October 14, 2024 • 52 mins
In this inspiring episode of The Midlife Makeover Show, host Wendy Valentine welcomes Randee Garcia, an extraordinary woman who has transformed her life from addiction to a beacon of hope for others.
Randee, a California native with a Texas heart, shares her compelling journey from battling addictive behaviors to finding recovery at Ripple Ranch's inpatient program. Now thriving and serving as the Director of Admissions at Ripple Ranch, Randee is dedicated to helping others navigate their own paths to recovery.
Join us as Randee opens up about her turning point, the struggles of confronting emotions, and the importance of community in the recovery process. Discover how she overcame challenges and learned to set healthy boundaries while supporting loved ones dealing with addiction.
Wendy and Randee delve into the complexities of addiction, the significance of mental health in recovery, and the power of finding your sober tribe. This episode offers valuable insights for anyone affected by addiction, whether personally or through a loved one, and delivers a message of empowerment and hope.
Get ready to be inspired by Randee's story of resilience and the ripple effect of recovery.
👉 Connect with Randee and Ripple Ranch!
https://rippleranch.com/ https://www.facebook.com/RippleRanch/
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
>> Speaker A (00:00):
And you know what I love about the recovery
world is that
we're all so different, and we come
from so many different walks of life,
right? But you put us in a room together,
and we're like the best of friends because we
all have that same thing in
common. You know, we can relate to that.
(00:22):
And all we're doing is trying to make it 20.
Another 24 hours sober.
>> Wendy Valentine (00:28):
Hey, midlifers. Welcome to the midlife makeover
show. Are you ready to break free from your
mundane midlife? Are you feeling trapped in a vicious
cycle of rinse and repeat days? No matter
if you're experiencing a divorce, hangover job,
burnout, or you just have the midlife blues,
I got you. Hey, I'm Wendy,
(00:48):
your hostess of the midlife most. I, too,
was hit by midlife like a freight train. I, too,
felt stuck in the same dull chapter. I
wanted the clarity of how to create a new life beyond
divorce and the courage to leave an
unfulfilling career. But I kept telling myself
that I wasn't worthy, and it was just easier to stay
in my comfort zone until I found a little
(01:10):
secret. The freedom to live my life
my way. In this podcast, you will
learn how to achieve a vibrant midlife mind and
body, how to create solid relationships through
love and loss, and how to create an
awesome second half of life. Grab your
grande latte, pop in your earbuds, and let's
get this midlife party started.
(01:34):
Before we dive into today's episode, I
want to take a moment to thank our amazing sponsor,
vital plan. If you've been following me for a while,
you know I've battled Lyme disease and black mold
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(01:54):
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(02:15):
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midlifemakeover 20. That's
midlifemakeover 20 to get
20% off your first order. Trust
me, your body and brain will thank you. Hey,
everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the Midlife
Makeover show. Today we have an incredible
guest who embodies the power of
transformation and the strength of the human
(02:59):
spirit. Love it. Meet Randy
Garcia, a California native who
always knew she had a Texas heart.
After facing her own struggles with addictive
behaviors and reaching a point where life
became unmanageable, Randy made the
brave decision to enter Ripple
Ranch's inpatient program, a
(03:22):
decision that completely turned her life
around. Now Randy is not only
thriving, but also dedicated to helping
others find their own path to recovery.
As a director of admissions at, uh, Ripple Ranch,
she's a beacon of hope, showing that
recovery is always possible.
It is. It is. It is. Today, she's here to
(03:44):
share her insights on navigating relationships with
addicts, including how to offer support while
setting healthy boundaries. Get ready for an
inspiring conversation that will leave you feeling
empowered and hopeful. Let's give
a warm welcome to Randy.
>> Speaker A (04:01):
Well, hello. Thank you very much. I
want to, like, take you around with me, and just like, as I'm walking
in, like, introduce me like that. Be like,
yes, I'm here. I've arrived.
>> Wendy Valentine (04:12):
One of a previous guest. She's like, you know, if I could
just record that and, like, that'll be my m alarm
clock. I just listened to that, like, every morning. Like,
that's a great idea.
>> Speaker A (04:22):
Yes. Start your day like that. Yeah.
Yes, that's me.
>> Wendy Valentine (04:30):
So, what an amazing transformation. I
admire you. It takes a lot to go
through that. And for
whoever's listening right now, I'm sure if you've been listening to
me for a while, you know that I had a brother
that died of addiction a few years ago,
and it tough. It is something. I
mean, I have so much compassion for
(04:52):
him, for what he went through, and even since he was
a teenager and then up until he took his
last breath, and then also for the people
around him, myself included. And it
just, uh, now occurred to me, like, even I think about, like, the name
ripple ranch and how there is, like, that ripple
effect, whether good or bad, happy,
(05:13):
sad, positive or negative, and how
it literally can create a ripple
throughout so many lives.
But I love that you had,
you took, and, uh, we'll dive more into this. But
you're from your breakdown to breakthrough, and now
you're helping others that have had this
breakdown to have a breakthrough and to
(05:35):
live a thriving life.
So my first question to you is, what
was that turning point for you? That
was like, you know what? I'm going to go into Ripple ranch
and recover.
>> Speaker A (05:50):
So, you know, everybody talks about rock
bottom, right? And, ah, everybody's rock
bottom looks different. Um, ripple ranch
wasn't the first, um, center I went into. The first center
I went into was in Houston. Um,
and, um, and I was able to put
together nine months, you know, but I
(06:11):
still had those, those thoughts in my head.
Um, I never really, um, dove into my
mental health. M and what I dealt
with, with that, and it was more of,
oh, I'm fine. Like, you know, that doesn't
bother me anymore. And. But in
reality, it really was. And, um,
I kept having those thoughts, you know, like, am I
(06:33):
really an alcoholic? You know, oh, I can
control this. I'm good now. I have nine months.
You know, I work through it. I can have a drink. Well,
I let those thoughts take over, and, uh,
I started drinking again. And it was slow
at first, and then it started picking up. But,
see, like, with me, I was able to
drink, and still I was
(06:56):
leaving. I was living two separate lives. Like, I could
literally go to work, and I was drinking
all day long. I started my day with drinking.
I ended my day drinking. And,
um, I. I was actually
living in sober living at the time.
And that's, um, how
(07:16):
selfish I was. I was bringing
alcohol in the. In my sober living. You know, they
didn't know, obviously, but, um,
and I was. And I was thriving at my job. I was working
in the restaurant industry. Uh, I had gotten
promoted to assistant manager of the restaurant. You
know, I. On the outside, it looked like I
(07:37):
was doing good. On the inside, I was broken
in pieces. And,
um, all those. What we call in
recovery is those yets, right? We'll go into meetings
and we'll be like, well, I haven't done that yet.
I'm not that bad
because I haven't ran down the street naked
yet. And I was
(07:58):
doing the same thing, right? Well, I hadn't
gotten any dwis. I hadn't been in trouble with the law
when it came to my alcoholism
until it happened. And, um,
I got my first one, and I was.
My, uh, I hid it from my sober
living. I just kept it on the down
(08:19):
low. And then a month
later, I got my second one. And then
two weeks later, I got my third
one. Um, yeah,
so I got three dwis in three
months, and the third one
was the worst one. So basically, I showed up at
my job drunk. They, you know, they,
(08:42):
they smelt it on me. They saw my. How I was
acting. And they sent me home and my
alcohol, alcoholic brain. I was like, the
solution to this is to get more alcohol,
right? And so I went and I got more
alcohol. And I was drinking and driving
and I got in an accident. I, um,
hit. I ran into a fence. Thank God it was a
(09:03):
fence. And I was so
drunk that I didn't
even know I was in an accident.
Like, the cop had to tell me, wow.
And I go to jail for the
third time in three months.
And they had to take me up to the cell because,
because, you know, I couldn't get bailed out fast.
(09:24):
Ah, enough. So they put me up in a cell and here I am
in a, in a cell, in a jail cell, and
I'm grinding my eyes out and
there's a girl, um, uh, in the bottom bunk
that is trying to kick heroin.
And the thought crossed my
mind that a drink would be
nice right now. And that was the
(09:47):
moment where I was like, this
is not normal. Like, I need,
like, I cannot control this. I, um, know that I
can. I can get sobriety. I know that I
could do better. So I got
out on, on Monday, and that
Friday I was in Ripple Ranch. And I didn't look
(10:07):
back. Like I, that, that
moment was, was the pivotal
moment of, like, the, the
switch, uh, coming on, you know, like,
okay, like, I need help. And I went into
ripple. And it's funny because I say it
now to clients, right? Like, they're like, how long is the treatment? And I'm
like, 30 to 45 days. And, um.
(10:29):
And when they told me that, I was like, I'm going to be here
for 45 days. And they're like, well, it's up to
your insurance. I said, I don't think you understand.
I don't care what you have to say, what you have
to make me look like on paper, but I'm going to
be here for 45 days because I'm going to. I need this. I
want this. I want better for myself, you
(10:49):
know? And I was there for 44 and
then, um, got out and I
followed everything that they told me, you know, they told me to
get into intensive outpatient afterwards. So I
did. They told me to switch my sober living.
So I did, you know, like, I, I
changed everything about my life because
(11:10):
I deserved better. And I knew that I could be
better, you know, and so, so I didn't care
what they told me, honestly. They could have told me that I
needed to go at 06:00 in the morning on the roof of my
house and shout the abcs and that's
over. And, by God, I would have done.
>> Wendy Valentine (11:26):
It in pink pajamas.
>> Speaker A (11:31):
Whatever you say, whatever you say, I
will do it.
>> Wendy Valentine (11:35):
Going back, do you feel that your addiction
started as pain or pleasure?
In other words, like, you're like, whoo. Just going out and having fun
with your friends. You start drinking, and then you realize you're drinking more
and more? Or was it you were going through something
rough, and then you start drinking? Or was it a little bit
of both?
>> Speaker A (11:53):
So, uh, my drinking career
is interesting, right? Because I did
have a stent with meth for about
a year. I did have a stent with,
um, pain pills when I was dealing with my
back. I mean, and that was. That was
for quite a bit, um, for a few
years, uh, those two were
(12:15):
easy to take it off. Um, you
know, it was basically, I just. I'm tired of this.
I don't want to. I don't want to do this anymore. And I was able to
quit now with alcohol.
When I look back to the very first time
I had alcohol, I was 15 years
old. I decided that my. My
parents were out of town, so I decided to have a party, right?
(12:37):
And I got plastered. And so when I look
back, I'm like, oh, yeah. I didn't have control. Like, I
couldn't. I couldn't stop myself when I started
drinking. Now, fast uh, forward
a few years, I didn't really like drinking. Like,
I didn't like the way it made me feel. I didn't, like, you
know, the. After. The day after, you know,
(12:57):
like, I just. It wasn't my thing, so, like,
I wouldn't drink. And then I
went through a divorce, and I started
drinking to cover up my pain.
And that's when. When it,
like, it switched in my brain. Like, I, uh, it was. It put
its claws in me, and I could not
(13:18):
stop. I could not as much as I
wanted to, I couldn't go. I could not.
Like, I. There was days that I would sit there
and be like, okay, I'm not gonna drink today. You
know? And by noon, I was drinking,
or I'd go get two, uh, bottles
of liquor, and I'd be like,
(13:38):
okay, this one's for today, and this one. So I'm,
um, good for tomorrow and I don't have to worry about. And by
the evening, both of them are gone, you know, or
I get the big bottle. So I. So it would last me all
day, and they'd be gone. It'd be gone in a few
hours, you know, so,
yeah. So, therefore. Aloha. I didn't like
(13:58):
drinking, but it was more. It was when
the. When the switch flipped for me was when. When I started
drinking to cover up my pain and not.
>> Wendy Valentine (14:06):
Yeah, it was a good coping mechanism.
>> Speaker A (14:08):
Yeah, that was my best friend. That's what I
call alcohol. It was my best friend at the time,
you know? So, like, when I went through ripple, it
was. I was mourning, you know,
um, my relationship with my best friend.
Cause that's literally happy,
sad, you know, whatever I'm going through, that's
(14:29):
what I ran to. And so I had
to break that, like, basically break up with my best
friend.
>> Wendy Valentine (14:35):
Yeah. Did it change even? I would think so. But
your lifestyle, your friends that you were,
you know, like, who you would maybe go and drink
with, Orlando, you know, uh, like, once did you
worry about that, of how your life would
change going sober?
>> Speaker A (14:51):
When I went sober, well,
I was more worried that I would. That my
personality was going to change because in
my brain, I felt like
alcohol made me more outgoing,
you know, uh, made me
funnier, you know, uh, stuff like
that. But, um, that was
(15:14):
more what I was worried about because really, my, like, I have
a really small clique of
friends, and they all wanted me sober,
you know? And, like, my best friend of, uh,
25 plus years, like, she. I
mean, she's one of those that can go to a
restaurant, buy, get a drink, uh, and
(15:34):
drink half of it and be good, like, uh, you know, and not drink
the rest. And I'm like, I gotta have more. Like, what are
you doing? Who does that?
>> Wendy Valentine (15:45):
Well, what do you think? What was the most challenging part
of the recovery process and
then how did you overcome those challenges?
>> Speaker A (15:54):
The most challenging was feeling
emotions again and
sitting with those emotions and being
okay with those emotions, you know,
and. And working through them, you know,
like, um, like, still to
this day, because we. I do. We do so much work
on coping skills and anger and, you
(16:16):
know, all of this. And so, like, when I. I have a
human moment with my human emotions, you know,
I sit back and I'm like, oh, my gosh, you know, like, am I
falling back into old ways? And I'm like, no, Randy, you're. You're
supposed to. It's valid how you're feeling right now.
You know, now you going and drinking would
be wrong, but, you know, it's okay to
work through these emotions. But, man, when I started feeling
(16:39):
them, it, you know, because I numb them for so
long. So when I start feeling emotions,
it was. It was pretty intense, you
know?
>> Wendy Valentine (16:48):
Yeah. Yeah.
>> Speaker A (16:51):
Is like, I had a very rough year
last year, you know, I
lost my dad. I lost a grandbaby. You
know, my husband went through a medical
scare. It was an intense year last
year, and I remember this one
moment, you know, like, me and my husband, we were kind
of. He. It was right after our
(17:13):
grandbaby had passed away. And so, uh, emotions
raw, and he was like, you just seem.
You seem off right now. And I looked at him, I was like, of
course I'm off. There's so many emotions and so many things
going on, but. And I can't go and release
them the way that you can. If you want to go have a
drink, you can ease your mind that way.
(17:34):
I cannot, you know, I have to just feel them, sit
with them. Yeah, exactly. And that's hard
sometimes.
>> Wendy Valentine (17:40):
It's very hard. Yeah. I always think of emotions
as, like, emotion energy in
motion, and then, like, uh, to let those
emotions flow through you, because, I mean, I
was someone that would, like, cling on to certain things,
and then it would just brew within me. I'm like, okay, let's
just let this go. Let this go. But at the same time, you
do have to face them and then move them on through.
(18:03):
But that's tough. There's a lot of losses.
That goes to show, though, your recovery
process really did stick with you because
you were able to go through some of the most challenging
things in your life and still
be standing strong.
>> Speaker A (18:19):
Yes. And I love those moments
where I'm going through something tough.
And three and a half years ago, I would
have ran to the bottle. And now.
And even two years ago, I never thought
that I would go, uh, through stuff like
that and not have the thought of
drinking, you know? And. And so
(18:42):
when I go through things and I don't even think about
it, it's not even something that crosses my mind. It's not even
an option anymore, you know, like, it's not even
there. And, uh, I'm just like, that's when I
give myself kudos. I'm like, rock uh on.
>> Wendy Valentine (18:57):
Yeah. You have to become, like, your greatest cheerleader, right?
>> Speaker A (19:00):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (19:01):
What are some of the things in your. In your toolbox, if you will,
of your go tos of, like, okay, I'm about
to lose my shit. I really want to drink, but I'm going to
do this, and I'm going to, whatever, go for a
walk or call a friend. What are. What are some of the things
that you do?
>> Speaker A (19:17):
So, like, what I'll do
is, um. Is I'll get in the car
and I'll. And I'll drive and I'll listen to music, and
I'll just rock out the music, and sometimes I'll even
listen to sad music, you know? Like, they. Like, if
it's something sad that's going on in my life and I just want to
cry it out, you know, I'll put on some
sad music, and I'll just sit there and just cry it
(19:40):
out, you know, and get all of it out.
Because before, I would just shove it down or numb
it, you know? And it was told to me a long
time ago that God gave us our emotions and we're supposed to feel
them, right? And so. So
that's what I do. I allow myself to. If I
need to go in the car and scream, or if I
(20:00):
need to go in the car and listen to music and
cry, then I do that. And then, you know, I
also. I'll. I'll go to a meeting. I still go to
meetings. You know, that is. That's my medicine.
You know, that's what I call it. It's my recovery medicine.
I'll go over there and get my
little daily dose of recovery. Um,
(20:21):
or, um, I'll go help somebody else.
>> Wendy Valentine (20:24):
Yeah.
>> Speaker A (20:24):
That gets me out of my head.
>> Wendy Valentine (20:27):
You know, it's interesting because I'm sure that
for everyone, they all have, like, their toolbox, if you will,
is filled with different things. And I think as you go through that
recovery process, I would guess, is that you find
what works for you. Maybe not everyone gets
in the car and plays music, you know what I mean? Or maybe some people,
like, whatever, go for a hike or. And I think that's
(20:47):
the key, right? I guess it's finding. Finding what
works for each person and.
>> Speaker A (20:53):
Seeing that, I agree with that completely.
See, everybody thinks that it's just like, this cookie cutter
recovery is just this cookie cutter, you know, like, this is
what it's supposed to look like, and it's not. It's
not. It's different for each
individual. You know? Like, some people
meetings aren't for them. Some people, you know,
they don't need a sponsor. They just have a mentor.
(21:16):
Some people, you know, they'll go out and they'll
be by themselves. Some people need a lot of people.
Some people journal, you know, like,
it's. It's really. The key to it
is. Is to be open to
suggestions.
>> Wendy Valentine (21:31):
Yeah.
>> Speaker A (21:31):
If those suggestions work for you
and keep the ones that work and let go of the
things that don't and be okay with letting those things go. Okay,
I tried it. It doesn't work. Next move on to the next
one.
>> Wendy Valentine (21:43):
Yeah. And I would think too, um. Um,
I mean, recovery is different for. For
everyone as far as. I mean, if someone's
addicted to heroin or alcohol
or is it different? Is the treatment
process different depending on the
level of addiction? If you.
>> Speaker A (22:04):
I really don't feel like the. The
treatment process, maybe the detox,
definitely.
>> Wendy Valentine (22:10):
Okay.
>> Speaker A (22:10):
You know, they are definitely different
levels of detox. Um. Um. You know,
someone who has been using heroin for
15 years every single day and shooting it up
is going to have an intense, you know,
withdrawal. You know, or someone like.
Like me. I never really
had, um, hangovers, um,
(22:33):
or anything after, you know, the next day.
Um, I really didn't give myself time to have a hangover,
but I. That's besides
the point, but. So my
withdrawal wasn't very. It
wasn't intense. Right. So it's very individualized on
how that. How that person's body is
reacting to taking the substance out of their
(22:56):
system.
>> Wendy Valentine (22:57):
Mhm. You know, I wish everyone could.
Not every. Everyone that needs it, um, could
do inpatient. I. You know, I'd mentioned about
my brother before. He never did. I, uh,
wish he had. So, speaking
of friends and family with
addiction, how do you handle
that? How do you, like, if, let's say,
(23:19):
whoever's listening right now, if they have a friend or family member
that is suffering with addiction, how do
you approach it? How do you
provide that support?
>> Speaker A (23:30):
Well, the key to it,
the most important thing is don't
be angry with the person. It's not
them. You know, it is. It is that, uh. I don't
know why that one makes.
>> Wendy Valentine (23:42):
Me emotional because I was just gonna cry
myself. I know.
>> Speaker A (23:46):
Yeah. It's. It's emotional
because. Because we act so different when
we're in the middle of our addiction. Right? Like
I, um. I was told all the time,
Randy, you are a beautiful person. I
hate you. You're drinking. You know, because I
was so mean. And so that is
the. And I know it's difficult for families
(24:08):
to separate that because it's their loved
one. Right. So you have to approach it
as you're attacking the disease, not the person.
And, um, at the same time, so you
bring. You approach them with. With
treatment options. Right.
And. But at the end of the day, they have to be willing to
(24:29):
go.
>> Wendy Valentine (24:30):
Yeah.
>> Speaker A (24:30):
You know, and that's the hard. The hard
part of it is if they're not
willing to go, there is absolutely nothing
you can say. Nothing you can
say to make them become
sober and want it.
>> Wendy Valentine (24:47):
Yeah.
>> Speaker A (24:47):
My. I had my kids begging me. I
had my mom begging me, you know?
And I just. It's not that I didn't
hear them, and it's not that I didn't love them,
right. And it's not that I loved
alcohol more than I loved my family. It
was m my brain. In my brain,
(25:07):
all it was on a, uh. On a constant
loop was alcohol. Yeah, alcohol,
alcohol, alcohol. And, like, I would be
having a conversation, like I am right now with you,
and all I'd be thinking about was, how can I end this
conversation so I can go get my next drink?
You know?
>> Wendy Valentine (25:25):
Like, I was never really like, wendy, you're boring
me. I need a drink.
>> Speaker A (25:29):
Yeah. Like, uh, I'm done with this. Like, is it
good? Like, you got what you need.
>> Wendy Valentine (25:35):
I know what you mean, though. Yeah. It was constantly on your
mind, and, I mean, and a little bit of what you were saying, it
was in your brain. It was chemically
going through your system, which I love what you
say, because it's not the person. It is the
addiction that is running through that body
that they. It's sometimes cannot
(25:56):
be controlled. And you're so right.
Until that person says, yes,
I am ready to change.
>> Speaker A (26:04):
Exactly. And the thing is, is that, like,
families. I talk to families all the time, and
they're. They're like, we beg him, and. Or, you
know, this is the fourth time that we're going to
get him into treatment. And, you know, what do I
do? And. And sometimes I tell
them, you have to set that
boundary. Like, um, you have to let
(26:26):
them know, I love you. I will help
you get sober. I will help you get
recovery, but I cannot
help you in your addiction. And
that's hard for families. Like, I had to. Like, when
I hit my rock, my rock bottom,
I didn't have anybody to turn to that I
(26:46):
didn't have my family. My mom I knew
loved me, but she was like, I
can't help you. You got to get yourself out of this one. You have to,
you know, so letting. Letting the addict
know, like, hey, I love you, and I'll help you, you
know, you know, go towards recovery, but I
won't help you in your addiction. And setting those
(27:06):
boundaries, that. That. That helps
tremendously.
>> Wendy Valentine (27:10):
Yeah. I. Looking back over the
years, uh, uh, with my brother, you know, I I
did come to that point where. Cause I.
I literally spent majority of my
life trying to help him,
but I realized it was actually hurting me.
Like, I made it, like, it was, like, my mission. I was like,
(27:31):
I'm gonna get him clean and sober and
and then it was just like talking to a wall, you
know, like he just. It just. Nothing ever, you know,
so then it just got to be kind, uh, of an
abusive relationship, uh, because he
was with the addiction, was so angry,
and. And finally one day I was like, I can't do this
anymore. I was like, I love you, but. And
(27:53):
then he didn't speak to me for five years,
and that was tough. He would not speak to
me because I was like, oh, sorry, I'm not going to put up with
that. And sometimes that happens,
you know, but it was my own happiness that I had to,
uh, to, you know, to think about.
>> Speaker A (28:11):
And you have to, like, that's important, you know?
And it. It breaks my heart sometimes when I
have families calling me, like,
multiple times, and, you know, they're, like, begging
me, and I'm like, I can't
force him to go, you know, like, I
can lead him to, you know, the
screening and get him, um, get him in. But if he
(28:33):
doesn't want to go, ultimately, like, there's nothing that I can
do, you know, Orlando or, like, the families that'll call me,
and they're. They're like, well, you know, he's locked down,
right? Like, he's. He's not going to be able to leave. And I'm like,
well, no, we're not locked down. You know, of course, we're going to try
to advocate to get him to stay as much as we can. But if at
the end of the day, he's like, no, I don't want this. I want to
(28:54):
leave. We have to let him go.
>> Wendy Valentine (28:57):
Are there sights, sounds, or smells that remind you of
a past traumatic event causing you to
fight, flight, or freeze? These
physical and emotional responses are called triggers,
and they happen to all of us. Triggers
can be tricky, but the key is to stop the trigger
in its tracks and turn the trigger into a
treasure. Just like Doctor Nicole Lepera
(29:19):
said, there's nothing negative about being triggered.
It's a calling to heal our wounds.
To help you heal those wounds, I created a free
download called the trigger to treasure technique,
where you will learn the four steps on how to identify
your triggers, how to control your triggers, and how
you can move past your past so you can
(29:40):
live peacefully in the present moment.
Please go to
wendyvalentine.com
trigger to receive your free download,
and you can begin to turn your triggers into
treasures. It's like, uh, what's the saying? You can lead a horse to
water, but you can't make him drink, right? You can
do all the right things. But
(30:02):
it has to come deep within you. I mean, that's amazing, though.
Like, you had that moment with yourself, really
in a cell going, okay, we're done
here. Yeah, right.
>> Speaker A (30:14):
And that's really how. How I am with a lot of things,
you know? Like, I'll take it for so long, and then, like,
okay, like, I'm over this.
But I knew with alcohol,
I needed help, right? Because
I couldn't do it on my own. Like, I
know that even though I had that thought, like, oh, I
(30:34):
can't, uh, do this anymore. If I would have gotten out and not
gone to treatment, I would not. I, uh, wouldn't. I
wouldn't be talking to you right now, you know, like, I'd still be
drinking. And I also say, too, like, you know, like,
my best friend, she's like, Randy, did it really have to take three,
you know, Dwis? And I'm like, yes, I
did. Like, she's like, the first one didn't wake you up? I'm
(30:55):
like, no, it didn't. You know, like, I
told. I tell her, if I would have gotten that, just
that one, I'd probably still be drinking today.
>> Wendy Valentine (31:04):
Mhm. Yeah, you're so right. I mean, it's.
It's. Sometimes it doesn't. It doesn't matter. Like, in
every addict is different. Of course. I mean, again,
my brother, he went through two comas. And you
would think that even waking up from the comas would
have literally woken him up. Um,
but no. So, yeah.
And I'll tell you what, though.
(31:26):
I've shared this before. I'll never. This
moment changed my life in
so many great ways. And,
I mean, I can remember the first time when he went into a coma.
I had walked over that threshold
into the ICU, and I saw him lying there. All
the machines are going, and
(31:47):
try not to cry. It was the first
time that.
And, uh, that I no longer
saw him as an addict. Like, I took
all the labels off and I just saw him as a
soul with a body, not a body
with the soul, if that makes sense. And
(32:08):
I had so much compassion for him. I was like,
shit. Like, this poor guy, you
know, like, he has suffered since a
teenager. And I, uh, just saw him
in a completely different light. It was
like someone put new glasses on me, and
I saw everyone else in a completely different
light. Like, oh, I get it.
(32:30):
Like, you know, I think we were. I don't know,
we might have been talking about this earlier, but it's kind of like when you start to
notice things and you like, oh, that makes sense
now. Okay. That's why she does
that. And that's okay. Like, I get it.
>> Speaker A (32:45):
Um, it's like the puzzle pieces are being put together.
>> Wendy Valentine (32:48):
Yeah.
>> Speaker A (32:49):
Oh, here's the big picture, you know? But
that right there is exactly what I was talking about.
Like, we get. So when
you're. When you're dealing with somebody with addiction, right.
We get, we tend to get so mad with that person
and, you know, we tend to sit there and be
like, why can't you just stop? You know? Like,
(33:09):
why are you making these choices? You're
doing this, you know? But somebody
who truly, who truly
suffers from addiction. Mhm. They
cannot stop. Like, like I said, it
is a. I'm so,
so, so grateful that I don't have
that obsession anymore.
>> Wendy Valentine (33:30):
Yeah.
>> Speaker A (33:31):
It was literally wake up, first
thought, and it was just, um, constantly
just going in my brain, you know? So the fact that you
walked in there and you, like, saw him as a
person who is struggling.
Right? Like, that's where I think
that a lot of people would have a different
view on addiction if they looked at it that way.
(33:53):
It is a person, a human being that
is. It's not
someone who is like, I think today
I'm going to be a heroin addict and I'm going to ruin my
life. And I think that that's a good life choice. I
want everybody taken out of my life. I want to lose all my money.
I want to end up in the hospital. Like, this is
(34:14):
what I choose for my life, you know, because
it's not like that. It really. It really
isn't. Like, um, I said, like,
I. My daughter, my daughter,
she has been through my whole.
All of my addictions with me. And, um,
you know, she would beg me, mom, just
(34:34):
stop. Like, just stop drinking. Why don't
you love me enough to
stop? And when I think about it, like,
it breaks my heart that she had to
deal with that. Uh, but at the time, it
wasn't. I think that I'm going to love
alcohol more than my daughter. You know, it
(34:54):
is. I don't want to do this,
but I can't stop myself. Like,
there was times where I would be
driving and I would tell myself,
I'm not going to stop and get any alcohol. I don't want to
drink. I don't want to do this. Like, I'm not going
to. And then I'd stop at the stop sign,
and in tears, I would pull into
(35:17):
the. The gas station. Then
I'd go into the gas station and be like, okay, I'm only
going to buy two just to kind of, like, ease the
thoughts, you know? I'm just going to buy two. And then I'd
go and I'd buy five, you know? Like, it's
just, it's crazy
when, when I think about my addiction
and how I had no control
(35:39):
over what I did. Like, you know,
like, now, anytime that I. That the thought
ever crosses my mind, I'm like, yeah,
that's not gonna happen. You know, like, I start
playing my, my tape all the way through because, oh, I'm gonna
have a drink, and then I blow my life
up, you know, and I've worked way too
(36:00):
hard to get to where I'm at.
>> Wendy Valentine (36:01):
It's almost like, uh, you were saying earlier about the. Was
it the. The yets? Like, well, I haven't done that
yet. You know? It's almost like you rationalize it. Like, your brain
goes into this, like, hey, you can just get
one or two. I mean, we'll
be fine.
>> Speaker A (36:17):
You know?
>> Wendy Valentine (36:17):
Like, you have this little conversation in your head, like, it'll be
okay.
It's not that big.
You're not that bad.
>> Speaker A (36:23):
Exactly. Nobody will know, you know,
or, ortain, you know, like, oh, they're
drinking a handle a day. I'm not like that
yet.
>> Wendy Valentine (36:32):
Uh, yeah, exactly. Yeah,
yeah. You start to rationalize it, like, okay, I can do
this. It's not that big of a deal. Yeah, yeah, it's
like your mind. Well, yeah, I mean, obviously, with
addiction, your brain is affected. Your
every. Your whole body is affected. So it's. You're
listening to this voice, to this addictive voice,
(36:52):
I would think.
>> Speaker A (36:53):
Yeah. And it's like, you
know, the good angel, bad angel. And you're like,
they're battling, you know, and
it's. I'm telling you, it's, it's you.
It's like not having control over
your actions or your thoughts. You
know, even. Even if you're able to white knuckle
it and stop for
(37:16):
a week or so, you're literally just white
knuckling it. I'm not gonna drink. I can do this,
you know? And then eventually it ends up
happening. You give in.
>> Wendy Valentine (37:27):
How important was having that community,
um, within ripple ranch, like, having
others, they're going through the same
process with you.
>> Speaker A (37:38):
Uh, community is
100% very,
very important in recovery. You have
to have. You have to have your sober tribe. You have
to, like, because in our
brains when. Well, at least for me, right?
Like, I. I was. I was a closet
drinker. I would drink alone. I was always by myself.
(38:01):
I didn't feel like I could talk to anybody. I didn't feel
anybody could relate. And then when
I get to ripple and I'm
around people that are like, yeah, I've
felt that before. Yeah. Uh, I've gone
through that with my family. Yeah, I, you
know, uh, doesn't, they don't blink an eye at three
dwis in three months. Other people are like,
(38:23):
what? You know, and, but somebody
who has maybe not walked
the exact same, you, uh, know, path as I have,
but they have their own demons that they've dealt
with or they've done in their addiction. They don't even
blink an eye at it, you know, they're like, yeah, that
had to stop going through. Right.
(38:43):
Uh, you
know, good way to connect.
>> Wendy Valentine (38:48):
To connect through pain and through
pleasure.
>> Speaker A (38:52):
Exactly. And, you know what I love about the
recovery world is that
we're all so different and we, uh, come
from so many different walks of life,
right? But you put us in a room together
and we're like the best of friends because we
all have that same thing in
(39:12):
common, you know, we can relate to that.
And all we're doing is trying to make it 20,
another 24 hours sober. You
know, being in recovery, it's not like you just all
of a sudden stop that, that fight. It's every
single day, like, you know, we have
to put it first. Every
single day. I literally wake up every morning still
(39:34):
to this day, and I tell myself, for this
24 hours, I'm going to stay sober. I don't know what's
gonna happen in a week or a month from now, but
at least for today, I'm gonna stay sober. And I just keep putting
those 24 hours together, you know,
um, but having people that, that can
relate to that and understand when
(39:55):
I say about the obsession and they're like, yeah, this
is what mine look like, you know, and we talk about it
and we can, um, support each
other. Like, it's amazing. It really is.
Like, uh, it's amazing that, uh, it
doesn't matter if they believe in God or they're
atheists or they live, uh, in the universe. We
(40:16):
don't care. You know, I, uh,
don't care who. I don't care if
that rock outside is your higher power
and that is what is helping you stay sober. More power
to you. Good. Let's go. You know, let's
talk about our recovery and, and
what we're, how we got through it. And, you know, what we're
(40:36):
doing every day. Like, um, I now
run alumni and you know, like
every week we get together and we support each other. We just
got done, um, at a. At a
recovery event over the weekend. And
we won. We were champions of the sober game.
Yes. But it was
(40:56):
so cool. Cause I was sitting back and it
was on the river and everything. And one of the guys
that was like, float. Floated by on a, uh, on a
kayak and he was gonna go fishing.
And I kind of took it. I was soaking it all in.
And I'm just like looking at everybody and I'm like, I
wonder where he was 90 days ago. I wonder what
(41:16):
hell she was in a year ago.
And now look at it. We're, uh, all together
here. Showing each other that we can support
each other and have fun in sobriety.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:28):
Yeah. And non judgment. Right. Like,
not there to judge anyone because we're all in the same boat
together. And I. You're connecting through
stories, which I love.
Yeah. What do you think makes
ripple ranch, uh, so different from
the others? What makes. What makes it so special?
>> Speaker A (41:49):
Very dear to my heart because they saved my life.
But what sets us
aside is that we focus on the mental health
side of recovery. So,
like I mentioned before, I went to, um,
a treatment center in Houston.
Night and day, right? Uh, night and
(42:09):
day. They were. They were twelve
step, um, based. And we
are not. We're an alternative to twelve steps.
And, um. And don't get
me wrong, I love AA. I still work the
steps. I still go to meetings. I have
a sponsor. Um, but
(42:29):
there was something missing in the
twelve steps, right? Because. Yes,
another addict helping another addict is
crucial because we can relate. We're on the same playing
field. Right. Um, but they can't help
you with the mental health, the depression,
the deep stuff. Like, very deep. The
(42:49):
trauma, you know, um. Any
suicidal ideations that you. That you may have, you
know, all of that. And that's what ripple
works on. You know, we detox you,
we get that substance out of you and then we start
diving into. To what you deal with
mentally.
>> Wendy Valentine (43:07):
M. And that can be sometimes the hardest part, I
would think. I mean, you really gotta, like. Like you were saying earlier,
just sitting with those emotions and going
through past events in your mind is. Is
rough.
>> Speaker A (43:20):
Yeah. 100%. You're having to
face things that you've covered up for
years. You know, things that I didn't
even. That I thought that I was
over. You know, that happened
years ago. When I was, you know, growing
up. I thought that it didn't bother me anymore until
I started talking to my counselor. Okay, well, let's dive into
(43:43):
that. And then I was like, oh,
come to find out, it does still bother me, you
know, this is why I react that way. This is why
I react that way, you know, in these situations.
And so it was nice to work
through it. It was not easy at all.
Like I tell potential clients all the
time that are like on the fence of
(44:06):
going to treatment. It's not going to be easy.
I don't sugarcoat it. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that
you're going to go to ripple and it's like this magic place that
all of a sudden all your problems are gone and everything's
great. It's not that, it's not how it works.
But if you go with a little bit
of willingness and openness to hear what they have to
(44:26):
say and really dive
deep into whatever it is that you
deal with and you work through it
and there is a light at the end of the
tunnel, but you have to, you have to work through
it. Like there is no shortcut. There's no,
oh, I'm not going to deal with that. Uh, no. You know, like,
in fact I um, um, I just got
(44:48):
one of my really good friends into ripple that I've been
working to get her in for a minute.
Right. She has a lot of trauma, a lot of things that
she's dealt with. And she just couldn't, uh,
stop drinking. And when I dropped
her off, I told her, I said, look, I
said, you don't know these people. You'll never see them again
(45:09):
because she actually lives in Colorado. So I'm like, you'll never see
them again. I want you to go in there
and literally have vomit of the mouth. This
is what I deal with.
Help me work through it. Let me sort through it.
Like, don't, don't do any of this little, you know,
like here's just the scratching of the surface.
(45:29):
No, dive all the way in there. Get it all out that way.
You can, you can um, feel that
relief that comes along with
working through that stuff. And then when you
go out into the real world and you're out of
that little safe bubble of ripple, you know,
you have a good foundation.
>> Wendy Valentine (45:50):
Yes. You know,
that's such a good point though. And I was going to ask
you, I mean, I would think at Ripple ranch that you could.
People can come from anywhere.
>> Speaker A (46:01):
Yeah, yeah, I have,
like, she's from Colorado. Um, I have
one girl that I got in, um, from North Dakota.
Like she, she, she actually,
um, decided to stay and she now lives
in Texas. But um.
And it's so funny when she tells her story because she just
celebrated, um, a year and when she tells her
(46:23):
story she literally says, you know, like, like,
oh, Texas, like I'm going to. It's hot there,
like, like Texas. And now she lives
here being, and she lives here because this is where she
has, she, she has her family over
there in South Dakota. But she, but
she has made her tribe
here.
>> Wendy Valentine (46:43):
Yeah, well it's like. And it was her place of
rebirth, if you will.
>> Speaker A (46:48):
Yeah, exactly. And, but it goes
back to that community too. You know, like you have
that connection. You build your tribe and they
become your family.
>> Wendy Valentine (46:59):
So can uh, can family members come and
visit when you're going through the treatment?
>> Speaker A (47:04):
So at some facilities they can. We don't have
visitation. Um, we do allow
electronics once. Ah, you
have um, hit a level in
your, in your recovery, in your treatment there
and you're following rules and you know, doing what you need
to do. And there's the phone time so you can
facetime your family. We do
(47:27):
have a family session on Tuesday nights that's through
Zoom that family and friends can join and they can,
you know, learn about how help, how to help their family member
or friend, um, when they get out
and address any issues. Um, but
we don't have visitation and I
personally I kind of like
that, um, because I've
(47:49):
always called inpatient. It's a gift, right?
It's a gift that we get that we can put a
pause on life and put a pause
and everything that's going on in the world world
if that's going on in the real world and we can really focus
on ourselves. Right?
Like I think about it now, like if I was in treatment at
(48:09):
ripple right now and we had visitations and this to say my
daughter brought my grandbaby, that would make it so hard for me.
I feel like that would bring me back a level because
then I would be heartbroken that she had to
leave. You know what I mean?
>> Wendy Valentine (48:22):
Yep, exactly. And then even on the
other hand too, if there could be some triggering factors
going on with friends and family if they come to visit. So I think
that's smart too that you have it that way. It
sounds like an amazing place.
>> Speaker A (48:36):
Oh, uh, I absolutely, I love ripple. We're out
there on 25 acres. I mean it's
so you're out in the nature and there's,
when I was there, there was deer that would come in the morning
and so like I get up early to go feed them in
the morning before my day started, um,
it's just so peaceful out there and
(48:56):
such an environment that you can really,
if you, if you really take it
in and really focus
on yourself and
getting better, like, it's such a
great environment to be able to do that. You know, you have
the nature and then you have, and then you have this
staff that treats you like your
(49:19):
family. Like I, when I drove up
to ripple, I was like, first
off, I looked around and I was like, this is a
rehab. My other one was
state funded lockdown. Like, it was
total opposite, you know, like, and
then when I met the staff, it was just
so welcoming and so loving and
(49:42):
no judgment and, you know, I could
cry with them, laugh with them, tell them what I'm
going through and they would sit there and talk with me and help me through.
>> Wendy Valentine (49:51):
It, you know, so amazing.
Uh, and where, where in Texas is it located?
>> Speaker A (49:57):
So we're located in spring Branch.
>> Wendy Valentine (50:00):
Okay.
>> Speaker A (50:01):
That's about 20 minutes north of San Antonio.
>> Wendy Valentine (50:03):
Yep, yep.
Yes.
That's where I went to school,
where little wendy went to school. Thank you
so much. So, and how, um, how can
we find out more about Ripple ranch?
>> Speaker A (50:18):
So you can go on our website on www.
Dot ripple ranch um.com.
and you can go on there, you can see, you
know, see what we offer. You can meet the team.
There's some, you know, snippets of our team.
Um, and then there's also, you know, our admissions
line that they can call, um, they can
(50:38):
possibly talk to me or uh,
or talk to one of my fabulous girls that ah, do
amazing athlete. Um, um,
explaining what we have and what we have to
offer. Um, somebody who wants
recovery.
>> Wendy Valentine (50:52):
And there's some good blog articles on there too, I
noticed. Really good. Lots of information on the
website. It's a good website. Yeah. I'm a little snooty about
websites.
>> Speaker A (51:01):
I'm like, I think pretty dang good.
>> Wendy Valentine (51:04):
It's really good actually, for treatments
that are, I'm like, wow, I'm impressed. So thank you
so much. I appreciate you sharing your story
and I appreciate you listening to my story.
Um, but hopefully our stories will have
inspired someone out there. And uh,
yeah, I'm amazed at what you've done and what you continue to
do.
>> Speaker A (51:25):
Thank you so much. And I appreciate you having me on here.
And, you know, it's just like you said, you know,
hopefully it inspires somebody. I always,
um, when they ask me to do something for when it comes to recovery, I
always say yes because I never know who's going to
listen. And sometimes it may just hit one
person, but that one person needed to hear it, and that
makes everything worth it.
>> Wendy Valentine (51:46):
Yeah, it's the ripple effect.
>> Speaker A (51:48):
Exactly.
>> Wendy Valentine (51:51):
All right, thank you so much, everyone. Have a great day.
>> Speaker A (51:54):
Thank you. Bye.
>> Wendy Valentine (51:56):
Did this podcast inspire you? Challenge
you? Trigger you to make a change? Or spit out your coffee?
Laughing good. Then there are three ways you
can thank me. Number one, you can leave a written
review of this podcast on Apple iTunes.
Number two, you can take take a screenshot of the
episode and share it onto social media and tag
me Wendy Valentine. Three,
(52:18):
share it with another midlifer that needs a makeover.
You know who I'm talking about. Thank you so much for
listening to the show. Get out there and be
bold. Be free.
>> Speaker A (52:28):
Be.
And you know what I love about the recovery
world is that
we're all so different, and we come
from so many different walks of life,
right? But you put us in a room together,
and we're like the best of friends because we
all have that same thing in
common. You know, we can relate to that.
(00:22):
And all we're doing is trying to make it 20.
Another 24 hours sober.
>> Wendy Valentine (00:28):
Hey, midlifers. Welcome to the midlife makeover
show. Are you ready to break free from your
mundane midlife? Are you feeling trapped in a vicious
cycle of rinse and repeat days? No matter
if you're experiencing a divorce, hangover job,
burnout, or you just have the midlife blues,
I got you. Hey, I'm Wendy,
(00:48):
your hostess of the midlife most. I, too,
was hit by midlife like a freight train. I, too,
felt stuck in the same dull chapter. I
wanted the clarity of how to create a new life beyond
divorce and the courage to leave an
unfulfilling career. But I kept telling myself
that I wasn't worthy, and it was just easier to stay
in my comfort zone until I found a little
(01:10):
secret. The freedom to live my life
my way. In this podcast, you will
learn how to achieve a vibrant midlife mind and
body, how to create solid relationships through
love and loss, and how to create an
awesome second half of life. Grab your
grande latte, pop in your earbuds, and let's
get this midlife party started.
(01:34):
Before we dive into today's episode, I
want to take a moment to thank our amazing sponsor,
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midlifemakeover 20 to get
20% off your first order. Trust
me, your body and brain will thank you. Hey,
everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the Midlife
Makeover show. Today we have an incredible
guest who embodies the power of
transformation and the strength of the human
(02:59):
spirit. Love it. Meet Randy
Garcia, a California native who
always knew she had a Texas heart.
After facing her own struggles with addictive
behaviors and reaching a point where life
became unmanageable, Randy made the
brave decision to enter Ripple
Ranch's inpatient program, a
(03:22):
decision that completely turned her life
around. Now Randy is not only
thriving, but also dedicated to helping
others find their own path to recovery.
As a director of admissions at, uh, Ripple Ranch,
she's a beacon of hope, showing that
recovery is always possible.
It is. It is. It is. Today, she's here to
(03:44):
share her insights on navigating relationships with
addicts, including how to offer support while
setting healthy boundaries. Get ready for an
inspiring conversation that will leave you feeling
empowered and hopeful. Let's give
a warm welcome to Randy.
>> Speaker A (04:01):
Well, hello. Thank you very much. I
want to, like, take you around with me, and just like, as I'm walking
in, like, introduce me like that. Be like,
yes, I'm here. I've arrived.
>> Wendy Valentine (04:12):
One of a previous guest. She's like, you know, if I could
just record that and, like, that'll be my m alarm
clock. I just listened to that, like, every morning. Like,
that's a great idea.
>> Speaker A (04:22):
Yes. Start your day like that. Yeah.
Yes, that's me.
>> Wendy Valentine (04:30):
So, what an amazing transformation. I
admire you. It takes a lot to go
through that. And for
whoever's listening right now, I'm sure if you've been listening to
me for a while, you know that I had a brother
that died of addiction a few years ago,
and it tough. It is something. I
mean, I have so much compassion for
(04:52):
him, for what he went through, and even since he was
a teenager and then up until he took his
last breath, and then also for the people
around him, myself included. And it
just, uh, now occurred to me, like, even I think about, like, the name
ripple ranch and how there is, like, that ripple
effect, whether good or bad, happy,
(05:13):
sad, positive or negative, and how
it literally can create a ripple
throughout so many lives.
But I love that you had,
you took, and, uh, we'll dive more into this. But
you're from your breakdown to breakthrough, and now
you're helping others that have had this
breakdown to have a breakthrough and to
(05:35):
live a thriving life.
So my first question to you is, what
was that turning point for you? That
was like, you know what? I'm going to go into Ripple ranch
and recover.
>> Speaker A (05:50):
So, you know, everybody talks about rock
bottom, right? And, ah, everybody's rock
bottom looks different. Um, ripple ranch
wasn't the first, um, center I went into. The first center
I went into was in Houston. Um,
and, um, and I was able to put
together nine months, you know, but I
(06:11):
still had those, those thoughts in my head.
Um, I never really, um, dove into my
mental health. M and what I dealt
with, with that, and it was more of,
oh, I'm fine. Like, you know, that doesn't
bother me anymore. And. But in
reality, it really was. And, um,
I kept having those thoughts, you know, like, am I
(06:33):
really an alcoholic? You know, oh, I can
control this. I'm good now. I have nine months.
You know, I work through it. I can have a drink. Well,
I let those thoughts take over, and, uh,
I started drinking again. And it was slow
at first, and then it started picking up. But,
see, like, with me, I was able to
drink, and still I was
(06:56):
leaving. I was living two separate lives. Like, I could
literally go to work, and I was drinking
all day long. I started my day with drinking.
I ended my day drinking. And,
um, I. I was actually
living in sober living at the time.
And that's, um, how
(07:16):
selfish I was. I was bringing
alcohol in the. In my sober living. You know, they
didn't know, obviously, but, um,
and I was. And I was thriving at my job. I was working
in the restaurant industry. Uh, I had gotten
promoted to assistant manager of the restaurant. You
know, I. On the outside, it looked like I
(07:37):
was doing good. On the inside, I was broken
in pieces. And,
um, all those. What we call in
recovery is those yets, right? We'll go into meetings
and we'll be like, well, I haven't done that yet.
I'm not that bad
because I haven't ran down the street naked
yet. And I was
(07:58):
doing the same thing, right? Well, I hadn't
gotten any dwis. I hadn't been in trouble with the law
when it came to my alcoholism
until it happened. And, um,
I got my first one, and I was.
My, uh, I hid it from my sober
living. I just kept it on the down
(08:19):
low. And then a month
later, I got my second one. And then
two weeks later, I got my third
one. Um, yeah,
so I got three dwis in three
months, and the third one
was the worst one. So basically, I showed up at
my job drunk. They, you know, they,
(08:42):
they smelt it on me. They saw my. How I was
acting. And they sent me home and my
alcohol, alcoholic brain. I was like, the
solution to this is to get more alcohol,
right? And so I went and I got more
alcohol. And I was drinking and driving
and I got in an accident. I, um,
hit. I ran into a fence. Thank God it was a
(09:03):
fence. And I was so
drunk that I didn't
even know I was in an accident.
Like, the cop had to tell me, wow.
And I go to jail for the
third time in three months.
And they had to take me up to the cell because,
because, you know, I couldn't get bailed out fast.
(09:24):
Ah, enough. So they put me up in a cell and here I am
in a, in a cell, in a jail cell, and
I'm grinding my eyes out and
there's a girl, um, uh, in the bottom bunk
that is trying to kick heroin.
And the thought crossed my
mind that a drink would be
nice right now. And that was the
(09:47):
moment where I was like, this
is not normal. Like, I need,
like, I cannot control this. I, um, know that I
can. I can get sobriety. I know that I
could do better. So I got
out on, on Monday, and that
Friday I was in Ripple Ranch. And I didn't look
(10:07):
back. Like I, that, that
moment was, was the pivotal
moment of, like, the, the
switch, uh, coming on, you know, like,
okay, like, I need help. And I went into
ripple. And it's funny because I say it
now to clients, right? Like, they're like, how long is the treatment? And I'm
like, 30 to 45 days. And, um.
(10:29):
And when they told me that, I was like, I'm going to be here
for 45 days. And they're like, well, it's up to
your insurance. I said, I don't think you understand.
I don't care what you have to say, what you have
to make me look like on paper, but I'm going to
be here for 45 days because I'm going to. I need this. I
want this. I want better for myself, you
(10:49):
know? And I was there for 44 and
then, um, got out and I
followed everything that they told me, you know, they told me to
get into intensive outpatient afterwards. So I
did. They told me to switch my sober living.
So I did, you know, like, I, I
changed everything about my life because
(11:10):
I deserved better. And I knew that I could be
better, you know, and so, so I didn't care
what they told me, honestly. They could have told me that I
needed to go at 06:00 in the morning on the roof of my
house and shout the abcs and that's
over. And, by God, I would have done.
>> Wendy Valentine (11:26):
It in pink pajamas.
>> Speaker A (11:31):
Whatever you say, whatever you say, I
will do it.
>> Wendy Valentine (11:35):
Going back, do you feel that your addiction
started as pain or pleasure?
In other words, like, you're like, whoo. Just going out and having fun
with your friends. You start drinking, and then you realize you're drinking more
and more? Or was it you were going through something
rough, and then you start drinking? Or was it a little bit
of both?
>> Speaker A (11:53):
So, uh, my drinking career
is interesting, right? Because I did
have a stent with meth for about
a year. I did have a stent with,
um, pain pills when I was dealing with my
back. I mean, and that was. That was
for quite a bit, um, for a few
years, uh, those two were
(12:15):
easy to take it off. Um, you
know, it was basically, I just. I'm tired of this.
I don't want to. I don't want to do this anymore. And I was able to
quit now with alcohol.
When I look back to the very first time
I had alcohol, I was 15 years
old. I decided that my. My
parents were out of town, so I decided to have a party, right?
(12:37):
And I got plastered. And so when I look
back, I'm like, oh, yeah. I didn't have control. Like, I
couldn't. I couldn't stop myself when I started
drinking. Now, fast uh, forward
a few years, I didn't really like drinking. Like,
I didn't like the way it made me feel. I didn't, like, you
know, the. After. The day after, you know,
(12:57):
like, I just. It wasn't my thing, so, like,
I wouldn't drink. And then I
went through a divorce, and I started
drinking to cover up my pain.
And that's when. When it,
like, it switched in my brain. Like, I, uh, it was. It put
its claws in me, and I could not
(13:18):
stop. I could not as much as I
wanted to, I couldn't go. I could not.
Like, I. There was days that I would sit there
and be like, okay, I'm not gonna drink today. You
know? And by noon, I was drinking,
or I'd go get two, uh, bottles
of liquor, and I'd be like,
(13:38):
okay, this one's for today, and this one. So I'm,
um, good for tomorrow and I don't have to worry about. And by
the evening, both of them are gone, you know, or
I get the big bottle. So I. So it would last me all
day, and they'd be gone. It'd be gone in a few
hours, you know, so,
yeah. So, therefore. Aloha. I didn't like
(13:58):
drinking, but it was more. It was when
the. When the switch flipped for me was when. When I started
drinking to cover up my pain and not.
>> Wendy Valentine (14:06):
Yeah, it was a good coping mechanism.
>> Speaker A (14:08):
Yeah, that was my best friend. That's what I
call alcohol. It was my best friend at the time,
you know? So, like, when I went through ripple, it
was. I was mourning, you know,
um, my relationship with my best friend.
Cause that's literally happy,
sad, you know, whatever I'm going through, that's
(14:29):
what I ran to. And so I had
to break that, like, basically break up with my best
friend.
>> Wendy Valentine (14:35):
Yeah. Did it change even? I would think so. But
your lifestyle, your friends that you were,
you know, like, who you would maybe go and drink
with, Orlando, you know, uh, like, once did you
worry about that, of how your life would
change going sober?
>> Speaker A (14:51):
When I went sober, well,
I was more worried that I would. That my
personality was going to change because in
my brain, I felt like
alcohol made me more outgoing,
you know, uh, made me
funnier, you know, uh, stuff like
that. But, um, that was
(15:14):
more what I was worried about because really, my, like, I have
a really small clique of
friends, and they all wanted me sober,
you know? And, like, my best friend of, uh,
25 plus years, like, she. I
mean, she's one of those that can go to a
restaurant, buy, get a drink, uh, and
(15:34):
drink half of it and be good, like, uh, you know, and not drink
the rest. And I'm like, I gotta have more. Like, what are
you doing? Who does that?
>> Wendy Valentine (15:45):
Well, what do you think? What was the most challenging part
of the recovery process and
then how did you overcome those challenges?
>> Speaker A (15:54):
The most challenging was feeling
emotions again and
sitting with those emotions and being
okay with those emotions, you know,
and. And working through them, you know,
like, um, like, still to
this day, because we. I do. We do so much work
on coping skills and anger and, you
(16:16):
know, all of this. And so, like, when I. I have a
human moment with my human emotions, you know,
I sit back and I'm like, oh, my gosh, you know, like, am I
falling back into old ways? And I'm like, no, Randy, you're. You're
supposed to. It's valid how you're feeling right now.
You know, now you going and drinking would
be wrong, but, you know, it's okay to
work through these emotions. But, man, when I started feeling
(16:39):
them, it, you know, because I numb them for so
long. So when I start feeling emotions,
it was. It was pretty intense, you
know?
>> Wendy Valentine (16:48):
Yeah. Yeah.
>> Speaker A (16:51):
Is like, I had a very rough year
last year, you know, I
lost my dad. I lost a grandbaby. You
know, my husband went through a medical
scare. It was an intense year last
year, and I remember this one
moment, you know, like, me and my husband, we were kind
of. He. It was right after our
(17:13):
grandbaby had passed away. And so, uh, emotions
raw, and he was like, you just seem.
You seem off right now. And I looked at him, I was like, of
course I'm off. There's so many emotions and so many things
going on, but. And I can't go and release
them the way that you can. If you want to go have a
drink, you can ease your mind that way.
(17:34):
I cannot, you know, I have to just feel them, sit
with them. Yeah, exactly. And that's hard
sometimes.
>> Wendy Valentine (17:40):
It's very hard. Yeah. I always think of emotions
as, like, emotion energy in
motion, and then, like, uh, to let those
emotions flow through you, because, I mean, I
was someone that would, like, cling on to certain things,
and then it would just brew within me. I'm like, okay, let's
just let this go. Let this go. But at the same time, you
do have to face them and then move them on through.
(18:03):
But that's tough. There's a lot of losses.
That goes to show, though, your recovery
process really did stick with you because
you were able to go through some of the most challenging
things in your life and still
be standing strong.
>> Speaker A (18:19):
Yes. And I love those moments
where I'm going through something tough.
And three and a half years ago, I would
have ran to the bottle. And now.
And even two years ago, I never thought
that I would go, uh, through stuff like
that and not have the thought of
drinking, you know? And. And so
(18:42):
when I go through things and I don't even think about
it, it's not even something that crosses my mind. It's not even
an option anymore, you know, like, it's not even
there. And, uh, I'm just like, that's when I
give myself kudos. I'm like, rock uh on.
>> Wendy Valentine (18:57):
Yeah. You have to become, like, your greatest cheerleader, right?
>> Speaker A (19:00):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (19:01):
What are some of the things in your. In your toolbox, if you will,
of your go tos of, like, okay, I'm about
to lose my shit. I really want to drink, but I'm going to
do this, and I'm going to, whatever, go for a
walk or call a friend. What are. What are some of the things
that you do?
>> Speaker A (19:17):
So, like, what I'll do
is, um. Is I'll get in the car
and I'll. And I'll drive and I'll listen to music, and
I'll just rock out the music, and sometimes I'll even
listen to sad music, you know? Like, they. Like, if
it's something sad that's going on in my life and I just want to
cry it out, you know, I'll put on some
sad music, and I'll just sit there and just cry it
(19:40):
out, you know, and get all of it out.
Because before, I would just shove it down or numb
it, you know? And it was told to me a long
time ago that God gave us our emotions and we're supposed to feel
them, right? And so. So
that's what I do. I allow myself to. If I
need to go in the car and scream, or if I
(20:00):
need to go in the car and listen to music and
cry, then I do that. And then, you know, I
also. I'll. I'll go to a meeting. I still go to
meetings. You know, that is. That's my medicine.
You know, that's what I call it. It's my recovery medicine.
I'll go over there and get my
little daily dose of recovery. Um,
(20:21):
or, um, I'll go help somebody else.
>> Wendy Valentine (20:24):
Yeah.
>> Speaker A (20:24):
That gets me out of my head.
>> Wendy Valentine (20:27):
You know, it's interesting because I'm sure that
for everyone, they all have, like, their toolbox, if you will,
is filled with different things. And I think as you go through that
recovery process, I would guess, is that you find
what works for you. Maybe not everyone gets
in the car and plays music, you know what I mean? Or maybe some people,
like, whatever, go for a hike or. And I think that's
(20:47):
the key, right? I guess it's finding. Finding what
works for each person and.
>> Speaker A (20:53):
Seeing that, I agree with that completely.
See, everybody thinks that it's just like, this cookie cutter
recovery is just this cookie cutter, you know, like, this is
what it's supposed to look like, and it's not. It's
not. It's different for each
individual. You know? Like, some people
meetings aren't for them. Some people, you know,
they don't need a sponsor. They just have a mentor.
(21:16):
Some people, you know, they'll go out and they'll
be by themselves. Some people need a lot of people.
Some people journal, you know, like,
it's. It's really. The key to it
is. Is to be open to
suggestions.
>> Wendy Valentine (21:31):
Yeah.
>> Speaker A (21:31):
If those suggestions work for you
and keep the ones that work and let go of the
things that don't and be okay with letting those things go. Okay,
I tried it. It doesn't work. Next move on to the next
one.
>> Wendy Valentine (21:43):
Yeah. And I would think too, um. Um,
I mean, recovery is different for. For
everyone as far as. I mean, if someone's
addicted to heroin or alcohol
or is it different? Is the treatment
process different depending on the
level of addiction? If you.
>> Speaker A (22:04):
I really don't feel like the. The
treatment process, maybe the detox,
definitely.
>> Wendy Valentine (22:10):
Okay.
>> Speaker A (22:10):
You know, they are definitely different
levels of detox. Um. Um. You know,
someone who has been using heroin for
15 years every single day and shooting it up
is going to have an intense, you know,
withdrawal. You know, or someone like.
Like me. I never really
had, um, hangovers, um,
(22:33):
or anything after, you know, the next day.
Um, I really didn't give myself time to have a hangover,
but I. That's besides
the point, but. So my
withdrawal wasn't very. It
wasn't intense. Right. So it's very individualized on
how that. How that person's body is
reacting to taking the substance out of their
(22:56):
system.
>> Wendy Valentine (22:57):
Mhm. You know, I wish everyone could.
Not every. Everyone that needs it, um, could
do inpatient. I. You know, I'd mentioned about
my brother before. He never did. I, uh,
wish he had. So, speaking
of friends and family with
addiction, how do you handle
that? How do you, like, if, let's say,
(23:19):
whoever's listening right now, if they have a friend or family member
that is suffering with addiction, how do
you approach it? How do you
provide that support?
>> Speaker A (23:30):
Well, the key to it,
the most important thing is don't
be angry with the person. It's not
them. You know, it is. It is that, uh. I don't
know why that one makes.
>> Wendy Valentine (23:42):
Me emotional because I was just gonna cry
myself. I know.
>> Speaker A (23:46):
Yeah. It's. It's emotional
because. Because we act so different when
we're in the middle of our addiction. Right? Like
I, um. I was told all the time,
Randy, you are a beautiful person. I
hate you. You're drinking. You know, because I
was so mean. And so that is
the. And I know it's difficult for families
(24:08):
to separate that because it's their loved
one. Right. So you have to approach it
as you're attacking the disease, not the person.
And, um, at the same time, so you
bring. You approach them with. With
treatment options. Right.
And. But at the end of the day, they have to be willing to
(24:29):
go.
>> Wendy Valentine (24:30):
Yeah.
>> Speaker A (24:30):
You know, and that's the hard. The hard
part of it is if they're not
willing to go, there is absolutely nothing
you can say. Nothing you can
say to make them become
sober and want it.
>> Wendy Valentine (24:47):
Yeah.
>> Speaker A (24:47):
My. I had my kids begging me. I
had my mom begging me, you know?
And I just. It's not that I didn't
hear them, and it's not that I didn't love them,
right. And it's not that I loved
alcohol more than I loved my family. It
was m my brain. In my brain,
(25:07):
all it was on a, uh. On a constant
loop was alcohol. Yeah, alcohol,
alcohol, alcohol. And, like, I would be
having a conversation, like I am right now with you,
and all I'd be thinking about was, how can I end this
conversation so I can go get my next drink?
You know?
>> Wendy Valentine (25:25):
Like, I was never really like, wendy, you're boring
me. I need a drink.
>> Speaker A (25:29):
Yeah. Like, uh, I'm done with this. Like, is it
good? Like, you got what you need.
>> Wendy Valentine (25:35):
I know what you mean, though. Yeah. It was constantly on your
mind, and, I mean, and a little bit of what you were saying, it
was in your brain. It was chemically
going through your system, which I love what you
say, because it's not the person. It is the
addiction that is running through that body
that they. It's sometimes cannot
(25:56):
be controlled. And you're so right.
Until that person says, yes,
I am ready to change.
>> Speaker A (26:04):
Exactly. And the thing is, is that, like,
families. I talk to families all the time, and
they're. They're like, we beg him, and. Or, you
know, this is the fourth time that we're going to
get him into treatment. And, you know, what do I
do? And. And sometimes I tell
them, you have to set that
boundary. Like, um, you have to let
(26:26):
them know, I love you. I will help
you get sober. I will help you get
recovery, but I cannot
help you in your addiction. And
that's hard for families. Like, I had to. Like, when
I hit my rock, my rock bottom,
I didn't have anybody to turn to that I
(26:46):
didn't have my family. My mom I knew
loved me, but she was like, I
can't help you. You got to get yourself out of this one. You have to,
you know, so letting. Letting the addict
know, like, hey, I love you, and I'll help you, you
know, you know, go towards recovery, but I
won't help you in your addiction. And setting those
(27:06):
boundaries, that. That. That helps
tremendously.
>> Wendy Valentine (27:10):
Yeah. I. Looking back over the
years, uh, uh, with my brother, you know, I I
did come to that point where. Cause I.
I literally spent majority of my
life trying to help him,
but I realized it was actually hurting me.
Like, I made it, like, it was, like, my mission. I was like,
(27:31):
I'm gonna get him clean and sober and
and then it was just like talking to a wall, you
know, like he just. It just. Nothing ever, you know,
so then it just got to be kind, uh, of an
abusive relationship, uh, because he
was with the addiction, was so angry,
and. And finally one day I was like, I can't do this
anymore. I was like, I love you, but. And
(27:53):
then he didn't speak to me for five years,
and that was tough. He would not speak to
me because I was like, oh, sorry, I'm not going to put up with
that. And sometimes that happens,
you know, but it was my own happiness that I had to,
uh, to, you know, to think about.
>> Speaker A (28:11):
And you have to, like, that's important, you know?
And it. It breaks my heart sometimes when I
have families calling me, like,
multiple times, and, you know, they're, like, begging
me, and I'm like, I can't
force him to go, you know, like, I
can lead him to, you know, the
screening and get him, um, get him in. But if he
(28:33):
doesn't want to go, ultimately, like, there's nothing that I can
do, you know, Orlando or, like, the families that'll call me,
and they're. They're like, well, you know, he's locked down,
right? Like, he's. He's not going to be able to leave. And I'm like,
well, no, we're not locked down. You know, of course, we're going to try
to advocate to get him to stay as much as we can. But if at
the end of the day, he's like, no, I don't want this. I want to
(28:54):
leave. We have to let him go.
>> Wendy Valentine (28:57):
Are there sights, sounds, or smells that remind you of
a past traumatic event causing you to
fight, flight, or freeze? These
physical and emotional responses are called triggers,
and they happen to all of us. Triggers
can be tricky, but the key is to stop the trigger
in its tracks and turn the trigger into a
treasure. Just like Doctor Nicole Lepera
(29:19):
said, there's nothing negative about being triggered.
It's a calling to heal our wounds.
To help you heal those wounds, I created a free
download called the trigger to treasure technique,
where you will learn the four steps on how to identify
your triggers, how to control your triggers, and how
you can move past your past so you can
(29:40):
live peacefully in the present moment.
Please go to
wendyvalentine.com
trigger to receive your free download,
and you can begin to turn your triggers into
treasures. It's like, uh, what's the saying? You can lead a horse to
water, but you can't make him drink, right? You can
do all the right things. But
(30:02):
it has to come deep within you. I mean, that's amazing, though.
Like, you had that moment with yourself, really
in a cell going, okay, we're done
here. Yeah, right.
>> Speaker A (30:14):
And that's really how. How I am with a lot of things,
you know? Like, I'll take it for so long, and then, like,
okay, like, I'm over this.
But I knew with alcohol,
I needed help, right? Because
I couldn't do it on my own. Like, I
know that even though I had that thought, like, oh, I
(30:34):
can't, uh, do this anymore. If I would have gotten out and not
gone to treatment, I would not. I, uh, wouldn't. I
wouldn't be talking to you right now, you know, like, I'd still be
drinking. And I also say, too, like, you know, like,
my best friend, she's like, Randy, did it really have to take three,
you know, Dwis? And I'm like, yes, I
did. Like, she's like, the first one didn't wake you up? I'm
(30:55):
like, no, it didn't. You know, like, I
told. I tell her, if I would have gotten that, just
that one, I'd probably still be drinking today.
>> Wendy Valentine (31:04):
Mhm. Yeah, you're so right. I mean, it's.
It's. Sometimes it doesn't. It doesn't matter. Like, in
every addict is different. Of course. I mean, again,
my brother, he went through two comas. And you
would think that even waking up from the comas would
have literally woken him up. Um,
but no. So, yeah.
And I'll tell you what, though.
(31:26):
I've shared this before. I'll never. This
moment changed my life in
so many great ways. And,
I mean, I can remember the first time when he went into a coma.
I had walked over that threshold
into the ICU, and I saw him lying there. All
the machines are going, and
(31:47):
try not to cry. It was the first
time that.
And, uh, that I no longer
saw him as an addict. Like, I took
all the labels off and I just saw him as a
soul with a body, not a body
with the soul, if that makes sense. And
(32:08):
I had so much compassion for him. I was like,
shit. Like, this poor guy, you
know, like, he has suffered since a
teenager. And I, uh, just saw him
in a completely different light. It was
like someone put new glasses on me, and
I saw everyone else in a completely different
light. Like, oh, I get it.
(32:30):
Like, you know, I think we were. I don't know,
we might have been talking about this earlier, but it's kind of like when you start to
notice things and you like, oh, that makes sense
now. Okay. That's why she does
that. And that's okay. Like, I get it.
>> Speaker A (32:45):
Um, it's like the puzzle pieces are being put together.
>> Wendy Valentine (32:48):
Yeah.
>> Speaker A (32:49):
Oh, here's the big picture, you know? But
that right there is exactly what I was talking about.
Like, we get. So when
you're. When you're dealing with somebody with addiction, right.
We get, we tend to get so mad with that person
and, you know, we tend to sit there and be
like, why can't you just stop? You know? Like,
(33:09):
why are you making these choices? You're
doing this, you know? But somebody
who truly, who truly
suffers from addiction. Mhm. They
cannot stop. Like, like I said, it
is a. I'm so,
so, so grateful that I don't have
that obsession anymore.
>> Wendy Valentine (33:30):
Yeah.
>> Speaker A (33:31):
It was literally wake up, first
thought, and it was just, um, constantly
just going in my brain, you know? So the fact that you
walked in there and you, like, saw him as a
person who is struggling.
Right? Like, that's where I think
that a lot of people would have a different
view on addiction if they looked at it that way.
(33:53):
It is a person, a human being that
is. It's not
someone who is like, I think today
I'm going to be a heroin addict and I'm going to ruin my
life. And I think that that's a good life choice. I
want everybody taken out of my life. I want to lose all my money.
I want to end up in the hospital. Like, this is
(34:14):
what I choose for my life, you know, because
it's not like that. It really. It really
isn't. Like, um, I said, like,
I. My daughter, my daughter,
she has been through my whole.
All of my addictions with me. And, um,
you know, she would beg me, mom, just
(34:34):
stop. Like, just stop drinking. Why don't
you love me enough to
stop? And when I think about it, like,
it breaks my heart that she had to
deal with that. Uh, but at the time, it
wasn't. I think that I'm going to love
alcohol more than my daughter. You know, it
(34:54):
is. I don't want to do this,
but I can't stop myself. Like,
there was times where I would be
driving and I would tell myself,
I'm not going to stop and get any alcohol. I don't want to
drink. I don't want to do this. Like, I'm not going
to. And then I'd stop at the stop sign,
and in tears, I would pull into
(35:17):
the. The gas station. Then
I'd go into the gas station and be like, okay, I'm only
going to buy two just to kind of, like, ease the
thoughts, you know? I'm just going to buy two. And then I'd
go and I'd buy five, you know? Like, it's
just, it's crazy
when, when I think about my addiction
and how I had no control
(35:39):
over what I did. Like, you know,
like, now, anytime that I. That the thought
ever crosses my mind, I'm like, yeah,
that's not gonna happen. You know, like, I start
playing my, my tape all the way through because, oh, I'm gonna
have a drink, and then I blow my life
up, you know, and I've worked way too
(36:00):
hard to get to where I'm at.
>> Wendy Valentine (36:01):
It's almost like, uh, you were saying earlier about the. Was
it the. The yets? Like, well, I haven't done that
yet. You know? It's almost like you rationalize it. Like, your brain
goes into this, like, hey, you can just get
one or two. I mean, we'll
be fine.
>> Speaker A (36:17):
You know?
>> Wendy Valentine (36:17):
Like, you have this little conversation in your head, like, it'll be
okay.
It's not that big.
You're not that bad.
>> Speaker A (36:23):
Exactly. Nobody will know, you know,
or, ortain, you know, like, oh, they're
drinking a handle a day. I'm not like that
yet.
>> Wendy Valentine (36:32):
Uh, yeah, exactly. Yeah,
yeah. You start to rationalize it, like, okay, I can do
this. It's not that big of a deal. Yeah, yeah, it's
like your mind. Well, yeah, I mean, obviously, with
addiction, your brain is affected. Your
every. Your whole body is affected. So it's. You're
listening to this voice, to this addictive voice,
(36:52):
I would think.
>> Speaker A (36:53):
Yeah. And it's like, you
know, the good angel, bad angel. And you're like,
they're battling, you know, and
it's. I'm telling you, it's, it's you.
It's like not having control over
your actions or your thoughts. You
know, even. Even if you're able to white knuckle
it and stop for
(37:16):
a week or so, you're literally just white
knuckling it. I'm not gonna drink. I can do this,
you know? And then eventually it ends up
happening. You give in.
>> Wendy Valentine (37:27):
How important was having that community,
um, within ripple ranch, like, having
others, they're going through the same
process with you.
>> Speaker A (37:38):
Uh, community is
100% very,
very important in recovery. You have
to have. You have to have your sober tribe. You have
to, like, because in our
brains when. Well, at least for me, right?
Like, I. I was. I was a closet
drinker. I would drink alone. I was always by myself.
(38:01):
I didn't feel like I could talk to anybody. I didn't feel
anybody could relate. And then when
I get to ripple and I'm
around people that are like, yeah, I've
felt that before. Yeah. Uh, I've gone
through that with my family. Yeah, I, you
know, uh, doesn't, they don't blink an eye at three
dwis in three months. Other people are like,
(38:23):
what? You know, and, but somebody
who has maybe not walked
the exact same, you, uh, know, path as I have,
but they have their own demons that they've dealt
with or they've done in their addiction. They don't even
blink an eye at it, you know, they're like, yeah, that
had to stop going through. Right.
(38:43):
Uh, you
know, good way to connect.
>> Wendy Valentine (38:48):
To connect through pain and through
pleasure.
>> Speaker A (38:52):
Exactly. And, you know what I love about the
recovery world is that
we're all so different and we, uh, come
from so many different walks of life,
right? But you put us in a room together
and we're like the best of friends because we
all have that same thing in
(39:12):
common, you know, we can relate to that.
And all we're doing is trying to make it 20,
another 24 hours sober. You
know, being in recovery, it's not like you just all
of a sudden stop that, that fight. It's every
single day, like, you know, we have
to put it first. Every
single day. I literally wake up every morning still
(39:34):
to this day, and I tell myself, for this
24 hours, I'm going to stay sober. I don't know what's
gonna happen in a week or a month from now, but
at least for today, I'm gonna stay sober. And I just keep putting
those 24 hours together, you know,
um, but having people that, that can
relate to that and understand when
(39:55):
I say about the obsession and they're like, yeah, this
is what mine look like, you know, and we talk about it
and we can, um, support each
other. Like, it's amazing. It really is.
Like, uh, it's amazing that, uh, it
doesn't matter if they believe in God or they're
atheists or they live, uh, in the universe. We
(40:16):
don't care. You know, I, uh,
don't care who. I don't care if
that rock outside is your higher power
and that is what is helping you stay sober. More power
to you. Good. Let's go. You know, let's
talk about our recovery and, and
what we're, how we got through it. And, you know, what we're
(40:36):
doing every day. Like, um, I now
run alumni and you know, like
every week we get together and we support each other. We just
got done, um, at a. At a
recovery event over the weekend. And
we won. We were champions of the sober game.
Yes. But it was
(40:56):
so cool. Cause I was sitting back and it
was on the river and everything. And one of the guys
that was like, float. Floated by on a, uh, on a
kayak and he was gonna go fishing.
And I kind of took it. I was soaking it all in.
And I'm just like looking at everybody and I'm like, I
wonder where he was 90 days ago. I wonder what
(41:16):
hell she was in a year ago.
And now look at it. We're, uh, all together
here. Showing each other that we can support
each other and have fun in sobriety.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:28):
Yeah. And non judgment. Right. Like,
not there to judge anyone because we're all in the same boat
together. And I. You're connecting through
stories, which I love.
Yeah. What do you think makes
ripple ranch, uh, so different from
the others? What makes. What makes it so special?
>> Speaker A (41:49):
Very dear to my heart because they saved my life.
But what sets us
aside is that we focus on the mental health
side of recovery. So,
like I mentioned before, I went to, um,
a treatment center in Houston.
Night and day, right? Uh, night and
(42:09):
day. They were. They were twelve
step, um, based. And we
are not. We're an alternative to twelve steps.
And, um. And don't get
me wrong, I love AA. I still work the
steps. I still go to meetings. I have
a sponsor. Um, but
(42:29):
there was something missing in the
twelve steps, right? Because. Yes,
another addict helping another addict is
crucial because we can relate. We're on the same playing
field. Right. Um, but they can't help
you with the mental health, the depression,
the deep stuff. Like, very deep. The
(42:49):
trauma, you know, um. Any
suicidal ideations that you. That you may have, you
know, all of that. And that's what ripple
works on. You know, we detox you,
we get that substance out of you and then we start
diving into. To what you deal with
mentally.
>> Wendy Valentine (43:07):
M. And that can be sometimes the hardest part, I
would think. I mean, you really gotta, like. Like you were saying earlier,
just sitting with those emotions and going
through past events in your mind is. Is
rough.
>> Speaker A (43:20):
Yeah. 100%. You're having to
face things that you've covered up for
years. You know, things that I didn't
even. That I thought that I was
over. You know, that happened
years ago. When I was, you know, growing
up. I thought that it didn't bother me anymore until
I started talking to my counselor. Okay, well, let's dive into
(43:43):
that. And then I was like, oh,
come to find out, it does still bother me, you
know, this is why I react that way. This is why
I react that way, you know, in these situations.
And so it was nice to work
through it. It was not easy at all.
Like I tell potential clients all the
time that are like on the fence of
(44:06):
going to treatment. It's not going to be easy.
I don't sugarcoat it. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that
you're going to go to ripple and it's like this magic place that
all of a sudden all your problems are gone and everything's
great. It's not that, it's not how it works.
But if you go with a little bit
of willingness and openness to hear what they have to
(44:26):
say and really dive
deep into whatever it is that you
deal with and you work through it
and there is a light at the end of the
tunnel, but you have to, you have to work through
it. Like there is no shortcut. There's no,
oh, I'm not going to deal with that. Uh, no. You know, like,
in fact I um, um, I just got
(44:48):
one of my really good friends into ripple that I've been
working to get her in for a minute.
Right. She has a lot of trauma, a lot of things that
she's dealt with. And she just couldn't, uh,
stop drinking. And when I dropped
her off, I told her, I said, look, I
said, you don't know these people. You'll never see them again
(45:09):
because she actually lives in Colorado. So I'm like, you'll never see
them again. I want you to go in there
and literally have vomit of the mouth. This
is what I deal with.
Help me work through it. Let me sort through it.
Like, don't, don't do any of this little, you know,
like here's just the scratching of the surface.
(45:29):
No, dive all the way in there. Get it all out that way.
You can, you can um, feel that
relief that comes along with
working through that stuff. And then when you
go out into the real world and you're out of
that little safe bubble of ripple, you know,
you have a good foundation.
>> Wendy Valentine (45:50):
Yes. You know,
that's such a good point though. And I was going to ask
you, I mean, I would think at Ripple ranch that you could.
People can come from anywhere.
>> Speaker A (46:01):
Yeah, yeah, I have,
like, she's from Colorado. Um, I have
one girl that I got in, um, from North Dakota.
Like she, she, she actually,
um, decided to stay and she now lives
in Texas. But um.
And it's so funny when she tells her story because she just
celebrated, um, a year and when she tells her
(46:23):
story she literally says, you know, like, like,
oh, Texas, like I'm going to. It's hot there,
like, like Texas. And now she lives
here being, and she lives here because this is where she
has, she, she has her family over
there in South Dakota. But she, but
she has made her tribe
here.
>> Wendy Valentine (46:43):
Yeah, well it's like. And it was her place of
rebirth, if you will.
>> Speaker A (46:48):
Yeah, exactly. And, but it goes
back to that community too. You know, like you have
that connection. You build your tribe and they
become your family.
>> Wendy Valentine (46:59):
So can uh, can family members come and
visit when you're going through the treatment?
>> Speaker A (47:04):
So at some facilities they can. We don't have
visitation. Um, we do allow
electronics once. Ah, you
have um, hit a level in
your, in your recovery, in your treatment there
and you're following rules and you know, doing what you need
to do. And there's the phone time so you can
facetime your family. We do
(47:27):
have a family session on Tuesday nights that's through
Zoom that family and friends can join and they can,
you know, learn about how help, how to help their family member
or friend, um, when they get out
and address any issues. Um, but
we don't have visitation and I
personally I kind of like
that, um, because I've
(47:49):
always called inpatient. It's a gift, right?
It's a gift that we get that we can put a
pause on life and put a pause
and everything that's going on in the world world
if that's going on in the real world and we can really focus
on ourselves. Right?
Like I think about it now, like if I was in treatment at
(48:09):
ripple right now and we had visitations and this to say my
daughter brought my grandbaby, that would make it so hard for me.
I feel like that would bring me back a level because
then I would be heartbroken that she had to
leave. You know what I mean?
>> Wendy Valentine (48:22):
Yep, exactly. And then even on the
other hand too, if there could be some triggering factors
going on with friends and family if they come to visit. So I think
that's smart too that you have it that way. It
sounds like an amazing place.
>> Speaker A (48:36):
Oh, uh, I absolutely, I love ripple. We're out
there on 25 acres. I mean it's
so you're out in the nature and there's,
when I was there, there was deer that would come in the morning
and so like I get up early to go feed them in
the morning before my day started, um,
it's just so peaceful out there and
(48:56):
such an environment that you can really,
if you, if you really take it
in and really focus
on yourself and
getting better, like, it's such a
great environment to be able to do that. You know, you have
the nature and then you have, and then you have this
staff that treats you like your
(49:19):
family. Like I, when I drove up
to ripple, I was like, first
off, I looked around and I was like, this is a
rehab. My other one was
state funded lockdown. Like, it was
total opposite, you know, like, and
then when I met the staff, it was just
so welcoming and so loving and
(49:42):
no judgment and, you know, I could
cry with them, laugh with them, tell them what I'm
going through and they would sit there and talk with me and help me through.
>> Wendy Valentine (49:51):
It, you know, so amazing.
Uh, and where, where in Texas is it located?
>> Speaker A (49:57):
So we're located in spring Branch.
>> Wendy Valentine (50:00):
Okay.
>> Speaker A (50:01):
That's about 20 minutes north of San Antonio.
>> Wendy Valentine (50:03):
Yep, yep.
Yes.
That's where I went to school,
where little wendy went to school. Thank you
so much. So, and how, um, how can
we find out more about Ripple ranch?
>> Speaker A (50:18):
So you can go on our website on www.
Dot ripple ranch um.com.
and you can go on there, you can see, you
know, see what we offer. You can meet the team.
There's some, you know, snippets of our team.
Um, and then there's also, you know, our admissions
line that they can call, um, they can
(50:38):
possibly talk to me or uh,
or talk to one of my fabulous girls that ah, do
amazing athlete. Um, um,
explaining what we have and what we have to
offer. Um, somebody who wants
recovery.
>> Wendy Valentine (50:52):
And there's some good blog articles on there too, I
noticed. Really good. Lots of information on the
website. It's a good website. Yeah. I'm a little snooty about
websites.
>> Speaker A (51:01):
I'm like, I think pretty dang good.
>> Wendy Valentine (51:04):
It's really good actually, for treatments
that are, I'm like, wow, I'm impressed. So thank you
so much. I appreciate you sharing your story
and I appreciate you listening to my story.
Um, but hopefully our stories will have
inspired someone out there. And uh,
yeah, I'm amazed at what you've done and what you continue to
do.
>> Speaker A (51:25):
Thank you so much. And I appreciate you having me on here.
And, you know, it's just like you said, you know,
hopefully it inspires somebody. I always,
um, when they ask me to do something for when it comes to recovery, I
always say yes because I never know who's going to
listen. And sometimes it may just hit one
person, but that one person needed to hear it, and that
makes everything worth it.
>> Wendy Valentine (51:46):
Yeah, it's the ripple effect.
>> Speaker A (51:48):
Exactly.
>> Wendy Valentine (51:51):
All right, thank you so much, everyone. Have a great day.
>> Speaker A (51:54):
Thank you. Bye.
>> Wendy Valentine (51:56):
Did this podcast inspire you? Challenge
you? Trigger you to make a change? Or spit out your coffee?
Laughing good. Then there are three ways you
can thank me. Number one, you can leave a written
review of this podcast on Apple iTunes.
Number two, you can take take a screenshot of the
episode and share it onto social media and tag
me Wendy Valentine. Three,
(52:18):
share it with another midlifer that needs a makeover.
You know who I'm talking about. Thank you so much for
listening to the show. Get out there and be
bold. Be free.
>> Speaker A (52:28):
Be.
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