August 12, 2025 • 17 mins
After decades without true presence in intimacy, Linda discovers what it means to be truly met — in words and in body.
Together with Britta Kunze, we explore how emotional absence kills connection, why presence matters more than perfection, and what both men and women can do to truly meet each other.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:09):
Welcome back to 34 Orgasms, the podcast where we talk about real
intimacy, not just what happens in bed, but what happens inside.
In today's episode, we meet Linda, the woman who learned to
receive. She spent over 20 years in a
(00:30):
relationship where sex was silent, scripted and one sided.
She didn't know how to ask for more.
She didn't even know she was allowed to.
But something shifted, and her story isn't just about sex.
It's about awakening. It's about reclaiming the body,
(00:52):
the voice and the right to say Iwant more.
This is Linda's story, but it might be yours, too.
She was 16 when she met him, He was 25.
They became a couple not becauseshe knew what she wanted, but
(01:16):
because she didn't know she was allowed to choose.
They stayed together for over 20years, built a life, had three
children, but never a language. When he touched her, it was
always the same motion, the samegoal.
In, out, release, done. She lay there, not broken, just
(01:42):
untouched. Talking about it wasn't an
option. He didn't know how, and
eventually neither did she. I don't know how many times I've
heard stories like this. Women who stayed for years
knowing something was missing but not having the words, and
men who never learned anything else to think sex is about
(02:06):
performance. Never dare to ask, how does it
feel for you? Linda says she's no longer
surprised that suicide rates arehigher among men than women.
It's not the feelings that kill,it's the absence of them.
She talks to her sons now, aboutconsent, about safety, about the
(02:30):
courage to say I'm scared, I need something.
She says women talk, and they don't always talk about sex, but
they do talk about life. But men, they don't, so they
break in silence. And for Linda, she met Nicholas,
(02:51):
a man who could talk, who asked questions, who listened, who
stayed even when things got uncomfortable.
And they've been together now for seven years.
They live far apart, but it works.
Maybe not in spite of the distance, but maybe because of
it, because it forces them to meet in words before they meet
(03:14):
in Balby. She used to think something was
wrong with her, that she couldn't come and orgasm, that
she was broken. But Nicholas said it's not that
you can't, you just haven't beenmet the right way.
And with him. And when she came, when she
(03:34):
really came, it was as if something ancient was released
in her body. Not just pleasure, but
confirmation. You are not broken, you are a
lie. Do you listening now, woman or
man? Maybe you recognise yourself,
(03:54):
maybe you've carried the same down, the same longing to you.
Linda wants to say this. Breathe, let go.
Lower the pressure, lower the expectations on yourself, on
your partner. Be here in this moment.
(04:16):
Your body is not a problem to solve.
Your pleasure is not a performance.
You don't have to be perfect, you just have to be present.
That's where it begins, that's where you begin, and that's
where you'll be. Found the language of pleasure.
(04:40):
Today, Linda and Nicholas have found their rhythm, not a
technique, but a presence. Where they play, they explore,
not to impress, but to meet eachother fully.
And she says it right. I can't get enough of sex.
I want it, I crave it. And sometimes he can't keep up.
(05:05):
He laughs. You said you had trouble coming.
And there it is, a truth many don't see men say they want a
woman who loves sex until they actually meet one that really
loves sex. But it's not about quantity.
It's about presence, about beingseen, about being open, hungry,
(05:28):
shameless and safe. They've explored every nuance.
Her clitoris, her G spot, her A spot, squirting, orgasms, even
anal orgasms, something she never thought was possible for
her. They've used a spike mat, a
blindfold, a rolling pin with metal points.
(05:49):
Not pain for pain's sake, that stimulation that opens her up,
that makes her feel more deeper,truer.
And sometimes she says no to certain touches, not because
they are wrong, but because they're not her path.
Nicholas listens, not just with his ears, but with his full
(06:14):
presence. They found a rhythm, a glance
that says everything, a breath that means yes, a hand that
forces to feel, to check, to stay.
Linda says it best. Guys slow down, ask, watch, see
(06:38):
when she's truly enjoying herself and help her go all the
way. So before we wrap up, I want to
bring in someone whose insides always add a deep layer to these
conversations. And I'm happy to invite back
Rita Kunsa, who is a sexologist,relationship and intimacy coach.
(07:02):
And she's been listening closelyto the story about Linda.
Nice to see you again, Rita. Hi, Henrik.
So from your point of view, whatare the key takeaways from the
story about Linda? Well, Linda represents a very
common story of somebody being in a very long term relationship
(07:25):
of a woman not being able to communicate her needs and never
having learned that it's possible that it's it's about
her. And then after sort of going out
of this long term relationship where sexuality was not
satisfying, but where it was only presumably for her
partner's pleasure, that she in a new relationship finds a new
(07:51):
access to herself and to her sensuality.
Yeah. It's a beautiful journey she
made so. It is and I, I celebrate every
like every woman and also every man who go on this journey.
And I think especially if if you've been in this long term
(08:12):
relationship where you experienced that sexuality was
not your sexuality and then coming to a new relationship and
doing the work and then seeing how how it can shift.
I I think that must be beautiful, especially after
having been for so long, like I think she was 20 years with her
(08:32):
partner, right? Yes, that's beautiful.
What can men learn from this to become better partners?
I think in the story with Linda,you said that it's sex was about
this in out release for her partner.
(08:53):
And what men can learn is I, I think that's probably what we,
what men also get taught how sexuality is looks for them.
And what men can learn is that well, first of all, I'd say that
for most women, it's not satisfying.
(09:13):
This is not how female sexualityworks at it's depth to go for
peak orgasms. I mean, even if a woman can hold
up with it, and some women can, but still neither the man nor
the woman will experience this deeper, more transcendent kind
(09:34):
of sexuality where it's not about in, out and release, but
where it's really about going onthis journey together.
And so, yeah, the main takeaway for men is, and I, I, I say that
now from the standpoint also of a sexologist is that really for,
for most women, it's not going to be satisfying this way.
(09:54):
And also for for you as a man, it's not going to be satisfying.
There is a whole other level of sexuality that awaits, if you
maybe, let's call it, if you surrender more to the probably
female path of sexuality. We've we've spoken a lot about
(10:15):
slowing down and being more present in our broadcast as
well, so I think this is something that is quite
important for men to realise. Yes, slowing down and being more
present and also seeing what happens if you learn to, and
(10:36):
this is more like the Taoist or the tantric path of sexuality.
What is if you learn to separateorgasm and ejaculation from each
other? Because then you will be able to
dwell much, much longer in pleasure and you break the cycle
(10:57):
of in out release or in release out, yeah.
Which I think most men would love.
Yeah. I mean, we know that it takes
some, it might take some time and some learning needed on a
very physical level. And then it's if you learn a new
(11:17):
skill, it takes time and and thebeginning it might not be so
rewarding to learn it. It takes some.
How do you call it tolerance towards frustration?
Yeah. But then beyond that, there is a
whole. As I say, there's a whole other
level of sexuality opening up. Yeah, and what can women who are
(11:41):
in similar situations like Lindatake with them and also into
their own relationships? I'd say it's this when you're
libido fades away, it might not be about you and your libido.
It might just be about you not experiencing sex worth wanting.
(12:04):
And so because I think that's how Linda felt, right, that
something is wrong with her. And what you, I mean, I already
mentioned that, but I think thatfor if you're a woman, probably
this in release out sex only if you only experienced that, it
(12:27):
might make you shut down or go numb.
And so if sexuality is not working for you and the
relationship you're in, it's really about standing up and
trying to change it within this relationship and being like,
Hey, this, So not not coming from this perspective of there's
something wrong with me that needs to be fixed, but really
(12:49):
being like, Hey, this doesn't work for me.
I probably, I don't even know what it's about, but we are both
in this together. So let's let's look at it or
let's change it or what women can also take away is this
experience, which a lot of my clients had that if within the
relationship you are things cannot be changed because
(13:12):
probably there is no openness from the other person to really
look at things or because there is just so much hurt and
disconnection that took place over so many years.
So sometimes the most loving thing you can do is step out of
this relationship and you might find a partner with whom
sexuality and this communicationand feeling safe and all of that
(13:39):
goes so much deeper than you've ever imagined.
And suddenly you find out. And this is what Linda found
out, right? Like, Oh, I can have orgasms
and, and partner sexuality and, and it's this deep
transformation taking place. I think from what I learned, you
know, from our previous conversation in in our podcast
(14:02):
we made, the one thing you said there that I think was really
beautiful is that first of all, the body never lies.
And there's nothing wrong with the body and it's all coming
from the mind and the motions you're sitting with.
That's all. That's very beautiful.
Yeah. And so bringing it down to this
(14:22):
topic, for example of orgasm, ifyou don't orgasm in 99.9%, it's
not about your body not being able to orgasm.
It's about most of the time you not feeling emotionally safe or
your body not being the touched the way that it needs to be
touched, or you never having been able to learn to
(14:47):
communicate your needs to say nowhen you feel no and to say yes
when you feel yes. So yeah.
And this is probably the base, like the most important take
away for women that usually it'snever about our capacity to feel
pleasure or to orgasm, that it'susually about these other
factors. And as you just said, the body
(15:08):
never lies. So what happens if you start to
trust your body and listen to it?
That's the exciting journey. Thank you, beta.
This episode isn't just about pleasure.
(15:29):
It's about healing and reclaiming your body, your
voice, your right to feel. And in the end, it's about
something even more radical, thecourage to receive.
Because for so many women, receiving isn't easy.
We've been told to give, to please, to endure.
(15:51):
But Linda reminds us, receiving isn't selfish, it's sacred.
So if you're ever felt like thisis like it's too late, like your
body is numb, like your voice has faded, know this.
It's never too late. Your body remembers.
(16:12):
Your pleasure waits for your return and presence changes
everything. So these texts that I'm reading
out to you is something that will be collected in a book and
then they will be even more detailed and more colourful, if
you will. In our next episode, we will
meet Andrea. She's a woman shaped by shame,
(16:35):
abuse and religious control, butalso by courage, by fire, by a
voice that refused to be silenced.
Her body once carried only fear where it now carries power.
I look forward to seeing you next time on 34 Orgasms.
Welcome back to 34 Orgasms, the podcast where we talk about real
intimacy, not just what happens in bed, but what happens inside.
In today's episode, we meet Linda, the woman who learned to
receive. She spent over 20 years in a
(00:30):
relationship where sex was silent, scripted and one sided.
She didn't know how to ask for more.
She didn't even know she was allowed to.
But something shifted, and her story isn't just about sex.
It's about awakening. It's about reclaiming the body,
(00:52):
the voice and the right to say Iwant more.
This is Linda's story, but it might be yours, too.
She was 16 when she met him, He was 25.
They became a couple not becauseshe knew what she wanted, but
(01:16):
because she didn't know she was allowed to choose.
They stayed together for over 20years, built a life, had three
children, but never a language. When he touched her, it was
always the same motion, the samegoal.
In, out, release, done. She lay there, not broken, just
(01:42):
untouched. Talking about it wasn't an
option. He didn't know how, and
eventually neither did she. I don't know how many times I've
heard stories like this. Women who stayed for years
knowing something was missing but not having the words, and
men who never learned anything else to think sex is about
(02:06):
performance. Never dare to ask, how does it
feel for you? Linda says she's no longer
surprised that suicide rates arehigher among men than women.
It's not the feelings that kill,it's the absence of them.
She talks to her sons now, aboutconsent, about safety, about the
(02:30):
courage to say I'm scared, I need something.
She says women talk, and they don't always talk about sex, but
they do talk about life. But men, they don't, so they
break in silence. And for Linda, she met Nicholas,
(02:51):
a man who could talk, who asked questions, who listened, who
stayed even when things got uncomfortable.
And they've been together now for seven years.
They live far apart, but it works.
Maybe not in spite of the distance, but maybe because of
it, because it forces them to meet in words before they meet
(03:14):
in Balby. She used to think something was
wrong with her, that she couldn't come and orgasm, that
she was broken. But Nicholas said it's not that
you can't, you just haven't beenmet the right way.
And with him. And when she came, when she
(03:34):
really came, it was as if something ancient was released
in her body. Not just pleasure, but
confirmation. You are not broken, you are a
lie. Do you listening now, woman or
man? Maybe you recognise yourself,
(03:54):
maybe you've carried the same down, the same longing to you.
Linda wants to say this. Breathe, let go.
Lower the pressure, lower the expectations on yourself, on
your partner. Be here in this moment.
(04:16):
Your body is not a problem to solve.
Your pleasure is not a performance.
You don't have to be perfect, you just have to be present.
That's where it begins, that's where you begin, and that's
where you'll be. Found the language of pleasure.
(04:40):
Today, Linda and Nicholas have found their rhythm, not a
technique, but a presence. Where they play, they explore,
not to impress, but to meet eachother fully.
And she says it right. I can't get enough of sex.
I want it, I crave it. And sometimes he can't keep up.
(05:05):
He laughs. You said you had trouble coming.
And there it is, a truth many don't see men say they want a
woman who loves sex until they actually meet one that really
loves sex. But it's not about quantity.
It's about presence, about beingseen, about being open, hungry,
(05:28):
shameless and safe. They've explored every nuance.
Her clitoris, her G spot, her A spot, squirting, orgasms, even
anal orgasms, something she never thought was possible for
her. They've used a spike mat, a
blindfold, a rolling pin with metal points.
(05:49):
Not pain for pain's sake, that stimulation that opens her up,
that makes her feel more deeper,truer.
And sometimes she says no to certain touches, not because
they are wrong, but because they're not her path.
Nicholas listens, not just with his ears, but with his full
(06:14):
presence. They found a rhythm, a glance
that says everything, a breath that means yes, a hand that
forces to feel, to check, to stay.
Linda says it best. Guys slow down, ask, watch, see
(06:38):
when she's truly enjoying herself and help her go all the
way. So before we wrap up, I want to
bring in someone whose insides always add a deep layer to these
conversations. And I'm happy to invite back
Rita Kunsa, who is a sexologist,relationship and intimacy coach.
(07:02):
And she's been listening closelyto the story about Linda.
Nice to see you again, Rita. Hi, Henrik.
So from your point of view, whatare the key takeaways from the
story about Linda? Well, Linda represents a very
common story of somebody being in a very long term relationship
(07:25):
of a woman not being able to communicate her needs and never
having learned that it's possible that it's it's about
her. And then after sort of going out
of this long term relationship where sexuality was not
satisfying, but where it was only presumably for her
partner's pleasure, that she in a new relationship finds a new
(07:51):
access to herself and to her sensuality.
Yeah. It's a beautiful journey she
made so. It is and I, I celebrate every
like every woman and also every man who go on this journey.
And I think especially if if you've been in this long term
(08:12):
relationship where you experienced that sexuality was
not your sexuality and then coming to a new relationship and
doing the work and then seeing how how it can shift.
I I think that must be beautiful, especially after
having been for so long, like I think she was 20 years with her
(08:32):
partner, right? Yes, that's beautiful.
What can men learn from this to become better partners?
I think in the story with Linda,you said that it's sex was about
this in out release for her partner.
(08:53):
And what men can learn is I, I think that's probably what we,
what men also get taught how sexuality is looks for them.
And what men can learn is that well, first of all, I'd say that
for most women, it's not satisfying.
(09:13):
This is not how female sexualityworks at it's depth to go for
peak orgasms. I mean, even if a woman can hold
up with it, and some women can, but still neither the man nor
the woman will experience this deeper, more transcendent kind
(09:34):
of sexuality where it's not about in, out and release, but
where it's really about going onthis journey together.
And so, yeah, the main takeaway for men is, and I, I, I say that
now from the standpoint also of a sexologist is that really for,
for most women, it's not going to be satisfying this way.
(09:54):
And also for for you as a man, it's not going to be satisfying.
There is a whole other level of sexuality that awaits, if you
maybe, let's call it, if you surrender more to the probably
female path of sexuality. We've we've spoken a lot about
(10:15):
slowing down and being more present in our broadcast as
well, so I think this is something that is quite
important for men to realise. Yes, slowing down and being more
present and also seeing what happens if you learn to, and
(10:36):
this is more like the Taoist or the tantric path of sexuality.
What is if you learn to separateorgasm and ejaculation from each
other? Because then you will be able to
dwell much, much longer in pleasure and you break the cycle
(10:57):
of in out release or in release out, yeah.
Which I think most men would love.
Yeah. I mean, we know that it takes
some, it might take some time and some learning needed on a
very physical level. And then it's if you learn a new
(11:17):
skill, it takes time and and thebeginning it might not be so
rewarding to learn it. It takes some.
How do you call it tolerance towards frustration?
Yeah. But then beyond that, there is a
whole. As I say, there's a whole other
level of sexuality opening up. Yeah, and what can women who are
(11:41):
in similar situations like Lindatake with them and also into
their own relationships? I'd say it's this when you're
libido fades away, it might not be about you and your libido.
It might just be about you not experiencing sex worth wanting.
(12:04):
And so because I think that's how Linda felt, right, that
something is wrong with her. And what you, I mean, I already
mentioned that, but I think thatfor if you're a woman, probably
this in release out sex only if you only experienced that, it
(12:27):
might make you shut down or go numb.
And so if sexuality is not working for you and the
relationship you're in, it's really about standing up and
trying to change it within this relationship and being like,
Hey, this, So not not coming from this perspective of there's
something wrong with me that needs to be fixed, but really
(12:49):
being like, Hey, this doesn't work for me.
I probably, I don't even know what it's about, but we are both
in this together. So let's let's look at it or
let's change it or what women can also take away is this
experience, which a lot of my clients had that if within the
relationship you are things cannot be changed because
(13:12):
probably there is no openness from the other person to really
look at things or because there is just so much hurt and
disconnection that took place over so many years.
So sometimes the most loving thing you can do is step out of
this relationship and you might find a partner with whom
sexuality and this communicationand feeling safe and all of that
(13:39):
goes so much deeper than you've ever imagined.
And suddenly you find out. And this is what Linda found
out, right? Like, Oh, I can have orgasms
and, and partner sexuality and, and it's this deep
transformation taking place. I think from what I learned, you
know, from our previous conversation in in our podcast
(14:02):
we made, the one thing you said there that I think was really
beautiful is that first of all, the body never lies.
And there's nothing wrong with the body and it's all coming
from the mind and the motions you're sitting with.
That's all. That's very beautiful.
Yeah. And so bringing it down to this
(14:22):
topic, for example of orgasm, ifyou don't orgasm in 99.9%, it's
not about your body not being able to orgasm.
It's about most of the time you not feeling emotionally safe or
your body not being the touched the way that it needs to be
touched, or you never having been able to learn to
(14:47):
communicate your needs to say nowhen you feel no and to say yes
when you feel yes. So yeah.
And this is probably the base, like the most important take
away for women that usually it'snever about our capacity to feel
pleasure or to orgasm, that it'susually about these other
factors. And as you just said, the body
(15:08):
never lies. So what happens if you start to
trust your body and listen to it?
That's the exciting journey. Thank you, beta.
This episode isn't just about pleasure.
(15:29):
It's about healing and reclaiming your body, your
voice, your right to feel. And in the end, it's about
something even more radical, thecourage to receive.
Because for so many women, receiving isn't easy.
We've been told to give, to please, to endure.
(15:51):
But Linda reminds us, receiving isn't selfish, it's sacred.
So if you're ever felt like thisis like it's too late, like your
body is numb, like your voice has faded, know this.
It's never too late. Your body remembers.
(16:12):
Your pleasure waits for your return and presence changes
everything. So these texts that I'm reading
out to you is something that will be collected in a book and
then they will be even more detailed and more colourful, if
you will. In our next episode, we will
meet Andrea. She's a woman shaped by shame,
(16:35):
abuse and religious control, butalso by courage, by fire, by a
voice that refused to be silenced.
Her body once carried only fear where it now carries power.
I look forward to seeing you next time on 34 Orgasms.
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