S2E9: The Jeremy Foster Effect

Jeremy - always in my DMs making fun of me..."we all know you dyed your hair to hide the gray ;/. Bro....Smh. In this episode, I talk about Jeremy, the role he played in my life, and how losing him felt like losing a piece of myself. This is about grief, memory, and the strange ways we keep people alive through the stories we tell.

The Way Forward is hosted by Better Moody — new episodes every week exploring mood, mental health, self-awareness, and navigating life with heart.

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Episode Transcript

(00:02):
He was a friend from my childhood and my first kiss.
It's my first kiss. This is better Moody and you're
listening to the way. Forward.
We were in the back of the church and he asked, May I kiss

(00:24):
you? He was so shy.
He was looking down on his feet when he asked, and I was about
in the 6th grade at the time. It wasn't the steamy encounter
that I had, you know, likely read about in a romance novel

(00:45):
the the ones that I wasn't supposed to read, but you know
how it is like we didn't have any TV wouldn't really the
thing. So, you know, parents were like,
oh. Good they're.
Reading. Look at them.
Look at my kids. They're reading so much.
Little did. They know anyway, so getting
props for that, but I wasn't. Supposed to read.

(01:07):
These things. So I had to think about it.
I think my brother set this up. I turned and I gave him my cheek
and then after that it was a wetlittle kiss and he said thank
you. It's very solemn to.
He is such a gentleman. My family moved around like they

(01:28):
were criminals when we were young, like criminals, like
someone was a criminal, but it wasn't me.
So I just, I'm not even going to.
I didn't even question. It just.
You know I'm just here for the right?
But we left. That community in the dead of
night, we went to 10th Street Church.
I think it was. It was a whole universe.

(01:50):
It was a whole just era. And we just.
Left just exited stage. Right, plucked ourselves.
From that world, never to be heard of again until.
Years later. Enter Facebook and let me tell
you, you may not think. That you're a stalker, but.

(02:14):
I do believe. That Facebook.
Has made stalkers of us all. It starts off with an innocent
check in, right? And hmm, let me see what
Jeremy's doing out there in the world.
Next thing you know, I'm scrolling through.
His whole feed looking. At the holidays.
Oh, he carved a pumpkin in 2016.Yeah, he probably free handed

(02:38):
that he got married. Huh.
Oh. He got.
Divorced. OK.
Thunder. Up apparently.
We're a lot of Thunder, lot of Thunder happening in the feed.
Something about somebody protect.
Shy I. Don't know what that's about.
That's not my. Scene but.

(02:58):
Oh, you like Bloody Marys too? Thunder, Thunder, Thunder some.
Spaghetti. Wrestling Thunder.
And then he was gone. On the plus side, there was no
restraining order for me, but also.
What the fuck? So my mom was the one who told.
Me, I've been out of Facebook for forever.

(03:19):
That's. You know when I.
I jumped in. I wanted to leave a message.
For them because I just felt. Some kind of way.
So you know, I went back on Creeper book, I mean Facebook.
But nothing sounded appropriate so.
You know how it is when you write something and.
It can be interpreted. In any assortment.

(03:42):
Of ways it's just. There's too much risk.
Right. The ways of.
It can be interpreted it really.Just depends on your mood.
And the place. That you're in at that time and
I just can't even fathom how this.
Would be. Received so.
This is how I started. I said.
I can't believe. This is happening.

(04:02):
I can't express words. Cannot express.
The emotions that I'm feeling right now.
I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm confused.
He was just at the airport the other day talking about how
crazy it. Was that we all left in the
middle of the night, you know? That we we just.

(04:24):
Were gone and that really hurt them.
We disappeared. I had him rereading the Bible.
Is the rapture real? So no, actually, I guess that
was years ago. That was years ago.
There was no. Reunion No.
Goodbye. He didn't announce his.

(04:44):
Departure. I'm not ready for.
This. This is bull what the I was.
Typing. I was, you know, it's a little
blur. I'm looking down.
I'm in my feelings, my thumbs. Cramping now.
I heard a little voice. It was Wanda Sykes and she said.

(05:05):
Bitch, this ain't about you. Oh yeah, I.
Mean I can't sound like her, butyeah, that's I heard her.
She was in my thoughts and she was like side eyeing me and you
know person up her lips or whatever and I was like but but
but but but but. I got to get this out.

(05:27):
She's. Like this ain't about you.
I was like, you're right, you'reright, delete, delete, delete.
And the only thing that I could write without it being
misinterpreted, I thought was I'm sorry for.
Your loss. Your family.
Isn't my. Thoughts and prayers.
So I mean. I guess that's still about me.
But you know, point taken. I hope it's received well, but

(05:50):
yeah, why? Why?
Why does it hurt? So badly I'm nobody in his
network and in truth, I mean it's been years since I.
Talked to. This guy, I'm not, I'm not his
family, but I guess what happensis that, you know, he held a
part of my history. I'm so.

(06:10):
We are so selfish. I'm just saying in retrospect,
but hear me out. You don't just lose them in the
present all the. Or the future, all the what ifs.
The Maybes. The conversations that you could
have. Had.
You lose a shared history, a piece of you.
That only existed in this connection that you had with
them and that version of you. That existed.

(06:35):
With them, it's gone. So true to human form.
Yeah, it's some pretty selfish stuff right there, but Jeremy
had a whole life right? He loved he.
Loved his. Family.
He had people. Who loved him his?

(06:56):
Dad his. Brother, all of his friends in
that. Church we used to go to.
I reached, I had to reach out toMiles, like who killed Jeremy?
This is some bullshit. This is unheard of because I
know he didn't do it. And I know that.
I mean, Jeremy was healthy as a freaking Clydesdale.
Like that man, there was nothingwrong with him.

(07:16):
See, see, I got some got some support in the background.
So I'm not the only one who thinks this, Yes.
But still it's it's hard not to look at life through these.
Eyes. And I feel the ache of losing
him and that connection in this world.
So I'm not going to be able to make it to the memorial on

(07:37):
August 17th because I'm all the way up in these New England
states. And I checked a last minute
ticket for one day cost $880 if I fly Delta.
But I mean, I just don't have enough points.
Also that's. Crazy.
So I'm just going to tap into the universe through the

(07:58):
metaverse and I just want to throw it out there in case
heaven is real and you can hear us down here or out there.
I just want to say I love you, brother.
And I'm, I'm sorry I was stingy with a kiss, but.
You know, you needed to work on your game.
I mean, let's be real, you know what I'm saying?
You knew this. You were one of the funniest

(08:20):
guys I've ever known and I, I want to be like you in that way.
I mean, I like being a woman andI'm just saying I want to be
funny like you and I'm going to miss you.
The world lost someone special on August 8th, 2025.

(08:41):
S in memory of you, I will be making one of the largest, most
ridiculous Bloody Mary monster meals in a cup and I hope you
like it. It will be 1 to rival the
creative geniuses, the artisans in Wisconsin.
Yes, I really was on your feet. I'm going to put. 3rd wave.
Barbecue out in Oklahoma City onnotice.

(09:03):
Ain't nobody going to make it asgood as it's about to be today.
So rest in peace, Jeremy Foster,and cheers.
This is better Moody. And you're listening to the.
Way forward. And that's all I can say is
we're going to keep moving forward in honor of you,
brother. Yeah, if, if, if you make it to

(09:28):
the. Good place.
Put in a good word all. Right.
We love you. I'm out.