286 🌈 How to Thrive with ADHD in Midlife with Kate Moryoussef

Episode Transcript
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>> Kate Moryoussef (00:00):
We're born with this and we die with this. And when
people turn around, go heal your adhd, you might be
able to lessen some of the
symptoms, but it will be there. It's part of your
brain makeup. It's literally neurobiological.
You can't. You can re rewire your brain
for sure, but it is part of your,

(00:20):
your brain. And we can learn
to regulate our nervous system. We can use lots of calming
techniques, we can heal our gut. We can do so many things,
but essentially so many part
adhd. We don't want to heal because it makes us brilliant.

>> Wendy Valentine (00:35):
Hey there, beautiful. I'm Wendy Valentine, your host
of the Midlife Makeover show, where it's never too
late to wake up to your best life. Whether you're
navigating a career change, empty nesting,
menopause, or wondering what's next, you're in
the right place. Every week, I'll bring you real
talk, laughs and inspiring conversations

(00:55):
with experts and extraordinary women who have
transformed their lives from self care and
relationships to starting over and finding freedom.
This is your time to reinvent,
rediscover, and reignite the woman you were
always meant to be. So hit that subscribe
button and let's rewrite the rules of midlife.
Your new adventure starts now.

(01:28):
Hi, I'm, Wendy Valentine, host of the Midlife
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(01:50):
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(02:35):
forward/midlife, or choose the
Midlife Makeover show during signup.
Welcome back to the Midlife Makeover show, where we
shake things up and reinvent what it means to thrive
in midlife. Today's guest is here to
shine a compassionate light on a topic that's
hitting home for so many women

(02:55):
right now. Adhd. Kate
Morsef is the powerhouse behind the award
winning ADHD Women's well Being
podcast. And she's on a mission to help
women who are newly diagnosed with ADHD
find clarity, calm and
confidence. Not just through tips and tricks,

(03:15):
but through a whole life transformation.
After being diagnosed with ADHD at
the age of 40, Kate realized just
how many women were silently struggling and
misunderstood. Now, as a lifestyle
and wellbeing coach, EFT practitioner and
mom of four, she brings wisdom,

(03:36):
humor, we always need more of that and healing to
women navigating this often overwhelming
world. We're diving into her new book,
Holistic Approaches to managing adhd,
the power of EFT Tapping and how
to finally feel regulated and ready to reach
your potential. Please welcome Kate to the

(03:56):
show.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Do you like that? You want me to record that for you? That'll be your,
like your alarm clock.

Send it over. I'll be using it.

Badass we're talking about. So I
was telling you before we hit record,
I'm almost positive I'll have to search, but I think
you are the very first person to have on the show
to talk about adhd and I
mean, it's a hot topic right now. And I'll be honest
with you, I don't know much about it. And

(04:29):
one of the reasons I have so many
experts on the show, because believe it or not, you
guys, I don't know everything.
It's nice to have people on the show that
can share their knowledge, their wisdom, their
expertise so that we can help
everyone. So this is what it's all about.

(04:49):
So my first question to you is,
how did it feel when you first
got diagnosed and what was that shift like,
that aha moment, whether it
was even all the way through your past and where you're
at now and in going forward with
adhd.

Yeah, I think the aha, moment is exactly what it
was. It was really, it was, it was like an
epiphany. And I really don't want to kind of like
dramatize it too much, but it was a moment in my life
which I'll never ever forget because it
explained so much. There was answers
to questions which I'd been having all my life. And
that final kind of, it was just, it was

(05:30):
just an understanding of myself. It was just a recognition
of all that I'VE gone through the challenges,
the, the brilliance of my brain, all these different
things and I finally had an
understanding and explanation for it. however,
with that came a lot more questions and with it came a
lot more challenges because it

(05:51):
kind of was opened a bit of a Pandora's box.
However, as a very curious
ADHD person, it then helped me,
not only help my help myself, I realized I was
surrounded my whole family with neurodivergence, my
kids and I also
recognized how needed the help
and the awareness and the education was amongst

(06:13):
I guess the community I was already serving.
And so I was already coaching and I was really
helping women who I was describing as overwhelmed,
burnt out, exhausted,
creative, fun, looking for purpose,
all of that. Like I honestly I had this like full avatar of a
woman because that was the woman who I was and who needed m

(06:33):
help and it was, I always say I always helped that version of me
sort of like five years ago. And so
I realized all my community would were pretty
much women who didn't know they had adhd.
So it kind of kick started this
obscene ripple effect that
has now, you know, it created the podcast, it created my community,
it's created the book. and yeah, I'm so grateful for

(06:55):
it and I'm learning all the time for myself, I'm learning
for my community. But most important really is,
is my next generation of my kids who have all had
different diagnoses and being
able to understand it through my family. it's
really been like a key. It's been a key that has opened
up so much and self

(07:16):
compassion and also self acceptance
because there was so much of myself that I didn't accept
and I tried to change and I just couldn't
get my head around. I refused. I was just like why,
why am I like this? And I needed like
explanations and finally understanding that I have
a neurodivergent brain that can be brilliant
and pretty challenging to

(07:38):
live with in equal times. Why I was
prone to certain things, but why I could do so many
things that other people couldn't do. And
for me it really was, it did, it unlocked
so much. yeah.

What, what is, what does that mean? The
neurodivergent? Let's start there because that
is a term that is being kind of used
quite frequently now and I don't
know what that means. What does it mean?

Okay, so we all have brains.

Sometimes, yes.

Yeah. Our brains are all different. We're all
unique. Every person is unique. However, what we
have been institutionalized as
and conditioned in our societies, in our school,
in academia, in generations, in
families, communities, religions, whatever you want to look at it,
wherever we've been raised and told is
normal. So we say neurotypical

(08:32):
is the way we've kind of got done things in this world.
Because this neurotypical way has been
sort of the way that has been deemed good.
Inverted commas. Right, inverted commas,
all of that. And if we don't learn that way, we
don't want to live that way, we don't thrive that way, we,
we aren't energized that way. All of that. We're then

(08:53):
deemed like this thing wrong with us.
And what we're trying to understand now is that
just because we have different brains doesn't mean it's, they're bad.
It's not a deficit, it's a difference.
But because historically we've been
told if you can't learn this way, then there's something
wrong with you. If you can't process the way you've been told in

(09:13):
school, then you're the problem.
Outdated systems, not the
outdated parenting, not the outdated
friendship rules and relationship rules. And all of
this, it's all ready to be burned down. Like
people are just sick of it. Especially
if you have gone through academia
and if you are dyslexic, adhd,

(09:36):
autistic dyspraxic, dyscalculate, all
these things and you've gone through and your
self esteem has taken a massive knocking because
you were told by teachers throughout that you need to try
harder, be better, do more, work
harder. that narratives hit you and hit you and hit
you to the point where you just mask, you

(09:57):
just push and you try and you
conform. And actually the
masking is what's caused so much burnout.
And reason why so many women in midlife
especially are being diagnosed and
having this awareness is because with the
masking has come all the
commitments and obligations and family

(10:20):
stresses and hormones and health
and this shitstorm that has like just
women have just taken on like we couldn't be more overwhelmed
if we tried. And then our ADHD
kind of scaffolding that has helped. You know,
we've held on, we've been white knuckling through life
literally and something gives. And very
often it's our planning, our organization,

(10:42):
maybe our brain fart like all of this and all of a sudden our
ADHD is like full out exposed. And
that is why so many women are getting
these diagnoses, because there's a combination of the awareness, the
topicality. People are talking about it more.
and, do you happen to.

Know the average age for women when they typically
will receive that diagnosis, if at all?

Well, we do know there's been a massive increase,
like 2000 increase in
searches for ADHD diagnoses and
assessments. You know, it's gone through the roof,
something like 780% increase,
in assessments. and I
go back to the midlife thing because it is the

(11:24):
hormones very typically that have been holding
us up. So our, estrogen is, is
a receptor for our dopamine. And when our estrogen
plummets and our progesterone plummets. Yeah,
having these fluctuations, the progesterone is
what is helping us with our, anxiety, our nervous system,
sleep. estrogen is what gives us energy

(11:45):
and brain clarity and get up and go
and organization and all of that. And when those both
plummet, where we've been like,
really overcompensating to get through life with
ADHD stripped bare. And it's
there and you cannot hide from it.
Now, historically, we will have had

(12:06):
women in our lives who would have been sort of,
she's had a mental breakdown again,
commas, nervous breakdown. She,
suffered terribly with depression,
anxiety, addiction, and
all these things. And very often, unfortunately, it was
undiagnosed ADHD and diagnosed
neurodivergence. You know, we know there's a crossover with ADHD and

(12:28):
autism. We know that, you know, more and more women
and people are getting the combined,
diagnosis. They may sort of feel more
strongly that their autism is more prominent, prominent. But there is
ADHD there. We're only at the tip of the
iceberg with understanding neurodiversity.
We really are like. I kind of listen back to
this, this podcast in five years time and think what I didn't,

(12:51):
you know, But I listened back to myself three years ago
and realize how much we're learning and how much we
know. Even over the past two years.

That totally makes sense. I had never thought about that in
regards to the hormones,
because if you think about it, that was like the
fuel, if you will, that was keeping the tank
exactly full and keeping us going.
And then when that runs out, when that goes, that
tank gets empty, then
it's, it's looking for the reserves.

(13:23):
it makes sense. I mean, as we know too, even the hormones
are dictate with everything in your body,
your, your brain, your, your gut, your,
like, everything. So when you're losing that,
it makes sense that Sometimes you would lose yourself
like yeah.

And especially we're seeing in girls around
puberty. So if you think about all the big
hormonal kind of destination points in our life,
we've got puberty, we've got pregnancy,
postnatal parent, perimenopause,
postmenopause. This is when we
notice these fluctuations, we really
notice. So if anyone has had a teenage

(14:01):
daughter, I've got three. And the
adhd, the, the emotional
dysregulation, the difficulty in
academia, the meltdowns, the
sensory processing. So much of it however it
shows up, remember it shows it very differently from everybody else.
It's common denominators all over the place.
but that is typically when we do see

(14:22):
it come to the forefront around puberty. And again because
puberty is getting earlier. So you might even be
noticing in this, in a 10 year old right now, like you might even
be noticing at 9, 10. And a lot of people
are saying, you know, they get that the girls are really struggling
either at school, friendship wise.
Got to remember rejection, sensitive dysphoria,

(14:43):
massive part of ADHD
RSD is something that I would
say 99% of neurodivergent people
relate to and that is this
this, this fear of rejection. But also it's, it's
real rejection, but it's perceived rejection.
Criticism, feedback. It can

(15:03):
be pervasive in our life
throughout, everywhere. It can be pervasive in
friendships, relationships. we hear a
lot of family breakdown, family dysfunction,
chaos. it trickles out.
And this is why ADHD is not
just a scratch the surface. Can't
concentrate, can't focus, lose the key situation.

(15:26):
It runs so deeply and it runs so
deeply in, through generational patterns and
families that it's, and
I really don't mean to be dramatic here, it's life saving because
we know that suicide and suicide ideation
is much more common unfortunately in
neurodivergent people. So we re. And
addiction as well. Addiction is really,

(15:48):
really common in different forms however that
shows up. So the more we talk about it, the
more awareness there is, the less sort of stigma
there is and taboo. And it's just like, okay, great, we know
what's going on. Let's go and speak to your doctor, let's go and
get an assessment, let's see what helps out there,
let's get some coaching, let's get some therapy, let's listen to

(16:08):
some podcasts, read some books. And then we're
empowered. We're empowered. With information.
And we're not just sitting there thinking there's something wrong with
us. There's nothing wrong with us. We're
living with a brain and a nervous system, especially
a dysregulated nervous system.

That will, in this and the today's modern world, doesn't make
it any bit easier.

Exactly.

I mean, good night. There's so much stuff
going on to like where if, if you
know, our phone is not responding in a half of a second
we're like, oh my God, what's wrong?

Wrong? Yeah.

So is it hereditary?

Yeah, yeah, it's really, really, really
genetic, to the point where
it's pretty impossible to
have ADHD unless one of your parents have got it.
Perhaps, perhaps like an uncle or an aunt,
grandparent. But I would say most people I've met
who've been diagnosed later on in life have either got the

(17:03):
diagnosis because they were getting a kid diagnosed or,
or they then can go back through
their family tree and go, oh, my dad was an alcoholic,
or my dad can hold down a job, or my dad
was really disorganized and disruptive and
he went to prison, or my mum suffered
terribly from anxiety and depression, or my

(17:25):
mum, had terrible OCD and couldn't hold
down friendships. Like there is always,
always a link and
they, you know what pains me so much is that the
generation before us didn't have this knowledge.

Yeah, exactly.

But we can heal, we can heal that. There's lots of ways
that we can do healing. and for me it
always comes back to, okay, like, what can we do right now?
Like, right, we can't change the past, but we
can change even. I've had, you know, women come to me in
their 70s going, I've only just realized I've got
ADHD. And I've only realized what's why
my whole life has been like this.

(18:02):
And then I'm able to heal,
heal something like find some peace. because
that's all it is, is peace. It's peace, inner peace for
who we are, what we are, all of that. And
live a life according to us and thrive. That's it.
Because we can all thrive. But it's hard to thrive when
we are being pigeonholed into, ah, something

(18:23):
that doesn't work for us with our energy, with our
alignment, with our values, all of that.
So yeah, it's really, what are, what.

Are some of the signs or symptoms with
adhd?

So again, it can really show up in
lots of different ways. But I, you Know, sort of sprinkled them in
through the conversation because I like to do that because a lot of people.
Oh, oh, oh, okay.
so we, you know, let's talk about women and
girls. so often it's internalized. So we've got the
adhd. The H is the hyperactivity.
You see the hyperactivity. Often, not all the

(18:58):
time, but often with, with boys
and men externalized. With women
it's more internalized, even though they probably
want it to be externalized. So you might have someone
that is foot tapping and
fidgety and hair twirling and
maybe exercise obsessed or constantly still

(19:18):
or feel suffocated. But it's also going
on internally. Lots of overthinking,
anxiety, worry, ruminating,
rsd. Like, you know, it's. Your brain is
just constantly on insomnia.
So you've got that side, the emotional side, and then you've got
things like what we do know a little bit more about, like difficulty

(19:41):
with academia, you know, processing,
concentration, retention, that type
of thing, where we are often
incredibly bright and intelligent. We
learners, we're curious, we want to know more. We're
deep, deep thinkers. But if you
tell us to sit and revise for an exam and remember all
of that and then process it and then put it out into an

(20:03):
exam, we might really struggle.
So we often are blocked by
that and we don't fulfill our purpose and we feel
very frustrated and again, like,
stifled by our brains. so
we've got that. It can also show up in things
like overwhelm, burnout, fatigue,

(20:23):
chronic pain, migraines, gut
issues, women's sort of health issues
such as endometriosis,
early perimenopause. A lot of women are getting,
unfortunately, unnecessary, ah, surgery, like
unnecessary hysterectomies.
They've been medically gaslit, they have
been dismissed, they've been invalidated, they've

(20:46):
been mis. Prescribed, misdiagnosed. This
is genuinely a lost
generation of women. Many, many lost generations
of women who have been served
and support, supported like they should. And, it's time for
change. It's time for women to see what's
going on and to, you know,
the embarrassment and the shame needs to be dropped

(21:08):
because this ADHD kind of profile
is gone now. Like, when I was diagnosed five years ago, I
was mortified, Genuinely, I was mortified. I didn't want
to talk about it. I couldn't even bear to, like, admit it.
I was. Even with my husband, I was like, I got my
diagnosis and that was it. I internalized it all. And then
there was this calling in me. There was a calling and I was like right, I

(21:30):
really need to talk about this. But it was a very,
didn't feel safe. Like I felt like I was going to be mocked. I
felt like I was going to be like what? You've got
adhd. That's what little boys have. Like how have you got that?
Look at you, you're, you're perfectly normal from the outside.
Like I knew I would have to over explain
myself but as time's gone by

(21:50):
and we've realized this epidemic and we
know around statistics again not enough
evidence or research but we kind of think it's about
25% of people are walking around
undiagnosed.

And how, how do you get properly diagnosed?
What type of doctor do you see?

So depending on where you are in the world, you here in the
UK you'd go to your GP and
that's your general physician and you'd go and hopefully
you would have a very understanding one. You'd have one that is
updated with lots of information and knowledge and
thankfully it's trickling down slowly.
And they will then refer you to a
psychiatrist or a psychologist that's able to assess and

(22:31):
diagnose. Now with adhd, ah,
it's still very outdated the way it's all gone. And
that's why I started my movement of
well being because I couldn't understand
that there was only one way through ADHD and
that's through medication,
psychiatric medication, very, very strong
stimulants which can be a life saving for many

(22:54):
people. But it also just as equally doesn't
work for many people in trial and
error. Some work titration, some
can make you feel worse, some can make you feel like a zombie,
some can, the after effects are so
bad that you don't really, it's not really worth taking them.
And so for me it was always about right, how can I change?
Like look holistically, how can we work from

(23:16):
a well being perspective so we can
make these sustainable lifestyle changes that we can
work with with our energy and work
with what we are needing and not
reliance. And that's very short lived like the medication because this
is a long term thing. We, we, we were born with this
and we die with this. And when people turn around and go

(23:37):
heal your adhd you might be able to
lessen some of the symptoms but it will be
there. It's part of your brain makeup, it's literally
neurobiological you can't, you can
re rewire your brain for sure, but it
is part of your, your brain.
And we can learn to regulate our nervous

(23:57):
system. We can use lots of calming techniques, we can heal
our gut. we can do so many things, but essentially
so many parts of our adhd we don't want to heal because it makes us
brilliant.

But yeah, I was just going to say you almost have to, take
the approach of, all right, what are.
The strengths of this?
You utilize that and then
managing or diminishing the rest of
it as much as you possibly can. But like you said, you can't get rid of
it.

You can't get rid of it. So I always sort of think about it like we
channel, we channel what we can, and then we
support the challenges. So when we
channel, like, you'll see people with ADHD who
are probably entrepreneurs. They are
creative, they have amazing ideas, they're
multitasking, they're juggling things. They're
constantly creating and doing and

(24:46):
helping. They're very big activists. They
care a lot. Like, a lot of people work, you know, with
ADHD and like supporting other people. They
genuinely care about humanity. But
sometimes there'll be people pleasers or perfectionists.
And there's always like a yin to the yang. We always have to remember
that with the over, with the working and the
overproductivity comes the burnout with

(25:08):
all the creativity and all that sort of like
needing to put stuff out there can put a huge amount of
pressure on you to keep moving.
And it can be really hard to just sit
and rest and be in silence and to
be and not do. Like, we've got a very doing
brain and we have
to retrain our nervous system, which unfortunately

(25:30):
for so many people who have been,
I guess, diagnosed later on in life, they've got a very
heightened nervous system and they live in stress
response. So we have to kind of learn to
calm and regulate and know it's okay. We don't
have to be productive all the time and it's okay and
safe to rest and it's okay to just
be and adopt things like

(25:53):
yoga and mindfulness and breath work and
meditation. All these things that can actively
help us step into more of a, a
calmer or more regulated nervous system.

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It's, it's nice that, you know, I was just thinking with yoga,
meditation, mindfulness, a lot of those practices,

(27:11):
you know, they're finally. We've been shining light
on those for the last probably, you know, 10, 15
years especially. And it's nice that we
have because by the time they finally started talking about
things like adhd, it's like, oh, you can utilize these
practices and that's not, you know, so strange
anymore. It used to be such a weird thing like what you're doing
meditation, that's, you know, like it's the norm

(27:34):
now. It's not such a strange thing anymore.
And I love that you're bringing such light to, a
topic like that that is considered to be dark. But it's
not. It's just, it's like you said, it's, it's
like a different type of brain. Right? I mean,
that's, it's, it's normal. It's
okay.

Yeah, it is. It's. What, I guess what's hard
about it because I don't want to invalidate anyone when you've
lived not understanding your
brain and not understanding why you are and who you
are and all of that. That's why I said at the beginning, it's kind of like getting
this key because you're unlocking a
version of yourself which you had deemed bad, or
not good enough or not worthy and

(28:15):
you are unlucky. Unlocking a different version of yourself
where you can lean into more authenticity and self
acceptance and self love.
Exactly.

Yeah. Really loving yourself more because it's, it's
okay.

Yeah.

Did you go through any type of, after you got your
diagnosis, kind of flashbacks of your
past of like, oh, that's why I
chose that relationship or that's why I did that,
or that's why I gave my such a, myself such a hard time about
that situation. Did you have
experiences like that? Kind of going on in your
mind. Yeah.

In your heart, for sure. And. And it's very
common as well. A lot of people go through a grieving process.
Yeah, they really do. They grieve. All that they
didn't know and all that kind of sleep slip through their fingers and
they look back and think, if only I'd got that support at university,
or only if only I'd known in that relationship, or
if only I'd known in that career choice

(29:10):
or I'd asked for more help or I advocated for
myself better. there's so many
if only. And it is. And we have to
honor that. There is. We do have to honor that.
But we also have to recognize that unfortunately, we can't
change, but we can move forward. But if there's
lots of explanation. Like, I went through all my school report

(29:30):
cards and, I went through. And I was just like, what
the hell? Why did my parents think. Because I had two brothers
diagnosed with adhd.

Oh, wow.

They. They had the diagnoses when they were
kids. And, they were diagnosed really early on,
like in the early days of ADHD back in, like the
late 80s, early 90s.

M. That's unusual.

So I'm the.

But then they didn't think, like, well, you know,
no one talks about adhd.

But I, as a girl, I was the quiet one. M. That I had
two very hyperactive brothers in different ways.
Disruptive, chaotic,
very, troublesome at school. And my parents were very,
like, focused on those two. And then
I was the one in the middle that was just a bit daydreaming
and a bit floaty. And I would sort of talk to

(30:18):
myself and like, you know,
had just be quite sort of like a bit of a.
Scattered but easy. And everything was
internalized. But the. The things that were
in my school reports were Kate's forgotten to hand her
homework. And if Kate put. Put
more, I don't know, concentration or focus
or effort, like, all these things she would do

(30:40):
better. And Kate needs to stop talking in class.
all these things. Like, Kate's great at art, but
she's really struggling in math. So. So
I started painting a bit of a. There was a bit of a picture there.
Academically. And I really did struggle academically. I mean, I
managed to get through university.
Struggled, genuinely struggled.
And I remember my

(31:02):
brothers, obviously my brothers had, ADHD medication. And
I remember having this moment where I was like, I wonder if I do have
adhd. And, you know, I'm not advocating this at
all, but I remember Saying, right, I'm going to try their medication. I'm going
to see if it makes a difference. And I tried. And
I was like, oh, my God, is this what it
feels like to have a brain that works? And I remember

(31:22):
sitting and doing my dissertation and doing everything,
and then that was the end. And I never thought, oh, I didn't need to sit
and do another dissertation. So for me it was like, well,
you know, I can kind of deal with life. But
I, I still needed a lot of help and I got, I
got married really young. I got married at 23,
and I married an amazing man who I'm still married to

(31:43):
today. and he
was and still is my scaffolding in lots
of ways, really has helped me,
helps. He helps with organization, he helps from a
financial perspective, helps me get my head
around certain business things. And
it is, it's a bit of an eye opener because

(32:03):
I feel very grateful that he's always been there,
but also terrified because I kind of
think, what would happen if that scaffolding wasn't there? What
would my life be like? So. And, many
women haven't had that scaffolding. And that's when, Yeah, I was going.

To say, it's like, it's so important to have that support
with your friends, your family.

Yeah.

I mean, as we all do. Right. No matter who we
are. It's nice to have someone that kind of like the, the yin and
the yang, like to help each other out. Right.

Yeah.

So the holistic approach, tell us more,
more about that, especially in your book.
And how, how do you feel like your
approach is different?

So I think I would definitely say I was one of
the pioneers of, recognizing about
well being, like, lifestyle, holistic well being. I
was talking about it from the beginning. I set up,
I started my podcast nearly four years ago.
And I'll never forget I was walking on the beach in
Portugal and I remember barefoot,

(33:06):
and I was doing like, some breath work and I was like, kind of
tuning in and I
had this thought. I was like, I need to do a podcast about ADHD and
women's wellbeing because I need this myself. I need
to talk about this because what is my
alternative? Like, I know I've always historically
leaned into my own, well being. You know, from really

(33:27):
early age, from the age of sort of like 20,
I recognized if I didn't sleep enough,
hydrate enough, nourish my body, move
my body, have time out to decompress,
like really nurture myself
emotionally, I would spiral Things would go,
you know, like, I wouldn't be able to handle life the way
another 20 year old would handle life. You know,

(33:49):
Thankfully, I had those insights from a young age
and I realized that if I didn't do all of this, I
think my ADHD and everything the way it presented would be
worse. However, I've had moments in my life, I've got
four kids postnatal, huge
amounts of anxiety, you know,
difficulty, overwhelm, really

(34:10):
struggling with all the internalized
emotions. And I had to always go
back to whatever could help me from a holistic
perspective. And then it was, it was
that moment where I was like, I was prescribed anti anxiety
medication and I kind of thought, this isn't what I need.

I know, I, it's just a band aid, basically.

I need something much deeper. So that's
why Podcast interviewed
hundreds of different amazing specialists in the
field over the past three and a half years. And that's why
the book has had to be written. It
genuinely had to, because it's a toolkit, it's a
toolkit for women who want daily
strategies, daily practical,

(34:52):
sustainable ways of living that they can
either regulate their nervous system, find different ways out of
anxiety, understand rsd,
but also work with like fulfillment and you know,
bringing more creativity and joy and
simplification to their life as well. So there's,
there's sort of the sciency bit, there's the sort of

(35:13):
nutritionally, kind of like holistic bit,
and then there's a bit more of the spiritual side because I
genuinely believe that we have to blend it all. I'm very
spiritual and I know that it's my
spirituality that has been my,
it's been my foundation throughout all of this. Being
able to express that spirituality as well and
has really helped me. So, I hope I've blended it all together

(35:35):
into the book really nicely.

Yeah, I was listening to some of your reels on Instagram before we
started and I just love your,
your passion for it and
I love that you're, you're sharing the
light and it's making a big
difference. And I don't know about you, but I was thinking
about this earlier today, but as you

(35:57):
teach, you learn and as you learn, you teach. And
it's this beautiful.
Another holistic approach, right, with,
with being a teacher and a learner. And
I, you know, I'm sure for you too, as even me,
like right now I'm, I've learned a ton.
Just as we've been chatting and thinking about

(36:17):
people That I know thinking about myself, myself thinking about how this can
help so many and, and it helps me to be
even more empathetic and understanding towards
others. And I think that's such a
beautiful way to, to put your
voice out there in the world and to,
to teach everything that you know and everything that you're
learning.

Yeah, I do feel that for sure I'm always learning
and then I learn what I teach.
something else. A tool that I use all the time is eft. T
is tapping.

Oh yes.

That has honestly been life saving for
me and I've taught it to so many people
because self regulation we don't get, we
don't learn this. No one teaches this at school.
How to regulate and calm and our emotions
somatically. And women
are looking for ways to calm themselves in the moment
when they are feeling overwhelmed or anxious.

(37:11):
So yeah, EFT is something that I love
teaching because it's so simple but
it's so deep as well. We can use it very quickly,
very effectively, efficiently, we can go
quite a lot deeper and it helps with trauma, helps with
ptsd, it helps clear a lot of
childhood pain. So you can use
it for, however, however you need.

(37:34):
and I have loads of resources on my website, paid for but
also free, free resources that people go and
they can just tap along with the videos and use
it. And I teach it to kids as well. I love teaching it to
kids because it's so helpful and
calming. I would love to see teachers in
classrooms just doing some tapping at the
beginning of class. I'd love that. That would be amazing

(37:58):
if, for, if.

Anyone out there is listening and they don't know what EFT is, what
is eft? And I love eft. It's so great
for me.

I need to remember that people don't always know what it is. I
know it's emotional freedom technique, otherwise
known as tapping. So you might hear it kind of interchangeable.
And you are literally tapping on meridian points
around your face, your hands, your body.
And we have these sort of energy points,
acupressure points that have been identified from like

(38:27):
thousands of years, you know, in Eastern medicine, you know, with
acupuncture or reflexology.
And what we're doing is we're tapping on these points
and it calms our nervous system, it reduces
the cortisol in our body, it tells
our amygdala, you know, the part in our brain that is like the
hyper vigilant, you know, looking out for threat. It

(38:48):
says it's okay it's safe to be, you know,
rest. And we,
we rest our bodies, our body calms down. And with that,
when our body calms, our nervous system comes, our brain
comes and it brings a lot of clarity.
It helps calm the noise. It gives us a different
perspective. it helps with so,

(39:08):
so much so. It can, you know, if you are struggling
to make a decision, I always say, you know, with decision paralysis or
self doubt or
listening to that inner voice, like we really struggle with
adhd. There's so much noise in our head. To
penetrate all that override, it can
be really hard. I mean, I struggle so much. I was like, does that

(39:29):
mean I should do it? Should I not do it? Should I step into this?
This is a good opportunity. Like, I couldn't work out how
people could just feel it in their body. Their intuition.
Brain was just like. So I had to calm my
brain to be able to listen to my intuition and to hear
that inner voice. And it takes a bit of time.
It doesn't happen immediately, but there, there are

(39:49):
many, many ways. And you can either do with a practitioner or you
can learn some tools doing it yourself.
and I find it very empowering, really empowering because
we always know intuitively what's the right decision,
but our ego and our busy mind just kind
of gets in the way.

Yeah, it's just quieting that noise just so you can
actually hear your, your soul speaking
to you.

Yeah, yeah.

There's some great apps. I use the Tapping
Solution app. and that's been really good. I actually met. I, I can't think
of the guy's name right now.

Brad. not Brad.
oh, his name just gone out my head.

I know, me too. We need to tap on it and see
if it'll come back to it. But I met him
like years and years ago when his book first
came out and I was like, tapping solution, what
the heck is that? And I was like, interesting.
And I started using it and, and started
using it on the app and it worked. Works amazing. I've

(40:45):
had times where I'm just like, oh my God, I'm having a panic attack
or I'm depressed about something, or my, my
brain is just like on overdrive and I'm just trying to get
it to calm down or, or trying to get rid of a
nasty, limiting belief, you know, but it
truly does work. And it's fascinating
that it's only been, what, 35 plus

(41:05):
years that they figured out that you can
actually rewire the brain. Like you can
create new neural Pathways. I mean, it's like,
amazing. Like, we really just figured that out.

Crazy that we're only just realizing this.

Yeah, I know. Right? But it gives you to me. Like, when I
found that out, I was like, oh, it gave me so much hope
in my healing that I
can change that as much as I possibly can.
Right. And some of those traumas and the
triggers and the things like that, that can really kick
in. And even if it doesn't completely

(41:39):
go away, like we talked about earlier, it's just
being able to calm your body,
just to have your body not be so, like,
like freaking out at every. Even something that had nothing to do
with anything. You know, your mind, your. Your brain
and your body just immediately reacts
because, like, that fight, flight, freeze type of response.

(42:00):
So there's so many cool methods
out there. and I just love that you're bringing
those solutions.

Yeah, I. I did feel. I feel like EFT
is a really good M match to adhd
and we forget all the acronyms and whatever.
Yeah. But I do. And I. And I
remember I was training in EFT before I got my
diagnosis, and I was. This is amazing.
Like, whatever it's doing, it's calming this brain of mine that
I've never been able to calm before. and then when I

(42:31):
got my diagnosis, I did loads of research. Why is no
one talking about this? So I was one
of the first people to start talking about using, tapping for
ADHD and bringing it and
really honing in on certain traits of ADHD
that many of us struggle with and niching it
down so we can really hone in on those

(42:51):
pain points that many of us kind of like, I can't
do anything. Like, I've not found. You know, people go through
decades of therapy and they still can't get
past certain things with adhd.
So, yeah, I'm not saying it's one. You know, it
doesn't fix everything, but it definitely
can calm and regulate, and it gives us perspective
and gives us a moment to breathe and get out of that very

(43:14):
heightened response, that stress response.
So, yeah, I love it.

If. If someone goes. Let's say they decide, like, all
right, you know, I'm gonna go check in with my GP and go to the
doctor and see if this might be what this
is. Let's say they get a diagnosis of
adhd, knowing what you know
now what. And I'm sure it's probably an
overwhelming feeling. You know, you get the diagnosis,

(43:39):
you go and sit in your car and you're like, wait, A second. I have
adhd. Now what, what do you
recommend for them? Where do they start?
And what are some. Just little bits of advice
to, to help them kind of go into, ease
into the process.

Yeah, sorry, that's my dog that is.

Just crying, being very annoying.

So, yeah, I would definitely. That, that is a very
common kind of feeling
of you have a diagnosis and then it's like, now what?
And actually I wrote this book exactly for that
reason because I was, I was the same. I literally was
like, well, now what? Oh God, I'm gonna have to make my own podcast.
That's really hard work. So, so I was like, well,

(44:23):
no one else is doing it, so I'm gonna have to do the podcast. I was like,
damn. Okay, so I've created all that content,
but I asked the questions on the podcast
that I needed to know. So if anybody ever listens back
to the very, very early episodes. And I'm honestly,
every guest has shone a light and giving me something.
Yeah, I'm asking the questions I needed to know

(44:43):
because I know, I knew that I wasn't alone in.
Where's the resources for this? Like, why is no one talking about this?
And that's why with the book, I say that
the book is there to meet you wherever you are.
So you could be listening to this right now and be like, oh
shit, this is me. Oh my God,
like, like bingo. This is. Pick

(45:04):
up the book you will you, you. No one is gonna.
It's not for someone that's just been diagnosed
or someone that understands adhd. This is a book for
anyone to meet you where you are so you can understand
certain elements of yourself and how to help
yourself in the day to day life of ADHD
and what you're struggling with. But there are
loads of resources now, thankfully there are lots of

(45:27):
other types of books. Depends what you're looking for.
If, you're more scientific, there's all that type
podcasts. Thankfully the conversation
is, is growing and there's more
understanding, but it need, we need a lot more. Like
there's not enough research. We don't have enough
clinical research. And that is what needs to start
happening especially around hormones and women's health and

(45:50):
adhd. And that's really
what we need right now.

Yeah, I love it. your book, what's
the title of the book?

It's the ADHD Women's Wellbeing Toolkit.

I love it. So perfect. And
it comes out July 17th and today is
July 15th. Well, least well, when,
when this airs it'll be July 15th so we have
two days to be able to go and
get the book and also get the pre order bonuses too.
Right.

There are. And if you are listening. So in the UK comes out the
July 17th in the States and Canada
I think it comes out a few weeks later. Okay.

Oh good, whatever.

Yeah. If you literally wherever you want to buy books from, you
put the name in and you'll be at you to get,
get the book or you get the pre order. But if you pre
order it through my website then I have
a really cool PDF that I've created that basically
so much stuff I couldn't put in the book. Loads of
lifestyle well being advice, supplements to take.

(46:51):
basically I was, I was given sort of
a very strict word counter because I had adhd. I
literally went three times over the word count. So I
put, I put some snippets into this PDF.
So if you want a bit extra, you can get that when you preorder
the book.

Yeah, yeah, I wanted to ask you about that too.
Supplements. So those can actually
help then?

Yeah, I really believe they can.
Yeah, a few. So what's, what's growing
in the industry is genetic
testing is the gene testing and understanding of the
different genes and again we're very a very
rudimentary place right now. But there are certain genes
and expressions of genes with how

(47:33):
we're seeing this sort of, you know, ADHD makeup
and then with that we're understanding this. A lot of us
are probably more deficient in magnesium in
hm, B vitamins, iron,
all sorts of different things. So I always
say, you know, from a very kind of basic level,
take some magnesium because that's calming and it helps with

(47:55):
sleep. Take B vitamins to help with
fatigue and brain health.
M. You know, iron, especially if
you feeling like, you know, from a
secular cyclical perspective, you know, if
you struggle with your menstrual cycles, heavy
bleeding, fibroids, anything like that,

(48:16):
you know, boost, boost what you can. But there are
other lots and lots of other types of supplements that people
can take if you do a little bit more research. But I've got
it in the in the PDF. but I
do, I really do think yeah, I take supplements every single
day and they help me a lot and I notice when I don't take
them same.

yeah, exactly. And sometimes it's just even finding the
right brand or the right, you know, good quality to
make a difference. I'm a strong believer in
taking supplements. I do the same as a Matter
of fact, there's one. I started taking it. Not maybe it was
like about a year or so ago. I thought it's totally
dead. I totally think it's the reason why I was able to write

(48:56):
my book in like 60 days.

But I was like, yeah,
I was.

Like, this is great. But it's. It's from
Qualia and this isn't like a plug for them,
but I'm plugging them anyways. And I think it's called.
I don't know if it's brain boost or brain something.
M Amazing. You'll take like four of them.

Right.

When you get up in the morning and like, hello, like,
talk about. Yeah, yeah, it's really good.
Like, that's the thing. Like, if you find a good supplement and you know your
body is needing m. It, like, it will make a difference.

Right.

And the magnesium too. I was going to suggest that that's.

A real something else as well. Saffron is
fantastic.

Oh, yes.
Interesting.

Yeah. saffron for anti anxiety. It's really, really
helped. Helpful. Oh.

Like even making like a teeth with it or something too.

If you buy a good quality saffron supplement. I also
take NMN as well. I've been taking that recently and
that's really. I think it's really helped me with
my brain functioning.
N M N like, she knows. so
that. And also for me, a
massive change was going on. HRT was

(50:05):
hormone replacement. Yes.

I had to do the same. I, actually tried to go
without for a while and I was like. My body was like, no,
we need that back. Because.

Yeah.

And that can actually. Right. I would think that sometimes
even that would reactivate some of the
other symptoms.

Right.

Like, it would just worsen that. Whatever you can do
to make it a little bit better, make your body healthier,
you know, control what you can.

Absolutely. For sure. I would say my going
on hrt and I was relatively young at the time. I
was 41. and now we know there's evidence to
say that it's better as a prevention. So to
get on it earlier. That rather than when you are literally at the bottom
of the barrel, you.

Know, that was me.

Yeah. You get on it early and you,
you get there before the depletion of the hormones is
too, you know, debilitating.

Yeah, that's key, I think, with anything. Right. It's just being
proactive about it. Listening to your body.

Exactly.

Yeah. This was so good. I'm so grateful
that you're here and that you Brought this, you know,
education and your wisdom. So,
very, very grateful and I'm excited for your book. It's
gonna be, it's gonna be big, I feel.

Oh, good. I'll take that. Well, thank you. And yeah,
I, I really do believe that the book
is there for, for women to use and to
put their bag. I always say it's like a very portable book. It's,
it's, it's small, it's sort of, you know, pocket,
pocket size, but it's bag sized.
because I want it to be something that just is able,

(51:42):
they're able to dip in and dip out, you know.

Yeah.

Find a chapter that day that works for you. You'd have
to read it from start to end and,
and, and use it when you need it. It's like a
friend. It's there to like, help you through those
more challenging days or weeks. and then it'll
empower you. It'll give you the, it'll
give you the, the, the tools to then go
on and hopefully live life more according

(52:07):
to your own energy patterns and
thrive. That's essential. We want. We want.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And you're,
you're living proof that you can.

Yes. Not every day is a good day.

Yeah, yeah, but, well, you are nor.
Yeah, you are human, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm definitely doing better than I
was. My God, I'm so sorry about my dog.

Your dog likes to talk about this topic.

She's normally very quiet instead of just being very
vocal.

You just like listening to Wendy out there.
Doggy. so where can we find you?

So, you can go on my website, which is ADHD
womenswellbeing.co.uk and
on there you'll find everything. But if you literally just
put in ADHD women's well being, you'll come up with the
podcast and the book. Kate Moore, Yousef.
I'm, I'm there and I've got lots to, lots to share.
So. Yeah, hopefully all the resources will just be

(53:06):
easy to find that way.

Yeah. Thank you so much.

Thank you, Wendy.

Thank you everyone. Have a great day.
Did this podcast inspire you? Challenge you?
Trigger you to make a change or spit out your coffee
laughing? Good. Then there are three ways you can
thank me. Number one, you can leave a written review
of this podcast on Apple iTunes. Number
two, you can take a screenshot of the episode and

(53:33):
show share it on social media and tag me Wendy
Valentine. Number three, share it with
another midlifer that needs a makeover. You know who
I'm talking about.
Thank you so much for listening to the show.
Get out there and be bold. Be free.

Be you.

Sat.

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