June 2, 2025 • 31 mins
Ever wondered what it takes to completely reinvent yourself in midlife? Brian McFarland's story of transformation from divorced dad to semi-professional goalkeeper will challenge everything you believe about "too late" or "too old."
Growing up as a "heavy, slow kid" who was bullied off his elementary school soccer team, Brian never imagined he'd one day be playing alongside athletes half his age in semi-professional matches. His journey began unexpectedly while coaching his children's teams after his divorce left him with empty weekends. What started as casual recreational games evolved into a consuming passion that had him training over ten hours weekly and seeking professional coaching from former MLS players.
Brian shares the unique mental architecture required by goalkeeping, a position he describes as "85% autopilot punctuated by 15% sheer chaos." This mindset translates directly to his work with underprivileged STEM students through his "Business of Life" program, where he teaches essential professional skills often overlooked in traditional education. His approach centers on Maya Angelou's wisdom that "people will never forget how you made them feel," demonstrating how this principle applies equally in sports, business, and personal relationships.
The conversation reaches its philosophical peak with Brian's mantra: "Slow down to speed up." Drawing parallels between learning complex musical bass lines and developing athletic prowess, he explains why rushing toward goals without mastering fundamentals leads to failure, while patient, deliberate practice builds sustainable success in any domain of life.
Whether you're contemplating a major life change, seeking to improve your performance, or simply looking for inspiration, this episode offers actionable wisdom about embracing discomfort, finding great coaches, and maintaining enthusiasm through inevitable setbacks. As Brian proves, it's never too late to pursue excellence in something that brings you joy.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Okay, come on, bring it in.
Bring it in, listen up, listenup.
Today we have got an amazingguest and I'm really excited to
have him in our locker roomtoday.
I'm Coach Mickey and you're on4thin1 Mindset, and if this is
your first time coming into ourlocker room, come on in, make
yourself comfortable and you'regoing to learn a lot.
We're going to bring someinformation that not only helps
you as an athlete, but as aparent, if you're a business
(00:21):
owner, or but as a parent, ifyou're a business owner, or just
someone who's looking to excelmore in their life than where
they are right now.
For those of you that are hereon a regular basis, thank you so
much, and also I want to thankmany of you who have already
reached out to me, and, if youhave not yet, my book is now
available Fourth in One Mindseton Amazon.
I'm really excited about this.
I'm getting great reviews andother people are reaching out to
(00:42):
me to do some other reviews forthem.
Reviews, and other people arereaching out to me to do some
other reviews for them.
So, with that being said, I'mexcited because I have got with
me today Brian McFarlane.
He is a passionate soccer player.
He's been playing for the past11 years.
He's a goalkeeper, he plays onseveral leagues in New York City
, he's had a chance to actuallyplay in a semi-professional
(01:05):
match and he's going to sharethat story with us.
He also works with business oflife and he works with kids, and
you guys know how dear that isto me working with kids and
sharing our knowledge, not onlyas coaches but also for
individuals, that can make theirlife a little bit better.
So welcome Brian.
How are you?
Speaker 2 (01:21):
I am so well If I were.
Any better I'd be twins.
I am so well If I were anybetter.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
I'd be twins.
This is good.
Well, I read your bio and thereason I wanted to invite you to
our locker room is I wanted tohear your story about soccer.
You know, I mean any sport thatwe play has got to take some
kind of drive and passion.
But also to get to asemi-professional game, I mean
that takes a lot to get to whereyou are, I mean to where you
(01:48):
were to where getting to thatpoint?
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Yeah, it certainly does, and certainly thank you
for having me on the show.
Thank you for all you do.
I've listened to so manyepisodes and learned a lot
myself, so it's really a greatplatform that you're building
and so helpful.
Yeah, so my soccer journey inbrief I played.
I grew up on Long Island in NewYork big big soccer community
(02:12):
and tried out for a team or youknow, you play in elementary
school when I was six or sevenand I was kind of a heavy kid so
I was slow and I did not have agreat coach, so I got kind of
bullied off the team.
If you will Fast forward tolater in my life when I had kids
and soccer is huge in New YorkCity.
(02:33):
So I always like and have foundcoaching, training, whether it
be in sales and business, in anyaspect of something that I
really enjoy doing is watchpeople, especially young people,
be the best that they could beand figuring out ways to want to
motivate them, certainly as aparent always trying to do that
(02:53):
for my kids.
So I coached my son's team, Icoached my daughter's team and
started to learn about soccer.
I didn't know that much, to behonest, and started kicking a
ball around myself.
So that was a re-beginning andthis was in my mid-40s or so
that I re-engaged with soccer.
(03:14):
Then my own personal journeybegan after I actually wound up
starting to get divorced andanyone who's been divorced knows
.
All of a sudden, all yourweekends were full and now half
of your weekends are open andpeople would be surprised that
New York City the amount ofsoccer fields that are available
(03:34):
.
So I started walking around andaimlessly as sometimes people
do after a tough divorce andfound that there's all these
people playing soccer after atough divorce.
And found that there's allthese people playing soccer.
So I went on a field, asked howI can play.
It was through a meetup groupapp that they have in some
cities.
So I showed up the next week asthis guy who's never really
(03:57):
played soccer and it was 7v7 andwent on the pitch and as a
field player I was probably anaccident waiting to happen.
But every seven minutes inthese games they rotate to be
goaltender, because no one wantsto play goaltender and I found
that, even though I was not verygood at it, I enjoyed it and it
(04:22):
was a position that I could seemyself growing into.
So when I asked on the nextrotation if I could stay as a
goalie.
They said you want to do thisBecause nobody wants to.
Nobody wants to be hit right Infootball no one.
People, I guess, like to playyou know, defense sometimes more
(04:43):
than they do often so they canhit people.
Uh, I actually like to be onthe receiving end of that for
some odd reason.
So, uh, everyone said yes andeven though I wasn't very good,
uh, just the fact that I woulddo that, um, endeared me to so
many people.
So that began a journey that nowis about 14 years in and,
(05:11):
honestly, coach Mickey, I justgrew so drawn to the sport and
to the craft and I stayed withcoaching my son's team, but I
started training myself really,really, really hard on weekends
and playing every ounce of timethat I possibly could.
(05:32):
I started training in soccer.
None of the younger leagueshave coaches for the goalkeepers
, they only really coach thefield players.
So I started to take the thingsthat I was learning as a soccer
goalie and I startedunofficially coaching all the
goaltenders in my son's leagueand started to find some success
(05:54):
there.
So I had good coaches teachingme, so that I was passing that
on, just like we should do asresponsible adults.
And I really found a niche, bothas a coach for young
goaltenders and then beingcoached, and after playing for
about five or six years on myown, upwards of 10 plus hours a
(06:20):
week, a coach saw me play andwalked up to me one day and said
listen, I'm a coach of theAntiguan team in the Caribbean
League and our goaltender gothurt last week and we don't have
a backup.
So would you be interested insubbing this week?
(06:40):
I said, first of all, I'm notAntiguan.
This week, I said, first off,I'm not Antiguan.
He said, well, we're allowedtwo non-Antiguan players every
week and I know that you coulddo it.
So I doubled down on mytraining that week and I was
actually fortunate enoughCoaching is everything or having
(07:00):
a great coach.
So I had been training with agentleman, buna, who had been a
professional goalkeeper in MLSMajor League Soccer and he had
been one of the outstandinggoalies for the New York Red
Bulls and for the Colorado Iforget the name of that team and
he was training me.
So he got me prepared and Iwent out to Brooklyn, new York,
(07:24):
and met up with the team, whichwas a bunch of 20 to 25 year
olds who have more than doubledtheir age, and uh, I played an
entire game and uh held my ownand we lost, while we lost to
one.
It was um, it was.
I'm looking at a picture ofmyself with the team and uh,
(07:44):
it's just.
Like'm looking at a picture ofmyself with the team and uh,
it's just like.
Which of one of these is notlike the other?
Speaker 1 (07:50):
I was the different one, so I love it, and you put
yourself out there to dosomething that you know.
Like you said, you're out therewith younger guys, but you're
doing something that you love.
Um, what do you think was thethe turning point, like you said
, when you got out there and youdecided you wanted to be the
goaltender.
I mean, what, what was it thatall of a sudden drew you to that
(08:11):
, that position?
And then you, then you took theinitiative to make it the best
one.
You know, it wasn't like youstopped.
And that's something that Ifind, as a coach, that you can't
teach kids.
You can teach them all the X'sand O's, all the plays, all the
positions, but what you can'tteach them is drive and passion.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
You cannot teach them that.
We both know you can push thema little, but you know and I
know you see kids, I mean Icould say within 10 minutes you
can see who really wants it andI've always really wanted it and
that goaltending position.
Thank you for asking thequestion.
I consider myself extremelyunique and I like to be
(08:57):
different and go against thegrain.
So you know, when you'replaying 11 v 11, there's only
one goalkeeper.
So you have to be of adifferent mindset and be willing
to.
You know in soccer and bewilling to you know in soccer.
(09:20):
Uh, kind of one of the sayingswe have is the goal kicker.
Actually that's the saying iswe never win the games, we can
only lose the games.
Right, we can't score goals, wecan only concede goals.
So you have to have the mentaltoughness to say, to enter the
game that way and say I'mgenerally not going to be the
hero Although if you really playwell, you can be the hero of
(09:44):
the game but I'm not going to beLionel Messi, right, scoring
the touchdowns or scoring thegoals.
So it's a mindset shift ofwanting to embrace sort of
what's like a solo You're partof a team but it is really
lonely back there Because GeorgeVassie, the famous he's now
(10:12):
retired New York Times sportswriter, he said playing
goaltender and he's covered likefive World Cups.
He's like it's like flying anairplane, where it's you
basically spend 85 percent ofthe flight on autopilot and then
15 percent of it you're therewhen everything is chaotic and
(10:33):
it's just sheer chaos and thenit calms down.
So the other part of that isyou also have to have this is
going to sound weird, but youalso have to be willing to be
hit, as I said a little bitearlier, as opposed to hitting.
So you're on the receiving endof really hard shots coming in.
(10:55):
You're on the receiving end ofplayers coming in at warp speed
and a lot of bodies flyingaround.
So you have to be both strongenough physically and mentally
to be able to take that.
I'm actually I broke my right.
Now I'm playing with prettymuch a broken left hand that I
just happened to dive, you know,and save a play, but that
(11:20):
happens in the process.
I think in the last 12 years ofplaying soccer I've had upwards
of.
This is near and dear to yourheart, and football is probably
about eight concussions, brokenfingers, you know, dislocated
shoulders torn, mcl.
So soccer, I think, right upthere with football and skiing,
(11:42):
is the most lower body injuriesthat are out there.
So you know, the short answerto your question is you have to
have a tough mental mindset, butI'd also say you have to have
kind of a screw loose to want toplay that position.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Well, I also think, too, that you know what you're
getting into when you're in thatposition.
So you've chose to do it andthen having the information to
go forward with it and know whatyou're up against.
You know, like you said, ittakes a strong person not only
physically but also mentally,and I think that's like with
every position.
Well, goal, I would say goal iswhat you're doing.
(12:23):
And back to what you weresaying, that you know you don't
necessarily win the game, butyou can lose the game.
My kickers you know I've sentin my kickers multiple times and
you know they have to bementally strong and ready to go,
because they're either going towin the game for us or they're
going to lose the game.
The game could go any way andit can come down to one guy
kicking that ball through theuprights and that's it, you know
.
So, having that mental capacityto be able to pull that off and
(12:47):
deal with it and understandthat if it doesn't go the way is
to embrace that and go.
Okay, yeah, that was on me, butyou learn from it and you move
on.
And also knowing what your jobis and being able to bring that
not only for yourself, but youknow it's going to help the
(13:08):
whole team as a whole, and Ithink that's what happens.
I think a lot of people don'tunderstand that Everybody is
like, well, what's in it for me?
And while there's no I in teamand you've heard that before
together I'm going to choosemore there is an I in win, and
what I mean by that is you areresponsible that, for if you're
going to bring a win to yourteam, you've got to step up as
an individual in every positionthat you're in and make that the
(13:32):
best you can possibly bring.
You have to bring it everysingle time because it's not
just for yourself but it's foreverybody else.
That's depending on you,because you are playing together
as a unit and the position thatyou have is very important.
And it's sort of like thelinemen in the center they never
get the glory, but nothinghappens without them.
You know, and nothing's goingto happen without a goaltender,
(13:55):
because if you're not there,well not, you know it's.
That's crazy, it's not going to.
You know, the whole game'sgoing to change the whole
dynamic.
Uh, how much of your coachingand the experience that you have
do you bring over into yourbusiness of life with your kids?
Speaker 2 (14:13):
of life with your kids.
I mean all of it.
I feel like it's all relatedbecause you're able to connect
the dots when you'recommunicating, especially with
younger people, about trying tobring something symbolic that
(14:35):
they can understand better thanthe X's and O's of, let's say,
education or something like that.
Right, if I was trying toinspire my son who's an
incredible intellectual andsuper smart and he's an amazing
soccer player we often referenceback the importance of him
really focusing on his homeworkright and not multitasking with
devices and distractions to themyopic focus that he needs to
(15:01):
have.
You know he plays center back,you know, on a great team for
his high school.
So it's that mindset of saying,hey, just like on the pitch
right, which is where you'rehaving fun, you know where he
works really hard.
You know he wants to go to Dukeright.
(15:22):
To get into Duke, one of thehardest schools in the country
you're going to have to have thegrades.
You're probably not going tomake it on a soccer scholarship,
as good as he is, but you'regoing to need the grades.
You're going to need thatmyopic focus.
So it's figuring out.
I think for all of us as greatcoaches, this is what is the,
the mindset we're trying tobring to the child or to the
youth or to our childrenspecifically, what's the
(15:44):
relatable situation that we canbring to them that's going to
motivate them to do that.
And I think you know you'resuch a great coach, you have so
many great coaches on I think ifwe spend the extra bit of time
to look at that player as anindividual and say what can I
(16:05):
find that's in them that theycan't find in themselves right
now, that's going to really,really motivate them and then
key in on that and then it makesit so understandable for them
that, you know, I think youcan't force anyone to do
anything.
You have to kind of create thesituation where they want to do
it, something you know very well.
(16:27):
And once you can create asituation where they want to do
something you know, more thanhalf of your job is done.
Now you're just, you're justguiding them, because that inner
drive, you know, is there Insales.
Because that inner drive, youknow, is there In sales.
(16:47):
I've coached and hired and beenan individual contributor and
built sales teams andorganizations.
And one thing my great coacheswould always say that I was
reporting to is when we wouldqualify a candidate, we'd say,
look, if we make it like a doganalogy, right, I always want a
pit bull that I kind of have topull the leash back on because
(17:08):
while that's takes some extrawork for me versus I don't know
another breed of dog who's justmuch more passive and kind of
needs to be.
I would never hurt a dog butlike metaphorically, like kick
the dog to make it go right thatthe dog that you need to push
is not one I necessarily want toexpend the energy to do that.
(17:30):
I'd rather deal with thechallenging dog that motivates
itself to, in essence,outperform you know all the
other dogs.
So I'm not I'm not even a dogperson, but I always make that
analogy.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Well, I also think that there's some validity to
that, because I've noticed thatsome of the kids that I've
worked with, if they come from asituation or background or
environment that they need toeither leave or change their why
is a lot stronger than somebodywho is just like yeah, I'm just
kind of here going through themotions and you're right, I can
(18:09):
see it.
Within the first five minutes Ican tell who are the ones that
really want it and, whatever thereason is, you can see the
passion, the drive.
The other ones are like thesponges are like teach me more,
I want to know more, I want todo, I want to be the best drive.
The other ones are like thesponges are like teach me more,
I want to know more, I want todo, I want to be the best.
And and I can even see thatjust recently I'm coaching.
Now we just got done withspring ball and I'm working with
with a group of guys from the Dline and they're they'll walk
(18:33):
off the.
We're done, we're good, youknow I've got this and I'm like
oh okay, you know, don't you'vegot this?
Okay at your level.
But then I've got a group oflike four of them that are like
coach, can we stay after youknow?
Can you teach us more?
Can you help me?
I wasn't sure about this.
And those are the kids.
Those are the ones that I wantto work with, and they're also
the ones that excel.
The ones that think they knoweverything and think they got it
(19:05):
, or they don't excel, the onesthat do want the information.
They'll excel and exceed theseother guys.
And then they're sitting therewondering why, hey, why didn't I
get an offer?
Why didn't I get a chance toplay?
Because you said you have tohave it within you to really
want it.
And I don't care what sportit's in, actually I don't care.
What you're doing could bebusiness too.
Could be everything you do.
If you really want something,you will find a way to make it
happen.
You know, one of the favoritequotes I have here and I don't
(19:29):
even know where I got it from, Ijust put on a post-it note on
my monitor is failure to failure, without losing enthusiasm.
You know that's what you got todo.
You got to keep coming back, nomatter what happens.
You know it's not always goingto be easy.
And so, with your business oflife, tell me what you do Tell
me how do you work with the kidsand what does it bring to them?
(19:52):
You know how does it help them.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
Oh, yeah, sure, and I love that quote, by the way.
I'll have to install that intomy repertoire.
So my life partner she runs anon-for-profit organization in
New York City that represents,based up in Harlem, that in the
STEM area, which is so importantto our country, to all of our
(20:16):
lives, right, is, they take theextra step to help students who
are very motivated, but theygenerally come from
underrepresented financial areasso they do not have the
(20:40):
opportunity to go to the betterpublic schools or they certainly
don't have the opportunity togo to private schools, right, so
they are.
You talked about it, you know,with some of the kids that you
talked about, right, they arealready at a disadvantage simply
because they don't have thelevel of coaching, ie teachers,
or opportunities.
Thus, right, their parents orsingle parents, right, don't
(21:03):
have the networking into maybethe higher, you know, paying
jobs or something like that.
So what her organization doesis it gets them internships with
Columbia University and Cornelland all these you know really
great colleges and companies,you know in the tri-state area,
(21:26):
and it's a pretty rigorousscreening process for the kids
to get into the program becauseher organization needs to make
sure these kids really want it,right, so these are like
overachieving kids who'vebrought themselves out of the
situation that they're in,exactly like you're talking
about.
So I started to meet some ofthese kids since I've been with
(21:49):
her and I always felt like insales I'm not really doing much,
if at all, to give back outsideof my organization, let's say
so.
Once I met her and I saw whatshe was doing for young people
you know both elementary schooland high school I said wow, what
(22:10):
an opportunity here.
You know, I could share mywisdom and knowledge with young
people at an early stage intheir life and just help them.
And one of the things I hadalways thought was, even when I
graduated college many years ago, I always thought a college
should teach, have a coursecalled the business of life.
Right, you know, before theinternet, no one taught us how
(22:33):
to make a resume.
No one taught me how to write acover letter.
I was looking through want adsin newspapers, you know to kind
of get a job.
So you know, you graduate andyou have all these classes
behind you, but you don't reallyhave any real life skill.
So I said you know I'm not agraduate teacher or anything
(22:54):
like that, but here's anopportunity to give back and
impart wisdom on people.
Back and impart wisdom onpeople.
And I always say in my ownpodcast if what I'm saying can
even help one person, then it'sall worth it.
So I started a program that Ijust called the business of life
and that became the slogan ofmy podcast owning the goal,
(23:18):
because success in sales issuccess in life, right?
So you, I, every person on thisplanet is a salesperson, right?
Whether you're dealing with asituation with your life partner
, with your child, with yourparents, with the cashier at a
store, you know there's aselling situation going on there
where you're trying to make aconnection with someone and put
(23:42):
your best foot forward.
So the course is just calledthe business of life.
So I open it up and I've givenall the kids something, whether
it's a pack of gum, a thing ofmints and whatever.
And right before the classstarts, I walk around and
introduce myself and just handthem something.
And then I get up to the frontof the room and I started like
(24:03):
this and I said, oh, okay, sowho's now?
Every one of these kids, by theway, is there for STEM, right?
So they're all into science,engineering, and I said so who
in this room is in sales?
And you can guess the answer.
Not one hand goes up and I'llsay, oh, ok, actually I'll ask
the question again who in thisroom is in sales?
(24:24):
And they're all just lookingaround and I was like, ok, well,
you're all.
I never use the word wrong,right, positive motivation.
I said.
And then I'll throw out anotherquestion and say, when you woke
up this morning, what was it,you know, that got you to come
here today?
And you know, someone willfinally raise their hand.
(24:46):
And I said well, because I wantto learn more and I want to be,
you know, a better person, or Iwant to get a better job.
And I said, ok, so you're insales, right, and they kind of
look at it and then all of asudden they start laughing and
then all their hands go up and Isaid, look, if you look at all
the situations you get into,sort of as a salesperson, then
(25:07):
you're going to approach thesituation differently, because
in a sales situation, the bestoutcome is when both people walk
away from the interactionfeeling as if they've both won.
Right, no one got somethingover on the other person, right?
The?
The coach and the player eachwalked away with something that
(25:28):
was beneficial to them.
Um, and it's just then.
I take them through.
You know emailing techniques.
How do you make people feel?
You know the great, may greatMaya Angelou quote I use.
I said, like people, I put thatup on the board, that's the
second part and I go.
People will always forget whatyou did for them or what you
said to them, but they willnever forget the way you make
(25:51):
them feel.
And they're looking at me andthey're like okay, and I said so
.
How I walked around at thebeginning of this class and I
gave you eat something, right,how did that make you feel?
And just saw them go like thatand I said okay.
So if there's anything you canlearn from me today, it's go
make an impact on the waysomeone else you interacted with
(26:13):
today feels and don't rememberyou forever.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
I love that.
That is a great way to get thatpoint across.
Since you brought it up, howcan people reach you?
And if you're watching this onYouTube, remember the links will
be down below so you can reachout to Brian.
I highly recommend you do.
And if you're listening to thepodcast, just click on his name
because it'll be highlighted andit'll drive you right to his
website.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
But while people are listening, Brian, how can people
reach you if they want to reachout to you?
Sure Thanks, coach Mickey, andthank you for the time.
So it's the website, and thepodcast is called Owning the
Goal.
Our tagline is because successin sales is success in life, and
the email you can reach me atis Brian B-R-I-A-N.
(26:57):
At owningthegoalcom.
We're always interested inhaving guests.
I'd love to have you on as aguest, coach Mickey.
That would be an honor and I'dbe humbled by that, because you
certainly own the goal foryourself and for your teams, and
you know, we just appreciatehelping and sharing, and none of
this is about money or financesor anything like that.
(27:19):
It's just, you know, I believewe're all somehow put on this
earth to make it a better place.
So this is the way that I liketo give back for all the gifts
that I've been given.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
I love it, thank you, and I would love to be a guest
on your podcast, and you know weran out of time, so what I'd
like to do is give you the lasttwo minutes to wrap up and share
anything we didn't get a chanceto cover or something you'd
like to bring to our locker room.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
Oh sure, sure.
Well, it's top of mind, justone thing, and it's what I
always ask my guests at the endwhat's one thing you want to
leave people with?
And it's just because I putthis.
It's top of mind because I'm amusician as well.
So I put up my latest episode Irecorded yesterday and it's
just called Slow Down to SpeedUp.
(28:07):
And I think I don't think Iknow.
Take the listeners throughplaying a bass line that I built
for a song and it's at thespeed of the song, but then I
dial it back and say it didn'tcome out this way.
(28:30):
This took months of practiceand slowing it down to speed up,
because I feel like I know formyself.
I can only speak for myself.
You know, if I tried to be aprofessional goaltender in that
league just right out of thegate, of course nobody would
want me there, but it took 10years of training and having
(28:52):
smart people teach me how to dothings slowly and then gradually
build up that speed.
So I leave people with look, wecan all get better at
everything.
Find a great coach.
If you can't get a great coach,go on YouTube, watch your
videos, listen to your videos,listen to a podcast and listen
to people who are good at it andthen follow along the
(29:16):
directions that perhaps theyused, modify them for yourself,
and if you put the time and thework in and the passion, you can
achieve anything that you want.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
I love it.
Thank you, I'm going to end onthat note.
That was perfect.
Thank you so much for beingwith us.
Coach Brian, I appreciate you.
I appreciate everything thatyou're doing, what you're doing
for these kids, what you'redoing in your life.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
Thank you so much for being my guest today.
Oh, please, thank you very,very much, and I'll reach out to
you after this to set up you tobe on our show.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
We'd love to have that, thank you, thank you.
All right, you guys hope yougot something out of that.
Please take what you need fromthis and apply it to your own
life.
We're always all learning andwe're here to support each other
and help each other.
That's why we do it.
We surround ourselves withpeople that can help us.
You know, just like Coach Briandid, just like I do, you know
we're always learning andevolving, and that's what we do.
That's how we get better ineverything that we do, in every
(30:09):
element of our life, not just insports, but also who we are as
individuals, and it could beeven your business, your family
or whatever needs improving.
So, until then, bring it in.
I want you guys to remember getout there, start strong, finish
strong and dominate everythingin between.
I'm Coach Mickey, let's go.
Okay, come on, bring it in.
Bring it in, listen up, listenup.
Today we have got an amazingguest and I'm really excited to
have him in our locker roomtoday.
I'm Coach Mickey and you're on4thin1 Mindset, and if this is
your first time coming into ourlocker room, come on in, make
yourself comfortable and you'regoing to learn a lot.
We're going to bring someinformation that not only helps
you as an athlete, but as aparent, if you're a business
(00:21):
owner, or but as a parent, ifyou're a business owner, or just
someone who's looking to excelmore in their life than where
they are right now.
For those of you that are hereon a regular basis, thank you so
much, and also I want to thankmany of you who have already
reached out to me, and, if youhave not yet, my book is now
available Fourth in One Mindseton Amazon.
I'm really excited about this.
I'm getting great reviews andother people are reaching out to
(00:42):
me to do some other reviews forthem.
Reviews, and other people arereaching out to me to do some
other reviews for them.
So, with that being said, I'mexcited because I have got with
me today Brian McFarlane.
He is a passionate soccer player.
He's been playing for the past11 years.
He's a goalkeeper, he plays onseveral leagues in New York City
, he's had a chance to actuallyplay in a semi-professional
(01:05):
match and he's going to sharethat story with us.
He also works with business oflife and he works with kids, and
you guys know how dear that isto me working with kids and
sharing our knowledge, not onlyas coaches but also for
individuals, that can make theirlife a little bit better.
So welcome Brian.
How are you?
Speaker 2 (01:21):
I am so well If I were.
Any better I'd be twins.
I am so well If I were anybetter.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
I'd be twins.
This is good.
Well, I read your bio and thereason I wanted to invite you to
our locker room is I wanted tohear your story about soccer.
You know, I mean any sport thatwe play has got to take some
kind of drive and passion.
But also to get to asemi-professional game, I mean
that takes a lot to get to whereyou are, I mean to where you
(01:48):
were to where getting to thatpoint?
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Yeah, it certainly does, and certainly thank you
for having me on the show.
Thank you for all you do.
I've listened to so manyepisodes and learned a lot
myself, so it's really a greatplatform that you're building
and so helpful.
Yeah, so my soccer journey inbrief I played.
I grew up on Long Island in NewYork big big soccer community
(02:12):
and tried out for a team or youknow, you play in elementary
school when I was six or sevenand I was kind of a heavy kid so
I was slow and I did not have agreat coach, so I got kind of
bullied off the team.
If you will Fast forward tolater in my life when I had kids
and soccer is huge in New YorkCity.
(02:33):
So I always like and have foundcoaching, training, whether it
be in sales and business, in anyaspect of something that I
really enjoy doing is watchpeople, especially young people,
be the best that they could beand figuring out ways to want to
motivate them, certainly as aparent always trying to do that
(02:53):
for my kids.
So I coached my son's team, Icoached my daughter's team and
started to learn about soccer.
I didn't know that much, to behonest, and started kicking a
ball around myself.
So that was a re-beginning andthis was in my mid-40s or so
that I re-engaged with soccer.
(03:14):
Then my own personal journeybegan after I actually wound up
starting to get divorced andanyone who's been divorced knows
.
All of a sudden, all yourweekends were full and now half
of your weekends are open andpeople would be surprised that
New York City the amount ofsoccer fields that are available
(03:34):
.
So I started walking around andaimlessly as sometimes people
do after a tough divorce andfound that there's all these
people playing soccer after atough divorce.
And found that there's allthese people playing soccer.
So I went on a field, asked howI can play.
It was through a meetup groupapp that they have in some
cities.
So I showed up the next week asthis guy who's never really
(03:57):
played soccer and it was 7v7 andwent on the pitch and as a
field player I was probably anaccident waiting to happen.
But every seven minutes inthese games they rotate to be
goaltender, because no one wantsto play goaltender and I found
that, even though I was not verygood at it, I enjoyed it and it
(04:22):
was a position that I could seemyself growing into.
So when I asked on the nextrotation if I could stay as a
goalie.
They said you want to do thisBecause nobody wants to.
Nobody wants to be hit right Infootball no one.
People, I guess, like to playyou know, defense sometimes more
(04:43):
than they do often so they canhit people.
Uh, I actually like to be onthe receiving end of that for
some odd reason.
So, uh, everyone said yes andeven though I wasn't very good,
uh, just the fact that I woulddo that, um, endeared me to so
many people.
So that began a journey that nowis about 14 years in and,
(05:11):
honestly, coach Mickey, I justgrew so drawn to the sport and
to the craft and I stayed withcoaching my son's team, but I
started training myself really,really, really hard on weekends
and playing every ounce of timethat I possibly could.
(05:32):
I started training in soccer.
None of the younger leagueshave coaches for the goalkeepers
, they only really coach thefield players.
So I started to take the thingsthat I was learning as a soccer
goalie and I startedunofficially coaching all the
goaltenders in my son's leagueand started to find some success
(05:54):
there.
So I had good coaches teachingme, so that I was passing that
on, just like we should do asresponsible adults.
And I really found a niche, bothas a coach for young
goaltenders and then beingcoached, and after playing for
about five or six years on myown, upwards of 10 plus hours a
(06:20):
week, a coach saw me play andwalked up to me one day and said
listen, I'm a coach of theAntiguan team in the Caribbean
League and our goaltender gothurt last week and we don't have
a backup.
So would you be interested insubbing this week?
(06:40):
I said, first of all, I'm notAntiguan.
This week, I said, first off,I'm not Antiguan.
He said, well, we're allowedtwo non-Antiguan players every
week and I know that you coulddo it.
So I doubled down on mytraining that week and I was
actually fortunate enoughCoaching is everything or having
(07:00):
a great coach.
So I had been training with agentleman, buna, who had been a
professional goalkeeper in MLSMajor League Soccer and he had
been one of the outstandinggoalies for the New York Red
Bulls and for the Colorado Iforget the name of that team and
he was training me.
So he got me prepared and Iwent out to Brooklyn, new York,
(07:24):
and met up with the team, whichwas a bunch of 20 to 25 year
olds who have more than doubledtheir age, and uh, I played an
entire game and uh held my ownand we lost, while we lost to
one.
It was um, it was.
I'm looking at a picture ofmyself with the team and uh,
(07:44):
it's just.
Like'm looking at a picture ofmyself with the team and uh,
it's just like.
Which of one of these is notlike the other?
Speaker 1 (07:50):
I was the different one, so I love it, and you put
yourself out there to dosomething that you know.
Like you said, you're out therewith younger guys, but you're
doing something that you love.
Um, what do you think was thethe turning point, like you said
, when you got out there and youdecided you wanted to be the
goaltender.
I mean, what, what was it thatall of a sudden drew you to that
(08:11):
, that position?
And then you, then you took theinitiative to make it the best
one.
You know, it wasn't like youstopped.
And that's something that Ifind, as a coach, that you can't
teach kids.
You can teach them all the X'sand O's, all the plays, all the
positions, but what you can'tteach them is drive and passion.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
You cannot teach them that.
We both know you can push thema little, but you know and I
know you see kids, I mean Icould say within 10 minutes you
can see who really wants it andI've always really wanted it and
that goaltending position.
Thank you for asking thequestion.
I consider myself extremelyunique and I like to be
(08:57):
different and go against thegrain.
So you know, when you'replaying 11 v 11, there's only
one goalkeeper.
So you have to be of adifferent mindset and be willing
to.
You know in soccer and bewilling to you know in soccer.
(09:20):
Uh, kind of one of the sayingswe have is the goal kicker.
Actually that's the saying iswe never win the games, we can
only lose the games.
Right, we can't score goals, wecan only concede goals.
So you have to have the mentaltoughness to say, to enter the
game that way and say I'mgenerally not going to be the
hero Although if you really playwell, you can be the hero of
(09:44):
the game but I'm not going to beLionel Messi, right, scoring
the touchdowns or scoring thegoals.
So it's a mindset shift ofwanting to embrace sort of
what's like a solo You're partof a team but it is really
lonely back there Because GeorgeVassie, the famous he's now
(10:12):
retired New York Times sportswriter, he said playing
goaltender and he's covered likefive World Cups.
He's like it's like flying anairplane, where it's you
basically spend 85 percent ofthe flight on autopilot and then
15 percent of it you're therewhen everything is chaotic and
(10:33):
it's just sheer chaos and thenit calms down.
So the other part of that isyou also have to have this is
going to sound weird, but youalso have to be willing to be
hit, as I said a little bitearlier, as opposed to hitting.
So you're on the receiving endof really hard shots coming in.
(10:55):
You're on the receiving end ofplayers coming in at warp speed
and a lot of bodies flyingaround.
So you have to be both strongenough physically and mentally
to be able to take that.
I'm actually I broke my right.
Now I'm playing with prettymuch a broken left hand that I
just happened to dive, you know,and save a play, but that
(11:20):
happens in the process.
I think in the last 12 years ofplaying soccer I've had upwards
of.
This is near and dear to yourheart, and football is probably
about eight concussions, brokenfingers, you know, dislocated
shoulders torn, mcl.
So soccer, I think, right upthere with football and skiing,
(11:42):
is the most lower body injuriesthat are out there.
So you know, the short answerto your question is you have to
have a tough mental mindset, butI'd also say you have to have
kind of a screw loose to want toplay that position.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Well, I also think, too, that you know what you're
getting into when you're in thatposition.
So you've chose to do it andthen having the information to
go forward with it and know whatyou're up against.
You know, like you said, ittakes a strong person not only
physically but also mentally,and I think that's like with
every position.
Well, goal, I would say goal iswhat you're doing.
(12:23):
And back to what you weresaying, that you know you don't
necessarily win the game, butyou can lose the game.
My kickers you know I've sentin my kickers multiple times and
you know they have to bementally strong and ready to go,
because they're either going towin the game for us or they're
going to lose the game.
The game could go any way andit can come down to one guy
kicking that ball through theuprights and that's it, you know
.
So, having that mental capacityto be able to pull that off and
(12:47):
deal with it and understandthat if it doesn't go the way is
to embrace that and go.
Okay, yeah, that was on me, butyou learn from it and you move
on.
And also knowing what your jobis and being able to bring that
not only for yourself, but youknow it's going to help the
(13:08):
whole team as a whole, and Ithink that's what happens.
I think a lot of people don'tunderstand that Everybody is
like, well, what's in it for me?
And while there's no I in teamand you've heard that before
together I'm going to choosemore there is an I in win, and
what I mean by that is you areresponsible that, for if you're
going to bring a win to yourteam, you've got to step up as
an individual in every positionthat you're in and make that the
(13:32):
best you can possibly bring.
You have to bring it everysingle time because it's not
just for yourself but it's foreverybody else.
That's depending on you,because you are playing together
as a unit and the position thatyou have is very important.
And it's sort of like thelinemen in the center they never
get the glory, but nothinghappens without them.
You know, and nothing's goingto happen without a goaltender,
(13:55):
because if you're not there,well not, you know it's.
That's crazy, it's not going to.
You know, the whole game'sgoing to change the whole
dynamic.
Uh, how much of your coachingand the experience that you have
do you bring over into yourbusiness of life with your kids?
Speaker 2 (14:13):
of life with your kids.
I mean all of it.
I feel like it's all relatedbecause you're able to connect
the dots when you'recommunicating, especially with
younger people, about trying tobring something symbolic that
(14:35):
they can understand better thanthe X's and O's of, let's say,
education or something like that.
Right, if I was trying toinspire my son who's an
incredible intellectual andsuper smart and he's an amazing
soccer player we often referenceback the importance of him
really focusing on his homeworkright and not multitasking with
devices and distractions to themyopic focus that he needs to
(15:01):
have.
You know he plays center back,you know, on a great team for
his high school.
So it's that mindset of saying,hey, just like on the pitch
right, which is where you'rehaving fun, you know where he
works really hard.
You know he wants to go to Dukeright.
(15:22):
To get into Duke, one of thehardest schools in the country
you're going to have to have thegrades.
You're probably not going tomake it on a soccer scholarship,
as good as he is, but you'regoing to need the grades.
You're going to need thatmyopic focus.
So it's figuring out.
I think for all of us as greatcoaches, this is what is the,
the mindset we're trying tobring to the child or to the
youth or to our childrenspecifically, what's the
(15:44):
relatable situation that we canbring to them that's going to
motivate them to do that.
And I think you know you'resuch a great coach, you have so
many great coaches on I think ifwe spend the extra bit of time
to look at that player as anindividual and say what can I
(16:05):
find that's in them that theycan't find in themselves right
now, that's going to really,really motivate them and then
key in on that and then it makesit so understandable for them
that, you know, I think youcan't force anyone to do
anything.
You have to kind of create thesituation where they want to do
it, something you know very well.
(16:27):
And once you can create asituation where they want to do
something you know, more thanhalf of your job is done.
Now you're just, you're justguiding them, because that inner
drive, you know, is there Insales.
Because that inner drive, youknow, is there In sales.
(16:47):
I've coached and hired and beenan individual contributor and
built sales teams andorganizations.
And one thing my great coacheswould always say that I was
reporting to is when we wouldqualify a candidate, we'd say,
look, if we make it like a doganalogy, right, I always want a
pit bull that I kind of have topull the leash back on because
(17:08):
while that's takes some extrawork for me versus I don't know
another breed of dog who's justmuch more passive and kind of
needs to be.
I would never hurt a dog butlike metaphorically, like kick
the dog to make it go right thatthe dog that you need to push
is not one I necessarily want toexpend the energy to do that.
(17:30):
I'd rather deal with thechallenging dog that motivates
itself to, in essence,outperform you know all the
other dogs.
So I'm not I'm not even a dogperson, but I always make that
analogy.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Well, I also think that there's some validity to
that, because I've noticed thatsome of the kids that I've
worked with, if they come from asituation or background or
environment that they need toeither leave or change their why
is a lot stronger than somebodywho is just like yeah, I'm just
kind of here going through themotions and you're right, I can
(18:09):
see it.
Within the first five minutes Ican tell who are the ones that
really want it and, whatever thereason is, you can see the
passion, the drive.
The other ones are like thesponges are like teach me more,
I want to know more, I want todo, I want to be the best drive.
The other ones are like thesponges are like teach me more,
I want to know more, I want todo, I want to be the best.
And and I can even see thatjust recently I'm coaching.
Now we just got done withspring ball and I'm working with
with a group of guys from the Dline and they're they'll walk
(18:33):
off the.
We're done, we're good, youknow I've got this and I'm like
oh okay, you know, don't you'vegot this?
Okay at your level.
But then I've got a group oflike four of them that are like
coach, can we stay after youknow?
Can you teach us more?
Can you help me?
I wasn't sure about this.
And those are the kids.
Those are the ones that I wantto work with, and they're also
the ones that excel.
The ones that think they knoweverything and think they got it
(19:05):
, or they don't excel, the onesthat do want the information.
They'll excel and exceed theseother guys.
And then they're sitting therewondering why, hey, why didn't I
get an offer?
Why didn't I get a chance toplay?
Because you said you have tohave it within you to really
want it.
And I don't care what sportit's in, actually I don't care.
What you're doing could bebusiness too.
Could be everything you do.
If you really want something,you will find a way to make it
happen.
You know, one of the favoritequotes I have here and I don't
(19:29):
even know where I got it from, Ijust put on a post-it note on
my monitor is failure to failure, without losing enthusiasm.
You know that's what you got todo.
You got to keep coming back, nomatter what happens.
You know it's not always goingto be easy.
And so, with your business oflife, tell me what you do Tell
me how do you work with the kidsand what does it bring to them?
(19:52):
You know how does it help them.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
Oh, yeah, sure, and I love that quote, by the way.
I'll have to install that intomy repertoire.
So my life partner she runs anon-for-profit organization in
New York City that represents,based up in Harlem, that in the
STEM area, which is so importantto our country, to all of our
(20:16):
lives, right, is, they take theextra step to help students who
are very motivated, but theygenerally come from
underrepresented financial areasso they do not have the
(20:40):
opportunity to go to the betterpublic schools or they certainly
don't have the opportunity togo to private schools, right, so
they are.
You talked about it, you know,with some of the kids that you
talked about, right, they arealready at a disadvantage simply
because they don't have thelevel of coaching, ie teachers,
or opportunities.
Thus, right, their parents orsingle parents, right, don't
(21:03):
have the networking into maybethe higher, you know, paying
jobs or something like that.
So what her organization doesis it gets them internships with
Columbia University and Cornelland all these you know really
great colleges and companies,you know in the tri-state area,
(21:26):
and it's a pretty rigorousscreening process for the kids
to get into the program becauseher organization needs to make
sure these kids really want it,right, so these are like
overachieving kids who'vebrought themselves out of the
situation that they're in,exactly like you're talking
about.
So I started to meet some ofthese kids since I've been with
(21:49):
her and I always felt like insales I'm not really doing much,
if at all, to give back outsideof my organization, let's say
so.
Once I met her and I saw whatshe was doing for young people
you know both elementary schooland high school I said wow, what
(22:10):
an opportunity here.
You know, I could share mywisdom and knowledge with young
people at an early stage intheir life and just help them.
And one of the things I hadalways thought was, even when I
graduated college many years ago, I always thought a college
should teach, have a coursecalled the business of life.
Right, you know, before theinternet, no one taught us how
(22:33):
to make a resume.
No one taught me how to write acover letter.
I was looking through want adsin newspapers, you know to kind
of get a job.
So you know, you graduate andyou have all these classes
behind you, but you don't reallyhave any real life skill.
So I said you know I'm not agraduate teacher or anything
(22:54):
like that, but here's anopportunity to give back and
impart wisdom on people.
Back and impart wisdom onpeople.
And I always say in my ownpodcast if what I'm saying can
even help one person, then it'sall worth it.
So I started a program that Ijust called the business of life
and that became the slogan ofmy podcast owning the goal,
(23:18):
because success in sales issuccess in life, right?
So you, I, every person on thisplanet is a salesperson, right?
Whether you're dealing with asituation with your life partner
, with your child, with yourparents, with the cashier at a
store, you know there's aselling situation going on there
where you're trying to make aconnection with someone and put
(23:42):
your best foot forward.
So the course is just calledthe business of life.
So I open it up and I've givenall the kids something, whether
it's a pack of gum, a thing ofmints and whatever.
And right before the classstarts, I walk around and
introduce myself and just handthem something.
And then I get up to the frontof the room and I started like
(24:03):
this and I said, oh, okay, sowho's now?
Every one of these kids, by theway, is there for STEM, right?
So they're all into science,engineering, and I said so who
in this room is in sales?
And you can guess the answer.
Not one hand goes up and I'llsay, oh, ok, actually I'll ask
the question again who in thisroom is in sales?
(24:24):
And they're all just lookingaround and I was like, ok, well,
you're all.
I never use the word wrong,right, positive motivation.
I said.
And then I'll throw out anotherquestion and say, when you woke
up this morning, what was it,you know, that got you to come
here today?
And you know, someone willfinally raise their hand.
(24:46):
And I said well, because I wantto learn more and I want to be,
you know, a better person, or Iwant to get a better job.
And I said, ok, so you're insales, right, and they kind of
look at it and then all of asudden they start laughing and
then all their hands go up and Isaid, look, if you look at all
the situations you get into,sort of as a salesperson, then
(25:07):
you're going to approach thesituation differently, because
in a sales situation, the bestoutcome is when both people walk
away from the interactionfeeling as if they've both won.
Right, no one got somethingover on the other person, right?
The?
The coach and the player eachwalked away with something that
(25:28):
was beneficial to them.
Um, and it's just then.
I take them through.
You know emailing techniques.
How do you make people feel?
You know the great, may greatMaya Angelou quote I use.
I said, like people, I put thatup on the board, that's the
second part and I go.
People will always forget whatyou did for them or what you
said to them, but they willnever forget the way you make
(25:51):
them feel.
And they're looking at me andthey're like okay, and I said so
.
How I walked around at thebeginning of this class and I
gave you eat something, right,how did that make you feel?
And just saw them go like thatand I said okay.
So if there's anything you canlearn from me today, it's go
make an impact on the waysomeone else you interacted with
(26:13):
today feels and don't rememberyou forever.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
I love that.
That is a great way to get thatpoint across.
Since you brought it up, howcan people reach you?
And if you're watching this onYouTube, remember the links will
be down below so you can reachout to Brian.
I highly recommend you do.
And if you're listening to thepodcast, just click on his name
because it'll be highlighted andit'll drive you right to his
website.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
But while people are listening, Brian, how can people
reach you if they want to reachout to you?
Sure Thanks, coach Mickey, andthank you for the time.
So it's the website, and thepodcast is called Owning the
Goal.
Our tagline is because successin sales is success in life, and
the email you can reach me atis Brian B-R-I-A-N.
(26:57):
At owningthegoalcom.
We're always interested inhaving guests.
I'd love to have you on as aguest, coach Mickey.
That would be an honor and I'dbe humbled by that, because you
certainly own the goal foryourself and for your teams, and
you know, we just appreciatehelping and sharing, and none of
this is about money or financesor anything like that.
(27:19):
It's just, you know, I believewe're all somehow put on this
earth to make it a better place.
So this is the way that I liketo give back for all the gifts
that I've been given.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
I love it, thank you, and I would love to be a guest
on your podcast, and you know weran out of time, so what I'd
like to do is give you the lasttwo minutes to wrap up and share
anything we didn't get a chanceto cover or something you'd
like to bring to our locker room.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
Oh sure, sure.
Well, it's top of mind, justone thing, and it's what I
always ask my guests at the endwhat's one thing you want to
leave people with?
And it's just because I putthis.
It's top of mind because I'm amusician as well.
So I put up my latest episode Irecorded yesterday and it's
just called Slow Down to SpeedUp.
(28:07):
And I think I don't think Iknow.
Take the listeners throughplaying a bass line that I built
for a song and it's at thespeed of the song, but then I
dial it back and say it didn'tcome out this way.
(28:30):
This took months of practiceand slowing it down to speed up,
because I feel like I know formyself.
I can only speak for myself.
You know, if I tried to be aprofessional goaltender in that
league just right out of thegate, of course nobody would
want me there, but it took 10years of training and having
(28:52):
smart people teach me how to dothings slowly and then gradually
build up that speed.
So I leave people with look, wecan all get better at
everything.
Find a great coach.
If you can't get a great coach,go on YouTube, watch your
videos, listen to your videos,listen to a podcast and listen
to people who are good at it andthen follow along the
(29:16):
directions that perhaps theyused, modify them for yourself,
and if you put the time and thework in and the passion, you can
achieve anything that you want.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
I love it.
Thank you, I'm going to end onthat note.
That was perfect.
Thank you so much for beingwith us.
Coach Brian, I appreciate you.
I appreciate everything thatyou're doing, what you're doing
for these kids, what you'redoing in your life.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
Thank you so much for being my guest today.
Oh, please, thank you very,very much, and I'll reach out to
you after this to set up you tobe on our show.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
We'd love to have that, thank you, thank you.
All right, you guys hope yougot something out of that.
Please take what you need fromthis and apply it to your own
life.
We're always all learning andwe're here to support each other
and help each other.
That's why we do it.
We surround ourselves withpeople that can help us.
You know, just like Coach Briandid, just like I do, you know
we're always learning andevolving, and that's what we do.
That's how we get better ineverything that we do, in every
(30:09):
element of our life, not just insports, but also who we are as
individuals, and it could beeven your business, your family
or whatever needs improving.
So, until then, bring it in.
I want you guys to remember getout there, start strong, finish
strong and dominate everythingin between.
I'm Coach Mickey, let's go.
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