June 10, 2025 • 23 mins
Wanting to be perfect on the surface feels justified. It feels like a great thing to strive for perfection. What if there is another side to the story?
In this episode we explore how perfectionism may be hindering your progress, keeping you from joy, and preventing you from making decisions in an efficient manner. When we overthink, research without ultimately making decisions, and constantly use a false or fake reality to create our definition of perfect things can get way out of control.
There are compelling reasons it's productive and recommended to let go of perfection and embrace being more aware of how perfectionism is impacting your life.
What is it costing you? Are you sacrificing relationships, time, money, or your sanity? It pays to take some time to think over the areas of your life that you may have unrealistic expectations of yourself and others.
Email me at heather@hcedwardscoaching.com.
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Do you desire deep, meaningful relationships? Use this list of thought-provoking questions to engage your loved ones in conversations that move beyond standard answers.
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It’s time to take the first step towards a fulfilling and joyful life. It doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful! Imagine having deeper connections, feeling less anxiety and overwhelm, gaining clarity, and fully trusting yourself. Picture yourself not just surviving but truly thriving.
I am here with you every step of the way!
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Stay tuned I will be releasing a new confidence building course in the next few months!
XOXO,
Heather
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:05):
I am a recovering perfectionist.
I didn't say I was perfect.
I just always wanted things to be perfect.
This could be evidenced by some ofthe arguments I had with my mom when
I was a teenager and all the thingsthat I wanted to be a certain way,
and she used to always tell me.
(00:25):
If you don't let go of thingshaving to be perfect, it will
haunt you the rest of your life.
You will continue to have issues.
Today we're talking about just that.
What are the reasons that it's good tolet go of trying to be perfect and how
is it getting in our way when we try?
Too hard to make everything perfector have perfectionism tendencies.
(00:50):
Have you ever felt heldback by self-doubt?
Whether it's speaking up in a meetingor connecting with others, or simply
just believing in your own worth?
Well, you're not alone.
Welcome to the CrazyConfidence Coach Podcast.
I'm Heather Edwards, masterCertified life coach.
And my goal is to empower you to stepinto your most authentic, confident self.
(01:12):
Here you're going to discover practicalstrategies and powerful insights to
help you improve your communication,deepen those relationships,
and elevate your self-esteem.
And each week I'm gonna guide youthrough some actionable tips and mindset
shifts that are specifically designedto help you break free from fear.
Show up boldly in every area of your life.
And build crazy confidence.
(01:33):
Are you ready to stop hidingin the shadows, playing small
and avoiding the spotlight?
Grab your favorite pen and anotebook and let's get to it.
Let's get to the nitty gritty.
What reasons do we have tolet go of being perfect?
The first that we are going to talkabout is perfectionism is draining
(01:54):
you of your energy and creative flow.
When we think about how hardwe work, when we are trying to
make everything perfect, we.
Overthink it.
We overwork and we function at a reducedcapacity, not a better capacity, but
actually reduce capacity because wehave too much going on in our heads
(02:15):
and we're evaluating the whole timeand we're judging it the whole time.
You might notice that when you aretrying to be perfect or you want
things to come out perfectly, you havea lot of self-talk that sounds like.
I have to, I will never, or if I don't doit perfectly, then X, Y, Z will happen.
But what is the truth of those statements?
(02:36):
Is it true that you have to, what I'mabout to say will no doubt get haters?
You'll very rarely have toquote unquote do anything.
The next time you say, I haveto, I want you to stop and do
your best to replace it with.
Something like I choose to, I would liketo, it would make me feel better if I,
(02:59):
I'm going to, those are much more accuratestatements than I have to in most cases.
Not all cases, but in most cases, hereare a few test cases to think over.
I have to make dinner.
You don't have to make dinner.
You could simply not eat oreat leftovers or whatever it
(03:19):
is, but you don't have to eat.
You don't have to feed the otherpeople in your family or in your
house in most cases, you canuse any of the above phrases.
I'm going to.
I'd like to.
I'm choosing to in place of, Ihave to, when you say I have to,
the burden there, it's heavy.
It feels like it's something that youabsolutely don't have a choice about.
(03:44):
When we stop being perfectionistand we stop forcing ourself.
Into being a certain way and allowourselves to be who we really are,
then we can actually become morepresent and do things because we
want to and not try to do it asperfectly, if that makes any sense.
Hopefully I just go off on atangent there, but we dramatize.
(04:07):
What is expected of us and what weexpect of others all of the time,
and I promise you, if you spend timebecoming more aware of the language
and how you're allowing your brain tokind of run off with what's expected
and what you have to do or what you.
Absolutely need to do and you stepback a little bit and figure out
(04:28):
what the truth of it is, then thatperfectionistic pressure that you have
on yourself will fall off a little bit.
So I'm not shaming you.
Here I am.
It's okay.
We all have these things,but notice how exhausting.
Did how you feel by repeatedly tellingyourself how much you have to do
and how perfectly you have to do it.
(04:50):
Simply just bring more awareness toyour life and to what you're saying and
how you're acting in the world, and howyou're showing up in the world, and you
will naturally give some of your energy.
Kind of a boost because it's back now andyou're not spending all your time hating
your life or feeling like everythinghas to be perfect and draining you to
do things that you don't have to do.
(05:12):
Now, I know so many of you arefighting this because we have to eat
right, but you don't have to eat.
But notice how exhausted you feelby repeatedly telling yourself
how much you have to do, or howperfectly it has to be done, or how
it has to be done in a certain way.
Simply bringing more awarenessto your life and some of that
perfectionism will naturally giveyou some of your energy back.
(05:35):
Most people don't overtly go aroundsaying it has to be perfect, at least
not consciously, but unconsciously.
We frame our life with so manyexpectations of ourselves and of the
other people around of us, by the way.
So let me ask you, how are you expectingyour spouse, your child, your boss?
Or yourself to do everysingle thing, right?
(05:57):
And perfect.
Get curious and explore how yourenergy is being tied up on how things
should be or how they have to be.
And when you see it and you feelit, I want you to notice the
difference of allowing some ofthat expectation to fall off.
And to let go of some of it.
It's hard, especially if you'vebeen trained for years and years
(06:19):
and years to have high expectations.
And don't get me wrong here, I'mnot saying don't have expectations.
What I'm saying is payattention to the expectations.
If they're really perfectionism,test tendencies versus.
Real expectations that aregrounded and well thought out.
(06:40):
The next reason that you need to let goof your perfectionism is it's preventing
you from making quick decisions.
It is stalling you out from attemptingto reach your goals, and in some
cases it's actually preventing youfrom living your life to the fullest.
In some words or other words you cansay, it's driving procrastination.
(07:02):
It keeps you in this mode ofoverthinking, over researching and
keeping self-doubt at the forefront.
When we take in too much informationand we forget to do the most
important part, like make a decisionor say yes or no to something.
Or do it now or do it later.
We are in this mode of trying topredict every single potential outcome.
(07:26):
It just simply is like quicksand.
It slows you down, and you'renever going to get to the decision
making process itself and makethe decision and you indulge.
I guess is the a good word for it.
Indulge in the doubts that you have,your insecurities about it, your
resistance, your triggers, and staythere instead of moving forward.
(07:49):
Many years I spent so much timeresearching everything to my detriment,
and although I really like being toldthat I'm good at doing research, what I
got really good at was avoiding makinga move or a decision and taking action.
And sometimes I still struggle with that.
Thankfully, I'm getting betterat making decisions now.
(08:09):
I am much more aware of my perfectionismin me and working through changing
this false belief that thisskill of thoroughly researching
things before making a decisionprevents any problem from arising.
Always makes things go smoother, andit's the right decision every time.
Those assertions are simply not true.
(08:29):
You can absolutely research somethingto every angle possible and still make
a decision that doesn't go as planned.
So yes, research.
Can be a benefit, and I still do research,but it's way more important to develop
the skill of trust in yourself, to beable to handle whatever happens once you
make a decision, and to be able to followthrough the decisions that you make.
(08:54):
So learning to balance.
Making quick decisions and being able todeal with whatever comes your way once a
decision made is way better than makingit perfect and making sure all the boxes
are checked before you get started.
I work with clients that don't trustthemselves to be able to handle what
comes their way all the time, so.
(09:15):
They delay making decisions, and allthat does is it prevents them from
reaching the goal that they wanna reach.
Little by little, we go to work onbuilding back that trust that they have
within themselves, which is usuallycreated by something that's happened in
their past or something they were told intheir past, or just a belief that they've
created on their own about themselves.
(09:37):
What we learned to do is makesmall decisions quickly and build
up the muscle for decision makingso you can get or build more
trust pretty quickly in yourself.
By doing that, just making smalldecisions, making them quickly, and then
trusting yourself to deal with whatevercomes your way once you make them.
The reality is swift decisionsgive you immediate information on
(10:01):
what works and what doesn't work.
So whether it works or not.
You're in action, in action90% of the time, or 99% of the
time, however you wanna say.
It gets you to the intended resultfaster than not having any action.
As you work through things that workand don't work, you become more and more
(10:22):
confident in your decision making, andyou also build a trust in yourself that
you can handle whatever comes, and that isvaluable on so many levels, not just one.
Example of a decision it canbleed into the rest of your life.
Just trusting yourself tohandle what comes and letting
go of it having to be perfect.
(10:42):
You can handle it either way.
And then the third way is yourperfectionism is dealing your joy.
There are studies that show acorrelation between anxiety and
depression and perfectionism.
The pressure of perfectionism isundeniable when you put pressure on
yourself or others to be perfect.
It's hard to enjoy the moment or to.
(11:05):
To live this carefree life thatis enjoyable and full of joy.
Take for example, social media.
That is the easiest thing to focus on.
I'm always amazed at how often peopleuse like filters on their face to improve
the look of their skin, especially whenit's everyday shots or everyday events.
(11:26):
I'm not saying it's wrong.
I'm simply observing that behaviorand I'm genuinely curious.
When I see someone who does thisreally often, it makes me really
think, I wonder why they do that.
There are a few people I know thatdo this pretty consistently, and
I personally believe it takes awayfrom the authenticity of the photo.
It just feels.
(11:46):
Less real to me because I know them well.
I know they are plenty beautiful.
Without a single filter involved, ourculture has normalized doing this.
Imagine being able to simplyshoot a photo or take a picture
and share a photo without havingto retouch it or touch it up.
It's no different than staging a photo,which, uh, I'm guilty of all the time.
(12:10):
Usually it's while taking a photoof a meal or, um, being at a
restaurant, wanting to take a pictureof what we're eating or something.
I always clear the table, make sureit's nice, there's no half eaten food
on the plate or something like that.
So I'm guilty of it.
I'm absolutely guilty of trying tostage photos and I guess to some
degree photos of people too, but.
Not so much with me.
(12:30):
I typically are pretty organic with that.
I have seen what it does becausewe're trying so hard to perfect
something that isn't perfect.
Nothing is perfect.
But by doing that and by taking awayfrom when you're sitting there at a
restaurant with your loved ones and you'reworried about making the table great
for the photo, you're taking away time.
(12:53):
From the people that you're in front of.
And if you're, I guess, doing filterson your face or you're trying to do
something like that, when you take photos,you're judging yourself while you're
filtering your face or adding filters.
And it's all driven bysome kind of comparison.
And honestly, comparison is just a thief.
It is ever so quietly stealing our joy.
(13:16):
Think about.
The time and energy that we spendperfecting things in our lives, whether
it's cleaning the house or buying theperfect car, or making decision on the
perfect outfit, or having the perfectevent or whatever it is, there's always.
A cost to perfectionism.
Here's a quick story for you.
(13:37):
Years ago, I had a conversationwith a friend that changed my
view on social media and how Ipresented myself on social media.
So this particular friend was gettingmarried and I told her how much I wanted
to help her in any way I could because Iloved, loved, loved working on weddings,
and I had recently gotten married myself.
(13:57):
I don't know, it was probably ayear, maybe a year and a half.
Earlier than that, and I had, for ourwedding, I did a lot of homemade things
like our just decor and stuff like that.
My friend proceeded to tell me howgood I was at everything and all my
crafts were always so perfect andall the projects I had were always
wonderful and she loved seeing them.
(14:18):
The comment that she specifically madewas, they turned out so good, all of
them, and I kind of scoffed at herand I said, oh my goodness, I have.
So many fails.
It's not, it's like I usuallyhave two to 10 fails before I get
it right, and she looked at me.
She just was a little surprised.
I realized that I was presentingby posting on social media my
(14:39):
finished project, that I wasn'treally presenting the whole picture.
I was just presentingthe perfect end, I guess.
Now, granted, my projects weren't alwaysperfect, of course, but they were decent.
I was taking photos of.
The inversion of lots of trialand error when I had something
that I was making or doing.
So what I realized there was shewas not seeing the exact process.
(15:04):
She was only seeing the end resultand I wasn't truthfully sharing myself
because if you're only showing the endproduct, and here's what I made, you
didn't show everything along the way.
Right?
'cause you're taking thatone little second of a photo.
And I'm not judging it.
I'm just here kind of talking abouthow our brains work and why we
(15:26):
need to reconsider perfectionism.
As a whole, because on that night, on theway home, I just questioned everything.
How am I presenting myself to the world?
Am I being a perfectionistby not showing my fails?
Was I lying by onlysharing the final project?
Do I really want people to view me inthat way, that I'm perfect and I do great
(15:50):
crafts all the time, and then it hit me?
If I'm not showing myfails, it's likely that.
Other people aren'tsharing their fails either.
Therefore, we're all only seeing wins,which is such a distorted way to view
the world, and it's not realistic, andit's not, it's not healthy, truthfully.
So until this point, I never viewedshowing my projects, my finished
(16:14):
projects as lying or misleading.
And I don't necessarily thinkthey're lying or misleading.
Now, maybe it's not a bad thing to.
Share just the end productor your finished project.
It's simply something that changedthe way I wanted others to see me.
I want them to know that I'm real.
I want people to understand that.
(16:35):
Of course, I make mistakes and Ilearn from them every single day.
I also want people to know that Ican handle mistakes and I can keep
moving forward, and I want themto know the same for themselves,
and that is why I am I help.
People and I coach because what we doand the filter that we use, the lens we
put on, if you think of glasses, when youput them on the lens that you're using
(16:58):
when we view other people, is that we'reusing them as a guide for what is perfect
and what is good and what is acceptable.
All those things, and whether.
We are at work if we're in our marriagesor who we are as mothers and fathers.
If we're using the lens of only thefinished project or the finished
(17:20):
craft, or the snippet of time thatthings are perfect, then it's distorted
and we are all going for things thatare simply not realistic and not
healthy and not worth striving for.
Perfectionism is driven by desire toinfluence what other people think of us
or to have other people think well of us.
(17:42):
I guess it's the same thing.
Otherwise, why would we bemotivated to share any of it at all?
Where do we get those parametersfor what the idea of a perfect
thing is, or perfectionism is?
It came from somewhere.
I'm going to stick with the exampleof seeing people on social media.
What people share on social media is justa snippet, a little bitty snippet in time.
(18:04):
It's either 50 seconds.
In a real form as a reel on ig,or it's even less because it's a
literal snapshot of a millisecondof time in the form of a photo.
And I want you to think about that.
That photo does not show you therest of the room that's out of frame.
It doesn't show you whatit took to get the photo.
(18:26):
Or the real to be what it actually is.
So it tricks the person who is viewingit into believing it was done with
ease and little effort when people havedied trying to get the perfect shot.
You've heard of people falling off acliff 'cause they're trying to look
like they're falling, you know, look.
Get this beautiful view andthey have lost their lives.
(18:47):
Because of that, our brains cannotregister the pain or what somebody
else is doing on the other end of aphoto of a or a reel, and what they're
going through to get that snapshot.
We have no idea what's happening.
Perfectionism is actuallyfounded in false reality itself.
There are so many ways thatthis is creating a fake reality
(19:11):
and a faulty expectation.
It's messing with our baseline.
It's messing with the barometerfor what's right and what's wrong,
and what is what it even meansto be perfect when we want a.
Strong, successful marriage, and we seecouples that post endless pictures of
kisses of vacations and their childrenwinning trophies for all the events.
(19:33):
Then we may think to ourselves,I want that perfect marriage
that looks so easy and it has.
Money to go on vacation and they haveperfect kids that excel on whatever
they do while we're at home struggling.
But nevermind, you can't see thefight they just had before they took
the kissy photo or the debt they'reswimming in to go on the vacation and
(19:54):
the tears and chaos that it takes toget kids out the door to go to practice
and then get home and do homework.
After school.
If you're a perfectionist, howare you deciding what is perfect?
What is it costing youto attempt perfectionism?
Could your life look differentand feel different if you let
go of some of your expectations?
(20:16):
Because honestly, perfectionismoverall is just preventing you from
being your true, confident self.
If you find yourselfmotivated by perfectionism.
Sit back, take time to reflect on howit is showing up in your life and find
ways to let go just a little bit more.
One way I've learned to let goof some of my perfectionism is
(20:38):
when we entertain in our home.
I used to want the house to beperfectly clean and organize, and I
wanted to make everything homemade.
Is food.
And then I want the decorationsto be elaborate and perfect.
And although I really enjoy doing allof those things, it isn't realistic and
(20:58):
on it just kind of drains my energy.
If I put way too much time intoit, I skip other normal things.
And taking care of myself andjumping in the sauna or doing my
shake plate or doing exercise.
And I am neglecting self care to makeeverything perfect for everyone else.
And what is that effort for?
People really don't care if yourhouse is perfectly clean or if
(21:21):
you have all homemade food, orthe decorations are beautiful.
Connection is much moreimportant than all of that.
And I used to just miss thatconnection part because I
was too busy running around.
Attempting to make everythingperfect for everyone else.
Meanwhile, it was not perfect forme because I would be exhausted
by the time it was all over.
I may enjoy the creating decorationsor even making homemade food.
(21:45):
I didn't get to enjoy it because I wastoo busy doing all the other things.
That's just one example of a way youcan evaluate your specific quest to be
perfect and what it looks like for you.
I have one last questionI want you to consider.
What would you get back if youlet go of your perfectionism?
(22:05):
Would it be time?
Would it be energy?
Would you have more money?
Would you have more connectionwith family and friends?
Would you be more of the true you or atleast the more whole and vibrant true?
You bring back a more confidentversion of you and it brings back a
version of you that has more joy who.
(22:28):
Is making better decisions, quickerdecisions, and getting more done, and more
energy and creative flow for your life.
Thank you so much forhanging out with me today.
It has been a blast.
I would love for you to do me a hugefavor and either go leave a rating
or a review, and if you reallylove the podcast or you've learned
(22:49):
anything at all, please pass it on.
To a friend or a family member thatmight enjoy the podcast as well.
That's how I grow and that's how I'mable to continue bringing you content.
If you are interested in coaching, justgo to the crazy confidence coach.com.
You can sign up for afree discovery call there.
Thank you so much for being here.
I hope to see you next Tuesday so wecan build our crazy confidence together.
(23:13):
Love you big.
I am a recovering perfectionist.
I didn't say I was perfect.
I just always wanted things to be perfect.
This could be evidenced by some ofthe arguments I had with my mom when
I was a teenager and all the thingsthat I wanted to be a certain way,
and she used to always tell me.
(00:25):
If you don't let go of thingshaving to be perfect, it will
haunt you the rest of your life.
You will continue to have issues.
Today we're talking about just that.
What are the reasons that it's good tolet go of trying to be perfect and how
is it getting in our way when we try?
Too hard to make everything perfector have perfectionism tendencies.
(00:50):
Have you ever felt heldback by self-doubt?
Whether it's speaking up in a meetingor connecting with others, or simply
just believing in your own worth?
Well, you're not alone.
Welcome to the CrazyConfidence Coach Podcast.
I'm Heather Edwards, masterCertified life coach.
And my goal is to empower you to stepinto your most authentic, confident self.
(01:12):
Here you're going to discover practicalstrategies and powerful insights to
help you improve your communication,deepen those relationships,
and elevate your self-esteem.
And each week I'm gonna guide youthrough some actionable tips and mindset
shifts that are specifically designedto help you break free from fear.
Show up boldly in every area of your life.
And build crazy confidence.
(01:33):
Are you ready to stop hidingin the shadows, playing small
and avoiding the spotlight?
Grab your favorite pen and anotebook and let's get to it.
Let's get to the nitty gritty.
What reasons do we have tolet go of being perfect?
The first that we are going to talkabout is perfectionism is draining
(01:54):
you of your energy and creative flow.
When we think about how hardwe work, when we are trying to
make everything perfect, we.
Overthink it.
We overwork and we function at a reducedcapacity, not a better capacity, but
actually reduce capacity because wehave too much going on in our heads
(02:15):
and we're evaluating the whole timeand we're judging it the whole time.
You might notice that when you aretrying to be perfect or you want
things to come out perfectly, you havea lot of self-talk that sounds like.
I have to, I will never, or if I don't doit perfectly, then X, Y, Z will happen.
But what is the truth of those statements?
(02:36):
Is it true that you have to, what I'mabout to say will no doubt get haters?
You'll very rarely have toquote unquote do anything.
The next time you say, I haveto, I want you to stop and do
your best to replace it with.
Something like I choose to, I would liketo, it would make me feel better if I,
(02:59):
I'm going to, those are much more accuratestatements than I have to in most cases.
Not all cases, but in most cases, hereare a few test cases to think over.
I have to make dinner.
You don't have to make dinner.
You could simply not eat oreat leftovers or whatever it
(03:19):
is, but you don't have to eat.
You don't have to feed the otherpeople in your family or in your
house in most cases, you canuse any of the above phrases.
I'm going to.
I'd like to.
I'm choosing to in place of, Ihave to, when you say I have to,
the burden there, it's heavy.
It feels like it's something that youabsolutely don't have a choice about.
(03:44):
When we stop being perfectionistand we stop forcing ourself.
Into being a certain way and allowourselves to be who we really are,
then we can actually become morepresent and do things because we
want to and not try to do it asperfectly, if that makes any sense.
Hopefully I just go off on atangent there, but we dramatize.
(04:07):
What is expected of us and what weexpect of others all of the time,
and I promise you, if you spend timebecoming more aware of the language
and how you're allowing your brain tokind of run off with what's expected
and what you have to do or what you.
Absolutely need to do and you stepback a little bit and figure out
(04:28):
what the truth of it is, then thatperfectionistic pressure that you have
on yourself will fall off a little bit.
So I'm not shaming you.
Here I am.
It's okay.
We all have these things,but notice how exhausting.
Did how you feel by repeatedly tellingyourself how much you have to do
and how perfectly you have to do it.
(04:50):
Simply just bring more awareness toyour life and to what you're saying and
how you're acting in the world, and howyou're showing up in the world, and you
will naturally give some of your energy.
Kind of a boost because it's back now andyou're not spending all your time hating
your life or feeling like everythinghas to be perfect and draining you to
do things that you don't have to do.
(05:12):
Now, I know so many of you arefighting this because we have to eat
right, but you don't have to eat.
But notice how exhausted you feelby repeatedly telling yourself
how much you have to do, or howperfectly it has to be done, or how
it has to be done in a certain way.
Simply bringing more awarenessto your life and some of that
perfectionism will naturally giveyou some of your energy back.
(05:35):
Most people don't overtly go aroundsaying it has to be perfect, at least
not consciously, but unconsciously.
We frame our life with so manyexpectations of ourselves and of the
other people around of us, by the way.
So let me ask you, how are you expectingyour spouse, your child, your boss?
Or yourself to do everysingle thing, right?
(05:57):
And perfect.
Get curious and explore how yourenergy is being tied up on how things
should be or how they have to be.
And when you see it and you feelit, I want you to notice the
difference of allowing some ofthat expectation to fall off.
And to let go of some of it.
It's hard, especially if you'vebeen trained for years and years
(06:19):
and years to have high expectations.
And don't get me wrong here, I'mnot saying don't have expectations.
What I'm saying is payattention to the expectations.
If they're really perfectionism,test tendencies versus.
Real expectations that aregrounded and well thought out.
(06:40):
The next reason that you need to let goof your perfectionism is it's preventing
you from making quick decisions.
It is stalling you out from attemptingto reach your goals, and in some
cases it's actually preventing youfrom living your life to the fullest.
In some words or other words you cansay, it's driving procrastination.
(07:02):
It keeps you in this mode ofoverthinking, over researching and
keeping self-doubt at the forefront.
When we take in too much informationand we forget to do the most
important part, like make a decisionor say yes or no to something.
Or do it now or do it later.
We are in this mode of trying topredict every single potential outcome.
(07:26):
It just simply is like quicksand.
It slows you down, and you'renever going to get to the decision
making process itself and makethe decision and you indulge.
I guess is the a good word for it.
Indulge in the doubts that you have,your insecurities about it, your
resistance, your triggers, and staythere instead of moving forward.
(07:49):
Many years I spent so much timeresearching everything to my detriment,
and although I really like being toldthat I'm good at doing research, what I
got really good at was avoiding makinga move or a decision and taking action.
And sometimes I still struggle with that.
Thankfully, I'm getting betterat making decisions now.
(08:09):
I am much more aware of my perfectionismin me and working through changing
this false belief that thisskill of thoroughly researching
things before making a decisionprevents any problem from arising.
Always makes things go smoother, andit's the right decision every time.
Those assertions are simply not true.
(08:29):
You can absolutely research somethingto every angle possible and still make
a decision that doesn't go as planned.
So yes, research.
Can be a benefit, and I still do research,but it's way more important to develop
the skill of trust in yourself, to beable to handle whatever happens once you
make a decision, and to be able to followthrough the decisions that you make.
(08:54):
So learning to balance.
Making quick decisions and being able todeal with whatever comes your way once a
decision made is way better than makingit perfect and making sure all the boxes
are checked before you get started.
I work with clients that don't trustthemselves to be able to handle what
comes their way all the time, so.
(09:15):
They delay making decisions, and allthat does is it prevents them from
reaching the goal that they wanna reach.
Little by little, we go to work onbuilding back that trust that they have
within themselves, which is usuallycreated by something that's happened in
their past or something they were told intheir past, or just a belief that they've
created on their own about themselves.
(09:37):
What we learned to do is makesmall decisions quickly and build
up the muscle for decision makingso you can get or build more
trust pretty quickly in yourself.
By doing that, just making smalldecisions, making them quickly, and then
trusting yourself to deal with whatevercomes your way once you make them.
The reality is swift decisionsgive you immediate information on
(10:01):
what works and what doesn't work.
So whether it works or not.
You're in action, in action90% of the time, or 99% of the
time, however you wanna say.
It gets you to the intended resultfaster than not having any action.
As you work through things that workand don't work, you become more and more
(10:22):
confident in your decision making, andyou also build a trust in yourself that
you can handle whatever comes, and that isvaluable on so many levels, not just one.
Example of a decision it canbleed into the rest of your life.
Just trusting yourself tohandle what comes and letting
go of it having to be perfect.
(10:42):
You can handle it either way.
And then the third way is yourperfectionism is dealing your joy.
There are studies that show acorrelation between anxiety and
depression and perfectionism.
The pressure of perfectionism isundeniable when you put pressure on
yourself or others to be perfect.
It's hard to enjoy the moment or to.
(11:05):
To live this carefree life thatis enjoyable and full of joy.
Take for example, social media.
That is the easiest thing to focus on.
I'm always amazed at how often peopleuse like filters on their face to improve
the look of their skin, especially whenit's everyday shots or everyday events.
(11:26):
I'm not saying it's wrong.
I'm simply observing that behaviorand I'm genuinely curious.
When I see someone who does thisreally often, it makes me really
think, I wonder why they do that.
There are a few people I know thatdo this pretty consistently, and
I personally believe it takes awayfrom the authenticity of the photo.
It just feels.
(11:46):
Less real to me because I know them well.
I know they are plenty beautiful.
Without a single filter involved, ourculture has normalized doing this.
Imagine being able to simplyshoot a photo or take a picture
and share a photo without havingto retouch it or touch it up.
It's no different than staging a photo,which, uh, I'm guilty of all the time.
(12:10):
Usually it's while taking a photoof a meal or, um, being at a
restaurant, wanting to take a pictureof what we're eating or something.
I always clear the table, make sureit's nice, there's no half eaten food
on the plate or something like that.
So I'm guilty of it.
I'm absolutely guilty of trying tostage photos and I guess to some
degree photos of people too, but.
Not so much with me.
(12:30):
I typically are pretty organic with that.
I have seen what it does becausewe're trying so hard to perfect
something that isn't perfect.
Nothing is perfect.
But by doing that and by taking awayfrom when you're sitting there at a
restaurant with your loved ones and you'reworried about making the table great
for the photo, you're taking away time.
(12:53):
From the people that you're in front of.
And if you're, I guess, doing filterson your face or you're trying to do
something like that, when you take photos,you're judging yourself while you're
filtering your face or adding filters.
And it's all driven bysome kind of comparison.
And honestly, comparison is just a thief.
It is ever so quietly stealing our joy.
(13:16):
Think about.
The time and energy that we spendperfecting things in our lives, whether
it's cleaning the house or buying theperfect car, or making decision on the
perfect outfit, or having the perfectevent or whatever it is, there's always.
A cost to perfectionism.
Here's a quick story for you.
(13:37):
Years ago, I had a conversationwith a friend that changed my
view on social media and how Ipresented myself on social media.
So this particular friend was gettingmarried and I told her how much I wanted
to help her in any way I could because Iloved, loved, loved working on weddings,
and I had recently gotten married myself.
(13:57):
I don't know, it was probably ayear, maybe a year and a half.
Earlier than that, and I had, for ourwedding, I did a lot of homemade things
like our just decor and stuff like that.
My friend proceeded to tell me howgood I was at everything and all my
crafts were always so perfect andall the projects I had were always
wonderful and she loved seeing them.
(14:18):
The comment that she specifically madewas, they turned out so good, all of
them, and I kind of scoffed at herand I said, oh my goodness, I have.
So many fails.
It's not, it's like I usuallyhave two to 10 fails before I get
it right, and she looked at me.
She just was a little surprised.
I realized that I was presentingby posting on social media my
(14:39):
finished project, that I wasn'treally presenting the whole picture.
I was just presentingthe perfect end, I guess.
Now, granted, my projects weren't alwaysperfect, of course, but they were decent.
I was taking photos of.
The inversion of lots of trialand error when I had something
that I was making or doing.
So what I realized there was shewas not seeing the exact process.
(15:04):
She was only seeing the end resultand I wasn't truthfully sharing myself
because if you're only showing the endproduct, and here's what I made, you
didn't show everything along the way.
Right?
'cause you're taking thatone little second of a photo.
And I'm not judging it.
I'm just here kind of talking abouthow our brains work and why we
(15:26):
need to reconsider perfectionism.
As a whole, because on that night, on theway home, I just questioned everything.
How am I presenting myself to the world?
Am I being a perfectionistby not showing my fails?
Was I lying by onlysharing the final project?
Do I really want people to view me inthat way, that I'm perfect and I do great
(15:50):
crafts all the time, and then it hit me?
If I'm not showing myfails, it's likely that.
Other people aren'tsharing their fails either.
Therefore, we're all only seeing wins,which is such a distorted way to view
the world, and it's not realistic, andit's not, it's not healthy, truthfully.
So until this point, I never viewedshowing my projects, my finished
(16:14):
projects as lying or misleading.
And I don't necessarily thinkthey're lying or misleading.
Now, maybe it's not a bad thing to.
Share just the end productor your finished project.
It's simply something that changedthe way I wanted others to see me.
I want them to know that I'm real.
I want people to understand that.
(16:35):
Of course, I make mistakes and Ilearn from them every single day.
I also want people to know that Ican handle mistakes and I can keep
moving forward, and I want themto know the same for themselves,
and that is why I am I help.
People and I coach because what we doand the filter that we use, the lens we
put on, if you think of glasses, when youput them on the lens that you're using
(16:58):
when we view other people, is that we'reusing them as a guide for what is perfect
and what is good and what is acceptable.
All those things, and whether.
We are at work if we're in our marriagesor who we are as mothers and fathers.
If we're using the lens of only thefinished project or the finished
(17:20):
craft, or the snippet of time thatthings are perfect, then it's distorted
and we are all going for things thatare simply not realistic and not
healthy and not worth striving for.
Perfectionism is driven by desire toinfluence what other people think of us
or to have other people think well of us.
(17:42):
I guess it's the same thing.
Otherwise, why would we bemotivated to share any of it at all?
Where do we get those parametersfor what the idea of a perfect
thing is, or perfectionism is?
It came from somewhere.
I'm going to stick with the exampleof seeing people on social media.
What people share on social media is justa snippet, a little bitty snippet in time.
(18:04):
It's either 50 seconds.
In a real form as a reel on ig,or it's even less because it's a
literal snapshot of a millisecondof time in the form of a photo.
And I want you to think about that.
That photo does not show you therest of the room that's out of frame.
It doesn't show you whatit took to get the photo.
(18:26):
Or the real to be what it actually is.
So it tricks the person who is viewingit into believing it was done with
ease and little effort when people havedied trying to get the perfect shot.
You've heard of people falling off acliff 'cause they're trying to look
like they're falling, you know, look.
Get this beautiful view andthey have lost their lives.
(18:47):
Because of that, our brains cannotregister the pain or what somebody
else is doing on the other end of aphoto of a or a reel, and what they're
going through to get that snapshot.
We have no idea what's happening.
Perfectionism is actuallyfounded in false reality itself.
There are so many ways thatthis is creating a fake reality
(19:11):
and a faulty expectation.
It's messing with our baseline.
It's messing with the barometerfor what's right and what's wrong,
and what is what it even meansto be perfect when we want a.
Strong, successful marriage, and we seecouples that post endless pictures of
kisses of vacations and their childrenwinning trophies for all the events.
(19:33):
Then we may think to ourselves,I want that perfect marriage
that looks so easy and it has.
Money to go on vacation and they haveperfect kids that excel on whatever
they do while we're at home struggling.
But nevermind, you can't see thefight they just had before they took
the kissy photo or the debt they'reswimming in to go on the vacation and
(19:54):
the tears and chaos that it takes toget kids out the door to go to practice
and then get home and do homework.
After school.
If you're a perfectionist, howare you deciding what is perfect?
What is it costing youto attempt perfectionism?
Could your life look differentand feel different if you let
go of some of your expectations?
(20:16):
Because honestly, perfectionismoverall is just preventing you from
being your true, confident self.
If you find yourselfmotivated by perfectionism.
Sit back, take time to reflect on howit is showing up in your life and find
ways to let go just a little bit more.
One way I've learned to let goof some of my perfectionism is
(20:38):
when we entertain in our home.
I used to want the house to beperfectly clean and organize, and I
wanted to make everything homemade.
Is food.
And then I want the decorationsto be elaborate and perfect.
And although I really enjoy doing allof those things, it isn't realistic and
(20:58):
on it just kind of drains my energy.
If I put way too much time intoit, I skip other normal things.
And taking care of myself andjumping in the sauna or doing my
shake plate or doing exercise.
And I am neglecting self care to makeeverything perfect for everyone else.
And what is that effort for?
People really don't care if yourhouse is perfectly clean or if
(21:21):
you have all homemade food, orthe decorations are beautiful.
Connection is much moreimportant than all of that.
And I used to just miss thatconnection part because I
was too busy running around.
Attempting to make everythingperfect for everyone else.
Meanwhile, it was not perfect forme because I would be exhausted
by the time it was all over.
I may enjoy the creating decorationsor even making homemade food.
(21:45):
I didn't get to enjoy it because I wastoo busy doing all the other things.
That's just one example of a way youcan evaluate your specific quest to be
perfect and what it looks like for you.
I have one last questionI want you to consider.
What would you get back if youlet go of your perfectionism?
(22:05):
Would it be time?
Would it be energy?
Would you have more money?
Would you have more connectionwith family and friends?
Would you be more of the true you or atleast the more whole and vibrant true?
You bring back a more confidentversion of you and it brings back a
version of you that has more joy who.
(22:28):
Is making better decisions, quickerdecisions, and getting more done, and more
energy and creative flow for your life.
Thank you so much forhanging out with me today.
It has been a blast.
I would love for you to do me a hugefavor and either go leave a rating
or a review, and if you reallylove the podcast or you've learned
(22:49):
anything at all, please pass it on.
To a friend or a family member thatmight enjoy the podcast as well.
That's how I grow and that's how I'mable to continue bringing you content.
If you are interested in coaching, justgo to the crazy confidence coach.com.
You can sign up for afree discovery call there.
Thank you so much for being here.
I hope to see you next Tuesday so wecan build our crazy confidence together.
(23:13):
Love you big.
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