August 7, 2025 • 22 mins
Elin chose truth over comfort.
This is her story — of breaking free, claiming herself, and starting over.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:10):
Welcome back to 34. This episode is about Alien.
She wanted to be held. Some women don't want to be
taught. They want to be held, seen, met.
This is a story of Alien not someone I've been with, but
(00:31):
someone I listen to. And through her words, I began
to understand something deeper about longing, safety, and the
quiet power of feminine presence, the longing beneath
(00:55):
the surface. Alien lay on her back in a dimly
lit room, a blanket over her stomach, wrapped in a silence
that felt both safe and charged.She didn't crave touch in that
moment. She craved space, that elusive
place where her inner world could unfold without being
(01:16):
analysed, interrupted, or rushed.
I wanted someone who could just be there, not fix me, not
impress me, just meet me. In past relationships, she had
often been the teacher. This is what safety feels like
to me. This is where I soften.
(01:40):
She was clear pedagogical. Even a presence can't be taught.
And while she gave everything emotionally, sexually and
spiritually, she often stood alone in the intimacy.
Sex without closeness had started to shave.
(02:01):
Not in the body there was pleasure, but in the soul.
Sometimes she went home after a date and felt more alone than
before. Not because it was wrong, but
because it was empty. I don't want to have to educate
someone just to be loved, she whispered once, mostly to
(02:21):
herself. She had loved a man once, kind,
safe, but closed walls where there should have been arms.
Whenever she opened up, her words were used against her, as
if her vulnerability was a threat, as if a longing was too
much. And then something shifted.
(02:45):
She began to realise attraction for her wasn't one-dimensional.
It needed to be emotional, intellectual, sexual, all three.
Or she felt fractured. Maybe she thought, it wasn't
about finding the right person, but daring to stand fully in
(03:08):
herself. Not explaining, not performing,
just being. The meeting presence, that's
where it always begins. They sat across from each other
(03:32):
on a blanket on the floor. Soft lightning, no pressure,
just breath. He hadn't touched her yet, not
even with his finger tips, but her old body felt him, a gentle
hum beneath the skin. I don't want surface, she said
(03:52):
softly. I know, he replied.
No questions, no commentary, just presence.
She almost smiled. It was rare to be understood
without needing to explain. For me, it's not just about sex,
she said. It's when 2 energies meet at the
(04:15):
same frequency, then something let's go.
And sometimes things come up that I didn't even know I was
caring. He didn't interrupt.
He listened, not just with his ears, but with his presence.
When it's right, she added, handon her chest.
(04:37):
You melt into something 3rd. It's no longer you and me, it's
us. Something greater. 1 + 1 becomes
3. She didn't want to be kissed,
she wanted to be opened, and when he leaned in, it wasn't
with desire, it was with the reverence, as if he understood
(05:01):
she wasn't someone to get, she was someone to meet.
His lips brushed hers, not eager, not hesitant, but
present. She didn't feel taken, she felt
invited, and something in her body responded, not with
(05:24):
fireworks, but with surrender. As his hand moved up her side,
he paused, listened, felt. She didn't instruct, she didn't
explain, and for the first time in a long time, she could just
let go. With every kiss, every Press of
(05:45):
his hand against her back, something loosened.
Not like tears, not like sorrow,like tension melting from the
inside. When he entered her slowly,
steadily, it didn't feel like she was giving something away.
(06:06):
It felt like something was beingbuilt within her.
She was naked and more whole than she had felt in years.
The afterglow that stayed in thedays that followed her body felt
(06:27):
different. She woke with a kind of silence.
Not emptiness, but resonance. Something was still humming
inside her, not as an aftershock, but as presence.
She stood in the shower, water over her chest, and she stayed
(06:50):
in her body. In the moment, there was nothing
to chase. Sex had once been something she
did. Now it was something she
carried, a fire that didn't needto be seen to be real.
And maybe that was the point. It wasn't him who had saved her.
(07:17):
It was she who, in his presence,had allowed herself to fully
feel. And that is what remain too
tender, too tired of explaining what she needs just to be met.
This is your story too. A story not about being chosen,
(07:41):
but about choosing yourself, your body, your boundaries, your
truth. Not it's something to apologise
for, but it's something to come home to.
It's a different kind of power. Not the loud one, but the quiet
one. The kind that lives in your
(08:02):
breath when you stay in your stillness, when you listen, in
your courage to say I don't wantservice, I want presence.
Hi, Eileen, welcome. 234. I'm really happy to have you
here and I think you're extremely brave coming on on the
(08:24):
show and sharing your views on intimacy and sexuality with with
the listeners. Thank you.
And I thought I had a few questions just to follow up on
the episode where we listened toyour story.
(08:44):
And I thought I'd start sharing the first one with you.
So if you. Think that.
The woman you were 5 or 10 yearsago, what do you think she would
say if she heard the story beingtold?
I would probably know he's inside, but this is true.
(09:07):
That is is the real thing. I don't believe that Ealing 10
years ago would believe that it is about her, that she would be
able to have it or feel it or bein that space.
And probably also she would think it sounds a bit boring
(09:30):
because 10 years ago I sometimesused it more destructive than
like I looked for excitement in intimacy or like chasing
confirmation and wanted to be loved by everyone so that deep
(09:51):
things I couldn't be in the place.
I I was not in peace with myself, so I wouldn't be in
peace with someone else either. Yeah, you were if you you were
not loving yourself. It's very hard.
To love someone else. Yeah, I hate that sentence, but
it's very true, I think. And it's a hard one.
(10:12):
Because I think a lot of people are struggling with self love in
that sense, so. Yeah, and also self love is like
a diffuse term as well. It includes so many things, but
I think like a foundation is that you have to accept yourself
before you actually love yourself.
(10:32):
Very true. And what do you feel?
What helped you most in learninghow to slow down?
And this is not just sexually but also then emotionally.
For me it started with meditation actually 10 years
ago. That was the first time I
actually slowed down my first vipassana.
Also you again teaches me to slow down.
(10:57):
I find it hard to slow down in mind still every now and then.
Not all the time, but like I have to remind myself so many
times to slow down each day, like probably more than once an
hour to just slow down, be present.
(11:19):
It's something you have to practise all the time.
It's so easy to go out from there.
Yeah, Presence, I think is something that everybody is sort
of struggling with a bit, right?So to be independent.
Yeah, but also our minds are tricky because they want to
(11:40):
think ahead or they want to remember stuff.
So we always live in the past orin the future.
Yeah, and connecting under the mind with the heart is sometimes
a very hard thing to do so. And also it's helpful to be
around people that are slow, like they want to take it slow,
(12:05):
especially in the sexual interactions that if you slow
down, it appears so many more sensations than when it goes
fast. So just being conscious.
Yeah. And that is like super helpful
for me to be with people that are slow, especially sexually.
(12:30):
And then I can imagine. So for you, was there a moment
when something shifted in your body when you.
Truly felt like. This is mine.
Am I allowed to feel? This.
Yeah, there. I remember when I was in therapy
like 9 years ago and my therapist said because then I
(12:55):
was in a relationship and I struggled and she told me that
no one have right to tell you that your feelings are wrong in
it. And then I realised like, that
is true, that this is my feelings, that it's not about
like right or wrong or stop feeling this, stop feeling that.
(13:19):
That's a. Very.
And it yeah. And it felt like I really had to
fight for my right to feel like it was not.
I had to tell everyone that you cannot say that to me.
It's my feelings. I'm allowed to feel this.
Yeah, very true. Yeah.
(13:40):
And you can see it's still around so many grown-ups also
that like, stop, stop feeling that.
It's very true. And what has surprised you most
on your journey toward a deeper connection, either with yourself
or with a partner? Like putting it simple, it is
(14:03):
acceptance or realisation of that everything coexist, that
you can feel 2 opposite things, two polarities in the same time.
It's OK, it's just for me that Istruggle to.
What do you say? I struggled to accept like the
(14:29):
dark side, the ugly sides but when I welcome them.
But like if I feel if I say in asexual aspect.
So when a guy like when I had sex with a guy and he put his
Dick like Deep Throat in me so Ididn't get any air, I found it a
(14:50):
bit scary. But also in the same time hot or
sexy. Most of them because I'm really
surrendering and trusting him that he won't choke me.
And I could choose to like choose to be to be scared, to
(15:14):
feel the fear, or I can choose to surrender and it's OK to be
both. That is like a very liberating
feeling to to accept that you can feel the both things in the
same time. That is very true.
And that is like a surprising realisation for me.
(15:40):
That is something that is like, wow, I'm actually allowed being
all of it. Yeah, and that I can understand.
That's very nice. And it's a nice realisation when
you get to that point. Yeah.
So what do? You wish more men understood
about women's pressure and also then about emotional safety.
(16:04):
I wish that men could listen like they could sense in the
moment more. They could listen to words, they
could see actions. I wish that they don't fix
anything, solve anything. Trying to avoid stuff by like.
(16:29):
If I'm talking about something hard, they are able to stay
there and listen and be there with me rather than trying to
solve the problem, rather than trying to make me feel better
because that is not what I'm looking for or what I need in
that moment. I I'd like a man to be able to
(16:53):
stay in uncomfortable moments ordiscussions or situations.
That is very beautiful where youput it.
And how do you define intimacy today and has that definition
changed for you over time, if you think about like 10 years
ago versus where you are today, for example?
(17:14):
Yeah, it has changed and I can'treally remember how I thought
about intimacy 10 years ago. Then it was more like this is
this doesn't feel right. But now when I have done some
inner work with myself, I realised that intimacy goes into
(17:36):
different dimensions, like material, physical, emotionally,
spiritually, intellectual. And you can have one or two of
the in of them to get with one person.
But if you want to feel really intimate with someone, I think I
need most of them. And emotional intimacy, I think
(18:02):
it's quite hard to maintain. Like you, you have to work on it
every day. I think try not to fit for or
comfort or anything, just be in it and be able to communicate
it. Yeah.
I, I, I will look at love as a way of it's not just a feeling,
it's almost like a verb. It's an action that you do
(18:24):
everyday that you choose to lovesomeone.
So it sort of goes along the same lines that you're saying
here when you have to work on the emotional aspect of working
on it. Yeah, yeah.
And since I'm a nurse, I'm like a people pleaser, a helper.
Yes, you always want to be available for others.
(18:47):
And if you could speak directly to another woman who feels like
she's lost touch? With her body or her desire,
what would you say to her? I think when I meet a woman like
that I I feel very sad. I would say to her that like I
(19:10):
would encourage her to explore herself, to explore her body, to
explore her emotions to like trying to open up her hearts and
and when or if have explored more, maybe interact with
someone mature that can help heralso go to different levels that
(19:36):
you're not able to do by yourself.
Like it, it is so much about again, self love, self-care.
How do you nurture yourself? How do you please yourself?
How do you fill up your energy by yourself?
(19:57):
I think it's something you should know about yourself
before you or not before. But you should learn that about
yourself before, before you demand anyone else to fill your
or nurture you. Because it's, yeah, it's quite
(20:17):
hard to please someone that doesn't know how to be pleased,
and that makes the person. The other person insecure.
Very much so. It's a very beautiful way you're
putting it there, Eileen. So thank you for that.
And I want to thank you for coming on here, Eileen, and for
(20:40):
being so brave. So to every woman who's ever
carried someone else's silence and forgotten the sound of her
own voice, this is your reminder.
You don't have to prove. You don't have to explain.
You don't have to shrink. You get to take up space.
(21:04):
You get to feel. You get to be healed without
being fixed. Because healing doesn't begin in
perfection. It begins in presence.
And maybe, just maybe, you don'tneed someone to complete you,
just someone who can meet you right where you already are.
(21:28):
In our next episode, I sit down with Britta Kunsa, a well known
German sex coach, educator and intimacy guide, and we'll talk
about what keeps men and women apart today and what might bring
them closer. About shame, desire,
vulnerability, and what it really means to be seen.
(21:52):
I'll see you there.
Welcome back to 34. This episode is about Alien.
She wanted to be held. Some women don't want to be
taught. They want to be held, seen, met.
This is a story of Alien not someone I've been with, but
(00:31):
someone I listen to. And through her words, I began
to understand something deeper about longing, safety, and the
quiet power of feminine presence, the longing beneath
(00:55):
the surface. Alien lay on her back in a dimly
lit room, a blanket over her stomach, wrapped in a silence
that felt both safe and charged.She didn't crave touch in that
moment. She craved space, that elusive
place where her inner world could unfold without being
(01:16):
analysed, interrupted, or rushed.
I wanted someone who could just be there, not fix me, not
impress me, just meet me. In past relationships, she had
often been the teacher. This is what safety feels like
to me. This is where I soften.
(01:40):
She was clear pedagogical. Even a presence can't be taught.
And while she gave everything emotionally, sexually and
spiritually, she often stood alone in the intimacy.
Sex without closeness had started to shave.
(02:01):
Not in the body there was pleasure, but in the soul.
Sometimes she went home after a date and felt more alone than
before. Not because it was wrong, but
because it was empty. I don't want to have to educate
someone just to be loved, she whispered once, mostly to
(02:21):
herself. She had loved a man once, kind,
safe, but closed walls where there should have been arms.
Whenever she opened up, her words were used against her, as
if her vulnerability was a threat, as if a longing was too
much. And then something shifted.
(02:45):
She began to realise attraction for her wasn't one-dimensional.
It needed to be emotional, intellectual, sexual, all three.
Or she felt fractured. Maybe she thought, it wasn't
about finding the right person, but daring to stand fully in
(03:08):
herself. Not explaining, not performing,
just being. The meeting presence, that's
where it always begins. They sat across from each other
(03:32):
on a blanket on the floor. Soft lightning, no pressure,
just breath. He hadn't touched her yet, not
even with his finger tips, but her old body felt him, a gentle
hum beneath the skin. I don't want surface, she said
(03:52):
softly. I know, he replied.
No questions, no commentary, just presence.
She almost smiled. It was rare to be understood
without needing to explain. For me, it's not just about sex,
she said. It's when 2 energies meet at the
(04:15):
same frequency, then something let's go.
And sometimes things come up that I didn't even know I was
caring. He didn't interrupt.
He listened, not just with his ears, but with his presence.
When it's right, she added, handon her chest.
(04:37):
You melt into something 3rd. It's no longer you and me, it's
us. Something greater. 1 + 1 becomes
3. She didn't want to be kissed,
she wanted to be opened, and when he leaned in, it wasn't
with desire, it was with the reverence, as if he understood
(05:01):
she wasn't someone to get, she was someone to meet.
His lips brushed hers, not eager, not hesitant, but
present. She didn't feel taken, she felt
invited, and something in her body responded, not with
(05:24):
fireworks, but with surrender. As his hand moved up her side,
he paused, listened, felt. She didn't instruct, she didn't
explain, and for the first time in a long time, she could just
let go. With every kiss, every Press of
(05:45):
his hand against her back, something loosened.
Not like tears, not like sorrow,like tension melting from the
inside. When he entered her slowly,
steadily, it didn't feel like she was giving something away.
(06:06):
It felt like something was beingbuilt within her.
She was naked and more whole than she had felt in years.
The afterglow that stayed in thedays that followed her body felt
(06:27):
different. She woke with a kind of silence.
Not emptiness, but resonance. Something was still humming
inside her, not as an aftershock, but as presence.
She stood in the shower, water over her chest, and she stayed
(06:50):
in her body. In the moment, there was nothing
to chase. Sex had once been something she
did. Now it was something she
carried, a fire that didn't needto be seen to be real.
And maybe that was the point. It wasn't him who had saved her.
(07:17):
It was she who, in his presence,had allowed herself to fully
feel. And that is what remain too
tender, too tired of explaining what she needs just to be met.
This is your story too. A story not about being chosen,
(07:41):
but about choosing yourself, your body, your boundaries, your
truth. Not it's something to apologise
for, but it's something to come home to.
It's a different kind of power. Not the loud one, but the quiet
one. The kind that lives in your
(08:02):
breath when you stay in your stillness, when you listen, in
your courage to say I don't wantservice, I want presence.
Hi, Eileen, welcome. 234. I'm really happy to have you
here and I think you're extremely brave coming on on the
(08:24):
show and sharing your views on intimacy and sexuality with with
the listeners. Thank you.
And I thought I had a few questions just to follow up on
the episode where we listened toyour story.
(08:44):
And I thought I'd start sharing the first one with you.
So if you. Think that.
The woman you were 5 or 10 yearsago, what do you think she would
say if she heard the story beingtold?
I would probably know he's inside, but this is true.
(09:07):
That is is the real thing. I don't believe that Ealing 10
years ago would believe that it is about her, that she would be
able to have it or feel it or bein that space.
And probably also she would think it sounds a bit boring
(09:30):
because 10 years ago I sometimesused it more destructive than
like I looked for excitement in intimacy or like chasing
confirmation and wanted to be loved by everyone so that deep
(09:51):
things I couldn't be in the place.
I I was not in peace with myself, so I wouldn't be in
peace with someone else either. Yeah, you were if you you were
not loving yourself. It's very hard.
To love someone else. Yeah, I hate that sentence, but
it's very true, I think. And it's a hard one.
(10:12):
Because I think a lot of people are struggling with self love in
that sense, so. Yeah, and also self love is like
a diffuse term as well. It includes so many things, but
I think like a foundation is that you have to accept yourself
before you actually love yourself.
(10:32):
Very true. And what do you feel?
What helped you most in learninghow to slow down?
And this is not just sexually but also then emotionally.
For me it started with meditation actually 10 years
ago. That was the first time I
actually slowed down my first vipassana.
Also you again teaches me to slow down.
(10:57):
I find it hard to slow down in mind still every now and then.
Not all the time, but like I have to remind myself so many
times to slow down each day, like probably more than once an
hour to just slow down, be present.
(11:19):
It's something you have to practise all the time.
It's so easy to go out from there.
Yeah, Presence, I think is something that everybody is sort
of struggling with a bit, right?So to be independent.
Yeah, but also our minds are tricky because they want to
(11:40):
think ahead or they want to remember stuff.
So we always live in the past orin the future.
Yeah, and connecting under the mind with the heart is sometimes
a very hard thing to do so. And also it's helpful to be
around people that are slow, like they want to take it slow,
(12:05):
especially in the sexual interactions that if you slow
down, it appears so many more sensations than when it goes
fast. So just being conscious.
Yeah. And that is like super helpful
for me to be with people that are slow, especially sexually.
(12:30):
And then I can imagine. So for you, was there a moment
when something shifted in your body when you.
Truly felt like. This is mine.
Am I allowed to feel? This.
Yeah, there. I remember when I was in therapy
like 9 years ago and my therapist said because then I
(12:55):
was in a relationship and I struggled and she told me that
no one have right to tell you that your feelings are wrong in
it. And then I realised like, that
is true, that this is my feelings, that it's not about
like right or wrong or stop feeling this, stop feeling that.
(13:19):
That's a. Very.
And it yeah. And it felt like I really had to
fight for my right to feel like it was not.
I had to tell everyone that you cannot say that to me.
It's my feelings. I'm allowed to feel this.
Yeah, very true. Yeah.
(13:40):
And you can see it's still around so many grown-ups also
that like, stop, stop feeling that.
It's very true. And what has surprised you most
on your journey toward a deeper connection, either with yourself
or with a partner? Like putting it simple, it is
(14:03):
acceptance or realisation of that everything coexist, that
you can feel 2 opposite things, two polarities in the same time.
It's OK, it's just for me that Istruggle to.
What do you say? I struggled to accept like the
(14:29):
dark side, the ugly sides but when I welcome them.
But like if I feel if I say in asexual aspect.
So when a guy like when I had sex with a guy and he put his
Dick like Deep Throat in me so Ididn't get any air, I found it a
(14:50):
bit scary. But also in the same time hot or
sexy. Most of them because I'm really
surrendering and trusting him that he won't choke me.
And I could choose to like choose to be to be scared, to
(15:14):
feel the fear, or I can choose to surrender and it's OK to be
both. That is like a very liberating
feeling to to accept that you can feel the both things in the
same time. That is very true.
And that is like a surprising realisation for me.
(15:40):
That is something that is like, wow, I'm actually allowed being
all of it. Yeah, and that I can understand.
That's very nice. And it's a nice realisation when
you get to that point. Yeah.
So what do? You wish more men understood
about women's pressure and also then about emotional safety.
(16:04):
I wish that men could listen like they could sense in the
moment more. They could listen to words, they
could see actions. I wish that they don't fix
anything, solve anything. Trying to avoid stuff by like.
(16:29):
If I'm talking about something hard, they are able to stay
there and listen and be there with me rather than trying to
solve the problem, rather than trying to make me feel better
because that is not what I'm looking for or what I need in
that moment. I I'd like a man to be able to
(16:53):
stay in uncomfortable moments ordiscussions or situations.
That is very beautiful where youput it.
And how do you define intimacy today and has that definition
changed for you over time, if you think about like 10 years
ago versus where you are today, for example?
(17:14):
Yeah, it has changed and I can'treally remember how I thought
about intimacy 10 years ago. Then it was more like this is
this doesn't feel right. But now when I have done some
inner work with myself, I realised that intimacy goes into
(17:36):
different dimensions, like material, physical, emotionally,
spiritually, intellectual. And you can have one or two of
the in of them to get with one person.
But if you want to feel really intimate with someone, I think I
need most of them. And emotional intimacy, I think
(18:02):
it's quite hard to maintain. Like you, you have to work on it
every day. I think try not to fit for or
comfort or anything, just be in it and be able to communicate
it. Yeah.
I, I, I will look at love as a way of it's not just a feeling,
it's almost like a verb. It's an action that you do
(18:24):
everyday that you choose to lovesomeone.
So it sort of goes along the same lines that you're saying
here when you have to work on the emotional aspect of working
on it. Yeah, yeah.
And since I'm a nurse, I'm like a people pleaser, a helper.
Yes, you always want to be available for others.
(18:47):
And if you could speak directly to another woman who feels like
she's lost touch? With her body or her desire,
what would you say to her? I think when I meet a woman like
that I I feel very sad. I would say to her that like I
(19:10):
would encourage her to explore herself, to explore her body, to
explore her emotions to like trying to open up her hearts and
and when or if have explored more, maybe interact with
someone mature that can help heralso go to different levels that
(19:36):
you're not able to do by yourself.
Like it, it is so much about again, self love, self-care.
How do you nurture yourself? How do you please yourself?
How do you fill up your energy by yourself?
(19:57):
I think it's something you should know about yourself
before you or not before. But you should learn that about
yourself before, before you demand anyone else to fill your
or nurture you. Because it's, yeah, it's quite
(20:17):
hard to please someone that doesn't know how to be pleased,
and that makes the person. The other person insecure.
Very much so. It's a very beautiful way you're
putting it there, Eileen. So thank you for that.
And I want to thank you for coming on here, Eileen, and for
(20:40):
being so brave. So to every woman who's ever
carried someone else's silence and forgotten the sound of her
own voice, this is your reminder.
You don't have to prove. You don't have to explain.
You don't have to shrink. You get to take up space.
(21:04):
You get to feel. You get to be healed without
being fixed. Because healing doesn't begin in
perfection. It begins in presence.
And maybe, just maybe, you don'tneed someone to complete you,
just someone who can meet you right where you already are.
(21:28):
In our next episode, I sit down with Britta Kunsa, a well known
German sex coach, educator and intimacy guide, and we'll talk
about what keeps men and women apart today and what might bring
them closer. About shame, desire,
vulnerability, and what it really means to be seen.
(21:52):
I'll see you there.
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