Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Welcome everyone.
Welcome.
Welcome to B3U.
We are going to kick off thisFather's Day month with my
brother, my so much lovedbrother, mr Calvin Carter.
So please welcome everybody, mrCarter, to the show.
Bro, thank you for coming onand being transparent with our
viewers.
I appreciate you.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Yes, it's a pleasure
to be on here and have this
conversation.
I know that I can bring somevalue to this conversation with
some of the things that I'vebeen through, so I'm ready to
share.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
All right, so tell us
a little bit about yourself.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Well, I'm originally
from New Jersey, small town
Tenton Falls, new Jersey.
I'm 46 years old I'll be 47 inAugust.
I did six years in the militaryand after that I did about 15
years civil service civilservice, so to speak,
(01:13):
contracting on Fort Benning, andnow I'm a barber.
I've actually been a barber forabout 20 years now, so that's
my main.
That's my main thing being abarber 20 years now.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
So that's my main,
that's my main thing being a
barber, uh, and I'm also, uh uh,a nutrition coach.
A nutrition coach, awesomeNutrition coach, yep, Okay, okay
.
So fitness coach you had, doyou do training or group
training workouts?
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Yeah, I do, I do Um,
I do group training, I do online
training, Um I training, I give, I can design workouts, I can
help people with their nutritionand stuff like that.
So that's been very, veryenjoyable.
I've been doing that aboutthree years now and that's been
very, very enjoyable Been ableto meet and connect with a lot
of people and learn and learnabout people, learn about the
(02:01):
different types of people,Because you know, with respect
to what we're doing right now,there's a lot of people that's
going through a lot of thingsand you know you learn a lot and
I'm able to connect with thembecause I've been on that
journey before.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Right, right
understood.
And so where are you at rightnow?
Where do you conduct yournutrition training?
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Fort Mitchell,
alabama, right outside in my
garage.
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I do all my yeah, I do bootcamps in my garage.
So, yeah, I'm really enjoyingthat.
I got a nice little, nicelittle crew Shout out to them
Team HDF.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're on it.
So I really appreciate them andI love working with them as
(02:46):
well.
So I usually do my boot campsMonday, wednesday and Friday 6
am and 7 pm.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
So if somebody wants
to join, how would they get in?
Speaker 2 (02:57):
contact.
All they have to do is just getin contact with me.
If you want to join any ofthose boot camps, and I do do it
in person and virtual with meif you want to join any of those
bootcamps, and I do do it inperson and virtual.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
So yeah, if anybody
wants to join any one of those
bootcamps just hit me up andI'll put them in the right
direction.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
What's the
information?
Oh, you can DM me on Facebook.
Colvin Carter, c-o-l-v-i-n.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Carter, just DM me
and, yeah, I'll give them all
the information from there Allright, okay, well, carter,
please tell me a little bitabout your story, the trauma
that you go through.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Well, there's a lot,
there's a lot.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
Yeah, there's a lot.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
And I think it's all
intertwined and kind of leads me
to where I am today.
So I know we won't have time togo over everything, but I'll
give you kind of leads me towhere I am today.
So I know we won't have time togo over everything, but I'll
give you kind of like some ofthe main points and some things
that I've been through.
Like I said, that has gotten meto this point.
I've been married twice.
So I've been divorced twice,two very interesting marriages.
(04:05):
I do have a son we can go intothat later and I also went on a
nice little fitness journey.
Nice little fitness journey.
I was able to lose 55 pounds andyou know that's something that
I'm proud of doing, because itreally is.
(04:27):
It's helped mold me into theperson that I am now.
It showed me a lot about myselfas a person, kind of the things
that I was doing, some of thethings I've been able to leave
behind, um, so that that journeyalone, um, has been very, uh,
(04:48):
enlightening, been very, veryenlightening.
And the reason why I went onthat journey is, uh, basically,
um, because I was tired of beingfat.
Okay, um, and I don't I don'tknow if, if, if, there's anybody
else out there that kind of cankind of relate to this, but it
did affect me with myrelationships.
(05:11):
It did affect me with myrelationships, my appearance,
how I look and things like that.
It just wasn't what.
A lot of people just wasn'tshaking like that.
Now, you know, there's peoplelike my, like my current
girlfriend my current girlfriendtold me when.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
I was bigger, that
she was trying to get with me
and and I ignored her.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
Wow, yeah, so that's
that's kind of the funny part
about it.
But you know, it did, it didaffect me and you know my
relationships and with myconfidence and things like that,
and it was like one day Ilooked in the mirror and was
like yo, you got to do something, man, like you got to, you got
to get yourself to where youneed to be.
You know, you can be betterthan this.
(05:59):
Fitness wasn't something that.
I was, you know, a stranger to.
I played football in highschool.
I was very.
I was, um, you know a strangerto, um, I played football in
high school.
I was very athletic.
Uh, in the military, you know,I was always strong.
I was always on an overweightprogram, but I was always strong
you know what I'm saying Alwayskind of athletic, Uh.
So that helped me, you know,along the way, like that, Um,
(06:21):
but when I got out the military,I trained for a little bit.
Um, I had lost some weight, uh,at a particular time, but then
I gained it back.
And you know, when I gained itback I had gained it back like
for about 10 years.
So, um, it was time for achange.
It was, it was really time fora change, Um, so you're you're
(06:45):
being overweight affected.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
It was time for a
change.
It was really time for a change.
So you're being overweightaffected, both of the marriage,
both of the marriages.
Yeah, is that what you didn'taffect?
Speaker 2 (06:58):
It didn't affect the
marriages, the marriages.
The marriages were just a lotof personality conflicts.
The marriages were just a lotof personality conflicts.
My first marriage I was very,very young and she was a lot
older and I suffered from a lotof mental and verbal abuse in
that marriage for the simplefact that she was older.
You know what I'm saying.
(07:20):
She really, really tookadvantage of me.
You know what I'm saying.
When I first got married, I was20 years old.
I was 20 years old when I gotmarried and she was 29.
Yeah, yeah so, and she had, shehad four kids already, and so
that was a big responsibility initself.
(07:41):
I was just graduating highschool, getting married at 20
years old to an older woman andshe had four kids.
So, you know, I was astepfather at a very, very, very
, very young age and at the sametime, and at the same time,
because of a previousrelationship, because of a
(08:06):
previous relationship, my sonwas also conceived and born.
So I had that going on with myson's mom.
That was kind of, you know, ashaky type thing.
And I was getting into thismarriage with this older woman
with, you know, four kids, likeI said, with you know four kids.
(08:30):
Like I say, I was young, so Idid a.
I I really set myself up rightthere.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
I set myself up there
for the okey-doke for really
okay.
So did that.
How did that affect?
Okay, that's your first thingyes, okay so how did that affect
you once you realized that thisending was coming to an end?
It wasn't what you got.
Didn't have any children out ofthat marriage.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
No, I didn't have any
children out of that.
And what was your question?
Speaker 1 (08:53):
How did it affect you
that, that first marriage?
How?
Speaker 2 (08:56):
did it affect me?
Speaker 1 (08:57):
How long did y'all
stay married?
Speaker 2 (08:59):
We were married six
years.
We were married six years andthen you realized that this is
not for you.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
You're being abused.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
Yes, yes, taking
advantage of yes, yes, yes, so
as a man, as a young man.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Still you're 20 years
old.
Yeah, were you big at this timeor no?
Speaker 2 (09:19):
um, yes, at this time
.
Yes, I was big.
Was that because I was gettingout the military?
Stressed out that that's wasbig?
Because I was getting out themilitary stressed out.
That's what the reason why Iwas out the military, because I
was overweight.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
Yeah, failed the tape
test.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
So they kicked me out
.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
So self-confidence?
Where is your self-confidence?
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Where was your
self-confidence?
Did you have any?
Speaker 2 (09:42):
I didn't have any, I
didn't have any, I didn't have
any, I didn't have any, I didn'thave any.
Um, I, I, it was.
It was like to the point towhere I just didn't care.
I just didn't care at all aboutanything, about nothing.
Um, I was in a marriage that Ireally didn't want to be in, and
you know the military I, I justwasn't mature enough for that
(10:03):
at the time because I was justgoing through so much stuff.
You know what I'm saying.
They should have kicked me out.
I'm glad they kicked me out,for real, seriously, I'm glad
they did, because I was no goodto nobody.
I was no good to nobody, young,immature, making terrible
decisions, just screwing up hislife.
To be perfectly honest with you.
(10:24):
So you married again yes, now,when I married again, I waited a
while.
I waited a while.
I waited about.
I waited about a good eight,nine years before I got married
again, but I didn't learn mylesson from the first time.
(10:47):
Eight, nine years, I stilldidn't learn my lesson from the
first time.
I got married very, veryquickly with the second one and
she just turned out to be afraud, just a fraud, and that
was tough too, because she wasvery controlling as well,
because she was very controllingas well.
She's very, very controlling aswell, very yes, just very
(11:14):
controlling.
I'll leave it at that OK.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
so, as you know, as
now were you still suffering
with what were you still?
Dealing with the weight.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Yes, Still dealing
with weight.
Yes, in the strange part, I'mgoing to tell you the strange
part.
The strange part is that, well,that was after.
(11:46):
That was after, that was after,that was after.
After that second marriage, Ibecame very, very numb, very,
very numb.
Like no love at all, like none,none Didn't want to Not even
for yourself.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no loveat all, no love at all for
(12:09):
anybody.
Like I was, I was, it was likeI was reliving my 20s again.
After that, after that marriage, you know I was, I was doing my
thing.
Just be perfectly honest withyou.
I was, I was doing my thing.
I was sleeping with a lot ofwomen.
I was sleeping with a lot ofwomen and wasn't committing to
nobody.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
And this is because
you just didn't care.
No, I didn't care.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
I didn't care.
I didn't care about anybody'sfeelings.
I didn't care about hurtingpeople.
I didn't care about none ofthat.
All I cared about was me.
That was it.
That was it okay that was it.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
So you said you cared
about, did you care?
Did you really care aboutyourself or were you just
disappointed with you?
And is it?
You know, but you said theother women were hurting you yes
, and then you didn't have thatand now correct me if I'm wrong.
I'm just asking the questions.
You know they were hurting you.
You had the weight issue so youjust was like not caring, got
(13:04):
kicked out the military and justwas disouted.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Yeah, yeah, pretty
much, cause I had no.
I really had no direction.
I really had no direction.
Now I was going on living lifeand you know doing things and
stuff like that, but I reallyhad no direction.
I had no.
I had no desire for any type ofcommitment.
I had no desire for any of that.
You know what I'm saying?
I was, I started drinking, Iwas drinking.
(13:29):
That's when I started reallyreally drinking a lot.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Now the court system.
I know that you are a man wholoves his mother.
Love his mother.
He loves his mother, Did youhave anybody in your male figure
or anybody in your life that's.
Seen the direction you weregoing, seen what states you in.
Did anybody try to you know,reach out and help you?
Was there any help at thispoint, or it was just you?
Speaker 2 (13:57):
No, because I do good
.
I do good at hiding, hidingthings that I'm going through.
I do real good at hiding thingsthat I'm going through.
Like I say you can look at meand be like okay, that's Carter
right there.
He's still laughing, smiling,doing what I do whatever, having
fun with the guys, whatever itis At that time, cutting hair,
(14:25):
whatever, blah, blah, blah.
That's just what it was.
I wasn't letting people in mybusiness.
Whatever I was going through, Iwas going through it at home.
I just do what I do at home.
I mean I'm kind of like thatnow, like I don't really like,
you know, I'm not really outthere, like that I kind of
stayed to myself, um, but I mean, nah, nobody knew nothing, I
wouldn't tell.
I wouldn't tell anybodyanything either.
If there was something I wasgoing through, I wasn't going to
tell nobody nothing.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Is that because you
were just?
Well, it's masking and avoiding.
Yeah, what was the reason whyyou didn't tell anybody?
Why didn't you share?
Were you ashamed?
Did you not know what was thereason?
Speaker 2 (15:01):
No, it wasn't none of
that.
It was just I just didn't wantto share.
It was just something that Iwas just it was.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
It felt like you were
going to go on your own.
Yeah, it was my hill to climb.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
It was my hill to
climb.
You know what I'm saying.
It was nobody else's problem.
I know it's stuff that I put onmyself, so it wasn't going to
be you know somebody that I goand talk to about it.
I was just like I just handlingmyself out.
It's just me.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
What is the moment
where you hit rock bottom and
you realize that you had to getyourself together, like, ok, all
right, yeah, I got to get outof this.
When did you hit that rockbottom and realize that you have
to do that?
Speaker 2 (15:46):
oh, man, um, it was
two things, that two things that
happened um first.
Um, I always tell that, Ialways tell this one first, but
there was something thathappened before.
But my father passed away.
(16:06):
My father passed away and myson was arrested for murder.
Those were the two things, andit all happened within the same
year, all happened within thesame year, and those two, those
(16:27):
two things, shifted a lot of, alot of where I was in my life.
(16:49):
Um, I don't you know, I'll tellyou this when, when my son, when
my son got got arrested formurder, going through what I was
going through with him and withhis mom, that did a lot of
damage as well, because I neverhad a relationship with my son.
He was, he was kept from me, hewas literally kept from me.
(17:10):
And so when he became too muchto handle for his mom, that's
when she called me back into thepicture and wanted me to fix it
.
And you know me, being the manthat I am, I'm going to try to
fix it, because it's my son.
You know what I'm saying.
(17:31):
I don't want to see my anythingbad happen to him.
I want to get him on the righttrack.
I'm his father, I feel likethat I can do it, but I couldn't
do it.
We didn't.
We didn't have, we didn't havethat relationship built in order
for me to be able to do it.
He was built in order for me tobe able to do it.
He was, he was um, he was 16.
He was 16.
(17:51):
He was already, he was alreadyinfluenced to where he was going
to be, influenced to be.
But at that time that was sucha weight on me because that's my
only son, you know what I'msaying and there was a lot of,
there was a lot of, there was alot of problems there, and I've
never, I've never told anybodythis part.
I really actually just sharedthat, that that story, with my
(18:14):
son a couple of weeks ago, butI've never, ever, shared this
part of the story and this isprobably what broke me the most.
Now I told you, when he came tome from his mom, I was trying
and you know the relationshipwasn't, it wasn't good, it
(18:37):
didn't, it didn't work.
He was ran away all the time.
You know things like that.
When he ran away for the lasttime, he got put in the facility
.
He broke out of the facility hewent killed someone that man
(18:57):
that he killed he used his cellphone, called me and said
motherfucker, I will kill you.
That's called me and saidmotherfucker, I will kill you.
That's what he said to me afterhe did what he did.
(19:17):
And I'm thinking what did I dowrong?
What did I do wrong?
What did I do wrong?
What did I do wrong?
And to this day I'm not goingto say I can't get that phone
(19:43):
call out of my head.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
I can't get that
phone call out of my head.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
I can't get that
phone call out of my head.
And, knowing he did what he did, he would have done that to me
Because he hated me that much.
And what did I do?
I didn't have a chance to builda relationship with him, so I
(20:10):
was like, what did I?
What did I do?
What could I?
What could I have done?
Speaker 1 (20:15):
So you started
blaming yourself.
Yeah, Like what could, whatcould I, what could I?
Speaker 2 (20:21):
have done Like what
could I have done?
What could I have donedifferent?
What could I?
What was it that I could havedone different to where to make
that situation not happen?
Speaker 1 (20:30):
And how many years
ago.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
This was like five
years ago, man.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
Five years, or is
your son still incarcerated?
Yeah, yeah.
What type of relationship doyou have now?
Speaker 2 (20:49):
We don't have one now
.
We don't even have one now.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
So this is still sort
of haunting you.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
Yeah, I don't really
talk about this much and I'm
more so.
I'm more so block it out thananything.
So, talking about it, I get alittle emotional, just because I
don't.
I don't talk about it much, butjust thinking about it, it just
, you know.
And I just always think aboutwhat, what is it that I could
(21:23):
have done more?
What could I have done more?
I tried to do everything that Icould do, but I always think
about what is it that I couldhave done more.
For a time I didn't even knowwhere he was.
I didn't even know where he was.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
So this is like what
we call like a set point, where
we go through a situation in ourlives that we have no control
over Right, and I have asituation where my baby boy you
know, I have two sons and threedaughters my second son didn't
(22:04):
grow up with us.
You know, I was a young girl atthe time, didn't know how to
take care of kids.
You know, I was so at the time.
I just had my oldest son andthen I had my second son.
My second son had behavioralissues.
I was being abused by thehusband, the ex-husband, and I,
you know his mother, asked tosay you know, hey, I'll take
care of hey, I'll take care ofyour son because I was pregnant
(22:27):
again trying to handle the one Igot now still getting my
ass whooped by the you know.
So she said I'll take him.
So she wound up taking my son.
It was supposed to be just fora little while, I was just
supposed to go with her and itwound up turning into a long,
extended phase.
She put him on social securityto get the money because he had
(22:48):
ADHD and all that stuff.
So years go on.
I never raised my son.
Even now he suffers withalcoholism and stuff now.
Sometimes it's like me and myson did get back together.
It was like he hated me.
It's like, you know, sometimesit's like you know, me and my
son did get back together, youknow, he, it was like he hated
me, like, and I'm like, well, Iwasn't there, he was being fed
(23:12):
all kind of false lies.
And we talked about it, youknow, yes, yes.
And when we talked about it,hey, son, you know, he would
tell me that.
Hey, because I asked him.
I said come on to Germany.
You want to come to Germanywith the rest of the kids, you
know?
And he was like no, I don'twant to go.
And you know, his father waslike I don't want to go with you
(23:33):
.
So I was like, oh, but later onthey told him to say that, wow,
you know my son has sufferedsome mental trauma that he deals
with.
It's the reason why he doesdrink today.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
And I'm always saying
to myself what could I have
done?
Like I feel bad, I feel so bad,you know, like what could I
have done more?
What could I have done better?
Speaker 2 (23:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
And then I had to
realize, like you know, after
you know, he kept doing thingseven in his adult life before he
went to the military.
You know he's in the militarynow and I think to myself what
could I have done better?
Like you know, I start to blamemyself.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
But then you know, I
realized you know because in the
military.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
we do a lot of
training, we do a lot of therapy
.
Right right, and what they mademe realize is that you know what
, even if you try to change thenarrative, the story may change
and something else may happen.
Right, right, you know they.
They ask you how many times doyou are you going to keep
(24:37):
blaming yourself and trying tochange the narrative and trying
to change, whatever the outcomeis, if you cannot help that
person?
That's like you said you didn'traise them, you was.
He was.
That opportunity was taken awayfrom, yes, so that's not your
fault, but still, as the father,as the man that that's your son
(24:58):
, you love him.
You're hurting, for you knowthe things that he did and you
know.
And then you hear him say thatto you and, yes, it haunts us
and it takes, and I will tellyou still to this day, still to
this day, with me as well.
You know, I feel I'm hurt, yes,because it's my son.
(25:20):
But what I do and this is justme, what I do is I realize that
I can't change nothing of thepast, and anything of the past
was none of my doing, it's notmy fault, I didn't do it.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
Right.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
But what I do is I
redirect and I put it in God's
hands.
I just pray.
God, only you can control this.
You are the Savior.
We, as parents, we want to bethe Savior.
We, as parents, we want to bethe Savior.
We want to save, we want tohelp, and the truth is we can't.
All we can do is pray for ourchildren.
(25:55):
So I do sympathize and Iempathize with you bro, because
it was a hard thing.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
Yeah, and and excuse
me, I think One of the one of us
something else that's difficultabout that is I shouldn't say
this, but it's the truth and Idon't feel bad about it.
(26:25):
I hate his mom.
I hate his mom.
I hate her.
I hate her.
There's nothing.
God can't even deliver me fromthe hate that I have for that
woman.
I'm trying to tell that's therealest shit.
I can tell you right now thatis real talk.
God can tell you right now thatis real talk.
(26:45):
God can't even help me withthat, just because of the simple
that is my only child, my onlybirth child.
I have a god daughter.
I love her very much.
I post her all the time onsocial media, all the time, all
the time.
I love her.
She's like my daughter, butthat's my.
(27:06):
He is my only biological Childand she took that away from me
and I will Never, I will neverForgive her for that, ever, ever
.
I will never forgive her forthat, ever ever if she was
(27:34):
burning?
if she was burning right here,right beside me, you have a
better chance of putting her outthan I?
Do you have a better chance ofputting her out than I?
Do you have a better chance ofputting her out than I do?
Human?
Speaker 1 (27:44):
emotions.
You know you can't take thatfrom you.
You can't take that from you.
It's your child.
You said you only got one, so Ido understand.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
And you know that's I
don't.
I know that's a part of myhealing as well and that's
probably what's keeping me fromlooking at it as things that I
can't control.
At the end of the day, I knowit's something that I couldn't
control, but it's still.
I can't get over that.
(28:18):
That's why I block it out.
That's why I block it out.
I go around angry.
I will go around angry everyday if I don't block it out.
That's why I block it out.
I go around angry.
I will go around angry everyday if I think if I don't block
it out, right, if I don't blockit out, I'll be angry every day
because I'll never have thatrelationship with my son.
I'll never do.
Man like it is so hard seeingyou know brothers with their
(28:43):
sons celebrating with them andstuff like that, and knowing I
did not get a chance to do thatwith mine.
Speaker 1 (28:49):
That shit hurts bad
so, as we we, when we're in this
type of trauma, we have tolearn to stop listening to
ourselves, because when you sayyou get angry, that's because
you're listening to yourself andyou're listening.
We have to talk ourselves, bro.
(29:11):
Look man, you know thissituation fucking sucks, but
look I I.
I only thing I could do is youknow whatever you need to do to
talk.
You need to start doing moretalking to yourself and
listening to yourself, becausethat shit right there makes you
more crazy.
You know what I'm saying?
It makes you more crazy.
And then that's where you shutdown from people.
(29:34):
You, you, you just draw back.
You know what I'm saying andyou want to you.
You want to live that life isit like?
Do you feel like at times thatyou shouldn't have a good life
because what happens to get done?
Does that affect you?
Speaker 2 (29:48):
Yeah, it does, it
does, it does.
It really affects me.
It affects all areas because ithas numbed me.
It has numbed me and I feel sobad sometimes because I know my
girlfriend, I know she'd be likeman, you'd be so numb sometime,
and I know I do, and it's man,it's rough, it's hard, it's hard
(30:14):
man, do you use any tool tohelp you through this dark
period?
Speaker 1 (30:20):
Any therapy, any, I
mean, mean you know?
Speaker 2 (30:25):
um.
I do see a psychiatrist fromthe va I see a psychiatrist from
the VA.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
Sometimes you talk
about that.
Okay, that's how you feel whenyou come out of those.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
It's all right, it's
all right it's all right man
like like, like I don't know.
I know, I know I have to helpmyself in this situation, but it
makes me.
It makes me so angry.
Every time I talk about it,every time I think about it, it
(30:58):
just makes me, because I know Ican't, I know I can't never get
that time back, I can't neverget that time back.
Know, I can never get that timeback, I can never get that time
back.
I can never get that time back,man do you ever, do you try to?
Speaker 1 (31:10):
do you think about
reaching out to him?
Do you think about you know,trying to talk, or is he angry?
Speaker 2 (31:16):
yeah, he ain't with
you.
Yeah, he's angry, angry, yeah.
So I mean it's Sis, I try, Itry, I do, I try.
I know this is about overcomingthis stuff and kind of seeing.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
This is real talk.
It's not.
We learn how to burn break andbecome unstoppable, right.
Yeah, it's not.
You know how you know we learnhow to burn, break and become
unstoppable, right.
Yeah, you know it's all aboutyou.
Know, everybody is a humanbeing.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
It's what you're
going through.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
You're not just like
so you are, you're going through
.
You may not have overcome it,but you're going through right
now.
What you're showing people ishow you are being resilient.
You're still going through yourtime.
You go through your moments.
You have a girlfriend now.
You've been married twice, butlook, you're dating again.
We got to start looking at thepositive things in life.
(32:15):
You're over.
You may have not overcame.
Speaker 2 (32:18):
I love her.
Speaker 1 (32:21):
You know that right
there is progress.
We don't give ourselves enoughcredit.
We rob ourselves from credit,and I'm going to give you,
brother, the credit that youdeserve, because you could be
out here so angry and, like yousaid, you hate her, you could my
son away from me.
(32:41):
I'm going to take you out theequation.
You can be broke like that.
We all know how militarypersonnel when we thought we
crazy.
We know all the things thatwe've been through deployments
or whatever.
We come out here, and if we arenot guarding ourselves, we can,
especially if you've beenthrough something as deep as you
(33:03):
.
So I commend you just becauseyou may not have overcame, but
you are making it through.
So I'm going to give you thoseflowers, I'm going to give you
those props, right?
Speaker 2 (33:13):
there I mean I really
have no other choice.
I really have no other choiceto tell you the truth because I
mean I can't.
That stuff can bother me, but Iknow it can't weigh me down
from things that I want to dowith the rest of my life.
You understand what I'm saying.
I do understand that.
I am aware of that.
It can't stop me fromaccomplishing the things that I
want to accomplish building mybusiness you know building both
(33:36):
businesses.
You know what I'm saying.
You know being good in myrelationship and stuff like that
, being there for my goddaughterand stuff like that.
I know that whatever I've beenthrough can't stop me from doing
that stuff.
You know what I mean.
But I think that pain is stillthere deep on the inside.
(33:57):
I've just learned how tosuppress it.
I just I've just learned how tosuppress it.
I've learned how to suppress it.
So, if, if, if it's you knowabout, you know getting through
your, getting through yourtroubles, getting through your
trauma.
I've learned to.
I've just learned to beresilient, have some grit, have
(34:18):
some fortitude, just knowingthat those things are not going
to change.
Those situations are, never arenever going to change.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
They're never going
to change, but I know that I
have to.
Do you have a purpose?
Is it shaping a sense ofpurpose that the pain that
you're you're?
Speaker 2 (34:35):
Yes, yes, yes, yes,
yes what?
Speaker 1 (34:38):
is the purpose.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
What is?
Speaker 1 (34:40):
your purpose.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
I love what I love.
I love helping people.
I love helping people.
So helping people throughfitness and nutrition, that has
given me purpose and passion.
You know what I'm saying when,even even growing up, I always
wanted to be a football coach.
I want to play football and Iwant to be a football coach.
You know what I'm saying.
(35:01):
So I'm not the football coach,but I'm the fitness and
nutrition coach, so it'ssomething that I've.
I see that, hey, you know, thisis actually something that I
did want to do when, you know,you know, growing up.
So this is a, this is a passionright here and I found my
purpose with it, and that's justhelping other people become
their best self.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
That's awesome.
And you are doing an amazingjob Amazing.
Do you ever think now are youspiritually connected?
Yeah, do you think there's adeeper?
Why Do you ever say what is thereason?
Is it a deeper why that I'mgoing?
Why am I going through this?
Do you think it's a deeper why,behind what you're going
(35:44):
through?
Speaker 2 (35:46):
well, when I think,
when you have, when you have, uh
, when God has given you, um, apassion and a purpose, I think
he's ordaining you as a leader,as someone, someone that can
lead other people through thethings that they are going
through.
He chooses people.
(36:07):
Everyone's not chosen,everyone's not chosen, that's
right.
You know what I'm saying.
So he chooses his children forspecific things and he places
those gifts with people that heneeds to be in the place where
they need to be, places thosegifts with people that he needs
to be in the place where theyneed to be.
You know what I'm saying.
(36:32):
So I do think that he, he, he,he, he picks, you know, his
children where he wants them tobe.
He picks the leaders that hewants to to lead people to be in
better cells, not necessarily,you know, in a, in a spiritual
aspect, but just making peoplebetter, living a better life,
living a living a healthier life.
You know, cherishing their owntemple.
You know what I'm saying.
Taking care of their temple.
(36:53):
That's my part, you know whatI'm saying.
That's my part of of the word,that I'm taking care of that.
I believe that you know.
That's the, that's theassignment that I think he's
giving me.
You know what I'm saying Peopletaking care of their temple.
Speaker 1 (37:06):
Amen, amen.
Let me ask you this Um, if you,if your son was to be, and if
you could talk to him right now,today, what would you want them
to know?
What would you want to say tohim?
Speaker 2 (37:31):
I would just want him
to know if I could just change
the situation and just did alittle bit more when you know he
was smaller, and got himunderneath my wing, his life
would be completely differentthan it is right now, and I know
that beyond a shadow of a doubt.
If I could have gotten him whenhe was smaller, his life will
(37:53):
be completely different rightnow.
It'd be completely different.
My life will be completelydifferent, completely different.
I'm not saying I have a bad lifebut I know my life might be a
little bit better if he was init, if I had a chance to to
raise him, it would have.
It would have.
It would have matured me faster.
It would have matured me fasterbecause when he was with me, oh
(38:18):
I was.
I was on top of everything.
I was on top of everything,Like I even stopped being in
relationships to make sure thatI could focus on him.
That's how I was with it.
It was 100% all him, all thetime.
Whatever he needed, I gave itto him.
Any type of anything, whateverit was, he had it.
(38:41):
He needed it.
My attention, everything.
You know what I mean.
So if there was something thatI could tell him, I'd tell him.
I just wish I would have donemore in the beginning and his
life wouldn't be like it isright now, and I'm just sorry
for that.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
What is something you
wish more people would
understand?
You know, let's say we have aviewer that has a similar
instance, a similar situation.
What is some bit of advice thatyou can share about going
through this type of pain, thistype of hurt?
Speaker 2 (39:22):
Don't do like I do
and just hold it in.
Don't do like I did.
Don't do like I did becauseit's, and don't don't do like I
did.
Don't do like I did becauseit's.
It's hurting me.
Now you have to learn to let itgo.
You have to learn to to, toaccept it and let it go.
You just got to learn to let itgo.
If you, if you, if you let itgo, it could still affect you.
(39:44):
You still think about it.
You can still love them, butyou just have to let it go.
You have to let yourself move on.
It's a hard thing to do.
It's a very, very hard thing todo, but you have to let
yourself move on.
If you don't let yourself moveon, then it's just going to eat
at you for a very, very longtime until you let it go.
(40:06):
I don't know when I'm going tolet it go.
I don't know I've going to letit go.
I don't know I've held it on solong.
Speaker 1 (40:11):
I don't know when I'm
going to let it go.
Speaker 2 (40:13):
I don't know, because
I hate her.
Speaker 1 (40:16):
I hate her.
I will be frank with you, bro,that is a very hard.
You don't find too many and youknow this is why I have beat
this, but have made thisplatform.
And you know people, you knowwe, we focus on some people,
just focus on women, women,women, women, what women go
(40:37):
through, what women go through.
But you know, I thought tomyself well, what about the man?
What about the men?
You know, men don't have it.
Look, I will say again, Iapplaud you for coming on being
as transparent as you, becausemen, they hide things, they keep
things in, they're not going tocome out and be, you know,
(40:58):
share their pain.
They keep it to themselves nobut here you are and that's a
bigger thing.
Uh, that I that's why I say you.
You say you't overcome, butyou're going through because
here you took the boldness tostep on this platform, be
transparent and held no bar.
We all got you hater, we knowthat, and you have every right
(41:24):
to have those emotions.
You know what I'm saying.
We teach when we were taughtyounger and we about in the same
, the same age.
You said you're 47, I'm 54.
What would we talk back then?
Men, don't cry, men, do westrong?
We did we.
Yeah, quiet, don't, don't,don't, don't.
(41:44):
Ever show your feelings, don'tever speak your emotions.
I think that's a bunch of bullcrap.
I think people should beallowed to express themselves
and that's a way of healingwithin itself.
Just to say how you feel aboutsomeone who robbed you of being
a man and a father that you wantto be for your son.
(42:06):
Now, everything's.
You know you were given a childat a when when they were tired,
and I see that's why I saythings you, you, you have to
know people's full story.
You gotta know what's going on,because people can already just
paint the narrative like oh, hedidn't want to be here, yeah,
he wasn't this yeahhe wasn't that what women do.
(42:29):
Girl, you know that's adeadbeat.
You know all this time.
You know people don't knowwhat's going on behind closed
doors and my heart really goesout to you for being that type
of man who just wants to bethere for his son and what.
I believe in the power ofprayer.
I'm going to pray and I hopethat the viewers do the same
(42:50):
thing.
That prayer is a wonderfulthing.
I know what you said you won'tdo, but you can't say what God
won't do, because God willchange you and then you be like
you know what.
And then that is a part of ahealing, because I will tell you
that I used to say and that'swhat I mean about talking to
(43:13):
ourselves more than listeningbecause I could get in my mind
right now and see the hurt thatmy ex-husband caused some of my
children and I can easily say Ihate them.
Right?
I hate that mother joker,because my children wouldn't be
suffering, my son wouldn't besuffering like he is, if he had
(43:37):
the type of father that stoodthere, or my children wouldn't
suffer from the mental anguishesthat they have because you were
a crappy father.
We had five children together.
You were supposed to be there,but instead, when I left you,
you abused our children.
Now, you know, I did the bestthat I could as a single mom,
(43:59):
joined the military and you leftthe girls to where's their
father.
You know daddy, daughter dances.
Where were you?
And then, because you hated me,Right you took it out on our
children.
Speaker 2 (44:13):
You're just like your
mother.
I swear.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
When I learned these
things and when I talk to my
children today, I say when theytell the story, I get so goddamn
angry, Like this motherdestroyed.
You tell him that you know.
Now that they are adults,they're telling me that their
father used to slap them becausethey look like me or they act
like me.
Oh my God, it just take me inmy mind to say you know what,
(44:49):
God?
And then when I look at him now, diabetic, not going to still
be doing this, right that hewent now, I said you know what
God?
God could do more harm than wecan, yes, so when you and I pray
for you to get to that momentwhere you just say you know what
God, bless you.
Speaker 2 (45:01):
I need that prayer, I
need that prayer.
Everybody out there I need thatprayer.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
I need that prayer, I
need it and look, I pray that
people hear, watch this and prayfor you so you can come to a
point where your son even comesto this, like you know, just
comes to a realization and justfalls before you and say Dad,
I'm sorry, or you know, orwhatever.
I'm going to pray for that.
(45:27):
And I believe that and I havefaith that things will happen
and change so you can overcome.
Speaker 2 (45:35):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (45:36):
I'm praying for your
overcoming.
Yes, and I just thank God forthe strength that you are going
through now.
What is some myths or, youwould say, some BS narratives
about your you know you, youryour healing now, like you said,
(45:56):
you didn't overcome what you'regoing through.
What are some narratives aboutsomething that you would hear
somebody say?
Or has somebody said somethingto you like man, hurry up, you
need to get over it.
Or, you know, has anybody saidanything like that?
Speaker 2 (46:10):
no, not, not really,
because I, I don't, I don't
really, I don't really share it.
You know, this is really thefirst time me sharing it in
depth since it happened, so Ireally haven't.
Yeah, and that that's probablyone of those reasons why,
because I didn't want to hearthose narratives.
Oh, you the daddy, you didn'ttry hard enough.
Speaker 1 (46:31):
Oh, you didn't try
hard enough.
Now I have heard that before.
Speaker 2 (46:36):
No, bro, you didn't
try hard enough.
You, the father, you the man,you didn't try hard enough, bro.
You don't know how hard I tried, bro, when you don't know where
your child is at, when yourchild is somewhere and you don't
know where they at, and youtrying, when you do court
documents, to put your name onthe birth certificate.
And she refused to sign andthat's the only way that you can
(46:59):
get some type of visitation forher to sign.
And she refused to sign.
Wow, I did, I did a lot I, I.
Speaker 1 (47:10):
What's the, what
would be your message to
somebody who doesn't see a wayforward?
Like you said, you continue on.
You, you're resilient, you keepgoing through with your life,
your businesses.
You keep yourself active, youmaking yourself a better man
each and every day.
You have have a beautifulgirlfriend.
You know you're opening up toanother relationship.
(47:33):
Maybe one day marriage, whoknows?
I don't know?
Speaker 2 (47:36):
Maybe one day.
Speaker 1 (47:37):
So what would be your
message to somebody who don't
see a way?
Speaker 2 (47:41):
forward.
Do this, do this.
Think about the best version ofyourself.
Think about the best version ofyourself.
Think about the best version ofyourself.
Think about what that person is, think about who that person is
and how that person operates ona day to day basis.
And then you look at yourselfand see do you match who that
(48:05):
better of yourself is?
How far you're away.
Look and see how far you're awayand just look at every day what
would that person do?
And you start doing the thingsthat that person would do your
better self.
You doing things that you knowyou're eating well, you're
working out, you know you'recultivating your relationships.
You're doing all the thingsYou're making yourself better
(48:26):
every day.
What would a person, what wouldyour best self that's doing
that, what would they be doingevery day?
And just start doing thosethings.
You might not be able to dothem all, but just start doing.
You know one thing every singleday that makes yourself better.
I always say this to my clientsget 1% better every day.
1% better.
It doesn't have to be perfect,but just get 1% better every day
(48:49):
.
If you focus on getting 1%better every day over time, it
really adds up and you'll be awhole brand new person in at
least 30 days.
You'll be a whole brand newperson If you just continue just
to sincerely build on themomentum that you build.
(49:09):
Build on that momentum, justkeep taking a step forward, even
if it's a half a step.
Just keep moving forward.
And I found and, like I've beensaying, I found purpose and
passion.
By doing that getting betterevery single day, I found
purpose and passion and that'swhat keeps me going every single
(49:29):
day, because I know there'ssomebody out there that can,
that needs my help.
There's somebody out there thatneeds my help.
I can help somebody everysingle day.
There's somebody every singleday that I can put a smile on
their face, and I cannot end theday until I put a smile on
somebody's face.
Speaker 1 (49:51):
All right, carter,
what's next for you?
Speaker 2 (49:54):
um what's next for me
?
Um just building my building,my business.
Um just um, as always, justbeing about your fitness
business yeah, my fitnessbusiness and barbershop business
.
I'm okay, yeah, I'm still.
I'm still trying to buildfitness business and barbershop
business.
Okay, yeah, I'm still trying tobuild my barbershop business to
you know where it's a littlebit more sustainable.
(50:17):
Everything is a work inprogress.
Everything is a work inprogress, and if you're not, if
you're just staying the same,then you're not growing.
Speaker 1 (50:29):
So you always got to
keep building, keep building,
always gotta keep building, onebrick at a time.
Yeah, carter, I love you, Ithank you my brother happy.
This is father's day month thatthis will be aired.
You are an amazing father thankyou you're amazing, Father.
Happy Father's Day to you everyday and I pray for your peace
(50:54):
and your healing throughout yourjourney.
Thank you, you guys, forjoining B3U.
Give it up for Mr Calvin Carter, thank him.
Thank him for coming on theshow.
See you again next time.