How Do You Reclaim Your True Self After Divorce And Psychological Abuse? | Kristen Crabtree

In this episode of The Soul Mirror, host Shreya sits down with author and certified divorce coach Kristen Crabtree to unpack what it really takes to wake up inside a life you no longer recognize and then rebuild from the inside out. Kristen shares how 22 years in a seemingly peaceful marriage masked years of control, psychological abuse and identity erosion. After intensive trauma therapy, losing her marriage, job, home and important relationships in rapid succession, she chose a different path.

Through meditation, deep inner work and radical honesty, Kristen reconnected with her true self, revived a book she had started in 1999 and created the Paramour Paradox ecosystem. Inside this conversation, we talk about shifting from victim story to self-leadership, excavating buried identity, the fear of change, and why your inner truth is the only real authority in your healing.

 

About the Guest :

Kristen Crabtree is an author and certified trauma informed divorce coach whose work is grounded in lived experience rather than theory. After leaving a decades long psychologically abusive marriage and completing intensive trauma therapy, she rebuilt her identity and life from the ground up.

She is the creator of Paramour Paradox, an ecosystem that includes her book, guided exercises, a journal in development, daily practice tools, an app concept and a community called The Murmuration, all built to help people hear and trust their inner truth. Through her coaching and writing, Kristen supports clients in moving from invisibility and survival into clarity, self trust and conscious choice.

 

Key Takeaways:

• Psychological abuse and control often look “peaceful” from the outside. Kristen names how small criticisms and constant second guessing slowly erased her voice until trauma therapy helped her recognize the pattern.

• Leaving a controlling marriage triggered a full life reset. Marriage, job, home, relationships and even beloved pets were lost in a short window. That collapse became the doorway to deep transformation rather than the end of her story.

• Healing required shifting from a victim identity to authorship. Kristen did not deny her trauma. Instead she chose to redefine how those experiences would influence her present and future instead of letting them silently dictate her reality.

• The Paramour Paradox framework is built on one core belief. You do not need to become someone new. You need to excavate the real you under layers of roles, stories and protective masks. Her “Who Am I” exercise is the entry point.

• Fear of change is universal. Most people say “I cannot live like this” and “I do not want to blow my life up” in the same breath. Kristen shows how daily tools, community and practical structure make change less terrifying and more sustainable.

 

How Listeners Can Connect With Kristen Crabtree  :

Primary Website and Ecosystem

• Website : https://www.paramourparadox.com/ 

• Explore the Paramour Paradox ecosystem, including the book, upcoming journal, daily practices, T shirt concept and app driven tools for inner excavation.

Coaching: Divorce And Trauma Recovery

• Trauma informed divorce coaching program: Destination True You 2.0

• Focus areas : psychological abuse recovery, post separation rebuilding, identity reclamation and navigating life after leaving controlling dynamics.

Free Resources And Community

• Free community: The Murmuration - A gathering space for truth seekers walking their own reclamation journey.

• Free “Who Am I” video series that guides you through uncovering the roles, masks and stories that keep you invisible in your own life.

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