July 8, 2025 • 55 mins
In this heart-pounding and heart-opening episode, Wendy Valentine chats with elite mountaineer and adventure racer Dianette Wells, one of fewer than 500 people to climb the Seven Summits, including Mount Everest. But Dianette’s most difficult climb wasn’t on a mountain — it was through the devastating grief of losing her son, Johnny, a fellow adventurer. Together, they explore how to transform loss into purpose, why midlife is the perfect time to reinvent yourself, and how to take that first bold step toward your own personal Everest.
From competing in over 100 extreme races to discovering healing through movement, Dianette’s story is packed with awe-inspiring adventures, laugh-out-loud moments, and life lessons on strength, surrender, and saying YES to life — even when it scares you. Whether you’re climbing mountains or facing emotional valleys, this episode will remind you that courage isn’t the absence of fear — it’s doing it anyway.
💡 What You’ll Learn:
- How Dianette climbed the Seven Summits — and grief itself
- Why fear isn’t a stop sign, but a compass
- The power of saying “yes” to adventure (even when unprepared!)
- How nature can be a church, therapist, and gym all in one
- Tips for pushing through fear, anxiety, and emotional paralysis
- The importance of finding your tribe and living out loud in midlife
🎧 Tune in now at https://TheMidlifeMakeoverShow.com or wherever you listen to podcasts!
👉 Connect with Dianette
Website: https://dianettewells.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dianettewells/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DianetteWellsEnduranceAthlete
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
>> Dianette Wells (00:00):
It's ignoring the judgment of others and
(00:02):
knowing what makes you happy. And if you don't know what makes you
happy, you know there's time to figure it out.
Figure it out, but forget the judgment. Do
what makes you happy.
>> Wendy Valentine (00:13):
Hey there, beautiful. I'm Wendy Valentine, your host
of the Midlife Makeover show, where it's never too
late to wake up to your best life. Whether you're
navigating a career change, empty nesting,
menopause, or wondering what's next, you're in
the right place. Every week, I'll bring you real
talk, laughs and inspiring conversations
(00:33):
with experts and extraordinary women who have
transformed their lives from self care and
relationships to starting over and finding freedom.
This is your time to reinvent,
rediscover, and reignite the woman you were
always meant to be. So hit that subscribe
button and, let's rewrite the rules of midlife. Your
(00:53):
new adventure starts now.
Foreign
as you know, midlife is a bustling time.
We manage households, nurture relationships,
advance careers, and raise children.
(01:14):
These responsibilities, while fulfilling,
can sometimes drain your energy and diminish your
personal strengths. To help you reawaken
those dormant powers and embrace the superhero that
you truly are, I created the Superhero
quiz@mysuperheroquiz.com
this fast, free and fun quiz will help you
(01:35):
discover which superhero mirrors your strengths
and personality. Plus, you'll receive
a detailed guide tailored to your superhero
profile, helping you to harness your strengths
and soar to new heights. Just head over
to mysuperheroquiz.com
and and embrace the superhero within you.
(01:56):
Welcome back to the Midlife Makeover show, where
reinvention is real and the second half of
life is the best half of life.
Today's guest is living proof that resilience,
courage, and sheer determination can
move mountains literally. Meet
Dianette Wells, an elite mountaineer,
adventure racer, and author who has tackled some of the
(02:18):
most extreme challenges on Earth.
She's one of fewer than 500 people in the world
to conquer the Seven Summits, including
Mount Everest. And she's competed in
over a hundred grueling races,
from desert crossings to ultramarathons to
biking across America. She's basically a
badass. You may have even seen her on
(02:41):
Amazon Prime's World's Toughest Race or
48 Hours Eco Challenge Borneo.
But Dianette's most powerful climb wasn't to
a mountaintop. It was through the depths of grief
after the tragic loss of her son, Johnny,
a fellow adventurer in her raw and
riveting memoir, Another Step up the Mountain she
(03:01):
shares how she transformed heartbreak into healing
and turned pain into purpose.
Today we'll talk about finding strength and sorrow,
redefining what's possible at midlife, and
discovering your own Everest, no
matter what you're facing.
Please welcome Dianette Wells to the show.
>> Dianette Wells (03:21):
It's dt, actually, I was gonna ask you.
>> Wendy Valentine (03:24):
I was like. I was like, right, right. When I hit
record, I was like, dang it. Usually I always have to ask how to pronounce
the last name, and I
think's easy. Dianette.
Yes, Dianette Wells. See, the. The
Wells was easy. You're my first
DNA ever in my life.
>> Dianette Wells (03:44):
I've never heard another one.
>> Wendy Valentine (03:46):
Well, welcome. It's great to have you.
So I have to tell you, I. The first
time when, I got your, your guest
nomination for the show from
Angela, and I was reading your
bio and I was like, dang. I was like, this
chick is amazing. I was like, how
did she do all that? And I thought I was cool because I could drive an
(04:08):
RV across the country. No, that's nothing.
But then when I got to the part about your son and
I thought, wow, like again,
how do you even get through that? I mean,
it's one thing to climb Mount Everest, but to
climb that, grief had to
been just crazy.
(04:30):
So tell us a little bit about that.
and your experience with
probably, I'm going to guess your largest Mount Everest
was, was dealing with the, the death of Johnny,
100%.
>> Dianette Wells (04:45):
And as someone in the very beginning said, you can't
climb over this. You can't go around it.
You have to go through it. and, you know, grief,
no matter when it happens, mine had, you know,
Johnny's accident happened just as I
was becoming an empty nester. So. So, yeah, grief
is different for every single person and takes its
(05:06):
own time. And, and yeah, every
scenario is different and it's, it's just
something you learn to live with and it's,
you know, it doesn't stop life. Life keeps going
on and you just have to learn to move
ahead with this.
>> Wendy Valentine (05:23):
Yeah. When did you become this
wild mountaineer and was this
early on?
>> Dianette Wells (05:32):
my youngest was, I think in
kindergarten. She was in preschool. I think she was three,
Johnny was eight and my oldest was
nine or 10. And I climbed Mount Whitney. It
was back in 1998, so a long
time ago. Climbed Mount Whitney with 10 of my
friends, most of them Malibu housewives like I
(05:52):
was. And I couldn't even run
around the block really. At the time, I didn't know
the difference. Between a road bike, a mountain bike. But
I had driven past Whitney so many times in my life and
I always wanted to climb it. And then to have 10
girlfriends all say, yes, let's do it, let's do,
just. It was one of the best trips I've ever done.
(06:12):
And that's how it all started, was just
this little, you know, one day
climb of Whitney with a bunch of crazy women.
>> Wendy Valentine (06:23):
And then what about before that? Had you ever done anything like
marathons or anything like
that?
>> Dianette Wells (06:29):
I was a cheerleader. No, I was
all into cheerleading. I, I did it in high school and
college and that was my thing. I,
I mean literally I could not run around the block nor did I have
any desire to do such a thing. all of my
shoes are flat. Cheerleading shoes. And
yeah, so no, it was not in my, you know, not
(06:49):
on my horizon.
>> Wendy Valentine (06:51):
And have you always been courageous
like that?
>> Dianette Wells (06:57):
I don't think so. I mean, I have so many
fears in life. I mean, I've always been afraid of heights.
Interesting. Yeah, that's the funniest
part. and I really thought I could never. When
I had that little inkling of I want to climb the seven summits,
I thought, oh, but, but I can't do Everest because I'm afraid of
heights. And then I read a book
(07:18):
and this man who wrote the book described the
load sea face, which was the part I was most afraid
of. And he described it in such a way.
I finished that book and I thought, oh, I'm going to climb Everest. I
can do this. Now, now that someone has explained what it looks
like, I can do this. And
there you go. Wow.
>> Wendy Valentine (07:39):
Silly question, but I've always kind of wondered this because sometimes
I'll watch, I'll see videos where people are climbing.
But are you alone? Are you with a team?
>> Dianette Wells (07:50):
you can be alone if you like and go do it. So
I've always climbed, with alpine ascents, so
a group, and even for summit day,
I had my own Sherpa with me. Even though my group was
kind of spread out along the ropes, I still had
my Sherpa Chuang right there with me the
whole way. So
(08:11):
you're alone, is in your tent at base camp, then you get
some alone time, but otherwise you're sharing
a tent with someone. you're sharing a room in a tea house with
someone a lot of times, so not a lot of
alone time.
>> Wendy Valentine (08:24):
And this is someone that's, I would think, is experienced
then, that knows that has climbed it before.
>> Dianette Wells (08:31):
yeah, on Everest, I will. I will say Alpine
ascents is pretty good at checking people's
backgrounds and because people lie all the time about their
experience. I mean, I had an instance on
Denali where the guy lied on his
resume and didn't even know how to put his harness on.
I mean, he could easily have killed all of us and almost
did. but, yeah, no, alpine ascent is really
(08:54):
good on verifying people's backgrounds. And
so. And also the difference on Everest is you're not
tied to anyone. So m.
If someone you're climbing with, you know,
falls, they're usually attached to a rope, but
they're not going to take you out as well. because you
aren't physically tied to them. You might be clipped in the same
rope, but, you know, him falling is not going to
(09:16):
affect me falling.
>> Wendy Valentine (09:19):
And had you. I mean, did you have to do training for all,
like the mountain climbing and all of that?
>> Dianette Wells (09:24):
Oh, yeah. so for Whitney, I was always my.
My very first climb. I was always at the gym. I was just a big
gym rat. And I would hike in Malibu all the time.
but then I did my first adventure race. and
that is when I started really training. I mean, eight
hours a day, six days a week. I
wore myself down to nothing and then built myself
back up. After that year. I
(09:47):
had such a good base, and I thought, this is
not a balanced way to live life, especially as a mom with
three young kids. And so I really
backed off. But, I look at everyday life
as kind of an adventure, and I'm always trying to train a little bit
here and there, whether it's at a gym or
on a bike. But no matter what I'm doing, I'm. I
(10:08):
always have training in the back of my head because there's always some
adventure that's going to come up.
>> Wendy Valentine (10:13):
Yeah, I love what you said. I. I actually have this
quote in front of me. It's, You had said it in the video
that's on your website. And you said not only is
life meant for the living, but that we should live it out
loud and joyously for whatever amount of time we have on
this earth, which I just love.
>> Dianette Wells (10:30):
Absolutely.
>> Wendy Valentine (10:31):
It makes you like. It's. It's.
>> Dianette Wells (10:33):
So.
>> Wendy Valentine (10:33):
I always say the simplest teachings are the most profound.
And that is so simple and so true.
Because I. I've always thought, like, we get this
tiny, tiny bit of time
here on this earth.
Why are we wasting it? You know, why are
we not enjoying, everything that. That there
is to offer? And the heck with the fears, okay,
(10:56):
Whatever. Scared of heights. Let's go for it anyways,
like, why not? And we don't
know, you know, right? We don't know how. How much, like,
how old was Johnny when he passed?
>> Dianette Wells (11:07):
23.
>> Wendy Valentine (11:08):
Oh, so. So, like, yeah,
like, he didn't even have the luxury to make it to midlife, right?
Like, my ex husband died at 26. He was
26 years old. And I always think. And every, every. I always
think about him. Like, if I'm going, I'm thinking about doing
something, or I get scared, I'm like, oh, God, what are they going to
say? Or what are they going to do? Oh, what if this
(11:28):
happens? And. And I always, like, hear his voice
say, you're like, you're living. Why
wouldn't you do this? Right? Like, why wouldn't you
say that? Or whatever, Right? Like, why
not? So does. Does Johnny. Does
Johnny speak to you now in your adventures?
>> Dianette Wells (11:46):
I feel and hear Johnny when I'm
out doing something on a climb or a race course.
and I did literally hear his voice during eco,
challenge. Fiji. That's on Amazon. It
was wacky and we had a little back and
forth. that's in the book, what he said to me. But,
yeah, I mean, we are here. We don't know how long we're going to
(12:07):
be here. And all this daily dread and worry and
the stuff that keeps us up at night, you know what? Everybody
has that. And every night I wake up stressed
or worried about something. And
now I just tell myself, oh, in the morning, you're not going to feel this
way. Because in the morning I wake up like
that movie Gone with the Wind. It's a new day,
(12:27):
and I can make the most of this
day. And I really try to. and I
think we're here to have fun. We're here to learn lessons, I believe. But
we're also here to have a good time. And when
people say, oh, I'll do that someday, or I'll do this someday, it's like,
no, there's no such thing day as
someday. Do it now. Book it now. Sign
(12:47):
up for something now. Do it. Doesn't matter whether you can
do it or not. Sign up for it, because you might be able to do
it.
>> Wendy Valentine (12:53):
Yeah. And you figure it out, right? I mean,
literally putting one step, you know, in front of
the other, like, just one step at a time. What does it allow? Zeus
at a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step,
Right? And you just having. Okay,
Making that decision. I'm going to climb Mount Whitney.
I'm going to do it and figuring out like, okay, I
(13:15):
guess I better get in some shape here. We don't do this
thing.
>> Dianette Wells (13:19):
We were so ridiculous. And this was before. Now I'm going to
really age myself. this before really
the Internet. So, you know,
I didn't know. None of us knew a thing. We had little
ideas, but I think we took everything but the kitchen
sink and our backpacks for the day. And
it was just looking back how silly it was,
(13:39):
but yet it was so profound. I mean that one
climb, which, yeah, who knew if, if
I could even do it. But just saying yes and
doing it changed the course of my entire life.
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (13:53):
What do you think? If you had not done all of
that, where would your life be?
>> Dianette Wells (13:58):
Oh, I would be, oh, I don't know if I'd
still be alive. I was an anorexic Malibu housewife,
you know, wouldn't be too thin, too rich, too blah
blah, blah, and caring what the neighbors thought.
And yeah, I, that wasn't for me.
I wanted to play outside and that's where I was
happiest. and thankfully, I mean
I had the best group of friends. I still am friends with,
(14:21):
with them, these women in Malibu. And a lot
of them would hike with me and ah, stand up, paddle
board with me and all these fun things. I
really was lucky in the group of women
that I was able to surround myself with. I mean
always up for adventures, you know, just saying
yes to the craziest things and, and that
helps as women when we have our tribe of
(14:44):
like minded crazy people.
>> Wendy Valentine (14:46):
Took the words out of my mouth. I was just gonna say that. Yeah. And I'm
sure you've gotten more in your tribe now.
>> Dianette Wells (14:51):
Oh yeah. And, and it's funny because now
I'll go do an ultra, in a foreign country.
Always with racing the planet because it's just the best,
organization for those 155 miles.
But you go and you see kind of the same people over and
over again. So I know women and some great
men from all over the planet who show up for these
(15:12):
races and it's just fun. There's a
camaraderie there that sometimes is hard to find in
life.
>> Wendy Valentine (15:18):
Yeah, exactly.
How do you feel that and being outdoors or
being on these adventures, how it helps you
emotionally and spiritually?
>> Dianette Wells (15:29):
so I don't go to church every Sunday. I, was
raised Catholic, but
like heaven and God for me and
being able to you know, all of that stuff.
And the meditation happens when I'm hiking
or riding a bike or doing anything over sustainability, sustained
amount of time. And I get into that
flow state that is my meditation.
(15:52):
That is, where I talk problems through
with myself and figure things out that, you know,
maybe I'm having trouble with, but. But
that's where it happens for me.
>> Wendy Valentine (16:03):
I've always thought that, too. Like, and I love hiking.
And there was. I don't remember where I was
at, but maybe it was at, oh, Yosemite,
Half Dome. I did hike Half Dome.
Proud of myself for that one. I get nervous
just replaying it in my mind, but I can
remember walking up that.
(16:25):
Pretty much like walking up a wall, right?
And you, you can't think.
Like, you, you couldn't think it. You, you can't
think about what you're going to make for dinner. You can't think about how
your hair looks or what so and so said to you
yesterday, because you're so busy
concentrating and watching your feet and
(16:45):
watching your hands. And yes, it's like
meditation. It's like a walking meditation.
And that's why, like, I, I totally agree with you. But, like, when
you're, when you're out hiking, no matter if it's an easy hike or
a difficult hike, it's just very
meditative and it's just taking in the
fresh air and the trees
and the birds and the bugs and,
(17:08):
you know, everything. It's just. I love it, I love it, I love it. I
haven't done. I mean, Half Dome is probably
the scariest thing I've done.
>> Dianette Wells (17:17):
Yeah, I haven't done that. I, guess you need
permits now. yeah. Anything that scares you
a little bit and gets you outside I think is a good thing,
I have to tell you.
>> Wendy Valentine (17:26):
So they had, it's like, they do the lottery there with the
Half Dome. And I went with my oldest
son and my youngest son. We did Yosemite.
And so we had put our names in, you know, in
the lottery to see if we would be able to
climb Half dumb, I'll admit. I
went to bed that night, I was like, I hope to God.
(17:49):
And we got up in the morning, you know, like four something in
the morning, and we're getting our bags ready, and we're like, well,
we're just going to get ready to hike no matter what. And my son's
phone dings and he's like, we're in. We got the
lottery. And I was like, that is like the one lottery I don't want
to win. I was like, God dang it. But,
but we did. And, and I think we hiked. I think
(18:10):
I hike about 12 to 15 miles before you even
get to subdome. And
I hit a wall.
I've never done this in my life before.
I don't know. I love to see if you've, you've done this
before. But I was going up Sub
Dome and it just like, I am, looking up, at the top
of Half Dome, I'm like holding Holy moly.
(18:33):
And there was a helicopter flying
because they were looking for someone that had just freaking fallen
off and died. And I was like, what
am I doing? I'm like, my God. I'm like,
what did these kids talk me into doing? You know? I was like,
okay. And then, my mind started going.
My mind took over and I
(18:54):
froze. And the
boys were walking ahead and they realized we're like, shit. Well,
we've been talking to mom. She's not responding, which is unusual.
And so they turn, they're like, they come back, they're like,
are you okay? And I was like, I could not talk,
I could not speak. And I was like,
I can't, I can't. They're like, what? I'm like, I
(19:15):
can't. Can't do it. They're like, what do you
mean you can't, you can't do it? I'm like, I can't. I can't do that. I can't go.
Nope, Nope.
And all I kept thinking about just like the
worst, you know? And then I felt
so bad for them because they were like,
what do we do? Do we leave our mom behind because we want to
go? Do we go back?
(19:36):
Do we turn around? And then they literally,
they're, they come up, they're like, well, if
it's all right with you, we're gonna go, we're gonna go ahead and
we're gonna climb it and why don't you just sit here and
chill? And. And then, and then I was like, I can't
have them going. And then I'll be wondering how they're doing. I was like,
fine, I'll go. And I was like, and I did it.
But anyways, it's. It's amazing
(19:59):
how fear will take over.
So have you had any moments like that? And how did you break through
them?
>> Dianette Wells (20:05):
I've had all of those moments. you know, it depends. It
used to be negative talk. If, if I hit that wall and I
wasn't going to go further, I would be not very nice
to myself. I'd say, you get your fat ass up right now and start
walking. And now I'm gentle,
like, oh, come on, you know you want to do this. Let's
go do this. You can do this. So the voice,
how I speak to myself has changed. I was on a
(20:28):
mountain in, I think it was Switzerland. Oh, yeah, it
was Switzerland. We were climbing up this thing and I got
very icy, very steep.
And, I had that, that frozen moment where literally you
can't move your arms or legs. You're frozen.
And I said, I want to go down now.
And the guide was trying to get me to keep going and I said, no,
(20:49):
I want to go down now. And we went down
and I felt very good about that decision.
and so, when those
happen now, depending on where I
am, it's usually on a very steep, very icy
slope is where that will happen. If, I don't
have my ice axe and crampons,
(21:10):
you know, I know that it's my body telling me or my
brain or my heart, something telling me it's
time to turn around. And I do.
I, was climbing the matterhorn. I was 45
minutes from the summit and I had that
frozen moment and I said
to the guide there, I said, you know, I want to turn around.
(21:31):
And he was beside himself. And I
said, I'm not feeling it. And a 13 year old
girl, Julie, never forget her name,
marched was, you know, going up past me. She said, what's
wrong? And I said, you know, I'm not feeling it.
And she had this confused look on her face. But I
trust that voice now and I really
(21:51):
feel that, you know, maybe that's what keeps me alive. So
m. It depends if it's something where I'm tired and,
you know, I'm running an ultramarathon and I'm just tired. I don't want to go on.
Then it's okay. You do the checklist. Eat something, drink
something, have some salt, sit for a minute.
Okay, time to get up and go because we're not going to sit out in the middle of the
desert all day. Let's go. So those things happen for
(22:13):
different reasons. So depending on where it
is, I either feel it's saving my life or I'm just going
to take a two minute break.
>> Wendy Valentine (22:20):
Yeah, yeah. It makes you think, like, no matter if it's
climbing mountains or it's in a relationship,
whatever, but the difference between
listening to that inner voice, your intuition,
and listening to the fear and like how do you know
which one is really speaking? Right.
>> Dianette Wells (22:39):
Yeah. Look at the situation. And
if it's something you can do something about,
review. Hm, Your options and then do something.
>> Wendy Valentine (22:48):
Yeah.
>> Dianette Wells (22:49):
You know, to sit in that same place of fear
day after day and month after month and make no changes
or decisions to move yourself forward, whether it's up
or down, that doesn't do us any good.
And so make a decision. And if it's the wrong
decision, you can always make another decision.
It's. You know, nothing really is so set in
(23:10):
stone that we can't alter our choices.
>> Wendy Valentine (23:14):
Yeah, exactly.
After Johnny passed away, did you take a
break from adventuring and
mountain climbing?
>> Dianette Wells (23:24):
so I was signed up to do
what's called the Triple Crown, which is Everest, Lotsi and
Nuptse. I was going to do them in three days, try to
get this record. The following spring, the spring of
2016, I had moved to Park City,
was training, and then
this happened. And after his
(23:44):
accident, I could barely walk around
the block. I mean, it was physically
so difficult. And I was wondering,
I'm in such good shape. How can I not walk around the block?
Like, my body just. I couldn't do it.
and so I
canceled that climb. my daughters would never have
forgiven me. I canceled that climb. And I
(24:07):
would just. I had two dogs at the time, so I would take them on
walks. And it was excruciating. And I was. I was
hunched over and walking like an old woman.
And I would tell myself every now and again, you know, stand up
straight. You're Johnny Strange's mother. Like,
not be slouched over. Like, stand up. So I tell myself
to stand up straight and walk. And then
(24:27):
on one of those walks that hit me, I
need something because I can't continue on like this.
And, I got in touch with the race director of racing, the
Planet, and, you know, practically begged
her for a spot for her next race,
which was in Sri Lanka. And she said,
we have a spot for you. Just come.
(24:48):
And I did. I mean, I hadn't run
for two minutes before that. And I
finished this race. and, you know, I had all
the signs from Johnny that I asked for, which was incredible.
this runner kind of took me under his wing. I don't know
why, because he just. He could have finished the race so much faster.
And funny enough, his name was John.
(25:10):
Like, okay, yeah, there's a
sign.
>> Wendy Valentine (25:13):
Yeah, yeah.
>> Dianette Wells (25:14):
And so, you know, it ended up being a great
thing, and it was a great first step in helping me
like, regain who and what I was, which,
you know, I was an athlete. but it.
It took a while. You know, in year two was harder
than year one, but at least I had sports
again to fall back on and to kind of get me out
(25:36):
of that hole.
>> Wendy Valentine (25:38):
Okay, quick timeout, ladies. I've got something
really special to share with you. You guys know
my story. Midlife hit me like a freight train.
Between perimenopause, menopause,
black mold toxicity, Lyme disease.
My body was screaming for help.
I was battling migraines, night sweats, weight
(26:00):
gain, fatigue, nausea, vomiting,
brain fog, anxiety, depression,
and honestly, the list goes on.
And I learned very quickly that the number one
thing I had to do to heal was detoxify
my body from all the junk that had built up
over the years. And now here's
(26:21):
the coolest part. My son, Nolan
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Kuhn, took everything we've learned from our
family's own healing journey and created their
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(26:41):
Toxin Tamer is a simple, effective
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(27:02):
The best part, it's not some crazy cleanse
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(27:23):
it, too. Just head to toxin
tamer.com that's
toxin tamer.com
and start supporting your body the way it truly
deserves. All right, let's get back to the
show.
Greetings. You know, the
experts say, and even I would say, too, it's. It's
(27:43):
different for everyone. And. And
I kind of got to that point, like, especially after
my brother died, you know, I went into a massive
depression, and I
almost got, like, just so tired of just laying around
and just sitting there with my thoughts and
the memories and the flashbacks
(28:04):
and everything. And it was.
It was starting to take action again. That
actually healed me the most. Just
getting back into. Just like in what you said in the. In
your movie, you know, or in the. In the video,
that it's living again.
And you have to get Back to that
eventually. And sometimes you have to force yourself or
(28:26):
sign up for something or whatever the case is. Right.
>> Dianette Wells (28:30):
Yeah, we, we can't just exist. We need to live.
And we need to live with joy and purpose
and, you know, signing up for something say
it's a 5K. Well, now you have purpose
and, you know, at least you need to be walking.
so, yeah, living with purpose and joy is, is a great
thing. Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (28:50):
Ah, we were talking before we hit record about, I
was telling you how I live here in Portugal and you're like,
oh, my gosh, I wish I was that brave. And I was like, talking about, I was like,
wish I was a as brave as you and. But
being brave is different for everyone. Right? And
being. I had Lee Burgess on the show not too
long ago. She's the author of Be Bold Today. And I, we
(29:10):
were talking about that, like, what, what is bold? You know,
like in bold is something different for everyone
and at different stages in our lives.
Because, you know, after my brother died, I was like, to be
bold was to get out of bed, like, whoo, I did it. I brushed
my teeth, you know, yay.
And then to be bold today for me is
(29:31):
to get on a TV show or to talk about my book
or whatever. Right? Like, it's always
changing and evolving. But what,
what helps you to
really make that first step on something?
What is like, like, okay, I'm doing this.
>> Dianette Wells (29:49):
Okay, so this podcast, for instance, or
now that I've written a book and now
I have to do podcast appearances and
I'm so, this is not my,
you know, ball game. And it's,
you know what? You're going to do this. You signed up for this.
You're going to do this and just have fun with
(30:10):
it. You may come off as a complete fool or
say 100 wrong things, but you have to do it.
You have to try it. You have to do it. And
you know, at the very least I met someone new and,
you know, what a great thing. but yeah, every.
That's why I say, you know, everybody has their Everest.
Whether it's their Everest of the day or it's, you
(30:30):
know, a multi month or year Everest, for all
of those, Everest. For people, it's one small step.
And, and if you can't figure something out,
write it down. Because a lot of times if we put all of
our fears and worries on paper, they,
it, it takes away the sharpness of it and
we're able to see things better and, and maybe figure things
(30:50):
out better.
>> Wendy Valentine (30:52):
Yeah, you can get a different perspective and
it's. It detaches you from it. I actually put a reel
on Instagram today about how I journal. And
journaling was. Is very. I would say
was and is very healing for me because
I can just get all of that out on paper, let my
soul just pour onto the page, and then I'm
like, out of me. Like, yay, done. You know, not to say
(31:15):
it's done, but it's a different. You're
just more detached from it. So. Yeah, I love
that. Do you journal?
>> Dianette Wells (31:23):
So, when I was very young,
probably middle school age, I kept a diary.
And I don't know if my twin brother found it or something,
but from that moment on, very little.
When I've been on mountains. Yes. And that helped with the
book, but I don't keep a diary because I'm.
I'm just always afraid someone would find it. I do keep
(31:45):
a gratitude journal. But, yeah, the
diary thing, I don't. But when I. When my head is
spinning with a bunch of thoughts, I will put them down
on a to do list, and that just
frees up my brain, and then I'm able to continue on with
either sleep or whatever I'm doing in the day.
So, yeah, getting stuff out of my head and on paper,
(32:05):
which I'm sure is the same with journaling, but I,
again, fear I'm too afraid to write it down.
But that's.
>> Wendy Valentine (32:12):
It's so funny. You're, like, reading my mind today. But,
that's actually what I'm going to show. I want to show you my journal.
So this. Let me see on the screen.
>> Dianette Wells (32:22):
Oh, wow. That's impressive.
>> Wendy Valentine (32:24):
So what you do is actually you.
I'll write one page, and then
you turn it upside down and you write over what
you just wrote. So you literally
cannot read one word.
>> Dianette Wells (32:40):
That's fabulous.
>> Wendy Valentine (32:41):
I know. I call it soul scribbling, but
it is, so. And you still. You still get that
same feeling. As a matter of fact,
when I. When I'm writing back over my
words, I feel
even more, It's like I have this shift
that happens where I'm just like. Yeah,
(33:02):
like, I really let it. If I have to
say something bad or whatever, you know,
or something like, well, that. That's really corny. But I never
filter. I don't worry about grammar.
I just. And it's
just like, ah. And I just close it and then I'm done.
>> Dianette Wells (33:20):
Like, I've never seen anyone do that before. Did
you make that up?
>> Wendy Valentine (33:24):
I did. I was like. Because I had the same thing. Like, I mean, I was.
I was alone for a while, you know, but then the same
thing when I kids, and, you know, and I'm
like, oh, God, what if I write that and someone reads that? I
was like, you know, I mean, some people have diaries or journals on their
computer. I'm like, oh, my God. There'd be no way.
I will never do that. But here's.
(33:45):
Here's another little, journal secret.
So for years, actually, what I did do
is total opposite. This is crazy.
So I would journal. I wouldn't. I mean, I might name
names, but no one, like, where you would know who. Who the
heck it is or anything like that. And then when I would
complete a journal, I would leave it at an
(34:06):
airport.
>> Dianette Wells (34:07):
Uh-huh.
>> Wendy Valentine (34:09):
Like, all. Like, all over the world, different
airports. And I would. I would leave a note
at. On the first page to whoever found it, and I
let them know, hey, you can read it, you can share it. I
don't really care. This is yours. And my hope was
that, like, whatever I was going through in my life at the time, I was always
going through something, that it would help them,
(34:31):
that it would just find, like, the journal would find the
right person who needed that message.
>> Dianette Wells (34:38):
I don't know what to say to that, but I love it
for everyone. Do journals keep them in random
places? I. I love that.
>> Wendy Valentine (34:47):
Yeah, I know. It's like, one or the other. If you want to totally
disguise it, then fine. Yeah. So
those are a couple of good journaling
suggestions, but. Right. You kind of find
again, like, with the healing, you. You figure out what
works for you. Did you.
Besides Johnny, did you have any other
events in your life that were really challenging for you
(35:09):
to go through?
>> Dianette Wells (35:11):
Oh, sure. My divorce was
brutal and awful, and, you know, like,
what, 50, 60% of us go through it, and,
you know. Yeah. It's just another
thing that we have to deal with in life.
And, you know, again, I think we're here to
learn lessons and get stronger and.
(35:31):
And, yeah, it, you know, helped make me
strong. my dad leaving when I was
little. I mean, that was profound, because you're a
little kid. Your dad goes to work one day and doesn't come back.
It's like, oh, what do we do now? And watching my mom,
you know, navigate all that and. And,
you know, raise twins by herself.
(35:52):
And this was in the 70s, where now
it was frowned upon to be the single mom in the neighborhood.
And I didn't realize how much my mom was kind of
left out of things until I was much older.
And, you know, my mom was the mom who had a job.
She was a nurse. And so she wasn't the
PTA mom with all the other moms. And
(36:13):
I just, you know, only as an adult
do I realize, or did I realize how
much she did for us and how hard
and almost impossible it had to have been for her back then.
Then. But she did it. She was tough.
>> Wendy Valentine (36:28):
Yeah. And that's hard, too.
>> Dianette Wells (36:29):
Right.
>> Wendy Valentine (36:29):
Like, I. I have something even recently with me
where. What. What do they call it? Ambiguous grief,
I believe is the term. It's basically
a grieving for someone that is
still here. You know, it's different than grieving
for Johnny or me grieving for Jason or Brian. Right. But
it's. It's grieving for someone
(36:50):
or something that is still here.
So, like, grieving for that relationship or,
you know, grieving for that dad that was never
there. Me grieving for my mom, like, all.
So it's. It's a, But it's all
grief. It's still like this.
Not that you. Not. Not that it's a cookie cutter process,
(37:10):
but it's the same type of process of
the whole grief that you have
to go through.
>> Dianette Wells (37:17):
We are.
>> Wendy Valentine (37:18):
Yeah. Or even losing a career, losing a
house. Or, like, I think about, speaking of Malibu,
think of all the people that lost those houses. Like, there's still a,
There's still grief around. That was a home.
And, and. And. And then it's
okay to grieve. It's okay to, like, take some
time. And I didn't take time when
(37:39):
my husband had died, and then when my brother died, I
was like, God dang it, I am going to grieve this
time because I deserve it. And it's
okay because we're, you know, normally it's like,
all right, pull up your bootstraps, get back at it. You know, we don't have
time to grieve. Like, suck it, up, wipe your tears. I'm
like, no, I don't want to. I'm going to ball my eyes out.
>> Dianette Wells (37:59):
This time one way or another.
So it's good to give yourself
whatever it is you need. And everybody grieves differently,
so, you know, and it honors them.
Instead of just brushing it under the rug and, you know, and just
marching through it, you know, it. It honors
them, too, that we grieve. I mean, I still get sad
(38:19):
over dogs I've lost. so. But it. It
makes us part of who we are today.
And I don't think anyone gets out of this life without
grieving something.
>> Wendy Valentine (38:30):
so I've. I know I
just said that the other day too. I was like, well, that's one
thing. We know that's a thing.
>> Dianette Wells (38:37):
Fact.
>> Wendy Valentine (38:38):
You will experience loss in life,
which.
>> Dianette Wells (38:42):
Means you loved something or someone a lot
in life.
>> Wendy Valentine (38:46):
Exactly.
>> Dianette Wells (38:48):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (38:49):
What's your, what's your next quote, unquote Everest.
What's an Everest you're dealing with right now?
>> Dianette Wells (38:56):
the Everest I'm dealing with right now is,
m. Dishes, laundry. now, last week I
was trying to climb mountain bonogos with a bunch of friends.
There's way too much snow.
so we turned around so that I'll go back and do
that again. and what do I have? I have Whitney coming
up in October, a little ways off, but I'll
train for that. And just some fun little.
(39:18):
And some in studio live things,
which I've only been doing podcasts so far, which
I'm. I'm feeling pretty good about. But, you
know, to go sit there in a studio, I'm. I'm
terrified. And that, the universe keeps doing that. If I am
really afraid of something, the universe just throws it at me
like, okay, now deal with it. Figure this out and deal with it.
(39:39):
So I'm remaining positive and
like, okay, let's see what happens.
>> Wendy Valentine (39:45):
How do you. How do you stay calm? How do you calm your.
Your body? Because sometimes, like, people will have such
strong fears that they're just like, like
they cannot hit. How do you. How do you push
past that? Much different than, like, pushing past the wall at,
like, Mount Everest, but going on
twitch. How do you literally, like,
(40:06):
push past that so your body calms down?
>> Dianette Wells (40:10):
I just do it. so I used to get after
Johnny died, because I've never had anxiety before.
and I just kind of. I couldn't relate to it because
I'd never had it. And after Johnny died, I would go
to the grocery store and again, happy that I left
the house. Small wins every day. and then I'd
get there and I couldn't get out of the car.
(40:30):
And sometimes in the beginning I would just say, I, can't do this. And
I turn around and go home. But if you really need
dog food, you need dog food. So I'd say,
okay, you have 10 minutes for this little meltdown or whatever it
is you're doing right now. You have 10 minutes. At the 10 minute
mark, just shut off your
brain, turn off the ignition, get out of the car,
(40:51):
and I would literally turn my brain off until I
walked in the grocery store, which my happy place,
and be like, okay, I. I'm in the grocery store.
It's all good now. So maybe, it's a little bit of that.
It's just, you know, M
M. Yeah, emotions.
And, and you go through them emotions enough that
(41:11):
your body can just do it on, on automatic.
And then all of a sudden you're present in there and okay,
it's not as bad as I was, you know, making it out to be.
And it's okay and you're gonna do fine.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:23):
Yeah. I think you learn to just coach yourself through
things. Right? Like, you be. You become your own best friend,
as I say, and just speak to yourself and
like, girl, like, I mean, I have to do that all the time. Like, come on,
let's do it. You know, like, it's going to be okay.
And you'll have bad days, bad moments. That's
all part of it. It's okay.
>> Dianette Wells (41:44):
Every day we're great. How would we know it's a great
day? You know, if you have a bad
day here or there, then you go, oh, wow, this is a great
day. Because X, Y and Z. And so,
you know, with light comes dark, with good comes bad.
And it's, it's one knowing the difference and
then striving for the good.
>> Wendy Valentine (42:03):
Mm. Yeah. It's the dichotomy of life,
right?
>> Dianette Wells (42:07):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (42:07):
But you wouldn't know light if you didn't know dark.
>> Dianette Wells (42:10):
So true. And then, you know, like right now most
of my friends are empty nesters and it's a lot of,
oh, God, this is awful. What do we do? What do we do? And it's like, no,
this time you can have fun now. You
don't have to be home to make dinner, you know, every night at
7pm and try to figure that out. It's. It's. You
can do whatever you want. And if you want to eat dinner
(42:31):
at 6pm or 10pm,
good for you. Do it. I mean, this is now
a whole new level of freedom that we haven't got to have
in, in decades. So, yeah, flip
it around and look at the positives of
what you now have. Even though, yeah, the kids are gone.
It's sad, but yeah, the kids are gone.
>> Wendy Valentine (42:52):
Yes, that was me too.
I was like, okay, bye. See you later. Mom's got stuff to
do and they're.
>> Dianette Wells (43:00):
So shocked when they call us and they want to do something and like, well,
sweetheart, I have plans. Like, yeah, you're not
sitting Home waiting for me to call you. Come on.
>> Wendy Valentine (43:08):
Yeah, exactly.
Well, I think you had said earlier that life is an
adventure, and I totally agree. I mean,
I think of life as like, Like a buffet, right? And
you go and you can sample whatever you want.
If you like it, you're like, cool, I'm gonna eat that again.
I'm gonna do that again. Whatever. If you don't like it now, you know.
Right. But that's the thing, like, with
(43:29):
Empty Nest, it's, like, the perfect time to
try some cool stuff and see what you like.
>> Dianette Wells (43:35):
Absolutely. And Dad's saying, I had it written on
a chalkboard in my home for years. Life is a buffet.
Eat up.
>> Wendy Valentine (43:42):
Oh, shut up. Oh, my gosh. That is too
funny.
>> Dianette Wells (43:46):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (43:46):
And you know what? Whoever, you know, listening out there, it
doesn't have to be literally Mount
Everest. It can be signing up for a
painting class, and it can be taking a
walk. You know, anything that
gets you outside of your comfort zone. so,
yeah, because you evolve, right? You change
(44:06):
as you experience more of those things. I mean, you've. I
would imagine, have changed drastically
from that. From that. You know, the mom
in Malibu just taking a walk with the
girls, you.
>> Dianette Wells (44:20):
Know, I feel more in touch with
her, because I am still taking a walk with the
girls, and trying new things. I did sign up for a knitting
class when I lived in Park City. I made it.
I don't even think I made it through the first class. So then I had a private
with the teacher, and I needed her to say in person to me,
this is not for you. Which she said after about five minutes.
(44:40):
And I thought, well, it's just as important to know what
is not meant for us as it is to know what is.
And hiking and. And being outdoors,
that is who I am and what I am. And
I like that lane. And I'll. I'll stick in that lane.
I'll stay in that lane. and yeah, if other skill sets
come down the road, great. But I know it makes me
(45:01):
happy. And it's. It's that woman. Now,
the difference between when I was a Malibu mom,
hiking is and now is I used to
care back then what people thought.
You know, people would. People would say, you
know, not very nice things sometimes. not my closest
friends, but women in gossip, of course. I can't believe
(45:21):
she leaves her kids to do this. Or, you know, oh, you're
making a mess of the jungle as you race through it. Like, not
knowing that, you know, Mark Burnett had a team.
Just do at the end of the race. Sweep through the jungle to look
for any tiny bit of trash or anything left
behind. But, So it's
ignoring the judgment of others and
knowing what makes you happy. And if you don't know what makes you
(45:44):
happy, you know, there's time to figure it out.
Figure it out, but forget the judgment. Do
what makes you happy.
>> Wendy Valentine (45:51):
Yeah, I totally agree. Yeah. I had.
When I sold everything and bought the RV and
took off across the country, started the show,
I had lots of judgment, and
interestingly, a lot of it came from men. Just kind
of bizarre. But you
know what, though? I have found when you do something
(46:12):
that's very. What's considered to be
fearful, it stirs up fears and
other people and then, they will
criticize. Like, oh, my God, I can't believe she's climbing that
mountain and leaving those children. Oh, my gosh. Because
there's something in them that's like, oh, my God, that is so
scary. I cannot imagine. And I had
(46:33):
a lot of people like, yeah, again, me driving an
RV is not really that scary. but people
were like, wow, I can't believe you would just sell
everything. Like, you don't even have anything anymore. You just.
Clothes and some pots and pans. Like, yeah,
like. But just like you said
too, it's. That's me. That
fits me. And you have to do whatever
(46:56):
makes you happy. And you just have to go.
Yeah. Because I think the. The number one regret of the
dying is that they lived for
other people. That they did not. They weren't
true to themselves. They. Their whole lives
were, basically evolved around what other people
thought and what they wanted them to do, what correct career, what
(47:18):
relationships, marriages, the whole bit. They
live for other people. So, yes. the
empty nest. And post divorce or no divorce,
it's, I think this age, like in your 50s
especially, it's like such a perfect time
to really come into your. Your
true self.
>> Dianette Wells (47:37):
I, I agree. And the moment you can let that
judgment go and, and live your best
self out loud is. It's so
freeing. Yeah. Being in my 50s, I was
shocked of how wonderful it's been. So
I can't imagine my 60s, because I think that will
care even less what people have to say when we're in our
60s.
>> Wendy Valentine (47:58):
Oh, I know. It's so liberal. Well, and it's not like
a, I don't care. It's. You care so much
about your life and you're in
the love for yourself and for others that you
tune out all that noise.
>> Dianette Wells (48:12):
Yeah. And noise that doesn't matter.
The. The stuff online and the Internet, whatever.
And none of that matters. You know, what matters is
your kids, your animal close
friends. I mean, their opinions matter to me greatly.
and. And it's living your best life, not only for you, but for
them. And. And, yeah, just shut out
(48:33):
all the negative noise because it doesn't matter, and you shouldn't
let it affect your life. Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (48:39):
What was your big fear in writing that book?
>> Dianette Wells (48:43):
Oh, that I'd be judged. Oh, people will judge this, judge
that. and finally, you know, someone said,
but it's your story.
>> Wendy Valentine (48:50):
Yeah.
>> Dianette Wells (48:51):
Yeah. And that's when I went, yeah, my story is
different from. It's similar to, you know,
some people, not similar to others, but it's my
story. And, And I have a right to tell it.
And if someone wants to read it, awesome.
But it's. It's my story, and no
one else is living this life on this planet now except
(49:11):
for me. And, you
know, it's been a crazy journey, 100%.
and I'm grateful for this
wonderful, fortunate life I've led. it hasn't been
without its difficulties, but I'm. I'm
grateful. I've. I've gotten to see some pretty crazy
places and hung around with some truly
incredible people, and, you know,
(49:33):
grateful for that.
>> Wendy Valentine (49:35):
You'll have to come hike with me in Madeira.
>> Dianette Wells (49:38):
Everyone's moving to Madera. What is going.
>> Wendy Valentine (49:42):
They heard I was here. They're like, God dang it, we gotta
go. We gotta go to Madeira.
What's that?
>> Dianette Wells (49:51):
Your beaches are beautiful.
>> Wendy Valentine (49:53):
I know. Oh, and the people and
the food and the. The weather
is just like, oh, my gosh, it's
awesome. I do want to walk. Camino, de
Santiago.
>> Dianette Wells (50:06):
That's on my bucket list.
>> Wendy Valentine (50:07):
Yeah, I want to do that, for sure.
I actually have. I have my brother's
ashes that I want to spread the Camino,
and I. My poor brother's, like, in a Mason
jar right now in the RV in
Florida right now. And I was like, this poor guy. I
was like, I've been. I've been waiting so that I can go to
(50:27):
the Camino and take him there. So I was like, okay,
we'll do it soon. We'll do it soon.
Yeah, exactly. I know. But, you know, I thought about that, too.
Like, someday we'll all be ashes.
Someday, like you. Whether we're in a
jar or in the ground or. I know that's so morbid, but,
I mean, it's. Life truly is so
(50:49):
short, and it's.
>> Dianette Wells (50:51):
Not who those ashes are. Not us. Yeah,
there's whole amazing life after all of this.
And, you know, I know for
sure I'm going to see my son again. And he's not.
His ashes. Although he's had his
ashes spread in some pretty spectacular places, I
bet, or may not be legal. I
(51:11):
don't know. But yeah, that's not him.
>> Wendy Valentine (51:14):
He.
>> Dianette Wells (51:15):
He's around and he's. I mean, he's probably
wingsuiting off of Everest on a daily basis,
so.
>> Wendy Valentine (51:21):
I know. I want. I saw some of his pictures. That's what he
did. He was like, literally just leaping
off of cliffs.
>> Dianette Wells (51:28):
Crazy. Yeah. I can't understand
what position possesses someone to go to that edge
and jump. I mean, there's no amount of
money that you could pay me to get me to do that.
Even though it looks fascinating and I would
love to try it in a wind tunnel, I could never take
that step.
>> Wendy Valentine (51:47):
But that made him happy.
>> Dianette Wells (51:50):
Oh, he loved it. It made him.
He lived for it. That was his
thing. That made him happier than anything.
Hm.
>> Wendy Valentine (52:01):
Isn't that great, though?
>> Dianette Wells (52:03):
Yeah. He knew. He knew what made him happy.
>> Wendy Valentine (52:06):
And even at such a young age.
>> Dianette Wells (52:08):
Well, he climbed the seven summits. By the time he reached 17,
had lived such an amazing life. I
mean, John, I used to say he just
sucked the life out of every day. He
lived charging hard and
having fun every single day. And.
>> Wendy Valentine (52:28):
Yeah, well, he knew
Apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
>> Dianette Wells (52:34):
I'm trying.
>> Wendy Valentine (52:38):
Oh, well, thank you so much.
so where can. Where can we find your book, your website,
all that good stuff?
>> Dianette Wells (52:45):
the book is on, Amazon and Barnes and Noble.
I love brick and mortar order, but Amazon will do.
And website dianettewells.com
and you can also find me on Instagram. so, yeah,
reach out. And, you know, I'd love to hear from people and
just thank you so much for having me.
>> Wendy Valentine (53:04):
Yeah, thank you. I know. I'm like, thinking, like, what's
my next Everest here? You know?
>> Dianette Wells (53:09):
You know, do it, do it. I know.
>> Wendy Valentine (53:12):
Besides, besides just, like, you having to be on all these, like,
TV shows, I just get invited to be on,
KSAT 12 news in San Antonio, and I'm like, oh, my God.
I can do it. I can do it. Bree.
Yeah. Thank you so much.
Thank you, everyone. Have a great day. Go
climb your Everest.
(53:33):
Did this podcast inspire you to challenge you?
Trigger you to make a change or spit out your coffee
laughing? Good. Then there are three ways you
can thank me. Number one, you can leave a written
review of this podcast on Apple iTunes.
Number two, you can take a screenshot of the
episode and share it onto social media and tag
me Wendy Valentine. Number three,
(53:56):
share it with another midlifer that needs a makeover.
You know who I'm talking about. Thank you. You so much
for listening to the show. Get out there and be
bold. Be free. Be you.
It's ignoring the judgment of others and
(00:02):
knowing what makes you happy. And if you don't know what makes you
happy, you know there's time to figure it out.
Figure it out, but forget the judgment. Do
what makes you happy.
>> Wendy Valentine (00:13):
Hey there, beautiful. I'm Wendy Valentine, your host
of the Midlife Makeover show, where it's never too
late to wake up to your best life. Whether you're
navigating a career change, empty nesting,
menopause, or wondering what's next, you're in
the right place. Every week, I'll bring you real
talk, laughs and inspiring conversations
(00:33):
with experts and extraordinary women who have
transformed their lives from self care and
relationships to starting over and finding freedom.
This is your time to reinvent,
rediscover, and reignite the woman you were
always meant to be. So hit that subscribe
button and, let's rewrite the rules of midlife. Your
(00:53):
new adventure starts now.
Foreign
as you know, midlife is a bustling time.
We manage households, nurture relationships,
advance careers, and raise children.
(01:14):
These responsibilities, while fulfilling,
can sometimes drain your energy and diminish your
personal strengths. To help you reawaken
those dormant powers and embrace the superhero that
you truly are, I created the Superhero
quiz@mysuperheroquiz.com
this fast, free and fun quiz will help you
(01:35):
discover which superhero mirrors your strengths
and personality. Plus, you'll receive
a detailed guide tailored to your superhero
profile, helping you to harness your strengths
and soar to new heights. Just head over
to mysuperheroquiz.com
and and embrace the superhero within you.
(01:56):
Welcome back to the Midlife Makeover show, where
reinvention is real and the second half of
life is the best half of life.
Today's guest is living proof that resilience,
courage, and sheer determination can
move mountains literally. Meet
Dianette Wells, an elite mountaineer,
adventure racer, and author who has tackled some of the
(02:18):
most extreme challenges on Earth.
She's one of fewer than 500 people in the world
to conquer the Seven Summits, including
Mount Everest. And she's competed in
over a hundred grueling races,
from desert crossings to ultramarathons to
biking across America. She's basically a
badass. You may have even seen her on
(02:41):
Amazon Prime's World's Toughest Race or
48 Hours Eco Challenge Borneo.
But Dianette's most powerful climb wasn't to
a mountaintop. It was through the depths of grief
after the tragic loss of her son, Johnny,
a fellow adventurer in her raw and
riveting memoir, Another Step up the Mountain she
(03:01):
shares how she transformed heartbreak into healing
and turned pain into purpose.
Today we'll talk about finding strength and sorrow,
redefining what's possible at midlife, and
discovering your own Everest, no
matter what you're facing.
Please welcome Dianette Wells to the show.
>> Dianette Wells (03:21):
It's dt, actually, I was gonna ask you.
>> Wendy Valentine (03:24):
I was like. I was like, right, right. When I hit
record, I was like, dang it. Usually I always have to ask how to pronounce
the last name, and I
think's easy. Dianette.
Yes, Dianette Wells. See, the. The
Wells was easy. You're my first
DNA ever in my life.
>> Dianette Wells (03:44):
I've never heard another one.
>> Wendy Valentine (03:46):
Well, welcome. It's great to have you.
So I have to tell you, I. The first
time when, I got your, your guest
nomination for the show from
Angela, and I was reading your
bio and I was like, dang. I was like, this
chick is amazing. I was like, how
did she do all that? And I thought I was cool because I could drive an
(04:08):
RV across the country. No, that's nothing.
But then when I got to the part about your son and
I thought, wow, like again,
how do you even get through that? I mean,
it's one thing to climb Mount Everest, but to
climb that, grief had to
been just crazy.
(04:30):
So tell us a little bit about that.
and your experience with
probably, I'm going to guess your largest Mount Everest
was, was dealing with the, the death of Johnny,
100%.
>> Dianette Wells (04:45):
And as someone in the very beginning said, you can't
climb over this. You can't go around it.
You have to go through it. and, you know, grief,
no matter when it happens, mine had, you know,
Johnny's accident happened just as I
was becoming an empty nester. So. So, yeah, grief
is different for every single person and takes its
(05:06):
own time. And, and yeah, every
scenario is different and it's, it's just
something you learn to live with and it's,
you know, it doesn't stop life. Life keeps going
on and you just have to learn to move
ahead with this.
>> Wendy Valentine (05:23):
Yeah. When did you become this
wild mountaineer and was this
early on?
>> Dianette Wells (05:32):
my youngest was, I think in
kindergarten. She was in preschool. I think she was three,
Johnny was eight and my oldest was
nine or 10. And I climbed Mount Whitney. It
was back in 1998, so a long
time ago. Climbed Mount Whitney with 10 of my
friends, most of them Malibu housewives like I
(05:52):
was. And I couldn't even run
around the block really. At the time, I didn't know
the difference. Between a road bike, a mountain bike. But
I had driven past Whitney so many times in my life and
I always wanted to climb it. And then to have 10
girlfriends all say, yes, let's do it, let's do,
just. It was one of the best trips I've ever done.
(06:12):
And that's how it all started, was just
this little, you know, one day
climb of Whitney with a bunch of crazy women.
>> Wendy Valentine (06:23):
And then what about before that? Had you ever done anything like
marathons or anything like
that?
>> Dianette Wells (06:29):
I was a cheerleader. No, I was
all into cheerleading. I, I did it in high school and
college and that was my thing. I,
I mean literally I could not run around the block nor did I have
any desire to do such a thing. all of my
shoes are flat. Cheerleading shoes. And
yeah, so no, it was not in my, you know, not
(06:49):
on my horizon.
>> Wendy Valentine (06:51):
And have you always been courageous
like that?
>> Dianette Wells (06:57):
I don't think so. I mean, I have so many
fears in life. I mean, I've always been afraid of heights.
Interesting. Yeah, that's the funniest
part. and I really thought I could never. When
I had that little inkling of I want to climb the seven summits,
I thought, oh, but, but I can't do Everest because I'm afraid of
heights. And then I read a book
(07:18):
and this man who wrote the book described the
load sea face, which was the part I was most afraid
of. And he described it in such a way.
I finished that book and I thought, oh, I'm going to climb Everest. I
can do this. Now, now that someone has explained what it looks
like, I can do this. And
there you go. Wow.
>> Wendy Valentine (07:39):
Silly question, but I've always kind of wondered this because sometimes
I'll watch, I'll see videos where people are climbing.
But are you alone? Are you with a team?
>> Dianette Wells (07:50):
you can be alone if you like and go do it. So
I've always climbed, with alpine ascents, so
a group, and even for summit day,
I had my own Sherpa with me. Even though my group was
kind of spread out along the ropes, I still had
my Sherpa Chuang right there with me the
whole way. So
(08:11):
you're alone, is in your tent at base camp, then you get
some alone time, but otherwise you're sharing
a tent with someone. you're sharing a room in a tea house with
someone a lot of times, so not a lot of
alone time.
>> Wendy Valentine (08:24):
And this is someone that's, I would think, is experienced
then, that knows that has climbed it before.
>> Dianette Wells (08:31):
yeah, on Everest, I will. I will say Alpine
ascents is pretty good at checking people's
backgrounds and because people lie all the time about their
experience. I mean, I had an instance on
Denali where the guy lied on his
resume and didn't even know how to put his harness on.
I mean, he could easily have killed all of us and almost
did. but, yeah, no, alpine ascent is really
(08:54):
good on verifying people's backgrounds. And
so. And also the difference on Everest is you're not
tied to anyone. So m.
If someone you're climbing with, you know,
falls, they're usually attached to a rope, but
they're not going to take you out as well. because you
aren't physically tied to them. You might be clipped in the same
rope, but, you know, him falling is not going to
(09:16):
affect me falling.
>> Wendy Valentine (09:19):
And had you. I mean, did you have to do training for all,
like the mountain climbing and all of that?
>> Dianette Wells (09:24):
Oh, yeah. so for Whitney, I was always my.
My very first climb. I was always at the gym. I was just a big
gym rat. And I would hike in Malibu all the time.
but then I did my first adventure race. and
that is when I started really training. I mean, eight
hours a day, six days a week. I
wore myself down to nothing and then built myself
back up. After that year. I
(09:47):
had such a good base, and I thought, this is
not a balanced way to live life, especially as a mom with
three young kids. And so I really
backed off. But, I look at everyday life
as kind of an adventure, and I'm always trying to train a little bit
here and there, whether it's at a gym or
on a bike. But no matter what I'm doing, I'm. I
(10:08):
always have training in the back of my head because there's always some
adventure that's going to come up.
>> Wendy Valentine (10:13):
Yeah, I love what you said. I. I actually have this
quote in front of me. It's, You had said it in the video
that's on your website. And you said not only is
life meant for the living, but that we should live it out
loud and joyously for whatever amount of time we have on
this earth, which I just love.
>> Dianette Wells (10:30):
Absolutely.
>> Wendy Valentine (10:31):
It makes you like. It's. It's.
>> Dianette Wells (10:33):
So.
>> Wendy Valentine (10:33):
I always say the simplest teachings are the most profound.
And that is so simple and so true.
Because I. I've always thought, like, we get this
tiny, tiny bit of time
here on this earth.
Why are we wasting it? You know, why are
we not enjoying, everything that. That there
is to offer? And the heck with the fears, okay,
(10:56):
Whatever. Scared of heights. Let's go for it anyways,
like, why not? And we don't
know, you know, right? We don't know how. How much, like,
how old was Johnny when he passed?
>> Dianette Wells (11:07):
23.
>> Wendy Valentine (11:08):
Oh, so. So, like, yeah,
like, he didn't even have the luxury to make it to midlife, right?
Like, my ex husband died at 26. He was
26 years old. And I always think. And every, every. I always
think about him. Like, if I'm going, I'm thinking about doing
something, or I get scared, I'm like, oh, God, what are they going to
say? Or what are they going to do? Oh, what if this
(11:28):
happens? And. And I always, like, hear his voice
say, you're like, you're living. Why
wouldn't you do this? Right? Like, why wouldn't you
say that? Or whatever, Right? Like, why
not? So does. Does Johnny. Does
Johnny speak to you now in your adventures?
>> Dianette Wells (11:46):
I feel and hear Johnny when I'm
out doing something on a climb or a race course.
and I did literally hear his voice during eco,
challenge. Fiji. That's on Amazon. It
was wacky and we had a little back and
forth. that's in the book, what he said to me. But,
yeah, I mean, we are here. We don't know how long we're going to
(12:07):
be here. And all this daily dread and worry and
the stuff that keeps us up at night, you know what? Everybody
has that. And every night I wake up stressed
or worried about something. And
now I just tell myself, oh, in the morning, you're not going to feel this
way. Because in the morning I wake up like
that movie Gone with the Wind. It's a new day,
(12:27):
and I can make the most of this
day. And I really try to. and I
think we're here to have fun. We're here to learn lessons, I believe. But
we're also here to have a good time. And when
people say, oh, I'll do that someday, or I'll do this someday, it's like,
no, there's no such thing day as
someday. Do it now. Book it now. Sign
(12:47):
up for something now. Do it. Doesn't matter whether you can
do it or not. Sign up for it, because you might be able to do
it.
>> Wendy Valentine (12:53):
Yeah. And you figure it out, right? I mean,
literally putting one step, you know, in front of
the other, like, just one step at a time. What does it allow? Zeus
at a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step,
Right? And you just having. Okay,
Making that decision. I'm going to climb Mount Whitney.
I'm going to do it and figuring out like, okay, I
(13:15):
guess I better get in some shape here. We don't do this
thing.
>> Dianette Wells (13:19):
We were so ridiculous. And this was before. Now I'm going to
really age myself. this before really
the Internet. So, you know,
I didn't know. None of us knew a thing. We had little
ideas, but I think we took everything but the kitchen
sink and our backpacks for the day. And
it was just looking back how silly it was,
(13:39):
but yet it was so profound. I mean that one
climb, which, yeah, who knew if, if
I could even do it. But just saying yes and
doing it changed the course of my entire life.
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (13:53):
What do you think? If you had not done all of
that, where would your life be?
>> Dianette Wells (13:58):
Oh, I would be, oh, I don't know if I'd
still be alive. I was an anorexic Malibu housewife,
you know, wouldn't be too thin, too rich, too blah
blah, blah, and caring what the neighbors thought.
And yeah, I, that wasn't for me.
I wanted to play outside and that's where I was
happiest. and thankfully, I mean
I had the best group of friends. I still am friends with,
(14:21):
with them, these women in Malibu. And a lot
of them would hike with me and ah, stand up, paddle
board with me and all these fun things. I
really was lucky in the group of women
that I was able to surround myself with. I mean
always up for adventures, you know, just saying
yes to the craziest things and, and that
helps as women when we have our tribe of
(14:44):
like minded crazy people.
>> Wendy Valentine (14:46):
Took the words out of my mouth. I was just gonna say that. Yeah. And I'm
sure you've gotten more in your tribe now.
>> Dianette Wells (14:51):
Oh yeah. And, and it's funny because now
I'll go do an ultra, in a foreign country.
Always with racing the planet because it's just the best,
organization for those 155 miles.
But you go and you see kind of the same people over and
over again. So I know women and some great
men from all over the planet who show up for these
(15:12):
races and it's just fun. There's a
camaraderie there that sometimes is hard to find in
life.
>> Wendy Valentine (15:18):
Yeah, exactly.
How do you feel that and being outdoors or
being on these adventures, how it helps you
emotionally and spiritually?
>> Dianette Wells (15:29):
so I don't go to church every Sunday. I, was
raised Catholic, but
like heaven and God for me and
being able to you know, all of that stuff.
And the meditation happens when I'm hiking
or riding a bike or doing anything over sustainability, sustained
amount of time. And I get into that
flow state that is my meditation.
(15:52):
That is, where I talk problems through
with myself and figure things out that, you know,
maybe I'm having trouble with, but. But
that's where it happens for me.
>> Wendy Valentine (16:03):
I've always thought that, too. Like, and I love hiking.
And there was. I don't remember where I was
at, but maybe it was at, oh, Yosemite,
Half Dome. I did hike Half Dome.
Proud of myself for that one. I get nervous
just replaying it in my mind, but I can
remember walking up that.
(16:25):
Pretty much like walking up a wall, right?
And you, you can't think.
Like, you, you couldn't think it. You, you can't
think about what you're going to make for dinner. You can't think about how
your hair looks or what so and so said to you
yesterday, because you're so busy
concentrating and watching your feet and
(16:45):
watching your hands. And yes, it's like
meditation. It's like a walking meditation.
And that's why, like, I, I totally agree with you. But, like, when
you're, when you're out hiking, no matter if it's an easy hike or
a difficult hike, it's just very
meditative and it's just taking in the
fresh air and the trees
and the birds and the bugs and,
(17:08):
you know, everything. It's just. I love it, I love it, I love it. I
haven't done. I mean, Half Dome is probably
the scariest thing I've done.
>> Dianette Wells (17:17):
Yeah, I haven't done that. I, guess you need
permits now. yeah. Anything that scares you
a little bit and gets you outside I think is a good thing,
I have to tell you.
>> Wendy Valentine (17:26):
So they had, it's like, they do the lottery there with the
Half Dome. And I went with my oldest
son and my youngest son. We did Yosemite.
And so we had put our names in, you know, in
the lottery to see if we would be able to
climb Half dumb, I'll admit. I
went to bed that night, I was like, I hope to God.
(17:49):
And we got up in the morning, you know, like four something in
the morning, and we're getting our bags ready, and we're like, well,
we're just going to get ready to hike no matter what. And my son's
phone dings and he's like, we're in. We got the
lottery. And I was like, that is like the one lottery I don't want
to win. I was like, God dang it. But,
but we did. And, and I think we hiked. I think
(18:10):
I hike about 12 to 15 miles before you even
get to subdome. And
I hit a wall.
I've never done this in my life before.
I don't know. I love to see if you've, you've done this
before. But I was going up Sub
Dome and it just like, I am, looking up, at the top
of Half Dome, I'm like holding Holy moly.
(18:33):
And there was a helicopter flying
because they were looking for someone that had just freaking fallen
off and died. And I was like, what
am I doing? I'm like, my God. I'm like,
what did these kids talk me into doing? You know? I was like,
okay. And then, my mind started going.
My mind took over and I
(18:54):
froze. And the
boys were walking ahead and they realized we're like, shit. Well,
we've been talking to mom. She's not responding, which is unusual.
And so they turn, they're like, they come back, they're like,
are you okay? And I was like, I could not talk,
I could not speak. And I was like,
I can't, I can't. They're like, what? I'm like, I
(19:15):
can't. Can't do it. They're like, what do you
mean you can't, you can't do it? I'm like, I can't. I can't do that. I can't go.
Nope, Nope.
And all I kept thinking about just like the
worst, you know? And then I felt
so bad for them because they were like,
what do we do? Do we leave our mom behind because we want to
go? Do we go back?
(19:36):
Do we turn around? And then they literally,
they're, they come up, they're like, well, if
it's all right with you, we're gonna go, we're gonna go ahead and
we're gonna climb it and why don't you just sit here and
chill? And. And then, and then I was like, I can't
have them going. And then I'll be wondering how they're doing. I was like,
fine, I'll go. And I was like, and I did it.
But anyways, it's. It's amazing
(19:59):
how fear will take over.
So have you had any moments like that? And how did you break through
them?
>> Dianette Wells (20:05):
I've had all of those moments. you know, it depends. It
used to be negative talk. If, if I hit that wall and I
wasn't going to go further, I would be not very nice
to myself. I'd say, you get your fat ass up right now and start
walking. And now I'm gentle,
like, oh, come on, you know you want to do this. Let's
go do this. You can do this. So the voice,
how I speak to myself has changed. I was on a
(20:28):
mountain in, I think it was Switzerland. Oh, yeah, it
was Switzerland. We were climbing up this thing and I got
very icy, very steep.
And, I had that, that frozen moment where literally you
can't move your arms or legs. You're frozen.
And I said, I want to go down now.
And the guide was trying to get me to keep going and I said, no,
(20:49):
I want to go down now. And we went down
and I felt very good about that decision.
and so, when those
happen now, depending on where I
am, it's usually on a very steep, very icy
slope is where that will happen. If, I don't
have my ice axe and crampons,
(21:10):
you know, I know that it's my body telling me or my
brain or my heart, something telling me it's
time to turn around. And I do.
I, was climbing the matterhorn. I was 45
minutes from the summit and I had that
frozen moment and I said
to the guide there, I said, you know, I want to turn around.
(21:31):
And he was beside himself. And I
said, I'm not feeling it. And a 13 year old
girl, Julie, never forget her name,
marched was, you know, going up past me. She said, what's
wrong? And I said, you know, I'm not feeling it.
And she had this confused look on her face. But I
trust that voice now and I really
(21:51):
feel that, you know, maybe that's what keeps me alive. So
m. It depends if it's something where I'm tired and,
you know, I'm running an ultramarathon and I'm just tired. I don't want to go on.
Then it's okay. You do the checklist. Eat something, drink
something, have some salt, sit for a minute.
Okay, time to get up and go because we're not going to sit out in the middle of the
desert all day. Let's go. So those things happen for
(22:13):
different reasons. So depending on where it
is, I either feel it's saving my life or I'm just going
to take a two minute break.
>> Wendy Valentine (22:20):
Yeah, yeah. It makes you think, like, no matter if it's
climbing mountains or it's in a relationship,
whatever, but the difference between
listening to that inner voice, your intuition,
and listening to the fear and like how do you know
which one is really speaking? Right.
>> Dianette Wells (22:39):
Yeah. Look at the situation. And
if it's something you can do something about,
review. Hm, Your options and then do something.
>> Wendy Valentine (22:48):
Yeah.
>> Dianette Wells (22:49):
You know, to sit in that same place of fear
day after day and month after month and make no changes
or decisions to move yourself forward, whether it's up
or down, that doesn't do us any good.
And so make a decision. And if it's the wrong
decision, you can always make another decision.
It's. You know, nothing really is so set in
(23:10):
stone that we can't alter our choices.
>> Wendy Valentine (23:14):
Yeah, exactly.
After Johnny passed away, did you take a
break from adventuring and
mountain climbing?
>> Dianette Wells (23:24):
so I was signed up to do
what's called the Triple Crown, which is Everest, Lotsi and
Nuptse. I was going to do them in three days, try to
get this record. The following spring, the spring of
2016, I had moved to Park City,
was training, and then
this happened. And after his
(23:44):
accident, I could barely walk around
the block. I mean, it was physically
so difficult. And I was wondering,
I'm in such good shape. How can I not walk around the block?
Like, my body just. I couldn't do it.
and so I
canceled that climb. my daughters would never have
forgiven me. I canceled that climb. And I
(24:07):
would just. I had two dogs at the time, so I would take them on
walks. And it was excruciating. And I was. I was
hunched over and walking like an old woman.
And I would tell myself every now and again, you know, stand up
straight. You're Johnny Strange's mother. Like,
not be slouched over. Like, stand up. So I tell myself
to stand up straight and walk. And then
(24:27):
on one of those walks that hit me, I
need something because I can't continue on like this.
And, I got in touch with the race director of racing, the
Planet, and, you know, practically begged
her for a spot for her next race,
which was in Sri Lanka. And she said,
we have a spot for you. Just come.
(24:48):
And I did. I mean, I hadn't run
for two minutes before that. And I
finished this race. and, you know, I had all
the signs from Johnny that I asked for, which was incredible.
this runner kind of took me under his wing. I don't know
why, because he just. He could have finished the race so much faster.
And funny enough, his name was John.
(25:10):
Like, okay, yeah, there's a
sign.
>> Wendy Valentine (25:13):
Yeah, yeah.
>> Dianette Wells (25:14):
And so, you know, it ended up being a great
thing, and it was a great first step in helping me
like, regain who and what I was, which,
you know, I was an athlete. but it.
It took a while. You know, in year two was harder
than year one, but at least I had sports
again to fall back on and to kind of get me out
(25:36):
of that hole.
>> Wendy Valentine (25:38):
Okay, quick timeout, ladies. I've got something
really special to share with you. You guys know
my story. Midlife hit me like a freight train.
Between perimenopause, menopause,
black mold toxicity, Lyme disease.
My body was screaming for help.
I was battling migraines, night sweats, weight
(26:00):
gain, fatigue, nausea, vomiting,
brain fog, anxiety, depression,
and honestly, the list goes on.
And I learned very quickly that the number one
thing I had to do to heal was detoxify
my body from all the junk that had built up
over the years. And now here's
(26:21):
the coolest part. My son, Nolan
Kuhn, along with his dad, Dr. Robert
Kuhn, took everything we've learned from our
family's own healing journey and created their
very own detox formula. It's called
Toxin Tamer, and it's part of their
new wellness brand, Optimal Healthbox.
(26:41):
Toxin Tamer is a simple, effective
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(27:02):
The best part, it's not some crazy cleanse
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(27:23):
it, too. Just head to toxin
tamer.com that's
toxin tamer.com
and start supporting your body the way it truly
deserves. All right, let's get back to the
show.
Greetings. You know, the
experts say, and even I would say, too, it's. It's
(27:43):
different for everyone. And. And
I kind of got to that point, like, especially after
my brother died, you know, I went into a massive
depression, and I
almost got, like, just so tired of just laying around
and just sitting there with my thoughts and
the memories and the flashbacks
(28:04):
and everything. And it was.
It was starting to take action again. That
actually healed me the most. Just
getting back into. Just like in what you said in the. In
your movie, you know, or in the. In the video,
that it's living again.
And you have to get Back to that
eventually. And sometimes you have to force yourself or
(28:26):
sign up for something or whatever the case is. Right.
>> Dianette Wells (28:30):
Yeah, we, we can't just exist. We need to live.
And we need to live with joy and purpose
and, you know, signing up for something say
it's a 5K. Well, now you have purpose
and, you know, at least you need to be walking.
so, yeah, living with purpose and joy is, is a great
thing. Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (28:50):
Ah, we were talking before we hit record about, I
was telling you how I live here in Portugal and you're like,
oh, my gosh, I wish I was that brave. And I was like, talking about, I was like,
wish I was a as brave as you and. But
being brave is different for everyone. Right? And
being. I had Lee Burgess on the show not too
long ago. She's the author of Be Bold Today. And I, we
(29:10):
were talking about that, like, what, what is bold? You know,
like in bold is something different for everyone
and at different stages in our lives.
Because, you know, after my brother died, I was like, to be
bold was to get out of bed, like, whoo, I did it. I brushed
my teeth, you know, yay.
And then to be bold today for me is
(29:31):
to get on a TV show or to talk about my book
or whatever. Right? Like, it's always
changing and evolving. But what,
what helps you to
really make that first step on something?
What is like, like, okay, I'm doing this.
>> Dianette Wells (29:49):
Okay, so this podcast, for instance, or
now that I've written a book and now
I have to do podcast appearances and
I'm so, this is not my,
you know, ball game. And it's,
you know what? You're going to do this. You signed up for this.
You're going to do this and just have fun with
(30:10):
it. You may come off as a complete fool or
say 100 wrong things, but you have to do it.
You have to try it. You have to do it. And
you know, at the very least I met someone new and,
you know, what a great thing. but yeah, every.
That's why I say, you know, everybody has their Everest.
Whether it's their Everest of the day or it's, you
(30:30):
know, a multi month or year Everest, for all
of those, Everest. For people, it's one small step.
And, and if you can't figure something out,
write it down. Because a lot of times if we put all of
our fears and worries on paper, they,
it, it takes away the sharpness of it and
we're able to see things better and, and maybe figure things
(30:50):
out better.
>> Wendy Valentine (30:52):
Yeah, you can get a different perspective and
it's. It detaches you from it. I actually put a reel
on Instagram today about how I journal. And
journaling was. Is very. I would say
was and is very healing for me because
I can just get all of that out on paper, let my
soul just pour onto the page, and then I'm
like, out of me. Like, yay, done. You know, not to say
(31:15):
it's done, but it's a different. You're
just more detached from it. So. Yeah, I love
that. Do you journal?
>> Dianette Wells (31:23):
So, when I was very young,
probably middle school age, I kept a diary.
And I don't know if my twin brother found it or something,
but from that moment on, very little.
When I've been on mountains. Yes. And that helped with the
book, but I don't keep a diary because I'm.
I'm just always afraid someone would find it. I do keep
(31:45):
a gratitude journal. But, yeah, the
diary thing, I don't. But when I. When my head is
spinning with a bunch of thoughts, I will put them down
on a to do list, and that just
frees up my brain, and then I'm able to continue on with
either sleep or whatever I'm doing in the day.
So, yeah, getting stuff out of my head and on paper,
(32:05):
which I'm sure is the same with journaling, but I,
again, fear I'm too afraid to write it down.
But that's.
>> Wendy Valentine (32:12):
It's so funny. You're, like, reading my mind today. But,
that's actually what I'm going to show. I want to show you my journal.
So this. Let me see on the screen.
>> Dianette Wells (32:22):
Oh, wow. That's impressive.
>> Wendy Valentine (32:24):
So what you do is actually you.
I'll write one page, and then
you turn it upside down and you write over what
you just wrote. So you literally
cannot read one word.
>> Dianette Wells (32:40):
That's fabulous.
>> Wendy Valentine (32:41):
I know. I call it soul scribbling, but
it is, so. And you still. You still get that
same feeling. As a matter of fact,
when I. When I'm writing back over my
words, I feel
even more, It's like I have this shift
that happens where I'm just like. Yeah,
(33:02):
like, I really let it. If I have to
say something bad or whatever, you know,
or something like, well, that. That's really corny. But I never
filter. I don't worry about grammar.
I just. And it's
just like, ah. And I just close it and then I'm done.
>> Dianette Wells (33:20):
Like, I've never seen anyone do that before. Did
you make that up?
>> Wendy Valentine (33:24):
I did. I was like. Because I had the same thing. Like, I mean, I was.
I was alone for a while, you know, but then the same
thing when I kids, and, you know, and I'm
like, oh, God, what if I write that and someone reads that? I
was like, you know, I mean, some people have diaries or journals on their
computer. I'm like, oh, my God. There'd be no way.
I will never do that. But here's.
(33:45):
Here's another little, journal secret.
So for years, actually, what I did do
is total opposite. This is crazy.
So I would journal. I wouldn't. I mean, I might name
names, but no one, like, where you would know who. Who the
heck it is or anything like that. And then when I would
complete a journal, I would leave it at an
(34:06):
airport.
>> Dianette Wells (34:07):
Uh-huh.
>> Wendy Valentine (34:09):
Like, all. Like, all over the world, different
airports. And I would. I would leave a note
at. On the first page to whoever found it, and I
let them know, hey, you can read it, you can share it. I
don't really care. This is yours. And my hope was
that, like, whatever I was going through in my life at the time, I was always
going through something, that it would help them,
(34:31):
that it would just find, like, the journal would find the
right person who needed that message.
>> Dianette Wells (34:38):
I don't know what to say to that, but I love it
for everyone. Do journals keep them in random
places? I. I love that.
>> Wendy Valentine (34:47):
Yeah, I know. It's like, one or the other. If you want to totally
disguise it, then fine. Yeah. So
those are a couple of good journaling
suggestions, but. Right. You kind of find
again, like, with the healing, you. You figure out what
works for you. Did you.
Besides Johnny, did you have any other
events in your life that were really challenging for you
(35:09):
to go through?
>> Dianette Wells (35:11):
Oh, sure. My divorce was
brutal and awful, and, you know, like,
what, 50, 60% of us go through it, and,
you know. Yeah. It's just another
thing that we have to deal with in life.
And, you know, again, I think we're here to
learn lessons and get stronger and.
(35:31):
And, yeah, it, you know, helped make me
strong. my dad leaving when I was
little. I mean, that was profound, because you're a
little kid. Your dad goes to work one day and doesn't come back.
It's like, oh, what do we do now? And watching my mom,
you know, navigate all that and. And,
you know, raise twins by herself.
(35:52):
And this was in the 70s, where now
it was frowned upon to be the single mom in the neighborhood.
And I didn't realize how much my mom was kind of
left out of things until I was much older.
And, you know, my mom was the mom who had a job.
She was a nurse. And so she wasn't the
PTA mom with all the other moms. And
(36:13):
I just, you know, only as an adult
do I realize, or did I realize how
much she did for us and how hard
and almost impossible it had to have been for her back then.
Then. But she did it. She was tough.
>> Wendy Valentine (36:28):
Yeah. And that's hard, too.
>> Dianette Wells (36:29):
Right.
>> Wendy Valentine (36:29):
Like, I. I have something even recently with me
where. What. What do they call it? Ambiguous grief,
I believe is the term. It's basically
a grieving for someone that is
still here. You know, it's different than grieving
for Johnny or me grieving for Jason or Brian. Right. But
it's. It's grieving for someone
(36:50):
or something that is still here.
So, like, grieving for that relationship or,
you know, grieving for that dad that was never
there. Me grieving for my mom, like, all.
So it's. It's a, But it's all
grief. It's still like this.
Not that you. Not. Not that it's a cookie cutter process,
(37:10):
but it's the same type of process of
the whole grief that you have
to go through.
>> Dianette Wells (37:17):
We are.
>> Wendy Valentine (37:18):
Yeah. Or even losing a career, losing a
house. Or, like, I think about, speaking of Malibu,
think of all the people that lost those houses. Like, there's still a,
There's still grief around. That was a home.
And, and. And. And then it's
okay to grieve. It's okay to, like, take some
time. And I didn't take time when
(37:39):
my husband had died, and then when my brother died, I
was like, God dang it, I am going to grieve this
time because I deserve it. And it's
okay because we're, you know, normally it's like,
all right, pull up your bootstraps, get back at it. You know, we don't have
time to grieve. Like, suck it, up, wipe your tears. I'm
like, no, I don't want to. I'm going to ball my eyes out.
>> Dianette Wells (37:59):
This time one way or another.
So it's good to give yourself
whatever it is you need. And everybody grieves differently,
so, you know, and it honors them.
Instead of just brushing it under the rug and, you know, and just
marching through it, you know, it. It honors
them, too, that we grieve. I mean, I still get sad
(38:19):
over dogs I've lost. so. But it. It
makes us part of who we are today.
And I don't think anyone gets out of this life without
grieving something.
>> Wendy Valentine (38:30):
so I've. I know I
just said that the other day too. I was like, well, that's one
thing. We know that's a thing.
>> Dianette Wells (38:37):
Fact.
>> Wendy Valentine (38:38):
You will experience loss in life,
which.
>> Dianette Wells (38:42):
Means you loved something or someone a lot
in life.
>> Wendy Valentine (38:46):
Exactly.
>> Dianette Wells (38:48):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (38:49):
What's your, what's your next quote, unquote Everest.
What's an Everest you're dealing with right now?
>> Dianette Wells (38:56):
the Everest I'm dealing with right now is,
m. Dishes, laundry. now, last week I
was trying to climb mountain bonogos with a bunch of friends.
There's way too much snow.
so we turned around so that I'll go back and do
that again. and what do I have? I have Whitney coming
up in October, a little ways off, but I'll
train for that. And just some fun little.
(39:18):
And some in studio live things,
which I've only been doing podcasts so far, which
I'm. I'm feeling pretty good about. But, you
know, to go sit there in a studio, I'm. I'm
terrified. And that, the universe keeps doing that. If I am
really afraid of something, the universe just throws it at me
like, okay, now deal with it. Figure this out and deal with it.
(39:39):
So I'm remaining positive and
like, okay, let's see what happens.
>> Wendy Valentine (39:45):
How do you. How do you stay calm? How do you calm your.
Your body? Because sometimes, like, people will have such
strong fears that they're just like, like
they cannot hit. How do you. How do you push
past that? Much different than, like, pushing past the wall at,
like, Mount Everest, but going on
twitch. How do you literally, like,
(40:06):
push past that so your body calms down?
>> Dianette Wells (40:10):
I just do it. so I used to get after
Johnny died, because I've never had anxiety before.
and I just kind of. I couldn't relate to it because
I'd never had it. And after Johnny died, I would go
to the grocery store and again, happy that I left
the house. Small wins every day. and then I'd
get there and I couldn't get out of the car.
(40:30):
And sometimes in the beginning I would just say, I, can't do this. And
I turn around and go home. But if you really need
dog food, you need dog food. So I'd say,
okay, you have 10 minutes for this little meltdown or whatever it
is you're doing right now. You have 10 minutes. At the 10 minute
mark, just shut off your
brain, turn off the ignition, get out of the car,
(40:51):
and I would literally turn my brain off until I
walked in the grocery store, which my happy place,
and be like, okay, I. I'm in the grocery store.
It's all good now. So maybe, it's a little bit of that.
It's just, you know, M
M. Yeah, emotions.
And, and you go through them emotions enough that
(41:11):
your body can just do it on, on automatic.
And then all of a sudden you're present in there and okay,
it's not as bad as I was, you know, making it out to be.
And it's okay and you're gonna do fine.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:23):
Yeah. I think you learn to just coach yourself through
things. Right? Like, you be. You become your own best friend,
as I say, and just speak to yourself and
like, girl, like, I mean, I have to do that all the time. Like, come on,
let's do it. You know, like, it's going to be okay.
And you'll have bad days, bad moments. That's
all part of it. It's okay.
>> Dianette Wells (41:44):
Every day we're great. How would we know it's a great
day? You know, if you have a bad
day here or there, then you go, oh, wow, this is a great
day. Because X, Y and Z. And so,
you know, with light comes dark, with good comes bad.
And it's, it's one knowing the difference and
then striving for the good.
>> Wendy Valentine (42:03):
Mm. Yeah. It's the dichotomy of life,
right?
>> Dianette Wells (42:07):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (42:07):
But you wouldn't know light if you didn't know dark.
>> Dianette Wells (42:10):
So true. And then, you know, like right now most
of my friends are empty nesters and it's a lot of,
oh, God, this is awful. What do we do? What do we do? And it's like, no,
this time you can have fun now. You
don't have to be home to make dinner, you know, every night at
7pm and try to figure that out. It's. It's. You
can do whatever you want. And if you want to eat dinner
(42:31):
at 6pm or 10pm,
good for you. Do it. I mean, this is now
a whole new level of freedom that we haven't got to have
in, in decades. So, yeah, flip
it around and look at the positives of
what you now have. Even though, yeah, the kids are gone.
It's sad, but yeah, the kids are gone.
>> Wendy Valentine (42:52):
Yes, that was me too.
I was like, okay, bye. See you later. Mom's got stuff to
do and they're.
>> Dianette Wells (43:00):
So shocked when they call us and they want to do something and like, well,
sweetheart, I have plans. Like, yeah, you're not
sitting Home waiting for me to call you. Come on.
>> Wendy Valentine (43:08):
Yeah, exactly.
Well, I think you had said earlier that life is an
adventure, and I totally agree. I mean,
I think of life as like, Like a buffet, right? And
you go and you can sample whatever you want.
If you like it, you're like, cool, I'm gonna eat that again.
I'm gonna do that again. Whatever. If you don't like it now, you know.
Right. But that's the thing, like, with
(43:29):
Empty Nest, it's, like, the perfect time to
try some cool stuff and see what you like.
>> Dianette Wells (43:35):
Absolutely. And Dad's saying, I had it written on
a chalkboard in my home for years. Life is a buffet.
Eat up.
>> Wendy Valentine (43:42):
Oh, shut up. Oh, my gosh. That is too
funny.
>> Dianette Wells (43:46):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (43:46):
And you know what? Whoever, you know, listening out there, it
doesn't have to be literally Mount
Everest. It can be signing up for a
painting class, and it can be taking a
walk. You know, anything that
gets you outside of your comfort zone. so,
yeah, because you evolve, right? You change
(44:06):
as you experience more of those things. I mean, you've. I
would imagine, have changed drastically
from that. From that. You know, the mom
in Malibu just taking a walk with the
girls, you.
>> Dianette Wells (44:20):
Know, I feel more in touch with
her, because I am still taking a walk with the
girls, and trying new things. I did sign up for a knitting
class when I lived in Park City. I made it.
I don't even think I made it through the first class. So then I had a private
with the teacher, and I needed her to say in person to me,
this is not for you. Which she said after about five minutes.
(44:40):
And I thought, well, it's just as important to know what
is not meant for us as it is to know what is.
And hiking and. And being outdoors,
that is who I am and what I am. And
I like that lane. And I'll. I'll stick in that lane.
I'll stay in that lane. and yeah, if other skill sets
come down the road, great. But I know it makes me
(45:01):
happy. And it's. It's that woman. Now,
the difference between when I was a Malibu mom,
hiking is and now is I used to
care back then what people thought.
You know, people would. People would say, you
know, not very nice things sometimes. not my closest
friends, but women in gossip, of course. I can't believe
(45:21):
she leaves her kids to do this. Or, you know, oh, you're
making a mess of the jungle as you race through it. Like, not
knowing that, you know, Mark Burnett had a team.
Just do at the end of the race. Sweep through the jungle to look
for any tiny bit of trash or anything left
behind. But, So it's
ignoring the judgment of others and
knowing what makes you happy. And if you don't know what makes you
(45:44):
happy, you know, there's time to figure it out.
Figure it out, but forget the judgment. Do
what makes you happy.
>> Wendy Valentine (45:51):
Yeah, I totally agree. Yeah. I had.
When I sold everything and bought the RV and
took off across the country, started the show,
I had lots of judgment, and
interestingly, a lot of it came from men. Just kind
of bizarre. But you
know what, though? I have found when you do something
(46:12):
that's very. What's considered to be
fearful, it stirs up fears and
other people and then, they will
criticize. Like, oh, my God, I can't believe she's climbing that
mountain and leaving those children. Oh, my gosh. Because
there's something in them that's like, oh, my God, that is so
scary. I cannot imagine. And I had
(46:33):
a lot of people like, yeah, again, me driving an
RV is not really that scary. but people
were like, wow, I can't believe you would just sell
everything. Like, you don't even have anything anymore. You just.
Clothes and some pots and pans. Like, yeah,
like. But just like you said
too, it's. That's me. That
fits me. And you have to do whatever
(46:56):
makes you happy. And you just have to go.
Yeah. Because I think the. The number one regret of the
dying is that they lived for
other people. That they did not. They weren't
true to themselves. They. Their whole lives
were, basically evolved around what other people
thought and what they wanted them to do, what correct career, what
(47:18):
relationships, marriages, the whole bit. They
live for other people. So, yes. the
empty nest. And post divorce or no divorce,
it's, I think this age, like in your 50s
especially, it's like such a perfect time
to really come into your. Your
true self.
>> Dianette Wells (47:37):
I, I agree. And the moment you can let that
judgment go and, and live your best
self out loud is. It's so
freeing. Yeah. Being in my 50s, I was
shocked of how wonderful it's been. So
I can't imagine my 60s, because I think that will
care even less what people have to say when we're in our
60s.
>> Wendy Valentine (47:58):
Oh, I know. It's so liberal. Well, and it's not like
a, I don't care. It's. You care so much
about your life and you're in
the love for yourself and for others that you
tune out all that noise.
>> Dianette Wells (48:12):
Yeah. And noise that doesn't matter.
The. The stuff online and the Internet, whatever.
And none of that matters. You know, what matters is
your kids, your animal close
friends. I mean, their opinions matter to me greatly.
and. And it's living your best life, not only for you, but for
them. And. And, yeah, just shut out
(48:33):
all the negative noise because it doesn't matter, and you shouldn't
let it affect your life. Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (48:39):
What was your big fear in writing that book?
>> Dianette Wells (48:43):
Oh, that I'd be judged. Oh, people will judge this, judge
that. and finally, you know, someone said,
but it's your story.
>> Wendy Valentine (48:50):
Yeah.
>> Dianette Wells (48:51):
Yeah. And that's when I went, yeah, my story is
different from. It's similar to, you know,
some people, not similar to others, but it's my
story. And, And I have a right to tell it.
And if someone wants to read it, awesome.
But it's. It's my story, and no
one else is living this life on this planet now except
(49:11):
for me. And, you
know, it's been a crazy journey, 100%.
and I'm grateful for this
wonderful, fortunate life I've led. it hasn't been
without its difficulties, but I'm. I'm
grateful. I've. I've gotten to see some pretty crazy
places and hung around with some truly
incredible people, and, you know,
(49:33):
grateful for that.
>> Wendy Valentine (49:35):
You'll have to come hike with me in Madeira.
>> Dianette Wells (49:38):
Everyone's moving to Madera. What is going.
>> Wendy Valentine (49:42):
They heard I was here. They're like, God dang it, we gotta
go. We gotta go to Madeira.
What's that?
>> Dianette Wells (49:51):
Your beaches are beautiful.
>> Wendy Valentine (49:53):
I know. Oh, and the people and
the food and the. The weather
is just like, oh, my gosh, it's
awesome. I do want to walk. Camino, de
Santiago.
>> Dianette Wells (50:06):
That's on my bucket list.
>> Wendy Valentine (50:07):
Yeah, I want to do that, for sure.
I actually have. I have my brother's
ashes that I want to spread the Camino,
and I. My poor brother's, like, in a Mason
jar right now in the RV in
Florida right now. And I was like, this poor guy. I
was like, I've been. I've been waiting so that I can go to
(50:27):
the Camino and take him there. So I was like, okay,
we'll do it soon. We'll do it soon.
Yeah, exactly. I know. But, you know, I thought about that, too.
Like, someday we'll all be ashes.
Someday, like you. Whether we're in a
jar or in the ground or. I know that's so morbid, but,
I mean, it's. Life truly is so
(50:49):
short, and it's.
>> Dianette Wells (50:51):
Not who those ashes are. Not us. Yeah,
there's whole amazing life after all of this.
And, you know, I know for
sure I'm going to see my son again. And he's not.
His ashes. Although he's had his
ashes spread in some pretty spectacular places, I
bet, or may not be legal. I
(51:11):
don't know. But yeah, that's not him.
>> Wendy Valentine (51:14):
He.
>> Dianette Wells (51:15):
He's around and he's. I mean, he's probably
wingsuiting off of Everest on a daily basis,
so.
>> Wendy Valentine (51:21):
I know. I want. I saw some of his pictures. That's what he
did. He was like, literally just leaping
off of cliffs.
>> Dianette Wells (51:28):
Crazy. Yeah. I can't understand
what position possesses someone to go to that edge
and jump. I mean, there's no amount of
money that you could pay me to get me to do that.
Even though it looks fascinating and I would
love to try it in a wind tunnel, I could never take
that step.
>> Wendy Valentine (51:47):
But that made him happy.
>> Dianette Wells (51:50):
Oh, he loved it. It made him.
He lived for it. That was his
thing. That made him happier than anything.
Hm.
>> Wendy Valentine (52:01):
Isn't that great, though?
>> Dianette Wells (52:03):
Yeah. He knew. He knew what made him happy.
>> Wendy Valentine (52:06):
And even at such a young age.
>> Dianette Wells (52:08):
Well, he climbed the seven summits. By the time he reached 17,
had lived such an amazing life. I
mean, John, I used to say he just
sucked the life out of every day. He
lived charging hard and
having fun every single day. And.
>> Wendy Valentine (52:28):
Yeah, well, he knew
Apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
>> Dianette Wells (52:34):
I'm trying.
>> Wendy Valentine (52:38):
Oh, well, thank you so much.
so where can. Where can we find your book, your website,
all that good stuff?
>> Dianette Wells (52:45):
the book is on, Amazon and Barnes and Noble.
I love brick and mortar order, but Amazon will do.
And website dianettewells.com
and you can also find me on Instagram. so, yeah,
reach out. And, you know, I'd love to hear from people and
just thank you so much for having me.
>> Wendy Valentine (53:04):
Yeah, thank you. I know. I'm like, thinking, like, what's
my next Everest here? You know?
>> Dianette Wells (53:09):
You know, do it, do it. I know.
>> Wendy Valentine (53:12):
Besides, besides just, like, you having to be on all these, like,
TV shows, I just get invited to be on,
KSAT 12 news in San Antonio, and I'm like, oh, my God.
I can do it. I can do it. Bree.
Yeah. Thank you so much.
Thank you, everyone. Have a great day. Go
climb your Everest.
(53:33):
Did this podcast inspire you to challenge you?
Trigger you to make a change or spit out your coffee
laughing? Good. Then there are three ways you
can thank me. Number one, you can leave a written
review of this podcast on Apple iTunes.
Number two, you can take a screenshot of the
episode and share it onto social media and tag
me Wendy Valentine. Number three,
(53:56):
share it with another midlifer that needs a makeover.
You know who I'm talking about. Thank you. You so much
for listening to the show. Get out there and be
bold. Be free. Be you.
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