"You Are the Average of the Five People You Spend the Most Time With"

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Main Theme: The significant impact of one's social circle on personal growth and well-being, encapsulated in the idea that "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with." This influence extends to all aspects of life, affecting mindset, perspective, and overall vitality. Nakashima uses the metaphor of a "forest" to represent this social ecosystem and encourages readers to cultivate a diverse and supportive environment for personal flourishing.

Key Ideas and Supporting Details:

• The Core Principle: Nakashima asserts that the people we spend the most time with profoundly shape us. This is not just a saying but a proven phenomenon: "This is not merely a saying. It is a phenomenon I have witnessed repeatedly throughout my twenty years working with thousands of individuals seeking to transform their lives." The core concept is that we unconsciously absorb the attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors of those around us, ultimately influencing our own trajectory.
• The Forest Metaphor: Nakashima uses a vivid metaphor of a personal "forest" to illustrate the concept. The people in our lives are represented as different types of "trees," each contributing a unique influence (light, rain, wind, earth) to our growth: "What trees have you planted in your garden?"
• Different Types of Trees (People): Nakashima identifies four key types of "trees," each representing a specific influence or perspective:
• Trees That Face the Morning Sun: Optimistic, forward-thinking individuals who ask "Why?" and "How can this improve?" and who encourage growth and innovation. The example of the student who lost her optimism highlights how the wrong environment can dim one's light. "One of my students possessed from childhood an innate belief that 'tomorrow will surely be better.' But after entering the professional world, she found herself surrounded by voices saying, 'That's impossible' and 'Be realistic.'"
• Trees That Feel the Rain: Individuals sensitive to problems and challenges, asking "What's happening?" and "Where are the problems?" While valuable, an overabundance of these "trees" can create a negative and pessimistic atmosphere.
• Trees That Sense the Wind: Individuals attuned to social dynamics and relationships, feeling "Who am I with?" and "What currents are flowing?" These people are highly sensitive to their environment and require positive social currents to thrive. "Extremely sensitive to the forest's airflow, she couldn't display her true beauty in places with poor circulation."
• Trees That Connect with the Earth: Individuals focused on stability and grounding, valuing "What is certain?" and "What fruits will come?" An excess of this type can lead to stagnation and a lack of innovation.
• Cultivating Your Forest: Nakashima provides three "wisdoms" for nurturing one's personal "forest":

1. Observe Your Forest: Become aware of the types of "trees" (people) in your life and the influence they have. "First, quietly observe what kinds of trees grow around you. What wind, light, rain, and soil do they bring you? Is your tree flourishing in this environment?"
2. Sow New Seeds: Intentionally seek out relationships with people who offer different perspectives and positive influences. "Have the courage to visit forests where different types of trees grow. This doesn't mean cutting down existing trees – it means adding new varieties."
3. Nurture Your Own Ro

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello everyone, this is Teru Nakashima.
Welcome to today's episode ofAll About Self-Esteem.
I want to speak with you aboutan invisible current that flows
through our lives, one thatshapes us more powerfully than
we often recognize.
You are the average of the fivepeople you spend the most time
with.
This is not merely a saying.
It is a phenomenon I havewitnessed repeatedly throughout

(00:22):
my 20 years working withthousands of individuals seeking
to transform their lives.
The Watershed of your LifeGarden.
Recently, in the lounge of aTokyo hotel, I spoke with a
brilliant, passionate executivewho couldn't understand why his
company lacked vitality, despitehis best efforts.
What trees have you planted inyour garden?

(00:44):
When I asked him, at first hedidn't grasp my meaning, but as
our conversation unfolded, hebegan to see the people with
whom he exchanged energy daily,and then the realization dawned
Almost all the trees in hisgarden were of the same variety,
trees that face the morning sun.
Some individuals stand liketrees, constantly bathed in

(01:06):
morning light.
They ask why and how can thisimprove, extending their
branches toward the future.
One of my students possessedfrom childhood an innate belief
that tomorrow will surely bebetter, but after entering the
professional world, she foundherself surrounded by voices
saying.
Entering the professional worldshe found herself surrounded by
voices saying that's impossibleand be realistic.
Her tree began to leangradually away from the morning

(01:30):
sun and toward the shadows.
She found her light again onlyafter joining a community of
tomorrow believers.
Once she began spending time,even just monthly, with trees
that also reached toward themorning light, her branches and
leaves once again stretch towardthe sun.
Trees that feel the rain.
Other trees sensitively detectthe rain.

(01:53):
They spread delicate leavesthat perceive what's happening
and where are the problems.
One client possessed anextraordinary ability to
identify organizational issuesbefore anyone else.
An extraordinary ability toidentify organizational issues
before anyone else.
But because he was surroundedby trees that only detected
problems, the entire forestgradually became shrouded in

(02:14):
dark shadows.
Change came to his forest whenhe began interacting with
different varieties of trees,those that saw possibilities.
Though he initially feltuncomfortable, after six months
a new atmosphere began to flowthrough the entire forest.
Trees that sense the wind.
Still, other trees aresensitive to the flow of wind.
They instinctively feel who amI with and what currents are

(02:38):
flowing.
A young assistant in myresearch laboratory was this
type of tree Extremely sensitiveto the forest airflow.
She couldn't display her truebeauty in places with poor
circulation.
She consciously chose to spendtime in forests where gentle
winds flowed.
Remarkably, her own leavesregained their vivid green and
she became able to carry herseeds far and wide on the breeze

(03:00):
.
Trees that connect with theearth.
Finally, there are trees thatvalue their connection to the
ground.
They extend their roots intowhat is certain and what fruits
will come.
An editor at a publishing housewas precisely this type of tree
.
His eyes were constantly fixedon soil quality, missing not

(03:23):
even a grain of sand.
But because he was surroundedby similar trees, the entire
forest focused solely on roots,nearly forgetting to extend
branches skyward.
What brought change to hisforest was interaction with
entirely different types oftrees.
Meeting trees grown indifferent soils broadened his
perspective and yielded richerfruits.

(03:44):
Three Wisdoms for Nurturing yourForest.
So how can you nurture your ownforest?
Let me share three wisdoms I'velearned from years of
observation.
Observe your forest First,quietly observe what kinds of
trees grow around you.
What wind, light, rain and soildo they bring you?
Is your tree flourishing inthis environment?

(04:05):
Sow new seeds.
Have the courage to visitforests where different types of
trees grow.
This doesn't mean cutting downexisting trees.
It means adding new varieties.
Nurture your own roots andbranches.
Remember that you are part ofsomeone else's forest.
As you flourish, the forestaround you flourishes too.

(04:26):
Recently, at what we call theForest Festival, for graduates
of our Self-Esteem Academy, Iasked how has your forest
changed?
Many replied it's an entirelydifferent ecosystem now and,
fascinatingly, the landscape oftheir lives had transformed
dramatically as well.
Like plants, we all absorbnutrients from our surroundings.

(04:47):
The energy you exchange dailyinfluences everything from your
roots to your branch tips.
Strong roots come from richsoil, straight trunks from
proper light, spreading branchesfrom quality air and beautiful
flowers and fruitful harvestfrom the harmony of all these
elements.
As you continue on your journeytoday, become conscious of your

(05:08):
forest, gradually create anenvironment that supports your
growth.
May your forest be filled withdiverse and abundant vitality.
Thank you for listening to thisepisode of All About
Self-Esteem.
This is Teru Nakashima, withgratitude.