Episode 58: How to Empty Your Backpack and Lead with Purpose (with Sam Demma)

Episode Transcript
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Every single person, every single human being deserves to feel better and do better.

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And I believe it's possible by emptying your backpack and taking small consistent actions.

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Alchemists, welcome to another episode of the Elemental Educator podcast.
I'm your host Tyler, and thank you so much for joining our community for anotherincredible connection.
If you're here for the first time, welcome to a place where we redefine leadership andchallenge the status quo.
Take a minute before continuing the episode to subscribe to our YouTube at Elementalunderscore educator, where we upload all of our video episodes and additional leadership

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content meant for anyone looking to grow.
For those returning alchemists, take some time to expand our community.
and share this platform with one other person today.
I'm thankful for your passion and dedication to being better together.
Now get ready to let the alchemy of education ignite your passion for learning.
Today, I'm thrilled to connect with Sam Demme.
Sam is a bestselling author and one of the most in-demand keynote speakers today.

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He has shared the stage with icons like Cardinal Offshell and Sarah Blackwood,collaborated with brands like Taco Bell, delivered two TEDx talks, and has toured his
messages across Canada.
the United States, and Kenya.
Sam is also the founder of Elite Speaker Coaching, a program designed to empower inspiringspeakers with tools, strategies, and confidence to share their stories and build thriving

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speaking careers.
His work is often featured on national news shows like Marilyn Dennis, BreakfastTelevision, and most notably, his mom's Facebook.
Sam delivers hundreds of, by the way, he made me say that.
Sam delivers hundreds of performances annually.
and his comical and entertaining performances address the topics of empathy, mentalhealth, and leadership.

(01:57):
Welcome to the Elemental Educator podcast, Sam.
It is a pleasure to have you here.
Tyler, thank you so much for having me on the show.
I'm honored to be here and it's quite a trip listening to you read some of those things.
You know, I love doing a little guest intro because in a short snippet before we do theshow and I'm reading them, I get to learn so much about the guest in a quick snippet of

(02:18):
time too.
And I follow them a little bit, but some of the things that they throw in there just blowme, blow me away completely.
And then to just share it with the listeners, it establishes that sense of who you are andwhat you're bringing to them because there's so much value in the conversation we're about
to have because of your lived experiences.
So.
I'm thrilled to get into it, Sam.

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And I wanna start with a big question for you here, which is how did you get to where youare now?
good people is how I could position it.
It was the result of mentors, family, friends who believed in me more than I believed inmyself and making the decision at a younger age that if things were going to change in my

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life, it was going to be because of me.
It sometimes is so hard to take full responsibility for where we're at in our livesbecause it's a lot easier to point a finger and blame someone or something that's external
from ourselves.
But things don't change unless we change.
And I was fortunate to have a mentor who shared that with me at a very young age.
And I decided to take on that responsibility.

(03:20):
And that helped me, you know, build and develop and grow and improve throughout the years.
To give you a little snippet of the story, I'm 25 years old now, which is why I can stillmake jokes about being on my mom's Facebook page and it's acceptable.
But when I was...
Fair enough.
I was speaking at a school recently and a student asked me what Facebook was.

(03:42):
Okay, okay.
Yeah.
like, I'm like, dude, am I old already?
What's going on here?
Literally.
Yeah.
I grew up wanting to play professional soccer, pursued that dream very passionately at 13.
I was moved to Italy to play with the pro club.
They thought I was going to be a future talent.

(04:04):
Ended up eating lots of pizza and pasta, gained some weight during that six month trip,but fell in love with the game.
Came back home.
Dedicated my life to it by the time I was 17.
I had a full ride soccer scholarship to Memphis University Ended up before accepting andactually moving there having three major knee injuries two surgeries tore the cartilage in

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my right hip called the labrum and Just lost my entire identity as an individual myself-worth was solely attached to sports Very fortunate that I had a teacher an educator
cared, an educator who showed up every single day not just to teach the curriculum but topour belief into all of his students.

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His name was Mr.
Loudfoot, Michael.
And he taught this lesson in class that a small consistent action can make a really bigdifference.
You know, it's the thousands of tiny choices you make every single day, where if we getmore intentional about them, we have an opportunity to change things.
And so he challenged us to start taking a small consistent action to change something inour communities.

(05:11):
That led to picking up garbage.
I would walk home from high school and it was actually the first time two weeks after hislecture that I saw a red coffee cup just sitting on the sidewalk.
Now I'm sure you could guess the brand of this bright red coffee cup.
Yeah.
I'm not going to say it out loud because I'm hoping that one day they'll sponsor all myperformances in schools.
But I picked it up and I just made the decision.

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My small action is going to be picking up trash, walking home from school.
Did it for about four months.
Didn't tell anybody.
And then five days before the summer, one of my best friends saw me driving home fromschool.
He pulls over.
He's like, dude, why don't we do something together with this?
Why don't we pick up trash as a community?
And we started doing these one hour weekly garbage cleanups with students from our schooland neighboring communities.

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And we continued that project for six years.
And we filled thousands of bags of trash and got hundreds of students involved.
And we needed more people to come help, which is why I started speaking in schools anddelivering performances for students and educators.
And after doing about 30 of them, they were all voluntary.
A principal pulled me aside and said, dude, we bring in programs all the time.

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The kids fall asleep and they pull out their phones and they talk to their neighbors.
But this time they actually listened and they laughed and they rushed the stage to talk toyou afterwards.
Can you please come back and do more of this?
And that was what really started the journey at the age of 19 to figure out how do Ibecome a better performer?
How can I use my words to help other people make better decisions and move peopleemotionally?

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And that was six years ago.
That's incredible.
Now, this cup company, is there a song about them?
There might be.
There has to be a country song, a pretty well-known country song.
There's gotta be a connection that can be made here to get that sponsorship made aroundthat.
no, jokes aside, Sam, that's an incredible story.
And at a young age, it's quite insightful for somebody to dream of that, inspire for that,and take it on.

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And it's rooted in something really powerful, which is what you value.
And I wanna unpack that with you in our first segment of Grounded Moments.
Rooted in wisdom, driven by purpose, welcome to grounded moments and to build somemomentum here, I want to start by asking you Sam, what is one thing that is grounding you

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in what you're doing now?
Presence is keeping me grounded.
I lived my life for a long period of time in the future, always worried about what was tocome and would beat myself up about the past.
deciding and attempting and trying my best to always pull back to the present moment helpsme enjoy everything that I'm experiencing and show up 100 % when I am on stage, when I am

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off stage or whatever I'm choosing to do in my life.
So presence is...
currently keeping me grounded.
And presence is very closely rooted to a value of experience, which a lot of people value.
And it's actually a very high trending value in which people seek.
And if you're able to give experience or if you're able to seek experience, you often havea lot of fulfillment in the things that you're doing.

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So there's no surprise there with what you're trying to do is provide experience forpeople and experience for yourself and to root it into what you've shared.
That connection's there and it's a strong connection as well.
A little segue, but we'll circle back here.
Before the show, I also asked you to share a quote that resonates with you.
What was the quote that you wanted to share today?

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When I was finishing my first knee surgery, it felt like there was 5,000 pounds ofpressure on my shoulders.
I often use the analogy of a giant backpack and inside that giant backpack is the weightwe carry of our beliefs and stories and the expectations that others and ourselves place
on our shoulders.
At that point in time, I was so beat up, I was so overwhelmed, I was so weighed down, butI heard a quote during a sermon that I'll never forget.

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There was a priest and he shared a Latin phrase titled, Vincit qui patatur, which means hewho endures conquers.
And I thought I'm enduring a lot right now.
This is exactly what I need to hear.
It just felt like it was delivered to me in the right moment.
And I think that's what inspires us most is a simple idea delivered in a timely mannerwhen we need to hear it the most.

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But if I heard that five years earlier, I
It wouldn't have meant much to me.
But that quote is something I've carried forward and every time I start struggling orgetting overwhelmed, I remember if I can endure this, I can overcome it, I can achieve.
And I got that quote tattooed on my left bicep after my first knee surgery as a reminderto keep going.
How does it show up for you in your workflow now?

(09:52):
Reminding myself that there are seasons in life and not every season is harvest season.
There are seasons where you plant seeds and see absolutely no progress.
But those seeds at some point will, they will grow.
In those moments, endure, have patience.
For me, those times of year, winter is one of them.

(10:16):
Summer is another time.
I'm not, you know,
booking lots of events in the summertime, so my brain starts to freak out.
my goodness, Sam, is everything stopping?
Nothing's gonna work anymore.
You're not gonna serve any schools or students anymore.
And I say, calm down.
You know, this happens every single year.
You can endure the times when things aren't fruitful and you can't harvest all year round.

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So I would say that's one way that that phrase has an impact in my workflow today, is justto...
Enjoy the times when you're not bearing fruit because there's also purpose and meaning inthose seasons as well.
And the second is to remind myself that no storm lasts forever.
One of the big challenges I faced was during the pandemic.
I had a six month period of time where there were no performances because educationalinstitutions were shut down.

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No one was at work.
And a phrase like that, know, vink it, path to tour kept coming to mind.
If I can get through this, I can achieve and come out better the other side.
Absolutely.
Very powerful to share and the meaning behind it.
Thanks for going into the detail on that.
You unpacked a few of the questions I was going to follow up with all at once.
So you did it for me.
I want to jump to have you heard of an elevator pitch sound?

(11:31):
I have heard of an elevator pitch.
Okay, or you if you make content yourself, it's our hook, right?
It's our first 10 to 15 seconds that we get to grab somebody's attention and sink theminto something.
This message that you're sending through your quote and this message that you're living bythrough wanting to give experience, I wanna give you, you know, we'll go 15 to 20 seconds
here to give us that best elevator pitch about why this is such an important message andlet's get people hooked on it.

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So let's bring your best energy and we'll see what we can do.
Are you ready for it?
I'm ready.
Alright, whenever you're ready, let's hear this pitch.
Every single person, every single human being deserves to feel better and do better.
And I believe it's possible by emptying your backpack and taking small consistent actions.
That's all I'm gonna share.
yeah.
And you know what?

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That's even a five second there.
There we go.
And the simplicity in it is such a good message, Is everybody is capable of this.
Sometimes we just need some help to get there.
It's unfortunate that two people can go through the exact same situation or experience inlife and have totally different outcomes.
And the only difference be the philosophy they chose to live their life based on.

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And I believe that our circumstances determine where we start, but our philosophydetermines where we finish.
Yes, we all are born at different start lines and that can be very challenging and it isunfair to a degree.
But if you want to change it, starts with telling yourself a new story about what'spossible for your life and philosophy and changing our stories and the beliefs we tell
ourselves is something that we can start doing today by sitting down and takingresponsibility for what we can take responsibility for.

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And that's why I say I believe that every person deserves to feel better and do betterbecause it's accessible to us all.
It's not easy, but it's there.
And I think it...
create some more rewarding and meaningful
Circumstances determine where we start.
Philosophy determines where we finish.
I love that.
That is a very powerful quote.
That's probably gonna be a quote in the future somebody else brings on the show and usesas well.

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you know, speaking of circumstances where we start, we get into adversity.
Let's move on to our next element that unpacks adversity through headwinds and tailwinds.
Through storms and surges, discover the lessons from headwinds and tailwinds, where wefocus on the challenge that tests us and the forces that help us move forward.

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So let's set the stage here.
Sam, can you share a time when you faced some significant adversity?
I've had so many significant adversities throughout my life and I think everybody has.
We all have different adversity but the emotions underlying them are very similar.
You're upset, you're frustrated, you're overwhelmed, you're anxious, you're fearful of thefuture.

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And I experienced all those things when I stopped playing soccer.
I experienced them all over again when I made a decision to postpone my post-secondaryeducation.
I experienced them all over again when the COVID-19 pandemic hit.
I vividly remember sitting in my basement March 20 and within four hours I had 35performances canceled.

(14:34):
And I just made the decision not to join a speaking agency in the United States.
It was promising me, know, hundreds of gigs a year.
And I made a decision to hire a coach, which changed my life, but I didn't know it at thetime.
And that was January, 2020.
And by March, everything was falling apart.
I tried to hold it together for a few months and act like everything was going to be okay.

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And in May, I completely broke down, bawling my eyes out, sitting on a grass hill near myhouse.
And I called my coach, Chris, and I told him this was the worst decision I ever made.
I shouldn't have taken a break from my studies.
I shouldn't have hired you.
I shouldn't have turned down the agency.
And Chris didn't even give me any advice.

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He just listened to me for 45 minutes.
And I think sometimes that's the most powerful thing we can do when someone we love isgoing through adversity.
Sometimes they're not looking for a solution.
They just want an ear to listen and a shoulder to lean on.
And Chris would often ask me, do you want a solution or do you just want to vent?
And this is one of those venting situations.

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And I spewed out all my thoughts for 45 minutes.
And at the end of the call, he said,
Sam, here's an invitation.
And he sent me a Google pin to an industrial address, an hour drive from my house.
And he said, meet me here Tuesday morning.
And I was like, industrial address Tuesday morning?
Am I gonna live after this, dude?

(15:59):
what are we doing here?
So I showed up, I had nothing else on the schedule.
And I walked in this industrial building, down a hallway, opened this door at the end.
And there I saw Chris standing on a stage delivering a performance with two people holdingmassive cameras over their right shoulders.
And there was six TV screens in front of him with hundreds of faces on zoom calls.

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And it was the first time I'd ever seen a virtual performance.
And it was probably one of the best I've ever seen in terms of the production.
And I sat in the corner 90 minutes just watching.
And after the performance ended, he walked over and he said, Sam, do know what happenswhen things get difficult in any industry?
Yeah, most people quit.
Check this out.

(16:42):
Whenever there's adversity like this, 99 % of people doing the work in any industry giveup.
But the world still needs the service, like especially when it comes to hope and optimism,the messages you're sharing, people need it now more than ever, and there's less people
doing it.
If there's less people doing it and more people that need it, wouldn't you say it's yourgreatest opportunity?

(17:03):
I get shivers every time, Tyler.
I left that building and I drove straight to Best Buy and I bought a virtual webcam and amicrophone and I stuck four luggages in my bedroom, put a shoe box, my laptop, the camera,
the webcam and started doing virtual presentations.
I believe it was one of the most difficult times in my life, those three months, until Istarted telling myself a new story.

(17:26):
And I'm so grateful that I had someone like Chris who could reshift my perspective.
But it didn't lessen how
challenging of a time period it was for me.
And with that, you there's so many incredible moments that happened there.
And you you talked about it, the circumstances you were in, a lot of people would walkaway from that circumstance.
And then through that coach, the philosophy of push through, try this, open yourself up toexperience.

(17:51):
We route it back to the message of you picking up garbage from an earlier age to thismoment and this moment of experience.
You went to that meeting because you value, you went to this pin.
because you value experience and you value that curiosity was sparked within you toexplore, well, what could this be?
Where could this go?

(18:11):
And to see the turning point shift in that, to build some momentum on yourself there, togive some clarity, to have that support is something very powerful.
I'm in my doctorate right now, Sam, and one thing that I'm trying to study is we are facedwith so much pressure, either external pressure,
but also a lot of internal pressure.
And there's not enough pushback in the form of support to balance the pressure and tocreate a space.

(18:37):
And what happened for you here is really powerful because what happened was there wassupport created to push back on the pressure that was coming down and that support
balanced the pressure out enough to let you keep moving forward.
And the question becomes, how do we create spaces where when people are feeling pressure,
they can receive that support that they're able to push through.

(18:58):
And I don't know if you have an answer for that.
I don't think I do, but something that has worked personally for me is when I have anoutcome or a thing I'm trying to learn or figure out, it's been very helpful to find
someone who's already doing it and become that person's best student.
In this case, it was Chris.
Chris has been speaking to audiences for over 30 years.
And aside from his professional success, I aspire to be like him in terms of his familyvalues and his personal values.

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And I think finding someone who's doing what you want to do that you aspire to replicatein their professional success and personal lives would be a wise way to find that support.
When someone's done something 30 times longer than you have, and you bring a challenge tothem, you bring your pressures to them, for them, it's just another one of those.
It's like those circumstances have happened to them probably a hundred times, and it'sjust your first experience and they go,

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Sam, let me tell you about five years ago, seven years ago, 14 years ago, and 18 yearsago.
Those are the four times what you're explaining happened to me.
Here's what was helpful for me in those moments.
And that's really what a great mentor does.
So I think mentorship is, be underestimated in terms of the value it could have to createthat support.

(20:14):
And with that, Sam, a lot of these mentors, they didn't face it hundreds of times.
They might have faced it once.
They might have faced it twice, but that's still one more time than you did, or one moretime than your first time facing it.
And their experience on how they faced it, like we said, same circumstance.
Now what you're doing when you find a mentor is you're also trying to find somebody withthe same philosophy, right?

(20:36):
Because we talked about that quote earlier of, you know, same circumstance, differentphilosophy, so different outcome.
If you're finding people with the same philosophy, there's an increased chance that you'regoing to navigate that with a similar outcome to the person that you have an aligned
philosophy with.
So that mentorship, go ahead.
I was just gonna say, I'll tell you too, when I first met Chris, I did not have a refinedphilosophy, but his philosophy was so refined, it created mine.

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So maybe you find someone that has a philosophy that's even more powerful than your own,not that there's a better or worse philosophy, but if someone is getting a result, you're
not getting, they definitely have something different they believe about their lives thanyou do.
And it's worth, you know, exploring.
and trying out their beliefs in your own life and see how it unfolds.
But I agree, hopefully we'll reach a point where you have the same beliefs and philosophywith those people.

(21:30):
And quick message to Chris here, if he does listen to this episode, if you meet up withsomebody, when you drop that pin in an industrial area, you're either now gonna be doing
it with the intention of I want them to think this is sketchy or you're sitting therethinking, okay, maybe when I drop this pin in an industrial area, I have to maybe give
some context first.
But that's, I'm thinking back to that and there's been many times where people get askedto do that too and.

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You have no idea what you're getting into until you show up.
Good for you for showing up.
Now, Sam, before we move on to the next segment, I want to ask for people facing their ownheadwinds and adversity.
What's one thing that you suggest they do to keep moving forward despite the storm theyface?
Whenever I'm going through a difficult experience, I ask myself, when was a time in mylife when things felt effortless?

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When things were working in my favor or just the momentum was building and I feltsuccessful and happy and fulfilled.
And when I compare my life experience today to that moment in time, were there any habitsthat I was doing daily that I've stopped doing now?
Not that all of our adversity comes from a lack of practicing our daily disciplines.

(22:42):
But I do find that when we start to have adversity, we let some other important aspects ofour life slip.
For me, it's spending time in silence and going to the gym every single day, reading andjournaling.
Like those four are foundational to my wellness and my peace of mind.
And oftentimes when I start finding this negative momentum, I let those things go.

(23:07):
So I would start by asking that question and seeing if you can't...
Restart the process of building some positive momentum through those daily disciplines.
And then the second thing I would say is There is no book written in history where themain character didn't face adversity and if that book was written nobody read it because
it sucked so the challenge you're going through is an is a Difficult but normal part ofthe human experience At some point it will pass allow it to change your character and

(23:35):
refine your philosophy and your beliefs
Allow it to push you to build closer connections with family and friends who can supportyou during the difficulty, but know that it will subside at some point.
And people get entertainment, you're right, books, films, game shows, anything.
There's entertainment out of watching people go through adversity and push through it andcome out on top.
People want to see people overcome the adversity and succeed.

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There's so much power in that.
And we mentioned earlier that with adversity often comes change and there's lots of thingsthat we can change.
And I'll let that segue to our next segment on Ripples of Change.
Small shifts, big waves.
This is Ripples of Change, where we dive into the power of embracing change and makingwaves that last.

(24:21):
So Sam, what's a recent change that you've embraced or led?
I started going to restorative yoga class and it's had a dramatic impact on my level ofenergy, my excitement and passion for the work I'm doing.
For a very long period of time, every activity in my life felt like it was taking myenergy.
Even if it was exercising and doing my daily disciplines, at points it felt like after Ifinished, I was a little more tired than I was before I started.

(24:49):
And the concept of yin and yang,
was taught to me by one of these yoga teachers that you need to have a balance ofactivities in your life that require you to spend energy with activities in your life that
restore and refill your energy.
And she suggested trying restorative yoga, which for anyone who's not familiar is lyingdown on a yoga mat in a dark room in the fetal position to the point where you basically

(25:14):
fall asleep and...
area that's been pinned, right?
It is actually kind of industrial to be honest.
Hey, every time I go something good happens.
So I have been doing at least one restorative yoga class a week in addition to a few otheryoga classes.

(25:41):
And that has been a massive impact.
It's had a massive impact on my energy level and my excitement for my work.
and I recommend everybody give it a try.
That would be one change that I've made recently that's had a ripple effect.
change often comes down to the first step and the final move.
What was your first step you took to commit to going to this?

(26:03):
I booked a class.
I wanted my phone and booked a class.
But before that happened, I made a decision that my energy level is not going to change byaccident.
It's going to change by intention.
And I think that goes back to taking responsibility for the things in your life.
I don't think our energy just determines itself.

(26:24):
It's built through our choices.
So I thought, well, if I don't make any new choices, nothing here is going to change.
Maybe I'll try yoga.
and I booked a class and I felt so great after the first one that I kept going.
And if you're listening and thinking, well, that's really easy booking a class.
It's actually a very common thing people do to commit to something is they'll, they'll,they'll actually book it or they'll commit a fund to it.

(26:45):
So there's a reason that trying to change your own habits through an exercise routinedoesn't always work.
And people have to hire a personal trainer because there's the commitment of bookingsomething.
There's the commitment of an investment into it.
There's a reason that people struggle to shift their own diet, but making a nutrition planwith a nutritionist can often have a bigger impact because you've invested in it.
because you've put some monetary value to it and you've actually committed to somebodyelse holding you accountable to it.

(27:08):
So when you say you've booked it, that's actually a huge commitment for somebody to makeand to follow through with it is a whole nother world and good on you to show up and ride
the experience and see what it was like and for it to be a good experience too, that'sawesome.
Now with that, changes can be positive but also sometimes bring an unexpected setback.
Now I think something like going to restorative yoga is usually creating a positive

(27:31):
but what would be a ripple effect you didn't see coming from maybe a different piece ofadversity?
After my first year of speaking professionally, I got an opportunity to join a speakingagency.
And I thought, if I join this agency, it's going to change my life.
I had read the founder's books and flew to the States to meet him and attended hisconferences.
Long story short, after a year, he reached out and offered me a spot on their agency.

(27:55):
And I started crying with excitement.
Told my whole family, took all the...
sticky notes in my bedroom down with his name on it.
I had these goals, right?
There was a contract and it was a 10 year agreement.
And I read through it and it just, it sounded like a terrible music label deal.
And I was just turning 20 years old.

(28:17):
And I don't know where the courage came from to make the decision not to sign the paper.
But I called him up after a few weeks of thinking and said, this just doesn't feel rightwith my values.
I can't do this right now.
And he said, know, mark this day down as the best or worst decision you ever made in yourentire life.
and I was filled with self-doubt and the next few months were really terrible.

(28:38):
But I made a decision in that moment and the decision was I'm going to prove this personwrong.
And I carried this weight on my shoulder for like three years of I'm doing this to provethis guy that I'm worth something.
And it took me about three years before I recognized that that was my main source ofmotivation and it's probably not a healthy one.
And so that was one of the

(29:00):
the decisions I made at a young age that I would have done differently with the wisdom Ihave now.
I still would have experienced the self-doubt.
I still would have made the decision that I'm gonna use this to motivate me and inspireme, but I wouldn't allow that individual to own space in my mind for such a long period of
time.
Because everyone's the main character in their own movie and he wasn't waking up thinkingabout me every single day, but here I was.

(29:21):
it was tough.
And that was a small choice.
that I made without thinking that I carried for, yeah, good three years.
Yeah, and the episode right before this, we talked a lot about betting on yourself.
And when things get tough, or even when things get good, people often don't double downand they don't continue to bet on themselves.

(29:46):
And that leads to, it's not a failure, but it leads to more setbacks.
And the great thing,
is that this person responded to you in a way that wasn't in a begging way to stay, try itout, guilt, shame.
They were honest.
They said this is either the best decision or the worst.
Worst because if you don't have the drive and follow through and you're not willing todouble down in adversity, that's gonna crash really fast.

(30:13):
But if you are willing to double down and you are willing to push through the adversity,the payoff, the freedom, the control that you get by doing things your own way,
skyrocket exponentially and the return that you see, not just financial return, but inwhat you're able to do and have control over and insight on is huge, absolutely massive.

(30:38):
You know, I've hummed and hawed over the process of this book that I have coming out.
And if I wanted to self-publisher, if I wanted to go with a publisher, and I did decide togo with a publisher through the end of it for a couple of reasons.
One of them is my time is more, I want to spend more of my time communicating with peopleand sharing my story with people, not so much on the book side of things.
And so I'm going to let them take control of that and I'm going to focus on what I want todo outside of the realm of a book.

(31:03):
But the second piece to it was it was very validating and almost reassuring when somebodygives you that offer, it's very easy to look at it and go, I want this.
But where is it coming from?
With this specific company, it was enough reassurance to tell me,
This is a good decision there.
I'm onto something.
Otherwise, they wouldn't have offered this person offering you a spot.

(31:23):
It's an indication that you're doing something well because somebody wants a piece of it.
Right.
So, you know, I could I could go and self-publish and put all the work into editing andrefining and making sure everything's perfect and doing it on my own.
I'd rather spend my time doing things like we're doing now, sitting down, having aconversation, unpacking all of these things to help people versus, you know,

(31:46):
After this, I am not willing to sit at a computer for three hours and comb througheverything and see where I missed my periods and commas.
So thank you for sharing that because that is actually a scary thing for people to do isto turn down what they think is an incredible opportunity.
And for all we know, Sam, it could have been, right?
And we can't live in the worlds of shoulds, but that could have been a situation where

(32:12):
You had incredible speaking opportunities, but maybe you don't have the freedom over whereyou speak or how often you have to speak or even the return on it.
Who knows if it's enough now for you to continue doing what you're doing, right?
There's so many factors that come into play once you see that contract.
So if you do ever get to a place, read that contract, give it to a lawyer, have a lawyerread that contract to it's very important.

(32:35):
Now, Sam, people often worry that change won't last.
What's one thing that you're doing in your work to make sure
that this is becoming a part of people's culture rather than just a trend for
We have follow-up curriculum and a in-depth discussion guide that goes along with the bookthat we provide to every student or teacher in our audience.
So we do give away our books for free, the PDF version.

(32:58):
And a lot of authors wouldn't maybe consider doing that, but we give away the whole copyof the book.
And with it comes a discussion guide that has 60 reflective questions and activities thatare based on every chapter.
So if a school or a team wanted to dive deep, they could study the book.
together and continue talking about a lot of the things that I share during a performance.

(33:20):
I think the other thing is the people that are receiving the message, also takingownership and being excited about making it a part of their school or their culture.
I've delivered the same message in two different communities and one community turned itinto a mural on the school walls and had monthly challenges for their staff and students
and other schools just said thank you and that was it.

(33:42):
And so
think some responsibility also lies on the leadership team to have a conversation with theprovider.
Say like, hey, we want to turn this into more than just a speech.
What else can we do?
Do you have any suggestions?
And then we brainstorm those things together.
But something else we're really focused on this year is content and media.
Because content and media lives forever, just like this podcast does.

(34:04):
And when you have a bank of intellectual property, people can pull from it, whateverthey'd like as many times as they want.
And so we've hired a head of media and we're
putting out two to three videos every single day to consistently share those messages ofpeople that are in our atmosphere, in our space, and hope to just keep doing more at a
high quality.
That's awesome.
you know, when you shared that, I think back to you, I put out a video the week that we'rerecording this and I talk about the idea of visionary leadership.

(34:33):
you know, I use the analogy of Martin Luther King Jr.
He didn't say, I have a speech, right?
He said, I have a dream, right?
That would be two very different things.
If he said, I have a speech, it would have gone nowhere.
But to say that I have a dream, it told people, you are supposed to do something after I'mdone talking.
Right, you are supposed, there is an action to take.
It's not a speech, it's a dream, and I'm sharing my dream, right?

(34:57):
And there's a powerful message to that because you're right.
A lot of presentations, and you know, we just talked before we pressed record that I'm inEdmonton for a teacher's convention right now, so people get the luxury of seeing part of
my hotel room.
I was hoping that the sun wouldn't come up yet because if it does, this window's gonnastart turning into a mirror and reflect my messy bed that's not made yet.

(35:17):
But.
The idea of how many people are attending this and speaking and who is going there tolisten to just speeches to roll through with it because people will often look at these
conventions and have two responses.
I'm excited to connect, I'm excited to grow or why do I have to come?
Right?
And if you're, right, exactly.
Same circumstance, different philosophies.

(35:39):
And the philosophy here is I have to go listen to these speeches.
Hmm.
Right, where I approach it with the philosophy of I get to go and see how people tick,what makes them function, and how does that apply to what I wanna do.
So do it with intention, right?
So thank you so much.
Yeah, sorry, go ahead.

(35:59):
quick.
When you talked about Dr.
Martin Luther King, it made me think of Simon Sinek's famous TEDx speech about startingwith Y.
And he said, know, everyone knew that Martin Luther King had a dream and he was passionateabout sharing it.
But how did he get hundreds of thousands of people to show up and listen to his speech?

(36:20):
It wasn't by saying, I have a speech, buy a ticket, come to this space.
It was by sharing what he believed in.
and it gave other people an opportunity to associate with that belief.
They didn't show up for Martin Luther King, they showed up for themselves.
And that's what Simon says in his speech.
And I think when we start with why and the belief behind the work, it gives people achance to get behind it as well.

(36:43):
So I just wanted to share that because it felt connected to what you were sharing.
Yeah, I've talked about Simon a lot in my earlier episodes.
He's my sticky note guy, right?
So you talked about you have your sticky note guy.
He's my sticky note guy.
I'd love to have a conversation with him one day.
Simon, if you ever happen to listen to this show or episode, reach out as well.
I'd love to connect with you.
That being said, yes, people don't buy what you do, they buy why you do it, right?

(37:05):
So it's coming down to that ownership.
What makes people tick?
Why do they want to do things?
And with why we do things,
comes the fun part, which is the bold decisions and the risks that we get to take, whichbrings us to our fire element here of spark or burn.
Ignite your ideas, face the flames.

(37:27):
This is Spark or Burn, where we talk about bold decisions, big risks, and the fires thateither spark success or burn lessons into our memory.
Sam, can you tell us about a time when you made a bold leadership decision or took a majorrisk?
There's a few of them.
I already talked about turning down the agency, which is probably one of the biggestdecisions, risks I've ever made.

(37:50):
I would say that hiring Chris as my coach was a very close second.
The agency was promising me bookings every year, a nice income, but there was a 30 %commission they take.
So if they sent you out to a hundred speeches, know, 30 of those speeches go back to theagency in terms of the financial side of it.

(38:14):
And so after I made the decision not to join, I amended my philosophy to say every year,if I'm not joining this agency and giving away 30%, I think it would be wise for me to
invest 30 % of my income back into my own personal development.
And the agency was promising me a six figure income.
So.
This year, I'm gonna make a goal to try and make $100,000 and spend 30 of it on learning.

(38:37):
Now, I will say I was living in my parents' basement at the time, so I didn't have otherexpenses.
Maybe 30 % is not the right number, but I think it's wise that we all invest something inourselves each year to improve and grow and build new skills.
And it just so happened that the investment to hire my coach Chris was $27,000.

(39:00):
And my parents lost their freaking minds.
When I told them I took my life savings and gave it to this man that I had met a few timesand it's gonna change my life, I know it.
And that was in January 2020 after I turned down the agency.
And you remember what happened in March when I went to the industrial pin.

(39:20):
So I was very doubtful and thought that I did make the worst decision and made a terriblemistake.
But looking back, Chris is like an uncle to me now and we actually worked together forthree years and now he's like a colleague.
And so the risk or that challenging decision paid off.
But there was a few months where I wasn't sleeping much and I was wondering what the heckI just did.
And I have another mentor today who often says the transformation happens at thetransaction.

(39:44):
And it's not even a financial thing, but when we put our skin in the game, it...
Reminds ourselves that we're worth it and that starts to that starts to create thetransformation in our own thoughts and then actions and emotions and everything else that
follows so I'm rambling now, but I think hiring Chris was a massive risk in it.
It did pay off

(40:05):
Sam did it feel like an all or nothing moment?
It really did at the time.
It felt like I'm gonna win or lose.
I'm gonna succeed or fail.
And I didn't realize that the things I would learn with Chris would be things I wouldcarry with me for the rest of my life.
I also define success very narrowly at that point in time.

(40:26):
I just thought it was about how many speeches I'm doing and the financial numbers and thelives impacted.
But my definition of success is
doing today, it's doing work I love with people I love for a long period of time.
lots changed, lots has changed since.
And what gets so scary about it is when we talk about investment and we'll talk about thefinancial part here.

(40:46):
People often view financial investments, there's many, many ways this can be approached,right?
To put that much into something that's unknown and to bet on yourself is massive andpeople get scared of it.
because it comes down to do I have the grit?
Do I have the determination?
Do I have the perseverance to push through for myself on this?

(41:10):
And a lot of people will err on the side of caution and say, maybe not right now.
And then they pull back.
You didn't, you decided, hey, this is worth it.
I know I can push through.
It's gonna be hard, but I can do it.
And you invested in it heavily, which if it didn't work out,
And I know people are not going to necessarily agree with this statement, but money andmoney can come and go.

(41:32):
And you might have to scale back and refine what you're doing, but there's always a way toreset yourself and try again.
There's always a new opportunity.
There's always a way to be innovative.
When adversity present presents itself, there's always another way.
Am I quoting Moana too?
When I say that I was just watching it with my kid.

(41:52):
I, my three year old was obsessed with Moana and I Moana too came out.
So we got up and watched it.
I think there's a song in it when, you know, things are tough, find another way.
But it, the statement is true.
I'm not going to play their soundtrack on this behind this, but maybe I should now, Moanaor Disney, you're listening, sponsor this episode.
But the message you're sending Sam, it's very powerful.

(42:13):
The investment in yourself to take the big risk, to go with the coach.
You know, those are bold decisions and they can be intimidating.
So when you have an opportunity presented where you can make that decision, what advicewould you give to the audience this week to help build that risk-taking muscle?
Make sure it's calculated to some degree and the calculation I made was a filter of twoquestions.

(42:38):
One is this person credible and in a position and that they've done the thing I want to doexactly so I know that I can learn from them.
And the second question I asked myself is, do I genuinely believe this person has my bestinterests in their heart?
And if they are an individual I want to be like, and they're credible, and they've walkedthe path, and they also, in my best judgment, have good intentions with this, I think you

(43:04):
can't really go wrong with the decision to jump in with both feet.
I also think that that investment, whatever investment you make in something, it creates aforcing function for you to step up, like you said earlier with the meal plan or hiring a
fitness coach, it's no different.
So keep that in mind as well.
From a fear standpoint, also reminding ourselves of the worst case scenario can be veryproductive and helpful because most of the time the worst case scenario is actually not as

(43:34):
bad as we make it seem in our heads.
When I was considering the decision to invest in a coach, I'm like, what's the worst casescenario?
I'm still at home.
I'm still in my parents' basement.
I'm still trying to make it work.
I just have a few less dollars in my bank.
Now everyone has a different worst case scenario, different parts in their lives, butfigure out what that worst case scenario is and ask yourself, if this did happen, could I

(44:00):
live with it?
And if the answer is yes, it's like, go, go and try, go and give it a go and see whathappens.
Yeah.
And to add to that as well, most of the things that you can hire somebody to do, you haveto remember this, you can do it yourself.
And through some research, through some looking into things, through some time, you'll getthere.

(44:25):
But a coach can help you accelerate the process.
And they can give you a new perspective.
mean, you can always go out to the community and people around you and say, what do youthink of this?
What do you think of that?
And you can get free opinions everywhere, right?
And some of them are quite good.
And if you're friends with people that coach, know, they'll often give you that freeopinion, that quick one.
They won't sit down and do the full thing with you, but you'll have that opportunity.

(44:49):
And so think about that as well.
What do you value more?
And so for you making that investment as well, it was a value of experience, but it's alsoa value of time.
because you wanted to accelerate the process.
You probably could have done it yourself, but it would have taken 10 times longer to getthere.
And you might have not done it the same way, but you actually forced a connection with theinvestment with somebody that had a similar philosophy so that you could unpack the

(45:17):
circumstances that you're going through that they've gone through as well.
Right, and you mentioned it as well.
What's the worst thing that could happen?
Well, the worst thing that could happen is you become one of the people
that gets to talk to people later that says, hey, I've been there, I've done that.
This is how I got through it, right?
So it's exactly that as well.
Well, Sam, we're getting too close to the 50 minute mark here.

(45:37):
I'm gonna pull out my phone and on my Instagram, I always put a poll out that says, hey,I've got a guest coming on the show.
What questions do you have for them?
And I think I've got two for you today, Sam, that we can address.
Okay, first question here.
I forgot this question was here.
Sam.
You always have these visuals of massive backpacks and this has to be from a kid.
This has to be from a student, by the way.

(45:58):
Our schools often do anything but a backpack day.
If you could bring anything but a backpack, what would you bring and why?
That's awesome.
I would bring an empty bag for soccer balls.
I think that would be my backpack.
And the reason being is because I played sports growing up.

(46:19):
Soccer was my game of choice.
I spent a lot of hours on a soccer field and I think it would fit my personality.
Good question, young man or woman.
and you know what?
I actually think the next one is also from a kid, but the message here is really powerful.
Sam, you share a message with us that at a really young age you did some pretty coolthings.
And people my age want to party.

(46:41):
They want to have fun.
And it's hard to pull away from that because I also really want to be friends with thesepeople.
Do you have any advice?
At a young age, I made a decision to define what fun meant to me.
And fun wasn't drinking.
Fun was partying, but it looked a little different.
It was spending time with the people I loved most, doing things we both enjoyed, likeskiing or celebrating something.

(47:04):
But I remember being in high school and wanting to fit in and wanting to be a part of agroup of people that I looked up to or wanted to be friends with.
I would say the more time you spend with certain individuals, the quicker you shift yourown beliefs and philosophies to match the masses.
And so just keep that in mind that if you do spend a lot of time with individuals that aredoing things you don't believe in, you will start to shift your beliefs.

(47:30):
But if you keep that in your head, you can still enjoy those things, but enjoy them alittle bit differently.
Maybe you go to the party, but you don't drink.
I did that a lot as an athlete growing up and people actually respected it.
They were like, wow, good for you.
And maybe behind closed doors, they talked about it, but it was something that allowed meto still enjoy those moments while also being true to myself and my values.

(47:54):
And then I would say secondly, make a list of things that you actually believe are fun inyour own life and make sure you also spend some time doing that.
And I think you can find a really nice balance.
I liked how that you said earlier, do you think it was all or nothing when I was makingthe decision to invest in a coach?
And we sometimes approach our experiences in life with that same mentality.

(48:15):
I can either have this or I can have that.
There's a beautiful book written by Ray Dalio called principles.
And one of the principles he lives by is when you have a decision between two seeminglyopposite things, move as slow as you can to figure out how you can have as much of both as
possible.
because there's almost always a way.
And that's the advice I would give you.

(48:37):
Thank you for that question.
Find a way to do both in a healthy balance.
Yeah, and I think my response to this question is similar, Sam.
I come back to what you shared about moments of transaction.
when you're, I'm going to assume that the person that wrote this is in high school.
And in high school, there are so many moments of transaction for kids because you areactually shaping who you are as an adult.

(49:02):
based off of the message here, the person that wrote this has.
the same circumstances the people around them, a different philosophy.
And it's one of those moments where there's an opportunity presented where if you continuewith your different philosophy, you will have different outcomes than the people around
you.
Now, there's nothing wrong with saying you want to have the same philosophy as yourfriends, but expect the same outcome, right?

(49:31):
There's not that many people that go on to do
incredible and amazing things.
Everybody goes on to do something, but to do something where you feel you have fullcontrol, the autonomy of self-worth to take that on, there's a defining moment.
And it's not at the age you're at, again, assuming this person's in high school, that agecan happen at any time, and it can actually happen at any moment.

(49:56):
Somebody that's in their late 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s can make that moment and still takecontrol, right?
But you have to recognize the moment you're in right now is a moment where you have adifferent philosophy than people around you.
And you should have a different outcome because of that.
And because of a different outcome, that might change your crowd.

(50:18):
And that's something that I've come to terms with.
I used to hang out with people all the time that were really good people, but we didn'thave the same philosophy.
And because we didn't have the same philosophy, we just weren't going towards the sameoutcomes.
Mm.
It doesn't make them bad people.
We still talk, right?
We still connect.
We still check in on how everyone's doing, but we're not surrounding our daily activitieswith each other.

(50:40):
I couldn't agree more.
Yeah.
I'll add one last thought to that too that I think could be helpful.
There's different times in life where you are not self-sufficient in the sense that maybeyou have to be in class with these individuals all day.
Maybe you have to spend time with them after school at soccer practice.

(51:03):
But there's so much time outside of the class time where you can
You can't take control.
So, you know, if there's moments where you feel like you don't have as much of aninfluence over whether you're spending time with people or not, you still have to be kind
to everybody, you know, and respect them.
And there's been many times in my life where you have to allow those situations to unfoldand then keep your guard of your mind up to just not let things slip through.

(51:29):
And I...
I love what you said.
It made me think of Kobe Bryant.
It's like, well, if you do want to be the best basketball player of all time, you do haveto wake up and work out.
It's just the question of whether you want it or not.
And I think that's really what it boils down to in your explanation too.
So.
Absolutely.
Sam, if people want to continue the conversation and follow your story, what's the bestway for them to do that?

(51:52):
I'm Sam Demma across all platforms.
In fact, I would love to know if you listen to this show specifically, and I will send youa PDF copy of my book.
So if you email or you send a direct message on Instagram, it's just sam underscore Demma.
Send the word Tyler.
So I know you came from this podcast and I'll send you a free PDF of Empty Your Backpackalong with the discussion guide.

(52:14):
And I would love to hear how it changes your philosophy or impacts you.
And Alchemist will have all the links to Sam's socials and the direction on what to do inthe description here of our episode.
So make sure you're checking out the show notes for that.
And as a final piece here, know, listeners, thank you so much for your time.
We're sitting at over an hour or getting close up to an hour here.

(52:35):
If you put us on in the background while you got ready for your day, your drive to work,or maybe it is a part of your workflow to just have this episode on.
Thank you for tuning in.
Thanks for building a community where we truly try to challenge the status quo and unpackhow to make change.
I'm thankful for your listenership.
If you want to find out more, we do have a monthly newsletter.
We do put all of our episodes out there with a full analysis.

(52:57):
It is linked to other YouTube videos.
Make sure you're signing up.
Probably my favorite part of the newsletter that I've been doing is I go through academicsources on peer-reviewed journals and I always link three articles that are public access
for people to go and read just to get that building of
understanding of what's around us for leadership, what are people saying.
And Sam, thank you so much for taking time out of your day to join our show.

(53:21):
I know that right before this, you shared that you spent your morning shoveling some snow.
Hopefully the snow has stopped and you don't have to go back and reshovel because I'vebeen there before.
But thank you so much for your time.
Thank you very much, Tyler.

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Episode 58: How to Empty Your Backpack and Lead with Purpose (with Sam Demma)

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