February 9, 2025 • 16 mins
What if the secret to forming lasting habits isn’t willpower, but self-esteem? Join us as we navigate the compelling ideas of Teru Nakajima, whose book “Habituation is a Hundred Percent Self-Esteem: What You Want to Do Will All Come True” challenges conventional thinking about change. Discover how the six emotions of self-esteem—self-respect, self-acceptance, self-efficacy, self-trust, self-determination, and self-worth—are the true anchors for developing habits that stick. By using a tree analogy, Nakajima illustrates how these emotions nourish and support the growth of habits, and we’re here to break it down for you with practical steps and personal insights.
We’ll guide you through Nakajima’s transformative six-step habit formation process, filled with techniques to cultivate a growth mindset and boost self-esteem. From reframing negative thoughts and focusing on positivity to strategic planning and expressive writing, each strategy is crafted to empower you on your journey. As we celebrate achievements, recognize that reaching your goals is just the beginning—a launchpad for new opportunities and personal growth. Tune in to unlock the power of self-esteem in habit formation and begin your path to a more empowered and fulfilled self.
Teru Nakashima, All about Self-esteem
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey everyone, welcome back, ready for another deep
dive?
Today we're tackling somethingpretty interesting.
I think it's the connectionbetween building good habits and
boosting your self-esteem.
Yeah, have you ever felt likeyou set these goals for yourself
and they just kind of slip away?
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Oh, all the time.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
We're gonna unlock the secret to actually sticking
with them, right?
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Absolutely, and you know, what's interesting is that
a lot of people think it's allabout willpower right it's
really not.
We're going to be unpacking abook by teru nakajima.
He's a leading expert inself-esteem okay, and the book
is called habituation is ahundred percent self-esteem.
What you want to do will allcome true okay, I am intrigued.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Right, that title, yeah, but how?
How does he actually make thatlink between habits and
self-esteem?
I mean, is it just like feelinggood when you accomplish
something?
Speaker 2 (00:54):
it's it's way deeper than that.
Nakajima says that mosthabit-building programs kind of
miss a crucial step and theyfocus on, like, the what and the
how okay, but they don't focuson the why, right.
He argues that you need to havea solid foundation of
self-esteem to really fuel thoselong-term changes.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
Oh, so it's more about like who you are, not just
what you're doing.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Exactly, he introduces this idea, this
concept of the six emotions ofself-esteem.
Okay, and they're like thebuilding blocks of a strong and
confident you, and he actuallycompares them to a tree, which I
think is fascinating.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
OK, I love a good analogy, so laid on me.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
So imagine like the roots of a tree, right yeah,
those roots are self-respect,and it's like knowing your worth
deep down.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
OK.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Then you've got the trunk, and the trunk is
self-acceptance, like embracingall parts of yourself, even the
messy bits.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
So you can't have like strong branches without a
good solid base.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Right, exactly.
And those branches, thoserepresent self-efficacy, that's
your belief in your ability toachieve things.
And then, on those branches,you have the leaves.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
And those are self-trust.
Can you rely on your ownjudgment?
Can you make good choices?
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Yeah, can you trust yourself?
I'm seeing the connection here,but a tree needs more than just
leaves and branches.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Of course it needs to bloom.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
It needs to bear fruit.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
So the flowers, those are self-determination.
You're the gardener right.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
You're shaping your life.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Shaping your life Okay.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
And then that fruit.
Yeah, You're shaping your lifeshaping your life OK.
And then that fruit.
Yeah, that's self-worth, that'sthat deep satisfaction that
comes from like contributing tothe world around you.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
Wow, that is a really powerful image.
What happens if, like say, theroots are weak, or like, the
trunk is damaged?
What happens then?
Speaker 2 (02:41):
That's exactly what Nakajima warns against.
If, if any one of theseemotions is weak, it affects the
whole tree just like a disease.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
So, like, your self-esteem can't fully flourish
.
And then those habits you'retrying to build, they might
wither away.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
So we need to tend to the whole tree, not just focus
on like one branch.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Precisely, and that's where Nakajima's unique
six-step habit formation processcomes in.
Precisely, and that's whereNakajima's unique six-step habit
formation process comes in.
Each step is directlystrengthens one of those six
emotions.
It's like a workout plan.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
I like it.
For your self-esteem.
Okay, I am hooked.
I'm so hooked.
Let's break down these steps.
What's the first one?
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Okay, so the first step and this is crucial is seed
sowing.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Seed sowing Okay.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
And this takes place in the first, like two days of
forming a new habit.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
This is all about tapping into that self-respect,
like remembering your worth andchoosing the right seeds to
plant.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
So it's not just like picking any random habit, it's
really personal, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
You need to define your why, like.
What's your desired self-image?
What kind of person do you wantto become?
Speaker 1 (03:45):
This is blowing my mind.
This is like intentionallydesigning your life, you know
like not just drifting along.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
But, but, but buckle up, because step two this is
where things get real.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Oh no.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
It's called resistance and it covers days
two through eight.
This is where you need ahealthy dose of self-acceptance.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Because, let's face it, our brains are wired to
resist change.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Ugh, tell me about it .
Like that first week is alwayswhen I give up on my New Year's
resolutions.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
But here's the thing.
Nakajima says that setbacks,they're inevitable.
Instead of beating yourself upabout it, embrace those slip-ups
, Accepting that you're notperfect.
That's key to moving forward.
So it's like being kind toyourself, even when you mess up
yes, now, if you can ride outthat resistance wave, you enter
step three, which isperseverance.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
This is where self-efficacy comes into play,
that belief that you canactually do this thing.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Okay, this is giving me hope already.
So how long does thisperseverance phase last?
Speaker 2 (04:43):
From day nine to day 21.
And the focus here is oncelebrating those small wins.
Every time you stick to yournew habit, even in a tiny way,
you're proving to yourself thatyou're capable.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
I can see how those small wins would really fuel
your motivation to keep going.
Okay, what's next?
Speaker 2 (04:59):
Step four is it can be a little tricky for a lot of
people.
Nakajima calls it growth and ittakes place from day 22 to 31.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
OK.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
You're making progress, but you might hit like
a plateau, you know, and thosepesky doubts can start to creep
in.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
Oh, I know that feeling all too well.
It's like am I really gettinganywhere with this?
Speaker 2 (05:20):
That's why self-trust is crucial in this stage.
You have to trust the process.
You have to trust the process.
You have to trust your choices,Even when you don't see those
immediate results.
This is where that strong innerfoundation really matters.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Okay, so we've gone through sowing, resisting,
persevering and now growing.
What are the final two steps onthis journey to rock-solid
habits and sky-high self-esteem?
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Well, if you've successfully navigated those
first four steps, get ready forstep five.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Blooming.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Blooming.
I like it.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
This is where your efforts truly blossom, from day
32 to 60, those new habits arestarting to become automatic,
integrated into your life.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
That's amazing.
But what about when you knowthat initial excitement kind of
fades away?
How do you stay motivated?
Speaker 1 (06:06):
Nakajima has some brilliant techniques for that,
which we'll get into later, butin this blooming stage, the key
is to reconnect with your why.
Remember that seed you plantedback in step one.
Visualize the person you'rebecoming Okay.
So it's about keeping thebigger picture in mind.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
Exactly, and then, finally, you reach the summit.
Step six achievement.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Achievement yes.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
This is from day 61 to day 66.
And you're basking in the glowof your accomplishment.
You're enjoying the fruits ofyour labor.
You're feeling that incrediblesense of self-worth that comes
from achieving what you set outto do.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
It's almost unbelievable to think that, like
in just over two months, a newhabit could be fully ingrained
and my self-esteem could besoaring.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
And it's not just about the habit itself.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Right.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
It's about how it transforms you as a person.
Yeah, by mastering these sixsteps, you're not just building
habits, you're nurturing each ofthose six emotions of
self-esteem.
You're growing into a stronger,more confident, more resilient
you.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
I am so pumped to dig into the specific techniques he
recommends.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
This feels like a whole new approach to personal
growth.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
It is, and you might be surprised by how simple and
effective they are.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
So are you ready to explore some of those
game-changing strategies?
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Absolutely.
Let's unlock the secrets tomaking those good habits stick.
All right, so let's gettactical here.
What are some of the techniquesthat Nakajima suggests for
actually putting these six stepsinto practice?
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Well, he offers a whole toolbox of strategies, but
one that really stood out to meis called reframing.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Reframing like literally changing the way you
think about things.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
Exactly, it's about shifting from a fixed mindset
like I can't do this to a growthmindset.
I can learn to do this, and itall ties back to boosting that
self-respect in the seed sowingstage.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
I see how that would be powerful, but how do you
actually do that?
You know, it's one thing to saylike think positive, but it's
so much harder to actually shiftthose negative thought patterns
.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Nakajima gets that.
That's why he provides thistool called the reframing
dictionary.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
OK.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
And it's essentially a list of common negative
thoughts and their more positive, empowering counterparts.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
So instead of saying like I'm terrible at this, I
would say I'm still learning andthat's OK.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Exactly.
It might sound simple, butconsistently reframing those
thoughts it can make a hugedifference in how you approach
challenges, especially duringthose early days of habit
formation.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
That makes a lot of sense.
Okay, so we've got reframingfor seed sowing.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
What about when we hit?
Speaker 1 (08:40):
that dreaded resistance phase.
Any tips for riding out thoseinevitable setbacks with a
little more self-acceptance?
Speaker 2 (08:45):
Remember the four good things technique we talked
about.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
Right, the gratitude journal on steroids, but how
does that tie intoself-acceptance?
Speaker 2 (08:54):
It's about shifting your focus.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
OK.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
Instead of dwelling on what went wrong, you're
intentionally seeking out andacknowledging the good, even on
those, those tough days.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Every night, you write down four positive things
from your day, no matter howsmall so it's like training your
brain to see the good, evenwhen you're tempted to just
focus on the negative exactly.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
It's a powerful reminder that you are more than
your mistakes and it helps youcultivate that self-acceptance
and that's crucial fornavigating that resistance phase
.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
And Love it.
Okay, let's move on toperseverance.
That's the stage where we needto really believe in ourselves,
right?
Boost that self-efficacy.
What does Nakajima recommend?
Speaker 2 (09:33):
One of his most practical techniques is called
if-then planning.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
It's all about anticipating potential obstacles
and creating a backup plan.
So let's say your goal is to Idon't know, go for a run every
morning.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
Oh, that's a good one .
My nemesis.
I always start out strong andthen life gets in the way.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
That's where the if-then plan comes in.
You might say if I oversleep,then I'll do a 20-minute yoga
routine at home instead.
Or if it's raining then I'llwalk on the treadmill at the gym
.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
That takes the pressure off of being perfect
right.
You're not giving yourself anexcuse to quit, You're just
adapting to the situation.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Exactly.
It's not about willpower, it'sabout strategy, and by sticking
to your plan, even in a modifiedway, you're reinforcing your
belief in your ability to followthrough, and that strengthens
that all-important self-efficacy.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
This is making so much sense.
Okay, I'm ready for the growthstage.
That's the one where doubts cankind of creep in, even when
you're making progress.
How do we cultivate that deepself-trust to push through those
uncertain times?
Speaker 2 (10:33):
Nakajima suggests something surprisingly simple
Expressive writing.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Wait, you mean just like venting all my frustrations
on paper?
That's actually a technique.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
It is, and it's incredibly effective.
By getting those worries,anxieties, negative thoughts out
of your head and onto paper,you create space for clarity and
perspective.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
It's like decluttering your mind.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
Precisely, and as you gain perspective, you start to
see things more objectively,which allows you to reconnect
with your inner wisdom and trustyour own judgment.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
Okay, two more steps to go.
We're at blooming now.
Habits are starting to feelmore automatic, but I can see
how maintaining that momentumcould be a challenge.
Any tips for keeping that firelit?
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Nakajima offers a few great strategies here.
First, remember the importanceof reconnecting with your why
that we discussed earlier.
Visualize your future self.
Really feel the positive impactof this new habit in your life.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
Okay, so it's about keeping the bigger picture in
mind.
What else?
Speaker 2 (11:32):
He also emphasizes the importance of self-care,
especially in this stage.
It's easy to burn out whenyou're pushing yourself to form
these new habits.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
So he recommends creating a coping list.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
Intriguing.
What's a coping list?
Speaker 2 (11:46):
It's a personalized list of activities that boost
your mood and help you recharge.
It could include things liketaking a walk in nature,
listening to your favorite music, taking a hot bath, spending
time with loved ones anythingthat helps you de-stress and
replenish your energy.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
That's brilliant.
It's like having a toolkit ofself-care strategies at your
fingertips whenever you need aboost.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
Exactly, and it ties in perfectly with that
self-determination we talkedabout.
You're consciously choosingactions that support your
well-being and help you stay ontrack.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
This is so empowering .
Instead of feeling like I'm atthe mercy of my willpower, I'm
like equipped with this wholearsenal of tools and techniques.
Yeah, okay, what about thatfinal stage achievement?
What happens after we reach thesummit?
What about that final stage?
Speaker 2 (12:27):
achievement.
What happens after we reach thesummit?
Well, firstly, celebrate,acknowledge how far you've come
and savor that feeling ofaccomplishment.
But Nakajima emphasizes thatthis isn't the end.
It's just the beginning of anew chapter.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
So it's not about reaching like a destination,
it's about the ongoing journeyof growth.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
Exactly, and this is where the ripple effect comes in
.
Nakajima argues thatsuccessfully forming good habits
, it not only benefits youpersonally, but it also has a
positive impact on those aroundyou.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
Wait, so my good habits can actually inspire
others?
Tell me more about this rippleeffect.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Think about it when you're feeling confident and
empowered, your energy shifts.
You show up differently in yourrelationships at work and in
your community.
You inspire others to pursuetheir own growth.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
Wow, that's amazing.
So it's like this beautifulcycle Taking care of myself
allows me to better care forothers.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
And that brings us back to self-worth, that feeling
of value we get fromcontributing to the world around
us.
It all comes full circle.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
This is so inspiring.
It's like you know that sayingyou can't pour from an empty cup
.
When you prioritize your ownwell-being and you build those
habits that support your growth.
You have so much more to giveto others.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
Precisely.
And what I think is sofascinating about Nakajima's
approach is that it directlyaddresses that empty cup feeling
approach is that it directlyaddresses that empty cup feeling
.
By nurturing your self-esteem,you're essentially filling your
cup, so you can then generouslypour into the lives of others.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
So it's not selfish to focus on your own personal
growth.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Right.
It actually makes us morecapable of making a positive
impact out in the world Exactly,and that's something I think a
lot of people you know theystruggle with.
We're so often told to putothers first, but Nakajima
argues that you can't truly helpothers if you're neglecting
your own needs.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Wow, that's a powerful message.
Okay, so, as we wrap up thisdeep dive into Nakajima's work,
what's like the one key takeawayyou want our listeners to
remember?
Speaker 2 (14:29):
I think the most important thing to remember is
that building habits.
It isn't about forcing yourselfinto these rigid routines or
just relying on willpower.
It's about cultivatingself-esteem.
It's about nurturing those sixemotions that empower you to
become the best version ofyourself.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
It's about understanding that you're worthy
of investing in yourself.
You're worthy of pursuing yourgoals.
You're worthy of experiencingthe joy and the fulfillment that
comes with living a lifealigned with your values.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
Beautifully said.
And the amazing thing is, it'snever too late to start, no
matter where you are on yourjourney.
Nakajima's framework offersthis roadmap to success.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
So true.
Whether you're just beginningto think about building those
better habits or you've triedand struggled in the past, you
know this approach gives you thetools and the mindset to
finally make those changes stick.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
And remember you don't have to do it alone.
Find your support system, yourcheerleaders, your
accountability partners, shareyour goals, celebrate your wins
and know that you have the powerto create lasting, positive
change in your life.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
I always like to leave our listeners with
something to ponder.
Right, A question to sparkfurther exploration.
So here it is.
Now that you've seen thisframework, what one habit feels
most important for you tocultivate right now to become
the person that you want to be?
Speaker 2 (15:48):
That's a great question to reflect on.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
What resonates with you most.
What small step can you taketoday to start nurturing your
self-esteem and building thatbrighter future?
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Maybe it's finally starting that meditation
practice you've been putting off, or maybe it's setting aside
time for a creative hobby thatbrings you joy.
Remember, even the smallestseed can grow into a magnificent
tree.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
And who knows, by this time next year, you might
be sharing your own successstory, inspiring others to
embark on their ownhabit-building adventures.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
That's what it's all about sharing that ripple effect
of positive change.
And on that note we'll wrap upthis deep dive.
Thanks for joining us and we'llsee you next time for another
fascinating exploration.
Hey everyone, welcome back, ready for another deep
dive?
Today we're tackling somethingpretty interesting.
I think it's the connectionbetween building good habits and
boosting your self-esteem.
Yeah, have you ever felt likeyou set these goals for yourself
and they just kind of slip away?
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Oh, all the time.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
We're gonna unlock the secret to actually sticking
with them, right?
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Absolutely, and you know, what's interesting is that
a lot of people think it's allabout willpower right it's
really not.
We're going to be unpacking abook by teru nakajima.
He's a leading expert inself-esteem okay, and the book
is called habituation is ahundred percent self-esteem.
What you want to do will allcome true okay, I am intrigued.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Right, that title, yeah, but how?
How does he actually make thatlink between habits and
self-esteem?
I mean, is it just like feelinggood when you accomplish
something?
Speaker 2 (00:54):
it's it's way deeper than that.
Nakajima says that mosthabit-building programs kind of
miss a crucial step and theyfocus on, like, the what and the
how okay, but they don't focuson the why, right.
He argues that you need to havea solid foundation of
self-esteem to really fuel thoselong-term changes.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
Oh, so it's more about like who you are, not just
what you're doing.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Exactly, he introduces this idea, this
concept of the six emotions ofself-esteem.
Okay, and they're like thebuilding blocks of a strong and
confident you, and he actuallycompares them to a tree, which I
think is fascinating.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
OK, I love a good analogy, so laid on me.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
So imagine like the roots of a tree, right yeah,
those roots are self-respect,and it's like knowing your worth
deep down.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
OK.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Then you've got the trunk, and the trunk is
self-acceptance, like embracingall parts of yourself, even the
messy bits.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
So you can't have like strong branches without a
good solid base.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Right, exactly.
And those branches, thoserepresent self-efficacy, that's
your belief in your ability toachieve things.
And then, on those branches,you have the leaves.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
And those are self-trust.
Can you rely on your ownjudgment?
Can you make good choices?
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Yeah, can you trust yourself?
I'm seeing the connection here,but a tree needs more than just
leaves and branches.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Of course it needs to bloom.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
It needs to bear fruit.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
So the flowers, those are self-determination.
You're the gardener right.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
You're shaping your life.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Shaping your life Okay.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
And then that fruit.
Yeah, You're shaping your lifeshaping your life OK.
And then that fruit.
Yeah, that's self-worth, that'sthat deep satisfaction that
comes from like contributing tothe world around you.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
Wow, that is a really powerful image.
What happens if, like say, theroots are weak, or like, the
trunk is damaged?
What happens then?
Speaker 2 (02:41):
That's exactly what Nakajima warns against.
If, if any one of theseemotions is weak, it affects the
whole tree just like a disease.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
So, like, your self-esteem can't fully flourish
.
And then those habits you'retrying to build, they might
wither away.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
So we need to tend to the whole tree, not just focus
on like one branch.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Precisely, and that's where Nakajima's unique
six-step habit formation processcomes in.
Precisely, and that's whereNakajima's unique six-step habit
formation process comes in.
Each step is directlystrengthens one of those six
emotions.
It's like a workout plan.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
I like it.
For your self-esteem.
Okay, I am hooked.
I'm so hooked.
Let's break down these steps.
What's the first one?
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Okay, so the first step and this is crucial is seed
sowing.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Seed sowing Okay.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
And this takes place in the first, like two days of
forming a new habit.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
This is all about tapping into that self-respect,
like remembering your worth andchoosing the right seeds to
plant.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
So it's not just like picking any random habit, it's
really personal, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
You need to define your why, like.
What's your desired self-image?
What kind of person do you wantto become?
Speaker 1 (03:45):
This is blowing my mind.
This is like intentionallydesigning your life, you know
like not just drifting along.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
But, but, but buckle up, because step two this is
where things get real.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Oh no.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
It's called resistance and it covers days
two through eight.
This is where you need ahealthy dose of self-acceptance.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Because, let's face it, our brains are wired to
resist change.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Ugh, tell me about it .
Like that first week is alwayswhen I give up on my New Year's
resolutions.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
But here's the thing.
Nakajima says that setbacks,they're inevitable.
Instead of beating yourself upabout it, embrace those slip-ups
, Accepting that you're notperfect.
That's key to moving forward.
So it's like being kind toyourself, even when you mess up
yes, now, if you can ride outthat resistance wave, you enter
step three, which isperseverance.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
This is where self-efficacy comes into play,
that belief that you canactually do this thing.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Okay, this is giving me hope already.
So how long does thisperseverance phase last?
Speaker 2 (04:43):
From day nine to day 21.
And the focus here is oncelebrating those small wins.
Every time you stick to yournew habit, even in a tiny way,
you're proving to yourself thatyou're capable.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
I can see how those small wins would really fuel
your motivation to keep going.
Okay, what's next?
Speaker 2 (04:59):
Step four is it can be a little tricky for a lot of
people.
Nakajima calls it growth and ittakes place from day 22 to 31.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
OK.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
You're making progress, but you might hit like
a plateau, you know, and thosepesky doubts can start to creep
in.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
Oh, I know that feeling all too well.
It's like am I really gettinganywhere with this?
Speaker 2 (05:20):
That's why self-trust is crucial in this stage.
You have to trust the process.
You have to trust the process.
You have to trust your choices,Even when you don't see those
immediate results.
This is where that strong innerfoundation really matters.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Okay, so we've gone through sowing, resisting,
persevering and now growing.
What are the final two steps onthis journey to rock-solid
habits and sky-high self-esteem?
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Well, if you've successfully navigated those
first four steps, get ready forstep five.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Blooming.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Blooming.
I like it.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
This is where your efforts truly blossom, from day
32 to 60, those new habits arestarting to become automatic,
integrated into your life.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
That's amazing.
But what about when you knowthat initial excitement kind of
fades away?
How do you stay motivated?
Speaker 1 (06:06):
Nakajima has some brilliant techniques for that,
which we'll get into later, butin this blooming stage, the key
is to reconnect with your why.
Remember that seed you plantedback in step one.
Visualize the person you'rebecoming Okay.
So it's about keeping thebigger picture in mind.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
Exactly, and then, finally, you reach the summit.
Step six achievement.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Achievement yes.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
This is from day 61 to day 66.
And you're basking in the glowof your accomplishment.
You're enjoying the fruits ofyour labor.
You're feeling that incrediblesense of self-worth that comes
from achieving what you set outto do.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
It's almost unbelievable to think that, like
in just over two months, a newhabit could be fully ingrained
and my self-esteem could besoaring.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
And it's not just about the habit itself.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Right.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
It's about how it transforms you as a person.
Yeah, by mastering these sixsteps, you're not just building
habits, you're nurturing each ofthose six emotions of
self-esteem.
You're growing into a stronger,more confident, more resilient
you.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
I am so pumped to dig into the specific techniques he
recommends.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
This feels like a whole new approach to personal
growth.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
It is, and you might be surprised by how simple and
effective they are.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
So are you ready to explore some of those
game-changing strategies?
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Absolutely.
Let's unlock the secrets tomaking those good habits stick.
All right, so let's gettactical here.
What are some of the techniquesthat Nakajima suggests for
actually putting these six stepsinto practice?
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Well, he offers a whole toolbox of strategies, but
one that really stood out to meis called reframing.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Reframing like literally changing the way you
think about things.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
Exactly, it's about shifting from a fixed mindset
like I can't do this to a growthmindset.
I can learn to do this, and itall ties back to boosting that
self-respect in the seed sowingstage.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
I see how that would be powerful, but how do you
actually do that?
You know, it's one thing to saylike think positive, but it's
so much harder to actually shiftthose negative thought patterns
.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Nakajima gets that.
That's why he provides thistool called the reframing
dictionary.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
OK.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
And it's essentially a list of common negative
thoughts and their more positive, empowering counterparts.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
So instead of saying like I'm terrible at this, I
would say I'm still learning andthat's OK.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Exactly.
It might sound simple, butconsistently reframing those
thoughts it can make a hugedifference in how you approach
challenges, especially duringthose early days of habit
formation.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
That makes a lot of sense.
Okay, so we've got reframingfor seed sowing.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
What about when we hit?
Speaker 1 (08:40):
that dreaded resistance phase.
Any tips for riding out thoseinevitable setbacks with a
little more self-acceptance?
Speaker 2 (08:45):
Remember the four good things technique we talked
about.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
Right, the gratitude journal on steroids, but how
does that tie intoself-acceptance?
Speaker 2 (08:54):
It's about shifting your focus.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
OK.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
Instead of dwelling on what went wrong, you're
intentionally seeking out andacknowledging the good, even on
those, those tough days.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Every night, you write down four positive things
from your day, no matter howsmall so it's like training your
brain to see the good, evenwhen you're tempted to just
focus on the negative exactly.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
It's a powerful reminder that you are more than
your mistakes and it helps youcultivate that self-acceptance
and that's crucial fornavigating that resistance phase
.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
And Love it.
Okay, let's move on toperseverance.
That's the stage where we needto really believe in ourselves,
right?
Boost that self-efficacy.
What does Nakajima recommend?
Speaker 2 (09:33):
One of his most practical techniques is called
if-then planning.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
It's all about anticipating potential obstacles
and creating a backup plan.
So let's say your goal is to Idon't know, go for a run every
morning.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
Oh, that's a good one .
My nemesis.
I always start out strong andthen life gets in the way.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
That's where the if-then plan comes in.
You might say if I oversleep,then I'll do a 20-minute yoga
routine at home instead.
Or if it's raining then I'llwalk on the treadmill at the gym
.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
That takes the pressure off of being perfect
right.
You're not giving yourself anexcuse to quit, You're just
adapting to the situation.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Exactly.
It's not about willpower, it'sabout strategy, and by sticking
to your plan, even in a modifiedway, you're reinforcing your
belief in your ability to followthrough, and that strengthens
that all-important self-efficacy.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
This is making so much sense.
Okay, I'm ready for the growthstage.
That's the one where doubts cankind of creep in, even when
you're making progress.
How do we cultivate that deepself-trust to push through those
uncertain times?
Speaker 2 (10:33):
Nakajima suggests something surprisingly simple
Expressive writing.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Wait, you mean just like venting all my frustrations
on paper?
That's actually a technique.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
It is, and it's incredibly effective.
By getting those worries,anxieties, negative thoughts out
of your head and onto paper,you create space for clarity and
perspective.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
It's like decluttering your mind.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
Precisely, and as you gain perspective, you start to
see things more objectively,which allows you to reconnect
with your inner wisdom and trustyour own judgment.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
Okay, two more steps to go.
We're at blooming now.
Habits are starting to feelmore automatic, but I can see
how maintaining that momentumcould be a challenge.
Any tips for keeping that firelit?
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Nakajima offers a few great strategies here.
First, remember the importanceof reconnecting with your why
that we discussed earlier.
Visualize your future self.
Really feel the positive impactof this new habit in your life.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
Okay, so it's about keeping the bigger picture in
mind.
What else?
Speaker 2 (11:32):
He also emphasizes the importance of self-care,
especially in this stage.
It's easy to burn out whenyou're pushing yourself to form
these new habits.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
So he recommends creating a coping list.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
Intriguing.
What's a coping list?
Speaker 2 (11:46):
It's a personalized list of activities that boost
your mood and help you recharge.
It could include things liketaking a walk in nature,
listening to your favorite music, taking a hot bath, spending
time with loved ones anythingthat helps you de-stress and
replenish your energy.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
That's brilliant.
It's like having a toolkit ofself-care strategies at your
fingertips whenever you need aboost.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
Exactly, and it ties in perfectly with that
self-determination we talkedabout.
You're consciously choosingactions that support your
well-being and help you stay ontrack.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
This is so empowering .
Instead of feeling like I'm atthe mercy of my willpower, I'm
like equipped with this wholearsenal of tools and techniques.
Yeah, okay, what about thatfinal stage achievement?
What happens after we reach thesummit?
What about that final stage?
Speaker 2 (12:27):
achievement.
What happens after we reach thesummit?
Well, firstly, celebrate,acknowledge how far you've come
and savor that feeling ofaccomplishment.
But Nakajima emphasizes thatthis isn't the end.
It's just the beginning of anew chapter.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
So it's not about reaching like a destination,
it's about the ongoing journeyof growth.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
Exactly, and this is where the ripple effect comes in
.
Nakajima argues thatsuccessfully forming good habits
, it not only benefits youpersonally, but it also has a
positive impact on those aroundyou.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
Wait, so my good habits can actually inspire
others?
Tell me more about this rippleeffect.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Think about it when you're feeling confident and
empowered, your energy shifts.
You show up differently in yourrelationships at work and in
your community.
You inspire others to pursuetheir own growth.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
Wow, that's amazing.
So it's like this beautifulcycle Taking care of myself
allows me to better care forothers.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
And that brings us back to self-worth, that feeling
of value we get fromcontributing to the world around
us.
It all comes full circle.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
This is so inspiring.
It's like you know that sayingyou can't pour from an empty cup
.
When you prioritize your ownwell-being and you build those
habits that support your growth.
You have so much more to giveto others.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
Precisely.
And what I think is sofascinating about Nakajima's
approach is that it directlyaddresses that empty cup feeling
approach is that it directlyaddresses that empty cup feeling
.
By nurturing your self-esteem,you're essentially filling your
cup, so you can then generouslypour into the lives of others.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
So it's not selfish to focus on your own personal
growth.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Right.
It actually makes us morecapable of making a positive
impact out in the world Exactly,and that's something I think a
lot of people you know theystruggle with.
We're so often told to putothers first, but Nakajima
argues that you can't truly helpothers if you're neglecting
your own needs.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Wow, that's a powerful message.
Okay, so, as we wrap up thisdeep dive into Nakajima's work,
what's like the one key takeawayyou want our listeners to
remember?
Speaker 2 (14:29):
I think the most important thing to remember is
that building habits.
It isn't about forcing yourselfinto these rigid routines or
just relying on willpower.
It's about cultivatingself-esteem.
It's about nurturing those sixemotions that empower you to
become the best version ofyourself.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
It's about understanding that you're worthy
of investing in yourself.
You're worthy of pursuing yourgoals.
You're worthy of experiencingthe joy and the fulfillment that
comes with living a lifealigned with your values.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
Beautifully said.
And the amazing thing is, it'snever too late to start, no
matter where you are on yourjourney.
Nakajima's framework offersthis roadmap to success.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
So true.
Whether you're just beginningto think about building those
better habits or you've triedand struggled in the past, you
know this approach gives you thetools and the mindset to
finally make those changes stick.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
And remember you don't have to do it alone.
Find your support system, yourcheerleaders, your
accountability partners, shareyour goals, celebrate your wins
and know that you have the powerto create lasting, positive
change in your life.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
I always like to leave our listeners with
something to ponder.
Right, A question to sparkfurther exploration.
So here it is.
Now that you've seen thisframework, what one habit feels
most important for you tocultivate right now to become
the person that you want to be?
Speaker 2 (15:48):
That's a great question to reflect on.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
What resonates with you most.
What small step can you taketoday to start nurturing your
self-esteem and building thatbrighter future?
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Maybe it's finally starting that meditation
practice you've been putting off, or maybe it's setting aside
time for a creative hobby thatbrings you joy.
Remember, even the smallestseed can grow into a magnificent
tree.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
And who knows, by this time next year, you might
be sharing your own successstory, inspiring others to
embark on their ownhabit-building adventures.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
That's what it's all about sharing that ripple effect
of positive change.
And on that note we'll wrap upthis deep dive.
Thanks for joining us and we'llsee you next time for another
fascinating exploration.
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