March 4, 2025 • 67 mins
In this inspiring episode, Wendy Valentine sits down with award-winning author and advocate Francine Falk-Allen, a true force of resilience and reinvention. After contracting polio at the age of three, Francine defied the odds, built a successful career, and ultimately became a powerful voice for those navigating disabilities and aging with grace. She shares her journey of overcoming challenges, finding new passions, and embracing change—proving that it’s never too late to reinvent yourself.
Francine opens up about her childhood struggles, career pivots, and the profound healing power of writing. She also offers insights on adapting to life’s unexpected twists, the importance of shifting focus when facing adversity, and the beauty of resilience. Whether you’re facing midlife transitions or just need a dose of inspiration, this episode will remind you that you have the power to create the life you want—no matter what obstacles stand in your way.
👉 Tune in for a conversation that’s witty, wise, and full of life lessons on embracing change, overcoming fears, and living boldly at any age!
What You’ll Learn:
✔️ How Francine overcame childhood challenges and built a fulfilling life despite her disability.
✔️ The role resilience plays in overcoming life’s setbacks.
✔️ The importance of shifting your focus and finding joy, even in difficult times.
✔️ How writing helped Francine heal and reflect on her experiences.
✔️ Practical advice for aging and adapting with grace.
✔️ Why it’s never too late to pivot, reinvent yourself, and pursue new passions.
🎧 Tune in now at themidlifemakeovershow.com or wherever you listen to podcasts!
👉 Connect with Francine
https://FrancineFalk-Allen.com www.facebook.com/francinefalkallenauthor
🌟 Explore All Things Midlife & More
📖 Grab Your Copy of Women Waking Up
🧘♀️ Find Your Inner Calm with FREEDOM Meditations
🔥 Step Into Your Best Life with FREEDOM at Midlife
🦸♀️ Unleash Your Midlife Superpowers!
🎥 Watch, Learn & Laugh on YouTube!
📸 Follow My Midlife Adventures on IG!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (00:00):
I had a childhood of challenges,
but I cultivated a lot of friendships,
and there were kids that were mean, and there were kids that took care of
me, and it just varied. You know, children can
be just like today. Today it's online
bullying a lot of times, and then it was in
person, physical bullying. So, it
(00:21):
teaches you to be stronger than you want to be. That's
essentially true. And it affected my
relationships and my choice of career. I couldn't do something
where I'd have to be standing up a lot, that type of
thing. So it's been,
a lot of ups and downs.
>> Wendy Valentine (00:37):
Hey, midlifers. Welcome to the Midlife Makeover
Show. Are you ready to break free from your
mundane midlife? Are you feeling trapped in a
vicious cycle of rinse and repeat days? No
matter if you're experiencing a divorce, hangover,
job burnout, or you just have the midlife
blues, I got you. Hey, I'm
Wendy, your. Your hostess of the midlife mostest.
(01:00):
I, too, was hit by midlife like a freight train.
I, too, felt stuck in the same dull
chapter. I wanted the clarity of how to create a
new life beyond divorce and the courage to leave
an unfulfilling career. But I kept telling
myself that I wasn't worthy, and it was just easier
to stay in my comfort zone. Until I found a
little secret. The freedom to live my life
(01:23):
my way. In this podcast, you will
learn how to achieve a vibrant midlife mind and
body, how to create solid relationships through
love and loss, and how to create an
awesome second half of life. Grab your
grande latte, pop in your earbuds, and let's
get this midlife party started.
(01:44):
Are you ready to step into the next chapter of your life
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(02:04):
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(02:27):
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Welcome to The Midlife Makeover Show. I'm your host, Wendy
(02:47):
Valentine. And today we have an incredible guest
who embodies resilience, reinvention and
living life to the fullest.
Francine Falk Allen. Francine is an
award winning author, advocate and all around
powerhouse who has spent her life
navigating the world with a disability after
contracting polio in
(03:09):
1951. Despite the challenges,
she has embraced every twist and turn with
creativity, courage and a keep looking
out the window philosophy. Always finding new
ways to grow, explore and thrive.
From running her own business for over 30 years to
becoming an acclaimed author with three books under her
(03:29):
belt, including no Spring
Chicken, A Witty and Wise Guide
to Aging and Adapting with Grace,
Francine is proof that reinvention is
always possible. Today we'll dive
into how to, how to embrace change,
find new passions when life throws curveballs, and we
know it always does, and continue
(03:50):
living boldly at any age.
So without further ado, please welcome Francine to the
show.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (04:00):
Thank you, Wendy.
>> Wendy Valentine (04:02):
Thank you for being here. I love, I think that's like my
favorite part is just doing the intro.
I wish I had like lights, camera, action.
So I, I know a little bit of your story,
but take, take us back to little
Francine. Three, years old.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (04:22):
Well, I was like any other three year old, very
active until I contracted polio.
And it starts out as a, you know, like you think you
have the flu. Of course I didn't know what it was. I'd been
sick before, but ran a temperature for a
week of about 100, which is a lot for a
kid. And then after
that started showing symptoms of
(04:45):
paralysis. So I was
put, in a hospital for two weeks when
my parents couldn't touch me. And I don't think
they visited me very much because it was too upsetting for
everyone. And they figured it'd be better to just let
me be there until the quarantine period was over.
And then I went to a rehab facility and I
(05:05):
was there for six months. They told my parents I would
never walk again, I'd be in a wheelchair my whole life.
And that wasn't my future.
So the physical therapists were very
helpful and they got me up and walking.
And by the time I was six,
I was, not wearing a brace anymore. Of
course now, I'm 77. And
(05:28):
when I was in my late
50s or early 60s, I started having symptoms of
post polio, which is when you
begin, to have early weakness. Every, everybody's
motor neurons wear out as we Age. But for
polio people, it happens sooner. So
I had a childhood of. Of challenges.
(05:49):
And, I. But I cultivated a lot of
friendships, and there were kids that were mean, and there
were kids that took care of me, and it just varied. You
know, children can be just like today. Today
it's online bullying a lot of times. And then it was
in person, physical bullying. So,
it teaches you to be stronger than you want to be.
(06:10):
That's essentially true. And it affected my
relationships and my choice of career. I couldn't do something
where I'd have to be standing up a lot, that type of
thing. So it's been,
a lot of ups and downs. I'm married. I've
been married for, what, almost 27
years. We were together five years before that.
(06:30):
And, tried to live a life like
everybody else's, although it hasn't been exactly like
everybody else's. And I started writing in
my, early 60s.
>> Wendy Valentine (06:41):
Yeah, I know. We were talking about that earlier. And
so what did you do before that? What was your career before
you started writing?
>> Francine Falk-Allen (06:48):
I had a career in bookkeeping,
and tax work. I had a degree. I have a. I have
a BA in managerial,
accounting. And I went into tax
work, which is really grueling.
It's not an easy career.
But I did form a lot of friendships. it's
(07:09):
one of those things where, you end up having a support
group for tax preparers, you know, and. And
we still have really good friendships from that. But I
liked my clients a lot, so I stuck with it for a long
time.
>> Wendy Valentine (07:22):
You had mentioned about, like, you would have chosen
something else. Right. But you couldn't stand for too
long.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (07:29):
Yeah. Well, you. You can always
say, I wish I would have done this. I wish I would have done that.
But, But, I really liked
architecture. The thing is, with architecture in those days,
it was very difficult for. For a woman to break into it.
And I talked with a girlfriend who was an architect. I've only
known, like, three women architects in
(07:49):
this.
>> Wendy Valentine (07:50):
I know.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (07:50):
I think.
>> Wendy Valentine (07:50):
Yeah, I don't know that many. I think maybe
one or two.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (07:54):
Yeah. And I talked with, actually, a couple
of them a couple times, and they said, the thing is, Francine, you have
to climb around in construction sites and stuff, and it's a little
bit dangerous. And, if you have a tendency
towards stripping and falling, you'd really be at risk.
And I do. I mean, because one of my legs is mostly
paralyzed, so. So I thought, okay, well, maybe I
(08:15):
wouldn't have been able to do that so well. But, you
know, there's. I don't know, I don't know what other career
I might have had. I looked into, PR work
because I like to make a lot of connections between people
and I keep in touch with hundreds of people.
But, with PR work, you have to work your way up in
a company usually. It's not usually something where you go in and say, I'm
(08:35):
going to be your PR person. Yeah, you,
build on the relationships that you have and it takes many
years to do that. So I couldn't really switch over to public
relations either. So I just stuck with tax work. It was
okay.
>> Wendy Valentine (08:48):
Yeah, I was going to ask you, did you enjoy it?
>> Francine Falk-Allen (08:51):
Well, I like puzzles, I like figuring things out, I
like doing research. And what I didn't like
was the stress of it that, you know, I had
contractors come in and cry in my office
because they made a lot of money, but they spent it and they
didn't have money to pay their taxes and they would just break
down, you know, oh, I can't pay $6,000. And
I'd be like, yeah, I know what that's like because I'm going to owe
(09:13):
$6,000 too. You know, I just listened to
it and, and the stress of the deadlines
was horrible. You know, 70 hour work weeks.
And sometimes I'd have my head down on my desk
at 10:00 at night and just, why did I get into this? You
know? But I really liked my clients and
I liked helping them not pay as much tax as they would have paid
(09:33):
if they did it on their own. So, yeah,
yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (09:37):
How did, how did the whole writing thing come about?
>> Francine Falk-Allen (09:42):
Friends would say to me, you should write a book. Because I
would, when, when we were especially in my tax
group, we would email each other what was going on
with our, you know, in our personal lives.
And I would remember things that happened throughout my
life and I would send them little vignettes. Oh, that reminds me of this
story. And I'd write like a few paragraphs
(10:03):
and people kept saying, you should write a book,
you write well. You know. And I always liked to
write. So I thought, well, what would I write about?
And I thought, well, there's one thing I know a lot about, and that
is living with a disability, with a lifelong
disability. So I thought, okay, I'll write my
memoir. And I did. And I rewrote
it 17 times. It was my
(10:25):
first book, was a lot of work I had. I tried, two
or three different editors and landed with One that I really
love. And she really got my voice and really
helped me. there were. There were times
when one time she said, you have to. I think I mentioned this
to you before, you have to cut the chapter about your father
because the book's too long. I said, no, no.
(10:46):
I got this at night and I cried. And I wrote her
this long email back, and I said, that's
really important to me because it was
not only having a disability
affected my relationships with m Men,
later on, you know, whether they were going to be with me or not. It's
one thing to have a girlfriend, it's another thing to have a wife with
a disability. And it took me a long time to understand
(11:08):
that. But also, because I lost my
father so young, I was really focused on
guys. You know, I just thought it was so important to have a guy
in your life, because I hadn't had one.
So the loss of my father was as
significant for me as having had
polio. So she gets the email.
She. She called me in the morning, and she said, it's
(11:30):
okay. Cut something else.
So we decided to cut out the
material that was basically self help. And
that's what was the beginning of no Spring
Chicken, the book that talks about traveling
with a disability and how to.
I. There's a lot of, material in there about the yoga
that I do every morning and. And the pool exercises
(11:53):
I do and places that you can go that are
easy for a person with a disability to
travel or even. You know, there are a lot of people that are
starting to get wonky knees in midlife, and
it's more difficult to walk long
distances. So there's a lot of. A lot of material
in there about how to enjoy your life, even if it's getting
more difficult physically. Boy, I'm just
(12:15):
chattering, oh, no, it's good.
>> Wendy Valentine (12:17):
It's so good. I'm like, oh, my God. There's so many, like, bullet
points just from that what you just said. But
it's amazing that you've used your life in
such a positive way. It. Whereas some
people, like, we all have choices, right? If something horrible
happens to us, we can either go this way or we can go that
way. And you chose to make something
(12:37):
positive with all of it, and
you're still going. You haven't stopped.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (12:42):
That's true. That's true. And,
I've had this conversation with several other people that have
disabilities, that have lifelong disabilities, particularly
polio survivors. Not everyone
had residual paralysis, but almost
all of us end up having early
weakness and fatigue. And,
(13:02):
in some ways it's almost
psychologically easier to have a
lifelong disability because you have a lot of time to adapt to
it, get used to it. And people who have
something happen, like a stroke or loss of
limb or something like that later in
life, it's depressing because you
were used to having a fully functional body
(13:24):
and now something really important
seems to be gone or is gone. So it's,
it's like, it's almost like loss of a spouse
or loss of a best friend or something like that. It
affects you every single day. A lot of people,
you know, it's, it's, it's hard for them to adapt to
that. So we've had a whole lifetime. Oh, yeah, I
(13:45):
know it hurts. Oh, yeah. I have to use crutches again.
Well, at least it'll be temporary. Well, it might not be
temporary, but I'll do something else if I can't do that. You know,
that's an attitude that, that you develop when you've
had long, term disability.
>> Wendy Valentine (13:59):
It's interesting that you say that because I had a
conversation with a friend a couple weeks ago
and, we were saying, like, her husband
actually had not had an amazing
childhood. Like one of those, like, wee, Everything was
wonderful and like cupcakes and
ice cream and everything's great. And everyone treated him
well and. But then had trauma
(14:22):
as an adult, and I'd wondered about
that. I was like, you know, I wonder. I had trauma,
well, a lot of trauma throughout my life,
but especially even as a child. And
I kind of going back to what you're saying, it's
like you almost. Not that you want a child to
ever experience any type of trauma or
heartbreak, any of that, but you almost learn to
(14:45):
adapt. Like, you become more resilient, and when
things come your way, you're like, okay, I figured that out. I
can do that. I can do that. Whereas like
you were saying, if you, if you don't experience any
of that until later on in life, then it's like,
how do I.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (15:01):
How do I. You don't have, you don't have the tools
at hand. Yeah, right. Yeah, that's true.
>> Wendy Valentine (15:07):
Yeah. And, and, But I think it's what's
so cool with human beings. We are very
resilient if we give ourselves permission to be.
And if. And it's like becoming your own best
friend and saying, okay, you got this. I can do this. I
can.
I was going to ask you, how did you, like,
between the bullies growing up and then
(15:28):
with your with your dad, like, how did you
overcome some of those doubts and those
limiting, Limiting beliefs and the
negativity that was swirling around in your mind and in your
heart and even about, like, with your own body? How did
you. How did you overcome that?
>> Francine Falk-Allen (15:44):
I think it takes time. It's not something that you
just, you know, do one thing and.
And, oh, now I'm fine, you know, it's like that,
really. And, I mean, I shed a lot of tears.
I was particularly focused,
on. Because I lost my dad so early. I was so
focused on getting a boyfriend that I thought that was the
(16:04):
most important thing, along with getting a career, because
my mother sort of gave me the.
The subtle, message without saying it, that
I might never get married because I couldn't walk like other
girls and that type of thing, you know. So,
So, So that. So it became really important, you
know, and, both of those things, having a
career and, And having a boyfriend
(16:26):
and. I don't know, over time, I
guess. In my. I mean, I had boyfriends. I had an early
marriage in my 20s. It didn't work out. He was an alcoholic. It
was really difficult. And
after having a few boyfriends, it finally
hit me late, you know, and maybe in my
40s, that it didn't really matter
(16:47):
that I had the capacity to
have a good life without a partner if. If that
happened. And looking back, I realized, you know,
you've had a bunch of boyfriends, so
probably it's gonna happen again. You're probably not
gonna die alone. And if you
did, you have a lot of girlfriends. You know, you have,
(17:08):
like, a lot of different things that you can focus
on. I always liked music. Music
was a savior for me a lot of times.
And I got into meditation work when I
was in my late 20s and early 30s.
That helped, you know, doing. Doing things
that. That, you know, focusing
on. one meditation teacher gave me
(17:30):
a meditation of, focusing on the fragrance of a
rose. Just imagining the fragrance of a
rose every morning because he knew I didn't
have an easy time. And that's a beautiful
thing to focus on. And it actually improved my sense
of smell. I could smell a jar
of open peanut butter from the other room after a
(17:50):
while, you know, so. So it just.
It takes time. You know, over time you start
to see, you know, you can make your life turn
out. You can make your life. I mean, it's like even
when something happens. I had breast cancer
20something years ago. And,
I got through it. You know, it was. It didn't kill
(18:11):
me. And I went through the treatment, and it was
difficult, and here I am, you know, it was 20 years
ago, so in that, I realized that's not
everybody's story. You know, not everyone is
fortunate that way. But I don't know, I think
resilience is something that it's. It's like a.
A tool that you learn to lose over. Learn to
use over time.
>> Wendy Valentine (18:33):
Yep. Yeah, it just. It's like a muscle. You
just have to keep strengthening it. Right.
I was going to ask you something. Oh, that's what it was. Your
books. How. How healing were those for
you, just writing your books?
>> Francine Falk-Allen (18:49):
Well, it was a type of
healing that it's not just relief. It's
learning to look at how you look at your
life. The first person
who was, a Beta reader for me is. Is a
woman who used to review
books when she lived in Scotland. She. She had
done about 250 books for the Scotsman,
(19:11):
The. The biggest paper in
Edinburgh. And, so she read it,
and she's a good friend, and she.
She, sent me notes and. And she said, you know,
you're blaming people. You're pointing fingers at
people. This is. You need to take
a step back. And I was. I was. I was pissed
off that people hadn't treated me better because of my
(19:33):
disability. You know, the things that the unkind things
a lot of people had done were. Were like
a focus for me in a lot of ways and
was like, sort of coming from limitation rather than
ability. And, so I
went through and made more I statements
and, changed it to read this is what happened to
(19:53):
me. And then people can make their own judgment
about it. I was saying things like,
you need to be more aware of
what disabled people go through. The
way to tell that story, the way to tell the
story is this is what happened to me, and let
people, like, do what they will with it.
So it was healing in that way. And
(20:16):
then also writing, the chapter about my
dad's death was pretty,
cathartic. It's not something you ever
completely get over, but I hadn't. When I was a child,
they would tell me not to cry. They would say, oh,
it's okay, you know, because at that time in the
50s, you know, you didn't send
children to therapy. Women didn't go
(20:39):
to therapy. That was for crazy people. So my mother wasn't in
therapy. And, if I cried in
the classroom thinking about my dad, right after,
you know, like six months after it had happened, the teacher
took Me in the back of the room and said, now you just
stop and you get yourself together, and
when the recess happens, you go outside and play. So
the message I got was, you don't cry over things like
(21:01):
that. You know, even though I did by myself.
So I hadn't really worked through all
of that stuff. And. And I. I did a lot
of therapy too. I did a lot of
therapy, but. Yeah, yeah, so. So it was
healing in. Because I. I began to look at
how I was looking at the world and
(21:21):
presenting myself to other people and my expectations
of other people. So those are the kinds of healing things
that happen in writing my memoir.
>> Wendy Valentine (21:30):
How old were you when your dad passed away? Maybe you said that and I
didn't catch it.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (21:34):
I was, just under seven.
>> Wendy Valentine (21:36):
Oh, gosh, that is a lot for a little girl
between the polio and then
your dad's passing within four
years.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (21:45):
And my. And my mother was kind of mean too. She was
a paddler. She used a wooden paddle on me, and
she had done that on my brother and sister as
well. My brother and sister were from a different marriage, so they
were, older teenagers when I was born.
My mother felt that. That my dad should have a child
too, so. So they weren't really. They
were more like an aunt and an uncle to me. They didn't really live
(22:08):
with me most of the time. But yeah,
that. There were three big strikes for
me. Polio,
being beaten by my mom until I was
about 8, and my dad dying with. So young.
It was. That's. That's a lot for a kid to
handle. It may m. Be a little adult too
early. Oh,
(22:30):
and another thing that happened from that is when I
was in my 20s, of course it was the 60s,
and everybody was pretty footloose.
And, and I was. I was a little
wild, you know, I. I just wanted to be free
of all of that that I had been through.
So that was another phase. It was fun,
though.
>> Wendy Valentine (22:52):
Escaping, you know, can be fun. Sometimes a little
escapism can be a little healthy.
My God, you deserved it.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (23:01):
Well, now my escapism is reading good
fiction, you know, watching
movies. That's good enough. Let them do it.
>> Wendy Valentine (23:10):
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(23:30):
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story and stories, like your life story,
(24:12):
is proof that you can break through it. And you
don't. You don't have to, like, wear
it all, like, out in the open. Like, this happened to me,
like, yep, it happened, but I got to keep moving
forward.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (24:24):
Right?
>> Wendy Valentine (24:25):
You have to keep going.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (24:26):
Right, right, right. I think. I
think, my teen years and my twenties were
more the this happened to me phase, you
know, and then it was like, you know,
people want somebody that they can have a good time with, not
somebody that, you know, goes through their litany all
the time. And I do think it's important to have friends and,
(24:47):
Or. Or a therapist that you can, you
know, talk about the difficulties with. For
sure.
>> Wendy Valentine (24:54):
It's amazing that you were doing meditation probably, what, in
the 70s?
>> Francine Falk-Allen (24:59):
Oh, yeah, yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (25:02):
You know, like, meditation is finally
getting to be, okay, well, you're not meditating. Oh,
my gosh. You know, but that's.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (25:10):
Well, I wasn't great for a
while. I wasn't. And, when I started
having more pain in my body, which is another thing that happens.
And for. For many people late in life,
in 50s, 60s, and 70s, you start to experience.
Experience joint and muscle pain sometimes.
But for polio people, it comes a little bit early.
And, so about 10 years ago, I started meditating
(25:32):
again because it really. It's not
like it makes the pain go away, but it makes it less
important. And it also,
you know, you notice it and you go, oh, yeah, that
happened. You know, so unless it's severe,
severe pain is really hard to. To
just meditate away.
>> Wendy Valentine (25:53):
Yeah, I've tried that, too. I'm
like, oh, please,
just smell the road.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (26:00):
Right?
>> Wendy Valentine (26:01):
Smell the rose and the peanut butter.
So a lot of people do actually fear change,
especially as they're getting older. So what
advice do you have for them to,
you know, to push through a lot of that fear. Fear
and to go after the things that they love.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (26:22):
I feel like it's partly just a matter of
focus. If you focus on what's wrong, that's
what you see. So
one thing that I used to do when,
you know, I'd be really upset about a
breakup of a, with a boyfriend or something like that
or, or something wasn't going well in my
(26:42):
career. Go for a
drive, someplace beautiful, go to
a park, take a book, listen
to some music. Music really is
healing for me. If a
person's not, you know,
audio based so much, then perhaps
(27:02):
visual would be, you know, more important for them
or, or maybe getting a massage if you can afford
it. but I, I think you, you have
to distract yourself just like you distract a child
and change your focus to
what can you do about this? And what, what would make you
feel good right now? You know, what would make a lot of times
(27:23):
for me, like if my husband and I have had an argument or
something. We have a pool. It's warm water pool.
I need that. That's the only kind of exercise that really works for
me other than yoga and going out there
and walking in the pool. And I, I have a
facility to turn on some music out there, listen to
music, walk back and forth, do a little exercise
(27:43):
in the water. I feel a lot better when I come back in the
house and I'm more able to have the
discussion or table it, you
know, not be deep into it.
So yeah, I think, I think you have to,
you have to say, wait a minute, what do I want to
focus on? Do I want to focus on the pain, the
upset? it's there and it
(28:06):
may not just go away. But what would,
what, what would have me feel more peaceful right now, you
know? M.
>> Wendy Valentine (28:13):
Yeah. You almost like find your own toolbox, if
you will, of tools that work for you, like when you're having
a bad day or a bad moment. And I have found
for me, and it's taken me, you
know, 52 years to figure this out.
There are some days, you know, you're just having a shitty day,
like you can't shake the shitty
(28:33):
mood. And I've learned, I'm like, you know what?
Yeah, I'm just in a bad mood today and I cannot seem to
break out of it. And I know
when I go to bed at night and I wake up tomorrow, it's going to be
totally different. And I, I usually always feel
better and I'm like, it's horrible.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (28:51):
Get a new start.
>> Wendy Valentine (28:52):
I don't know like what it is,
but, but I've, I used to get
so frustrated if I was having a bad day
or like if I was having aches and
pains or whatever the case is, like, I
would try to force it into something positive
and I'd try to feel good about it when I Was like, you know what? I really
just don't want to feel good right now. Like, I'm just gonna.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (29:14):
Yeah. Deal with that. You have to acknowledge what
is in order to move on to something else. That's for
sure. It stays stuck in things longer, I think, when you
try to avoid what's going on. But.
Well, it's a matter of not. Not dwelling in
it. That's the thing, you know, That's. That's
the thing. It's. And, and, you know,
(29:34):
like, losing a friend. I mean, I'm in an age
group when my girlfriends die, my,
you know, relatives and friends are dying, that's what
happens. And, and, you know, it took
me months to get over my sister's death. She's a lot
older, so of course she went first. And.
And, it's. It's just, you know, you have to
(29:54):
allow yourself that.
>> Wendy Valentine (29:56):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've
told this story before too. My, My ex husband had passed
away. He was only 26 years old when he passed away.
And then I never. I never grieved. You know, I
was. I was. I, was a single mom with two kids. I
didn't have time. I was like, I. I gotta keep going. I got
like, working three jobs and blah, blah, blah.
(30:16):
And then 20, about 20
years later, my brother died. And
I remember, right, right
before I was leaving, I was packing my suitcase to go to
Dallas, to see him. You know, he was in a
coma. And I looked in the mirror and I literally
said to myself, I'm like, this time you're
(30:36):
grieving. Like, I'm. And it was the greatest.
It sounds crazy to say it was like the greatest gift I gave to
myself was to actually grieve,
no matter how ugly it was. And
it got so ugly, you know, depression,
anxiety. But I, you know, I,
as a perfectionist and a
people pleaser and a codependent, I was always the
(30:59):
one to like, let me be happy for
everyone, and I'm just gonna, you know,
shove all my feelings down and always
smile. And. And I was like, not this time.
I was like, I'm going to have like, an ugly grieving
process. And I'm okay with that. Speak. That's my mom
calling. Sorry, everyone.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (31:18):
Like, my.
>> Wendy Valentine (31:18):
My mom's calling. but yeah,
I mean, it's. You have to do that for
yourself and just embrace it
and you'll get through it. And, and, And I think the more
that you face it, it's almost
easier coming out of it.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (31:34):
It's like, oh, yeah, yeah, it go it actually
goes more quickly if you. If you, let
yourself. And I.
Another thing I've noticed about grief is it's sort of
like. I don't know, it's hard to explain
this, but it's sort of like a transcendent state. It's kind of
illuminating. It's sort of like
suddenly everything is. Is in
(31:55):
sharp focus, and. And,
you know, you care about everything. You feel
really vulnerable, and. And,
everything outside is more beautiful than.
Than the day before. I mean, there's a
certain kind of. I don't know, it's
like translucent appreciation of life.
>> Wendy Valentine (32:15):
Yeah. Yeah.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (32:16):
Grief brings.
>> Wendy Valentine (32:17):
Yeah. It's like. It's, Like the dark cloud is over you
for so long. You're just like, oh, my God, give me
some sunlight, please. And then when, like,
the cloud finally lifts, like. Like, oh, thank God
it's over. And it's never really over as. You know,
but it's just not as dark. You'll have those little
dark moments. And you and I talked about this just in writing the
(32:37):
books, when you have to relive those
moments, it's almost like you. I mean, you talk
about the, The meditation of smelling
the rose, and you got to the point you can literally smell the peanut butter because
it, like, improved your senses, right? Yeah.
And it's almost like you can
relive those moments, especially like,
when you're. You're writing it and you're trying to tell it
(33:00):
from, you know, little Francine. Right. It's like.
It's there. You can practically, like,
it's. Feel it and see the people that are in
those scenes. And it's such a.
It's tough, but it's also very therapeutic.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (33:14):
It's therapeutic. And it. And it's a. It's a
gift, I have to say. well, I'm. I
want to. I want to bring this in.
Going through a lot of experiences in
life has made me a better
writer. And my third book,
the. Which is, historical fiction based on
(33:34):
family history. a story I found out about
at a. At a, a memorial service for one of my uncles.
My. My mother came from a family of, like,
12 children. She was born in 1908,
and her mother actually bore 14 children with
my grandfather. And I'm at this
memorial service, and, my aunt
(33:55):
says, well, when we were in the
orphanage. What are you
talking about? What orphanage? Well, my
grandfather had put the five youngest kids in an
orphanage in 1929. And,
it makes you think, oh, it was because of the Depression.
And everybody had financial difficulty, but that was not
(34:15):
the reason. And she told me all these things that my mother had
never told me. So I had to write this book because
it just seemed like a really intriguing story. This is.
This is the COVID That's an actual picture
of my grandparents. And, you know, I. I
looked at this picture and I thought, my gosh,
she. She was like 18 or something, and
(34:35):
she was so hopeful and happy that she was
getting married. And my grandfather's sitting there.
I'm the man. And I knew my grandfather. I didn't
know her. So when I, When I wrote the
story, I had all my life
experience to bring to it. I knew what it was to go
through a difficult marriage. I knew
(34:55):
the kinds of things that she might have said,
you know, even though I never knew my grandmother.
So I, the. The sadness
that I had been through and the joy
were tools for me in
this. In this book. You know, I. I could. I
could imagine the kinds of conversations that
(35:15):
happened. My grandmother was
just popping one kid out, after another
out, which I. I never had children, but
I know that it's a lot of work and having that many
in a small house. My mother became
the second little mother. My mother and my aunt
and, the two oldest girls.
(35:36):
And my mother left home early
because she just. She wanted to get
clean bath water on the weekend
and, you know, not have to take
care of kids all day long. And so
anyway, my life experience informed
the emotional content of this book. So
I. I'm glad for it. I'm glad for it. You know, that
(35:59):
I went through a lot of different things because I knew what it was like
to face difficulty and
find, a way through it. And my grandmother had had
a. A really,
there's a happy ending for her. But,
But my grandparents did split up, and there were
sort of surprising reasons for that.
(36:19):
So anyway, yeah, that's in the book.
>> Wendy Valentine (36:21):
That's why we have to buy the book. Oh, my God.
Did you start to, like, as you were looking
back at all those. And hearing all those stories from the past and
hearing about your mom as a teenager and a child
and learning more about
how she grew up, did you start
to kind of. Yeah. Make even like
connecting the dots, if you will, from her life and then
(36:44):
to yours and.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (36:45):
Oh, absolutely, absolutely. In. In
my memoir, I talk about how
she. She tended to be extremely
strict and cruel. You know, we were
paddled. All of us were paddled with wooden
implements. And,
And, you know, I realized she got that from
her parents.
>> Wendy Valentine (37:05):
Yep.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (37:06):
So I. I kind of, like.
I kind of wanted to vindicate my grandmother's
behavior because she did some things that led
to. To the end of the marriage.
But, I didn't blame her because I knew my
grandfather, and he was a really
vindictive person, and he passed that trade on to
my mom. She was vindictive. You know,
(37:29):
she would. If she got mad at you, she might not speak to you for
a year. You know, it was.
And that was just like my grandfather. So I did
tie those things together. I did tie those. And. And
some of my aunts and uncles were more forgiving
people, so I had that to bring to their
personalities. It was a hard time
for women in those days. And we,
(37:51):
we, you know, we. We. We face challenges, but,
boy, you know, her whole life was
about changing diapers
and making food and trying to budget
because my grandfather was gone all the time. He was a railroad
man. So she was home alone with
one, you know, one kid, two kids, three
kids, four, eight, 10, 12, you
(38:14):
know, cannot even imagine.
>> Wendy Valentine (38:17):
Yeah. So you were probably feeling more
compassion and empathy for despite,
like, the. I mean, just knowing what she'd been through.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (38:25):
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I, mean, I wrote her
as a sympathetic character for the most part. Both
of them. Both of them, you know,
paddled their kids. That's what people did
then. You had to shape them.
I saw this.
I saw this. Well, I found my sister's baby
book when I was going through a bunch of stuff a number of
(38:48):
years ago, and I sent it to, my niece,
but I read through it first. And in the back of
the book, this is my mother's first child.
She writes a letter to my sister, who's a baby
at the time, and she says, my dear
little daughter, I hope that you will grow up
to be exactly the kind of woman I want you to be.
(39:09):
It wasn't, I hope you have a
wonderful life. I hope that you
have lots of creative experiences. I hope
you meet lots of people and go lots of
places. Basically, it was, I hope
you turn out just like me, you know,
And I thought, well, no wonder my mom was
disappointed in me. You know, I
(39:31):
did not follow the course that she
would have thought would have been, this is the way you be a woman. You
know,
>> Wendy Valentine (39:39):
That'S so great, though. You stood your ground and you. You
followed your heart and your soul
instead of just doing exactly what you're, you know, what your
mom wanted you to do or even society or. You
didn't listen to the bullies. And.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (39:55):
Right.
>> Wendy Valentine (39:56):
That's a lot of courage.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (39:58):
I. Originally, in high school, I hoped to be
an artist. And I went to art school for three years before I
switched over and got my accounting degree. Because I
realized that's a really tough way to make a living, if you
can make any living at all, you know, And. And I felt
like, you know, I wasn't. I wasn't the most
inspired artist. I could have like, done greeting cards
or something. And then I realized that I had to. I had to
(40:20):
work in, you know, New York, Los
Angeles, Dallas, those. You know,
Chicago. And I was not a city girl, you know,
And. And so I quit art school,
and my mother was just fit to be tied,
to use an expression she would have used. She was so
angry with me because her ideal was for me to
be an artist too, you know, And M. And M. Yes, I
(40:43):
wanted that, but I saw that it was unrealistic.
So she was so angry with me when I quit. Quit
college and I. I became a seamstress for a while, and
then I went back to school. I worked and
supported myself through two years of college to get my
B.A. you know, and. And it was funny.
My sister was really proud of me. She said, we're going to
Francine's graduation, her college graduation.
(41:06):
And she had to talk my mother into going because she was still
angry that I didn't become an artist.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:13):
What would she. What would she say now with you being
an author?
>> Francine Falk-Allen (41:17):
Well, she probably wouldn't like some of the things I've written about her.
You know, like, you shouldn't tell, that you
shouldn't tell, that you shouldn't tell. You're airing our
dirty laundry. Because
she kept all this stuff secret about what her parents
did, you know, that her dad put. Put his kids in an
orphanage. And the reason he did that was not
(41:38):
nice. So
anyway, yeah, she. She definitely would not have liked me
to be telling all these things.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:46):
She'd probably like the. The no spring chicken
one. She'd probably like that one.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (41:51):
Yeah.
Yeah, that's probably true. That's probably
true. And, It's funny, when I. I took
a trip with a group of
Sufis, when I was deeply into that work
and meditation, mysticism. And I went
to, India and
Pakistan and Egypt and
Israel and. And, The last week or two, some of
(42:13):
us went through Europe. Just quick trip.
And my mother always referred to it as my trip to
Europe. And, I said, mom, you
know, I went to all these places that were, like,
not so easy, you know, And. And we Were we
were seeking spiritual truth. It wasn't. It
wasn't just a vacation. Yeah, yeah,
(42:34):
it was really funny that she always called it Francine's
trip to Europe.
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (42:42):
At least she can find humor in it all now.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (42:44):
Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (42:48):
well, where can we find you and most importantly, buy
your books?
>> Francine Falk-Allen (42:54):
Well, my books are available any place books
are sold. You can just call up the bookstore and say,
I like to, I like to support independent
bookstores. We have a couple here in our
area that we love and
there are centers for cultural
diversity here in the Bay Area. But, you can call up
any bookstore and ask for them and they can order them. They're all distributed by
(43:16):
Simon Schuster, so it's easy to get them. Of
course you can get them through Amazon, but
what?
>> Wendy Valentine (43:23):
Amazon? Really?
>> Francine Falk-Allen (43:26):
Amazon, Barnes and Noble? I,
think even, Target and Walmart may have them
too. But not all of those
big box stores carry everything. They have limited
book inventory. But. And my
website has, links through to,
bookshop.org which is, it
(43:46):
funnels the money to your, your bookstore, of
choice. Or you can get, you
can link to Amazon
on my website as well. It's Francine Falk Allen
dot com. It's F R A N C
I N E f a l
k-a l l
dot com. And that's got bits
(44:08):
about each of my books and where you can buy
them.
>> Wendy Valentine (44:12):
So. Fascinating. And you, do you have
a, you have a book signing coming up? There was that flyer I think
that I saw. What was. Is it May?
May, what am I saying? Is it March?
>> Francine Falk-Allen (44:24):
February? I'm going to be at, ah, the,
at Pier 23 in San Francisco, there's a book
fair and there will be 25 women authors
there selling their books, probably at a
discount.
>> Wendy Valentine (44:36):
Yeah. So if you do the area,
make sure you check that out. Well, thank you so much. You are
a fascinating woman and I am just so happy
I met you.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (44:47):
Yes. Wendy, thank you so much for the opportunity. It was really
great to hang out with you for a while.
>> Wendy Valentine (44:51):
Yeah, I know. We could talk all day about all sorts of
good stuff. All right, thank you
everyone. Have a great day.
Did this podcast inspire you? Challenge you,
Trigger you to make a change, or spit out your coffee
laughing? Good. Then there are three ways you
can thank me. Number one, you can leave a written
review of this podcast on Apple iTunes.
(45:14):
Number two, you can take a screenshot of the effort
episode and share it on his social media and tag
me Wendy Valentine. Number three,
share it with another midlifer that needs a makeover.
You know who I'm talking about. Thank you so much for
listening to the show. Get out there and be
bold, be free Be you.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (01:04:47):
M.
>> Wendy Valentine (01:04:56):
Did this podcast inspire you? Challenge
you? Trigger you to make a change or spit out your coffee
laughing? Good. Then there are three ways you
can thank me. Number one, you can leave a written
review of this podcast on Apple iTunes.
Number two, you can take a screenshot of the
episode and share it onto social media and tag
me Wendy Valentine. Number three,
(01:05:19):
share it with another midlifer that needs a makeover.
You know who I'm talking about. Thank you so much
for listening to the show. Get out there and be
bold, be free Be you.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (01:05:37):
Sa.
I had a childhood of challenges,
but I cultivated a lot of friendships,
and there were kids that were mean, and there were kids that took care of
me, and it just varied. You know, children can
be just like today. Today it's online
bullying a lot of times, and then it was in
person, physical bullying. So, it
(00:21):
teaches you to be stronger than you want to be. That's
essentially true. And it affected my
relationships and my choice of career. I couldn't do something
where I'd have to be standing up a lot, that type of
thing. So it's been,
a lot of ups and downs.
>> Wendy Valentine (00:37):
Hey, midlifers. Welcome to the Midlife Makeover
Show. Are you ready to break free from your
mundane midlife? Are you feeling trapped in a
vicious cycle of rinse and repeat days? No
matter if you're experiencing a divorce, hangover,
job burnout, or you just have the midlife
blues, I got you. Hey, I'm
Wendy, your. Your hostess of the midlife mostest.
(01:00):
I, too, was hit by midlife like a freight train.
I, too, felt stuck in the same dull
chapter. I wanted the clarity of how to create a
new life beyond divorce and the courage to leave
an unfulfilling career. But I kept telling
myself that I wasn't worthy, and it was just easier
to stay in my comfort zone. Until I found a
little secret. The freedom to live my life
(01:23):
my way. In this podcast, you will
learn how to achieve a vibrant midlife mind and
body, how to create solid relationships through
love and loss, and how to create an
awesome second half of life. Grab your
grande latte, pop in your earbuds, and let's
get this midlife party started.
(01:44):
Are you ready to step into the next chapter of your life
with confidence and clarity? I've got something
amazing just for you. Introducing
the New you Blueprint. Your free guide
to designing the woman you want to become and
creating a life you love. Inside this
powerful blueprint, you'll find a journaling exercise
(02:04):
that helps you envision your future self. The
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you. Plus, I've included a free
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designed to help you step into that vision with purpose
and passion. If you've been feeling stuck,
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this is your sign. Grab your free new
(02:27):
you blueprint@new.wendy
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to new.wendy valentine.com
and download your free blueprint. Now you've got
nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Welcome to The Midlife Makeover Show. I'm your host, Wendy
(02:47):
Valentine. And today we have an incredible guest
who embodies resilience, reinvention and
living life to the fullest.
Francine Falk Allen. Francine is an
award winning author, advocate and all around
powerhouse who has spent her life
navigating the world with a disability after
contracting polio in
(03:09):
1951. Despite the challenges,
she has embraced every twist and turn with
creativity, courage and a keep looking
out the window philosophy. Always finding new
ways to grow, explore and thrive.
From running her own business for over 30 years to
becoming an acclaimed author with three books under her
(03:29):
belt, including no Spring
Chicken, A Witty and Wise Guide
to Aging and Adapting with Grace,
Francine is proof that reinvention is
always possible. Today we'll dive
into how to, how to embrace change,
find new passions when life throws curveballs, and we
know it always does, and continue
(03:50):
living boldly at any age.
So without further ado, please welcome Francine to the
show.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (04:00):
Thank you, Wendy.
>> Wendy Valentine (04:02):
Thank you for being here. I love, I think that's like my
favorite part is just doing the intro.
I wish I had like lights, camera, action.
So I, I know a little bit of your story,
but take, take us back to little
Francine. Three, years old.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (04:22):
Well, I was like any other three year old, very
active until I contracted polio.
And it starts out as a, you know, like you think you
have the flu. Of course I didn't know what it was. I'd been
sick before, but ran a temperature for a
week of about 100, which is a lot for a
kid. And then after
that started showing symptoms of
(04:45):
paralysis. So I was
put, in a hospital for two weeks when
my parents couldn't touch me. And I don't think
they visited me very much because it was too upsetting for
everyone. And they figured it'd be better to just let
me be there until the quarantine period was over.
And then I went to a rehab facility and I
(05:05):
was there for six months. They told my parents I would
never walk again, I'd be in a wheelchair my whole life.
And that wasn't my future.
So the physical therapists were very
helpful and they got me up and walking.
And by the time I was six,
I was, not wearing a brace anymore. Of
course now, I'm 77. And
(05:28):
when I was in my late
50s or early 60s, I started having symptoms of
post polio, which is when you
begin, to have early weakness. Every, everybody's
motor neurons wear out as we Age. But for
polio people, it happens sooner. So
I had a childhood of. Of challenges.
(05:49):
And, I. But I cultivated a lot of
friendships, and there were kids that were mean, and there
were kids that took care of me, and it just varied. You
know, children can be just like today. Today
it's online bullying a lot of times. And then it was
in person, physical bullying. So,
it teaches you to be stronger than you want to be.
(06:10):
That's essentially true. And it affected my
relationships and my choice of career. I couldn't do something
where I'd have to be standing up a lot, that type of
thing. So it's been,
a lot of ups and downs. I'm married. I've
been married for, what, almost 27
years. We were together five years before that.
(06:30):
And, tried to live a life like
everybody else's, although it hasn't been exactly like
everybody else's. And I started writing in
my, early 60s.
>> Wendy Valentine (06:41):
Yeah, I know. We were talking about that earlier. And
so what did you do before that? What was your career before
you started writing?
>> Francine Falk-Allen (06:48):
I had a career in bookkeeping,
and tax work. I had a degree. I have a. I have
a BA in managerial,
accounting. And I went into tax
work, which is really grueling.
It's not an easy career.
But I did form a lot of friendships. it's
(07:09):
one of those things where, you end up having a support
group for tax preparers, you know, and. And
we still have really good friendships from that. But I
liked my clients a lot, so I stuck with it for a long
time.
>> Wendy Valentine (07:22):
You had mentioned about, like, you would have chosen
something else. Right. But you couldn't stand for too
long.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (07:29):
Yeah. Well, you. You can always
say, I wish I would have done this. I wish I would have done that.
But, But, I really liked
architecture. The thing is, with architecture in those days,
it was very difficult for. For a woman to break into it.
And I talked with a girlfriend who was an architect. I've only
known, like, three women architects in
(07:49):
this.
>> Wendy Valentine (07:50):
I know.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (07:50):
I think.
>> Wendy Valentine (07:50):
Yeah, I don't know that many. I think maybe
one or two.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (07:54):
Yeah. And I talked with, actually, a couple
of them a couple times, and they said, the thing is, Francine, you have
to climb around in construction sites and stuff, and it's a little
bit dangerous. And, if you have a tendency
towards stripping and falling, you'd really be at risk.
And I do. I mean, because one of my legs is mostly
paralyzed, so. So I thought, okay, well, maybe I
(08:15):
wouldn't have been able to do that so well. But, you
know, there's. I don't know, I don't know what other career
I might have had. I looked into, PR work
because I like to make a lot of connections between people
and I keep in touch with hundreds of people.
But, with PR work, you have to work your way up in
a company usually. It's not usually something where you go in and say, I'm
(08:35):
going to be your PR person. Yeah, you,
build on the relationships that you have and it takes many
years to do that. So I couldn't really switch over to public
relations either. So I just stuck with tax work. It was
okay.
>> Wendy Valentine (08:48):
Yeah, I was going to ask you, did you enjoy it?
>> Francine Falk-Allen (08:51):
Well, I like puzzles, I like figuring things out, I
like doing research. And what I didn't like
was the stress of it that, you know, I had
contractors come in and cry in my office
because they made a lot of money, but they spent it and they
didn't have money to pay their taxes and they would just break
down, you know, oh, I can't pay $6,000. And
I'd be like, yeah, I know what that's like because I'm going to owe
(09:13):
$6,000 too. You know, I just listened to
it and, and the stress of the deadlines
was horrible. You know, 70 hour work weeks.
And sometimes I'd have my head down on my desk
at 10:00 at night and just, why did I get into this? You
know? But I really liked my clients and
I liked helping them not pay as much tax as they would have paid
(09:33):
if they did it on their own. So, yeah,
yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (09:37):
How did, how did the whole writing thing come about?
>> Francine Falk-Allen (09:42):
Friends would say to me, you should write a book. Because I
would, when, when we were especially in my tax
group, we would email each other what was going on
with our, you know, in our personal lives.
And I would remember things that happened throughout my
life and I would send them little vignettes. Oh, that reminds me of this
story. And I'd write like a few paragraphs
(10:03):
and people kept saying, you should write a book,
you write well. You know. And I always liked to
write. So I thought, well, what would I write about?
And I thought, well, there's one thing I know a lot about, and that
is living with a disability, with a lifelong
disability. So I thought, okay, I'll write my
memoir. And I did. And I rewrote
it 17 times. It was my
(10:25):
first book, was a lot of work I had. I tried, two
or three different editors and landed with One that I really
love. And she really got my voice and really
helped me. there were. There were times
when one time she said, you have to. I think I mentioned this
to you before, you have to cut the chapter about your father
because the book's too long. I said, no, no.
(10:46):
I got this at night and I cried. And I wrote her
this long email back, and I said, that's
really important to me because it was
not only having a disability
affected my relationships with m Men,
later on, you know, whether they were going to be with me or not. It's
one thing to have a girlfriend, it's another thing to have a wife with
a disability. And it took me a long time to understand
(11:08):
that. But also, because I lost my
father so young, I was really focused on
guys. You know, I just thought it was so important to have a guy
in your life, because I hadn't had one.
So the loss of my father was as
significant for me as having had
polio. So she gets the email.
She. She called me in the morning, and she said, it's
(11:30):
okay. Cut something else.
So we decided to cut out the
material that was basically self help. And
that's what was the beginning of no Spring
Chicken, the book that talks about traveling
with a disability and how to.
I. There's a lot of, material in there about the yoga
that I do every morning and. And the pool exercises
(11:53):
I do and places that you can go that are
easy for a person with a disability to
travel or even. You know, there are a lot of people that are
starting to get wonky knees in midlife, and
it's more difficult to walk long
distances. So there's a lot of. A lot of material
in there about how to enjoy your life, even if it's getting
more difficult physically. Boy, I'm just
(12:15):
chattering, oh, no, it's good.
>> Wendy Valentine (12:17):
It's so good. I'm like, oh, my God. There's so many, like, bullet
points just from that what you just said. But
it's amazing that you've used your life in
such a positive way. It. Whereas some
people, like, we all have choices, right? If something horrible
happens to us, we can either go this way or we can go that
way. And you chose to make something
(12:37):
positive with all of it, and
you're still going. You haven't stopped.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (12:42):
That's true. That's true. And,
I've had this conversation with several other people that have
disabilities, that have lifelong disabilities, particularly
polio survivors. Not everyone
had residual paralysis, but almost
all of us end up having early
weakness and fatigue. And,
(13:02):
in some ways it's almost
psychologically easier to have a
lifelong disability because you have a lot of time to adapt to
it, get used to it. And people who have
something happen, like a stroke or loss of
limb or something like that later in
life, it's depressing because you
were used to having a fully functional body
(13:24):
and now something really important
seems to be gone or is gone. So it's,
it's like, it's almost like loss of a spouse
or loss of a best friend or something like that. It
affects you every single day. A lot of people,
you know, it's, it's, it's hard for them to adapt to
that. So we've had a whole lifetime. Oh, yeah, I
(13:45):
know it hurts. Oh, yeah. I have to use crutches again.
Well, at least it'll be temporary. Well, it might not be
temporary, but I'll do something else if I can't do that. You know,
that's an attitude that, that you develop when you've
had long, term disability.
>> Wendy Valentine (13:59):
It's interesting that you say that because I had a
conversation with a friend a couple weeks ago
and, we were saying, like, her husband
actually had not had an amazing
childhood. Like one of those, like, wee, Everything was
wonderful and like cupcakes and
ice cream and everything's great. And everyone treated him
well and. But then had trauma
(14:22):
as an adult, and I'd wondered about
that. I was like, you know, I wonder. I had trauma,
well, a lot of trauma throughout my life,
but especially even as a child. And
I kind of going back to what you're saying, it's
like you almost. Not that you want a child to
ever experience any type of trauma or
heartbreak, any of that, but you almost learn to
(14:45):
adapt. Like, you become more resilient, and when
things come your way, you're like, okay, I figured that out. I
can do that. I can do that. Whereas like
you were saying, if you, if you don't experience any
of that until later on in life, then it's like,
how do I.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (15:01):
How do I. You don't have, you don't have the tools
at hand. Yeah, right. Yeah, that's true.
>> Wendy Valentine (15:07):
Yeah. And, and, But I think it's what's
so cool with human beings. We are very
resilient if we give ourselves permission to be.
And if. And it's like becoming your own best
friend and saying, okay, you got this. I can do this. I
can.
I was going to ask you, how did you, like,
between the bullies growing up and then
(15:28):
with your with your dad, like, how did you
overcome some of those doubts and those
limiting, Limiting beliefs and the
negativity that was swirling around in your mind and in your
heart and even about, like, with your own body? How did
you. How did you overcome that?
>> Francine Falk-Allen (15:44):
I think it takes time. It's not something that you
just, you know, do one thing and.
And, oh, now I'm fine, you know, it's like that,
really. And, I mean, I shed a lot of tears.
I was particularly focused,
on. Because I lost my dad so early. I was so
focused on getting a boyfriend that I thought that was the
(16:04):
most important thing, along with getting a career, because
my mother sort of gave me the.
The subtle, message without saying it, that
I might never get married because I couldn't walk like other
girls and that type of thing, you know. So,
So, So that. So it became really important, you
know, and, both of those things, having a
career and, And having a boyfriend
(16:26):
and. I don't know, over time, I
guess. In my. I mean, I had boyfriends. I had an early
marriage in my 20s. It didn't work out. He was an alcoholic. It
was really difficult. And
after having a few boyfriends, it finally
hit me late, you know, and maybe in my
40s, that it didn't really matter
(16:47):
that I had the capacity to
have a good life without a partner if. If that
happened. And looking back, I realized, you know,
you've had a bunch of boyfriends, so
probably it's gonna happen again. You're probably not
gonna die alone. And if you
did, you have a lot of girlfriends. You know, you have,
(17:08):
like, a lot of different things that you can focus
on. I always liked music. Music
was a savior for me a lot of times.
And I got into meditation work when I
was in my late 20s and early 30s.
That helped, you know, doing. Doing things
that. That, you know, focusing
on. one meditation teacher gave me
(17:30):
a meditation of, focusing on the fragrance of a
rose. Just imagining the fragrance of a
rose every morning because he knew I didn't
have an easy time. And that's a beautiful
thing to focus on. And it actually improved my sense
of smell. I could smell a jar
of open peanut butter from the other room after a
(17:50):
while, you know, so. So it just.
It takes time. You know, over time you start
to see, you know, you can make your life turn
out. You can make your life. I mean, it's like even
when something happens. I had breast cancer
20something years ago. And,
I got through it. You know, it was. It didn't kill
(18:11):
me. And I went through the treatment, and it was
difficult, and here I am, you know, it was 20 years
ago, so in that, I realized that's not
everybody's story. You know, not everyone is
fortunate that way. But I don't know, I think
resilience is something that it's. It's like a.
A tool that you learn to lose over. Learn to
use over time.
>> Wendy Valentine (18:33):
Yep. Yeah, it just. It's like a muscle. You
just have to keep strengthening it. Right.
I was going to ask you something. Oh, that's what it was. Your
books. How. How healing were those for
you, just writing your books?
>> Francine Falk-Allen (18:49):
Well, it was a type of
healing that it's not just relief. It's
learning to look at how you look at your
life. The first person
who was, a Beta reader for me is. Is a
woman who used to review
books when she lived in Scotland. She. She had
done about 250 books for the Scotsman,
(19:11):
The. The biggest paper in
Edinburgh. And, so she read it,
and she's a good friend, and she.
She, sent me notes and. And she said, you know,
you're blaming people. You're pointing fingers at
people. This is. You need to take
a step back. And I was. I was. I was pissed
off that people hadn't treated me better because of my
(19:33):
disability. You know, the things that the unkind things
a lot of people had done were. Were like
a focus for me in a lot of ways and
was like, sort of coming from limitation rather than
ability. And, so I
went through and made more I statements
and, changed it to read this is what happened to
(19:53):
me. And then people can make their own judgment
about it. I was saying things like,
you need to be more aware of
what disabled people go through. The
way to tell that story, the way to tell the
story is this is what happened to me, and let
people, like, do what they will with it.
So it was healing in that way. And
(20:16):
then also writing, the chapter about my
dad's death was pretty,
cathartic. It's not something you ever
completely get over, but I hadn't. When I was a child,
they would tell me not to cry. They would say, oh,
it's okay, you know, because at that time in the
50s, you know, you didn't send
children to therapy. Women didn't go
(20:39):
to therapy. That was for crazy people. So my mother wasn't in
therapy. And, if I cried in
the classroom thinking about my dad, right after,
you know, like six months after it had happened, the teacher
took Me in the back of the room and said, now you just
stop and you get yourself together, and
when the recess happens, you go outside and play. So
the message I got was, you don't cry over things like
(21:01):
that. You know, even though I did by myself.
So I hadn't really worked through all
of that stuff. And. And I. I did a lot
of therapy too. I did a lot of
therapy, but. Yeah, yeah, so. So it was
healing in. Because I. I began to look at
how I was looking at the world and
(21:21):
presenting myself to other people and my expectations
of other people. So those are the kinds of healing things
that happen in writing my memoir.
>> Wendy Valentine (21:30):
How old were you when your dad passed away? Maybe you said that and I
didn't catch it.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (21:34):
I was, just under seven.
>> Wendy Valentine (21:36):
Oh, gosh, that is a lot for a little girl
between the polio and then
your dad's passing within four
years.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (21:45):
And my. And my mother was kind of mean too. She was
a paddler. She used a wooden paddle on me, and
she had done that on my brother and sister as
well. My brother and sister were from a different marriage, so they
were, older teenagers when I was born.
My mother felt that. That my dad should have a child
too, so. So they weren't really. They
were more like an aunt and an uncle to me. They didn't really live
(22:08):
with me most of the time. But yeah,
that. There were three big strikes for
me. Polio,
being beaten by my mom until I was
about 8, and my dad dying with. So young.
It was. That's. That's a lot for a kid to
handle. It may m. Be a little adult too
early. Oh,
(22:30):
and another thing that happened from that is when I
was in my 20s, of course it was the 60s,
and everybody was pretty footloose.
And, and I was. I was a little
wild, you know, I. I just wanted to be free
of all of that that I had been through.
So that was another phase. It was fun,
though.
>> Wendy Valentine (22:52):
Escaping, you know, can be fun. Sometimes a little
escapism can be a little healthy.
My God, you deserved it.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (23:01):
Well, now my escapism is reading good
fiction, you know, watching
movies. That's good enough. Let them do it.
>> Wendy Valentine (23:10):
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(23:30):
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(23:50):
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story and stories, like your life story,
(24:12):
is proof that you can break through it. And you
don't. You don't have to, like, wear
it all, like, out in the open. Like, this happened to me,
like, yep, it happened, but I got to keep moving
forward.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (24:24):
Right?
>> Wendy Valentine (24:25):
You have to keep going.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (24:26):
Right, right, right. I think. I
think, my teen years and my twenties were
more the this happened to me phase, you
know, and then it was like, you know,
people want somebody that they can have a good time with, not
somebody that, you know, goes through their litany all
the time. And I do think it's important to have friends and,
(24:47):
Or. Or a therapist that you can, you
know, talk about the difficulties with. For
sure.
>> Wendy Valentine (24:54):
It's amazing that you were doing meditation probably, what, in
the 70s?
>> Francine Falk-Allen (24:59):
Oh, yeah, yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (25:02):
You know, like, meditation is finally
getting to be, okay, well, you're not meditating. Oh,
my gosh. You know, but that's.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (25:10):
Well, I wasn't great for a
while. I wasn't. And, when I started
having more pain in my body, which is another thing that happens.
And for. For many people late in life,
in 50s, 60s, and 70s, you start to experience.
Experience joint and muscle pain sometimes.
But for polio people, it comes a little bit early.
And, so about 10 years ago, I started meditating
(25:32):
again because it really. It's not
like it makes the pain go away, but it makes it less
important. And it also,
you know, you notice it and you go, oh, yeah, that
happened. You know, so unless it's severe,
severe pain is really hard to. To
just meditate away.
>> Wendy Valentine (25:53):
Yeah, I've tried that, too. I'm
like, oh, please,
just smell the road.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (26:00):
Right?
>> Wendy Valentine (26:01):
Smell the rose and the peanut butter.
So a lot of people do actually fear change,
especially as they're getting older. So what
advice do you have for them to,
you know, to push through a lot of that fear. Fear
and to go after the things that they love.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (26:22):
I feel like it's partly just a matter of
focus. If you focus on what's wrong, that's
what you see. So
one thing that I used to do when,
you know, I'd be really upset about a
breakup of a, with a boyfriend or something like that
or, or something wasn't going well in my
(26:42):
career. Go for a
drive, someplace beautiful, go to
a park, take a book, listen
to some music. Music really is
healing for me. If a
person's not, you know,
audio based so much, then perhaps
(27:02):
visual would be, you know, more important for them
or, or maybe getting a massage if you can afford
it. but I, I think you, you have
to distract yourself just like you distract a child
and change your focus to
what can you do about this? And what, what would make you
feel good right now? You know, what would make a lot of times
(27:23):
for me, like if my husband and I have had an argument or
something. We have a pool. It's warm water pool.
I need that. That's the only kind of exercise that really works for
me other than yoga and going out there
and walking in the pool. And I, I have a
facility to turn on some music out there, listen to
music, walk back and forth, do a little exercise
(27:43):
in the water. I feel a lot better when I come back in the
house and I'm more able to have the
discussion or table it, you
know, not be deep into it.
So yeah, I think, I think you have to,
you have to say, wait a minute, what do I want to
focus on? Do I want to focus on the pain, the
upset? it's there and it
(28:06):
may not just go away. But what would,
what, what would have me feel more peaceful right now, you
know? M.
>> Wendy Valentine (28:13):
Yeah. You almost like find your own toolbox, if
you will, of tools that work for you, like when you're having
a bad day or a bad moment. And I have found
for me, and it's taken me, you
know, 52 years to figure this out.
There are some days, you know, you're just having a shitty day,
like you can't shake the shitty
(28:33):
mood. And I've learned, I'm like, you know what?
Yeah, I'm just in a bad mood today and I cannot seem to
break out of it. And I know
when I go to bed at night and I wake up tomorrow, it's going to be
totally different. And I, I usually always feel
better and I'm like, it's horrible.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (28:51):
Get a new start.
>> Wendy Valentine (28:52):
I don't know like what it is,
but, but I've, I used to get
so frustrated if I was having a bad day
or like if I was having aches and
pains or whatever the case is, like, I
would try to force it into something positive
and I'd try to feel good about it when I Was like, you know what? I really
just don't want to feel good right now. Like, I'm just gonna.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (29:14):
Yeah. Deal with that. You have to acknowledge what
is in order to move on to something else. That's for
sure. It stays stuck in things longer, I think, when you
try to avoid what's going on. But.
Well, it's a matter of not. Not dwelling in
it. That's the thing, you know, That's. That's
the thing. It's. And, and, you know,
(29:34):
like, losing a friend. I mean, I'm in an age
group when my girlfriends die, my,
you know, relatives and friends are dying, that's what
happens. And, and, you know, it took
me months to get over my sister's death. She's a lot
older, so of course she went first. And.
And, it's. It's just, you know, you have to
(29:54):
allow yourself that.
>> Wendy Valentine (29:56):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've
told this story before too. My, My ex husband had passed
away. He was only 26 years old when he passed away.
And then I never. I never grieved. You know, I
was. I was. I, was a single mom with two kids. I
didn't have time. I was like, I. I gotta keep going. I got
like, working three jobs and blah, blah, blah.
(30:16):
And then 20, about 20
years later, my brother died. And
I remember, right, right
before I was leaving, I was packing my suitcase to go to
Dallas, to see him. You know, he was in a
coma. And I looked in the mirror and I literally
said to myself, I'm like, this time you're
(30:36):
grieving. Like, I'm. And it was the greatest.
It sounds crazy to say it was like the greatest gift I gave to
myself was to actually grieve,
no matter how ugly it was. And
it got so ugly, you know, depression,
anxiety. But I, you know, I,
as a perfectionist and a
people pleaser and a codependent, I was always the
(30:59):
one to like, let me be happy for
everyone, and I'm just gonna, you know,
shove all my feelings down and always
smile. And. And I was like, not this time.
I was like, I'm going to have like, an ugly grieving
process. And I'm okay with that. Speak. That's my mom
calling. Sorry, everyone.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (31:18):
Like, my.
>> Wendy Valentine (31:18):
My mom's calling. but yeah,
I mean, it's. You have to do that for
yourself and just embrace it
and you'll get through it. And, and, And I think the more
that you face it, it's almost
easier coming out of it.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (31:34):
It's like, oh, yeah, yeah, it go it actually
goes more quickly if you. If you, let
yourself. And I.
Another thing I've noticed about grief is it's sort of
like. I don't know, it's hard to explain
this, but it's sort of like a transcendent state. It's kind of
illuminating. It's sort of like
suddenly everything is. Is in
(31:55):
sharp focus, and. And,
you know, you care about everything. You feel
really vulnerable, and. And,
everything outside is more beautiful than.
Than the day before. I mean, there's a
certain kind of. I don't know, it's
like translucent appreciation of life.
>> Wendy Valentine (32:15):
Yeah. Yeah.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (32:16):
Grief brings.
>> Wendy Valentine (32:17):
Yeah. It's like. It's, Like the dark cloud is over you
for so long. You're just like, oh, my God, give me
some sunlight, please. And then when, like,
the cloud finally lifts, like. Like, oh, thank God
it's over. And it's never really over as. You know,
but it's just not as dark. You'll have those little
dark moments. And you and I talked about this just in writing the
(32:37):
books, when you have to relive those
moments, it's almost like you. I mean, you talk
about the, The meditation of smelling
the rose, and you got to the point you can literally smell the peanut butter because
it, like, improved your senses, right? Yeah.
And it's almost like you can
relive those moments, especially like,
when you're. You're writing it and you're trying to tell it
(33:00):
from, you know, little Francine. Right. It's like.
It's there. You can practically, like,
it's. Feel it and see the people that are in
those scenes. And it's such a.
It's tough, but it's also very therapeutic.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (33:14):
It's therapeutic. And it. And it's a. It's a
gift, I have to say. well, I'm. I
want to. I want to bring this in.
Going through a lot of experiences in
life has made me a better
writer. And my third book,
the. Which is, historical fiction based on
(33:34):
family history. a story I found out about
at a. At a, a memorial service for one of my uncles.
My. My mother came from a family of, like,
12 children. She was born in 1908,
and her mother actually bore 14 children with
my grandfather. And I'm at this
memorial service, and, my aunt
(33:55):
says, well, when we were in the
orphanage. What are you
talking about? What orphanage? Well, my
grandfather had put the five youngest kids in an
orphanage in 1929. And,
it makes you think, oh, it was because of the Depression.
And everybody had financial difficulty, but that was not
(34:15):
the reason. And she told me all these things that my mother had
never told me. So I had to write this book because
it just seemed like a really intriguing story. This is.
This is the COVID That's an actual picture
of my grandparents. And, you know, I. I
looked at this picture and I thought, my gosh,
she. She was like 18 or something, and
(34:35):
she was so hopeful and happy that she was
getting married. And my grandfather's sitting there.
I'm the man. And I knew my grandfather. I didn't
know her. So when I, When I wrote the
story, I had all my life
experience to bring to it. I knew what it was to go
through a difficult marriage. I knew
(34:55):
the kinds of things that she might have said,
you know, even though I never knew my grandmother.
So I, the. The sadness
that I had been through and the joy
were tools for me in
this. In this book. You know, I. I could. I
could imagine the kinds of conversations that
(35:15):
happened. My grandmother was
just popping one kid out, after another
out, which I. I never had children, but
I know that it's a lot of work and having that many
in a small house. My mother became
the second little mother. My mother and my aunt
and, the two oldest girls.
(35:36):
And my mother left home early
because she just. She wanted to get
clean bath water on the weekend
and, you know, not have to take
care of kids all day long. And so
anyway, my life experience informed
the emotional content of this book. So
I. I'm glad for it. I'm glad for it. You know, that
(35:59):
I went through a lot of different things because I knew what it was like
to face difficulty and
find, a way through it. And my grandmother had had
a. A really,
there's a happy ending for her. But,
But my grandparents did split up, and there were
sort of surprising reasons for that.
(36:19):
So anyway, yeah, that's in the book.
>> Wendy Valentine (36:21):
That's why we have to buy the book. Oh, my God.
Did you start to, like, as you were looking
back at all those. And hearing all those stories from the past and
hearing about your mom as a teenager and a child
and learning more about
how she grew up, did you start
to kind of. Yeah. Make even like
connecting the dots, if you will, from her life and then
(36:44):
to yours and.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (36:45):
Oh, absolutely, absolutely. In. In
my memoir, I talk about how
she. She tended to be extremely
strict and cruel. You know, we were
paddled. All of us were paddled with wooden
implements. And,
And, you know, I realized she got that from
her parents.
>> Wendy Valentine (37:05):
Yep.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (37:06):
So I. I kind of, like.
I kind of wanted to vindicate my grandmother's
behavior because she did some things that led
to. To the end of the marriage.
But, I didn't blame her because I knew my
grandfather, and he was a really
vindictive person, and he passed that trade on to
my mom. She was vindictive. You know,
(37:29):
she would. If she got mad at you, she might not speak to you for
a year. You know, it was.
And that was just like my grandfather. So I did
tie those things together. I did tie those. And. And
some of my aunts and uncles were more forgiving
people, so I had that to bring to their
personalities. It was a hard time
for women in those days. And we,
(37:51):
we, you know, we. We. We face challenges, but,
boy, you know, her whole life was
about changing diapers
and making food and trying to budget
because my grandfather was gone all the time. He was a railroad
man. So she was home alone with
one, you know, one kid, two kids, three
kids, four, eight, 10, 12, you
(38:14):
know, cannot even imagine.
>> Wendy Valentine (38:17):
Yeah. So you were probably feeling more
compassion and empathy for despite,
like, the. I mean, just knowing what she'd been through.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (38:25):
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I, mean, I wrote her
as a sympathetic character for the most part. Both
of them. Both of them, you know,
paddled their kids. That's what people did
then. You had to shape them.
I saw this.
I saw this. Well, I found my sister's baby
book when I was going through a bunch of stuff a number of
(38:48):
years ago, and I sent it to, my niece,
but I read through it first. And in the back of
the book, this is my mother's first child.
She writes a letter to my sister, who's a baby
at the time, and she says, my dear
little daughter, I hope that you will grow up
to be exactly the kind of woman I want you to be.
(39:09):
It wasn't, I hope you have a
wonderful life. I hope that you
have lots of creative experiences. I hope
you meet lots of people and go lots of
places. Basically, it was, I hope
you turn out just like me, you know,
And I thought, well, no wonder my mom was
disappointed in me. You know, I
(39:31):
did not follow the course that she
would have thought would have been, this is the way you be a woman. You
know,
>> Wendy Valentine (39:39):
That'S so great, though. You stood your ground and you. You
followed your heart and your soul
instead of just doing exactly what you're, you know, what your
mom wanted you to do or even society or. You
didn't listen to the bullies. And.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (39:55):
Right.
>> Wendy Valentine (39:56):
That's a lot of courage.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (39:58):
I. Originally, in high school, I hoped to be
an artist. And I went to art school for three years before I
switched over and got my accounting degree. Because I
realized that's a really tough way to make a living, if you
can make any living at all, you know, And. And I felt
like, you know, I wasn't. I wasn't the most
inspired artist. I could have like, done greeting cards
or something. And then I realized that I had to. I had to
(40:20):
work in, you know, New York, Los
Angeles, Dallas, those. You know,
Chicago. And I was not a city girl, you know,
And. And so I quit art school,
and my mother was just fit to be tied,
to use an expression she would have used. She was so
angry with me because her ideal was for me to
be an artist too, you know, And M. And M. Yes, I
(40:43):
wanted that, but I saw that it was unrealistic.
So she was so angry with me when I quit. Quit
college and I. I became a seamstress for a while, and
then I went back to school. I worked and
supported myself through two years of college to get my
B.A. you know, and. And it was funny.
My sister was really proud of me. She said, we're going to
Francine's graduation, her college graduation.
(41:06):
And she had to talk my mother into going because she was still
angry that I didn't become an artist.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:13):
What would she. What would she say now with you being
an author?
>> Francine Falk-Allen (41:17):
Well, she probably wouldn't like some of the things I've written about her.
You know, like, you shouldn't tell, that you
shouldn't tell, that you shouldn't tell. You're airing our
dirty laundry. Because
she kept all this stuff secret about what her parents
did, you know, that her dad put. Put his kids in an
orphanage. And the reason he did that was not
(41:38):
nice. So
anyway, yeah, she. She definitely would not have liked me
to be telling all these things.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:46):
She'd probably like the. The no spring chicken
one. She'd probably like that one.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (41:51):
Yeah.
Yeah, that's probably true. That's probably
true. And, It's funny, when I. I took
a trip with a group of
Sufis, when I was deeply into that work
and meditation, mysticism. And I went
to, India and
Pakistan and Egypt and
Israel and. And, The last week or two, some of
(42:13):
us went through Europe. Just quick trip.
And my mother always referred to it as my trip to
Europe. And, I said, mom, you
know, I went to all these places that were, like,
not so easy, you know, And. And we Were we
were seeking spiritual truth. It wasn't. It
wasn't just a vacation. Yeah, yeah,
(42:34):
it was really funny that she always called it Francine's
trip to Europe.
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (42:42):
At least she can find humor in it all now.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (42:44):
Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (42:48):
well, where can we find you and most importantly, buy
your books?
>> Francine Falk-Allen (42:54):
Well, my books are available any place books
are sold. You can just call up the bookstore and say,
I like to, I like to support independent
bookstores. We have a couple here in our
area that we love and
there are centers for cultural
diversity here in the Bay Area. But, you can call up
any bookstore and ask for them and they can order them. They're all distributed by
(43:16):
Simon Schuster, so it's easy to get them. Of
course you can get them through Amazon, but
what?
>> Wendy Valentine (43:23):
Amazon? Really?
>> Francine Falk-Allen (43:26):
Amazon, Barnes and Noble? I,
think even, Target and Walmart may have them
too. But not all of those
big box stores carry everything. They have limited
book inventory. But. And my
website has, links through to,
bookshop.org which is, it
(43:46):
funnels the money to your, your bookstore, of
choice. Or you can get, you
can link to Amazon
on my website as well. It's Francine Falk Allen
dot com. It's F R A N C
I N E f a l
k-a l l
dot com. And that's got bits
(44:08):
about each of my books and where you can buy
them.
>> Wendy Valentine (44:12):
So. Fascinating. And you, do you have
a, you have a book signing coming up? There was that flyer I think
that I saw. What was. Is it May?
May, what am I saying? Is it March?
>> Francine Falk-Allen (44:24):
February? I'm going to be at, ah, the,
at Pier 23 in San Francisco, there's a book
fair and there will be 25 women authors
there selling their books, probably at a
discount.
>> Wendy Valentine (44:36):
Yeah. So if you do the area,
make sure you check that out. Well, thank you so much. You are
a fascinating woman and I am just so happy
I met you.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (44:47):
Yes. Wendy, thank you so much for the opportunity. It was really
great to hang out with you for a while.
>> Wendy Valentine (44:51):
Yeah, I know. We could talk all day about all sorts of
good stuff. All right, thank you
everyone. Have a great day.
Did this podcast inspire you? Challenge you,
Trigger you to make a change, or spit out your coffee
laughing? Good. Then there are three ways you
can thank me. Number one, you can leave a written
review of this podcast on Apple iTunes.
(45:14):
Number two, you can take a screenshot of the effort
episode and share it on his social media and tag
me Wendy Valentine. Number three,
share it with another midlifer that needs a makeover.
You know who I'm talking about. Thank you so much for
listening to the show. Get out there and be
bold, be free Be you.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (01:04:47):
M.
>> Wendy Valentine (01:04:56):
Did this podcast inspire you? Challenge
you? Trigger you to make a change or spit out your coffee
laughing? Good. Then there are three ways you
can thank me. Number one, you can leave a written
review of this podcast on Apple iTunes.
Number two, you can take a screenshot of the
episode and share it onto social media and tag
me Wendy Valentine. Number three,
(01:05:19):
share it with another midlifer that needs a makeover.
You know who I'm talking about. Thank you so much
for listening to the show. Get out there and be
bold, be free Be you.
>> Francine Falk-Allen (01:05:37):
Sa.
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