March 25, 2025 • 22 mins
Do you ever get stuck thinking negative thoughts? Have you tried to stop being so negative but you can't seem to break free from negative thought patterns?
Negative thought patterns can impact your mental and physical health as well as impact your work life and personal life. When you take charge of negative thought patterns, you find more success, motivation, and inspiration waiting on the other side.
Listen to this episode if you want a proven way to work through negative thoughts and ways to improve how you are thinking. You get to chose if you are going to stay stuck, overwhelmed, and negative or you are ready to move toward a more positive mindset.
It takes a little work, a commitment to change, and a few easy steps. You can do it!
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It’s time to take the first step towards a fulfilling and joyful life. It doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful! Imagine having deeper connections, feeling less anxiety and overwhelm, gaining clarity, and fully trusting yourself. Picture yourself not just surviving but truly thriving.
I am here with you every step of the way!
Invest in a Coaching Package and change your life forever!
Stay tuned I will be releasing a new confidence building course in the next few months!
XOXO,
Heather
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Heather Edwards (00:02):
When was the last time you had a negative thought, and
how did that thought make you feel?
Did it make you feel like you couldtackle anything, or did it make you
feel blah and feeling like you wantedto run it to your bed and retreat?
Here's the deal.
Negative thoughts are like aslow leak in your tire, just
like a slow leak in your tire.
Eventually it's going to take.
(00:22):
Toll and the tire is unableto do its job as intended.
And similarly, negativethoughts deplete your energy.
They invade your self-confidence andthey create behaviors in you or that
you overtly experience that aren'trepresentative of your best self.
In this episode, we're gonna talka little bit more in depth about
(00:44):
negative thoughts and how you canbreak that negative thought pattern.
Here's the fun thing.
Once you have success with breakingone negative thought pattern, you're
going to feel empowered and excited totake on more of your negative thoughts.
One negative thought at a time.
You can turn your thoughts into positive,supportive, and motivating thoughts
(01:04):
that can help you get the goal that youwant, and enjoy closer relationships
and have confidence in yourself that youmay have just never experienced before.
I don't know about you, but I need everyounce of motivation, boost of energy,
and a little push here and there.
So.
This might help you just as much asit's helped me, so let's get to it.
(01:27):
Welcome to the CrazyConfidence Coach Podcast.
I'm Heather Edwards, a mastercertified coach, and I'm here to
help you build your confidence.
Have you ever wished you had theconfidence to ask for that, raise you
want, or apply for that dream job?
Have you ever wished you could go fora big audacious goal like speaking in
(01:48):
front of other people or walking intoa room of really important people?
Without being scared to go upto someone and speak to them,
well, you're in the right place.
Each week I'm gonna share tips andtricks to help you get more comfortable
in your skin, build your self-esteem,and gain unshakeable confidence.
Don't hide in the shadowsanymore if I can do it.
(02:10):
So can you grab a pad of paper andyour favorite pen, and let's get to it.
Constant negative thoughts can wear usdown and leave us just feeling lost.
Stuck, overwhelmed, you name it.
And that heaviness prevents you andme from becoming our best selves.
(02:30):
It prevents us from going forthose really bold, audacious goals.
It prevents us from showing up in ourlives in a way that is energetic and fun.
Negative thinking can literallymake our lives feel heavy, and as
if we have a weight holding us down.
I don't know about you, but I much preferto have more fun, be more energetic,
(02:55):
and pursue bold goals that I'm excitedabout, because that energy and that
excitement is much more fun to wake up to.
It just simply is.
So let's dive into how wecan significantly decrease
our negative thoughts.
What steps can we take to capturenegative thoughts and then change
them up to positive thoughts orthoughts that are just more useful?
(03:18):
Research shows that negative thoughts canimpact your mental and physical health.
So this isn't just aboutincreasing your confidence.
Yes, it is helpful toincrease your confidence.
But you're also working on changingyour negative thought patterns because
it helps you reduce anxiety and stress.
And in the meantime, while you'redoing that, you're also increasing
(03:38):
your cognitive flexibility.
One misconception about negativethinking is that you have to replace
it with all positive thoughts,and this simply isn't true.
You can change things up a littlebit for, and it can be beneficial
without it being a hundredpercent positive or only positive.
I don't want you to take thisepisode as something that is
(04:00):
a toxic positivity episode.
I'm not looking for you to cleanout all your negative thought
patterns to only be positive.
It's just not healthy to try todo that, but it's also really
not that possible, but you do.
Have a responsibility to yourself toactually really look at what your thought
patterns are and what you can changeto make a difference in your life.
(04:24):
Let's be honest, no one, andI do mean no one has a hundred
percent positive thoughts.
At least anyone that's being upfrontand honest, we're humans and we are
actually driven by our thoughts.
What our thoughts are, drive usinto our actions, and then our
actions ultimately become theresults that we get out of life.
So what's crazy to me, and mightbe to you as well, is that we have
(04:48):
thousands and thousands of thoughtsa day out of all of those thoughts.
Some of those are bound to benegative, so give yourself a break.
But if you want to change anegative thought pattern, the
first step is to actually identify.
That you have thenegative thought pattern.
You probably have severalnegative thought patterns.
Maybe you have thoughts around how yourspouse spends money or how much you
(05:14):
don't like to go to work, or how muchyou don't like to work out or eat right?
You may have negative thoughtpatterns around politics or around
the people who have differentpolitical affiliations from you.
There are hundreds and hundreds ofdifferent thought patterns that you
may be able to identify in yourself.
As negative thought patterns.
The second step is actually decidingyou have the desire to change
(05:38):
the negative thought pattern.
If you don't want to change the negativethought pattern, don't, but awareness
is really helpful for us to decide.
Do we wanna keep this thought the way wethink about this thing, or do we wanna
explore it and figure out if I can.
Do something to changehow I feel about it.
Either way, it's okay.
You can keep it or you can work on it.
(05:59):
It's your choice.
The third step is to write out yourthoughts attached to that thought pattern.
So usually, not always, but usuallyif we have a negative thought pattern,
there are several thoughts that arerelated to that thought pattern.
Every single thought that youcan come up with around that
particular negative thought pattern.
Write it down, becausetwo things happen here.
(06:20):
One, when you write it out, you'regetting it out of your brain.
You're actually seeing it, and you'reable to visually see the negative thought
pattern on paper, which helps you reallybe a little detached from it, or at
least be able to look at it objectively.
So that is our next step, and that is.
Being able to look at it objectivelyand challenge the negative thought.
(06:42):
You wrote out the thought.
So now you're gonna get really, reallycurious about that negative thought.
What about this thought is true?
Is anything exaggerated or is itsimply a hundred percent factual?
And a fly on the wall would say the samething about whatever your thought pattern
is about, or have you kind of made itthe big fish story where you really
(07:04):
only got a 12 inch fish and now it's.
Five feet long.
Are your thoughts original?
And what I mean by that is are yougathering thoughts from other people?
Are they influencing you?
Are they simply your thoughts thatyou've come to around whatever
it is that you're thinking about?
The other thing is, is it outdated?
Is your thought outdated?
When I mean by that is are youcarrying a thought that you had or
(07:28):
originally had when you were little?
And here you are.
Years later holding onto it.
Is it something that happened in school?
I had a teacher one time that basicallyI had a math teacher that really, really,
I just had some challenges with andI fully convinced myself through this
teacher that I was horrible at math.
(07:48):
Ironically, I was really good at mathand I was doing really well, but he, the
conflict we had and the things that hesaid to me just really influenced me.
And I carry that thought into adulthood,which is crazy to even think about.
Are you carrying a thoughtthat is outdated, creating a
negative thought pattern for you?
Are you overgeneralizing?
(08:09):
And if this was your negativethought pattern, you're
basing your generalizations.
On something that isn'treally a fact or reality.
So something like, I'm reallybad at sports when reality,
maybe you're bad at one sportand you are generalizing over it.
Or maybe you say something like,I'm horrible at technology.
(08:29):
I've said that a million times,and that's simply not true.
I can figure out technology, it simplycan challenge me sometimes, but horrible
at technology and generalizing that.
An all in a bucket ofeverything is simply not true.
It's an overgeneralization ofbeing horrible at technology
or something like, I never getrecognized at work for the good.
(08:51):
I do something like that.
Notice, are you really overgeneralizingsomething and putting everything in
one bucket, or are you not givingcredit where credit is due somewhere?
Something like that really be in tuneif that is who you are being when
you have a negative thought pattern.
The other thing is, is that youcould be borrowing or learning
(09:11):
something from someone else withyour negative thought pattern.
Maybe you watched a parent havea negative thought pattern about
something, or maybe you've just.
Experienced it from watching someone elseor even a show you watch all the time.
You can be imprinted with other people'sinformation pretty much anywhere you go.
It could be from TikTok or Instagram.
(09:32):
Be aware of borrowing or learning negativethought patterns from other people,
your best friend, your mom, any otherinfluence that might be in your life.
And then another good question toask yourself is, is this negative
thought pattern one that you've alwayshad, or did something happen that.
Triggered the negative thought pattern.
It's just good to know this whole process.
(09:53):
And the fourth step is just gettingreally curious and getting all the facts
drawn out about your negative thoughts.
If you've never done anything likethis, if you've never taken the
time to look at your thoughts andevaluate them, it can be pretty tough.
It simply doesn't feel normal.
It's not something that we normally do.
It can be extremely difficult and itcan be definitely difficult to do it
(10:17):
in a non-judgmental way with ourselves.
The quickest way that I know to get aroundthis is to have somebody help you do this.
So if you can enlist a friend.
Family member that you trust, or ifyou have, um, a coworker that's willing
to do it, maybe you help each other.
And I actually help my clientswith this, and I love it.
It's one of the most, my mostfavorite things to do is help them
(10:40):
identify their negative thoughtpatterns and work through them.
I can usually spot them a mile awaybecause I've just talked to enough
people that I can pick it out and I can.
Pick up on language that people useto describe an event or conversations,
and it's just wild to watch howit embeds into the way we describe
things, the way we speak aboutthem, and the words that we choose.
(11:03):
If you're looking to clean up yournegative thought patterns really
quickly and you wanna move fast.
Sign up for a discoverycall and let's get going.
I can help you create a planthat will help you really
work through all this quickly.
And let me tell you, it is super, superhelpful and it will get you to that
next step without a lot in your way.
Coaching is also helpful for the nextstep, which is deciding what you want to
(11:26):
do with your negative thought pattern.
It seems silly to even say thisbecause you're like, of course,
I just wanna get rid of it.
But sometimes you reallyaren't ready and willing.
To challenge the negative thought,and that is okay, but what we need to
decide is, are we willing and readyto challenge the negative thought
pattern and are we ready to replaceit with a supportive positive thought?
(11:50):
You can do that or.
If you're not able to believe a positivethought that is related to that negative
thought pattern, you simply need tobuild what is called a ladder thought.
A ladder thought is kind of abridge between the two, the negative
thought and the positive thought,but it's a. Thought that you can
believe, currently believe why thisis tricky is positive affirmation.
(12:14):
So if you say to yourself, I'm horribleat technology and you want to go to,
I'm fantastic at technology, your brainis not gonna go from that to right
away to, I'm fantastic at technology.
However, you can create a ladder thought,which would be more like, I successfully
use technology every single day.
(12:35):
That is true for me.
I used to always say thatI'm horrible at technology.
You can literally hear me inother podcasts in my earlier
days saying it to now.
I say I successfully use technologyevery day, which is completely true.
It's true, and because of that,the feeling does not leave me
feeling hopeless or frustrated.
(12:56):
I'm horrible at technology.
What does it do?
It makes me feel hopeless, likeI can't do anything about it.
The idea, the statement.
I successfully use technology every day.
It doesn't prevent me from doing anything.
It makes me believe that I cango ahead and use technology.
It doesn't mean or saythat I use technology.
(13:18):
Easily or effortlessly.
It just says that I successfully usetechnology, meaning I can use it.
Think about how, what are you saying orwhat are you, what are your thoughts that
you can transition to a latter thoughtand get you where you need to do to
feel better about doing something ratherthan feeling hopeless and frustrated.
This formula, this simple little formulato to do a thought, it can be used
(13:41):
with literally just about anything.
Let me give you another example.
You may be a parent, a mom who hasa daughter, and you think, I really
dislike this friend that my daughteris hanging out with right now.
She's a bad influence on her.
You're never going, you're probablynot going to go straight to.
I love my daughter's friend,she's wonderful, and I'm so
(14:02):
happy to hang out together.
It's not realistic, but let megive you a latter thought that
is a potential for you to use.
My daughter enjoys hangingout with her friend.
I'm just gonna use the name Maddie,and that friend gives her joy.
I really like when my daughterexperiences joy in her life.
You're not talking about.
Anything other than the positivepart of what is the experience of
(14:24):
Maddie and your daughter hanging out?
It doesn't say anythingabout you liking Maddie.
It doesn't say anything about youliking that they're hanging out.
It's saying, my daughter enjoyshanging out with her friend, Maddie.
That is a fact.
And if Maddie, it gives her joyto hang out with that friend.
And that is true.
This is a true statement and Ireally like it when my daughter
(14:45):
experiences joy in her life.
So you're connecting something thatis true for you as well to something
that is true for your daughter, and itgives you a positive spin or a latter
thought on what could be a possibility.
Hopefully that makes sense.
It does take a little work to comeup with a ladder thought sometimes,
but the key about a ladder thoughtis it has to be believable.
(15:08):
Your brain needs to really believe it.
Now, it may not change the fundamentalpart for, for instance, with this
situation with Maddie, that you stillmight have a fear that this might be a
bad influence for her to hang out withMaddie, but you're acknowledging the
part that you appreciate or the partthat is good or could be good for you.
(15:29):
Now can you see you're notlying or faking a positive spin?
So if your head is trying to tell youright now, oh, this is just faking
it, that is potentially, if you arecontinuing that negative thought
pattern, that will be true for you.
But if you learn how to use your brainin your, to your benefit in a way that
(15:51):
will help you, because I guarantee you,if you approach your daughter with this.
Latter thought versus approachingher with, I hate when she
hangs out with this person.
It is a different approach altogether.
So you can do this with so manydifferent things in your life.
I'm just picking these twobecause they seem pretty easy.
Technology and a friendhanging out with someone.
(16:11):
You know, if you're a parent andyour children are hanging out with
somebody that they don't like.
The other thing is, is that you canbreak a negative thought pattern,
is to change your physical pattern.
So think about physical exercise orwriting down five positive thoughts
when you have a negative thought.
Or some people use rubber bandsto, um, flip their wrist, right?
(16:32):
But when you use something physicallike fix physical exercise, it
will actually boost your mood.
So going for a walk.
Or using a mini trampolineor taking an exercise class.
That exercise builds your endorphins,dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, which
are all feelgood hormones and help you.
So doing something to break yournegative thought pattern could be simple.
(16:55):
It could just be changingyour physical pattern when.
You need a little boost.
The other way is to distract yourselfby doing something like a hobby or
talking on the phone with a friend,which has been proven to increase your
mood in something like 15 or 20 minutes.
I think meditating or usingother relaxation techniques, so I
(17:18):
currently will bring up healing.
Music that I will pull up and I'll justplay it 'cause it doesn't have words.
There's nothing influencing my brain,but it'll help me break my thought
pattern and it refocus me on a differentenergy and a positive activity.
Something that gives me a positive feelgood feeling that I can kind of switch off
(17:38):
that negative thought process or brain.
That's happening.
Every little bit that you can do to helpbuild neuropathways and pathways that
are positive is in the right direction.
The last technique I will talk toyou about is I encourage my clients
to spend time and energy identifyingtheir dirt, which are their doubts,
(17:59):
insecurities, resistance, andtriggers, because these are the
things that your mind will work on.
Overtime, and I do mean overtime toprevent you from experiencing life.
It's because there's a natural defensemechanism in your brain, and its default
is to convince you through negativethoughts, to not do things, to protect
(18:21):
you from being harmed, to reject othersunconsciously, so you don't get hurt.
Or it can increase your chancesof rejecting people who you love
by creating negative thoughtpatterns that will protect you
from being hurt by them as well.
The patterns in this situationfor your dirt, your doubts,
insecurities, resistance, and yourtriggers, they are much, much, much.
(18:43):
More difficult to spot, but they arealso way more influential than you think
because they're actually building wallswithout you even really realizing it.
So subconsciously, you'rebuilding walls that protect
you, and they are superficial.
At this point in our lives, for themost part, unless we're running from a
bear or we are, maybe you're avoidinga poisonous snake or something like
(19:07):
that, the risks that you take are prettyeasy to mitigate and work through.
For the most part, you can actuallyprevent yourself from having
healthy, happy relationships.
It can actually prevent youfrom seeing possibility.
It can.
Keep you from going for that bigraise or that big audacious goal that
(19:29):
you've been secretly holding onto.
It is one of those things thatreally prevents you from doing the
things that you really wanna do.
So I love working with people on this too.
I work on this when I coachpeople, helping them identify
their dirt and work through it.
Is another really quick way to helpthem get to where they want to go.
(19:49):
Once you've gotten to this point and youare having a little bit of a success,
and once you change one or two of yourthought patterns, you're going to really
feel like you're not blocked anymore andyou're going to see success in ways that
you really hadn't thought about, and youmight even see success in ways that you
(20:09):
have thought out, but maybe you weren't.
Thinking were possible for you.
So get help with your dirt.
Get help with all of your triggers andyour doubts, and your insecurities and
your resistance, but also go back andjust work on those negative thought
patterns so you can start with a fresherstart and you don't have the green in
(20:29):
front of you preventing you from doingthe things that you really wanna do.
I think that once you realize that youcan change negative thought patterns,
you will have so much fun doing it.
You will have so much more fun.
Once you understand, then it can happenfor you because if you've been doing it
for a while and you can't, if maybe youhaven't been successful, it's frustrating.
You just give up and itjust kind of keeps going.
(20:51):
In a cycle, you're continuingto reinforce that behavior.
So break the pattern, work on yournegative thought patterns and get
to the point where you are gettingreally good at breaking them.
I wanna leave you with this thought today.
You are allowed to be both amasterpiece and a work in progress.
Simultaneously, you can simultaneouslybe a wreck and have negative thought
(21:14):
patterns, but also be headed towardsa different direction of having
a little bit more positively andmotivation and inspiration in your life.
Have a blessed week and I'll seeyou next Tuesday before you leave.
Don't forget to drop a rating orreview for the show, or better
yet, just share it with three ofyour friends that you think would
benefit from gaining more confidence.
(21:37):
Thank you so much forchecking out the show.
We come here every single Tuesdaysharing tips and trips for the
best confidence that you can musterup, and I have freebies for you
at the crazy confidence coach.com.
If you'd like to, you can sign upthere and they will go directly
to your email and you will also.
Hello, get my lovely newsletterthat I put out each month, all
about confidence, tips, and tricks.
(21:59):
Have a great week.
I'll see you next Tuesday.
Love you big.
When was the last time you had a negative thought, and
how did that thought make you feel?
Did it make you feel like you couldtackle anything, or did it make you
feel blah and feeling like you wantedto run it to your bed and retreat?
Here's the deal.
Negative thoughts are like aslow leak in your tire, just
like a slow leak in your tire.
Eventually it's going to take.
(00:22):
Toll and the tire is unableto do its job as intended.
And similarly, negativethoughts deplete your energy.
They invade your self-confidence andthey create behaviors in you or that
you overtly experience that aren'trepresentative of your best self.
In this episode, we're gonna talka little bit more in depth about
(00:44):
negative thoughts and how you canbreak that negative thought pattern.
Here's the fun thing.
Once you have success with breakingone negative thought pattern, you're
going to feel empowered and excited totake on more of your negative thoughts.
One negative thought at a time.
You can turn your thoughts into positive,supportive, and motivating thoughts
(01:04):
that can help you get the goal that youwant, and enjoy closer relationships
and have confidence in yourself that youmay have just never experienced before.
I don't know about you, but I need everyounce of motivation, boost of energy,
and a little push here and there.
So.
This might help you just as much asit's helped me, so let's get to it.
(01:27):
Welcome to the CrazyConfidence Coach Podcast.
I'm Heather Edwards, a mastercertified coach, and I'm here to
help you build your confidence.
Have you ever wished you had theconfidence to ask for that, raise you
want, or apply for that dream job?
Have you ever wished you could go fora big audacious goal like speaking in
(01:48):
front of other people or walking intoa room of really important people?
Without being scared to go upto someone and speak to them,
well, you're in the right place.
Each week I'm gonna share tips andtricks to help you get more comfortable
in your skin, build your self-esteem,and gain unshakeable confidence.
Don't hide in the shadowsanymore if I can do it.
(02:10):
So can you grab a pad of paper andyour favorite pen, and let's get to it.
Constant negative thoughts can wear usdown and leave us just feeling lost.
Stuck, overwhelmed, you name it.
And that heaviness prevents you andme from becoming our best selves.
(02:30):
It prevents us from going forthose really bold, audacious goals.
It prevents us from showing up in ourlives in a way that is energetic and fun.
Negative thinking can literallymake our lives feel heavy, and as
if we have a weight holding us down.
I don't know about you, but I much preferto have more fun, be more energetic,
(02:55):
and pursue bold goals that I'm excitedabout, because that energy and that
excitement is much more fun to wake up to.
It just simply is.
So let's dive into how wecan significantly decrease
our negative thoughts.
What steps can we take to capturenegative thoughts and then change
them up to positive thoughts orthoughts that are just more useful?
(03:18):
Research shows that negative thoughts canimpact your mental and physical health.
So this isn't just aboutincreasing your confidence.
Yes, it is helpful toincrease your confidence.
But you're also working on changingyour negative thought patterns because
it helps you reduce anxiety and stress.
And in the meantime, while you'redoing that, you're also increasing
(03:38):
your cognitive flexibility.
One misconception about negativethinking is that you have to replace
it with all positive thoughts,and this simply isn't true.
You can change things up a littlebit for, and it can be beneficial
without it being a hundredpercent positive or only positive.
I don't want you to take thisepisode as something that is
(04:00):
a toxic positivity episode.
I'm not looking for you to cleanout all your negative thought
patterns to only be positive.
It's just not healthy to try todo that, but it's also really
not that possible, but you do.
Have a responsibility to yourself toactually really look at what your thought
patterns are and what you can changeto make a difference in your life.
(04:24):
Let's be honest, no one, andI do mean no one has a hundred
percent positive thoughts.
At least anyone that's being upfrontand honest, we're humans and we are
actually driven by our thoughts.
What our thoughts are, drive usinto our actions, and then our
actions ultimately become theresults that we get out of life.
So what's crazy to me, and mightbe to you as well, is that we have
(04:48):
thousands and thousands of thoughtsa day out of all of those thoughts.
Some of those are bound to benegative, so give yourself a break.
But if you want to change anegative thought pattern, the
first step is to actually identify.
That you have thenegative thought pattern.
You probably have severalnegative thought patterns.
Maybe you have thoughts around how yourspouse spends money or how much you
(05:14):
don't like to go to work, or how muchyou don't like to work out or eat right?
You may have negative thoughtpatterns around politics or around
the people who have differentpolitical affiliations from you.
There are hundreds and hundreds ofdifferent thought patterns that you
may be able to identify in yourself.
As negative thought patterns.
The second step is actually decidingyou have the desire to change
(05:38):
the negative thought pattern.
If you don't want to change the negativethought pattern, don't, but awareness
is really helpful for us to decide.
Do we wanna keep this thought the way wethink about this thing, or do we wanna
explore it and figure out if I can.
Do something to changehow I feel about it.
Either way, it's okay.
You can keep it or you can work on it.
(05:59):
It's your choice.
The third step is to write out yourthoughts attached to that thought pattern.
So usually, not always, but usuallyif we have a negative thought pattern,
there are several thoughts that arerelated to that thought pattern.
Every single thought that youcan come up with around that
particular negative thought pattern.
Write it down, becausetwo things happen here.
(06:20):
One, when you write it out, you'regetting it out of your brain.
You're actually seeing it, and you'reable to visually see the negative thought
pattern on paper, which helps you reallybe a little detached from it, or at
least be able to look at it objectively.
So that is our next step, and that is.
Being able to look at it objectivelyand challenge the negative thought.
(06:42):
You wrote out the thought.
So now you're gonna get really, reallycurious about that negative thought.
What about this thought is true?
Is anything exaggerated or is itsimply a hundred percent factual?
And a fly on the wall would say the samething about whatever your thought pattern
is about, or have you kind of made itthe big fish story where you really
(07:04):
only got a 12 inch fish and now it's.
Five feet long.
Are your thoughts original?
And what I mean by that is are yougathering thoughts from other people?
Are they influencing you?
Are they simply your thoughts thatyou've come to around whatever
it is that you're thinking about?
The other thing is, is it outdated?
Is your thought outdated?
When I mean by that is are youcarrying a thought that you had or
(07:28):
originally had when you were little?
And here you are.
Years later holding onto it.
Is it something that happened in school?
I had a teacher one time that basicallyI had a math teacher that really, really,
I just had some challenges with andI fully convinced myself through this
teacher that I was horrible at math.
(07:48):
Ironically, I was really good at mathand I was doing really well, but he, the
conflict we had and the things that hesaid to me just really influenced me.
And I carry that thought into adulthood,which is crazy to even think about.
Are you carrying a thoughtthat is outdated, creating a
negative thought pattern for you?
Are you overgeneralizing?
(08:09):
And if this was your negativethought pattern, you're
basing your generalizations.
On something that isn'treally a fact or reality.
So something like, I'm reallybad at sports when reality,
maybe you're bad at one sportand you are generalizing over it.
Or maybe you say something like,I'm horrible at technology.
(08:29):
I've said that a million times,and that's simply not true.
I can figure out technology, it simplycan challenge me sometimes, but horrible
at technology and generalizing that.
An all in a bucket ofeverything is simply not true.
It's an overgeneralization ofbeing horrible at technology
or something like, I never getrecognized at work for the good.
(08:51):
I do something like that.
Notice, are you really overgeneralizingsomething and putting everything in
one bucket, or are you not givingcredit where credit is due somewhere?
Something like that really be in tuneif that is who you are being when
you have a negative thought pattern.
The other thing is, is that youcould be borrowing or learning
(09:11):
something from someone else withyour negative thought pattern.
Maybe you watched a parent havea negative thought pattern about
something, or maybe you've just.
Experienced it from watching someone elseor even a show you watch all the time.
You can be imprinted with other people'sinformation pretty much anywhere you go.
It could be from TikTok or Instagram.
(09:32):
Be aware of borrowing or learning negativethought patterns from other people,
your best friend, your mom, any otherinfluence that might be in your life.
And then another good question toask yourself is, is this negative
thought pattern one that you've alwayshad, or did something happen that.
Triggered the negative thought pattern.
It's just good to know this whole process.
(09:53):
And the fourth step is just gettingreally curious and getting all the facts
drawn out about your negative thoughts.
If you've never done anything likethis, if you've never taken the
time to look at your thoughts andevaluate them, it can be pretty tough.
It simply doesn't feel normal.
It's not something that we normally do.
It can be extremely difficult and itcan be definitely difficult to do it
(10:17):
in a non-judgmental way with ourselves.
The quickest way that I know to get aroundthis is to have somebody help you do this.
So if you can enlist a friend.
Family member that you trust, or ifyou have, um, a coworker that's willing
to do it, maybe you help each other.
And I actually help my clientswith this, and I love it.
It's one of the most, my mostfavorite things to do is help them
(10:40):
identify their negative thoughtpatterns and work through them.
I can usually spot them a mile awaybecause I've just talked to enough
people that I can pick it out and I can.
Pick up on language that people useto describe an event or conversations,
and it's just wild to watch howit embeds into the way we describe
things, the way we speak aboutthem, and the words that we choose.
(11:03):
If you're looking to clean up yournegative thought patterns really
quickly and you wanna move fast.
Sign up for a discoverycall and let's get going.
I can help you create a planthat will help you really
work through all this quickly.
And let me tell you, it is super, superhelpful and it will get you to that
next step without a lot in your way.
Coaching is also helpful for the nextstep, which is deciding what you want to
(11:26):
do with your negative thought pattern.
It seems silly to even say thisbecause you're like, of course,
I just wanna get rid of it.
But sometimes you reallyaren't ready and willing.
To challenge the negative thought,and that is okay, but what we need to
decide is, are we willing and readyto challenge the negative thought
pattern and are we ready to replaceit with a supportive positive thought?
(11:50):
You can do that or.
If you're not able to believe a positivethought that is related to that negative
thought pattern, you simply need tobuild what is called a ladder thought.
A ladder thought is kind of abridge between the two, the negative
thought and the positive thought,but it's a. Thought that you can
believe, currently believe why thisis tricky is positive affirmation.
(12:14):
So if you say to yourself, I'm horribleat technology and you want to go to,
I'm fantastic at technology, your brainis not gonna go from that to right
away to, I'm fantastic at technology.
However, you can create a ladder thought,which would be more like, I successfully
use technology every single day.
(12:35):
That is true for me.
I used to always say thatI'm horrible at technology.
You can literally hear me inother podcasts in my earlier
days saying it to now.
I say I successfully use technologyevery day, which is completely true.
It's true, and because of that,the feeling does not leave me
feeling hopeless or frustrated.
(12:56):
I'm horrible at technology.
What does it do?
It makes me feel hopeless, likeI can't do anything about it.
The idea, the statement.
I successfully use technology every day.
It doesn't prevent me from doing anything.
It makes me believe that I cango ahead and use technology.
It doesn't mean or saythat I use technology.
(13:18):
Easily or effortlessly.
It just says that I successfully usetechnology, meaning I can use it.
Think about how, what are you saying orwhat are you, what are your thoughts that
you can transition to a latter thoughtand get you where you need to do to
feel better about doing something ratherthan feeling hopeless and frustrated.
This formula, this simple little formulato to do a thought, it can be used
(13:41):
with literally just about anything.
Let me give you another example.
You may be a parent, a mom who hasa daughter, and you think, I really
dislike this friend that my daughteris hanging out with right now.
She's a bad influence on her.
You're never going, you're probablynot going to go straight to.
I love my daughter's friend,she's wonderful, and I'm so
(14:02):
happy to hang out together.
It's not realistic, but let megive you a latter thought that
is a potential for you to use.
My daughter enjoys hangingout with her friend.
I'm just gonna use the name Maddie,and that friend gives her joy.
I really like when my daughterexperiences joy in her life.
You're not talking about.
Anything other than the positivepart of what is the experience of
(14:24):
Maddie and your daughter hanging out?
It doesn't say anythingabout you liking Maddie.
It doesn't say anything about youliking that they're hanging out.
It's saying, my daughter enjoyshanging out with her friend, Maddie.
That is a fact.
And if Maddie, it gives her joyto hang out with that friend.
And that is true.
This is a true statement and Ireally like it when my daughter
(14:45):
experiences joy in her life.
So you're connecting something thatis true for you as well to something
that is true for your daughter, and itgives you a positive spin or a latter
thought on what could be a possibility.
Hopefully that makes sense.
It does take a little work to comeup with a ladder thought sometimes,
but the key about a ladder thoughtis it has to be believable.
(15:08):
Your brain needs to really believe it.
Now, it may not change the fundamentalpart for, for instance, with this
situation with Maddie, that you stillmight have a fear that this might be a
bad influence for her to hang out withMaddie, but you're acknowledging the
part that you appreciate or the partthat is good or could be good for you.
(15:29):
Now can you see you're notlying or faking a positive spin?
So if your head is trying to tell youright now, oh, this is just faking
it, that is potentially, if you arecontinuing that negative thought
pattern, that will be true for you.
But if you learn how to use your brainin your, to your benefit in a way that
(15:51):
will help you, because I guarantee you,if you approach your daughter with this.
Latter thought versus approachingher with, I hate when she
hangs out with this person.
It is a different approach altogether.
So you can do this with so manydifferent things in your life.
I'm just picking these twobecause they seem pretty easy.
Technology and a friendhanging out with someone.
(16:11):
You know, if you're a parent andyour children are hanging out with
somebody that they don't like.
The other thing is, is that you canbreak a negative thought pattern,
is to change your physical pattern.
So think about physical exercise orwriting down five positive thoughts
when you have a negative thought.
Or some people use rubber bandsto, um, flip their wrist, right?
(16:32):
But when you use something physicallike fix physical exercise, it
will actually boost your mood.
So going for a walk.
Or using a mini trampolineor taking an exercise class.
That exercise builds your endorphins,dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, which
are all feelgood hormones and help you.
So doing something to break yournegative thought pattern could be simple.
(16:55):
It could just be changingyour physical pattern when.
You need a little boost.
The other way is to distract yourselfby doing something like a hobby or
talking on the phone with a friend,which has been proven to increase your
mood in something like 15 or 20 minutes.
I think meditating or usingother relaxation techniques, so I
(17:18):
currently will bring up healing.
Music that I will pull up and I'll justplay it 'cause it doesn't have words.
There's nothing influencing my brain,but it'll help me break my thought
pattern and it refocus me on a differentenergy and a positive activity.
Something that gives me a positive feelgood feeling that I can kind of switch off
(17:38):
that negative thought process or brain.
That's happening.
Every little bit that you can do to helpbuild neuropathways and pathways that
are positive is in the right direction.
The last technique I will talk toyou about is I encourage my clients
to spend time and energy identifyingtheir dirt, which are their doubts,
(17:59):
insecurities, resistance, andtriggers, because these are the
things that your mind will work on.
Overtime, and I do mean overtime toprevent you from experiencing life.
It's because there's a natural defensemechanism in your brain, and its default
is to convince you through negativethoughts, to not do things, to protect
(18:21):
you from being harmed, to reject othersunconsciously, so you don't get hurt.
Or it can increase your chancesof rejecting people who you love
by creating negative thoughtpatterns that will protect you
from being hurt by them as well.
The patterns in this situationfor your dirt, your doubts,
insecurities, resistance, and yourtriggers, they are much, much, much.
(18:43):
More difficult to spot, but they arealso way more influential than you think
because they're actually building wallswithout you even really realizing it.
So subconsciously, you'rebuilding walls that protect
you, and they are superficial.
At this point in our lives, for themost part, unless we're running from a
bear or we are, maybe you're avoidinga poisonous snake or something like
(19:07):
that, the risks that you take are prettyeasy to mitigate and work through.
For the most part, you can actuallyprevent yourself from having
healthy, happy relationships.
It can actually prevent youfrom seeing possibility.
It can.
Keep you from going for that bigraise or that big audacious goal that
(19:29):
you've been secretly holding onto.
It is one of those things thatreally prevents you from doing the
things that you really wanna do.
So I love working with people on this too.
I work on this when I coachpeople, helping them identify
their dirt and work through it.
Is another really quick way to helpthem get to where they want to go.
(19:49):
Once you've gotten to this point and youare having a little bit of a success,
and once you change one or two of yourthought patterns, you're going to really
feel like you're not blocked anymore andyou're going to see success in ways that
you really hadn't thought about, and youmight even see success in ways that you
(20:09):
have thought out, but maybe you weren't.
Thinking were possible for you.
So get help with your dirt.
Get help with all of your triggers andyour doubts, and your insecurities and
your resistance, but also go back andjust work on those negative thought
patterns so you can start with a fresherstart and you don't have the green in
(20:29):
front of you preventing you from doingthe things that you really wanna do.
I think that once you realize that youcan change negative thought patterns,
you will have so much fun doing it.
You will have so much more fun.
Once you understand, then it can happenfor you because if you've been doing it
for a while and you can't, if maybe youhaven't been successful, it's frustrating.
You just give up and itjust kind of keeps going.
(20:51):
In a cycle, you're continuingto reinforce that behavior.
So break the pattern, work on yournegative thought patterns and get
to the point where you are gettingreally good at breaking them.
I wanna leave you with this thought today.
You are allowed to be both amasterpiece and a work in progress.
Simultaneously, you can simultaneouslybe a wreck and have negative thought
(21:14):
patterns, but also be headed towardsa different direction of having
a little bit more positively andmotivation and inspiration in your life.
Have a blessed week and I'll seeyou next Tuesday before you leave.
Don't forget to drop a rating orreview for the show, or better
yet, just share it with three ofyour friends that you think would
benefit from gaining more confidence.
(21:37):
Thank you so much forchecking out the show.
We come here every single Tuesdaysharing tips and trips for the
best confidence that you can musterup, and I have freebies for you
at the crazy confidence coach.com.
If you'd like to, you can sign upthere and they will go directly
to your email and you will also.
Hello, get my lovely newsletterthat I put out each month, all
about confidence, tips, and tricks.
(21:59):
Have a great week.
I'll see you next Tuesday.
Love you big.
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