How do I stop being so defensive in my relationship?

Why is it so hard to stay open when your partner brings up something that’s bothering them? Why do even small criticisms feel like attacks—and how do you change that pattern?

In this episode of Ask Angela: Relationship Advice for Love After Trauma, Angela Amias responds to a listener who wants to learn how to stay present and listen when her partner shares concerns, instead of falling into automatic defensiveness.

Angela explores:

• Why defensiveness often starts as a survival strategy in early relationships
• How our bodies react before our awareness can catch up
• Why honoring your defensive response is the first step toward change
• How past experiences of blame, criticism, and attack distort present-day conversations
• Practical ways to shift from reactivity to true responsiveness
• How learning to listen without defense can deepen intimacy and trust

If you’ve ever wished you could hear your partner’s concerns without shutting down, lashing out, or feeling attacked, this episode offers grounded, trauma-informed guidance for creating real change in how you communicate.

✑ Join the conversation or leave a comment at askangela.co

✫ Because love after trauma takes a different kind of wisdom—and you don’t have to figure it out alone.

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