March 21, 2025 • 45 mins
In this heartfelt and deeply inspiring episode of The Midlife Makeover Show, host Wendy Valentine welcomes the legendary Kristine Carlson, co-author of the Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff series, which has sold over 25 million copies worldwide. Together, they explore how to navigate life’s biggest challenges with grace, mindfulness, and resilience—especially during midlife transitions. Kristine opens up about the sudden loss of her husband, Dr. Richard Carlson, and how she moved through grief to discover deeper purpose, peace, and joy.
You’ll also hear about her newest book, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff Every Day, which offers daily inspiration to help you shift your mindset, calm your inner chaos, and live intentionally. From spiritual insights to simple daily habits, this episode is packed with gentle wisdom for anyone who’s ready to stop sweating the small stuff and start embracing the beauty of the present moment.
👉 What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
- How to live mindfully and stop reacting to life
- Why grief can be a powerful teacher and a path to purpose
- The surprising story behind the Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff legacy
- Simple ways to calm your mind and reclaim your joy
- How daily intention and small shifts lead to big transformation
👉 Connect with Kristine
🏷️ Special Discount for my listeners! Use code THANKYOU40 at checkout on dontsweat.com for 40% all Don't Sweat products – good for one time use.
Instagram: @dontsweat_small stuff and @kristine_carlson
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/KristineTeriCarlson and https://www.facebook.com/dontsweatsmall
📚 Ready to write your book? Join The Book Incubator, a 10-week live program led by NYT bestselling author Kristine Carlson and top editor Debra Evans! Get expert guidance from idea to publication. The next session runs April 2 - June 4, 2025—don’t miss your chance! Learn more at https://tinyurl.com/bookdoulas
✨ Favorite Quotes:
“You can’t prepare for loss, but how you live every day shapes how you return to joy.” – Kristine Carlson
“Grief is like a house cleaner for all the tears you never shed.” – Kristine Carlson
“The simplest teachings are often the most profound.” – Wendy Valentine
📣 Don’t forget to subscribe, share, and leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!
🎙️ Visit themidlifemakeovershow.com for more inspiring episodes.
🌟 Explore All Things Midlife & More
📖 Grab Your Copy of Women Waking Up
🧘♀️ Find Your Inner Calm with FREEDOM Meditations
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
>> Kristine Carlson (00:00):
That's the core of mindfulness is setting your
intention and placing your attention on what
you want to grow in your life and what you want to
practice grow stronger. So
yeah, it's a beautiful journey though, once
you get going, because you start to realize, wow, I really can do this.
This is kind of like once you learn to ride a bike, you're kind of
falling down and you're stumbling and you can't really get your
(00:22):
balance and then suddenly it just comes and you're like
gliding. And that's kind of what it's like to learn
how not to split the small stuff and live this way.
>> Wendy Valentine (00:30):
Hey Mid hey makeupers. Welcome to the Midlife
Makeover Show. Are you ready to break free
from your mundane midlife? Are you feeling trapped in
a vicious cycle of rinse and repeat days?
No matter if you're experiencing a divorce,
hangover, job burnout, or you just have the
midlife blues, I got you.
Hey, I'm Wendy, your hostess of the midlife
(00:52):
mostess. I too was hit by midlife like a freight
train. I too felt stuck in the same dull
chapter. I wanted the clarity of how to create
a new life beyond divorce and the courage to
leave an unfulfilling career. But I kept telling
myself that I wasn't worthy and it was just easier
to stay in my comfort zone. Until I found a
(01:13):
little secret. The freedom to live my life
my way. In this podcast, you will
learn how to achieve a vibrant midlife mind and
body, how to create solid relationships through love
and loss, and how to create an awesome
second half of life. Grab your grande
latte, pop in your earbuds, and let's get this
(01:34):
midlife party started.
Have you ever wanted to write a book but don't know where to
start? Whether it's a memoir, self help,
or another work of nonfiction, you've got a story
to tell and the world needs to hear it.
That's why I'm so excited to share the book doulas
incubator, a 10 week live journey
(01:55):
designed to help aspiring authors bring their books to
life. Co created by New York Times best
selling author Christine Carlson, co
author of the Don't Sweat the Small Stuff series,
and acclaimed book editor Deborah Evans.
This program has helped hundreds of writers
navigate the book creation and platform building
(02:15):
process from idea to publication.
Christine recently joined me on the Midlife Makeover show
to talk about navigating life's transitions.
And if you love that conversation, imagine what
you learned from m her in this program. The next
session starts April 2nd and this could be
your time to finally write that book. If
(02:36):
you've been dreaming of becoming an author, this is your
sign. Head to
tinyurl.com
forward/book doulas.
That's tinyurl.com
forward slash book doulas B O O
K D O U L A S to learn
more and start your journey today.
(02:57):
Welcome to the Midlife Makeover Show. I'm your host,
Wendy Valentine. And if you've ever
felt overwhelmed by stress or
struggled to find peace amidst life's challenges,
today's episode is for you. Our guest
is none other than, Christine Carlson, co
author of the New York Times bestselling
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff series.
(03:19):
Oh, yeah.
One of my fave books, which has sold over
25 million copies
worldwide. Wowza. Christine's wisdom
has helped millions embrace
mindfulness, resilience, and joy in everyday
life. Her personal journey of, transformation,
navigating profound loss, and rediscovering
(03:40):
purpose is even captured in the
lifetime. Okay, we're how to pronounce this?
We think it could be biopic or biopic.
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff. The Christine
Carlson Story. Today, we're
diving into her newest book, Don't Sweat the Small
Stuff, every day. And, discussing
simple, actionable ways to shift your
(04:02):
mindset, reclaim your peace, and navigate life's
transitions. Whether it's stress, grief,
or midlife reinvention, you're going
to walk away with powerful insights to help you
let go of the small stuff and embrace a life of
calm, gratitude, and resilience.
Please welcome Christine to the show.
>> Kristine Carlson (04:24):
Hi. Hey, everyone. Thank you. And thank you,
Wendy, for having me on. This is so much fun.
Wendy is just such a delight and a bright light. It's
a blast just sitting with her. Well,
thank you.
>> Wendy Valentine (04:36):
And I told you already, it is an
honor to have you here. I mean, I
also shared with you. I have probably 500 people on the wait
list for the Midlife Makeover show podcast. And I was like,
yours came across in my email, and I was like,
oh, yeah, she's going to the top.
>> Kristine Carlson (04:54):
Thank you. That is. That's an honor for me. So thank you
very, very much. Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (04:59):
And it's been, what, over. Over
20 years since don't Sweat the Small Stuff?
And I can still remember buying that little bitty book
that made a huge difference, helped
me to find a little calm, especially when I was a mother.
Right. Well, I'm still a mother, but with little kids.
But, I know a part of your
(05:19):
story, but I want you to tell the listeners Just in
case they don't know. So 20 year
anniversary, but then your 10
year anniversary of Don't Sweat the Small
Stuff, tell that story
of that. Yes, I'm going to let you, you
know what I'm talking about, so I'm going to let you.
>> Kristine Carlson (05:37):
Do. I do, yes. Yeah.
So, just backing up a little bit, just so you
know about my late husband, Dr. Richard Carlson,
who really is the author of Don't Sweat the Small Stuff.
I kind of came into the series with him when
he invited me in to write Don't Sweat the Small Stuff in
Love, which was probably like the
third book in the series. third or fourth.
(05:59):
And, and anyways, Richard
had been writing about happiness and
how to feel good again if you were
going through depression, for many years. I
actually Don't Sweat the Small stuff was his 10th book. I
don't know if you knew that, but.
>> Wendy Valentine (06:16):
Oh, I did not know that. Wow.
>> Kristine Carlson (06:18):
Yeah, so it was this 10th book and
you know, that book just, it really
just was different. He, he kind of captured
that short chapter and a time
when technology was really
booming. it was during the dot com era
and email was coming out and cell
phones and all of that. And you know, I think
(06:40):
the reason why Don't Sweat the Small Stuff took off was
not only was it the title, but it was the time,
I think that as a culture we thought
that email and technology was going to
save us time. And what we found quickly found
out was actually it just took more
of our time up and it created overwhelm for
(07:01):
people. And so I think that's why Don't Sweat the Small
Stuff did so well and boomed so
fast even around the globe. Because
that technology boom was a global thing,
so speeding up to 10
years. we had two daughters
in high school, one just entered high school,
(07:23):
Kenna, and Jazz was a senior
and Richard was promoting his latest book.
And it was, ah, he got on a flight to
go to New York to promote his latest book.
And on the descent of that flight, he had a
pulmonary embolism that took his life. and
it was, wow, it was just
(07:43):
so, out of the blue on so many
levels. Like we were just
not at all prepared at that time in
our lives. really early midlife. You know,
I was 43, he was 45. And where
our kids were in high school to go through
such a loss and so quickly,
(08:03):
it was like having the rug completely pulled out
from under our feet. yeah. And you know, I
mean Everybody, you know, I don't have to tell anybody
listening, you know what that was like.
You know, most people in midlife have gone through
some pretty big stuff by the time you hit
midlife. And, and you don't have to be afraid. I mean,
(08:24):
it's like, but midlife is, is, it can be a
challenging time to navigate and it certainly was
for me losing Richard at that time.
yeah, I, you know, and I, I just
went through grief. like a lot of
people, it was challenging time.
But I also knew that if anybody
(08:46):
was somewhat equipped to go through it,
I was, I had done a lot of personal growth
work in my lifetime. being the co
author of several books by that time with Richard and the
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff series, I really
had a lot of tools in my tool belt. And I
also had an incredible community
of mentors that were
(09:09):
with me during that time. They were not only going through the loss
of Richard themselves because he was a dear friend,
but they were with me. They, they were supportive
of me. And I think, you know,
I, I went through it, it took a long time. I'm not gonna
lie. I mean, I didn't, yeah.
Grief, you know, I, I, I, I find that
(09:29):
grief, no matter what kind of transition you're in,
Wendy, and is that it's the
reconciling of your lost dream.
You know, like you, you go through such a
loss and you have to come to a level
of acceptance and, and come to a new
ability to see forward and to be
able to dream forward in your life and,
(09:52):
and, and accept that you're going to create a new life.
And that is just a really,
you know, that's a path. That's a, that's a,
that was totally, unchartered territory for
me. And I just began to,
discover a lot more about myself
and, my level of resilience when I went
(10:12):
through that loss. And, and then I
felt very compelled to write about it. So I, I
felt very compelled to keep a journal, which then became
heartbroken. Open A Memoir Through Loss to Self
Discovery, which then became the Lifetime
movie years later. So that's kind of been the
journey.
>> Wendy Valentine (10:31):
Wow. I am so sorry. I, I,
and you know, I, I did not know that about him. And
then when I was reading through your, I must have. I was probably on your website
for over an hour today and I was
just like, so I was like crying through parts
of it. And then your, your daughter's,
little page there where they talk about their dad.
(10:52):
And I just. I just
cannot fathom.
But, you know, it's interesting,
you know, here. Here it is. All those years of, like,
not sweating the small stuff, and then here's this. Some
really big comes along, like, you know
what I mean? Like, but kind of like you said, like
(11:12):
all. It was almost. I mean, nothing can
prepare you for stuff like that. Nothing. But at, the
same time it was. It was at least
you had all of this
beautiful work in this
and that you were able to
at least manage
the grief.
>> Kristine Carlson (11:34):
Yeah, I mean, I think people have asked me a lot
and can you prepare for loss? And, I always
say no, you can't really prepare for that kind of loss. However,
how you live every single day,
it really does make a difference in
how you not go through loss, but how you
return to a life of
(11:55):
joy. And that's the part that
I learned over time, is that
I didn't know I was like anybody. I didn't know if I was ever
going to feel joy again. I felt so much deep
sorrow. I. It was. I. I just.
I felt like it would swallow me whole some days.
And. But I. After I
(12:16):
began to really heal and understand that that's what I was
doing was healing because I was surviving,
I started to realize that there becomes a
choice now, and am I going to just
survive this, or am I going to choose to
thrive? Am I going to choose to
heal? And am I going to choose a life of joy again?
(12:36):
And that's where the power is. It's not that you don't.
That you have a choice that this happened is that you
do have a choice in how you move forward and
certainly feeling and going through
grief. And, you know, I never thought of grief as an enemy.
I kind of thought of grief as my friend because,
I knew that grief only was. Was there
(12:57):
to help me to go through
the emotions of loss and the
emotions of, you know, finding my
path, finding my way again back to light
and love and joy. And, So I. I
wasn't afraid to dive in. I just knew that going
in was gonna bring me out. And I learned that because
my body really told me, you know, I. I
(13:20):
started to realize that I, would get this really bad stomachache when I
wasn't crying enough. And as soon as I would allow myself to
cry, cry, and really just get it
out, I started to feel these. Just
these even blissful moments
right afterwards. And I started to say, oh,
that's my body rewarding me. Because
after going through childbirth, you know, birthing
(13:42):
two Daughters. I realized
that, you know, when you go through this kind of
loss, you're birthing a new life, and it's
not unlike childbirth. Like, you go through those,
right, Those contractions of grief, and
they hurt like childbirth. But, you know,
grieving a, lost partner or a child is
(14:03):
a much longer process sometimes. And.
And yet everybody goes through it differently. Everybody goes
through grief differently. But what it does take
for anybody is a tremendous amount of
courage to just face what's
happened and. And face it and
then find this sense of new purpose and
(14:24):
meaning somehow. And I think that's the path
is.
Richard said something to me.
Excuse me, right before, he
died. It was just amazing. He had a couple things
he said to me, and it was as if there was a part
of him that somehow knew that
something was going to happen. And he
(14:45):
said, chris, you know what I love about the human spirit? And
I was like, what, honey? You know, it's like,
what, honey? And he said, I love that
there are people in this world that take their greatest
tragedy and they allow it to move them
forward in their lives so that their life
has greater meaning than it might have
otherwise had. And that is
(15:08):
just. That was so profound. That was like three months before he
died unexpectedly. And I
remember just hearing his
voice, you know, shortly after he died, saying that
to me, because I was so present when I was listening to
him. And then the other thing he had said to me, very
soon before he died was that the
circumstances don't make or break you, but they reveal who
(15:30):
you are. And I. I thought
that is so powerful that the circumstances
won't make or break you, but they allow
you to come forward. And. And I
started to really understand that in grief and loss is
that it allowed me. I. I was so
present to what I was feeling, but in
(15:51):
such a authentic expression, in such an
authentic way, I started to begin to live
outside of maybe the perfect life that we
had created, and really started to live from
a place of. Of true meaning and true
purpose, because I just had to survive and get
through every date with my girls. You know, it was just like a different
(16:12):
life once he died. It was just a totally different
life.
>> Wendy Valentine (16:15):
I was just gonna say I'd. I think I'd said this the other day with
Andrea Owen, that, like, sometimes
you have to dive into the dark just to reveal the
light. And in those darkest
times, and it's like, oh, and when you were talking about
kind of like that birthing
process, you, know, with grief, and it makes me think
(16:36):
of the Butterfly. Right. Like inside the
chrysalis, and that if you were to cut the top off and
pull the butterfly out, it would
be deformed and it would die. So the
butterfly actually has to struggle
to get out of that chrysalis so that it can
fly. And so the struggle is.
Okay, it's. It's like you don't want
(16:58):
to avoid it, just like you were saying, like, you needed to. To
cry and to get it out and to. To let it all
go. And it's tough,
but it's. You have to just face it
and almost make it like a friend, like you said.
>> Kristine Carlson (17:13):
Well, I think. What. I think that people are
scared that if they allow themselves to
go there, that they won't come out. And it's actually the
opposite. If you don't allow yourself to go
there, you'll never come out. It'll just be
denied and. And that'll be. It'll just
create this sort of malaise, even potentially
(17:34):
illness inside of you. And I. I
somehow intuitively knew that. And
I just. I didn't want to have that
energy inside me. I wanted it out. I wanted
to be free of it at some point in my life. Now,
that took many years for me to be completely free.
it wasn't like it was many years. And.
And they say that when you lose a spouse that
(17:56):
you love, it can take, you know,
it can take 10 years or, you know, just
to absolutely feel completely complete in
your grief and. And, And not
deny that, you know, that you're. You know,
you're really always missing that person.
And one of the things I tell women
that have gone through loss, and I've worked with a lot of women who
(18:19):
have gone through loss. I say, you know,
look, if it were reversed and. And
you had died, what would you want
for your partner? You know, you would want your
partner to. To move forward with their life. I
mean, and. And that's what we all want. You know, we don't
want you to sit in misery forever like we want
(18:39):
you to. That's not love. Like. No,
love is actually moving forward and carrying
that person with you, in your thoughts and
your. You know, I. I think of Richard every day.
I miss him every day. But I'm not in grief
anymore. And I'm definitely, you know,
moving forward with my life, and I
have for many, many, many years. And that's
(19:02):
the permission that I think we all have to give ourselves,
is to let go of what
we wanted our lives to be and
realize that still we have a life to live.
And we've got to decide. We have to choose. We have to live
it with passion. And then of course, with
passion, there comes purpose.
>> Wendy Valentine (19:22):
Yeah. Acceptance, it's hard. That's probably been
my, you know, a lot of people say, oh, choose one word for the
year. I think it's been acceptance
for me. Especially like last year, it's like. And sometimes it
is just accepting the reality
of things that are. And just like your husband had
said about the circumstances, like it either
(19:42):
make you or break you. And you have that
choice. Everyone has that choice. And I want
to say too, about grief that if
you don't face will bubble to
the surface later on. And I.
That happened with me because. So
my husband had died at the age of 26.
(20:03):
I had two, two, two boys, was a single
mom and you know, not boohoo, what was me. But I
didn't make the time to grieve. I
was like working three jobs, blah, blah, blah, trying to
raise the kids. And I just never really
properly grieved. I never really let
all those tears out and everything.
(20:24):
And then my brother died, like
probably maybe 18
years later after that. And
then I can remember right
before I went to go see my brother, he was in a
coma. And right before I left to get on the plane, I
looked in the mirror and I told myself, I'm m. Like, you're
grieving this time. Like, it was like it was
(20:46):
a gift that I was giving to myself. I'm like, I'm going
to give you the gift of grieving. I don't care
what, how long it takes, how bad it gets.
Like, just freaking do it. And I'm so glad
I did because it really. I would not be
sitting here talking to you right now if I had
not really faced all of that
(21:07):
darkness and all of that grief. And But like,
when the light lifts, oh my gosh, it's so nice.
>> Kristine Carlson (21:13):
Did you think that you also grieved your
late husband at that same time?
>> Wendy Valentine (21:19):
If it came up and I was like, it was
like everything else, like, everything, everything
just came to the surface. I was like, okay, bring it on.
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
>> Kristine Carlson (21:29):
And I do think, like for some people, you know, you were
very young. I mean, you're not. Your brain isn't even fully
developed at 26 years old and with two
young children, you know, that, that, that
was just, you know, I'm sure you were. It was too much
for you. You had to put that on hold. And,
But It's a beautiful thing that you were able to grieve both your brother
(21:49):
and your late husband at the same time and let go of all
of it. And I always say grief is
like the great house cleaner for all the tears you never
shed. You know what I mean? Like, you just kind of go
inward and, and it just.
>> Wendy Valentine (22:03):
Yeah, I like that.
>> Kristine Carlson (22:03):
cleans out all the pipes.
>> Wendy Valentine (22:07):
Yeah, I had a lot of cleaning to do, a lot of detoxing to
do. Yeah. Not
sweating the small stuff. How did this come
about with Richard?
>> Kristine Carlson (22:19):
Well, like I had said earlier, Richard had been writing
about, happiness for many years
and was a psychologist and was
not into traditional therapy. Like, he had
identified that there were these principles
of happiness that, when
applied to life as a life practice, that
(22:39):
people just got happier and. Hm. So that's
where don't, split the small stuff came in. I, I think he just
was really brilliant in that way that.
Yeah, yeah, he just identified before
mindfulness was a thing, before positive
psychology was a thing, he was already on it.
And, And I think what's beautiful about don't
split the small stuff is that people over
(23:01):
generations, have shown that when
they apply these, you know, these principles
of happiness, these tasks that
he gives you to do in the book, and they do
them, they feel better. And like you said, that you
feel calmer. there's a way in
which when you feel like you're living the life you're meant to
(23:21):
live, it calms us down, you
know. And when we're living to our values, which really
don't sweat, the small stuff is full of, just
really wholesome, great values,
to. To live by. And,
And I think that's when we feel like, oh, okay,
I am living the life I meant to live. Because
let's face it, I mean, we all get so busy and, and
(23:44):
we start flying by the seat of our pants and, and
then before long, we have anxiety because we
don't feel like we have any sense of control.
But without control, it's just
about choosing, knowing that you have a
choice.
>> Wendy Valentine (24:00):
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and everything to gain. I was actually thinking
about this earlier today that sweating the small stuff
(25:04):
can actually be a habit.
>> Kristine Carlson (25:07):
Oh, totally is a habit.
>> Wendy Valentine (25:09):
Yeah. Of reacting or thinking that you, or
that you have to react or oh my God, I've got all these emails and I got
to do this and I got, got the laundry going to the. And
in the grand scheme of things,
like do all these little things, I mean
it's not that big of a deal. Like I have to remind myself of
that all the time.
>> Kristine Carlson (25:27):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (25:28):
Because otherwise, I mean if you do sweat the small
stuff, it will make you sweat.
It affects you physically and mentally and
emotionally and spiritually. It, and
it piles up all those little things. All like
getting stressed about the, the, the silliest of things.
It piles up on you and it affects the people
(25:48):
around you.
>> Kristine Carlson (25:50):
Well, I like to say, Wendy, that you know, you can be
reactive to life or responsive to life
and, and when you're sweating the small stuff, just
like you just said, you are reacting to life.
When you're not sweating the small stuff or you're living
life mindfully, you're responding to life
and there's a huge difference. There's a
(26:10):
huge difference. Responsiveness means
that you're able to pause and check
in and really ask yourself like, what am
I feeling? How's, how what, what. You know, you get to
choose when you respond, when you react, you
just have these knee jerk reactions and it
never feels good. Like, you know,
(26:30):
never feels good. Like you're always like, oh my
God, there's a lot of back puddling in life when you
react. At least if you're a conscious person
and you don't, you know, and you, you take other people's
feelings into consideration, you realize that
being reactive means that you're probably saying things you
don't really mean. It means that you're creating
a lot of stress for yourself by
(26:54):
overvaluing certain things and not prioritizing
other things. You know, when we prioritize our
mental wellness, it means that
we know that our
stress is going to be a, create, it's going to
create a lot of issues in our bodies. Our stress
is going to create a lot of issues in our
relationships with the people that we love, with our co
(27:16):
workers that maybe we don't love so much, but we
have to see every day, you know, with all the
people that we are around, our kids.
And I think, when you, when you decide that
you want to calm down and become a more mindful
person, it just takes a lot of intention.
And it is, it is a practice because you do have to
(27:36):
break, the habit, as you so
eloquently put, of sweating the small stuff.
And you can replace those habits
of being uptight with. With more
relaxed activities. And that's how you make
change happen in your life. It's a daily, it's
a daily kind of progress. But I wouldn't say it's a lot
(27:57):
of work. It's just. It's just being more intentional about
how you live.
>> Wendy Valentine (28:01):
Mindful. You know what, too? I was thinking
that, I mean, really, a lot of us could
be, you, know, were raised to sweat the small
stuff. I was, I mean, I was raised in a
household. My
mom especially would just freak out about the silliest of things.
And then as a child, you think, like, that's normal. You're supposed
to be like, freaking out about this and, oh, my God, he
(28:23):
forgot to put the, you know, turn the dishwasher on last
night. And then I become a
mom and I'm supposed to be like, oh, that's what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to
act like that. And then I would just exhaust
myself trying to sweat the small
stuff until I realized it's. It's
just not worth it. And isn't it funny though?
(28:43):
Like, if you're, let's say if you're in a really stressful situation
with someone, you're at the airport and the plane was delayed,
and you, know everything's going wrong. And if you're with
someone this chill and
relaxed, you're like, whatever, it's all gonna work out.
Then you feel more chill and
relaxed. Whereas if it's not, you know,
if someone is like, freaking out about every
(29:06):
single thing that's going on, it. That
energy affects everyone.
>> Kristine Carlson (29:12):
That's funny because that, that's the one scenario. Richard always
used to say he was gonna get caught. Caught because he did a lot of
traveling for work. and he, he was like, somebody's going to
catch me sweating this. Because, you know, there's a lot of, like, at
the. Those days, there's a lot of like, oh, my God, I have to change
flights. I have to. You know, and he's. And there was delays,
and, you know, he was, And he's like, oh, my God, I'm going to get caught
(29:32):
sweating the small stuff here.
Yeah, because that's a great
example. And. And, yeah, you know, I
mean, there's, Everybody has their
buttons, you know, and I think. But. But it's helpful
to know what buttons you have
and, and then to be able to, you know, ask
yourself the question, is this really going to matter a year from
(29:54):
now? You know, is this really. Is this. Is this
an emergency? Because most of life is not an
emergency unless you're actually in one. And then, you
know. You know, you know, when an emergency is happening, you're
in one, but. But most of it is in an
emergency. And yet we can turn
little things into such big deals very
quickly.
>> Wendy Valentine (30:14):
Did you ever watch, on Seinfeld when.
When George Costanza was like, pretending
like he's like, you know, if I just talk like this and I
act like this, and it make. Everyone thinks I'm busy, so I just talk
like I'm like, so
true. Like, we just pretend
we're going to sweat the small stuff. So it seemed like we're really, really
(30:35):
important where it's like, it's really not that big of a deal.
>> Kristine Carlson (30:37):
Yeah, yeah. No, yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (30:39):
But you're so right. It's. It's a lot just being
mindful. And there were. I mean, sometimes,
yes, like, there. We're going through something stressful
in life, and there is something small that pops
up. And I think the key is just being
aware of it. And even if you just. If you do sweat
the small stuff a little bit, be like, okay, it's
fine, you know, you can start again.
(31:02):
You can try again the next time around and just
becoming aware of again. Like you were saying
about reacting and not reacting. Well,
we.
>> Kristine Carlson (31:11):
We have a saying, and we,
We used to say if you can become graceful
when low and grateful when high,
that's the epitome of. Of how to live,
you know, grateful when high and graceful when low.
So, you know, it's not like happy people,
if you ask somebody what their overall happiness is,
people who say, yeah, I'm pretty happy. It's not like
(31:33):
they're happy every day or every second of every day,
but they definitely know how to get back
to feelings of contentment faster.
And that's about really
understanding that, you really
can let a lot of stuff go, but you have to
start with really Understanding that
(31:54):
everything starts with a thought, and that your thoughts are just
made up by you. That's a
very basic understanding. is just
realizing that it's all created by you. So
really deep down, every. When you're going through
stress, that's also created by
you. And it isn't as though there are not stressful
things that happen. But if. If
(32:16):
stress was universal, then all the
same things would stress this, everybody out. And
that's just not true. People are stressed out by different
things in their lives, and so you can
identify the areas that really stress you
out, and then ask yourself, how do I want to shift this? How do I
want to change this? Because I know this isn't good for
(32:36):
me, and I know it's not good for the people around me, and I want to
have a positive impact on the world. I want to have
a positive impact on the people around me.
And that just takes just a little bit of
shifting and a little practice.
>> Wendy Valentine (32:50):
Yeah. Took the words out of my mouth. Practice,
right.
>> Kristine Carlson (32:54):
Yep.
>> Wendy Valentine (32:55):
And I'm sure you probably know a lot about neuroscience and
neuroplasticity and. Yeah, it's crazy that. Well, in
that. In that while, now that I think about it, I mean, it's only been 30
years that they realize that they can re. You know, we
can actually rewire our brains about the same time
that don't sweat the small stuff came out. Right?
>> Kristine Carlson (33:12):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (33:14):
Right. Think about that.
>> Kristine Carlson (33:16):
Have made great strides in bringing
neuroscience to, you know, the public to
mainstream. So.
>> Wendy Valentine (33:22):
And that's really what a lot of what that is. It's that
practice of changing your thoughts, changing
your beliefs, changing your behaviors, changing your
reactions. Right. like, it's. And so
it's very, very possible if someone out there is listening, they're
like, oh, my gosh, I overreact to everything. I always sweat
the small stuff. You don't always have to be that
way. You can actually change it. Right. I'm
(33:45):
living proof. Because just like I told my
story, I would react about the silliest of
things. I was like, why am I reacting like this? And I
was just. I would get headaches, my neck would
hurt. Like, it was silly. I'm like, why am I doing
this? It's not gonna matter.
>> Kristine Carlson (34:01):
Right.
>> Wendy Valentine (34:01):
Like you said a year from now, I call it the,
Like, if you had a drone, you know, if you had a drone that was like,
zooming out and zooming out, and they're like, oh, you can see me
sitting here in my apartment, and then here in Portugal, then
Eventually I'm like this tiny little dot on
Earth, and then eventually Earth is the tiny dot where. What
happened to all that stupid stuff I was stressing about? It
(34:22):
really is not that big of a deal.
>> Kristine Carlson (34:25):
No, it really isn't. And, and it does take
that. You know, I think, I
think that sometimes people are, addicted to
stress and they're addicted to. And they feel like, who would I
be if I wasn't, you know, I
wasn't hitting myself on the back like a monk,
you know, and, and torturing yourself to be
(34:45):
that person. But, you know, the truth
is you would be more creative. You would
be more, more. You'd attract more of what you
want versus what you don't want. And,
and that's just something that you have to discover
about yourself. I mean, I think that once you
decide you want to let stress go,
(35:06):
we find a way. We find ways to do that. And, you
know, that's why we, that's why I love this new
book, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff Every Day. Because it
helps you to identify daily something that you
can focus on and think about, and
apply to your life. And, and
that's kind of what it takes, is just a little bit of
(35:26):
practice, a little bit of thought and intention. I mean, that
word is so powerful, isn't it, Wendy? Intention.
>> Wendy Valentine (35:32):
I know. Intention. I
know, exactly.
>> Kristine Carlson (35:37):
Yes. Placing your attention where you want
your life, to grow, you know, and that's, that's
at the very. That's the core of mindfulness,
is setting your intention and placing your
attention on what you want to grow in your life
and what you want to practice, grow stronger.
So, yeah, it's, it's, it's a, ah, it's a beautiful
journey though, once you get going, because you start to realize, wow, I
(36:00):
really can do this. This is kind of like once you learn to ride a bike,
you're kind of falling down and you're stumbling and you can't really
get your balance, and then suddenly it just comes and you're like,
gliding. And that's kind of what it's like to learn
how not to sweat the small stuff and live this way.
>> Wendy Valentine (36:15):
Yeah. And you know too, like, if you're not
stressing about even small stuff
or big stuff, whatever, it leaves space
in your mind and in your thinking and your
creativity to, to do other things
and to find solutions. I mean, I remind myself of that
if, if I'm, I'm in a situation where, like,
everything's falling apart, I'm like, okay, let's not stress
(36:37):
it, like, what can I control? I always think of like the serenity
prayer, you know, God, grant me the serenity to accept the things
I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I
can, and the ways to know the difference.
Right. Like huge. Yeah.
Yeah. That prayer has lasted me for a long
time.
>> Kristine Carlson (36:55):
Oh, yeah, me too.
>> Wendy Valentine (36:56):
Yeah, but it's ex. Like, what can I
do? You know, like, okay, sometimes I will, I just
stop and go, wendy, what can you do?
>> Kristine Carlson (37:05):
Yeah. And can you change this?
>> Wendy Valentine (37:07):
Yeah.
And like one thing we can control is,
is how we react, our emotions. We can
calm ourselves down. Breathing techniques.
I noticed you have meditations too.
>> Kristine Carlson (37:19):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
we do. yeah, I mean we've, we were always meditators.
That was, we were very fortunate to have
learned to meditate, in our teens. Really. I was
like 19 years old when I learned to meditate
and it, it just shifted our entire
way of life, just learning
(37:39):
that simple technique of
calming down on your inner life.
And you know, the more that you can tune into your breath
and your heart, and your emotional well being,
the better you are. And you just, you know,
I, I think that helps your communication with
people when you can tune into your heart
and you know, and listen deeply
(38:02):
to somebody else. These are all just qualities
that really enhance your life
and enhance everyone, everyone's lives around you
too.
>> Wendy Valentine (38:12):
M. He left behind such an amazing legacy
and I'm so happy that you. Or
carrying the torch too.
>> Kristine Carlson (38:19):
Yeah. I feel really blessed to have, an
honor to do that for him. And
it's also, you know, given my life greater
meaning to do that too. I mean, not that I didn't
have solid meaning in my
life when he was alive, but the idea
that I had to rise up and kind
(38:40):
of claim my life myself as a teacher and
claim, you know, how I wanted to serve
was, is really powerful for me and has been super
powerful for my life. And you know, I
love helping women. I love leading women's
retreats and I lead them all over the world.
And there's one common element at
my retreats and that is that I deeply want
(39:02):
to connect with the women, be on
retreat with them, and also see them make these
lifelong friends and connections on retreat
that become complete support systems for them as, they
move forward in their lives and, and create a new
dream for their lives. Because isn't that where we all
end up in midlife? Like we, we've sort of lived these
(39:23):
lives we've been living, you Know,
doing lots of things. Then we get to midlife, and we're like, okay, what
now? What do I want to do
now?
>> Wendy Valentine (39:33):
Yeah, who am I and what am I doing? Yes.
>> Kristine Carlson (39:36):
Yeah, yeah, exactly. So it's.
It's been a really incredible journey, Wendy.
And. And, I mean, of course I would rather have Richard
here by my side, you know, with
me, but I feel like, I feel like I've
honored him and I. I've honored our lives to have
continued on, and I. I feel really good about the life
that I'm living now.
>> Wendy Valentine (39:56):
And.
>> Kristine Carlson (39:57):
And, my kids are good. And, you know, they're grown.
They're grown now. I have five grandchildren.
>> Wendy Valentine (40:02):
I saw that on your bio. Well,
yeah, I don't have any. It's all.
>> Kristine Carlson (40:07):
It's all, you know, people do heal and.
And we. We are able to move forward amidst, you
know, great tragedies in our lives. But. But, you
know, I've seen friends go through breast cancer and
cancer and. And survived, and. And
now we're thriving, and I. It gives me a lot of hope that we
do have that ability as, individuals and as a
(40:28):
collective to help. To help everyone
heal.
>> Wendy Valentine (40:31):
Yeah.
>> Kristine Carlson (40:32):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (40:32):
You make the most out of everything. I mean, whether,
you know, you, you know, have 26 years of life
or 45, or if you're lucky, to live all the way to
100. Still, life is really, really short.
>> Kristine Carlson (40:44):
It is. It is. It's precious and it's
short.
>> Wendy Valentine (40:48):
Yeah. How do we get your book? I can't wait. I already told you.
I was like, when I get back to the States, I'll be there in three weeks. I'm getting
a copy of your book, and it's so perfect because it's just like a
daily read.
>> Kristine Carlson (40:58):
Yeah. You can just, find it on,
you know, any of the great bookstores.
So an Amazon, of course, has it, but if you're not an Amazon
fan, you could go to Barnes and Noble.com or any
place and, and order it there or go into
an independent bookstore and order it, you know, so, yeah,
it's available. Don't sweat the small stuff.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:18):
Yeah. Those books, your. Your books are everywhere.
I still see them. I can still. Do you still have the
original? Is. Has the book cover changed?
The original one?
>> Kristine Carlson (41:28):
Well, I've had many iterations, but this is my most special
one. It's a hard. A hard copy.
I only have three of these or four of these. I'll
probably give these to my grandkids.
Ah. And, But, yeah, I.
I Still have the original. Don't split the small stuff cover.
And then it's like a brown.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:46):
Isn't it like brown, like kind of.
>> Kristine Carlson (41:48):
Yeah, it's like brown and burgundy kind of. Yeah. Has
little designs on it.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:53):
It's funny. Like, I can.
I mean, there's some things I cannot remember for the life of me,
but I kid you not, I can still. Like there's certain
books, I can remember where I bought
them from and where I was at and where they were at on
the shelf, no joke. And I can
still remember. I can still remember. Don't sweat the small
stuff. And I was always like, okay, what, what book am I going to
(42:15):
buy today? And I can remember seeing that one, it's on the bottom
left hand corner. And I was like, don't switch sweat.
I was like, huh? I was like, I remember like
flipping through it. And you know what, though? The simplest
teachings I have found are the most
profound.
>> Kristine Carlson (42:30):
Totally.
>> Wendy Valentine (42:31):
I think sometimes, like we expect nowadays, like, we
need something like really, really solid tools and
techniques. Not really.
>> Kristine Carlson (42:38):
I mean, no. Go back to basics now.
>> Wendy Valentine (42:40):
Yeah, go back to the basics. Every. Yeah,
everything.
>> Kristine Carlson (42:44):
Yeah, I mean everything is. Everyone's trying to find
a new way to say things and,
and that's okay, you know, we gotta find. We have to throw our own
flavor into it, you know, and that's the whole beauty
of, of the publishing world is that, you
know, everybody has a story to share. Everybody has
their own unique way to share it. But sometimes I think
(43:04):
some people get so jargony that they lose
sight of the, you know, the very basic things,
like, you know, just being like, be. Become a
world class listener. You know, it's like, you
know, that's. Or you know, just say, gosh,
just wake up and think of three things that you're grateful for.
Go to sleep and think of three things you're grateful for. You know, you don't
(43:25):
have to have a fluffy name for it, you just have to practice
it.
>> Wendy Valentine (43:29):
Yeah, exactly. And don't sweat the small stuff.
>> Kristine Carlson (43:32):
And don't sweat the small stuff. We are living the big stuff,
no doubt.
>> Wendy Valentine (43:35):
I know, I know. Thank you so much,
Christine. It's been amazing. So
happy I met you.
>> Kristine Carlson (43:42):
Thank you. You too. Thank you so much. You are a
joy.
>> Wendy Valentine (43:46):
Thank you. And everyone get a copy of that book.
And don't sweat the small step. I promise. Don't do
it.
Did this podcast inspire you? Challenge you?
Trigger you to make a change or spit out your coffee
laughing? Good. Then there are three ways you
can thank me. Number one, you can leave a written
review of this podcast on Apple iTunes.
(44:08):
Number two, you can take a screenshot of the
episode and share it onto social media and tag
me Wendy Valentine. Number three,
share it with another midlifer that needs a makeover.
You know who I'm talking about. Thank you so much for
listening to the show. Get out there and be
bold. Be free. Be you.
(44:33):
Sa.
That's the core of mindfulness is setting your
intention and placing your attention on what
you want to grow in your life and what you want to
practice grow stronger. So
yeah, it's a beautiful journey though, once
you get going, because you start to realize, wow, I really can do this.
This is kind of like once you learn to ride a bike, you're kind of
falling down and you're stumbling and you can't really get your
(00:22):
balance and then suddenly it just comes and you're like
gliding. And that's kind of what it's like to learn
how not to split the small stuff and live this way.
>> Wendy Valentine (00:30):
Hey Mid hey makeupers. Welcome to the Midlife
Makeover Show. Are you ready to break free
from your mundane midlife? Are you feeling trapped in
a vicious cycle of rinse and repeat days?
No matter if you're experiencing a divorce,
hangover, job burnout, or you just have the
midlife blues, I got you.
Hey, I'm Wendy, your hostess of the midlife
(00:52):
mostess. I too was hit by midlife like a freight
train. I too felt stuck in the same dull
chapter. I wanted the clarity of how to create
a new life beyond divorce and the courage to
leave an unfulfilling career. But I kept telling
myself that I wasn't worthy and it was just easier
to stay in my comfort zone. Until I found a
(01:13):
little secret. The freedom to live my life
my way. In this podcast, you will
learn how to achieve a vibrant midlife mind and
body, how to create solid relationships through love
and loss, and how to create an awesome
second half of life. Grab your grande
latte, pop in your earbuds, and let's get this
(01:34):
midlife party started.
Have you ever wanted to write a book but don't know where to
start? Whether it's a memoir, self help,
or another work of nonfiction, you've got a story
to tell and the world needs to hear it.
That's why I'm so excited to share the book doulas
incubator, a 10 week live journey
(01:55):
designed to help aspiring authors bring their books to
life. Co created by New York Times best
selling author Christine Carlson, co
author of the Don't Sweat the Small Stuff series,
and acclaimed book editor Deborah Evans.
This program has helped hundreds of writers
navigate the book creation and platform building
(02:15):
process from idea to publication.
Christine recently joined me on the Midlife Makeover show
to talk about navigating life's transitions.
And if you love that conversation, imagine what
you learned from m her in this program. The next
session starts April 2nd and this could be
your time to finally write that book. If
(02:36):
you've been dreaming of becoming an author, this is your
sign. Head to
tinyurl.com
forward/book doulas.
That's tinyurl.com
forward slash book doulas B O O
K D O U L A S to learn
more and start your journey today.
(02:57):
Welcome to the Midlife Makeover Show. I'm your host,
Wendy Valentine. And if you've ever
felt overwhelmed by stress or
struggled to find peace amidst life's challenges,
today's episode is for you. Our guest
is none other than, Christine Carlson, co
author of the New York Times bestselling
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff series.
(03:19):
Oh, yeah.
One of my fave books, which has sold over
25 million copies
worldwide. Wowza. Christine's wisdom
has helped millions embrace
mindfulness, resilience, and joy in everyday
life. Her personal journey of, transformation,
navigating profound loss, and rediscovering
(03:40):
purpose is even captured in the
lifetime. Okay, we're how to pronounce this?
We think it could be biopic or biopic.
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff. The Christine
Carlson Story. Today, we're
diving into her newest book, Don't Sweat the Small
Stuff, every day. And, discussing
simple, actionable ways to shift your
(04:02):
mindset, reclaim your peace, and navigate life's
transitions. Whether it's stress, grief,
or midlife reinvention, you're going
to walk away with powerful insights to help you
let go of the small stuff and embrace a life of
calm, gratitude, and resilience.
Please welcome Christine to the show.
>> Kristine Carlson (04:24):
Hi. Hey, everyone. Thank you. And thank you,
Wendy, for having me on. This is so much fun.
Wendy is just such a delight and a bright light. It's
a blast just sitting with her. Well,
thank you.
>> Wendy Valentine (04:36):
And I told you already, it is an
honor to have you here. I mean, I
also shared with you. I have probably 500 people on the wait
list for the Midlife Makeover show podcast. And I was like,
yours came across in my email, and I was like,
oh, yeah, she's going to the top.
>> Kristine Carlson (04:54):
Thank you. That is. That's an honor for me. So thank you
very, very much. Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (04:59):
And it's been, what, over. Over
20 years since don't Sweat the Small Stuff?
And I can still remember buying that little bitty book
that made a huge difference, helped
me to find a little calm, especially when I was a mother.
Right. Well, I'm still a mother, but with little kids.
But, I know a part of your
(05:19):
story, but I want you to tell the listeners Just in
case they don't know. So 20 year
anniversary, but then your 10
year anniversary of Don't Sweat the Small
Stuff, tell that story
of that. Yes, I'm going to let you, you
know what I'm talking about, so I'm going to let you.
>> Kristine Carlson (05:37):
Do. I do, yes. Yeah.
So, just backing up a little bit, just so you
know about my late husband, Dr. Richard Carlson,
who really is the author of Don't Sweat the Small Stuff.
I kind of came into the series with him when
he invited me in to write Don't Sweat the Small Stuff in
Love, which was probably like the
third book in the series. third or fourth.
(05:59):
And, and anyways, Richard
had been writing about happiness and
how to feel good again if you were
going through depression, for many years. I
actually Don't Sweat the Small stuff was his 10th book. I
don't know if you knew that, but.
>> Wendy Valentine (06:16):
Oh, I did not know that. Wow.
>> Kristine Carlson (06:18):
Yeah, so it was this 10th book and
you know, that book just, it really
just was different. He, he kind of captured
that short chapter and a time
when technology was really
booming. it was during the dot com era
and email was coming out and cell
phones and all of that. And you know, I think
(06:40):
the reason why Don't Sweat the Small Stuff took off was
not only was it the title, but it was the time,
I think that as a culture we thought
that email and technology was going to
save us time. And what we found quickly found
out was actually it just took more
of our time up and it created overwhelm for
(07:01):
people. And so I think that's why Don't Sweat the Small
Stuff did so well and boomed so
fast even around the globe. Because
that technology boom was a global thing,
so speeding up to 10
years. we had two daughters
in high school, one just entered high school,
(07:23):
Kenna, and Jazz was a senior
and Richard was promoting his latest book.
And it was, ah, he got on a flight to
go to New York to promote his latest book.
And on the descent of that flight, he had a
pulmonary embolism that took his life. and
it was, wow, it was just
(07:43):
so, out of the blue on so many
levels. Like we were just
not at all prepared at that time in
our lives. really early midlife. You know,
I was 43, he was 45. And where
our kids were in high school to go through
such a loss and so quickly,
(08:03):
it was like having the rug completely pulled out
from under our feet. yeah. And you know, I
mean Everybody, you know, I don't have to tell anybody
listening, you know what that was like.
You know, most people in midlife have gone through
some pretty big stuff by the time you hit
midlife. And, and you don't have to be afraid. I mean,
(08:24):
it's like, but midlife is, is, it can be a
challenging time to navigate and it certainly was
for me losing Richard at that time.
yeah, I, you know, and I, I just
went through grief. like a lot of
people, it was challenging time.
But I also knew that if anybody
(08:46):
was somewhat equipped to go through it,
I was, I had done a lot of personal growth
work in my lifetime. being the co
author of several books by that time with Richard and the
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff series, I really
had a lot of tools in my tool belt. And I
also had an incredible community
of mentors that were
(09:09):
with me during that time. They were not only going through the loss
of Richard themselves because he was a dear friend,
but they were with me. They, they were supportive
of me. And I think, you know,
I, I went through it, it took a long time. I'm not gonna
lie. I mean, I didn't, yeah.
Grief, you know, I, I, I, I find that
(09:29):
grief, no matter what kind of transition you're in,
Wendy, and is that it's the
reconciling of your lost dream.
You know, like you, you go through such a
loss and you have to come to a level
of acceptance and, and come to a new
ability to see forward and to be
able to dream forward in your life and,
(09:52):
and, and accept that you're going to create a new life.
And that is just a really,
you know, that's a path. That's a, that's a,
that was totally, unchartered territory for
me. And I just began to,
discover a lot more about myself
and, my level of resilience when I went
(10:12):
through that loss. And, and then I
felt very compelled to write about it. So I, I
felt very compelled to keep a journal, which then became
heartbroken. Open A Memoir Through Loss to Self
Discovery, which then became the Lifetime
movie years later. So that's kind of been the
journey.
>> Wendy Valentine (10:31):
Wow. I am so sorry. I, I,
and you know, I, I did not know that about him. And
then when I was reading through your, I must have. I was probably on your website
for over an hour today and I was
just like, so I was like crying through parts
of it. And then your, your daughter's,
little page there where they talk about their dad.
(10:52):
And I just. I just
cannot fathom.
But, you know, it's interesting,
you know, here. Here it is. All those years of, like,
not sweating the small stuff, and then here's this. Some
really big comes along, like, you know
what I mean? Like, but kind of like you said, like
(11:12):
all. It was almost. I mean, nothing can
prepare you for stuff like that. Nothing. But at, the
same time it was. It was at least
you had all of this
beautiful work in this
and that you were able to
at least manage
the grief.
>> Kristine Carlson (11:34):
Yeah, I mean, I think people have asked me a lot
and can you prepare for loss? And, I always
say no, you can't really prepare for that kind of loss. However,
how you live every single day,
it really does make a difference in
how you not go through loss, but how you
return to a life of
(11:55):
joy. And that's the part that
I learned over time, is that
I didn't know I was like anybody. I didn't know if I was ever
going to feel joy again. I felt so much deep
sorrow. I. It was. I. I just.
I felt like it would swallow me whole some days.
And. But I. After I
(12:16):
began to really heal and understand that that's what I was
doing was healing because I was surviving,
I started to realize that there becomes a
choice now, and am I going to just
survive this, or am I going to choose to
thrive? Am I going to choose to
heal? And am I going to choose a life of joy again?
(12:36):
And that's where the power is. It's not that you don't.
That you have a choice that this happened is that you
do have a choice in how you move forward and
certainly feeling and going through
grief. And, you know, I never thought of grief as an enemy.
I kind of thought of grief as my friend because,
I knew that grief only was. Was there
(12:57):
to help me to go through
the emotions of loss and the
emotions of, you know, finding my
path, finding my way again back to light
and love and joy. And, So I. I
wasn't afraid to dive in. I just knew that going
in was gonna bring me out. And I learned that because
my body really told me, you know, I. I
(13:20):
started to realize that I, would get this really bad stomachache when I
wasn't crying enough. And as soon as I would allow myself to
cry, cry, and really just get it
out, I started to feel these. Just
these even blissful moments
right afterwards. And I started to say, oh,
that's my body rewarding me. Because
after going through childbirth, you know, birthing
(13:42):
two Daughters. I realized
that, you know, when you go through this kind of
loss, you're birthing a new life, and it's
not unlike childbirth. Like, you go through those,
right, Those contractions of grief, and
they hurt like childbirth. But, you know,
grieving a, lost partner or a child is
(14:03):
a much longer process sometimes. And.
And yet everybody goes through it differently. Everybody goes
through grief differently. But what it does take
for anybody is a tremendous amount of
courage to just face what's
happened and. And face it and
then find this sense of new purpose and
(14:24):
meaning somehow. And I think that's the path
is.
Richard said something to me.
Excuse me, right before, he
died. It was just amazing. He had a couple things
he said to me, and it was as if there was a part
of him that somehow knew that
something was going to happen. And he
(14:45):
said, chris, you know what I love about the human spirit? And
I was like, what, honey? You know, it's like,
what, honey? And he said, I love that
there are people in this world that take their greatest
tragedy and they allow it to move them
forward in their lives so that their life
has greater meaning than it might have
otherwise had. And that is
(15:08):
just. That was so profound. That was like three months before he
died unexpectedly. And I
remember just hearing his
voice, you know, shortly after he died, saying that
to me, because I was so present when I was listening to
him. And then the other thing he had said to me, very
soon before he died was that the
circumstances don't make or break you, but they reveal who
(15:30):
you are. And I. I thought
that is so powerful that the circumstances
won't make or break you, but they allow
you to come forward. And. And I
started to really understand that in grief and loss is
that it allowed me. I. I was so
present to what I was feeling, but in
(15:51):
such a authentic expression, in such an
authentic way, I started to begin to live
outside of maybe the perfect life that we
had created, and really started to live from
a place of. Of true meaning and true
purpose, because I just had to survive and get
through every date with my girls. You know, it was just like a different
(16:12):
life once he died. It was just a totally different
life.
>> Wendy Valentine (16:15):
I was just gonna say I'd. I think I'd said this the other day with
Andrea Owen, that, like, sometimes
you have to dive into the dark just to reveal the
light. And in those darkest
times, and it's like, oh, and when you were talking about
kind of like that birthing
process, you, know, with grief, and it makes me think
(16:36):
of the Butterfly. Right. Like inside the
chrysalis, and that if you were to cut the top off and
pull the butterfly out, it would
be deformed and it would die. So the
butterfly actually has to struggle
to get out of that chrysalis so that it can
fly. And so the struggle is.
Okay, it's. It's like you don't want
(16:58):
to avoid it, just like you were saying, like, you needed to. To
cry and to get it out and to. To let it all
go. And it's tough,
but it's. You have to just face it
and almost make it like a friend, like you said.
>> Kristine Carlson (17:13):
Well, I think. What. I think that people are
scared that if they allow themselves to
go there, that they won't come out. And it's actually the
opposite. If you don't allow yourself to go
there, you'll never come out. It'll just be
denied and. And that'll be. It'll just
create this sort of malaise, even potentially
(17:34):
illness inside of you. And I. I
somehow intuitively knew that. And
I just. I didn't want to have that
energy inside me. I wanted it out. I wanted
to be free of it at some point in my life. Now,
that took many years for me to be completely free.
it wasn't like it was many years. And.
And they say that when you lose a spouse that
(17:56):
you love, it can take, you know,
it can take 10 years or, you know, just
to absolutely feel completely complete in
your grief and. And, And not
deny that, you know, that you're. You know,
you're really always missing that person.
And one of the things I tell women
that have gone through loss, and I've worked with a lot of women who
(18:19):
have gone through loss. I say, you know,
look, if it were reversed and. And
you had died, what would you want
for your partner? You know, you would want your
partner to. To move forward with their life. I
mean, and. And that's what we all want. You know, we don't
want you to sit in misery forever like we want
(18:39):
you to. That's not love. Like. No,
love is actually moving forward and carrying
that person with you, in your thoughts and
your. You know, I. I think of Richard every day.
I miss him every day. But I'm not in grief
anymore. And I'm definitely, you know,
moving forward with my life, and I
have for many, many, many years. And that's
(19:02):
the permission that I think we all have to give ourselves,
is to let go of what
we wanted our lives to be and
realize that still we have a life to live.
And we've got to decide. We have to choose. We have to live
it with passion. And then of course, with
passion, there comes purpose.
>> Wendy Valentine (19:22):
Yeah. Acceptance, it's hard. That's probably been
my, you know, a lot of people say, oh, choose one word for the
year. I think it's been acceptance
for me. Especially like last year, it's like. And sometimes it
is just accepting the reality
of things that are. And just like your husband had
said about the circumstances, like it either
(19:42):
make you or break you. And you have that
choice. Everyone has that choice. And I want
to say too, about grief that if
you don't face will bubble to
the surface later on. And I.
That happened with me because. So
my husband had died at the age of 26.
(20:03):
I had two, two, two boys, was a single
mom and you know, not boohoo, what was me. But I
didn't make the time to grieve. I
was like working three jobs, blah, blah, blah, trying to
raise the kids. And I just never really
properly grieved. I never really let
all those tears out and everything.
(20:24):
And then my brother died, like
probably maybe 18
years later after that. And
then I can remember right
before I went to go see my brother, he was in a
coma. And right before I left to get on the plane, I
looked in the mirror and I told myself, I'm m. Like, you're
grieving this time. Like, it was like it was
(20:46):
a gift that I was giving to myself. I'm like, I'm going
to give you the gift of grieving. I don't care
what, how long it takes, how bad it gets.
Like, just freaking do it. And I'm so glad
I did because it really. I would not be
sitting here talking to you right now if I had
not really faced all of that
(21:07):
darkness and all of that grief. And But like,
when the light lifts, oh my gosh, it's so nice.
>> Kristine Carlson (21:13):
Did you think that you also grieved your
late husband at that same time?
>> Wendy Valentine (21:19):
If it came up and I was like, it was
like everything else, like, everything, everything
just came to the surface. I was like, okay, bring it on.
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
>> Kristine Carlson (21:29):
And I do think, like for some people, you know, you were
very young. I mean, you're not. Your brain isn't even fully
developed at 26 years old and with two
young children, you know, that, that, that
was just, you know, I'm sure you were. It was too much
for you. You had to put that on hold. And,
But It's a beautiful thing that you were able to grieve both your brother
(21:49):
and your late husband at the same time and let go of all
of it. And I always say grief is
like the great house cleaner for all the tears you never
shed. You know what I mean? Like, you just kind of go
inward and, and it just.
>> Wendy Valentine (22:03):
Yeah, I like that.
>> Kristine Carlson (22:03):
cleans out all the pipes.
>> Wendy Valentine (22:07):
Yeah, I had a lot of cleaning to do, a lot of detoxing to
do. Yeah. Not
sweating the small stuff. How did this come
about with Richard?
>> Kristine Carlson (22:19):
Well, like I had said earlier, Richard had been writing
about, happiness for many years
and was a psychologist and was
not into traditional therapy. Like, he had
identified that there were these principles
of happiness that, when
applied to life as a life practice, that
(22:39):
people just got happier and. Hm. So that's
where don't, split the small stuff came in. I, I think he just
was really brilliant in that way that.
Yeah, yeah, he just identified before
mindfulness was a thing, before positive
psychology was a thing, he was already on it.
And, And I think what's beautiful about don't
split the small stuff is that people over
(23:01):
generations, have shown that when
they apply these, you know, these principles
of happiness, these tasks that
he gives you to do in the book, and they do
them, they feel better. And like you said, that you
feel calmer. there's a way in
which when you feel like you're living the life you're meant to
(23:21):
live, it calms us down, you
know. And when we're living to our values, which really
don't sweat, the small stuff is full of, just
really wholesome, great values,
to. To live by. And,
And I think that's when we feel like, oh, okay,
I am living the life I meant to live. Because
let's face it, I mean, we all get so busy and, and
(23:44):
we start flying by the seat of our pants and, and
then before long, we have anxiety because we
don't feel like we have any sense of control.
But without control, it's just
about choosing, knowing that you have a
choice.
>> Wendy Valentine (24:00):
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and everything to gain. I was actually thinking
about this earlier today that sweating the small stuff
(25:04):
can actually be a habit.
>> Kristine Carlson (25:07):
Oh, totally is a habit.
>> Wendy Valentine (25:09):
Yeah. Of reacting or thinking that you, or
that you have to react or oh my God, I've got all these emails and I got
to do this and I got, got the laundry going to the. And
in the grand scheme of things,
like do all these little things, I mean
it's not that big of a deal. Like I have to remind myself of
that all the time.
>> Kristine Carlson (25:27):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (25:28):
Because otherwise, I mean if you do sweat the small
stuff, it will make you sweat.
It affects you physically and mentally and
emotionally and spiritually. It, and
it piles up all those little things. All like
getting stressed about the, the, the silliest of things.
It piles up on you and it affects the people
(25:48):
around you.
>> Kristine Carlson (25:50):
Well, I like to say, Wendy, that you know, you can be
reactive to life or responsive to life
and, and when you're sweating the small stuff, just
like you just said, you are reacting to life.
When you're not sweating the small stuff or you're living
life mindfully, you're responding to life
and there's a huge difference. There's a
(26:10):
huge difference. Responsiveness means
that you're able to pause and check
in and really ask yourself like, what am
I feeling? How's, how what, what. You know, you get to
choose when you respond, when you react, you
just have these knee jerk reactions and it
never feels good. Like, you know,
(26:30):
never feels good. Like you're always like, oh my
God, there's a lot of back puddling in life when you
react. At least if you're a conscious person
and you don't, you know, and you, you take other people's
feelings into consideration, you realize that
being reactive means that you're probably saying things you
don't really mean. It means that you're creating
a lot of stress for yourself by
(26:54):
overvaluing certain things and not prioritizing
other things. You know, when we prioritize our
mental wellness, it means that
we know that our
stress is going to be a, create, it's going to
create a lot of issues in our bodies. Our stress
is going to create a lot of issues in our
relationships with the people that we love, with our co
(27:16):
workers that maybe we don't love so much, but we
have to see every day, you know, with all the
people that we are around, our kids.
And I think, when you, when you decide that
you want to calm down and become a more mindful
person, it just takes a lot of intention.
And it is, it is a practice because you do have to
(27:36):
break, the habit, as you so
eloquently put, of sweating the small stuff.
And you can replace those habits
of being uptight with. With more
relaxed activities. And that's how you make
change happen in your life. It's a daily, it's
a daily kind of progress. But I wouldn't say it's a lot
(27:57):
of work. It's just. It's just being more intentional about
how you live.
>> Wendy Valentine (28:01):
Mindful. You know what, too? I was thinking
that, I mean, really, a lot of us could
be, you, know, were raised to sweat the small
stuff. I was, I mean, I was raised in a
household. My
mom especially would just freak out about the silliest of things.
And then as a child, you think, like, that's normal. You're supposed
to be like, freaking out about this and, oh, my God, he
(28:23):
forgot to put the, you know, turn the dishwasher on last
night. And then I become a
mom and I'm supposed to be like, oh, that's what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to
act like that. And then I would just exhaust
myself trying to sweat the small
stuff until I realized it's. It's
just not worth it. And isn't it funny though?
(28:43):
Like, if you're, let's say if you're in a really stressful situation
with someone, you're at the airport and the plane was delayed,
and you, know everything's going wrong. And if you're with
someone this chill and
relaxed, you're like, whatever, it's all gonna work out.
Then you feel more chill and
relaxed. Whereas if it's not, you know,
if someone is like, freaking out about every
(29:06):
single thing that's going on, it. That
energy affects everyone.
>> Kristine Carlson (29:12):
That's funny because that, that's the one scenario. Richard always
used to say he was gonna get caught. Caught because he did a lot of
traveling for work. and he, he was like, somebody's going to
catch me sweating this. Because, you know, there's a lot of, like, at
the. Those days, there's a lot of like, oh, my God, I have to change
flights. I have to. You know, and he's. And there was delays,
and, you know, he was, And he's like, oh, my God, I'm going to get caught
(29:32):
sweating the small stuff here.
Yeah, because that's a great
example. And. And, yeah, you know, I
mean, there's, Everybody has their
buttons, you know, and I think. But. But it's helpful
to know what buttons you have
and, and then to be able to, you know, ask
yourself the question, is this really going to matter a year from
(29:54):
now? You know, is this really. Is this. Is this
an emergency? Because most of life is not an
emergency unless you're actually in one. And then, you
know. You know, you know, when an emergency is happening, you're
in one, but. But most of it is in an
emergency. And yet we can turn
little things into such big deals very
quickly.
>> Wendy Valentine (30:14):
Did you ever watch, on Seinfeld when.
When George Costanza was like, pretending
like he's like, you know, if I just talk like this and I
act like this, and it make. Everyone thinks I'm busy, so I just talk
like I'm like, so
true. Like, we just pretend
we're going to sweat the small stuff. So it seemed like we're really, really
(30:35):
important where it's like, it's really not that big of a deal.
>> Kristine Carlson (30:37):
Yeah, yeah. No, yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (30:39):
But you're so right. It's. It's a lot just being
mindful. And there were. I mean, sometimes,
yes, like, there. We're going through something stressful
in life, and there is something small that pops
up. And I think the key is just being
aware of it. And even if you just. If you do sweat
the small stuff a little bit, be like, okay, it's
fine, you know, you can start again.
(31:02):
You can try again the next time around and just
becoming aware of again. Like you were saying
about reacting and not reacting. Well,
we.
>> Kristine Carlson (31:11):
We have a saying, and we,
We used to say if you can become graceful
when low and grateful when high,
that's the epitome of. Of how to live,
you know, grateful when high and graceful when low.
So, you know, it's not like happy people,
if you ask somebody what their overall happiness is,
people who say, yeah, I'm pretty happy. It's not like
(31:33):
they're happy every day or every second of every day,
but they definitely know how to get back
to feelings of contentment faster.
And that's about really
understanding that, you really
can let a lot of stuff go, but you have to
start with really Understanding that
(31:54):
everything starts with a thought, and that your thoughts are just
made up by you. That's a
very basic understanding. is just
realizing that it's all created by you. So
really deep down, every. When you're going through
stress, that's also created by
you. And it isn't as though there are not stressful
things that happen. But if. If
(32:16):
stress was universal, then all the
same things would stress this, everybody out. And
that's just not true. People are stressed out by different
things in their lives, and so you can
identify the areas that really stress you
out, and then ask yourself, how do I want to shift this? How do I
want to change this? Because I know this isn't good for
(32:36):
me, and I know it's not good for the people around me, and I want to
have a positive impact on the world. I want to have
a positive impact on the people around me.
And that just takes just a little bit of
shifting and a little practice.
>> Wendy Valentine (32:50):
Yeah. Took the words out of my mouth. Practice,
right.
>> Kristine Carlson (32:54):
Yep.
>> Wendy Valentine (32:55):
And I'm sure you probably know a lot about neuroscience and
neuroplasticity and. Yeah, it's crazy that. Well, in
that. In that while, now that I think about it, I mean, it's only been 30
years that they realize that they can re. You know, we
can actually rewire our brains about the same time
that don't sweat the small stuff came out. Right?
>> Kristine Carlson (33:12):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (33:14):
Right. Think about that.
>> Kristine Carlson (33:16):
Have made great strides in bringing
neuroscience to, you know, the public to
mainstream. So.
>> Wendy Valentine (33:22):
And that's really what a lot of what that is. It's that
practice of changing your thoughts, changing
your beliefs, changing your behaviors, changing your
reactions. Right. like, it's. And so
it's very, very possible if someone out there is listening, they're
like, oh, my gosh, I overreact to everything. I always sweat
the small stuff. You don't always have to be that
way. You can actually change it. Right. I'm
(33:45):
living proof. Because just like I told my
story, I would react about the silliest of
things. I was like, why am I reacting like this? And I
was just. I would get headaches, my neck would
hurt. Like, it was silly. I'm like, why am I doing
this? It's not gonna matter.
>> Kristine Carlson (34:01):
Right.
>> Wendy Valentine (34:01):
Like you said a year from now, I call it the,
Like, if you had a drone, you know, if you had a drone that was like,
zooming out and zooming out, and they're like, oh, you can see me
sitting here in my apartment, and then here in Portugal, then
Eventually I'm like this tiny little dot on
Earth, and then eventually Earth is the tiny dot where. What
happened to all that stupid stuff I was stressing about? It
(34:22):
really is not that big of a deal.
>> Kristine Carlson (34:25):
No, it really isn't. And, and it does take
that. You know, I think, I
think that sometimes people are, addicted to
stress and they're addicted to. And they feel like, who would I
be if I wasn't, you know, I
wasn't hitting myself on the back like a monk,
you know, and, and torturing yourself to be
(34:45):
that person. But, you know, the truth
is you would be more creative. You would
be more, more. You'd attract more of what you
want versus what you don't want. And,
and that's just something that you have to discover
about yourself. I mean, I think that once you
decide you want to let stress go,
(35:06):
we find a way. We find ways to do that. And, you
know, that's why we, that's why I love this new
book, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff Every Day. Because it
helps you to identify daily something that you
can focus on and think about, and
apply to your life. And, and
that's kind of what it takes, is just a little bit of
(35:26):
practice, a little bit of thought and intention. I mean, that
word is so powerful, isn't it, Wendy? Intention.
>> Wendy Valentine (35:32):
I know. Intention. I
know, exactly.
>> Kristine Carlson (35:37):
Yes. Placing your attention where you want
your life, to grow, you know, and that's, that's
at the very. That's the core of mindfulness,
is setting your intention and placing your
attention on what you want to grow in your life
and what you want to practice, grow stronger.
So, yeah, it's, it's, it's a, ah, it's a beautiful
journey though, once you get going, because you start to realize, wow, I
(36:00):
really can do this. This is kind of like once you learn to ride a bike,
you're kind of falling down and you're stumbling and you can't really
get your balance, and then suddenly it just comes and you're like,
gliding. And that's kind of what it's like to learn
how not to sweat the small stuff and live this way.
>> Wendy Valentine (36:15):
Yeah. And you know too, like, if you're not
stressing about even small stuff
or big stuff, whatever, it leaves space
in your mind and in your thinking and your
creativity to, to do other things
and to find solutions. I mean, I remind myself of that
if, if I'm, I'm in a situation where, like,
everything's falling apart, I'm like, okay, let's not stress
(36:37):
it, like, what can I control? I always think of like the serenity
prayer, you know, God, grant me the serenity to accept the things
I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I
can, and the ways to know the difference.
Right. Like huge. Yeah.
Yeah. That prayer has lasted me for a long
time.
>> Kristine Carlson (36:55):
Oh, yeah, me too.
>> Wendy Valentine (36:56):
Yeah, but it's ex. Like, what can I
do? You know, like, okay, sometimes I will, I just
stop and go, wendy, what can you do?
>> Kristine Carlson (37:05):
Yeah. And can you change this?
>> Wendy Valentine (37:07):
Yeah.
And like one thing we can control is,
is how we react, our emotions. We can
calm ourselves down. Breathing techniques.
I noticed you have meditations too.
>> Kristine Carlson (37:19):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
we do. yeah, I mean we've, we were always meditators.
That was, we were very fortunate to have
learned to meditate, in our teens. Really. I was
like 19 years old when I learned to meditate
and it, it just shifted our entire
way of life, just learning
(37:39):
that simple technique of
calming down on your inner life.
And you know, the more that you can tune into your breath
and your heart, and your emotional well being,
the better you are. And you just, you know,
I, I think that helps your communication with
people when you can tune into your heart
and you know, and listen deeply
(38:02):
to somebody else. These are all just qualities
that really enhance your life
and enhance everyone, everyone's lives around you
too.
>> Wendy Valentine (38:12):
M. He left behind such an amazing legacy
and I'm so happy that you. Or
carrying the torch too.
>> Kristine Carlson (38:19):
Yeah. I feel really blessed to have, an
honor to do that for him. And
it's also, you know, given my life greater
meaning to do that too. I mean, not that I didn't
have solid meaning in my
life when he was alive, but the idea
that I had to rise up and kind
(38:40):
of claim my life myself as a teacher and
claim, you know, how I wanted to serve
was, is really powerful for me and has been super
powerful for my life. And you know, I
love helping women. I love leading women's
retreats and I lead them all over the world.
And there's one common element at
my retreats and that is that I deeply want
(39:02):
to connect with the women, be on
retreat with them, and also see them make these
lifelong friends and connections on retreat
that become complete support systems for them as, they
move forward in their lives and, and create a new
dream for their lives. Because isn't that where we all
end up in midlife? Like we, we've sort of lived these
(39:23):
lives we've been living, you Know,
doing lots of things. Then we get to midlife, and we're like, okay, what
now? What do I want to do
now?
>> Wendy Valentine (39:33):
Yeah, who am I and what am I doing? Yes.
>> Kristine Carlson (39:36):
Yeah, yeah, exactly. So it's.
It's been a really incredible journey, Wendy.
And. And, I mean, of course I would rather have Richard
here by my side, you know, with
me, but I feel like, I feel like I've
honored him and I. I've honored our lives to have
continued on, and I. I feel really good about the life
that I'm living now.
>> Wendy Valentine (39:56):
And.
>> Kristine Carlson (39:57):
And, my kids are good. And, you know, they're grown.
They're grown now. I have five grandchildren.
>> Wendy Valentine (40:02):
I saw that on your bio. Well,
yeah, I don't have any. It's all.
>> Kristine Carlson (40:07):
It's all, you know, people do heal and.
And we. We are able to move forward amidst, you
know, great tragedies in our lives. But. But, you
know, I've seen friends go through breast cancer and
cancer and. And survived, and. And
now we're thriving, and I. It gives me a lot of hope that we
do have that ability as, individuals and as a
(40:28):
collective to help. To help everyone
heal.
>> Wendy Valentine (40:31):
Yeah.
>> Kristine Carlson (40:32):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (40:32):
You make the most out of everything. I mean, whether,
you know, you, you know, have 26 years of life
or 45, or if you're lucky, to live all the way to
100. Still, life is really, really short.
>> Kristine Carlson (40:44):
It is. It is. It's precious and it's
short.
>> Wendy Valentine (40:48):
Yeah. How do we get your book? I can't wait. I already told you.
I was like, when I get back to the States, I'll be there in three weeks. I'm getting
a copy of your book, and it's so perfect because it's just like a
daily read.
>> Kristine Carlson (40:58):
Yeah. You can just, find it on,
you know, any of the great bookstores.
So an Amazon, of course, has it, but if you're not an Amazon
fan, you could go to Barnes and Noble.com or any
place and, and order it there or go into
an independent bookstore and order it, you know, so, yeah,
it's available. Don't sweat the small stuff.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:18):
Yeah. Those books, your. Your books are everywhere.
I still see them. I can still. Do you still have the
original? Is. Has the book cover changed?
The original one?
>> Kristine Carlson (41:28):
Well, I've had many iterations, but this is my most special
one. It's a hard. A hard copy.
I only have three of these or four of these. I'll
probably give these to my grandkids.
Ah. And, But, yeah, I.
I Still have the original. Don't split the small stuff cover.
And then it's like a brown.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:46):
Isn't it like brown, like kind of.
>> Kristine Carlson (41:48):
Yeah, it's like brown and burgundy kind of. Yeah. Has
little designs on it.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:53):
It's funny. Like, I can.
I mean, there's some things I cannot remember for the life of me,
but I kid you not, I can still. Like there's certain
books, I can remember where I bought
them from and where I was at and where they were at on
the shelf, no joke. And I can
still remember. I can still remember. Don't sweat the small
stuff. And I was always like, okay, what, what book am I going to
(42:15):
buy today? And I can remember seeing that one, it's on the bottom
left hand corner. And I was like, don't switch sweat.
I was like, huh? I was like, I remember like
flipping through it. And you know what, though? The simplest
teachings I have found are the most
profound.
>> Kristine Carlson (42:30):
Totally.
>> Wendy Valentine (42:31):
I think sometimes, like we expect nowadays, like, we
need something like really, really solid tools and
techniques. Not really.
>> Kristine Carlson (42:38):
I mean, no. Go back to basics now.
>> Wendy Valentine (42:40):
Yeah, go back to the basics. Every. Yeah,
everything.
>> Kristine Carlson (42:44):
Yeah, I mean everything is. Everyone's trying to find
a new way to say things and,
and that's okay, you know, we gotta find. We have to throw our own
flavor into it, you know, and that's the whole beauty
of, of the publishing world is that, you
know, everybody has a story to share. Everybody has
their own unique way to share it. But sometimes I think
(43:04):
some people get so jargony that they lose
sight of the, you know, the very basic things,
like, you know, just being like, be. Become a
world class listener. You know, it's like, you
know, that's. Or you know, just say, gosh,
just wake up and think of three things that you're grateful for.
Go to sleep and think of three things you're grateful for. You know, you don't
(43:25):
have to have a fluffy name for it, you just have to practice
it.
>> Wendy Valentine (43:29):
Yeah, exactly. And don't sweat the small stuff.
>> Kristine Carlson (43:32):
And don't sweat the small stuff. We are living the big stuff,
no doubt.
>> Wendy Valentine (43:35):
I know, I know. Thank you so much,
Christine. It's been amazing. So
happy I met you.
>> Kristine Carlson (43:42):
Thank you. You too. Thank you so much. You are a
joy.
>> Wendy Valentine (43:46):
Thank you. And everyone get a copy of that book.
And don't sweat the small step. I promise. Don't do
it.
Did this podcast inspire you? Challenge you?
Trigger you to make a change or spit out your coffee
laughing? Good. Then there are three ways you
can thank me. Number one, you can leave a written
review of this podcast on Apple iTunes.
(44:08):
Number two, you can take a screenshot of the
episode and share it onto social media and tag
me Wendy Valentine. Number three,
share it with another midlifer that needs a makeover.
You know who I'm talking about. Thank you so much for
listening to the show. Get out there and be
bold. Be free. Be you.
(44:33):
Sa.
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