October 20, 2025 • 28 mins
Addiction often begins quietly—with pain, prescriptions, sleepless nights, and the pressure to appear strong—and my own path through chronic pain, Ambien dependence, and a military mindset of hiding struggle shows how tolerance and numbness can spiral into broken relationships and denial. Hitting bottom didn’t destroy me; it woke me up to surrender control to God, embrace a greater purpose, and admit I couldn’t fight addiction alone. Recovery came through practical steps: daily affirmations, a clean environment free of drama, accountability programs, mentors who’ve walked the path, and strategies to protect sleep, manage pain, and reset the mind without substances. This message is for anyone tempted by “just tonight” or families suffering in silence—choose action now, fight fear with repetition, and surround yourself with people who expect you to win. The fight continues daily, but progress, not perfection, is the goal, and sharing your story forward begins today.
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Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_00 (00:11):
Greetings everyone, greetings, welcome back, welcome
back.
I'm so excited, so happy to seeyou guys again.
Thank you for tuning in to myYouTube channel.
Okay, so today this video isactually influenced by one of my
good friends.
I love her so much, and I'm soum honored and blessed that she
(00:35):
asked me to speak about thistopic that I have some knowledge
in.
So I'm just gonna uh go aheadand get right into it.
I hope that this video reachesmany people, whoever needs it,
okay.
I'm just gonna give you myinsight.
Okay, I always said that I willnever touch a subject that I
(00:56):
have no knowledge in.
So I'm gonna go ahead and umspeak about this, and I hope
again that um this video touchesand reaches whoever, whomever,
wherever they are.
Okay, so they're our video withtoday, what we're gonna talk
about is addiction, the types ofaddiction, some causes of
(01:16):
addiction, how to overcomeaddiction and our fears, okay.
And this again, this all relatesback to our what our choices
versus our fears and how we canbe in control.
Now, I'm not gonna sit here andtell you that this is easy,
okay, because we all, those forof you who know how addiction
(01:39):
can sometimes really takecontrol.
We have to take back thatcontrol, guys.
We have to choose to be free.
Now, some types of addiction isour street drugs, our
prescription drugs, maybe evenfood.
And uh, what are these causes?
The causes for some of theseaddictions is what peer
(02:02):
pressure, family influence, lowself-esteem.
We look for an outlet, okay?
Stress.
Stress can be the number onecause of some of our addictions,
okay?
And sometimes pain.
We'd be in so much pain.
We look for that outlet.
We look for that just that thatbreak in our lives.
(02:22):
Okay, so we turn to these streetdrugs, these prescription drugs,
we overeat, you know, we we turnto these things because of, you
know, what we may be goingthrough.
And I'm very, very familiar,very familiar with this subject.
You know, um I like to be veryopen and honest so you guys know
(02:43):
where I come, where I'm comingfrom.
Okay.
Um, as, you know, um someone whosuffers from fibromyalgia,
migraines, um, just all types ofuh pain, you name it.
So I was always, you know, um inthe military, we would go in uh
(03:03):
everybody who's militarypersonnel, the first thing they
tell you is what Tylenol, right?
Tolanol, drink water, hydrate,you know.
And that's what they wouldalways give you.
And, you know, um, also um, youknow, I suffered from a stroke
in my career, my late, my latecareer and my military career, I
(03:25):
suffered from a stroke.
And one thing I've always beenis very strong-willed, very
strong-willed.
So when I suffered from thatstroke, I always was like, I
never wanted anybody to look atme as less of a person, or oh,
look at her, like pity me.
I never wanted anybody to pityme.
So my thing was was what, youknow, I gotta find some way.
(03:49):
So, you know, nobody looks at melike a weak link, like she can't
do this.
Only have a few more years, onlyhave three more years, and then
I'm I'm good, I'm done, I can dothis, you know.
So I didn't want nobody to pityme.
I had to keep that persona ofthe type of person that I was.
So, how did I do it?
(04:09):
I started with the prescriptiondrugs.
And we all know once you gethooked on something or you take
it too long, should I say, itdoes what?
It decreases.
Now you need more.
You need to up the milligrams.
Okay.
Um, so that's what I was doing.
It's like I I needed a strongerdose of that medication to take
(04:31):
that pain away so nobody couldsee what I was going through,
and I was able to smile throughit.
Okay, um, another thing, umprescription drug that I suffer
suffered with was sleep, and I Icould never sleep.
So the mill um I was prescribedwhat ambient, right?
So ambien, you know, it worksgood in the first time.
(04:56):
During the first, you know, fewmonths it works good.
Well, after a while, about sixmonths, whatever, starts to what
it starts to wear off.
So therefore, you know, Istarted saying, okay, I I'm not
sleeping.
I mean, guys, I could stay upfor a period of 48 hours, maybe
even longer.
That's how bad my um sleep wasoff.
(05:17):
And then on top of the sleep,I'm in pain.
I can't sleep because I'm inpain.
My mind is racing a thousandmiles per minute.
I just need something to justput me to sleep so I don't have
to think about a thing.
Right?
So it was the ambient.
And so after that wore off, ofcourse, it's like, okay, five
milligrams wasn't workinganymore.
(05:39):
You know, telling the doc, youknow, this not working.
Okay, sure, we'll up yourmilligrams.
So what they do, they up yourmilligrams.
So now I'm taking 10.
I'm sleeping good.
So now it's like, oh, okay, oh,this is good.
Okay, you know, the pain that wegot the pain medication here.
We got the sleep medication overhere.
And I mean, I'm taking them, andlife is great.
(06:01):
You know, I'm numb.
You know, I'm right in thatspace that I want to be.
I just want to feel numb.
I don't want to feel nothing.
No pain.
I don't want to think.
I just want to sleep.
Right.
Now, again, here we go again,right?
It's not working anymore.
It's not working anymore.
So now things start to happen.
(06:21):
Okay, I'm lashing out at myfamily.
I'm getting aggravated becauseit's not working, no matter how
many I take, how many times Itake it.
You know, I'm, I'm, I'm eatingambience like Tic Tacs, you
know, and it's like, you know,none of this is working.
I get frustrated because, youknow, this pain that my body is
(06:45):
in is not working anymore.
I'm not who I used to be.
I want to get, I want thatfeeling back.
And if I can't get that feelingback, then I just want to feel
numb, right?
So after a while I notice that,okay, now I'm in a place where
I'm hurting people.
I'm hurting my family.
(07:06):
You know, I'm doing things thatI don't normally do.
And it's showing.
It may not be showing to theoutside world, but it's showing
to those that are close to me.
What am I gonna do?
But I'm so far and I'm so deepinto this.
I'm like, okay, I'm not gonnatake them.
I'm not, I'm just not gonna doit.
But here we have another longnight, and I'm just tossing, I'm
(07:28):
turning, I can't sleep.
And now it's like, okay, I'mgonna go ahead and take it.
Because I'm gonna just justtonight, just tonight, I'm just
gonna take this medication justso I could get through the
night.
And I promise I won't take ittomorrow.
Well, we all know I was lying tomyself.
This medication now has takenover me to where the point where
when you think you're incontrol, you're not in control.
(07:50):
I was not in control.
That medication was controllingme.
Although I was tricking myselfto say, oh, okay, well, you know
what?
It might work this time.
You know, so you know, um, I'llI'll try again.
I'll try again, you know, to notdo it the next night or the next
night.
The next night turns into thenext night.
I just need to get out of thispain that I'm feeling.
(08:12):
I just need to get some sleep.
But all the while, guys, I wastearing myself down and in the
inside, okay, with emptypromises to myself.
Still now I'm going to work.
Nobody knows.
Like, you know, I'm in at workis, you know, when we're out in
(08:34):
the public, some addicts, someaddicts are so good, we could
play the public like a fiddle.
Nobody will know.
Only people that know is thosethat are very close to you.
You know, some addicts are very,we we could be very tricky.
You wouldn't you would neverknow because we hide that pain.
(08:56):
We hide that pain because wedon't want anybody to know what
we're going through until itbecomes out of control.
Now the drugs have takencontrol.
Now, not only do your immediatefamily sees it, but then you
have people at work like, youknow, that's just not the same
(09:17):
person that we know.
So then you get the littlequestions like, hey, everything
okay with you?
Everything all right?
And then, you know, the momentsomebody on the outside asks you
that question, everything allright with you, you good?
And you, you, you know, now it'slike, oh, snap, you know, then
caught on.
So then what do you do?
We we lash out at those that areon the outside who are just
(09:40):
trying to, you know, help us, ormaybe some are trying to be
nosy, you know, you never know.
But now you start, now it'sstarting to show.
It's starting to show, and thenwe try to hide it even more.
You know, ain't nothing wrongwith me.
Don't ever think something'swrong with me.
You know, people wanted to getme help, and I'm like, ain't
nothing wrong.
I don't need no help.
You know, I fought and I foughtin my military career to stay in
(10:05):
just so I could finish.
So I was kind of also pressuredfrom my peers around, I was just
pressured to stay in the fight.
I wanted to stay in the fight.
I keep telling myself that I cando this, you know, I'm gonna do
this, I'm gonna finish.
But I'm I wasn't hurting anybodybut myself.
(10:27):
I was hurting everyone who lovedme.
I was tearing them down with me.
So, you know, that's what I'msaying when when we talk about
how to overcome an addiction,you have to make a choice.
You have to make a choice tochoose not to let anything,
anything or anyone to have thatmuch control over you to where
(10:51):
you start to lose yourself,where you don't even remember
who you are anymore.
Who you are becomes this is likea fantasy.
You you can't even remember.
If you stay in your addiction solong, you lose everything about
yourself.
To where not only you don't knowwho you are, but those around
(11:14):
you don't even know who you are.
And it, you know, it's it's it'sa hurtful situation for
everybody.
But, you know, sometimes I wouldlook at my family and see how I
was, you know, just hurting mychildren and how they just
didn't know who their mom was.
And I I would look and I wouldbe like, oh gosh, you know,
(11:38):
they'll be all right, you know.
They'll they'll be all right.
We'll get through this, youknow, and you just kind of just
push everybody to the backburner.
Your pain and your comfort isyour number one priority.
Until after a while you don'teven, you don't even see.
You don't even see, you don'teven know.
(11:59):
You're just in this wholeanother state of mind.
And and after a while you justyou stop caring.
You stopped caring.
But I tell you one thing, I willsay that the way I overcame my
addiction, number one, isbecause again, I say that I
(12:22):
chose to not let anything, youhave to have that fighting
spirit.
A fighting spirit.
You have to find a purpose.
What is your purpose?
Uh one of my another one of mygood friends, um I she she just
(12:44):
amazes me how she was in theworst condition of of being an
addict.
And I stay, and I would never,never, ever have I would believe
that she was a crack addict inmy life.
And I and I say that she was onewho was, I mean, full blown
(13:05):
crack addict.
And I you can look at her todayand you would never even know.
And I asked her, I said, how inthe world that I mean, now she
when I tell y'all she was fullblown.
I mean, she don't you you seethose people that be walking and
talking to themselves and youknow, um doing all kinds of
weird things.
(13:25):
We look at them, we be laughing,and they have no teeth and all
of that.
I'm telling you, you wouldnever, ever, ever in a million
years see this woman as a a pastdrug user.
You would never even know.
And I said, sis, how did youbeat that?
(13:46):
Like people don't come back fromthat state.
She said, Brie, she said, I gottired.
I got tired, and I was at mylowest point, and she said she
just gave it over to God.
And let me tell you, that is a apowerful, powerful move.
And when she said that to me, itreminded me, I said, Yeah, uh to
(14:11):
myself.
I said, Yeah, I remember thatfeeling.
That feeling that when you getso low, you can't get no lower.
To where you are just, you aretired.
I am tired of just being in thissituation.
And you have to give it over toGod.
You just have to get up, give itover because you are at that
(14:34):
point where you have dideverything under the sun to try
to fool those around you, foolyourself, and it's not working
because this drug or thiswhatever it is has so much
control over you, you don't haveit anymore.
So therefore, you can't controlit.
(14:55):
It's controlling you, and you'reyou're just tired.
So, one of the things I did wasI found my purpose.
I said to myself that this isnot the life, this is not the
way I want to go.
This is not all that I'veaccomplished in my life to do to
have something come and take itaway from me and my family.
(15:15):
So you have to find a purpose.
First, you have to make thechoice to choose not to let
anything or anyone have thatmuch control over you.
You have to find a purpose,whether your purpose be your
children, your family, yourspouse.
One of my biggest things wassaving others, okay?
Saving others can even be agreat source of let me tell you,
(15:39):
my biggest, my biggest, biggestthings in my career were my
soldiers.
I always put my soldiers andpeople before myself.
I always had the heart and themind to want to save and help
others.
So how in the world, somebody,uh one of my commanders would
(16:02):
has said to me, he's like,soldier, you can't save anybody
if you are torn up, if you arebroken down.
How are you any good to thesesoldiers if you can't help
yourself?
And that that people, you knowhow when you're on the airplane
and they tell you to put yourmask on before you and then
(16:25):
assist the person next to you.
Sometimes the things that peoplesay to you, it's like that light
just clicks right on, and atthat moment you say, You're
right.
You're you're right.
How am I helping my soldiers ifI'm not helping myself?
And then one thing I hate to beas a hypocrite.
(16:46):
When you're telling soldiers oryou're telling people to hold
on, and you're up here, you justall torn apart and you fell
apart on the inside, but youstill trying, still trying to
help someone else.
First, you have to make yourselfyour purpose.
Make yourself your purpose.
Okay, make yourself your purposefirst so that you can do
(17:11):
whatever your passion and yourpurpose is.
Have faith in yourself.
Faith, even if it's a small, asthey say in the Bible, as a
mustard seed.
You have to have faith.
Sometimes in our minds, we justbe like, I can't do this.
(17:31):
I I can't do this.
You you're right.
You can't do it on your own.
When you just sit and say, Ican't do this by myself.
I can't.
I give all of my being, all ofmyself unto you, Father, my
(17:53):
creator.
Only God can save you when youare at the point of no return.
But you have to have that smalllittle faith in yourself, and
you have to have that purpose.
Look around you, look aroundyou.
Some people don't have apurpose.
Some people don't have apurpose.
(18:13):
They say, I don't have apurpose, I don't have any kids.
You know, I don't have any kids,I don't have, you know, look,
what do you like to do?
Find what is it that before youlet this addiction take control,
what did you like to do?
Did you like to write?
Did you like to read?
(18:34):
Did you like to sing?
Did you like to help others?
What is your passion?
What is your passion?
Whatever your passion is, that'syour purpose.
Okay?
Motivational speaking, helping,saving others.
That's my passion.
So this is my purpose to getmyself right and not let
(18:54):
anything control me.
And then I don't want to behypocritical.
I don't want to be saying thingsto my audience that I'm not
doing myself.
And then you have to believe inyourself.
If you don't believe in you,nobody else is.
Nobody else is going to believein you if you don't believe in
yourself.
You have to have that faith inyourself, faith in God, and then
(19:17):
believe in yourself that you'regoing to make this through.
And know that nothing comes easyfor those that are determined to
succeed.
If you are determined to beatthis addiction, if you are
determined to not let yourfamily watch you suffer or hurt
your family anymore, or you wantto be better than those before
(19:39):
you, you must know that this isnot going to be easy.
I would sit here and lie to youif I said that everything that
I've done in my life is easy.
Everything I have done in mylife, I have worked for.
Nothing to me ever came easy.
We look around and we say, oh,look how this person did it.
(20:00):
Or, you know, you look at otherpeople who survived, and you was
like, oh, I don't know how theydid it.
You know, they make it look soeasy.
No, bruh, sis, no.
No, it's not easy.
It's not easy.
Not easy at all.
By no means.
Okay.
Reach out to those that love youenough to stand by your side to
(20:23):
see you succeed.
And if you don't have anybodythere on your side to help you
succeed, then believe in you areall you have.
And you have to have that faithin God because you're not alone.
You think you're alone, butyou're not.
I challenge you to give it overto God.
(20:43):
I challenge you to say, I can'tdo no more.
I'm done.
God, I give it to you.
I have faith.
But faith without works is what?
Dead.
You have to do the work.
You have to do the work.
Okay?
Now, how, and then, you know,here come these fears again.
I'm not gonna be able to, I'mnot gonna be able to do this.
(21:05):
I need to go and I need I justneed this one little fix.
I just need this one littlething.
And then I promise I'll starttomorrow, the next month, when
the pills run out.
I promise I'm gonna stopovereating like that as soon as
the food is gone.
No, sis, my brother.
No, the time is now.
The time is now.
Kick that fear in the rear.
(21:27):
I like that.
It rhymed, right?
Kick that fear.
Kick that fear.
Repetitious speech.
What I always say aboutrepetitious speech.
I can't.
I will.
I will not let this take me downlike it took my uncles.
(21:49):
My father, my mother, my sister,my brother.
I won't, I don't want to be likethat.
I want to change the circle.
I want to change the circle.
I'm gonna be that one thatchanges my family history.
I'm gonna be the one thatchanges all of that repetitious.
I can.
I am going to, I will.
And you have to fight.
(22:11):
You have to fight like somebodyabout to kick your dog or
somebody about to hurt yourchild.
You gotta fight because all ofthis addiction is hurting your
family.
Now, for those of you who loveyour family, those of you who
love yourself, you ain't gonnalet nobody run up on you.
You're gonna fight, right?
So don't let addiction run uponyou.
(22:33):
Fight, fight.
Positive thoughts.
Positive thoughts.
You have it is so hard.
I not do it every day, guys.
Every day I am fighting.
So don't think that, oh, you'rejust saying, no, things God is
still working with me.
Every day I wake up, I am stillfighting.
My feet are still pounding theground with repetitious
(22:56):
thinking.
I'm fighting.
Yo, my mind is not gonna takeover me.
I refuse the negative thoughtand the negative, I've I dismiss
all negative energy from aroundme.
I don't want it around.
I can't even watch TV becauseit's too much drama.
I can't do it.
If TV is overwhelming and myhusband, he laughs at me like
you never finish a series.
(23:16):
You never finish a TV like thissnowfall.
I can't do it.
I can't do it because it's toomuch.
I don't want no drama around me,period.
That's how serious I am.
So I'd get positive thoughts,and you got to watch the things
and the people that are aroundyou.
Even the things that you see onTV or the people that you're
around, you have to let me tellyou, a positive environment.
(23:39):
Surround yourself with a team ofpeople who want to see you
excel, people who believe inyou.
Okay, my grandmother, God resther beautiful, beautiful soul.
Okay, she was a beautiful womanand she had the most potent
words that you now that I thinkback, you know, now you know, as
(24:00):
I'm grown, I think back, I'mlike, why would she say things
like that?
That was just a funny saying.
But she would say, you lay downwith dogs and you'll wake up
with fleas.
That was the truest statement.
Now that is something that Itell my children, I tell uh all
those around me, and I'm tellingit to you.
Repel your fleas, repel them.
(24:21):
What which and your feet, yourfleas are your fears.
Repel those naysayers, repelthose people that don't mean
good for you.
If you're around other people,you know, misery loves company
as long as you are around withpeople that's doing the drugs,
oh, they're your best friends.
They're your best friends, youknow?
(24:43):
They are your best friendsbecause they're comfortable and
they want you to be comfortablein the misery with them.
But if you want to do more, thenpeople start to act what?
Funny, right?
No, repel them.
Repel them people.
Um, be become greater.
Get out of your own way.
(25:04):
Get out of.
We always, when we try to getand take control, it never
works.
It never, it never works.
It always fails when we get inour own way.
Okay?
Let the creator take the will.
You you are no longer the driverbecause you're impaired.
You don't, we're not supposed toget in a car and drive drunk,
(25:26):
right?
So hand over the keys, people.
Hand over the keys, give them tosomeone, give them to someone
else, and let God be theultimate control where you're
gonna where you're trying to getto.
Be in control of your fears.
Don't let the fears run you, runyour fears away.
Okay?
(25:46):
It's not gonna be easy.
Once you get that team, you getthat person that's on your side,
okay?
You're gonna need all the helpyou can get.
There are programs that are outthere.
Programs that are out there tohelp you beat addiction.
You need a whole team, you needa whole tribe to get through
addiction.
Addiction is one hell of athing.
(26:08):
One hell of a thing to get to,get through.
But people, you can do it.
I'm telling you, I have seen.
I have seen with my own eyespeople who have beat addiction.
And I I I'm so proud today thatI have these people in my life
because once you start to talkto people, talk to people who
(26:31):
have done it.
Ask them, how'd you do it?
Sis, how'd you do it?
Bro, how'd you do it?
Find again, surround yourselfwith a team, a team that is
going to be by yourself,somebody who you can't sit
around another drug user andsay, Man, how you gonna do this?
And they're gonna feed you somefalse narrative.
Oh, one day I'm I'm gonna goahead and just put this down.
(26:54):
I'm just stopped.
And they still doing it.
You know, you can't be, you needto get around people who has
done the work.
Choice versus our fears be incontrol.
Choose, find your purpose, findyour purpose.
(27:19):
I challenge you on today to dothat.
Find your purpose, get out ofyour own way.
This can be done.
It's not easy every day.
I am still fighting a fight.
I am still in the struggle ofrepetitious thinking, positive
outcome, positive surroundings,and I fight each and every day,
(27:43):
and you can too.
I challenge you on today,people.
Thank you for coming.
Thank you for listening.
Again, any questions, commentsthat you may have, put them in
the comment box.
I'm listening, I'm here.
Again, I tell you that my way offighting my some of my demons is
(28:04):
by helping others.
Okay, and I'm proud to say thatI am getting through each and
every day, and I'm gettingstronger and greater and better.
You can do it too, we can do ittogether.
Thank you for tuning in.
Y'all have a blessed, blessedday.
Greetings everyone, greetings, welcome back, welcome
back.
I'm so excited, so happy to seeyou guys again.
Thank you for tuning in to myYouTube channel.
Okay, so today this video isactually influenced by one of my
good friends.
I love her so much, and I'm soum honored and blessed that she
(00:35):
asked me to speak about thistopic that I have some knowledge
in.
So I'm just gonna uh go aheadand get right into it.
I hope that this video reachesmany people, whoever needs it,
okay.
I'm just gonna give you myinsight.
Okay, I always said that I willnever touch a subject that I
(00:56):
have no knowledge in.
So I'm gonna go ahead and umspeak about this, and I hope
again that um this video touchesand reaches whoever, whomever,
wherever they are.
Okay, so they're our video withtoday, what we're gonna talk
about is addiction, the types ofaddiction, some causes of
(01:16):
addiction, how to overcomeaddiction and our fears, okay.
And this again, this all relatesback to our what our choices
versus our fears and how we canbe in control.
Now, I'm not gonna sit here andtell you that this is easy,
okay, because we all, those forof you who know how addiction
(01:39):
can sometimes really takecontrol.
We have to take back thatcontrol, guys.
We have to choose to be free.
Now, some types of addiction isour street drugs, our
prescription drugs, maybe evenfood.
And uh, what are these causes?
The causes for some of theseaddictions is what peer
(02:02):
pressure, family influence, lowself-esteem.
We look for an outlet, okay?
Stress.
Stress can be the number onecause of some of our addictions,
okay?
And sometimes pain.
We'd be in so much pain.
We look for that outlet.
We look for that just that thatbreak in our lives.
(02:22):
Okay, so we turn to these streetdrugs, these prescription drugs,
we overeat, you know, we we turnto these things because of, you
know, what we may be goingthrough.
And I'm very, very familiar,very familiar with this subject.
You know, um I like to be veryopen and honest so you guys know
(02:43):
where I come, where I'm comingfrom.
Okay.
Um, as, you know, um someone whosuffers from fibromyalgia,
migraines, um, just all types ofuh pain, you name it.
So I was always, you know, um inthe military, we would go in uh
(03:03):
everybody who's militarypersonnel, the first thing they
tell you is what Tylenol, right?
Tolanol, drink water, hydrate,you know.
And that's what they wouldalways give you.
And, you know, um, also um, youknow, I suffered from a stroke
in my career, my late, my latecareer and my military career, I
(03:25):
suffered from a stroke.
And one thing I've always beenis very strong-willed, very
strong-willed.
So when I suffered from thatstroke, I always was like, I
never wanted anybody to look atme as less of a person, or oh,
look at her, like pity me.
I never wanted anybody to pityme.
So my thing was was what, youknow, I gotta find some way.
(03:49):
So, you know, nobody looks at melike a weak link, like she can't
do this.
Only have a few more years, onlyhave three more years, and then
I'm I'm good, I'm done, I can dothis, you know.
So I didn't want nobody to pityme.
I had to keep that persona ofthe type of person that I was.
So, how did I do it?
(04:09):
I started with the prescriptiondrugs.
And we all know once you gethooked on something or you take
it too long, should I say, itdoes what?
It decreases.
Now you need more.
You need to up the milligrams.
Okay.
Um, so that's what I was doing.
It's like I I needed a strongerdose of that medication to take
(04:31):
that pain away so nobody couldsee what I was going through,
and I was able to smile throughit.
Okay, um, another thing, umprescription drug that I suffer
suffered with was sleep, and I Icould never sleep.
So the mill um I was prescribedwhat ambient, right?
So ambien, you know, it worksgood in the first time.
(04:56):
During the first, you know, fewmonths it works good.
Well, after a while, about sixmonths, whatever, starts to what
it starts to wear off.
So therefore, you know, Istarted saying, okay, I I'm not
sleeping.
I mean, guys, I could stay upfor a period of 48 hours, maybe
even longer.
That's how bad my um sleep wasoff.
(05:17):
And then on top of the sleep,I'm in pain.
I can't sleep because I'm inpain.
My mind is racing a thousandmiles per minute.
I just need something to justput me to sleep so I don't have
to think about a thing.
Right?
So it was the ambient.
And so after that wore off, ofcourse, it's like, okay, five
milligrams wasn't workinganymore.
(05:39):
You know, telling the doc, youknow, this not working.
Okay, sure, we'll up yourmilligrams.
So what they do, they up yourmilligrams.
So now I'm taking 10.
I'm sleeping good.
So now it's like, oh, okay, oh,this is good.
Okay, you know, the pain that wegot the pain medication here.
We got the sleep medication overhere.
And I mean, I'm taking them, andlife is great.
(06:01):
You know, I'm numb.
You know, I'm right in thatspace that I want to be.
I just want to feel numb.
I don't want to feel nothing.
No pain.
I don't want to think.
I just want to sleep.
Right.
Now, again, here we go again,right?
It's not working anymore.
It's not working anymore.
So now things start to happen.
(06:21):
Okay, I'm lashing out at myfamily.
I'm getting aggravated becauseit's not working, no matter how
many I take, how many times Itake it.
You know, I'm, I'm, I'm eatingambience like Tic Tacs, you
know, and it's like, you know,none of this is working.
I get frustrated because, youknow, this pain that my body is
(06:45):
in is not working anymore.
I'm not who I used to be.
I want to get, I want thatfeeling back.
And if I can't get that feelingback, then I just want to feel
numb, right?
So after a while I notice that,okay, now I'm in a place where
I'm hurting people.
I'm hurting my family.
(07:06):
You know, I'm doing things thatI don't normally do.
And it's showing.
It may not be showing to theoutside world, but it's showing
to those that are close to me.
What am I gonna do?
But I'm so far and I'm so deepinto this.
I'm like, okay, I'm not gonnatake them.
I'm not, I'm just not gonna doit.
But here we have another longnight, and I'm just tossing, I'm
(07:28):
turning, I can't sleep.
And now it's like, okay, I'mgonna go ahead and take it.
Because I'm gonna just justtonight, just tonight, I'm just
gonna take this medication justso I could get through the
night.
And I promise I won't take ittomorrow.
Well, we all know I was lying tomyself.
This medication now has takenover me to where the point where
when you think you're incontrol, you're not in control.
(07:50):
I was not in control.
That medication was controllingme.
Although I was tricking myselfto say, oh, okay, well, you know
what?
It might work this time.
You know, so you know, um, I'llI'll try again.
I'll try again, you know, to notdo it the next night or the next
night.
The next night turns into thenext night.
I just need to get out of thispain that I'm feeling.
(08:12):
I just need to get some sleep.
But all the while, guys, I wastearing myself down and in the
inside, okay, with emptypromises to myself.
Still now I'm going to work.
Nobody knows.
Like, you know, I'm in at workis, you know, when we're out in
(08:34):
the public, some addicts, someaddicts are so good, we could
play the public like a fiddle.
Nobody will know.
Only people that know is thosethat are very close to you.
You know, some addicts are very,we we could be very tricky.
You wouldn't you would neverknow because we hide that pain.
(08:56):
We hide that pain because wedon't want anybody to know what
we're going through until itbecomes out of control.
Now the drugs have takencontrol.
Now, not only do your immediatefamily sees it, but then you
have people at work like, youknow, that's just not the same
(09:17):
person that we know.
So then you get the littlequestions like, hey, everything
okay with you?
Everything all right?
And then, you know, the momentsomebody on the outside asks you
that question, everything allright with you, you good?
And you, you, you know, now it'slike, oh, snap, you know, then
caught on.
So then what do you do?
We we lash out at those that areon the outside who are just
(09:40):
trying to, you know, help us, ormaybe some are trying to be
nosy, you know, you never know.
But now you start, now it'sstarting to show.
It's starting to show, and thenwe try to hide it even more.
You know, ain't nothing wrongwith me.
Don't ever think something'swrong with me.
You know, people wanted to getme help, and I'm like, ain't
nothing wrong.
I don't need no help.
You know, I fought and I foughtin my military career to stay in
(10:05):
just so I could finish.
So I was kind of also pressuredfrom my peers around, I was just
pressured to stay in the fight.
I wanted to stay in the fight.
I keep telling myself that I cando this, you know, I'm gonna do
this, I'm gonna finish.
But I'm I wasn't hurting anybodybut myself.
(10:27):
I was hurting everyone who lovedme.
I was tearing them down with me.
So, you know, that's what I'msaying when when we talk about
how to overcome an addiction,you have to make a choice.
You have to make a choice tochoose not to let anything,
anything or anyone to have thatmuch control over you to where
(10:51):
you start to lose yourself,where you don't even remember
who you are anymore.
Who you are becomes this is likea fantasy.
You you can't even remember.
If you stay in your addiction solong, you lose everything about
yourself.
To where not only you don't knowwho you are, but those around
(11:14):
you don't even know who you are.
And it, you know, it's it's it'sa hurtful situation for
everybody.
But, you know, sometimes I wouldlook at my family and see how I
was, you know, just hurting mychildren and how they just
didn't know who their mom was.
And I I would look and I wouldbe like, oh gosh, you know,
(11:38):
they'll be all right, you know.
They'll they'll be all right.
We'll get through this, youknow, and you just kind of just
push everybody to the backburner.
Your pain and your comfort isyour number one priority.
Until after a while you don'teven, you don't even see.
You don't even see, you don'teven know.
(11:59):
You're just in this wholeanother state of mind.
And and after a while you justyou stop caring.
You stopped caring.
But I tell you one thing, I willsay that the way I overcame my
addiction, number one, isbecause again, I say that I
(12:22):
chose to not let anything, youhave to have that fighting
spirit.
A fighting spirit.
You have to find a purpose.
What is your purpose?
Uh one of my another one of mygood friends, um I she she just
(12:44):
amazes me how she was in theworst condition of of being an
addict.
And I stay, and I would never,never, ever have I would believe
that she was a crack addict inmy life.
And I and I say that she was onewho was, I mean, full blown
(13:05):
crack addict.
And I you can look at her todayand you would never even know.
And I asked her, I said, how inthe world that I mean, now she
when I tell y'all she was fullblown.
I mean, she don't you you seethose people that be walking and
talking to themselves and youknow, um doing all kinds of
weird things.
(13:25):
We look at them, we be laughing,and they have no teeth and all
of that.
I'm telling you, you wouldnever, ever, ever in a million
years see this woman as a a pastdrug user.
You would never even know.
And I said, sis, how did youbeat that?
(13:46):
Like people don't come back fromthat state.
She said, Brie, she said, I gottired.
I got tired, and I was at mylowest point, and she said she
just gave it over to God.
And let me tell you, that is a apowerful, powerful move.
And when she said that to me, itreminded me, I said, Yeah, uh to
(14:11):
myself.
I said, Yeah, I remember thatfeeling.
That feeling that when you getso low, you can't get no lower.
To where you are just, you aretired.
I am tired of just being in thissituation.
And you have to give it over toGod.
You just have to get up, give itover because you are at that
(14:34):
point where you have dideverything under the sun to try
to fool those around you, foolyourself, and it's not working
because this drug or thiswhatever it is has so much
control over you, you don't haveit anymore.
So therefore, you can't controlit.
(14:55):
It's controlling you, and you'reyou're just tired.
So, one of the things I did wasI found my purpose.
I said to myself that this isnot the life, this is not the
way I want to go.
This is not all that I'veaccomplished in my life to do to
have something come and take itaway from me and my family.
(15:15):
So you have to find a purpose.
First, you have to make thechoice to choose not to let
anything or anyone have thatmuch control over you.
You have to find a purpose,whether your purpose be your
children, your family, yourspouse.
One of my biggest things wassaving others, okay?
Saving others can even be agreat source of let me tell you,
(15:39):
my biggest, my biggest, biggestthings in my career were my
soldiers.
I always put my soldiers andpeople before myself.
I always had the heart and themind to want to save and help
others.
So how in the world, somebody,uh one of my commanders would
(16:02):
has said to me, he's like,soldier, you can't save anybody
if you are torn up, if you arebroken down.
How are you any good to thesesoldiers if you can't help
yourself?
And that that people, you knowhow when you're on the airplane
and they tell you to put yourmask on before you and then
(16:25):
assist the person next to you.
Sometimes the things that peoplesay to you, it's like that light
just clicks right on, and atthat moment you say, You're
right.
You're you're right.
How am I helping my soldiers ifI'm not helping myself?
And then one thing I hate to beas a hypocrite.
(16:46):
When you're telling soldiers oryou're telling people to hold
on, and you're up here, you justall torn apart and you fell
apart on the inside, but youstill trying, still trying to
help someone else.
First, you have to make yourselfyour purpose.
Make yourself your purpose.
Okay, make yourself your purposefirst so that you can do
(17:11):
whatever your passion and yourpurpose is.
Have faith in yourself.
Faith, even if it's a small, asthey say in the Bible, as a
mustard seed.
You have to have faith.
Sometimes in our minds, we justbe like, I can't do this.
(17:31):
I I can't do this.
You you're right.
You can't do it on your own.
When you just sit and say, Ican't do this by myself.
I can't.
I give all of my being, all ofmyself unto you, Father, my
(17:53):
creator.
Only God can save you when youare at the point of no return.
But you have to have that smalllittle faith in yourself, and
you have to have that purpose.
Look around you, look aroundyou.
Some people don't have apurpose.
Some people don't have apurpose.
(18:13):
They say, I don't have apurpose, I don't have any kids.
You know, I don't have any kids,I don't have, you know, look,
what do you like to do?
Find what is it that before youlet this addiction take control,
what did you like to do?
Did you like to write?
Did you like to read?
(18:34):
Did you like to sing?
Did you like to help others?
What is your passion?
What is your passion?
Whatever your passion is, that'syour purpose.
Okay?
Motivational speaking, helping,saving others.
That's my passion.
So this is my purpose to getmyself right and not let
(18:54):
anything control me.
And then I don't want to behypocritical.
I don't want to be saying thingsto my audience that I'm not
doing myself.
And then you have to believe inyourself.
If you don't believe in you,nobody else is.
Nobody else is going to believein you if you don't believe in
yourself.
You have to have that faith inyourself, faith in God, and then
(19:17):
believe in yourself that you'regoing to make this through.
And know that nothing comes easyfor those that are determined to
succeed.
If you are determined to beatthis addiction, if you are
determined to not let yourfamily watch you suffer or hurt
your family anymore, or you wantto be better than those before
(19:39):
you, you must know that this isnot going to be easy.
I would sit here and lie to youif I said that everything that
I've done in my life is easy.
Everything I have done in mylife, I have worked for.
Nothing to me ever came easy.
We look around and we say, oh,look how this person did it.
(20:00):
Or, you know, you look at otherpeople who survived, and you was
like, oh, I don't know how theydid it.
You know, they make it look soeasy.
No, bruh, sis, no.
No, it's not easy.
It's not easy.
Not easy at all.
By no means.
Okay.
Reach out to those that love youenough to stand by your side to
(20:23):
see you succeed.
And if you don't have anybodythere on your side to help you
succeed, then believe in you areall you have.
And you have to have that faithin God because you're not alone.
You think you're alone, butyou're not.
I challenge you to give it overto God.
(20:43):
I challenge you to say, I can'tdo no more.
I'm done.
God, I give it to you.
I have faith.
But faith without works is what?
Dead.
You have to do the work.
You have to do the work.
Okay?
Now, how, and then, you know,here come these fears again.
I'm not gonna be able to, I'mnot gonna be able to do this.
(21:05):
I need to go and I need I justneed this one little fix.
I just need this one littlething.
And then I promise I'll starttomorrow, the next month, when
the pills run out.
I promise I'm gonna stopovereating like that as soon as
the food is gone.
No, sis, my brother.
No, the time is now.
The time is now.
Kick that fear in the rear.
(21:27):
I like that.
It rhymed, right?
Kick that fear.
Kick that fear.
Repetitious speech.
What I always say aboutrepetitious speech.
I can't.
I will.
I will not let this take me downlike it took my uncles.
(21:49):
My father, my mother, my sister,my brother.
I won't, I don't want to be likethat.
I want to change the circle.
I want to change the circle.
I'm gonna be that one thatchanges my family history.
I'm gonna be the one thatchanges all of that repetitious.
I can.
I am going to, I will.
And you have to fight.
(22:11):
You have to fight like somebodyabout to kick your dog or
somebody about to hurt yourchild.
You gotta fight because all ofthis addiction is hurting your
family.
Now, for those of you who loveyour family, those of you who
love yourself, you ain't gonnalet nobody run up on you.
You're gonna fight, right?
So don't let addiction run uponyou.
(22:33):
Fight, fight.
Positive thoughts.
Positive thoughts.
You have it is so hard.
I not do it every day, guys.
Every day I am fighting.
So don't think that, oh, you'rejust saying, no, things God is
still working with me.
Every day I wake up, I am stillfighting.
My feet are still pounding theground with repetitious
(22:56):
thinking.
I'm fighting.
Yo, my mind is not gonna takeover me.
I refuse the negative thoughtand the negative, I've I dismiss
all negative energy from aroundme.
I don't want it around.
I can't even watch TV becauseit's too much drama.
I can't do it.
If TV is overwhelming and myhusband, he laughs at me like
you never finish a series.
(23:16):
You never finish a TV like thissnowfall.
I can't do it.
I can't do it because it's toomuch.
I don't want no drama around me,period.
That's how serious I am.
So I'd get positive thoughts,and you got to watch the things
and the people that are aroundyou.
Even the things that you see onTV or the people that you're
around, you have to let me tellyou, a positive environment.
(23:39):
Surround yourself with a team ofpeople who want to see you
excel, people who believe inyou.
Okay, my grandmother, God resther beautiful, beautiful soul.
Okay, she was a beautiful womanand she had the most potent
words that you now that I thinkback, you know, now you know, as
(24:00):
I'm grown, I think back, I'mlike, why would she say things
like that?
That was just a funny saying.
But she would say, you lay downwith dogs and you'll wake up
with fleas.
That was the truest statement.
Now that is something that Itell my children, I tell uh all
those around me, and I'm tellingit to you.
Repel your fleas, repel them.
(24:21):
What which and your feet, yourfleas are your fears.
Repel those naysayers, repelthose people that don't mean
good for you.
If you're around other people,you know, misery loves company
as long as you are around withpeople that's doing the drugs,
oh, they're your best friends.
They're your best friends, youknow?
(24:43):
They are your best friendsbecause they're comfortable and
they want you to be comfortablein the misery with them.
But if you want to do more, thenpeople start to act what?
Funny, right?
No, repel them.
Repel them people.
Um, be become greater.
Get out of your own way.
(25:04):
Get out of.
We always, when we try to getand take control, it never
works.
It never, it never works.
It always fails when we get inour own way.
Okay?
Let the creator take the will.
You you are no longer the driverbecause you're impaired.
You don't, we're not supposed toget in a car and drive drunk,
(25:26):
right?
So hand over the keys, people.
Hand over the keys, give them tosomeone, give them to someone
else, and let God be theultimate control where you're
gonna where you're trying to getto.
Be in control of your fears.
Don't let the fears run you, runyour fears away.
Okay?
(25:46):
It's not gonna be easy.
Once you get that team, you getthat person that's on your side,
okay?
You're gonna need all the helpyou can get.
There are programs that are outthere.
Programs that are out there tohelp you beat addiction.
You need a whole team, you needa whole tribe to get through
addiction.
Addiction is one hell of athing.
(26:08):
One hell of a thing to get to,get through.
But people, you can do it.
I'm telling you, I have seen.
I have seen with my own eyespeople who have beat addiction.
And I I I'm so proud today thatI have these people in my life
because once you start to talkto people, talk to people who
(26:31):
have done it.
Ask them, how'd you do it?
Sis, how'd you do it?
Bro, how'd you do it?
Find again, surround yourselfwith a team, a team that is
going to be by yourself,somebody who you can't sit
around another drug user andsay, Man, how you gonna do this?
And they're gonna feed you somefalse narrative.
Oh, one day I'm I'm gonna goahead and just put this down.
(26:54):
I'm just stopped.
And they still doing it.
You know, you can't be, you needto get around people who has
done the work.
Choice versus our fears be incontrol.
Choose, find your purpose, findyour purpose.
(27:19):
I challenge you on today to dothat.
Find your purpose, get out ofyour own way.
This can be done.
It's not easy every day.
I am still fighting a fight.
I am still in the struggle ofrepetitious thinking, positive
outcome, positive surroundings,and I fight each and every day,
(27:43):
and you can too.
I challenge you on today,people.
Thank you for coming.
Thank you for listening.
Again, any questions, commentsthat you may have, put them in
the comment box.
I'm listening, I'm here.
Again, I tell you that my way offighting my some of my demons is
(28:04):
by helping others.
Okay, and I'm proud to say thatI am getting through each and
every day, and I'm gettingstronger and greater and better.
You can do it too, we can do ittogether.
Thank you for tuning in.
Y'all have a blessed, blessedday.
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