February 11, 2025 • 13 mins
In this episode of the Amanda Millie podcast, Amanda Millie explores the concept of people pleasing, its detrimental impact on one's well-being, and the journey to overcoming it.
She reflects on her own experiences of constantly saying yes to others at the expense of her own needs and how that behavior led to burnout and self-neglect. Amanda introduces the idea of 'abandoning ourselves' as a more accurate term for people pleasing, highlighting the deep emotional repercussions of this habit. She offers practical strategies for breaking the cycle, such as building self-awareness, setting boundaries, prioritizing self-care, and seeking support.
Amanda concludes with a wellness tip, encouraging listeners to pause before saying yes to ensure their decisions align with their genuine desires.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
.999my loves, welcome back to the Amanda Millie podcast, where we balance chaos and navigate the messy moments of life one day at a time.
(00:09):
If you're new here, hi.
My name is Amanda Millie.
Thanks for joining me.
This podcast is all about self growth.
It's about healing and fully stepping into your power, mind, body, and spirit.
Before we get into today's topic, I just have to say thank you so much to everybody who's listened to our inaugural episode.
(00:32):
Seriously, the love on that first episode means a lot to me.
.999And listen, if you haven't already.
Do me a little favor, leave me a quick review.
Not because it's for my ego or anything like that.
I promise I'm good, but it's because when you do the algorithm takes notice and it's like, you're giving it a little nudge and saying, Hey, this podcast is worth sharing and that means more people who need this conversations will actually get to hear them.
(01:02):
So if you're vibing with this, hit that review button on whatever platform you're listening from, and let's spread the love.
All right, so let's get into it.
.999What are we talking about today? Today we're talking about people pleasing, AKA the thing that so many of us do without even realizing just how much it's draining us. 16 00:01:25,984.999 --> 00:01:33,325 You know, for years, I actually was that girl, the one who said, yes, Yes to everyone.
(01:33):
Everybody else said yes when she really wanted to say no.
.0005I was the one who was constantly rearranging her own plans, canceling her schedule and putting herself last to make sure everyone else was happy. 19 00:01:49,665.0005 --> 00:01:53,54.9005 I feel exhausted just thinking about it now because that was a lot. 20 00:01:53,985.0005 --> 00:01:57,755.0005 Deep down, I didn't feel like I was worthy of love. 21 00:01:57,805.0005 --> 00:02:02,245.0005 I was seeking validation through the approval of others. 22 00:02:02,274.9995 --> 00:02:09,314.9985 I didn't even realize that that's what I was doing, but that's clearly the pattern that was repeating itself over and over again. 23 00:02:09,774.9985 --> 00:02:13,434.9995 And you know what? I really thought that made me a good person. 24 00:02:13,804.9995 --> 00:02:21,759.9995 I thought it meant I was kind, I was generous, I was caring, but was I really? I was so exhausted. 25 00:02:21,969.9995 --> 00:02:23,359.9995 I was very resentful. 26 00:02:23,359.9995 --> 00:02:26,99.9995 I may have said yes to everyone, that doesn't mean I was happy about it. 27 00:02:26,559.9995 --> 00:02:28,659.9995 I was disconnected from myself. 28 00:02:29,129.9995 --> 00:02:31,579.9995 Nothing about it was fun at all. 29 00:02:32,309.9995 --> 00:02:43,579.9995 I don't think I even knew who I was because I was way too busy being whoever I thought I needed to be in order for me to fit in and be liked. 30 00:02:44,509.9995 --> 00:02:51,889.9995 I even remember always trying to fit into these friendship groups and pretending to be somebody that I'm not just so that I could be accepted. 31 00:02:52,509.9995 --> 00:02:57,179.9995 So that then means even those people couldn't really even accept me because I wasn't being myself. 32 00:02:57,179.9995 --> 00:02:59,869.9985 I wasn't showing up as who I am. 33 00:02:59,929.9995 --> 00:03:24,954.9995 The whole cycle was messed up to be honest and then just the other day a friend of mine sent a video that actually really spoke to me It was a video on Instagram and this lady was talking about people pleasing and she said What if? Instead of calling it people pleasing we called it abandoning ourselves I mean, let that sink in. 34 00:03:25,694.9995 --> 00:03:39,584.8995 What if every time you put someone else's comfort above your own needs, every time you bite your tongue to avoid conflict, you're not just being nice, you're abandoning yourself. 35 00:03:40,594.9995 --> 00:03:56,414.9995 And that hit me so hard because, wow, how many times have we done that without even realizing? How many times have we ignored that little voice inside of us? The one that's begging us to choose ourselves just so we don't upset somebody else. 36 00:03:57,554.9985 --> 00:04:00,304.9995 And it's not just about the burnout that occurs from that. 37 00:04:00,364.9995 --> 00:04:10,29.9995 It's, Way deeper than that because every time we abandon ourselves like this, we're literally sending a signal. 38 00:04:10,589.9985 --> 00:04:13,989.9995 We're sending out a message to our inner child. 39 00:04:14,389.9985 --> 00:04:18,609.9985 We're sending out a message to our soul, our subconscious. 40 00:04:18,609.9985 --> 00:04:20,129.9985 We're saying, I don't matter. 41 00:04:20,839.9985 --> 00:04:23,209.9985 We're saying my needs are not important. 42 00:04:23,209.9985 --> 00:04:26,529.9985 We're saying everyone else comes first. 43 00:04:26,999.9985 --> 00:04:27,849.9985 And let's be real. 44 00:04:28,309.9985 --> 00:04:55,729.9985 What does that do to your spirit over time? Like what kind of wounds are we creating by constantly putting ourselves last? And this is why people pleasing is so much deeper than just being nice Because in reality, it's a pattern of self neglect and when you do it over and over again It chips away your confidence, your boundaries, and your sense of self And let me tell you, you deserve better. 45 00:04:56,49.9985 --> 00:05:03,539.9985 You deserve more than to just be a shell of the person that you came here to be. 46 00:05:04,199.9985 --> 00:05:05,479.9985 So let's break this down. 47 00:05:06,139.9975 --> 00:05:09,559.9995 What is people pleasing really? At its core, it's a coping mechanism. 48 00:05:09,589.9995 --> 00:05:15,509.9995 It's something we do when we believe on some level that our worth is tied to what we do for others. 49 00:05:16,59.9995 --> 00:05:20,769.9995 Most of us learned it young, maybe grew up in a home where love felt conditional. 50 00:05:21,464.9995 --> 00:05:26,14.9995 Maybe you got praised when you were helpful, but felt ignored when you had needs of your own. 51 00:05:26,764.9995 --> 00:05:34,574.9995 Or maybe conflict made you so anxious, so you started smoothing things over, just so you could keep the peace. 52 00:05:35,314.9995 --> 00:05:39,714.9995 And whatever the case, this is a survival tactic. 53 00:05:39,914.9985 --> 00:05:40,804.9995 It's not your fault. 54 00:05:42,44.9995 --> 00:06:08,594.9995 But at some point, especially now that we're adults with full autonomy over your life, you have to ask yourself, Is this still serving me? And if you find you finding like it is serving you, then maybe the question to ask is how is this serving me? What am I benefiting from this? Because the truth is when you constantly put everyone else first, you teach people that your needs don't matter. 55 00:06:09,84.9995 --> 00:06:11,144.9995 And that's a lesson we don't want to reinforce. 56 00:06:12,4.9995 --> 00:06:29,954.9995 You remember the saying you teach people how to treat you by the behaviors you allow So, how do we break the cycle? Here's what helped me Build self awareness Start noticing when you say yes out of obligation instead of genuine desire Pause and ask yourself. 57 00:06:30,544.9995 --> 00:06:47,44.999 Am I doing this because I want to or because I feel like I have to? Journaling is the tool that can really help you uncover those patterns and triggers in your life and in your behavior and build awareness. 58 00:06:47,604.999 --> 00:06:50,015 And that's a great first step to change. 59 00:06:50,934.999 --> 00:06:52,015 Set boundaries.
(06:52):
You don't need a 10 minute explanation when you're saying no.
Just a simple, I can't commit to that right now.
Or just no, full stop. 63 00:07:02,394.999 --> 00:07:03,575 That's a full sentence. 64 00:07:04,54.999 --> 00:07:07,205 You do not have to justify choosing yourself. 65 00:07:07,724.999 --> 00:07:14,315 It might feel uncomfortable at first, but it's such a powerful way to reclaim your time and energy.
(07:15):
Prioritize self care.
And I'm not just talking about a nice bubble bath.
I'm talking about deep self care, you know, do some breath work, meditation, movement, journaling, pursue a hobby, the kind of things that will reconnect you to yourself. 69 00:07:33,819.999 --> 00:07:37,900 Challenge your beliefs, especially the negative ones.
(07:38):
Ask yourself why, why do I feel like I need someone else's approval? Start challenging the belief that your worth is tied to how much you do for others.
That was a really big one for me, to be honest, and sometimes it creeps up and I still have to bring myself back. 72 00:07:56,739.999 --> 00:08:00,010 You are not selfish for putting yourself first.
(08:00):
Say it with me.
.999My needs are as important as anyone else's. 75 00:08:05,789.999 --> 00:08:06,719.999 Because they are. 76 00:08:07,269.999 --> 00:08:10,999.999 Affirm to yourself, I am enough as I am.
Accept that not everyone is going to like you and that's actually okay.
The right people will love you for who you are, not for what you do for them.
(08:23):
Remember that.
I'm going to repeat that.
The right people will love you for who you are and not for what you do for them.
Now I need to say this because I feel like this is more, you will most likely experience this.
So when you start stepping into your power.
You will meet resistance.
That's a given.
But if you're at least aware, then you won't feel like you've been sucker punched when it happens.
(08:48):
.001Think of it like an exercise. 88 00:08:49,965.001 --> 00:08:53,575.001 The first time you set a boundary is going to feel uncomfortable.
.001That's because this is a muscle. 90 00:08:55,835.001 --> 00:09:00,175.001 You haven't been working this muscle, but the more you do it, the stronger you get. 91 00:09:00,575.001 --> 00:09:05,185.001 And just like when you start a new workout routine, that first week is kind of hell. 92 00:09:05,705.001 --> 00:09:07,935.0005 Expect that there will be pushback too. 93 00:09:09,205.0015 --> 00:09:12,985.0015 Some people are going to be so proud of you. 94 00:09:13,805.0015 --> 00:09:21,325.0015 They'll see you stepping into your power, finally speaking up for yourself, and they'll be your biggest cheerleaders. 95 00:09:22,65.0015 --> 00:09:23,965.0015 Keep those people around. 96 00:09:25,15.0025 --> 00:09:29,235.0015 But there will also be people heavily triggered by your change. 97 00:09:29,755.0015 --> 00:09:37,375.0015 These are the people who benefited from your people pleasing, the ones who liked that you never say no, you're always available. 98 00:09:37,870.0015 --> 00:09:39,830.0015 You bend over backwards for them. 99 00:09:40,330.0015 --> 00:09:43,480.0015 They enjoyed the access that they had to you. 100 00:09:43,480.0015 --> 00:09:48,110.0015 They enjoyed being able to get as much as they can out of you. 101 00:09:48,440.0015 --> 00:09:51,700.0015 And when you stop playing that role they'll throw a fit, all right. 102 00:09:51,700.0015 --> 00:09:59,440.0015 Some people will react like children, like a child throwing the toys out of the pram, you know, they will guilt trip you. 103 00:09:59,690.0015 --> 00:10:04,60.0015 They will make you feel like you've changed and you have. 104 00:10:04,360.0015 --> 00:10:08,370.0015 You have changed and that's not necessarily a bad thing. 105 00:10:08,410.0015 --> 00:10:14,420.0015 That's actually an amazing thing that shows growth, right? But don't let this deter you. 106 00:10:15,100.0015 --> 00:10:20,300.0005 If someone is mad at you because you set a boundary, it's just confirmation that the boundary was necessary. 107 00:10:20,300.0005 --> 00:10:23,10.0015 To be honest, you might lose some friends. 108 00:10:23,30.0015 --> 00:10:24,780.0015 And I say to that, good riddance. 109 00:10:25,350.0015 --> 00:10:26,400.0015 Those were not your people. 110 00:10:27,105.0015 --> 00:10:28,685.0015 Those were energy vampires. 111 00:10:28,735.0015 --> 00:10:33,835.0015 They were siphoning your energy and they don't really want to see you thrive, sis. 112 00:10:33,915.0015 --> 00:10:35,935.0015 They are just there for themselves. 113 00:10:35,985.0015 --> 00:10:36,915.0005 They're not here for you. 114 00:10:37,575.0015 --> 00:10:38,125.0015 Let. 115 00:10:38,225.0005 --> 00:10:38,725.0005 Them. 116 00:10:38,915.0015 --> 00:10:39,555.0015 Go. 117 00:10:40,595.0015 --> 00:10:42,605.0005 Sometimes we hold on to these friendships. 118 00:10:43,420.0015 --> 00:10:56,890.0005 For way longer than serves us because you know, we holding onto the history or we holding onto the memories in the past and we don't want to rock the boat or upset anyone abandoning yourself once again. 119 00:10:58,80.0005 --> 00:11:01,730.0015 But the moment you start choosing yourself, things will shift. 120 00:11:02,710.0015 --> 00:11:11,490.0015 You'll feel lighter, more at peace and you can start attracting people who respect your boundaries instead of testing them. 121 00:11:12,280.0015 --> 00:11:14,940.0015 Your vibe attracts your tribe, babe. 122 00:11:15,280.0015 --> 00:11:16,80.0015 It really does. 123 00:11:17,80.0015 --> 00:11:18,350.0015 Seek support, though. 124 00:11:18,350.0015 --> 00:11:26,130.0015 If you're feeling like you cannot fully do this on your own, it is totally okay to seek support. 125 00:11:26,430.0015 --> 00:11:32,700.0015 Whether it's from friends that you trust, family, I highly recommend therapy. 126 00:11:32,700.0015 --> 00:11:36,490.0015 I think we should all have professional help at one point or another. 127 00:11:36,530.0015 --> 00:11:41,770.0015 A therapist or a coach will really help you work through deeper issues of self worth. 128 00:11:41,790.0015 --> 00:11:46,310.0015 They'll really be able to take you deeper than you probably could on your own. 129 00:11:47,550.0015 --> 00:11:48,720.0005 So let me ask you this. 130 00:11:49,690.0005 --> 00:11:59,635.0015 Where in your life have you been abandoning yourself? Where have you been putting others ahead of you at your own expense? Sit with that. 131 00:12:00,145.0015 --> 00:12:03,925.0015 That's a nice journaling prompt to just see what happens. 132 00:12:03,925.0015 --> 00:12:05,535.0015 Journal on that, sit with that. 133 00:12:06,315.0015 --> 00:12:08,185.0015 You don't have to stay in that cycle. 134 00:12:08,595.0015 --> 00:12:12,415.0005 Remember you are worthy of love and respect just as you are. 135 00:12:13,35.0015 --> 00:12:17,745.0005 Start saying yes to yourself and really creating your life on your terms. 136 00:12:18,565.0005 --> 00:12:21,145.0005 Now, here's your wellness tip of the week. 137 00:12:22,350.0015 --> 00:12:26,420.0015 This week's tip is pause before yes. 138 00:12:26,540.0015 --> 00:12:27,980.0015 The pause before yes rule. 139 00:12:28,560.0015 --> 00:12:49,750.0015 Before committing to anything, pause, take a deep breath and ask yourself, do I actually want to do this or am I just saying yes to avoid the discomfort? Be honest, be honest with yourself because that one second of mindfulness can be the difference between alignment and burnout. 140 00:12:50,835.0015 --> 00:12:57,375.0015 Before we wrap up, if you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review on whatever platform you're listening on. 141 00:12:57,395.0005 --> 00:12:59,365.0015 It really does help the podcast grow. 142 00:12:59,705.0015 --> 00:13:08,655.002 And if you want more tips on self concept, self care, biohacking, and thriving authentically, check out my website, amandamillie. 143 00:13:08,935.002 --> 00:13:09,655.002 com. 144 00:13:09,735.002 --> 00:13:11,285.002 There is so much there for you. 145 00:13:11,795.002 --> 00:13:14,835.002 You can also follow me on Instagram at amandamillie. 146 00:13:15,125.002 --> 00:13:17,495.002 And you can follow the podcast pages. 147 00:13:17,825.002 --> 00:13:20,615.002 Instagram is the Amanda Millie podcast. 148 00:13:20,885.002 --> 00:13:23,705.002 TikTok is at amanda millie pod. 149 00:13:24,185.002 --> 00:13:24,965.002 Alright, my loves. 150 00:13:25,325.002 --> 00:13:27,785.002 That is it for today. 151 00:13:27,815.002 --> 00:13:29,525.002 Thank you for spending time with me. 152 00:13:29,825.002 --> 00:13:34,295.002 Just remember, you are worthy of putting yourself first. 153 00:13:34,295.002 --> 00:13:35,375.002 You deserve it. 154 00:13:35,615.002 --> 00:13:40,925.002 So until next time, live inspired, heal fully, and thrive authentically. 155 00:13:41,375.002 --> 00:13:41,915.002 Take care.
.999my loves, welcome back to the Amanda Millie podcast, where we balance chaos and navigate the messy moments of life one day at a time.
(00:09):
If you're new here, hi.
My name is Amanda Millie.
Thanks for joining me.
This podcast is all about self growth.
It's about healing and fully stepping into your power, mind, body, and spirit.
Before we get into today's topic, I just have to say thank you so much to everybody who's listened to our inaugural episode.
(00:32):
Seriously, the love on that first episode means a lot to me.
.999And listen, if you haven't already.
Do me a little favor, leave me a quick review.
Not because it's for my ego or anything like that.
I promise I'm good, but it's because when you do the algorithm takes notice and it's like, you're giving it a little nudge and saying, Hey, this podcast is worth sharing and that means more people who need this conversations will actually get to hear them.
(01:02):
So if you're vibing with this, hit that review button on whatever platform you're listening from, and let's spread the love.
All right, so let's get into it.
.999What are we talking about today? Today we're talking about people pleasing, AKA the thing that so many of us do without even realizing just how much it's draining us. 16 00:01:25,984.999 --> 00:01:33,325 You know, for years, I actually was that girl, the one who said, yes, Yes to everyone.
(01:33):
Everybody else said yes when she really wanted to say no.
.0005I was the one who was constantly rearranging her own plans, canceling her schedule and putting herself last to make sure everyone else was happy. 19 00:01:49,665.0005 --> 00:01:53,54.9005 I feel exhausted just thinking about it now because that was a lot. 20 00:01:53,985.0005 --> 00:01:57,755.0005 Deep down, I didn't feel like I was worthy of love. 21 00:01:57,805.0005 --> 00:02:02,245.0005 I was seeking validation through the approval of others. 22 00:02:02,274.9995 --> 00:02:09,314.9985 I didn't even realize that that's what I was doing, but that's clearly the pattern that was repeating itself over and over again. 23 00:02:09,774.9985 --> 00:02:13,434.9995 And you know what? I really thought that made me a good person. 24 00:02:13,804.9995 --> 00:02:21,759.9995 I thought it meant I was kind, I was generous, I was caring, but was I really? I was so exhausted. 25 00:02:21,969.9995 --> 00:02:23,359.9995 I was very resentful. 26 00:02:23,359.9995 --> 00:02:26,99.9995 I may have said yes to everyone, that doesn't mean I was happy about it. 27 00:02:26,559.9995 --> 00:02:28,659.9995 I was disconnected from myself. 28 00:02:29,129.9995 --> 00:02:31,579.9995 Nothing about it was fun at all. 29 00:02:32,309.9995 --> 00:02:43,579.9995 I don't think I even knew who I was because I was way too busy being whoever I thought I needed to be in order for me to fit in and be liked. 30 00:02:44,509.9995 --> 00:02:51,889.9995 I even remember always trying to fit into these friendship groups and pretending to be somebody that I'm not just so that I could be accepted. 31 00:02:52,509.9995 --> 00:02:57,179.9995 So that then means even those people couldn't really even accept me because I wasn't being myself. 32 00:02:57,179.9995 --> 00:02:59,869.9985 I wasn't showing up as who I am. 33 00:02:59,929.9995 --> 00:03:24,954.9995 The whole cycle was messed up to be honest and then just the other day a friend of mine sent a video that actually really spoke to me It was a video on Instagram and this lady was talking about people pleasing and she said What if? Instead of calling it people pleasing we called it abandoning ourselves I mean, let that sink in. 34 00:03:25,694.9995 --> 00:03:39,584.8995 What if every time you put someone else's comfort above your own needs, every time you bite your tongue to avoid conflict, you're not just being nice, you're abandoning yourself. 35 00:03:40,594.9995 --> 00:03:56,414.9995 And that hit me so hard because, wow, how many times have we done that without even realizing? How many times have we ignored that little voice inside of us? The one that's begging us to choose ourselves just so we don't upset somebody else. 36 00:03:57,554.9985 --> 00:04:00,304.9995 And it's not just about the burnout that occurs from that. 37 00:04:00,364.9995 --> 00:04:10,29.9995 It's, Way deeper than that because every time we abandon ourselves like this, we're literally sending a signal. 38 00:04:10,589.9985 --> 00:04:13,989.9995 We're sending out a message to our inner child. 39 00:04:14,389.9985 --> 00:04:18,609.9985 We're sending out a message to our soul, our subconscious. 40 00:04:18,609.9985 --> 00:04:20,129.9985 We're saying, I don't matter. 41 00:04:20,839.9985 --> 00:04:23,209.9985 We're saying my needs are not important. 42 00:04:23,209.9985 --> 00:04:26,529.9985 We're saying everyone else comes first. 43 00:04:26,999.9985 --> 00:04:27,849.9985 And let's be real. 44 00:04:28,309.9985 --> 00:04:55,729.9985 What does that do to your spirit over time? Like what kind of wounds are we creating by constantly putting ourselves last? And this is why people pleasing is so much deeper than just being nice Because in reality, it's a pattern of self neglect and when you do it over and over again It chips away your confidence, your boundaries, and your sense of self And let me tell you, you deserve better. 45 00:04:56,49.9985 --> 00:05:03,539.9985 You deserve more than to just be a shell of the person that you came here to be. 46 00:05:04,199.9985 --> 00:05:05,479.9985 So let's break this down. 47 00:05:06,139.9975 --> 00:05:09,559.9995 What is people pleasing really? At its core, it's a coping mechanism. 48 00:05:09,589.9995 --> 00:05:15,509.9995 It's something we do when we believe on some level that our worth is tied to what we do for others. 49 00:05:16,59.9995 --> 00:05:20,769.9995 Most of us learned it young, maybe grew up in a home where love felt conditional. 50 00:05:21,464.9995 --> 00:05:26,14.9995 Maybe you got praised when you were helpful, but felt ignored when you had needs of your own. 51 00:05:26,764.9995 --> 00:05:34,574.9995 Or maybe conflict made you so anxious, so you started smoothing things over, just so you could keep the peace. 52 00:05:35,314.9995 --> 00:05:39,714.9995 And whatever the case, this is a survival tactic. 53 00:05:39,914.9985 --> 00:05:40,804.9995 It's not your fault. 54 00:05:42,44.9995 --> 00:06:08,594.9995 But at some point, especially now that we're adults with full autonomy over your life, you have to ask yourself, Is this still serving me? And if you find you finding like it is serving you, then maybe the question to ask is how is this serving me? What am I benefiting from this? Because the truth is when you constantly put everyone else first, you teach people that your needs don't matter. 55 00:06:09,84.9995 --> 00:06:11,144.9995 And that's a lesson we don't want to reinforce. 56 00:06:12,4.9995 --> 00:06:29,954.9995 You remember the saying you teach people how to treat you by the behaviors you allow So, how do we break the cycle? Here's what helped me Build self awareness Start noticing when you say yes out of obligation instead of genuine desire Pause and ask yourself. 57 00:06:30,544.9995 --> 00:06:47,44.999 Am I doing this because I want to or because I feel like I have to? Journaling is the tool that can really help you uncover those patterns and triggers in your life and in your behavior and build awareness. 58 00:06:47,604.999 --> 00:06:50,015 And that's a great first step to change. 59 00:06:50,934.999 --> 00:06:52,015 Set boundaries.
(06:52):
You don't need a 10 minute explanation when you're saying no.
Just a simple, I can't commit to that right now.
Or just no, full stop. 63 00:07:02,394.999 --> 00:07:03,575 That's a full sentence. 64 00:07:04,54.999 --> 00:07:07,205 You do not have to justify choosing yourself. 65 00:07:07,724.999 --> 00:07:14,315 It might feel uncomfortable at first, but it's such a powerful way to reclaim your time and energy.
(07:15):
Prioritize self care.
And I'm not just talking about a nice bubble bath.
I'm talking about deep self care, you know, do some breath work, meditation, movement, journaling, pursue a hobby, the kind of things that will reconnect you to yourself. 69 00:07:33,819.999 --> 00:07:37,900 Challenge your beliefs, especially the negative ones.
(07:38):
Ask yourself why, why do I feel like I need someone else's approval? Start challenging the belief that your worth is tied to how much you do for others.
That was a really big one for me, to be honest, and sometimes it creeps up and I still have to bring myself back. 72 00:07:56,739.999 --> 00:08:00,010 You are not selfish for putting yourself first.
(08:00):
Say it with me.
.999My needs are as important as anyone else's. 75 00:08:05,789.999 --> 00:08:06,719.999 Because they are. 76 00:08:07,269.999 --> 00:08:10,999.999 Affirm to yourself, I am enough as I am.
Accept that not everyone is going to like you and that's actually okay.
The right people will love you for who you are, not for what you do for them.
(08:23):
Remember that.
I'm going to repeat that.
The right people will love you for who you are and not for what you do for them.
Now I need to say this because I feel like this is more, you will most likely experience this.
So when you start stepping into your power.
You will meet resistance.
That's a given.
But if you're at least aware, then you won't feel like you've been sucker punched when it happens.
(08:48):
.001Think of it like an exercise. 88 00:08:49,965.001 --> 00:08:53,575.001 The first time you set a boundary is going to feel uncomfortable.
.001That's because this is a muscle. 90 00:08:55,835.001 --> 00:09:00,175.001 You haven't been working this muscle, but the more you do it, the stronger you get. 91 00:09:00,575.001 --> 00:09:05,185.001 And just like when you start a new workout routine, that first week is kind of hell. 92 00:09:05,705.001 --> 00:09:07,935.0005 Expect that there will be pushback too. 93 00:09:09,205.0015 --> 00:09:12,985.0015 Some people are going to be so proud of you. 94 00:09:13,805.0015 --> 00:09:21,325.0015 They'll see you stepping into your power, finally speaking up for yourself, and they'll be your biggest cheerleaders. 95 00:09:22,65.0015 --> 00:09:23,965.0015 Keep those people around. 96 00:09:25,15.0025 --> 00:09:29,235.0015 But there will also be people heavily triggered by your change. 97 00:09:29,755.0015 --> 00:09:37,375.0015 These are the people who benefited from your people pleasing, the ones who liked that you never say no, you're always available. 98 00:09:37,870.0015 --> 00:09:39,830.0015 You bend over backwards for them. 99 00:09:40,330.0015 --> 00:09:43,480.0015 They enjoyed the access that they had to you. 100 00:09:43,480.0015 --> 00:09:48,110.0015 They enjoyed being able to get as much as they can out of you. 101 00:09:48,440.0015 --> 00:09:51,700.0015 And when you stop playing that role they'll throw a fit, all right. 102 00:09:51,700.0015 --> 00:09:59,440.0015 Some people will react like children, like a child throwing the toys out of the pram, you know, they will guilt trip you. 103 00:09:59,690.0015 --> 00:10:04,60.0015 They will make you feel like you've changed and you have. 104 00:10:04,360.0015 --> 00:10:08,370.0015 You have changed and that's not necessarily a bad thing. 105 00:10:08,410.0015 --> 00:10:14,420.0015 That's actually an amazing thing that shows growth, right? But don't let this deter you. 106 00:10:15,100.0015 --> 00:10:20,300.0005 If someone is mad at you because you set a boundary, it's just confirmation that the boundary was necessary. 107 00:10:20,300.0005 --> 00:10:23,10.0015 To be honest, you might lose some friends. 108 00:10:23,30.0015 --> 00:10:24,780.0015 And I say to that, good riddance. 109 00:10:25,350.0015 --> 00:10:26,400.0015 Those were not your people. 110 00:10:27,105.0015 --> 00:10:28,685.0015 Those were energy vampires. 111 00:10:28,735.0015 --> 00:10:33,835.0015 They were siphoning your energy and they don't really want to see you thrive, sis. 112 00:10:33,915.0015 --> 00:10:35,935.0015 They are just there for themselves. 113 00:10:35,985.0015 --> 00:10:36,915.0005 They're not here for you. 114 00:10:37,575.0015 --> 00:10:38,125.0015 Let. 115 00:10:38,225.0005 --> 00:10:38,725.0005 Them. 116 00:10:38,915.0015 --> 00:10:39,555.0015 Go. 117 00:10:40,595.0015 --> 00:10:42,605.0005 Sometimes we hold on to these friendships. 118 00:10:43,420.0015 --> 00:10:56,890.0005 For way longer than serves us because you know, we holding onto the history or we holding onto the memories in the past and we don't want to rock the boat or upset anyone abandoning yourself once again. 119 00:10:58,80.0005 --> 00:11:01,730.0015 But the moment you start choosing yourself, things will shift. 120 00:11:02,710.0015 --> 00:11:11,490.0015 You'll feel lighter, more at peace and you can start attracting people who respect your boundaries instead of testing them. 121 00:11:12,280.0015 --> 00:11:14,940.0015 Your vibe attracts your tribe, babe. 122 00:11:15,280.0015 --> 00:11:16,80.0015 It really does. 123 00:11:17,80.0015 --> 00:11:18,350.0015 Seek support, though. 124 00:11:18,350.0015 --> 00:11:26,130.0015 If you're feeling like you cannot fully do this on your own, it is totally okay to seek support. 125 00:11:26,430.0015 --> 00:11:32,700.0015 Whether it's from friends that you trust, family, I highly recommend therapy. 126 00:11:32,700.0015 --> 00:11:36,490.0015 I think we should all have professional help at one point or another. 127 00:11:36,530.0015 --> 00:11:41,770.0015 A therapist or a coach will really help you work through deeper issues of self worth. 128 00:11:41,790.0015 --> 00:11:46,310.0015 They'll really be able to take you deeper than you probably could on your own. 129 00:11:47,550.0015 --> 00:11:48,720.0005 So let me ask you this. 130 00:11:49,690.0005 --> 00:11:59,635.0015 Where in your life have you been abandoning yourself? Where have you been putting others ahead of you at your own expense? Sit with that. 131 00:12:00,145.0015 --> 00:12:03,925.0015 That's a nice journaling prompt to just see what happens. 132 00:12:03,925.0015 --> 00:12:05,535.0015 Journal on that, sit with that. 133 00:12:06,315.0015 --> 00:12:08,185.0015 You don't have to stay in that cycle. 134 00:12:08,595.0015 --> 00:12:12,415.0005 Remember you are worthy of love and respect just as you are. 135 00:12:13,35.0015 --> 00:12:17,745.0005 Start saying yes to yourself and really creating your life on your terms. 136 00:12:18,565.0005 --> 00:12:21,145.0005 Now, here's your wellness tip of the week. 137 00:12:22,350.0015 --> 00:12:26,420.0015 This week's tip is pause before yes. 138 00:12:26,540.0015 --> 00:12:27,980.0015 The pause before yes rule. 139 00:12:28,560.0015 --> 00:12:49,750.0015 Before committing to anything, pause, take a deep breath and ask yourself, do I actually want to do this or am I just saying yes to avoid the discomfort? Be honest, be honest with yourself because that one second of mindfulness can be the difference between alignment and burnout. 140 00:12:50,835.0015 --> 00:12:57,375.0015 Before we wrap up, if you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review on whatever platform you're listening on. 141 00:12:57,395.0005 --> 00:12:59,365.0015 It really does help the podcast grow. 142 00:12:59,705.0015 --> 00:13:08,655.002 And if you want more tips on self concept, self care, biohacking, and thriving authentically, check out my website, amandamillie. 143 00:13:08,935.002 --> 00:13:09,655.002 com. 144 00:13:09,735.002 --> 00:13:11,285.002 There is so much there for you. 145 00:13:11,795.002 --> 00:13:14,835.002 You can also follow me on Instagram at amandamillie. 146 00:13:15,125.002 --> 00:13:17,495.002 And you can follow the podcast pages. 147 00:13:17,825.002 --> 00:13:20,615.002 Instagram is the Amanda Millie podcast. 148 00:13:20,885.002 --> 00:13:23,705.002 TikTok is at amanda millie pod. 149 00:13:24,185.002 --> 00:13:24,965.002 Alright, my loves. 150 00:13:25,325.002 --> 00:13:27,785.002 That is it for today. 151 00:13:27,815.002 --> 00:13:29,525.002 Thank you for spending time with me. 152 00:13:29,825.002 --> 00:13:34,295.002 Just remember, you are worthy of putting yourself first. 153 00:13:34,295.002 --> 00:13:35,375.002 You deserve it. 154 00:13:35,615.002 --> 00:13:40,925.002 So until next time, live inspired, heal fully, and thrive authentically. 155 00:13:41,375.002 --> 00:13:41,915.002 Take care.
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