Influence Other People Can Have On Your Self-Esteem and What You Believe About YOU - EP88

Have you ever allowed what someone says about you influence what you think about yourself? Do you believe you have less worth or more worth based on what other people say about you?

We cannot outsource our thoughts about ourself to someone else. It just doesn't work. The second problem with this is that when you outsource what you believe about you, you never will find peace.

Other people have different life expectations and they have different experiences that influence how they interpret their world and you in the world they're in. So outsourcing your opinion of yourself to what other people think about you can be confusing and cause us to feel insecure or doubt our own abilities.

On the other hand, when you take responsibility for the thoughts that you have, the feelings you have about yourself and about the world around you, you ultimately take responsibility by taking and managing your thoughts and managing your feelings, you get to manage the result in your life and how you feel.

Your self-esteem will not be dependent on how others react to you or what someone else thinks about you. Then you also stop fearing what other people think as much because you realize, oh, I'll be okay. Even if someone thinks something bad about me, it's okay. They are allowed to have their opinions. They may keep those opinions indefinitely, and they may change those opinions over time as they watch you grow.

When you begin creating more belief in yourself and your confidence grows, then you grow.

I've learned to let go of what other people think of me, and I can help you do that too.

I help people uncover doubts that they've developed, that prevent them from truly connecting to other people. 

I have helped kids as young as 12 years old, and there are women in their seventies that I've helped peel back layers and layers of walls that they've built over the years. I can tell you no matter. How many layers you have or how much in your head that you're stuck with, you can do it. 

You can become a more confident version of yourself.

You can let go of what your mom or your dad have said about you or believe about you, or what you believe they believe about you. You can finally forgive a friend for what they did or said or how they hurt you and. 

If you're listening to this and you are someone who outsources your belief in yourself and your value to other people, you need to hop on a call with me. The longer you wait, the more problems that you'll have and the longer you will struggle With this.

I want to help you have less frustration and struggle with your relationships. Open yourself up to having deeper connection and not being scared of connection due to things that have happened, or people have things that people have said in your past. There is a way that you can live in this life without doing that outsourcing of your value.

Email me at [e-mail].

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hello and welcome back.
This is Heather Edwards with theCrazy Confidence Coach Podcast.
This is episode 88, and todaywe're talking all about the
impacts others have on yourself-esteem and your belief in self.
I was recently in this conversationwith a young man about his
self-esteem and actually.

(00:22):
I was talking about myself-esteem as well.
We were discussing our struggles andwhere they came from, and he mentioned
he didn't believe anything he did wasgood enough because he believed this
about his father, that his father didn'tthink anything he did was good enough.
He went on to talk about how that kindof bled through his relationships with

(00:43):
his significant other and how he hasfeelings about himself and the things
that he does just in life in general.
As he talked about this, I knew hisfather and I actually know for a fact
that his father doesn't feel this wayat all about him and have heard his
father in the past say great thingsabout him and be very proud of him.

(01:04):
But it was very interesting as wetalked further that they hadn't
really shared amongst the two ofthem what their thoughts were about
one another, and one is holdingout for the other kind of thing.
At least that's my interpretationafter the conversation.
It was a significant conversationbecause I said, has your
father ever told you directly?

(01:26):
You are not enough?
He thought about the question for amoment and he said, no, but every time
I do something, he's correcting me andtelling me what I do wrong, and in my
mind, I could think of a million things.
Or ways or reasons that hisfather might be doing this.
It could be for guidance.
It could be helping him.
He may be as a parent, trying tohelp him avoid being hurt or issues.

(01:50):
There are a plethora ofdifferent reasons that could be.
It really made me think deeper aboutthe conversation and how many of my
clients, people that I talk to haveinternalized their thoughts about
what other people think about them andhow it's impacting their confidence
that they have their self-esteem,and then how they're showing up for.

(02:12):
Their relationships and their life basedon what other people believe in them.
Here's what I have learned throughjust self-exploration and coaching
others and being coached and therapyand all the things that I've done
to work on this type of thing.
There are two problems withusing other people as a barometer

(02:33):
for our worth and our value.
The first problem is you are never goingto know for sure what someone else thinks
or feels about you, even if you ask them.
Yes, they can tell you what they thinkor feel, but one, this changes over time.
And two, who knows if they'retelling you the full truth?
Oftentimes when you put people onthe spot, they may or may not tell

(02:54):
you what they really feel, and duringconversations, people might have thoughts
about you or during activities or events.
People have thoughts that are goodand or bad, or a combination of
thoughts over time, and they fluctuate.
You know as well as I know that youlove your family or maybe the person
you're in a relationship with, butthere are times that they drive

(03:16):
you crazy and that's just normal.
So we have got to learn as a personwho is actively working on building
confidence, having more self-esteem, or.
Just letting go of self-doubt.
We cannot outsource our belief inourself and in our abilities to
someone else's thoughts about us.

(03:37):
Let me say that again.
We cannot outsource our thoughtsabout ourself to someone else.
It just doesn't work.
The second problem with this is thatwhen you outsource what you believe
about you, you never will find peace.
You simply don't develop astrong sense of yourself.
Or you don't build your self-esteemand you certainly can't create more

(03:58):
confidence within yourself because you'realways scanning the horizon in your
environment for a reaction from otherpeople, for feedback from other people.
Now, don't get me wrong, I, um, mypast has HR in it, and I've done many
things that I believe in feedback.
I think that's how we grow.
But if that is the only way that youare gaining self-confidence and your

(04:21):
belief in yourself, you will struggle.
What is going to happen is that whatyou shut down and then you prevent
connection to other people becauseit's hurtful and you feel betrayed.
Or maybe you just feel hurtbecause you feel judged.
Whatever the case, if you're looking atother people, it's very risky business.
Other people have very differentlife expectations and they have

(04:44):
different experiences that influencehow they interpret their world
and you in the world they're in.
So outsourcing your opinion.
Of yourself to what otherpeople think about you.
Just don't do it.
It's risky.
It's a very risky business.
On the other hand, when you takeresponsibility for the thoughts that
you have, the feelings you have aboutyourself and about the world around you,

(05:07):
you ultimately take responsibility bytaking and managing your thoughts and
managing your feelings, you get to managethe result in your life and how you feel.
Your self-esteem will not be dependenton how others react to you or what
someone else thinks about you.
Then you also stop fearing whatother people think as much because

(05:29):
you realize, oh, I'll be okay.
Even if someone thinks somethingbad about me, it's okay.
They are allowed to have their opinions.
They may keep those opinions indefinitely,and they may change those opinions
over time as they watch you grow.
When you begin creating morebelief in yourself and your
confidence grows, then you grow.

(05:50):
Now, you don't have to go around andignore other people, and you don't have
to negate any feedback that you get,but my wish for you is that you hear
feedback from others and you take whatis useful and then you discard the rest.
I've learned to let go of whatother people think of me, and
I can help you do that too.
I help people uncover hangups thatthey've developed, that prevent them

(06:14):
from truly connecting to other people.
And when you truly let go of thebelief that other people matter
and what they believe about you.
It's life altering and you stop dependingon other people for your self worth.
I have helped kids as young as 12years old, and there are women in
their seventies that I've helpedpeel back layers and layers of walls

(06:37):
that they've built over the years.
I can tell you no matter.
How many layers you have or howmuch in your head that you're
stuck with, you can do it.
Anyone can do it.
You can become a moreconfident version of yourself.
You can let go of what your momor your dad have said about you
or believe about you, or what youbelieve they believe about you.

(06:58):
You can finally forgive a friend for whatthey did or said or how they hurt you and.
How you believe about yourself.
Because of that, I helppeople do this all the time.
If you're listening to this and you aresomeone who outsources your belief in
yourself and your value to other people,you need to hop on a call with me.

(07:20):
The longer you wait, the moreproblems that you'll have and the
longer you will struggle With this.
I want to help you have less frustrationand struggle with your relationships.
Open yourself up to having deeperconnection and not being scared of
connection due to things that havehappened, or people have things
that people have said in your past.

(07:41):
There is a way that you canlive in this life without doing
that outsourcing of your value.
I hope you've enjoyed this.
I really, really hope that you.
Here what I'm saying, thatyou are valuable just the way
you are, just who you are.
There is nothing wrong with you,absolutely nothing wrong with
you, and just because someone elsethinks something of you or you

(08:03):
believe somebody thinks somethingof you, it doesn't have to be true.
I. Thank you so much forhanging out with me today.
It has been a blast.
I would love for you to do me a huge favorand either go leave a rating or a review,
and if you really love the podcast oryou've learned anything at all, please
pass it on to a friend or a family memberthat might enjoy the podcast as well.

(08:25):
That's how I grow and that's how I'mable to continue bringing you content.
If you are interested in coaching, just.
Go to the crazy confidence coach.com.
You can sign up for afree discovery call there.
Thank you so much for being here.
I hope to see you next Tuesday so wecan build our crazy confidence together.
Love you big.