270 🧠 Brain Boosting Bliss: The Power of Meditation for Stress Relief with Kelly Smith

Episode Transcript
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>> Kelly Smith (00:00):
Like it helps in the moment to calm
the nervous system, to quiet the mind, to kind of turn the volume
down on the chaos. But then over time
with that, you know, changing of the brain with that,
cultivating these skills through meditation, that's
also helping you in the long term.

>> Wendy Valentine (00:16):
Hey midlifers. Welcome to the Midlife Makeover
Show. Are you ready to break free from your
mundane midlife? Are you feeling trapped in a
vicious cycle of rinse and repeat days? No
matter if you're experiencing a divorce, hangover,
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Wendy, your hostess of the midlife mostess.

(00:39):
I too was hit by midlife like a freight train. I
too felt stuck in the same dull chapter.
I wanted the clarity of how to create a new life
beyond divorce and the courage to leave an
unfulfilling career. But I kept telling myself
that I wasn't worthy and it was just easier to stay
in my comfort zone. Until I found a little

(00:59):
secret. The freedom to live my life
my way. In this podcast you will
learn how to achieve a vibrant midlife mind and
body, how to create solid relationships through love
and loss, and how to create an awesome
second half of life. Grab your grande
latte, pop in your earbuds and let's get this

(01:20):
midlife party started.
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Welcome back to the Midlife Makeover show. I'm your host,

(02:46):
Wendy Valentine. And if you've ever
felt overwhelmed, anxious, or like
your brain is running on overdrive. Hello,
all of the above. Today's episode
is for you. We're diving into the power of
meditation with Kelly Smith, global
yoga and meditation teacher, author and host of

(03:06):
the chart topping podcast, Mindful
in Minutes and Meditation Mama. Kelly
has helped thousands of people quiet their racing minds,
overcome stress, and reconnect with their
authentic selves through your. Your.

Her.

Let me start over through her
unique, unique approach to
meditation, Yoga Nidra and restorative
yoga. Today, Kelly will share how
meditation can actually rewire
your brain, reduce stress hormones and improve
memory, focus and emotional balance. We'll
talk about different styles of meditation, how they activate

(03:45):
the vagus nerve for deep relaxation, and
simple ways to build a practice that fits your
lifestyle. So if you're ready to give your brain
a much needed break and tap into a greater
sense of calm, you're in for a treat.
Please welcome Kelly to the show.
You need to rewire my brain. You need to rewire

(04:06):
my brain so I can speak.

Oh, my gosh. You know what? Sometimes talking is
just so hard. It's like the simplest things are the toughest
sometimes.

You know what's funny? I used to do like three
interviews in a day, and by the time the
third interview came around, I was like, I can't. I
cannot. I cannot. I can't even speak.
I can't think. I don't even know what I'm doing.

Wendy, are you more of an introvert or more of an extrovert?

I'm an ambivert.

Tell me more.

Not a pervert, but an Amber.
I could be a little pervert too.
Amber, have you ever heard of that?

No.

You guys have. You have to Google it right now. So
ambivert is a blend of the two.
I know. Did I just, like, blow your mind?
Did I just rewrite, Rewire your
brain? yeah, it's. It's a bit of both
because it's funny. I.
Speaking of, like, meditation, I like to be able to sit

(05:06):
in silence and just chill. And I
like my quiet time, but I can also be, like,
dancing on top of the bar, literally,
you know, so I'm a little bit of both. Yeah.
What about you?

I'm an introvert for sure. I mean, do you really
pursue a career in meditation
unless you are, like, deeply introverted? I
don't think you choose that as, like, your. Your soul's
calling. if you're a true, like, extrovert,
But I can be outgoing. So sometimes
I do refer to myself as like, an outgoing

(05:40):
introvert. But definitely the way that I
recharge, like, I need to be alone. Like, social
interactions do drain me, but I
am outgoing. Like, I like meeting people
and like talking for a little bit, but then I'm so depleted, I need
to go and, like, hibernate and meditate and be
alone to recharge my batteries.

It's. It's a nice point to bring up,
actually, because whether you're an
introvert, an extrovert, or an
ambivert, meditation's for everyone. So
it doesn't. Right, like, so it doesn't matter if you have
a quiet personality or a loud personality.
Everyone can meditate for whatever
their needs are and their desires are.

(06:21):
And. Yeah, because it's like, I guess
we. We tend to think, like, there's this myth of, like,
oh, you have to be a super quiet person to be able to meditate. No,
you don't. I do it.

Yeah, not at all. And when you think of meditation,
it's really just like mental training in
a way. It is totally separate from your
personality. It's the way I like to describe it
is meditation is like if your mind was a light
bulb. When you're walking around all day, you're doing
different things. You're getting your kids to school, you're going
to work. You know, whatever the light is on, it's shining

(06:55):
in all directions. But when you meditate, you're taking that light
bulb and you're turning it into a laser, and you're taking
all of that light, all of that mental power, turn it into a laser and
just focus it on one thing that is so
separate from your personality. Whether you're introverted or
extroverted, whether you're outgoing or shy
or, you know, you like to read books or you eat

(07:15):
organic food or whatever it is, it's training
that light bulb to be able to go from light bulb to
laser and to be able to focus on one thing at a
time. It's training for your
brain. And that is so separate from. From any
personality trait you may have or characteristic or even. I'm also
neurodivergent. I have both ADHD and dyslexia, so I
hear a lot like, oh, I can never meditate because I

(07:37):
have adhd, but it's actually like, one of the best things you
can do for the neurodivergent brain. but just like,
it's important to go and move your body for health
of your physical body. Like, Meditation is so
important for health of your mind and
your brain and your brain makeup and
your nervous system and all that.

What is neurodivergent? I don't think
I've ever heard of that. I mean, I can imagine what it would
be, but explain that to
me.

Well, you taught me a new word, so I'm thrilled to teach you a new
word. so neurodivergent is just kind of this catch all
term. It's a little bit newer of a term
where anything where you don't.
So the opposite of that would be neurotypical. So. So
neurodivergence would be like, for me, that's ADHD and
dyslexia. It could also be if you
fall under the autism spectrum disorder

(08:28):
or. I mean, there's so many different things. Basically anything
where your brain works
differently. And so there are some that we're more, you know,
familiar with than others. It could even be like a sensory processing
disorder where if you were to look at my
brain, for example, like the ADHD brain,
it wouldn't be neurotypical because it would have like

(08:49):
a different brain activity. it would
respond different ways to different stimuli compared to the
neurotypical brain. However, I have this
theory. This, It's a theory. No necessary.
On my podcast, I like to say sometimes, no
facts here, just fun. No facts, just fun.

Yeah.

for those things that you just are your theories, you kind of feel in
your gut. I actually think that truly
being like, truly neurotypical, like in
a 2025, I think we're learning so much more
about it. what is considered
neurodivergent is becoming so much broader. We're
under. There's so many people now getting adult
diagnoses of adhd,

(09:28):
of autism, of dyslexia.
there's also one, that I recently
just like dysgraphia or something, which
has to do with this proprioceptive for how you like write
either right, like too hard or too light, has to do with
kind of this like, proprioception of like, your hand and
pressure through your hand. And so the more that we're learning,

(09:49):
I think having a truly quote, like
neurotypical brain is actually kind of the minority. The more
that we learn about this, again, there's
zero facts to back that up. It's just something that I
feel like the more we learn about the brain, we're realizing.
Yeah, but it's. Yeah, so no, no facts here.
But it just seems like the more we learn about the brain, how the

(10:09):
brain works I'm.

I'm fascinated by the fact that, I mean, it's
probably what, been 35
years, roughly, that they
realize that you can actually
rewire the brain. I mean, that's like
neuroplasticity is the rewiring of the brain,
right? And for me, it wasn't until.
Because I would. I got trained at the Chopra

(10:34):
center, and I remember, like,
going to a lot of the meditations, and it was
just like, you'd be in a room with
300 plus people sitting on the
floor in lotus. Complete
silence. I was so
stressed. So stressed.

(10:54):
My stomach. I just. I have, like a stomach that loves
to just growl really loud when it's
super silent. So I was so
stressed, trying to hold myself. No joke. I'd be like, oh, my God.

Oh, my God, I hate this meditation.

I hate this meditation. And then it was three
times a day that we were doing this.
And really, like, I didn't. During that time,
I did not learn the purpose of meditation. I was like,
what am I doing? What am I doing just sitting here? It was just, like, going
insane. And then it wasn't until
two things. Number one, I realized I do

(11:28):
better with guided meditation. That's like,
with my. My wild brain. I do better
with that. I do better with, like, being guided.
Like, okay, take me here. Better with, like,
visualization. right. And then also
when I learned about neuroscience and
neuroplasticity, I mean, that was like.
Talk about light bulb, right? The light bulb was going off in my

(11:50):
brain. I was like, oh,
so is actually going on up there?
Like, I'm actually like, this is. There's a purpose
behind this. And, it made me feel more
like I had control. Like,
I. My thoughts. I just. It. Everything
was connecting to me. Literally
connecting of like, okay, what I'm thinking

(12:12):
is doing this, and I could visualize it
changing those neural, you know,
pathways. And I was like, ooh, I don't like that one. Let
me. I want to really eliminate that stupid belief, you
know? But that really shifted
my thinking, no pun intended,
on. On meditation, that
there, it really is

(12:34):
changing your body, your
brain, your beliefs, your
life. I mean, I. I totally.
I totally believe that. I. If it wasn't for
that shift and in the
meditation and rewiring my brain, I would not be sitting
here. I wouldn't.

Oh, amazing.
And, Wendy, I know this is your podcast, but I have a couple of
questions for you. Is that.

Okay, carry on, Carry on. Sorry, I didn't
mean to take. I didn't mean to take over. We'll just switch.

No, yeah, don't. Don't
mind me. Don't mind me. I was like,
wait a minute.

Am I the guest or the host? I was like, I. I know I started,
like, rambling, but I love.

Okay, so what first brought you to the
Chopra Center? Because the reason I asked this question
is that's kind of an intense play. I don't mean intense
in a bad way at all. Just quick, brief overview of, like,
my personal belief of meditation. There is no
one size fits all approach. It is about
finding, I feel the same way, about movement, about

(13:37):
what your body needs in terms of, like, food, diet,
things like that. It's about figuring out what works for. For
you, your life, your internal
chemistry. And it's about finding kind
of your recipe for that. So
I. So when I say what brought you to the Chopra
center, it seems like an intense place to start. I only say
that because I don't think there's a one size fits all

(13:59):
approach. And I've done things like that too. I've gone and taken vows
of silence and lived with monks and
meditating three times a day, and every session is
like three hours and all I have done that.
And I've done a lot of different things when it comes to meditation
to gather these different styles. So I'm so curious
what first brought you there? I'd love to hear about
that.

So I was even meditating before I
went to the Chirpa Center. but I had done several different
retreats and things like that. I got certified
in yoga at the Cher center, so that was part of
the whole curriculum to actually do the
meditations and all of that. But, but
now, like, if. If I were to go and do that
type of silent meditation again, I'd be okay with

(14:42):
it starting there from. For
me, at least for me, just like you said, right? It's not a one
size fits all, and you have to figure out what works for you.
I realize I do better with guided
meditations. Matter of fact, no joke, before
we even started today, I went to
your, podcast. I sort of like, I was going through and I love,
like, all the different topics and, and different, like, oh, I'm having a

(15:05):
shitty day, or, oh, I need. You know what I mean?
Like, I need a little boost, whatever the case is.
And I was enjoying it so much. I was like, oh, my God,
I gotta meet with Kelly here. I was like, stop
my meditation. But they're so good and
they're guided meditations and music. I do better
with a Little bit of music in the background. But

(15:25):
again, everyone has to figure
out what works for them.
And, and to know that things are
actually going on upstairs, in your
head while you're doing it, no matter
the type of meditation that you're doing. Wouldn't you agree with
that?

Absolutely. No matter the type. Also, I think.
I know people think that you have to meditate for a
long time for these things to be happening upstairs.
No, eight minutes a day is enough to get the physical, mental,
emotional benefits of meditation. And so
for so many people, especially if they're first starting out,
meditation can feel like it has a high barrier to

(16:03):
entry. It does not. I think what we
perceive meditation to be can
have a high barrier to entry, which is something more like the topra
center. And I'm not. This is not me. Yeah, it's great.
But, you know, I love them,
but we think, oh, I need to sit in
silence and somehow, quote, turn my brain off

(16:23):
and. And do nothing for three hours.
I could never do that. Well, I'm a meditation teacher
and I. I can't do that either. It's also not. The point of
meditation is, again, going to that light bulb analogy.
It's about turning the light bulb from. On
shining all directions to a laser. It's not about turning the light bulb off.
That's not what we're trying to do. It's not about magically having
zero thoughts. It's about, how can I continue to

(16:46):
focus through the thoughts. It's not about zero
distractions. It's about getting distracted and then bringing yourself
back. Getting distracted, bringing yourself back. Eventually
expanding the time between distractions.

Yeah.

And, we think, you know, we think we have to be able to sit, crisscross
applesauce on the floor.

No, no.

You can meditate on your recliner. You can meditate laying in bed.
And we perceive meditation to be this thing that has this
really high barrier to entry, which is
inaccurate. It's just this sort of
stereotypical version of what meditation
is that can have that high barrier to entry. It's
so much easier. So I shouldn't even say easier. It's
so much more simple than we think. There's a

(17:24):
difference between something being simple and
something being easy. Because trying to train your
brain. Not easy. Trying to focus on one thing
at a time, especially in the world we're living in. That's
so overstimulating. Where our attention spans. I've done
studies on this. Are getting shorter and shorter and shorter. I think like even 10 years
ago, it used to be almost like two minutes. And now it's down to, like, 40

(17:44):
seconds and just getting shorter and
shorter and shorter and shorter. So we're trying to combat those things,
reverse them. We're also in a very scary
world, which is really activating to our amygdala, which is
the anxiety, fear, pain center of the brain. And many people,
the amygdala is actually larger,
like enlarged and overactive.

Yes.

We're having less activity in the prefrontal cortex, which
has to do with, like, it's a part, like right behind your forehead, with
emotion regulation, some of that higher cognitive function,
executive function, memory, all
of that. And when we are
meditating, we are not only training our brains,
but we are changing our brains. Just like, if I wanted
to, build more core strength, right. I would

(18:27):
go to the gym, do certain exercises and be
building strength, changing
the actual makeup and strength of my core and how
it works and all that. That's what meditation is for your
brain.

There's that saying of, change your thoughts, change your
life, and that it's true.
You. You change your thoughts, you change your
beliefs, you change your behaviors.
You're changing your brain, you're changing your body,
you're changing everything. And you will
change your life. And I think that's where you start. I mean,
I. For me, I can only speak for me, like, I know

(19:01):
as me being my own little guinea pig in life,
that that is what works. You start
there. And, you know, like, some people, even
the visualizing. Some people were like, oh, it's a movie
screen, and you're watching your thoughts or whatever on
the movie screen. Or some people, it's the clouds, or
you're imagining little leaves going down

(19:22):
the river, and each leaf is, you know, a
thought. You're like, oh, look at there. And for
me, when I started, mine was like, as
if my brain, my mind
was a news channel. Like if it was cnn,
God forbid. But at the time, I.
My mind was quite noisy, full of
crap, and it was like a ticker tape of

(19:44):
thoughts going across. And I was watching them,
and I was like, wow, like, what kind of
news do I want to watch in my
mind and in my life? And I want the good
news, I want good stuff. I want happy
thoughts. And once I
realize, oh, I have a choice,
like, who's. Who's. Who's running the

(20:06):
TV show here? You know, like, who's running the news
station? It's me. I'm the one that gets to
choose the thoughts on the ticker tape. And
you're right. Like once you start to
observe and, and the point is to not like
stop the ticker tape or to stop the thoughts,
just watch them. Just observe. Because even if

(20:26):
you're watching for eight minutes
of the day, think about the
other, what is it, 23 hours and 52 minutes
in the day. Can you imagine
that ticker tape on the rest of your day?

You know what I mean?

Like this is just, it's like it's like a little,
a little a picture of what's going on in your mind
for just those eight minutes.
And it should be not to like feel
shame or guilt or oh my God, I can't believe I think
that way. It's to like, oh, okay, well,
all right, now I know it's awareness, I think like

(21:03):
mindfulness. Right? That's where it all comes into
play.

Yeah. So meditation is one of my favorite things about it. It
teaches you non judgmental observation
and that really comes into like your
thoughts or even how you're feeling. One of my favorite practices for
people who are just starting or want to dabble a little bit
is to do an intentional check in, at some point
during your day, maybe, you know, I usually say first

(21:27):
few minutes of your day or last few minutes of your day because if you say, you know,
at some point, we never really get there. We just end up not doing
it. But asking yourself, just taking a few deep
breaths, close your eyes if that feels good and just ask
yourself and observe the answers without
judgment, how am I doing today?
Yes, Ask yourself, how does

(21:47):
my body feel today? What's in my
heart? What am I thinking about today?
Take some time. That will take you probably eight minutes to go
through those four questions.

Ah.

And you just observe without judgment. You will
get so much information. But the
hard part is the non judgmental
awareness and observation. Because if you're saying,
you know what, I'm exhausted,
I'm burnt out, and if that's how I were to
feel, then I'd be like, well, I have two little kids, I have a four year

(22:18):
old and a one year old and be like, oh, well, you can't be, you know,
burnt out, you have to go be a mom. Or how can you be burnt
out on, on parenting? You're lucky to be, you know, to have these,
you know, all these things, you start sending yourself down these spirals. And
so to cultivate the
skill of non judgmental
observation and awareness is not only
a phenomenal skill for your own well being,

(22:41):
it's a fantastic lifestyle skill as well. And it
gives you so much more information
when you're not just being flooded with, as you said, kind of that, you know,
that. That what you call it? Ticker tape.

Yeah, the ticker tape.

The ticker tape.

The ticker tape.

yes. To just be able to observe without
judgment, it's truly life changing.

Yeah. And you know, I was. God, I was listening
to. I think it was a Silva
Silva program the other day. And she
had said something I had. Not really. I was like, you know, I kind
of knew but hadn't really thought about much that you're
really meditating all day. Like, there's
many times throughout the day that you're actually meditating. You don't
really realize it where you are, like

(23:23):
checking in with yourself or think. And so meditation
doesn't always have to be like this
ritual. Or it could be like, that's what I
love about the word mindfulness.
And I think, to me, the meditation,
the act of meditating, helps
you become more mindful those other

(23:43):
23 hours and 52 minutes of the day.
Right. It help. You're almost, I feel
like it. You're just more in tune with your mind
and your body. Like, you're able to quiet
the noise better throughout the other times
of the day. Whereas before, if without
that act of meditating, then it's harder to
kind of break through the noise. Like, what am I feeling? What am I

(24:06):
thinking about? you know, how. What am I frustrated
about? It's almost easier to do those
checkpoints throughout the day. And
even that's a form of meditation of like, just checking in
with your brain and how are you doing your body?

Yes, I'm gonna. Yes. And you. Because I part agree, I
part disagree.

Okay.

So. Yes. And ah, the part that I do agree with is the
more that you meditate, it absolutely trickles into
other parts of your life. Like. Yes.
Being able to kind of cut through some of those,
you know, chaotic thoughts at times. Even things like,
I see this a lot in my students and my clients of like,
road rage. That's what that. For some reason,

(24:46):
that's the thing that a lot of my students come back and they're like, I used
to be a really reactive driver. I used to be like, kind
of road ragey. And once I started meditating, because people
always say, how do I know if it's, quote, working right? Because it's not
like if I was, you know, again, to go back to core
strength, which just happens to be on my mind because again, I have a baby
at home. So it's something that I, you know, think about rebuilding that

(25:06):
like, you know, core and pelvic floor
after you've had a baby. And
it's. I, it's so much easier
for me to see something like that. I can see,
I can feel my abdominals. I can see those
change my everyday life. I can't see, see my
brain. I can't, you know, palpate my brain and say,
oh, yep, that's feeling stronger in that part. Or,

(25:28):
oh, yep, I can feel more, you know, mass there,
whatever. So you have to look for it in the
little things throughout your day. Road rage.
being more patient with your children, being able to
focus better on certain tasks that you used to have a
hard time focusing on. Finding yourself, not
constantly seeking out overstimulation, things like
sitting on the couch, you're scrolling on the phone, you have the TV

(25:51):
on and there's a podcast plane. Not, you know,
not constantly going for this like overstimulation, like
dopamine fix with things. That's where you really start to
see the changes. I absolutely 100 agree with
that. Where I don't always see eye to eye with other
people in my field or in similar fields is when
they say things like running is my meditation,
or, life is a meditation. you know,

(26:14):
a check in is a meditation. I'm more of a purist when it
comes to the definition, and I
describe meditation and mindfulness as
being like sisters or cousins or. What
do they say? Like, your eyebrows should be sisters and not twins. Have
you heard this?

No. Mine definitely
are not twins.

It's just like, you know, it doesn't quite look right. So they
say, the beauty world is not my world.
But they say that, like, they shouldn't be identical. Just
doesn't quite look right. They should be sisters, not twins. They,
and I think about mindfulness and meditation in that
way where they, they are not the same thing. They work
well together. They're similar. They're not the same.

(26:53):
So, again, if we're thinking about that mind as a light
bulb. Mindfulness, you can do
anything mindfully. That's taking your light bulb and just shining your
light on one thing at a time. Could fold your clothes
mindfully. You absolutely could go for like a
mindful run. I love a
mindfulness walk, which is where you just kind of go out
and just enjoy the sensation of walking. No

(27:14):
podcasts, nothing. Just listen sounds, feel the
air. You know, you can drive
mindfully. You can do anything
mindfully. It's just doing one thing at a time and being present
as you do one thing at a time. That's what mindfulness is.
Meditation is that single pointed concentration. It
is truly mentally focusing

(27:34):
your awareness on just one
singular thing. So you can do anything mindfully. You can't do
anything else while you're meditating. And that's, to
me, the dis. The distinction between
the two and. And they're interwoven. They're
used interchangeably. I mean, I have a meditation podcast called
Mindful in Minutes, but they do feed into
one another. So the more that you're practicing mindfulness in your

(27:57):
everyday life, you're slowing down. You're doing one thing
at a time. That's then going to be such a great,
great entry point into, like, the practice of meditation.
The more you're meditating, the more you're going to seek those
mindful moments throughout your day. But I do
sometimes push back when people say that. Yeah. and I think that's what
I.

Meant more like complimenting. They compliment one
another. Each one makes the other one a little bit
easier for you.
What came. What came first? The chicken or the
egg? What came first? Yoga, or
meditation? Or were they at the same time?

Yoga. Yoga. I started as a yoga teacher,
and I did what so many people do. I'd love to hear your experience,
Wendy. when I graduated college and I didn't know what I
wanted to do with my life, I was like, I'm going to take a yoga teacher
training. And now, as the person who leads teacher
trainings, for some reason, when
particularly women are feeling lost and not sure what their next
step is, they're like, I know what I should do. I'll take a

(28:51):
yoga teacher training. And I think it's
usually a great move. You learn so much more in a, yoga
teacher training than just like, this is how you sequence a yoga class
class and, like, successfully lead it. You
learn so much more than that.
did you happen to take your yoga teacher training, Wendy, at a
point when you were at a crossroads in life or you weren't sure what you want?

Actually, yeah, I. I did not know what I
wanted to. I was like, what's my purpose?

I don't know what I want to do.

and I read a lot of, like, the Wayne Dyer and the
Deepak books, and I was like, oh, you know what? What the
hell? I'll just do that. But I. And I
wasn't even going into. I thought, I don't know if I'll teach
or not. But I wanted it to teach. Me, something
about me. And it did tremendously. It
was definitely much more than the asanas. And you

(29:39):
know it. It, yes, I loved it.
It was such a good experience. yes.
Just learning about what yoga really is.
One of the greatest ways I overcame divorce,
disease and depression was by changing my
mind. Literally changing my
thoughts, changed my life. That's why I

(30:00):
created the Freedom Meditations. So you
too can change your life. If you're
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challenges, unsure of the next chapter,
or disconnected from your true self, the
Freedom Meditations are for you.
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(30:23):
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set and start your transformation.

In My first, my 200 hour teacher training, I feel like
we touched a little bit on meditation again. Now that I'm the person
who leads the teacher trainings, I know that part of your
curriculum, like there's certain guidelines and things that you
should be following and there needs to be some
meditation in a 200 hour yoga
teacher training. But it's kind of, you're just like getting like, just a little
bit of it.

Yes.

In a lot of more traditional like 200 hour yoga teacher
trainings, you get introduced to
meditation. Maybe you, you know,
dabble a little bit, but you don't really
learn that much about it and certainly like not how to
really artfully weave it into like a yoga class or things like that.
But I very much started in the physical and the
yoga and then really,

(31:29):
found myself seeking meditation for
myself and also a way to help support my students. And I
don't feel like I can ever teach something that I don't do and have an experience for
myself. So then I really started to go down this meditation,
route and I have found it to be so
fulfilling. And I also have found people
have such a yearning for it. Like, we want,

(31:50):
we want to slow down, we want
to get more connected with ourselves. We want to be
less anxious and less fearful. We want
to be more peaceful.
Like, we just aren't quite sure how or we weren't, we
aren't sure how to do it for ourselves. And so being able
to now share that with others feels so

(32:10):
fulfilling to me. And I just, I love being able to help
people, just feel a little bit better. Let
life Be a little bit easier, let them be a little happier, a little less
anxious. And that just feels like my,
my purpose.

I mean, even busyness itself can be an
addiction. Like, even society is like, wanting our
brains to keep busy, busy. I mean, obviously, I
mean, just look at our phones, it's
so busy. But you can, you
have that control to not have
to keep your brain and body busy all the time. Because
that, that is stressful to keep

(32:47):
that going all the time.

And it keeps you in fight or flight, which is not.

Yes.

Not good for our brains, not good for our bodies, not good for our
emotions, not good for our relationships. The way that fight
or flight is designed is we're supposed to stay in it for really
no more than 90 seconds. And if you think about it,
fight or flight or freeze is important.
Just like pain is important. That's the body saying, whoa, ding,
ding, pay attention. Something's wrong here. Right? If we didn't have

(33:13):
pain, we'd be like walking around, like bumping into
kitchen knives all day and then like bleeding out. You know, it's
important. Fight or flight is
important. But if we think about what it was designed to do, we think
about, you know, back when we were hunters
and gatherers or whatever. I live in
Minnesota, and so if I were to go on a hike and see
a bear or a wolf or something cross my

(33:36):
path, I'd be like, ah, my body, to keep
me safe, would then go into that, you know, am
I gonna run from the bear? Am I gonna fight it? Am I just
gonna freeze and hope it keeps walking? It's a survival
mechanism. But usually that threat should be
resolved within 90 to
120 seconds because either the bear just kept
walking, or, I don't know, I fought the bear

(33:58):
and won, or I'm dead. So then
it's not an issue. And then after that, once the threat
has passed, then I should start going
back down to a baseline. The problem
is in how we're living right now.
And this is to no individual's fault. I
mean, I. Everything is stimulating,

(34:18):
everything is overwhelming. There's a lot going on. We have
bigger, busier, more connected, more stimulating
lives than ever before. But our brains interpret
things like watching something stressful on the news, having
uncomfortable conversations, worrying
about things. Our bodies
interpret all of that as the same threat as the bear, and it has
the same response. We stay in chronic fight or flight.

(34:41):
That's what can make us burnt out,
sick. Like deteriorating our bodies and our
minds, like, feeling like we're always on that hamster Wheel.
And if we can't find ways to sort of get off
of the wheel, it will just keep spinning all
the time.

If someone is brand new
to meditation, where do they
start? How do they start? What do you
recommend?

I recommend a guided meditation. So I'm really happy you brought that up,
Wendy, because I think it
is just like if you are just starting with you yoga, you
wouldn't just buy a yoga mat and then roll it out and be
like, oh, I'll just whip together my own sequence
here. Like you need
a teacher to just walk you through

(35:27):
it. And that's all a guided meditation is is, a
guide or a teacher guiding a
meditation practice for you. It's not cheating. It's
not somehow less than other styles
of meditation, but it's someone just saying,
hey, I'm just gonna walk you through this,
meditate, I'm gonna guide you through it. Which is what
we all need when we're beginning. Because how can we expect ourselves

(35:50):
to magically be able to do something that we
don't know, that we've never done before? No one's taught us how to do
it. So I think a guided meditation is a perfect place to start. You
could stay there your whole lifetime if you want. But if
you're just starting like a short guided meditation, I think
is the place to start, in my opinion.

And does it matter if your eyes are open
or closed?

No. You're going to pick the one that feels better to you.
Because for some people, closing the eyes, especially if we,
have more trauma in our lifetime in our background, doesn't feel good and
safe. So you're going to pick what feels safest and most supportive for
you.

Nice. And sitting, or lying down.

Doesn't matter.

Doesn't matter.

Okay, let me tell you the only things you need,
Wendy. Tell me whatever, whatever people
are thinking, you know, you know, sitting or lying
down, eyes open, eyes closed, morning or night, all, you know,
all these things, like, whatever this is all that you need.
Okay. you need to be able to breathe, right? So you need to be
alive. You need to be alive. you need to be able
to breathe without anything getting in the way. So what I mean is we just

(36:50):
don't want to slump. So if you're lying down, keep the spine
long. If you're sitting, make sure, you know, you're not like
twisting it up. You know, anything you need to breathe without
anything getting in the way of constricting the diaphragm. You
need to be relaxed enough that you're not going to be sitting there thinking, oh, my hip is
aching, but not so relaxed. We're going to fall asleep
and that's it.

Oh, that's easy.

So basically everything else is just
extras if you want.

Yeah. Not to overthink it.

Don't overthink it. And do you know how many people stop themselves from
meditating because. Because of overthinking or, or
they're. Or, they feel they can't get into the meditation because they're trying to just, like,
overthink it. It's like just. Just worry
less, think less. I know that's easier said than done, but
if you're getting caught up with like, do I need an altar or do I
not need an altar? Just. You're overthinking it.

Yeah, I saw a reel that you had on
Instagram and I think it was with Manduka or something like that,
which I love. Love Manduka. Little plug for
Manduka about, like, not
being a morning person. Like, you don't, you don't have to be
a morning person to do yoga. And you
don't, yoga shit. Or that too. Meditation.

(38:01):
It doesn't matter. You do it any time of day. Like when,
when. I mean, what do you think about the
consistency part?

That's, that's the only important piece
because just like with anything, again, thinking back to
the core strength or, you know, if you want to build
muscle mass, you don't just go to the gym and like, throw around one
heavy weight like a couple of times and then be like, I've done it.
My muscle fibers have changed. I've built all this
strength and stability in my body. That's not how it works.
You have to be consistent. It's the same with your mind. But

(38:31):
remember, eight minutes a day is enough. Even five minutes is
better than no minutes. And I always recommend find
a time of day that you're likely to stick
to. I, I usually say the first
10 minutes of your day or last 10 minutes of your day, because the only
thing that might be consistent is you wake up in the
morning and then go to bed at night. Everything else might

(38:52):
be a big question mark in the middle of your day. I've changed my tune
on that since becoming a parent because
now for me, the time that's realistic is
that kind of dual nap rest time, where it's like
everyone's in their respective rooms either resting or
sleeping for even just that little window. And usually I can
do a quick meditation, eat some lunch, and then we're back at

(39:13):
it again. So find the time in your
day that you can
realistically stick to consistently M every
day habit. Stack it with something, get
up, go to the bathroom, make your cup of coffee.
Take your cup of coffee, set it next to you. You can smell it a
little bit while you're meditating. When you're done with your eight minutes, your coffee won't

(39:33):
be so hot. It'll be perfect drinking temperature. And then continue
whatever it is, right? You do your whole nighttime routine. You take your
shower, you do your skin care,
you put your lotion on, hop into
bed, do a five minute guided
meditation, close your eyes, go to sleep. Whatever it is for
you, put it into a
routine of sorts and you'll be much more likely to stick with it. Don't

(39:55):
say, at some point today I'll meditate. And this is with
anything, not just meditation, right? At some point today I'll get to the
gym. If we can't already commit to a certain time
and say, at this time I will do this we already know we're not
doing. Yeah.

How much do you think the meditation has helped you as
a mommy?

Oh my gosh, you know, it's.
How do I even answer that? I mean,
two answers come to mind. First, zooming way out. I
mean, meditation has made me the person that I am
today. Maybe for better or for worse. I don't know
sometimes, do I, you know, try to think of things in these big, you know,
philosophicals or think like, let me sit with that and see how

(40:35):
I'm really, you know, feeling. But I
mean, it's. First of all, it's made me the person that I am. And the person
that I am is the woman that shows up
every day to be my kids moms.
So there's that
also one more specific
example. So, the second book that I
wrote is called you'd are not your thoughts. And it was

(40:57):
inspired by a journey that I went on when I had
extreme postpartum anxiety after my son
was born. so bad that I didn't sleep for days.
I was so scared that if I fall asleep while he was
sleeping, something bad was going to happen to him in his sleep
and I wasn't going to be awake to do something about it. So I just didn't
sleep for like five days. And

(41:18):
I had this experience in which I like to think it was
divine intervention. It truly also could have been like
some postpartum psychosis, which, like, you
know, I laugh so I don't cry. But,
I had this experience where I, I would just stand
over my son's bassinet and just watch him breathe.
Like, that's like, for, like, his

(41:38):
whole, like, all night.
And that's not, you know,
good. and I had this moment I was doing that. I was just standing there
watching him breathe. And I felt this, like, presence
come in. There's a point to the story, I promise, Wendy.
And I felt this presence come in.
This, like, warm, comforting presence. And I just heard in my

(41:59):
mind, it's okay, honey. I'll take the
night shift. You get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning.
And I now know, like, through, you know, meditation, introspection. I
believe that was my grandma who had passed when I was young,
like, like a toddler. So I didn't really know
her. Ah. But I felt this
comfort. And there's something about, like, again,

(42:19):
I like to think it was like divine intervention. but it was
also very eye opening to me of like, okay,
this is. This has gone too far. This is not.
Sometimes you get into those moments. I mean, hopefully none
of your listeners have experienced anything as
intense as that. But you do often in
life have these moments, if not yet, maybe at some point where you just kind

(42:39):
of have to zoom out and you're like, this has gone too far.
This is not, you know, I, you know, this, this
depression or whatever this anxiety is, is
too much. My relationship with food, whatever it is,
this has gone too far. And that was my
moment of this has gone too far. And
it inspired me. And the irony of a
meditation teacher suffering extreme postpartum anxiety is

(43:02):
not lost on me. However, it really spoke volumes
to. Anxiety doesn't discriminate the
brain. If the brain, because anxiety starts in the amygdala,
if the brain's going to start firing in that way, it doesn't care what your
profession is. And I did
have a strong meditation practice, but it made me really dive
into anxiety specifically

(43:22):
and what you can do in terms of a,
meditation practice to work on rewiring the brain to have
smaller physiological responses to anxiety. And that's what led me
to then writing, you are not your thoughts. so.
And it completely changed my postpartum experience
the second time around with my daughter because I wanted to make sure that I
didn't have that same experience, experience, the second time

(43:42):
around. So long term, it's changed also
in, like, moments that felt a little bit like crisis. It's
been really like my life raft in those moments.

Yeah. I think even for me, there's been
Times in my life where like I really
appreciated the meditation, like I wanted
it so badly just to even, just
to have a break from whatever was
going on in my life. And what's
great is that, that break, if you

(44:12):
will, and doing the meditation, it's actually helping you
handle all the stress.

It helps in the short term and in the long term is what I think
about. Like it helps in the moment to
calm the nervous system, to quiet the mind, to kind of turn the
volume down on the chaos. But then over
time with that, you know, changing of the brain with
that, cultivating these skills through meditation,
it's also helping you in the long term as well.

It's great that you. Meditation
is kind of becoming more normal now. Whereas
like even 20, 30 years ago, like when I,
you know, see, it's been 33 years,
33 plus years since I became a mom for the
first time. And it's like,
you know, I didn't have those resources back then. If,

(45:00):
if there were, you know, it would be hard to find. But
it's great that nowadays that no matter,
you know, moms, dads, friends,
you know, whatever, there's access for everyone.
And it affects, you know, it's like the butterfly effect.
It affects every part of your life. And it's not just
helping you yourself. It's making a big

(45:21):
difference on your, on your energy, on your
mood. Oh my gosh. It helps
with all parts of your life.

I think about how much it helps you to be able, like if you
can listen to yourself, you can listen to others. And something that I feel
like we're all kind of missing.

Yeah.

I feel like one thing we're kind of, we're missing
collectively or losing is the
ability to kind of just hit the pause button and
be able to listen, to hear, not to
respond, and to also be more intentional with
our words and what we're saying. And I think that's something that meditation
helps you cultivate.

Yeah. So true. So good.
I, I need to meditate when I get done.
I really, like, even lately I've been thinking like I, I have
not been consistent. I'll admit I've been so busy
with and you know. Yeah. But I do
need to just make that I do my nighttime
meditation. But I'll admit, like my nighttime

(46:15):
meditation is for the purpose of falling asleep.
So I do. Yeah.

Okay. But Wendy, here's the thing. People tell me this and they say it like
it's some bad thing or like they're admitting to something.
Okay. If Sleep is essential to life.
And people will say, well, what if I use meditation to fall asleep? Great.
You need, you need sleep to survive. That's phenomenal. You need
to take care of your basic needs first. And if that's what helps you,
amazing. I love it. Keep doing it.

Yep.

Yeah.

and, and yeah, I mean, it definitely is. It's very
helpful. I fall asleep and I need that sleep now, you
know, but, but during the day, I think it would be good. But,
and, and that's just for me, like, there's certain times in my life
I feel like I really, really need it.
Like I'm craving it.
So your book, Wait, don't tell me.
Meditation for the modern family.

Is that right?

No.

Yes. Yes. My first book is called Meditation for the
modern family. and that's one that I
wrote to help people figure out really easy,
simple ways to weave meditation and mindfulness into the
family system. So not only for your kids, but also,
like, for you. So the way it's broken down
is like, the first section is kind Of All Meditation 101, how to
Talk to your kids about meditation, how to use it to, you know, support

(47:27):
yourself. Then the big main section has like
35 different topics. Things like anxiety,
courage, resilience, and then it's part
reflection on those topics. And then it has three practices,
one for little ones, one for, like,
adolescents, and then one for teens and
adults, followed by mantras for that topic. And
then the final portion is for, like, if, you're

(47:50):
pregnant, or how to use meditation to support your partnerships if you're
raising a family with someone else. so that was my first
book, baby. And then the second book, baby is called you are not
your thoughts. And it's part book and part 8 week guided
meditation journal. because studies have shown us
that eight weeks of regular meditation can rewire the brain
to have smaller physiological anxiety responses

(48:10):
and a greater, ability to be able to manage
our emotions and our thoughts. So that's my second
book, baby.

And both of those are available?

They're available. And everyone. And Wendy, remind everyone
about your book baby.

My book baby, I want to hear almost. Actually,
whenever this episode airs, it just
might be ready for pre order. I mean, you know, writing these
books are like, oh, my
gosh, things I've ever done. Yeah, yeah,
right. Besides having kids.

I call it a book. They're like, more.

I know. So do I. I'm like, like, you're.

Going through that same journey.

yeah, yeah. One long
pregnancy. So, yes. Women waking up is the name of my
book.

Wow.

Yeah. Seven Steps of Midlife Greatness.
Ah.

I love, and I do actually.

Talk about meditation in the book too, because it is
extremely important.
Yeah.

Everyone go pre order it.

Go pre order.

Go pre order it. It sounds phenomenal.

Yes. I can't wait. Well, thank you so
much. where can we find you? I know I mentioned your
podcast, but mentioned those again, because they're amazing.
I didn't listen the Mama one yet, but this is a good
one.

Yes, thank you, thank you, that's so generous.
so mindful. In Minutes is my bigger podcast. I've been doing it
for eight years. So there's over 500 guided meditations over
there, most of them under 20 minutes, a lot of them in kind of
the 8 to 12 minute range, all different
topics. I, would love to have, you know, anyone
who's wanting to meditate, I would love to have you over there.
Meditation Mama is a similar format, all guided

(49:44):
meditations, but specifically for the fertility, prenatal,
postpartum period of, someone's life. So,
I don't think that currently applies to you, Wendy, that.

I know, I'm so. Yeah.

And so I know that was not quite as relevant to listeners
of this show necessarily.
but, you know, could be. Could be. Absolutely could
be. You never know. So that's my second one. That was my
pandemic baby project was creating Meditation Mama.
And then you can find me on Instagram, at Yoga
for you Online. And then my website is Yoga for you
Online. You can get more information about everything that I'm doing

(50:17):
there. Trainings, retreats, books.

Yeah, you're doing. I mean, it's amazing. I was looking at.
I love your website, by the way. I'm kind of like,
yeah, I take.

A lot of pride.

Yes, it's really, really good. but, yeah, you've
got all sorts of cool stuff going on. You're,
you're, you're an old soul. You're very
wise.

Yeah, I really appreciate that, Wendy. That means so much.

Yeah, yeah. You're doing so many good things for the
world and it'll be interesting, you know, like, with your
kids to see they're, they're being raised in this
type of family with these, you know, the
beliefs of meditation and the yoga and calming your
mind. And it's so important for
them.

It is. And I hope to put certain
tools in their toolbox. Like I think about even going
back. You know, I, I joke, but it's not really a joke that, like,
we're all formed by like our middle school trauma.
And like, what would it have been like to be a seventh
grade girl and to have some of these tools in my toolbox that I
have now that I acquired, you know, in my 20s?

(51:19):
but what would that have been like if I would have had some
of those tools in my toolbox back then? And so
I hope to just. Even if my kids don't necessarily use it now that
they do. I mean, my, my son who's, you know,
four. You know, to be a four year old, it's,
it's a tough time, you guys, to be four and to have
all these feelings and you know, and it's a tough

(51:40):
time to be four sometimes. Also like the sweetest age.
But just some of the things he says, I'm like,
oh, well, that, you know, when your kids say something, you're like, oh,
is that really what I.

Oh, I know, yeah.

But he'll be like, what is your heart feeling,
mom? And I'm like, oh, okay. Well,
you know, I know where you got that one from.

But you know what too though? I think the best thing is teaching by
example.
Yeah.

Just modeling for them and I hope to do that
and then just put some tools in their toolbox that I hope will serve them long
term.

Thank you so much. You're. You're
awesome.

Thank you for having me, Wendy. And you have such beautiful
energy. So fun.

Thank you.

Anyone watching this comment and tell
Wendy how great her glasses are. Glasses? They
look phenomenal on her.

They're pink today. Bright pink today.

They look great.

It's funny because like this company where I got them from
and I'm always wearing like the different clips for them and they go
back through and they will like on
Instagram, every single video that I have where I'm
wearing their glasses, they never send me any.

Maybe you should ask them.

I did. Oh, I was like, y'all
needed.

Did they ghost you or. They said, I'm afraid they did.

I know, I'm like, golly,
a tough crap.

What do I.

What's a girl gotta do to get some free clips for my
glasses?

Oh man, that is. Yeah, that's. That's
savage.

Well, thank you so much. I'm looking forward to your next book because
I know there's another one in you.

Well, I do,
I feel that too, but I don't know what it is. You know, you have to wait
for it to reveal itself.
Did your book.
Reveal itself to you? Or you're like, that's it.

I got two others. I got two others
in the works. I think the next one's gonna be a fiction
based on a true story based on a
true.

It's gonna be a fiction.

It's gonna be a fun one. I'll give you a hint. I gave a
hint. So do you journal? I forgot
to ask.

Do you journal? Is it going to be, like, sexy fiction?
You don't know why it is?

Could be. Could be. so whenever.
I haven't been doing it lately, but whenever I would
journal and m. I would never list, like,
you know, like, people. You
know, you know this.

You leave them places, huh?

Uh-huh. So cool. So the
book is basically about the people that pick
up my journals and airports
and that whatever was going on in my life
during that time, that. That actually
coincidentally helped them
with whatever they were going through.

(54:22):
Right. And that should be a Netflix series.
But there's some juicy stuff in there.

I bet there is. Also, you could spin it into, like,
a. You can take all this part. This has nothing to do with meditation. If you want
to take all this out, Wendy, go for it. But, like, I
could see this also going the true crime route, where it's
like someone picks up a journal in an
airport, and then there's something so salacious in
there, and then they're like. They're like, how.
They're. And then they're like, oh, I need to solve this

(54:50):
mystery. What happened?

See the. Yes.

The journey of the journey to Netflix. I feel like they love, like, a
thriller, like a true.

Oh, I love a good, good killing, you know?
And yes. everything has to do with meditation. Everything.
Thank you, Kelly. Kelly Smith.

Oh, thank you. Thank you, Wendy.

Everyone. Have a beautiful day. Take eight minutes to
meditate. Did this
podcast inspire you? Challenge you? Trigger you
to make a change or spit out your coffee laughing?
Good. Then there are three ways you can thank me.
Number one, you can leave a written review of this
podcast on Apple iTunes. Number two,
you can take a screenshot of the episode and share it

(55:32):
onto social media and tag me Wendy
Valentine. Number three, share it with
another midlifer that needs a makeover. You know who
I'm talking about. Thank you so much for listening to
the show. Get out there and be bold, be
free. Be.

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Episode Transcript

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