprised to hear here in the aesthetics is that you can buy all of the skincare creams and do all of the procedures and take all the collagen supplements that you want. 320 00:39:01,883.639 --> 00:39:05,303.639 But if you don't have estrogen in your body, it's not gonna work. 321 00:39:05,303.639 --> 00:39:07,143.639 It's you're not getting the benefit from it. 322 00:39:07,393.639 --> 00:39:10,803.639 We think of all of those things as the batter for the cake. 323 00:39:11,293.639 --> 00:39:15,153.639 It might be good batter, but it's not gonna bake unless you have the oven. 324 00:39:15,563.639 --> 00:39:17,363.639 And that's where estrogen comes in. 325 00:39:17,363.639 --> 00:39:20,293.639 It's the oven for the batter of all the other things that we do. 326 00:39:21,233.638 --> 00:39:26,323.6375 I think the pendulum has swung finally in the other direction. 327 00:39:26,933.6375 --> 00:39:39,703.6375 And I am slowly seeing women who are, trying to advocate for themselves and ask more questions and give them permission. 328 00:39:40,173.6375 --> 00:39:47,103.6365 the emotional and the psychological factors that play a whole role in aging. 329 00:39:47,533.6375 --> 00:40:00,743.635 I think these are things that are going to take a really long time, to, get to a point where women not only are more accepting. 330 00:40:01,613.636 --> 00:40:09,263.636 of themselves, but also to a point where they don't just look at it as an aesthetic, kind of thing. 331 00:40:09,273.636 --> 00:40:24,783.637 If your skin is looking a certain way, what does that mean about as you were saying, your hormones in general, right? Or, there are certain things that, that they could have a medical condition associated with it. 332 00:40:25,263.637 --> 00:40:26,543.636 I'll give you an example. 333 00:40:26,853.637 --> 00:40:36,363.638 Women who are having prolonged hot flashes, it's not just about the hormones or the lack of hormones or the, flux and hormones that are doing it. 334 00:40:36,893.637 --> 00:40:39,203.636 these are what we call vasomotor symptoms. 335 00:40:39,593.637 --> 00:40:47,428.537 So women who have that for prolonged periods of time, guess what? You're at higher risk for heart disease as well. 336 00:40:47,928.537 --> 00:40:53,778.538 My goal is to make you feel better, right? And get your hormones more balanced. 337 00:40:54,268.537 --> 00:41:01,918.5375 But here's where we need to plug you in with, cardiovascular testing or see a cardiologist. 338 00:41:02,538.5375 --> 00:41:05,188.5375 But these are the things that are missing right now. 339 00:41:05,608.5375 --> 00:41:15,548.5375 I feel like there are more doctors who are coming into play, who are talking about this on social media and giving more lectures about it. 340 00:41:16,98.5375 --> 00:41:24,248.5375 But I still feel that there's a very big gap between women understanding these things and saying, Oh yes. 341 00:41:24,748.5375 --> 00:41:33,618.5375 I'm having these issues and let me make sure that I get checked for heart disease and get a, a screen for that. 342 00:41:34,628.5375 --> 00:41:42,908.5375 So there's still a lot of work that we have to do as, as practitioners. 343 00:41:43,468.5375 --> 00:41:48,448.5375 So you have aligned yourself with, many different types of practitioners. 344 00:41:49,23.5375 --> 00:42:21,63.5365 How were you able to, was it your own journey where you just, you realized that you needed to align yourself with certain doctors or practitioners to help you? And then now you promote that, for your patients, for your clients, how did you come to that realization? I wanted to align myself with different practitioners because I have experienced the benefits of it in my own life. 345 00:42:21,93.5365 --> 00:42:24,513.5365 I also have a mild scoliosis and leg length discrepancy. 346 00:42:24,513.5365 --> 00:42:27,73.5355 So I go to the chiropractor every three or four weeks. 347 00:42:27,683.5365 --> 00:42:32,143.5365 I'm a big fan of acupuncture and Chinese medicine. 348 00:42:32,963.5365 --> 00:42:36,193.5355 I believe that there is a place for all modalities. 349 00:42:36,583.5365 --> 00:42:44,193.5365 And when I see practitioners judging other modalities, just because they're different, then I get curious. 350 00:42:44,708.5365 --> 00:42:48,478.5365 Why don't you like that, and I go and explore for myself. 351 00:42:49,208.5365 --> 00:42:52,98.5365 Oh you don't like that because you feel threatened by that. 352 00:42:52,108.5365 --> 00:42:55,898.5365 That's different than you not liking that because it doesn't work. 353 00:42:56,438.5365 --> 00:43:06,668.5365 I take great supplements, but the supplements I take are supplements that I have researched myself and then gotten advice from people who actually have more knowledge and information than me. 354 00:43:07,138.5355 --> 00:43:16,588.5365 But I've educated myself because I'm really passionate about living as long as I can to see my grandchildren's grandchildren. 355 00:43:17,88.5365 --> 00:43:37,838.5365 I want to be here, I'm not afraid of dying at all and I'll be happy to go, but while I'm here, I really want to be responsible with the time, treasure and talent that I've been given on this earth, and if I can learn something that can make my life and someone else's life better, then that's how I want to spend my time. 356 00:43:39,268.5365 --> 00:43:59,508.5355 So how, when you have met doctors who have been resistant? To, how you feel or think or are requesting, right? A lot of patients, they get turned off when they meet doctors who may have a negative attitude. 357 00:44:00,8.5355 --> 00:44:14,518.5345 And it may make them want to not pursue whatever it is that, they're interested in learning more about a certain thing, or they may have a different take on, let's say their thyroid testing or, treatment. 358 00:44:15,58.5345 --> 00:44:18,278.5355 And they meet certain doctors who are like, Nope, this is how we do it. 359 00:44:18,788.5355 --> 00:44:20,708.5355 and whatever you're being told is wrong. 360 00:44:22,448.5355 --> 00:44:30,438.5355 And they're, they often, what I've seen is they back away and they don't pursue it. 361 00:44:30,498.5355 --> 00:44:34,48.5355 And with that, they don't necessarily get the treatment. 362 00:44:34,673.5355 --> 00:44:44,383.535 That they need as well, right? So what has pushed you to continue moving forward? I love you guys. 363 00:44:44,383.535 --> 00:44:45,403.5355 I love doctors. 364 00:44:45,433.5355 --> 00:44:48,853.5355 There are so many different personality types when it comes to doctors. 365 00:44:49,233.5345 --> 00:44:55,323.5355 And I think that's, as a patient, it's important to recognize that I trust my intuition. 366 00:44:56,113.5355 --> 00:45:05,463.5355 If my intuition is telling me that There's something more to the story than what I'm getting from this provider, then I'll go find another provider. 367 00:45:05,963.5355 --> 00:45:07,283.5355 I'll go talk to someone else. 368 00:45:07,553.5355 --> 00:45:37,178.5355 And maybe it's not even, I know, insurance and money are an issue for a lot of people, maybe it's not even a face to face visit, maybe it's A virtual visit or an online forum where you can go and you can ask doctors questions or ask medical professionals questions and get, basic answers obviously not in depth because they don't know you, but continue until you're satisfied with the answer that you're getting if there's anything inside of you that says, this is does not feel aligned to me. 369 00:45:38,988.5365 --> 00:45:53,208.5355 In the book I guide patients toward what is a red flag conversation with the doctor and how do you approach that in conversation? What are some ways to maybe ask for what you want? Because, again, this is a language that doesn't exist yet for most people. 370 00:45:53,638.5365 --> 00:46:00,318.5365 They're so used to going in and sitting in front of the doctor and having the doctor tell them what to do and then leaving, whether it feels right or not. 371 00:46:00,808.5365 --> 00:46:01,168.5365 Yes. 372 00:46:02,768.5365 --> 00:46:08,288.5365 If you're not happy with the answers that you're getting from your doctor, create the language that allows you to bridge that gap. 373 00:46:08,968.5365 --> 00:46:16,948.5365 If you can't create the language that allows you to bridge that gap with your doctor, then maybe get another opinion from another doctor. 374 00:46:19,508.5355 --> 00:46:26,863.4355 In your book, you do help educate readers, in terms of what language to use, because I think that would be very helpful. 375 00:46:27,173.5355 --> 00:46:36,293.5355 It's very beneficial for for people in general And there are some conversations just like with any interpersonal relationship, family, friends, whatever. 376 00:46:36,943.5355 --> 00:46:45,483.5355 If you're hitting a brick wall and you're talking to someone who has no interest in change, is not open to new ideas https: otter. 377 00:46:45,533.5355 --> 00:46:50,343.5355 ai Not everyone deserves to hear your story. 378 00:46:50,343.5355 --> 00:46:57,73.5355 And in the same way, don't waste your energy on someone who's not going to change or be open to change or open to new ideas. 379 00:46:57,533.5355 --> 00:47:08,563.5345 That's my responsibility to, to know when it's time to move on and not try and change somebody else just because I want to extract information from them that I want to hear. 380 00:47:09,143.5345 --> 00:47:11,613.5355 I have the utmost respect for doctors. 381 00:47:11,613.5355 --> 00:47:16,393.535 There is absolutely, we need you, but not all personalities are right for me. 382 00:47:16,818.535 --> 00:47:22,688.535 And I get to decide that for myself based on my interactions with each individual provider. 383 00:47:23,188.535 --> 00:47:29,748.532 I think you serve as an inspiration for a lot of women it could be very scary. 384 00:47:29,748.533 --> 00:47:40,118.533 But I think, I have as a woman, right? Who is who happens to be a physician? I have come across doctors and then they may or may not have known. 385 00:47:40,538.533 --> 00:47:42,378.533 That I was a physician. 386 00:47:42,408.533 --> 00:47:54,78.534 I don't really remember they were aware, but I myself have come across situations where, they poo pooed that I was getting acupuncture for x condition. 387 00:47:54,468.533 --> 00:47:56,128.533 And it was really helping. 388 00:47:56,593.534 --> 00:47:58,863.533 Don't let them talk you out of something that's working. 389 00:47:59,343.533 --> 00:48:00,613.533 We develop resilience. 390 00:48:01,78.533 --> 00:48:08,138.533 We can develop resilience with detachment and allow that other person to hold their opinions with compassion. 391 00:48:08,678.533 --> 00:48:16,258.533 And I think compassion is the key to bridging any communication gap, whether you're not saying eye to eye, or you just can't get the point across. 392 00:48:16,688.533 --> 00:48:21,338.533 If you can always land on compassion, then there's always a common ground to stand on. 393 00:48:21,638.533 --> 00:48:25,98.533 And you can even agree to disagree with compassion. 394 00:48:26,38.533 --> 00:48:27,508.533 Yes, absolutely. 395 00:48:27,838.533 --> 00:48:28,68.533 Yeah. 396 00:48:28,98.533 --> 00:48:29,988.534 I think, first I, I do. 397 00:48:30,243.534 --> 00:48:33,233.534 Want to thank you for sending me a copy of your book. 398 00:48:33,303.534 --> 00:48:44,3.534 I look forward to reading it from cover to cover Where can my listeners find your book? At thoughtful aging book. 399 00:48:44,253.534 --> 00:48:44,783.534 com. 400 00:48:45,173.534 --> 00:48:45,603.534 Okay. 401 00:48:45,613.534 --> 00:48:48,603.534 It's also on Amazon and Barnes and Noble on all the platforms too. 402 00:48:48,853.534 --> 00:48:49,483.534 Okay. 403 00:48:49,553.534 --> 00:48:52,123.534 That's one place you can go to find all the resources. 404 00:48:52,933.534 --> 00:49:07,638.534 What feedback have you gotten, from people who have purchased your books or your family members or your friends, what have they said to you about the book? That it was thought provoking and impactful and in some cases life changing. 405 00:49:07,998.534 --> 00:49:12,718.534 It's content that they read and then they think about it for months afterwards. 406 00:49:13,278.534 --> 00:49:20,718.534 I get a text every once in a while from a patient or from a friend who says, I just can't stop thinking about X chapter in your book. 407 00:49:21,78.534 --> 00:49:23,778.534 It really applies to my life right now and I want to thank you. 408 00:49:24,68.535 --> 00:49:26,608.535 And to me, that is mission accomplished. 409 00:49:26,758.535 --> 00:49:28,208.534 That's why I'm doing what I'm doing. 410 00:49:28,798.534 --> 00:49:32,478.5345 I really am a big advocate of people making informed decisions. 411 00:49:33,8.5355 --> 00:49:40,88.5355 So the more information we can learn about all aspects of life, the better decisions we'll be able to make for our total care. 412 00:49:40,88.5355 --> 00:49:45,158.5355 That every woman has an opportunity to love who she sees in the mirror just as she is. 413 00:49:45,698.5355 --> 00:49:48,168.5355 That is absolutely available to every woman. 414 00:49:48,718.5355 --> 00:49:50,798.5355 it's actually a promise that I make in the book. 415 00:49:51,368.5355 --> 00:49:54,148.536 That you can love who in the mirror just as you are. 416 00:49:54,648.536 --> 00:49:55,608.538 And I'm confident. 417 00:49:56,8.538 --> 00:50:08,818.538 That women reading this book by the end of the book can feel that way about their reflection and not feel like they need to change something, but approach change from a place of desire Absolutely. 418 00:50:09,68.538 --> 00:50:17,648.437 And where can my listeners find you? Where is your practice and, your website so that they can look you up and learn about you. 419 00:50:18,768.537 --> 00:50:19,118.537 Thank you. 420 00:50:19,128.537 --> 00:50:21,958.537 My clinic name is Bridgeport Laser and Wellness Center. 421 00:50:21,968.537 --> 00:50:27,298.537 I've started it from the ground up 17 years ago and just I'm so blessed. 422 00:50:27,298.537 --> 00:50:28,408.537 I love what I do every day. 423 00:50:28,658.537 --> 00:50:35,338.538 I'm in a little town suburb of Portland called Tualatin and my website is bpwcenter. 424 00:50:36,728.537 --> 00:50:37,218.537 com. 425 00:50:38,538.537 --> 00:50:39,18.537 Awesome. 426 00:50:39,18.537 --> 00:50:45,658.537 Thank you so much for being here on a Friday afternoon it's been a pleasure and so much fun. 427 00:50:45,668.537 --> 00:50:46,748.536 Thank you so much. 428 00:50:46,758.537 --> 00:50:47,248.537 Sure. 429 00:50:49,718.537 --> 00:50:50,488.537 That's beautiful. 430 00:50:50,498.537 --> 00:50:51,38.537 Thank you. 431 00:50:51,478.536 --> 00:50:52,388.536 Thank you. 432 00:50:52,548.536 --> 00:50:53,648.537 Thank you so much. 433 00:50:53,678.536 --> 00:50:57,778.536 And don't forget to like, share and review my podcast. 434 00:50:58,328.536 --> 00:51:02,118.536 Remember, it's always ladies first on Soma Says. 435 00:51:02,418.536 --> 00:51:06,78.536 Let's make a difference one conversation at a time.