July 15, 2025 • 23 mins
Have you experienced a heartbreak?
Whether it's loss of a loved one, divorce, a health crisis, or losing you home it can leave you feeling overwhelmed. Maybe it's something else. Whatever it is there is hope.
The feelings you have of sadness, grief, anger, resentment, or simply feeling lost and disconnected. They are normal! Be encouraged that being discouraged is part of the process.
In this episode I share 6 things I used to find happiness again after my devastating loss of three children to miscarriage followed up by a double cancer diagnoses. I can't say it was easy. It took longer than I wanted. However, I found hope, happiness, and healing little by little by using the 6 tools I share here!
Be patient, give yourself some grace. Your time will come where you will see a tiny dim light in your future. I promise!
Email me at heather@hcedwardscoaching.com.
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Do you desire deep, meaningful relationships? Use this list of thought-provoking questions to engage your loved ones in conversations that move beyond standard answers.
20 Questions to Ask to Increase the Quality of your Relationships 20 Questions to Ask to Increase the Quality of Your Relationships
It’s time to take the first step towards a fulfilling and joyful life. It doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful! Imagine having deeper connections, feeling less anxiety and overwhelm, gaining clarity, and fully trusting yourself. Picture yourself not just surviving but truly thriving.
I am here with you every step of the way!
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Stay tuned I will be releasing a new confidence building course in the next few months!
XOXO,
Heather
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
If you turn on the news or if you talkto a neighbor, you're more than likely
to find someone who has gone through theloss of a child, maybe the death of a
loved one, or maybe you lost your home, ormaybe you're in the middle of a divorce,
or maybe you have a health opportunity.
Like cancer or some kind of diagnosisthat is scary and truly puts you
(00:24):
in a place that you are lost andcannot figure out where to go.
So heartbreak can come in so manyforms, but here is the crazy part about
it, is that each kind of heartbreakcomes with very similar outcomes.
You can be left feeling lost orhopeless and without a direction or not.
(00:44):
Knowing what to do or how to do it.
When I found myself in one of thoseseasons, even as a woman of faith,
I found myself questioning my faith.
I came home and screamed andcursed God and really questioned
everything because I was so lost.
We lost three children to miscarriage,and then shortly after that I was
(01:06):
diagnosed with two cancers and toldI needed to have a hysterectomy,
a radical hysterectomy at that.
And that fate finalized my chance to everbirth my own children or birth children.
For my husband.
I was completely heartbroken andlost and did not know where to turn.
But today, as I am looking out atthe landscape and I'm seeing so
(01:27):
many people hurting and not knowwhere to go, especially people
who do have faith and don't.
Know where to turn even when they knowGod and and know that he loves them.
It can still be very difficult as aperson of faith to know what to do.
So I just wanted to share today sometips that I gift to you and to other
(01:49):
people that are finding themselvesin heartbreak or finding themselves
with someone else that they knowthat is really an heartbreak, and
hopefully they will help you the sameway they helped me over the years.
Number one.
Take time to feel all that you feel.
And if you are supporting someone,allow them to feel what they
feel, even if they're feelingsomething and it hurts you.
(02:12):
Giving them the space to process orfeel the feelings is super important
you or they can feel sadness orgrief or anger or pain, emptiness.
Being lost, feeling scared, beingreally tired and exhausted, feeling
frustrated, feeling mad at theworld, and feeling like giving up.
(02:34):
There are so many different thingsthat you might feel, but feeling them
and allowing the pain and all thefeelings to come up is so much better
than trying to tamper them or notallow them to go through your body.
So when I say allowingit, all I'm saying is.
Not resisting what you're feeling,you're just allowing it and giving
(02:58):
the feeling permission to flowthrough you, not stick with you.
That doesn't mean you're saying,I don't wanna fill this anymore.
I'm gonna feel it and be done with it.
But it's a just giving yourselfthe space and the energy and
the ability to process it.
When I help my clients processfeelings, I'm simply having them
put their hand on their heart.
(03:19):
I'm asking them.
To name the feeling, to think about whatthey're feeling and name it, whether
it's anger or sadness or whatever itis, and to just really feel their body.
What is that feeling in their body?
Does your chest get tight?
Does your, does your body start to sweat?
Do you get flushed?
Do you, your heart palpitate?
(03:39):
What is happening in your body?
It's really good if you can.
Have your feet on the ground andjust be grounded and feel whatever
it is that you're feeling and allowit to go as long as it wants to go.
This can happen in short burst orcan happen over long periods of time.
There is no right or wrong answer here.
Just take the time to feel all that you'refeeling and filling it to the fullest and
(04:02):
allowing it rather than pushing it down.
Number two, I encourage you tofind a person to share with.
Your feelings and to share yourthoughts and to lean on during this
journey when you are in heartbreak.
It is super helpful to have afriend, a grief group, maybe a
women's group, a church group.
Maybe you go to your pastor, anyonewho is capable and able to support you
(04:28):
while you're in this time of healing.
This doesn't have to besomeone that's there 24 hours.
It can be someone thatis a phone call away.
It doesn't even have to be someone thatlives in your state or in your community.
It can be a friend from far, far away.
It simply needs to just beestablished and you can ask somebody.
I really am searching for someone whois gonna be there for me when I need
(04:51):
them, when I need to lean on someone,and that could look like a phone call.
That could mean I just wannacall and be able to cry.
That can mean I just wanna comeand just scream and yell and
whatever, and get the feelings out.
Whatever it is that you are needingand what you need to have help with.
Ask people or a friend or a spouse orsomeone if they are able and willing,
(05:16):
capable to be up for that task.
The other piece of this I'll say isthat when you are looking for people
to help you through a journey ofhealing or heartbreak, it doesn't
even have to be one single person.
There can be different people fordifferent parts of your journey.
Or at the same time for different assignedtasks or things that are important, you
(05:38):
might have a neighbor who is making mealsto help you get through losing a child,
but you also may have a friend that youpray with and that you are able to be open
with and share true open feelings with.
And those may look different,but it's important to have
those people in place because.
Over the time of healing and grief andwhat you're going through, it's important
(05:59):
to be able to reach out to those folks.
Doing it alone is nevergoing to be the best bet.
That doesn't mean you won't have alonemoments, but having someone to reach out
to will be exponentially helpful for you.
When you are in a situation and you.
Need help.
I don't want to discount here.
(06:21):
The importance of prayer and theimportance to pray for guidance
and asking for God to give you theright people to fill these spots.
Now, if you truly pray forguidance and you remain open, God
will send those people to you.
And I just shared with you a fewseconds ago how upset I was with God.
(06:41):
When I was going throughmy dark heartache.
Just because you are upsetwith God does not mean there
has to be separation from God.
He understands you, he understandsyour heart, and it is okay.
What I have learned time and timeagain when I let go and I let God
steer the wheel, I'm always better off.
It doesn't mean I have tounderstand it, which is something
(07:03):
I still don't understand our,our situation with children.
But I know that one day.
I will understand it better.
It's okay that I don'thave the answers now.
He doesn't promise that you'll understand.
He doesn't promise that you'llunderstand the answers and, and
that is very difficult, but it is.
Okay.
Next I would say you want toseek rest and restoration.
(07:25):
Both rest and restoration are necessaryfor you to find happiness again.
And it is true that restwill help you restore.
So even though they sound verysimilar, they're very different.
One rest, getting good sleep.
Ladies, if you are listening,women need more sleep than men.
That has been proven.
(07:46):
There is research out there that showsthat women need more sleep than men.
I've spent most of my life feelingguilty for sleeping longer than men and.
Not getting up as early as people thatI knew and men that in my life and I
have stopped doing that, I now know thatI just need different types of rest.
(08:06):
So especially when you're in a heartacheor if you're in a time of trauma or
a time of health crisis, the mostimportant thing for you is to get rest.
When I talked to my oncologist andI said, what is the single most.
Important thing I can do formyself to make sure that I
don't die from my cancers.
Her answer was rest.
(08:27):
So God says to rest as well.
So it's just so interesting howrest has a we, we put it aside
and we don't count it as importantbecause it's so easy to get rest.
Well, it's easy and it's hard, right?
If you have kids and you havework, and you have all the
things, it is hard to get rest.
But make it a prioritythis time in your life.
It's very important to get rest.
(08:49):
Your brain, your body,your cells in your body.
Everything needs rest.
For your heart to heal, you mayneed to gently ask yourself to do
something more than you're doing, andthat may look different than rest.
And let me tell you what I mean by that.
When I was in this time of superdarkness and heartache, I had a hard
time getting out of bed, but I rememberhaving to gently tell myself, you've
(09:12):
got to get outta bed and take a shower.
If that's all you do today, that I, Iwant you to do that and listen to that
gentle nudge for restoration becausetaking a shower is important too.
And I kind of giggle and I. Youmay be a person who's in really
deep hurt right now, but I willtell you, a shower is restoring.
(09:33):
It washes away a lot of things,and I'm getting emotional,
but I want this to be real.
Allow yourself to restore and secre,and part of that will be taking
care of yourself, like washingaway your troubles and being the
best you can be in that moment.
That doesn't mean you're.
(09:54):
Trying to work harder or do more or bea star, it is literally just for you
to restore and take care of yourself.
And that may look like gettinga massage if that's something
that's helpful for you.
It may be listening to healing music.
It may be shutting your bedroomdoor and reading a book and may be
(10:14):
sending, spending time in prayer andmeditation you and only you know at
rest and relaxation and restoration.
It's helpful for you, and if you're havinga hard time getting that because you have
children and you need to get more rest,then this is a time that you can step
up and ask other people for their help.
If they're not capable of doinga whole day, maybe they're
(10:36):
only able to do an hour.
An hour is better than nothing.
Do what you can.
The more you honor your body.
Take take time for your body.
The more time you take to heal throughrest and restoration, the faster your
brain will be able to process and healwhatever the heartache is that you have.
And I, this isn't a a, a race.
(10:58):
We're not looking to race tohealing and race to happiness.
We actually want to use uses as agentle process for healing, and that
will require some of us to be still.
Take quiet time versusgoing harder and longer.
Number four, I will encourage you toseek your truth, and what I mean by
(11:19):
seeking your truth is I want you toreally think about naming what has
happened and getting it out of your brain.
Journaling, speaking to a therapistor a coach, recording a private video
journal may be an option allowing yourthoughts that are going on in your
brain because they're fast and furious.
When we have heartache, when we'relost in the thick of that heartache
(11:42):
or that trauma of what is going on orwhat is happening in our lives, we can.
Have uncontrolled mind drama, and I don'tmean this in an in, in a negative way.
I just mean that your brain takes overand you no longer have control of it.
Getting it out of your mind by writingit down or journaling it or putting it in
(12:04):
some sort of physical form where you can.
Allow it to be there andnot inside your brain.
It gives your brain space toheal, and in the short term,
it simply gets the words out.
It helps you find what's happeninginside your mind and at first.
You don't want to go overthat and evaluate it.
(12:26):
You don't want to think about thesethoughts or leading to these feelings.
I don't recommend that youreally spend any time on that.
If you're a person who knows the model,which is something I use with I, when I
coach your thoughts, create your feelings.
Your feelings, create your actions.
Your actions create your results, that'sgreat when you're healthy and happy.
But when you're in the middle ofheartache, this is not the time to
(12:48):
necessarily evaluate your thoughts.
That deeply in the initialstages of heartache.
You want to adjust, allow, seekyour truth, what is true for you
in this moment, but get it out ofyour brain and that is helpful.
The other thing that's helpful ofgetting it out of your brain is that
over time, as time marches on, youwill be able to see either growth
(13:11):
and healing happening naturallythrough your thoughts that are in.
The journaling that you'redoing, or you will find that
you're more stuck and you're nothaving a natural healing process.
And that is where you would getyour signs for getting help and
finding a professional to helpyou process it differently.
(13:33):
And then as you move on, then youcan decide, do I need therapy?
Do I need a coach?
Do I need.
To join a grief group for ayear, whatever it might be.
And when I say heartache, heartacheis different for everyone.
And I mentioned grief.
Grief, and I mentioned trauma, butagain, it looks different for everyone.
Whatever your heart heartache is, youknow there are different ways that people
(13:56):
can deal with different heartaches.
Seek that help if you need it.
Number five, take it oneday, one step at a time.
Healing takes time, grief and painfrom events, trauma hurts, heartbreak.
They can all just sneak up on youeven after you've processed them.
(14:17):
It can feel like a tsunami longafter you think you're okay.
I have had moments in my lifewhere I am literally years away
from my biggest heartaches, andthen one day something smacks me.
Whether it's experiencing it throughsomeone else or being triggered some
sort of trauma triggers me into feeling.
(14:39):
A certain feeling.
There are so many ways thatthe journey can take two steps
forward and then 10 steps back.
So take it one day at a time,take it one step at a time.
I just encourage you not to getfrustrated if you do take one
step forward and three back or.
Five steps forward and oneback, whatever it is, take time.
(15:01):
Just understand that there are timesthat these waves of disappointment and
pain will come from something that wejust aren't prepared for, and they can
make you feel like you wanna run away, ormaybe you'll have a panic attack or racing
thoughts or unexplained body tremors,shaking, or body flushing and sweating.
(15:22):
Those things are all very normal.
There is nothing wrongwith you if this happens.
Thankfully, over time, you are goingto get more familiar with your own
personal reactions and you will alsoget better and better at using tools
for yourself on how to navigatethose things that happen for you.
If you feel stuck and you want helpwith how to do that and how to process
(15:44):
it and want a coach that can help youlearn how to process things, I'm here.
I can do that for you.
Number six.
Try to take note of the smallblessings every single day.
When we have heartache, it is super hardto see that anything is going well, that
anything is going right, that there'sanything to be thankful for, that
there's anything that is worth noticing.
(16:07):
There are so many things that arearound us that are beautiful and
enlightening, and we'll help you inyour darkest days if you simply just.
Take notice.
When I was in my darkest days,and even sometimes now, I kept a
journal and jotted down three things.
I was thankful for each and every day.
Now, I say each and every day, and Iwanna tell you, there were some days I
(16:29):
had to repeat what I said the day or weekbefore because I didn't feel like there
were any blessings in that current day.
I also missed a few days writing downwhat three things I was thankful for.
This isn't about being perfect.
This isn't about, oh, Ihave to write three things.
Three things down, even thoughI don't really believe them.
This is simply a way to trainyour brain to look for and
(16:52):
find things to be thankful for.
It isn't.
It's kind of like a little gameif you get up in the morning, you
know, finding something that is.
Really good for you.
It could be the sheets.
I bought some really nice linen sheetsand they just feel good to be in.
And when you are filled with heartache,being in bed and getting good
(17:12):
rest could be the only thing thatyou're felt thankful for that day.
There are just.
A million different ways thatyou can look at being thankful.
It could be being thankful thatsomebody brings you food or that
somebody sent you a nice text.
You just sometimes have to really lookfor them when your brain is in the middle
of feeling heartbroken and devastated.
(17:33):
So understand, you arein a season of life.
If you are in heartbreakright now, if you're.
For whatever reason something hashappened that has torn your heart out.
This looks very different than othertimes in your life, but it is a
season and you will get through it.
It may take literally counting thehours, the minutes, the days, the steps.
(17:56):
It's, it may just be onefoot in front of the other.
That's okay.
Give yourself the grace and thepermission to do it your way.
You don't have to do it theway anyone else is doing it.
You don't have to let anybodyelse know how you're doing it.
I didn't, for years, I didn't know,I didn't even share with my husband.
There were a lot of things that I didn'tshare initially because they were my
(18:19):
own, and that's okay too because I'm.
99% sure that he grieved and he hadheartache in his own way through this
entire process that we lived together.
And that's okay.
That doesn't mean we don'thave a good relationship.
Doesn't mean that we did it wrong.
It doesn't mean we did it right.
We just did it the waywe knew how at the time.
(18:39):
And I'm telling you right now, all youcan do is the best that you know how,
where you are today, and allow theother people around you to do the same.
The last thing that we want to do ishave blame or shame for how we are
dealing with something and how we're not.
I once heard someone who was saying thata particular woman needed to not grieve
(19:01):
anymore for her loss, her miscarriagethat she had the year before, and I
just gently told that person, Hey,everybody's gonna grieve different.
She'll never get over it.
It's okay that she never gets over it.
It's okay that she's still grieving ayear later, so it's okay for you to do it.
However you need to do it.
If you need support, I am here.
(19:22):
I am fully in belief that you are ableto do this If you or someone you know
has experienced unimaginable heartbreak.
I just want to say that I am sincerelyso sorry for whatever it is that is
breaking your heart at this time, andfrom the bottom of my heart, I feel you.
I will pray for you and for your healing.
(19:43):
When I started my coachingbusiness, this was my why.
I was in such a dark placeand I could not see the light.
I wanted to help people find healingand happiness again, just like I
did, and I know that it's possible.
I know it can happen, but I do wantto share something with you just
because you go through healing.
(20:04):
Does not mean that heartachewill go away completely.
They can coexist together, butthey can coexist in a way that is
more peaceful and doesn't leaveyou without happiness and joy.
So I encourage you to.
Hug yourself if no one else is aroundyou, and to know that I'm here.
If you want coaching, if you wantguidance, if you want someone to help
(20:27):
you on how to just process the emotionsthat you're having, depending on
what it is you're going through, theymay be feelings and thoughts that no
one else around you has had before.
At the time that I had my experiences,there was no one I knew at that
time that had gone through what Ihad gone through, and even today.
I can only count a few people on handthat have really gone through everything
(20:49):
I went through, and that's okay too.
But I can tell you that you're not alone.
There are people that are readyand waiting to be there for you and
care for you, and I am one of them.
I wish you the very best andI will see you next week.
If you turn on the news or if you talkto a neighbor, you're more than likely
to find someone who has gone through theloss of a child, maybe the death of a
loved one, or maybe you lost your home, ormaybe you're in the middle of a divorce,
or maybe you have a health opportunity.
Like cancer or some kind of diagnosisthat is scary and truly puts you
(00:24):
in a place that you are lost andcannot figure out where to go.
So heartbreak can come in so manyforms, but here is the crazy part about
it, is that each kind of heartbreakcomes with very similar outcomes.
You can be left feeling lost orhopeless and without a direction or not.
(00:44):
Knowing what to do or how to do it.
When I found myself in one of thoseseasons, even as a woman of faith,
I found myself questioning my faith.
I came home and screamed andcursed God and really questioned
everything because I was so lost.
We lost three children to miscarriage,and then shortly after that I was
(01:06):
diagnosed with two cancers and toldI needed to have a hysterectomy,
a radical hysterectomy at that.
And that fate finalized my chance to everbirth my own children or birth children.
For my husband.
I was completely heartbroken andlost and did not know where to turn.
But today, as I am looking out atthe landscape and I'm seeing so
(01:27):
many people hurting and not knowwhere to go, especially people
who do have faith and don't.
Know where to turn even when they knowGod and and know that he loves them.
It can still be very difficult as aperson of faith to know what to do.
So I just wanted to share today sometips that I gift to you and to other
(01:49):
people that are finding themselvesin heartbreak or finding themselves
with someone else that they knowthat is really an heartbreak, and
hopefully they will help you the sameway they helped me over the years.
Number one.
Take time to feel all that you feel.
And if you are supporting someone,allow them to feel what they
feel, even if they're feelingsomething and it hurts you.
(02:12):
Giving them the space to process orfeel the feelings is super important
you or they can feel sadness orgrief or anger or pain, emptiness.
Being lost, feeling scared, beingreally tired and exhausted, feeling
frustrated, feeling mad at theworld, and feeling like giving up.
(02:34):
There are so many different thingsthat you might feel, but feeling them
and allowing the pain and all thefeelings to come up is so much better
than trying to tamper them or notallow them to go through your body.
So when I say allowingit, all I'm saying is.
Not resisting what you're feeling,you're just allowing it and giving
(02:58):
the feeling permission to flowthrough you, not stick with you.
That doesn't mean you're saying,I don't wanna fill this anymore.
I'm gonna feel it and be done with it.
But it's a just giving yourselfthe space and the energy and
the ability to process it.
When I help my clients processfeelings, I'm simply having them
put their hand on their heart.
(03:19):
I'm asking them.
To name the feeling, to think about whatthey're feeling and name it, whether
it's anger or sadness or whatever itis, and to just really feel their body.
What is that feeling in their body?
Does your chest get tight?
Does your, does your body start to sweat?
Do you get flushed?
Do you, your heart palpitate?
(03:39):
What is happening in your body?
It's really good if you can.
Have your feet on the ground andjust be grounded and feel whatever
it is that you're feeling and allowit to go as long as it wants to go.
This can happen in short burst orcan happen over long periods of time.
There is no right or wrong answer here.
Just take the time to feel all that you'refeeling and filling it to the fullest and
(04:02):
allowing it rather than pushing it down.
Number two, I encourage you tofind a person to share with.
Your feelings and to share yourthoughts and to lean on during this
journey when you are in heartbreak.
It is super helpful to have afriend, a grief group, maybe a
women's group, a church group.
Maybe you go to your pastor, anyonewho is capable and able to support you
(04:28):
while you're in this time of healing.
This doesn't have to besomeone that's there 24 hours.
It can be someone thatis a phone call away.
It doesn't even have to be someone thatlives in your state or in your community.
It can be a friend from far, far away.
It simply needs to just beestablished and you can ask somebody.
I really am searching for someone whois gonna be there for me when I need
(04:51):
them, when I need to lean on someone,and that could look like a phone call.
That could mean I just wannacall and be able to cry.
That can mean I just wanna comeand just scream and yell and
whatever, and get the feelings out.
Whatever it is that you are needingand what you need to have help with.
Ask people or a friend or a spouse orsomeone if they are able and willing,
(05:16):
capable to be up for that task.
The other piece of this I'll say isthat when you are looking for people
to help you through a journey ofhealing or heartbreak, it doesn't
even have to be one single person.
There can be different people fordifferent parts of your journey.
Or at the same time for different assignedtasks or things that are important, you
(05:38):
might have a neighbor who is making mealsto help you get through losing a child,
but you also may have a friend that youpray with and that you are able to be open
with and share true open feelings with.
And those may look different,but it's important to have
those people in place because.
Over the time of healing and grief andwhat you're going through, it's important
(05:59):
to be able to reach out to those folks.
Doing it alone is nevergoing to be the best bet.
That doesn't mean you won't have alonemoments, but having someone to reach out
to will be exponentially helpful for you.
When you are in a situation and you.
Need help.
I don't want to discount here.
(06:21):
The importance of prayer and theimportance to pray for guidance
and asking for God to give you theright people to fill these spots.
Now, if you truly pray forguidance and you remain open, God
will send those people to you.
And I just shared with you a fewseconds ago how upset I was with God.
(06:41):
When I was going throughmy dark heartache.
Just because you are upsetwith God does not mean there
has to be separation from God.
He understands you, he understandsyour heart, and it is okay.
What I have learned time and timeagain when I let go and I let God
steer the wheel, I'm always better off.
It doesn't mean I have tounderstand it, which is something
(07:03):
I still don't understand our,our situation with children.
But I know that one day.
I will understand it better.
It's okay that I don'thave the answers now.
He doesn't promise that you'll understand.
He doesn't promise that you'llunderstand the answers and, and
that is very difficult, but it is.
Okay.
Next I would say you want toseek rest and restoration.
(07:25):
Both rest and restoration are necessaryfor you to find happiness again.
And it is true that restwill help you restore.
So even though they sound verysimilar, they're very different.
One rest, getting good sleep.
Ladies, if you are listening,women need more sleep than men.
That has been proven.
(07:46):
There is research out there that showsthat women need more sleep than men.
I've spent most of my life feelingguilty for sleeping longer than men and.
Not getting up as early as people thatI knew and men that in my life and I
have stopped doing that, I now know thatI just need different types of rest.
(08:06):
So especially when you're in a heartacheor if you're in a time of trauma or
a time of health crisis, the mostimportant thing for you is to get rest.
When I talked to my oncologist andI said, what is the single most.
Important thing I can do formyself to make sure that I
don't die from my cancers.
Her answer was rest.
(08:27):
So God says to rest as well.
So it's just so interesting howrest has a we, we put it aside
and we don't count it as importantbecause it's so easy to get rest.
Well, it's easy and it's hard, right?
If you have kids and you havework, and you have all the
things, it is hard to get rest.
But make it a prioritythis time in your life.
It's very important to get rest.
(08:49):
Your brain, your body,your cells in your body.
Everything needs rest.
For your heart to heal, you mayneed to gently ask yourself to do
something more than you're doing, andthat may look different than rest.
And let me tell you what I mean by that.
When I was in this time of superdarkness and heartache, I had a hard
time getting out of bed, but I rememberhaving to gently tell myself, you've
(09:12):
got to get outta bed and take a shower.
If that's all you do today, that I, Iwant you to do that and listen to that
gentle nudge for restoration becausetaking a shower is important too.
And I kind of giggle and I. Youmay be a person who's in really
deep hurt right now, but I willtell you, a shower is restoring.
(09:33):
It washes away a lot of things,and I'm getting emotional,
but I want this to be real.
Allow yourself to restore and secre,and part of that will be taking
care of yourself, like washingaway your troubles and being the
best you can be in that moment.
That doesn't mean you're.
(09:54):
Trying to work harder or do more or bea star, it is literally just for you
to restore and take care of yourself.
And that may look like gettinga massage if that's something
that's helpful for you.
It may be listening to healing music.
It may be shutting your bedroomdoor and reading a book and may be
(10:14):
sending, spending time in prayer andmeditation you and only you know at
rest and relaxation and restoration.
It's helpful for you, and if you're havinga hard time getting that because you have
children and you need to get more rest,then this is a time that you can step
up and ask other people for their help.
If they're not capable of doinga whole day, maybe they're
(10:36):
only able to do an hour.
An hour is better than nothing.
Do what you can.
The more you honor your body.
Take take time for your body.
The more time you take to heal throughrest and restoration, the faster your
brain will be able to process and healwhatever the heartache is that you have.
And I, this isn't a a, a race.
(10:58):
We're not looking to race tohealing and race to happiness.
We actually want to use uses as agentle process for healing, and that
will require some of us to be still.
Take quiet time versusgoing harder and longer.
Number four, I will encourage you toseek your truth, and what I mean by
(11:19):
seeking your truth is I want you toreally think about naming what has
happened and getting it out of your brain.
Journaling, speaking to a therapistor a coach, recording a private video
journal may be an option allowing yourthoughts that are going on in your
brain because they're fast and furious.
When we have heartache, when we'relost in the thick of that heartache
(11:42):
or that trauma of what is going on orwhat is happening in our lives, we can.
Have uncontrolled mind drama, and I don'tmean this in an in, in a negative way.
I just mean that your brain takes overand you no longer have control of it.
Getting it out of your mind by writingit down or journaling it or putting it in
(12:04):
some sort of physical form where you can.
Allow it to be there andnot inside your brain.
It gives your brain space toheal, and in the short term,
it simply gets the words out.
It helps you find what's happeninginside your mind and at first.
You don't want to go overthat and evaluate it.
(12:26):
You don't want to think about thesethoughts or leading to these feelings.
I don't recommend that youreally spend any time on that.
If you're a person who knows the model,which is something I use with I, when I
coach your thoughts, create your feelings.
Your feelings, create your actions.
Your actions create your results, that'sgreat when you're healthy and happy.
But when you're in the middle ofheartache, this is not the time to
(12:48):
necessarily evaluate your thoughts.
That deeply in the initialstages of heartache.
You want to adjust, allow, seekyour truth, what is true for you
in this moment, but get it out ofyour brain and that is helpful.
The other thing that's helpful ofgetting it out of your brain is that
over time, as time marches on, youwill be able to see either growth
(13:11):
and healing happening naturallythrough your thoughts that are in.
The journaling that you'redoing, or you will find that
you're more stuck and you're nothaving a natural healing process.
And that is where you would getyour signs for getting help and
finding a professional to helpyou process it differently.
(13:33):
And then as you move on, then youcan decide, do I need therapy?
Do I need a coach?
Do I need.
To join a grief group for ayear, whatever it might be.
And when I say heartache, heartacheis different for everyone.
And I mentioned grief.
Grief, and I mentioned trauma, butagain, it looks different for everyone.
Whatever your heart heartache is, youknow there are different ways that people
(13:56):
can deal with different heartaches.
Seek that help if you need it.
Number five, take it oneday, one step at a time.
Healing takes time, grief and painfrom events, trauma hurts, heartbreak.
They can all just sneak up on youeven after you've processed them.
(14:17):
It can feel like a tsunami longafter you think you're okay.
I have had moments in my lifewhere I am literally years away
from my biggest heartaches, andthen one day something smacks me.
Whether it's experiencing it throughsomeone else or being triggered some
sort of trauma triggers me into feeling.
(14:39):
A certain feeling.
There are so many ways thatthe journey can take two steps
forward and then 10 steps back.
So take it one day at a time,take it one step at a time.
I just encourage you not to getfrustrated if you do take one
step forward and three back or.
Five steps forward and oneback, whatever it is, take time.
(15:01):
Just understand that there are timesthat these waves of disappointment and
pain will come from something that wejust aren't prepared for, and they can
make you feel like you wanna run away, ormaybe you'll have a panic attack or racing
thoughts or unexplained body tremors,shaking, or body flushing and sweating.
(15:22):
Those things are all very normal.
There is nothing wrongwith you if this happens.
Thankfully, over time, you are goingto get more familiar with your own
personal reactions and you will alsoget better and better at using tools
for yourself on how to navigatethose things that happen for you.
If you feel stuck and you want helpwith how to do that and how to process
(15:44):
it and want a coach that can help youlearn how to process things, I'm here.
I can do that for you.
Number six.
Try to take note of the smallblessings every single day.
When we have heartache, it is super hardto see that anything is going well, that
anything is going right, that there'sanything to be thankful for, that
there's anything that is worth noticing.
(16:07):
There are so many things that arearound us that are beautiful and
enlightening, and we'll help you inyour darkest days if you simply just.
Take notice.
When I was in my darkest days,and even sometimes now, I kept a
journal and jotted down three things.
I was thankful for each and every day.
Now, I say each and every day, and Iwanna tell you, there were some days I
(16:29):
had to repeat what I said the day or weekbefore because I didn't feel like there
were any blessings in that current day.
I also missed a few days writing downwhat three things I was thankful for.
This isn't about being perfect.
This isn't about, oh, Ihave to write three things.
Three things down, even thoughI don't really believe them.
This is simply a way to trainyour brain to look for and
(16:52):
find things to be thankful for.
It isn't.
It's kind of like a little gameif you get up in the morning, you
know, finding something that is.
Really good for you.
It could be the sheets.
I bought some really nice linen sheetsand they just feel good to be in.
And when you are filled with heartache,being in bed and getting good
(17:12):
rest could be the only thing thatyou're felt thankful for that day.
There are just.
A million different ways thatyou can look at being thankful.
It could be being thankful thatsomebody brings you food or that
somebody sent you a nice text.
You just sometimes have to really lookfor them when your brain is in the middle
of feeling heartbroken and devastated.
(17:33):
So understand, you arein a season of life.
If you are in heartbreakright now, if you're.
For whatever reason something hashappened that has torn your heart out.
This looks very different than othertimes in your life, but it is a
season and you will get through it.
It may take literally counting thehours, the minutes, the days, the steps.
(17:56):
It's, it may just be onefoot in front of the other.
That's okay.
Give yourself the grace and thepermission to do it your way.
You don't have to do it theway anyone else is doing it.
You don't have to let anybodyelse know how you're doing it.
I didn't, for years, I didn't know,I didn't even share with my husband.
There were a lot of things that I didn'tshare initially because they were my
(18:19):
own, and that's okay too because I'm.
99% sure that he grieved and he hadheartache in his own way through this
entire process that we lived together.
And that's okay.
That doesn't mean we don'thave a good relationship.
Doesn't mean that we did it wrong.
It doesn't mean we did it right.
We just did it the waywe knew how at the time.
(18:39):
And I'm telling you right now, all youcan do is the best that you know how,
where you are today, and allow theother people around you to do the same.
The last thing that we want to do ishave blame or shame for how we are
dealing with something and how we're not.
I once heard someone who was saying thata particular woman needed to not grieve
(19:01):
anymore for her loss, her miscarriagethat she had the year before, and I
just gently told that person, Hey,everybody's gonna grieve different.
She'll never get over it.
It's okay that she never gets over it.
It's okay that she's still grieving ayear later, so it's okay for you to do it.
However you need to do it.
If you need support, I am here.
(19:22):
I am fully in belief that you are ableto do this If you or someone you know
has experienced unimaginable heartbreak.
I just want to say that I am sincerelyso sorry for whatever it is that is
breaking your heart at this time, andfrom the bottom of my heart, I feel you.
I will pray for you and for your healing.
(19:43):
When I started my coachingbusiness, this was my why.
I was in such a dark placeand I could not see the light.
I wanted to help people find healingand happiness again, just like I
did, and I know that it's possible.
I know it can happen, but I do wantto share something with you just
because you go through healing.
(20:04):
Does not mean that heartachewill go away completely.
They can coexist together, butthey can coexist in a way that is
more peaceful and doesn't leaveyou without happiness and joy.
So I encourage you to.
Hug yourself if no one else is aroundyou, and to know that I'm here.
If you want coaching, if you wantguidance, if you want someone to help
(20:27):
you on how to just process the emotionsthat you're having, depending on
what it is you're going through, theymay be feelings and thoughts that no
one else around you has had before.
At the time that I had my experiences,there was no one I knew at that
time that had gone through what Ihad gone through, and even today.
I can only count a few people on handthat have really gone through everything
(20:49):
I went through, and that's okay too.
But I can tell you that you're not alone.
There are people that are readyand waiting to be there for you and
care for you, and I am one of them.
I wish you the very best andI will see you next week.
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