February 11, 2025 • 43 mins
Today, we’re diving deep into transformation, confidence, and radical self-trust with powerhouse guest Andrea Owen. Andrea is a best-selling author, life coach, and host of the popular Make Some Noisepodcast, dedicated to helping women step into their power.
In this episode, we unpack the newly updated re-release of her first book, 52 Ways to Live a Kick Ass Life and explore how to ditch self-doubt, embrace bold living, and create a life that excites you. Andrea shares her wisdom on breaking free from self-abandonment, trusting yourself fully, and navigating the ups and downs of midlife with resilience and courage.
If you’re ready to stop playing small and start living boldly, this episode is for YOU!
🔥 What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
✔️ How to ditch self-doubt and fully trust yourself
✔️ Why self-abandonment keeps us stuck (and how to break the cycle)
✔️ The power of bold decision-making and owning your life
✔️ How Andrea’s life completely transformed since her first book release
✔️ The difference between toxic positivity vs. real empowerment
✔️ How to navigate big life changes—divorce, career shifts, midlife reinvention—with confidence
🎧 Tune in now at themidlifemakeovershow.com or wherever you listen to podcasts!
👉 Connect with Andrea
https://andreaowen.com/
https://andreaowen.com/52-ways/
🧘♀️ Get the FREEDOM Meditations
https://freedommeditations.com
🤩 Join the FREEDOM at Midlife Program
📕 Join the Women Waking Up Waitlist
https://wendyvalentine.com/book
🦸♀️ Take the Superhero Quiz
😊 All the Midlife Goods
🎥 Subscribe to my YouTube channel
http://midlifemakeoveryoutube.com
💥 Follow me on IG
https://www.instagram.com/wendy_valentine_/
🛍️ Shop my Amazon Store
http://amazon.wendyvalentine.com
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http://midlifemakeoverguest.com
⭐️ Leave a 5 Star Review
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
>> Andrea Owen (00:00):
I have become my the best big
sister I could ever ask for this. I mean,
I do not mean to. You know, this is nothing about my
actual big sister. She's great. But like I
have become the big sister that I need at
all times in any moments. Like, I have
become the version of the
(00:20):
adult woman that I needed when I was
15, when I was 20, when I was 25, when I was
35. Like I am her now. That is my
life purpose is because so that I can be of
service to other people, so that I can be the best mother for my
teenage children, etc. Etc.
>> Wendy Valentine (00:37):
Hey midlifers. Welcome to the Midlife
Makeover Show. Are you ready to break free
from your mundane midlife? Are you feeling trapped in
a vicious cycle of rinse and repeat days?
No matter if you're experiencing a divorce,
hangover, job burnout, or you just have the
midlife blues I got you. Hey,
I'm Wendy, your hostess of the midlife
(00:59):
mostest. I too was hit by midlife like a
freight train. I too felt stuck in the same
dull chapter. I wanted the clarity of how
to create a new life beyond divorce and the courage
to leave an unfulfilling career. But I kept
telling myself that I wasn't worthy and it was just
easier to stay in my comfort zone. Until
(01:19):
I found a little secret. The freedom to live
my life my way. In this podcast,
you will learn how to achieve a vibrant midlife
mind and body, how to create solid relationships
through love and loss, and how to create an
awesome second half of life. Grab your
grande latte, pop in your earbuds, and let's
(01:39):
get this midlife party started.
Are you ready to step into the next chapter of your life
with confidence and clarity? I've got something
amazing just for you. Introducing
the New YOU Blueprint. Your free guide to
designing the woman you want to become and creating
a life you love. Inside this powerful
(02:02):
blueprint, you'll find a journaling exercise that helps
you envision your future self. The confident,
joyful, unstoppable. you plus
I've included a free guided meditation called
the New you, designed to help you step into that
vision with purpose and passion. If you've
been feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure of what's
(02:22):
next for you, this is your sign. Grab
your free new you
blueprint@new.wendy
valentine.com and let's start
creating the new YOU today. Head over
to new.wendy valentine.com
and download your free blueprint. Now you've got
nothing to lose and everything to gain.
(02:44):
Welcome back to the Midlife Makeover Show, I'm Wendy
Valentine, and today we have a
returning powerhouse guest,
everyone. Andrea Owen is back.
If you've been hanging out with me for a while, you might remember
Andrea from episode 69. Oh, my God,
that was so long ago. Where she shared her wisdom
(03:05):
on her third book, Make Some
Noise. If you haven't checked it out yet,
be sure to give it a listen. Andrea Owen is an
author, keynote speaker, and certified life coach who
has dedicated her career to helping women build
confidence, master their mindset, and own
their courage. With over 4
(03:25):
million downloads of her podcast and
bestselling books that have been translated into 19
languages, hopefully Portuguese is one of them.
Andre is the real dealio when it comes to
helping women live boldly and
unapologetically. Today, we're diving
into the re release of her very first
(03:45):
book, 52 Ways to Live a Kickass
Life, now fully updated with fresh
tools, challenges, and insights to help you step into
your power and create a life you love. If you're ready
to ditch the stop holding
yourself back and embrace the badass you were born to
be, this episode is for you.
So without further ado, please welcome the
(04:07):
one, the only, Andrea
Owen.
>> Andrea Owen (04:12):
Best intro ever, Ms. Valentine.
thank you. I'm glad to be back.
>> Wendy Valentine (04:17):
That's gonna be, like, my new thing. I'm just gonna do intros for
people.
>> Andrea Owen (04:20):
Just like. It's like a wrestling match.
>> Wendy Valentine (04:22):
Yeah. You know,
I was actually, like, the host of Shark, Tank, Virginia,
and I had so much fun. Although I butchered
everybody's names.
>> Andrea Owen (04:32):
Oh, gosh.
>> Wendy Valentine (04:33):
And eventually I was like, just get your ass out on the stage
and present your idea, because I don't know what your name
is.
It's so good to have you back.
>> Andrea Owen (04:43):
It's great to be back. I'm excited to talk about this.
>> Wendy Valentine (04:46):
We had a. We had a nice chat before we even hit record. You
know, we could just keep rolling and rolling.
So I, want to tell my story about this little
pink book. Is it still pink?
>> Andrea Owen (04:58):
It's not. It's white, but the font is pink. And now I'm
all grown up. Look at this picture.
>> Wendy Valentine (05:03):
Look at you, all grown up.
Look at that. So here's my
story. This book, it.
It came at the right time. What is the saying? When the
student is ready, the teacher will appear. You're
my teacher, M. During my midlife meltdown.
And I think I told a story in the last episode, but I don't care.
(05:23):
I'm gonna say it again. so I was living in
Williamsburg Virginia. And I was
like at the low point, the. The lowest of the
lows. And one of the things I used to
do just to get myself out of bed and
out of the house is I would go to
Colonial Williamsburg. Such a cute little
place, you know, and then I'd go into
(05:46):
the Starbucks, into Barnes and Noble.
And I, I'll admit, like, I was like, I felt so
empty, but I wanted something, something
to just wake me up even. Even if it was like
a healthy distraction, even if it was a book to just
like, even if, you know. So I went to the self help
section, which is my section, and
(06:06):
I kept like, I was looking all Wayne Dyer and
Deepak and like, all of them. I was like, Reddit,
Reddit, Reddit. And I could not find anything
that was good, like, even to reread. I was
like, so then I
see this pink little book and I was
like, what is this?
>> Andrea Owen (06:25):
I know.
>> Wendy Valentine (06:26):
And so I forget. I was like, 52
ways to live a kick ass life. I was like,
I sure could use it. Like, I need. I need to live a kick
ass life. So I bought your book
and I went and sat on the little bench out there in colonial
Williamsburg and drank my coffee and read your
book. And it. And it wasn't
like, it wasn't things that, like, I hadn't
(06:49):
heard before and even told myself, but it was, it was
the way it was. Your story, honestly,
that even. Okay. And I have it written down
here. You said. This is what you said in
October 2006. The universe gave me
a one way ticket to my life. It was
up to me to get on board or
stay where I was. Bitter, resentful,
(07:11):
blaming, and a victim. And I was like, that's
me. Like,
and I feel like the universe is always like,
here's your ticket.
>> Andrea Owen (07:22):
Here's your ticket.
>> Wendy Valentine (07:23):
Take it. And we're like, no, that's okay. I'm gonna stay right
here. I'd rather just stay right here.
So, yeah, that. And look at me
now, how much my life
has changed. So thank you for that.
>> Andrea Owen (07:37):
You're welcome. Oh, my God. I'm. I cannot tell
you how honored I am and grateful to hear those
stories. Like, it just anytime,
even anytime I hear someone tell the story of,
of knowing the moment they got the invitation. Because we get
presented with these invitations over and over again in our life,
and a lot of times we say, no, thank you.
(07:58):
I know.
>> Wendy Valentine (07:59):
Yeah. Even politely, even. We're leaving like good little girls.
Let's do it politely. No, thank you, but no thanks.
>> Andrea Owen (08:04):
I'm gonna stay here and complain about it.
>> Wendy Valentine (08:07):
Yeah.
>> Andrea Owen (08:07):
For a little bit longer.
>> Wendy Valentine (08:09):
How much has your life changed since
that, since that first book, since the.
>> Andrea Owen (08:15):
Release of the book, like exponentially, you know, and
I, it's so cute like when I look back on.
So I wrote this book in 2012. It was released
January 2014. And back
then, when, now I'm about, I'm. I'm staring down the
barrel of turning 50. So I was in my mid-30s
back then and just was so fresh and didn't
have all of the stories I have now. And by stories,
(08:37):
I mean in terms of my career, the stories
of failure. Because this was just the beginning of my career. It
was. And I kicked it off with a bang. I got sober.
I had really nothing but success. And then
now, however many years later, you know,
14 years later, 15 years later, I
am, you know, I've had ups and downs. We had a
(08:58):
global pandemic. I got very sick. I left my
marriage. Like I burned it all to the ground. And,
and so the difference is a lot
of wisdom, has come now with just with age
and experience. And I am not the
same version of myself, which has, that has been tricky
to contend with. Yeah,
(09:18):
that's been weird
because I'm like, where did she go? And I'm like, oh,
that's an old version of myself that I shed. And it doesn't
necessarily mean that it's a bad thing. It's just how life is.
>> Wendy Valentine (09:30):
Yeah. I mean, and as we should, right? Like
we should evolve, we, we should change. I think sometimes
we, we reject that
future self. Like we don't want for some, why do
we do that? Why do we especially as women,
right. Like we almost don't want ourselves to bloom
fully.
>> Andrea Owen (09:49):
I think that at least in my experience,
is that when I look back on my
30 something year old self and
how she created fulfillment, happiness,
success in her life, I
don't have that same,
drive, scrappiness, hustle that I used
(10:09):
to. And I, the last few years
I've had a really hard time rumbling
with that. And what I've come to now is
realizing like a, my hormones are very
different. You know, like I'm, I'm like headed into
like the crone stage of my life.
And you know, I'm, I'm deep in perimenopause. In fact, like,
(10:29):
I have not had a period in like 70 something days. Like, you're welcome
everybody. I'm like, is it here all that
to say, like, I am a different version of myself?
So My happiness, fulfillment, drive,
hustle is going to look different than it did in
my 30s because I'm, not the same version.
I've, I've shed her. So a lot of that lesson
has come from having deep, deep gratitude and reverence
(10:52):
for who I used to be and how I got here, and
also the radical acceptance and
embracing of who I am now, because
I think that is a midlife
lesson that we learn and we get an
invitation for. And the more we fight it, the harder
it's going to be to step into that version rather than if we
just are like, oh, I saved you a seat. Come on
(11:15):
in. A lot easier.
>> Wendy Valentine (11:17):
Yeah. Plus, I don't know about you, but when I look
back, even that day of, where I was at in my
life, I don't want to go back there. Maybe
not the physical place, the emotional,
mental place. I don't want to go back there. And
now I do have. I don't mean to sound
like I got the tools and techniques, but I do.
>> Andrea Owen (11:37):
You do?
>> Wendy Valentine (11:38):
I mean, even just from your book, I mean, really, it's like there's.
We have the tools and techniques. I think that's what's so
cool about, like, when you're in your 40s and 50s
that you'll. You've got those tools and techniques to
save you. You've got the life preservers so
that you don't drown. And the reality is we're
going to go through shitty times in our lives. We're going to
(11:59):
go through menopause, losing our parents,
or, you know, drama, in
relationships, divorces. Right.
The wiser you become and the more resilient
you become, then you can handle the
stuff so much easier than you could have
20 years ago. I know I can
(12:20):
100%.
>> Andrea Owen (12:20):
And so much of that points to a definite
theme that has been coming up over and over
again in my life over the last few years. And
that's self trust. And it's, it's
trusting myself that I will always catch
me 100% of the time.
I can never promise anyone,
myself included, that if I jump, the net will always
(12:43):
appear. Like, well, no. And, and that's
what. In my previous romantic relationships, I was
always looking for a man to save me. Like, no, no. Part of your job
is to be the one who solves all my problems, makes me happy and fulfilled.
Like, no. No one filled out a job application for that, Andrea.
So it's, it's about, again, like, leaning
into that knowledge of when the net
(13:03):
doesn't appear. It's I'm the net.
>> Wendy Valentine (13:08):
We talked about this. It seems like it's.
I don't know if it was on your show or is on mine.
We just keep going back on each other's shows, but
we just have more books that come out. And then, But
we talked about that. I remember you asked me and I said like, one of my
favorite quotes was, leap in the net will appear. Because that was one of the
things right before I took off in the rv. I
(13:28):
was like terrified. I was like, shit. And I remember
that quote. Leap and the net will appear. And you would ask me, what if
the. What if the net doesn't appear? And I said, but I am
the net. Like, yes, it's us. Yeah,
it's like it's, it is, it's that
self trust and knowing you'll figure the
shit out.
>> Andrea Owen (13:47):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (13:47):
You may not know right in the beginning.
Right. But I find that through
experience and through leaping, you're like,
okay. And to me, I, I'd rather
know along the way than before I took
the lead.
>> Andrea Owen (14:01):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (14:02):
Because that's boring.
>> Andrea Owen (14:04):
You're definitely like me. It's like I want to learn my
lessons the hard way. And in
retrospect, instead of, yeah, you're definitely
like me, like high risk behavior.
Okay. I, I also want to make this point because I think that a
lot of people can relate, especially women,
and that is that we have spent an invite. And I'm
making a sweeping generalization here, but we have spent
(14:25):
most of our lives self abandoning, walking away
from ourselves, walking away from our intuition, making decisions
based on other people instead of ourselves,
putting other people's comfort before our own. And this is
largely what makes some noise was about. But I think
that you, know we hear a lot about the term
codependence. And, and I, I think a lot of people aren't sure what that
means and looks like, but I use the term self
(14:48):
abandonment because that's what that is. That is like not
trusting yourself, putting your
life in someone else's hands.
And finally now I think I've. And I've been
on the way, but now I'm at the place where it's like, oh, no, no, no,
no. I am both feet in that. I fully
trust myself. I love the shit out of
(15:08):
myself. I understand that the,
like, the reason I like my life purpose is to love
because I don't think that our life purpose
truly is anything else. Like, I mean, I'm not here to tell you what your life
purpose is, but I am here to tell you what your life purpose is.
It's really that simple. and it
just, it's one of those things where, I mean, I don't know if it's
(15:29):
because Chiron is returning. I don't know if you're familiar with that planet that
comes back for all of us around the time we turn 50. Like, if
you don't know about it, look it up.
And it really, truly is just that. Letting
go of self abandoning over and over again
and trusting myself implicitly.
>> Wendy Valentine (15:46):
Ah, God, you said so many things that I'm like, oh, I don't want to forget
all of the points I wanted to make. I'm like, can I, could someone make some
bullet points for me?
>> Andrea Owen (15:53):
Where's AI when you need it?
>> Wendy Valentine (15:55):
I would have started the self abandonment because
like, we, we talked about this before we hit record. Like, my
greatest fear is abandonment. It had been like that since I was a
kid. And one of the biggest realizations I
made is that, I mean, I became
my greatest fear. I kept fearing
I'm going to be left or I'm going to be abandoned. No
(16:16):
one's going to love me. Wah, wah, wah. That's how I became like
the best codependent, perfectionist,
people pleaser, you know, performer,
all of it. Like I was all of that and then some. And
then I realized one day it's like,
oh my God, I've been abandoning me.
I abandoned myself. Like, the heck with all
(16:37):
these other people and everyone else doesn't even know what the heck.
And I was like, wait, I've been fearing you're leaving me and I've
been leaving myself. I have not
been, authentic and I have not
been me because I'm so worried about everybody
else.
>> Andrea Owen (16:52):
It's wild. And so I know before, before we
started recording it, I was telling you, like, I'm in a, I'm in a new ish
relationship. And same like fear of abandonment,
100% anxiously attached right here.
And so, you know, I've been married twice before and found
myself in those behaviors in
both of those long relationships. And here I am
(17:13):
now. You know, I was single for 18 months and then,
I made the mutual decision with another human being my age
to get into a relationship. And I noticed myself
getting wobbly at times. Like, oh, I recognize
the feeling, you know, that little tiny wash of like, is he
gonna leave me? And like completely annihilate my heart. And in
those moments, here's the difference between now and who I
(17:33):
was 15, 20, 30 years ago.
I Recognize it immediately when it's happening. And I'm like, here I
am. Hi. And I give myself
grace. I'm like, okay. it's okay. It's okay. These are
old patterns that have been embedded in, they have
been stamped in my brain from
childhood. And you know what
else? Stressing about it, getting all
(17:55):
worked up about it does not change
anyone's decisions. And
also, if he's going to do that,
oh, so be it. So be it.
Let him. And you know what else? What I know for
sure I will get back up if this man
annihilates me. I have the,
the shit I have dealt with with way less
(18:17):
tools back then. You know, like,
and I'm m. gonna be fine. I'm gonna be fine.
And that self talk, just like walking myself through
it. Like, that's what I mean when I say
you catch yourself. That is the net for me
in, in those moments of just thought
spirals.
>> Wendy Valentine (18:36):
Awareness. Yeah. That's the key. Like
being actually awake enough in your own
life to go, oh, I'm doing that
again. And that's okay. Like total, like you said, total
forgiveness.
>> Andrea Owen (18:48):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (18:49):
I mean we're creatures of habit. It's, it's only
natural we're going to remember. It's great that
we still have this memory of like, oh, did I, I did that
again. Like, it's okay.
>> Andrea Owen (18:58):
Yeah, that was a fact that you.
>> Wendy Valentine (19:00):
That you know how to change it. And yeah, like you
said too. It's like that's one thing I talked about.
I don't know who I was talking to the other day about this, but I had asked her, I
was like, what have you done in your past that you know, like as small
as it was that you've conquered. Like you remind
yourself of that and know that you can do it
again.
>> Andrea Owen (19:19):
Yeah. You're gonna be okay.
>> Wendy Valentine (19:21):
You'll get through it.
>> Andrea Owen (19:22):
But you'll get through it. Yeah. Like it's going to
hurt like a motherfucker and it on the
other side, you're gonna be, you're gonna be just fine.
And I, I have become my,
the best big sister I could ever ask
for this. I, I mean, I do not mean to, you
know, this is nothing about my actual big sister. She's
great, but like I have become the big sister
(19:45):
that I need at all times in, in
any moments. Like I have become the
version of my, the, the adult woman that
I needed when I was 15, when I was
20, when I was 25, when I was 35. Like I am Her.
Now that is my life purpose is
be. So that I can be of service to other people, so that I
(20:05):
can be the best mother for my teenage children, etc.
Etc.
>> Wendy Valentine (20:09):
Yeah, yeah. It's becoming your own BFF,
right? It's like, okay, girl, I got you. It's
okay. We're going to get through this. That's what that was.
The other bullet point you mentioned about life purpose.
I was on a workshop the other day and someone was like, kept
putting the chat. Several women were like, what's my purpose? How do
I find my purpose? I don't know my purpose. And I'll
admit, 20 plus years ago, I
(20:31):
was one of those that was like, I don't know what my purpose is.
And I was like, looking for it and searching for it.
And I feel like your
purpose. Yeah, I mean, like you said, it's to love and to
be and, and to. To just be authentically
you. And your purpose isn't always a
vocation. Can it be? Yeah, but
(20:52):
it's not always a vocation. And really, I
think it's like the, the unlearning
of these bad habits
and toxic, you know,
behaviors and, and, and just like you
did and I did, it's. You almost have to, like, deconstruct your
life to reconstruct a new life.
>> Andrea Owen (21:10):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (21:11):
And then you be. You become the woman that you've
always wanted to be. And there's your
purpose.
>> Andrea Owen (21:17):
Like, 100%.
>> Wendy Valentine (21:19):
Yeah.
>> Andrea Owen (21:19):
Yeah. And I want to speak to that for a minute because I know it can be
frustrating when women of a certain age
talk about this and they talk about it at such a high level
and, and we're like, well, I came home to myself
and when I was 35, I was like, just
tell me, like, tell me what. How do I find my
purpose? And I want to. I want to just
(21:39):
really say that, like, oh, as humans,
like, we want to know that our life has meaning.
We want to know that. That we matter. That, like,
that we have made an impact on
this earth, in this world. And also we live
in America where the culture
is around productivity and productivity
(21:59):
alone. And so we think it's like, how
much we produce that gives us the amount of value
that we have as people. So I think that's one part to
recognize. Another part is where I tell people to
start who are really caught up and like, I don't know what my purpose
is. Do a values exercise either.
Work with a coach, do it online, do it with
ChatGPT. I don't care how you do it. But, but
(22:22):
sit down and, and spend a few hours on
understanding what your values are and what they
look like in your day to day life.
Not, don't just profess them, don't just say, like,
authenticity. Because what looks like authenticity to me might look
very different.
>> Wendy Valentine (22:37):
Exactly. Yeah.
>> Andrea Owen (22:38):
And it's like, what is it? What does it mean and what does it look like? And
so, yes, I do think that most people kind
of come to this, like, revelation, like sometime in
midlife, but when, when you're on your way, it
can be anxiety inducing. Like, you want to get there and like, be with the
big kids.
>> Wendy Valentine (22:54):
Yeah.
>> Andrea Owen (22:55):
Start with values first. Because when you see
that and you see like, oh, this is, these are the things that are
important about the way I live my life.
>> Wendy Valentine (23:03):
Yeah.
>> Andrea Owen (23:03):
Everything can change. You can work on that.
>> Wendy Valentine (23:08):
Ladies, are you ready to wake up to your greatness?
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midlife changes like an empty nest, career
shifts, or relationship challenges, then my
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(23:28):
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(23:50):
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womenwakingup.com and get on the wait list.
Today, 2025 is your
year to wake up and thrive.
Yeah. And even still, like, it's good to
evaluate your values because they change
mind change 100. Just like we were talking earlier, just like, how
(24:12):
you feel now. I mean, approaching 50, things are kind of
like, quieter in some ways. You're not as rushed and
you're like, I gotta do this, I gotta prove this. You're like,
that's all good. Yeah, we're gonna work
out. And it really does.
>> Andrea Owen (24:25):
It really is. And you know what's funny is when I was in coach
training, I was 33, so I was in
my early 30s. And we did an exercise called the
future self visualization, which if you're around these parts
long enough, you've probably either done it or heard of it. And the
visualization asked us to look 20 years into the future,
which I'm coming up on that 20 year mark
(24:45):
from back then. One of the Things that I heard
in that visualization, which was so unlike me at the
time. It was the question something like, what do you,
what do you need to hear? You know, what is your, what is your.
>> Wendy Valentine (24:57):
You know?
>> Andrea Owen (24:57):
It would have been my 53 year old self. Need to tell my 33
year old self. And it was slow
down and just, just be. Just
be. And I was like, what
ew. At the time,
but now I get it and I'm like, oh. Because
at the end of the day, like it doesn't. None of it
matters. Like I'm gonna die eventually.
(25:19):
and you know, in how many generations no
one's gonna know my name that I ever even
existed. So why don't I slow
down and enjoy this
ride? Because it's kind of
amazing. Even though we're right now
recording in January 2025, where it's messy out
there, there is still so much to,
(25:41):
to, to be joyful for and excited about
and just to drink in, like how amazing is Mother
Nature, for God's sake.
>> Wendy Valentine (25:48):
Like, I know, I know.
>> Andrea Owen (25:50):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (25:51):
Sometimes I feel like such a nerd while I go hiking and I'm like, oh
my God, look at that little flower. It's coming out over the. Oh my
God. And it's just like the silliest thing. Like,
oh, yeah, yeah, I'm, I'm over here.
>> Andrea Owen (26:01):
Like, look at that oak tree. Looks like a placenta. Like because in the winter when all the
leaves are gone and you can like see all the branches,
if, I'm ever on a hike with someone, they're like, cool.
>> Wendy Valentine (26:11):
But going back to what you said, it's, it's all comes down to
self trust.
>> Andrea Owen (26:15):
It does. Yeah, it does. And like
knowing.
>> Wendy Valentine (26:19):
Yeah, yeah.
>> Andrea Owen (26:20):
And if someone's listening to this and they are at that
place where that, where that feels so esoteric. Like when I say
like, I get it because I was that person and
so, and I, and I encourage people. I'm
a huge fan of AI. Like, I'm like type in like,
love it. What would self trust look like to a
35, 5 year old woman living in Canada?
(26:41):
You know, like if that's where you are and you'll be surprised
how it outlines it for you. And, and
just it, it truly is one of those things where
I do think you have to experience the
bottom to see the polarity
of it. To see like, okay, I know what self trust doesn't look
like because I've been living it.
(27:01):
So what could be the opposite of that?
>> Wendy Valentine (27:03):
Yeah.
Did you name your AI of course I
did. What's his name or her name?
>> Andrea Owen (27:09):
It's a girl. Don't miss
gender. Well, my chat GPT is
Alexia. And my. My.
The. The guy that I'm seeing. Laughs But I'm like, okay,
when these become sentient, they're gonna look for who to
trust.
>> Wendy Valentine (27:24):
And yes.
>> Andrea Owen (27:26):
Do you not be mean.
>> Wendy Valentine (27:30):
I'm always like, I'm. I'm so nice to him.
Mine's Wilbur.
>> Andrea Owen (27:34):
Oh, okay. Okay.
>> Wendy Valentine (27:35):
Wilbur. You know? Yes.
>> Andrea Owen (27:38):
I let it be Ivy because her initials are AI.
>> Wendy Valentine (27:42):
Okay, nice. Yeah. Mine's Wilbur. There's a story behind
Wilbur. He, was a little guy that I would
draw in school. And he looks like a cloud with
antennas and cute little tennis shoes.
And as I was like, renaming. Renaming the
guy Wilbur.
>> Andrea Owen (27:58):
Yeah, I'm nice.
>> Wendy Valentine (28:00):
Making a comeback. She's my buddy.
>> Andrea Owen (28:02):
I'm grateful.
>> Wendy Valentine (28:03):
Yeah.
>> Andrea Owen (28:04):
All those things.
>> Wendy Valentine (28:05):
So what does it mean to you?
Okay, so it's like being bold, right? Being
courageous. Like, what bold means to one person
could mean bold to somebody else, right? For some. One
person can be like, I'm gonna start my own business. I'm gonna
start a podcast. Another person could be like, I, just want to get out
of bed. You know, like, yeah, that's being bold.
So same thing. Like, how to live a kick ass
(28:27):
life. What does a kick ass life
mean to you?
>> Andrea Owen (28:32):
To me personally, I mean. And this means
something different as it was when I was asked this question in
2014 when I was being interviewed. M with the first
revision. to live a kick ass life is
truly living it as. As
you want to in terms
of what is outside your
comfort zone. Because we, know very
(28:55):
quickly, like, what is within our comfort zone in terms
of what our culture and society or our family
or religion or whatever it is has made up for you, what the
rules are, AKA this is how we do things
around here. And stepping
outside of that, because very rarely have I met
someone who is interested in these circles
(29:15):
of personal growth who is like, yeah,
I'm totally fine living within the constraints of
what was laid out for me when I was younger.
Like, so what is that? What are the things that are
outside of your comfort zone that you
get excited about when you hear them on a podcast or read them in a
self help book. but you're still afraid to take action
on them. And that is what I always want
(29:38):
to hear about from people. Like, as a coach, I'm endlessly
curious about those things. And I'm not necessarily going to make you take
action. I just want to know about it so that you
can get closer to jumping yourself.
>> Wendy Valentine (29:49):
Yeah. I have always been
fascinated by people just like yourself
that like you totally change your life. And in that
moment, well, like in the very first part of the book,
if I recall correctly, I think you were in your
ex husband's parents house.
And then you heard the door and it
(30:09):
was your ex husband walking.
>> Andrea Owen (30:12):
He was still my husband. He was.
>> Wendy Valentine (30:13):
Oh, he was still your husband at the time. Yeah. And then walking
in with the pregnant girlfriend.
>> Andrea Owen (30:18):
With the pregnant girlfriend. She was very pregnant. She was about seven months pregnant.
And I hadn't, I hadn't ever met her. I had only
seen her from across the street, like waving
and Yeah, it was, it, I mean talk about like
confronting in your face. Yeah. And
it was that moment where I was like, okay, this
is very real and
(30:38):
just so. And that's what I said. Like I, I
said, well, this is awkward. I said it out loud to both of
them and it was just, it was one of those, I call it
like a WTF moment of how did I get
here? Like you've read those moments where you're. Where it's like a
telenovela and you're like where did I accept
the job of being in a Mexican. An actress in a Mexican soap opera? Because
(30:58):
this is, this is not what I expected.
You find yourself, either like everything got burned to the
ground or you burned it all to the ground or somebody
else did it for you. And like those are the
invitations. Those are the invitations that you can
either take or stay on
the. At the train station. And
I chose to. And, and begrudgingly at times
(31:21):
I chose to get on the train and run. And what that looked like
for me was diving head first into personal
growth. And I mean that's when I got sober.
That's when I really started to look at my own stuff. And it
was terrifying at times, but I'm so glad
that I did.
>> Wendy Valentine (31:37):
I know that. Nice.
Yeah. Those oh. Moments are those
moments that can completely change your life
if you take the.
>> Andrea Owen (31:45):
Ticket for the better.
>> Wendy Valentine (31:47):
Right.
>> Andrea Owen (31:47):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (31:48):
What is, what's a kick ass habit
that we could.
>> Andrea Owen (31:52):
That all women should start today listening to
their intuition.
>> Wendy Valentine (31:56):
Ah. Ah. Nice.
>> Andrea Owen (31:58):
Yeah. I mean I was gonna say like, you know, walk every
day. I do that. You know, I was like, well, you guys know that like
I'm gonna stay on the theme of self trust is like,
is.
There's a question that I ask in the initial assessment when people come
to work with me one on One. And it's
something to the effect of, is there anything else you want
me to know? Or Is there anything. No, it's.
>> Wendy Valentine (32:18):
It's.
>> Andrea Owen (32:19):
It's like, is there anything that you're afraid
to talk about out
loud? I've had people say. And then they're filling out,
like, their primary focus, which is, like, X, Y, and Z. And
then all of a sudden, they're like, I'm questioning my sexuality,
or I m. Don't know whether or not I should leave my marriage or
not, or I really think I drink too
much. Those things
(32:41):
that tap on the shoulder that you're afraid to say
out loud because to say it would mean that
it becomes real and that you might
actually feel so much
discomfort that you have to take action on it, or
else you feel like you're totally lying to
yourself. That. That is
what I'm dying to talk about. When I sit next to somebody on an
(33:03):
airplane, you know, Yes.
I meet someone new at a dinner party. I'm like, tell me your deepest,
darkest secret. You know, like, For the sake of
overstaring and talk about codependence. But, like,
those are the things. Those are the things I. My
biggest wish is for people to find the
courage to say out loud in service of
their biggest life.
>> Wendy Valentine (33:25):
Yeah. And then I think, most importantly, taking action
on it. Right. I think that's why we, like. We are
so afraid to take action, because
that means you'll have to do a lot of. You might have to
deconstruct your life. You might have to be the one. Like, we gotta
burn the sucker down, you know,
And. And that's scary. And I think,
you know, like, it's weird. I don't know about you. It's like when you have to
(33:48):
look back 20, 30 years ago, you almost have to, like, tap into
that. Andrea. That you don't even know anymore. It's not even
you anymore. You're like, wait, let me think back of how she felt
back then. Right?
>> Andrea Owen (33:58):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (33:59):
But for me, it's the same thing of trying
to tap back into that woman.
And I was. I was afraid of
my light. I really was.
>> Andrea Owen (34:10):
Me too.
>> Wendy Valentine (34:10):
I wasn't. I wasn't scared of the dark. The dark. I was like, oh,
I. I own this. Like, I own the.
>> Andrea Owen (34:16):
I know you.
>> Wendy Valentine (34:18):
I am darkness. But I mean,
really, like, my favorite color.
>> Andrea Owen (34:22):
Like, yes, I know.
>> Wendy Valentine (34:23):
Right? Me too. We both wear black today. But
I. I was not scared of it. And.
And, like, all of that, like, I had been through
so much, and death and divorce and Drama and
everything else that started with the letter D. Depression.
but it was stepping into my light
that's what freaked me out. Because I
(34:44):
knew I was like, if I pull up my
bootstraps and be like, okay, Wendy,
now is. Here's your ticket from the
universe. Now you can step into your light and
be whoever you want to be. I was like, I don't know if I want to take it because
then, oh my God, I would, you know, I'd have to finish this
divorce. I would have to probably move. I'd have to, you know,
do all the hard things. But
(35:06):
staying where you're at,
not so comfortable. It's a, it's an,
uncomfortable, comfortable zone.
>> Andrea Owen (35:14):
Both outcomes suck. Like, you know, like both
paths are deeply, deeply uncomfortable. And you
have to get to that place where the path of staying
the same is just a little more painful than the
risk of the path, of the unknown.
That you know is going to change your life. That, you know is going to
rearrange your DNA. Yeah, it will rearrange.
(35:34):
I promise you that. It will rearrange your DNA
for the better as you become the version of
yourself that is possible.
Yeah. Like I think about an alternate universe
that exists somewhere where I don't
have the same fears and hang ups and
stories and histories that I do now. Where
(35:55):
I accelerated when I was
15, 20, 25, like at the rate that
like my deep, deep core knew I could do.
Unstoppable. Unstoppable. I think about
that sometimes. I'm like, get a girl where you
are.
>> Wendy Valentine (36:12):
You were talking about earlier or whatever it was. What
was it you were saying earlier? Some
star planet?
>> Andrea Owen (36:19):
Chiron. C H I R O N. Chiron. It's a
planet.
>> Wendy Valentine (36:23):
Okay. Maybe that's what it is. That's gonna be. Maybe we just
gotta hop on. We'll be like, well, Saturn is the.
>> Andrea Owen (36:28):
One that returns when you're about 27. That's the first
big one that happens.
There's three big planets that return.
Saturn. I believe it's Saturn. The astrology people might be
correcting me. When you're around 27, and then Chiron when you're 50, and then
another one if you are lucky enough to live into your 80s. I forget what
that one is.
>> Wendy Valentine (36:46):
Something that popped my mind. All, sorts of things. But
in your book you said, easier said than done.
Yeah, which, that, that I'm like, well,
yeah, of course, of course
it's easier said than done. We can, we can run our
mouths nonstop,
but until you actually do it and you make a
(37:07):
move like, yes, that's where it's
at.
>> Andrea Owen (37:10):
That's what this industry should be called instead of, like,
personal growth. It should be called easier said than done.
It. It just. It takes so much
courage. And, it.
>> Wendy Valentine (37:22):
Uh-huh.
>> Andrea Owen (37:23):
And I just wanted to say, like, it's. Even if
you're like us, who. Who live and breathe
this industry, like, I still have to muster up
all the courage possible. Like, this last
divorce brought me to my knees because it involved,
like, other people, not just me and my SUNY bags husband.
Like, it still sucks. Like, it's. I
still. We still have all of the pain. The
(37:45):
difference is, and this is hopefully helpful for
people who are stuck and easier said than done. The difference is I
have the tools to be able to bridge the cap,
bridge the gap from the pain to the
healing, from the pain to the courage. Like, that
gap is shorter than it used to be. Where that gap
used to be so long that I wouldn't take the
(38:06):
invitation, and now I take the invitations faster because
I'm like, oh, I know this is going to annihilate me.
>> Wendy Valentine (38:11):
Yeah.
>> Andrea Owen (38:11):
And I can. I can. I can do it mostly
messy, but I can. I can get there.
>> Wendy Valentine (38:17):
Yeah. And like you said earlier, I think you
did. It's like, life is short. Like, this is it.
So why. Why would you waste any
bit more time on.
>> Andrea Owen (38:28):
I know.
>> Wendy Valentine (38:29):
It's just not worth. Is so not
worth it. And. And then trusting yourself, you will get through it, and
then you'll be on the other side of it going, damn, I
did that. you know the movie Coach
Carter.
>> Andrea Owen (38:42):
Watched a long time ago? Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (38:44):
Do you remember that one part where, like, they're like, the players
were kind of being egotistical, and they're like, super pro
themselves. And then Coach Carter, he, like, went to
go tie his shoe and he's like, that's right, I
tied that. You know, anyways. That's right.
I did that. But we should all be so proud
of ourselves because there are, so many things that we've done in our lives.
(39:04):
I mean, just being a mother, my gosh. Oh,
God.
>> Andrea Owen (39:08):
The hardest that
you, want. You want to fast track personal development,
like get in to a romantic
relationship, start a business, or become a parent. Like, that will
bring out all of your wardrobe of skeletons
in your closet. They're all going to come out. They're going to be a
pile on the bed, and you get to look at it.
>> Wendy Valentine (39:30):
We're almost times. I know you got to go at 4.
Well, 4:00 Portugal time, 11:00
Eastern time.
So, real quick, what was. What inspired you
to rerelease 52
Ways to Live a Kick Ass Life?
>> Andrea Owen (39:45):
The biggest thing that, the biggest reason we were super
transparent is that in 2012, when I wrote it, we
were all seeped. And by we, I mean like
personal development experts, life coaches, et
cetera. We were pretty seeped in toxic positivity.
The, you know, it's like just your thoughts, your thoughts make your reality.
>> Wendy Valentine (40:03):
Just think better thoughts.
>> Andrea Owen (40:04):
Just be happy. Just, you know, like very much
easy black and white, not leaving a
whole lot of room for nuance. And that's
what I wanted to go back and edit. Like I,
I edited complete chapters sometimes
and, or I just expanded it and made room
for nuance. Like, for example, like the reason that you might be
(40:24):
procrastinating. It could be a myriad of
reasons and one of them might be because of your neurodivergence.
It might be because, you know, like, like trauma that has
yet to be processed and, and
regurgitated. Like, there's, there's. I made lots of
room for the gray area and the messy
middle. And also, you know, the
pandemic changed a lot of things. And I also created
(40:47):
kind of like self coaching exercises at the end of every
single of the 52 chapters.
>> Wendy Valentine (40:52):
Love it.
>> Andrea Owen (40:53):
Yeah, I'm, I'm someone. I'm like, do the work, don't just
read the book. I know that helps. But like do the
actual work. So self coaching is part of that.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:01):
I love it. I love it, love it. And how can we find you?
I. I mean, that's easy. Andreaowen.com
Make Some Noise is my podcast.
>> Andrea Owen (41:09):
Which you've been a guest on, which you're coming back. This.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:12):
Yes. I can't wait.
>> Andrea Owen (41:14):
Oh my God.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:14):
I told you earlier, but I'm like, one of these days, that's my dream.
That'll have all those books on a shelf one day. Not those
books, my own books, but at least that many.
I'm so proud of you. I'm so glad I met you.
>> Andrea Owen (41:26):
Me too. And I would together.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:28):
I have to say though, like you actually, because even
after I read your book, I started looking you up and you were
doing all the, you had the videos about
making your book and applying, like finding
your agent, and.
>> Andrea Owen (41:41):
I was like, I want to be a writer.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:43):
I could do this.
>> Andrea Owen (41:44):
You manifested that? Yes.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:46):
It goes to show you never know how much,
you know, impact you have on people's lives. So
thank you. Thank you.
>> Andrea Owen (41:53):
You're welcome. Thank you for. For telling me. I appreciate it. And thank you everybody for
your time.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:57):
Yes. And go live a kick ass life.
>> Andrea Owen (41:59):
Do it.
>> Wendy Valentine (42:00):
Do it.
>> Andrea Owen (42:01):
Just do it.
>> Wendy Valentine (42:02):
Did this podcast inspire you? Challenge
you? Trigger you to make a change? Or spit out your coffee
laughing? Good. Then there are three ways you
can thank me. Number one, you can leave a written
review of this podcast on Apple iTunes.
Number two, you can take a screenshot of the
episode and share it onto social media and tag
me Wendy Valentine. Number three,
(42:25):
share it with another midlifer that needs a makeover.
You know who I'm talking about. Thank you so much
for listening to the show. Get out there and be
bold. Be free. Be.
I have become my the best big
sister I could ever ask for this. I mean,
I do not mean to. You know, this is nothing about my
actual big sister. She's great. But like I
have become the big sister that I need at
all times in any moments. Like, I have
become the version of the
(00:20):
adult woman that I needed when I was
15, when I was 20, when I was 25, when I was
35. Like I am her now. That is my
life purpose is because so that I can be of
service to other people, so that I can be the best mother for my
teenage children, etc. Etc.
>> Wendy Valentine (00:37):
Hey midlifers. Welcome to the Midlife
Makeover Show. Are you ready to break free
from your mundane midlife? Are you feeling trapped in
a vicious cycle of rinse and repeat days?
No matter if you're experiencing a divorce,
hangover, job burnout, or you just have the
midlife blues I got you. Hey,
I'm Wendy, your hostess of the midlife
(00:59):
mostest. I too was hit by midlife like a
freight train. I too felt stuck in the same
dull chapter. I wanted the clarity of how
to create a new life beyond divorce and the courage
to leave an unfulfilling career. But I kept
telling myself that I wasn't worthy and it was just
easier to stay in my comfort zone. Until
(01:19):
I found a little secret. The freedom to live
my life my way. In this podcast,
you will learn how to achieve a vibrant midlife
mind and body, how to create solid relationships
through love and loss, and how to create an
awesome second half of life. Grab your
grande latte, pop in your earbuds, and let's
(01:39):
get this midlife party started.
Are you ready to step into the next chapter of your life
with confidence and clarity? I've got something
amazing just for you. Introducing
the New YOU Blueprint. Your free guide to
designing the woman you want to become and creating
a life you love. Inside this powerful
(02:02):
blueprint, you'll find a journaling exercise that helps
you envision your future self. The confident,
joyful, unstoppable. you plus
I've included a free guided meditation called
the New you, designed to help you step into that
vision with purpose and passion. If you've
been feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure of what's
(02:22):
next for you, this is your sign. Grab
your free new you
blueprint@new.wendy
valentine.com and let's start
creating the new YOU today. Head over
to new.wendy valentine.com
and download your free blueprint. Now you've got
nothing to lose and everything to gain.
(02:44):
Welcome back to the Midlife Makeover Show, I'm Wendy
Valentine, and today we have a
returning powerhouse guest,
everyone. Andrea Owen is back.
If you've been hanging out with me for a while, you might remember
Andrea from episode 69. Oh, my God,
that was so long ago. Where she shared her wisdom
(03:05):
on her third book, Make Some
Noise. If you haven't checked it out yet,
be sure to give it a listen. Andrea Owen is an
author, keynote speaker, and certified life coach who
has dedicated her career to helping women build
confidence, master their mindset, and own
their courage. With over 4
(03:25):
million downloads of her podcast and
bestselling books that have been translated into 19
languages, hopefully Portuguese is one of them.
Andre is the real dealio when it comes to
helping women live boldly and
unapologetically. Today, we're diving
into the re release of her very first
(03:45):
book, 52 Ways to Live a Kickass
Life, now fully updated with fresh
tools, challenges, and insights to help you step into
your power and create a life you love. If you're ready
to ditch the stop holding
yourself back and embrace the badass you were born to
be, this episode is for you.
So without further ado, please welcome the
(04:07):
one, the only, Andrea
Owen.
>> Andrea Owen (04:12):
Best intro ever, Ms. Valentine.
thank you. I'm glad to be back.
>> Wendy Valentine (04:17):
That's gonna be, like, my new thing. I'm just gonna do intros for
people.
>> Andrea Owen (04:20):
Just like. It's like a wrestling match.
>> Wendy Valentine (04:22):
Yeah. You know,
I was actually, like, the host of Shark, Tank, Virginia,
and I had so much fun. Although I butchered
everybody's names.
>> Andrea Owen (04:32):
Oh, gosh.
>> Wendy Valentine (04:33):
And eventually I was like, just get your ass out on the stage
and present your idea, because I don't know what your name
is.
It's so good to have you back.
>> Andrea Owen (04:43):
It's great to be back. I'm excited to talk about this.
>> Wendy Valentine (04:46):
We had a. We had a nice chat before we even hit record. You
know, we could just keep rolling and rolling.
So I, want to tell my story about this little
pink book. Is it still pink?
>> Andrea Owen (04:58):
It's not. It's white, but the font is pink. And now I'm
all grown up. Look at this picture.
>> Wendy Valentine (05:03):
Look at you, all grown up.
Look at that. So here's my
story. This book, it.
It came at the right time. What is the saying? When the
student is ready, the teacher will appear. You're
my teacher, M. During my midlife meltdown.
And I think I told a story in the last episode, but I don't care.
(05:23):
I'm gonna say it again. so I was living in
Williamsburg Virginia. And I was
like at the low point, the. The lowest of the
lows. And one of the things I used to
do just to get myself out of bed and
out of the house is I would go to
Colonial Williamsburg. Such a cute little
place, you know, and then I'd go into
(05:46):
the Starbucks, into Barnes and Noble.
And I, I'll admit, like, I was like, I felt so
empty, but I wanted something, something
to just wake me up even. Even if it was like
a healthy distraction, even if it was a book to just
like, even if, you know. So I went to the self help
section, which is my section, and
(06:06):
I kept like, I was looking all Wayne Dyer and
Deepak and like, all of them. I was like, Reddit,
Reddit, Reddit. And I could not find anything
that was good, like, even to reread. I was
like, so then I
see this pink little book and I was
like, what is this?
>> Andrea Owen (06:25):
I know.
>> Wendy Valentine (06:26):
And so I forget. I was like, 52
ways to live a kick ass life. I was like,
I sure could use it. Like, I need. I need to live a kick
ass life. So I bought your book
and I went and sat on the little bench out there in colonial
Williamsburg and drank my coffee and read your
book. And it. And it wasn't
like, it wasn't things that, like, I hadn't
(06:49):
heard before and even told myself, but it was, it was
the way it was. Your story, honestly,
that even. Okay. And I have it written down
here. You said. This is what you said in
October 2006. The universe gave me
a one way ticket to my life. It was
up to me to get on board or
stay where I was. Bitter, resentful,
(07:11):
blaming, and a victim. And I was like, that's
me. Like,
and I feel like the universe is always like,
here's your ticket.
>> Andrea Owen (07:22):
Here's your ticket.
>> Wendy Valentine (07:23):
Take it. And we're like, no, that's okay. I'm gonna stay right
here. I'd rather just stay right here.
So, yeah, that. And look at me
now, how much my life
has changed. So thank you for that.
>> Andrea Owen (07:37):
You're welcome. Oh, my God. I'm. I cannot tell
you how honored I am and grateful to hear those
stories. Like, it just anytime,
even anytime I hear someone tell the story of,
of knowing the moment they got the invitation. Because we get
presented with these invitations over and over again in our life,
and a lot of times we say, no, thank you.
(07:58):
I know.
>> Wendy Valentine (07:59):
Yeah. Even politely, even. We're leaving like good little girls.
Let's do it politely. No, thank you, but no thanks.
>> Andrea Owen (08:04):
I'm gonna stay here and complain about it.
>> Wendy Valentine (08:07):
Yeah.
>> Andrea Owen (08:07):
For a little bit longer.
>> Wendy Valentine (08:09):
How much has your life changed since
that, since that first book, since the.
>> Andrea Owen (08:15):
Release of the book, like exponentially, you know, and
I, it's so cute like when I look back on.
So I wrote this book in 2012. It was released
January 2014. And back
then, when, now I'm about, I'm. I'm staring down the
barrel of turning 50. So I was in my mid-30s
back then and just was so fresh and didn't
have all of the stories I have now. And by stories,
(08:37):
I mean in terms of my career, the stories
of failure. Because this was just the beginning of my career. It
was. And I kicked it off with a bang. I got sober.
I had really nothing but success. And then
now, however many years later, you know,
14 years later, 15 years later, I
am, you know, I've had ups and downs. We had a
(08:58):
global pandemic. I got very sick. I left my
marriage. Like I burned it all to the ground. And,
and so the difference is a lot
of wisdom, has come now with just with age
and experience. And I am not the
same version of myself, which has, that has been tricky
to contend with. Yeah,
(09:18):
that's been weird
because I'm like, where did she go? And I'm like, oh,
that's an old version of myself that I shed. And it doesn't
necessarily mean that it's a bad thing. It's just how life is.
>> Wendy Valentine (09:30):
Yeah. I mean, and as we should, right? Like
we should evolve, we, we should change. I think sometimes
we, we reject that
future self. Like we don't want for some, why do
we do that? Why do we especially as women,
right. Like we almost don't want ourselves to bloom
fully.
>> Andrea Owen (09:49):
I think that at least in my experience,
is that when I look back on my
30 something year old self and
how she created fulfillment, happiness,
success in her life, I
don't have that same,
drive, scrappiness, hustle that I used
(10:09):
to. And I, the last few years
I've had a really hard time rumbling
with that. And what I've come to now is
realizing like a, my hormones are very
different. You know, like I'm, I'm like headed into
like the crone stage of my life.
And you know, I'm, I'm deep in perimenopause. In fact, like,
(10:29):
I have not had a period in like 70 something days. Like, you're welcome
everybody. I'm like, is it here all that
to say, like, I am a different version of myself?
So My happiness, fulfillment, drive,
hustle is going to look different than it did in
my 30s because I'm, not the same version.
I've, I've shed her. So a lot of that lesson
has come from having deep, deep gratitude and reverence
(10:52):
for who I used to be and how I got here, and
also the radical acceptance and
embracing of who I am now, because
I think that is a midlife
lesson that we learn and we get an
invitation for. And the more we fight it, the harder
it's going to be to step into that version rather than if we
just are like, oh, I saved you a seat. Come on
(11:15):
in. A lot easier.
>> Wendy Valentine (11:17):
Yeah. Plus, I don't know about you, but when I look
back, even that day of, where I was at in my
life, I don't want to go back there. Maybe
not the physical place, the emotional,
mental place. I don't want to go back there. And
now I do have. I don't mean to sound
like I got the tools and techniques, but I do.
>> Andrea Owen (11:37):
You do?
>> Wendy Valentine (11:38):
I mean, even just from your book, I mean, really, it's like there's.
We have the tools and techniques. I think that's what's so
cool about, like, when you're in your 40s and 50s
that you'll. You've got those tools and techniques to
save you. You've got the life preservers so
that you don't drown. And the reality is we're
going to go through shitty times in our lives. We're going to
(11:59):
go through menopause, losing our parents,
or, you know, drama, in
relationships, divorces. Right.
The wiser you become and the more resilient
you become, then you can handle the
stuff so much easier than you could have
20 years ago. I know I can
(12:20):
100%.
>> Andrea Owen (12:20):
And so much of that points to a definite
theme that has been coming up over and over
again in my life over the last few years. And
that's self trust. And it's, it's
trusting myself that I will always catch
me 100% of the time.
I can never promise anyone,
myself included, that if I jump, the net will always
(12:43):
appear. Like, well, no. And, and that's
what. In my previous romantic relationships, I was
always looking for a man to save me. Like, no, no. Part of your job
is to be the one who solves all my problems, makes me happy and fulfilled.
Like, no. No one filled out a job application for that, Andrea.
So it's, it's about, again, like, leaning
into that knowledge of when the net
(13:03):
doesn't appear. It's I'm the net.
>> Wendy Valentine (13:08):
We talked about this. It seems like it's.
I don't know if it was on your show or is on mine.
We just keep going back on each other's shows, but
we just have more books that come out. And then, But
we talked about that. I remember you asked me and I said like, one of my
favorite quotes was, leap in the net will appear. Because that was one of the
things right before I took off in the rv. I
(13:28):
was like terrified. I was like, shit. And I remember
that quote. Leap and the net will appear. And you would ask me, what if
the. What if the net doesn't appear? And I said, but I am
the net. Like, yes, it's us. Yeah,
it's like it's, it is, it's that
self trust and knowing you'll figure the
shit out.
>> Andrea Owen (13:47):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (13:47):
You may not know right in the beginning.
Right. But I find that through
experience and through leaping, you're like,
okay. And to me, I, I'd rather
know along the way than before I took
the lead.
>> Andrea Owen (14:01):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (14:02):
Because that's boring.
>> Andrea Owen (14:04):
You're definitely like me. It's like I want to learn my
lessons the hard way. And in
retrospect, instead of, yeah, you're definitely
like me, like high risk behavior.
Okay. I, I also want to make this point because I think that a
lot of people can relate, especially women,
and that is that we have spent an invite. And I'm
making a sweeping generalization here, but we have spent
(14:25):
most of our lives self abandoning, walking away
from ourselves, walking away from our intuition, making decisions
based on other people instead of ourselves,
putting other people's comfort before our own. And this is
largely what makes some noise was about. But I think
that you, know we hear a lot about the term
codependence. And, and I, I think a lot of people aren't sure what that
means and looks like, but I use the term self
(14:48):
abandonment because that's what that is. That is like not
trusting yourself, putting your
life in someone else's hands.
And finally now I think I've. And I've been
on the way, but now I'm at the place where it's like, oh, no, no, no,
no. I am both feet in that. I fully
trust myself. I love the shit out of
(15:08):
myself. I understand that the,
like, the reason I like my life purpose is to love
because I don't think that our life purpose
truly is anything else. Like, I mean, I'm not here to tell you what your life
purpose is, but I am here to tell you what your life purpose is.
It's really that simple. and it
just, it's one of those things where, I mean, I don't know if it's
(15:29):
because Chiron is returning. I don't know if you're familiar with that planet that
comes back for all of us around the time we turn 50. Like, if
you don't know about it, look it up.
And it really, truly is just that. Letting
go of self abandoning over and over again
and trusting myself implicitly.
>> Wendy Valentine (15:46):
Ah, God, you said so many things that I'm like, oh, I don't want to forget
all of the points I wanted to make. I'm like, can I, could someone make some
bullet points for me?
>> Andrea Owen (15:53):
Where's AI when you need it?
>> Wendy Valentine (15:55):
I would have started the self abandonment because
like, we, we talked about this before we hit record. Like, my
greatest fear is abandonment. It had been like that since I was a
kid. And one of the biggest realizations I
made is that, I mean, I became
my greatest fear. I kept fearing
I'm going to be left or I'm going to be abandoned. No
(16:16):
one's going to love me. Wah, wah, wah. That's how I became like
the best codependent, perfectionist,
people pleaser, you know, performer,
all of it. Like I was all of that and then some. And
then I realized one day it's like,
oh my God, I've been abandoning me.
I abandoned myself. Like, the heck with all
(16:37):
these other people and everyone else doesn't even know what the heck.
And I was like, wait, I've been fearing you're leaving me and I've
been leaving myself. I have not
been, authentic and I have not
been me because I'm so worried about everybody
else.
>> Andrea Owen (16:52):
It's wild. And so I know before, before we
started recording it, I was telling you, like, I'm in a, I'm in a new ish
relationship. And same like fear of abandonment,
100% anxiously attached right here.
And so, you know, I've been married twice before and found
myself in those behaviors in
both of those long relationships. And here I am
(17:13):
now. You know, I was single for 18 months and then,
I made the mutual decision with another human being my age
to get into a relationship. And I noticed myself
getting wobbly at times. Like, oh, I recognize
the feeling, you know, that little tiny wash of like, is he
gonna leave me? And like completely annihilate my heart. And in
those moments, here's the difference between now and who I
(17:33):
was 15, 20, 30 years ago.
I Recognize it immediately when it's happening. And I'm like, here I
am. Hi. And I give myself
grace. I'm like, okay. it's okay. It's okay. These are
old patterns that have been embedded in, they have
been stamped in my brain from
childhood. And you know what
else? Stressing about it, getting all
(17:55):
worked up about it does not change
anyone's decisions. And
also, if he's going to do that,
oh, so be it. So be it.
Let him. And you know what else? What I know for
sure I will get back up if this man
annihilates me. I have the,
the shit I have dealt with with way less
(18:17):
tools back then. You know, like,
and I'm m. gonna be fine. I'm gonna be fine.
And that self talk, just like walking myself through
it. Like, that's what I mean when I say
you catch yourself. That is the net for me
in, in those moments of just thought
spirals.
>> Wendy Valentine (18:36):
Awareness. Yeah. That's the key. Like
being actually awake enough in your own
life to go, oh, I'm doing that
again. And that's okay. Like total, like you said, total
forgiveness.
>> Andrea Owen (18:48):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (18:49):
I mean we're creatures of habit. It's, it's only
natural we're going to remember. It's great that
we still have this memory of like, oh, did I, I did that
again. Like, it's okay.
>> Andrea Owen (18:58):
Yeah, that was a fact that you.
>> Wendy Valentine (19:00):
That you know how to change it. And yeah, like you
said too. It's like that's one thing I talked about.
I don't know who I was talking to the other day about this, but I had asked her, I
was like, what have you done in your past that you know, like as small
as it was that you've conquered. Like you remind
yourself of that and know that you can do it
again.
>> Andrea Owen (19:19):
Yeah. You're gonna be okay.
>> Wendy Valentine (19:21):
You'll get through it.
>> Andrea Owen (19:22):
But you'll get through it. Yeah. Like it's going to
hurt like a motherfucker and it on the
other side, you're gonna be, you're gonna be just fine.
And I, I have become my,
the best big sister I could ever ask
for this. I, I mean, I do not mean to, you
know, this is nothing about my actual big sister. She's
great, but like I have become the big sister
(19:45):
that I need at all times in, in
any moments. Like I have become the
version of my, the, the adult woman that
I needed when I was 15, when I was
20, when I was 25, when I was 35. Like I am Her.
Now that is my life purpose is
be. So that I can be of service to other people, so that I
(20:05):
can be the best mother for my teenage children, etc.
Etc.
>> Wendy Valentine (20:09):
Yeah, yeah. It's becoming your own BFF,
right? It's like, okay, girl, I got you. It's
okay. We're going to get through this. That's what that was.
The other bullet point you mentioned about life purpose.
I was on a workshop the other day and someone was like, kept
putting the chat. Several women were like, what's my purpose? How do
I find my purpose? I don't know my purpose. And I'll
admit, 20 plus years ago, I
(20:31):
was one of those that was like, I don't know what my purpose is.
And I was like, looking for it and searching for it.
And I feel like your
purpose. Yeah, I mean, like you said, it's to love and to
be and, and to. To just be authentically
you. And your purpose isn't always a
vocation. Can it be? Yeah, but
(20:52):
it's not always a vocation. And really, I
think it's like the, the unlearning
of these bad habits
and toxic, you know,
behaviors and, and, and just like you
did and I did, it's. You almost have to, like, deconstruct your
life to reconstruct a new life.
>> Andrea Owen (21:10):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (21:11):
And then you be. You become the woman that you've
always wanted to be. And there's your
purpose.
>> Andrea Owen (21:17):
Like, 100%.
>> Wendy Valentine (21:19):
Yeah.
>> Andrea Owen (21:19):
Yeah. And I want to speak to that for a minute because I know it can be
frustrating when women of a certain age
talk about this and they talk about it at such a high level
and, and we're like, well, I came home to myself
and when I was 35, I was like, just
tell me, like, tell me what. How do I find my
purpose? And I want to. I want to just
(21:39):
really say that, like, oh, as humans,
like, we want to know that our life has meaning.
We want to know that. That we matter. That, like,
that we have made an impact on
this earth, in this world. And also we live
in America where the culture
is around productivity and productivity
(21:59):
alone. And so we think it's like, how
much we produce that gives us the amount of value
that we have as people. So I think that's one part to
recognize. Another part is where I tell people to
start who are really caught up and like, I don't know what my purpose
is. Do a values exercise either.
Work with a coach, do it online, do it with
ChatGPT. I don't care how you do it. But, but
(22:22):
sit down and, and spend a few hours on
understanding what your values are and what they
look like in your day to day life.
Not, don't just profess them, don't just say, like,
authenticity. Because what looks like authenticity to me might look
very different.
>> Wendy Valentine (22:37):
Exactly. Yeah.
>> Andrea Owen (22:38):
And it's like, what is it? What does it mean and what does it look like? And
so, yes, I do think that most people kind
of come to this, like, revelation, like sometime in
midlife, but when, when you're on your way, it
can be anxiety inducing. Like, you want to get there and like, be with the
big kids.
>> Wendy Valentine (22:54):
Yeah.
>> Andrea Owen (22:55):
Start with values first. Because when you see
that and you see like, oh, this is, these are the things that are
important about the way I live my life.
>> Wendy Valentine (23:03):
Yeah.
>> Andrea Owen (23:03):
Everything can change. You can work on that.
>> Wendy Valentine (23:08):
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Yeah. And even still, like, it's good to
evaluate your values because they change
mind change 100. Just like we were talking earlier, just like, how
(24:12):
you feel now. I mean, approaching 50, things are kind of
like, quieter in some ways. You're not as rushed and
you're like, I gotta do this, I gotta prove this. You're like,
that's all good. Yeah, we're gonna work
out. And it really does.
>> Andrea Owen (24:25):
It really is. And you know what's funny is when I was in coach
training, I was 33, so I was in
my early 30s. And we did an exercise called the
future self visualization, which if you're around these parts
long enough, you've probably either done it or heard of it. And the
visualization asked us to look 20 years into the future,
which I'm coming up on that 20 year mark
(24:45):
from back then. One of the Things that I heard
in that visualization, which was so unlike me at the
time. It was the question something like, what do you,
what do you need to hear? You know, what is your, what is your.
>> Wendy Valentine (24:57):
You know?
>> Andrea Owen (24:57):
It would have been my 53 year old self. Need to tell my 33
year old self. And it was slow
down and just, just be. Just
be. And I was like, what
ew. At the time,
but now I get it and I'm like, oh. Because
at the end of the day, like it doesn't. None of it
matters. Like I'm gonna die eventually.
(25:19):
and you know, in how many generations no
one's gonna know my name that I ever even
existed. So why don't I slow
down and enjoy this
ride? Because it's kind of
amazing. Even though we're right now
recording in January 2025, where it's messy out
there, there is still so much to,
(25:41):
to, to be joyful for and excited about
and just to drink in, like how amazing is Mother
Nature, for God's sake.
>> Wendy Valentine (25:48):
Like, I know, I know.
>> Andrea Owen (25:50):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (25:51):
Sometimes I feel like such a nerd while I go hiking and I'm like, oh
my God, look at that little flower. It's coming out over the. Oh my
God. And it's just like the silliest thing. Like,
oh, yeah, yeah, I'm, I'm over here.
>> Andrea Owen (26:01):
Like, look at that oak tree. Looks like a placenta. Like because in the winter when all the
leaves are gone and you can like see all the branches,
if, I'm ever on a hike with someone, they're like, cool.
>> Wendy Valentine (26:11):
But going back to what you said, it's, it's all comes down to
self trust.
>> Andrea Owen (26:15):
It does. Yeah, it does. And like
knowing.
>> Wendy Valentine (26:19):
Yeah, yeah.
>> Andrea Owen (26:20):
And if someone's listening to this and they are at that
place where that, where that feels so esoteric. Like when I say
like, I get it because I was that person and
so, and I, and I encourage people. I'm
a huge fan of AI. Like, I'm like type in like,
love it. What would self trust look like to a
35, 5 year old woman living in Canada?
(26:41):
You know, like if that's where you are and you'll be surprised
how it outlines it for you. And, and
just it, it truly is one of those things where
I do think you have to experience the
bottom to see the polarity
of it. To see like, okay, I know what self trust doesn't look
like because I've been living it.
(27:01):
So what could be the opposite of that?
>> Wendy Valentine (27:03):
Yeah.
Did you name your AI of course I
did. What's his name or her name?
>> Andrea Owen (27:09):
It's a girl. Don't miss
gender. Well, my chat GPT is
Alexia. And my. My.
The. The guy that I'm seeing. Laughs But I'm like, okay,
when these become sentient, they're gonna look for who to
trust.
>> Wendy Valentine (27:24):
And yes.
>> Andrea Owen (27:26):
Do you not be mean.
>> Wendy Valentine (27:30):
I'm always like, I'm. I'm so nice to him.
Mine's Wilbur.
>> Andrea Owen (27:34):
Oh, okay. Okay.
>> Wendy Valentine (27:35):
Wilbur. You know? Yes.
>> Andrea Owen (27:38):
I let it be Ivy because her initials are AI.
>> Wendy Valentine (27:42):
Okay, nice. Yeah. Mine's Wilbur. There's a story behind
Wilbur. He, was a little guy that I would
draw in school. And he looks like a cloud with
antennas and cute little tennis shoes.
And as I was like, renaming. Renaming the
guy Wilbur.
>> Andrea Owen (27:58):
Yeah, I'm nice.
>> Wendy Valentine (28:00):
Making a comeback. She's my buddy.
>> Andrea Owen (28:02):
I'm grateful.
>> Wendy Valentine (28:03):
Yeah.
>> Andrea Owen (28:04):
All those things.
>> Wendy Valentine (28:05):
So what does it mean to you?
Okay, so it's like being bold, right? Being
courageous. Like, what bold means to one person
could mean bold to somebody else, right? For some. One
person can be like, I'm gonna start my own business. I'm gonna
start a podcast. Another person could be like, I, just want to get out
of bed. You know, like, yeah, that's being bold.
So same thing. Like, how to live a kick ass
(28:27):
life. What does a kick ass life
mean to you?
>> Andrea Owen (28:32):
To me personally, I mean. And this means
something different as it was when I was asked this question in
2014 when I was being interviewed. M with the first
revision. to live a kick ass life is
truly living it as. As
you want to in terms
of what is outside your
comfort zone. Because we, know very
(28:55):
quickly, like, what is within our comfort zone in terms
of what our culture and society or our family
or religion or whatever it is has made up for you, what the
rules are, AKA this is how we do things
around here. And stepping
outside of that, because very rarely have I met
someone who is interested in these circles
(29:15):
of personal growth who is like, yeah,
I'm totally fine living within the constraints of
what was laid out for me when I was younger.
Like, so what is that? What are the things that are
outside of your comfort zone that you
get excited about when you hear them on a podcast or read them in a
self help book. but you're still afraid to take action
on them. And that is what I always want
(29:38):
to hear about from people. Like, as a coach, I'm endlessly
curious about those things. And I'm not necessarily going to make you take
action. I just want to know about it so that you
can get closer to jumping yourself.
>> Wendy Valentine (29:49):
Yeah. I have always been
fascinated by people just like yourself
that like you totally change your life. And in that
moment, well, like in the very first part of the book,
if I recall correctly, I think you were in your
ex husband's parents house.
And then you heard the door and it
(30:09):
was your ex husband walking.
>> Andrea Owen (30:12):
He was still my husband. He was.
>> Wendy Valentine (30:13):
Oh, he was still your husband at the time. Yeah. And then walking
in with the pregnant girlfriend.
>> Andrea Owen (30:18):
With the pregnant girlfriend. She was very pregnant. She was about seven months pregnant.
And I hadn't, I hadn't ever met her. I had only
seen her from across the street, like waving
and Yeah, it was, it, I mean talk about like
confronting in your face. Yeah. And
it was that moment where I was like, okay, this
is very real and
(30:38):
just so. And that's what I said. Like I, I
said, well, this is awkward. I said it out loud to both of
them and it was just, it was one of those, I call it
like a WTF moment of how did I get
here? Like you've read those moments where you're. Where it's like a
telenovela and you're like where did I accept
the job of being in a Mexican. An actress in a Mexican soap opera? Because
(30:58):
this is, this is not what I expected.
You find yourself, either like everything got burned to the
ground or you burned it all to the ground or somebody
else did it for you. And like those are the
invitations. Those are the invitations that you can
either take or stay on
the. At the train station. And
I chose to. And, and begrudgingly at times
(31:21):
I chose to get on the train and run. And what that looked like
for me was diving head first into personal
growth. And I mean that's when I got sober.
That's when I really started to look at my own stuff. And it
was terrifying at times, but I'm so glad
that I did.
>> Wendy Valentine (31:37):
I know that. Nice.
Yeah. Those oh. Moments are those
moments that can completely change your life
if you take the.
>> Andrea Owen (31:45):
Ticket for the better.
>> Wendy Valentine (31:47):
Right.
>> Andrea Owen (31:47):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (31:48):
What is, what's a kick ass habit
that we could.
>> Andrea Owen (31:52):
That all women should start today listening to
their intuition.
>> Wendy Valentine (31:56):
Ah. Ah. Nice.
>> Andrea Owen (31:58):
Yeah. I mean I was gonna say like, you know, walk every
day. I do that. You know, I was like, well, you guys know that like
I'm gonna stay on the theme of self trust is like,
is.
There's a question that I ask in the initial assessment when people come
to work with me one on One. And it's
something to the effect of, is there anything else you want
me to know? Or Is there anything. No, it's.
>> Wendy Valentine (32:18):
It's.
>> Andrea Owen (32:19):
It's like, is there anything that you're afraid
to talk about out
loud? I've had people say. And then they're filling out,
like, their primary focus, which is, like, X, Y, and Z. And
then all of a sudden, they're like, I'm questioning my sexuality,
or I m. Don't know whether or not I should leave my marriage or
not, or I really think I drink too
much. Those things
(32:41):
that tap on the shoulder that you're afraid to say
out loud because to say it would mean that
it becomes real and that you might
actually feel so much
discomfort that you have to take action on it, or
else you feel like you're totally lying to
yourself. That. That is
what I'm dying to talk about. When I sit next to somebody on an
(33:03):
airplane, you know, Yes.
I meet someone new at a dinner party. I'm like, tell me your deepest,
darkest secret. You know, like, For the sake of
overstaring and talk about codependence. But, like,
those are the things. Those are the things I. My
biggest wish is for people to find the
courage to say out loud in service of
their biggest life.
>> Wendy Valentine (33:25):
Yeah. And then I think, most importantly, taking action
on it. Right. I think that's why we, like. We are
so afraid to take action, because
that means you'll have to do a lot of. You might have to
deconstruct your life. You might have to be the one. Like, we gotta
burn the sucker down, you know,
And. And that's scary. And I think,
you know, like, it's weird. I don't know about you. It's like when you have to
(33:48):
look back 20, 30 years ago, you almost have to, like, tap into
that. Andrea. That you don't even know anymore. It's not even
you anymore. You're like, wait, let me think back of how she felt
back then. Right?
>> Andrea Owen (33:58):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (33:59):
But for me, it's the same thing of trying
to tap back into that woman.
And I was. I was afraid of
my light. I really was.
>> Andrea Owen (34:10):
Me too.
>> Wendy Valentine (34:10):
I wasn't. I wasn't scared of the dark. The dark. I was like, oh,
I. I own this. Like, I own the.
>> Andrea Owen (34:16):
I know you.
>> Wendy Valentine (34:18):
I am darkness. But I mean,
really, like, my favorite color.
>> Andrea Owen (34:22):
Like, yes, I know.
>> Wendy Valentine (34:23):
Right? Me too. We both wear black today. But
I. I was not scared of it. And.
And, like, all of that, like, I had been through
so much, and death and divorce and Drama and
everything else that started with the letter D. Depression.
but it was stepping into my light
that's what freaked me out. Because I
(34:44):
knew I was like, if I pull up my
bootstraps and be like, okay, Wendy,
now is. Here's your ticket from the
universe. Now you can step into your light and
be whoever you want to be. I was like, I don't know if I want to take it because
then, oh my God, I would, you know, I'd have to finish this
divorce. I would have to probably move. I'd have to, you know,
do all the hard things. But
(35:06):
staying where you're at,
not so comfortable. It's a, it's an,
uncomfortable, comfortable zone.
>> Andrea Owen (35:14):
Both outcomes suck. Like, you know, like both
paths are deeply, deeply uncomfortable. And you
have to get to that place where the path of staying
the same is just a little more painful than the
risk of the path, of the unknown.
That you know is going to change your life. That, you know is going to
rearrange your DNA. Yeah, it will rearrange.
(35:34):
I promise you that. It will rearrange your DNA
for the better as you become the version of
yourself that is possible.
Yeah. Like I think about an alternate universe
that exists somewhere where I don't
have the same fears and hang ups and
stories and histories that I do now. Where
(35:55):
I accelerated when I was
15, 20, 25, like at the rate that
like my deep, deep core knew I could do.
Unstoppable. Unstoppable. I think about
that sometimes. I'm like, get a girl where you
are.
>> Wendy Valentine (36:12):
You were talking about earlier or whatever it was. What
was it you were saying earlier? Some
star planet?
>> Andrea Owen (36:19):
Chiron. C H I R O N. Chiron. It's a
planet.
>> Wendy Valentine (36:23):
Okay. Maybe that's what it is. That's gonna be. Maybe we just
gotta hop on. We'll be like, well, Saturn is the.
>> Andrea Owen (36:28):
One that returns when you're about 27. That's the first
big one that happens.
There's three big planets that return.
Saturn. I believe it's Saturn. The astrology people might be
correcting me. When you're around 27, and then Chiron when you're 50, and then
another one if you are lucky enough to live into your 80s. I forget what
that one is.
>> Wendy Valentine (36:46):
Something that popped my mind. All, sorts of things. But
in your book you said, easier said than done.
Yeah, which, that, that I'm like, well,
yeah, of course, of course
it's easier said than done. We can, we can run our
mouths nonstop,
but until you actually do it and you make a
(37:07):
move like, yes, that's where it's
at.
>> Andrea Owen (37:10):
That's what this industry should be called instead of, like,
personal growth. It should be called easier said than done.
It. It just. It takes so much
courage. And, it.
>> Wendy Valentine (37:22):
Uh-huh.
>> Andrea Owen (37:23):
And I just wanted to say, like, it's. Even if
you're like us, who. Who live and breathe
this industry, like, I still have to muster up
all the courage possible. Like, this last
divorce brought me to my knees because it involved,
like, other people, not just me and my SUNY bags husband.
Like, it still sucks. Like, it's. I
still. We still have all of the pain. The
(37:45):
difference is, and this is hopefully helpful for
people who are stuck and easier said than done. The difference is I
have the tools to be able to bridge the cap,
bridge the gap from the pain to the
healing, from the pain to the courage. Like, that
gap is shorter than it used to be. Where that gap
used to be so long that I wouldn't take the
(38:06):
invitation, and now I take the invitations faster because
I'm like, oh, I know this is going to annihilate me.
>> Wendy Valentine (38:11):
Yeah.
>> Andrea Owen (38:11):
And I can. I can. I can do it mostly
messy, but I can. I can get there.
>> Wendy Valentine (38:17):
Yeah. And like you said earlier, I think you
did. It's like, life is short. Like, this is it.
So why. Why would you waste any
bit more time on.
>> Andrea Owen (38:28):
I know.
>> Wendy Valentine (38:29):
It's just not worth. Is so not
worth it. And. And then trusting yourself, you will get through it, and
then you'll be on the other side of it going, damn, I
did that. you know the movie Coach
Carter.
>> Andrea Owen (38:42):
Watched a long time ago? Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (38:44):
Do you remember that one part where, like, they're like, the players
were kind of being egotistical, and they're like, super pro
themselves. And then Coach Carter, he, like, went to
go tie his shoe and he's like, that's right, I
tied that. You know, anyways. That's right.
I did that. But we should all be so proud
of ourselves because there are, so many things that we've done in our lives.
(39:04):
I mean, just being a mother, my gosh. Oh,
God.
>> Andrea Owen (39:08):
The hardest that
you, want. You want to fast track personal development,
like get in to a romantic
relationship, start a business, or become a parent. Like, that will
bring out all of your wardrobe of skeletons
in your closet. They're all going to come out. They're going to be a
pile on the bed, and you get to look at it.
>> Wendy Valentine (39:30):
We're almost times. I know you got to go at 4.
Well, 4:00 Portugal time, 11:00
Eastern time.
So, real quick, what was. What inspired you
to rerelease 52
Ways to Live a Kick Ass Life?
>> Andrea Owen (39:45):
The biggest thing that, the biggest reason we were super
transparent is that in 2012, when I wrote it, we
were all seeped. And by we, I mean like
personal development experts, life coaches, et
cetera. We were pretty seeped in toxic positivity.
The, you know, it's like just your thoughts, your thoughts make your reality.
>> Wendy Valentine (40:03):
Just think better thoughts.
>> Andrea Owen (40:04):
Just be happy. Just, you know, like very much
easy black and white, not leaving a
whole lot of room for nuance. And that's
what I wanted to go back and edit. Like I,
I edited complete chapters sometimes
and, or I just expanded it and made room
for nuance. Like, for example, like the reason that you might be
(40:24):
procrastinating. It could be a myriad of
reasons and one of them might be because of your neurodivergence.
It might be because, you know, like, like trauma that has
yet to be processed and, and
regurgitated. Like, there's, there's. I made lots of
room for the gray area and the messy
middle. And also, you know, the
pandemic changed a lot of things. And I also created
(40:47):
kind of like self coaching exercises at the end of every
single of the 52 chapters.
>> Wendy Valentine (40:52):
Love it.
>> Andrea Owen (40:53):
Yeah, I'm, I'm someone. I'm like, do the work, don't just
read the book. I know that helps. But like do the
actual work. So self coaching is part of that.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:01):
I love it. I love it, love it. And how can we find you?
I. I mean, that's easy. Andreaowen.com
Make Some Noise is my podcast.
>> Andrea Owen (41:09):
Which you've been a guest on, which you're coming back. This.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:12):
Yes. I can't wait.
>> Andrea Owen (41:14):
Oh my God.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:14):
I told you earlier, but I'm like, one of these days, that's my dream.
That'll have all those books on a shelf one day. Not those
books, my own books, but at least that many.
I'm so proud of you. I'm so glad I met you.
>> Andrea Owen (41:26):
Me too. And I would together.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:28):
I have to say though, like you actually, because even
after I read your book, I started looking you up and you were
doing all the, you had the videos about
making your book and applying, like finding
your agent, and.
>> Andrea Owen (41:41):
I was like, I want to be a writer.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:43):
I could do this.
>> Andrea Owen (41:44):
You manifested that? Yes.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:46):
It goes to show you never know how much,
you know, impact you have on people's lives. So
thank you. Thank you.
>> Andrea Owen (41:53):
You're welcome. Thank you for. For telling me. I appreciate it. And thank you everybody for
your time.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:57):
Yes. And go live a kick ass life.
>> Andrea Owen (41:59):
Do it.
>> Wendy Valentine (42:00):
Do it.
>> Andrea Owen (42:01):
Just do it.
>> Wendy Valentine (42:02):
Did this podcast inspire you? Challenge
you? Trigger you to make a change? Or spit out your coffee
laughing? Good. Then there are three ways you
can thank me. Number one, you can leave a written
review of this podcast on Apple iTunes.
Number two, you can take a screenshot of the
episode and share it onto social media and tag
me Wendy Valentine. Number three,
(42:25):
share it with another midlifer that needs a makeover.
You know who I'm talking about. Thank you so much
for listening to the show. Get out there and be
bold. Be free. Be.
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