293 📬 Reconnecting in a Digital World with Amy Weinland Daughters

Episode Transcript
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>> Amy Weinland Daughters (00:00):
But that's how they felt. They felt seen, they felt

(00:02):
valued, they felt heard. You know. And
the number one response I got Wendy from the letters was this. I'm
going to save your letter in a special place
for the rest of my life.

>> Wendy Valentine (00:13):
Hey there beautiful. I'm Wendy Valentine, your host
of the Midlife Makeover show where it's never too
late to wake up to your best life. Whether you're
navigating a career change, empty nesting,
menopause, or wondering what's next, you're in
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talk, laughs and inspire. Inspiring conversations

(00:33):
with experts and extraordinary women who have
transformed their lives from self care and
relationships to starting over and finding freedom.
This is your time to reinvent,
rediscover and reignite the woman you were
always meant to be. So hit that subscribe
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Your new adventure starts now.

(01:06):
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today@womenwakingup.com
welcome back to the Midlife Makeover Show. Today's
episode is going to warm your heart,
crack you up, and maybe even inspire you to pick
up a pen and paper. Our guest is Amy

(02:29):
Wineland Daughters, a keynote speaker, award winning
author, and one of the most delightful humans you'll ever
meet. After a season of disconnection and
reflection, Amy did something wild.
She hand wrote letters to all
580of her Facebook friends. Oh
my gosh, you had to have writers cramp.

(02:49):
That bold, beautiful act became the foundation
of her acclaimed book, Dear Dana, and
it reignited something so many of us are
Missing genuine one on one
human connection. Amy believes
that your life, yes yours,
matters profoundly and that something as simple
as a handwritten note can shift the course of your

(03:12):
relationships, your mindset, and even your
soul. Today we'll chat about the power
of your personal story, the healing magic of meaningful
communication, and how reviving lost
arts like letter writing can lead to
unexpected transformation. So grab
your favorite tea, curl up somewhere cozy and

(03:33):
get ready for a conversation that just might change the way you
connect with the people in your life. Please welcome
Amy to the show.

Thank you, Wendy. Let's go.

Fellow Texan. Fellow Texan,
that's right.

Woo.

I was telling. Yeah, we were talking about this before.
Yeah. So you're in Houston. I lived in
San Antonio and Dallas. I love, you know, it's funny.
So now it's like I've lived all over the country
and now starting to live all over the world and
people ask me, like, what's home to you? And I'm like,
oh, gosh, I would have to say
Texas. I mean, what. I mean,

(04:10):
once you're. Once you lived in Texas, you like,
you're Texan.

right. No, it draws you back. And we've lived in the UK and
Ohio and you know, then we're always like, oh, then we're going home
and hopefully we're home now and that's it.
Texas is awesome.

Love Texas. So
welcome to the show. I am super excited
to dive in about all of this letter writing
you did. Take us back. What
in the world sparked this idea?
Where were you at? Yeah, right.

And I like to frame this by saying, Wendy, I was minding my own business
because I was, I was just doing my thing, you know, I
was, I'm so. I fell
into writing, almost out of desperation when I lived in the uk,
But I was actively. I mostly wrote about
college football for the Bleacher Report. I was doing that and the first book
was coming out and I get on Facebook one day,

(05:02):
very innocently, and I remembered this girl whose name had
always stuck in my head from 35 years ago that I worked
at a summer camp with in the 80s in Texas. And
her name was Dana. And I was like, I wonder what happened with Dana. So
innocently I type her name in Dana and then she pops up. I'm
like, oh, there she is. She got keratin. Her hair is a different. Hello, this is
great. And so I friend her. And since there was no investment

(05:23):
we have to make to be a friend on social media,
I friended her. She accepted my request. I Don't know if she even
remembered me or not. And immediately I do the five
minute scroll through her life. I'm like, here she is, Dana. And
the first thing, first takeaway, she's overachieved in children.
She's got five of them. Like, wow, you go, girl.
And so I look and like by post 2 or 3,

(05:43):
I've realized that the youngest kid and the only boy,
Parker, has cancer. And it's.
It's serious enough that there's St. Jude in Memphis,
Tennessee. So it's got to be. He's got to be fighting for his
life. So as a human being, as a mom, as a
fellow woman, I was like, this is terrible. I'm gonna
follow along with the story. You know, she asked for prayers. That's kind of my thing.

(06:03):
So I started doing that. But I never hit, like, I never commented
because I felt like that was disingenuous. You know, I didn't know these
people. And so I kind of felt myself over
feeling it. But I was like, m the Internet, we're fine.
And so I start following along. And then, he goes
into remission. I'm like, yay, back burner.
I still watch her. I watch her stuff. I'm sure she's maybe watching mine.

(06:23):
I have no idea. And then the end of that year, he
relapses. And she, she's very honest and like,
very detailed and very, like, almost
positive in these posts. I mean, she kind of draws you in with
that. I think she does that with people. And so she's like,
we're going back to Memphis. And I'm like, oh, God, this is
terrible. This is awful. So I sit down at my desk

(06:43):
that Monday morning. It's literally like a lightning bolt hit me in the
head. And I'm like, I, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to
start sending them, like little notes, little cards to the
Ronald McDonald House in Memphis where they were staying. And
okay, this despite the fact that I wasn't really sure
that she knew who I was. Like, maybe she
knew I'd never met the kid. I hadn't had any contact

(07:04):
with her in 35 years. And I hadn't been
anyone a handwritten anything in probably 25
years. You know, I grew up doing that. But it's not like, it's not
like I showed up as the letter writing lady. Like,
I'm gonna write letters. Like, that was not the thing at all. The
thing was, I'm gonna do it. And it was not Just, I'm gonna do it. It was
like, I was so invested in it that the part of me that told

(07:24):
myself, like, that's crazy. She's fighting cancer with
her son. She doesn't even know who you are. Sit down.
Stay in your lane. That person did show up. The other person was
like, let's go, we're gonna do it. So I start
sending them these notes every week. Like, you know,
you know, hope you remember who I am.
If you don't, I'm still as skinny, as hot as I used to be. Like, stuff like that.

(07:44):
Plus, like, we're praying. We're
praying for you, and we're thinking about you, you know, Parker and
Dana. And so this goes on for, like, 12 to 14
weeks.

Okay, wait, you were sending out these letters for
12, 14 weeks? Had she responded at all?

No, because she's fighting cancer with her kid. And I didn't
expect a response. And there was every part
of the same side of me that was going, stop it.
Like, what are you doing? But I could not stop myself. Like, this
is what I was gonna do.

continue. I'm gonna make a mental note to bring something up about
that. Okay, go ahead. Okay, go ahead.

And, so I keep sending him. And then you can see
her posts on. Because I'm going old school with the
letters, but we're still like new school online,
because that's where I'm getting all my information. And then you see that her
posts start to shift. And then it's her. Her
friends that are posting. And I'm like, this is not good.
And then there's a post on a Sunday morning. It's like,
you know, our sweet Parker went home to be with

(08:41):
Jesus. You know, he, passes away at, ah, 15.
it's just devastation. I feel devastated,
even though this has nothing to do with me. And I was very clear
that this had nothing to do with me. But I was also very
clear that I was supposed to be doing something. So I send
a condolence card to the Ronald McDonald House. And I sit back
down at my desk and I'm like, so what am I supposed to do? It was

(09:01):
like mini lightning bolt. It was just so clear. Just
keep writing her. Only now, Wendy, I have to
figure out where she lives because Facebook has only told me so
much. And I'm like, okay, well, at the camp, I
met her husband as well. And I know from a friend of a friend
of a friend, he's an attorney in Louisiana.
So. So I go next. I go next. I go like,
DEFCON 3 of crazy. And I'm like, I'll just start

(09:24):
sending the letters to this guy's law office address.
Because that makes a lot of sense. So I start writing
her. I just keep writing her. And the cards turn into
letters because, I mean, beyond saying, we're thinking
about you. And like, this is devastating. I started telling
her about my life because I felt like I should fill the pages with
something. You know, I was kind of amusing myself. I was looking at my life

(09:44):
from the outside in. And again, I was not a letter writer. And
so I just kept writing her. So I wrote her for like four or five months.
And of course I said, I'm so sorry, I'm thinking about you.
Well, I mean, all the things you would say to somebody in that position,
but. And, I was getting four or five months and I was like, okay,
at some point you have to stop this. This is ridiculous. You know, you have to stop
yourself. And so I go out to my mailbox

(10:04):
on, like my 48th birthday, we lived in Ohio. And I'm
thinking maybe somebody sent me a card, because that would be great, but nobody does
that anymore. So I pull the mail out, and on top
is a ten page letter from this woman from Dana,
a ten page handwritten letter. And I was like,
holy smokes. She wrote me back.
And so I take it in like, like.

So you're just like. Almost like you got the Publisher
Clearinghouse check. You know, you're kind of skipping back
in, like, what?

I was like, I could not believe it. It was surreal. It was like gold. And
so I sit down, I open it, and she
goes from telling me about her daughters, or four daughters, her
husband, like she's a teacher. And then she starts talking
about, in this first letter about her grief. She starts saying stuff
about it. At the end of the letter, she said, you know what? I didn't know I was
going to say any of that, but I feel better for saying it.

(10:52):
And so then I wrote her back, then she wrote me
back. And for two years we did nothing but
write letters to each other. We didn't call, we didn't
exchange phone numbers, probably until a year and a
half in. We did nothing wrong, but. Right. And it created
this incredible. And it's so simple, but this
vacuum between us. She wasn't sitting in front of

(11:12):
me when I was writing her. I wasn't sitting in front of her when she was
writing me. So you're writing, you're not expecting
a response. You don't even know if she's reading it or if I'm reading
it. And so it, it just, it opens up
this vacuum of sharing. And since
I didn't know what to say about her grief, I didn't respond
nor, I don't think she expected me to because these letters are crossing in the

(11:33):
mail. So there's this vacuum. I'm looking at my life from the outside
and it's super cathartic. I find out after the fact
she's sharing the grief with me. So she doesn't bring down the room
with these people who suffer this loss with
her, you know, and then we trusted each other.
We started saying stuff like, you know, I've never told anybody this
before, but I, I trust I can trust you like

(11:53):
stranger at the other end of a letter.
And I think the best, one of the best parts for me, Wendy, was,
I don't know how she voted. I didn't know
where she stood on any issue. I didn't know
where, like, her socioeconomic level. I knew she
believed in God, but I didn't know if she was Jewish or
Muslim. And you know what? Not, not

(12:14):
one of those things mattered because all that mattered was I
cared desperately about this person and she
cared desperately about me just because
we'd exchanged these words. And it, and the way
she shared and the way I shared it made me look
at everyone around me differently. And I looked at
that list of 600 people, the people who I'm Facebook

(12:34):
friends with, as well as I'm, friends with Dana on Facebook, and I was
like, you know, after about eight or nine months of
the two way exchange, I sat back and I was like, you know what
if this one girl with the keratin treatment
From Louisiana from 35 years ago, if
this much goodness can, can come out of this
one little relationship, like, what about

(12:55):
the other 580 people? What
other untapped goodness? What other
things can I learn from this list of people? And so I was
like, here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna go bananagrams.
I'm gonna get stationary, I'm gonna put everyone's name in a little
box and I'm gonna write one letter a day
and see what happens. And I had a journal. Like,

(13:15):
I had rules. That's the way my mind works. I had a spreadsheet, I had all those
things. But I really 100% thought I'd get to like letter
30 and peace out. But when I got to letter 30, I
was like, hold on just a second. This is
probably the Most important thing I'm ever going to do in my life.
So it took me 18 months. I wrote everybody,
580 people. And it absolutely changed my

(13:36):
life to the point I wrote a book about it. I speak about it, and I
can't shut up about it because it turns out we all
have this little tool in our toolkits that we've overlooked. Or
it's hiding in plain sight that absolutely packs
such a power of hope and. And love that it's just
off the chain.

What an awesome story.
There are so many things that pop my mind when you're telling your
story, but number one, random
acts of kindness. And sometimes we don't think
of just simply writing a letter to someone would be a
random act of kindness because you're not
wanting anything out of it. You're just

(14:14):
sharing, sharing that energy
and sharing the love. And earlier,
what I thought of, I was like, I gotta make a mental note of that.
Nowadays, it's all about
instant, instant everything. Instant gratification
to the point if you send a text and
you don't see the, the. The moving

(14:35):
ellipses on the screen, you're like,
did they even read it? Like, what the hell? I
didn't hear anything back for a day. What the hell? Like,
and here it is, a letter.
You're not going to get instant anything.
You just even wonder, like, did it even get there? Did it
get box. And then here it is for you. You're

(14:57):
continuing to write, not having heard
anything. How did you keep that,
that faith going in the process of the
whole thing with her?

I think it was otherworldly. And you could frame that however you want to.
Like, I was supposed to do this, and I was
gonna. I was. And I think her let think the most
underplayed part of the Dana part of the story
is her writing me back. Because had she not written
me back at some point, my humanness was gonna make me
count on the whole thing.

Yeah, like I'm being a letter stalker.

Yeah, right. But her. Her
writing me back was exceptional because here she is suffering,
you know, and I. I think she probably didn't know what
to do with me or the letters. But her writing me
back and then her continuing to write me. The story doesn't happen
without Dana writing me back. Like all the other 600 letters, like,
blah, blah, blah. Doesn't happen without Dana's

(15:49):
personality compelling her, even in her
darkest day, to write me back.
So I think I held on just long enough because the
universe or God or however you want to frame it. That's what I was
supposed to do.

It wasn't me.

I'm a very determined person. Like, that's part of my
personality. And I think that's why I got this role
in life. And I don't give up very easily.
And I'm delusional. And I think those personality
traits really helped me in this. Why
you and I get along so well.

We're both delusional.

You know, this is great difference.

Let's take for example, if, if you
had reached out to her on messenger, Facebook
messenger, with the same,
same words, how do you
think that would have been received differently than
on a good old classic old
fashioned pen and paper with the

(16:43):
mailman?

Right. I think that, yeah. And this is what I learned
hundreds of times from the Facebook letter project too,
is that, you know, one. What you said was so important
when you send someone a note, especially somebody in that position
that she was in, somebody's grieving or struggling and
need support, you're not asking them for anything
back. Right. You know, when, when you get a card in the

(17:06):
mail, you, you may feel compelled to respond to it, but
you're. But no one's asking you to do anything. Yeah.
you know, because they know you don't know if they got it or
not. So that's the second. The first key component. The other
thing is, you know, people
immediately realize if you send me a card and I go out to my
mailbox and get it because it could be a note, it doesn't have to be a letter. And
when I hold that in my hand and I see Wendy Valentine.

Yeah.

And your return address from your RV or, wherever you're
sending it from. I pulled that with your handwriting. I'm like,
oh my God. It's. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, It's gonna go click,
click, click in my head. She had to sit down, she had to find a
pen.

Yes.

Wait, where are the envelopes? She had to write down what she said
when she could have just texted or she could have just emailed.
That's all gonna resonate with me. And I'm gonna hold that in
my hand. Something that you held in your hand. So it's intimate, it's
tactile. And I'm going to say this is how much I
matter to another human being. I matter
this much. So those people who I thought

(18:02):
I was shooting random darts at
felt special. They felt supported,
they felt loved, they felt cared about.
Because, because they were holding something in their hand
that no one else had it Is a gift that you
cannot compete with.

Yes. Yeah, I hadn't thought about that. Point of, When you
receive a letter, there's not an, oh, I better respond to this.
Kind of like my point before about the text. If you send
something on Instagram or Facebook, there's this
almost like a pressure that you have to respond
instead with a letter you're just simply receiving.
And how very rarely nowadays do we get to

(18:40):
just receive.

Right. Yeah. You know, I would if I could. If I
didn't have someone's address, if the project, I would. The
last resort was I would Facebook message them and say,
can I have your address? And I would have to say, like, I'm not inviting a
few of my cookie exchange. Like, this is not. You know,
I'm not. I'm not asking. I just want your address
because I'm going to send you a letter. Because I'm reconnecting.

(19:02):
And, I had people ask me, like, what's the angle? No, I need to know the
angle. Like, what's the angle? And I'm like, there is no angle. Because people could
not get their head around that. There wasn't
an ankle. An ankle. And again, I, have to
frame it this way. I'm not this incredible, awesome person.
I was literally a girl with a goal.
That's all I was. And I ended up changing my own life,

(19:23):
you know, just by this crazy
idea. That's what it was. But people wanted to know
what the angle was because that's how we live. And I think we live under
stress. Having to respond, yes.

Like, you have to, like, what's your point? You know, like, you've got
some type of reason or point. And sometimes
it's simply God, universe, big
man on campus, Whatever you want to call that. Higher
power. Yeah, big man,
whatever.

Right.

Just telling. Just receiving some type
of insight of, this is what I feel like I need to do
without having, Sometimes I,
think we feel as though we have to have an
explanation to every
action that we take. And why are we even.
I have found. And if you look back at history of

(20:10):
some of the inventions in
the world, the craziest ideas have
been the most profound. That if
someone's telling you, oh, I'm gonna invent such and such
yoke, it's like, oh, that's
weird. And then that ends up becoming
a norm. And this would be great if this is the norm,

(20:31):
because I do feel we need to bring more of that
connection back with people. We've lost a lot of
it. We Were hoping Covid would maybe bring.

It, But I think Covid made
us more isolated because we became more
siloed. And I think this would have been a great tool,
during COVID you know?

Yeah. Instead of watching Netflix, why wouldn't we spend
more time connecting letters and
doing things like that? Right.

Right. I just didn't understand the impact it was going
to have. I just had no idea, because the story
sounds like I was, like, in a field of wheat in a white dress,
like, swirling around, going, what should I do? I want to do something
meaningful. And that was not the story at all. It just blew up. And it
just. The, you know, the responses I got,
just that, I told every single person who I wrote a letter

(21:18):
to. The first paragraph was. Was the same. It was like, I
reconnect with Dana. Her son passed away. I'm,
looking for real connection. I wrote her. I'm, you know, blah, blah, blah.
I'm writing every single one of my Facebook friends a letter.
And despite that, people will respond like this. Oh, you
chose me. I was chosen. I was like, no, I chose
everybody. You're in a box with everyone else, you know?

(21:38):
But that's how they felt. They felt seen, they felt value,
they felt heard, you know? And the number one response I
got, Wendy, from the letters was this. I'm going to save your
letter in a special place for the rest
of my life. Boom.

Yeah.

And we all have that power, because the part of my story
that's, unfortunate is one, that I'm a writer. You don't have
to be a writer to do this. Two, I did it 600 times. That's
nuts. That. Just the universe or God of the big man on
campus giving me a platform to talk about this, you
know? And you can do this. All that's
required. You could do this in one sentence, in a note
card. All that's really required is a sincere human

(22:17):
heart, you know, a piece of paper, an envelope, and
73 cents. And you're. And you're rocking your way through
this.

And you never know how your words will lift
someone up and help them to feel good and feel
loved and cared for.

Right. And that's, A friend of mine told me. He was like, you don't even
know how many people you probably talked off the edge without knowing it.
But I. I will tell you, there. There was a moment with Dana, because
I never. Since Dana lost her son, I
really never thought the letters had that. I mean, they
couldn't have that much of an impact, you know? In,
you know, in light of this huge loss, I mean, the worst

(22:52):
lost any of us. You know, I mean, it's just a
horrific thing that. That nobody even wants to
deal with. And we. And this is not to toot my
own horn, but we. I. We talked about this before thing we got. Dana and
I went on the Kelly Clarkson show, you know, and
she was talking to Kelly Clarkson, and I'm sitting there next
to her. Like, the, cameras are rolling.
The whole thing's going on. And Dana told Kelly Clarkson,

(23:13):
she said, you know, my family and I would wait for those
letters every. Yes, we would wait for him. And I
sat there and I thought I literally was
watching day, and I was like, holy,
this all actually happened. Like, I
had no idea those letters had that impact. I don't think it
all hit me until that moment. And then we didn't see that thing for
three months. Nick. You don't see the interview until live on

(23:36):
tv. So I was like, I hope I'm not sitting there with my mouth wide open
while David's talking during that part, because she said that, and I
was like, wow. And
we talk.

You had realized the impact of it.

no. And that's why I think we do a lot of stuff in life
and. Because the way our culture's set up right now and we
talk about the ripple effect and. But we really don't know
what we're doing and the impact we're having on people. You know,
it's a lot like podcasting, Wendy, because it's.
Letter writing's the same way. You're sending stuff out and you're just hoping,
impacts somebody, but we're only going to see glimpses. But I think the thing

(24:09):
we're called to do, especially as women, is to encourage each other
to keep moving forward.

Yeah. To use our voices, use our energy, use
our love, like, towards something good, even if you. If you're not
getting that instant gratification back. I mean, I'll
admit, even for me, it does get very lonely
in this podcast world. Or, like, I mean, this is,
like, great, because you and I get to connect. But just
like you said, I put it out there, and I'm like, well, there.

(24:34):
There you go. Hopefully this changes somebody's life, whether
it's something on menopause or something
on the loss of a loved one, Whatever the topic
is, maybe this will change somebody's
life. And you have to just.
You just have to give and love and.
And whatever comes back, whatever happens, what will be

(24:55):
right.

You can't control that. Right. And that was one of the
biggest takeaways for me personally from the 600 letters,
580 letters, is that there were so many of
them. First of all, I stopped count. I mean, I counted responses because I'm a
numbers girl, but I stopped waiting for it. It released me
because I realized that I think my response rate was like
75%, which is great. But I always think

(25:15):
about those 25% of the people who didn't respond. Because
I know that it does not mean that that
letter didn't mean something to them. It just means
that they didn't. They weren't in a place to respond.
They didn't feel like they had to respond, which is the best. But
I came to realize that I don't have to
receive a response from somebody in order to

(25:36):
validate that I made a difference. I can just
keep going without validation. And that's
one of the biggest personal takeaways for me. Because that's life changing.

Hey friend, I have some big news for
you. My signature program, Freedom
at Midlife is no longer just a
once a year program thing. Nope. Now
you can jump in anytime and start changing
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Cuz let's be real. When that wave hits,

(26:07):
you know the one when you're like, okay, I can't keep
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Your next chapter. Yeah. It starts
whenever you decide.
At what point did you decide to turn it into a

(28:00):
book?

I was probably three quarters of the way through, and I
kept this journal through the whole thing. The journal's hilarious because it. It's
stuff like, oh, my God, I just wrote Mrs. Mays from second
grade. This is ridiculous. Oh, my God. I cannot write one more
letter. I am going to die. Like, it sounds like it's
this journey of magical. But it wasn't. It
was like, my. My finger is bleeding, and I'm done with everything.

(28:21):
But I was probably three quarters of the way through. And there's notes in my
book. Like, I mean, in my journal, I was like, you know what?
I think there's so much hope in this that I'm going to
share this with the world. And then I started jotting down, like,
book ideas of how I was going to format the book.
Because what I realized was there was so
much hope in this story, and it was so unusual that

(28:42):
I had to share the story with
the world, because one of the biggest takeaways for
me personally was I reached out to so many people who I knew
didn't believe exactly what I believed. And
we're in this divisive culture. And a lot of the letters I wrote during
that first Trump and Clinton campaign,
election cycle, and there were so many people I reached out with

(29:03):
that I knew were completely on the opposite side of
me. And I walked away from those 600 letters not
caring anymore, because I was like, if you. If you reach out
to me with nothing but goodwill on the line and then I respond to
you in kind, that connection becomes more important
than the divisiveness. And so that was one of the
reason I wanted to write the book. But

(29:24):
the. The holdup was, am I going
to write about Dana and Parker? Am I going to share
her? So that had to be worked out with because Dana and I
reunited in person. We're best friends now, and so
I. I had to get her and her husband Jim, not on board, but
I had to make sure they were okay with it before I went. But she did the
whole book tour with me, and now we have the best time.

So that is so awesome. I just
posted something a couple weeks ago about journaling,
and I've always journaled, and I
do, well. And you journal, too, obviously, as you had mentioned,
about just even journaling. Through that. It's very
therapeutic. Just writing in
itself. I feel like there's this more of a soulful
connection when you put. When you take pen to paper.

(30:07):
Much different than if you're just going to sit there and type something on
onto a screen and.
Yeah. And then to be able to share your thoughts with someone,
I think we need to bring pen pals back, you know.

Oh, 100. 100%. And there is science based
on what you just said. You know, putting pen to
paper requires you to use both parts of your brain
because there's the tactile forming of the letters,
and then there's the fact that your brain has to be engaged
in a different way. It's a much more. And there is, like, the
American Psychology Today,

(30:39):
journal, you know, that shows that there's a
20% reduction in
stress and I think an increase in emotional clarity
by either journaling or handwriting,
letters or notes. I mean, so that's. That's science. There's a
reason you. You. You feel that way. It brings
out something different. Our, brain, I think it turns in an act of recording

(31:00):
to an actual. Of learning. Because for me, a
lot of the letters, especially to Dana, I learned
about my life by looking at the outside in. I swear to you,
I. I still write Dana. And I put my life in order
by writing Dana. Because I'm writing about things that are
happening, and as I write and think about
them, it changes the way I look at them.

Yeah, this has inspired me because
it's been. It's been a few years. I had this
idea that I wanted
to collect love letters to
addicts. So if someone had someone
that was, you know, addicted and that they would
write a love letter to them, especially if they had already

(31:40):
passed on. And. And I had this idea
because my brother. And then when I got the idea, I was like,
okay, I was like, I'm gonna start this project.
And this was after he had gone into a coma a
couple of times. And. And then I
wanted. I wanted to do it because I wanted them to
see the. The addict as someone

(32:01):
beyond the addiction for who they truly are
deep down within that addicted shell.
And so right when I was about to start it
is when my brother died. So
then I never followed through with it. And
then life goes on. Da, da, da. And it's been
in the back of my mind, I was like, I feel like starting that

(32:22):
project again. And then after,
when, PR by the Book introduced me to you,
and I was like, maybe I should do that, you know,
but the point of it is just to be able to
share that love to someone that is
passed on and that you. That you love
them no matter what. Despite all the addictions,
despite every, all of the drama and the trauma

(32:44):
and the issues and the channel challenges and
deep. I mean, that was the biggest lesson I learned
from my brother. Just watching him pass away is
like seeing this
amazing 6 foot 5 guy
struggling his whole life like he couldn't,
you know. And I saw him as a soul with a

(33:04):
body, not a body with the soul, if that makes sense. And
so I could see, finally see beyond all of
the addictions. And I was like, ah,
so anyways, that's my, that's my little writing
project that I have in mind.

No, I think that there's the stars of a line for us to
meet and that's. I know, a reason for you
to, you know, do it. And I think that.
And I think what you said, though, even if the person has
passed on, is super powerful because I think that the
assumption in this note, in letter writing, is the person who walks
away the most change is the person who receives the
note. You know, because we feel like, you know, in that

(33:42):
transaction that if you write me and tell me how much,
you know, I mean to you or, something I've done for you or thank
me, that I'm going to be the one who's changed. But I know this
from being the letter writing ladies. Now, is that the
person who's the most changed from writing the letters.

Yes.

Is the person writing the letters. And that's the
plot twist in the whole thing. Because no matter what context
you put this in this note writing, you
know, it's going to change the perception and the
spirit of the person who's doing it way more than the
recipients. It will change the way you look at
everything in life. Just like the letters to
Dana change the way I looked at everything until the

(34:20):
point where I got inspired to do the rest of it. It will
absolutely turn your world, especially
in 2025. It'll, it'll, it'll.
It'll turn it on its head in a very good way.

Yeah.
What are some ideas, for people that are, you know,
listening and they're like, I want to do that, but maybe I just want
to do it super small scale and. But I don't know who to write to
or what can I. Or maybe if there's somebody out there
wants to do something like a cool little writing project.
Any ideas that you have?

Well, I would say, you know, trust Yourself, like your
idea is. Yeah. is the addict idea. I think a lot of
times when I speak about this, people tell me they either have somebody in their
head or they have this idea. Like, here's the way I would do it.
And I think you Trust yourself. You 100% say,
you know, this is, this is the way I see it.
I see one letter and I'm out. I see, I want to,

(35:10):
I want to commit to doing one letter or one note. And
I, and I would say if you just want to try it, go to Target
and buy the smallest card they have. It doesn't have to
flip, flip open and think of someone like
it doesn't matter, just someone you want to say something to that you haven't said it
to them. You know. And you write those two sentences down
and you sign it and you will feel vulnerable. That's

(35:31):
the part about this. It all sounds so good. Like unicorns and
rainbows and everybody's prancing around all over the screen. But
that, but you're going to sit down because I still write somebody note every day
and I still feel this way. I did this morning. You're back. I'm
really going to say that in writing to this person. If
you can just get over that vulnerability, if you can just
allow yourself to put yourself out there this

(35:51):
much, it is going to be life changing. So I would say
approach it from your own. Like, some people need 12
pages, some people need two sentences. Trust
yourself, you know, and, make this your own idea.
It has nothing to do with me. I'm just the person talking about it.

And just detaching from the outcome, how it's
received.

Right. Drop it in the blue box with a big
smile on your face and see what happens next. That's what I say. And
don't expect anything 100.
Release your expectations.

You can even send it to a random address if you wanted to. You know
what I mean?

Right.

Or you can randomly.

Right. And you go on my website, my address is there. Send it to
me.

Yeah.

I'm a safe space to receive a letter. I'll write you back first of all.
But I'm just saying you, you know, this has got to be done in
the context because it's such a personal thing. Sending a
note, handwriting, all those things are part of our personality. So it's got to
be done within the context of the way you see
it. And I think we, we live in a culture where we want a
blueprint for everything. Like this is what you do. And what we ought

(36:50):
to do instead, if we're interested in participating in
something like this, or we have an idea, is if we could just
trust ourselves for just
enough to take one step forward, this whole
world would be completely different.

Yeah. I even think, too, people that are in
assisted living or nursing homes where they
can't write, where you can write, you can go and
get right. Like,
maybe they would love to write to their loved ones, but they
can't. And you could be their. Their little
writer for them. You know, like, there's all sorts of things you
could do.

You know, that's amazing that you said that, because I watched
Antiques Roadshow last night, and, there was a
letter there, a handwritten letter from a Civil
War soldier, who was. Who actually
died, like, two weeks after this letter was written. But
Walt Whitman went around before he was famous and
wrote letters for soldiers who could not,
write home. And so you just. I don't know, you just

(37:47):
tapped into that. Because I just saw it.
But you could do it for people in hospitals. You could do it
for assisted living, people you could do it for. There's. There's
a bunch of different ways. That's why I'm saying whatever
idea you have in your head is the absolute, a
thousand percent way to go with it.

Yeah. Yeah. And another interesting,
funny fact about me is that I used to leave
my journals and airports.
And my hope was, is that. And I would even
write a letter to the person that
found the journal credible. And
then I would say, let them know, like, hey, this

(38:25):
yours. You can keep it. And I never, you know, I
would. I would reveal a lot in the journal, but no
names and things like that. But then, I'd let
them know, you're. You're welcome to read it, pass it on,
whatever. But hopefully my
story inspires them or changes their life.

And.

And I would love. There's just, like. It'd
be so interesting that whoever would pick up each one of those
journals, whatever they were going through in their life
was like, oh, well, Wendy got through it. Look, here
she. Oh, here she's having. Oh, she's having a bad day again.
But here she got through it.

Okay.

Now she's trying this. Now she's pissed that it's raining out. Like.

Yeah.

You know, and they're just going through the journey with me,
but, like, eventually getting out of it, you know,
so it's.
Yeah.

That's incredible.

Very powerful.

If it was me, I'd feel like the universe gave me this.
Yes. This moral. Like this
you know, this compass that I was going to, like, I'd been
treated to. That's an incredible. That's another incredible. Like, I've never heard anything like
that in my life.

Yeah. What was funny, though, is that whenever I would leave the
journal, I acted as if I was, like, leaving a bomb or something
because I didn't want anyone to see that I was leaving it.

Right. Oh, yeah.

I'm just going to leave that right there on the back of the toilet.

Yeah.

But at the checkout counter, you know.

But I'd run, you know, like.
Right. but that's how I felt about a lot of the letters,
especially the ones that were a little more random. You know, I drop it and be like, okay,
we're going to act like this never happened. Like, you know, it never happened. And
then, you know, a bunch over and over again. The person
you thought you weren't going to hear back from was exactly the
person you were going to totally hear back from. Yeah.
how change.

How has it changed you emotionally,
spiritually?

Well, I feel like there's. There's nothing
that can connect two people. I mean, who. Who can separate
two people who are connected to each other in
some meaningful way and connect and in a
meaningful individual way. Because once you see
that person for who they are, this. You
know, because that's the thing. Like, what did I even say in the letters? Well, first of
all, I went looked at their Facebook profile because I had to

(40:28):
have find some nugget to tap into. And I was like, okay, first of
all, you know, I'm like, let's use. Let's say I
was writing you. We went to high school together, you know, and
I'd be like, oh, Wendy? Yeah, from high school. Like, what happened to her?
And so I would look through your
profile. So the first thing I would do, let's say, you know, I
had known that you had lost your brother, so I could express sympathy. And I

(40:48):
realized it was never, ever too late to do that, because I got caught up in that at
the beginning, like, you know, passed away.
But I realized it's even more meaningful maybe if it's
later. So I would say, I'm so sorry about your brother.
You know, I had no idea. And then I'd be like, oh, my God,
you're a freaking rock star. You are me and your
podcast and your book. Like, I'm so proud to be your friend. So

(41:09):
I can say that. And then, like, wait, wait, there's still another page. So what
am I going to Say next. And this again, this is not because I'm a great person. I was
trying to write letters and then I was. So, naturally what
you would do is you sit back and you'd be like, Wendy. Like, what
was that like in high school? Like, what was the deal with Wendy? And you know, when
you have this huge list of people, you're not, we don't do that anymore. We don't
specifically look at each other. Like, I kind of remember that.

(41:30):
But I'm not going to sit down and do that deliberately. Like,
wait, Wendy, she was the one by the payphone
when Larry broke up with me. And I was sobbing and so upset.
Like, it was the worst thing to have. We were juniors and you
got in my face and you were like, amy, this is not going to
define your relational life. There's going to be better things. And I
cannot wait. So you were already being Wendy, like Wendy

(41:50):
of now Wendy. Then I was like, oh my God, you were showing all your Wendy
cards right there. And I never had a chance, Wendy, to
say thank you for that. Yeah. And so
what does that do to me? Well, first of all, think about receiving a
letter like that. Second of all, think about writing 500
letters like that. So my grateful leader
went off the charts because I was like, Wendy. And all these other
500 people showed up at the right time in my life. So how

(42:13):
much hope is there? That. And then I couldn't give
one flying flip how Wendy voted
because Wendy stood there with me in high school,
you know, and I am, I am connected to this
rock star named Wendy, you know, and
so all those things, there's so much hope in that. So
it has changed the way I looked at everyone because I,

(42:33):
you know, I do not look at anyone like
I look at them as a letter I could write and say, this is
a real person living a messy,
triumphant, screwed up,
beautiful life that I'm connected to for a real reason.
Yeah, life changed.

That's amazing.
What's your, what's next for you?

Well, I've got the balls in the air. So I keep speaking about this
book. Like I, I, I, you know, took it on the road as an
inspirational speech because people read the book and they're
like, you need to go talk about this. And then I've written two other
speeches because now I realize, like, organizations
want to talk about their organizational culture. They want to talk about,
and I call it a handwritten culture. And then referral

(43:17):
based businesses want to talk about how to harness the power of this
because there's there's so many. I can talk to any group about this.
And I had no idea because when I first started I had a real estate group
ask me. I was like, why would they even want me there? Because
this little tool we have in our human
toolkits is applicable to any place where there's two humans
trying to relate. So I spend a lot of

(43:37):
time talking about being the letter writing
lady. I spent a lot of time, but I am actively writing.
I'm writing, ah, like a humorous historical
fiction book at the same time. So I got a lot of balls in the air and
I'm really enjoying and I just can't. This story has such
traction. It just doesn't stop. Which is a great problem
to have.

Yeah. And I feel like we need to bring back some of
these quote unquote, old fashioned ways.

Right, Right. I was on this podcast with this
millennial girl who her whole deal was talking to
postpartum moms. Like that was her whole coaching thing. And
you know, she's like, I'm a millennial. And she said, what I crave
is real connection. And I was like,
wow. And, and so I think the pendulum, Wendy
is swinging the other direction. And you look at stuff like film

(44:23):
photography and people have a real desire
to, do something tactile, something, you
know, analog. I mean, I think there's a real. You see
those film, those cameras sitting on people's weddings again, you know,
where people can take pictures and then turn the film in. There's a reason
for that. We're craving something different
than the phone.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I love what a
great story.

Well, thank you. Because I know when people pitch this, they're
like, because I, I'm always surprised when I listen to your
podcast and I'm like, I love your energy. But I'm always, I
always, I'm really impressed with people who take the leap of
faith in the letter writing story because it is a niche,
you know, to see the value in it. And, and that's the thing,
you know, it's. Somebody like you is going to see the value in that. So.

(45:08):
Thank you.

Yeah.
Okay, question for you. Have you written a letter to someone
that you maybe had an argument with
or you hadn't spoken in years?
Any challenges that you were like, okay, I'm gonna,
I'm gonna write this person, right?

Well, yeah, I wrote two people who I'd fired as a,
as a manager. And that was funny, but
it kind of, it was awkward. And then I was like, you know what it
was Done in love. Same kind of general
format that I talked about. Here's why I'm doing it. And I
wrote about stuff we remembered from working together.
And then I just said the thing at the end. I was like, look, hey,

(45:43):
that was the position I was in. You know, I've always
felt. Felt bad about letting you go as a human being. I'll probably
never get over it. And I, you know, and I. And I hope
we can still be friends, because we were. And I had one girl
write me back, Wendy. And she was like, you know what? Your letter
just meant so much to me. That was a dark time
for me. And she signed it, love you, Sheila.

(46:04):
And I was like, you know what? I just, It's just another great
lesson in life that now I can see her in the grocery store and
not feel embarrassed. But it just let both of us off the
hook. And it was done in love and sincerity. And I think
that's all it takes sometimes, you know,
Exactly.

Just connecting. It's. That's amazing.
So where can we find you and get your book? Of course.

Yeah. Well. Amydaughters.com. so both the
books that, Speaking and a Bunch of Shenanigans are on my website.
But most importantly, my email address is there. So
if you want to discuss. If you're thinking about
doing something or anything and you want to
try out your first thing you're going to write on me, great.
I'm here for every bit because, yes, I want to sell books. I'm

(46:46):
a small business person, but I feel like the universe
gave me this topic. And
I'll talk to anybody. I will do whatever you want me to do. And
then my mailing address is on there. So if you want to write
me a letter, let me be the first one. But I'm just happy
connect. So it's Amy Daughters dot com. And
that's where all the. All the deets. And I'm on social media

(47:07):
as well.

Did you. Did you used to have a pen pal growing up?

No, not. No. I wrote back and forth. My grandmother was
probably my pen pal. Grandmother lived far away, who
I was close with. So I didn't have an official pen pal. I've talked to so
many people, haven't. You know, there's things on the Internet now where you can get
a pen Pal in 2025.
They will connect you with somebody because there's.
People like us. Human beings

(47:32):
crave connection, real connection.
And I think that's why. That's why I get in
so many doors, because people Want to talk about this? Because they
need it.

Yeah. I still remember I had. I had a
pen pal. She was in Japan and,
you know, as a kid growing up, and I was in
Missouri at the time, so they're right. It was like, oh, my gosh,
she's in Japan. And I was so excited
when the teacher, because the letters would come to the school
and the teacher would come in. She's like, oh, Wendy's got a letter. And I

(48:03):
was like, oh, my God, like, so excited.
And she. I can remember. I can remember
her. Her telling me in the letter what
she ate for dinner. So it's like, the point is it
doesn't have to be anything, like,
fascinating or extreme or. But I was just
like, wow, she's eating noodles and
some, you know, fish. And it was just like,

(48:25):
wow.

I don't know. That's.
Doesn't have to be some. It can be just
like, dear Wendy, I. I just been thinking about you
and I just want to let you know that I appreciate you and I value you.
Love, Amy. That can be the whole thing. It doesn't have to be
this. It's just whatever's in your heart, if you just put that out there,
it's good. But that I love. The best thing you

(48:46):
just said was the letter will come up.

Yeah.

That's the impact everyone who's listening
can have on another human being.

Yes.

Every single one of us. By taking six
minutes of our time, because that's all it's really going to take.
You can make us, someone else go
like that.

Here's a little idea for everyone if they want to take this
idea. A few years ago
for Christmas, I put in each one of
my boys stockings that I
was going to. And it. It was their first letter. For
30 days, I wrote them a little love
note. I called them love bombs. And I did
for 30 days.

And.

And the rule was, I said, there's only one rule.
You're not allowed to reply.

I see. The better I.

Because I didn't. Yeah. I wanted them to just receive.
They didn't have to say thank you. you know,
nothing just. And they were simple, little
daily. And every single day. I have three boys. So
that was like, what, 90. 90 little
love notes, love bombs that I wrote to them.
And. And they said they're like, that was one of the greatest

(49:54):
gifts that I gave them.

Yeah. And I mean, simple.

I mean, and it would literally be something
like, I love your smile.

Right.

or I love that one time when you were riding your tricycle. And
you, you know, whatever.

Right.

The dog. Just simple, simple little
things. Nothing major.

And. See, that's. That's beautiful. I had somebody who I talked to
say that they wrote each of their
children 10 reasons, short
reasons, that 10 things they liked about them.
And so I did that because I thought it was a great idea. And I might
do your blood bombs next, but it made
me look at my kids differently. But my kids said they'll hold on to

(50:34):
those letters for the rest of their life because, you know,
to be seen by your mother, because we think all those things. But
as. As far as putting them down, that. That's completely
different. Yeah.

And that's something we'll cherish, you know?

Right. My, Yeah, my kids, like, went to
a summer camp, some. Same one I went and met Dana at. But,
when they were, like, 17, they went on this leadership program.
They went to Colorado, climb this mountain. Well,
when they were done climbing this mountain, it was a super difficult climb.
You know, they all had to support each other. Was like seven kids or eight kids and
an adult or a counselor. And so when they

(51:08):
got back on the other side of the mountain, before they went back to reality,
they each wrote one thing they liked about each other
and gave it to the other person. Well, my second
kid, I knew my first kid had saved him, or
he told me he did. My second kid, who has lost, like,
in the meantime lost, like, four student IDs and, like,
six pairs of AirPods and everything else, you
know, I went as well as the other day, embarrassingly,

(51:31):
to borrow $5. But I went in there, and tucked away in
the back were all those little notes from five years ago.
All those little notes from those other kids who said one
thing about him. They, like, they're all still shoved
in his wallet. The kid has lost his mind since then. But
that's the power we have. That's the power of a handwritten sticky
note. That's the power.

M. I love it. You're awesome. I'm so glad you
did that, the whole thing.

Well, thank you. I. Me, too. I mean, I think it was the best
version of me, 100%.

All right, everyone, make sure you get that book. It is so
good. And, write me a letter. You can. I'll even.
I'm going to leave my address. It's a Texas address.
Livingston, Texas. That's where all my mail goes. I actually
have a digital mailbox, which is kind of
nice. So I'll leave my address, too, so everyone can,
can email me or I mean, I'm sorry.
Mail. Mail me a letter. Mail

(52:24):
me a handwritten letter. Or mail Amy a letter. Well,
thank you. Thank you, everyone.
Did this podcast inspire you? Challenge you?
Trigger you to make a change or spit out your coffee laughing?
Good. Then there are three ways you can thank me.
Number one, you can leave a written review of this
podcast on Apple iTunes. Number two,

(52:46):
you can take a screenshot of the episode and share it on
the social media and tag me Wendy
Valentine. Number three, share it with
another midlifer that needs a makeover. You know who
I'm talking about. Thank you so much for listening to
the show. Get out there and be bold. Be
free.

Be you,
Sam.

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