Episode Transcript
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>> D. Randall Blythe (00:00):
So you have to be willing, I think, as a person to
grow. If you're stuck in your life, you know,
you have to look at these patterns of your
life and say, what am I doing? Again and
again and again and again that is providing the
same result. what can I do
differently? How can I break up this.
(00:20):
This straightforward path I'm on?
And you have to step outside the
boundaries of your comfort zone and try things.
And, yes, the
are unknown.
>> Wendy Valentine (00:33):
Hey, midlifers. Welcome to the Midlife Makeover
Show. Are you ready to break free from your
mundane midlife? Are you feeling trapped in a
vicious cycle of rinse and repeat days? No
matter if you're experiencing a divorce, hangover,
job burnout, or you just have the midlife
blues, I got you. Hey, I'm
Wendy, your hostess of the midlife mostess.
(00:55):
I, too, was hit by midlife like a freight train.
I, too, felt stuck in the same dull chapter.
I, wanted the clarity of how to. To create a new life beyond
divorce and the courage to leave an
unfulfilling career. But I kept telling myself
that I wasn't worthy and it was just easier to stay
in my comfort zone. Until I found a little
secret. The freedom to live my life
(01:18):
my way. In this podcast, you will
learn how to achieve a vibrant midlife mind and
body, how to create solid relationships through
love and loss, and how to create an
awesome second half of life. Grab your
grande latte, pop in your earbuds, and. And let's
get this midlife party started.
(01:40):
Hi, I'm Wendy Valentine, host of the Midlife
Makeover Show. Today, I want to share something
personal with you. At 45, my world
turned upside down. I was going through a divorce,
battling depression, grieving the loss of my brother,
and dealing with chronic illness. But I want to tell
you about a turning point in my journey. Therapy.
(02:01):
Speaking to a therapist was a lifeline for me. It
was a safe space where I could express my pain and
start to find my way back to joy and hope. That's
why I'm thrilled to introduce today's sponsor,
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(02:23):
anytime or schedule live sessions via
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(02:44):
by visiting betterhelp.com
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Welcome back to the Midlife Makeover Show. I'm Wendy
Valentine, and today's guest is someone who knows
a thing or two about transformation,
both on stage and in life.
You may recognize him as the powerful voice
(03:07):
behind the legendary metal band Lamb of
God, but there's so much more to D. Randall
Blythe than just his music. He's a writer,
photographer, actor, and a deep thinker
who isn't afraid to tackle life's biggest
questions. In his latest memoir,
Just beyond the Light, he shares his journey of
self discovery, sobriety, creativity, and
(03:29):
resilience, blending raw honesty with sharp
wit and unexpected humor. So funny. We'll
dive into his reflections on life, loss, and
purpose. Plus, we'll explore his unique approach
to staying grounded, whether through writing,
surfing, or simply facing reality
head on. Get ready for an enlightening, inspiring
conversation with a true creative
(03:51):
force.
Please welcome D. Randall Bl to the show.
Hello, everybody.
Yay.
>> D. Randall Blythe (04:01):
We're all here together. Feels so nice and
cuddly.
>> Wendy Valentine (04:04):
A big, happy family.
>> D. Randall Blythe (04:05):
There you go.
>> Wendy Valentine (04:06):
Great to have you here. You're probably wondering, like, when this came up on
your schedule, like the Midlife Makeover show, what the hell is
this? Why?
>> D. Randall Blythe (04:13):
Well, no, not really. Because I'm. I'm.
>> Wendy Valentine (04:16):
I mean, you are a midlife makeover.
>> D. Randall Blythe (04:18):
I am. I am a midlife makeover. I am.
I firmly fit the category.
>> Wendy Valentine (04:24):
And you slay it, I must say.
>> D. Randall Blythe (04:26):
Yeah, man, you slayed it.
>> Wendy Valentine (04:28):
I have two wonderful birthdays to
announce. Number one, today is the
birth of your book baby.
>> D. Randall Blythe (04:36):
Thank you. Yay. I'm very proud.
it's not a beautiful baby, but I love it.
>> Wendy Valentine (04:43):
I forgot to ask you, should I call you Randall?
Randy.
>> D. Randall Blythe (04:47):
Randy most everybody calls.
>> Wendy Valentine (04:49):
Okay.
>> D. Randall Blythe (04:50):
D. Randall Bly is my professional name because
my parents named me David
Randall, but they don't call me either.
And I'm asking m Them, like,
you know what? What the hell? And. And then my
dad is like, yeah, but D. Randall will. D. Randall
Bly will be a nice, professional name for you one day.
(05:10):
And this was when I was, like, in the fifth,
and I was like, you're right. So that's. That's what I put on
my books. And I'm credited on records.
>> Wendy Valentine (05:18):
It's almost like the. The J.K. rowling, right? Like, it's like
a classic author's name. G. Randle Blythe.
>> D. Randall Blythe (05:24):
Trying. I'm trying to Be a classic.
>> Wendy Valentine (05:26):
Happy birthday to your. To your book.
that comes out today. As soon. As soon as we get done
running our mouths, y'all need to go buy the book.
We're gonna dive into the book in a minute. And then the other birthday is.
Your birthday is on the 21st.
>> D. Randall Blythe (05:39):
It is.
>> Wendy Valentine (05:40):
Happy birthday. I've seen. I can't. You can sing. I can't
see.
>> D. Randall Blythe (05:43):
For sure I can. Thank you very much.
I appreciate it. Turning 50. four.
>> Wendy Valentine (05:48):
Oh, 54. And I'm 50.
50s rock.
>> D. Randall Blythe (05:53):
Yeah, they're great. You know, I'm just glad I'm
here.
That's true. I'm just glad I'm here,
man. Every. Every day. The way I live my
life for so long, I should be dead.
And so, you know, we never know when the reaper's
gonna come for us. So for me, every.
I'm in overtime. The game is in overtime. Every day
(06:15):
is a bonus, you know, So I love
it.
>> Wendy Valentine (06:20):
You know, I was telling you that last night, and I don't.
I get a ton of authors on the show and
unfortunately, I don't always get to read their books.
I try my best. I go through them. last night.
Yeah, yeah. But last night I read your
book cover to cover, or I should say from
PDF front of the PDF to the bottom of the PDF.
>> D. Randall Blythe (06:39):
Lovely.
>> Wendy Valentine (06:40):
Loved it. And I loved. I. I feel like.
Here's the thing. I feel like not only did I learn more about
you, I actually learned more about myself.
>> D. Randall Blythe (06:49):
Right. Well, that is wonderful to
hear because the book. We talked a little
bit before. Like, I know the book will be firmly shelved on
the music section in, in bookstores
because that. I'm a well known musician within
our genre, so. And
my ego, kicks
(07:09):
against that, you know, it really does. It's
like, it's not a book about heavy metal. It shouldn't be
in the. In there. But then I'm like,
you know, there are aspects to music for. And
dude, you've been in this band for 30 years.
So, like, stop crying, stop being a little
baby and just be glad your book is on the shelf, period.
(07:30):
No matter what. What. What section it goes in.
But the, as I said, it's not. We were talking about it. It's not
a self help book. Because I
don't claim to have answers for
anyone, for anything. Because for me, life
is a daily process of discovery. I feel like
I have to constantly keep growing. I have
(07:51):
to stay green. Because as soon as
I stop growing and stop saying
green, and that's When I start dying and.
And we're all dying physically day by day from the second we're
born. But for me mentally, I want to grow until the day I
die, whenever that comes. So the book for
me is. It's not a self help
(08:11):
book. The main thing I wanted out
of it, though, and a friend of mine.
can we cuss on this? I have to.
Okay, okay, cool. I have to cuss in order to say the title of this next
book. my friend Mark,
Manson wrote a book called the Subtle Art of Not Giving
a Fuck, which the title of endorsed.
>> Wendy Valentine (08:31):
And he endorsed your book.
>> D. Randall Blythe (08:32):
Yes, yes, I love.
>> Wendy Valentine (08:34):
I love. Yes, I love.
>> D. Randall Blythe (08:35):
Because the title of that book comes from a Lamb of God
song. Shut up.
no, yeah, it's. It's called the Subtle Arts
of Murder. And Persuasion is our song. And
he took that because he's a Lamb of God fan and has been for
years. So I found that out through, I
think, like a Tim Ferriss podcast or something. And I'm
like, holy. And I hit him up. I'm like, dude, because
(08:58):
it's a bazillion selling book. And I'm like,
maybe you'll check out my new book, maybe do
me a solid. since. Since
our song title gave you an 8 million.
I know, great dude. But he. He asked me a
question when I was trying to come up with, like,
subtitles and. And he is one of these weird people,
(09:20):
and he admits it, that actually enjoys
marketing and figuring out that stuff. And
I hate it. You know, I, Like, I am not a
marketing guy. I'm a. I'm a
caveman. I'm a heavy metal band.
But he was, he was asking me, he's like,
what is. When we were thinking about the subtitle and
marketing and stuff, he's like, what is the thing?
(09:42):
What is the question you want, the
reader to take away from the book? What is the number
one thing? And I was. I was like, what? And
I thought about it and I was like,
the thing I really would like for the reader
to take away from the book is not an answer, but a
question. And that question is to ask
themselves, what tools do I
(10:05):
have at my disposal, right here, right
now, no matter where I am in life, that I
can use to not only improve
my own situation, but maybe even make
the world a better place in the process. Right?
So for me, for you to
say that you read the book and it made
(10:26):
you, I suppose, think about yourself
automatically makes me feel like a success, because that's what I wanted
to do, you know, just have people think, like, wow,
how does this relate to my experience?
>> Wendy Valentine (10:38):
Yeah, I was fired up when I woke up this morning.
>> D. Randall Blythe (10:41):
Yay.
>> Wendy Valentine (10:42):
Yeah. Yeah. Several ahas. My favorite line
of the book
was, here it is, and see if I can remember it.
Inside the car, it was so quiet, you
could hear a mosquito fart.
>> D. Randall Blythe (10:56):
Yes. That's.
That's.
>> Wendy Valentine (11:00):
That goes to Grandma.
>> D. Randall Blythe (11:01):
That's pretty. That's some
Southern stuff. That's a story. There's a whole chapter about my
grandmother who lived. Who lived to
be 100 and a half years old. And she
was 100 and a half.
>> Wendy Valentine (11:14):
Oh, my God.
>> D. Randall Blythe (11:14):
Yeah, she. She almost made it to 101.
but she lived to be 100 and a half years
old. She was raised during the Depression. And
I, you know, I lived with her for a little bit when I was a
child, when my parents split up, and I learned a lot from
her. that. A lot of stuff that I didn't
internalize at the time, you know, because
(11:34):
I'm like, you're an old woman telling me this and that. The
other. But she
had a really profound effect on my life. So I
wrote this chapter about her and the things that I learned from
her. And. And she's
dead, so this is not a spoiler alert. She's.
We've already discussed that. She's 100 and a half. I was.
I was right beside her when she died, which was incredible.
(11:57):
Incredibly important to me, that if
not me, someone from my family was with
her so that she knew she wasn't alone.
so. But my.
>> Wendy Valentine (12:07):
I love what you said, actually. Oh, go ahead, Go ahead.
>> D. Randall Blythe (12:09):
My grandmother was not a cuddly, sweet, get away
with anything grandma. I love those grandmas.
They're awesome. You know, but that wasn't
my grandma. And so me and my brothers drove
her crazy. And the story you're referring to
is we drove her so crazy one day that
she wrecked her car into a
(12:29):
tree. We were driving her so nuts,
she lost her.
>> Wendy Valentine (12:33):
And she needed lost.
>> D. Randall Blythe (12:34):
She totally lost her.
and you know, it.
Of course, it. Maybe some people are horrified
that I was actually thinking, like,
it's hilarious.
>> Wendy Valentine (12:47):
I know the. The title of your next book should be,
well, go do, because
that's what she go do.
>> D. Randall Blythe (12:54):
Go do that. She gets so mad. That was her only
cuss word. And I, tell about it in the story.
We would start driving her crazy and she would be
say Southern woman. So she go,
which is Southern. Four will go on. Get the hell out of Here,
go.
>> Wendy Valentine (13:08):
Gone. Yeah, gone.
>> D. Randall Blythe (13:10):
And me and my brothers do that all
the time. But when she was really lost because she
church going woman, you know, like didn't
cuss. But when he. We, we drove her over the edge,
she would say her one cuss word, which was. And she'd
be. Ironically, it's also
my mom's one cuss word, who
(13:31):
is like, this was my father's mother,
but it's my mom's one cuss word, which
is as well. But she doesn't say that. She sounds
like someone has like
popped a tire on a bicycle when she, when she
cusses, cuss. It goes.
Yeah. It takes a
(13:52):
while to come out.
>> Wendy Valentine (13:53):
It almost like want to finish it for like. Let me just.
>> D. Randall Blythe (13:56):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, just say it. You know.
>> Wendy Valentine (13:59):
So the one thing I really got out of that chapter,
is this is from your grandma. I
really don't think people are as close as they used to be.
Community used to be really close. People don't
come and visit like they used to. And going
back to what you were saying, you were there with her when she passed
away and, and yeah, I
mean, isn't that, And I think the point of like that
(14:21):
whole thing was not just being with
someone when they pass, but then also
connecting with people again. Like, we, we don't do it
anymore. Like, it's sad that we've lost so much
connection just with the phone. Like we should be more connected,
but really not.
>> D. Randall Blythe (14:38):
Right. I think that the.
See, obviously, I am not a
Luddite. I am not anti technology. I'm talking to
you from New York City. We can,
in this magic device, you know, called a
computer. And now we all carry
these little tiny computers around in our pocket
(14:58):
that are millions of times more
powerful than the ones that guided our first
space mission. You know, people went to the
moon using computers the size of
this hotel room. And we have ones that are
bazillions of times more powerful.
So the technology is
good for us being able to talk. And I
(15:20):
love talking to my friends overseas. I can
FaceTime my friends in Japan or
Finland or whatever. And it's amazing and it's great.
However, it is
a. So it should be used as a
supplement to real human
interaction, you know, because there
is empathy and
(15:41):
nuance and all that stuff gets lost when you're
not, you know, ferrums. It all gets lost
when you're not face to face. And
and you can. You. You unconsciously are
constantly evaluating someone's body language
and seeing how, how they're carrying themselves
and, and that will give you real
(16:02):
clues as to their emotional state and therefore
how you should interface with this
person face to face. So
this, like I said, this technology is
great, but it is a
digital representation of real life
and I think people have come to rely on it too
(16:22):
much. Oh, I have lots of friends on
Instagram or Tik Tok or Facebook or whatever. I'm
like, really are friend's going to come help you. When
you blow a flat on the side of the road on your car and
you don't have a spare and you need them to go to the store to
get one, you know, are they going to do that for you,
your 800 friends all over the world? No,
you, I think you had said.
>> Wendy Valentine (16:43):
Something too in one of the chapters about like, would you walk
down the street and be like, hey, you need to lose some weight and I can help
you.
>> D. Randall Blythe (16:49):
And yeah, it's crazy.
>> Wendy Valentine (16:51):
Is it okay on social media to
say these things to people? Whether.
>> D. Randall Blythe (16:56):
Guess what, guess what. It's not.
I know it's not okay.
>> Wendy Valentine (17:01):
I know, right?
>> D. Randall Blythe (17:02):
Not if you want to
God it. Particularly with regards to. I
think the way
women can be treated on social media.
>> Wendy Valentine (17:14):
Yes. Oh, I get it all the time. I especially get
you're.
>> D. Randall Blythe (17:18):
You're like, I'm not hitting on you. You're a pretty
lady. Right, thank you.
>> Wendy Valentine (17:22):
Yes, I get, I get.
>> D. Randall Blythe (17:24):
I mean that is a compliment, but somebody's.
I'm sure people have said some up things to
you and it's like all the time.
>> Wendy Valentine (17:32):
It's. But you know what though? I feel like Well,
and thanks to the subtle art of not giving a fuck,
I don't give a fuck. And it's.
I feel like for me especially that.
>> D. Randall Blythe (17:43):
Doesn'T mean it's okay.
>> Wendy Valentine (17:44):
I know it's not okay. I know, I know
it's tough. But I also, I feel like for
me almost like think of like a Teflon pan, right?
I just like slides right off me. I'm like, what is
detached? Don't care. Like you poor
thing. To actually, for you to actually
say something like that to people or to behave that way, there's
(18:04):
something not right.
>> D. Randall Blythe (18:06):
Right. It's to me, the
Internet, the interactions with men and women
that I've seen and with many women
friends of mine who are public
figures, you know, who are musicians or whatever. Social
media, like I it.
These comments from dudes, these
foul comments and stuff, they are the online
(18:28):
equivalent of. Let's say we go out
to a bar you're at the bar, and some guy walks up to, and
he's like, nice ass, baby. Yeah, right?
Like, does that ever a.
>> Wendy Valentine (18:41):
I, want to be your sugar daddy. I want. I want all your. I want to take
your bills. First of all. You don't want
my bills.
>> D. Randall Blythe (18:47):
Yeah, but, like, it's like, does that
ever work? Like. Like
these dudes. It's like
that. Like, what? That doesn't work in real life. Why do
you think it would work on the Internet? And why do you think
that, your little ass is
entitled to say something like that, you know,
without getting punched in the face? Because it's
(19:09):
not real world, and it's challenging for.
>> Wendy Valentine (19:12):
For us right here.
>> D. Randall Blythe (19:13):
We're.
>> Wendy Valentine (19:14):
We're writers, we're. We're speakers. We're doing our
thing. You're.
It's part of. Of who we are and our.
And unfortunately, we have to be connected with all of this. It's
in.
>> D. Randall Blythe (19:23):
Right.
>> Wendy Valentine (19:24):
I don't know. I look at it like, all right, it's. It's
another platform for me to get a message out. Take it
or.
>> D. Randall Blythe (19:30):
Sure.
>> Wendy Valentine (19:30):
Don't care. Like it. Don't like it. Whatever. I mean,
just the same as the podcast, right? Some people are gonna like it, so. I mean,
now they're really gonna like it just because you're here.
>> D. Randall Blythe (19:40):
We'll see. They might really dislike
it. Right?
>> Wendy Valentine (19:44):
I'm like, oh, great.
>> D. Randall Blythe (19:45):
I don't know.
>> Wendy Valentine (19:46):
So, yeah, your grandma, very, very,
amazing woman. I can tell.
>> D. Randall Blythe (19:51):
Yeah, she's. She was tough, man. She was. She's raised
in. During the Depression. And the thing
that. In that chapter, you know,
I wrote it in the chapter is like, when I was whining and
complaining as little kids do, you
know, about, oh, this is tough, or I don't want to do that.
Whatever she wanted me to do. Probably go pick
(20:12):
corn in the. In the garden because corn is itchy. It
sucks. Going to pick corn. You know,
she would be like, I'd be complaining. She goes, you don't know
what hard times are. You don't know what hard times are.
And I was spoiled.
>> Wendy Valentine (20:25):
Nowadays, we are.
>> D. Randall Blythe (20:26):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (20:27):
Yeah.
>> D. Randall Blythe (20:27):
I was a kid and, And I was
like, whatever, grandma. But then I. I learned
as I grew up about, like, the Depression
and. And the economic
circumstances of everyone going on. And then,
you know, I, I. As I grew older, I internalized that. I'm like, you're
right. I don't know what hard times are. You
do. You're a hard woman. She was
(20:48):
hard. Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (20:50):
You know, it brought me back like, I loved how
you kind of described just being there with
her. And then your advice, you had even said,
let them know that you were there, that they are not alone, and that you will
not leave them. Quietly fill the room with your support and
love. Be patient, be kind, be present, sit
and wait. You will not regret it. And that
(21:11):
actually brought tears. My eyes.
>> D. Randall Blythe (21:12):
I cried my. I was gonna say, I cried. I
cried my eyes out writing that because it made me think,
you know, and I miss my grandma very
much. But, like, she
was ready to go. She was 100 and a half, you
know, it's like, time to check out dudes. Like, I've
had enough. And I'm like, so I wasn't
(21:33):
when she died. I was not. I did not feel this
overwhelming sadness at all because
she had lived this long life and had been through
so much and had been such a good person. but
the. The last few years of her life were rough, you know,
because her body just wouldn't quit.
It's like she was built like a.
>> Wendy Valentine (21:51):
Tank, going and going. Yeah,
yeah, yeah.
>> D. Randall Blythe (21:55):
So. But it. But it. My friend
Jamie, he sings for a band called Hate Breed.
Dear friend of mine. And he. And both our grandmas are gone
now, but we would send each other pictures of our grandma and his
past first. And, you know, when
I told him my grandma died, I was telling him, you know, I
am, I'm right there. I'm, with her.
(22:15):
And it meant a lot to him because he was always seeing his
grandma. And he's like, I think people today
in our society, they don't want to deal with death.
They don't want to face death. They like, they
don't want to see that it's coming. And. And
that's criminal.
You know, if it's your old people, you better
be there. It's like, you know,
(22:37):
you need to be there. That's. That's when it's most important.
And it used to be different. I had. I have
another. Had another friend named Morris.
Morris Frank. Right. Who was a sober
guy I got to know.
and he actually had
the. He got sober on the same day I
did. I got sober in
(22:58):
2010. He got sober on the same
day. October 18, 19,
71, the year I was born. Right. So he was an
older dude.
>> Wendy Valentine (23:08):
Yeah.
>> D. Randall Blythe (23:09):
And I met him just in this community down
where I wrote my first book, down in Oak Island, North Carolina, at
a rental house. But when he died,
his best friend, and he died at a ripe old age
80 something. His best friend, Dick.
Dick, Beal came and
he washed Morris's body when
(23:30):
he died. he. He helped prepare the body
for burial. That's the old school
way. So it is a. A
process of being engaged with
someone's life. If you're. And they were best buddies,
man. Best buddies. It's a process of being
engaged with someone's life
all the way to the end. Not like
(23:53):
I'm. I'm. I'm with you until it's uncomfortable
for me.
>> Wendy Valentine (23:56):
Yes.
>> D. Randall Blythe (23:56):
No, all the way to. So if you're
in. Seeing my grandmother die, it was hard because
it was a. It, was tough, you know, until the very end.
She. She was suffering, but
I was with her all the way to the
end. I did not love her and was
there for her until it got uncomfortable for
(24:17):
me. I was there the whole time. And
that's the way I think people
have to. They have to start looking at death like that with their.
With their elderly loved ones. You know, it
sucks, but you got.
>> Wendy Valentine (24:30):
Yeah, I totally agree.
And this was. I'm gonna share my aha
with after reading that. So it brought me
back in my mind and in my heart to
watching my brother. So my brother died of addiction. He
was 49. Yeah, I know.
>> D. Randall Blythe (24:45):
One of my people.
>> Wendy Valentine (24:46):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He would have loved
you. but he's 49
years old. And
going back to that moment of
literally, like, feeling his last heartbeat.
It m. Was like this wild.
It's hard to describe, but just, like, honored to
(25:07):
be. To be there while his spirit. Left.
Right.
>> D. Randall Blythe (25:11):
Yes.
>> Wendy Valentine (25:11):
And so the aha was
here. I'm scrolling because I wrote this down because I want to
forget it was your. You quoted Einstein.
The energy cannot be created or destroyed. It can only be
changed from one form to another. So maybe
think about that. I was like, it's not that there's an end.
It's not that there's death per se. That that energy
(25:32):
is just transferring from one thing to another, whatever that
is. And so I feel like. Right. I mean, we're
all, Not to get all neuroscience geeky here,
but we're 99.999 energy. We're
all energy.
>> D. Randall Blythe (25:45):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (25:45):
Like swimming in a big soup of energy.
And to me, I thought I. I felt like
with my brother's passing, not much
change, really. It's hard to say. Like, yes, his physical
body is gone. It's
in, It's in a little jar that I plan to, put on the
Camino de Santiago.
(26:06):
But his spirit, it's just, it's just another
form. It just changes into something else. Just like
Einstein said.
>> D. Randall Blythe (26:14):
Yeah. It's traveling eternally.
And I don't think with our
limited
human perceptions we can really
understand, I know
where that. Energy transfers or what.
>> Wendy Valentine (26:29):
Yeah, you even talked about that too in the book. Like, who forgot? I don't
know. Like, no one really knows.
>> D. Randall Blythe (26:34):
Like nobody really knows. But
there's, there's this famous story from, from
Zen Buddhism I talked about in the book,
where this m. This young monk goes up
to the wise Zen master and he
says, Zen master, what, what
happens after you die? And the Zen master says,
I don't know. And he says, what?
(26:56):
You're. Aren't you supposed to be a Zen master? And he
goes, yes, but I've never been a dead Zen master
before.
>> Wendy Valentine (27:02):
Exactly. I know, right?
>> D. Randall Blythe (27:04):
Like, and in that uncertainty,
you know, we're talking about the technology, I think
at least the computers we have. That
unwillingness to accept
uncertainty, is, is increasingly
problematic within our society because we have these
computers in our pocket where we can Google everything.
How do you bake? you know, your favorite
(27:26):
Portuguese dish. I can Google
it. You know, what's the best fish stew?
You know, and it's right there. But when it's like,
what's gonna happen next year if there's a financial
collapse? There is no answer. We don't know,
you know, and so.
>> Wendy Valentine (27:41):
I, I totally agree with you. I, I feel like a lot of people are
fearful of uncertainty, of the unknown.
Why? I feel like they do stay stuck
and they're, they're uncomfortable comfort zones.
Right. Because they're like, oh my gosh, if I leap out of
this thing and I, you know, whatever, leave this
shitty relationship or this job I don't like, or I
(28:01):
start doing something else with my life, no, I'm.
>> D. Randall Blythe (28:04):
Who knows?
>> Wendy Valentine (28:05):
Stay right here.
>> D. Randall Blythe (28:06):
Yeah, that's, that's where the title of the book came from.
>> Wendy Valentine (28:09):
I was gonna ask you that.
>> D. Randall Blythe (28:10):
Yes, the title of the book came from that. I,
I was reading something or
watching a documentary, I can't remember which.
And it was in August of 2016.
Ah. And I have all these
notes. And speaking of the phones, I have these random
notes in the notes section of my iPhone. Right. And some of
(28:31):
them, just make no sense when I look at
them later. Like, you know,
go pick up Run DMC
shirt. Like, what does that mean? I don't own in a Run
DMC shirt. I have no idea where that came from. Right. I have a
lot of like, fragments of lyrics and other little
ideas and there's one that just says just beyond the light
(28:52):
book title. And I remember though where that came from because I
was either reading something or watching
a documentary, I cannot remember which. And they were
talking about the history of the human race
and how since early times
we're social, social animals.
We gather together and during
the day, darkness, night, we gather together
(29:15):
around a campfire light.
Since the caveman times because it keeps animals
and predators away. And we gather and stay
within this warm glow of,
of the light, you know, within the, the
campfire, the circle of the campfire light.
And that's good, we all do that.
But if we stay
(29:36):
safe all the time within
this, this this circle
of familiar comfort, it's
really hard to grow or attempt
anything. Great. And it's scary to
step out beyond the campfire light.
>> Wendy Valentine (29:53):
Believe that. Yeah. To leave that nice, warm,
cozy campfire.
>> D. Randall Blythe (29:57):
It is, it is scary.
And yes, there are things out
there, but there's also like
awesomeness out there. So you have to be willing,
I think as a person to grow. If you're
stuck in your life, you know, you have to look at
these patterns of your life and, and say,
what am I doing? Again and again and again and again
(30:20):
that is providing the same result.
what can I do differently? How can I break up
this, this straightforward path
I'm on? And you have to step
outside the boundaries of your comfort zone and try
things. And yes, the,
the results are unknown. Like,
(30:40):
you know, I'm this book tour. Today is publication day.
I'm going to a bookstore. I'm going to talk to my buddy
Alex Golnick from the band Testament. I'm in
Brooklyn. It's going to be great. And then I'm going to
go on tour and I'm going to do
every night about a two hour spoken word show
where I'm It's, it's, it's centered around the
(31:00):
themes of the book, but it's not
stories from the book because everybody that
comes there is going to have a book. So they're just going to read the
book later. I don't want to say, yeah, yeah, yeah, just read the book.
And so I'm nervous, I'm very
nervous about this. I've never gotten up and
talked for two hours and in front of
everyone. I've been on stage in front
(31:23):
of hundreds and hundreds of
thousands of people. Like a crowd of over a hundred thousand
people. That's crazy. It's A C.
Right. But on, on stage,
I've been with my band for 30 years. I have
my dudes with me. They are my security
blanket.
>> Wendy Valentine (31:40):
They're, they're your campfire.
>> D. Randall Blythe (31:42):
They're a really hairy, sweaty,
middle aged security blanket with a receding
hairline, bad knees and lower back issues. Right.
We're safe. We know what we can do. You
know, it's easy. So I'm not nervous
this. I'm going to get up there
and I'm not going to be having
notes or anything. I'm going to go off the top of my head. It's
(32:04):
scary, it's something new. I don't know how
it's going to go. Oh no, you
know, But I'll never know if I don't try, if I don't step
out and try it.
>> Wendy Valentine (32:16):
As you know, midlife is a bustling time.
We manage households, nurture relationships,
advance careers and raise children. These
responsibilities, while fulfilling, can sometimes
drain your energy and diminish your personal
strengths. To help you reawaken those
dormant powers and embrace the superhero that you
truly are, I created the Superhero
(32:38):
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strengths and soar to new heights.
(32:59):
Just head over to my superhero
quiz.com and embrace the
superhero within you. Is there anything that
you say to yourself in those moments
to get you to like, okay, let's go, let's do this. Anything
that you say or do.
>> D. Randall Blythe (33:14):
About two days ago as relates to this
tour, I was thinking, oh
my God. And, and I've sent like I've re
practiced my whole thing and I've sent the, these stories
that I'm going to be telling to a stand up
comedian friend of mine. He's a professional stand up
comedian and I'm like, tell me, what if this
(33:34):
sucks or what? He's like, it's awesome. You're gonna kill it, dude.
You just gotta do it. So he's a really
funny guy. So you know, I know he would be honest with me. So I'm
pretty confident that it's gonna go really well.
Right? but since I've
never done it, I'm, I'm nervous,
I'm scared. I'm like, oh, this is, this is sketchy.
(33:54):
What if I, you know, I'm catastrophizing before I left, I'm
like, what if I, what if I get strep Throat.
What if my flights get canceled? What if I get up there? What if
there's a snowstorm and there are snowstorms hitting the first part
of this? What if nobody shows up? What if, what if, what if, what
if? So I made up a little
poem. I was like washing dishes
and, and I'm, washing dishes, trying, like, freaking
(34:17):
out, like, oh my God, I have to go on book tour. And it goes like
this. What's done is
done, the die is cast.
So let's hit the road and kick some ass. And that's
what I'm saying to myself like
before I go on stage during this tour, because
I don't know, I don't know how this, I don't know
(34:37):
how this tour is going to go. I don't know how the book's going to
do. You know, I've done everything I can
to promote this thing. I'm here talking with you.
Thank you very much. I've done podcast, I've
done social media, I've done interviews, I've done all
this stuff. It could flop. It could
flop, you know, people, it could. And.
(34:58):
But I'm never going to know unless I try.
So I have to be to
step outside my comfort zone
and just try.
>> Wendy Valentine (35:09):
And just enjoy it.
>> D. Randall Blythe (35:10):
Ah, yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (35:12):
just like you said earlier, like, shit, like, you're alive, you're
breathing, like.
>> D. Randall Blythe (35:15):
Yeah, yeah, this is not the end of the world. But
I am a catastrophizer, you know, I
can like draw a logical sequence of events
in my mind as a child of the 1970s,
like yourself. Yeah.
Raised during the Cold War, I forget to
go to the grocery store to pick up yogurt from my girlfriend
(35:36):
and my brain kicks off and there is a logical sequence of
events drawn that ends in the like, just
global nuclear holocaust. It's
ridiculous because. And it's rude that, let's face
it, is narcissistic behavior. Right.
It's just the other side of the egomaniac
coin because, even though I'm thinking all this negative stuff
about me, me, me, what is the common
(35:59):
denominator at the root of those thoughts? Me.
And so it's like the social media algorithm, you
know, the more I think about me, the worse it gets.
You look at just one picture of a girl with a big
butt and a bikini on the social media and the next thing
you know, your feed is wall to wall ass.
My feed is negative
(36:20):
and. And it's horrible. So mine is just wall
to wall Armageddon and you caused it.
So I have to Step away
from that. I have to. I have to be like,
dude, you're not that important. You're freaking
out. Get right sized, man. and just do the
best that you can.
>> Wendy Valentine (36:38):
Made me think about. Well, there was the, What was the one chapter?
I think it was called the War or something like that. Basically, like the war.
>> D. Randall Blythe (36:44):
My war.
>> Wendy Valentine (36:46):
Your war? Yes, my war.
>> D. Randall Blythe (36:47):
No, it's called my war. That's a black flag. Sorry.
>> Wendy Valentine (36:50):
It's not your words.
>> D. Randall Blythe (36:51):
My. Well, you have your own war. Trust.
>> Wendy Valentine (36:54):
I have my own war. Yeah. And I think what the two
guys in your head were, What was the name?
Dark. Miss The Dark. Mister. Mister Dark.
>> D. Randall Blythe (37:02):
The dark one who is. Yes. A dark
one. And then Mr. Relentless Optimism.
>> Wendy Valentine (37:08):
Yes, that was. Yeah, that's funny. So how do you
manage those guys?
>> D. Randall Blythe (37:14):
like, I. Well, a. I recognize,
trying to keep those guys because I was writing about it. I'm
not schizophrenic for anyone listening. I don't really have,
like.
>> Wendy Valentine (37:23):
I mean, in some ways, we all kind of.
>> D. Randall Blythe (37:25):
We all are.
>> Wendy Valentine (37:25):
Right.
>> D. Randall Blythe (37:26):
A little bit. You know, I. You know, I'm. I'm not
having, like. There's not voices telling me you
must do the podcast. I mean, you need medication
if you're hearing outside voices, but yeah. We have two
aspects of my personality that manifest
when I think, when I'm dealing with.
Particularly with unpleasant or stressful
(37:47):
situations. And one is like, this
overly optimistic guy, like,
almost like toxically positive, like,
yay, the world. It's. It's a
beautiful place. We have so much, like,
happiness and love, and then there's so much progress,
and he's just like, everything is great. Positive mental
attitude. And that. That's necessary. It is
(38:09):
necessary to have a positive mental attitude. But
there are real problems in the world, too, and there
are real injustices and there are real things
that if we're going to fix them, we have to at least
acknowledge them. So being
overly optimistic all the
time, you know, if you were to hear your
friend got assaulted on the street, you're
(38:32):
not going to be like, yeah,
you know, you're gonna show some empathy because
that's up. and it's. It's
upsetting. Yeah. Now, on the other side, there's
like this dark one, this dark person inside
my brain who likes to
isolate himself from the rest of humanity. He's
(38:52):
really judgmental. He's really cynical.
He sees, foul
motives beneath everything.
And that guy, you know, there
is up. Happening in the world, but
that guy sucks, too, because he doesn't see Any of the
good stuff. And so he, he is, you
know, he's no fun at parties. Nobody wants to hang
(39:14):
out with the constantly angry, bummed out
guy who hates everything. I mean,
and, and so these two characters,
like, if something's like, stressful,
or whatever, there's one guy who's just like, I knew it. I know it. The
world sucks. And then there's the other guy who's like, it's
not so bad, you know, you're gon be okay. You're gonna be
(39:35):
okay.
>> Wendy Valentine (39:36):
Rainbows and sprinkles.
>> D. Randall Blythe (39:37):
Yeah, exactly. It's like, you know,
unicorns farting everywhere. Like,
like there's, there's got to be
a balance between those two guys.
>> Wendy Valentine (39:47):
So for me, it's like the middle path, like the middle way.
>> D. Randall Blythe (39:50):
Yeah. Dealing with those guys is A,
recognizing that those guys exist within
myself. And, and B,
just kind of when, when I'm get
overly excited one way or the other,
recognizing that, you know, whatever this situation
is, this too shall pass.
>> Wendy Valentine (40:08):
Yeah, I love that.
>> D. Randall Blythe (40:09):
You know, no matter if it's bad, this
too shall pass. If it's really good, this
too shall pass. So this
happiness, constant happiness, is
not a sustainable state.
>> Wendy Valentine (40:22):
Not realistic. No.
>> D. Randall Blythe (40:24):
Happiness is a transitory emotion. And then
being bummed out all the time is not a sustainable
state either, because you'll just. You'll kill yourself
eventually, you know?
>> Wendy Valentine (40:34):
Yeah.
I think I had said earlier today, I think it was, oh,
Instagram Live. And I had said, you know, we have
19 basic emotions. As a human being, we
are meant to experience all of these emotions.
Right. You're a human being. Being human, like,
just. It's normal. It's normal to have
this positive and negative. It's the duality, it's
(40:55):
the dichotomy of life. It's totally
freaking normal. If you fight it, it's going to fight you
back.
>> D. Randall Blythe (41:01):
Yes.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:01):
But it made me think, like, did you ever hear the. The tale of the two
wolves?
>> D. Randall Blythe (41:05):
That story on each shoulder.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:07):
Yeah, that or like, it. The little boy went to the
grandfather and the grandfather was saying that he has
this, like, awful fight, this conflict going inside
of him all the time. The two wolves.
>> D. Randall Blythe (41:18):
And.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:19):
Yeah, happy, angelic, peaceful wolf. And the
other wolf is angry and mean, resentful. And little
kid said, well, which one wins? He said, which. Whichever one you
feed.
>> D. Randall Blythe (41:29):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:29):
And. But at the same time, it's kind of like you
do want to feed both. You can't. Like you said, you can't be
all happy wolf all the time. You can't be all angry wolf
all the time and just. I. I don't know. For
me, I have found in my life, it's just becoming aware
of it, being able to just listen
and recognize it, like, oh, there goes my critic
(41:50):
again. There goes my cheerleader. Like, okay, cool.
Yeah, got y'all.
>> D. Randall Blythe (41:54):
You know, the cheerleader. Very real
people.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:57):
Yep. Yeah, I know, right? Yeah, exactly.
And, yeah, it's. It's normal. It's normal to experience
all that.
>> D. Randall Blythe (42:05):
It is. And I think for me,
I think the older I get, I think I've
dealt with some depression since I was a young
kid. I was a very sensitive
child, who wanted everything to
be okay and everybody to be okay. A
great warrior. And then at a
relatively young age, I learned that the world was
(42:27):
not going to behave in a just and fair
way all the time. So that made me upset and
made me sad. And then being. Feeling
sadness for me kind
of is like, I viewed it as wrong. I think
in some way, it's like, what's wrong with me? Why am I
sad? Why. Why am I feeling these
(42:48):
feelings? And so I struggled against the
fact that I would feel these feelings of
sadness or. Or, you know,
being bummed out about things. It's like, what. You
shouldn't feel that way. You know, that's bad. That's bad.
And sort of repress that
or. Or masked it in anger. A lot of
(43:08):
anger.
>> Wendy Valentine (43:08):
Yes.
>> D. Randall Blythe (43:09):
So, Yeah, I mean, basically
that I was a walking middle finger for a long
time. That was my entire existence.
So I've come to
in midlife, trying to do the
midlife makeover here. Like,
I've come to. When I feel
sadness now over the last. I don't know, it's been
(43:31):
the last, like, I guess five to 10 years. It's
really this. I say to myself, you know what?
You're a little bummed out today,
and you're a human being, and
sometimes I'll be sad for no reason.
>> Wendy Valentine (43:45):
Yep.
>> D. Randall Blythe (43:45):
Yeah. You know, no reason. And.
And I used to be like, what the is wrong with you?
Square yourself away, soldier. Because I'm a man,
right?
Like, Like, that
is not realistic. So now I'm just like, maybe you're
just sad today because the chemicals in your brain,
(44:06):
the. The electrical impulses are
firing. We. Yeah, yeah, today. And
it's gonna be okay, dude, because this too shall
pass. And just let myself feel it and be like,
you're human.
>> Wendy Valentine (44:18):
Yeah.
>> D. Randall Blythe (44:19):
Which is. Is been hard for me
to accept, which sounds
so stupid, because I'm almost
54 years old, and I'm like,
dude, you're a human being.
That sounds idiotic. Yeah. It's been a
tough struggle.
>> Wendy Valentine (44:35):
Yeah. I used to really fight my bad
days. Like, I would try to turn it around. I'm like, yeah. Just not
going to do it.
>> D. Randall Blythe (44:42):
It.
>> Wendy Valentine (44:42):
I'm just not gonna. I mean, now I just like, yeah, it's fine, Whatever.
>> D. Randall Blythe (44:45):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (44:46):
And I'd have.
>> D. Randall Blythe (44:47):
No.
>> Wendy Valentine (44:47):
There'd be no reason. I don't know.
>> D. Randall Blythe (44:48):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (44:49):
Why I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. But it is what
it is, like. And I always, like, the next day I'm like, I'm fine.
>> D. Randall Blythe (44:55):
Right. Yeah. And I think if
you were continually like that. Yeah, you are
continually. Don't get me wrong. It's. I'm not
saying, like, just be bummed out all the time, because if you're
continually just in distress
and. And upset and. And I
mean, the world right now is a crazy place. So, like, it's
(45:15):
like, it's a lot of input that can
really upset you. You know, that's okay. But if you're
stuck in this, like,
hopelessness, you need
to evaluate, that
and. And take a look at those feelings and
maybe get some help or. Or, you know, see what you
can change in your life. But if you're just having a bad day,
(45:37):
man, it's okay. Let it go. I
was stuck in. And, you know, I'm really sorry to
hear about your brother. It breaks my heart.
>> Wendy Valentine (45:45):
Yeah.
>> D. Randall Blythe (45:45):
Every time I hear that. Because I said one of my people, and
I cannot. I cannot
count on all five of these
being each hand. Fingers. 10 fingers and 10 toes.
I cannot count the amount of friends I have who are
dead now in the music business
alone, you know, from
addiction, so.
>> Wendy Valentine (46:06):
It's awful. Yeah.
>> D. Randall Blythe (46:07):
Yeah. I was stuck in that. And
I felt hopeless.
>> Wendy Valentine (46:13):
I'm so, so grateful for
him in so many ways
and his addictions actually, like, his.
I would. I've always said he's my greatest teacher in life.
>> D. Randall Blythe (46:24):
Yes.
>> Wendy Valentine (46:25):
Through his darkness, I learned
more about light, actually. And
I'll have to tell you that the. The
first time he went into a coma,
I'll never forget this moment. And I. I walked
over the threshold in the. In the ICU,
and my brother's like. He was like 6 foot 5, big
guy. His, like, feet were hanging off of the bed. You
(46:47):
know, he was so big.
>> D. Randall Blythe (46:49):
And I remember weird details. You remember, right?
>> Wendy Valentine (46:52):
I know, right? Like, yeah. And the beeping and the machine.
>> D. Randall Blythe (46:55):
That's the writer in you, by the way.
>> Wendy Valentine (46:57):
What's that. What'd you say?
>> D. Randall Blythe (46:58):
That's the writer in you.
>> Wendy Valentine (46:59):
Oh, yes. Thank you. Yeah. But I
remember like walking over that
threshold and
the most. It was as that moment
should be, the worst moment, but it was one of the most
beautiful moments of my life because
for the very first time,
(47:20):
like, I just saw him,
a soul with a body, not a body with a soul.
>> D. Randall Blythe (47:27):
Right.
>> Wendy Valentine (47:28):
Like, all of his labels, the addiction labels,
the. All of it, like there was none.
He was just this beautiful soul.
And I finally, like. Not that I didn't have
compassion for him before, I just
really, really got it.
>> D. Randall Blythe (47:45):
Right.
>> Wendy Valentine (47:45):
Get it. Like, and we used to call each other dude, right? I'm m. Like,
I get it, dude. I fucking get it.
I know, like, you're struggling so bad
and your poor body is just like
beat down.
>> D. Randall Blythe (47:58):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (47:59):
And. But that to me, I.
I felt like from that moment on,
like as if I had different and rose colored glasses. From
that I could see more of people's
struggles and challenges and that I
understand. I mean, we all have, right? We all have
a story.
You have a story, I have a story. Everybody has a fucking
(48:20):
story. And it's what you make of that story. Do
the best that you can. And like you said earlier about what can
you control? Like what? Like the Serenity
prayer, right?
>> D. Randall Blythe (48:29):
The God 100.
>> Wendy Valentine (48:30):
Yeah. To accept the things I cannot change, the courage
to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
>> D. Randall Blythe (48:36):
Like.
>> Wendy Valentine (48:37):
Yeah, like what? Like, and I, that I would remind
myself. I still remind myself of that. Like, what can I
do?
>> D. Randall Blythe (48:44):
May I ask you a question?
>> Wendy Valentine (48:46):
You may.
>> D. Randall Blythe (48:47):
What was he addicted to?
>> Wendy Valentine (48:49):
Everything and then some, right?
>> D. Randall Blythe (48:52):
Like, yeah, he's a garbage can like me.
>> Wendy Valentine (48:55):
Yeah. Yeah. And probably since, not
probably since a teenager.
Cocaine, alcohol,
prescription drugs.
>> D. Randall Blythe (49:05):
Yes.
>> Wendy Valentine (49:05):
He was sober for a
few years, but he was still like,
popping the pills.
>> D. Randall Blythe (49:12):
Oh, I did that too.
>> Wendy Valentine (49:13):
Yeah. He was head of aa.
>> D. Randall Blythe (49:15):
I did that for about. I did that for about four or
five years. I would quit drinking for,
at one time, I think I made it to three months.
Right.
>> Wendy Valentine (49:24):
Yeah.
>> D. Randall Blythe (49:24):
Because my, My ex,
now ex wife at the time, she had had enough
of my nonsense because I'm coming home and I
being an asshole, you know? And, I can't
drink when I'm around her, so I come off tour and not
drink. But I would still be
eating, my favorite was pain pills. Eating a lot
(49:45):
of opiate pain pills.
>> Wendy Valentine (49:46):
Yeah.
>> D. Randall Blythe (49:46):
it's a little placeholder. So I'm like. But
at least I'm not drinking Exactly.
>> Wendy Valentine (49:52):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, yeah,
it's horseshit.
>> D. Randall Blythe (49:56):
So yeah, it's impossible,
it's impossible for, for
people who
have, do, not have this addiction for them
to truly understand it. And I'm very
glad to hear that you had a moment
of understanding because a lot of people never
(50:17):
get there. I never get there. And it's.
And I know like my mom,
right. she, she is so
grateful that I am sober. Clean and sober, you
know. And she tells me, sweet Southern lady, she's
like, so. I'm so grateful. Honey, you're so,
you're so, you know, in her sweet southern voice. But
(50:37):
she doesn't
understand it, doesn't get it. I took
years, she, I took years off her life
of her worrying, you know, that I was going to
die. But she, and she
understands that that's a real thing for me.
But she doesn't, she can't understand it because
(50:58):
she at Christmas has
a glass or two of wine and it's like,
that's enough. Yeah, I don't, I don't want to, I
don't want to drink too much more. I don't like that feeling. And I'm
like, you don't understand. You're just getting
started. That's when the good stuff happens.
So we are, we are at an atomic
(51:20):
cellular level, different being. So
yeah, I'm, you know, I'm glad you had that
moment of understanding. That's, that's a, that's a gift that
a lot of people don't get.
>> Wendy Valentine (51:31):
Yeah. I feel bad for him and my God, he,
he really, really suffered and probably the,
the most high functioning addict I've ever met.
>> D. Randall Blythe (51:39):
Right.
>> Wendy Valentine (51:40):
I mean it's incredible. I'm like, how do you do that?
>> D. Randall Blythe (51:43):
Yeah. There I, I know people
that, that functioned for a long,
long time like that. Yeah. But
then like your brother.
>> Wendy Valentine (51:54):
Yeah. It actually functioning.
My love for writing started right
when he passed, so.
The creativity just started flowing.
>> D. Randall Blythe (52:05):
Yeah. Well we all, we all
process things in, in a different way.
and it's There
I've been through some really crappy stuff in my life
and I am not grateful that those
things happen. I'm not like, yay, it's awesome
that I went to prison in a foreign
(52:25):
country like Right. But
I look at that and I'm like, well
that happened. What can I, what can I learn from
this? Yeah, can I take from this? Because if I don't use
again, if I, yeah. If I don't. It's a
shame. What a Waste, you know, what a waste of
the human experience. The good, the bad
(52:46):
life in all its
terror and glory.
>> Wendy Valentine (52:52):
Yeah. I mean, at any moment you can always choose again.
And it's an opportunity to learn and to do something
different. Right. Like.
>> D. Randall Blythe (52:59):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (53:00):
I love, by the way, the, the chapter is like,
I guess it was right when Covid hit, you bought the land. And
was it Ecuador?
>> D. Randall Blythe (53:07):
Ecuador, Ecuador.
>> Wendy Valentine (53:10):
I mean, how cool is that? So you're doing good for the
world.
>> D. Randall Blythe (53:13):
I'm trying, you know, that was like Covid
hit. And my life was. Personal life
was in great turmoil at that
time.
Beyond Covid, my professional life was
in great turmoil because
you. Nobody was touring and I, while
my supposed title is professional
(53:34):
musician, in fact I am a
glorified traveling black T shirt
salesman. That's how musicians make their
money is cotton.
>> Wendy Valentine (53:46):
Not the Run DMC T shirt though.
>> D. Randall Blythe (53:48):
No, not the Run dmc. I still gotta find it, whatever that
means. I'm in New York City right now, so maybe I'll go get one. I'll
go down to Chinatown, get a bootleg. but
like, like my life was
totally screwed up on multiple
levels and my job was basically
gone. And you know, I can't complain
about that because a lot of people had it a lot
(54:11):
worse. They, lost their businesses and everything.
and people died. So. But I was
very unsettled, you
know, very unsure. Things were very uncertain.
and my buddy in Ecuador who I'd been serving with is like, hey
man, this land is for sale and it's gonna go
and it's cheap right now. And you know,
(54:31):
I know now sucks in your life and
everywhere, but it would be a good time to buy this. And I'm
like, I was so mad
that my buddy Carlos had sent me that,
knowing how up my life was personally and
knowing how up the world was. And I was like, like,
carlos, what the dude? Like, I love him.
But I was pissed. Almost, teared
(54:53):
up. I was like, you can't. Like you expect this of
me. And then I thought about it and I was like,
you idiot. Now is the perfect time to do
this. Now. When it's uncertain, this is when
it matters. When you try to do the right
thing, this is when it matters.
When, when the rubber hits the road, when it
gets hard. When it gets hard. If you see an
(55:15):
opportunity to do the right thing, do
it now, you know? Yeah, do it now. And I
did. And it's, it's, it's
a wonderful thing. And so we bought, I
think I Have something like, the equivalent of, like, 30
football fields.
>> Wendy Valentine (55:31):
Yeah. Was it
cameo or something like that?
>> D. Randall Blythe (55:35):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do
cameo. It's been turned off for the last couple of months
because I've been.
>> Wendy Valentine (55:41):
Dang it. Wait until November 27th. You're singing
for me.
>> D. Randall Blythe (55:45):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (55:45):
my birthday.
>> D. Randall Blythe (55:46):
No, it'll be back on before then. Y'all. Y'all buy
her. I won't be a cameo. It'll be back on by then.
But I've had to turn it off for. For book tour, but, like.
But I've been able to fund, like,
this purchase of this land in Ecuador, which was
former cattle land, by doing the
cameo thing and singing people happy birthday or whatever.
And it's been wonderful. So.
(56:09):
And. And we're trying to. You know, we've been able to employ some
local people there because my friend Carlos is Ecuadorian.
I can't just be this gringo guy that buys this land in
Ecuador. And it's like, look at me. I'm protecting the environment
because, you know, there's poor people there.
>> Wendy Valentine (56:24):
yeah.
>> D. Randall Blythe (56:25):
You know, you. You have. If you want to help the.
The world and the community, you have to also help the humans
within it. So we're trying to figure out a way to make this,
you know, a. A valid form of,
like, income for local people there. But,
yeah, it was very scary at first because I was like, I'm just gonna.
I bought this land, and it was. You know,
(56:46):
it was cheap. Like, it cost millions in
America, but I got it for thousands.
Yeah, but it was a big chunk of my
savings. And. And I was like, well, I'll just
go on tour because Covid won't last forever, right? And.
And then we just didn't tour for, like, two years. I'm like, what
the.
>> Wendy Valentine (57:04):
You know, nuts.
>> D. Randall Blythe (57:06):
So, like.
>> Wendy Valentine (57:07):
But you know what I. What I found interesting for me
and in my experiences of, like, should I
do this? And there's that quote of leap and the
net will appear. And I have found that once
you leap, even if it's leaping
into the unknown and the uncertainty, the
net will appear. And really, to me, the net is
(57:27):
you. Right? You. Like, it's trusting yourself
that you'll figure the shit out. And.
>> D. Randall Blythe (57:32):
Yes.
>> Wendy Valentine (57:33):
And when. When I feel like you. You do something, if
you listen to your heart, you listen to your soul, you
just trust. Like, the universe just
rolls out this red carpet, like, okay, I got you.
Like, the next thing comes in line, and. And then
that's taken care of, and that's taken Care of. And it's
just relaxing and detaching from it
all. Knowing you'll figure it out.
>> D. Randall Blythe (57:55):
Yes. And that is
the big struggle in my head is like just
not trying to figure everything
out in advance because.
>> Wendy Valentine (58:05):
The subtle art of not giving a fuck.
>> D. Randall Blythe (58:07):
Yeah, I just, I. I don't have the
answers. I just have to try.
And the thing is though, you know,
it's like when someone's looking for a
job and they're.
I remember a friend of mine was looking for a job a while
back and she was trying to get. Get
everything straight and like, I don't know what
(58:30):
to do. I'm not qualified for this. I'm not qualified for this.
I can't do this. I can't do this. And
just paralyzed. And I was like, you know what?
You are guaranteed to not
get 100 of the jobs you don't apply
for.
>> Wendy Valentine (58:46):
It's true.
>> D. Randall Blythe (58:47):
Yeah. Like you are
guaranteed, that, that
you know, it's not gonna work. So you, you just
have to try sometimes. And, and it's, you
know, you just gotta go out and have a little faith in
yourself, you know? Yeah. You have
to. Don't.
>> Wendy Valentine (59:03):
Don't allow the dark one to take over.
>> D. Randall Blythe (59:06):
That's right, the dark one.
>> Wendy Valentine (59:08):
Randy, you're so.
>> D. Randall Blythe (59:10):
Dark one.
>> Wendy Valentine (59:12):
You are so awesome.
>> D. Randall Blythe (59:14):
Well, thank you. I think you're pretty dang on awesome
yourself. And I like your glasses. Glasses.
>> Wendy Valentine (59:19):
Oh, yeah. Wait, look, let me show you.
>> D. Randall Blythe (59:21):
This is so cool.
>> Wendy Valentine (59:23):
Ready for it?
Oh, I know.
Aren't they groovy?
>> D. Randall Blythe (59:30):
getting. They're getting thicker and thicker.
>> Wendy Valentine (59:32):
I know, right?
Oh, those are nice. You look good in glasses. I'm going for
pink. Bam.
So yes, everyone. I mean, if it's not
obvious, you need to buy the book. So good.
>> D. Randall Blythe (59:48):
Please, please.
>> Wendy Valentine (59:50):
Hopefully I'll get to see when I'm on my book tour. Hopefully
I'll see you on.
>> D. Randall Blythe (59:53):
Sure, man.
>> Wendy Valentine (59:54):
Your book tour. I'll be in Chicago in three
weeks and then who knows, wherever the RV takes
me.
>> D. Randall Blythe (01:00:00):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going to be driving the rv.
>> Wendy Valentine (01:00:02):
I'm driving the rv. You can come meet Felicia.
>> D. Randall Blythe (01:00:05):
Sick.
>> Wendy Valentine (01:00:06):
That's her name.
>> D. Randall Blythe (01:00:08):
I'll look up. Yeah, I'll look up your tour dates
and I will for sure come out.
Out. And when does the book come out?
>> Wendy Valentine (01:00:16):
let's see. Pre order starts, I think in a few weeks. And then pub
date. As you know the lingo. Pub
date.
>> D. Randall Blythe (01:00:22):
Pub date.
>> Wendy Valentine (01:00:23):
Update. Pub date. Pub date is
99999.
It's this whole book thing. It's such a Process.
>> D. Randall Blythe (01:00:32):
It really is.
>> Wendy Valentine (01:00:33):
And talk about trusting the
unknown and uncertainty and.
>> D. Randall Blythe (01:00:39):
Right. Well, you have an established publisher. but
I'll tell you, man, so do I.
But m. In publishing, the
world has been turned upside down by technology
and so we really have to, We're.
>> Wendy Valentine (01:00:53):
We're the. We're the salesman. We're like selling
the T shirts, right?
>> D. Randall Blythe (01:00:57):
Yes. That's why I'm going on tour. Because,
like, you know, I'm wondering how, like, you
already have a built in audience. You have your podcast audience.
It does.
>> Wendy Valentine (01:01:06):
Well, do you have a podcast?
>> D. Randall Blythe (01:01:08):
No. I need to have one.
>> Wendy Valentine (01:01:10):
I was think you'd be really good at it. You'd
be awesome.
>> D. Randall Blythe (01:01:14):
Yeah, I've got to do that. In between
being touring with Lamb of
God and being a photographer and the
occasional acting gig, I gotta fit in the podcast.
>> Wendy Valentine (01:01:25):
M. You can just podcast while you're
surfing.
>> D. Randall Blythe (01:01:28):
Well, yeah, surfing is my disconnect
from. From everything.
But. But no, it's like you really
have to. To push yourself,
because the traditional routes of,
of publicizing a book are
disappearing, so.
>> Wendy Valentine (01:01:47):
I know, I know.
>> D. Randall Blythe (01:01:48):
So sad.
>> Wendy Valentine (01:01:49):
I'm gonna remember your poem though, so I can say that when I
go.
>> D. Randall Blythe (01:01:52):
Okay. It goes, you know, when I go.
>> Wendy Valentine (01:01:54):
On the Today show.
>> D. Randall Blythe (01:01:55):
Yes. What's done is done. The
die is cast. Let's hit the
road and kick some m ass. Kick
some ass. Kick some ass.
>> Wendy Valentine (01:02:06):
You gotta say it like that.
>> D. Randall Blythe (01:02:06):
Kick some ass.
>> Wendy Valentine (01:02:08):
That's like the dark one comes in on that one. He's like, yeah,
that's right, baby. Thank you,
Randy.
>> D. Randall Blythe (01:02:15):
Thank you. Thank you so much. It's been a wonderful discussion.
>> Wendy Valentine (01:02:18):
Have an awesome, awesome book tour. I know you will.
Kick some ass.
>> D. Randall Blythe (01:02:23):
Gonna try my best.
>> Wendy Valentine (01:02:25):
Did this podcast inspire you? Challenge
you, trigger you to make a change or spit out your coffee
laughing? Good. Then there are three ways you can
thank me. Number one, you can leave a written review
of this podcast on Apple iTunes. Number
two, you can take a screenshot of the episode and
share it on social media. And tag me Wendy
(01:02:45):
Valentine number number three, Share it with another
midlifer that needs a makeover. You know who I'm
talking about. Thank you so much for listening to the
show. Get out there and be bold, be
free.
>> D. Randall Blythe (01:02:58):
Be.