September 22, 2025 • 46 mins
In this episode, Henrik sits down with mind-body coach Mor Shavit for an unfiltered conversation about shame, intimacy, and healing. Together they explore how cultural patterns teach women to feel “too much” or “not enough,” and men to see vulnerability as weakness — and how these distortions keep us from real connection.
Mor shares her personal journey of self-discovery, her work with inner child healing, and why self-acceptance is the foundation for intimacy. She explains how our earliest survival strategies shape adult love, and how somatic practices — slowing down, syncing breath, listening with curiosity — can rewire old patterns stored in the body.
Henrik and Mor also reflect on the courage it takes to feel all emotions, the strength in male vulnerability, and the shared human longing to be truly seen. The episode closes with an invitation: to meet love not from fear, but from presence.
✨ “Healing is true intimacy — it’s who we are when conflict arrives.” — Mor Shavit
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:10):
Welcome back to 34, the podcast where we explore intimacy,
vulnerability and the quiet revolutions that happens between
two people who dare to stay. And today's guest is someone who
doesn't just talk about presence, she embodies it so
more. Shaveed is a mind body coach,
mentor and a subconscious expert, a guide in emotional
(00:30):
integration and a woman with a unique sensitivity to the silent
forces that really shape us, especially in our relationships
as men and women. She brings warmth, clarity and a
deep understanding of the shame we carry, often without even
realising it, especially when itcomes to desire, closeness and
our bodies more. Welcome back.
(00:53):
I'm so grateful to have you hereagain.
Hey Henrik, I am so happy to be here again.
We had such a great conversationlast time that I and I was here
and it stayed with me for quite some time and I'm looking
forward to dive into such an important, unspoken enough in my
(01:15):
opinion topic and that is so universal.
So it would be nice to dive in and normalise it a little bit
and bring some air and clarity around it and I hope the
listeners will take some take infrom it.
Yeah, I, I agree. And I think we're, we're going
to cover things like the shame, the gender, emotional pattering,
(01:39):
self love, the inner child, someemotional safety and how we
actually can heal and look at relational growth from it,
right. So I'm really looking forward to
the conversation. Shame.
So you do often speak about shame as something inherited,
especially for women. How do you see shame showing up
differently in men and women today?
(02:02):
First let's say it shame shame. I want to say it several times
just to to clear the throat. Say it shame shame shame
everyone that listen say it shame, shame.
This is the first like practise to to to say it high shame.
How do you do though? I think from my own experience
(02:27):
firstly and from the work I see in my clinic, shame is if not
the most, it's probably one of the most powerful emotional
pattern we carry as human beings.
It's it's inherited in most of its form and also learned from
(02:48):
inherited. So we are inheriting and then we
are strengthening what we inherit and learning that what
we inherit is actually true. And it goes through a cultural
gender lineage, generational pass.
How I see it comes differently. I show up differently in men and
women. It's really good question in
(03:10):
women. I would say that the little girl
is learning to be shameful around her body, her voice, her
pleasure. And if I will see it in in a
scale, the little girl is going in between.
I'm either too much or I'm not enough.
(03:34):
I'm either too loud, too vulgar too.
I want to say too, too strong orI'm not enough feminine, not
enough gentle, not enough quiet.And so there is this movement
between I'm either too much or not enough.
(03:54):
Whereas for men I see that shameis vulnerability itself.
So the little boy is being taught that he cannot show
weakness and big and showing feelings is showing weakness.
And so feeling itself, vulnerability itself, the
(04:15):
ability to feel and be in your body and express what you feel
for a man, it is shame. So what I want to really say
about it and to to really explain is that in both cases,
both men and women, shame is making us believe that who we
(04:40):
are is wrong, is broken. It's not good.
It's not enough. It's too much.
And this is the distortion. Yeah, it's really a big one.
Shame. It's caused so much suffering in
humanity. I wanted to give a point on how
(05:02):
to start healing from it. And I was just touching it.
Now it's, it's, it's the distortion of shame that saying
that something is wrong with us.And I think the first step in
healing shame is actually to seethis distortion to bring
awareness into what we have learned about our our identity,
(05:24):
that it's either too much or notenough or not allowed to feel.
It's actually just a pattern, just a learning a programming.
It's not who I am. Who I am inside is whole.
There is nothing wrong with me. That's a very good, very good
insight and very good learning for I think a lot of men and
(05:46):
women. Yeah.
And you touched on this as well.We talked about sort of men are
suppressing emotion. They're really taught to
suppress the emotion and many women are taught to perform
pleasure. What do you feel happens when
these two meet in bed or or in love in general?
Exactly. So it's, it's really the, the,
(06:08):
the it's the outcome of what we were just talking about.
Yeah. So one has learned to suppress
and the other one learned to be something or someone she's not.
And she performs and intimacy, which is the where connection
and where I can bring myself fully believes.
(06:33):
So when I'm bringing who I thought I need to be, yeah, who
I thought I need to be in order to be loved and accepted.
If I bring this mask or armour, whatever you feel comfortable to
call, when I bring this into intimacy, there is no
(06:55):
connection. It's just the opposite.
It's this connection no one brings, who they truly are.
So instead of embodiment, wholeness, oneness, we have
disembodiment, operation, disconnection.
(07:17):
And it can be. On the surface it can look like
contact, touch, and even sometimes pleasure.
But deep inside there is no presence.
No one is truly there. Yeah, and then you might.
This is going back to what we talked about in one of the
(07:37):
previous episodes. That is easier to give your body
than to give your heart. Yeah, yeah.
And I think a lot of relationships are like that
today, right when we, when I look at people I talk to in
general, their behaviour. And, and I want to say to
whoever it is that is listening that this is not your fault.
This is not because something iswrong with you.
(08:00):
This is not because you are broken.
This is a survival mechanism. This is automatic.
This is something that has happened without your awareness.
It is your subconscious. This is the programming.
So the fact that it is happeningis not your fault.
(08:23):
However, to grow out of it and change it is in your power and
in your responsibility. Though I'm guessing what I'm
trying to say if you're listening is that one you're not
alone in this mechanical patternand pain in relationship and
(08:45):
also you can change it. That's a very good message.
Yes, I really hope that it will come through because it can feel
so alone and so lonely and so painful and so also hopeless.
Sometimes, you know, you can think, oh, I've, I've, I've
(09:06):
experienced it my whole life. I've had six different partners
and it's always was the same. I am fill up the blank.
Whatever you believe about yourself, love is.
Fill the blank. Whatever it is that you believe
that love is, it will always hurt me.
I will be abandoned, I will feelrejected.
I will not be able to bring myself fully though.
(09:28):
So it can feel very end endless like this is it.
And I, and I really want to say it if someone is listening to
really understand that starting to heal, starting to heal
yourself outside of the relationship and inside the
relationship. Starting to bring awareness to
(09:49):
these patterns, these way of being that are not who you are,
but how you have learned to be, and start bringing yourself
fully. You will be able to replace
performance and suppression withpresence, and you will be able
to bring intimacy and real connection into your
(10:10):
relationship. That's such a beautiful way
you're putting it there more. Thank you.
So in your experience, what are the most common unconscious
beliefs people carry about intimacy and connection?
That's a great question, Henrik.So I think there are two there.
I would say there are like 3 that I hear all the time and
(10:32):
there are super universal. Yeah, they're, we think it's, we
think it's still personal, but actually it's it's universal.
And the first one I would say the most like the biggest and
most common that if I'm 100% me,I won't be loved.
(10:55):
Which which fundamentally, if you think about it from a
conscience place makes no sense.Yeah, but it is living inside of
us, this belief, it's wired in the nerve system.
If I'm truly myself, who I trulyAM that's equal, I won't be
loved. So this is the first one and I
(11:17):
feel it's universal to men and women and to humanity.
The second one is also, I feel are very in the same sense
universal is it's not safe to beseen which comes from if I'm
fully myself, I won't be loved because in order to be fully
(11:41):
myself, I have to be fully seen.But if I will be fully seen, I
am not safe. Now I want to say about before
I'm going to the third one, I want to say something about
these two patterns. These two not patterns, sorry,
subconscious beliefs and limiting belief that these two
(12:02):
were created in a very, very young age.
We're talking about the first intimacy dynamic we experience
is with our mum in the first sixmonths that we do not even defer
ourself from mother. We think we are one with mother
and then we are creating separation and mother become our
(12:27):
entire world and about 12 monthsfather come in to the dynamic.
So I want to to explain to to the listeners that these
beliefs, if I'm not myself, I won't be loved and it's not safe
to be seen. This is something that we learn
in the early years in the first dynamic of intimacy, which is
(12:50):
with our caregivers. With that unconscious belief, we
are growing up and we create a way of being that we believe
that if we are like that then wewill be loved.
And this is how it's safe for usto show up.
And this is what we call the identity, how I'm showing up.
(13:12):
And this is who comes into relationship in the older age.
So when you see two adults having relationship in their mid
20s, mid 30s, mid 40s, if they haven't done any work, you see
these two identities, these two personas of who I thought I need
to be in order to be loved and what I can show to be safe
(13:36):
showing up in this relationship.And what's happens in that
relationship if we don't bring awareness, it's what we call the
relationship wound, which then create the third unconscious
belief which is already created in the older age with
interaction with relationship. It's that connection means
(13:58):
abandoning myself. Yeah, this is really deep things
we're going through and I think we're going to go deeper now
when we talk about the self loving the in the child, right
and moving to that now. Yeah, you sure know that the
self love is essential before wecan truly meet another person.
And what does loving yourself actually look like in practise,
(14:21):
if we really think about what itreally looks like?
Yes, well before the practise itself because I think practise
is something that we are all looking for.
We are looking for practises andtools and and how it looks.
But, and there is such a big conversation now about self love
(14:41):
and the rituals that we can create in order to love ourself.
The affirmation to look ourselves in the mirror and to
take our self to date and to take our self into a massage and
bubble bath and really, really take care of ourselves.
Which all of them by the way, are amazing, amazing tools.
(15:04):
But I feel that what self love is truly before all the practise
on the surface is radical self acceptance.
So if I'm fully accepting myselffor everything that I am and for
everything I am not for everything that I all the parts
(15:28):
in me that I have hidden or all the parts of me that I have
suppressed. And I am like, I like to call to
see the analogy of of like I'm walking in a, in a, in a field
and I'm collecting flowers and I'm collecting all the flowers
also the one that are, you know,not the best and not the, the
(15:50):
most shiny. And I'm collecting all the
flowers that are my whole self, my whole flower bouquet.
And it's from all of it. And I accept it.
Then I can start practising or Ican say that I, I love myself,
self love. I love the self myself.
(16:13):
The self is all the parts that is making the whole that is me.
And we have to start there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because if I don't love myself fully and accept myself fully,
then it's not available to have it or receive it from anyone
(16:36):
else. But when we don't practise it,
it and we are outsourcing it, weare waiting for our partner, our
boss, our child to give it to us.
We're outsourcing it and the practise is first in, then it
(16:57):
will come out, it will speak back, it will echo.
This is how it works. So first self acceptance, self
love, Then we will see the mirror of it, the reflection of
it. Yeah.
And that's, I mean, a lot of people are working on this and
we've talked a lot about the inner child and I think that's
(17:17):
really where a lot of this pain comes from.
So when we talk about them healing the inner child, how do
you think that affects the way we can show up in intimacy or in
a relationship with a partner? And how?
Because it's the way I look at it.
It's a lot about how we trigger each other, like you say, the
way we're mirroring each other, right?
(17:38):
Yeah, exactly. Exactly.
It's it's really, it's a really great question.
It's it's a very deep conversation.
Just taking a moment to to land in it even deeper.
When we go into healing, the inner child is like my bread and
butter. I, I believe in it so much in
this work. And you can call it an inner
(18:00):
child. You can call it the working with
your shadows. There are many many ways to call
it, but what is truly is, is what I see.
It is bring consciousness to theway of beings and the
programming that is running our lives.
This is what healing the inner child means.
So first of all, I just wanted to set the table so without,
(18:24):
without bringing awareness of these limiting belief and
programmes that we have learned and inherited as as small kids,
we grow up and our body grows and then we go into adulthood,
we look like adult, we act like adult, we do adult stuff.
(18:46):
Sometimes we even do kids, whichis very big adult stuff.
And and we are not aware that what's running the show is our
subconscious. Our subconscious is the past.
The past is when we were kids. So basically without healing the
(19:07):
inner child, without bringing awareness of these programming,
we have two kids that are running the show for us.
Can you imagine? It's it's quite frightening to
think about it, to be honest. It is.
To really think about maybe a four year old is is riding a
car, 4 year old is raising another 4 year old, 4 year old
(19:30):
is or a five year old is standing in front of people and
and talk it's and and the peoplethat he talks in front is more
for four year old people. So.
So it's to really have this image?
What if? Making or making life altering
decisions. You have a four year old.
(19:51):
Yeah, making it for you. Exactly making it for you.
And then and then life is created from that space.
Yeah, and projected from that space.
And what you see is the result of it.
And we, we think this is it. This is life.
(20:13):
And Can you imagine the immense suffering that we carry as human
being? The, the resentment, the, the,
the loneliness, the the lack of self love, the lack of, of, of
emotional safety that we experience as adults.
(20:37):
So how healing the inner child affect the intimacy?
It's, it's whether or not you can create real intimacy without
healing it. You're not present.
It's like a requirement almost. Yeah, it's, it's a requirement.
(20:58):
It's it's not almost it's a requirement.
So when, when, when I start to heal and I want to say something
about the the healing when I start to heal when I start this
process and for everyone listening ongoing endless
process. I'm sorry to be a party pooper.
(21:19):
No, there is no magic and I willheal my inner child and I'm
done. No, you heal layers and you go
deeper and deeper and deeper anddeeper and deeper.
So just to to say it. So when you start this journey
(21:40):
of healing your inner child, basically when you start the
journey back to yourself, to whoyou truly are, and you clean the
reprogramming, you start taking the nails off of the armour, you
bringing yourself more and more and more of yourself and show up
more fully of who you are. All of your relationships will
(22:04):
experiencing more connection andmore intimacy.
And that is beautiful. And I I also look at it from the
Netherlands. And then we talked about here,
healing the child is almost a requirement.
But why do you think so many people actually search for
validation in a partner instead of doing that work with the
inner child and 1st building it within themselves?
(22:26):
So first of all, again I want tosay great question.
So who is the one who is seekingvalidation?
The inner child I would say. Right.
Exactly. And why the inner child is
seeking for validation because this is what he was taught.
So all of us as universal men, woman, all of us, human beings,
(22:53):
we came to this world from our mother.
And we were dependent on our mother whether if she was
present or not. And we were dependent on our
father whether he was present ornot.
So we were dependent on whoever was there to take the role of
mother and father. And whatever we have learned
(23:16):
about who we are and our worth came through the lens of their
eyes. So we learned that our worth
lives out there. And then we yes, not with
ourselves. And this is not a weakness.
(23:38):
Everyone that is, this is nothing is wrong with you.
This is nothing is broken with you.
This is nothing personal to you.This is mechanical.
This is a survival mechanism. We had to learn that because we
are very dependent creatures, weunlike the the lion cub, the
lion cub doesn't need the validation from his mum.
(23:58):
He drinks the milk, go boom, done out.
But us as creatures from the animal Kingdom, we are the most
dependent animal. We need our parents for a long
time before we can break free toindependency, which happened
more when we are in our youth years.
(24:19):
Yeah, we really need them. This is not a story, this is not
an invention. This is real.
When we are small, so we learn as a survival who we need to be
in order to receive all the physical needs, the water, the
food, the the the being clean and all the emotional needs, the
(24:43):
safety, the love, the care, the belonging.
And we grow up. Going back to the previous
question, we grow up, the body grows, we become adults in age
and body. But if we are not aware that
there is an inner child there that is running the show and
(25:03):
that inner child is also what helearned is to sing the
validation out there, then we will continuously outsource this
to our partner and ask from the partner, from the both, from the
community, from the my friend, from my girlfriend, from my
boyfriend, from a male friend, woman friend for my kids.
(25:26):
Yeah. Yeah, I agree.
And I think it this is the validation piece is really
something that I think a lot of people are struggling with and
they're they're always chasing it.
So yeah, in that view, how is self acceptance connected to
them to being able to open up, you know, in both in the in the
(25:48):
bedroom or in any relationship you're in really, Because it's
not just in a romantic relationship.
You you have this. Yeah, yeah.
So if if we cycle back to the validation piece and and the
fact that everything is sourced out there, yeah.
So the shift happens when we start reclaim, reclaim the self
(26:10):
authority, the inner authority, we reclaim our worth, we reclaim
the sense of belonging, we reclaim everything and we are
able to fill it up for ourself when we are able to do that.
In order to be able to do that, I need to accept myself fully.
(26:31):
And then going back to to what we already said in the previous
question, when you asked me about self loving, we spoke
about how it's require radical self acceptance.
So going back to it and circlingit, self acceptance, the ability
to be and accept all the parts that I am.
(26:53):
The light and the dark, the strength and the weakness, the
shiny bits and the not shiny bits.
All of it from the understandingthat the duality is what makes
me a human being. And how can you love fully if
you don't look at both the lightand the dark within in one way?
(27:17):
You cannot, you cannot because emotions goes from the same, I
like to call it they live in thesame tube.
So if you suppress, and I do like this, suppress one emotion
like you can choose no sadness. Nah, I don't want to feel
(27:39):
sadness. I'll suppress grief.
No, that's not sexy Resentment. No, no.
No shame. Yeah.
Even society is actually affecting this right?
I'm pushing this down to people what is sort of socially
acceptable or not of. Course, of course, culture and
society and how we supposed to act and expect it to be act and
(28:04):
behave in in society is of course part of it.
Don't get me wrong. We as adult, we want to be able
to regulate our emotions. We don't want to go and have
tantrums. But what we see that we do have
tantrums, we see adults with tantrums all the time.
(28:24):
And this is because of the suppression.
Because of the suppression, because one can hold only for a
period of time, then there is explosion and then we hold again
that explosion. What we want to learn, we want
to learn to be able to feel everything.
We want to be able to allow the emotion.
You ask about love, how you can love if you don't feel the
duality. So if I suppress one emotion
(28:46):
from that tube, if love wants tocome out from distant tube and
and experience love, it cannot because the tube is blocked.
So in order to feel like a wave,we want to be able to feel all
the emotions, don't not collapseinto them and not suppress or
avoid them. We want to find out our centre,
(29:09):
yeah. And this is how it's how it goes
into how it's connected into intimacy.
The ability to accept myself fully, to feel fully, to be
vulnerable did. You have to be vulnerable, yeah.
Yeah, this is this is soften my system.
It's soften my nerve system. Imagine how much energy and
(29:31):
tension needs to be in the body in order to hold something like
that. It's so much stress.
So let's let's drill a bit deeper on that with so the
healing and the relational growth.
In that. Space.
So what are some practical ways do you believe couples or
individuals can begin to rewire these old patterns and move
(29:52):
toward more like embodied intimacy and connection?
Because I think that the connection is critical.
Yeah, as well. So I will say firstly before
rewire, we want to bring awareness to what the patterns
are. So we want to go into a deep
self inquiry and self exploration.
(30:12):
We want to start ask questions in the places where we have the
most, the strongest exclamation mark.
I am feeling the gap and insteadof exclamation mark question
mark start really question all the things that you believe you
(30:34):
are really. Is it really who I am or is it
something I have learned about myself?
And to do it either with yourself or with the help of a
coach to really start unravelling this parts in you
that that you either hidden or avoided or suppressed.
(30:59):
And within relationship together, if the two couple, if
the two people in the relationship are doing this
work, it's, it's beautiful. And to be able to support each
other, you can firstly slow down, stop the doing the, the,
the busy life. So really create a ritual where
(31:22):
you are together, you are slowing down together, you are
checking in how the other is feeling, how the other's heart
is today, what is going on really the other person life.
And you can have exercises like breathing together really sink
(31:48):
the breath. There are research that show
that when couple are sinking their breath they really relax
the nerve system and the feelingof unity of 1 is really showing
up and the body really relax andthe nerve system feel really
safe. You strengthen the connection
(32:08):
that way too. Yeah, I, I, I agree with that
100%. And it's beautiful practise as
well. It's so simple and so profound
and so deep. And I would say curiosity is, is
key. Really be curious to discover
(32:29):
who your partner is every singleday and also towards oneself.
Because how many times you wake up in the morning and you go to
the mirror and you already know who you're going to find.
What will happen if you will wake up in every morning and you
will go to the mirror and you will be excited to see who am I
(32:49):
going to meet today? And also them being more present
in that moment. Yeah, exactly, exactly.
Because survival is in the past and who we are today, what's
life alive in US today, It's in the present moment and we cannot
access there without being awareness and practise.
(33:15):
Yeah. And to say that that to talk
about the patterns and to bring awareness is an important and
and fundamental key in the beginning of the healing, but
also practical somatic practise to start feeling safe in the
body, to explore these kind of practises.
(33:38):
Because the the trauma and the patterns, they live in the body,
they don't live in the mind. And so if we want to start, heal
and grow together, we can reallystart to practise these kind of
practises. The way I'd like to look at that
is somehow you have the mind andthe heart working combination
(34:00):
and together, rather than the mind controlling the heart or
working the heart. Exactly, exactly.
They are one. They are 1 exactly.
We are just experiencing them astwo separate things.
Yeah, yeah. So what does it mean for a woman
to receive fully? That's something a lot of people
(34:22):
are talking about. And then what does it mean or
what does a man need in order tostay open and emotionally
available for the woman in that sense?
Yeah, it's a great question and it's in a way cycle back to the
first question that you asked meabout shame.
So for a woman to receive fully,she needs to feel safe in her
(34:45):
body. And I'm not talking only on
receiving fully into, in the interaction of sexual
interaction, but to actually receive fully the love, the
attention, the care, the, the gifts, the the compliments to
receive fully to be able to be fully safe, to feel this is safe
(35:06):
for me. And for that it's she needs to
1st bring awareness to what it is that is happening for her and
to work on herself and then bring that also into the
relationship. So this is for a woman to be
able to receive fully and for a man to to stay or to be able to
(35:29):
hold emotional availability is for him for the little boy to
unlearn. There is an unlearning process
that feeling equal weakness. And so for himself there is an
unlearning process. For the men there is an
(35:50):
unlearning process that feeling are allowed feeling are good to
feel. These are not weaknesses, these
are natural. That being vulnerable is
actually being present. That is key.
It's a completely the opposite of everything that every little
(36:14):
boy has learned. Yeah.
And that's. And for me, I look at that as a
strength. Yeah.
And the emotion and the emotion and being vulnerable, it's a
strength and not a weakness. Yes, it's a it's, it's a, it's a
superpower. It's a superpower.
And for a woman to support her partner in his unlearning
(36:40):
process, it is really important that when he show the tough
emotions, the sadness, the the lostness, the fears, the when he
expressed them, when he shares them, that he will not be
judged. So it's require a man that is
(37:02):
doing the work and a woman that is doing the work in order to
hold for each other the space tounlearn what they both learn in
a younger age. This goes back a lot to what we
talked about before about healing relationship, right?
And this is really where it comes to life.
(37:24):
Yeah, yeah. This is if you think about it,
both of them are longing for connection and both of them are
scared of it. It just looks different.
But if you think the essence of it, they're both the same, they
(37:45):
want the same and they feel fromthe same.
And the the cure is for both of them.
The medicine is being able to bein the present moment and the
present moment. And whatever is come up for you
and whoever you are in the present moment is safe.
And I think this can also then go back to whether or not you're
(38:07):
coming at something from a placeof love or fear.
Really dare to be in. Exactly.
Feeling from a place of love. Exactly.
Shame speaks the fear language. Yeah, and love is present and
self acceptance. That's a beautiful way to put
it. Yeah.
(38:28):
So last thing we're in. In your own life, do you see
there's been any turning point that has received the way you
look at love, sex or vulnerability?
Yeah. Question.
Great question. Thank you for for asking it
actually, and to allow me to also bring my personal story and
my personal experience into it. And I think it's super important
(38:53):
as well to, to share this and toever listen.
Sometimes when we listen to someone that talk about a topic
that we are still very much in it and lost in it.
We look at the people that talk about it as wow, something
bigger or different or on a podium.
And I just from sharing it, I'm,I'm going to not only show that
(39:15):
I'm just exactly like each and everyone that is listening.
Not only that, but I'm still working on it myself.
So thank you for the opportunityto, to share it.
So the turning point in my life was I was married before I was
in a long term relationship in my early 20s.
(39:38):
I met the guy we, we fell in love, we got married all the
Cinderella story and we were together for 12 years.
So at 32 and I got a divorce andI went through a really deep
transformation and deep in self inquiry.
I thought that I have cleared and cleaned all the luggage or
(40:01):
all the patterns that has causedme whatever they caused me in my
long term relationship. And when I met my current
partner and the father of my child, I thought that I was done
with it, with the. With the past and that I'm ready
(40:23):
and and after the birth of my myson four years ago, I found
myself in one of the hardest moment of my life as a new
really new mom with a four months old baby.
And I remember one night, bouncing on the yoga ball after
(40:47):
long sleepless night, I looked at my partner who is completely
different than my ex, both physically and really in a
persona. And I thought to myself, how is
it that everything around me is different?
But I still feel exactly the same in this relationship.
(41:08):
And it was one of the most frightened moment of my life to
realise I am here again. But it's also cracked me fully
open to go and search. What is it really that is
creating this feeling, repeated feeling in my life, even when
(41:34):
everything else has changed thatI still created and I still feel
exactly the way I already felt. And that when that sent me into
a really, really deep self work where I have discovered all the
work of the subconscious and theprogramming.
(41:55):
I dived into the brain and how it works and how the body mind
works in the nerve system. And I really wanted to get my
hand around it like I, I really wanted to understand it.
And I started my own mind body work and my own healing journey.
And it's a work in process. And let me tell you,
(42:20):
relationship, long term relationship for me has been the
biggest teacher in my life and what my soul came here to
explore. And yeah, it's a, it's a, it's
beautiful to understand it. Yes, I have created it, but I
(42:43):
also had the power to change it and shift it.
Because when I shift my relationship with myself, when I
reclaim my inner authority, whenI start to love myself fully.
When I start to show up in my relationship for who I truly am,
without shame, fully vulnerable.Learning how to vocalise my
(43:04):
needs, my dreams, my visions, mymy deepest thoughts.
And I have a partner that is doing the work himself on his
own shadows, on his own inner child.
It's powerful. It's it's an accelerator for a
spiritual growth. I think it's a beautiful story
(43:27):
more so first of all, I want to thank you for for sharing it and
showing yourself so vulnerable and also showing for the
listeners here that this is not just as you said, it's not a one
time fix. It's an ongoing work for
everyone who's on the path of loving fully in one way and
loving yourself. Yeah, Yeah.
(43:49):
It's beautiful to say. Loving fully.
I love that. Yeah.
Exactly. Because what what else do we,
what else really did we come here to to do?
If we think about human beings, what is it that we we came here
to do? What is it our soul came here to
do from the higher realms? It came here to be in this body
(44:12):
and with a body that has the ability to feel.
And so feelings, all range of feelings is the playground for
our soul to expand. And if we think about it like
that, we should embrace feeling.We should welcome feelings like
with open hands, whatever the feeling is, even the tough ones,
(44:34):
even the bad ones, the hard ones.
And I think when you change the lens of escaping from one
feeling and chasing after the good one and avoiding the bad
one, and you change the lens to I came here to feel because feel
is my spiritual growth. So what is it that I need to
feel? Show me life.
(44:56):
What is it that I need to feel? So beautiful.
I love the feelings are the playground for our soul.
I think that's such a beautiful message.
Yeah, thank you, Henrik. Thank you so much for for
inviting me again. This is truly what I what I love
(45:17):
to do. I cannot think of any other way
to spend my morning rather than dive deep and talk about these
kind of topics. So thank you for the
opportunity. No, and Moore, thank you for
sharing your voice, your truth, and your softness and spreading
your message around love as well.
(45:37):
I think it's so beautiful. Thank you so much for the
opportunity. So what more reminded us today
is that healing isn't just aboutletting go of pain.
It's about coming back to the body, to the breath, to the
(45:58):
possibility that love doesn't have to be earned, just met.
For everyone listening, let thisbe your invitation to slow down,
to feel more, to dare to be seennot just as perfect, but as
present and focus on self love and looking into yourself.
(46:21):
If you want to learn more about more and reach out to her and
you can find her on Instagram and Facebook and I will make
sure to have the links in the episode comments and please
comment, like and share around the episode.
I love. I love hearing more from you and
thank you for being here.
Welcome back to 34, the podcast where we explore intimacy,
vulnerability and the quiet revolutions that happens between
two people who dare to stay. And today's guest is someone who
doesn't just talk about presence, she embodies it so
more. Shaveed is a mind body coach,
mentor and a subconscious expert, a guide in emotional
(00:30):
integration and a woman with a unique sensitivity to the silent
forces that really shape us, especially in our relationships
as men and women. She brings warmth, clarity and a
deep understanding of the shame we carry, often without even
realising it, especially when itcomes to desire, closeness and
our bodies more. Welcome back.
(00:53):
I'm so grateful to have you hereagain.
Hey Henrik, I am so happy to be here again.
We had such a great conversationlast time that I and I was here
and it stayed with me for quite some time and I'm looking
forward to dive into such an important, unspoken enough in my
(01:15):
opinion topic and that is so universal.
So it would be nice to dive in and normalise it a little bit
and bring some air and clarity around it and I hope the
listeners will take some take infrom it.
Yeah, I, I agree. And I think we're, we're going
to cover things like the shame, the gender, emotional pattering,
(01:39):
self love, the inner child, someemotional safety and how we
actually can heal and look at relational growth from it,
right. So I'm really looking forward to
the conversation. Shame.
So you do often speak about shame as something inherited,
especially for women. How do you see shame showing up
differently in men and women today?
(02:02):
First let's say it shame shame. I want to say it several times
just to to clear the throat. Say it shame shame shame
everyone that listen say it shame, shame.
This is the first like practise to to to say it high shame.
How do you do though? I think from my own experience
(02:27):
firstly and from the work I see in my clinic, shame is if not
the most, it's probably one of the most powerful emotional
pattern we carry as human beings.
It's it's inherited in most of its form and also learned from
(02:48):
inherited. So we are inheriting and then we
are strengthening what we inherit and learning that what
we inherit is actually true. And it goes through a cultural
gender lineage, generational pass.
How I see it comes differently. I show up differently in men and
women. It's really good question in
(03:10):
women. I would say that the little girl
is learning to be shameful around her body, her voice, her
pleasure. And if I will see it in in a
scale, the little girl is going in between.
I'm either too much or I'm not enough.
(03:34):
I'm either too loud, too vulgar too.
I want to say too, too strong orI'm not enough feminine, not
enough gentle, not enough quiet.And so there is this movement
between I'm either too much or not enough.
(03:54):
Whereas for men I see that shameis vulnerability itself.
So the little boy is being taught that he cannot show
weakness and big and showing feelings is showing weakness.
And so feeling itself, vulnerability itself, the
(04:15):
ability to feel and be in your body and express what you feel
for a man, it is shame. So what I want to really say
about it and to to really explain is that in both cases,
both men and women, shame is making us believe that who we
(04:40):
are is wrong, is broken. It's not good.
It's not enough. It's too much.
And this is the distortion. Yeah, it's really a big one.
Shame. It's caused so much suffering in
humanity. I wanted to give a point on how
(05:02):
to start healing from it. And I was just touching it.
Now it's, it's, it's the distortion of shame that saying
that something is wrong with us.And I think the first step in
healing shame is actually to seethis distortion to bring
awareness into what we have learned about our our identity,
(05:24):
that it's either too much or notenough or not allowed to feel.
It's actually just a pattern, just a learning a programming.
It's not who I am. Who I am inside is whole.
There is nothing wrong with me. That's a very good, very good
insight and very good learning for I think a lot of men and
(05:46):
women. Yeah.
And you touched on this as well.We talked about sort of men are
suppressing emotion. They're really taught to
suppress the emotion and many women are taught to perform
pleasure. What do you feel happens when
these two meet in bed or or in love in general?
Exactly. So it's, it's really the, the,
(06:08):
the it's the outcome of what we were just talking about.
Yeah. So one has learned to suppress
and the other one learned to be something or someone she's not.
And she performs and intimacy, which is the where connection
and where I can bring myself fully believes.
(06:33):
So when I'm bringing who I thought I need to be, yeah, who
I thought I need to be in order to be loved and accepted.
If I bring this mask or armour, whatever you feel comfortable to
call, when I bring this into intimacy, there is no
(06:55):
connection. It's just the opposite.
It's this connection no one brings, who they truly are.
So instead of embodiment, wholeness, oneness, we have
disembodiment, operation, disconnection.
(07:17):
And it can be. On the surface it can look like
contact, touch, and even sometimes pleasure.
But deep inside there is no presence.
No one is truly there. Yeah, and then you might.
This is going back to what we talked about in one of the
(07:37):
previous episodes. That is easier to give your body
than to give your heart. Yeah, yeah.
And I think a lot of relationships are like that
today, right when we, when I look at people I talk to in
general, their behaviour. And, and I want to say to
whoever it is that is listening that this is not your fault.
This is not because something iswrong with you.
(08:00):
This is not because you are broken.
This is a survival mechanism. This is automatic.
This is something that has happened without your awareness.
It is your subconscious. This is the programming.
So the fact that it is happeningis not your fault.
(08:23):
However, to grow out of it and change it is in your power and
in your responsibility. Though I'm guessing what I'm
trying to say if you're listening is that one you're not
alone in this mechanical patternand pain in relationship and
(08:45):
also you can change it. That's a very good message.
Yes, I really hope that it will come through because it can feel
so alone and so lonely and so painful and so also hopeless.
Sometimes, you know, you can think, oh, I've, I've, I've
(09:06):
experienced it my whole life. I've had six different partners
and it's always was the same. I am fill up the blank.
Whatever you believe about yourself, love is.
Fill the blank. Whatever it is that you believe
that love is, it will always hurt me.
I will be abandoned, I will feelrejected.
I will not be able to bring myself fully though.
(09:28):
So it can feel very end endless like this is it.
And I, and I really want to say it if someone is listening to
really understand that starting to heal, starting to heal
yourself outside of the relationship and inside the
relationship. Starting to bring awareness to
(09:49):
these patterns, these way of being that are not who you are,
but how you have learned to be, and start bringing yourself
fully. You will be able to replace
performance and suppression withpresence, and you will be able
to bring intimacy and real connection into your
(10:10):
relationship. That's such a beautiful way
you're putting it there more. Thank you.
So in your experience, what are the most common unconscious
beliefs people carry about intimacy and connection?
That's a great question, Henrik.So I think there are two there.
I would say there are like 3 that I hear all the time and
(10:32):
there are super universal. Yeah, they're, we think it's, we
think it's still personal, but actually it's it's universal.
And the first one I would say the most like the biggest and
most common that if I'm 100% me,I won't be loved.
(10:55):
Which which fundamentally, if you think about it from a
conscience place makes no sense.Yeah, but it is living inside of
us, this belief, it's wired in the nerve system.
If I'm truly myself, who I trulyAM that's equal, I won't be
loved. So this is the first one and I
(11:17):
feel it's universal to men and women and to humanity.
The second one is also, I feel are very in the same sense
universal is it's not safe to beseen which comes from if I'm
fully myself, I won't be loved because in order to be fully
(11:41):
myself, I have to be fully seen.But if I will be fully seen, I
am not safe. Now I want to say about before
I'm going to the third one, I want to say something about
these two patterns. These two not patterns, sorry,
subconscious beliefs and limiting belief that these two
(12:02):
were created in a very, very young age.
We're talking about the first intimacy dynamic we experience
is with our mum in the first sixmonths that we do not even defer
ourself from mother. We think we are one with mother
and then we are creating separation and mother become our
(12:27):
entire world and about 12 monthsfather come in to the dynamic.
So I want to to explain to to the listeners that these
beliefs, if I'm not myself, I won't be loved and it's not safe
to be seen. This is something that we learn
in the early years in the first dynamic of intimacy, which is
(12:50):
with our caregivers. With that unconscious belief, we
are growing up and we create a way of being that we believe
that if we are like that then wewill be loved.
And this is how it's safe for usto show up.
And this is what we call the identity, how I'm showing up.
(13:12):
And this is who comes into relationship in the older age.
So when you see two adults having relationship in their mid
20s, mid 30s, mid 40s, if they haven't done any work, you see
these two identities, these two personas of who I thought I need
to be in order to be loved and what I can show to be safe
(13:36):
showing up in this relationship.And what's happens in that
relationship if we don't bring awareness, it's what we call the
relationship wound, which then create the third unconscious
belief which is already created in the older age with
interaction with relationship. It's that connection means
(13:58):
abandoning myself. Yeah, this is really deep things
we're going through and I think we're going to go deeper now
when we talk about the self loving the in the child, right
and moving to that now. Yeah, you sure know that the
self love is essential before wecan truly meet another person.
And what does loving yourself actually look like in practise,
(14:21):
if we really think about what itreally looks like?
Yes, well before the practise itself because I think practise
is something that we are all looking for.
We are looking for practises andtools and and how it looks.
But, and there is such a big conversation now about self love
(14:41):
and the rituals that we can create in order to love ourself.
The affirmation to look ourselves in the mirror and to
take our self to date and to take our self into a massage and
bubble bath and really, really take care of ourselves.
Which all of them by the way, are amazing, amazing tools.
(15:04):
But I feel that what self love is truly before all the practise
on the surface is radical self acceptance.
So if I'm fully accepting myselffor everything that I am and for
everything I am not for everything that I all the parts
(15:28):
in me that I have hidden or all the parts of me that I have
suppressed. And I am like, I like to call to
see the analogy of of like I'm walking in a, in a, in a field
and I'm collecting flowers and I'm collecting all the flowers
also the one that are, you know,not the best and not the, the
(15:50):
most shiny. And I'm collecting all the
flowers that are my whole self, my whole flower bouquet.
And it's from all of it. And I accept it.
Then I can start practising or Ican say that I, I love myself,
self love. I love the self myself.
(16:13):
The self is all the parts that is making the whole that is me.
And we have to start there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because if I don't love myself fully and accept myself fully,
then it's not available to have it or receive it from anyone
(16:36):
else. But when we don't practise it,
it and we are outsourcing it, weare waiting for our partner, our
boss, our child to give it to us.
We're outsourcing it and the practise is first in, then it
(16:57):
will come out, it will speak back, it will echo.
This is how it works. So first self acceptance, self
love, Then we will see the mirror of it, the reflection of
it. Yeah.
And that's, I mean, a lot of people are working on this and
we've talked a lot about the inner child and I think that's
(17:17):
really where a lot of this pain comes from.
So when we talk about them healing the inner child, how do
you think that affects the way we can show up in intimacy or in
a relationship with a partner? And how?
Because it's the way I look at it.
It's a lot about how we trigger each other, like you say, the
way we're mirroring each other, right?
(17:38):
Yeah, exactly. Exactly.
It's it's really, it's a really great question.
It's it's a very deep conversation.
Just taking a moment to to land in it even deeper.
When we go into healing, the inner child is like my bread and
butter. I, I believe in it so much in
this work. And you can call it an inner
(18:00):
child. You can call it the working with
your shadows. There are many many ways to call
it, but what is truly is, is what I see.
It is bring consciousness to theway of beings and the
programming that is running our lives.
This is what healing the inner child means.
So first of all, I just wanted to set the table so without,
(18:24):
without bringing awareness of these limiting belief and
programmes that we have learned and inherited as as small kids,
we grow up and our body grows and then we go into adulthood,
we look like adult, we act like adult, we do adult stuff.
(18:46):
Sometimes we even do kids, whichis very big adult stuff.
And and we are not aware that what's running the show is our
subconscious. Our subconscious is the past.
The past is when we were kids. So basically without healing the
(19:07):
inner child, without bringing awareness of these programming,
we have two kids that are running the show for us.
Can you imagine? It's it's quite frightening to
think about it, to be honest. It is.
To really think about maybe a four year old is is riding a
car, 4 year old is raising another 4 year old, 4 year old
(19:30):
is or a five year old is standing in front of people and
and talk it's and and the peoplethat he talks in front is more
for four year old people. So.
So it's to really have this image?
What if? Making or making life altering
decisions. You have a four year old.
(19:51):
Yeah, making it for you. Exactly making it for you.
And then and then life is created from that space.
Yeah, and projected from that space.
And what you see is the result of it.
And we, we think this is it. This is life.
(20:13):
And Can you imagine the immense suffering that we carry as human
being? The, the resentment, the, the,
the loneliness, the the lack of self love, the lack of, of, of
emotional safety that we experience as adults.
(20:37):
So how healing the inner child affect the intimacy?
It's, it's whether or not you can create real intimacy without
healing it. You're not present.
It's like a requirement almost. Yeah, it's, it's a requirement.
(20:58):
It's it's not almost it's a requirement.
So when, when, when I start to heal and I want to say something
about the the healing when I start to heal when I start this
process and for everyone listening ongoing endless
process. I'm sorry to be a party pooper.
(21:19):
No, there is no magic and I willheal my inner child and I'm
done. No, you heal layers and you go
deeper and deeper and deeper anddeeper and deeper.
So just to to say it. So when you start this journey
(21:40):
of healing your inner child, basically when you start the
journey back to yourself, to whoyou truly are, and you clean the
reprogramming, you start taking the nails off of the armour, you
bringing yourself more and more and more of yourself and show up
more fully of who you are. All of your relationships will
(22:04):
experiencing more connection andmore intimacy.
And that is beautiful. And I I also look at it from the
Netherlands. And then we talked about here,
healing the child is almost a requirement.
But why do you think so many people actually search for
validation in a partner instead of doing that work with the
inner child and 1st building it within themselves?
(22:26):
So first of all, again I want tosay great question.
So who is the one who is seekingvalidation?
The inner child I would say. Right.
Exactly. And why the inner child is
seeking for validation because this is what he was taught.
So all of us as universal men, woman, all of us, human beings,
(22:53):
we came to this world from our mother.
And we were dependent on our mother whether if she was
present or not. And we were dependent on our
father whether he was present ornot.
So we were dependent on whoever was there to take the role of
mother and father. And whatever we have learned
(23:16):
about who we are and our worth came through the lens of their
eyes. So we learned that our worth
lives out there. And then we yes, not with
ourselves. And this is not a weakness.
(23:38):
Everyone that is, this is nothing is wrong with you.
This is nothing is broken with you.
This is nothing personal to you.This is mechanical.
This is a survival mechanism. We had to learn that because we
are very dependent creatures, weunlike the the lion cub, the
lion cub doesn't need the validation from his mum.
(23:58):
He drinks the milk, go boom, done out.
But us as creatures from the animal Kingdom, we are the most
dependent animal. We need our parents for a long
time before we can break free toindependency, which happened
more when we are in our youth years.
(24:19):
Yeah, we really need them. This is not a story, this is not
an invention. This is real.
When we are small, so we learn as a survival who we need to be
in order to receive all the physical needs, the water, the
food, the the the being clean and all the emotional needs, the
(24:43):
safety, the love, the care, the belonging.
And we grow up. Going back to the previous
question, we grow up, the body grows, we become adults in age
and body. But if we are not aware that
there is an inner child there that is running the show and
(25:03):
that inner child is also what helearned is to sing the
validation out there, then we will continuously outsource this
to our partner and ask from the partner, from the both, from the
community, from the my friend, from my girlfriend, from my
boyfriend, from a male friend, woman friend for my kids.
(25:26):
Yeah. Yeah, I agree.
And I think it this is the validation piece is really
something that I think a lot of people are struggling with and
they're they're always chasing it.
So yeah, in that view, how is self acceptance connected to
them to being able to open up, you know, in both in the in the
(25:48):
bedroom or in any relationship you're in really, Because it's
not just in a romantic relationship.
You you have this. Yeah, yeah.
So if if we cycle back to the validation piece and and the
fact that everything is sourced out there, yeah.
So the shift happens when we start reclaim, reclaim the self
(26:10):
authority, the inner authority, we reclaim our worth, we reclaim
the sense of belonging, we reclaim everything and we are
able to fill it up for ourself when we are able to do that.
In order to be able to do that, I need to accept myself fully.
(26:31):
And then going back to to what we already said in the previous
question, when you asked me about self loving, we spoke
about how it's require radical self acceptance.
So going back to it and circlingit, self acceptance, the ability
to be and accept all the parts that I am.
(26:53):
The light and the dark, the strength and the weakness, the
shiny bits and the not shiny bits.
All of it from the understandingthat the duality is what makes
me a human being. And how can you love fully if
you don't look at both the lightand the dark within in one way?
(27:17):
You cannot, you cannot because emotions goes from the same, I
like to call it they live in thesame tube.
So if you suppress, and I do like this, suppress one emotion
like you can choose no sadness. Nah, I don't want to feel
(27:39):
sadness. I'll suppress grief.
No, that's not sexy Resentment. No, no.
No shame. Yeah.
Even society is actually affecting this right?
I'm pushing this down to people what is sort of socially
acceptable or not of. Course, of course, culture and
society and how we supposed to act and expect it to be act and
(28:04):
behave in in society is of course part of it.
Don't get me wrong. We as adult, we want to be able
to regulate our emotions. We don't want to go and have
tantrums. But what we see that we do have
tantrums, we see adults with tantrums all the time.
(28:24):
And this is because of the suppression.
Because of the suppression, because one can hold only for a
period of time, then there is explosion and then we hold again
that explosion. What we want to learn, we want
to learn to be able to feel everything.
We want to be able to allow the emotion.
You ask about love, how you can love if you don't feel the
duality. So if I suppress one emotion
(28:46):
from that tube, if love wants tocome out from distant tube and
and experience love, it cannot because the tube is blocked.
So in order to feel like a wave,we want to be able to feel all
the emotions, don't not collapseinto them and not suppress or
avoid them. We want to find out our centre,
(29:09):
yeah. And this is how it's how it goes
into how it's connected into intimacy.
The ability to accept myself fully, to feel fully, to be
vulnerable did. You have to be vulnerable, yeah.
Yeah, this is this is soften my system.
It's soften my nerve system. Imagine how much energy and
(29:31):
tension needs to be in the body in order to hold something like
that. It's so much stress.
So let's let's drill a bit deeper on that with so the
healing and the relational growth.
In that. Space.
So what are some practical ways do you believe couples or
individuals can begin to rewire these old patterns and move
(29:52):
toward more like embodied intimacy and connection?
Because I think that the connection is critical.
Yeah, as well. So I will say firstly before
rewire, we want to bring awareness to what the patterns
are. So we want to go into a deep
self inquiry and self exploration.
(30:12):
We want to start ask questions in the places where we have the
most, the strongest exclamation mark.
I am feeling the gap and insteadof exclamation mark question
mark start really question all the things that you believe you
(30:34):
are really. Is it really who I am or is it
something I have learned about myself?
And to do it either with yourself or with the help of a
coach to really start unravelling this parts in you
that that you either hidden or avoided or suppressed.
(30:59):
And within relationship together, if the two couple, if
the two people in the relationship are doing this
work, it's, it's beautiful. And to be able to support each
other, you can firstly slow down, stop the doing the, the,
the busy life. So really create a ritual where
(31:22):
you are together, you are slowing down together, you are
checking in how the other is feeling, how the other's heart
is today, what is going on really the other person life.
And you can have exercises like breathing together really sink
(31:48):
the breath. There are research that show
that when couple are sinking their breath they really relax
the nerve system and the feelingof unity of 1 is really showing
up and the body really relax andthe nerve system feel really
safe. You strengthen the connection
(32:08):
that way too. Yeah, I, I, I agree with that
100%. And it's beautiful practise as
well. It's so simple and so profound
and so deep. And I would say curiosity is, is
key. Really be curious to discover
(32:29):
who your partner is every singleday and also towards oneself.
Because how many times you wake up in the morning and you go to
the mirror and you already know who you're going to find.
What will happen if you will wake up in every morning and you
will go to the mirror and you will be excited to see who am I
(32:49):
going to meet today? And also them being more present
in that moment. Yeah, exactly, exactly.
Because survival is in the past and who we are today, what's
life alive in US today, It's in the present moment and we cannot
access there without being awareness and practise.
(33:15):
Yeah. And to say that that to talk
about the patterns and to bring awareness is an important and
and fundamental key in the beginning of the healing, but
also practical somatic practise to start feeling safe in the
body, to explore these kind of practises.
(33:38):
Because the the trauma and the patterns, they live in the body,
they don't live in the mind. And so if we want to start, heal
and grow together, we can reallystart to practise these kind of
practises. The way I'd like to look at that
is somehow you have the mind andthe heart working combination
(34:00):
and together, rather than the mind controlling the heart or
working the heart. Exactly, exactly.
They are one. They are 1 exactly.
We are just experiencing them astwo separate things.
Yeah, yeah. So what does it mean for a woman
to receive fully? That's something a lot of people
(34:22):
are talking about. And then what does it mean or
what does a man need in order tostay open and emotionally
available for the woman in that sense?
Yeah, it's a great question and it's in a way cycle back to the
first question that you asked meabout shame.
So for a woman to receive fully,she needs to feel safe in her
(34:45):
body. And I'm not talking only on
receiving fully into, in the interaction of sexual
interaction, but to actually receive fully the love, the
attention, the care, the, the gifts, the the compliments to
receive fully to be able to be fully safe, to feel this is safe
(35:06):
for me. And for that it's she needs to
1st bring awareness to what it is that is happening for her and
to work on herself and then bring that also into the
relationship. So this is for a woman to be
able to receive fully and for a man to to stay or to be able to
(35:29):
hold emotional availability is for him for the little boy to
unlearn. There is an unlearning process
that feeling equal weakness. And so for himself there is an
unlearning process. For the men there is an
(35:50):
unlearning process that feeling are allowed feeling are good to
feel. These are not weaknesses, these
are natural. That being vulnerable is
actually being present. That is key.
It's a completely the opposite of everything that every little
(36:14):
boy has learned. Yeah.
And that's. And for me, I look at that as a
strength. Yeah.
And the emotion and the emotion and being vulnerable, it's a
strength and not a weakness. Yes, it's a it's, it's a, it's a
superpower. It's a superpower.
And for a woman to support her partner in his unlearning
(36:40):
process, it is really important that when he show the tough
emotions, the sadness, the the lostness, the fears, the when he
expressed them, when he shares them, that he will not be
judged. So it's require a man that is
(37:02):
doing the work and a woman that is doing the work in order to
hold for each other the space tounlearn what they both learn in
a younger age. This goes back a lot to what we
talked about before about healing relationship, right?
And this is really where it comes to life.
(37:24):
Yeah, yeah. This is if you think about it,
both of them are longing for connection and both of them are
scared of it. It just looks different.
But if you think the essence of it, they're both the same, they
(37:45):
want the same and they feel fromthe same.
And the the cure is for both of them.
The medicine is being able to bein the present moment and the
present moment. And whatever is come up for you
and whoever you are in the present moment is safe.
And I think this can also then go back to whether or not you're
(38:07):
coming at something from a placeof love or fear.
Really dare to be in. Exactly.
Feeling from a place of love. Exactly.
Shame speaks the fear language. Yeah, and love is present and
self acceptance. That's a beautiful way to put
it. Yeah.
(38:28):
So last thing we're in. In your own life, do you see
there's been any turning point that has received the way you
look at love, sex or vulnerability?
Yeah. Question.
Great question. Thank you for for asking it
actually, and to allow me to also bring my personal story and
my personal experience into it. And I think it's super important
(38:53):
as well to, to share this and toever listen.
Sometimes when we listen to someone that talk about a topic
that we are still very much in it and lost in it.
We look at the people that talk about it as wow, something
bigger or different or on a podium.
And I just from sharing it, I'm,I'm going to not only show that
(39:15):
I'm just exactly like each and everyone that is listening.
Not only that, but I'm still working on it myself.
So thank you for the opportunityto, to share it.
So the turning point in my life was I was married before I was
in a long term relationship in my early 20s.
(39:38):
I met the guy we, we fell in love, we got married all the
Cinderella story and we were together for 12 years.
So at 32 and I got a divorce andI went through a really deep
transformation and deep in self inquiry.
I thought that I have cleared and cleaned all the luggage or
(40:01):
all the patterns that has causedme whatever they caused me in my
long term relationship. And when I met my current
partner and the father of my child, I thought that I was done
with it, with the. With the past and that I'm ready
(40:23):
and and after the birth of my myson four years ago, I found
myself in one of the hardest moment of my life as a new
really new mom with a four months old baby.
And I remember one night, bouncing on the yoga ball after
(40:47):
long sleepless night, I looked at my partner who is completely
different than my ex, both physically and really in a
persona. And I thought to myself, how is
it that everything around me is different?
But I still feel exactly the same in this relationship.
(41:08):
And it was one of the most frightened moment of my life to
realise I am here again. But it's also cracked me fully
open to go and search. What is it really that is
creating this feeling, repeated feeling in my life, even when
(41:34):
everything else has changed thatI still created and I still feel
exactly the way I already felt. And that when that sent me into
a really, really deep self work where I have discovered all the
work of the subconscious and theprogramming.
(41:55):
I dived into the brain and how it works and how the body mind
works in the nerve system. And I really wanted to get my
hand around it like I, I really wanted to understand it.
And I started my own mind body work and my own healing journey.
And it's a work in process. And let me tell you,
(42:20):
relationship, long term relationship for me has been the
biggest teacher in my life and what my soul came here to
explore. And yeah, it's a, it's a, it's
beautiful to understand it. Yes, I have created it, but I
(42:43):
also had the power to change it and shift it.
Because when I shift my relationship with myself, when I
reclaim my inner authority, whenI start to love myself fully.
When I start to show up in my relationship for who I truly am,
without shame, fully vulnerable.Learning how to vocalise my
(43:04):
needs, my dreams, my visions, mymy deepest thoughts.
And I have a partner that is doing the work himself on his
own shadows, on his own inner child.
It's powerful. It's it's an accelerator for a
spiritual growth. I think it's a beautiful story
(43:27):
more so first of all, I want to thank you for for sharing it and
showing yourself so vulnerable and also showing for the
listeners here that this is not just as you said, it's not a one
time fix. It's an ongoing work for
everyone who's on the path of loving fully in one way and
loving yourself. Yeah, Yeah.
(43:49):
It's beautiful to say. Loving fully.
I love that. Yeah.
Exactly. Because what what else do we,
what else really did we come here to to do?
If we think about human beings, what is it that we we came here
to do? What is it our soul came here to
do from the higher realms? It came here to be in this body
(44:12):
and with a body that has the ability to feel.
And so feelings, all range of feelings is the playground for
our soul to expand. And if we think about it like
that, we should embrace feeling.We should welcome feelings like
with open hands, whatever the feeling is, even the tough ones,
(44:34):
even the bad ones, the hard ones.
And I think when you change the lens of escaping from one
feeling and chasing after the good one and avoiding the bad
one, and you change the lens to I came here to feel because feel
is my spiritual growth. So what is it that I need to
feel? Show me life.
(44:56):
What is it that I need to feel? So beautiful.
I love the feelings are the playground for our soul.
I think that's such a beautiful message.
Yeah, thank you, Henrik. Thank you so much for for
inviting me again. This is truly what I what I love
(45:17):
to do. I cannot think of any other way
to spend my morning rather than dive deep and talk about these
kind of topics. So thank you for the
opportunity. No, and Moore, thank you for
sharing your voice, your truth, and your softness and spreading
your message around love as well.
(45:37):
I think it's so beautiful. Thank you so much for the
opportunity. So what more reminded us today
is that healing isn't just aboutletting go of pain.
It's about coming back to the body, to the breath, to the
(45:58):
possibility that love doesn't have to be earned, just met.
For everyone listening, let thisbe your invitation to slow down,
to feel more, to dare to be seennot just as perfect, but as
present and focus on self love and looking into yourself.
(46:21):
If you want to learn more about more and reach out to her and
you can find her on Instagram and Facebook and I will make
sure to have the links in the episode comments and please
comment, like and share around the episode.
I love. I love hearing more from you and
thank you for being here.
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