May 19, 2025 • 56 mins
Stephanie McCray shares her journey from childhood sexual abuse to becoming an adolescent therapist and nonprofit founder dedicated to helping youth and displaced girls. Her powerful story reveals how faith, nature, and finding purpose helped her transform trauma into triumph.
• Born into a large blended family with three sets of twins
• Lost virginity at 9/10 years old through continued abuse
• Mother blamed her when she finally reported the abuse at 15
• Joined military in 2000 to create a better life for her daughter
• Attempted suicide and began deep healing after a divine intervention
• Found healing through yoga, volunteering, and connecting with nature
• Now works as adolescent therapist and runs two nonprofits
• Young Women Rejoice mentors girls in group homes
• YES Education provides students with educational supplies
• Believes trauma doesn't have a "certain look" or appearance
Don't give up on your healing journey - on the other side of trauma, someone will need to hear your story. Look for opportunities to embrace nature, volunteer in your community, and find your unique purpose.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
welcome, welcome everyone to b3u and we have yet
another amazing, amazing woman,sister and friend my heart, miss
stephanie mccray.
Please welcome her to anothersegment of how we turn our
trauma into triumph.
Hi sis.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Hi sis, Thank you for having me.
I'm so excited to be here.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Oh, my goodness, you talk about it.
I'm excited to have you, you.
I know that our viewers will beas well, so first let's just
get into it and tell us a littlebit about you.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Mother nature, yeah yeah, mother nature, oh my gosh.
Nature is really really like mybest friend, but I've come a
long way to accept that.
Um, yes, I was born into areally large family of twins.
My mother had three sets oftwins.
I have a twin and we were eachother's community, each other's
(01:12):
best friends, and I just grew upin that way, from a split
family.
Now my two older sistersthey're my mother's first set of
twins.
They were with her firsthusband, so then her second two
sets of twins came with myfather, her second husband.
Okay, and so I grew up in, um,I would say, a rather blended,
dynamic family.
(01:32):
My sisters are Nigerian and I'mAmerican, so we're talking
about African American household.
Okay, that's um how we grew upand, yeah, I had an adventurous
childhood.
Um, you served in the military.
Yes, I was getting to that.
My bad, let me be quiet.
I could be long winded.
But yeah, I served in themilitary After high school.
(01:55):
I spent a year to raise mydaughter who I had in 97.
And I spent a year to raise her.
And then I went to the militaryin 2000 and my whole life
changed.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Doesn't it?
Doesn't it Dramatically right?
Speaker 2 (02:14):
What was your?
Speaker 1 (02:15):
first thoughts when you first joined the military.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
I was just really glad to be there.
I mean, my first thoughts, myfirst thoughts were this is
amazing, this is cool, this iseasy.
Wow, that's before we met thedrill sergeant.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Right Wow.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
But yeah, challenged me in ways that I hadn't been
challenged before and that partI loved every bit of, so yeah,
and that part I loved every bitof.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
So yeah, okay, okay, wow, okay, because I I just
remember, uh, just you know, Iwas coming from West
Philadelphia, never been out,you know the state, and I just
remember just winding up at FortJackson, like what the hell did
I do and why am I here?
Yeah, so that that was my firstthought.
What made us so okay?
So what?
What are you currently doingnow that you're, you're out of
(03:13):
the military?
So what?
Speaker 2 (03:14):
yeah, I'm out of the military um, I counsel and
therapize youth.
I'm an adolescent therapist andI provide counseling and
therapy to adolescents andfamilies.
I have a nonprofit Young WomenRejoice and I mentor young girls
.
And I also have a nonprofit YESEducation YES is an acronym for
(03:37):
Youth Education Supplies and Ipartner with one of my siblings'
nonprofit and we educatecurrent education supplies to
those in need.
Not just the paper and thepencils and the book bags.
We offer the tablets and thelaptops and just just the things
that will help students notfeel left out in the classroom.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
That is amazing.
Thank you thank you, okay, wow,um, I was so, uh, so intrigued
and I forgot my next question.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
That is just amazing.
I rest a lot too.
I garden and I rest a lot.
I got some new stuff in mygarden now, but, um, yeah, I
embrace everything about nature.
Yes, yes, not volunteer.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
We have a nickname for her y'all it's mother.
She is so in tune with natureand I love it.
So, steph, we're here today foryou to share whatever trauma,
whatever story you would like toshare to help some of our women
or men who have been throughtraumatic events.
So can you tell us a little bitabout the trauma you have
(04:45):
endured?
Speaker 2 (04:47):
Yeah, I thought long and hard about this question and
I realized when I thought aboutthis question that I've had,
like, quite a few traumaticexperiences, just the fact that
I had to choose which one Iwanted to talk about.
And I decided to come here andbe very real, very raw, very
vulnerable and talk about achildhood trauma.
(05:11):
That was an ancestralrelationship I had in my
household and it impacted me somuch, it shaped every
relationship in my life and itled to other traumatic
relationships because I neverunderstood the dynamic of love
(05:33):
and relationships and it left avoid in me.
Then that void attracted othertraumatic experiences and
abusive relationships and so,yeah, that's the one I chose to
talk about.
I think too often women losesight of ourselves and sometimes
(06:03):
it leads to promiscuousactivities or sometimes it leads
to self-doubt.
And so I chose to talk aboutthis ancestral relationship
because there is healing afterany trauma, especially if it's
sexual trauma, and it might takea while to heal, it might take
some celibacy, it might take,you know, some spiritual healing
(06:24):
before the physical healing andmental healing comes.
But I wanted to bring to theforefront how real these sexual
traumas are in affecting ourrelationships with ourself first
and then others, so that I canhope to help others heal and
address maybe some things thathave been suppressed.
(06:46):
So yeah, that's what I'm hereto talk about today.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Okay, so what was the ?
What was it?
What happened?
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Yeah, I guess we do got to talk about it.
Yeah, so I was about six orseven years old and I had a
family member that would wake meup in the middle of the night,
touching me, and that touchingled to different times in the
day.
And that led to that familymember it was a brother of mine
(07:21):
inviting other of his friends totouch on me and, um, this led
to me losing my virginity atabout nine years old, maybe ten,
and for the next two years from10 to about 12, for the next
(07:51):
two years from 10 to about 12,everything about my life was
sexualized and I'm sure adultssaw my behaviors, because now I
work with children and I cannotice things, but as a child
I'm still a kid I didn't realizethe space I was in then.
Everything was sexualized.
I was.
I had insomnia at a young age.
I was scared to go to sleepbecause I knew that I would
(08:11):
probably wake up to somebodytouching me and they would want
me to do things that is going tolead to intercourse and I was
not comfortable with that.
But it was a relationship, itwas my day to day from the time
I woke up to the time I went tosleep was either avoiding that
(08:35):
interaction or finding ways tomake myself look attractive so
that I'm accepted.
Make myself look attractive sothat I'm accepted.
Because it was either theinteraction at between 10 and 12
in my life with my one brotherand others of their friends.
It was either you're accepted,you're cool and you can hang
(08:56):
with us, which included touchingand sexual activity, or a lot
of bullying and physical abusewhere I was getting punched and
hit on and called names and sohaving to choose how I was
interacting with the world.
It was a big deal and Iremember when my cycle started
(09:19):
at 12 years old.
I remember feeling very gladabout that, like I can't be
touched anymore and thedisappointment when I woke up in
the middle of the night thefirst night my cycle came on.
I don't know why.
I thought everyone knew, but Ijust thought that that just
(09:40):
meant I was off limits.
And I woke up in the middle ofthe night, somebody touching on
my breast and the same persontouching on my breast.
And now my breasts were juststarting to form and this
sibling is older than me andthis was the first time that I
understood.
They knew that this was wrong.
I thought they didn't know.
(10:01):
I thought they were just youngand oblivious like me, but when
I woke up they ran and it wasthe first time I realized they
knew that this was wrong andyou're 12 at this time I'm 12.
At the time I finally decided totell my mother about this and
(10:24):
it took me three years to tellher.
Almost every day for threeyears I was finding the words to
tell her.
I would call her name, I wouldmom, mom, mom find, when she was
by herself and I would sit downnext to her and the words just
couldn't form.
It's like I had some kind of afascia where I could not form
words.
And three years went by reallyfast when I look back and I
(10:51):
finally had the courage to tellher that my brother had been
touching me, that it had led tointercourse and that I did not
know what to do.
It was the bravest thing Icould have done, bree.
(11:12):
But she looked at me and shesaid look at how you're dressed.
What do you expect Now?
I wore clothes that she eitherbought for me or it was from
another family member becauseshe could not buy them for me.
So the heartbreak when she umsaid that, brie, I went through
(11:35):
such a spiral of self-doubt.
It took me into my adulthood.
Today I still struggle with howI am, how I look, management
trying to get out the door,because I'm trying to figure out
am I dressed appropriate forthe occasion.
By 15, I had been raped twice,one by a stranger and another by
(11:59):
a sibling's friend.
And I mean violently raped, andI mean violently raped by 15,.
(12:28):
I had such a shoulder injurybecause one of the people that
tried to rape me I said I can'tthe pain, the struggle that they
they pressed into my shoulder.
To this day I still can feelthat pain, but I couldn't wear
my book.
I was in high school.
I couldn't even wear my bookbag on my shoulder.
And by 15, I was.
I was pregnant.
I got pregnant at 15.
15, I was pregnant.
I got pregnant at 15.
And I got pregnant by somebodythat I actually met.
(12:49):
He was my boyfriend.
I was very happy.
He was my first boyfriend thatI selected and he liked me and I
liked him and I really thoughtthat we were in love.
And I got pregnant and hevanished and I realized that I
was really used.
Up until the point that thisperson met me.
(13:10):
I was damaged, real bad.
And by 16, I was a mom.
I finished high school, but Inavigated life in a household
that was so dangerous buteverybody was in awe of.
(13:33):
Oh, the twins, oh, it was likeconfetti every time we went
(13:54):
somewhere and I struggled withknowing some truths that either
weren't talked about, that werefrowned upon, or I was
physically abused for bringingup.
And so I had to decide if I wasgoing to go to the military,
because I would leave mydaughter behind in this
household because I couldn'tcome with her.
(14:15):
By then, all of my siblings werereally involved in the church
and my mother was involved inthe church.
My siblings had girlfriends andfiances, and it was one of
those now or never, if I don'tgo to make a better life for my
daughter, because she's a littlegirl who needs somebody to
protect her from the things thatnobody protected me from and
she was three at the time and Ithought to myself if I don't go
(14:35):
now and get us out of this, I'llnever get us out of it.
And so I left and went to themilitary.
By then I had so many abusiveand horrible encounters with men
(14:59):
in general.
I don't know how.
I don't know how.
Today I really don't know how Ican sit here and have this
conversation.
I don't know how I'm not insome institution, just out of it
, I can help you with that I canhelp you with that.
(15:22):
So let's go ahead.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
I'm going to tell you you know again, we have known
each other over 20-somethingyears and we look, we have been
spiritual since day one, we havebeen some praying women and I
will say that how you got out ofthat.
You know, when you go in andand your story, I'm I'm holding
(15:46):
back tears, girl, I'm holdingback tears and it's because your
story is all too familiar andwhen we're going through these
things, we're young, we don'tknow, and then, you right, it
creates a cycle and then youdon't know what's going on.
You know, when I was live, youknow, yeah, and not knowing she,
(16:23):
not knowing that I had alreadybeen molested in the family.
So you know that fear that youhave as a child.
And then you grow up, and thenyou said you waited a year.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
Because you don't know what's going on.
But once you start to realize,you're like wait, just wait a
minute, and then you grow upinto an adult.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
And you go through all that.
You've been through some thingsalready as a young, young child
.
Then you go through things as ateenager, then you go through
things as a young woman and thenyou get to a point in your life
where you just like, god, dang,I've been through so much Like,
how in the world did I make it?
(17:10):
The abuse, the everything, butyou know how we made it.
When I look back and I'm sureit's been times where you ask
yourself, god, why me?
Why, why me?
Why is this happening to me?
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
Why am I going through this?
And then you know you haveevery situation, because you
have three beautiful children,two boys and a girl.
Beautiful children, two boysand a girl.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
Right, yes.
And when you had your daughter,you know you wanted a better
life for her.
You wanted, you didn't want herto go through the things that
you went through and get yourchildren, you know your boys.
You know you're making thislife for them, you've given them
the best so they don't have togo through what you go through.
And then, has it ever come atime where your children look at
, look at you and say mom, how'dyou make it?
Speaker 2 (18:01):
yeah, my daughter lately is asking me that.
So you have 27 now and I havenot shared this story with her.
Okay, I've shared a bit andpiece of this story with her not
in detail if I have shared ittoday but I did share with her
that losing my virginity was notthat choice that I imagined it
(18:21):
would be, and I did let her knowthat somebody in the family
took that option from me andthat the molestation before the
actual intercourse had happenedfor several years.
So she knows some bits andpieces, uh, but not the details
of it.
But, yeah, at 27 now she'sasking questions about how did I
(18:45):
and whatever she's goingthrough in life at the time is
what follows mom, how did youget through?
And she'll ask me, whatever sheis that she's going through and
, um, it could be anything fromrelationships to jobs, um, but
yeah, I struggle to have thoserelationships in life still but
(19:06):
your faith where?
Speaker 1 (19:07):
so let me ask your faith, because you're a believer
, of course, and I'm sure at allthe times that you went through
these things, you stayedconnected.
Yeah, that, it's like that wasthe thing that you went through
these things you stayedconnected.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Yeah, that it's like that was the thing that kept me
connected in those moments, evenas a child, and I knew for sure
, without a shadow of a doubt,that the most high had really
protected me.
And I know we hear people saythat, but until you have an
experience where you feel thatHoly Spirit, where you sense the
(19:42):
one who created you, holdingyou like a potter and molding
you through these situations,that's when you know and I knew,
I had a very strong sense at anearly age that, yeah, the most
high had me and so, yeah, thatthere's any faithful
relationship that I have in lifeto this day is with my creator,
(20:05):
so that's who brought usthrough, and that's important.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
I've always, when we talk like this, it's like well,
how do there's not a lot ofpeople, but some people don't
believe that there's a higherpower, you know, because they
went through so much.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
It's like how?
Speaker 1 (20:29):
how can there be a God and they let me?
They let these things happen tome, like where is he at?
Where was he at when all thiswas going on?
What would you say to somebodylike that?
What would you say to someonewho said it can't be a God
because they let all thesethings happen to me?
What would you say?
Speaker 2 (20:46):
I would tell them I know it's hard to believe that
somebody that cares for you andcreated you allowed these things
to happen, but I would remindthem of how potent and hungry
and devious the enemy is, and Iwould remind them that it is the
enemy's job.
(21:06):
The enemy works harder than any.
The enemy works harder than acrackhead looking for a hit Like
the attempt that the enemy hasto take us out of faith, to
steal our joy, to kill ourdesire to live any type of
faithful holy way and to destroyany chance of us going back and
(21:31):
believing again.
That is the enemy's job, and Iwould remind them that these are
setbacks.
These are moments that we areallowed to experience something
that is opposite of blessed,joyful, something that is
opposite of love, peace,patience, because if we did not
(21:55):
know the struggle, we would notknow what patience is.
So it's not that our creator,the most high, with all this
loving kindness, allows us to gothrough these horrible things.
It's that this creator loves usso much that this creator has
designed obstacles for us toexperience love.
(22:17):
And I don't mean the love thatexisted in that trauma where you
thought you were loved and thenyou were betrayed.
I mean the love that you say.
I know this is not love.
Only the most high can love mein a way that I wake up and I
have the creativity in any givenday to still smile, to still
(22:44):
laugh, the creativity tosuppress things and walk outside
and look like ain't nothinggoing on.
And I don't know if some peoplewould understand the depths of
that.
But the creator who created us,designed us so creatively, and
the whole goal is for us tounderstand the fruit of the
(23:04):
spirit that makes us.
This flesh is just that, and Iput it on every day.
But I'm spirit in this fleshand the things that happen to
this flesh don't break my spirit.
And so I would tell thesepeople with doubt, with that
kind of doubt, I would justremind them that the enemy's job
is done with you.
(23:25):
If you give up now, the enemyalready has that person in their
hands once they give up, andthe enemy will go on to somebody
else until all faith is lost.
Else, until all faith is lost.
But it doesn't matter how faraway we might stray and how much
we might doubt, the Most Highsits waiting so much just to
(23:49):
bring you back on intofellowship, bring you back on
into faith, and so there's noplace I'd rather be, but in that
faithful fellowship with theMost High.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
And you really have to be like.
You know, I will say to someyoung people, because at this
moment that they're saying thesethings, they're broken at their
lowest, lowest point.
And one thing people shouldrealize is that you, you best
believe that just as well asthere is good, there is evil.
(24:20):
You know, there is good andthere's evil, there's light and
there's darkness.
It is very true.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
It is very true.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Very true.
And so when you know when evilhappens, you have to believe
that there is a greater power,and then that's when you need to
learn to lean in on that.
Yes, and, and we, we couldn't,the things that we have
experienced, we couldn't, wecouldn't have went through it by
(24:52):
ourselves.
You know, I know, and and thisis the reason why today and I I
really applaud for being sotransparent, because what is
taught is that you sweep thingsunder the rug, don't say
anything, you know.
This is why I think I overlyraised my children just to be
very vocal, like somebody dosomething you don't like it, you
(25:16):
let them know, and you let meknow.
And my, you know, brooke,that's right that Brooke will
cut you down with her.
She, you know, I raised her sowell, like, look, tell me
anything.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
Tell.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
I raised all my children that way.
Tell me anything, and becausewe went through these, that we
raise our children a certain way, you know, so they don't become
affected.
But then when they grow up andthen they go through things in
their life, you start to realizelike life is all about lessons.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
Because even though we try to stop things or
prohibit things from happening,they still experience life in a
different way, not the same waywe have, but in a different way.
And you're like, oh my goodness, but this is why we, you know,
we, we try to teach our childrenthe love of the love of God,
you know, to keep your faith inhim.
(26:09):
It's just, one cannot livewithout the other.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
That's what balance is.
That's the balance, and that iswhat life is about.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
It's what balance is that's the balance, and that is
what life is about.
It's about balance.
Know that you're going to havegood days, you're going to have
bad days, but what do you do inthe, in the, in the midst of
your darkest bad day, like, wasit ever a time that you, uh,
that you realized during thehealing process, like I've been
(26:39):
through all of this?
Was it at what?
At what point in time did youlook inside yourself and you
know, all right, steph, you knowI've been through a lot.
Because, well, let me ask thisquestion first did you ever hit
the rock bottom part to whereyou just didn't want to be here
anymore?
Speaker 2 (26:54):
because all you did, yeah, yeah, I tried to, I tried
to take myself out of here.
I did.
I did not.
Um, that was way, way, way atthe bottom and I okay let me say
I I did not in my mind say I'mgoing to try to take myself out
of here, but when I look back atmy behaviors, yes, yes, I did,
(27:16):
and I was so at rock bottom.
I didn't have a home, I wassleeping on people's couches.
I had income, but what I couldafford because of my income
weren't spaces that I feltcomfortable and safe for myself
and my children, and because ofthat I was at hotels.
(27:39):
I was sleeping on familymembers' couches and I did not
even want to be around thefamily members in the first
place.
But it had boiled, it had gotto that point and I still had to
take my kids to school and notlook homeless.
And there was a time I was soconfused.
I had some prescriptionmedicines to take, because by
(28:01):
now I have had a diagnosis ofdepression, I had a diagnosis of
migraines and I had a diagnosisof nerve damage, and I had
three medications that I had totake.
Some of them was like twice aday, and in this one specific
day I was so, over everythingexcept the top, I was at rock
(28:22):
bottom, but over everything.
And um, I took all the medicine, like at one time, like I
didn't have the energy toremember what day of the week it
was, I didn't have the energyto remember what I was supposed
to take and when, and then thatthat's what giving up was.
I gave up trying to thinkanymore and I just took this
(28:43):
medicine and within 10 minutes Ilaid there and I said, god, if
it's my time, just take me, I'mso ready.
I was, I was tired and I justsaid, god, just take me, I'm
ready.
And my phone rung and it was mydaughter and she's just like
hey, I just called to say I loveyou.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
Wow, why don't you do it?
Speaker 2 (29:06):
I think that's the first time she's ever ever done
that.
Just a random call.
She was a teenager at the time.
So teenagers rarely just belike like they really want
something at the time.
So teenagers rarely just belike like they really want
something.
She did not want anything.
She just called to say I loveyou.
And I knew for a fact because Ihad just prayed and I said, god,
I'm ready, take me.
(29:27):
And it was within seconds myphone rung and it was her, and
so I had enough energy to get upand walk to the next room and
let whoever was in that room no,I just overdosed and I'm not in
a good place.
And I was rushed to the nextroom and let whoever was in that
room know I just overdosed andI'm not in a good place.
And I was rushed to thehospital and, um, my healing,
the depths of my healing journey, began that night.
And, yeah, that's, I don't everwant to be that place again.
(29:51):
And so now I know to forgetabout those things in the past.
Press press for those thingsahead, and I'm always looking
forward.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
What was the most when you started to heal and you
were walking on your healingjourney and you started what was
the most surprising part ofyour healing journey that you
said I'm making it, you know I'mdoing it.
Was it a specific moment?
Speaker 2 (30:21):
Yes, it was.
I'm going to tell you.
I had this creek in the back ofthis house I was renting and it
was a very pretty creek.
And I walked out there one dayand I practiced a yoga pose and
this was like a handstand yogapose.
And this was like a handstandyoga pose.
And, when I tell you, my handswere in this cold water, pressed
(30:43):
on these cold rocks, and Iflipped my body and I stood and
breathed in that yoga pose.
That was the moment.
It was an aha, it was like awow, because I remember not
having energy to even thinkabout what day of week it was.
Wow Because I remember nothaving energy to even think
about what day of week it was.
And then I was holding all ofmy weight up in the palm of two
(31:05):
hands.
That was a moment, right there,that I will forever be grateful
for.
I know some people talk aboutyoga as a religion and people
shouldn't do yoga.
I don't care what nobody say,it helped me and I will continue
to stretch my body and breatheon purpose, and but that was
that moment I said, wow, if Idid this today, the journey only
(31:27):
continues to grow from here andI'll probably never do a
handstand a day in my life again.
I promise I won't, but I knew,I knew, I knew when that pose
happened.
But I knew, I knew, I knew whenthat pose happened.
I can't even describe how elseI knew, but just that I knew.
(31:49):
The journey will grow and Imight not be able to do some of
the things I used to do, butthere's so many things out there
that I have not even done yet.
And so now, because of thatmoment, that day, I know that
there's things to look forwardto.
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
Awesome.
Did the community?
Was it the community therapy?
I know you said yoga, but didthe community any other therapy?
Or well, of course spiritualityplayed a big role in it, but
was it any other thing thatassisted you besides the yoga?
Speaker 2 (32:22):
Yeah, I was volunteering.
I got out in the community.
When you say community, Iremember getting out and
volunteering in the veterancommunity and it allowed me to
have purposeful moments in myday around other people that had
some similar experiences as me,and the things that we used to
do were actually healing.
(32:42):
We would do like garden thingsor we would feed people who were
hungry, we would pack lunchesand hand them out later to
children who didn't have accessto good lunch in the summer time
or when spring break came, andso those moments of volunteering
for causes that I reallybelieved in, they helped so much
(33:06):
.
They helped me realize that mytoday is somebody else's future
hope, and so, yeah, thecommunity has been big in that
volunteering and the faithcommunity, yeah, specifically.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
Yeah, that is a good way to to assist someone who may
be going through this right now.
It's like what is what is yourpurpose?
Maybe some of us don't know,because I know I didn't know
what was my purpose.
Maybe some of us don't know apurpose, because I know I didn't
know what was my purpose.
Speaker 2 (33:40):
Right.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
But to do certain things, to give yourself a
purpose.
Besides, sit in your dark space.
Maybe someone is sitting in adark space from losing a loved
one.
Maybe they're sitting in a darkspace because they're addicted
to drugs.
I would just say to them thesame thing you just said find a
(34:00):
purpose.
Just get out there and dosomething Like what can I do to
take my mind off of everything?
And, for me, helping peoplehelps me.
I will forget what I did.
I forgot every but.
That too can be a little bitlike we was talking about
balance, because for me, throughI did, I forgot every but that.
That too can be a little bit,you know, like we was talking
about balance, because for me,through all my trauma, I wore a
(34:25):
mask for many, many, many yearsand my thing was okay.
I'm going to just help people.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
You know when I was in the military.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
my thing was helping other young women.
I joined at the age of 30.
So when we met I was about 31years old and I always wanted to
help other young people.
You know, we have a mutualfriend, a sister, you know, and
she was the first before I metyou.
And I just never forget herabout killing her husband.
(34:57):
She was just going through somuch, yes, and my heart would go
out to women that was, you know, in a struggle or whatever, and
I was just like, let me helpthem and I will forget all about
what Brie has been through.
I'm going to hide what I'vebeen through.
I'm going to help people, youknow, yes, but now, today,
(35:18):
balancement is with that.
You know, we first have to knowthat we have to heal ourselves
first.
And how do we do that?
We find something that ispleasing to our spirit, calming
us down or, you know, takingcare of ourselves mentally and
(35:40):
physically.
Like you know, I'll say like,hey, walk a little, take 20
minutes and just walk, put somemusic in your ears, do something
.
Or in my today, my thing is, Istill love helping people.
It still gives me.
I still seek my therapy.
I go to therapy every two weeks.
(36:02):
They ain't proud, I'm notashamed.
I go to therapy every two weeks.
Speaker 2 (36:05):
Yes, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (36:07):
You know, if she don't call me, I'm looking for
her.
Who?
You at Dr Marie, you know so.
And then helping people.
But at the same time, when youknow, because of all that we've
been through, we need to takethat moment out, because I heard
what you say, that you know youfocus in on a youth.
But you know, sometimes you,just you know, we just need to
(36:29):
say, okay, it's time for a stepday, it's time for a free day.
And you know, again, I have anonprofit as well and you know,
at first starting out, I wasrunning myself crazy, trying to
still heartbreaking when I get adomestic violence victim, or I
get a homeless person or a lowincome family and I just don't
(36:50):
have enough to get them givethem at the time, or I don't
have something for the domesticviolence victim at the time, and
my heart breaks and I spiralout of control like oh my god.
And then I say uh, uh, wait aminute, wait a minute, I will
myself back in.
Yes, you know so, when we getout there and we lose control
and we lose focus, we just needto reel ourselves back in and
(37:14):
know that number one, I say thisagain we plant the seeds.
You're planting seeds with youryouth and you watering.
Now, after that, you have togive them to God to let them
grow, and we do all that we canand not overexert ourselves
trying to help the next person.
(37:38):
So let me ask you did you findyour sense of purpose?
What is your purpose now thatyou have been?
Is it the, the?
Is it the young people?
What is your purpose now?
Speaker 2 (37:47):
Yes, so, um, I would say I'm still on a journey to
fulfill my purpose.
Okay, you still find trying to,I'm still trying'm still trying
to fulfill that purpose, but Iknow that in this season it's
the youth.
It is mentoring young girls.
Right now, what I do everyFriday is mentor young girls
(38:09):
that are displaced, and sothey're in a group home and I go
to that group home.
These girls are between 13 and17 years old, and I go once a
week and just have a littlefellowship with them, and the
youth as well in the community,where I get the school supplies
ready for them every school yearthrough the yes Education
(38:31):
platform.
And so I know that my purpose inthis season that I am
fulfilling is being there forthe youth in some capacity.
When we look at children, wedon't know what home they're
going to, if the people thatthey're calling mom and dad even
love them, if they're beingraised by grandparents or foster
(38:53):
parents we don't know.
And so my heart is in thatspace, and I'm pretty sure that
as I grow, I will always have apassion and reaching out to the
youth in some capacity.
I don't see that ever changing.
But, yeah, I'm still fulfilling, I'm still learning how to
(39:17):
fulfill God's purpose for thislife, but I find a lot of joy
and peace in that though.
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1 (39:32):
Awesome.
What is something that you wish?
More people understood aboutTrump, more people understood
about trauma and so what youknow.
What do you wish like okay,through your specific trauma or
just trauma in general, becauseI'm sure you just had, like you
say, more than one experience intrauma.
(39:53):
What is something you wantsomebody to understand about
trauma?
Speaker 2 (39:57):
Trauma doesn't have a certain look.
Trauma doesn't have a certainlook.
Trauma does not have a certainlook and I wish more people
understood that trauma is moreprevalent than ever.
Too many times in this, thesesocial spaces, people are
(40:21):
presenting to seem to have itall together and I've met people
before that told me oh, Ithought you had it all together
and never been through anything,and I think that's unfair to
assume that somebody has neverbeen through anything, and I
just wish that more people knewthat trauma doesn't look a
(40:44):
certain way and healed orunhealed from that trauma does
not look a certain way.
I wish more people askquestions about trauma.
Yeah before you judge.
Speaker 1 (40:58):
Before you judge somebody, you know before you
say something.
Maybe it's somebody out therethat's always disgruntled.
She's so angry.
You know.
Before you even said anything,you know or ask the question,
and that's that's exactly what Ispoke about my last interview.
You know being in the military,you know as this one sergeant
major, you know they fit and Ihad leadership.
You know that was military, youknow, as this one sergeant
(41:19):
major, you know just they fitand I had leadership, you know
that was crappy, they werecrappy yeah, you know they were
crappy and you know it's justlike.
You know, nobody took the timeto say why.
You know, it's just, uh, youknow, put her back on the block.
You know, and that's why I tryto be real careful when I meet
(41:41):
people, you know, try not tojudge them right off, just well,
you know, give them a littlechance.
But then you know, if it's justsomething I can't handle, you
just pray for it, pray for thatperson and you and you walk away
, you know, and leave it intothe hands of the most high, and
leave it into the hands of themost high.
So how are you protecting yourpeace?
(42:01):
How do you protect your peacefrom people that can be ignorant
to you know, because not everyday is a good day when you
suffer from trauma.
It's a daily, a daily fight.
It's a daily fight, with traumaevery day day, especially when
you experience so much of it inso many different ways.
(42:23):
Because you know, um, I don'tknow about you, but sexual
trauma wasn't the only traumathat I experienced.
So it's like, okay, you know,sometimes, you know I have to,
you know, do certain thingsrepetitious, and you, you know.
So it's like, okay, I'm talkingto myself today.
So what do you do?
How do you protect your peace?
Speaker 2 (42:44):
Yeah, so I embody peace.
It's I don't do anything extrato protect it, but I embody it,
and so the thing that I have toprotect is my mental space.
I embody peace by gettingoutdoors, getting my hands in
the dirt when I garden, anytimeI have an opportunity to just
(43:09):
inhale and exhale fresh airoutside.
Sometimes I will take my shoesand socks off just to put my
feet in sand or grass, and Idon't care if people look at me
crazy for doing it.
I take these opportunitiesbecause I believe God gave them
to me and I'm kind of carelessif anybody else received it or
(43:30):
not.
So I really really embracethese opportunities that I
believe God has given to me.
When I can just open somewindows and get some fresh air,
go for a walk and get my feetplanted in some real nature,
drink more water and mind mybusiness, I really really drink
water and mind my business, andI think that that helps to
(43:52):
protect my mental, and when mymental is protected, I'm my best
self, and my best self is theembodiment of peace in real life
yeah, if you could go back intime, that younger you, that
little girl who was stuck inpain, what would you say to her?
(44:17):
oh, I would just say I love youand you are so perfect, just as
you are.
And I would tell her this won'tlast forever and you're going
to come out much stronger thanyou've ever imagined, and the
(44:44):
people that hurt you today willbe so, so sorry tomorrow, and
you get to choose to forgivethem or not.
I will tell that girl, I willtell her she's phenomenal and I
will tell her to look for mewhen you grow up, come find me,
oh my, find me.
Speaker 1 (45:02):
yeah, oh my, my, my, my, my, oh girl really yeah, oh,
just oh, girl, what are yourmessages?
What would your message be tosomebody, to survivors, who
don't see a way forward yet?
(45:23):
Would you say that same, wouldyou give them the same message?
What is your message tosomebody listening today?
Speaker 2 (45:41):
don't give up.
Don't give up Because, on theother side of this, there's
somebody that's going to need tohear your story.
Yeah, just like that.
Speaker 1 (45:54):
And and and, and I agree with that.
And you can tell it's hard,this is hard, but you know what
I see it this way.
You know this show is aboutbeing transparent, you know,
because pain, suffering, exists,yeah, and you have to work at
(46:20):
that healing.
So my message would be it isstill.
I just people who are grieving.
You know, I don't bible beat, Ijust send on.
And that's hard, uh, I I say itto young women who call me
(46:43):
crying and they don't havenowhere to sleep, they don't
have nowhere to stay, they can'tthey.
You know that some, originally,they continue to go back to the
abuser because they don't haveanywhere else to go.
Or you know, some just don't goback and they stay with person
to person or living in their car.
And when I talk to these youngladies I just say just hold on,
(47:08):
especially when they talk aboutsuicide, like hold on your child
or somebody needs you, stephan,if we did not hold on, if you
did not hold on, and you're abeautiful soul.
(47:35):
I am so grateful that the womenthat I have interviewed have
held on.
So I want to say to everybodywho's listening, who is going
through something, this is sotrue and it's hold on.
That's the message.
Hold on because there is apurpose.
(47:58):
There is a purpose for you.
You have to be strong enough tostand the test of trials.
And this is the thing that I'mspeaking and it's command.
To command the things that youwant to see in your life.
You have to burn, break andbecome unstoppable and not just
create the success that you wantto see in your life.
(48:19):
You have to burn, break andbecome unstoppable and not just
create the success that you wantto see, but command it to be
yes yes you have, we have tocome in.
This is what b3b for you and ifyou look at it, my daughter made
me realize it's realized thatit also let his mom be you, be
you unapologetically, yes, nomatter what you've been through,
(48:42):
and this is why I can applaud.
I'm going to need an assistant,but they had me some tissue.
Ain't nobody around, they hadme no tissue.
But this is the reason that Iam bringing women together to be
(49:04):
bold enough to share your story, so someone out here is
listening who is going throughthe same thing.
Maybe they haven't healed likewe have, or healing, maybe they
don't have the direction.
Well, sis, bro, I'm telling younow, listen to the things that
these women are coming on andhow they're talking about how
(49:26):
they survived.
And I'm telling you it's a truefact, and I don't know about
you, steph, but you know I, youknow again, it's balancement,
because at one point in time Iwent head over here pills
straight into the church, likemonday, monday prayer, tuesday,
uh, uh.
Well, tuesday, uh, workwhatever.
(49:48):
Wednesday, bible study,thursday, I mean, you remember?
Yes, I was in church from sunup to sun down.
Speaker 2 (49:55):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (49:57):
And I didn't realize that, you know, until then.
You know, when a church, youknow they're human, they're
human, you know.
And and that's to say somethingabout our parents too, that I
would like to say is our parents, they're human, they didn't
know any better.
Cause at first I was very angry, very angry after I came out of
(50:18):
PTSD clinic Because, again, youknow those PTSD clinics, they
make you face your trauma, theydo your trauma and it's like I
don't want to do that, I want toforget about it.
I wore a mask for over 14something years and I'm proud to
be 54 years old now and I willsay that I just unmasked maybe
(50:41):
53.
I just took my mask off.
I just took it off and it's thething that I don't have to be
in my circle.
I used to have a big circlebecause I wanted everybody to
love me.
I wanted everybody to see thatI'm a good girl, see that I'm a
good person, and now I justdon't get there and my circle is
small.
(51:01):
Now you don't have to.
Like I love myself first andthat's why I let a lot of the
anger and things that I had.
It's like y'all was supposed tolove.
I didn't ask to be here.
Y'all was supposed to love meand protect me.
Like you know, I was angry withmy mother.
Like you didn't take the timeout.
(51:24):
You know you always wanted tocall me a bad kid.
I was bad, I was bad, but didyou sit down?
But then you know you go backand you realize like well, damn,
she was going through her ownstuff.
You know, back in the back inthe 50s, 60s, uh, it was uh,
angel dust or cocaine orwhatever was back in that era,
you know she was dealing withher own.
(51:45):
Parenting does not come with ahandbook no, it does not so I
had to then say you know what?
And then you know what my dadis like.
Well, I can't be mad at him,because he was a gang lord, a
drug lord, a gang banger.
He out there trying to survivewith the tools that they gave
(52:06):
them back in those times.
Speaker 2 (52:07):
That's right, that's right.
Speaker 1 (52:10):
And you know, my father is the one who I was more
transparent with speaking withwhen I learned all of this and I
was like well, daddy, I'm notblaming you, blaming you, you
know, I hope that you don't takethis anyway, but you know where
were you?
And he said well, baby, I'msorry that all of this happened
(52:30):
to you.
And he said I'm honestly I'mglad that I didn't, because my
dad, it was nothing to play with, okay, okay, and he meant what
he said he would have killedsomebody.
So then when you start to lookback, because my dad you know he
was, he was into the game.
He was doing him.
(52:51):
And I think about it now, like,well, things are, things are
designed the way they aredesigned for a reason because my
dad would have been dead todayand then I would have had to
live with, like dang, my daddydied for me, you know.
But these, these trials andthese, this trauma that we go
through, are building blocks forto make us stronger, and we
(53:15):
have to continue to be strong tohelp the next person.
so I, again, I applaud you forall of this and so tell me, tell
me stuff, because we can talkon this thing forever and ever,
but we will, I'm going towelcome back a lot of our ladies
um who have spoken um to,because there's so much you know
(53:38):
so, and you are always welcomeback to share anything that you
would like to share or encouragesomeone who would need
encouragement.
So what's next for you?
Do you know what's next rightnow?
And I know that you're usingyour voice with the young people
, but what's next, can you?
Speaker 2 (53:57):
see that for me, yes, so I am using my voice, even
here in the community.
I was named the Veteran of theMonth here on earth that we need
(54:27):
to heal, and so that's what'snext for me now is to get
involved in more speakingengagements on small to large
platforms.
Yes, I'll be looking to hearmore of my voice and more parts
of my story along the way.
Speaker 1 (54:48):
All right, amen.
Well, god bless you Thank you.
Stephanie, I love you with theheart of the Lord, forever and a
day.
Thank you.
Guys, this is a and you're in.
What part of Georgia are you in?
Speaker 2 (55:03):
Yes, I'm in Clayton, Georgia, clayton County, georgia
, clayton County Riverdale, justoutside of Hartsville Airport,
about 10 miles from the airport.
Speaker 1 (55:11):
Okay.
Do you have a website oranything that somebody might be
experimenting?
You don't have one, no, not now.
Speaker 2 (55:19):
I'm not on socials right now.
I'm not on websites right now,um, so I don't have that
information now.
God is still downloading thevision and working on those
areas, but I'll be sure toforward them to you in the
future.
Speaker 1 (55:35):
Yeah, we'll talk about it, my listeners.
I thank you so much.
Yet another one, right.
A powerful, powerful interview.
Thank you, my sister, my sisterArms by Heart, for coming on
and telling your story today.
Speaker 2 (55:52):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (55:55):
We will see you soon.
welcome, welcome everyone to b3u and we have yet
another amazing, amazing woman,sister and friend my heart, miss
stephanie mccray.
Please welcome her to anothersegment of how we turn our
trauma into triumph.
Hi sis.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Hi sis, Thank you for having me.
I'm so excited to be here.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Oh, my goodness, you talk about it.
I'm excited to have you, you.
I know that our viewers will beas well, so first let's just
get into it and tell us a littlebit about you.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Mother nature, yeah yeah, mother nature, oh my gosh.
Nature is really really like mybest friend, but I've come a
long way to accept that.
Um, yes, I was born into areally large family of twins.
My mother had three sets oftwins.
I have a twin and we were eachother's community, each other's
(01:12):
best friends, and I just grew upin that way, from a split
family.
Now my two older sistersthey're my mother's first set of
twins.
They were with her firsthusband, so then her second two
sets of twins came with myfather, her second husband.
Okay, and so I grew up in, um,I would say, a rather blended,
dynamic family.
(01:32):
My sisters are Nigerian and I'mAmerican, so we're talking
about African American household.
Okay, that's um how we grew upand, yeah, I had an adventurous
childhood.
Um, you served in the military.
Yes, I was getting to that.
My bad, let me be quiet.
I could be long winded.
But yeah, I served in themilitary After high school.
(01:55):
I spent a year to raise mydaughter who I had in 97.
And I spent a year to raise her.
And then I went to the militaryin 2000 and my whole life
changed.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Doesn't it?
Doesn't it Dramatically right?
Speaker 2 (02:14):
What was your?
Speaker 1 (02:15):
first thoughts when you first joined the military.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
I was just really glad to be there.
I mean, my first thoughts, myfirst thoughts were this is
amazing, this is cool, this iseasy.
Wow, that's before we met thedrill sergeant.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Right Wow.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
But yeah, challenged me in ways that I hadn't been
challenged before and that partI loved every bit of, so yeah,
and that part I loved every bitof.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
So yeah, okay, okay, wow, okay, because I I just
remember, uh, just you know, Iwas coming from West
Philadelphia, never been out,you know the state, and I just
remember just winding up at FortJackson, like what the hell did
I do and why am I here?
Yeah, so that that was my firstthought.
What made us so okay?
So what?
What are you currently doingnow that you're, you're out of
(03:13):
the military?
So what?
Speaker 2 (03:14):
yeah, I'm out of the military um, I counsel and
therapize youth.
I'm an adolescent therapist andI provide counseling and
therapy to adolescents andfamilies.
I have a nonprofit Young WomenRejoice and I mentor young girls
.
And I also have a nonprofit YESEducation YES is an acronym for
(03:37):
Youth Education Supplies and Ipartner with one of my siblings'
nonprofit and we educatecurrent education supplies to
those in need.
Not just the paper and thepencils and the book bags.
We offer the tablets and thelaptops and just just the things
that will help students notfeel left out in the classroom.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
That is amazing.
Thank you thank you, okay, wow,um, I was so, uh, so intrigued
and I forgot my next question.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
That is just amazing.
I rest a lot too.
I garden and I rest a lot.
I got some new stuff in mygarden now, but, um, yeah, I
embrace everything about nature.
Yes, yes, not volunteer.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
We have a nickname for her y'all it's mother.
She is so in tune with natureand I love it.
So, steph, we're here today foryou to share whatever trauma,
whatever story you would like toshare to help some of our women
or men who have been throughtraumatic events.
So can you tell us a little bitabout the trauma you have
(04:45):
endured?
Speaker 2 (04:47):
Yeah, I thought long and hard about this question and
I realized when I thought aboutthis question that I've had,
like, quite a few traumaticexperiences, just the fact that
I had to choose which one Iwanted to talk about.
And I decided to come here andbe very real, very raw, very
vulnerable and talk about achildhood trauma.
(05:11):
That was an ancestralrelationship I had in my
household and it impacted me somuch, it shaped every
relationship in my life and itled to other traumatic
relationships because I neverunderstood the dynamic of love
(05:33):
and relationships and it left avoid in me.
Then that void attracted othertraumatic experiences and
abusive relationships and so,yeah, that's the one I chose to
talk about.
I think too often women losesight of ourselves and sometimes
(06:03):
it leads to promiscuousactivities or sometimes it leads
to self-doubt.
And so I chose to talk aboutthis ancestral relationship
because there is healing afterany trauma, especially if it's
sexual trauma, and it might takea while to heal, it might take
some celibacy, it might take,you know, some spiritual healing
(06:24):
before the physical healing andmental healing comes.
But I wanted to bring to theforefront how real these sexual
traumas are in affecting ourrelationships with ourself first
and then others, so that I canhope to help others heal and
address maybe some things thathave been suppressed.
(06:46):
So yeah, that's what I'm hereto talk about today.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Okay, so what was the ?
What was it?
What happened?
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Yeah, I guess we do got to talk about it.
Yeah, so I was about six orseven years old and I had a
family member that would wake meup in the middle of the night,
touching me, and that touchingled to different times in the
day.
And that led to that familymember it was a brother of mine
(07:21):
inviting other of his friends totouch on me and, um, this led
to me losing my virginity atabout nine years old, maybe ten,
and for the next two years from10 to about 12, for the next
(07:51):
two years from 10 to about 12,everything about my life was
sexualized and I'm sure adultssaw my behaviors, because now I
work with children and I cannotice things, but as a child
I'm still a kid I didn't realizethe space I was in then.
Everything was sexualized.
I was.
I had insomnia at a young age.
I was scared to go to sleepbecause I knew that I would
(08:11):
probably wake up to somebodytouching me and they would want
me to do things that is going tolead to intercourse and I was
not comfortable with that.
But it was a relationship, itwas my day to day from the time
I woke up to the time I went tosleep was either avoiding that
(08:35):
interaction or finding ways tomake myself look attractive so
that I'm accepted.
Make myself look attractive sothat I'm accepted.
Because it was either theinteraction at between 10 and 12
in my life with my one brotherand others of their friends.
It was either you're accepted,you're cool and you can hang
(08:56):
with us, which included touchingand sexual activity, or a lot
of bullying and physical abusewhere I was getting punched and
hit on and called names and sohaving to choose how I was
interacting with the world.
It was a big deal and Iremember when my cycle started
(09:19):
at 12 years old.
I remember feeling very gladabout that, like I can't be
touched anymore and thedisappointment when I woke up in
the middle of the night thefirst night my cycle came on.
I don't know why.
I thought everyone knew, but Ijust thought that that just
(09:40):
meant I was off limits.
And I woke up in the middle ofthe night, somebody touching on
my breast and the same persontouching on my breast.
And now my breasts were juststarting to form and this
sibling is older than me andthis was the first time that I
understood.
They knew that this was wrong.
I thought they didn't know.
(10:01):
I thought they were just youngand oblivious like me, but when
I woke up they ran and it wasthe first time I realized they
knew that this was wrong andyou're 12 at this time I'm 12.
At the time I finally decided totell my mother about this and
(10:24):
it took me three years to tellher.
Almost every day for threeyears I was finding the words to
tell her.
I would call her name, I wouldmom, mom, mom find, when she was
by herself and I would sit downnext to her and the words just
couldn't form.
It's like I had some kind of afascia where I could not form
words.
And three years went by reallyfast when I look back and I
(10:51):
finally had the courage to tellher that my brother had been
touching me, that it had led tointercourse and that I did not
know what to do.
It was the bravest thing Icould have done, bree.
(11:12):
But she looked at me and shesaid look at how you're dressed.
What do you expect Now?
I wore clothes that she eitherbought for me or it was from
another family member becauseshe could not buy them for me.
So the heartbreak when she umsaid that, brie, I went through
(11:35):
such a spiral of self-doubt.
It took me into my adulthood.
Today I still struggle with howI am, how I look, management
trying to get out the door,because I'm trying to figure out
am I dressed appropriate forthe occasion.
By 15, I had been raped twice,one by a stranger and another by
(11:59):
a sibling's friend.
And I mean violently raped, andI mean violently raped by 15,.
(12:28):
I had such a shoulder injurybecause one of the people that
tried to rape me I said I can'tthe pain, the struggle that they
they pressed into my shoulder.
To this day I still can feelthat pain, but I couldn't wear
my book.
I was in high school.
I couldn't even wear my bookbag on my shoulder.
And by 15, I was.
I was pregnant.
I got pregnant at 15.
15, I was pregnant.
I got pregnant at 15.
And I got pregnant by somebodythat I actually met.
(12:49):
He was my boyfriend.
I was very happy.
He was my first boyfriend thatI selected and he liked me and I
liked him and I really thoughtthat we were in love.
And I got pregnant and hevanished and I realized that I
was really used.
Up until the point that thisperson met me.
(13:10):
I was damaged, real bad.
And by 16, I was a mom.
I finished high school, but Inavigated life in a household
that was so dangerous buteverybody was in awe of.
(13:33):
Oh, the twins, oh, it was likeconfetti every time we went
(13:54):
somewhere and I struggled withknowing some truths that either
weren't talked about, that werefrowned upon, or I was
physically abused for bringingup.
And so I had to decide if I wasgoing to go to the military,
because I would leave mydaughter behind in this
household because I couldn'tcome with her.
(14:15):
By then, all of my siblings werereally involved in the church
and my mother was involved inthe church.
My siblings had girlfriends andfiances, and it was one of
those now or never, if I don'tgo to make a better life for my
daughter, because she's a littlegirl who needs somebody to
protect her from the things thatnobody protected me from and
she was three at the time and Ithought to myself if I don't go
(14:35):
now and get us out of this, I'llnever get us out of it.
And so I left and went to themilitary.
By then I had so many abusiveand horrible encounters with men
(14:59):
in general.
I don't know how.
I don't know how.
Today I really don't know how Ican sit here and have this
conversation.
I don't know how I'm not insome institution, just out of it
, I can help you with that I canhelp you with that.
(15:22):
So let's go ahead.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
I'm going to tell you you know again, we have known
each other over 20-somethingyears and we look, we have been
spiritual since day one, we havebeen some praying women and I
will say that how you got out ofthat.
You know, when you go in andand your story, I'm I'm holding
(15:46):
back tears, girl, I'm holdingback tears and it's because your
story is all too familiar andwhen we're going through these
things, we're young, we don'tknow, and then, you right, it
creates a cycle and then youdon't know what's going on.
You know, when I was live, youknow, yeah, and not knowing she,
(16:23):
not knowing that I had alreadybeen molested in the family.
So you know that fear that youhave as a child.
And then you grow up, and thenyou said you waited a year.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
Because you don't know what's going on.
But once you start to realize,you're like wait, just wait a
minute, and then you grow upinto an adult.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
And you go through all that.
You've been through some thingsalready as a young, young child
.
Then you go through things as ateenager, then you go through
things as a young woman and thenyou get to a point in your life
where you just like, god, dang,I've been through so much Like,
how in the world did I make it?
(17:10):
The abuse, the everything, butyou know how we made it.
When I look back and I'm sureit's been times where you ask
yourself, god, why me?
Why, why me?
Why is this happening to me?
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
Why am I going through this?
And then you know you haveevery situation, because you
have three beautiful children,two boys and a girl.
Beautiful children, two boysand a girl.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
Right, yes.
And when you had your daughter,you know you wanted a better
life for her.
You wanted, you didn't want herto go through the things that
you went through and get yourchildren, you know your boys.
You know you're making thislife for them, you've given them
the best so they don't have togo through what you go through.
And then, has it ever come atime where your children look at
, look at you and say mom, how'dyou make it?
Speaker 2 (18:01):
yeah, my daughter lately is asking me that.
So you have 27 now and I havenot shared this story with her.
Okay, I've shared a bit andpiece of this story with her not
in detail if I have shared ittoday but I did share with her
that losing my virginity was notthat choice that I imagined it
(18:21):
would be, and I did let her knowthat somebody in the family
took that option from me andthat the molestation before the
actual intercourse had happenedfor several years.
So she knows some bits andpieces, uh, but not the details
of it.
But, yeah, at 27 now she'sasking questions about how did I
(18:45):
and whatever she's goingthrough in life at the time is
what follows mom, how did youget through?
And she'll ask me, whatever sheis that she's going through and
, um, it could be anything fromrelationships to jobs, um, but
yeah, I struggle to have thoserelationships in life still but
(19:06):
your faith where?
Speaker 1 (19:07):
so let me ask your faith, because you're a believer
, of course, and I'm sure at allthe times that you went through
these things, you stayedconnected.
Yeah, that, it's like that wasthe thing that you went through
these things you stayedconnected.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Yeah, that it's like that was the thing that kept me
connected in those moments, evenas a child, and I knew for sure
, without a shadow of a doubt,that the most high had really
protected me.
And I know we hear people saythat, but until you have an
experience where you feel thatHoly Spirit, where you sense the
(19:42):
one who created you, holdingyou like a potter and molding
you through these situations,that's when you know and I knew,
I had a very strong sense at anearly age that, yeah, the most
high had me and so, yeah, thatthere's any faithful
relationship that I have in lifeto this day is with my creator,
(20:05):
so that's who brought usthrough, and that's important.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
I've always, when we talk like this, it's like well,
how do there's not a lot ofpeople, but some people don't
believe that there's a higherpower, you know, because they
went through so much.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
It's like how?
Speaker 1 (20:29):
how can there be a God and they let me?
They let these things happen tome, like where is he at?
Where was he at when all thiswas going on?
What would you say to somebodylike that?
What would you say to someonewho said it can't be a God
because they let all thesethings happen to me?
What would you say?
Speaker 2 (20:46):
I would tell them I know it's hard to believe that
somebody that cares for you andcreated you allowed these things
to happen, but I would remindthem of how potent and hungry
and devious the enemy is, and Iwould remind them that it is the
enemy's job.
(21:06):
The enemy works harder than any.
The enemy works harder than acrackhead looking for a hit Like
the attempt that the enemy hasto take us out of faith, to
steal our joy, to kill ourdesire to live any type of
faithful holy way and to destroyany chance of us going back and
(21:31):
believing again.
That is the enemy's job, and Iwould remind them that these are
setbacks.
These are moments that we areallowed to experience something
that is opposite of blessed,joyful, something that is
opposite of love, peace,patience, because if we did not
(21:55):
know the struggle, we would notknow what patience is.
So it's not that our creator,the most high, with all this
loving kindness, allows us to gothrough these horrible things.
It's that this creator loves usso much that this creator has
designed obstacles for us toexperience love.
(22:17):
And I don't mean the love thatexisted in that trauma where you
thought you were loved and thenyou were betrayed.
I mean the love that you say.
I know this is not love.
Only the most high can love mein a way that I wake up and I
have the creativity in any givenday to still smile, to still
(22:44):
laugh, the creativity tosuppress things and walk outside
and look like ain't nothinggoing on.
And I don't know if some peoplewould understand the depths of
that.
But the creator who created us,designed us so creatively, and
the whole goal is for us tounderstand the fruit of the
(23:04):
spirit that makes us.
This flesh is just that, and Iput it on every day.
But I'm spirit in this fleshand the things that happen to
this flesh don't break my spirit.
And so I would tell thesepeople with doubt, with that
kind of doubt, I would justremind them that the enemy's job
is done with you.
(23:25):
If you give up now, the enemyalready has that person in their
hands once they give up, andthe enemy will go on to somebody
else until all faith is lost.
Else, until all faith is lost.
But it doesn't matter how faraway we might stray and how much
we might doubt, the Most Highsits waiting so much just to
(23:49):
bring you back on intofellowship, bring you back on
into faith, and so there's noplace I'd rather be, but in that
faithful fellowship with theMost High.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
And you really have to be like.
You know, I will say to someyoung people, because at this
moment that they're saying thesethings, they're broken at their
lowest, lowest point.
And one thing people shouldrealize is that you, you best
believe that just as well asthere is good, there is evil.
(24:20):
You know, there is good andthere's evil, there's light and
there's darkness.
It is very true.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
It is very true.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Very true.
And so when you know when evilhappens, you have to believe
that there is a greater power,and then that's when you need to
learn to lean in on that.
Yes, and, and we, we couldn't,the things that we have
experienced, we couldn't, wecouldn't have went through it by
(24:52):
ourselves.
You know, I know, and and thisis the reason why today and I I
really applaud for being sotransparent, because what is
taught is that you sweep thingsunder the rug, don't say
anything, you know.
This is why I think I overlyraised my children just to be
very vocal, like somebody dosomething you don't like it, you
(25:16):
let them know, and you let meknow.
And my, you know, brooke,that's right that Brooke will
cut you down with her.
She, you know, I raised her sowell, like, look, tell me
anything.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
Tell.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
I raised all my children that way.
Tell me anything, and becausewe went through these, that we
raise our children a certain way, you know, so they don't become
affected.
But then when they grow up andthen they go through things in
their life, you start to realizelike life is all about lessons.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
Because even though we try to stop things or
prohibit things from happening,they still experience life in a
different way, not the same waywe have, but in a different way.
And you're like, oh my goodness, but this is why we, you know,
we, we try to teach our childrenthe love of the love of God,
you know, to keep your faith inhim.
(26:09):
It's just, one cannot livewithout the other.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
That's what balance is.
That's the balance, and that iswhat life is about.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
It's what balance is that's the balance, and that is
what life is about.
It's about balance.
Know that you're going to havegood days, you're going to have
bad days, but what do you do inthe, in the, in the midst of
your darkest bad day, like, wasit ever a time that you, uh,
that you realized during thehealing process, like I've been
(26:39):
through all of this?
Was it at what?
At what point in time did youlook inside yourself and you
know, all right, steph, you knowI've been through a lot.
Because, well, let me ask thisquestion first did you ever hit
the rock bottom part to whereyou just didn't want to be here
anymore?
Speaker 2 (26:54):
because all you did, yeah, yeah, I tried to, I tried
to take myself out of here.
I did.
I did not.
Um, that was way, way, way atthe bottom and I okay let me say
I I did not in my mind say I'mgoing to try to take myself out
of here, but when I look back atmy behaviors, yes, yes, I did,
(27:16):
and I was so at rock bottom.
I didn't have a home, I wassleeping on people's couches.
I had income, but what I couldafford because of my income
weren't spaces that I feltcomfortable and safe for myself
and my children, and because ofthat I was at hotels.
(27:39):
I was sleeping on familymembers' couches and I did not
even want to be around thefamily members in the first
place.
But it had boiled, it had gotto that point and I still had to
take my kids to school and notlook homeless.
And there was a time I was soconfused.
I had some prescriptionmedicines to take, because by
(28:01):
now I have had a diagnosis ofdepression, I had a diagnosis of
migraines and I had a diagnosisof nerve damage, and I had
three medications that I had totake.
Some of them was like twice aday, and in this one specific
day I was so, over everythingexcept the top, I was at rock
(28:22):
bottom, but over everything.
And um, I took all the medicine, like at one time, like I
didn't have the energy toremember what day of the week it
was, I didn't have the energyto remember what I was supposed
to take and when, and then thatthat's what giving up was.
I gave up trying to thinkanymore and I just took this
(28:43):
medicine and within 10 minutes Ilaid there and I said, god, if
it's my time, just take me, I'mso ready.
I was, I was tired and I justsaid, god, just take me, I'm
ready.
And my phone rung and it was mydaughter and she's just like
hey, I just called to say I loveyou.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
Wow, why don't you do it?
Speaker 2 (29:06):
I think that's the first time she's ever ever done
that.
Just a random call.
She was a teenager at the time.
So teenagers rarely just belike like they really want
something at the time.
So teenagers rarely just belike like they really want
something.
She did not want anything.
She just called to say I loveyou.
And I knew for a fact because Ihad just prayed and I said, god,
I'm ready, take me.
(29:27):
And it was within seconds myphone rung and it was her, and
so I had enough energy to get upand walk to the next room and
let whoever was in that room no,I just overdosed and I'm not in
a good place.
And I was rushed to the nextroom and let whoever was in that
room know I just overdosed andI'm not in a good place.
And I was rushed to thehospital and, um, my healing,
the depths of my healing journey, began that night.
And, yeah, that's, I don't everwant to be that place again.
(29:51):
And so now I know to forgetabout those things in the past.
Press press for those thingsahead, and I'm always looking
forward.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
What was the most when you started to heal and you
were walking on your healingjourney and you started what was
the most surprising part ofyour healing journey that you
said I'm making it, you know I'mdoing it.
Was it a specific moment?
Speaker 2 (30:21):
Yes, it was.
I'm going to tell you.
I had this creek in the back ofthis house I was renting and it
was a very pretty creek.
And I walked out there one dayand I practiced a yoga pose and
this was like a handstand yogapose.
And this was like a handstandyoga pose.
And, when I tell you, my handswere in this cold water, pressed
(30:43):
on these cold rocks, and Iflipped my body and I stood and
breathed in that yoga pose.
That was the moment.
It was an aha, it was like awow, because I remember not
having energy to even thinkabout what day of week it was.
Wow Because I remember nothaving energy to even think
about what day of week it was.
And then I was holding all ofmy weight up in the palm of two
(31:05):
hands.
That was a moment, right there,that I will forever be grateful
for.
I know some people talk aboutyoga as a religion and people
shouldn't do yoga.
I don't care what nobody say,it helped me and I will continue
to stretch my body and breatheon purpose, and but that was
that moment I said, wow, if Idid this today, the journey only
(31:27):
continues to grow from here andI'll probably never do a
handstand a day in my life again.
I promise I won't, but I knew,I knew, I knew when that pose
happened.
But I knew, I knew, I knew whenthat pose happened.
I can't even describe how elseI knew, but just that I knew.
(31:49):
The journey will grow and Imight not be able to do some of
the things I used to do, butthere's so many things out there
that I have not even done yet.
And so now, because of thatmoment, that day, I know that
there's things to look forwardto.
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
Awesome.
Did the community?
Was it the community therapy?
I know you said yoga, but didthe community any other therapy?
Or well, of course spiritualityplayed a big role in it, but
was it any other thing thatassisted you besides the yoga?
Speaker 2 (32:22):
Yeah, I was volunteering.
I got out in the community.
When you say community, Iremember getting out and
volunteering in the veterancommunity and it allowed me to
have purposeful moments in myday around other people that had
some similar experiences as me,and the things that we used to
do were actually healing.
(32:42):
We would do like garden thingsor we would feed people who were
hungry, we would pack lunchesand hand them out later to
children who didn't have accessto good lunch in the summer time
or when spring break came, andso those moments of volunteering
for causes that I reallybelieved in, they helped so much
(33:06):
.
They helped me realize that mytoday is somebody else's future
hope, and so, yeah, thecommunity has been big in that
volunteering and the faithcommunity, yeah, specifically.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
Yeah, that is a good way to to assist someone who may
be going through this right now.
It's like what is what is yourpurpose?
Maybe some of us don't know,because I know I didn't know
what was my purpose.
Maybe some of us don't know apurpose, because I know I didn't
know what was my purpose.
Speaker 2 (33:40):
Right.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
But to do certain things, to give yourself a
purpose.
Besides, sit in your dark space.
Maybe someone is sitting in adark space from losing a loved
one.
Maybe they're sitting in a darkspace because they're addicted
to drugs.
I would just say to them thesame thing you just said find a
(34:00):
purpose.
Just get out there and dosomething Like what can I do to
take my mind off of everything?
And, for me, helping peoplehelps me.
I will forget what I did.
I forgot every but.
That too can be a little bitlike we was talking about
balance, because for me, throughI did, I forgot every but that.
That too can be a little bit,you know, like we was talking
about balance, because for me,through all my trauma, I wore a
(34:25):
mask for many, many, many yearsand my thing was okay.
I'm going to just help people.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
You know when I was in the military.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
my thing was helping other young women.
I joined at the age of 30.
So when we met I was about 31years old and I always wanted to
help other young people.
You know, we have a mutualfriend, a sister, you know, and
she was the first before I metyou.
And I just never forget herabout killing her husband.
(34:57):
She was just going through somuch, yes, and my heart would go
out to women that was, you know, in a struggle or whatever, and
I was just like, let me helpthem and I will forget all about
what Brie has been through.
I'm going to hide what I'vebeen through.
I'm going to help people, youknow, yes, but now, today,
(35:18):
balancement is with that.
You know, we first have to knowthat we have to heal ourselves
first.
And how do we do that?
We find something that ispleasing to our spirit, calming
us down or, you know, takingcare of ourselves mentally and
(35:40):
physically.
Like you know, I'll say like,hey, walk a little, take 20
minutes and just walk, put somemusic in your ears, do something
.
Or in my today, my thing is, Istill love helping people.
It still gives me.
I still seek my therapy.
I go to therapy every two weeks.
(36:02):
They ain't proud, I'm notashamed.
I go to therapy every two weeks.
Speaker 2 (36:05):
Yes, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (36:07):
You know, if she don't call me, I'm looking for
her.
Who?
You at Dr Marie, you know so.
And then helping people.
But at the same time, when youknow, because of all that we've
been through, we need to takethat moment out, because I heard
what you say, that you know youfocus in on a youth.
But you know, sometimes you,just you know, we just need to
(36:29):
say, okay, it's time for a stepday, it's time for a free day.
And you know, again, I have anonprofit as well and you know,
at first starting out, I wasrunning myself crazy, trying to
still heartbreaking when I get adomestic violence victim, or I
get a homeless person or a lowincome family and I just don't
(36:50):
have enough to get them givethem at the time, or I don't
have something for the domesticviolence victim at the time, and
my heart breaks and I spiralout of control like oh my god.
And then I say uh, uh, wait aminute, wait a minute, I will
myself back in.
Yes, you know so, when we getout there and we lose control
and we lose focus, we just needto reel ourselves back in and
(37:14):
know that number one, I say thisagain we plant the seeds.
You're planting seeds with youryouth and you watering.
Now, after that, you have togive them to God to let them
grow, and we do all that we canand not overexert ourselves
trying to help the next person.
(37:38):
So let me ask you did you findyour sense of purpose?
What is your purpose now thatyou have been?
Is it the, the?
Is it the young people?
What is your purpose now?
Speaker 2 (37:47):
Yes, so, um, I would say I'm still on a journey to
fulfill my purpose.
Okay, you still find trying to,I'm still trying'm still trying
to fulfill that purpose, but Iknow that in this season it's
the youth.
It is mentoring young girls.
Right now, what I do everyFriday is mentor young girls
(38:09):
that are displaced, and sothey're in a group home and I go
to that group home.
These girls are between 13 and17 years old, and I go once a
week and just have a littlefellowship with them, and the
youth as well in the community,where I get the school supplies
ready for them every school yearthrough the yes Education
(38:31):
platform.
And so I know that my purpose inthis season that I am
fulfilling is being there forthe youth in some capacity.
When we look at children, wedon't know what home they're
going to, if the people thatthey're calling mom and dad even
love them, if they're beingraised by grandparents or foster
(38:53):
parents we don't know.
And so my heart is in thatspace, and I'm pretty sure that
as I grow, I will always have apassion and reaching out to the
youth in some capacity.
I don't see that ever changing.
But, yeah, I'm still fulfilling, I'm still learning how to
(39:17):
fulfill God's purpose for thislife, but I find a lot of joy
and peace in that though.
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1 (39:32):
Awesome.
What is something that you wish?
More people understood aboutTrump, more people understood
about trauma and so what youknow.
What do you wish like okay,through your specific trauma or
just trauma in general, becauseI'm sure you just had, like you
say, more than one experience intrauma.
(39:53):
What is something you wantsomebody to understand about
trauma?
Speaker 2 (39:57):
Trauma doesn't have a certain look.
Trauma doesn't have a certainlook.
Trauma does not have a certainlook and I wish more people
understood that trauma is moreprevalent than ever.
Too many times in this, thesesocial spaces, people are
(40:21):
presenting to seem to have itall together and I've met people
before that told me oh, Ithought you had it all together
and never been through anything,and I think that's unfair to
assume that somebody has neverbeen through anything, and I
just wish that more people knewthat trauma doesn't look a
(40:44):
certain way and healed orunhealed from that trauma does
not look a certain way.
I wish more people askquestions about trauma.
Yeah before you judge.
Speaker 1 (40:58):
Before you judge somebody, you know before you
say something.
Maybe it's somebody out therethat's always disgruntled.
She's so angry.
You know.
Before you even said anything,you know or ask the question,
and that's that's exactly what Ispoke about my last interview.
You know being in the military,you know as this one sergeant
major, you know they fit and Ihad leadership.
You know that was military, youknow, as this one sergeant
(41:19):
major, you know just they fitand I had leadership, you know
that was crappy, they werecrappy yeah, you know they were
crappy and you know it's justlike.
You know, nobody took the timeto say why.
You know, it's just, uh, youknow, put her back on the block.
You know, and that's why I tryto be real careful when I meet
(41:41):
people, you know, try not tojudge them right off, just well,
you know, give them a littlechance.
But then you know, if it's justsomething I can't handle, you
just pray for it, pray for thatperson and you and you walk away
, you know, and leave it intothe hands of the most high, and
leave it into the hands of themost high.
So how are you protecting yourpeace?
(42:01):
How do you protect your peacefrom people that can be ignorant
to you know, because not everyday is a good day when you
suffer from trauma.
It's a daily, a daily fight.
It's a daily fight, with traumaevery day day, especially when
you experience so much of it inso many different ways.
(42:23):
Because you know, um, I don'tknow about you, but sexual
trauma wasn't the only traumathat I experienced.
So it's like, okay, you know,sometimes, you know I have to,
you know, do certain thingsrepetitious, and you, you know.
So it's like, okay, I'm talkingto myself today.
So what do you do?
How do you protect your peace?
Speaker 2 (42:44):
Yeah, so I embody peace.
It's I don't do anything extrato protect it, but I embody it,
and so the thing that I have toprotect is my mental space.
I embody peace by gettingoutdoors, getting my hands in
the dirt when I garden, anytimeI have an opportunity to just
(43:09):
inhale and exhale fresh airoutside.
Sometimes I will take my shoesand socks off just to put my
feet in sand or grass, and Idon't care if people look at me
crazy for doing it.
I take these opportunitiesbecause I believe God gave them
to me and I'm kind of carelessif anybody else received it or
(43:30):
not.
So I really really embracethese opportunities that I
believe God has given to me.
When I can just open somewindows and get some fresh air,
go for a walk and get my feetplanted in some real nature,
drink more water and mind mybusiness, I really really drink
water and mind my business, andI think that that helps to
(43:52):
protect my mental, and when mymental is protected, I'm my best
self, and my best self is theembodiment of peace in real life
yeah, if you could go back intime, that younger you, that
little girl who was stuck inpain, what would you say to her?
(44:17):
oh, I would just say I love youand you are so perfect, just as
you are.
And I would tell her this won'tlast forever and you're going
to come out much stronger thanyou've ever imagined, and the
(44:44):
people that hurt you today willbe so, so sorry tomorrow, and
you get to choose to forgivethem or not.
I will tell that girl, I willtell her she's phenomenal and I
will tell her to look for mewhen you grow up, come find me,
oh my, find me.
Speaker 1 (45:02):
yeah, oh my, my, my, my, my, oh girl really yeah, oh,
just oh, girl, what are yourmessages?
What would your message be tosomebody, to survivors, who
don't see a way forward yet?
(45:23):
Would you say that same, wouldyou give them the same message?
What is your message tosomebody listening today?
Speaker 2 (45:41):
don't give up.
Don't give up Because, on theother side of this, there's
somebody that's going to need tohear your story.
Yeah, just like that.
Speaker 1 (45:54):
And and and, and I agree with that.
And you can tell it's hard,this is hard, but you know what
I see it this way.
You know this show is aboutbeing transparent, you know,
because pain, suffering, exists,yeah, and you have to work at
(46:20):
that healing.
So my message would be it isstill.
I just people who are grieving.
You know, I don't bible beat, Ijust send on.
And that's hard, uh, I I say itto young women who call me
(46:43):
crying and they don't havenowhere to sleep, they don't
have nowhere to stay, they can'tthey.
You know that some, originally,they continue to go back to the
abuser because they don't haveanywhere else to go.
Or you know, some just don't goback and they stay with person
to person or living in their car.
And when I talk to these youngladies I just say just hold on,
(47:08):
especially when they talk aboutsuicide, like hold on your child
or somebody needs you, stephan,if we did not hold on, if you
did not hold on, and you're abeautiful soul.
(47:35):
I am so grateful that the womenthat I have interviewed have
held on.
So I want to say to everybodywho's listening, who is going
through something, this is sotrue and it's hold on.
That's the message.
Hold on because there is apurpose.
(47:58):
There is a purpose for you.
You have to be strong enough tostand the test of trials.
And this is the thing that I'mspeaking and it's command.
To command the things that youwant to see in your life.
You have to burn, break andbecome unstoppable and not just
create the success that you wantto see in your life.
(48:19):
You have to burn, break andbecome unstoppable and not just
create the success that you wantto see, but command it to be
yes yes you have, we have tocome in.
This is what b3b for you and ifyou look at it, my daughter made
me realize it's realized thatit also let his mom be you, be
you unapologetically, yes, nomatter what you've been through,
(48:42):
and this is why I can applaud.
I'm going to need an assistant,but they had me some tissue.
Ain't nobody around, they hadme no tissue.
But this is the reason that Iam bringing women together to be
(49:04):
bold enough to share your story, so someone out here is
listening who is going throughthe same thing.
Maybe they haven't healed likewe have, or healing, maybe they
don't have the direction.
Well, sis, bro, I'm telling younow, listen to the things that
these women are coming on andhow they're talking about how
(49:26):
they survived.
And I'm telling you it's a truefact, and I don't know about
you, steph, but you know I, youknow again, it's balancement,
because at one point in time Iwent head over here pills
straight into the church, likemonday, monday prayer, tuesday,
uh, uh.
Well, tuesday, uh, workwhatever.
(49:48):
Wednesday, bible study,thursday, I mean, you remember?
Yes, I was in church from sunup to sun down.
Speaker 2 (49:55):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (49:57):
And I didn't realize that, you know, until then.
You know, when a church, youknow they're human, they're
human, you know.
And and that's to say somethingabout our parents too, that I
would like to say is our parents, they're human, they didn't
know any better.
Cause at first I was very angry, very angry after I came out of
(50:18):
PTSD clinic Because, again, youknow those PTSD clinics, they
make you face your trauma, theydo your trauma and it's like I
don't want to do that, I want toforget about it.
I wore a mask for over 14something years and I'm proud to
be 54 years old now and I willsay that I just unmasked maybe
(50:41):
53.
I just took my mask off.
I just took it off and it's thething that I don't have to be
in my circle.
I used to have a big circlebecause I wanted everybody to
love me.
I wanted everybody to see thatI'm a good girl, see that I'm a
good person, and now I justdon't get there and my circle is
small.
(51:01):
Now you don't have to.
Like I love myself first andthat's why I let a lot of the
anger and things that I had.
It's like y'all was supposed tolove.
I didn't ask to be here.
Y'all was supposed to love meand protect me.
Like you know, I was angry withmy mother.
Like you didn't take the timeout.
(51:24):
You know you always wanted tocall me a bad kid.
I was bad, I was bad, but didyou sit down?
But then you know you go backand you realize like well, damn,
she was going through her ownstuff.
You know, back in the back inthe 50s, 60s, uh, it was uh,
angel dust or cocaine orwhatever was back in that era,
you know she was dealing withher own.
(51:45):
Parenting does not come with ahandbook no, it does not so I
had to then say you know what?
And then you know what my dadis like.
Well, I can't be mad at him,because he was a gang lord, a
drug lord, a gang banger.
He out there trying to survivewith the tools that they gave
(52:06):
them back in those times.
Speaker 2 (52:07):
That's right, that's right.
Speaker 1 (52:10):
And you know, my father is the one who I was more
transparent with speaking withwhen I learned all of this and I
was like well, daddy, I'm notblaming you, blaming you, you
know, I hope that you don't takethis anyway, but you know where
were you?
And he said well, baby, I'msorry that all of this happened
(52:30):
to you.
And he said I'm honestly I'mglad that I didn't, because my
dad, it was nothing to play with, okay, okay, and he meant what
he said he would have killedsomebody.
So then when you start to lookback, because my dad you know he
was, he was into the game.
He was doing him.
(52:51):
And I think about it now, like,well, things are, things are
designed the way they aredesigned for a reason because my
dad would have been dead todayand then I would have had to
live with, like dang, my daddydied for me, you know.
But these, these trials andthese, this trauma that we go
through, are building blocks forto make us stronger, and we
(53:15):
have to continue to be strong tohelp the next person.
so I, again, I applaud you forall of this and so tell me, tell
me stuff, because we can talkon this thing forever and ever,
but we will, I'm going towelcome back a lot of our ladies
um who have spoken um to,because there's so much you know
(53:38):
so, and you are always welcomeback to share anything that you
would like to share or encouragesomeone who would need
encouragement.
So what's next for you?
Do you know what's next rightnow?
And I know that you're usingyour voice with the young people
, but what's next, can you?
Speaker 2 (53:57):
see that for me, yes, so I am using my voice, even
here in the community.
I was named the Veteran of theMonth here on earth that we need
(54:27):
to heal, and so that's what'snext for me now is to get
involved in more speakingengagements on small to large
platforms.
Yes, I'll be looking to hearmore of my voice and more parts
of my story along the way.
Speaker 1 (54:48):
All right, amen.
Well, god bless you Thank you.
Stephanie, I love you with theheart of the Lord, forever and a
day.
Thank you.
Guys, this is a and you're in.
What part of Georgia are you in?
Speaker 2 (55:03):
Yes, I'm in Clayton, Georgia, clayton County, georgia
, clayton County Riverdale, justoutside of Hartsville Airport,
about 10 miles from the airport.
Speaker 1 (55:11):
Okay.
Do you have a website oranything that somebody might be
experimenting?
You don't have one, no, not now.
Speaker 2 (55:19):
I'm not on socials right now.
I'm not on websites right now,um, so I don't have that
information now.
God is still downloading thevision and working on those
areas, but I'll be sure toforward them to you in the
future.
Speaker 1 (55:35):
Yeah, we'll talk about it, my listeners.
I thank you so much.
Yet another one, right.
A powerful, powerful interview.
Thank you, my sister, my sisterArms by Heart, for coming on
and telling your story today.
Speaker 2 (55:52):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (55:55):
We will see you soon.
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