Sam Simmons - The Best Three Minutes - Bisexual Coffee

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hi there. You must be Edith. It's very nice to meet you.

(00:03):
I am Edith. Nice to meet you.
Edith, Sam, Sam.
I am so excited.
You are that guy. You seem to be a showman. Are you a showman?
I try my best to be at least.
Yeah.
I like that.
Do you have a TikTok page? Because I'm not sure if I'm following you or not.
I do. I do. And I hit follow.

(00:25):
Okay.
So, you'll see me after you get off the show.
Okay.
I'm going to go whenever you have time.
Perfect.
Send her your link.
Let's do that.
Yeah.
That way you guys become friends.
Our idea is when we find really cool people to, you know, invite them into the circle.
Keep it moving. Keep them coming back. Just kind of like a coterie of rotating people.

(00:46):
After this, got to remind me to invite you to the little group chat that she made with
the people that we've already invited for the last few people.
That would be awesome.
Yeah.
And I think that way we can, you know, you can add them and they can explore your little
community that you created. I see that you created a community, which is what we're trying
to do over here.

(01:08):
Edith said that, you know, since we're so good friends, you and I, that we're going
to drive a little bit.
Us? Good friends?
Basically, back seat, podcast and ask.
No, I wouldn't say that.
What would you say then, Sarah?
I call it.
I'd say very close acquaintances, maybe even buddies if we got there.

(01:31):
It'd be nice.
If we got there, we got there.
Current current current relationships are for bearing that right now, you know, but
no, um, okay.
So I probably know Sam just as bad as as long as I know you, Edith. This has been like the

(01:53):
big year of me, of, of creating friendships and, you know, actually, you know, getting
out there and not being a guy who just stays home alone and plays video games, which, you
know, not wrong with that.
Just can't be my whole life.
And he also challenges me in the way that I, I don't know how to flirt, um, at all.

(02:17):
And, uh, I tend to make, I'm good at riffing back and forth jokes, right? But like you,
you could see like just when he said that, like it was funny.
So Sam, but he's all the way, you know, just how to flirt.
But then I just went, uh, it's because I'm so pretty.
I'm sorry, man.

(02:37):
I need that.
But I'm ugly. It'd be a lot easier for you to flirt.
It's okay.
I'm going to have to have you wear a veil around me at all times just to keep the tension.
I do the same thing.
I do the same thing.
Perfect.
You guys, you guys are flirting. Okay. That's what flirting is right there.

(02:57):
I mean, it's also friendship.
All the time.
I mean, I flirt with LeBlanc too.
You flirt too.
That's all I was going to say.
I have a very flirty personality and that is unfortunate to me because most of the time
I'm not really sure that I'm flirting.
It just kind of happens, you know?
And I believe flirting.

(03:19):
I'm just going to touch on flirting real quick.
Okay.
Yeah, go for it.
Please.
Flirting with the right intention is great.
Flirting with the wrong intent.
Like you guys have the right intention.
That's the right intention.
You get conversation flowing, blood going, you're smiling, you're laughing, you're having

(03:41):
a good time.
It's the other kind of flirting.
The one where you, you know, you're just doing it to get through the moment.
Are you just trying to get through the moment?
You're using it as like a crutch as in to get through the conversation itself.
Now I get that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Now almost every conversation starts with a little bit of like conversational appetizer

(04:04):
in the form of a little flirt, a little back and forth until we get down to like the serious
stuff, you know?
And then, but yeah, but then like the conversation flies, which that's, all my friends have that
with me where the conversation just, it just keeps going.
It's oil that goes back and forth very well.

(04:25):
Absolutely.
That's the whole point of conversation, my man.
Right?
Cheers.
So, since we're here, I got to ask, do you flirt?
I flirt because it seems to come very easily to you and I've met your family and they're
also, especially your father, very quick to turn a phrase to kind of bring things into
like a sexual joke or a funny joke to kind of make the other person pause and just kind

(04:50):
of wipe it up the room.
So, do you...
I unfortunately do that with everybody in just normal conversations.
It always comes off as like I'm flirting.
Most of the time I'm just trying to make jokes, just trying to riff with whoever I happen to
be talking to, but most of the time, yeah, it definitely comes off as flirty, which is
unfortunate, you know, because you can have like a normal conversation with like colleagues

(05:12):
and they'll be like, do we need to get HR involved?
And I'm like, I don't know what you're talking about.
I'm not a part of this.
As like joking, I'm not saying that actual HR, like, like, are we, is this going somewhere?
I'm like, no, it's not.
So I'm not going to lie.
When I first met you, you weren't necessarily putting it on that hard, but as we got comfortable,

(05:37):
it came out more and more.
And I told my wife, I was like, you know, I don't think he means anything by it, but
that man is coming on to me so damn hard.
And I haven't had this from a dude since like probably like my mid 30s.
And so it's fun for me.
Stop, stop.
It is.
It is.
And I'm like, I don't know, because I know that, you know, you got your own thing going

(06:01):
on, Sam's a guy with a wife.
He's got three kids.
Do I have the number right?
Three kids.
Yeah, it's three kids.
Hey, I'm looking to make it two if you want to buy one.
I mean, I'm just, I'll give it away.
No, they're amazing.
Yeah.
They are.
They are.
And so like, I know that we both got our own thing going on, but, you know, a little,

(06:21):
a little playful banter back and forth like that.
And I'm just going to end up the conversation.
Yeah.
And I know that when we started hanging out for the very first time at the very least
that I was having trouble concentrating on anything mostly just the random little headaches
or the pressure inside of my head where it's like difficult to actually talk.
That's now gone because I know what to do.

(06:42):
I had to take two ibuprofen and then whatever medication that I need to do, I need to do
that also, but mostly just to reduce the inflammation so that way I can actually talk.
Unless I've got past that, we could talk forever.
Right.
Right.
You've got that energy.
Do you want to tell the people why your brain is swelling?
I'm just dumb.

(07:03):
No, I've got a hyperthyroidism.
So it's progressing really quickly.
And so this will probably turn into a goiter at some point, which kind of sucks, but it's
also causing inflammation throughout my entire body, including my brain, which leads to headaches
and memory laps.
Which is, well, I'm going through most of the time.

(07:24):
And this is where Edith should come in with medical knowledge because she's got medical
knowledge.
Which I do have a question.
How long have you had hyperthyroidism?
It started really rearing.
It's had a lot of you had it.
December of last year.
Since then, I've lost about 20-ish pounds.

(07:46):
And it went from minor headaches to major headaches to, I just forget things now.
So unless I'm taking like ibuprofen every so often, so reduce inflammation, I just went
to the endocrinologist a couple of weeks ago and they're supposed to give me medication.
They still haven't called me about it.
But yeah, that's what it's going to happen.

(08:06):
How do you feel?
I mean, how have you changed as a person with, after hearing this diagnosis, was it
something that you called the doctor and you said, hey, I'm feeling this way?
Can you please help me?
Or was it something that they diagnosed you with?

(08:28):
I kind of went about it a different way because I was taking like different medications.
I take ADHD or Adderall for my ADHD.
And I switched over to Vyvance.
And since I switched over to Vyvance, I've been having headaches.
So we're just trying to figure out where the headaches came from.
And if it's just Vyvance, switching back over to Adderall.
But in the process, I found out that the headaches weren't actually caused by those things.
It was caused by thyroid problems.

(08:53):
So they kind of investigated and figured it out.
Yeah, we troubleshoot it.
We had a lot of different things that we went through to get to this point.
But here we are.
I've got thyroid problems.
I'm not like packing on weights, but I'm having a hard time keeping weight on right now.
So we'll just cross those bridges when we come to it.

(09:13):
Eat more cupcakes.
How are you handling it?
I mean, do you have like, to see for me with my ADHD, I meditate, I go to the gym.
I have things that I do.
What is it you do for self care concerning this?
I make content.

(09:34):
I mean, that's one thing.
I talk to a lot of different friends.
I help them make contents most of the time.
I've got a couple of friends right now that I'm currently walking through their videos
and trying to help them out in particular.
But mostly besides hanging out with my kids playing Dungeons & Dragons and Magic Gathering,
I think that's like the normal coping mechanisms.

(09:54):
Yeah.
Well, it's the coping coping mechanism now, right?
Until it's not anymore.
So I'd say that's a pretty good list of things that you're doing for yourself.
Now, do you have to work to...
It's a lot of different things.
Do you have to work as well?
Do you have to work a job as well?
I dance the tables at the local club.

(10:16):
Yeah, there's the top of Gainesville.
I don't really make that much money.
They usually pay me to get off the tables.
It's life.
It happens.
Sometimes you walk in, you got a string on, it gets sucked up into the booty hole.
You can't get it out.
You have to have other people helping you pull it all out.

(10:37):
It just happens.
Are you stripping?
Are you taking off the old clothes, huh?
Oh, yeah.
Whenever I can, honestly.
Until they start telling them, please, quick, you please.
Please, quick, you're glad.
Okay, well, I...
Actually, I make X-ray machines for cancer research.

(10:59):
Say that one more time.
It's completely different.
Actually, like, not lying or trying to make it a joke, I make X-ray machines for cancer
research.
Okay.
It's just the delivery.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
But, yeah, no, seriously, that is what he does.

(11:20):
He will...
Yes.
Not the day to get taken off the picture.
Sure, he would probably rather be stripping, but...
Oh, of course.
Obviously.
If I could, like, use these gorgeously gorgeous looks for anything else besides just being
pretty on TikTok, I would.
I would.
And until feet pics finally take off, that's me being poor.

(11:42):
I mean, hey, if there's one thing I'm learning about Onlyfans and all of the different people
who say that they have them, all the different body types and all the different presentations,
depending on, you know, if they're non-binary or if they're cis or whatever, Onlyfans has
a window for everybody.
So I guarantee you there's at least 30 people out there looking for a little bit of a time.

(12:05):
That's how you market it, though, and unfortunately, my main TikTok is completely centered around
the SCP Foundation, which brings in a lot of miners.
Yeah, that's true.
That's true.
So if I was going to do something like that, I would have to create a new community, build
them up for the ground up, and then hopefully move that over, which, I mean, it's a game

(12:27):
plan if I wanted to.
And if you wanted to, but, you know, it's not, they are just yet.
There's a couple of things that I'd have to do to my body before I want to put all of
it on camera.
But Edith, just...
Thanks for your body.
Well, thanks, buddy.
Appreciate that.
Edith, do you know what the SCP is?
No, I don't.
What is that?
Or SCP in general?

(12:48):
Secure Contain Protect.
It is a multinational fictional government agency that helps take down anomalies, categorize
them, and they make articles based on it.
So when you go to look up a story that's based on the SCP Foundation, the universe that it's

(13:10):
in, it is like a catalog sort of thing.
Like you're reading the case notes of what's going on.
It's very much like a Wikipedia type style.
And it's one of the largest collaborative fictional efforts that I know of.
There may be other ones out there.

(13:30):
I mean, people who've played online, they play as a part of an already established fantasy,
you know, like World of Warcraft or Diablo or something like that.
But this was made by the creators and then held to a certain quality.
I've tried to write a story myself.
It got bombed into oblivion.
People are like, no, this is horrible.
This doesn't fit anywhere in the universe.

(13:51):
I'm like, well, he's going to live in my head forever.
So this is also, it all started as like a post on 4chan back in 2007, I believe.
It's like Q.
So it was like one random post and people were like, this is really cool.
So we're just going to add on to it.
And more and more people started adding on to it.
Now it's thousands upon thousands of different articles that people have read.

(14:12):
Like Q.
Yeah.
Q was on 4chan too.
Well, yeah.
But kind of like Q, if it wasn't, it's fiction.
Oh, it's completely fiction.
Well, Q's kind of fiction too.
Yeah.
Q's fiction too, but I'm just saying it's written from the base.

(14:33):
I try to clown itself as anything else.
But think of it as it's a mix of anything from Western, sci-fi, cyberpunk, government
fiction, even sometimes some gore and bored depending on like how deep you go in and know
what people know that, hey, this is really, you know, this is really extreme.

(14:56):
People who don't want to read this don't read this.
And it's all of these fictions put together around, I think, three major anomaly hunting
or using like some people want to use the powers that they find.
Some people just want to contain them.
Some people want to destroy them completely.
And all of these stories have just woven together to this massive website.

(15:19):
I say just dive in one day and like because they hyperlink other stories and other things
that inspired that story so you can go back and go, oh, what the heck is SCP?
I'm just throwing a number out there.
It would be four, three, four digits.

(15:40):
Zero, six, nine, let's say.
Yeah.
It's a politically.
No, it can be.
Yeah, some of it might be.
No, no, no, not real.
It's religious in different portions, but it's like all just fake stories that people
are writing in the perspective of being an employee at some foundation where they're
trying to contain these anomalies.
If you would read at least a little bit of it, you would see kind of what they're trying

(16:03):
to get at.
It brings wisdom, doesn't it?
So we'll get to that later.
Anyways, I make content on that's what I do.
It's a yeah, especially his interpretation of Dr. Bright, which with that hedge trimmer
kills me every time.
It is supposed to be a change.
I couldn't afford one.
I know, I know, but you wield it like a chainsaw, which makes me even better.

(16:25):
But the characters in there are wild.
There's any it's, it's, but some of them are really serious and have tragic back stories.
It I'm telling you that so many people have given to this thing that it is now this like
amorphous blob of like fibrous connective tissues that each one just connects to something
else.
And it's, it's a we all share DNA.

(16:46):
This is one way to do it.
Oh, yes.
Very much.
It's very much mental DNA.
Very much so.
And there are, there are also Nazis who will say that your DNA is not pure enough to go
into the pool and they will kick you out.
I mean, that's what happened to me.
I mean, yeah, you're absolutely correct though.

(17:06):
Yeah.
Yeah.
But they do that to, to protect the, I hate to say this, the bloodline of the stories.
So I mean, very much so that's, it's kind of what they're doing.
You even have to appeal to a three member board on their own chat service to even put
something in.
You can't just point click, put something in and boom, you're done.

(17:29):
They need to be approved before they go up, which makes sense because you want it to be
okay enough that other people will be able to read it and not too far into a direction
of like, oh, well, it's way too sexual.
So we don't want it to be seen by like a bunch of people that could just click the link.
Or it's just very poorly written.
So there's no real reasons to have it on the website listed as like a specific file number.

(17:53):
Huh.
And there's, there's been video games made of this.
There's been so many people who make content about it.
They're like I said, his interpretation of Dr. Bright is good.
There's another good Sherman.
Yeah.
Director Sherman, I think it's yeah.
Two or four million subscribers and like that.

(18:13):
I know a baby blue has a four million subscribers.
Dr. Braint or now a team Rook is a 500,000 followers, I think, and multiple subscribers
on to YouTube.
So you know, if you ever, if you ever want a recommendation, I'll throw you a couple

(18:35):
of some of my favorite stories, probably give you some of the, the OGs like the statue that
we'll kill you, can somebody like be writing on this SCP thing.
Huh.
Can I put one of my tragic stories on there?
A little anal, you know, a little cheatin.

(18:56):
Maybe.
I mean, worse things have happened.
Yeah.
Some of them, some of the stories are actually about the interactions of between the people
who are involved in there.
Yeah.
She said, she definitely just said, I don't just slip.
Oh, no, I have she's slipped it in there.
Hoping that nobody would notice, but I'll tell you this right now.
There's not many people who don't notice anal when you try to slip it in.

(19:18):
Um, um, anyway, so is that a good idea?
That's like a great idea.
Hummer.
You would.
You would.
I'm having a hurricane over here and you're talking about a Hummer.

(19:40):
This is my sexual coffee.
It's only $7 and it won't break the bank.
Yeah.
Where were you?
You didn't even join in.
What's wrong with you?
Come on now.
I can't believe you, Sam.
Can't believe it.
No, no.
I don't know any of these references.
I am so sorry.

(20:02):
You'll catch on.
You'll catch on.
We switched so quickly from the SCP foundation to anal that I got completely lost somewhere.
Okay, I'm an Albuquerque at this point.
I must have taken the wrong turn at Albuquerque.
Look, how old are you, Sam?
How old are you, friend?
I'm old enough to be your daddy.
Oh, with a high on the end.

(20:24):
Um, 33.
I had to do some math.
You didn't really think you were old enough to be my dad, huh?
Well, no, I'm not saying that I could be your daddy.
Daddy, daddy, there's a difference.
Daddy with a little slappy, slappy.
All right, so I'm going to let you guys have enjoyed the rest of the podcast.

(20:49):
I got to go take a cold shower.
No.
We'll see you later, Mr. LeBlanc.
Glad to be here.
Oh, intermission's already?
I'm going to get a package in the mail.
I'm going to send you a cold shower.
I'm going to try to rein this in.
So all of this just...
Hey, am I doing it?

(21:09):
I mean, sounds nice right about now.
All of this to say that he does do a lot of SCP content, so there's a lot of people who
do know for that.
He does have one that is not themed, who he just finally followed me back on that one,
which I'm wondering...
Oh, I was actually following you on Sitting With You 2.

(21:30):
Oh, okay.
So I was following the wrong one.
That was my bad.
I was only following 13 people on there just because I wanted to see if I just removed
all the people that I was personally following, if that would just help my views, you know,
because it first goes out to the people who are friends with you and they might not watch
your videos.
They might not care.
Or then to your followers.
So I was like, maybe if I just got rid of my mutuals, maybe.

(21:54):
Maybe.
I don't add anybody from Facebook.
I will not do it.
Oh, yeah.
No, no, no.
I will not do it.
Yeah, it's a strange animal.
It's like none of my Facebook friends, I think they're all narcissists.
Not that that's a bad thing, right?
But they're all into themselves, which is fine.

(22:14):
Well, I feel like if you're posting on Facebook in general, you have to have a little bit
of narcissism.
Yeah.
A little bit, especially if you're regularly posting on Facebook, like I share my content
from other places on Facebook.
And then like there are two or three friends and like four family members who won't see
me any other time.
So I use that to keep in touch with them.

(22:36):
Like they won't even answer their texts.
They'll sure he'll answer a Facebook post if I tag them in it.
True.
Yeah, mine too.
Yeah.
So I try not to analyze it because everybody's got their shit.
Like we've got a hurt.
I just forget.
Oh, you've got a hurt.
That's right.
You've got a what is it?
Milton.

(22:56):
Milton.
I was thinking Matilda and I was like, it's a guy name and that's not a guy name.
I don't think.
Milton.
Yes.
It's already a category five.
Yeah.
I've been in the last 12 hours, something like that.
It's not looking great.
In fact, I was going to ask you Edith before we were talking about this when you hit record.

(23:17):
You sound like a tried and true Floridian as in you're not leaving.
You're like, other people have been wiped off the map, but we'll be okay because I've
always been okay.
And I worry.
A father worries.
A friend worries.
Yeah, my dad, I have to not answer my phone.

(23:38):
Yeah.
That's what you have to do.
When there's a hurricane and I don't think family realizes that when you call six times
and you text me and you know, it's not really facilitating independence or the strength to
battle whatever fight I've got going on.

(23:59):
It's more like we don't have faith.
This could be the last time I'm talking to you.
You probably died.
Yeah.
Whatever.
You know, like if this is my time, I fucking want to go.
All right.
This is my time if the universe is like blah, blah, blah.

(24:20):
I don't believe that's going to happen.
You know why?
Because I'm going to be the only one here.
I'm going to be meditating.
I'm going to be putting protection over this entire house.
I'm going to wash the door with salt.
I'm going to put a safe candle.
I feel like you have to do that normally in Florida though, honestly.
Oh, sure.
Sure.
I want to keep all the mean gays away because I don't want to be in a relationship with

(24:45):
the mean gay.
There's mean gays.
Yeah.
I mean, there are.
They love you, but they do it in a sneaky, underhanded, passive, aggressive kind of way.
As I tell my followers or anybody who will listen to me.
I don't like that though.
Yeah.
Well, there are assholes of every flavor and that includes, you know, people who you
think that you would get along with just because, you know, whether sexual orientation

(25:08):
or where you guys are from or, you know, what you're doing now as far as a job, you know,
you think, Hey, this person's on the same level and you just find other assholes.
So there are assholes everywhere.
You just got to be aware of that.
Touche.
Touche.
I mean, honestly, what is an asshole really?
It's somebody that's not going to.
I mean, they're not going to do what you want them to do.

(25:31):
I mean, if you're trying to learn as much as you can about the asshole, you want to
really like be a part of that asshole, you know, you want to really get deep here and
find out more about it, you know, every square inch.
Somebody's 33.
With the libido.
Yeah.
Also, get over it.
Michael LeBlanc.
Yeah.

(25:52):
Probably still have the elasticity too, which is very important.
You know, the older you get, the less elasticity there is.
Yeah.
I've been in full words a lot of times.
Let's just look.
Anal.

(26:12):
Anal.
Internet kind of just dropped there for a second.
So since you're on a podcast called bisexual coffee, do you have any queer nature within
yourself that you subscribe to?
Or are you just accepting of everything?
As long as they fill out the form for consent, I'm good.

(26:32):
Whatever.
Oh, right.
I have a form too.
You got a form too.
There's only nine lines to it.
There's nine lines.
Oh, yeah?
You've got to sign it nine times for consent.
You got to be really into it.
You have to commit to it.
Okay.

(26:53):
Not in the middle.
Oh, I didn't give you a consent.
Let's commit to the bit.
What's the body of your consent form?
What's the body of my consent form?
Yeah.
I mean, we're here.
Yeah.
Commit to the bit.
What's the body?
Can you make it?
Can you at least get there by like nine and be out by 10?
Out of your butt?

(27:13):
I mean, I mean, just within an hour.
Okay.
I'm not going for an hour.
Okay.
I'll get three minutes in there.
A good three minutes.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm not in a world with those three minutes, but I'm not, I'm not like crazy with it.
I'm passing.
Hold three minutes.
That's her toys.
Oh, yeah.
You know, personal stamina now I'm with standing.

(27:34):
Okay.
Get yourself a nice, you know, set of toys, something to delight the senses before, during,
after.
Okay.
I'm trying to speed run this.
Okay.
Like I'm going to get off first.
Okay.
I'm going to get off first.
I'm going to get off often.
No, you selfish.
Okay.
You're not going to get there.
No, that is a 33 year old for you.

(27:57):
Like a Chihuahua.
I'm like done.
Oh, that's fantastic.
Oh, yeah.
I would call you a Chihuahua.
Actually, maybe I'm not actually by it's more like I'm just done so quickly.
I'd never really realized who it is.
You know, as long as they signed the consent form, it's all good.

(28:19):
Right.
Is it as big as my pinky?
At least are we packing on a good day?
I will say that they're on a 2D screen.
We're dealing with perspective issues on a 2D screen right now.
You know, you got to get close to the camera.

(28:42):
Is it the size of my head?
You know, see that's it all depends on how close you are to the camera.
I can slap you with it.
We can just find a way of like a side by side.
This is actually a date between Sam and Michael LeBlanc.
Okay.
It could be a date between all three of us.
I mean, crazy things have happened.

(29:02):
Are you going to make a sandwich?
Are you going to make a sandwich?
I was thinking more like a spit roast or a knife or a tower.
I mean, if we could just high five.
Three minutes.
We'll cut it, honey.
Three minutes.
Absolutely.
You're not the one high-fiving, Michael.
You're the one in the middle.
Oh, fantastic.
Three minutes he can handle.
How about that?

(29:23):
Hey, I said the toys for a reason because toys are very important when it comes to sexual
health, especially.
I mean, I know what I know.
I know what that wheels in there.
I mean, it's not going to get crazy until you get the transformers coming in.
See, like, I know what I can do.
I know what my body has.
Like I've tried all types of different like things as far as like to make things longer.

(29:46):
There are a few tricks that I've learned over the years, but overall, it's not a long
stamina game with me.
So that's why I make sure that we have good toys both for either myself or, you know,
my partner at the same time.
So it's important.
It's important.
It's important.
Somebody with kids, personally, it's never a long time.
It's just whenever you can as quickly as possible.

(30:08):
That makes sense.
I'm going to interrupt for a second.
Oh, please do.
I need you to.
I need you to.
I need you to.
So I just came out, Sam, not too long ago, and I've noticed something about looking back
on my life and I like men.

(30:29):
I do.
I like them a lot.
And it seems like the sex was always good with my friends, but never good with anybody
I was in a romantic relationship with.
And I realized that when you set boundaries with a friend, they will honor them.

(30:50):
You set them with a straight man and it, it would turn them into a misogynist.
Their ego would come up.
Straight men are like this, you know, the, what I love about you two, you are men, men,
men, men, all day long men.
But you are afraid of fucking nothing.

(31:13):
Okay.
No label.
You know, you're both obviously married.
Okay.
The best thing to tornado is kind of terrify me, but I see what you're saying.
But it's like, yeah, I gotcha.
That kind of, we all have our little fighters.
I'm scared of spiders.
I'm scared of, yeah.
No, I gotcha.
I'm not scared of much.
I'm not scared of much anymore, but I'm 55.

(31:34):
No, there's a little bit of a confidence there.
There's absolutely.
And I feel like if you're going to walk into a bedroom, you need to have at least a little
bit of confidence walking in.
Yeah.
Like, tell me, tell me, because we have straight male listeners.
Tell me you're talking to them.
You're talking to them as friends.

(31:55):
What could they do to help their relationship?
You guys are, you've got good functioning, lovely relationships.
What do you think is the first thing that helps you with your wife?
I feel like most straight guys in America, at least, have a problem with just not doing
anything.

(32:15):
So just chill.
Figure out how to come up with a time for you to just sit down and not want very much.
Make your mind go to different places.
So that way, when they actually, your partner wants to go to that place where you want to
actually have sex, you all are both on the same page.

(32:37):
I feel like that's the main part.
Yeah.
I feel like most of the relationships are either one person really wants it while the
other person doesn't, and it's never on the same page.
So if you're always wanting there, then you need to just drop it a little bit.
Figure out some other way to get to that point where you're on the same page.
Because communication in the bedroom or just like in relationships in general is the most

(33:01):
important part.
Just drop it a little bit.
Yeah, that's good.
That sounds like something.
I'm not just dropping it.
Figure out something else.
I feel like that's something that Edith really touches on a lot of time is where ego gets
in the way of a good relationship.
And being in that state where you're constantly wanting something and you think that you need
it and it's all about you is definitely just swimming in your own ego.

(33:26):
So yeah, that tracks.
If you're in a relationship, you're going to get there.
I mean, it's not going to happen instantly, but you are going to get to that point again.
So just don't worry about it.
Figure out some other way to figure out your time.
Just fill it up with as much as you can.
So that way, when you are there, you're there.

(33:47):
To touch on communication, which is obviously huge in all aspects of a relationship, not
being afraid to say what's on your mind because you think that the other person is going to
receive it wrong or something like that.
If something's on your mind, it's really important to you and you think it's really important
between you two.
Don't be afraid to say it.
At the very least, if the person say that you are bringing out a kink that you have

(34:13):
and that you really want to try out.
If you are in a comfortable relationship and you say that kink and you say it with not
worrying whether or not they're going to say they're into it or not, then it becomes easier
to say.
Because I've been in a couple of relationships where I was like, hey, I'm really interested

(34:34):
in XYZ.
And that person goes, yeah, that's probably not going to happen with me.
I was like, that's cool.
That's why they create certain toys to facilitate the experience.
But the important part is actually being able to talk about it directly, face to face.
Because if you're worried about even bringing it up in the first place, you might not be
the right person or with the right person.

(34:54):
Or if you're the person that has a problem with listening to other people's kinks and
stuff, you might need to seek at least therapy or a way to figure out your own self.
Sexual therapy is huge.
Say that again, Sam.
Say that again?
Say that one more time.

(35:15):
That one more time.
What you just said.
Okay.
So getting to the point where you can talk to somebody.
And if you're not okay with talking to them or they're not okay with talking to you, one
of you all has to fix it.
You need to go to therapy.
You need to figure yourself out.
And possibly even go together.
I mean, couples therapy also works pretty well when it comes to sexual health as well.

(35:38):
And I would actually almost recommend couples therapy if you're thinking about sexual therapy
because the person's only going to get one side of whatever is wrong.
They're going to get one side of that conversation.
You're not going to be able to see the misconnections or the possible bridges between the two people.
Or three people or four depending on what kind of situation you're in.

(36:01):
As you said, this is mostly for the straight guy community specifically.
Yeah.
Yeah, a straight guy community.
I love them all.
I love all people.
And I've noticed in my travels over this summer is that we're all just really fucking cool.

(36:23):
I mean, differences, I believe you have to make them up.
In order to misunderstand somebody, you got to make up some bullshit so you can treat
them like crap or whatever.
You're so used to going down like a lane where you know when something happens, you're

(36:44):
supposed to respond a certain way, whether you saw your parents do it when you were growing
up or like, you know, this is how couples react in movies.
So when something happens, you immediately jump up and you're like, I have to react this
way.
You don't have to.
You can just figure it out through actual communication.
And that's a killer too.
I don't think that I was going to pull out a Reddit story today because I don't have

(37:06):
a second screen in front of me.
I see that kind of story on Reddit all the time where guys, it seems to be guys mostly,
but I think it's just because those are the stories that are being told who are being
outed as people who run their relationship, whether normally their sexual relationship
and sometimes even just their regular communication game as if they're getting it from a movie,

(37:30):
as if they're getting it from porn, you know, something on the screen has told them either
Andrew Tate has told them to neg every woman he sees or Johnny sins has said to wear as
many costumes as possible and how drive women until they're goo.
And then they think, Hey, that's all we got to do when they're not able to do that.
It completely ruins them.

(37:50):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Not everybody's going to react the same way that your porn is.
That's true.
Everybody's slightly different.
You guys are so great.
I love you both so much.
So one more question.
Love us both a little bit harder, baby.
I love you both.
What's your other question?
Very, very wise.

(38:12):
This shit is good.
Okay.
So when you're out, both of you and how do you react when you're around misogyny?
When you're when you can smell it, when you can see it, when you somebody is actively
engaged in their ego and the deep in the bullshit that is misogyny and codependency

(38:38):
and the Patriot.
Well, first you got to like peel back the onion of like, is this a joke or is this not
a joke?
Cause I feel like guys in general, when they start getting onto their guys group and start
talking, they use it mostly as a, as a joke and as a crutch for humor.
And then once you get past that points, you can at least figure out how to, how to talk
with them.
Whether it's like, Hey man, I need you to stop or a dickwad.

(39:01):
Shut the fuck up.
You know, right?
Depends on the situation.
That's why I like the little community that I'm a part of with you on discord and you'll
get guys in there who, you know, you can tell when they're blowing off steam, but then they're
also like a couple of days later, they're in the one part of the discord that's all
about like feelings and shit because, you know, they realize that the caliber of the

(39:23):
human being that's around them, which I think is also important is to be an example of somebody
who doesn't use misogyny or ill, ill taste in jokes constantly when you talk because,
you know, variety is the spice of life, but also if you are just leaning on that, then
that means that you, you have something else underdeveloped in your conversational skills.

(39:47):
So being a beacon of somebody who can practice like that, I think helps with other guys who
are, are, are suffering with either close mindedness or what not.
Having that said, there is a slight problem with that on the discord that you're referring
to the guys discord that Maddie had made.
I have a problem with like, I don't want to actually say anything because most of those

(40:10):
guys I don't really know or more importantly, there's like two in particular that I'm not
going to like name names, but they have a problem with like pointing it out and almost
laughing at it if anybody does like pop out.
So you'll see like maybe somebody posts something in those like boards where we're really trying
to like delve deep and it's like, Hey buddy, are you okay?

(40:31):
But then like it turns into a joke and it happens like so quickly and it's always the
same people.
So it all depends on the sort of people that you surround yourself with.
That's true.
That's true.
They say that a measure of your own self is the, the company that you keep.
Oh, true.
And I try, that's why if I do see that on there, it's for me it's so infrequent, I guess

(40:55):
it's because I'm looking for specific people to post and whatnot, which there is, I have
two things that I've known about myself over time is one that I am a confrontational avoidant
that, that has gotten that, that particular thickness that has numbed me over the years

(41:18):
is thinned as well because I'm with somebody whose arguments is a love language.
And so I have learned that argument is very healthy actually avoidance itself causes stress
and causes a whole bunch of knotted feelings inside of you to just make things worse.

(41:40):
And here recently, I got to tell ourselves or on top, go ahead.
I'm sorry.
Okay.
I just, just, just real quick.
I wanted to say that I haven't seen, I haven't, I haven't seen misogyny in my face in quite
some time.
Maybe that's because where I am and the company I keep or whatnot.
I've seen a whole lot of other things.

(42:02):
I've seen drug users.
I've seen people who are down on themselves actually more than they're down around on
other people.
And maybe it's because I'm not interacting with them.
If I did, maybe I'd find out more about them, except for this one person who I was sitting
in her living room and I was telling her about my podcast.
I was telling her, telling her about our podcast as well.

(42:22):
I mentioned that it was called bisexual coffee.
And as soon as I said that, she clutched her metaphorical pearls and said, Oh, and just
like she was telling me what the weather was, she went, Oh, I'm homophobic.
And I went, she said it just like that.
Just like that.
I have never in real life had the chance to give somebody the double finger guns, but

(42:43):
I did do this woman.
I went, wow.
And that's why we're not having a conversation.
She's like, Oh, I'm sorry.
I hurt your feelings.
You didn't hurt my feelings.
You just kind of showed me what the lay of the land was here.
I'm going to go ahead and finish helping your daughter.
That's the whole reason I was there was helping somebody move.
And I don't think five year old younger me would have done that had I not be with somebody

(43:06):
who challenges me to not just say the things I think she wants to hear.
And so that's growth on my part.
Isn't that incredible?
Yeah.
So let me tell you, I have to deal with misogyny day in and day out because the patients that
I take care of can be anywhere from, I mean, they've been young, but 55 to 102.

(43:33):
Some of that old school.
I have so many.
I have them all over.
I have tattoos all over.
And with tattoos, both legs, both arms.
And what happens when I go into a patient's room is that, you know, if they're a misogynist

(43:55):
or even the woman can be, what do they call a misogynist woman?
They call her Karen.
They call her an actress.
They call her a woman hater.
Yeah.
A bastion of self-hate.
They just lay into me about my, lay into me at least four people, at least in a day.

(44:21):
And then I'll have men tell me, oh, you're so beautiful.
I come in and that's the first thing they say.
It's not how I want to be seen.
I'm your nurse.
You know, I mean, I'm not here to be beautiful.
It's not a part of a conversation that I want to have with you.

(44:41):
Yeah.
It is weird to leave off any conversation with thought.
But also, like being a general bigot when it comes to that sort of stuff isn't something
that you need to move forward with in today's society, even if you are like a hundred years
old, which I mean, if you're a bigot and you're a hundred, you'll be gone soon.
Who cares?

(45:02):
It's true.
Living on borrowed time.
I'm sorry.
I wasn't really saying that.
But I mean, well, I was just here for a good time.
Another short time that women, right here for a good time.
Wait, and a short time.
There we go.
Yeah, that's the word.
I say wait, not a long time.
So what?
Yeah.

(45:22):
Michael, I was assuming that I was going to be dead by 30.
And look at you.
I'm sorry.
Look at you now.
Yeah.
If you've you've you've your own expectations, Miss Edith continue.
Well, I was just going to say that I know if I'm dealing with it all day long, I don't

(45:43):
want to come home and have to deal with it too.
And that's the thing I was asking you before you're, you know, with a straight man and
I like them.
I think they're so funny.
They're funny and they have all these quirks and everything's got to be a certain way and
they've got to be stoic and they've got to be a man and everything's got to be masculine.

(46:07):
And sure, I love all that shit.
But when it comes down to the misogyny part, that means they come first with everything.
They come first in the bedroom.
They come first in the house.
They come first with their family.
They come first me.
I'm just vibing.

(46:28):
I'm just loving people.
That's why I am queer Edith.
But you also have like an emotional maturity about you that most straight men don't actually
have.
They haven't had to confront themselves in those sort of situations also.
Like they haven't had the opportunity to even think, Hey, maybe I'm not supposed to come
first in this sort of situation, especially a bed.

(46:49):
But still.
Now, of course, everybody should know that women's vaginas are slick when you juice them
right up when you work them a little and you turn up the volume there and you are supposed
to do that.
Well, you know that you have three kids.
Michael, I'm waiting on a kid.

(47:11):
I don't know if that's going to happen.
Marley did her raising of her of kids when she was doing nannying and I can see so much
in her and especially one of the kids that she helped raise.
If we do anything, it's maybe like adoption idea in our own home.

(47:32):
Yeah, I've got a problem with it.
But I do want to say that obviously grouping the entirety of any part of humanity into
one thing, whether it be gay, whether it be trans, whether it be straight is going to come
with so many different permutations.
So obviously, if you're hearing this right now and you're straight guy and you're like,

(47:55):
hey, I'm not machismo, I'm actually, I consider myself.
A nice guy.
Yeah.
You see the figure of a woman, but you like the phallic nature of a penis.
It's okay.
It's going to be...
Right it is.
Everybody who, they may consider themselves straight who just enjoys like a little bit

(48:18):
of ass play with a finger.
Or maybe they are, they don't consider themselves as maybe toxic masculine, you know, with the
one that, you know, don't approach your feelings, keep everything bottle inside, be stoic forever.
But you know, they're still straight.
So again, I just wanted to put that out there in case anybody's listening.

(48:40):
Well, I want to reach out to everyone, especially straight men.
Like you don't have to be so, so manly just because there's a book on, you know, there's
GQ, there's a version of men and then there's muscle health.
I haven't talked about GQ in a while.
There's a version of men and there's men's health and there's a version of men.

(49:03):
And then I have the version that I like and every woman in the world has the version that
they like.
And we've been putting out content forever telling men, Hey, this is what we want.
And it's almost like, so part of me thinks that misogynistic men are that way, just so

(49:25):
like you said, Sam, they don't have to address all those shitty emotions that they have.
Like their mom did everything for them and they don't know how to do shit.
Right, or they just never learned that there was an emotional depth that they could ever
get to.
Homosexuality, especially in the South is like demonized.

(49:46):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm glad that we're even getting some rates that we are and the recognition and
everything, which I'm hoping we may not even have to buy tickets or anything, but I'm hoping
to see you here in Atlanta this month.
I'm coming.

(50:07):
I'm coming.
Are you coming?
For the Pride Parade.
I'm coming.
Are you coming?
Yeah, you.
Oh, what are you coming up?
What day?
What day?
It's in the end of October.
I hope it's Sunday because I have something to do that Saturday.
But we'll find out.
We'll have to drive and sleep on your couch.

(50:27):
But the fact that we're even getting that is good.
I saw a lot less blow back than I thought I was going to when I went to Pride this year.
Obviously, it was also my first time in Pride.
So maybe I was a little like glitzing-glammed and taking a look at everybody and just reveling
in the color.
But I felt like it was a smooth event, say, for one group that decided to tag along at

(50:54):
the end of the parade, waving their banners and saying something that sounded like it
was pro-gay, but when you listen to it, it was about the punishments of being gay.
And it was the way that we're saying it.
Protesters like that, they almost have their own form of poetry that when you hear it,
something's wrong with what they're saying.

(51:15):
And that was about the only thing that I really heard while we were walking along the road.
So any belief I want you to know is mental illness.
Something that's floating around in your brain.
Science is the only thing that is constant.

(51:36):
Science has a hypothesis.
You have to go through an entire hypothesis.
You have a thing where you have a certain amount of understanding of the world, so science
kind of makes sense.
But you still have a belief in it by the end of the day.
But religion in general, when taken to the extreme, definitely is a problem.

(51:59):
Mentally.
And I had to realize this, you guys.
Okay.
So I was born into a Baptist cult.
My dad just recently told me to listen to Andrew Tate.
I quit speaking to my dad.
I went to Riodosa, New Mexico to take care of my dad.

(52:21):
And I realized the reason I'm suffering is because this fucker is constantly talking.
I mean, I was there and they played Trump the entire time.
My stepmother was like, we need to kill the Democrats.
Kill them.
You both come back, pick dogs.
Yeah, I mean, this is the shit I grew up with.

(52:45):
And I just woke up one day and I said, no more.
I'm done.
I mean, I was in middle school and they were talking about what the Republican Party was
doing at the time.
And I was like, that doesn't make sense.
I'm supposed to be like nice to people.
And that's all that converted me.

(53:05):
It was super easy.
Well they, this is what, and I won't talk about politics too much because it's all about
beliefs.
Right.
It's all about beliefs.
And all Washington DC does is raise money.
How many emails have you guys gotten?
I get inundated with emails and texts, donate, donate, donate so we can win.

(53:30):
It's all a crock of shit.
My amulets get the same thing too.
But I'll tell you this, I don't have my fingers in any of those polls.
Thank goodness.
The only thing that I'm getting is the same three commercials on YouTube.
Because you know, YouTube ads, they're gonna show up.
Commercials on YouTube?
Oh yeah.
Yeah.

(53:51):
I'm gonna send you something later.
We'll talk about this afterwards.
We'll get rid of those.
That's it.
All my phone though, that's the problem.
I don't have a good ad block on my phone.
On my computer though.
Yes.
Now, I'm talking about the phone.
I don't use a computer.
I'll listen to that.
Me and Claudia haven't been having ads since they killed YouTube Vans back in 2001.

(54:21):
And we only had ads for like a month.
And I was like, I ain't doing this.
This sucks.
Okay.
Yeah.
Cool.
Because yeah, that's one of the most things I've listened to.
Young people.
This is why I vibe with young people.
I'm 55.
And I have a very select group of women that I hang with.

(54:43):
And they are all living and vibing, taking care of themselves.
Their husbands are doing whatever their thing.
You know, my husband's doing his thing.
Everybody is doing their thing because the capitalist idea of a relationship doesn't
work.
And yelling at your partner because they haven't done A, B, and C when you still have A, B,

(55:09):
and C to do, it's not your business.
You know what I'm saying?
That's the kind of relationship I want.
I am man.
And I sit in recliner when I get home from work.
I worked all day.
So I don't do laundry.
Whose kids are these?
I don't know.
I may have participated.
Yeah.
I actually have found myself in a situation where I am doing most of the laundry and cooking

(55:35):
simply because of the fact that Marley's schedule doesn't allow her to do that at night when
she gets home.
She's getting home at like 9 o'clock.
We both got to be in bed by like maybe 10, 30, 11 o'clock.
So like to think that we could switch back and forth for her is like, OK, well, I know
I cooked dinner last night, but you know, you got to cook dinner the next night.

(55:55):
That's never going to work for us.
And so I bring my strength to the table.
She brings her strength to the table.
And you know, mine just happens to be the things that like some guys would be going,
wow, you're cooking and cleaning most of the time.
Like why are you doing that?
And luckily I don't have the kind of friends that ask me that.
Yeah, me either.

(56:16):
I think I used to.
That makes sense.
I used to.
And part of the reason why I'm glad I moved states.
It was part of the problem while I was there.
I think it was also I mean, at the end of the day, as long as you're using communication
with your partner, you're good, man.
Yeah.
And if they're not using communications with their partner, they're not.

(56:38):
It's on them.
You know, I have a Google reminder on my phone that comes in every day for 30.
Ask Marley what she wants for dinner.
And sometimes we've already settled it.
Sometimes none of us have thought about it because, you know, nothing got thought out
the day before or anything like that.
And so we both know that we're probably going to Wendy's.
But that little thing, that little reminder was like one of the best things I think I've

(57:03):
done.
It's been on my phone now for a year.
And that has fostered like a little bit of like mid afternoon conversation.
If she can, sometimes she can't get to the phone.
But a lot of times it's just a text.
It's like, Hey, I got this set out.
What do you want me to do with it?
And that works.
It's a great idea.
It was a great idea.
I can't, I can't pat myself enough on the back for that one.

(57:26):
You know what?
I am proud of you.
Just the little things.
I'll tell you what used to set me off.
My husband, I would send him a text, Hey, let's go to a movie or let's do something.
And he would always text back.
Maybe.

(57:47):
And I felt ick every time he did that.
Yeah, such a milk toast response every single time.
Never asked me if I wanted to go to a movie.
I'm sorry.
You need to be dated.
Yeah.
You need to be taken out.
Unfortunately for me, I used to do that sort of thing.
I used to be the sort of person that's like, Hey, we can't do that sort of thing.

(58:09):
We're not actually going to go out or I'm the one that's stopping it and not really
bringing things up.
Personally it was just money.
And now I kind of just gave up and we could do stuff that's not expensive, but most of
the time for me personally, it's just money.
If we can't afford it, we're not going to go out.
But I'm trying to figure out that stuff on myself because I'm not going to be poor forever

(58:30):
and going to like Wendy's and sitting down inside isn't going to change anything.
But it'll fix things.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, the fact that you're even going to suggest something else after the word no,
which is important.
I went into my second marriage saying, I'm never going to say the word no.
It took me four months to realize that that was a bad idea and I was hurting myself and

(58:52):
her by not really like adding any bit of me into it.
And that's what, you know, after saying no and saying, Hey, maybe we can do this instead.
Like, you know, ain't got the money or what have you.
So yeah, we went full circle, man.
We discussed Sam and the SCP.
Is it?

(59:13):
Yeah, you can.
There you go.
The SCP foundation.
And I'm going to look that up.
I'm going to educate myself on that.
There's a lot of communication.
Not being scared to indulge in emotional concepts with men.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Finding a way to watch YouTube without ads.

(59:34):
I feel like we got, we all got a little bit of this conversation like this.
There we go.
I think that's good.
We had a great time.
I had a great time.
Sam, you are so nice.
I like you so much.
I thought you liked Sam much.
I would say you were pretty, but actually, you know what?
You are very pretty, Miss Edith.
This is the end of the conversation.
You waited until the end of the conversation.
Yeah, that's good.
You didn't lead off with that.

(59:54):
You didn't open up a book and go, wow.
No.
You know, the old dude.
The guy was a little old dude from the, I guess he was, the guy was from the, oh
God, he was born in like the thirties.

(01:00:16):
I mean, that was, they didn't, they didn't use their minds.
They just looked at shit.
Yeah.
Okay.
I like you.
Okay.
I'll put my winky wink in your, that's what they did.
Right?
Right?
That's why we have HR.
It's pretty fun.

(01:00:37):
It's a national pastime.
Men just.
Keeps the world going around.
Couple of pumps.
True.
A couple of pumps.
Oh, that's all I'm ever getting is a couple of pumps.
Okay.
Any more than that.
And I'm probably going to have like a slip disc, a hernia or something.
I'm in there and out so quickly.

(01:00:58):
Oh, it's for your health.
That's what I'm hearing.
Good for you.
I like a good 20 minutes of a good.
That's what world record is.
I'm giving that least of 45 seconds to do, Jesus Christ.
Like there's a sandwich I got to make.
Then I want to have a conversation.
That's why I'm going to clean the house.

(01:01:21):
I mean, we can get it in and out quickly, you know.
Man.
Now, I will say this.
After, afterwards, some cuddling and conversation is actually one of the things that I do thoroughly
enjoy.
It's because one of the reasons why I like Marley so much is she's such a touch and
talk person.
So it works very well with us.

(01:01:44):
But as I've told her before, I'm not going too many details into our life when it comes
to that because as I've said before, this is my podcast, not hers.
Yep.
And that's it.
Opening up completely on this sort of thing feels a little weird and I'm still not there
yet, but it's a practice.
You get there.
You get there.

(01:02:04):
You can't really open up completely the ass part of life.
Until you get out and spread out.
Okay.
So that's why I thought this was going.
Good job, guys.
Good job.
It's a full circle.
That is really in the full circle.
All right, guys.
I love you guys so much.

(01:02:24):
I'm so glad I got both of you in the same room, so to speak.
Yep.
All right.
Maybe at the end of October.
Do you want to give your sign out, your normal sign out, with the people expect from you?
I always say, hello, darlings.
Peace out.
Word to your mother.

(01:02:46):
And tell her I said hello.
Yeah, there we go.
I'll talk to you guys later.
Peace.
Bye.
Bye.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Sam Simmons - The Best Three Minutes