We are SO BACK.

Edith and Michael come back after a two-month hiatus, discussing personal growth, relationships, and the impact of social media on self-expression. Among a slew of other topics, they also touch on their creative aspirations and the future of the podcast, emphasizing the significance of communication and self-definition in navigating queer identities.

This episode's Reddit conversation: https://www.reddit.com/r/BisexualCoffee/comments/1iv2ie5/confused_about_feelings_for_my_best_friend/

Our Podcast: https://rss.com/podcasts/bisexualcoffee/

Michael's Podcast: https://rss.com/podcasts/itsyourloss/

Edith's Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/5hPh93bOW48TSPXm8YnK0g

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
That's not a way steady words.

(00:02):
Definitely.
Welcome to bisexual coffee.
It's only $7.
It won't break the pain.
Welcome back, Edith.
I've missed you so much.
So it's been two months since our last episode release.
And we were just about to catch up without recording, like, you know, like, amateurs.
And I'm not going to stand for that, not for season two.

(00:23):
We may not have all our ducks in a row, but damn it, I know how to press record.
And you said that it was longer than two months.
And I will tell you, I'll tell you the way that I see it at a time always goes by slower when you're learning new things.
And in fact, that's because there's connections being made in the brain space.
It relies less on short term memory pads that you've already taken.

(00:45):
And so it feels more substantial.
It feels like the time is rich.
So tell me, I mean, we can go into detail, you know, as we go on,
because I feel like we, you know, between the both of us that we have a lot that's happened in two months with,
with sparse communication, just because we've been living our lives.
The holidays happened.
Yeah.
You and Marley had your thing.

(01:06):
And I kind of, I kind of watched from a fall, you know, envious from a fall.
Yes.
Well, you know, it's a beautiful thing.
It is such a beautiful thing.
And one could quite be envious of this thing that you and Marley have.
It is so deep and so actualized.

(01:27):
You're talking just, just a relationship?
Yes.
Oh, okay.
All right, cool.
Like I thought maybe like from the outside looking in, it looked like like an event had happened or whatnot.
And I was like, well, like a few events here and there, but.
No, that's, that's what I've learned about relationships too.
And that's why I had to take time off.
I had come back from the desert.

(01:48):
So shit was really cool.
I was in my own headspace and I was ready to tackle the world.
And what I didn't realize is I had all these people lined up around me that were like, Hey, what about me?
Hey, what about me?
Hey, what about me?
How many people do you think?
God, it was a lot.

(02:09):
It was a lot.
I love Florida.
Yeah, more than four.
More than four.
Definitely more than four.
And I'm in this space where I can pick who I want to be and do I want to be somebody's arm piece?
Do I want to be somebody's addict?
Do I want to be somebody's enabling friend?

(02:30):
These, these are all descriptors describing my past life.
I mean, do I want to handhold?
Do I want to enable?
Do I want to this?
Do I want to that?
And I realized that I want to step into who I am and that is a podcaster and I've already told you I want to do.
So I'm really on the flow and things and working on myself.

(02:53):
So I'm not attached when I go up on stage.
I'm not worried about anybody, but I'm not worried.
I don't want to be worried.
I just want to laugh.
All right.
Well, being, being worried on stage is kind of part and parcel.
Like if you talk to any comedian and whatnot, they'll tell you that there is a certain bit of anxiety because even, even though you'll tell yourself, you'll key yourself up, you're ready to go on stage.

(03:18):
And you've got all these jokes ready and you're just going to go tell the stories and they're going to land where they may.
The audience's reaction will still affect me.
Yeah, it's still going to hit you.
It's still going to affect me.
It will.
And as long as you are willing to understand that and make that part of your new adventure.
Oh, no, I do.
I do.
I do.
And I've been reading articles about it.

(03:40):
They say that with, you have to be prepared because there's going to be some nights where you just don't feel like going.
Yeah.
You don't feel like going and you, and, and you just got to make yourself go.
Yeah, it's like exercise.
So, yeah.
Well, but what I'm trying to do is learn the lessons from the people that are around me to help me when I actually physically, I mean, it's more for me.

(04:07):
Yeah, sure.
It's, are you writing any of these epiphanies and experiences down?
I have been.
I have been writing a blog on blogger.com, I guess.
What?
Blogger.com.
Okay, I was about to like blow people's minds and tell people that I just opened up a new MySpace because I'll get into why later.

(04:30):
I have a new MySpace, which is a dead account basically.
And it's screaming to nobody.
It's, it's, it's an echo chamber all of my own.
It's almost like a blog diary of my own because no one's looking at it and I'm posting things on there.
Blogger.com, I feel like it's kind of the same thing, right?
Because you're not on there for cloud.
You're not on there because I want some people to read these words.
You're just finding a place to put your digital stuff.

(04:53):
That's it.
I think that's funny that both of us have used, have found basically archaic versions of websites out there and you're like, this is my spot now.
Look, this is what I've been watching online.
There are people that are doing, there are people that are bitching about what they're not getting.
It's true.
There are people that are showcasing what they are getting. It's a whole lot of me, me, me, me, me.

(05:18):
Yeah. It's a whole lot of pick me energy out there.
Pick me because either I'm sad or pick me because baby, I got the cash or the, the roadblocks.
I don't know. I don't know what's popular anymore.
I'm faking it until I make it out here.
Jesus Christ, someone help me.
Yeah. We are already there.
That's the way I look at it.
Anything we do, I'm 56 years old to a lot of people on Stone Age.

(05:40):
But when I go out there, like I ride my bike around this community.
I'm in my new digs, by the way.
Yeah. Yeah. I love it.
I've seen the pictures you put up.
I'm a big fan of those, those mushroom pillows that you have on the couch.
Are they fun?
The pictures that you showed of them.
It was, at first I saw mushrooms on a couch.
I was just scrolling.
I wasn't paying attention to the name was and I stopped and I went, man, Edith would really love this picture.

(06:04):
And I scrolled back up and that's why, that's why she would love it.
It's, it's actually hers.
I, I assume so much social media in that way that finding like pictures and videos and whatnot,
not even really thinking on who was attached to until I start to think, oh, I want to share it with somebody.
And I come across that a lot.
I come across things that I think, oh, this person would like it.
There's a reason why it's because it's that person.

(06:25):
At least I know my friends.
You know, that's nice.
I just, I don't read their names on the screen.
Well, this is, this is another thing that I learned is that when people tell you what they need, believe them.
Yeah.
Believe them. Believe them. It's true. Whatever it is. I mean, you know, I, yeah.
In the deep South, I would just be the most hellacious sinner.

(06:48):
You know, I'd be like Madonna. Madonna is a hellacious sinner.
I don't want to talk to you, but you, you are the, yeah, you are in the deep South.
We don't necessarily have to say where you are, but yeah.
So you're in a new space.
In my new digs.
You're not, you're living alone.
Oh, yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
How was that feeling?

(07:09):
Oh my God. Oh my, I meditate.
So I work out like I try to work out twice a day.
Nice.
Yeah. You know, 56 hit me.
Okay. All right. Well, I'm going to eat those donuts.
So, so I'll wake up at four o'clock in the morning.
I won't marinate in anything.
I just jump out of bed and I get started and I go down to the gym, which is included with my whole

(07:35):
Oh, that's nice.
Here.
You don't have to pick up your gym?
No, no more.
Well, I mean, I guess it's kind of lumped in, but it's not an extra fee that you're having to put on top.
No, it's all lumped in.
It's like, I pay a monthly to a fee.
And when I say, like there's a pool, a heated pool, a jacuzzi, a gym, a business center with a, excuse me.

(07:59):
Oh my God, where did that come from?
I get all those air bubbles out.
I hear you, girl.
It's the donuts, God damn it.
So there's a business center.
They have, they had a Valentine's Day party with, with filet mignon for dinner.
I danced my ass off with all these old women.
They were fantastic.

(08:20):
Okay.
They were all drunk off their ass.
So I went out there and I just made a complete ass out of myself.
I shaped it.
I shaped my booty.
I shaped it until it was a jingling, jingling, jingling, jingling.
Did you, did you shake it or did you twerk it?
That's it.
Damn it.
You were the correct footage.

(08:41):
You're twerking.
You're out there twerking.
I was twerking.
Hell yeah.
Booty.
Twerking, shaking that booty.
Throwing it back and asking for change.
Good for you.
That's it.
I don't know if that's a phrase, but I feel like you could own that.
Hey, one other thing, the men, the old men, the really, they were old men.

(09:03):
How many years your senior?
30 maybe?
I don't know, but they were sitting at the table and they were really round shaped.
And they all looked at me.
Just mountains of men.
Look, yes, mountain men.
They were all looking at me the same way.
Can I show you the look?
Please.
I'm looking at you now.
Yeah.
Okay.

(09:24):
Don't look at me just yet.
Okay.
Okay.
Look away.
Tell me when.
Now?
Okay.
Oh, oh dear.
I was so, I'm like, what, what is that?
It's so intense and scrutinizing and like, like, should this, should this person be doing
this in front of me?
How do I feel about it?

(09:44):
You were giving them like some existential wonder about themselves and what was happening
in front of them.
Good for them.
Shake their lives up a little bit.
Shake their lives up.
Man, I'm thinking.
That, that's either years of your wife's bitch slapping you for like looking at things
you're not supposed to or.
Or they could have just been myopic.

(10:05):
You know, yeah, maybe they just couldn't see that well.
You know, I wanted to throw my booty up on their face a little just kind of throw it.
No, I didn't.
I never once felt that way.
I was going to let you have to see how long you wanted to ride with her.
Never once.
I didn't feel like I needed to do that, but the women were having a blast.

(10:28):
I mean, nice.
And I just was enjoying each one of their stories.
Like I didn't have to fix them.
I didn't have to correct them.
I didn't have to make them feel any kind of way.
It was.
Did you have you talk to these people since?
No, I.
A lot.
Look, I love, I love my energy and I love how it is.

(10:51):
But I need to decompress.
I need to go in my home and I need to be alone.
No, that's okay.
Single serving friends.
That's that event that I call that.
I take that from what is it?
Fight Club.
And single serving friends is what Tyler Durden was his, his alter whatever the heck the dudes
that Edward Gorton played.
He was on the plane and anybody that he met would be a single serving friend, kind of like

(11:14):
a single serving of sugar.
You know, it's just in the moment.
That's what you needed.
You talk.
You engage in each other's stories and then you go your merry way.
You know, you live your life afterwards knowing that you sampled another human being, so to
speak.
Yeah.
So that's, there's a magic in that.
There really is.
I'm sure.
Hey, let's just bitch slapper.

(11:34):
Which, which kind of in turn, especially when you know that, when you start to realize
that about the people you start to feel like that you have to perform, you have to constantly
give out and eventually you're going to burn out alone, which maybe that's what you were
feeling by the end of the last year.
Oh, I think that's what it was.
Yeah.
It was like, oh, I can't do this anymore.

(11:55):
I can't pretend to like this situation anymore.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, I feel like we all do that a little bit.
Like we, I was thinking about my mom.
She kind of did that with us, with the kids.
She wanted to be young like us and hang with us.
So just kept giving energy until she couldn't.
Right.

(12:15):
Yeah.
And then she was like, Trump.
The Trump was like, I don't know.
We're going to, I want to derail just a minute.
But just because that just reminds me of a video that I just do edit on TikTok, which
this is kind of kind of date the episode of this podcast, but that's fine.
We're, our president was talking about Elon Musk and what his actual official title is.

(12:41):
It was a very simple question.
The question was, Hey, is he an employee of Doge, which I still only vaguely understand
what the heck Doge is right now.
Anyway, he went, he's a, he's a patriot.
He's a, he could be called an employee.
He could be called a consultation, a consultant, but Hey, everybody look at Ukraine.

(13:01):
And I was like, Oh my God, you flim flam man.
Yes, light.
Yeah.
It's rough.
It's rough to watch.
And I'm not going to be silent this year.
These four years, last four years, I just kind of smile and nodded.
Because, you know, we were all trying to, we're all trying to figure out what the hell
is going on.
Yeah.
And we all have, we all have our various ideas and I don't normally share like my political

(13:22):
opinions with people, but when something, when, when somebody, you want to talk about
being performative, if somebody who is so constantly performative in front of a camera,
so afraid to drop his persona and actually be real and like take a moment through the
camera.
You know, there's no FDR, there's no fireside chats with this motherfucker.

(13:44):
Constant 100% Charlie Chaplin-esque performing, watch what I can do.
Everybody watch the spectacle and then let the chips fall where they may behind him.
And the last four years that he did that, I was like, whatever, we're just coming off
the pandemic.
I'm just now starting a social media presence in earnest.
This is not the time for me to go, I'm upset about what things are going on.

(14:06):
People didn't want to see that.
No, don't.
I'm ready.
But I think we, this is, we can get into that before we do, just to kind of keep on the,
on the trail that we have, and then we can get into like the free form jazz.
Is there anything that's happened in your life right now, Vice, not, not just moving
into your own place or, you know, separating yourself from the people who you feel are

(14:26):
just, you know, not necessarily giving you the best you that you want to talk about?
Yes.
Yeah.
What else happened to you?
So we'll reactivity, reactivity with a lot of people that I care deeply about, like attachment.
That would change about that.
Well, I withdrew.
I had to withdraw.

(14:46):
I withdrew completely.
And it's, it's my older friends that were brought up and have trauma and that are still
dealing with trauma and coping and things.
Not dealing with it, right?
Or not dealing with it like you're saying.
And the thing is I've got tons of hobbies and working out.
And I, like I said, I just bought my new place and I'm decking it out with cool furniture

(15:11):
and I'm getting new tattoos and that's tomorrow.
I'm going back to platinum blonde.
I'm probably going to get, you know, three inches cut off.
I'm going back to me because I stopped being me so I could, I could be like, okay, what's
going on here?
Cause, cause I'm drained.
Like you were saying I, I was completely drained.

(15:33):
My funny bone.
I was like, where's my, where's my funny?
I used to be funny.
What the fuck is going on here?
I, where's my funny bone?
I wanted it.
I mean, it got to the point last year.
You know, we were doing, we had a guest.
We had Jace Beck and loved him to completely just such a beautiful human being.

(15:55):
And I found myself physically exhausted by the end of the, end of the interview.
I still haven't even edited it.
Edited.
Edited.
Yeah.
I'm going to do that.
I'm going to do that.
I'm going to edit it and then I'm going to put it out.
But I found my funny bone.
It was up my ass.

(16:16):
It was completely in lodged in my butt.
So yeah.
So I, like I said, I had to let those people kind of, you know, they'll come back.
They'll all be here.
Possibly.
They're not going anywhere.
Possibly.
But letting somebody go.
We don't, it's not like Pokemon, you know, we don't have to collect them all.
And, you know, just kind of short through them whenever we need them.

(16:38):
Some people are friends with us when we need them to be friends and then they go their
merry way or un-mary way, depending on how I feel about them at the time.
Good thought fuck out.
But it's okay.
People in my life who I was really tight with, like during work situations, during school
situations and, you know, they were really fitting the groove.

(17:00):
We were either all doing the same thing, like being in the same class or, you know, what
have you.
But there are only so many friends.
I can think maybe count five or six friends on my hand right now that I know I can constantly
just reach out to because I know that no matter what our stages are, we are, we, what is this?

(17:20):
What's a good word for we mesh?
There we go.
Yeah.
Mesh is another word.
Mesh.
So yeah.
And it's okay.
So even if some of those people who you distanced yourself from don't come back, you know, that
was their chapter in your book.
You now have room to write.
And I'm good with it.
Like I'm not mad and I'm not taking anything personally.

(17:41):
No bitterness.
Nice.
So here's, here's another little tidbit.
Oh good.
So the guy that does my tattoos, I want you to see, can you see?
I can see.
Yeah.
I'll put a picture.
I can do that now.
Is she just going to strip down?
I'm not just an old lady.
I'm not my brains of functioning.
Season two of bisexual coffee and eat a strips on screen.

(18:09):
Everybody.
I don't even have to know.
So my tattoo artist went to the deep South and I was so upset.
I was so upset.
I have been like three years trying to get an appointment with this person.
And apparently the universe has been teaching him, teaching him.
He, he, he, he couldn't go to Europe.

(18:30):
He usually goes to Germany.
He goes to, he goes to Switzerland.
He goes around there.
Well, he couldn't because of COVID.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I ended up going to the deep South.
Okay.
I need to clarify this.
And again, I don't want to dox you.
You have said deep South at least six times in this episode and now I can't help but to
think that he just went to Cuba because where, where you're at, there's not much more deep

(18:57):
South to go.
It was not South.
Where are you?
Okay.
So I'm up near Atlanta.
It was like South Carolina or something.
I'm sorry.
I mean, Florida, we're not even a state.
Okay.
We're not, we're not in your state of mind.
We've got the Florida man.
That's a whole nother story.

(19:17):
I'll tell you about my murder table.
Netflix special.
Look, but no, he went there and he had to earn money there because no one was getting
tattoos here.
And I'm like, dude, I would have gotten a tattoo.
Well, you know, I, I kept messaging him and he goes, well, you didn't text me.
And I said, well, you've never given me your phone number.

(19:38):
Well, finally he gave me his phone number.
This was recently, but he was there and I guess these people are so like, what is that?
Deep in fear.
Everything is about fear.
Who is fearing?
Just the people that lived in the town that he was serving.
Okay.
Gotcha.
Gotcha.
You know, cause there's a certain clientele like here in Florida, everybody does yoga.

(20:03):
Everybody getting tattoos.
We all do yoga.
We, we drink smoothies in the morning.
We make sure that we touch every aspect of our body and say kind of here in California.
Like, well, it's almost like that.
We're a little weird.
Okay.
We're a little strange to some people.
We talk about love 24 seven.

(20:24):
Love, love, love, exception.
Yeah.
Kindness.
You sound like you sound like you're in San Francisco.
Like a little bit.
A little bit.
You got a little San Francisco in you.
Probably, which God, God bless that guy.
He is like engaging.
He's engaging with all of my like wholesome con content and whatnot.
Like the stuff like on my personal page.

(20:46):
He does his lab or doodle or whatever the hell kind of dog.
Whatever he's got going on.
Yeah.
But he's a monster.
He's just monster.
It's just, it's, it's, it's just the performative side of him is just, it's just so differently.
Damn.
No, no, it's the performative side for him is, is so, it's not necessarily different.

(21:10):
It's just more electric and, and not everybody necessarily wants to hold onto a live wire
like that.
And I'm not going to say that, you know, you and I agree with everything that, that
he says when he's in that mode, but it's just been, it's been interesting getting to, to
know him after we had that interview.
And I would be interested to see what, what a part two with him would look like.

(21:32):
But that is.
I'm not going to do that.
That is in the future.
It's going to be a little different.
I'm going to look at him like this.
Look at me, Michael.
Yeah.
Look at me.
Okay.
I'll have to wait again.
Just like the little moment who are watching you shake your ass.
Yes.
Yes.
They were unconscious.
Those.
Let me tell you a little bit about what's going on.

(21:54):
What's going on with me in two months?
Cause I've, I haven't been necessarily as a transformer.
Where'd you go?
Dude, you just went silent.
Like I can't even hear you.
Just dead silent.
Wait for it.
It's a very interesting story.
I do.
We, we're in a pretty good space right now.
We have a pretty good flow.

(22:15):
Like you said, it is going back and forth in between waiting for her to get off of work
and me making sure the food is ready.
And then if she has time, she's making sure the food is ready.
We had a serious conversation about finances, which is a big step in our relationship, being
real with each other as far as what we owe, who we owe, why we owe it.
And we just celebrated our fifth anniversary.

(22:35):
One is our anniversary because we want to make it easy on ourselves.
And so that's, that's doing great.
What has changed mostly for me is the way that I make and consume social media.
I have tried to spend less time taking in videos and just more time making them.
Unless there's something that I really want to like get involved with like a certain news

(22:58):
outlets or something like that.
Got myself a letter box.
Do you know what that is?
So it is an app that you can create watch lists of movies that you haven't seen, movies
that you have seen.
You can go ahead and review them with stars and whether or not you like them and also
give them an actual little like paragraph of review.
It's a small fee to get it without ads and the ads are very intrusive.

(23:18):
So I went ahead and did that.
And what I've been doing is I've been trying to find those videos, those movies that I
haven't watched that I've always like heard about.
And I thought that maybe they'd be, you know, interesting to watch with Marley because she
likes watching like older movies.
The first two movies on my letter box.
I know one of them is Tootsie.
And I've only heard of it.
I've never seen it.

(23:39):
And the first, as soon as I told Marley about that, she's like, Oh my God, I love to see
we need to watch that.
I'm like, well, good.
It's on my watch list between that and then TikTok closing down and coming back 11 hours
later, because, you know, the political climate was like, Hey, watch, watch what we're doing
with TikTok while we do other probably war crimes or something.
I don't know what the hell they're doing.
That made me realize that I was kind of putting all my eggs in the same kind of creation basket.

(24:02):
Like I was sharing the same kind of videos everywhere.
No, there was no reason for me to have different social media sites if I was going to be doing
the same thing on each one.
And so I like Tumblr.
I like the blog aspect of it.
And I've really learned to love the community that it became because it was already starting
to become the quirky little community that it is when I first started it.

(24:24):
And I went away and then I came back.
Uh, I like I said, I opened up a MySpace, which is it's their fault for being able to for
us to be able to make new accounts like the websites basically broken.
You can't put videos.
You can't put music as what the app was for at first.
It can't take it.
Yeah, I can't take it.

(24:45):
And so, but it does take text and pictures.
So it has become my own little blog space that I just yell into the void.
I use TikTok mostly for live.
And then like I've, I have four years of content on there.
So I just put up the old stuff because there are new people who haven't seen the old stuff.
Instagram is now just for photos or reels of my photos.
Facebook is kind of the catch-all.
If I think it's good enough for Facebook, like I throw it on there.

(25:08):
Then I'm focusing more on YouTube.
So I want to do like a five or six question and answer video or read something off the
internet commentary style videos, uh, at least once of those a month.
Still going to be doing it's your loss podcast, which I won't be doing another episode of
that until April.
I just wanted to, I wanted to see what different aspects of me that I can create and focus

(25:33):
on and maybe even sharpen instead of trying to be a jack of all trades and just kind of
mesh everything into one like creative ball, you know?
And we are looking at trying to get a new place because the installation in this place
is not the greatest.
So the bills are a little high and there's a couple other aspects that we don't need
to get into on this.

(25:53):
The size, right?
And your kitchen.
You need to make a kitchen.
Well, there's true.
We need a better kitchen.
But also we just need to be able to save money and we just can't do that for where we're
at right now.
And so we're in talks with other members of our family, maybe doing like, uh, I mean,
it's not ideal, but cohabitation might be the only way that we're, any of us is going
to be able to save money right now.
So I'm kind of doing the opposite.

(26:14):
Possibly.
Maybe we haven't confirmed anything of what you're doing.
And instead of downsizing, we might be up sizing, but that means at least three or four
bedroom, two bath, uh, all say all single level.
If we can have it because right now we, all the bedrooms are upstairs and the only bathroom
is downstairs.
So if you wake up in the middle of the night and you got to go downstairs, there's no,
there's no way around it.

(26:35):
Oh, here at this place, at this place that I'm at right now.
Yeah.
And so we're looking at, we're looking at other places right now.
There's nothing serious that we can do right now because it's definitely still not cheap
anywhere, but we got plans.
We got plans.
And one of those plans is the reason, the whole reason I'm mentioning this is because
I want to have a studio space.
That's what I'm saying, man.
That's, that's essentially the goal here.

(26:57):
Yes.
And, and that's what I've, I'm got over here on the side.
This is a 1973 Chevy.
It's a mobile home.
Nice.
It was literally moved onto this property.
And then they added this side piece, side piece.
I like to call it everybody and it's going to be a studio space.
So the fact that you are thinking that way makes my heart so happy inside.

(27:22):
I mean, my studio space has always been the, the shared living room space.
And I'm glad that I found this angle where it is cause I kind of like the light and dark
of the wall and I like the way that it frames everything and whatnot.
I mean, what can I do in a space that's all my own?
You know, I might even get back into painting.
If I mean, yeah, I have a dream.

(27:44):
Your photography.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I shared with you some of those photos and I, I thoroughly have been enjoying walking
around like what I do is I just go out there with my walking stick and my Canon camera
strapped to one shoulder off to the side.
It's digital.

(28:05):
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's a Canon XLR, I think it's what it is.
It's a Canon Rebel 7 EOS 5, I think it's called or something like that.
You camera, camera jockeys are going to be like this guy.
I don't know what he's talking about, but there was that really one, that one that I
had to send to you that was so big that it wouldn't come into a, the email by itself,

(28:29):
the one of the graveyard.
I love that one.
I want that blown up and put right on my wall over here.
Do you know?
Of course you don't know.
You don't know because I haven't told you yet.
I'm telling you now, we were at that cemetery because of Valentine's Day.
So.
Oh, how romantic.
So romantic, but it really is.

(28:49):
It really is.
It doesn't sound like it, but the thing is, is that Marley is a really big fan.
I wouldn't say really big fan.
She's very comfortable around death and the aspects thereof.
She is empathetic for people who are really torn up about it, but and she will shed a
tear to for those who are lost, but she's just comfortable.
She understands that everything ends and it's a natural thing.

(29:10):
She hates when it happens suddenly and without reason, but she still is very comfortable
about it.
And part of that is feeling at ease among the headstones.
There's not any creepiness for her or anything like that.
And then when we found out that the day after Valentine's Day is the day she actually had
off and then she found out that it was going to be like creepy and foggy and murky all

(29:32):
day.
She's like, come on, we got to drive to Atlanta and there's a really cool place I want you
to see.
I challenge you.
It's a really easy challenge to go to my Instagram or I think you might have seen them
on Facebook already of the mausoleum shots and the stained glass windows and everything
else that I had.
If you haven't seen those, I really recommend like taking a look at them.
It kind of, it may give you the drive to go explore mausoleums yourself, but it's one

(29:55):
of the biggest ones in the Southeast of USA.
So if you want to see that one, you got to come here, which ha.
Oh, you know, I will.
That's how I'll trick you to coming.
You know, I'll get you at D's Nuts or whatever.
I still want to go to that.
D20, but D's Nuts is close.
Let's see.
Here we go.
Then, no, but no, D20 would be really cool.

(30:18):
I should be actually hosting one of those in the middle of this year.
So I'll be the one telling the story and other people wind up playing the D20s around me
and whatnot.
And start the pictures.
So.
And, you know, y'all can look at them.
There's one in there of, you could tell like it's a thawing, like, creek side and whatnot.
That was like the first time I brought my camera out.

(30:39):
And then it was like, you know, I don't really get enough animals.
I got a squirrel there.
The street froze over at one point and I've been playing around with the camera settings
to, to make it where I don't have to edit them as much when I come off.
So I could talk about photography for a long time because I've just been getting into it.
But between, between all of those, I even dabbled in.

(30:59):
I was trying to do red note.
You heard about red note.
That was basically the Chinese version of TikTok and everybody was running there laughing
about the fact that we're willingly giving our information to the Chinese when they're
saying that this is the app that is taking our information.
Let me, let me just interject right now.

(31:20):
Okay.
Let me just give you Edith's perspective of that bullshit right here.
Look at my finger.
I see it.
It's serious.
Look, I'm telling you, it's all a crack of shit.
Literally the most I've been fingered in a year.
So thank you.
Look, the government has been creating beliefs around social media for a reason.

(31:43):
To make everyone, and I'm going to say it, pornography.
You can't even in the state of Florida look at porn, the good stuff anyway, without putting
your driver's license in.
Okay.
But you can watch the garbage and the bondage in the, let's just say, can I say it?

(32:03):
Yeah.
I mean, we, or G's and, you know, and abuse and all this other garbage, you can watch
that.
Okay.
But you can't watch the clean cut porn.
Okay.
You can watch the shenanigans.
I like the call.
The shenanigan porn.
Yes.
Why?
It creates addicts.
Okay.

(32:24):
You put your driver's license in.
Are you really that much of a dumbass that you're going to put your driver's license in?
No.
You're a porn addict.
You're going to go and watch the bondage and the other stuff.
Possibly.
And it's going to create more addiction.
I know what's going on here.
I'm just curious.
And I have to ask the driver's license one.
Are you talking about like curated porn sites or are you talking about porn hub?

(32:47):
You porn porn hub.
So porn hub, you have to put your driver's license in?
Wow.
That sucks.
Yeah.
I just want to do that.
I'd be quite honest with you.
I would probably like at that point just like peruse to like some of the cleaner sites that
just show like just boobs and just see if I can get away with just like.

(33:07):
Thank you.
Rubbing off onto just boobs because, oh fair enough.
For me, it's kind of a mediation thing.
If there's any guys out there listening that know the secret of if you know that you're
going to have sex later to go ahead and take care of the quick one earlier because some
people, the first one's always the quickest.
You know?
And so, you know, that's kind of just like me meaturing myself out for what I know is

(33:32):
going to be later.
So that I guess it's almost medicinal in a way.
That's why I do it.
It's for my health.
Look, it's for my health too.
I've just given it a break.
Okay.
I've given it a break until I know, you know, I know what I'm doing.
Find out what your new normal is before you start, you know.
Yeah.

(33:53):
I'm thinking of the things around, you know.
I don't know what it is for you.
Like I said, fifth in it.
Detaching.
Yeah.
What I'm doing.
Yeah.
You're recalibrating.
I like it.
I got a list here just to make sure I hit all my high points here.
I started doing these story time videos, which might be an interesting thing to do, which
is just thinking about stories of my life.
Stories.

(34:14):
Yeah.
Those kind of, those kind of.
It'll really blow your mind.
If you want to move to Florida, I got a place that's for sale to houses down for sale for
rent for sale.
See, we're not in sale space yet because we owe too much for other things, but we're
working on it.
Okay.
Pay all that shit off.
Yeah, we're trying.

(34:34):
That's what everybody is dealing with.
A lot of people are.
Everybody is dealing with and then they get around other people and then their fuse is
so short that they can't handle.
It's like, what the hell?
Well, it is stressful.
It is stressful to deal with something like that.
But let me ask you, you know, since this is basically just the episode of like, you know,

(34:56):
feeling each other out and seeing, you know, where our, where our plum bobs are in the
water right now, right?
When we were talking about getting ready for this episode for just sitting down and just
talking to each other, you know, for.
Um, I do have that in common, don't mind the sound of my own voice.

(35:17):
Like editing, editing sometimes gets me a little bit, especially when I have to like
repeat the same thing over and over again.
But I don't mind watching my own stuff back because for me, it's like looking at an interactive
mirror and wrong with it.
Yeah.
I feel like it teaches me my ticks.
Yeah.
Well, you know what?
You're in an, we're both in an entirely different place.

(35:37):
Like I don't really care what I look like now.
I mean, I do.
I'm clean.
Like my shit's clean.
That's good.
You know, but I'm not all jewelery important.
My bedazzles and my hair and things like I got here from the gym.
I ate five donuts.
I feel kind of bloated.
Well, oh, I've been exercising too.

(35:59):
Tell.
Do tell.
Sorry.
The first off, I don't know if I've mentioned this before in the podcast, perhaps I have,
I have fallen in love with a little app called Finch F-I-N-C-H and I would show you, but
since I had to move to my camera, I can't show you, but it is a little animated bird
and that bird has, it starts off from a hatchling and then it goes to an adult.

(36:24):
I don't want it goes to pass an adult.
I haven't made it yet.
I've only been, I've only been using it for 80, 80 days, but on there are things that
you should do.
Yeah.
There are things that you should do.
Like it says, like get out of bed in the morning, take your medicine and you can go ahead and
make all of these different points that you can follow and then check off every check off,
give some energy, every energy, let's them go adventure, every adventure, let's them

(36:46):
grow up.
And I, I, it's like Tamagotchi.
I so want to take care of that little bird and let it experience the cool things in the
world because at the end of its adventure, it goes, Hey, I heard that the, the Romans
used to have birds on their helmets and you can give it the answer of either a, like,
like, they thought that it was really pretty on their helmets or it thought it gave them

(37:08):
the ability to fly.
Like, yeah.
And then it, and then it takes that answer and goes, it either gets like more confidence
or he gets more imagination.
It's also good for the mind space.
Either way, I've been exercising using this app.
So in the mornings, it started off would just go outside, take a walk and do jumping
jacks.
So I started doing that.
And then I realized I didn't, wasn't really feeling like for a while there, that was all

(37:31):
I really could do because my office desk and my diabetes had sapped my body.
After a while it was like, okay, well, I can do this now.
What else can I do?
So I went ahead and put push-ups on there.
Hey, push-ups.
I can't really do the regular push-ups because I have a high adult hernia right here on
my, on my stomach.
So engaging my core hurts.
And so I do cross the legs, raise the feet off of the ground and just work on the biceps

(37:56):
and the arms and everything right here.
And I started putting in those.
And for a while I could only do 10, I'm now up to 70 a day.
And then I was like, okay, squats, maybe work on the glutes a little bit.
And so I started doing that.
I'm now up to 20 of those a day.
Sit-ups are the worst because they just are for me right now, but I'm up to 10 of those
a day.

(38:16):
And the muscle mass that I made on my legs alone, I've always been able to bring the
muscle mass back on my legs up pretty well.
And but they, they bulked up.
And then the next thing I know, like I was, I was looking at myself in videos and like,
I was doing this, there was no roundness here.
It was just straight.
And I was starting to get really bad body dysmorphia, like looking at myself and going, I feel like

(38:36):
I'm a lot bigger than that.
But on screen, I'm not showing anything.
And so not only as that started to bulk up now where I can actually not put my fingers
all the way around.
Excellent.
Yeah.
But you showed your arms.
I can show mine now too.
There's actually a roundness here.
It's not, it's, and there, there, not only is the bicep of the tricep and everything

(38:57):
like that.
And my whole goal, yeah, real quick, my whole goal is to make sure that I'm comfortable enough
to go join my brother on the little section of the Appalachian Trail when he comes and
does it either later this year or next year.
So yes, sure, I can.
Please do nurse.
But I've decided I haven't eaten, eaten it in years because of how scared I was in the

(39:21):
diabetes and things.
And I have that fear is another thing.
Be fearless in everything you do.
Don't allow fear to creep into your head.
Like, oh, I don't want to do this procrastination.
Crastination.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Just get up and do it.
Don't even think about it.
Get up and do it.
That's another thing that causes diabetes.

(39:42):
When I say that's what that little pinch guy is doing for me.
He's helping me get up and do it.
And so, you know, you're, you're a little savvy when it comes to medical stuff.
I'm sure you know what body doubling is when it comes through ADHD.
I feel like that pinch is my body double in the room.
Like it's, it's not so gamified where I feel like I have to do it for points or anything

(40:03):
like that because there are also moments in there where you, it was like, hey, how about
you identify your emotion?
And I went, the moment that at first time it asked me that I was like, this thing is
not just asking me to care about my body.
It's also asking me to care about my mind.
So I highly recommend it.
My phone knows that I use it and it does that thing.
Weird thing that you have the app.
So you want ads for it.
I'm like, yeah, yeah, please do the, the Finch app.

(40:25):
It's really good.
Well, I also downloaded the live in app.
You might look into that and live in live in app.
Yeah.
So I mean, that's helped me helped me a lot with my emotions and things and to understand
that anger doesn't serve me one bit.

(40:45):
Getting upset about what somebody else is doing is only keeping me from doing what I
need to do.
Well, sure.
I mean, but dwelling is however a legitimate emotion.
It is okay to have the emotion.
You've got to work through it, but at my age and where I'm at, I've isolated myself.

(41:09):
I've taken myself out of situations because it's an easy thing to do with someone my age.
It makes me responsible for the reasons for reason my husband, he's opening a restaurant.
I'm an easy target for him not to do it, you know, not to do a good job or whatever.
He's sticking around.
You know what I'm saying.

(41:31):
Yeah.
Yeah.
So that's okay.
I'm saying just out there motions.
Obviously.
Yeah.
As long as you're out there just like suppressing emotions, you'd be like, I don't know.
Yeah.
That's good.
I actually, a lot of good, a lot of stuff.
I had a bunch of negative emotions just assail me today on the way to work because I somebody

(41:55):
said something and it got my that was probably born out of the rumor mill, but they didn't
tell me enough details to be helpful just to kind of put myself on edge that other people
are talking some shit and then where's that shit coming from is that shit validated.
Oh, no.
I love those people.
Right.
And I was like, and the thing is, is he was asking because he wanted to make sure that
I was okay in my position, but he didn't want to overstep the conversation that he had with

(42:18):
somebody who still works with me.
And so I was like, you can't play the field, dude.
Like if you know something, tell me.
And so he kind of did either way.
I'll be talking with him about that later.
But I woke up and I was just, I was a little irritated, but like not bad.
I thought it was like, I could have used another hour of sleep.
So I just went off of that.
And as I drove off, I just, I got a bunch of anxiety just kind of piling me at once.

(42:43):
Like to the point where I felt that telltale heart skip that I get when I have too much
anxiety, like my brain's operating on just too much.
So it literally skips.
And I was like, okay, breathe that out.
I recognize anxiety when it is.
I know what it's about.
I worked through it and everything.
I let it come, but it passed.
And then halfway to work, it's only a 20 minute drive for me.

(43:05):
So 10 minutes on, I get like the largest wave of sadness deep, almost like I want to cry
sadness.
And I'm sitting there at a red light and I'm just like staring off into the distance, like
thinking was like, okay, I could dismiss this right now, but where is just straight sadness
coming from?
I let it play around in there.
It didn't stay long, maybe a minute or two.

(43:27):
And then it went away.
My brain went off into something else.
But there would be a time where when I was younger, if I had been visited by the sadness
various I was at that point, I've been like, you got nothing to feel sad about.
Suck it up.
I, I've been to enough therapy sessions now that I recognize that we are going to feel
the feelings and just sit with it as uncomfortable.

(43:49):
It is sometimes it's not going to last very long.
Sometimes it's going to last longer.
And then if it does last longer than you got time to figure out.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
What I'm saying is just flow.
Okay.
If you're, if your boss gets irritated, you don't have to stay there.
You don't have to hold his hand and you don't have to help him through it.
You say, I just excuse me for a moment.

(44:11):
I promise you I'll be back.
Leave him go do a task because I guarantee you, and this is an older human telling you
a younger human 16 years on you or something.
Let's, let's not.
Okay.

(44:32):
You already said your age.
You got 14 years on.
I don't care.
I literally do not.
You literally broadcast your age on every episode.
I know.
No, you got 14 years.
But listen, so what I know about being a boss myself is that sometimes bosses act like children

(44:55):
when you feel like a child around them.
Okay.
So the only way you can change your boss is to change how you view the situation.
He is your, he's not really your boss.
Okay.
I don't think he views himself like that.
And I also believe that he just wants you to feel comfortable in the same space that

(45:18):
he's in.
He gets frustrated.
He doesn't know how to tell you act like a millionaire.
You're a millionaire.
I love you.
He can't facilitate his emotions.
You, however, being of a, you're like me, so you're a light worker.
You just have this joy emanating inside you.

(45:42):
You don't have joy at work.
So what you do is when you get to work, you believe who you are.
You're like, I am fucking Michael a block.
I am the light worker.
I've got joy in my heart.
I literally bring joy.
You bring joy to me every time I see your face.
Okay.
Well, thank you.
Your whole face.

(46:03):
I mean, I, one day I'm going to draw it too, but back to you when you're in the same room
with that man, you make sure your mind is blank.
You don't worry about a thing.
You follow me.
I do.
Anybody don't worry about the triangulator, dude.
The only reason he's worried is because maybe you're worried.
I don't know.

(46:24):
He, he's kind of a tool.
Well, no, yes, a little bit, but I think we all have our moments of that.
His thing is the friends that he has, he sees them as, and he says this, he says that you're
part of my clan.
And so if something's wrong, I want to see if one, if you acknowledge that something
is wrong that I, I might see.

(46:45):
And if you don't, then I'll tell you about it.
He was in the, Hey, do you realize something is wrong type thing, trying to feel me out
to see if I'm in a negative space or not.
He's cringing, podependence.
He doesn't know it.
He's one of those guys that says he learned everything that he needed to do in the first
couple of episodes of his, he's one of those people who learned everything he needed to

(47:11):
learn in the first couple of episodes of his therapy and then he went on with that.
Um, yes.
And he's I know, but, and, but there are, there are sometimes though, like if I'm just
doing work with him, like every once in a while, help him get his wood stacked up for
the winter and whatnot.
And we'll just have like some of the most vulnerable, like one-on-one conversations.

(47:32):
It's just,
we all look, we all lie to each other.
We all flow in and out of consciousness.
Some moments I'm a complete jackass and selfish and I don't think about anybody but myself.
And then there's another minute where I'm like, Oh, I'm just going to be so self actualized
in this moment.
And you just won't recognize who I am when it comes to work.

(47:54):
I'll give you an example.
Okay.
Not to make this about me, but there's a doctor.
He's extremely, extremely hot.
Oh, spicy.
Oh, he's yes.
He's very hot.
He's movie.
Callie and.
Okay.
He is.
He's like, I look at him and I'm just like, wow, why aren't you on TV or something?

(48:17):
Why are you standing in front of me?
And then, then my nuttiness because I am a nut that work for my, I love my addicts.
I love them to death.
I talk to them like Edith all the time.
I perform for them.
I give them their pain medicine.
I don't care.
I'm not holding back.

(48:38):
It's every four hours.
I'm going to give you that shit every four hours.
Is that what you want?
Okay.
That's what I'm doing.
I'm there for them and, and he knows it.
But at the same time, people, he's a doctor, which makes him a little bit of a, what do
they call those?
There's like a murder inside there too.

(49:00):
Okay.
You've got to be a little bit of a pathological narcissist.
Okay.
Doctor, but this one has obviously learned he's, he comes from a giving space too.
So when we talk to each other, we're like, I'm very grateful for you.
Thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me today.

(49:21):
We talked to each other like that.
I think he might be a little neurodivergent like me because I'll have moments where I
stutter and then he'll stutter, you know, we both anyway, I think he's so hot and I'll
like, I'll do this.
He's talking about writing a prescription for so and so.
And he's like, I'll give you my DEA number.

(49:44):
And I'm like, I just, I look.
I just want to put my mouth on his mouth.
I just want to kiss him, but no, that's inappropriate.
I know that I must not be doing such things at work.
Well, you know, you can't, sometimes you can't control the paths in which the mind goes,
you know, as long as you.

(50:04):
Funny.
I'm, I laugh.
Yeah.
Hours.
And then I imagine him saying, I love you, Edith.
Wow.
I'm reminded this, you're giving me like, uh, Allie McBeal meets, uh, uh, yeah, maybe

(50:25):
I was actually going to say a little, a little sex in the city slash Allie McBeal type situation
going on.
I'm dating, I'm dating myself.
Um, I said I'm dating myself here when it comes to saying Allie McBeal in general.
Uh, but I will say this, um, I do not want to make out with my boss.

(50:48):
Um, I, I, I've been in a situation where I have had crushes on bosses before, but I
know it's simply because of the fact that, you know, you work with somebody for so long
in the same space, you start to develop like a shorthand language with each other.
And if you're a person who hasn't had a lot of romantic relationships, uh, as I was, you

(51:13):
start to think, Oh, is this a crush?
And then you realize, no, you're just syncopating with a human being.
And yeah.
And, uh, I've had that confusion a couple of times in my life.
And I'm sure that, I'm sure that everybody has, uh, just when you get close to somebody,
you start to do it.
I mean, I just, now I just laugh at myself though.
I think I'm terrible when I do like that.

(51:35):
I'm just like, Oh my God, come on.
You're 56 years old, honey.
Turn it off, sweetheart.
Turn it off to the JJ baby.
Why are you at work?
Maybe, maybe it's telling you that you need to pay attention to it.
Maybe you, maybe you do need to take some, you need to take some, you need to take some

(52:01):
self-time, you know, maybe, you know, little tender.
Is that what you're telling me?
Yeah.
You know, you, you, you know, just reintroduce yourself to the, the curves, you know, just
figure out what's going on down there.
You're, you're of a medical professional.
You can tell yourself that it's a medical procedure.
It is.
It's a procedure.
Who wants to take, take care of my procedure?

(52:23):
Capital P procedure.
I love it.
Uh, all right.
So I think, I think that this is a very, very, very important thing.
That this would be a good time for us to kind of like soft launch into the thing that we're
going to do.
And we're, we're going to, I want, like I was telling you at the beginning of all of

(52:45):
this is that I, I haven't got a bisexual coffee podcast Reddit yet, but I know that I want
one.
And I think that we, it'd be a great, a great thing.
I think for young people to be able to just kind of, I believe in young people.
I believe in young people and creating a community where they're all talking to one another

(53:08):
and, um, just figuring this shit out.
Life is just a weird space.
Absolutely.
Um, Bruce Lee said it.
Bruce Lee said, no way is way.
Have you heard that before?
Yes, I have.
Yeah.
I have.
Um, so instead I'm going to log into this using, I guess just my account right now,

(53:32):
just so I can read it.
And this will give us something to talk about right here at the end.
Um, again, this is, you know, it's bisexual coffee.
The whole idea is that we want to, you know, create a show that not only talks about, uh,
people, their feelings and, you know, just the real shit, but also a queer space as well.
And so I found this on queer, uh, r slash queer advice.

(53:58):
And this is, this kind of goes really well into what we were talking about earlier.
I don't think we could have planned a better segue.
The title of this is confused about feelings for my best friend.
Um, so this is, uh, of course, asking for a relationship advice.
I found it just on r slash queer.
So there, people are trying to get this out there and, uh, because queer, queer advice

(54:23):
is not really that big of a subreddit.
Somebody did find it and put it on a bigger one.
Hopefully this person is getting answers, but as of right now, no one's answered it.
I am a out and passing if that matters for some reason.
Transfim lesbian who recently turned 18 last fall while volunteering at a remote location
for a number of weeks, I met someone.
We quickly became very close, both sharing things we had never told anyone else before

(54:45):
and having many deep conversations.
I didn't find this particularly weird because I have a tendency to hyper fixate on new people.
I was definitely falling in love with them.
And I say we love each other regularly now, but we've always labeled our relationship as
platonic.
I have plenty of those.
I'm still trying to get my brother just to say, I love you back to me.
That's so funny.
My brother will do it every now and again.

(55:06):
Yeah.
He will too, but it's so mumbled and quick because my brother's actually just my longest
running best friend who I will, would, you know, give a kidney to no problem.
But, uh, the way he answers me sometimes.
Yeah, I love you too.
I hope no one hears.
Yeah, right.
Like, dude, we're in a car by ourselves.

(55:27):
Stop it.
My friend has said many times that they view me as a younger sister.
They're 21 when, and I don't think they really say how old they are.
But when we first met, we became close in the fall.
We also rapidly became very touchy, cuddling and laying on top of each other.
Cuddly or platonic friends do it.
My friend who identified as fully aromantic and asexual at this point told me that this

(55:50):
was unusual for them at the time, but it's pretty normal for me with friends.
We've basically been physically and emotionally close like this forever since.
Anyway, fast forward to now.
My friend has just discovered this week they are not arrow ace and entered a whole new
relationship with their childhood best friend.
In spite of my previously unslappable belief that I've viewed them as a sibling, I now
find myself inexplicably jealous and worried about this new relationship.

(56:12):
Will the new physically intimate dynamic that they only had with me now become less special?
Will they pull away from me?
Have I secretly liked them romantically and or sexually this whole time?
And that's why I have this gut feeling.
Also I'm currently in a roughly eight month relationship with someone else who's been
a close friend of mine for over a year now.

(56:32):
This has been a relationship the whole time that the events above have played out.
The new worry now also has me reconsidering if I might be polyamorous too since I always
saw I only wanted my partner.
Sorry to ramble.
I hope this reaches someone.
I really don't know how I feel towards this person or what to do about it.
I figured this would be a good place to ask since it seems like a very queer situation.

(56:53):
Wow, that's a nice end to that.
It was.
It was.
It was very well written.
Do you want to tackle it first?
So this person, I would just say right now, I've never really had the specific kind of
first situation right here happen to me.
It's something that I wish I had, I've had growing older and being comfortable with myself

(57:17):
and realizing how many walls that we put up when we're young just because society tells
us that we can't do things.
Like I probably would have loved to see what the relationship between me and my brother
would be because I feel very honored to be his friend because he's a brother from another

(57:41):
mother.
I feel very honored to be his friend because I'm one of the very few male friends he has.
And I don't know if it's because we grew up like that.
And he just, we both saw Kendrick Spirits with each other.
I would just, if I wouldn't have had the walls down and would have maybe hugged him
more or not just try to be the stereotypical guys just hanging out with each other, would

(58:07):
he be a different person?
Because he's a little closed off at times.
So I see, so maybe I'm a little jealous of the relationship that they had with their
friend, but I would say that, and this is probably going to come down to a whole bunch
of other things that we say, this is going to come down to communication if they really
feel like this.

(58:28):
All of it.
Yep.
That's what I was thinking too.
It's so hard.
It's so hard to find your voice.
And I know because I did it for years.
I thought I was saying what I needed.
And then I would combust.
I would just yell like, what the fuck?
At my husband.
And then I realized that's not love.

(58:51):
That's not my, what I think is love anyway.
So I had to go find myself and someone that young, if they could just use their voice
now with the people that they love and just be as real and as transparent as they possibly

(59:14):
can.
Yeah.
Honestly, I've had this queer vibe for so long, but it was so buried under so much garbage
that when I finally came out, I had to clear through some other garbage too.
Yeah.
All the stuff that had been piled on top of you.
Yeah.
Right.
I had to get myself for being queer.

(59:35):
I, you know.
So it sounds like this person, you know, they're okay with who they are.
I mean, especially just, you know, right there at the top, just going, I'm a trans
STEM lesbian.
This is who I am.
It was so important that they forgot to put their age.
So I'm thinking that, you know, if they're already this open, I mean, it's easy to be

(59:59):
open when you're anonymous on the internet.
But if they're this open and then saying exactly, you know, who they are at the top without
having to be asked, he was like, well, hey, more information about you.
I feel like if they take that energy, talk to their partner, I would say talk to their
partner first, especially, you know, that's, that's, if that's a relationship that they,
that that's, if that's a relationship that this person wants to keep or see how it's

(01:00:24):
going to grow, especially if they think that they feel poly that they need to open up with
the partner first, get safe with that, get comfortable, find out where they stand before
maybe opening up the can of emotions that will be with their best friend.
Because I have been in the situation where a friend of mine did develop a relationship

(01:00:47):
with somebody else.
And so I felt like they were pulling away.
I never got to see them.
And I mean, I was young.
I was so full of emotions.
I did send them like a couple of folded up letters because we didn't have texts at the
time, just saying, I feel like that we're, I miss you.
And I feel like I'll never see you again.
And like, I don't know if that was really healthy for either one of us, for them to receive

(01:01:08):
it or for me to have sent it out like that.
But I wasn't comfortable with the face to face type thing.
And I mean, if this person's, you know, cuddling with just their friend, I feel like there
they may be a little bit more comfortable face to face.
And maybe an uncomfortable conversation, but uncomfortable conversations are what makes
the world go around.
They just do.
Yeah.
I mean, that's one reason why I removed myself from everybody.

(01:01:34):
Like you said, if they're meant to be there, they're going to be there.
They will be there.
If they're not meant to be there, they will fade away.
They will just drift away like a feather.
There's no one angry.
No one's upset.
I've just defining myself instead of other people putting their definition on my body.

(01:01:57):
I am saying, I want to define me.
This is who I am.
Like it or lump it.
This is how I want to describe myself.
If your friends don't like it.
Well, they're your friends.
Yeah.
I don't have to explain myself to anybody.
And so here we are coming back again to the book metaphor when it comes to people that,

(01:02:19):
you know, they're around for their chapters and they're not necessarily around for the
whole book.
You know, that maybe what this person finds out is that, you know, that their, their cuddling
buddy was there for a really good part of the beginning of their relationship or, you
know, of their life.
And now maybe their next one is, you know, their, their next character, the background

(01:02:45):
character or secondary character happens to be the person they're in a relationship with.
Anything.
I don't think less.
When I was younger, I lusted everyone less, less, less, less, less, like the good doctor.
That's why I mean, I, I have his number in my phone, but I'm terribly respectful of this
human.
You know, I'm joking around with you about how I could just lick him like a lollipop.

(01:03:09):
But that's, you know, that's a joke.
I would never disrespect this human and say that to them.
What if you're not working with them?
I would lick him like a lollipop.
My idea is that after we have this kind of conversation in the future, that's under the
logo of bisexual coffee is that we come together, we form an answer, we type it in there and

(01:03:31):
we send that off live on the podcast and maybe even give them a shout out, put their name
in the comments or something like that.
But I wanted to see how that felt.
And I think that felt good.
It does feel good.
Yeah.
Which is also, which is not to say that it's not messy at times too, but human beings like
to make things messy in general, and also if you're an old or queer person and you just
been either you've just come out because you realize who you are or you realize that maybe

(01:03:55):
the people who are hanging around you were keeping you kind of tied down to a version
of them.
And you want to, you know, express yourself.
We're here to listen to your story as well.
And I think that right there is a great natural way to reach the end of this podcast.
Yeah, peace out and word to your mother.

(01:04:17):
And I tell you what, hold on, say that again, but right after this one second.
So since we're at the end of this podcast, we just got to do a little housekeeping and
say, Hey, if you like this, subscribe to it, comment.
If you have any questions, check us out.
You can reach us at bisexual podcast, bisexual coffee podcast at gmail.com.
And we'll be glad to read most anything that you put as long as it's applicable for the

(01:04:41):
bisexual coffee podcast.
Now Edith, what did you want to say?
Peace out and word to your mother.
To your mother.
I love you too.
I'm glad we're doing this again.
Hey, this is your just your directionless.

(01:05:03):
You are because sure we're here.
Yes.