Ep17 | When Success Isn’t Enough: Mindset Shifts for High-Achieving Women Craving More

Ever looked around at your life and thought… is this really it? You’ve got it all, your career, your family — but deep down, you’re still searching for more. More joy. More time for you.

And worse? You feel guilty for even thinking it.

In this episode of The Selfish Snob, Dr. Onaysia Martinez — identity liberation + catalyst coach — unpacks why high-achieving women feel stuck even after “making it,” and how to stop letting external validation dictate your worth.

✨ In this episode, you’ll learn: • How your mindset is shaped by generational expectations and performance-based worth • Why mindfulness is essential to personal development and career clarity • The cost of tying your identity to achievements, roles, and being “the strong one” • How to redefine leadership from the inside out in a way that feels good to you

If you’ve ever said: 🔎 “I want more, but I feel selfish even thinking about it” 🔎 “I don’t know who I am outside of my job and accomplishments” 🔎 “I’m scared to want something different — what will people think?”

...this episode was made for you.

Your Next Steps:

1. Subscribe for weekly coaching gems on mindset, healing, and bold leadership.

2. Share this episode with the hermana who’s been quietly questioning her path and needs a wake-up call.

3. Leave a review to help more high-achieving women find this space and give themselves permission to grow beyond the roles they've outgrown.

Let’s Connect: 🌐 Website: Learn More

💼 LinkedIn: Dr. Onaysia Martinez 📲 TikTok: @DrOnaysiaMartinez 📸 Instagram: @DrOnaysiaMartinez

P.S. Ready to stop overworking, overextending, and start actually living again?  Join the waitlist for my 1:1 Coaching Program and reclaim your joy, time, and energy over your life today.

Episode Transcript

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You're so successful.

(00:01):
.333333333You have all the degrees, you have the job title, you have everything that you have ever wanted, and your family has wanted for you, but you're still seeking more, and you're afraid to even admit that to yourself. 3 00:00:12,213.333333333 --> 00:00:16,293.333333333 You're afraid to say that to your family and your friends because you don't want to seem ungrateful. 4 00:00:16,293.333333333 --> 00:00:17,463.333333333 You don't wanna seem selfish. 5 00:00:17,733.333333333 --> 00:00:20,433.333333333 You don't wanna seem crazy like you have three heads. 6 00:00:20,763.333333333 --> 00:00:24,483.333333333 But the truth is, sis, your feelings are valid. 7 00:00:24,483.333333333 --> 00:00:27,903.333333333 Your feelings are not coming from an unknown source. 8 00:00:27,903.333333333 --> 00:00:28,533.333333333 They're deriving. 9 00:00:28,593.333333333 --> 00:00:48,838.333333333 From the very fact that your identity is so tied to who you've become and the life that you've created for other people and not yourself, welcome to the Selfish Small Podcast, the podcast for high achieving Latinas who are ready to stop drifting by an autopilot and to start creating a life that actually excites them. 10 00:00:49,348.333333333 --> 00:00:59,278.333333333 I'm your host, doc donation Martinez, and I teach women just like you how to step into their purpose boldly, unapologetically, and beyond the expectations of others. 11 00:00:59,758.333333333 --> 00:01:05,188.333333333 You're here today because you've been feeling called to do something more with your life, and you're not exactly sure what that is. 12 00:01:05,368.333333333 --> 00:01:08,383.333333333 Are you ready to figure it out together? Let's get into it. 13 00:01:09,297.31292517 --> 00:01:09,897.31292517 Hey girl. 14 00:01:09,897.31292517 --> 00:01:10,617.31292517 Hey. 15 00:01:10,707.31292517 --> 00:01:12,747.31292517 Welcome to the Selfish Non Podcast. 16 00:01:12,904.545068027 --> 00:01:32,784.545068027 How you doing girl? I know that this week has probably been really tough and I know that it literally just started, but that's what happens when we tend to put so much on our plates, when we are overachievers, when we are the girl that has it all together. 17 00:01:33,204.545068027 --> 00:01:37,554.545068027 And today I wanna talk to you about what it means. 18 00:01:37,584.545068027 --> 00:01:49,794.54506803 To let go of that title, what it means to see yourself past the overachiever, and past the idea of needing to have it all together. 19 00:01:49,794.54506803 --> 00:01:53,454.54506803 Because when you don't have it all together and things. 20 00:01:53,454.54506803 --> 00:01:59,714.54506803 Start feeling a little confusing then you really gotta take a second to uncover. 21 00:01:59,769.54506803 --> 00:02:04,479.54506803 It is that you are beneath the surface, and that's what today's episode is gonna be all about. 22 00:02:04,629.54506803 --> 00:02:07,389.54506803 Still, without further ado, let's get into it. 23 00:02:07,389.54506803 --> 00:02:07,809.54506803 Clean. 24 00:02:08,262.87840136 --> 00:02:27,142.87840136 I was in my childhood home this past week actually, and it really brought me back to a different time sis, like it brought me back to high school and middle school and times where I really was not a doctor. 25 00:02:27,202.87840136 --> 00:02:27,982.87840136 I wasn't. 26 00:02:28,52.87840136 --> 00:02:32,842.87840136 This, highly established woman that I am today. 27 00:02:33,352.87840136 --> 00:02:34,312.87840136 I was just me. 28 00:02:34,732.87840136 --> 00:02:44,152.87840136 I was just on Asia, and I was from a small town in Rhode Island, the state with small expectations. 29 00:02:44,192.87840136 --> 00:03:03,159.54506803 Over who I would be and how far I would go in life, then I really started to think like when did my identity become so deeply tied to my degrees, to my titles, and to what I've done? And then I started to look back at, okay. 30 00:03:03,599.54506803 --> 00:03:13,259.54506803 When did my value become so unified with how I performed? And girl, when I tell you this goes back years. 31 00:03:13,684.54506803 --> 00:03:27,874.54506803 Like from being on the honor roll back to back since middle school, all throughout high school, being in the National Honor Society, in both high school and college and fighting for that 4.0 32 00:03:27,874.54506803 --> 00:03:29,734.54506803 GPA, you know what I'm talking about, girl. 33 00:03:29,744.54506803 --> 00:03:44,534.54506803 And so when we think about this, we think about how these are Directly tied to the way in which we see ourselves, it's much deeper than we think. 34 00:03:44,584.54506803 --> 00:04:00,201.21173469 For you, queen, when was that time when you really started to notice, you were prioritizing school, your performance in school, in your grades, to validate your worth? Did you find yourself. 35 00:04:00,559.54506803 --> 00:04:11,319.54506803 Rushing home after school with your report card and showing your parents and waiting for that prideful smile and that pat on the back and that celebratory dinner. 36 00:04:11,379.54506803 --> 00:04:26,286.1212585 And did you ever receive that? Because if you were like me and it was just another accomplishment to add to the barrel, then you might've felt a lack of validation from that. 37 00:04:26,766.1212585 --> 00:04:37,504.5070085 And this has propelled you to fuel every single training, certification degree, job promotion when we are not given this. 38 00:04:37,504.5070085 --> 00:04:52,169.5070085 Validation as a child, it forces us to have this sense of, Emptiness to us where yes, we know that we are worthy, we know that we are valuable at baseline, but if we dig much deeper, then. 39 00:04:52,964.5070085 --> 00:05:18,564.5070085 All of our actions align with the fact that external validation is more worthy and more valuable to us than the way in which we feel about ourselves the first thing that you need to do, is start thinking about what you associated your value with and your worth with, and then uncover who you truly are outside of those accomplishments. 40 00:05:18,814.5070085 --> 00:05:20,164.5070085 You're so successful. 41 00:05:20,164.5070085 --> 00:05:31,27.84034184 You have all the degrees, you have the job title, you have everything that you have ever wanted, and your family has wanted for you, but you're still seeking more, and you're afraid to even admit that to yourself. 42 00:05:31,27.84034184 --> 00:05:35,107.84034184 You're afraid to say that to your family and your friends because you don't want to seem ungrateful. 43 00:05:35,107.84034184 --> 00:05:36,277.84034184 You don't wanna seem selfish. 44 00:05:36,547.84034184 --> 00:05:39,247.84034184 You don't wanna seem crazy like you have three heads. 45 00:05:39,577.84034184 --> 00:05:43,297.84034184 But the truth is, sis, your feelings are valid. 46 00:05:43,297.84034184 --> 00:05:46,717.84034184 Your feelings are not coming from an unknown source. 47 00:05:46,717.84034184 --> 00:05:47,347.84034184 They're deriving. 48 00:05:47,407.84034184 --> 00:05:58,862.84034184 From the very fact that your identity is so tied to who you've become and the life that you've created for other people and not yourself, It's about honoring that girl. 49 00:05:58,862.84034184 --> 00:06:02,162.84034184 It's about bringing her out from the depths of your. 50 00:06:02,247.84034184 --> 00:06:29,247.84034184 So old because she's suffocating from all the expectations that your family has put onto from all of the cookie cutter boxes that society has placed you in from all of the standards that have been set forth before you, and from the pressure for you to bring your family to this legacy and to this light, and be the one that lifts them out of the trenches and out of the struggle and be the one that. 51 00:06:29,347.84034184 --> 00:06:31,177.84034184 finally makes it out. 52 00:06:31,441.17367517 --> 00:06:33,171.17367517 You don't have to keep performing. 53 00:06:33,171.17367517 --> 00:06:34,701.17367517 You don't have to keep pretending. 54 00:06:34,731.17367517 --> 00:06:39,351.17367517 You don't have to keep striving for the success that you already have. 55 00:06:39,591.17367517 --> 00:06:44,117.84034184 All you have to do is look deep within The answers lie within you. 56 00:06:44,291.17367517 --> 00:06:50,501.17367517 Until next time, queen, if today's episode hit just a little bit extra today, don't just sit on the inspirational kick. 57 00:06:50,861.17367517 --> 00:06:52,571.17367517 It's time to take action now. 58 00:06:53,231.17367517 --> 00:07:00,311.17367517 The life you want is on the other side of the bold moves you haven't made yet, and that includes what you do after listening to this podcast. 59 00:07:00,941.17367517 --> 00:07:06,401.17367517 First, you're gonna make sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode and stay on track with building your dream life. 60 00:07:07,31.17367517 --> 00:07:13,811.17367517 Second, you're gonna share this with the fellow Latina who's been going through the same situation lately and could really benefit from the chat we had today. 61 00:07:14,351.17367517 --> 00:07:15,551.17367517 Third, you're gonna stop. 62 00:07:15,611.17367517 --> 00:07:19,961.17367517 Waiting on the right time to step into your calling and get your life back. 63 00:07:20,621.17367517 --> 00:07:25,361.17367517 Scroll down to the show notes and hurry onto the wait list for the Path to Purpose Coaching Program. 64 00:07:25,361.17367517 --> 00:07:27,701.17367517 So when the doors open, you're the first to know. 65 00:07:28,601.17367517 --> 00:07:29,711.17367517 Until next time, queen. 66 00:07:30,281.17367517 --> 00:07:35,141.17367517 And remember, you only have one life, so it's time to start living it a little more selfishly.