August 9, 2024 • 27 mins
Life can feel overwhelming sometimes, but what if finding peace and joy was simpler than we thought? The secret lies in acceptance.
In this episode, I dive into acceptance and how it can transform your daily life. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed or frustrated by things you can't change, this episode is for you.
You’ll learn why acceptance is important and key to finding peace and how accepting the facts of our lives can reduce unnecessary suffering. I share personal stories, like dealing with aging and a recent eye surgery, and how a walk with my dog, Nellie, led to a breakthrough moment.
Discover practical steps you can take to embrace acceptance in life and of your current situation. I’ll also introduce you to two different ‘emotional trees’—one rooted in acceptance that leads to peace and joy, and one rooted in resistance that leads to resentment and fleeting excitement.
Join me as we explore how letting go of resistance and aligning our expectations and reality can lead to a more peaceful and fulfilling life.
Grab your headphones, take a deep breath, and let’s get into it!
- Mark
Let’s connect:
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrobertsonpcc
Email: mark@coachmark.com
Website: www.coachmark.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to Wake Up and PayAttention the podcast fueling
(00:03):
positive change from the insideout. I'm Mark Robertson, your
host, with over 25 years as aprofessional coach, I'm thrilled
to explore the personal growthtools that have helped me and
hundreds of people just likeyou, design and awaken to their
best life. If you've ever feltoverwhelmed and unfulfilled,
like you're just going throughthe motions day after day. Maybe
(00:24):
you're afraid one day all theballs are going to drop. You're
in the right place. Together.Let's expand our self awareness
and make sustainable shifts thatimprove our communication
skills, relationships andoverall well being. This is a
judgment free zone whereopenness, understanding and
support rule. So grab yourheadphones and get ready. It's
(00:45):
time to wake up and payattention.
Greetings, Wake Up and PayAttention listeners and welcome
to another episode of thepodcast. This is episode 17. You
probably don't really care aboutthe number, but just putting it
out there, keeping count, Ican't believe that we're this
far into it, but alas, we are.I'm recording the podcast for
(01:10):
you today on a Monday evening,which is a bit of an unusual
time to do it, but alas, thatwas the time that I was inspired
to go ahead and cut it.
It's been a few weeks since thelast podcast dropped, and quite
frankly, it's been a little bitof a delay, because normally I'm
inspired, and the topic justcomes to me, and then I know,
okay, I'm ready to record. Andit took a little longer for that
(01:33):
to happen this time, but itlanded on me last Thursday, so
that's where I'll start ourpodcast today. So let me just
tell you about that experience,and I'll tell you what the topic
So I was out walking my dog,Nellie, in the neighborhood, and
is.
noticing that the things hadbeen, life had been a little bit
sort of up and down, a littlelittle back and forth, a little
(01:55):
weird of late. And when I saythat, I mean particularly the
conversation, the language goingon in my head was kind of all
over the place. Some days,solid, some days, you know, just
kind of thoughts, just coming inand out, often. Other days
great. Other days kind of so-so,which I think is just the
experience of life. I think atleast that's what's so for me.
(02:18):
And when I share that with otherpeople, they seem to nod their
head and go, yeah, yeah. That'sme too, you know.
And I think it's not just lifein general, but it's also life
in in America, in our culture.In 2024 I think that a lot of
it's, or at least some portionof it is, churned up by the
current time we live in, whichis there are a lot of words to
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describe that, certainly for me,it would be chaotic, complex,
lot of uncertainty, a lot ofunknowns, struggle, certainly
here and there some good stuffand maybe some not so good stuff
happening. And so that was theexperience I've been having as
well. I'm reminded of howpowerful what my teacher
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Leolisle used to call thecultural soup, is that we all
swim in, you know, we're allswimming in the American
cultural soup. And whether welike it or not, it affects us.
It gets on us, so to speak. AndI think what I'm going to be
talking about tonight isreflective of the current
cultural soup.
So I was walking my dog andlistening to my internal
conversation and thoughts wasaround, I was reminded once
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again, of the importance ofacceptance. You may remember I
talked about this in a previousepisode when I was talking about
the importance of acceptancewhen it relates to our emotional
state, specifically our mood. Ifyou remember when I was covering
the four basic moods, one of thepillars is around acceptance of
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the facts. So are we living inacceptance of the facts? And so
facts meaning things that aretrue and in a way we can't
change. They are what's so arewe not in acceptance of the
facts? So if you remember,acceptance of the facts brings
the mood of peace. It allows usto be peaceful. And when we're
(04:07):
not accepting the facts, it'soften fertile ground for the
mood of resentment to show up.And I think if we're talking
more about emotions, theemotions of frustration and
irritation, maybe even anger,are often clues, I think, to
some level of not accepting thefacts.
(04:28):
And so that's what was going onin my head. It was kind of
another Aha, like, oh, that'swhat's been happening with me of
late. I think I've beenstruggling to come to acceptance
of a number of facts for mepersonally, and then also for
the broader culture I think welive in. So let me explain that
as it relates to the podcasttonight.
(04:50):
So what I mean by like I've beenstruggling to accept so being
really transparent with you, I'm58 and two thirds I turn 59 in
November. And so one of thethings I think I've been
struggling to accept, on somelevel, is my age. I've been in
this weird conversation the lastyear or longer. I think it's
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been about a year of just hardto believe that I'm that age.
This is weird. Normally, Ihaven't worried about age at
all. It's not something thatI've thought about in my
lifetime, but it's really beganto show up in the last year so
and I think on some level, I'mstruggling to accept that, that
I'm not 25 anymore, I'm not 30anymore, and certain
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possibilities are not availableto me anymore, certain things in
life are not available to meanymore. And it also brought the
conversation of, how do I wantto live the next, whatever time
I've got, let's imagine I've got30 to 40 more years. You know,
how do I want to live that time?You know the notion of that, you
know, I'm I'm on the time islimited. You know that it's not
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unlimited anymore. And so that'sreally showing up around my age.
Another piece that has shown upis around my physical body, the
fact that I've had six kneesurgeries, four on the right
knee, two on the left, and mostrecently, three years ago, a
knee replacement on the right.And along with that leg length
discrepancy that was created inmy belief, because of the
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replacement, and so thecorresponding back pain that's
gone along with that. So someback issues. And you know, as
all my friends my age will say,you know, the little aches and
pains that we all now wake upwith are really fascinating. And
so again, there's theopportunity to be in full
acceptance of that. We mighteven say, embrace it in some way
or not be an acceptance. So Ithink that was one of the things
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I've been wrestling with.
And then particularly, morelately. You remember me
mentioning my eye surgery, andso I had on last Monday was my
four week checkup with my eyedoctor, and I was really hoping
that he would say, things aregoing great. Let's cut down on
the number of eye drops thatyou're having to use. That'll be
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a sign of progress. One of thethings though, that I'd noticed
is my vision had not cleared upyet. In the left eye, it's while
it's a lot more vivid andricher, as I mentioned in the
previous episode, it's still notcrystal clear. I've got a bit of
what they call a ghost image.It's like a little bit of double
vision. And so what I wasnoticing is like, I'm not
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accepting that. I don't like it.I want it to be clear, and I
want to have less eye drops.
Well, I have my appointment, andhe said, overall, it's going
very well, but we've got toaddress this issue of the ghost
image, and that's due to someswelling on one edge of the
graft. So to my disappointmentand almost anger, he gave me
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another set of drops to take tobring the pressure down a little
bit in the eye, and then I haveto use an ointment before I go
to bed for the swelling. I'msure y'all are not all that
interested in all the details ofthat, but again, another thing
that I think, man, so I walkedout of there kind of pissed off,
to be honest. I was angry andfrustrated. And so it was yet
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another example of notaccepting. And so that's what
tonight's episode is about. It'sall about acceptance.
And so how do I tie this to thewalk with my dog? So those
things were marinating in myhead, and I began to realize,
Oh, Mark, you're not anacceptance of these and so let
me talk about what I did on thatwalk, and then I'll talk about a
(08:25):
few other concepts that I thinkare related to this that might
be helpful for you in terms ofreflecting on this topic and
then applying it to your life.So as I stayed on that walk with
my dog, I literally began havinga conversation with myself in my
head, and I think I was evenkind of mumbling out loud. So if
anybody was around me, theyprobably thought I was nuts. But
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I just started making somedeclarations of acceptance at
that time.
I used the degenerative power oflanguage to shift my emotional
state. Remember the languageemotion, body connection, so I
started talking to myself, andthe final speech act is a
declaration. So I declaredacceptance around all of those
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goes something like, you know, Ideclare that I'm 58 and a half
year old, years old, and this iswhat my life looks like. I
declare that I live inNashville, in this condominium
at this time in life. And that'swhat's so I don't know if I
brought in that piece, butthat's just what's coming up for
me as I give you examples ofwhat was I declaring. So I
declared that I've had sixsurgeries on my knees, and I
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have a cyst around my lower backand some narrowing in the l5, s1
area, and I accept that theseare the physical ailments I have
and the current state of mybody, it is what it is. I can
like it or not like it or resistit, but I in this moment, I
accept that. And then I did someacceptance work around my eye in
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particular, because this wasThursday, and that had happened
on Monday. So I think a lot ofthis acceptance was around that.
Now I declare, that this is howmy vision is right now, it's not
clear. And I also rememberdeclaring that I will trust my
doctor, that I accept that thisis how it is. I'm recovering
(10:12):
fairly well, but that theseother steps need to be taken,
and I will trust him, and I willfollow his advice even when I
think on some level I might knowbetter, which is my arrogance
creeping in, so I just did moreacceptance around this is the
condition of my eye currently. Ineed to be patient. Need to
trust my doctor, and let's seewhat unfolds from there.
(10:33):
So something along those lines,that's not in verbatim, but I
literally do remember thefeeling beginning to shift as we
continued the walk. And yeah, Iwould say some peace coming over
me, just some settling into likethis is what's so right now. And
let's stop resisting andfighting it in on a lower level
and creating some angst, andlet's accept it at this moment.
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Doesn't mean that I can't takeaction to change any of those,
but I think what's important isthat step to accept and move to
peace can shift the way we seethe whole situation, and could
even inform an ability to takenew action. And so that's what I
did. I declared acceptance. Andso that's the power that I want
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to talk about tonight in thepodcast, or that I am talking
about in the podcast, just toshare that thought with you and
and have you consider, you know,what are the facts of your life.
Whatever they may be people,current situations, like your
job role or or your jobsituation, or your salary, or
where you live, any of thosethings that are factual in the
moment. What are you inacceptance of those, or
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potentially not an acceptance ofthose, and how might that be
creating some suffering for youin your life?
So that was the experience thatI had, which actually, candidly
continues to live out this week.I was driving today and noticed
a frustration and anger and anirritation with other drivers,
and I was had the thought oflike, oh, you know what's my
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experience of driving isprobably the most accurate
reflection of my level ofacceptance these days with like,
when I'm not in acceptance ofsomething that's immediately
right in front of me, I'm angryand I'm frustrated and I'm
judgmental and I judge otherdrivers, you know, the idiots
that they are and The thingsthey do, like the light has
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backed up, and you continue topull into the intersection and
block me and others, so we can'tgo when our light turned green,
currents green. That's kind ofthat kind of thing. So I've kind
of chuckled about that today, soI thought I'd share that.
So I think point being is thatthat even continues to ebb and
flow into this week, and lookingat that, I think, continues to
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be important all the while, Ihad a really nice weekend and
drove over to celebrate mysister's 60th birthday, and got
to spend some time with familyin Knoxville, and I hadn't been
over there since lastThanksgiving. And so that was
really nice. That was a reallypositive emotional uplift that,
you know, again, just the ebband flow of life.
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want to do your life in theshape of this tree, or do you
want to do your life in theshape of the other tree? And I
may have talked about this inthe emotion, mood episodes. But
one tree is grounded the groundof the tree, if you visually,
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could imagine two trees plantedin the ground, old trees with
roots deep into the earth, andone tree, let's say the tree on
the left is rooted inacceptance. And as you move up
that tree trunk, what does thatgive you that allows you to live
your life in the mood of peace?And then from there, he talked
about, you know, from peace,it's easy continuing through
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acceptance, to move to the moodof gratitude, to be able to see
and experience what you'regrateful for in your life. And
then as we move up into the theouter limbs of the tree and the
leaves, as we move towards thetop of the tree, from that
gratitude, then we can accessthe mood of joy.
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And joy is actually a mood thatis sustainable over time in
life. So when I use those words,I think all many of us are all
of us would love to live ourlife predominantly in those
emotional state. So the top ofthat tree is joy. And if we look
at the other tree, the tree,let's say the tree on the right,
its roots are grounded inopposition, in inability or an
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unwillingness to accept thingsthat are so in our life at this
moment, or opposing things inour life in this moment. So if
you move up the trunk of thattree as we talked a minute ago,
opposition is often the groundfor resentment to show up, and
as we move up the tree, if youremember that what we want to do
from resentment is to getrevenge, or get payback in some
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way, shape or form, on the thingthat we resent that we're not
accepting we wanted to change,churning us up.
And then his example was thatfor many of us who live in that
mood of resentment and areseeking revenge and payback in
order to kind of soothe that, Ithink was the word, we seek out
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moments of excitement, so wefill our lives, maybe with
things that are exciting to us,or we buy new cars, or we buy
the latest gadget, or we get thelatest phone, all these external
things that excite us in theshort term. But if we're now up
towards the top of the tree,we're trying to live in
excitement. Those are notsustainable, in the way that joy
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is sustainable, those are alwayssort of spike events in our
life. We're excited for a while,but then we come back down off
of that high. And so those arethe two different trees. I think
you can appreciate thedifference in experience of
those two. So just one moreframework for you to think
about, related to acceptance ornot acceptance and the
experience that that creates inyour life.
(15:59):
One of the ways I've talkedabout this another framework,
one of the ways I've talkedabout this for the last, I don't
know, 10 or 15 years, is this islike, I think, when we look
towards our future and the next,you know, the next days or weeks
to come, and we have things thatwe know are going to be
happening, we sort of build apicture, is how I think of it.
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We create a picture of how wethink it will be and what the
experience will be like and howit will unfold. We might even
have a very visual picture ofhow things are going to happen.
So that's the picture we'reliving in about what's going to
happen in the future, or eventhe current moment. Here's and
in the language of that is oftenI would say, this is how it
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should be, or this is how I'mexpecting that it will be. So an
expectation. And then when weget in that present moment and
we encounter reality, like, whatis so in that moment, the facts
of that moment,
I've often thought about, howmuch does that match your
picture, that you had, theexpectation you had, or does it
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not match your picture? And thetension there, the difference, I
think, is interesting withregard to what we do with it.
You know, do we then say, Oh,hey, I had this picture that it
was should be this way, or theyshould be behaving this way, or
they should be acting this way,or they should look this way, or
I should be having thisexperience. I expected to be
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excited and euphoric and I'm sadand angry. Shouldn't be that
way. So I think you can eitherthen the moment you realize
reality that's right in front ofyou doesn't fit your picture,
you can either then try tochange or, what I would say is
manipulate reality, the externalworld, to fit your picture,
which, think about that. Howmany times have you tried to
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manipulate others in yourcurrent reality? Doesn't go very
well. I don't think we can. Wehave much power to manipulate
reality to fit our picture,which I think often creates a
word that I've mentioned to youbefore, and I will mention,
probably more and more, issuffering. And I would claim
that that's really unnecessarysuffering.
So when you try to morphreality, external reality fit
your picture, creates suffering.Or we can update our picture in
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that moment, let go of it,loosen our hold on it, shift it
and let it match reality. What'sright in front of us, what the
universe is serving up to us.And there's, I think, a peace
that comes with that. There's anease that comes with that. I
don't think we're suffering atthat moment. So that's the other
framework I wanted to kind ofpaint with you that kind of all
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fell into place last Thursday asI was walking my dog, and then
over the last few days andtoday, of like, the importance
of, yeah, we're all going tohave a picture. It's our
expectations and our hopes forthings, even like vacations. You
know, we want this beautifulpicture and wonderful picture,
but sometimes we then go and weshow up in that moment. That's
not what reality looks like. Soour capacity, how quick can we
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let it go? How quick can we letgo of our picture and accept
reality as it is, I think isreally important in terms of our
ability to be peaceful in life.
And so I'll share an examplethat just popped in my head. I
remember one time I was exitingoff 565 here at Wedgwood, and
was on the down ramp, and therewas a lot of traffic on the exit
ramp, and a woman that wasbehind me, I saw her in my rear
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view mirror come up and hit theback of my car. Wasn't too hard,
but I could kind of see itcoming. And she hit my car, and
I got out, and I walked around,and I looked at the bumper, and
I noticed a, you know, smalldent in the bumper, nothing
really that significant. She gotout of her car and was all
worked up, and I'm so sorry, andetc, etc. And I was just kind of
like, you know what? It happens.And so we exchanged information,
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and I went on and went home, Iremember and and she was
actually surprised at myreaction, like, I'm surprised
you didn't go off on me and getangry at me. And that's what I'm
talking about. It's like I wasable to, in that instance,
anyway, really quickly acceptreality. This is what's so right
now. You know, I didn't. I havea picture that it should be any
differently, and as a result, Iwas able to move to peace pretty
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quickly. So those are a couplethoughts.
I'll kind of begin to wrap thisone with sort of what has
evolved since last Thursday inparticular. I noticed today I
woke up really in a good place,and then kind of shifted out of
that as I was walking Nelly, wewere taking our walk this
morning, I went down to thelocal park, and I began to
notice homeless people layingaround and trash, and the Metro
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crew was working on CentennialPark, and I just noticed myself
starting to get worked up. Inoticed trash overflowing from
dumpsters on the way, and Ibegan to start thinking about
the American culture once again,and I think I alluded to earlier
in this episode, but if Ididn't, here it comes. You know,
I have been struggling, gosh,for a while now, maybe even a
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year, of this growingfrustration, or almost the word
I'll use these days, is disdainfor what's happening in our
culture these days, the Americanculture, meaning like the
cultural habits we have, thelack of awareness I see at times
in people, the social media andphone practices we have, or
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habits we have with our phones.And for me, it's like always
being on our phones and notbeing present at times with
others that we're sitting a footor two away from. And I realized
that I'm critically judging theexternal world here, which, if
you remember my podcast, who'sthe only person I can change,
which is me. I can't change allthat. But I've noticed this
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theme with the American cultureand the growing it seems to be
growing in intensity for me, andI'm looking at some options as
it relates to that. What I'mgoing to do about that, which I
may talk about in a laterpodcast.
Certainly, part of my work isabout sharing this framework and
template with as many others asI can, because I think it's a
(21:52):
more healthy, more powerfultemplate by which we can do life
as Americans, or we can do lifeactually, I think globally, and
in particular, what I think itwill do is eliminate or
diminish, decreasesignificantly, a lot of what I
would call the unnecessarysuffering that's out there. I
think there's a ton ofunnecessary suffering going on.
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Along with that, you know, inour American culture, I'm doing
what I can to try to offer myperspective on how we might
positively impact. And on somelevel, you know, clearly, I'm
not in charge of anybody else'slife. They're going to do what
they're going to do, but I'mstruggling, continually
struggling, to accept, if wewant to call these facts, the
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direction we're headed in thehabits and practice we keep
entrenching day after day afterday that I think are generating
fear and angst and division,lack of connection,
disconnection between us andothers in our life. I just have
concerns about the directionthat we seem to be heading in as
a culture.
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day out, it just feels like it'snot a very good fit for me. It
just, I just find that theimpact it's having rubbing off
on me is not good for at leastfor me, and I don't know how it
is for others, but as I begin totalk about this more with
(23:16):
others, I'm noticing somesimilar feelings and experiences
of others that I talk with aboutthis. And so it concerns me. It
concerns me quite a bit. And sothat's another piece around, I
think this topic of ofacceptance, I'm struggling to
accept that. And so there it is.
What will I do with that? Idon't know, ultimately, but I
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just wanted to authenticallyshow up in this podcast and
offer that, and I wonder ifother listeners, the listeners
of my podcast, might bestruggling with that as well. So
as I begin to close thisepisode, I'll kind of do it in
the way off and do maybe somesummary thoughts. But here they
are, the importance ofacceptance. If you want more
peace in your life, it's reallyabout acceptance of the facts,
(24:00):
accepting what's so. Soacceptance leads to peace, and
so if you want more peace, thepath is often you know, to look
at what am I accepting or notaccepting? So we talked about
that.
We talked about the twoemotional trees that Julio
offer, which I think are really,is a really powerful visual and
something to think about it asit relates to this topic, talked
(24:22):
about my own physical age, myeye, my body, so for you,
perhaps acceptance of aspects ofyourself that will allow you to
be peaceful. And then I sharedthe idea that I kind of think of
from time to time, about thepicture that we make up and how
much does it fit reality. Andwhen I say reality, I mean with
a little r that life ispresenting to you, what's right
(24:44):
in front of you, what's so andhow does it fit your picture,
and whether you're willing toupdate your picture as quickly
as you can in that moment inorder to be present and be
peaceful, or do we spend a lotof time and energy struggling
against it and trying to changereality?
And then finally, just a fewthoughts on the American culture
as I begin to wrap things up. Sothat's the summary for tonight,
(25:07):
a little different, maybe thanusual. So what's your homework?
What's your homework? I reallyhadn't thought about that, but
here's what's coming up for me.Is just to take a more powerful
look at yourself, take aninventory, if you will, of your
current life circumstances, andtry to identify those things
that are factual right now. Whatis so right now, some facts that
(25:30):
can't be changed, but also maybepresent moment facts of
employment situation, lifecircumstances. Let's just call
it that, and take a look at whatyou're accepting what you're not
accepting. And so the homeworkwould be to take an inventory of
that, and then the challengewould be to perhaps do what I
did, which is, what declarationsof acceptance could you make in
(25:54):
this moment? So talking out loudand talking to yourself in your
head that might lead you towardspeace, and these might be
declarations that you have torepeat again and again and again
to really kind of get this inyour body, to instill it in your
body. So that's the sort of arough homework assignment for
those who want it. And then youmight come up with your own
(26:17):
clever assignment around livingmore in acceptance of what's so
in life.
So that's it. WUAPA, listeners,WUAPERS. I hope your life is
going well these days. Sure,there are probably ebbs and
flows, ups and downs, and so doyour best to live in acceptance
of those and then from thatplace, if there are things you
are motivated to change, takeaction, get it done, go out
(26:40):
there and try to change things,and then live in acceptance as
much as you can of those thingsyou can't change. So my wish for
you, as always, is this phrase.I just find myself saying it
more and more even signing offon emails, which is, be well. I
want you to be well in thistime, this uncertain, complex,
potentially chaotic, strangetime in which we live in, at
(27:03):
least from my perspective. Bewell, and hopefully we will be
in conversation soon. Bye.
Well, my friends, that's a wrapfor today. I'm so grateful you
joined me, and hope you feelenergized by the insights we
took a deeper look at together.If anything resonated with you
or inspired new thinking, dropme a note. I'd love to hear your
(27:25):
biggest takeaway. Please join menext time, as we dive deeper
into this never ending journeyof self discovery. Until then,
be well. Be present. Live fullyand authentically. Wake up and
pay attention.
Welcome to Wake Up and PayAttention the podcast fueling
(00:03):
positive change from the insideout. I'm Mark Robertson, your
host, with over 25 years as aprofessional coach, I'm thrilled
to explore the personal growthtools that have helped me and
hundreds of people just likeyou, design and awaken to their
best life. If you've ever feltoverwhelmed and unfulfilled,
like you're just going throughthe motions day after day. Maybe
(00:24):
you're afraid one day all theballs are going to drop. You're
in the right place. Together.Let's expand our self awareness
and make sustainable shifts thatimprove our communication
skills, relationships andoverall well being. This is a
judgment free zone whereopenness, understanding and
support rule. So grab yourheadphones and get ready. It's
(00:45):
time to wake up and payattention.
Greetings, Wake Up and PayAttention listeners and welcome
to another episode of thepodcast. This is episode 17. You
probably don't really care aboutthe number, but just putting it
out there, keeping count, Ican't believe that we're this
far into it, but alas, we are.I'm recording the podcast for
(01:10):
you today on a Monday evening,which is a bit of an unusual
time to do it, but alas, thatwas the time that I was inspired
to go ahead and cut it.
It's been a few weeks since thelast podcast dropped, and quite
frankly, it's been a little bitof a delay, because normally I'm
inspired, and the topic justcomes to me, and then I know,
okay, I'm ready to record. Andit took a little longer for that
(01:33):
to happen this time, but itlanded on me last Thursday, so
that's where I'll start ourpodcast today. So let me just
tell you about that experience,and I'll tell you what the topic
So I was out walking my dog,Nellie, in the neighborhood, and
is.
noticing that the things hadbeen, life had been a little bit
sort of up and down, a littlelittle back and forth, a little
(01:55):
weird of late. And when I saythat, I mean particularly the
conversation, the language goingon in my head was kind of all
over the place. Some days,solid, some days, you know, just
kind of thoughts, just coming inand out, often. Other days
great. Other days kind of so-so,which I think is just the
experience of life. I think atleast that's what's so for me.
(02:18):
And when I share that with otherpeople, they seem to nod their
head and go, yeah, yeah. That'sme too, you know.
And I think it's not just lifein general, but it's also life
in in America, in our culture.In 2024 I think that a lot of
it's, or at least some portionof it is, churned up by the
current time we live in, whichis there are a lot of words to
(02:41):
describe that, certainly for me,it would be chaotic, complex,
lot of uncertainty, a lot ofunknowns, struggle, certainly
here and there some good stuffand maybe some not so good stuff
happening. And so that was theexperience I've been having as
well. I'm reminded of howpowerful what my teacher
(03:02):
Leolisle used to call thecultural soup, is that we all
swim in, you know, we're allswimming in the American
cultural soup. And whether welike it or not, it affects us.
It gets on us, so to speak. AndI think what I'm going to be
talking about tonight isreflective of the current
cultural soup.
So I was walking my dog andlistening to my internal
conversation and thoughts wasaround, I was reminded once
(03:25):
again, of the importance ofacceptance. You may remember I
talked about this in a previousepisode when I was talking about
the importance of acceptancewhen it relates to our emotional
state, specifically our mood. Ifyou remember when I was covering
the four basic moods, one of thepillars is around acceptance of
(03:46):
the facts. So are we living inacceptance of the facts? And so
facts meaning things that aretrue and in a way we can't
change. They are what's so arewe not in acceptance of the
facts? So if you remember,acceptance of the facts brings
the mood of peace. It allows usto be peaceful. And when we're
(04:07):
not accepting the facts, it'soften fertile ground for the
mood of resentment to show up.And I think if we're talking
more about emotions, theemotions of frustration and
irritation, maybe even anger,are often clues, I think, to
some level of not accepting thefacts.
(04:28):
And so that's what was going onin my head. It was kind of
another Aha, like, oh, that'swhat's been happening with me of
late. I think I've beenstruggling to come to acceptance
of a number of facts for mepersonally, and then also for
the broader culture I think welive in. So let me explain that
as it relates to the podcasttonight.
(04:50):
So what I mean by like I've beenstruggling to accept so being
really transparent with you, I'm58 and two thirds I turn 59 in
November. And so one of thethings I think I've been
struggling to accept, on somelevel, is my age. I've been in
this weird conversation the lastyear or longer. I think it's
(05:12):
been about a year of just hardto believe that I'm that age.
This is weird. Normally, Ihaven't worried about age at
all. It's not something thatI've thought about in my
lifetime, but it's really beganto show up in the last year so
and I think on some level, I'mstruggling to accept that, that
I'm not 25 anymore, I'm not 30anymore, and certain
(05:33):
possibilities are not availableto me anymore, certain things in
life are not available to meanymore. And it also brought the
conversation of, how do I wantto live the next, whatever time
I've got, let's imagine I've got30 to 40 more years. You know,
how do I want to live that time?You know the notion of that, you
know, I'm I'm on the time islimited. You know that it's not
(05:54):
unlimited anymore. And so that'sreally showing up around my age.
Another piece that has shown upis around my physical body, the
fact that I've had six kneesurgeries, four on the right
knee, two on the left, and mostrecently, three years ago, a
knee replacement on the right.And along with that leg length
discrepancy that was created inmy belief, because of the
(06:15):
replacement, and so thecorresponding back pain that's
gone along with that. So someback issues. And you know, as
all my friends my age will say,you know, the little aches and
pains that we all now wake upwith are really fascinating. And
so again, there's theopportunity to be in full
acceptance of that. We mighteven say, embrace it in some way
or not be an acceptance. So Ithink that was one of the things
(06:37):
I've been wrestling with.
And then particularly, morelately. You remember me
mentioning my eye surgery, andso I had on last Monday was my
four week checkup with my eyedoctor, and I was really hoping
that he would say, things aregoing great. Let's cut down on
the number of eye drops thatyou're having to use. That'll be
(06:58):
a sign of progress. One of thethings though, that I'd noticed
is my vision had not cleared upyet. In the left eye, it's while
it's a lot more vivid andricher, as I mentioned in the
previous episode, it's still notcrystal clear. I've got a bit of
what they call a ghost image.It's like a little bit of double
vision. And so what I wasnoticing is like, I'm not
(07:18):
accepting that. I don't like it.I want it to be clear, and I
want to have less eye drops.
Well, I have my appointment, andhe said, overall, it's going
very well, but we've got toaddress this issue of the ghost
image, and that's due to someswelling on one edge of the
graft. So to my disappointmentand almost anger, he gave me
(07:41):
another set of drops to take tobring the pressure down a little
bit in the eye, and then I haveto use an ointment before I go
to bed for the swelling. I'msure y'all are not all that
interested in all the details ofthat, but again, another thing
that I think, man, so I walkedout of there kind of pissed off,
to be honest. I was angry andfrustrated. And so it was yet
(08:02):
another example of notaccepting. And so that's what
tonight's episode is about. It'sall about acceptance.
And so how do I tie this to thewalk with my dog? So those
things were marinating in myhead, and I began to realize,
Oh, Mark, you're not anacceptance of these and so let
me talk about what I did on thatwalk, and then I'll talk about a
(08:25):
few other concepts that I thinkare related to this that might
be helpful for you in terms ofreflecting on this topic and
then applying it to your life.So as I stayed on that walk with
my dog, I literally began havinga conversation with myself in my
head, and I think I was evenkind of mumbling out loud. So if
anybody was around me, theyprobably thought I was nuts. But
(08:46):
I just started making somedeclarations of acceptance at
that time.
I used the degenerative power oflanguage to shift my emotional
state. Remember the languageemotion, body connection, so I
started talking to myself, andthe final speech act is a
declaration. So I declaredacceptance around all of those
(09:07):
goes something like, you know, Ideclare that I'm 58 and a half
year old, years old, and this iswhat my life looks like. I
declare that I live inNashville, in this condominium
at this time in life. And that'swhat's so I don't know if I
brought in that piece, butthat's just what's coming up for
me as I give you examples ofwhat was I declaring. So I
declared that I've had sixsurgeries on my knees, and I
(09:30):
have a cyst around my lower backand some narrowing in the l5, s1
area, and I accept that theseare the physical ailments I have
and the current state of mybody, it is what it is. I can
like it or not like it or resistit, but I in this moment, I
accept that. And then I did someacceptance work around my eye in
(09:52):
particular, because this wasThursday, and that had happened
on Monday. So I think a lot ofthis acceptance was around that.
Now I declare, that this is howmy vision is right now, it's not
clear. And I also rememberdeclaring that I will trust my
doctor, that I accept that thisis how it is. I'm recovering
(10:12):
fairly well, but that theseother steps need to be taken,
and I will trust him, and I willfollow his advice even when I
think on some level I might knowbetter, which is my arrogance
creeping in, so I just did moreacceptance around this is the
condition of my eye currently. Ineed to be patient. Need to
trust my doctor, and let's seewhat unfolds from there.
(10:33):
So something along those lines,that's not in verbatim, but I
literally do remember thefeeling beginning to shift as we
continued the walk. And yeah, Iwould say some peace coming over
me, just some settling into likethis is what's so right now. And
let's stop resisting andfighting it in on a lower level
and creating some angst, andlet's accept it at this moment.
(10:57):
Doesn't mean that I can't takeaction to change any of those,
but I think what's important isthat step to accept and move to
peace can shift the way we seethe whole situation, and could
even inform an ability to takenew action. And so that's what I
did. I declared acceptance. Andso that's the power that I want
(11:18):
to talk about tonight in thepodcast, or that I am talking
about in the podcast, just toshare that thought with you and
and have you consider, you know,what are the facts of your life.
Whatever they may be people,current situations, like your
job role or or your jobsituation, or your salary, or
where you live, any of thosethings that are factual in the
moment. What are you inacceptance of those, or
(11:41):
potentially not an acceptance ofthose, and how might that be
creating some suffering for youin your life?
So that was the experience thatI had, which actually, candidly
continues to live out this week.I was driving today and noticed
a frustration and anger and anirritation with other drivers,
and I was had the thought oflike, oh, you know what's my
(12:02):
experience of driving isprobably the most accurate
reflection of my level ofacceptance these days with like,
when I'm not in acceptance ofsomething that's immediately
right in front of me, I'm angryand I'm frustrated and I'm
judgmental and I judge otherdrivers, you know, the idiots
that they are and The thingsthey do, like the light has
(12:22):
backed up, and you continue topull into the intersection and
block me and others, so we can'tgo when our light turned green,
currents green. That's kind ofthat kind of thing. So I've kind
of chuckled about that today, soI thought I'd share that.
So I think point being is thatthat even continues to ebb and
flow into this week, and lookingat that, I think, continues to
(12:42):
be important all the while, Ihad a really nice weekend and
drove over to celebrate mysister's 60th birthday, and got
to spend some time with familyin Knoxville, and I hadn't been
over there since lastThanksgiving. And so that was
really nice. That was a reallypositive emotional uplift that,
you know, again, just the ebband flow of life.
(13:04):
want to do your life in theshape of this tree, or do you
want to do your life in theshape of the other tree? And I
may have talked about this inthe emotion, mood episodes. But
one tree is grounded the groundof the tree, if you visually,
(13:26):
could imagine two trees plantedin the ground, old trees with
roots deep into the earth, andone tree, let's say the tree on
the left is rooted inacceptance. And as you move up
that tree trunk, what does thatgive you that allows you to live
your life in the mood of peace?And then from there, he talked
about, you know, from peace,it's easy continuing through
(13:49):
acceptance, to move to the moodof gratitude, to be able to see
and experience what you'regrateful for in your life. And
then as we move up into the theouter limbs of the tree and the
leaves, as we move towards thetop of the tree, from that
gratitude, then we can accessthe mood of joy.
(14:09):
And joy is actually a mood thatis sustainable over time in
life. So when I use those words,I think all many of us are all
of us would love to live ourlife predominantly in those
emotional state. So the top ofthat tree is joy. And if we look
at the other tree, the tree,let's say the tree on the right,
its roots are grounded inopposition, in inability or an
(14:32):
unwillingness to accept thingsthat are so in our life at this
moment, or opposing things inour life in this moment. So if
you move up the trunk of thattree as we talked a minute ago,
opposition is often the groundfor resentment to show up, and
as we move up the tree, if youremember that what we want to do
from resentment is to getrevenge, or get payback in some
(14:55):
way, shape or form, on the thingthat we resent that we're not
accepting we wanted to change,churning us up.
And then his example was thatfor many of us who live in that
mood of resentment and areseeking revenge and payback in
order to kind of soothe that, Ithink was the word, we seek out
(15:15):
moments of excitement, so wefill our lives, maybe with
things that are exciting to us,or we buy new cars, or we buy
the latest gadget, or we get thelatest phone, all these external
things that excite us in theshort term. But if we're now up
towards the top of the tree,we're trying to live in
excitement. Those are notsustainable, in the way that joy
(15:38):
is sustainable, those are alwayssort of spike events in our
life. We're excited for a while,but then we come back down off
of that high. And so those arethe two different trees. I think
you can appreciate thedifference in experience of
those two. So just one moreframework for you to think
about, related to acceptance ornot acceptance and the
experience that that creates inyour life.
(15:59):
One of the ways I've talkedabout this another framework,
one of the ways I've talkedabout this for the last, I don't
know, 10 or 15 years, is this islike, I think, when we look
towards our future and the next,you know, the next days or weeks
to come, and we have things thatwe know are going to be
happening, we sort of build apicture, is how I think of it.
(16:21):
We create a picture of how wethink it will be and what the
experience will be like and howit will unfold. We might even
have a very visual picture ofhow things are going to happen.
So that's the picture we'reliving in about what's going to
happen in the future, or eventhe current moment. Here's and
in the language of that is oftenI would say, this is how it
(16:41):
should be, or this is how I'mexpecting that it will be. So an
expectation. And then when weget in that present moment and
we encounter reality, like, whatis so in that moment, the facts
of that moment,
I've often thought about, howmuch does that match your
picture, that you had, theexpectation you had, or does it
(17:02):
not match your picture? And thetension there, the difference, I
think, is interesting withregard to what we do with it.
You know, do we then say, Oh,hey, I had this picture that it
was should be this way, or theyshould be behaving this way, or
they should be acting this way,or they should look this way, or
I should be having thisexperience. I expected to be
(17:25):
excited and euphoric and I'm sadand angry. Shouldn't be that
way. So I think you can eitherthen the moment you realize
reality that's right in front ofyou doesn't fit your picture,
you can either then try tochange or, what I would say is
manipulate reality, the externalworld, to fit your picture,
which, think about that. Howmany times have you tried to
(17:46):
manipulate others in yourcurrent reality? Doesn't go very
well. I don't think we can. Wehave much power to manipulate
reality to fit our picture,which I think often creates a
word that I've mentioned to youbefore, and I will mention,
probably more and more, issuffering. And I would claim
that that's really unnecessarysuffering.
So when you try to morphreality, external reality fit
your picture, creates suffering.Or we can update our picture in
(18:13):
that moment, let go of it,loosen our hold on it, shift it
and let it match reality. What'sright in front of us, what the
universe is serving up to us.And there's, I think, a peace
that comes with that. There's anease that comes with that. I
don't think we're suffering atthat moment. So that's the other
framework I wanted to kind ofpaint with you that kind of all
(18:34):
fell into place last Thursday asI was walking my dog, and then
over the last few days andtoday, of like, the importance
of, yeah, we're all going tohave a picture. It's our
expectations and our hopes forthings, even like vacations. You
know, we want this beautifulpicture and wonderful picture,
but sometimes we then go and weshow up in that moment. That's
not what reality looks like. Soour capacity, how quick can we
(18:57):
let it go? How quick can we letgo of our picture and accept
reality as it is, I think isreally important in terms of our
ability to be peaceful in life.
And so I'll share an examplethat just popped in my head. I
remember one time I was exitingoff 565 here at Wedgwood, and
was on the down ramp, and therewas a lot of traffic on the exit
ramp, and a woman that wasbehind me, I saw her in my rear
(19:19):
view mirror come up and hit theback of my car. Wasn't too hard,
but I could kind of see itcoming. And she hit my car, and
I got out, and I walked around,and I looked at the bumper, and
I noticed a, you know, smalldent in the bumper, nothing
really that significant. She gotout of her car and was all
worked up, and I'm so sorry, andetc, etc. And I was just kind of
like, you know what? It happens.And so we exchanged information,
(19:42):
and I went on and went home, Iremember and and she was
actually surprised at myreaction, like, I'm surprised
you didn't go off on me and getangry at me. And that's what I'm
talking about. It's like I wasable to, in that instance,
anyway, really quickly acceptreality. This is what's so right
now. You know, I didn't. I havea picture that it should be any
differently, and as a result, Iwas able to move to peace pretty
(20:04):
quickly. So those are a couplethoughts.
I'll kind of begin to wrap thisone with sort of what has
evolved since last Thursday inparticular. I noticed today I
woke up really in a good place,and then kind of shifted out of
that as I was walking Nelly, wewere taking our walk this
morning, I went down to thelocal park, and I began to
notice homeless people layingaround and trash, and the Metro
(20:28):
crew was working on CentennialPark, and I just noticed myself
starting to get worked up. Inoticed trash overflowing from
dumpsters on the way, and Ibegan to start thinking about
the American culture once again,and I think I alluded to earlier
in this episode, but if Ididn't, here it comes. You know,
I have been struggling, gosh,for a while now, maybe even a
(20:49):
year, of this growingfrustration, or almost the word
I'll use these days, is disdainfor what's happening in our
culture these days, the Americanculture, meaning like the
cultural habits we have, thelack of awareness I see at times
in people, the social media andphone practices we have, or
(21:10):
habits we have with our phones.And for me, it's like always
being on our phones and notbeing present at times with
others that we're sitting a footor two away from. And I realized
that I'm critically judging theexternal world here, which, if
you remember my podcast, who'sthe only person I can change,
which is me. I can't change allthat. But I've noticed this
(21:32):
theme with the American cultureand the growing it seems to be
growing in intensity for me, andI'm looking at some options as
it relates to that. What I'mgoing to do about that, which I
may talk about in a laterpodcast.
Certainly, part of my work isabout sharing this framework and
template with as many others asI can, because I think it's a
(21:52):
more healthy, more powerfultemplate by which we can do life
as Americans, or we can do lifeactually, I think globally, and
in particular, what I think itwill do is eliminate or
diminish, decreasesignificantly, a lot of what I
would call the unnecessarysuffering that's out there. I
think there's a ton ofunnecessary suffering going on.
(22:13):
Along with that, you know, inour American culture, I'm doing
what I can to try to offer myperspective on how we might
positively impact. And on somelevel, you know, clearly, I'm
not in charge of anybody else'slife. They're going to do what
they're going to do, but I'mstruggling, continually
struggling, to accept, if wewant to call these facts, the
(22:34):
direction we're headed in thehabits and practice we keep
entrenching day after day afterday that I think are generating
fear and angst and division,lack of connection,
disconnection between us andothers in our life. I just have
concerns about the directionthat we seem to be heading in as
a culture.
(22:56):
day out, it just feels like it'snot a very good fit for me. It
just, I just find that theimpact it's having rubbing off
on me is not good for at leastfor me, and I don't know how it
is for others, but as I begin totalk about this more with
(23:16):
others, I'm noticing somesimilar feelings and experiences
of others that I talk with aboutthis. And so it concerns me. It
concerns me quite a bit. And sothat's another piece around, I
think this topic of ofacceptance, I'm struggling to
accept that. And so there it is.
What will I do with that? Idon't know, ultimately, but I
(23:38):
just wanted to authenticallyshow up in this podcast and
offer that, and I wonder ifother listeners, the listeners
of my podcast, might bestruggling with that as well. So
as I begin to close thisepisode, I'll kind of do it in
the way off and do maybe somesummary thoughts. But here they
are, the importance ofacceptance. If you want more
peace in your life, it's reallyabout acceptance of the facts,
(24:00):
accepting what's so. Soacceptance leads to peace, and
so if you want more peace, thepath is often you know, to look
at what am I accepting or notaccepting? So we talked about
that.
We talked about the twoemotional trees that Julio
offer, which I think are really,is a really powerful visual and
something to think about it asit relates to this topic, talked
(24:22):
about my own physical age, myeye, my body, so for you,
perhaps acceptance of aspects ofyourself that will allow you to
be peaceful. And then I sharedthe idea that I kind of think of
from time to time, about thepicture that we make up and how
much does it fit reality. Andwhen I say reality, I mean with
a little r that life ispresenting to you, what's right
(24:44):
in front of you, what's so andhow does it fit your picture,
and whether you're willing toupdate your picture as quickly
as you can in that moment inorder to be present and be
peaceful, or do we spend a lotof time and energy struggling
against it and trying to changereality?
And then finally, just a fewthoughts on the American culture
as I begin to wrap things up. Sothat's the summary for tonight,
(25:07):
a little different, maybe thanusual. So what's your homework?
What's your homework? I reallyhadn't thought about that, but
here's what's coming up for me.Is just to take a more powerful
look at yourself, take aninventory, if you will, of your
current life circumstances, andtry to identify those things
that are factual right now. Whatis so right now, some facts that
(25:30):
can't be changed, but also maybepresent moment facts of
employment situation, lifecircumstances. Let's just call
it that, and take a look at whatyou're accepting what you're not
accepting. And so the homeworkwould be to take an inventory of
that, and then the challengewould be to perhaps do what I
did, which is, what declarationsof acceptance could you make in
(25:54):
this moment? So talking out loudand talking to yourself in your
head that might lead you towardspeace, and these might be
declarations that you have torepeat again and again and again
to really kind of get this inyour body, to instill it in your
body. So that's the sort of arough homework assignment for
those who want it. And then youmight come up with your own
(26:17):
clever assignment around livingmore in acceptance of what's so
in life.
So that's it. WUAPA, listeners,WUAPERS. I hope your life is
going well these days. Sure,there are probably ebbs and
flows, ups and downs, and so doyour best to live in acceptance
of those and then from thatplace, if there are things you
are motivated to change, takeaction, get it done, go out
(26:40):
there and try to change things,and then live in acceptance as
much as you can of those thingsyou can't change. So my wish for
you, as always, is this phrase.I just find myself saying it
more and more even signing offon emails, which is, be well. I
want you to be well in thistime, this uncertain, complex,
potentially chaotic, strangetime in which we live in, at
(27:03):
least from my perspective. Bewell, and hopefully we will be
in conversation soon. Bye.
Well, my friends, that's a wrapfor today. I'm so grateful you
joined me, and hope you feelenergized by the insights we
took a deeper look at together.If anything resonated with you
or inspired new thinking, dropme a note. I'd love to hear your
(27:25):
biggest takeaway. Please join menext time, as we dive deeper
into this never ending journeyof self discovery. Until then,
be well. Be present. Live fullyand authentically. Wake up and
pay attention.
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