May 5, 2025 • 58 mins
Monica S. is a courageous woman who shares her powerful journey through unimaginable trauma and strength it took to survive. With raw honesty, Monica opens up about the events that change her life, the pain she carries and the long winding road of healing and rediscovery.
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Speaker 1 (00:12):
Welcome, welcome everyone.
Welcome to B3U.
It's another, yet anotherexciting interview with another
piece of my heart, my belovedsister in arms, my sister period
, miss Monica Smith, and I thankher for being on this show.
So welcome, welcome, welcome,monica.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Thank you, bree, yes.
Thank you, it's so good to seeyou and just be able to do this
interview with you.
I'm very honored to have theopportunity to do it, so thank
you.
You'm very honored to have theopportunity to do it, so thank
you, you are most, most welcome.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Look, this woman here is an amazing, amazing woman,
so we're going to get right intoit.
She is a retired, retired Armyveteran, mother of four and
counting four, and counting mywonderful, most loved brother,
another piece of my heart.
And so, monica, I'm going toopen it up for you, to just give
(01:16):
the audience a little bit aboutyourself more than what I've
given my right.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Okay, so, as Bree said, I am retired Army.
I retired as a first sergeant.
I retired in 2023.
From that point, I venturedinto another career, working
with, initially with Departmentof Energy and then transitioning
over to the National NuclearSecurity Administration.
So I've been doing that jobroughly almost a year a little
(01:40):
over a year and a half now.
I also started a business,altway LLC, in 2020.
I know right, it's crazy.
I started that business inAugust of 2023.
And since the inception of thatbusiness, my company has helped
(02:01):
over 500 families either paybills or plan vacations or
mentor whatever.
You know, what we do is we justlike to support our community
and give back to our I like tonot call them underprivileged,
but underserved portions of ourcommunity.
So, yes, that's what I do, andalso an author?
Speaker 1 (02:24):
am I correct?
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Yes, I am an author.
I did, uh well, I co-authored abook, uh, in 2023, november
2023, and I'm actually workingon right now a children's book
and, uh, my uh by a mini bioseries.
So, hopefully, I've beenworking on this bio series since
I was a teenager.
(02:44):
So when this does come out,it's going to be a huge release
and it's going to give peopleinsight into who I am and why I
do the things I do and why Ithink the way I do, and how I
was able to overcome a lot ofthe traumatic experiences that
I've been through throughout mylifetime.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Okay, Well, with that .
B3u is about burning, breakingand becoming unstoppable and
creating a successful,purposeful life.
So can you tell us a little bitabout your story and the trauma
that you've overcame?
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Okay, so I wouldn't call my trauma something that
I've overcome.
It is something that I feellike I heal a little portion of
me every day, but it's notsomething that I could truly
overcome or truly heal from.
It's just something that Ilearned to live with and just
learn to navigate life, whileaccepting the experience and
(03:46):
learning from it and taking itmoving forward.
So I use it to force me forwardin everything that I do.
And one of those traumas is soBree.
Throughout my life I've been.
I was sexually molested by mydad.
I had a kid for him when I was15.
I was raped when I was in themilitary in South Korea in 2002.
(04:12):
And no, a kid did not come fromthat.
But literally I was in arelationship.
So that kind of had some.
There was some tug of war withmy then he wasn't even a
boyfriend.
He was more like a supposed tobe a one night stand kind of
relationship type thing, rightso, but that caused a little tug
(04:33):
of war there.
And then there's just differenttraumas that I've experienced,
but one of the traumas that I dowant to talk about is the one
where I had to accept mydaughter not wanting to be a
part of my life, that my seconddaughter not wanting to be a
part of my life.
That experience is one that Iwouldn't wish on anyone, and she
(04:58):
had her reasons and I respecther reasons for it.
But it is one of the thingsthat has been more traumatic for
me than anything else that I'veexperienced in my life, because
, no matter what I do as aparent, everything I've done was
to protect them and to raisethem out of love.
(05:18):
But reality is, through many,many therapies, I've learned
that what I considered love,what I learned what love was,
wasn't truly love.
It was really surviving.
So I didn't give them the lovethat they needed.
I gave them the ability tosurvive, and that in itself not
understanding it, being so youngcaused a huge rift in who I am
(05:43):
and who she was, and then therelationship that we could have
had.
So, yes, that's the trauma thatI want to talk about today.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Yeah, yes look as a parent.
It's hard being a parent period, but this is what is.
Was there a specific momentthat you realize that you're
sometimes you're not surviving?
Do you find yourself just like,how are you in your every day,
like life?
Because for me, like I tellpeople all the time for me and
(06:13):
the same with you, but I have toget up every morning, every
morning, and pour into myselfand stop looking for people to
pour in me or whatever everymorning, it is a daily struggle,
or it of surviving, like, okay,this is what I need to do, this
(06:34):
is what I'm going to do.
I got to make it happen andother than lay around in this
bed and trauma, whether it bephysical or emotional, and, like
you said, you really never getthrough it.
You never get.
Let's let's just say you neverget over it, yeah, but you do
continue to push through itright, that's what I wanted to.
(06:56):
That's the kind of thing that Iwant to, uh, tell our audiences
is that you never really getover it, but you do strive to
continue to get through it.
So was there a moment that yourealized you wasn't?
Speaker 2 (07:09):
surviving.
It was, and it was at a very,very, very young age.
So when I was molested, itstarted when I was like I don't
think I was old enough to even Idon't think I was more than
like four years old when itstarted.
That I can remember, but I doremember feeling like I was less
(07:30):
than and not a part of.
I felt like the people thatwere supposed to be protectors
of me were really not there.
They were very hands off offand the people that the family
members that knew about it thatdidn't do anything.
I really didn't hold any illwill towards them, but I also
(07:56):
didn't understand that it waswrong in that moment.
But I knew as I got older, Iknew I needed something to hold
on to and that something that Iheld on to was God's word.
Because no matter what I grewup in, church I was, I was.
I grew up on my dad's side theywere Catholic, on my mom's side
they were Baptist.
And then I went to aPentecostal church.
(08:17):
So I had church, Okay, wechurched a lot Okay, and that
was like my safe church was mysafe haven.
That is where I went.
And so when, when they pouredthe word into my listen at a
very young age.
I listened to what was said andthen I held on to it.
So I held on to hope becauseGod gave me that hope.
(08:39):
He was the only consistentthing in my life that never hurt
me.
So yeah, that's what I've heldon.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
That's right.
Look, speak about it, okay,look, some people don't believe
that there is a guy, and when Isee or I hear this type of uh
talk from people, I go because Iknow what, without a shadow of
a doubt.
He saved me.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
He saved me listen, brie, it was moments where, um,
I I got it got really, reallydark for me, um, and not just
one or two either.
I'm talking like they were,like you were saying, when you
have to consistently show up foryourself every day.
Even with god in my life, Istill had those moments, but one
(09:24):
of the still consistent thingwas he will never leave me or
forsake me, and he didn't.
All those things that happenedto me, I didn't hold like anger
towards my dad or anybody for it.
I just didn't have any anger inme for it.
But what I did have wascompassion.
But what I did have wascompassion.
(09:51):
I was compassionate about thesituation itself, because
there's a part of the peoplethat were supposed to protect me
that were not protectedthemselves.
So who am I, who am I to tellthem what they should have,
could have, would have done whenI myself wasn't old enough to
understand?
So I didn't hold any ill willtowards them, but one of the
things I did strive for isreally, once my dad went to jail
when everything was found out,I really still I had this kid,
(10:15):
this baby, and I was afraidbecause I was like, oh my God,
what happens now?
What's next and it was one ofthose things where I was.
It was my junior senior.
Between my junior senior year, Iwent into foster care with my
daughter.
I'm in foster care and I'm like,oh my God, okay, I got these
people telling me you need to dothis, you need to do that, all
(10:39):
the things that I need to do.
But they weren't aligned withthe vision that God gave me for
my life.
So I was I wasn't rebellious,but I was.
I heard them, but I kind ofpushed them to the side because
what they wanted me to do is, uh, they wanted me to perform for
their church and I was like, no,this is not, this is not of God
(11:02):
, this is not what god told meto do.
So I stood, I stood fast, um,and really just held on to god's
word.
And that's what really got methrough a lot of those dark
moments, a lot of the moments of, uh, I had suicide ideations, I
had suicide attempts.
They were not successfulbecause God had a bigger plan
(11:29):
for me and once God gave me myvision, there was nothing or no
one that was going to interferewith that.
I didn't care who you were.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
So yeah, now that's right.
So look, one of the things like, as women, it's already hard
being a woman, black woman,especially coming in the world.
So tell me how, because I youknow for me like yes, trauma,
join the military and thenyou're walking into another.
Tell me how you dealt with whatyou already been through and
(12:09):
then you go into the militaryand you try to get through that.
How was the 21 years?
You said Uh-huh, how was that21?
Speaker 2 (12:18):
years, 23.
23.
I don't want to take none away.
We got to give you those years.
Yeah, give me those, becausethat experience was something
else.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
How did you survive?
You already was a soldierbefore you went in.
I tell everybody that themilitary is not for the weak.
You have to be a special kindof person to make it through,
and especially to do 23 years.
So let's talk a little bitabout the military.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Gotcha.
So I want to back it up alittle bit, because from ninth
grade to 11th grade I was inJROTC.
Okay, that was another outletfor me.
Okay, that was anotherpositions of opportunity.
So when I was in jr otc I rodethrough the ranks real fast,
right.
So I was leading, I was leadingmy school's jr otc, uh, in 10th
(13:14):
grade.
So, um, for me it was more soof, uh, I knew what I wanted to
do because this was my outlet toget away.
Right, this was, this was toget me away.
Um, the the.
The bad thing is I went intofoster care.
But the good thing was that Iwent into foster care because
that gave me an opportunity toleave my baby with safe people
(13:36):
that I knew she was going to besafe with.
Now, they were not the greatest, but they were safe.
So, so once I joined themilitary, I went to Korea and
that's where I was raped at.
I took that experience.
Kind of like I took the sameexperience, same approach to the
experience with my dad is thepeople that were there supposed
(13:57):
to protect me did not protect me.
When that happened, the army didnot have a sexual assault
awareness program at all.
When that happened.
The Army did not have a sexualassault awareness program at all
At all.
So they sent me to the EOA andthe EOA sent me over to the IG
and the IG sent me over to 121Hospital, young Son in Korea.
And then I get to the hospitaland they say, well, we don't
(14:19):
know what to do with you.
So they did check my vitals andsent me back home.
So I had to go back.
I had to go back to the roomand face and still have to work
and see my perpetrator on adaily basis.
So having to deal with that waskind of like having to deal
with my dad, having to see himevery day and really have to,
(14:42):
you know, put myself in a placeof authority.
So one of the things that Godgave me was a divine authority.
That was one of the things.
When I was younger he gave medivine authority.
So I use that authority that hegave me to really pick myself
up and keep pushing.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
Awesome.
So what was the most surprisingpart of your healing process?
You're coming into the healing.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Really learning my voice.
Yes, learning my voice, it'slearning my voice and really
recognizing who was looking backat me in the mirror.
That was hard, because I wentmy whole life being silenced.
Yes, it was a huge secret, likeyou can't tell anybody.
(15:29):
If you do, then they're gonnaput you in foster care.
Are they gonna put you in jail?
Are they gonna put me in jailand you know what's gonna happen
to you then.
Don't, nobody want you, youknow.
You know.
All these things are stillgoing through my mind, but when
I tell you suppressed,suppressed, it was divine
authority suppressing it, so Inever let that thing.
(15:52):
I let it, I heard it, but Inever let it resonate with me.
So that was one of the things.
And one of the things where Ilearned my voice was last year,
july 7th, 2024.
We threw my mom a 70th birthdayparty and I was just so excited
(16:16):
to be there.
Now this is a few months aftermy I don't know.
About a year after my daughterdecided she wanted nothing else
to do with the family, and wewere okay.
About a year after my daughterdecided she wanted nothing else
to do with the family and wewere okay.
Um, it was just one of thosethings where it was.
You know we're going to respectyour space and you know we're
going to continue living life.
Well, um, she showed up to theparty.
No problem.
I just told my other kids, Isay, you guys, wherever she goes
(16:39):
, you go the opposite of her.
Just just stay away from her,let her do her thing.
And you guys, we have to beable to really make peace with
what's happening, because thisis real, this is her wishes and
we're gonna respect it.
Long story short um, my twomiddle kids got into an
altercation and, instead of mymom stepping in to mediate the
(17:05):
situation, she encouraged it.
She encouraged it.
And that day, after years ofbegging for a relationship,
years of really understanding,really understanding, really
(17:28):
trying to accept, you know whoshe is, because I had this ideal
in my mind of who I wanted mymom to be, who I needed her to
be, um, but I had to accept lastyear that she would never be
that and that was a hard pill toswallow.
And in that moment, a hard pillto swallow and in that moment,
(17:48):
that was the forcing functionfor it.
Okay, I love you, but right inthis moment, I am going to
grieve you and when I hang thisphone up, I will never speak to
you again.
And I had to really accept thatwho I wanted and who I needed
would never be.
(18:09):
That person for me would neverbe a safe person for me.
I should have known I meanyears and years of years of not
being protected.
It was like it all cameflooding back to me in that
moment that, okay, monica, yourmama knew what was going on.
(18:34):
When you was a child she leftyou there.
I had never thought that Bree,never thought that I was like,
and it wasn't until then that itjust registered like whoa.
This person really abandoned me.
In these years after I joinedthe military, I've been begging
for this relationship and it'sbeen solely transactional,
(18:59):
solely transactional, and when Isay transactional I mean
financial transactional, andwhen I say transactional I'm
meaning financial.
When I joined the military, mymom she, after I pulled my,
after my daughter was releasedfrom foster care, she went with
(19:21):
my mom and my mom had her.
So we had a joint account.
That whole first year in army,probably first year and a half
of my military career I don'tthink I saw more than a hundred
dollars out of my wholepaychecks total, um, and I
accepted it because she had mykids.
I was like you know, I'll, I'llgo without so that my baby can
be taken care of.
So I get to my second dutystation and when I get get there
(19:46):
I tell my NCO a matter of factcorrection I didn't tell him we
had a hell and farewell, youknow, when we grieved and
released.
So to my unit right, we go tothis Mexican restaurant and they
serve chips and you get thewater for free, right, the chips
and salsa.
So everybody at the table orderfood and my, my NC.
It was like, hey, you wantsomething to eat?
(20:07):
I was like, no, I'm full, I'mnot hungry.
But man, you should have said Iwas tearing them chips up, girl
, I was tearing them up.
He was like we got back to theunit that day after lunch.
We got back, he pulled me inthe office and he said, oh, hell
, no, what's going on?
And I just unloaded on him.
I just let it all out.
(20:28):
It felt like such a relief toget it out.
So he went to my commander thatafternoon.
They had my orders changedwithin a week, added my daughter
to my orders, got me housed ona post, yeah, helped me get a
car the whole night.
So at that point I was 100%invested, no matter or therapy,
(20:49):
in the military or spiritualplay or anything that was
(21:09):
assisting in your breakthrough.
I think just having somebodycare, just having somebody care,
I think that's what we all need.
We all need somebody to careabout us, and we're looking for
somebody to really just careabout us somebody to just care.
Somebody to say, here I am,here's the thing, but it not be
(21:33):
transactional right, but it notbe transactional or something
behind it right?
no, no, nothing nefarious, justyou know, just care genuinely
about me.
And I felt that when I was,when I got to my second duty
station, my NCOs was all on topof it.
I could say I ain't cut mygrass because they cut the grass
(21:53):
.
They just, they really justtook care of me, my whole
command team.
So, yeah, I would I tellanybody if you having a rough
time at home, go on the military, go on in there because you're
having a rough time at home.
Go in the military, go on inthere Because you're going to
get a paycheck.
That's definitely going tohappen.
You're going to have medical,dental, the whole nine.
(22:15):
And I needed that for stabilityfor my kid.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
Right, I do the same thing, but I kind of slowed back
.
As you know, my youngest son isnow in the military.
I fear for him because it'slike man.
You know, I'm the one who, justlike you said, I'm just telling
people look see what themilitary did for me.
If you, you know, if you don'thave everybody is not college,
(22:41):
you know college material,everybody, everybody is not.
But find something.
If you're in a situation, ifyou want to get out military
college something, findsomething.
So it's just encouraging peopleevery day.
But, like you said, militarywas one, and maybe not too much
(23:04):
today, but it is one that I dosay did help a lot of it.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
But you know what, Bree, I will say this no matter
the political climate, right?
No matter the political climate, regardless of what decisions
were made up top, you know,those things were up there when
I was a junior soldier, or evenwhen I was a junior NCO, those
things were handled up at theCongress presidential type level
(23:32):
, right?
That stuff didn't trickle downto us until I got to being a
senior NCO.
Then I started seeing theeffects of what the decisions
made at top can have for thepeople on the bottom.
But outside of that, I equivateit to being a civilian right?
(23:53):
You can die in the military,you can die on the streets.
You can die on the streets.
So the way I've seen it is youknow, just keep foraging.
Don't allow fear to make youhesitate on your goal.
(24:14):
Just keep pushing.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
That's true, you know , I will agree with that.
Fear and doubt are things thatkeep you back.
And I remember when 9-11 kickedoff and I was like planes was
flying and sirens was going offand I was like what the hell?
(24:36):
And then we got back and it waslike they were talking about,
oh yeah, we're getting ready todeploy and go to war.
And the first thing I was like,oh my God, I'm going to die.
And then you know, when thetime came, I mean, we did all
the training, we did it, butit's a mindset change.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
It is.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
You have to put that fear and that doubt behind you,
because at that moment I had myfive babies and I said to myself
2004, all right, let me tellyou something Now.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
I had to put that street soldier from West Philly
on the forefront.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
I said to my look, I ain't come here to die.
I didn't come here to die fornobody because, first of all,
what'd they do?
I don't even know what they did.
I joined the military for acareer, for a better life.
Again, I was running fromsomething.
So I totally, totally agreewith you on it.
It's a mindset and you justhave to put that fear and doubt,
(25:34):
because I meant that I wascoming back home, because I
ain't dying for nobody,especially when I ain't doing
nothing.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
Well, here's the thing, bree.
Here's where I differ a littlebit.
I was willing to die, oh wow, Iwas willing.
I was willing.
I'm going to tell you why I waswilling to die.
Please tell me.
I got to hear this one.
These people have shown me somuch love and so much compassion
.
It wasn't about what they wasdoing at the top, that didn't
(26:02):
rattle me at all, but it waswhat they was doing at my level
and right above my level, whatthey were doing to take care of
me.
So what they were doing is theywere training me to go to war.
They made sure I had a will inplace.
Right, I had life insurance inplace.
I had beneficiaries in place.
I had beneficiaries in place.
(26:23):
I had everything lined up.
They helped me map it.
So, if I died, I knew my babyand my siblings.
When I say siblings, I'mtalking about the three younger
ones, because the older ones,they were well into their
careers.
But them three younger ones,those were my babies.
Right, I knew that they weregoing to be taken care of and
(26:44):
that was what helped me.
It gave me ease because I knewthey would have financial
stability to help my daughter.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
That is awesome.
Do you believe there was adeeper why behind everything you
went through from childhood andmilitary?
Do you believe there was adeeper why?
Speaker 2 (27:05):
yes, because I I feel like um, now, my dad was a a
shit person for what he did tome.
Can I say shit, I'm sorry, girlthis is youtube and podcast
tubing, podcast Shit fire.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
Go ahead, girl.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
He was a shit person.
But, brie, let me tell youabout this, and this is why I'm
able to separate the good andthe bad out of people.
The values that I have, thework ethics, all that, that was
him.
That was all him.
He taught us how to change, howto rebuild a dang on motor okay
(27:45):
, and the vehicle.
We learned how to build, dangon sheds.
We learned a whole lot fromthis man.
He gave us qualities that weotherwise would not have gotten.
So, yes, he was a shit personfor what he did, but the values
that he gave me, those corevalues, that breed, they were
(28:06):
untouchable.
They were untouchable.
So, no matter how I had to, Ireally appreciate the values
that he gave me.
I hate what he did, but Iappreciate the values.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
Yeah, I agree with that too, If it wasn't for the
abuse and the trauma in my life.
That's why I say everythingthat happens in our lives is
building blocks.
Everything is building blocks.
And so what would you say tosomeone who feels like their
pain has no reason, no meaning,or their lives have no meaning
(28:43):
because there are, and that'sthe reason, again, I say for us
to come together would be foryou there.
I'm sure that there are people,men, men and young men and
young women all over the globewho have experienced something
similar or something differentor whatever.
So what would you say to thatperson who feels like their pain
(29:05):
has no meaning, like they'llnever make it nowhere, they'll
never get nowhere?
Speaker 2 (29:10):
So there is.
If you are God-fearing and ifyou truly, if you believe in God
and you know he has a plan foryour life, then there's a
purpose for you.
And that purpose is not it'snot always, it's not always
going to be the same purpose.
It'll change.
So it's already written.
God already knew these thingswere going to happen to us and
(29:33):
but they didn't happen to us.
They happened for us so that wecan be a vessel for somebody
else.
So everything I experienced, hadI not learned how to not just
go through things, but how togrow through things, had I not
learned how to do that, then Icouldn't mentor at-risk youth.
(29:54):
I couldn't mentor my own kids.
I couldn't mentor the people Iwork with.
I couldn't build people andhelp them be better than them.
I couldn't do those things hadI not experienced all those
horrible things.
Right, you won't see a diamondjust outside at its natural
(30:21):
state without going throughsomething.
Right, it's pressurized.
It's a lot of pressure thathappens to build that diamonds
created, Right, Right.
So in order to shine, you gotto get through that pressure.
You got to get that pressure.
Yes, ma'am.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
But so there's me and you.
Ok, again I would say similarstory.
You know, I was born a Catholic, raised the Baptist, then my
mother decided to marry an Islam.
You know, lord have mercy.
So but people like us, ok, wewere born into that belief of
something.
(31:00):
Born into that belief ofsomething.
What about for those who don'tbelieve, who believe in science,
or to believe that some?
Honestly, I talk to some youngpeople and they just don't like
look, even my baby girl, myyoungest baby girl and I don't
know.
I don't understand, because Itook them to church.
I had my children in church,son up, son down, you know what
(31:23):
I mean.
And then you know she did it.
I won't say that she's, she'stransitioning now.
But what do we say to theseyoung people who don't believe
that in a spirituality?
What do we say to them?
How can we make them understand?
Speaker 2 (31:40):
If they don't believe in God, they believe in
something Right, they believe insomething, and so, whatever
they believe in, that's what wegive them hope to hold on.
To Hold on to what you believeBecause, no matter, the sun come
up every single day.
Yes, it does, and we have waysto explain it through science,
we have ways to explain itthrough the physical portions of
(32:03):
it.
We got all the ways to explainit, but everybody has a
different thought on how it comeup.
Speaker 1 (32:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:11):
So, whatever you believe in, whatever that is,
hold on to it, hold on.
Hold on to it, just hold onbecause you know, regardless of
what happens, that's your hoperight there and that's what's
going to help you get through.
And one of the things that Idid is when I was going through
all my and this is why I have amini bio series I'm working on
(32:32):
is because as a teen, I justtook the writing, I wrote, I
wrote, I got I have tablets,kind of tablets like notebooks.
Yeah, I got I mean probably 60plus notebooks of just journals
from when I was a child, all theway through my adult life.
All of that stuff is there andit just and I can go back to it
(32:57):
and I can see where what washappening.
I could read that moment andunderstand now what was
happening in my head in thatmoment.
And then when I hit a moment,when I hit another stalemate,
another wall, I used one ofthose moments to jump that
hurdle to get over it.
(33:18):
So just hold on to hope, holdon over it.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
So just hold on to hope, hold on to it.
And one thing I say is you know, if you don't have something to
believe in, believe in yourself, believe in yourself and, like,
do a deep dig with yourself,like really just take the time
to sit down and say what am Iworth?
(33:42):
It got to be something betterthan this, because that's what I
would do, I would like eventhough I was defeated mentally,
you know, because I suffered alot of mental abuse and it's
like I had to sit down like thisain't I know that, this ain't
it, this, this, this is not it,this is not it.
(34:06):
So that's another thing thatI've said to people who, like,
don't believe or don't knowwhich way to turn, or whatever
and I love your thing about thebooks, and so is that a way that
you protect your peace andenergy now?
How do you protect your peaceand energy now?
How do you protect your peaceand energy?
Speaker 2 (34:23):
I don't protect my peace Bree at all.
I don't protect my peace at allbecause I know who protects my
peace.
It's not for me to protect.
So one of the things that I hadto learn about myself and I
like what you said when you saidreach back into you, you know,
(34:45):
pour into you.
It's hard to pour into you whenyou're an imposter to yourself.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
Right.
Speaker 2 (34:50):
So I had to.
There were times where so youremember in the army when you
was learning drilling ceremony,and they would say column left
or something like that, and youwould kind of like, blink, uh,
they would say column left orsomething like this and you
would kind of like blink and yougotta go right or something
right rock in your hand, to putthat rock or something in your
hand, say, okay, just follow therock right.
(35:12):
so, um, for years and I meanyears, I'm talking about even
into way into my adulthood foryears I was suffering from
imposter syndrome for real,because I had created this image
of who I thought I was, and itwas a lie.
It was a lie, bri.
It was a lie.
I would tell people like oh,you know my family, I come from
(35:36):
a good family, we love eachother, all these things right.
That's what I hoped for.
Speaker 1 (35:41):
Right.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
But I was an imposter to myself so I couldn't pour
into me because I didn't knowwho I was.
So I would, if I had to lean onthat rock.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
If I had to lean on that rock, that's what I was
leaning master for, oh, 20, but20 January, um, I realized that
I was I, I couldn't take no more.
(36:10):
You know, sometimes when we'regoing through things and we dust
ourself off, we get back up,but sometimes it comes a point
where I just can't no more, Ican't dust myself.
So 2023, 2024, I would sayJanuary, I said enough is enough
.
So I do relate to that.
(36:33):
And you know, if you was youryounger self and you were still
stuck in a pain and you couldhear yourself now, you could see
yourself now, what would yousay to that little girl?
Speaker 2 (36:50):
Feel all of it.
Feel it, yeah, feel it, nomatter how much it hurt.
Feel it, go through it, let itresonate with you.
Speaker 1 (37:01):
Is that something that you would say to younger
people now who don't see theirway forward?
Speaker 2 (37:05):
Absolutely Feel.
Acknowledge that hurt, do notbury it back and
compartmentalize it.
Bring it up front, Acknowledgeit, validate it and then give
yourself time to grieve it, butdon't stay there.
Don't it, but don't stay there.
Don't stay there.
Don't stay there.
Give yourself.
(37:26):
I would say for me, what I tellthe youth is give yourself no
more than 30 days to grieve.
That hurt.
Let it really resonate with you.
Write down however you want todo it.
If you're one of the peoplethat like to draw, draw it out.
If you're one of the ones thatlike to write, write it out, but
(37:47):
get it out of you.
Bring it to the forefront,because a lot of these people
can't afford therapy.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
That's right Quality therapy.
That is so true, quality therapy, and that is the reason.
That is another reason for thecreation of this podcast for the
crew, because a lot of us don't, you know, a lot of us don't,
and I say that, yeah, you know,some people are not built for
the military.
So what about those who don't,who aren't able, on Medicare or
(38:16):
whatever you know there's?
There's my, some of my childrenaren't getting the good quality
care because of Medicaid.
So, you know, everybody needs aoutlet.
Just to you know, and I neverunderstood facing your trauma,
(38:36):
we always want to bury it right,like oh my gosh, if I just bury
it, it'll go away.
I won't have to think about it.
So I've been masking for yearsand years and years and again
I'm 54 and I'm just walking intomy life.
I'm just walking into it.
So you know, I can, you know Iwas telling, uh, my oldest
(38:57):
daughter, she called me one dayand she was crying and you, you
know, I was, you know, mentoringher and I told her the same
thing you just did, because atfirst I was like you know, don't
cry, you know you're strongerthan that.
But then something I said no,wait, a minute, baby girl, wait.
I said feel that thing Go aheadand cry.
(39:18):
You go ahead and cry and that'swhat any and cry as younger back
in the day.
What did they teach young men?
Speaker 2 (39:27):
Don't cry.
Don't cry, the worst adviceever.
Speaker 1 (39:34):
But we live and we learn.
I tell them look, my son is 37,my 36.
Cry that thing out, don't holdit in, don't hold it in.
Yeah, don't, don't, don't holdit.
Cry once.
You cry those tears and you getit.
That's what I mean about onceyou cry, let it all out.
Then you do a self-evaluationand say what I need to do,
(39:56):
what's next?
You know, I always try to goahead that self-evaluation,
self-e.
Speaker 2 (40:02):
It has to be an honest assessment, and the
easiest thing to do to animposter is to assess yourself
as great, I'm OK, I don't needhelp is?
Is, baby, you out herestruggling and you got your
homeboy, your homeboys, yourhomegirls.
(40:26):
You got people there that'swilling to listen to you.
You got a significant otherthat you won't open up to
because you're afraid to showthe real you, baby, let them out
.
Yeah, let them out, becausethis is a time where you guys
are going to either come closeror y'all.
It's going to drive you apart,and that person was not your
person anyway.
(40:47):
So feel it, validate it gothrough it go through it,
acknowledge it, give it a name,give it a name.
Yeah, I named my traumas, okay.
Speaker 1 (41:01):
I named them, I named my traumas okay, okay, that's
another one.
Speaker 2 (41:03):
I named them.
I named them because I want,when I'm addressing Frank,
that's exactly who I'maddressing, because I know it's
you.
Yeah, so guess what, bro?
You ain't got no control overthat, no more.
Guess what?
Monica's here, baby, you can'ttouch me.
Right right right, right, youknow I'm I'm acknowledging these
(41:26):
jokers, I'm giving them namesand I'm moving forward.
I don't, I don't.
I try not to sit in it.
Right, because when, when I sitlong in it, I give it no more
than 30 days.
If it's more than 30 days, thenit's time for me to go get some
extra, some extra help yeah Ineed some extra help and I'm not
talking I ain't going to mypastor.
(41:46):
I love him, yeah, but I ain'tgoing to pastor, no, yeah, it's
bigger than you, pastor youmight have quit for this right.
I'm going to somebody withyears of therapy and
specifically in what I need,right Specifically, and it may
not be the same therapist I'vebeen seeing.
So I literally right now havethree therapists that I see.
Speaker 1 (42:12):
Right For three different things.
Three different.
Yeah, therapy is.
So some people I know back inthe day people would shy away
from therapy or it was looked atlike a bad thing.
But I had to realize thattherapy is OK.
It's OK to you know.
What do you call them?
Head shrinks and all that stuffthey made it to see, made it to
(42:33):
feel like it was a bad thing,but it is a good thing to get
therapy.
And for those who can't, likeyou said, you know not everybody
in today's age, in today'sworld and age, it's like you
don't know who to trust.
You don't know who to trust,you don't know where to go.
(42:56):
And I would say that if youdon't know where to go, you
don't know who to trust.
Look, you know, it's kind ofhard.
How to you know?
Talk to different groups ofpeople.
Because I would say, for thosewho are believers, if you feel
as though you can't talk toanybody, take it to the most,
take it to the most high and hewill, maybe he will answer the
(43:19):
call.
Because when you're, when youstop trying to do things
yourself and you hit that rockbottom, oh, you have no more
energy, no more tears, no morenothing.
I remember many a times I, Ican't, I can't fight, no more.
And I just felt the sense andthis peace of calm and I was
(43:43):
like, oh, it's going to be okay.
And then it's like repetitious,because at first you think like
, oh, this is, this is great, oh, that was just something else,
that was me.
But once you keep doing it andyou keep hearing that voice of
God, this is for me.
But once you keep doing it andyou keep hearing that voice of
God, this is for me, and youkeep feeling that sense of peace
, it's like, okay, free, l-i-g.
Let it go.
Yeah, let it go.
(44:03):
Because how many times we sayGod, when are you going to help
me?
Sometimes we feel alone in ourtrauma, we feel like there's
nobody there, nobody listening,and I will let the audience know
.
Like, know, like, look, this ismy sister here, who she was.
She was so quiet at one time Inever knew the kind of person
(44:27):
that she was until I saw herbreak out of a shell and I was
like whoa, this?
What?
Look, monica girl you were.
She was so humble, always beenvery humble to where people who
are like you you know that's forother people like, oh I could
(44:50):
get her, I could do whatever Iwant, because she's so humble,
she was gonna let me walk rightover her and you know, uh, I'm
always a protector.
So, honey, baby, how they say,I seen Monica but I said, oh,
she good, she good.
I've seen a transition withinyourself.
I'm so proud of the woman thatyou are becoming.
(45:13):
It's never too late.
You're in your what?
Mid 40s, almost.
I'm 43.
Sorry, excuse me, 43.
So it doesn't matter, like 43,33.
I tell my 33-year-old daughter,33, 43, 54, there's always room
(45:35):
for improvement, growth,knowledge, so it's never too
late.
I know, I experienced some ofthat myself.
Like, oh my gosh, you know it'stoo late.
I'm too, I'm getting older, youknow, and you know you have to
start.
All this comes from fear anddoubt and we have to find a way,
(45:58):
find a way through to silencethat fear and doubt so we can
start living our purposefullives and learn how to burn the
stuff that happened Breakthrough I'm sorry, oh gosh, I'm
(46:23):
sorry, oh gosh.
They break through the traumasof emotional and physical pain
and become unstoppable, becauseonce you get a hold on that
thing, there's no stopping.
Now you have a few little bumps, but you be like you know what.
Nobody can stop me because I'mnot about to go back to where I
used to be in my trauma and mypain.
Speaker 2 (46:38):
I'm not going back there.
Speaker 1 (46:40):
So once you get a, taste of that, that that
strength is no going back, notto say nothing.
Ever happens and I don't falter.
But you know I have built acommunity and you know you are
my number one, top notch.
You are my number one, topnotch.
I go to and I'm so grateful.
I'm so grateful for you and yousharing your story with the
(47:04):
public, because you know weshouldn't, we shouldn't hide.
As you know, I've talked before, and I will talk more, how my
first child was a great baby andfor years and years and years I
covered that and I stayed in anabusive marriage 17 years,
because I thought that was myprotector.
He's going to protect me but,honey, ain't nobody have their
(47:25):
hands on me like God did.
But I thank you for sharingyour story with us and I hope
that someone out there hearsyour story and says, wow, I hope
they read your book.
So tell me what's next.
What's next?
Speaker 2 (47:39):
for you.
Before we move to that question, I have one other thing I would
like to add it says go aheadnow listen.
You know I love god, I listen,I love him with all my, with my
whole heart.
But I'm gonna tell you, there'stimes where I don't want to
hear bruh, yeah, I don't wantyou right now, I don't need you
(48:03):
right now.
Right now, what I need is Ineed somebody I need somebody in
this moment that I can talkback to you know, give, give me
some advice.
And if I can't afford therapy,if I'm sick of journaling, if
I'm sick of drawing, guess whatI'm doing?
(48:23):
Baby, this is free therapy.
Right here, I'm going to giveit to you.
Speaker 1 (48:26):
Go ahead.
You see, I didn't take myglasses off.
I didn't move up close.
Speaker 2 (48:30):
Okay.
So they have Facebook groupswhere you can go post
anonymously and I just post itout there anonymously and I just
vent.
I say vent posts and I just letit all out in that post and I
just watch people attack thatpost, either with good knowledge
(48:52):
or not so good knowledge, but Iread.
I take it all in.
Knowledge or not so goodknowledge, but I read.
I take it all in Because at theend of the day it gives me an
opportunity to respond back andforth with people who may or may
not know how to handle peoplethat may have been through it
before.
Speaker 1 (49:06):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (49:07):
There's those groups out there that you can do that
with technology on ourfingertips.
We don't have an excuse, baby.
We don't need a true therapistNot all the time.
We can go right there tofacebook or some little
instagram page, whatever, and wecould just go anonymous and put
it out there.
So I encourage you, if youdon't believe in god, you do
(49:28):
believe in god.
If you just need anotherperson's perspective, yeah, post
it anonymously.
I I'm telling you, it's helpedme many, many times.
Speaker 1 (49:38):
Oh, trust and believe .
There are times, and that's whywhen I talk to young people or
I talk to anyone and it's notalways good to Bible read
somebody I don't want to hearthat crap right now that God
going to handle it.
God is in control.
Speaker 2 (49:58):
You don't want to hear that because I've been
depending on you, bro, and Ilook I'm still here.
I'm still going through thissame crazy exactly.
I don't want to keep hearingabout god.
Speaker 1 (50:07):
I know I need some solutions yeah, solutions and,
and trust, and, and, and I trustme.
I was talking to a young ladyand I realized in that moment
that, you know, before I, evenyou know, I just listened.
I said she don't want to hear.
God is in control.
And you know what, when I gothrough this, because you know,
(50:30):
I'm very spiritually connectedand sometimes God will say shut
your mouth, shut your mouth.
So all I asked her to do washold on, hold, just hold on.
Yeah, and those were my wordsand it's just, and I'm still,
(50:51):
you know, still just when I talkto people, because I also have
a non-profit, as you know thehouse of humanity yeah
and I get a plethora of people,young women, some a few men, and
they're going through maybeabusive situations or whatever.
Because I, you know, I provideresources for homeless, domestic
(51:12):
violence and low-incomefamilies.
And it's a young lady who shejust she's from another country
and she's living, and she's notin a physically abused, but
she's an emotionally abusedperson and it's like no place
will take her is because theysay that that's not abuse.
(51:38):
You know, you got to figure itout and release her.
So you know, I say, and when Ihear the many cries, it's just
hold on.
She has an autistic daughter,so it's just hold on, hold on,
give, give God time to show youand work some things out.
(51:58):
Use your resources.
I'm here to help you.
So I do.
I do believe that you know.
So you can't, you can't justforce that on everybody, and
then sometimes actions willspeak louder than words.
You don't want nobody to Biblebeat you, but just to you know,
check on them.
You know somebody to check onyou because you, as you know,
(52:20):
I've been through many thingsand sometimes like I don't want
to hear what I don't want tohear, what I already know is
going to happen.
But, and while I'm in thissituation in this moment, right
now.
I need somebody or something togive me that hold on something
(52:41):
that hold on moment.
So I do understand that.
Speaker 2 (52:46):
We also have to acknowledge where we can help
and where our helping skinsRight, right.
So it's like when you are, um,when you were in the military,
you had a.
So you ever had a soldier.
That was just every we wouldpass from platoon to platoon,
company to company.
Just a bad.
So everybody, oh, he's so bad ohmy goodness right and then they
(53:09):
put him in your platoon becausethey call you.
They say, oh, you're the rehabperson, you know, yeah.
So they send you these soldiers, right, and these soldiers are
broken, right.
So they have this victimmentality and you and all your
wisdom, you're not trained tohandle victims, right, so you're
(53:31):
not trained for that.
So what do you do?
You get a resource form?
Okay, we're gonna call behaviorhealth for you.
We're what do you do?
You get a resource form?
Okay, we're going to callBehavior Health for you.
We're going to get you somehelp here.
But while I'm helping you inBehavior Health, let me go over
here to Army FAP.
Right, let me get FAP on theline, because I need y'all to
give me some resources to helpme help him, right?
(53:53):
So it ain't all my strengthbecause I'm not prepared, I can
take.
I can help take you from avictim mentality to a survivor's
mentality, and that is my goal.
If somebody stuck in the victimmindset, you don't want help,
you just want somebody to helpyou stay in that mindset.
If that's where you want to be,I'm not the person to talk to
(54:16):
and I'm very honest up front.
Yeah, you want to be a victimif you want to.
My first question is is how doyou want me to help you?
yeah, because if they don't know, then I can't help them.
Right, you got to know what youneed and then I can help you.
But if you don't know what youneed, I don't have the resource
(54:39):
to figure it out because I'm nottrained in that area.
So I just I pass you to anotheragency that can assist you.
Right, if you want.
Speaker 1 (54:50):
So, girl, what's next for you?
Speaker 2 (54:52):
Oh next.
Speaker 1 (54:54):
How are you using your voice today?
We already know about altwayyes.
Speaker 2 (54:58):
So, um, one of the things that I love to do is, um,
so I'm an introverted person.
Right, I'm very introverted.
I like to be inside my houseand I'm a little safe space.
But, um, in the last couple ofyears I've been just talking to
people.
Just talking, I could seesomebody in a store and I'm like
(55:19):
, hey, girl, how you doing, howthat baby is, oh, she's so
pretty.
And then we'll just track up aconversation and then it'll go
from let's exchange numbers ohoh, I got a resource for you,
girl, don't worry about it typething.
So I love right now.
What's next for me is just ifthe stock market act right.
(55:40):
But one of the things I want todo within the next seven years
is I am going to retire.
I'm going to retire.
My husband is already fullyretired.
He just had a house with thebabies.
But I'm going to fully retireand I'm really going to be more
(56:01):
available to reaching out to mycommunity and really just being
available for the people thatneed me.
Speaker 1 (56:11):
Right.
So you are in what part ofGeorgia?
Speaker 2 (56:16):
I am in augusta area augusta, georgia and altway.
Speaker 1 (56:19):
How can uh?
If somebody needs help, how canthey reach uh?
Do you have a website?
Speaker 2 (56:28):
I sure do, and I can share it in the chat I'll share
it in the chat.
Speaker 1 (56:35):
Okay, if that's available.
Some people will be hearing, sothey won't be able to see.
Speaker 2 (56:40):
I want to remember it off the top of my dome.
I got it saved.
Okay, I got this QR code, butit's on the phone that I'm using
to talk to you right now.
Speaker 1 (56:51):
That is fine, we'll be able to do it again Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (57:01):
Nonetheless, I'm specifically available right now
to just the CSRA communitybecause that's where all my
resources lie.
I'm trying to extend into SouthCarolina area because that's
also part of that CSRA.
So I'm trying to extend overthere, but, as you know, that
takes resources and a lot moretime.
Okay, what is CSRA?
So I'm trying to extend overthere, but, as you know, that
takes resources and a lot moretime.
Speaker 1 (57:18):
Okay, what is CSRA?
Speaker 2 (57:20):
Oh, Central Savannah River Area, and that is Augusta,
north Augusta, grovetown.
It's a combination of Columbia,richmond and I forgot North
Augusta counties.
Okay, so it's a combination ofthose three, well, three well,
girl.
Speaker 1 (57:36):
Thank you so much for interviewing with me here on
b3u I.
I pray that your story hastouched or reached or empowered
somebody, because that's what weare here for.
We are here to empower thosewho are broken Okay, not to say
(57:57):
we're going to fix everybody and, like you said that saying, you
can lead a horse to the borderbut you can't make them drink.
So I pray that whoever is outthere today and you heard our
interview I pray that you alltake something from it, whatever
your trauma your emotional,your physical trauma may be or
(58:18):
what level it may be.
Some people have trauma thatlevel ain't this deep or
whatever, but I hope that youhave a sense of healing or how
to heal and a way out.
I want to thank everybody forjoining us, and Monica, thank
you so much, and I hope to or wenot hope, but we will see each
(58:40):
other soon.
We will.
That's it for Brie Charles onB3U.
Thank you everybody for joining.
Welcome, welcome everyone.
Welcome to B3U.
It's another, yet anotherexciting interview with another
piece of my heart, my belovedsister in arms, my sister period
, miss Monica Smith, and I thankher for being on this show.
So welcome, welcome, welcome,monica.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Thank you, bree, yes.
Thank you, it's so good to seeyou and just be able to do this
interview with you.
I'm very honored to have theopportunity to do it, so thank
you.
You'm very honored to have theopportunity to do it, so thank
you, you are most, most welcome.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Look, this woman here is an amazing, amazing woman,
so we're going to get right intoit.
She is a retired, retired Armyveteran, mother of four and
counting four, and counting mywonderful, most loved brother,
another piece of my heart.
And so, monica, I'm going toopen it up for you, to just give
(01:16):
the audience a little bit aboutyourself more than what I've
given my right.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Okay, so, as Bree said, I am retired Army.
I retired as a first sergeant.
I retired in 2023.
From that point, I venturedinto another career, working
with, initially with Departmentof Energy and then transitioning
over to the National NuclearSecurity Administration.
So I've been doing that jobroughly almost a year a little
(01:40):
over a year and a half now.
I also started a business,altway LLC, in 2020.
I know right, it's crazy.
I started that business inAugust of 2023.
And since the inception of thatbusiness, my company has helped
(02:01):
over 500 families either paybills or plan vacations or
mentor whatever.
You know, what we do is we justlike to support our community
and give back to our I like tonot call them underprivileged,
but underserved portions of ourcommunity.
So, yes, that's what I do, andalso an author?
Speaker 1 (02:24):
am I correct?
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Yes, I am an author.
I did, uh well, I co-authored abook, uh, in 2023, november
2023, and I'm actually workingon right now a children's book
and, uh, my uh by a mini bioseries.
So, hopefully, I've beenworking on this bio series since
I was a teenager.
(02:44):
So when this does come out,it's going to be a huge release
and it's going to give peopleinsight into who I am and why I
do the things I do and why Ithink the way I do, and how I
was able to overcome a lot ofthe traumatic experiences that
I've been through throughout mylifetime.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Okay, Well, with that .
B3u is about burning, breakingand becoming unstoppable and
creating a successful,purposeful life.
So can you tell us a little bitabout your story and the trauma
that you've overcame?
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Okay, so I wouldn't call my trauma something that
I've overcome.
It is something that I feellike I heal a little portion of
me every day, but it's notsomething that I could truly
overcome or truly heal from.
It's just something that Ilearned to live with and just
learn to navigate life, whileaccepting the experience and
(03:46):
learning from it and taking itmoving forward.
So I use it to force me forwardin everything that I do.
And one of those traumas is soBree.
Throughout my life I've been.
I was sexually molested by mydad.
I had a kid for him when I was15.
I was raped when I was in themilitary in South Korea in 2002.
(04:12):
And no, a kid did not come fromthat.
But literally I was in arelationship.
So that kind of had some.
There was some tug of war withmy then he wasn't even a
boyfriend.
He was more like a supposed tobe a one night stand kind of
relationship type thing, rightso, but that caused a little tug
(04:33):
of war there.
And then there's just differenttraumas that I've experienced,
but one of the traumas that I dowant to talk about is the one
where I had to accept mydaughter not wanting to be a
part of my life, that my seconddaughter not wanting to be a
part of my life.
That experience is one that Iwouldn't wish on anyone, and she
(04:58):
had her reasons and I respecther reasons for it.
But it is one of the thingsthat has been more traumatic for
me than anything else that I'veexperienced in my life, because
, no matter what I do as aparent, everything I've done was
to protect them and to raisethem out of love.
(05:18):
But reality is, through many,many therapies, I've learned
that what I considered love,what I learned what love was,
wasn't truly love.
It was really surviving.
So I didn't give them the lovethat they needed.
I gave them the ability tosurvive, and that in itself not
understanding it, being so youngcaused a huge rift in who I am
(05:43):
and who she was, and then therelationship that we could have
had.
So, yes, that's the trauma thatI want to talk about today.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Yeah, yes look as a parent.
It's hard being a parent period, but this is what is.
Was there a specific momentthat you realize that you're
sometimes you're not surviving?
Do you find yourself just like,how are you in your every day,
like life?
Because for me, like I tellpeople all the time for me and
(06:13):
the same with you, but I have toget up every morning, every
morning, and pour into myselfand stop looking for people to
pour in me or whatever everymorning, it is a daily struggle,
or it of surviving, like, okay,this is what I need to do, this
(06:34):
is what I'm going to do.
I got to make it happen andother than lay around in this
bed and trauma, whether it bephysical or emotional, and, like
you said, you really never getthrough it.
You never get.
Let's let's just say you neverget over it, yeah, but you do
continue to push through itright, that's what I wanted to.
(06:56):
That's the kind of thing that Iwant to, uh, tell our audiences
is that you never really getover it, but you do strive to
continue to get through it.
So was there a moment that yourealized you wasn't?
Speaker 2 (07:09):
surviving.
It was, and it was at a very,very, very young age.
So when I was molested, itstarted when I was like I don't
think I was old enough to even Idon't think I was more than
like four years old when itstarted.
That I can remember, but I doremember feeling like I was less
(07:30):
than and not a part of.
I felt like the people thatwere supposed to be protectors
of me were really not there.
They were very hands off offand the people that the family
members that knew about it thatdidn't do anything.
I really didn't hold any illwill towards them, but I also
(07:56):
didn't understand that it waswrong in that moment.
But I knew as I got older, Iknew I needed something to hold
on to and that something that Iheld on to was God's word.
Because no matter what I grewup in, church I was, I was.
I grew up on my dad's side theywere Catholic, on my mom's side
they were Baptist.
And then I went to aPentecostal church.
(08:17):
So I had church, Okay, wechurched a lot Okay, and that
was like my safe church was mysafe haven.
That is where I went.
And so when, when they pouredthe word into my listen at a
very young age.
I listened to what was said andthen I held on to it.
So I held on to hope becauseGod gave me that hope.
(08:39):
He was the only consistentthing in my life that never hurt
me.
So yeah, that's what I've heldon.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
That's right.
Look, speak about it, okay,look, some people don't believe
that there is a guy, and when Isee or I hear this type of uh
talk from people, I go because Iknow what, without a shadow of
a doubt.
He saved me.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
He saved me listen, brie, it was moments where, um,
I I got it got really, reallydark for me, um, and not just
one or two either.
I'm talking like they were,like you were saying, when you
have to consistently show up foryourself every day.
Even with god in my life, Istill had those moments, but one
(09:24):
of the still consistent thingwas he will never leave me or
forsake me, and he didn't.
All those things that happenedto me, I didn't hold like anger
towards my dad or anybody for it.
I just didn't have any anger inme for it.
But what I did have wascompassion.
But what I did have wascompassion.
(09:51):
I was compassionate about thesituation itself, because
there's a part of the peoplethat were supposed to protect me
that were not protectedthemselves.
So who am I, who am I to tellthem what they should have,
could have, would have done whenI myself wasn't old enough to
understand?
So I didn't hold any ill willtowards them, but one of the
things I did strive for isreally, once my dad went to jail
when everything was found out,I really still I had this kid,
(10:15):
this baby, and I was afraidbecause I was like, oh my God,
what happens now?
What's next and it was one ofthose things where I was.
It was my junior senior.
Between my junior senior year, Iwent into foster care with my
daughter.
I'm in foster care and I'm like,oh my God, okay, I got these
people telling me you need to dothis, you need to do that, all
(10:39):
the things that I need to do.
But they weren't aligned withthe vision that God gave me for
my life.
So I was I wasn't rebellious,but I was.
I heard them, but I kind ofpushed them to the side because
what they wanted me to do is, uh, they wanted me to perform for
their church and I was like, no,this is not, this is not of God
(11:02):
, this is not what god told meto do.
So I stood, I stood fast, um,and really just held on to god's
word.
And that's what really got methrough a lot of those dark
moments, a lot of the moments of, uh, I had suicide ideations, I
had suicide attempts.
They were not successfulbecause God had a bigger plan
(11:29):
for me and once God gave me myvision, there was nothing or no
one that was going to interferewith that.
I didn't care who you were.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
So yeah, now that's right.
So look, one of the things like, as women, it's already hard
being a woman, black woman,especially coming in the world.
So tell me how, because I youknow for me like yes, trauma,
join the military and thenyou're walking into another.
Tell me how you dealt with whatyou already been through and
(12:09):
then you go into the militaryand you try to get through that.
How was the 21 years?
You said Uh-huh, how was that21?
Speaker 2 (12:18):
years, 23.
23.
I don't want to take none away.
We got to give you those years.
Yeah, give me those, becausethat experience was something
else.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
How did you survive?
You already was a soldierbefore you went in.
I tell everybody that themilitary is not for the weak.
You have to be a special kindof person to make it through,
and especially to do 23 years.
So let's talk a little bitabout the military.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Gotcha.
So I want to back it up alittle bit, because from ninth
grade to 11th grade I was inJROTC.
Okay, that was another outletfor me.
Okay, that was anotherpositions of opportunity.
So when I was in jr otc I rodethrough the ranks real fast,
right.
So I was leading, I was leadingmy school's jr otc, uh, in 10th
(13:14):
grade.
So, um, for me it was more soof, uh, I knew what I wanted to
do because this was my outlet toget away.
Right, this was, this was toget me away.
Um, the the.
The bad thing is I went intofoster care.
But the good thing was that Iwent into foster care because
that gave me an opportunity toleave my baby with safe people
(13:36):
that I knew she was going to besafe with.
Now, they were not the greatest, but they were safe.
So, so once I joined themilitary, I went to Korea and
that's where I was raped at.
I took that experience.
Kind of like I took the sameexperience, same approach to the
experience with my dad is thepeople that were there supposed
(13:57):
to protect me did not protect me.
When that happened, the army didnot have a sexual assault
awareness program at all.
When that happened.
The Army did not have a sexualassault awareness program at all
At all.
So they sent me to the EOA andthe EOA sent me over to the IG
and the IG sent me over to 121Hospital, young Son in Korea.
And then I get to the hospitaland they say, well, we don't
(14:19):
know what to do with you.
So they did check my vitals andsent me back home.
So I had to go back.
I had to go back to the roomand face and still have to work
and see my perpetrator on adaily basis.
So having to deal with that waskind of like having to deal
with my dad, having to see himevery day and really have to,
(14:42):
you know, put myself in a placeof authority.
So one of the things that Godgave me was a divine authority.
That was one of the things.
When I was younger he gave medivine authority.
So I use that authority that hegave me to really pick myself
up and keep pushing.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
Awesome.
So what was the most surprisingpart of your healing process?
You're coming into the healing.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Really learning my voice.
Yes, learning my voice, it'slearning my voice and really
recognizing who was looking backat me in the mirror.
That was hard, because I wentmy whole life being silenced.
Yes, it was a huge secret, likeyou can't tell anybody.
(15:29):
If you do, then they're gonnaput you in foster care.
Are they gonna put you in jail?
Are they gonna put me in jailand you know what's gonna happen
to you then.
Don't, nobody want you, youknow.
You know.
All these things are stillgoing through my mind, but when
I tell you suppressed,suppressed, it was divine
authority suppressing it, so Inever let that thing.
(15:52):
I let it, I heard it, but Inever let it resonate with me.
So that was one of the things.
And one of the things where Ilearned my voice was last year,
july 7th, 2024.
We threw my mom a 70th birthdayparty and I was just so excited
(16:16):
to be there.
Now this is a few months aftermy I don't know.
About a year after my daughterdecided she wanted nothing else
to do with the family, and wewere okay.
About a year after my daughterdecided she wanted nothing else
to do with the family and wewere okay.
Um, it was just one of thosethings where it was.
You know we're going to respectyour space and you know we're
going to continue living life.
Well, um, she showed up to theparty.
No problem.
I just told my other kids, Isay, you guys, wherever she goes
(16:39):
, you go the opposite of her.
Just just stay away from her,let her do her thing.
And you guys, we have to beable to really make peace with
what's happening, because thisis real, this is her wishes and
we're gonna respect it.
Long story short um, my twomiddle kids got into an
altercation and, instead of mymom stepping in to mediate the
(17:05):
situation, she encouraged it.
She encouraged it.
And that day, after years ofbegging for a relationship,
years of really understanding,really understanding, really
(17:28):
trying to accept, you know whoshe is, because I had this ideal
in my mind of who I wanted mymom to be, who I needed her to
be, um, but I had to accept lastyear that she would never be
that and that was a hard pill toswallow.
And in that moment, a hard pillto swallow and in that moment,
(17:48):
that was the forcing functionfor it.
Okay, I love you, but right inthis moment, I am going to
grieve you and when I hang thisphone up, I will never speak to
you again.
And I had to really accept thatwho I wanted and who I needed
would never be.
(18:09):
That person for me would neverbe a safe person for me.
I should have known I meanyears and years of years of not
being protected.
It was like it all cameflooding back to me in that
moment that, okay, monica, yourmama knew what was going on.
(18:34):
When you was a child she leftyou there.
I had never thought that Bree,never thought that I was like,
and it wasn't until then that itjust registered like whoa.
This person really abandoned me.
In these years after I joinedthe military, I've been begging
for this relationship and it'sbeen solely transactional,
(18:59):
solely transactional, and when Isay transactional I mean
financial transactional, andwhen I say transactional I'm
meaning financial.
When I joined the military, mymom she, after I pulled my,
after my daughter was releasedfrom foster care, she went with
(19:21):
my mom and my mom had her.
So we had a joint account.
That whole first year in army,probably first year and a half
of my military career I don'tthink I saw more than a hundred
dollars out of my wholepaychecks total, um, and I
accepted it because she had mykids.
I was like you know, I'll, I'llgo without so that my baby can
be taken care of.
So I get to my second dutystation and when I get get there
(19:46):
I tell my NCO a matter of factcorrection I didn't tell him we
had a hell and farewell, youknow, when we grieved and
released.
So to my unit right, we go tothis Mexican restaurant and they
serve chips and you get thewater for free, right, the chips
and salsa.
So everybody at the table orderfood and my, my NC.
It was like, hey, you wantsomething to eat?
(20:07):
I was like, no, I'm full, I'mnot hungry.
But man, you should have said Iwas tearing them chips up, girl
, I was tearing them up.
He was like we got back to theunit that day after lunch.
We got back, he pulled me inthe office and he said, oh, hell
, no, what's going on?
And I just unloaded on him.
I just let it all out.
(20:28):
It felt like such a relief toget it out.
So he went to my commander thatafternoon.
They had my orders changedwithin a week, added my daughter
to my orders, got me housed ona post, yeah, helped me get a
car the whole night.
So at that point I was 100%invested, no matter or therapy,
(20:49):
in the military or spiritualplay or anything that was
(21:09):
assisting in your breakthrough.
I think just having somebodycare, just having somebody care,
I think that's what we all need.
We all need somebody to careabout us, and we're looking for
somebody to really just careabout us somebody to just care.
Somebody to say, here I am,here's the thing, but it not be
(21:33):
transactional right, but it notbe transactional or something
behind it right?
no, no, nothing nefarious, justyou know, just care genuinely
about me.
And I felt that when I was,when I got to my second duty
station, my NCOs was all on topof it.
I could say I ain't cut mygrass because they cut the grass
(21:53):
.
They just, they really justtook care of me, my whole
command team.
So, yeah, I would I tellanybody if you having a rough
time at home, go on the military, go on in there because you're
having a rough time at home.
Go in the military, go on inthere Because you're going to
get a paycheck.
That's definitely going tohappen.
You're going to have medical,dental, the whole nine.
(22:15):
And I needed that for stabilityfor my kid.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
Right, I do the same thing, but I kind of slowed back
.
As you know, my youngest son isnow in the military.
I fear for him because it'slike man.
You know, I'm the one who, justlike you said, I'm just telling
people look see what themilitary did for me.
If you, you know, if you don'thave everybody is not college,
(22:41):
you know college material,everybody, everybody is not.
But find something.
If you're in a situation, ifyou want to get out military
college something, findsomething.
So it's just encouraging peopleevery day.
But, like you said, militarywas one, and maybe not too much
(23:04):
today, but it is one that I dosay did help a lot of it.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
But you know what, Bree, I will say this no matter
the political climate, right?
No matter the political climate, regardless of what decisions
were made up top, you know,those things were up there when
I was a junior soldier, or evenwhen I was a junior NCO, those
things were handled up at theCongress presidential type level
(23:32):
, right?
That stuff didn't trickle downto us until I got to being a
senior NCO.
Then I started seeing theeffects of what the decisions
made at top can have for thepeople on the bottom.
But outside of that, I equivateit to being a civilian right?
(23:53):
You can die in the military,you can die on the streets.
You can die on the streets.
So the way I've seen it is youknow, just keep foraging.
Don't allow fear to make youhesitate on your goal.
(24:14):
Just keep pushing.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
That's true, you know , I will agree with that.
Fear and doubt are things thatkeep you back.
And I remember when 9-11 kickedoff and I was like planes was
flying and sirens was going offand I was like what the hell?
(24:36):
And then we got back and it waslike they were talking about,
oh yeah, we're getting ready todeploy and go to war.
And the first thing I was like,oh my God, I'm going to die.
And then you know, when thetime came, I mean, we did all
the training, we did it, butit's a mindset change.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
It is.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
You have to put that fear and that doubt behind you,
because at that moment I had myfive babies and I said to myself
2004, all right, let me tellyou something Now.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
I had to put that street soldier from West Philly
on the forefront.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
I said to my look, I ain't come here to die.
I didn't come here to die fornobody because, first of all,
what'd they do?
I don't even know what they did.
I joined the military for acareer, for a better life.
Again, I was running fromsomething.
So I totally, totally agreewith you on it.
It's a mindset and you justhave to put that fear and doubt,
(25:34):
because I meant that I wascoming back home, because I
ain't dying for nobody,especially when I ain't doing
nothing.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
Well, here's the thing, bree.
Here's where I differ a littlebit.
I was willing to die, oh wow, Iwas willing.
I was willing.
I'm going to tell you why I waswilling to die.
Please tell me.
I got to hear this one.
These people have shown me somuch love and so much compassion
.
It wasn't about what they wasdoing at the top, that didn't
(26:02):
rattle me at all, but it waswhat they was doing at my level
and right above my level, whatthey were doing to take care of
me.
So what they were doing is theywere training me to go to war.
They made sure I had a will inplace.
Right, I had life insurance inplace.
I had beneficiaries in place.
I had beneficiaries in place.
(26:23):
I had everything lined up.
They helped me map it.
So, if I died, I knew my babyand my siblings.
When I say siblings, I'mtalking about the three younger
ones, because the older ones,they were well into their
careers.
But them three younger ones,those were my babies.
Right, I knew that they weregoing to be taken care of and
(26:44):
that was what helped me.
It gave me ease because I knewthey would have financial
stability to help my daughter.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
That is awesome.
Do you believe there was adeeper why behind everything you
went through from childhood andmilitary?
Do you believe there was adeeper why?
Speaker 2 (27:05):
yes, because I I feel like um, now, my dad was a a
shit person for what he did tome.
Can I say shit, I'm sorry, girlthis is youtube and podcast
tubing, podcast Shit fire.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
Go ahead, girl.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
He was a shit person.
But, brie, let me tell youabout this, and this is why I'm
able to separate the good andthe bad out of people.
The values that I have, thework ethics, all that, that was
him.
That was all him.
He taught us how to change, howto rebuild a dang on motor okay
(27:45):
, and the vehicle.
We learned how to build, dangon sheds.
We learned a whole lot fromthis man.
He gave us qualities that weotherwise would not have gotten.
So, yes, he was a shit personfor what he did, but the values
that he gave me, those corevalues, that breed, they were
(28:06):
untouchable.
They were untouchable.
So, no matter how I had to, Ireally appreciate the values
that he gave me.
I hate what he did, but Iappreciate the values.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
Yeah, I agree with that too, If it wasn't for the
abuse and the trauma in my life.
That's why I say everythingthat happens in our lives is
building blocks.
Everything is building blocks.
And so what would you say tosomeone who feels like their
pain has no reason, no meaning,or their lives have no meaning
(28:43):
because there are, and that'sthe reason, again, I say for us
to come together would be foryou there.
I'm sure that there are people,men, men and young men and
young women all over the globewho have experienced something
similar or something differentor whatever.
So what would you say to thatperson who feels like their pain
(29:05):
has no meaning, like they'llnever make it nowhere, they'll
never get nowhere?
Speaker 2 (29:10):
So there is.
If you are God-fearing and ifyou truly, if you believe in God
and you know he has a plan foryour life, then there's a
purpose for you.
And that purpose is not it'snot always, it's not always
going to be the same purpose.
It'll change.
So it's already written.
God already knew these thingswere going to happen to us and
(29:33):
but they didn't happen to us.
They happened for us so that wecan be a vessel for somebody
else.
So everything I experienced, hadI not learned how to not just
go through things, but how togrow through things, had I not
learned how to do that, then Icouldn't mentor at-risk youth.
(29:54):
I couldn't mentor my own kids.
I couldn't mentor the people Iwork with.
I couldn't build people andhelp them be better than them.
I couldn't do those things hadI not experienced all those
horrible things.
Right, you won't see a diamondjust outside at its natural
(30:21):
state without going throughsomething.
Right, it's pressurized.
It's a lot of pressure thathappens to build that diamonds
created, Right, Right.
So in order to shine, you gotto get through that pressure.
You got to get that pressure.
Yes, ma'am.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
But so there's me and you.
Ok, again I would say similarstory.
You know, I was born a Catholic, raised the Baptist, then my
mother decided to marry an Islam.
You know, lord have mercy.
So but people like us, ok, wewere born into that belief of
something.
(31:00):
Born into that belief ofsomething.
What about for those who don'tbelieve, who believe in science,
or to believe that some?
Honestly, I talk to some youngpeople and they just don't like
look, even my baby girl, myyoungest baby girl and I don't
know.
I don't understand, because Itook them to church.
I had my children in church,son up, son down, you know what
(31:23):
I mean.
And then you know she did it.
I won't say that she's, she'stransitioning now.
But what do we say to theseyoung people who don't believe
that in a spirituality?
What do we say to them?
How can we make them understand?
Speaker 2 (31:40):
If they don't believe in God, they believe in
something Right, they believe insomething, and so, whatever
they believe in, that's what wegive them hope to hold on.
To Hold on to what you believeBecause, no matter, the sun come
up every single day.
Yes, it does, and we have waysto explain it through science,
we have ways to explain itthrough the physical portions of
(32:03):
it.
We got all the ways to explainit, but everybody has a
different thought on how it comeup.
Speaker 1 (32:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:11):
So, whatever you believe in, whatever that is,
hold on to it, hold on.
Hold on to it, just hold onbecause you know, regardless of
what happens, that's your hoperight there and that's what's
going to help you get through.
And one of the things that Idid is when I was going through
all my and this is why I have amini bio series I'm working on
(32:32):
is because as a teen, I justtook the writing, I wrote, I
wrote, I got I have tablets,kind of tablets like notebooks.
Yeah, I got I mean probably 60plus notebooks of just journals
from when I was a child, all theway through my adult life.
All of that stuff is there andit just and I can go back to it
(32:57):
and I can see where what washappening.
I could read that moment andunderstand now what was
happening in my head in thatmoment.
And then when I hit a moment,when I hit another stalemate,
another wall, I used one ofthose moments to jump that
hurdle to get over it.
(33:18):
So just hold on to hope, holdon over it.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
So just hold on to hope, hold on to it.
And one thing I say is you know, if you don't have something to
believe in, believe in yourself, believe in yourself and, like,
do a deep dig with yourself,like really just take the time
to sit down and say what am Iworth?
(33:42):
It got to be something betterthan this, because that's what I
would do, I would like eventhough I was defeated mentally,
you know, because I suffered alot of mental abuse and it's
like I had to sit down like thisain't I know that, this ain't
it, this, this, this is not it,this is not it.
(34:06):
So that's another thing thatI've said to people who, like,
don't believe or don't knowwhich way to turn, or whatever
and I love your thing about thebooks, and so is that a way that
you protect your peace andenergy now?
How do you protect your peaceand energy now?
How do you protect your peaceand energy?
Speaker 2 (34:23):
I don't protect my peace Bree at all.
I don't protect my peace at allbecause I know who protects my
peace.
It's not for me to protect.
So one of the things that I hadto learn about myself and I
like what you said when you saidreach back into you, you know,
(34:45):
pour into you.
It's hard to pour into you whenyou're an imposter to yourself.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
Right.
Speaker 2 (34:50):
So I had to.
There were times where so youremember in the army when you
was learning drilling ceremony,and they would say column left
or something like that, and youwould kind of like, blink, uh,
they would say column left orsomething like this and you
would kind of like blink and yougotta go right or something
right rock in your hand, to putthat rock or something in your
hand, say, okay, just follow therock right.
(35:12):
so, um, for years and I meanyears, I'm talking about even
into way into my adulthood foryears I was suffering from
imposter syndrome for real,because I had created this image
of who I thought I was, and itwas a lie.
It was a lie, bri.
It was a lie.
I would tell people like oh,you know my family, I come from
(35:36):
a good family, we love eachother, all these things right.
That's what I hoped for.
Speaker 1 (35:41):
Right.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
But I was an imposter to myself so I couldn't pour
into me because I didn't knowwho I was.
So I would, if I had to lean onthat rock.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
If I had to lean on that rock, that's what I was
leaning master for, oh, 20, but20 January, um, I realized that
I was I, I couldn't take no more.
(36:10):
You know, sometimes when we'regoing through things and we dust
ourself off, we get back up,but sometimes it comes a point
where I just can't no more, Ican't dust myself.
So 2023, 2024, I would sayJanuary, I said enough is enough
.
So I do relate to that.
(36:33):
And you know, if you was youryounger self and you were still
stuck in a pain and you couldhear yourself now, you could see
yourself now, what would yousay to that little girl?
Speaker 2 (36:50):
Feel all of it.
Feel it, yeah, feel it, nomatter how much it hurt.
Feel it, go through it, let itresonate with you.
Speaker 1 (37:01):
Is that something that you would say to younger
people now who don't see theirway forward?
Speaker 2 (37:05):
Absolutely Feel.
Acknowledge that hurt, do notbury it back and
compartmentalize it.
Bring it up front, Acknowledgeit, validate it and then give
yourself time to grieve it, butdon't stay there.
Don't it, but don't stay there.
Don't stay there.
Don't stay there.
Give yourself.
(37:26):
I would say for me, what I tellthe youth is give yourself no
more than 30 days to grieve.
That hurt.
Let it really resonate with you.
Write down however you want todo it.
If you're one of the peoplethat like to draw, draw it out.
If you're one of the ones thatlike to write, write it out, but
(37:47):
get it out of you.
Bring it to the forefront,because a lot of these people
can't afford therapy.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
That's right Quality therapy.
That is so true, quality therapy, and that is the reason.
That is another reason for thecreation of this podcast for the
crew, because a lot of us don't, you know, a lot of us don't,
and I say that, yeah, you know,some people are not built for
the military.
So what about those who don't,who aren't able, on Medicare or
(38:16):
whatever you know there's?
There's my, some of my childrenaren't getting the good quality
care because of Medicaid.
So, you know, everybody needs aoutlet.
Just to you know, and I neverunderstood facing your trauma,
(38:36):
we always want to bury it right,like oh my gosh, if I just bury
it, it'll go away.
I won't have to think about it.
So I've been masking for yearsand years and years and again
I'm 54 and I'm just walking intomy life.
I'm just walking into it.
So you know, I can, you know Iwas telling, uh, my oldest
(38:57):
daughter, she called me one dayand she was crying and you, you
know, I was, you know, mentoringher and I told her the same
thing you just did, because atfirst I was like you know, don't
cry, you know you're strongerthan that.
But then something I said no,wait, a minute, baby girl, wait.
I said feel that thing Go aheadand cry.
(39:18):
You go ahead and cry and that'swhat any and cry as younger back
in the day.
What did they teach young men?
Speaker 2 (39:27):
Don't cry.
Don't cry, the worst adviceever.
Speaker 1 (39:34):
But we live and we learn.
I tell them look, my son is 37,my 36.
Cry that thing out, don't holdit in, don't hold it in.
Yeah, don't, don't, don't holdit.
Cry once.
You cry those tears and you getit.
That's what I mean about onceyou cry, let it all out.
Then you do a self-evaluationand say what I need to do,
(39:56):
what's next?
You know, I always try to goahead that self-evaluation,
self-e.
Speaker 2 (40:02):
It has to be an honest assessment, and the
easiest thing to do to animposter is to assess yourself
as great, I'm OK, I don't needhelp is?
Is, baby, you out herestruggling and you got your
homeboy, your homeboys, yourhomegirls.
(40:26):
You got people there that'swilling to listen to you.
You got a significant otherthat you won't open up to
because you're afraid to showthe real you, baby, let them out
.
Yeah, let them out, becausethis is a time where you guys
are going to either come closeror y'all.
It's going to drive you apart,and that person was not your
person anyway.
(40:47):
So feel it, validate it gothrough it go through it,
acknowledge it, give it a name,give it a name.
Yeah, I named my traumas, okay.
Speaker 1 (41:01):
I named them, I named my traumas okay, okay, that's
another one.
Speaker 2 (41:03):
I named them.
I named them because I want,when I'm addressing Frank,
that's exactly who I'maddressing, because I know it's
you.
Yeah, so guess what, bro?
You ain't got no control overthat, no more.
Guess what?
Monica's here, baby, you can'ttouch me.
Right right right, right, youknow I'm I'm acknowledging these
(41:26):
jokers, I'm giving them namesand I'm moving forward.
I don't, I don't.
I try not to sit in it.
Right, because when, when I sitlong in it, I give it no more
than 30 days.
If it's more than 30 days, thenit's time for me to go get some
extra, some extra help yeah Ineed some extra help and I'm not
talking I ain't going to mypastor.
(41:46):
I love him, yeah, but I ain'tgoing to pastor, no, yeah, it's
bigger than you, pastor youmight have quit for this right.
I'm going to somebody withyears of therapy and
specifically in what I need,right Specifically, and it may
not be the same therapist I'vebeen seeing.
So I literally right now havethree therapists that I see.
Speaker 1 (42:12):
Right For three different things.
Three different.
Yeah, therapy is.
So some people I know back inthe day people would shy away
from therapy or it was looked atlike a bad thing.
But I had to realize thattherapy is OK.
It's OK to you know.
What do you call them?
Head shrinks and all that stuffthey made it to see, made it to
(42:33):
feel like it was a bad thing,but it is a good thing to get
therapy.
And for those who can't, likeyou said, you know not everybody
in today's age, in today'sworld and age, it's like you
don't know who to trust.
You don't know who to trust,you don't know where to go.
(42:56):
And I would say that if youdon't know where to go, you
don't know who to trust.
Look, you know, it's kind ofhard.
How to you know?
Talk to different groups ofpeople.
Because I would say, for thosewho are believers, if you feel
as though you can't talk toanybody, take it to the most,
take it to the most high and hewill, maybe he will answer the
(43:19):
call.
Because when you're, when youstop trying to do things
yourself and you hit that rockbottom, oh, you have no more
energy, no more tears, no morenothing.
I remember many a times I, Ican't, I can't fight, no more.
And I just felt the sense andthis peace of calm and I was
(43:43):
like, oh, it's going to be okay.
And then it's like repetitious,because at first you think like
, oh, this is, this is great, oh, that was just something else,
that was me.
But once you keep doing it andyou keep hearing that voice of
God, this is for me.
But once you keep doing it andyou keep hearing that voice of
God, this is for me, and youkeep feeling that sense of peace
, it's like, okay, free, l-i-g.
Let it go.
Yeah, let it go.
(44:03):
Because how many times we sayGod, when are you going to help
me?
Sometimes we feel alone in ourtrauma, we feel like there's
nobody there, nobody listening,and I will let the audience know
.
Like, know, like, look, this ismy sister here, who she was.
She was so quiet at one time Inever knew the kind of person
(44:27):
that she was until I saw herbreak out of a shell and I was
like whoa, this?
What?
Look, monica girl you were.
She was so humble, always beenvery humble to where people who
are like you you know that's forother people like, oh I could
(44:50):
get her, I could do whatever Iwant, because she's so humble,
she was gonna let me walk rightover her and you know, uh, I'm
always a protector.
So, honey, baby, how they say,I seen Monica but I said, oh,
she good, she good.
I've seen a transition withinyourself.
I'm so proud of the woman thatyou are becoming.
(45:13):
It's never too late.
You're in your what?
Mid 40s, almost.
I'm 43.
Sorry, excuse me, 43.
So it doesn't matter, like 43,33.
I tell my 33-year-old daughter,33, 43, 54, there's always room
(45:35):
for improvement, growth,knowledge, so it's never too
late.
I know, I experienced some ofthat myself.
Like, oh my gosh, you know it'stoo late.
I'm too, I'm getting older, youknow, and you know you have to
start.
All this comes from fear anddoubt and we have to find a way,
(45:58):
find a way through to silencethat fear and doubt so we can
start living our purposefullives and learn how to burn the
stuff that happened Breakthrough I'm sorry, oh gosh, I'm
(46:23):
sorry, oh gosh.
They break through the traumasof emotional and physical pain
and become unstoppable, becauseonce you get a hold on that
thing, there's no stopping.
Now you have a few little bumps, but you be like you know what.
Nobody can stop me because I'mnot about to go back to where I
used to be in my trauma and mypain.
Speaker 2 (46:38):
I'm not going back there.
Speaker 1 (46:40):
So once you get a, taste of that, that that
strength is no going back, notto say nothing.
Ever happens and I don't falter.
But you know I have built acommunity and you know you are
my number one, top notch.
You are my number one, topnotch.
I go to and I'm so grateful.
I'm so grateful for you and yousharing your story with the
(47:04):
public, because you know weshouldn't, we shouldn't hide.
As you know, I've talked before, and I will talk more, how my
first child was a great baby andfor years and years and years I
covered that and I stayed in anabusive marriage 17 years,
because I thought that was myprotector.
He's going to protect me but,honey, ain't nobody have their
(47:25):
hands on me like God did.
But I thank you for sharingyour story with us and I hope
that someone out there hearsyour story and says, wow, I hope
they read your book.
So tell me what's next.
What's next?
Speaker 2 (47:39):
for you.
Before we move to that question, I have one other thing I would
like to add it says go aheadnow listen.
You know I love god, I listen,I love him with all my, with my
whole heart.
But I'm gonna tell you, there'stimes where I don't want to
hear bruh, yeah, I don't wantyou right now, I don't need you
(48:03):
right now.
Right now, what I need is Ineed somebody I need somebody in
this moment that I can talkback to you know, give, give me
some advice.
And if I can't afford therapy,if I'm sick of journaling, if
I'm sick of drawing, guess whatI'm doing?
(48:23):
Baby, this is free therapy.
Right here, I'm going to giveit to you.
Speaker 1 (48:26):
Go ahead.
You see, I didn't take myglasses off.
I didn't move up close.
Speaker 2 (48:30):
Okay.
So they have Facebook groupswhere you can go post
anonymously and I just post itout there anonymously and I just
vent.
I say vent posts and I just letit all out in that post and I
just watch people attack thatpost, either with good knowledge
(48:52):
or not so good knowledge, but Iread.
I take it all in.
Knowledge or not so goodknowledge, but I read.
I take it all in Because at theend of the day it gives me an
opportunity to respond back andforth with people who may or may
not know how to handle peoplethat may have been through it
before.
Speaker 1 (49:06):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (49:07):
There's those groups out there that you can do that
with technology on ourfingertips.
We don't have an excuse, baby.
We don't need a true therapistNot all the time.
We can go right there tofacebook or some little
instagram page, whatever, and wecould just go anonymous and put
it out there.
So I encourage you, if youdon't believe in god, you do
(49:28):
believe in god.
If you just need anotherperson's perspective, yeah, post
it anonymously.
I I'm telling you, it's helpedme many, many times.
Speaker 1 (49:38):
Oh, trust and believe .
There are times, and that's whywhen I talk to young people or
I talk to anyone and it's notalways good to Bible read
somebody I don't want to hearthat crap right now that God
going to handle it.
God is in control.
Speaker 2 (49:58):
You don't want to hear that because I've been
depending on you, bro, and Ilook I'm still here.
I'm still going through thissame crazy exactly.
I don't want to keep hearingabout god.
Speaker 1 (50:07):
I know I need some solutions yeah, solutions and,
and trust, and, and, and I trustme.
I was talking to a young ladyand I realized in that moment
that, you know, before I, evenyou know, I just listened.
I said she don't want to hear.
God is in control.
And you know what, when I gothrough this, because you know,
(50:30):
I'm very spiritually connectedand sometimes God will say shut
your mouth, shut your mouth.
So all I asked her to do washold on, hold, just hold on.
Yeah, and those were my wordsand it's just, and I'm still,
(50:51):
you know, still just when I talkto people, because I also have
a non-profit, as you know thehouse of humanity yeah
and I get a plethora of people,young women, some a few men, and
they're going through maybeabusive situations or whatever.
Because I, you know, I provideresources for homeless, domestic
(51:12):
violence and low-incomefamilies.
And it's a young lady who shejust she's from another country
and she's living, and she's notin a physically abused, but
she's an emotionally abusedperson and it's like no place
will take her is because theysay that that's not abuse.
(51:38):
You know, you got to figure itout and release her.
So you know, I say, and when Ihear the many cries, it's just
hold on.
She has an autistic daughter,so it's just hold on, hold on,
give, give God time to show youand work some things out.
(51:58):
Use your resources.
I'm here to help you.
So I do.
I do believe that you know.
So you can't, you can't justforce that on everybody, and
then sometimes actions willspeak louder than words.
You don't want nobody to Biblebeat you, but just to you know,
check on them.
You know somebody to check onyou because you, as you know,
(52:20):
I've been through many thingsand sometimes like I don't want
to hear what I don't want tohear, what I already know is
going to happen.
But, and while I'm in thissituation in this moment, right
now.
I need somebody or something togive me that hold on something
(52:41):
that hold on moment.
So I do understand that.
Speaker 2 (52:46):
We also have to acknowledge where we can help
and where our helping skinsRight, right.
So it's like when you are, um,when you were in the military,
you had a.
So you ever had a soldier.
That was just every we wouldpass from platoon to platoon,
company to company.
Just a bad.
So everybody, oh, he's so bad ohmy goodness right and then they
(53:09):
put him in your platoon becausethey call you.
They say, oh, you're the rehabperson, you know, yeah.
So they send you these soldiers, right, and these soldiers are
broken, right.
So they have this victimmentality and you and all your
wisdom, you're not trained tohandle victims, right, so you're
(53:31):
not trained for that.
So what do you do?
You get a resource form?
Okay, we're gonna call behaviorhealth for you.
We're what do you do?
You get a resource form?
Okay, we're going to callBehavior Health for you.
We're going to get you somehelp here.
But while I'm helping you inBehavior Health, let me go over
here to Army FAP.
Right, let me get FAP on theline, because I need y'all to
give me some resources to helpme help him, right?
(53:53):
So it ain't all my strengthbecause I'm not prepared, I can
take.
I can help take you from avictim mentality to a survivor's
mentality, and that is my goal.
If somebody stuck in the victimmindset, you don't want help,
you just want somebody to helpyou stay in that mindset.
If that's where you want to be,I'm not the person to talk to
(54:16):
and I'm very honest up front.
Yeah, you want to be a victimif you want to.
My first question is is how doyou want me to help you?
yeah, because if they don't know, then I can't help them.
Right, you got to know what youneed and then I can help you.
But if you don't know what youneed, I don't have the resource
(54:39):
to figure it out because I'm nottrained in that area.
So I just I pass you to anotheragency that can assist you.
Right, if you want.
Speaker 1 (54:50):
So, girl, what's next for you?
Speaker 2 (54:52):
Oh next.
Speaker 1 (54:54):
How are you using your voice today?
We already know about altwayyes.
Speaker 2 (54:58):
So, um, one of the things that I love to do is, um,
so I'm an introverted person.
Right, I'm very introverted.
I like to be inside my houseand I'm a little safe space.
But, um, in the last couple ofyears I've been just talking to
people.
Just talking, I could seesomebody in a store and I'm like
(55:19):
, hey, girl, how you doing, howthat baby is, oh, she's so
pretty.
And then we'll just track up aconversation and then it'll go
from let's exchange numbers ohoh, I got a resource for you,
girl, don't worry about it typething.
So I love right now.
What's next for me is just ifthe stock market act right.
(55:40):
But one of the things I want todo within the next seven years
is I am going to retire.
I'm going to retire.
My husband is already fullyretired.
He just had a house with thebabies.
But I'm going to fully retireand I'm really going to be more
(56:01):
available to reaching out to mycommunity and really just being
available for the people thatneed me.
Speaker 1 (56:11):
Right.
So you are in what part ofGeorgia?
Speaker 2 (56:16):
I am in augusta area augusta, georgia and altway.
Speaker 1 (56:19):
How can uh?
If somebody needs help, how canthey reach uh?
Do you have a website?
Speaker 2 (56:28):
I sure do, and I can share it in the chat I'll share
it in the chat.
Speaker 1 (56:35):
Okay, if that's available.
Some people will be hearing, sothey won't be able to see.
Speaker 2 (56:40):
I want to remember it off the top of my dome.
I got it saved.
Okay, I got this QR code, butit's on the phone that I'm using
to talk to you right now.
Speaker 1 (56:51):
That is fine, we'll be able to do it again Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (57:01):
Nonetheless, I'm specifically available right now
to just the CSRA communitybecause that's where all my
resources lie.
I'm trying to extend into SouthCarolina area because that's
also part of that CSRA.
So I'm trying to extend overthere, but, as you know, that
takes resources and a lot moretime.
Okay, what is CSRA?
So I'm trying to extend overthere, but, as you know, that
takes resources and a lot moretime.
Speaker 1 (57:18):
Okay, what is CSRA?
Speaker 2 (57:20):
Oh, Central Savannah River Area, and that is Augusta,
north Augusta, grovetown.
It's a combination of Columbia,richmond and I forgot North
Augusta counties.
Okay, so it's a combination ofthose three, well, three well,
girl.
Speaker 1 (57:36):
Thank you so much for interviewing with me here on
b3u I.
I pray that your story hastouched or reached or empowered
somebody, because that's what weare here for.
We are here to empower thosewho are broken Okay, not to say
(57:57):
we're going to fix everybody and, like you said that saying, you
can lead a horse to the borderbut you can't make them drink.
So I pray that whoever is outthere today and you heard our
interview I pray that you alltake something from it, whatever
your trauma your emotional,your physical trauma may be or
(58:18):
what level it may be.
Some people have trauma thatlevel ain't this deep or
whatever, but I hope that youhave a sense of healing or how
to heal and a way out.
I want to thank everybody forjoining us, and Monica, thank
you so much, and I hope to or wenot hope, but we will see each
(58:40):
other soon.
We will.
That's it for Brie Charles onB3U.
Thank you everybody for joining.
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