Modern Love and the Mindful Marriage

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In this episode of Soma Says, Dr. Soma sits down with Priyanka Thakan, a certified life coach from Brooke Castillo’s The Life Coach School, to dive deep into the science and strategy of building fulfilling relationships.

Priyanka shares her journey from computer science to relationship coaching, revealing how her Marriage Mastermind™ program combines mind training and relationship tools to help individuals and couples thrive. They explore the most common challenges couples face—from managing expectations and financial stress to parenting struggles and maintaining intimacy.

She also introduces the RICE model, her powerful framework designed to help individuals find pockets of power, improve communication, and strengthen their connections. Whether you’re looking to enhance your relationship, navigate conflict more effectively, or simply gain a deeper understanding of emotional adulthood, this episode is packed with practical advice and actionable tools.

Episode Breakdown:

00:00 – Introduction and Disclaimer 00:41 – Meet Today's Guest: Priyanka Thakan 01:47 – Understanding Relationship Dynamics 02:35 – Priyanka's Journey to Coaching 04:15 – Common Marriage Challenges 08:38 – Marriage Mastermind™ Program 10:20 – Eastern and Western Influences 12:45 – Individual vs. Couples Counseling 20:59 – Financial Strain in Marriages 24:41 – Impact of Children on Marriage 27:19 – Maintaining Intimacy and Connection 31:15 – The Importance of Parental Relationship Modeling 34:55 – Final Thoughts and Contact Information 36:43 – The Power of the Mind in Relationships 39:18 – Controlling Fight or Flight Responses 42:16 – Conclusion and Farewell

 

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📲 Connect with Priyanka Thakan: https://www.priyankacoaching.com/ 📲 Follow Dr. Soma Mandal: https://www.somamandalmd.com/

#SomaSays #Relationships #MindTraining #MarriageMastermind #EmotionalWellness #Podcast

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hi, this is Dr.

(00:01):
Soma.
Just a disclaimer, this podcast is for informational purposes only and isn't intended as medical advice.
Always consult with your doctor before making any changes to your diet, exercise, or health regimen.
Let's go to the show.

(00:41):
"Alright, Soma Says listeners!, I’ve got a treat for you today! If you’ve ever felt stuck in your relationships, unsure how to shift your mindset, or just curious about what’s really driving your life, then get ready—because today’s guest is here to blow your mind.
She’s a certified life coach from Brooke Castillo’s The Life Coach School, and she’s all about helping you take control of the most powerful tool you own—your mind.

(01:09):
With her Marriage Mastermind™ approach, blending mind training with expert relationship tools, she fast-tracks people toward deeper connections and fulfilling relationships. 9 00:01:20,367.5 --> 00:01:27,567.5 Her journey from computer science to coaching is proof that when you understand your mind, you unlock limitless possibilities. 10 00:01:28,307.5 --> 00:01:36,737.5 She’s trained with the best in the field, worked with countless women to transform their lives, and she’s here to share her wisdom with us today. 11 00:01:37,317.5 --> 00:01:52,710.963 Please welcome to Soma Says! Priyanka Thak kan! in any situation, there are pockets where your power lies. 12 00:01:53,780.964 --> 00:01:55,770.964 It may seem it's just too much. 13 00:01:56,240.964 --> 00:02:01,80.965 And it's hopeless, but there are pockets where your power lies. 14 00:02:02,268.448 --> 00:02:09,138.448 Because love is a, is an action word, right? You've got to do things for each other and have gestures. 15 00:02:09,138.448 --> 00:02:13,498.448 And now if you're not doing because you don't have the bandwidth for it, you don't have the time for it. 16 00:02:14,28.448 --> 00:02:15,738.448 So slowly the distance grows. 17 00:02:16,515.931 --> 00:02:18,765.931 As parents, we are writing a program in their mind. 18 00:02:19,505.931 --> 00:02:24,475.931 What they see, that's what is going to most probably unfold many years later. 19 00:02:25,703.413 --> 00:02:26,923.413 Silence is powerful. 20 00:02:27,123.413 --> 00:02:31,693.413 It's one of the, overlooked skills, but silence is quiet strength. 21 00:02:31,763.413 --> 00:02:34,333.413 Silence gives you time to self control. 22 00:02:35,578.583 --> 00:02:37,808.583 Welcome to my podcast. 23 00:02:37,868.583 --> 00:02:39,818.583 Thank you for inviting me on your podcast. 24 00:02:39,823.583 --> 00:02:46,123.5825 You have a very interesting background, you have a education and background in computer science. 25 00:02:46,733.5815 --> 00:02:55,323.5815 What made you transition over to relationship coaching and guiding people in that aspect? Yeah. 26 00:02:55,703.5815 --> 00:02:56,993.5815 Computer science was fun. 27 00:02:58,263.5815 --> 00:03:03,353.5815 And I hate making the computer do things and then I had kids. 28 00:03:03,473.5815 --> 00:03:04,443.5815 I have three kids. 29 00:03:04,913.5815 --> 00:03:08,453.5815 My mother in law lives at our house and my husband has a busy schedule. 30 00:03:08,873.5815 --> 00:03:12,393.5815 So in all of that, there are just so many moving parts. 31 00:03:12,913.5815 --> 00:03:18,973.5815 And with kids, the kids want something, the adults want something, you want something. 32 00:03:19,633.5815 --> 00:03:22,423.5815 So there's so much friction, place for friction to happen. 33 00:03:22,843.5815 --> 00:03:32,923.5815 And I just was very very desirous to figure out a better way of existing, better way of communicating, better way of getting things done. 34 00:03:34,293.5815 --> 00:03:35,673.5815 From morning to the evening. 35 00:03:36,53.5815 --> 00:03:51,263.482 So I decided to read and learn online, taking courses that became my next hobby, taking all kinds of self development courses, coaching relationships or mind or. 36 00:03:51,983.582 --> 00:04:02,453.582 So I became really interested in this topic and I think it's very important because work is important in the world, but then we have our families we come home every day. 37 00:04:02,593.582 --> 00:04:09,523.581 So having better ways to communicate and that helps not just in your families, in any of your relationships outside. 38 00:04:09,873.582 --> 00:04:14,163.582 So I felt the need and I just went on to satisfy that. 39 00:04:15,263.582 --> 00:04:19,163.582 How long have you been doing this for? 2018. 40 00:04:19,773.582 --> 00:04:28,133.582 For those of us who are married, and even if not, if we're not this, I think this serves as a good podcast. 41 00:04:28,683.581 --> 00:04:47,128.583 Because, when you first enter marriage, I think our expectations and understanding are very different than When we first when we, obviously are in the middle of marriage and expectations and reality can be very different. 42 00:04:48,168.583 --> 00:04:58,453.582 So give us an understanding in your practice, in your career, what you have seen and what you, in terms of. 43 00:04:58,813.582 --> 00:05:00,403.582 Your clients. 44 00:05:00,843.582 --> 00:05:17,853.582 What are the most common things that happen that cause a breakdown in communication for people who are in a marriage and the conflicts that arise? What are the most common things that you deal with? Yeah, so you said it very correctly. 45 00:05:17,863.582 --> 00:05:22,283.582 In the beginning, things are great, right? There's so much goodwill between the two people. 46 00:05:22,323.582 --> 00:05:23,713.582 There's so much desire. 47 00:05:24,123.582 --> 00:05:25,463.582 There's so much longing. 48 00:05:25,713.582 --> 00:05:28,103.581 You're willing to go out of your way to do something. 49 00:05:28,103.581 --> 00:05:29,623.582 You understand the other person. 50 00:05:29,623.582 --> 00:05:33,853.582 You are there for support and all of those things, right? Lovely things that you get used to. 51 00:05:34,133.582 --> 00:05:39,943.582 Then you get into the thick of the world, the new things are no longer as new and then there's so many things that you're dealing with. 52 00:05:39,963.582 --> 00:05:52,883.481 So as with anything in life, the situation, the stage you are at changes whether it's whether you buy a new item or dress, you're very excited and later on, not as much in a different way, right? Your approach, your Yeah. 53 00:05:52,883.581 --> 00:05:52,903.581 Yeah. 54 00:05:53,278.582 --> 00:05:54,518.582 Outlook at that changes. 55 00:05:54,528.582 --> 00:05:55,878.582 So there are different stages. 56 00:05:55,948.582 --> 00:05:59,708.582 So that's the initial stage of liking someone, marrying someone. 57 00:06:00,18.582 --> 00:06:06,478.583 And then when you have all the rest of the life to deal with some of the struggles that happen are expectations. 58 00:06:06,618.583 --> 00:06:13,288.583 Like all those things that you were getting without asking in the beginning, you are used to them now and you're not getting those. 59 00:06:13,908.583 --> 00:06:14,248.583 And. 60 00:06:14,948.583 --> 00:06:33,668.583 That brings with it a lot of hurt and lack of goodwill, and miscommunication because you're angry and hurt because you already expect that thing, that's how you should show up, you should understand if I'm upset and support me and all of those things and you're not getting that now. 61 00:06:34,218.583 --> 00:06:39,78.583 That causes a lot of strife, a lot of resentment, a lot of ill will. 62 00:06:39,528.583 --> 00:06:44,838.5825 And then, then instead of going out of your way for each other, you're backing off, you're running away from each other. 63 00:06:44,838.5825 --> 00:06:48,168.583 You're holding off on love and what you could give. 64 00:06:48,668.583 --> 00:06:56,208.583 So and like in coaching, we sometimes call it the manual and as identifying all the expectations that you have. 65 00:06:56,928.583 --> 00:07:11,388.5835 And they may be normal expectations, some of them but if they're not being met, then we need to analyze them and see, what out of these you can throw out or what you can find a different way of getting or what you can fulfill for yourself and things like that. 66 00:07:11,388.5835 --> 00:07:13,938.5835 So expectations Are a big point. 67 00:07:14,328.5835 --> 00:07:17,858.5835 Another one is emotional adulthood self management. 68 00:07:18,378.5835 --> 00:07:23,948.5835 Earlier, like the other person was there to support, right? They understood you're upset even before you said it. 69 00:07:24,438.5835 --> 00:07:28,368.5835 But now you're screaming and still the other person doesn't get it. 70 00:07:28,958.5835 --> 00:07:33,358.5835 So we as individuals have to grow emotional adulthood. 71 00:07:33,778.5835 --> 00:07:37,948.583 Adulthood in body means that, you're able to take care of your needs. 72 00:07:37,948.583 --> 00:07:39,328.584 You have a place in the world. 73 00:07:39,758.584 --> 00:07:42,718.585 And all of that emotional adulthood means similarly. 74 00:07:42,738.585 --> 00:07:44,708.585 Now you're able to take care of your emotions. 75 00:07:45,638.585 --> 00:07:51,468.585 And to be able to take care of your emotions, you need to first realize what emotions you are having in your body. 76 00:07:51,798.585 --> 00:08:00,258.585 You have to be able to understand them, name them, and analyze them, and be able to manage them. 77 00:08:00,758.585 --> 00:08:03,498.585 So you're not just raw all the time. 78 00:08:04,958.585 --> 00:08:09,58.585 You can manage, understand, and manage a lot of your emotions. 79 00:08:09,408.585 --> 00:08:13,98.585 So the support you're seeking outside, you're not as dependent on that. 80 00:08:14,448.585 --> 00:08:19,858.585 And then with that attitude, you're more likely to even get the support from the other person. 81 00:08:21,138.585 --> 00:08:38,188.586 So it sounds working on one, one's own self is very key to a, have a marriage to be content and obviously there are two people in a marriage so that can apply for both people. 82 00:08:38,688.586 --> 00:08:41,968.586 You developed this marriage mastermind program. 83 00:08:43,218.586 --> 00:08:43,448.586 Yes. 84 00:08:43,478.586 --> 00:08:44,328.586 Tell us about that. 85 00:08:44,978.586 --> 00:08:45,518.586 Yeah. 86 00:08:45,878.586 --> 00:08:49,718.585 So in my marriage mastermind program, it's a 12 week program. 87 00:08:49,768.585 --> 00:09:00,978.586 So where I talk to my clients for about an hour every week and if they have anything that comes up during the week, they email me for support and I respond to them on the email. 88 00:09:00,978.586 --> 00:09:04,518.586 Or if there's something urgent coming up, we can schedule another call sooner. 89 00:09:05,8.586 --> 00:09:05,38.586 Okay. 90 00:09:05,38.586 --> 00:09:05,248.586 You're welcome. 91 00:09:05,578.586 --> 00:09:24,98.586 So this is where they come in with their challenges and I try to show them analyze it, show them their blind spots and offer them examples and inspiration and tools and an understanding of what really is happening inside us. 92 00:09:24,483.586 --> 00:09:26,893.586 Where and where we have our power. 93 00:09:26,893.586 --> 00:09:29,3.586 Actually, I call it pockets of power. 94 00:09:29,303.586 --> 00:09:35,153.585 So in any situation, there are pockets where your power lies. 95 00:09:36,223.586 --> 00:09:38,213.586 It may seem it's just too much. 96 00:09:38,683.586 --> 00:09:43,523.587 And it's hopeless, but there are pockets where your power lies. 97 00:09:44,33.587 --> 00:09:45,53.587 It can be somewhere. 98 00:09:45,313.587 --> 00:09:49,753.587 It can be in a something as simple as just taking a few deep breaths. 99 00:09:50,643.587 --> 00:09:52,363.587 taking a nap, talking to a friend. 100 00:09:52,943.587 --> 00:09:59,93.587 It can be something like, knowing how to speak, you finding out your desire and laying it out there. 101 00:09:59,863.587 --> 00:10:05,723.586 It can be something like being able to express your feelings without coming off as accusing. 102 00:10:06,213.586 --> 00:10:12,263.586 So there are these pockets of power that are there identifying those and being able to use those. 103 00:10:12,773.586 --> 00:10:18,593.586 Can create huge differences in your own life, certainly, and then in your overall relationships. 104 00:10:20,413.586 --> 00:10:31,663.585 And how much of your background, and I'll share mine, even though I was born and brought up in the US I come from an Indian heritage. 105 00:10:31,993.585 --> 00:10:55,973.585 As I've gotten into my practice, I've realized that a lot of my Western training has served as the backbone for what I do, but I have slowly realized that there's an eastern part that really can serve as a way to calm my patients who suffer from anxiety and depression. 106 00:10:56,543.586 --> 00:11:06,23.586 And there are times when I'm talking about breath work in the exam room and how to notice your breath and how to pay attention to breathing. 107 00:11:06,413.586 --> 00:11:07,483.586 How much of that. 108 00:11:08,223.586 --> 00:11:10,63.586 Influences your practice. 109 00:11:10,758.586 --> 00:11:13,948.586 I spent two decades in India growing up. 110 00:11:14,318.586 --> 00:11:21,238.586 So growing up in India, family and relationships are so important there, right? It's very important there. 111 00:11:21,368.586 --> 00:11:25,348.586 So many customs, the whole life revolves around family and relationships. 112 00:11:25,858.586 --> 00:11:27,408.586 So that's why that is important. 113 00:11:27,998.586 --> 00:11:40,948.586 That's why I had the desire to figure out how in a new place where I don't have the community or support or examples, how I can make it work with the, in a new place. 114 00:11:41,88.585 --> 00:11:48,88.585 So coming from that background and having taken all the courses here with the, Eastern philosophy. 115 00:11:48,388.585 --> 00:11:49,838.586 So I really enjoy that. 116 00:11:49,998.586 --> 00:11:52,228.587 No, being grounded over there. 117 00:11:52,703.587 --> 00:12:06,893.587 And also knowing the independent tools from here has been very helpful in today's world where there is a lot of permission to just break things and move on, even if, when it gets a little bit harder. 118 00:12:07,33.587 --> 00:12:11,363.586 I come from a place where I, I feel like you can do more for the connection. 119 00:12:11,863.586 --> 00:12:13,513.586 You can do more. 120 00:12:13,723.586 --> 00:12:19,893.584 And, of course, it's great to have the choices to move on, to move away from people you can't work with. 121 00:12:20,203.584 --> 00:12:24,593.585 But I think there are a lot of things that can be done beforehand, before you get to that place. 122 00:12:24,603.585 --> 00:12:30,253.585 So you, at the end of it, you'll either get closer, or you'll get clearer on your situation. 123 00:12:32,208.585 --> 00:12:44,198.585 And of course, I do use breathing and, just being self aware emotions, how you're feeling in your body and all the Eastern philosophies also. 124 00:12:45,8.584 --> 00:12:59,88.586 And do you do more of the counseling as couples together or is it more an individual focus for you? So I started out more with the individual focus. 125 00:12:59,513.586 --> 00:13:05,523.586 But I do have couples also that I work with and both, it's great if you have a couple who wants to come in. 126 00:13:06,123.586 --> 00:13:09,793.586 And work on the relationship, their own self growth and the relationship. 127 00:13:09,813.586 --> 00:13:11,13.586 That's, I think that's amazing. 128 00:13:11,633.586 --> 00:13:12,973.586 So that's always a treat. 129 00:13:13,263.586 --> 00:13:21,223.5845 But there are many times when there are people who are struggling themselves, their partner may not want to, or they're seeking, their self help elsewhere. 130 00:13:21,663.5845 --> 00:13:26,593.5845 So I, I do enjoy working with the single people also. 131 00:13:26,803.5845 --> 00:13:32,183.5845 And I find it very nice because then you are coming in with accountability. 132 00:13:32,773.5845 --> 00:13:36,403.5845 You're coming in with the desire to understand and make changes. 133 00:13:36,803.5845 --> 00:13:41,653.5845 In couples, it could be sometimes when both are there still pointing towards each other which is fine. 134 00:13:41,663.5845 --> 00:13:42,553.5845 We can work through it. 135 00:13:42,923.5835 --> 00:13:48,643.585 But if it's just you came there because you have desire to find out what you can do to change and improve. 136 00:13:48,913.585 --> 00:13:53,843.585 So that part, that component of your desire and your initiative is huge. 137 00:13:55,513.585 --> 00:14:09,983.5845 I'm curious, for those of your clients that come as a single person versus those who come as a couple, what are the success rates versus, in, for the comparison of the two. 138 00:14:11,233.6845 --> 00:14:17,703.5845 So comparing single people with those who come as a couple. 139 00:14:19,213.5845 --> 00:14:32,563.5845 As a couple, more chances because they both are coming in, right? And as a single woman, I find, in my experience, it matters when you are coming in also. 140 00:14:32,783.5845 --> 00:14:41,173.5845 So if you're coming in the initial stages of your marriage, just like in medicine, if you find a problem, you go there in the initial stages, there is much more likelihood of. 141 00:14:42,633.5845 --> 00:14:43,163.5845 better. 142 00:14:43,523.5845 --> 00:14:47,33.5845 But you come at a later stage, it takes longer. 143 00:14:47,583.5845 --> 00:14:49,793.5845 And so both have their pros and cons. 144 00:14:49,843.5845 --> 00:14:55,123.5845 In single cases, sometimes there are women whose partner is not willing to participate. 145 00:14:56,203.5845 --> 00:15:02,773.5845 That way it is harder for them because for them it becomes so much about how they are showing up and what they can do and where their power is. 146 00:15:03,713.5845 --> 00:15:06,753.5845 While as a couple they can, they can divide the work. 147 00:15:09,153.5835 --> 00:15:13,93.5845 Take me through the steps of your marriage mastermind program. 148 00:15:13,143.6845 --> 00:15:16,513.6845 And what I would expect as a client of yours. 149 00:15:17,903.6845 --> 00:15:34,843.6835 So I work with a lot of tools, but to summarize it I worked with the, my RICE model, which would do is like R stands for releasing control, inappropriate control, I stands for identity, C is for connection. 150 00:15:35,558.6845 --> 00:15:37,678.6845 And E is for emotional adulthood. 151 00:15:38,528.6845 --> 00:15:41,638.6845 So R, let's say releasing control. 152 00:15:41,828.6845 --> 00:15:50,268.6835 So one when I ask my clients to go through a day and write down what are all the times they were, that caused them unpleasantness, they were upset. 153 00:15:50,388.6845 --> 00:15:53,8.6835 Identify, write down all the times that happened to you. 154 00:15:53,688.6835 --> 00:15:58,728.6835 And a lot of it comes from the desire to have things go your way. 155 00:15:58,878.6835 --> 00:16:01,908.6835 People are not doing what you want, and people are not saying what you want. 156 00:16:01,978.6835 --> 00:16:03,398.6835 That's happens most of the times. 157 00:16:03,948.6835 --> 00:16:12,698.6835 There is a lot of control, and much of it may be appropriate, right? You need to get things done, that seems the fair, right thing to do, which is fine. 158 00:16:12,888.6825 --> 00:16:15,798.6835 But when you identify, there is a lot of it that you can cut it out. 159 00:16:16,673.6835 --> 00:16:19,623.6835 There's a lot where you really don't need to exercise any control. 160 00:16:19,743.6835 --> 00:16:21,543.6835 Some may not be even relevant to you. 161 00:16:22,163.6835 --> 00:16:29,873.6835 So finding out where you are unnecessarily trying to, control things, just lessen your own burden by finding that out. 162 00:16:30,763.6835 --> 00:16:37,283.6835 So that's a huge part, figuring out where, you're indulging in inappropriate stress and anxiety. 163 00:16:39,283.6835 --> 00:16:44,263.6835 I is for identity, which is so important because everything starts with us. 164 00:16:45,23.6835 --> 00:16:47,583.6835 We begin to interact with other people because we have us. 165 00:16:48,78.6835 --> 00:17:07,878.6835 So who are you? So many women, they lose themselves once they have kids and hide their health their place in the world, meaning, their financial status or the job they do or how they, what their place is in the community, all of that, what their desires are, hobbies are, all of that is lost. 166 00:17:08,18.6835 --> 00:17:14,858.6835 Figuring out your identity again what do you like treating yourself well, finding time for yourself every day. 167 00:17:15,418.6835 --> 00:17:25,428.6825 Do you want to do something where you are financially independent or engage in some volunteer activities? Something of mentally stimulating yourself for yourself also. 168 00:17:25,858.6835 --> 00:17:41,113.6845 It is important, but figuring out your identity, what are your values? And then when things are difficult in life, that's what we go to, what is my value system here? What do I want? What choice do I want to make? And then we have connection. 169 00:17:42,273.6835 --> 00:17:50,93.6845 Connection is where you're putting yourself forward in the relationship to do something kind something nice, something thoughtful. 170 00:17:50,293.6845 --> 00:17:54,653.6845 Something, You can be grateful, you can do something nice, you can put yourself out there. 171 00:17:54,713.6845 --> 00:18:01,343.6845 Those are the things which, which kind of go away in relationships because you have so much hurt and resentment and there's a wall that's built up. 172 00:18:01,563.6845 --> 00:18:03,863.6845 It's hard to be vulnerable and express. 173 00:18:04,303.6835 --> 00:18:09,233.6845 I would like to go for a walk, simple things you're not able to say because there's just too much build up now. 174 00:18:09,568.6845 --> 00:18:23,488.6835 It's very uncomfortable to say it, you just expect it, come to me and comfort me, which is great if it happens, but the people who are coming for help, it's not happening and they have to figure out how they can manage themselves and be the one. 175 00:18:23,733.6845 --> 00:18:27,753.6845 To keep putting in efforts and gestures for connection. 176 00:18:27,753.6845 --> 00:18:28,423.6845 That's important. 177 00:18:29,563.6845 --> 00:18:33,893.6845 Because when you begin to just expect, you stop doing these things yourself. 178 00:18:35,463.6845 --> 00:18:54,353.6845 And then ease for emotional adulthood, as I said first, being able to understand your own body, your system, what your triggers are, how, what are the feelings you feel in your body, what your patterns are, being able to self soothe, being able to self control, and then you can address it. 179 00:18:54,473.6845 --> 00:18:55,923.6845 Address the situation, yes. 180 00:18:56,188.6845 --> 00:19:06,158.6845 But you have more chances of it being a successful conversation if you're able to manage yourself first and then come to it with a calmer energy than otherwise. 181 00:19:06,668.6845 --> 00:19:18,158.6845 Going through all of these RICE for pretty much covers a lot of things, and then there's separate tools you can have, that I work with in among, so the mind and body work is very important. 182 00:19:18,218.6845 --> 00:19:27,98.6845 It sounds being able to continue having a effective communication with your spouse. 183 00:19:27,663.6845 --> 00:19:40,273.6845 And that's something I don't think we really think about too much because, I think, the fight and flight reaction happens and it's very easy to, shout or scream or, whatever it is. 184 00:19:40,803.6845 --> 00:19:43,753.6845 And I think that applies to many different situations in life. 185 00:19:43,753.6845 --> 00:19:51,823.6855 I think it's a very big feat for many of us to actually be able to examine something, keep calm about it. 186 00:19:52,323.6855 --> 00:20:00,513.6855 Be mindful of our breathing and then form a logical response. 187 00:20:01,63.6855 --> 00:20:07,303.6855 A lot that, that requires training that requires, I'm not talking about going to school kind of training. 188 00:20:07,843.6855 --> 00:20:11,163.6865 It's really a lot of training to be able to do that. 189 00:20:12,203.6865 --> 00:20:14,863.6865 So it sounds like you help your clients. 190 00:20:15,173.6865 --> 00:20:34,173.6875 And in that aspect, I've always wondered, at what year do you see within the marriage where problems start arising for couples? What is that common, digit that you see? Is it five? Is it seven? Is it 10? I know there have been studies done on this. 191 00:20:34,733.6875 --> 00:20:44,173.6875 But mostly what I see when you have kids, that adds so much to the picture than just the two of you living by yourself. 192 00:20:44,763.6865 --> 00:20:49,883.6865 But yes, there are studies that probably identify somewhere close to five years, seven years. 193 00:20:49,933.7865 --> 00:20:57,923.7875 But I see the more that's added onto your plate, especially with the kids more you're stretched in different directions. 194 00:20:59,703.7875 --> 00:21:14,233.7895 And then reading all these articles that, appear on various media they always talk about financial, issues are one of the biggest reasons why marriages go through hardships. 195 00:21:14,783.7895 --> 00:21:24,478.7905 Why is that? I understand it's a stressful subject but why are the finances always listed as a top reason? Yeah. 196 00:21:25,188.7905 --> 00:21:35,958.7895 First of all, earning finances in today's world is challenging and how much we want makes it challenging, right? It's, we live in a busy world. 197 00:21:36,573.7905 --> 00:21:40,973.7905 We're just on the go having to work too much to earn, to make a living. 198 00:21:41,453.7905 --> 00:21:55,483.7905 And then our desires are so much, what we are wanting, all the social media and I don't know, whatever is happening, we want to go on vacations, like the friends or the bigger houses or all of that. 199 00:21:55,523.7905 --> 00:21:59,333.7905 So then we put financial stress on ourselves. 200 00:21:59,333.7905 --> 00:22:01,53.7905 So time has become limited. 201 00:22:01,678.7905 --> 00:22:26,918.7905 Work has become more, it seems and then if you're not in the relationship as deeply, then your heart is more into protecting, this is mine, that is yours or the insecurity that comes with what's going to happen in the future and then the lack of, again, the lack of goodwill and all these insecurities that keep coming wanting to protect yourself. 202 00:22:27,743.7905 --> 00:22:38,143.7905 Uncertainty of the future, a lot of desires things like that do cause a lot of financial stress that, that of course impacts relationships. 203 00:22:39,593.7905 --> 00:23:00,388.7905 How do you guide your clients when it becomes a financial reason? What coaching tips do you have in those situations? One is the it is very stressful when you either truly have a financial stress, and one of you, both of you lost jobs or hard to sustain. 204 00:23:00,388.7905 --> 00:23:01,448.7905 These are stressors. 205 00:23:01,488.7905 --> 00:23:02,988.7895 Anyone would be stressed in these. 206 00:23:04,958.7905 --> 00:23:10,138.7905 And the others are insecurity and lack of goodwill, things like that. 207 00:23:11,128.7905 --> 00:23:25,878.7905 When these issues are there, being, working on your relationship as a team, coming to the communication, being able to express vulnerably to each other what your concerns are, what your hopes and desires are. 208 00:23:27,758.7905 --> 00:23:30,308.7905 Helping each other out, supporting each other. 209 00:23:30,608.7905 --> 00:23:41,418.7905 Being a team essentially against strengthening the relationship that you know, and looking at the long term will make through this will figure out solutions will find help. 210 00:23:41,968.7905 --> 00:23:52,168.7905 So being able to just center your mind, even through that hardship it is the key to coming out of those hardships or the mindset of that hardship. 211 00:23:55,108.7905 --> 00:24:08,288.7915 When you have financial reasons for the strain in the marriage, does that typically fall more with men being stressed with the finances versus women. 212 00:24:08,318.8915 --> 00:24:14,958.891 I am holding a stereotype at this point because as we both know, women are very much part of the workforce. 213 00:24:15,448.892 --> 00:24:21,928.892 But what do you see in your practice? I, in my practice, I work mostly with women unless they are couples. 214 00:24:22,328.892 --> 00:24:25,218.892 So it's the women's stressors that I see more. 215 00:24:25,758.892 --> 00:24:36,888.892 And yes, finances are problematic worry about paying the bills or spouses spending on things they do not approve of or things like that. 216 00:24:37,48.892 --> 00:24:39,948.792 So I do have a lot of experiences with women only. 217 00:24:41,328.892 --> 00:24:54,698.892 And you mentioned the kids, once the kids come into the picture I've had my own mom tell me this when I was a kid, that we were the reasons that, her marriage changed. 218 00:24:55,168.891 --> 00:24:58,218.891 And I never obviously understood what that meant. 219 00:24:58,218.892 --> 00:25:10,878.892 I was like, what did we do? We didn't do anything, but why does that happen? And what can people do to focus on their marriage again at that time? Very interesting and deep question. 220 00:25:10,948.892 --> 00:25:17,638.892 So much friction begins to come, as I said before, because there's the kid first kids needs the work goes for sure. 221 00:25:17,698.892 --> 00:25:23,178.893 The kids are going to break something, get hurt or just so much that is added on to the plate. 222 00:25:23,358.893 --> 00:25:30,788.893 And then the division of work and the responsibility, getting things and managing kids and all of that just adds a lot. 223 00:25:32,498.893 --> 00:25:36,398.893 As a result, probably the time the couple spends together is reduced. 224 00:25:36,418.893 --> 00:25:38,348.893 Now they are no longer on the same page. 225 00:25:38,378.893 --> 00:25:41,58.893 They don't have the time to be on the same page. 226 00:25:41,538.892 --> 00:25:44,618.892 And then differences happen, distance happens. 227 00:25:45,123.892 --> 00:25:51,993.892 Because love is a, is an action word, right? You've got to do things for each other and have gestures. 228 00:25:51,993.892 --> 00:25:56,353.892 And now if you're not doing because you don't have the bandwidth for it, you don't have the time for it. 229 00:25:56,883.892 --> 00:25:58,593.892 So slowly the distance grows. 230 00:25:58,683.892 --> 00:26:01,123.892 And if you're in a new place. 231 00:26:01,443.892 --> 00:26:07,743.892 If you don't have any template or a community support, all of that can add up. 232 00:26:09,213.892 --> 00:26:10,333.892 It's a variety of things. 233 00:26:11,533.892 --> 00:26:18,903.891 How to deal with it, parenting is a whole coaching topic, right? Planning is, such a, so helpful. 234 00:26:20,403.89 --> 00:26:28,203.89 planning ahead, taking some parenting courses or making a commitment to spend some time with each other. 235 00:26:28,233.89 --> 00:26:37,93.89 Problems arise, having someone to discuss them with, having some friends around who have gone through the journey who can guide you through it. 236 00:26:37,533.89 --> 00:26:45,343.891 So having your allies, having a group from which you can learn, it could be your friends, it could be family, community, your coach. 237 00:26:45,603.891 --> 00:27:11,653.89 Surrounding yourself with your support system, because it is new, parenting is new you just go on and your relationship with your kids now, your relationship with your spouse, so you just have to surround yourself with a positive supportive environment that has the wisdom to help you through it and you Keep identifying problems, keep solving them, know love is an action word, keep investing into it. 238 00:27:12,623.89 --> 00:27:18,363.89 So you can try to be more on the same page instead of just going separate ways in the busyness. 239 00:27:19,993.89 --> 00:27:31,783.889 And what can couples, especially nowadays where you have two people who are often working, taking care of the kids, it's very hard to focus on each other. 240 00:27:32,123.889 --> 00:27:52,848.889 So What can couples do to help bring back the intimacy and the time that they used to spend together before the children? It's, it can be, very difficult at times, right? You're, you have X amount of time, you're working, you come home, you're exhausted. 241 00:27:53,38.889 --> 00:28:03,868.888 And then the weekends and then sometimes it this goes into the weekdays to both of you are running around with the kids activities and such. 242 00:28:04,158.889 --> 00:28:16,833.8895 So how do you advise your clients when it comes to those kinds of situations? So first of all, it's great that if a client comes with that concern, meaning they, they know it, it's not just happening to them. 243 00:28:16,843.8895 --> 00:28:18,613.8885 They are aware that this is happening. 244 00:28:18,713.8895 --> 00:28:20,493.8895 This is a difficulty they are facing. 245 00:28:20,783.8895 --> 00:28:22,373.8885 It's impacting their connection. 246 00:28:22,373.8895 --> 00:28:27,413.8885 That's huge to know where you stand and then they have a desire to work on it. 247 00:28:27,953.8885 --> 00:28:28,713.8885 That's amazing. 248 00:28:28,713.8885 --> 00:28:30,403.8885 Two important things covered right there. 249 00:28:31,33.8885 --> 00:28:37,103.8885 Now, at that stage, it's a given you have more things to do and you have limited time. 250 00:28:37,523.8895 --> 00:28:41,253.8895 So you're not going to probably have the same kind of time you used to have before. 251 00:28:42,813.8895 --> 00:28:49,53.8895 Having kids is is a blessing and it's a treat and grows you and, fulfills you in so many ways also. 252 00:28:49,723.8895 --> 00:29:02,153.8875 So now with that different time, different way your time is spent one thing to realize is that to be, to feel loved, you really don't need that much. 253 00:29:03,103.8875 --> 00:29:10,233.8875 If you can just be intentional, give a few, nice comments to your spouse throughout the day. 254 00:29:11,333.8875 --> 00:29:17,703.887 Just, touch them or say something connecting to them or maybe 10 minutes here you found to share something with them. 255 00:29:18,83.887 --> 00:29:24,333.888 Sometimes those gestures are enough to keep you connected, but that requires an intention. 256 00:29:25,543.888 --> 00:29:44,583.887 You could be just going around, running around, I'm tired, no, don't disturb me, and I'm tired, just be like that, or you can, if you have the intention, hey, I do want to keep our relationship going well also, then it doesn't take that much to show your appreciation to show your connection, to show your vulnerability. 257 00:29:44,923.887 --> 00:29:47,673.887 To find those moments and keep it going. 258 00:29:47,673.887 --> 00:29:58,623.886 And now the kids, you have something nice and exciting also as it can be difficult and then you have such a, such an enriching experience also with the kids. 259 00:29:59,43.887 --> 00:30:04,403.887 So less can be utilized effectively is what I'm trying to say. 260 00:30:04,903.887 --> 00:30:10,53.888 We, I think often imagine these, very elaborate dates where you're going for dinner. 261 00:30:10,513.888 --> 00:30:13,163.888 And that often I think people feel. 262 00:30:13,298.888 --> 00:30:18,798.888 Overwhelmed because they're like, I can't even fit in doing my laundry or my other things. 263 00:30:19,288.888 --> 00:30:21,858.8885 And I'm supposed to, fit in a date night. 264 00:30:22,418.8885 --> 00:30:32,998.8875 I think it's still important to have those moments though, with your significant other, where You spend time just with them. 265 00:30:34,138.8875 --> 00:30:36,868.8875 And yeah, that is great, that is essential too. 266 00:30:36,948.8875 --> 00:30:45,138.8875 So being able to prioritize, being able to schedule your days in a manner, or week or a month in a manner, that you can find time for that. 267 00:30:45,218.8875 --> 00:30:50,198.8875 Because if you have a desire for something, you have the intention for something, you're going to find the time for that. 268 00:30:50,698.8875 --> 00:30:56,428.8875 It doesn't have to, it may not be as frequent as it used to be before but you can still make the time for it. 269 00:30:56,478.8875 --> 00:31:03,748.8875 That will just require you, okay, I'm willing to spend this much on babysitting or whatever happens or arrange family. 270 00:31:03,748.9875 --> 00:31:09,468.8875 I'm willing to give less time to this part and make time here. 271 00:31:09,478.8875 --> 00:31:13,978.8865 You're just going to need to prioritize and make time for those important things also. 272 00:31:15,808.8875 --> 00:31:29,38.8875 And I've often heard this expression that a happy family really focuses on parents that are happy and parents that work together and have good communication. 273 00:31:29,698.8875 --> 00:31:40,148.8875 Why is that? Yeah, just it is so important because these kids that you're raising like parents usually have unconditional love towards the kids. 274 00:31:40,198.8875 --> 00:31:41,558.8875 The kids are pretty much set. 275 00:31:41,588.8875 --> 00:31:43,478.8875 The parents love them so much. 276 00:31:43,858.8875 --> 00:31:46,758.887 These kids are going to grow one day and become adults. 277 00:31:46,758.887 --> 00:31:49,758.8865 They're going to have their own relationships and spouses and kids. 278 00:31:50,373.8875 --> 00:31:52,963.8875 And like in computer science, we write a program. 279 00:31:53,193.8875 --> 00:31:55,443.8875 As parents, we are writing a program in their mind. 280 00:31:56,183.8875 --> 00:32:01,153.8875 What they see, that's what is going to most probably unfold many years later. 281 00:32:01,703.8865 --> 00:32:03,243.8875 I've seen that in my life around. 282 00:32:04,833.8875 --> 00:32:15,43.8875 I'm so conscious and so aware, in a good way, that what I am saying and doing, it's going in there, that computer program is being written in the kids. 283 00:32:15,633.8875 --> 00:32:18,93.8875 And that's what is going to unfold later on. 284 00:32:19,793.8875 --> 00:32:24,763.8875 So it is it is very important for parents to love their kids and which comes very easy. 285 00:32:25,633.8875 --> 00:32:29,833.8875 At the same time, it is very important for them to love each other's spouses. 286 00:32:29,843.8875 --> 00:32:33,453.887 So the kids see a healthy parents, healthy spouses. 287 00:32:33,863.887 --> 00:32:39,773.887 They learn about science and all the worldly things at school, but relationships. 288 00:32:40,593.887 --> 00:32:44,903.887 especially family kind of relationships, the house is their school. 289 00:32:45,133.887 --> 00:32:46,303.887 That's where they are learning. 290 00:32:47,503.887 --> 00:32:52,813.887 So if the parents, it's the parents are the teachers for relationships. 291 00:32:53,978.887 --> 00:33:09,418.887 And it sounds like most therapists, at least good therapists and coaches the goal of these types of professions is to build better communication, trust and. 292 00:33:09,633.887 --> 00:33:29,253.886 Enhance the relationship, but as you are aware, and as you said, most of your clients are women, there comes a time when you try your best and you know that the marriage is not going to work in those situations. 293 00:33:29,513.887 --> 00:33:36,923.887 How do you guide your women clients? So that is true. 294 00:33:36,963.887 --> 00:33:44,143.887 And that's what I say, when you work on yourself, there is no certainty about what's going to happen to your relationship. 295 00:33:44,293.886 --> 00:33:47,943.886 You're giving it the best chance to thrive, survive, be really good. 296 00:33:48,423.887 --> 00:33:53,13.887 You're giving it your best chance, but there's a lot of certainty about what will happen to you. 297 00:33:54,163.887 --> 00:34:07,143.8865 So as you learn all the tools, go through all the developments of development, communication tools, your identity, like I said, your identity, The worst case scenario, you will still come out stronger. 298 00:34:08,893.8865 --> 00:34:10,693.8865 There's no guarantee on the relationship. 299 00:34:10,763.8865 --> 00:34:18,943.8855 You are going to provide it the optimal conditions to thrive, but then that's another person and their whole story and baggage. 300 00:34:20,93.8865 --> 00:34:24,623.8855 But what, you have a lot of control over how you come out of it. 301 00:34:26,753.8855 --> 00:34:27,793.8865 So that's what I say. 302 00:34:27,793.8865 --> 00:34:30,193.8865 You can always fall back to on yourself. 303 00:34:30,193.8865 --> 00:34:31,263.8865 You're going to get stronger. 304 00:34:32,193.8865 --> 00:34:34,23.8865 You're going to have better chances. 305 00:34:34,233.8865 --> 00:34:35,763.8865 You're going to learn the skills. 306 00:34:35,923.8865 --> 00:34:37,643.8865 And relationships are everywhere. 307 00:34:38,143.8865 --> 00:34:42,633.8865 Your kids, your family, parents, co workers, neighbors. 308 00:34:42,683.8865 --> 00:34:44,263.8865 It's going to help you throughout. 309 00:34:44,413.8865 --> 00:34:46,483.8865 And your chances in the future. 310 00:34:47,493.8865 --> 00:34:53,123.8865 So without this work, with this work, with the work, you're going to come out ahead. 311 00:34:55,803.8865 --> 00:35:01,233.8865 How do you attract your clientele? Is it word of mouth? Good question. 312 00:35:02,433.8865 --> 00:35:03,803.8865 Mostly it is word of mouth. 313 00:35:04,203.8865 --> 00:35:06,513.8865 I do have my website, as PriyankaCoaching. 314 00:35:06,843.8855 --> 00:35:17,113.8865 com and I, a lot of my clients also come from the certifications I have done the Lifeboat School certification and a lot through word of mouth. 315 00:35:17,608.8865 --> 00:35:37,38.8865 And and then some other through a podcast and other social media and what other media do you do? You do podcasts, obviously do you write, do you have a blog or do you come out on other social media? Do you have an Instagram? Yeah, those are all on my goals. 316 00:35:38,263.8865 --> 00:35:39,243.8865 It is all there. 317 00:35:39,293.8865 --> 00:35:42,873.8865 I need to, the thing with coaches is we love coaching so much. 318 00:35:42,873.8865 --> 00:35:46,613.8875 So we are not that much into marketing, but that's something that needs to be done. 319 00:35:47,23.8865 --> 00:35:47,943.8865 That's essential. 320 00:35:48,43.8875 --> 00:35:48,593.8875 Okay. 321 00:35:49,313.8865 --> 00:35:55,713.8865 And so how will my listeners be able to find you? You mentioned your website, Priyanka coaching, com. 322 00:35:56,603.8865 --> 00:35:56,893.8865 Yeah. 323 00:35:56,953.8865 --> 00:36:00,813.7865 So it's a B R I Y A N K A coaching. 324 00:36:00,983.8865 --> 00:36:01,563.8865 Dot com. 325 00:36:02,163.8865 --> 00:36:04,313.8865 You can find me there. 326 00:36:04,543.8865 --> 00:36:16,213.8855 You can read through and I do offer a free consultation call so I can see where you stand and I can figure out where your pockets of power are and where you are. 327 00:36:16,708.8865 --> 00:36:20,878.8865 And you can email me at coaching at Priyanka coaching. 328 00:36:21,88.8865 --> 00:36:21,718.8865 com. 329 00:36:22,468.8865 --> 00:36:22,808.8865 Great. 330 00:36:22,868.8865 --> 00:36:25,948.8865 And I'll make sure to obviously include all of this in the show notes. 331 00:36:25,958.8855 --> 00:36:31,768.8865 So if people don't catch it on the podcast, they can always go to the show notes and get it there. 332 00:36:32,78.8865 --> 00:36:36,358.8865 We talked a lot about, different things about your coaching program. 333 00:36:36,658.8865 --> 00:36:41,638.8865 Is there something that we haven't talked about that you would like to discuss? Thanks. 334 00:36:43,833.8865 --> 00:37:02,743.8875 I would like to discuss just a little bit about again, the mind, like how much of our mind impacts our relationships, because words are like our mouth, I say, our mouth is such an important piece on us, because what comes out of it determines our relationships. 335 00:37:02,853.8875 --> 00:37:08,993.8875 What comes out of it in terms of words determines our relationships, our opportunities and what we create around us. 336 00:37:09,538.8875 --> 00:37:14,198.8875 And also I added to add to it that what goes inside it in terms of food determines our health. 337 00:37:14,328.8875 --> 00:37:19,598.8875 So the mouth is such an important piece on us, right? What goes in determines our health so much. 338 00:37:19,678.8875 --> 00:37:23,158.8875 What comes out determines our relationships and our life so much. 339 00:37:24,158.8875 --> 00:37:27,228.8875 And and the words are not just coming out from here. 340 00:37:27,228.8875 --> 00:37:29,58.8875 They're coming out deeper from our brain. 341 00:37:30,28.8875 --> 00:37:54,538.8875 So although we can turn off and on the tap over here at the mouth level, but we need to then go deeper and into engineering our brain and figuring out what are we doing and why are we doing and what can we do differently? And how can we optimize this? What are we missing and doing all that work in the brain? Because any event that happens in the world 100 of us will have 100 different thoughts about it. 342 00:37:54,798.8875 --> 00:38:04,668.8875 Same thing, we all, our brain is going to process it differently based on what it has absorbed over all these years we have been on the planet, or what genetic makeup we have, everything influences it. 343 00:38:05,218.8875 --> 00:38:07,118.8885 We all are going to have different thoughts about it. 344 00:38:07,398.8895 --> 00:38:11,288.8875 And those thoughts create a chemical as feelings that goes into our body. 345 00:38:12,218.8875 --> 00:38:15,698.8885 And that chemical feelings are what make us act. 346 00:38:16,228.8885 --> 00:38:17,108.8885 Or not act. 347 00:38:17,968.8885 --> 00:38:26,888.8885 And eventually, it's these actions that are creating the results for us in the world, right? It all, so much happens at the mind level. 348 00:38:27,108.8885 --> 00:38:31,88.8875 Our mind is creating the life and the results that are happening in our life. 349 00:38:31,588.8875 --> 00:38:34,748.8875 Having that this from the, this is the model from the Life Coach School. 350 00:38:34,798.8885 --> 00:38:37,848.8885 Having that understanding of how this cycle is working. 351 00:38:38,418.8885 --> 00:38:40,368.8885 Something happens and what we think. 352 00:38:40,908.8885 --> 00:38:46,228.8885 It would be and then the thought in will induce feelings and feelings will make us act somehow. 353 00:38:46,228.8885 --> 00:38:51,478.8885 And that action is going to change something in the world and change, create some kind of a result. 354 00:38:52,308.8885 --> 00:39:06,768.8885 So understanding it to the mind level, the body level, the emotions, I think that is very helpful in any situation, however you're feeling, you can go back to, Hey, what's going on over here that I'm feeling this way. 355 00:39:08,58.8885 --> 00:39:10,58.8885 Or, Hey, this is the result I want to change. 356 00:39:10,58.8885 --> 00:39:13,548.8885 I don't let me go back up all the way to the mind level. 357 00:39:14,88.8885 --> 00:39:17,598.8885 So I think that is a huge component also of what I do. 358 00:39:18,738.8885 --> 00:39:27,508.8875 And we were talking about this earlier where, and this can again apply to many different situations where, you know, that fight or flight. 359 00:39:27,753.8885 --> 00:39:29,133.8885 Reaction happens. 360 00:39:29,193.8885 --> 00:39:48,78.8885 And, you say just that thing that comes out of your mouth, right? How are we able to control ourselves better in those situations? Do you have any tips or techniques for your clients that might be useful for the listeners? Yes. 361 00:39:48,418.8885 --> 00:39:52,978.8885 So first of all, knowing that's happening, knowing that, that fight or flight is happening. 362 00:39:53,488.8885 --> 00:40:03,278.8885 And I say failing many times is a good thing to learn, right? You fail many times, your brain knows that's a pattern, that's a problem, that's happening. 363 00:40:03,988.8875 --> 00:40:06,108.8885 And then you can try to catch yourself. 364 00:40:06,278.8885 --> 00:40:09,418.8885 And how do you, the first stage of catching is you've already done it. 365 00:40:09,808.8885 --> 00:40:10,518.8885 And I've done it. 366 00:40:10,828.8885 --> 00:40:14,938.8885 What can you do now? You can gather up the courage to go apologize. 367 00:40:16,443.8885 --> 00:40:19,773.8885 It's hard, but we change when we do hard things. 368 00:40:20,323.8885 --> 00:40:24,533.8885 If you get into the habit of recognizing, this happened, I didn't want it to go this way. 369 00:40:25,463.8885 --> 00:40:29,393.8875 Either you write down in your journal, if you're not at the stage where you can go and apologize. 370 00:40:29,673.8885 --> 00:40:30,53.8885 Own up. 371 00:40:31,273.8885 --> 00:40:33,83.888 You get to the stage where you can own up. 372 00:40:33,83.888 --> 00:40:36,553.8875 Hey, I didn't want it to come out this way, or I didn't want it to mean this way. 373 00:40:37,53.8875 --> 00:40:38,623.7875 You do that. 374 00:40:39,698.7875 --> 00:40:42,638.7875 Even if it is after and the other person may get frustrated. 375 00:40:43,88.7875 --> 00:40:46,898.7875 You're just like this and you did but that's okay you're doing you're working on it. 376 00:40:47,248.7875 --> 00:40:47,418.787 Now. 377 00:40:47,418.787 --> 00:41:02,868.7875 Your brain is recording Hey, I better not do that because then I have to go through the discomfort of having to go apologize It is very vulnerable to go apologize again and again You're making it harder for yourself to make the same mistake. 378 00:41:03,448.7875 --> 00:41:13,848.7875 Now once you have learned to handle it after Your brain is going to be very careful when it is happening during that conversation is going to tell you something is happening. 379 00:41:13,858.7875 --> 00:41:15,358.7875 You might want to slow down here. 380 00:41:16,108.7875 --> 00:41:18,48.7875 You might want to change your tone here. 381 00:41:18,428.7875 --> 00:41:21,168.7875 You might want to use some silence over here. 382 00:41:21,488.7875 --> 00:41:22,708.7875 Silence is powerful. 383 00:41:22,908.7875 --> 00:41:27,478.7875 It's one of the, overlooked skills, but silence is quiet strength. 384 00:41:27,548.7875 --> 00:41:30,118.7875 Silence gives you time to self control. 385 00:41:30,128.7875 --> 00:41:33,398.7875 Silence has more impact on the other party so many times. 386 00:41:34,248.7875 --> 00:41:39,418.7875 So then you begin to recognize yourself in that situation and with enough practice. 387 00:41:40,273.7875 --> 00:41:43,913.7875 And you begin to recognize it before and take precautions before. 388 00:41:43,913.7875 --> 00:41:45,553.7875 So you have to go through the journey. 389 00:41:45,953.7875 --> 00:41:51,893.7875 To own up after, your brain will get sharper about finding up in the middle and then in the beginning. 390 00:41:52,203.7875 --> 00:41:53,743.7885 So that's the journey. 391 00:41:53,803.7885 --> 00:42:02,883.7895 And yeah you're gonna need to Repeat and keep trying just like anything else and nobody gets 10 out like 100 percent at it, right? We are all humans. 392 00:42:02,883.7895 --> 00:42:11,938.7885 We're gonna make mistakes is the frequency is going to reduce the duration is going to reduce The impact is going to reduce of your flight or fight response. 393 00:42:11,938.8885 --> 00:42:14,758.7885 So that's the life cycle. 394 00:42:16,38.7885 --> 00:42:22,598.7875 Priyanka, it's been a pleasure to having you on my podcast and talking about all these different things. 395 00:42:22,598.7885 --> 00:42:25,808.7895 As we all know, marriage is very sacred. 396 00:42:25,808.7895 --> 00:42:33,638.7895 It's a part of many different countries, obviously, and cultures and sometimes things go wrong. 397 00:42:34,78.7895 --> 00:42:45,478.7905 But I always at least hope that for people, especially my patients who are having issues, that they can come to a place where the marriage. 398 00:42:45,753.7905 --> 00:42:46,323.7905 Does work. 399 00:42:46,323.7905 --> 00:42:52,433.7905 So I'm glad that there are people like you that are helping others who are struggling along the way. 400 00:42:52,933.7905 --> 00:43:00,533.7905 And I will make sure to include everything in the show notes so that if people need to talk with you, that they can easily find you. 401 00:43:01,253.7905 --> 00:43:02,413.7905 Thank you so much, Selma. 402 00:43:02,413.7905 --> 00:43:06,903.7905 Thank you for all the wonderful, thoughtful questions you had and all the insights you had. 403 00:43:07,283.7905 --> 00:43:09,543.7905 It's been a real pleasure talking to you today. 404 00:43:10,653.7905 --> 00:43:14,753.7905 And don't forget to like, share and review my podcast. 405 00:43:15,303.7905 --> 00:43:19,93.7905 Remember, it's always ladies first on Soma Says. 406 00:43:19,393.7905 --> 00:43:23,53.7905 Let's make a difference one conversation at a time.