June 16, 2025 • 47 mins
The power of laughter as medicine comes alive in this raw, heartfelt conversation with Vernard Hines, aka "The Laugh Therapist." A 20-year military veteran who served in Iraq, Bernard takes us on his remarkable journey from the edge of suicide to finding purpose through comedy.
Vernard reveals how humor initially masked his trauma before becoming his healing pathway. "All my life I've been funny," he shares, explaining how he was the "barbecue comedian" who made everyone laugh at cookouts. Yet beneath the laughter lay unprocessed war trauma and childhood wounds that eventually brought him to a breaking point. With disarming honesty, Vernard recounts the day he contemplated taking his life—and how an attentive church bishop recognized his pain and mobilized support that saved him.
What makes this conversation truly transformative is Vernard's practical wisdom about daily life with PTSD. He introduces powerful concepts like "closing your tabs"—a metaphor comparing an overwhelmed mind to a computer with too many browser windows open—and explains how reframing his marriage from having a "caregiver" to a "partner in recovery" revolutionized his healing journey. His wife, who knew nothing about the military or PTSD when they met at a comedy club, became his strongest ally by learning about his triggers while he committed to therapy and medication.
Vernard's evolution into The Laugh Therapist happened organically when a friend asked what got him through trauma. Now serving as a veteran spokesperson for suicide awareness, he combines speaking with humor to make difficult conversations about mental health accessible. "God gives us two things: chance and choice," Vernard reflects. "He gives us a chance when we open our eyes in the morning. The choice is what we're going to do with it."
Whether you're battling PTSD, supporting someone who is, or simply interested in the healing power of humor, this conversation offers both inspiration and practical tools. Subscribe now to hear more powerful stories of resilience and transformation.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Hello everyone, Welcome to B3U.
I am glad to be here with MrBernard Hines, the last service.
Thank you so much, sir, forcoming on and doing this
interview with me.
So just tell our viewers alittle bit about yourself.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Thank you for having me.
Thank you for having me.
Yes, my name is Bernard Hines,aka the Laugh Therapist, but as
a therapist y'all, I'm notlicensed, I'm just medicated.
All right, I'm not licensed,I'm just medicated.
I am a comedian, I'm a speaker,I'm a father, I'm a husband and
I'm a 20 year seven month fourday military.
(00:50):
I'm a retired veteran.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Hey man, thank you for your service.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Thank you for your service.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
I know what it's like .
Yes, yes.
So how did we get that?
Speaker 2 (01:13):
How did you become the last therapist?
Well, all my life I've beenfunny to.
People have told me that I'vebeen the class clown at 12 and
14.
I could memorize Richard Pryoralbums.
I knew I was an unsupervisedchild so I knew I knew all
Richard Pryor albums.
I love comedy.
I knew all Richard Pryor albums.
I love comedy.
I love.
In the military I was thebarbecue comedian.
You bring me to the car, to thecookout, we're going to have a
good time.
But then I learned that allthat was hiding my trauma.
(01:36):
That was my way of fitting inby making folks laugh when I
didn't know how any other way tofit in, when I didn't know how
any other way to fit in.
Then folks asked me if I wantedto do comedy and I was like no,
never thought I could go onstage.
Nah, I'm not going to do acomedy.
No.
Then came back from Iraq, goingthrough trauma from the war,
(02:00):
going through a trauma of movingback home and facing childhood
traumas and those type things.
Um, when I left oklahomasomeone told me she said when
you get to virginia you need topick up comedy.
I'm like man, okay so I cameback came back home, came back
(02:21):
to chesapeake, virginia well,norfolk.
But I came back to chesapeakeand went to a church and the
pastor said well, what we're notgoing to do this year, we're
not going to bring in a comedian.
We're going to find somebody inthe church.
But before then I had asked God, if you want me to do comedy,
show me a sign.
That was a sign.
Won't he do it?
(02:42):
Won't he do it.
So that was a sign.
Won't he do it, won't he do it.
So I went and I auditionedbecause they want you to
audition, make sure you knowwhat you were saying.
I didn't know anything aboutcomedy Then, no stage presence,
didn't know, but I knew life.
So as I was doing that, I stillwas dealing with my PTSD, still
dealing with going through adivorce, still dealing with a
(03:02):
lot of other things from comingstraight from the war, six
months retiring after that.
So what really happened was Icontemplated taking my life.
I contemplated taking my lifeand I couldn't laugh anymore.
Nothing was funny, nothingseemed to be going right.
So someone on my job.
(03:25):
I'll never forget it.
Someone on my job.
I know the person's name butI'm not gonna breach
confidentiality.
They they said that there's acomedy contest.
I said I know they said it's acomedy class.
At the funny bone in the area Isaid I'm broke as a joke I
can't.
She said me and my husband aregoing to show the $250 into your
(03:46):
life for you to go to the class.
Went to the class.
That was a life saving moment.
I got my laugh back.
And a gentleman I was talkingto because my name used to be
Reverend Peanutbutt and Jellyyeah, see how you laughing.
That's how everybody elselaughed at me.
They're like what Wrappingpeanut butter and jelly.
(04:08):
So I was brainstorming with afriend of mine.
I was like look man, I got tochange this name.
This name can't go nowhere.
So we sit down talking.
He says so what got you throughyour trauma, your PTSD, to
where you're at now?
Of course, god, god, we knewthat.
Then I said well, laughter in atherapist.
He said, well, why don't youcall yourself the life therapist
(04:29):
?
there you go, I was like, wow,and that name can go anywhere,
so it.
So it has been a journey, ithas been a, it has really been a
journey.
And from now, comedy has turnedinto speaking with humor,
because it allows people to beable to talk about a subject of
(04:50):
mental health or PTSD, ofveterans and all that other good
stuff, and add a little humorinto it that make it plausible
for them to really receive it.
And then USA picked me up to bea veteran spokesperson as a
mental health for suicideawareness.
We faced a fight.
(05:11):
They had a campaign going, soit it has been a plethora of
blended family, been a plethoraof divorce, been a plethora of
kids, all that.
And, and as I tell people, ptsddon't care about life, life
don't care about PTSD, they aregoing to collide.
Yes, and when they collide,what are you going to do then?
(05:33):
And that's when I knew I neededsome help.
I needed some resources to helpme in this role.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
And this is the month of PTSD awareness.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Yes, it is yes, and we are a beat for you where I am
honoring, and this is the monthof PTSD awareness.
Yes, it is.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Yes, and we are at B3U where I am honoring, I'm
making it Men's AppreciationMonth along with PTSD awareness,
thank you.
And the purpose of theseinterviews and our interviews
today is to be transparent withour audience, because there are
(06:06):
many of us that are out there.
We're suffering and I tellpeople you just don't have to,
um, be a service member for ptsdcorrect you know people tend to
think when they hear ptsd oh,that's only for people who
served in the military I have adaughter who was was shot in a
drive-by shooting, suffers fromPTSD.
(06:29):
So we want to get the messageand push this message out here,
that mental health number one isreal, correct, where you have
shown us how you have dealt andcoped with your PTSD in the
moment.
You know and again it'd be somany things as veterans and and
(06:50):
those are like we have storiesfor days- for days you know?
I mean, we could sit here for aa good couple of hours and run
down some of the things andtrials and the tribulations, um,
that we've been through.
Is it, uh, during your a littlebit deeper into your um, did
(07:12):
you ever feel like you werepressured, like I need to hurry
up and get over this so I canlive my life?
Was, did you feel any pressure?
Speaker 2 (07:20):
What was it that drove you to say well, you know
what you sounds like, mytherapist right there.
Let's go a little.
Let's go a little deeper.
That was.
That was her famous word.
Well, let's go a little deeper,or well, let's go with that
it's only because you know.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
You know, I'm trying there again.
I'm about servicing thosepeople in the now.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Yeah, let's go deep, I'm ready.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
You know how people are saying.
I remember when I was singlewith four children in the
military, and I would go tochurch and they oh baby, wait on
God.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Wait on God.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
He's just like hey, our old baby is going to come to
you.
Trust, keep your faith in theLord.
But the truth is and,bernardard, I know me and you
know this but when you're inthat season, you really did not
want to hear that that's right,and a caveat to that, a caveat
to that we're gonna.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
The day I wanted to take my life, um, I went to
church because I knew god.
You, you know, I had went tochurch and my pastor, my bishop,
didn't know me from nobody.
You know, he knew I had justjoined the ministry.
I haven't been that long and Iwas going through things in my
life and I I didn't want to die,but I wanted that pain to end
that I was going through.
(08:39):
So I say you know what, theonly way to get this pain to end
is to take my life.
That's how I felt at that time.
And he sits on the corner of atthat time he always used to sit
on the corner of the pulpit atthe service and people just come
up and just, you know,conversate.
I came up and I told him someof the things I was going
through.
(08:59):
And if he had just told me,bruh, let's just pray about it
and sent me on my way, that wasmy demise right then, because
that was my last straw.
What he did was he said hold up.
He called two brothers from thechurch.
He said hey, y'all come here,get this young man right here,
(09:20):
give him my personal cell phonenumber.
I want y'all to take him overthere, talk to him and do not
let him leave until you are surehe is okay.
That is the first time I feltseen since I had been back from
Iraq and I think that was liketwo and a half years.
(09:41):
I have been seen that day savemy life and that has been over
15 years ago.
That day saved my life becauseI felt seen, even though he was
a pastor, even though he was abishop, even though he knew God.
He knew I needed something elsealso.
That's why I tell people youcan have God and a therapist,
(10:08):
why I tell people you can haveGod and a therapist.
Right, you can have both.
So that was a powerful moment,but I still had my struggles.
I still had, but I knew what Icould turn to for therapy.
That's when I started going totherapy.
That's when I started going tothe groups.
That's when I got onmedications and start taking my
meds.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
And my right.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
And my daughter.
At the time she just graduatedfrom Virginia Tech, but at the
time she had.
She says I'm scared of my dad.
I heard her say that.
Not that I was violent, but Iwas zero to a hundred.
So I felt like I am taken awayfrom their childhood.
I have to go and get help so Ican be productive in their life.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
Right.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
And blessing is my wife.
My wife married me, not knowinganything about the military.
I went through a divorce andmet at the comedy club.
She didn't know anything aboutPTSD, she didn't know anything
about the military, but shelearned about PTSD real quick
Cause you know when you dating,you're dating, you're hiding it,
(11:06):
you're trying your best.
I don't want you to see that'sright, I already got kids.
I don't want you to see whatelse is going on with it,
because my grandma will alwayssay love is blind, but marriage
is an eye-opener.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
Yes, oh, my, I love grandma.
She is so right, she is soright, all right.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
So you know, we went through that and going to the VA
.
But one thing about my wife shewanted to learn about what was
making her husband tick and oneday I told my family.
I said I don't know why I'mticked, why I ticked.
So we all went to therapytogether as a family and my
(11:46):
therapist took a 3D model of thebrain and showed my family this
is where your father and yourhusband's brain is injured.
When she said he has an injury,that changed my whole focus of
what it is.
Wow.
And then they started learningand my wife the VA called her my
(12:13):
caregiver.
My therapist said no, changethat wording.
She's not your caregiver, she'syour partner in recovery.
Oh, what's your therapist now?
Your best therapist in theworld?
What's the world in recovery?
Oh, what's your therapist now?
The best therapist in the world.
She used to always tell us tochange our wording.
That's right.
(12:34):
So that's going to be the nameof our book Partner in Recovery,
because it means I had to dosomething and she had to do
something.
She had to learn about the PTSDand my triggers.
I had to continue to go totherapy.
I had to continue to stay on mymeds.
I had to continue to, not, Ihad to continue to be present
(12:54):
and not just there.
So it made us do things totallydifferent.
And I'm telling you thattherapist she's not in the VA
now, she has her own practicesomewhere in Northern Virginia.
But the resources that she gaveme really, really made me, say,
helped me to be where I am now,because she gave me the tools
(13:16):
to do the work.
She made me have the tools todo the work.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
Put it that way so what can we say to a person who
feels like their pain has nomeaning?
Yet what would you say?
Speaker 2 (13:31):
you have to believe that I will tell that.
I didn't believe that my storyor what I've been through had
meaning.
I didn't believe it.
It's like because one of thereasons I'm gonna tell you why
is because I broke down the wordstigma.
Because I tell folks, if youwant to see stigma, because I
(13:53):
tell folks if you want to seestigma, I be stigma.
Okay, and one of the things instigma is self stigma that we
put on ourself.
You know what I'm saying.
I'm not good enough.
Everything is negative, nothingis going good.
Everything I tried, but one ofthe main ones is what are people
going to say about me?
We see, growing up, I had anuncle who was a Vietnam veteran,
(14:16):
okay, and he used to go to theVA hospital and they used to
call him crazy.
They used to call him get overthere, shut up, you don't know
what you're talking about.
Oh, every time he come around,oh, he talking crazy.
So I was not going to be seenlike that.
So that hindered me from goingto seek help and I would throw
(14:37):
self, self stigma on myself.
Man, I can't be seen as ascrazy.
I just retired from themilitary, I just moved back home
and I don't know why everybodythink you rich when you move
back home that is the.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
That is the biggest myth put on veterans Like oh,
military rich money, money.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
Commissary.
Commissary, you can go to here,you can go there.
But that person has to know that, first of all, they matter and,
second of all, your storymatters.
Nobody can want your healing oryou getting better, more than
you do, more than you.
Nobody can want your healing oryour uh or you getting better,
more than you, more than you.
That is, nobody can want thatyou have to want.
(15:21):
I had to learn that I needed toget better or seek help or get
these resources for me, sothat's what I would share with
some.
Know in yourself that youmatter.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
That's right.
How do you protect your peacetoday?
Because every day I tell people, every day it's work for me.
Every day I wake up in themorning, I'm talking to myself
and I tell people don't stoplistening to yourself.
Stop listening to yourself.
But when you listen to toyourself, that's when you're
going oh man, you know, I don't,I don't want to do this, or I
(15:59):
don't want nobody to.
You know, oh, what if I die?
My biggest thing, my ptsd, isfear I lost so many people in my
military career.
Once I left from the military, Iseparated from my family
completely.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
OK.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
And I took my child.
I was in an abusive marriage.
I took my children.
I was like that's it.
I got to get out of Philly.
I'm going to start a new lifeto better myself and I want it
better for my children.
I just, I just cut everybody.
So in that time, before I went,I lost my grandmother.
That was another reason why Isaid you know, my grandmother,
(16:40):
she was my backbone, she was myeverything, even though I was in
that Houston.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
Oh, who is that?
It's me and my granny.
I keep her on my desk.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
I keep her on my desk .
Speaker 2 (16:49):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
I have a picture of my granny as well, I keep her in
the kitchen because I stillhear her telling me how to make
those sweet potato pies that Irefuse to get a recipe up for.
But you know, every when I losther I was in that abusive
marriage I said, okay, that's it.
I got to get away fromeverything and everybody.
I went in the military andduring that time I've lost aunts
(17:12):
, uncles I mean I just nieces.
You know I continue to lose,you know.
So it's like my biggest.
I've seen to the point wheresome of my sisters, you know, in
the military, you know we getthat good brother, sister.
We stick with them for life.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
They have more family than family.
That's true.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
That's true so I've had sisters that actually lost
children to murder, car accidentand the screams and everything
and the cries constantly runthrough my head.
So what's my biggest thing now?
Fear of losing one of mine okayyou know so again and then,
(17:52):
being in the military deployment, lost soldiers.
So mine is fear.
So, every day that I rise,every day that I lay down it's
am I going to die?
I'm a stroke survivor.
Am I going?
Speaker 2 (18:06):
to die.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
Am I going to this, am I going to that, and so if.
I keep listening.
If we keep listening to thosethings in our head, we'll never
get nowhere.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Correct.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
The way I combat my demons, so to speak, is I talk
to them like look here, okay,today is going to be a good day,
I don't care.
And of course, as veterans, wesuffer from what Body illnesses.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
That's right.
Knee hurts, shoulders Back.
Yeah, yeah, that's right back.
Yeah, top of your gum hurt.
Top of your gums hurt.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
Top of your gums hurt my fingernails, everything
everything yes, when you aredealing with mental, physical
and life is continue to life, Itell people you either go and do
(19:06):
one or two things, you eithergo and lay down and just give up
give up right or god gives ustwo things chance and choice.
Okay, got it.
He gives us two things chanceand choice.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
Okay, got it.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
He gives us a chance when we open our eyes in the
morning.
That's our chance right there.
Speaker 2 (19:21):
Correct.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
The choice, what we're going to do with it
Correct.
Are we going to lay in this bed?
Are we just going to keepthinking about all the people we
lost?
Are we going to keep thinkingabout how much the pain hurts?
Are we going to make the choiceto get up and do something with
what we're given?
Speaker 2 (19:45):
Correct and that, you see, and that's when you ask
that question.
You know, is like I tell people.
I got three people in my head.
I got Bernard, christian andFelix.
Ok, felix, still in themilitary, that's the one I can't
let come out all the time.
Felix is the comedian.
He don't care what you think,what you say.
So when he says stuff it comesout kind of foul, he sends it to
Christian.
Christian cleans it up.
(20:05):
Okay, he gives it to Bernard,and then Bernard is able to give
it to you where you can see.
So what I used to do is I wouldallow myself to talk to me.
Now I talk to myself.
Just like you said get up,let's go.
Yep, you want to be depressed,but we're not going to be
(20:28):
depressed today.
So I had to learn to talk tomyself because I have a saying.
We have a saying in our house.
I met my wife in the comedyclub, so we joke 24 seven.
If you want to sit in thatdiaper, go ahead, sit in that
diaper, but you know the diapercan be changed.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Now you can be clean or you can sit in that diaper.
You can get diaper rash, youcan scream, you can do, do.
But that choice is yours andit's not as easy as I'm saying
it, because it took us some timeto get it takes work, it takes
work and what does the bible say?
Speaker 1 (21:04):
the bible said faith without works is dead.
Yeah it's dead.
We could sit there all day andsay I'm believe the god gonna do
it.
I'm believe the god going to doit.
I don't believe the guy goingto do it, when you're just
sitting there and you're goingto do it.
You're just sitting there whenthe guy is going to do it.
You have to do the work andsometimes people cannot see
because it's too much.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
It is a lot.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
You know I still.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
But you got to take it in small bites.
You got to take it in smallBecause sometimes we want to be,
I want to be everything foreverybody right now.
Can't be, can't be.
My wife has a thing.
We have a thing in our house Iget when I get.
Uh, my wife has just learnedabout being overstimulated.
(21:49):
She did not understand about mebeing overstimulated and now
she knows.
But one thing we do, we have athing.
We will walk through the houseIf we just looking stare starry
eyed.
We just said close your tabs.
Cause if you think about it,when you are using a computer
(22:10):
and you got all them tabs openup that you've been looking at,
and now you got a whole lot oftabs on your, on your computer
screen, it's slowing down yourmemory, it's slowing down the
functionality of what is meant,meant to do.
So you got to close them tabs.
That mean close your mind.
You can't change this.
You can't make this person likeyou.
(22:30):
You can't make this person bein your life.
You can't do, you can.
Only thing you really can'tcontrol is you.
And we try to make.
I ain't gonna say we, I'm gonnatalk about me.
I try to make everybodyunderstand me.
Everybody is not going tounderstand you, period, point
(22:56):
blank.
Once I realized I'm talkingabout even my children, even my
mom, even my family.
Okay, you can, I can't make youunderstand this part of me.
So what I'm going to do is Istill want you in my life, so we
just gonna have boundaries.
Certain thing we just ain'tgonna deal with everything.
(23:19):
And and to a person I have bestfriends they know I have ptsd,
but they want me around.
That's the key.
They want me around.
So sometimes when I'm overthere just sitting in the corner
, they be like let little bro gosit down.
So it's not like I have to bein that circle to where I got to
(23:42):
be.
Everything for everybody.
It's like no, no, no, I havePTSD, I have a disability.
Whether you believe it, whetheryou understand it, I don't care
.
I'm sorry because my friends Ihad a friend say man, if people
really knew you, they wouldn'tthink you had PTS.
I said because I don't use thetools now to know when to
(24:02):
separate, when to be in thelocation.
When people say man, how canyou go to a football game and
all them people yelling CauseI'm yelling with them, I'm
screaming, and all them peopleyelling because I'm yelling with
them.
I'm screaming, we scream, butwhen I leave I am hyper focused.
All these people, Boom, boom,boom.
Where does the exit?
So that's constantly what we'redoing.
(24:23):
We're constantly on guard.
Every single day, every singleday.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
Every moment of the day.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
When we go out to restaurants.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
You know, my husband is a military veteran as well,
and whenever you know and that'swhat you say, that's a good
point that you made Nobody willunderstand you.
I went to the rush home and Iam I'm 54 now Benari, and I will
tell you that I just learnedwho I am.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
OK, yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:56):
Maybe, maybe a year ago now, because now I learned
where my trauma all came fromand it was just a built up over
time.
So, uh, I wanted to caveat onsomething else you said and a
woman, a good friend of mine,she told me.
She said Brie, how do you?
(25:16):
She's a pastor, moena Tucker istheir pastor.
And she said Brie, how do youeat an elephant?
I was like, oh, that's prettybig, I just have to eat that
elephant like one piece at atime.
And I was like, oh, ding, ding,ding, ding, ding, ding.
Oh, you know one bite.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
At a time.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
At a time, and I love the analogy of closing those
tabs.
I love that.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
I love it Look you teaching me today.
Speaker 1 (25:44):
I don't know if y'all getting it out there, but I am
picking up everything youputting down.
Like they used to say back inthe day, track it like a VCR.
You know what, though, to sayback in the day track it like a.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
VCR.
I'm sorry, jim.
You know what, though?
It's amazing when you said youjust found yourself.
Do you know?
I have been doing comedy.
I have spoke.
I have been doing this foralmost 12 to 13 years.
The last almost I would sayyear is when I got comfortable
(26:17):
with me.
With me, I mean, I go, I'll docomedy, I'll speak.
They were like, oh my God, andI'm like, thank you.
It's like I'm not.
God is giving me this gift.
If God has allowed me to havePTSD and still go out here and
(26:39):
speak and do comedy, then he gotit.
God, you do what you do.
I'm just a vessel you're goingto use, and that's what we have
to look at, because I used to belike, why me?
Why I got PTSD, why I hadtrauma.
(26:59):
Then I had to realize you couldhave died in Iraq.
Boy, you made it back.
But you know what, though, alot of times that I had made it
back, ms Bree, I used to sitaround and be like I wish I had
(27:19):
died and I write.
And you know I said thatbecause I came back.
A hero, yeah, I came back in myuniform, in the casket, and had
a flag over me.
Everybody would have beencrying, saluting.
He went to war.
He died a hero, not that heretired, went to war, came back.
(27:39):
Now he got PTSD.
Now he got issues Now hedivorced.
Now he this, now his kids isbringing up issues that he had
when he so I was like ah, yes.
Why can't I just die in the war?
Speaker 1 (27:53):
I understand exactly what you're talking about.
What people don't know, andwhat I didn't know upon
retirement, is You're nothing,you are nobody.
Now you can have your chest allbacked up and you think, ok,
I'm going to get out and I'mgoing to show them all the
deployments I've done.
(28:14):
I'm going to get out and I'mgoing to show them all the
deployments I've done and theyjust look at you like okay, ms
Bree, I went to my firstinterview.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
I got on a shirt and tie coat.
I go to the interview.
I'm sitting across the thingfrom a 23-year-old boy and look,
he had on a T-shirt and pantsand I'm like what the heck?
I'm explaining to you?
I didn't get that job, I had toand I just came back from the
(28:44):
war.
You sitting across here askingme what?
Yeah, it is a total differentmindset because you go to
commanding folks in a real warto I'm sitting across the desk
from you asking you caning folksin a real war to them.
Sitting across the desk fromyou asking you can you give me a
job?
Speaker 1 (29:00):
Right, it is, it's so weird, it's so weird.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
It's weird.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
And it's hard, it's hard, it's hard, as I was saying
to you too, like, and seeyou're married to a civilian
Right.
You know, wow, totallydifferent, totally different,
and see you're married to acivilian which you know, wow,
totally different.
I'm married to another veteranwe both crazy as hell totally
different and when we go to arestaurant he has to sit with
(29:28):
his back, he has to be facingthe entrance got to me before I
go.
I'm like okay if something gooff.
I'm going that table throw it.
I'm going straight into rambomode you know, and this is what
we have to do, even just goingout.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
Yes, and see it.
And it's different on my endbecause I'm doing the
surveillance and my wife just do, do, do I had?
I mean, we got in a couple ofarguments because I'm like, do
you have peripheral vision?
And she was like what I said?
(30:04):
I am looking at you.
Then she had to realize, ok,that's his way of protecting me
by making sure I know.
I say, if I get up and run, yourun with me.
If I say don't ask me noquestion.
And sometimes she had to tellme, though, baby, just be in the
moment, just be in.
(30:27):
But there's a way that you cantalk to a person and tell them
be in the moment, because theyhave done their work.
They say what is wrong with you, my God, can't you?
Oh, now we are.
Now we both up here.
So it was tools that we had tolearn in order to continue to be
(30:50):
married with this, because whenyou married with PTSD I don't
care if it's war or not and youdon't get to work, it start
compounding.
Then you become a blendedfamily, and then that adds.
So it's so much that adds on toit that if you don't go and
seek help, if you don't put yourfamily in therapy, if you don't
say we need help, it'll be,you'll be a basket.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
And then the other thing that I want to point out
is that you said that I totallyagree with you.
Can't expect, because when I wasgoing through my thing, me and
my husband handle traumadifferent, differently to,
whereas when someone dies, forme you know, I'll just say, you
(31:35):
know my own path from cancer towhere my husband he'll handle it
like well, babe, you know hewas sick, you knew he was gonna
go and you know, you know, Imean, I don't even know if this
man has tear ducts, you know I'mtelling you you know, like you
know, just recently, you know,my daughter just went in the
(31:59):
hospital.
She, she, uh, she was in anambulance and I got a phone call
from my, my middle girl, sayingshe was non-responsive.
Her husband and I.
I'm learning now to not justbecause before I just correct
you know when my but that's no,that that's sometimes.
That's a normal mom reaction tooyeah, well, yeah, yeah, but you
(32:21):
know, I try, you know, becauseI've, I have five children.
We're blended family, so wehave, um, we have eight children
all together, okay, ok, so it'slike for me, you know, he, he
had to teach me Correct how notto just fly.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
Because, before Hold on, ms Brie this is the powerful
part, though you was willing tolearn.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
Yes, you have.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
That's the powerful point.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
You have to be you.
You have to, especially asstrong marriage needs
communication.
And what I love about myhusband now you know, because I
want to blow his head up and hesee this interview but he's a
great communicator.
And he will say, if he don't,ok, I agree to disagree will say
(33:14):
, if he don't, okay, I agree todisagree.
But what we're gonna do is,whatever the issue is because,
again, I went into the rush homeand I was so angry because he's
a bike rider, he rides withrare breed, okay he loves to
ride.
Okay, but I needed you.
My nephew just committedsuicide and for my husband it's
like babe, I'm sorry to hearthat I'm in the hospital bit now
I just had emergency surgery,and this was again.
(33:38):
This was 2023.
I had emergency surgery.
A few hours after the surgery,I got the message that my nephew
committed suicide.
I was trying to get off the bed, bernard, I was trying to make
it, the film, I get it.
My husband said you ain't goingnowhere.
I said I ain't going to arguewith him, I'm going to show him
(33:59):
different.
I'm going.
I don't know what I was going,how I was going to get there,
but I'm that type of person thatthat's my heart, you know.
I person that that's my heart,you know I'm gonna.
I'm gonna serve you.
You know we tried to serve it.
That that was my way ofavoiding and masking to helping
other people avoid it.
I'll.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
I'll focus on somebody else so you was going
to help him, and then they willhave to help you too, so you was
gonna go there in the ambulance.
So you, you was gonna go therein the ambulance.
But you know what, though?
We need people around us whoare going to sometimes sit your
hind legs down.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
But you know, it's just.
You know I was angry with him,correct, because it's like.
You know, after all, that afterI lost my nephew, I went to the
P and then, like I said, Ifound out what all this stemmed
from.
But you know, I was angry angry, my husband, because I was
(34:56):
suffering and because you don'tact as I do or you don't
understand what I'm goingthrough now.
I want to leave and my husbandhad told me about that before
you know.
He said you want to stop so ifyou do not leave my house
because my way of handling myptsd and anxiety now I had a
17-year abusive marriage.
One thing I didn't want to dois now I'll become the abuser,
(35:17):
so my thing is to leave Correct.
I've learned that that's notgood either.
Speaker 2 (35:22):
Correct.
Speaker 1 (35:23):
So it's like okay, but this you don't understand me
and my therapist there.
They said you can't expecteverybody to know what you're.
You are walking in these shoes.
He's walking in his.
Now he got seven deploymentsyou know.
Speaker 2 (35:39):
But you know what though?
It's amazing you say thatbecause I was the same situation
it's like when you was talkingto your ex and you, you was
expecting a fight.
Oh yeah, yeah, right here, eventhough you know, you still
expecting that fight.
But when you don't get it, it'slike so what do I do now?
(36:00):
I don't get the fight, what doI?
So and I heard you say talkingabout the tear ducts it took me.
It took me a long time to getemotion back.
Oh, wow, it took me a long.
I'm gonna tell you one of thestories my I moved into a
community and I think I had beenliving in the community about a
year and I had just been backfrom iraq, probably about two
(36:23):
and a half years didn't cry,they had no emotion.
My neighbor next door we usedto talk all the time he was
coming home from work one nightand got into a car accident and
passed.
As I was getting up the nextmorning to go to work, his wife
was out in the yard and she wascrying and she was like hi.
(36:43):
I said, oh, she would tell.
I said I didn't see an accidenton the news.
She said that was Stan.
That was he died last night andmy emotions from Iraq.
It was like we saw so many deadpeople.
Okay, get them, bury them,let's move on.
I had to go back and apologizeand say I am truly sorry if I
(37:04):
felt cold or cold Cause that wasmy I couldn't get cry, I
couldn't show emotions, emotions.
So that's another thing that wehad to learn, because my wife
didn't see me cry for a long.
She was like does this man haveemotions?
Because it's like we hide it sodeep yeah, we hide it so deep
(37:26):
to when it does come up, it hasto be some really uh dramatic.
But I just want you to be ablejust to have a good cry sometime
and just it's.
It's refreshing.
I listen to gospel music and Ijust get a cry and it just feels
good because I'm now I'mgetting back to my emotions and,
uh, I know I'm still talking,but one of the biggest I ain't
(37:50):
gonna say arguments but one ofthe biggest come to Jesus moment
we had every time I was insignal in the military, so in
the army, so I had a cell phonewhen we was in war.
We had radio when we was in war,so every time there was a
bombing, or every time somebodyor we called somebody, if they
didn't answer the first thing,you think they did.
(38:12):
So when I had my cell phone, Icame back every time the phone
would ring.
I would pick it up on the firstring.
Oh yo, what's up, man?
She was like why do you do that?
Let it sometimes let it go tovoicemail, I don't care,
sometimes we could be just in aconversation.
A phone ring, hey, she had tounderstand.
(38:32):
I had to go back to mytherapist to find out why do I
do that?
And she broke it down.
She said when you was in waryou had all these communication
tools.
If somebody didn't pick up thefirst thing, you thought they
was dead.
So now in my mind, when peoplecall me, I had to pick it up to
let them know I'm alive, but I'mnot in war.
(38:53):
So that's what is the retrainingof the mind.
Because you have trained yourmind to go to war.
You have trained your mind notto trust anything because
anything over there couldpossibly kill you.
So I had to retrain.
So that's some of the thingsthat when I said we had to learn
to learn, we got.
(39:13):
You have to be willing torelearn yourself and relearn
life, and some people don't wantto be around to, uh, to help
you do that and I'm okay withthat.
We have to be okay with peoplein our life who we used to roll
with.
When you walk away, they say,hey, I just can't.
We have to be okay with that.
Sometimes we will walk awayfrom people because my biggest
(39:34):
thing is, hey, I don't have themental capacity to handle that.
I can't do everything.
I tried it.
No.
Speaker 1 (39:45):
That is so awesome.
Look, I am so glad to have thisconnection.
Speaker 2 (39:51):
I think yes, I got another friend, another brother.
Speaker 1 (39:54):
You are amazing.
What, what, what's next?
What's next for you?
What are we doing now?
Where are you at?
Because I want to make sure I'mthere so I could get my stuff
well what I do.
Speaker 2 (40:05):
I'm going back.
I had a podcast called ptsdprocessing traumatic situations
differently.
That was the acronym I came upwith for uh, for ptsd, because
people process their traumadifferently.
Like you said, you processyours by leaving, but you had to
(40:25):
rethink it to process ithealthy leaving sometimes, no.
But I tell people, however youprocess it legally and ethically
process you might want to planta garden, you might want to
walk, ride horses, kayak, knit,whatever mines is laughter,
(40:46):
whatever you have the point isto find find something just
don't give up just don't give upand let it take you there you
go.
I mean, I told a friend I said,look, if you want to grow a
garden on your sidewalk, peoplemight not, but that if that's
helping you get to the next day,do it.
So that is the.
(41:07):
That's one of the things I'mgonna come back with and I just
I'm doing comedy.
Uh, most of my events areprivate events or corporate
events.
I don't really go to the clubs.
I don't.
I don't because I'm 57, I'mgetting too old to be staying
out all night.
Uh, no, I like being, I likebeing home.
So me and my wife, if I have ashow, we'll go together.
(41:30):
If I still go out of town, Istill being home.
So me and my wife, if I have ashow, we'll go together.
I still go out of town, I stilldo that.
But more than what I'm doing,that is speaking, it seems like
God has given me more avenues ofspeaking with humor in it,
because people really need tolaugh and really need to talk
about mental health.
Speaker 1 (41:53):
In some ways, just talking about it is let's laugh
about it, and that is so whengod has something for you and I
wanted to say that as well whengod has something, but he uses
us, us to help other people.
So when god has a calling onyou and you know, and I look
back now I say I.
Now I know my why.
Yeah, god, why did you make mego through all of this?
It's because he said Brie orBridget is my real name.
(42:16):
He says I have something foryou.
So, again in the military.
You know I'm comfortable.
I was speaking, I was doingpoetry, being a leader.
I always spoke to soldiers, soI had to come.
After I went to the rush home,I lost my nephew and in 2024 is
when I was like or 2020, the endof 2023, I built what, uh, the
(42:37):
house of humanity that's mynon-profit where I service um
homeless uh homeless individuals, that's domestic violence
victims and I serve a slowincome.
That vision was was given to meand it's like, okay, god says
okay, you can do a little moreOkay.
So, it's like I am a servantfor his people and I used to
(43:00):
hate that.
I had that heart and I used to.
That's why I said well God, allthese people are dying around
me.
What am I here for?
I wanted to give up becauseevery I have this heart heart
you gave it to me, but I'mlosing people and we can't save
everybody and he said they usedto call me mother theresa.
I have had that name.
(43:21):
All about old bridget is mothertheresa.
But what I have learned is, andwhat he has me doing is
focusing.
Stop focusing on a soldier thatyou couldn't save.
Stop focusing on the soldiersthat you lost due to whatever
situation they had.
Stop focusing on that and focusthat.
(43:42):
So he, I'm telling you and Idon't know if it's like this for
you, but I could see what hewants me to do is just plain as
day.
He puts the brick.
This is why me and you are heretoday, right.
Because, he's lining it up.
Speaker 2 (43:55):
Networking, that's right.
Speaker 1 (43:57):
He's given me the tools and the people to get the
message out, because I have thisthing that I, bernard, I want
to save the world.
I want to save the world.
Speaker 2 (44:08):
And you know what.
You know what Jesus came tosave the world and want to say I
know, and you know what.
Speaker 1 (44:14):
You know what jesus came to save the world.
People.
The only one deal with him.
Yes, yeah.
So so you know.
What I'm learning now is thatyou know, okay, god, I wanted to
help people, but he said why?
Just in your own circle?
Right, I'm outside the box.
So, now I'm doing the speaking,I'm doing the podcast.
And it's like the audacity ofme to get fearful in what.
(44:39):
I'm doing.
Speaker 2 (44:40):
You know Correct.
Speaker 1 (44:42):
You get fearful because now you're on a broader
scale and you know I don't knowhow it was for you.
You know you have over 20,000followers and the thing about me
but you know it's, yeah, it'ssomething it's something, and my
thing is you are out here,brother, and I applaud you, and
(45:03):
you know I never really was acomedian comic type person.
I think, the only people thathas been funny to me is Jim
Carrey, Kevin.
Hart and Cat Williams.
But I like Kevin Hart and CatWilliams because they're comics
that just use realness and makeit funny.
It ain't funny, you know what'sgoing on, but they make it
(45:26):
funny.
But just seeing you and how Godhas led you and the things that
God you know, I know that mytime will come.
I admire you.
I thank you for what you aredoing, because you are helping
people.
Speaker 2 (45:41):
That's all I ever wanted to do.
I keep telling folks this is mytherapy Me going out speaking
doing comedy is my therapy.
That they get to have therapyfrom speaking doing comedy is my
therapy that they get to havetherapy from.
Speaker 1 (45:52):
Oh, you said that you are very good with words, and
this is what my therapy is.
My therapy is speaking.
My therapy is getting otherpeople to be transparent and in
this month of men's appreciationmonth, I appreciate you coming
on here and giving us the timeand your time to just show
(46:13):
somebody like you can make it.
Here are the tools, the othertwo and I tell folks.
Speaker 2 (46:18):
I tell folks.
The tools I have are in myrucksack and I might not need
those tools every day, but whenI do need them I know where they
at you know where they're at.
Speaker 1 (46:29):
That.
You know where they're at.
That's the key.
Speaker 2 (46:30):
To know where these tools are at.
Speaker 1 (46:33):
That's so correct, my brother, you're my friend, we
friends man.
I thank you and I look forwardto having you back.
I will keep up with youwhatever you do.
I will support you in whateveryou do.
I thank everyone for coming onand viewing this amazing.
(46:54):
Yet another amazing uhinterview would be for you with
mr bernard heinz.
Yes, and we will see yes, goahead.
Speaker 2 (47:03):
If people want to follow me, you can follow me on
all social media at the laughtherapist on instagram and
Bernard Hines on Facebook and mywebsite, wwwthelavetherapistcom
.
Speaker 1 (47:15):
Yes, and we're looking forward to that book
it's coming, it's coming, it'scoming.
And the podcast is coming back.
Speaker 2 (47:23):
It's coming back.
It's coming back.
It probably start back inSeptember.
Speaker 1 (47:27):
September I will be following you.
I'm going to keep all myviewers up and following you,
but you probably got morefollowers than me.
But whatever I got, they'regoing to follow you.
Speaker 2 (47:37):
There you go.
I'm going to do the same.
I'm going to put your name outthere.
God bless you.
God bless you.
Hello everyone, Welcome to B3U.
I am glad to be here with MrBernard Hines, the last service.
Thank you so much, sir, forcoming on and doing this
interview with me.
So just tell our viewers alittle bit about yourself.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Thank you for having me.
Thank you for having me.
Yes, my name is Bernard Hines,aka the Laugh Therapist, but as
a therapist y'all, I'm notlicensed, I'm just medicated.
All right, I'm not licensed,I'm just medicated.
I am a comedian, I'm a speaker,I'm a father, I'm a husband and
I'm a 20 year seven month fourday military.
(00:50):
I'm a retired veteran.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Hey man, thank you for your service.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Thank you for your service.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
I know what it's like .
Yes, yes.
So how did we get that?
Speaker 2 (01:13):
How did you become the last therapist?
Well, all my life I've beenfunny to.
People have told me that I'vebeen the class clown at 12 and
14.
I could memorize Richard Pryoralbums.
I knew I was an unsupervisedchild so I knew I knew all
Richard Pryor albums.
I love comedy.
I knew all Richard Pryor albums.
I love comedy.
I love.
In the military I was thebarbecue comedian.
You bring me to the car, to thecookout, we're going to have a
good time.
But then I learned that allthat was hiding my trauma.
(01:36):
That was my way of fitting inby making folks laugh when I
didn't know how any other way tofit in, when I didn't know how
any other way to fit in.
Then folks asked me if I wantedto do comedy and I was like no,
never thought I could go onstage.
Nah, I'm not going to do acomedy.
No.
Then came back from Iraq, goingthrough trauma from the war,
(02:00):
going through a trauma of movingback home and facing childhood
traumas and those type things.
Um, when I left oklahomasomeone told me she said when
you get to virginia you need topick up comedy.
I'm like man, okay so I cameback came back home, came back
(02:21):
to chesapeake, virginia well,norfolk.
But I came back to chesapeakeand went to a church and the
pastor said well, what we're notgoing to do this year, we're
not going to bring in a comedian.
We're going to find somebody inthe church.
But before then I had asked God, if you want me to do comedy,
show me a sign.
That was a sign.
Won't he do it?
(02:42):
Won't he do it.
So that was a sign.
Won't he do it, won't he do it.
So I went and I auditionedbecause they want you to
audition, make sure you knowwhat you were saying.
I didn't know anything aboutcomedy Then, no stage presence,
didn't know, but I knew life.
So as I was doing that, I stillwas dealing with my PTSD, still
dealing with going through adivorce, still dealing with a
(03:02):
lot of other things from comingstraight from the war, six
months retiring after that.
So what really happened was Icontemplated taking my life.
I contemplated taking my lifeand I couldn't laugh anymore.
Nothing was funny, nothingseemed to be going right.
So someone on my job.
(03:25):
I'll never forget it.
Someone on my job.
I know the person's name butI'm not gonna breach
confidentiality.
They they said that there's acomedy contest.
I said I know they said it's acomedy class.
At the funny bone in the area Isaid I'm broke as a joke I
can't.
She said me and my husband aregoing to show the $250 into your
(03:46):
life for you to go to the class.
Went to the class.
That was a life saving moment.
I got my laugh back.
And a gentleman I was talkingto because my name used to be
Reverend Peanutbutt and Jellyyeah, see how you laughing.
That's how everybody elselaughed at me.
They're like what Wrappingpeanut butter and jelly.
(04:08):
So I was brainstorming with afriend of mine.
I was like look man, I got tochange this name.
This name can't go nowhere.
So we sit down talking.
He says so what got you throughyour trauma, your PTSD, to
where you're at now?
Of course, god, god, we knewthat.
Then I said well, laughter in atherapist.
He said, well, why don't youcall yourself the life therapist
(04:29):
?
there you go, I was like, wow,and that name can go anywhere,
so it.
So it has been a journey, ithas been a, it has really been a
journey.
And from now, comedy has turnedinto speaking with humor,
because it allows people to beable to talk about a subject of
(04:50):
mental health or PTSD, ofveterans and all that other good
stuff, and add a little humorinto it that make it plausible
for them to really receive it.
And then USA picked me up to bea veteran spokesperson as a
mental health for suicideawareness.
We faced a fight.
(05:11):
They had a campaign going, soit it has been a plethora of
blended family, been a plethoraof divorce, been a plethora of
kids, all that.
And, and as I tell people, ptsddon't care about life, life
don't care about PTSD, they aregoing to collide.
Yes, and when they collide,what are you going to do then?
(05:33):
And that's when I knew I neededsome help.
I needed some resources to helpme in this role.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
And this is the month of PTSD awareness.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Yes, it is yes, and we are a beat for you where I am
honoring, and this is the monthof PTSD awareness.
Yes, it is.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Yes, and we are at B3U where I am honoring, I'm
making it Men's AppreciationMonth along with PTSD awareness,
thank you.
And the purpose of theseinterviews and our interviews
today is to be transparent withour audience, because there are
(06:06):
many of us that are out there.
We're suffering and I tellpeople you just don't have to,
um, be a service member for ptsdcorrect you know people tend to
think when they hear ptsd oh,that's only for people who
served in the military I have adaughter who was was shot in a
drive-by shooting, suffers fromPTSD.
(06:29):
So we want to get the messageand push this message out here,
that mental health number one isreal, correct, where you have
shown us how you have dealt andcoped with your PTSD in the
moment.
You know and again it'd be somany things as veterans and and
(06:50):
those are like we have storiesfor days- for days you know?
I mean, we could sit here for aa good couple of hours and run
down some of the things andtrials and the tribulations, um,
that we've been through.
Is it, uh, during your a littlebit deeper into your um, did
(07:12):
you ever feel like you werepressured, like I need to hurry
up and get over this so I canlive my life?
Was, did you feel any pressure?
Speaker 2 (07:20):
What was it that drove you to say well, you know
what you sounds like, mytherapist right there.
Let's go a little.
Let's go a little deeper.
That was.
That was her famous word.
Well, let's go a little deeper,or well, let's go with that
it's only because you know.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
You know, I'm trying there again.
I'm about servicing thosepeople in the now.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Yeah, let's go deep, I'm ready.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
You know how people are saying.
I remember when I was singlewith four children in the
military, and I would go tochurch and they oh baby, wait on
God.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Wait on God.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
He's just like hey, our old baby is going to come to
you.
Trust, keep your faith in theLord.
But the truth is and,bernardard, I know me and you
know this but when you're inthat season, you really did not
want to hear that that's right,and a caveat to that, a caveat
to that we're gonna.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
The day I wanted to take my life, um, I went to
church because I knew god.
You, you know, I had went tochurch and my pastor, my bishop,
didn't know me from nobody.
You know, he knew I had justjoined the ministry.
I haven't been that long and Iwas going through things in my
life and I I didn't want to die,but I wanted that pain to end
that I was going through.
(08:39):
So I say you know what, theonly way to get this pain to end
is to take my life.
That's how I felt at that time.
And he sits on the corner of atthat time he always used to sit
on the corner of the pulpit atthe service and people just come
up and just, you know,conversate.
I came up and I told him someof the things I was going
through.
(08:59):
And if he had just told me,bruh, let's just pray about it
and sent me on my way, that wasmy demise right then, because
that was my last straw.
What he did was he said hold up.
He called two brothers from thechurch.
He said hey, y'all come here,get this young man right here,
(09:20):
give him my personal cell phonenumber.
I want y'all to take him overthere, talk to him and do not
let him leave until you are surehe is okay.
That is the first time I feltseen since I had been back from
Iraq and I think that was liketwo and a half years.
(09:41):
I have been seen that day savemy life and that has been over
15 years ago.
That day saved my life becauseI felt seen, even though he was
a pastor, even though he was abishop, even though he knew God.
He knew I needed something elsealso.
That's why I tell people youcan have God and a therapist,
(10:08):
why I tell people you can haveGod and a therapist.
Right, you can have both.
So that was a powerful moment,but I still had my struggles.
I still had, but I knew what Icould turn to for therapy.
That's when I started going totherapy.
That's when I started going tothe groups.
That's when I got onmedications and start taking my
meds.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
And my right.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
And my daughter.
At the time she just graduatedfrom Virginia Tech, but at the
time she had.
She says I'm scared of my dad.
I heard her say that.
Not that I was violent, but Iwas zero to a hundred.
So I felt like I am taken awayfrom their childhood.
I have to go and get help so Ican be productive in their life.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
Right.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
And blessing is my wife.
My wife married me, not knowinganything about the military.
I went through a divorce andmet at the comedy club.
She didn't know anything aboutPTSD, she didn't know anything
about the military, but shelearned about PTSD real quick
Cause you know when you dating,you're dating, you're hiding it,
(11:06):
you're trying your best.
I don't want you to see that'sright, I already got kids.
I don't want you to see whatelse is going on with it,
because my grandma will alwayssay love is blind, but marriage
is an eye-opener.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
Yes, oh, my, I love grandma.
She is so right, she is soright, all right.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
So you know, we went through that and going to the VA
.
But one thing about my wife shewanted to learn about what was
making her husband tick and oneday I told my family.
I said I don't know why I'mticked, why I ticked.
So we all went to therapytogether as a family and my
(11:46):
therapist took a 3D model of thebrain and showed my family this
is where your father and yourhusband's brain is injured.
When she said he has an injury,that changed my whole focus of
what it is.
Wow.
And then they started learningand my wife the VA called her my
(12:13):
caregiver.
My therapist said no, changethat wording.
She's not your caregiver, she'syour partner in recovery.
Oh, what's your therapist now?
Your best therapist in theworld?
What's the world in recovery?
Oh, what's your therapist now?
The best therapist in the world.
She used to always tell us tochange our wording.
That's right.
(12:34):
So that's going to be the nameof our book Partner in Recovery,
because it means I had to dosomething and she had to do
something.
She had to learn about the PTSDand my triggers.
I had to continue to go totherapy.
I had to continue to stay on mymeds.
I had to continue to, not, Ihad to continue to be present
(12:54):
and not just there.
So it made us do things totallydifferent.
And I'm telling you thattherapist she's not in the VA
now, she has her own practicesomewhere in Northern Virginia.
But the resources that she gaveme really, really made me, say,
helped me to be where I am now,because she gave me the tools
(13:16):
to do the work.
She made me have the tools todo the work.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
Put it that way so what can we say to a person who
feels like their pain has nomeaning?
Yet what would you say?
Speaker 2 (13:31):
you have to believe that I will tell that.
I didn't believe that my storyor what I've been through had
meaning.
I didn't believe it.
It's like because one of thereasons I'm gonna tell you why
is because I broke down the wordstigma.
Because I tell folks, if youwant to see stigma, because I
(13:53):
tell folks if you want to seestigma, I be stigma.
Okay, and one of the things instigma is self stigma that we
put on ourself.
You know what I'm saying.
I'm not good enough.
Everything is negative, nothingis going good.
Everything I tried, but one ofthe main ones is what are people
going to say about me?
We see, growing up, I had anuncle who was a Vietnam veteran,
(14:16):
okay, and he used to go to theVA hospital and they used to
call him crazy.
They used to call him get overthere, shut up, you don't know
what you're talking about.
Oh, every time he come around,oh, he talking crazy.
So I was not going to be seenlike that.
So that hindered me from goingto seek help and I would throw
(14:37):
self, self stigma on myself.
Man, I can't be seen as ascrazy.
I just retired from themilitary, I just moved back home
and I don't know why everybodythink you rich when you move
back home that is the.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
That is the biggest myth put on veterans Like oh,
military rich money, money.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
Commissary.
Commissary, you can go to here,you can go there.
But that person has to know that, first of all, they matter and,
second of all, your storymatters.
Nobody can want your healing oryou getting better, more than
you do, more than you.
Nobody can want your healing oryour uh or you getting better,
more than you, more than you.
That is, nobody can want thatyou have to want.
(15:21):
I had to learn that I needed toget better or seek help or get
these resources for me, sothat's what I would share with
some.
Know in yourself that youmatter.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
That's right.
How do you protect your peacetoday?
Because every day I tell people, every day it's work for me.
Every day I wake up in themorning, I'm talking to myself
and I tell people don't stoplistening to yourself.
Stop listening to yourself.
But when you listen to toyourself, that's when you're
going oh man, you know, I don't,I don't want to do this, or I
(15:59):
don't want nobody to.
You know, oh, what if I die?
My biggest thing, my ptsd, isfear I lost so many people in my
military career.
Once I left from the military, Iseparated from my family
completely.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
OK.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
And I took my child.
I was in an abusive marriage.
I took my children.
I was like that's it.
I got to get out of Philly.
I'm going to start a new lifeto better myself and I want it
better for my children.
I just, I just cut everybody.
So in that time, before I went,I lost my grandmother.
That was another reason why Isaid you know, my grandmother,
(16:40):
she was my backbone, she was myeverything, even though I was in
that Houston.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
Oh, who is that?
It's me and my granny.
I keep her on my desk.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
I keep her on my desk .
Speaker 2 (16:49):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
I have a picture of my granny as well, I keep her in
the kitchen because I stillhear her telling me how to make
those sweet potato pies that Irefuse to get a recipe up for.
But you know, every when I losther I was in that abusive
marriage I said, okay, that's it.
I got to get away fromeverything and everybody.
I went in the military andduring that time I've lost aunts
(17:12):
, uncles I mean I just nieces.
You know I continue to lose,you know.
So it's like my biggest.
I've seen to the point wheresome of my sisters, you know, in
the military, you know we getthat good brother, sister.
We stick with them for life.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
They have more family than family.
That's true.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
That's true so I've had sisters that actually lost
children to murder, car accidentand the screams and everything
and the cries constantly runthrough my head.
So what's my biggest thing now?
Fear of losing one of mine okayyou know so again and then,
(17:52):
being in the military deployment, lost soldiers.
So mine is fear.
So, every day that I rise,every day that I lay down it's
am I going to die?
I'm a stroke survivor.
Am I going?
Speaker 2 (18:06):
to die.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
Am I going to this, am I going to that, and so if.
I keep listening.
If we keep listening to thosethings in our head, we'll never
get nowhere.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Correct.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
The way I combat my demons, so to speak, is I talk
to them like look here, okay,today is going to be a good day,
I don't care.
And of course, as veterans, wesuffer from what Body illnesses.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
That's right.
Knee hurts, shoulders Back.
Yeah, yeah, that's right back.
Yeah, top of your gum hurt.
Top of your gums hurt.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
Top of your gums hurt my fingernails, everything
everything yes, when you aredealing with mental, physical
and life is continue to life, Itell people you either go and do
(19:06):
one or two things, you eithergo and lay down and just give up
give up right or god gives ustwo things chance and choice.
Okay, got it.
He gives us two things chanceand choice.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
Okay, got it.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
He gives us a chance when we open our eyes in the
morning.
That's our chance right there.
Speaker 2 (19:21):
Correct.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
The choice, what we're going to do with it
Correct.
Are we going to lay in this bed?
Are we just going to keepthinking about all the people we
lost?
Are we going to keep thinkingabout how much the pain hurts?
Are we going to make the choiceto get up and do something with
what we're given?
Speaker 2 (19:45):
Correct and that, you see, and that's when you ask
that question.
You know, is like I tell people.
I got three people in my head.
I got Bernard, christian andFelix.
Ok, felix, still in themilitary, that's the one I can't
let come out all the time.
Felix is the comedian.
He don't care what you think,what you say.
So when he says stuff it comesout kind of foul, he sends it to
Christian.
Christian cleans it up.
(20:05):
Okay, he gives it to Bernard,and then Bernard is able to give
it to you where you can see.
So what I used to do is I wouldallow myself to talk to me.
Now I talk to myself.
Just like you said get up,let's go.
Yep, you want to be depressed,but we're not going to be
(20:28):
depressed today.
So I had to learn to talk tomyself because I have a saying.
We have a saying in our house.
I met my wife in the comedyclub, so we joke 24 seven.
If you want to sit in thatdiaper, go ahead, sit in that
diaper, but you know the diapercan be changed.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Now you can be clean or you can sit in that diaper.
You can get diaper rash, youcan scream, you can do, do.
But that choice is yours andit's not as easy as I'm saying
it, because it took us some timeto get it takes work, it takes
work and what does the bible say?
Speaker 1 (21:04):
the bible said faith without works is dead.
Yeah it's dead.
We could sit there all day andsay I'm believe the god gonna do
it.
I'm believe the god going to doit.
I don't believe the guy goingto do it, when you're just
sitting there and you're goingto do it.
You're just sitting there whenthe guy is going to do it.
You have to do the work andsometimes people cannot see
because it's too much.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
It is a lot.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
You know I still.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
But you got to take it in small bites.
You got to take it in smallBecause sometimes we want to be,
I want to be everything foreverybody right now.
Can't be, can't be.
My wife has a thing.
We have a thing in our house Iget when I get.
Uh, my wife has just learnedabout being overstimulated.
(21:49):
She did not understand about mebeing overstimulated and now
she knows.
But one thing we do, we have athing.
We will walk through the houseIf we just looking stare starry
eyed.
We just said close your tabs.
Cause if you think about it,when you are using a computer
(22:10):
and you got all them tabs openup that you've been looking at,
and now you got a whole lot oftabs on your, on your computer
screen, it's slowing down yourmemory, it's slowing down the
functionality of what is meant,meant to do.
So you got to close them tabs.
That mean close your mind.
You can't change this.
You can't make this person likeyou.
(22:30):
You can't make this person bein your life.
You can't do, you can.
Only thing you really can'tcontrol is you.
And we try to make.
I ain't gonna say we, I'm gonnatalk about me.
I try to make everybodyunderstand me.
Everybody is not going tounderstand you, period, point
(22:56):
blank.
Once I realized I'm talkingabout even my children, even my
mom, even my family.
Okay, you can, I can't make youunderstand this part of me.
So what I'm going to do is Istill want you in my life, so we
just gonna have boundaries.
Certain thing we just ain'tgonna deal with everything.
(23:19):
And and to a person I have bestfriends they know I have ptsd,
but they want me around.
That's the key.
They want me around.
So sometimes when I'm overthere just sitting in the corner
, they be like let little bro gosit down.
So it's not like I have to bein that circle to where I got to
(23:42):
be.
Everything for everybody.
It's like no, no, no, I havePTSD, I have a disability.
Whether you believe it, whetheryou understand it, I don't care
.
I'm sorry because my friends Ihad a friend say man, if people
really knew you, they wouldn'tthink you had PTS.
I said because I don't use thetools now to know when to
(24:02):
separate, when to be in thelocation.
When people say man, how canyou go to a football game and
all them people yelling CauseI'm yelling with them, I'm
screaming, and all them peopleyelling because I'm yelling with
them.
I'm screaming, we scream, butwhen I leave I am hyper focused.
All these people, Boom, boom,boom.
Where does the exit?
So that's constantly what we'redoing.
(24:23):
We're constantly on guard.
Every single day, every singleday.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
Every moment of the day.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
When we go out to restaurants.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
You know, my husband is a military veteran as well,
and whenever you know and that'swhat you say, that's a good
point that you made Nobody willunderstand you.
I went to the rush home and Iam I'm 54 now Benari, and I will
tell you that I just learnedwho I am.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
OK, yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:56):
Maybe, maybe a year ago now, because now I learned
where my trauma all came fromand it was just a built up over
time.
So, uh, I wanted to caveat onsomething else you said and a
woman, a good friend of mine,she told me.
She said Brie, how do you?
(25:16):
She's a pastor, moena Tucker istheir pastor.
And she said Brie, how do youeat an elephant?
I was like, oh, that's prettybig, I just have to eat that
elephant like one piece at atime.
And I was like, oh, ding, ding,ding, ding, ding, ding.
Oh, you know one bite.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
At a time.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
At a time, and I love the analogy of closing those
tabs.
I love that.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
I love it Look you teaching me today.
Speaker 1 (25:44):
I don't know if y'all getting it out there, but I am
picking up everything youputting down.
Like they used to say back inthe day, track it like a VCR.
You know what, though, to sayback in the day track it like a.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
VCR.
I'm sorry, jim.
You know what, though?
It's amazing when you said youjust found yourself.
Do you know?
I have been doing comedy.
I have spoke.
I have been doing this foralmost 12 to 13 years.
The last almost I would sayyear is when I got comfortable
(26:17):
with me.
With me, I mean, I go, I'll docomedy, I'll speak.
They were like, oh my God, andI'm like, thank you.
It's like I'm not.
God is giving me this gift.
If God has allowed me to havePTSD and still go out here and
(26:39):
speak and do comedy, then he gotit.
God, you do what you do.
I'm just a vessel you're goingto use, and that's what we have
to look at, because I used to belike, why me?
Why I got PTSD, why I hadtrauma.
(26:59):
Then I had to realize you couldhave died in Iraq.
Boy, you made it back.
But you know what, though, alot of times that I had made it
back, ms Bree, I used to sitaround and be like I wish I had
(27:19):
died and I write.
And you know I said thatbecause I came back.
A hero, yeah, I came back in myuniform, in the casket, and had
a flag over me.
Everybody would have beencrying, saluting.
He went to war.
He died a hero, not that heretired, went to war, came back.
(27:39):
Now he got PTSD.
Now he got issues Now hedivorced.
Now he this, now his kids isbringing up issues that he had
when he so I was like ah, yes.
Why can't I just die in the war?
Speaker 1 (27:53):
I understand exactly what you're talking about.
What people don't know, andwhat I didn't know upon
retirement, is You're nothing,you are nobody.
Now you can have your chest allbacked up and you think, ok,
I'm going to get out and I'mgoing to show them all the
deployments I've done.
(28:14):
I'm going to get out and I'mgoing to show them all the
deployments I've done and theyjust look at you like okay, ms
Bree, I went to my firstinterview.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
I got on a shirt and tie coat.
I go to the interview.
I'm sitting across the thingfrom a 23-year-old boy and look,
he had on a T-shirt and pantsand I'm like what the heck?
I'm explaining to you?
I didn't get that job, I had toand I just came back from the
(28:44):
war.
You sitting across here askingme what?
Yeah, it is a total differentmindset because you go to
commanding folks in a real warto I'm sitting across the desk
from you asking you caning folksin a real war to them.
Sitting across the desk fromyou asking you can you give me a
job?
Speaker 1 (29:00):
Right, it is, it's so weird, it's so weird.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
It's weird.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
And it's hard, it's hard, it's hard, as I was saying
to you too, like, and seeyou're married to a civilian
Right.
You know, wow, totallydifferent, totally different,
and see you're married to acivilian which you know, wow,
totally different.
I'm married to another veteranwe both crazy as hell totally
different and when we go to arestaurant he has to sit with
(29:28):
his back, he has to be facingthe entrance got to me before I
go.
I'm like okay if something gooff.
I'm going that table throw it.
I'm going straight into rambomode you know, and this is what
we have to do, even just goingout.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
Yes, and see it.
And it's different on my endbecause I'm doing the
surveillance and my wife just do, do, do I had?
I mean, we got in a couple ofarguments because I'm like, do
you have peripheral vision?
And she was like what I said?
(30:04):
I am looking at you.
Then she had to realize, ok,that's his way of protecting me
by making sure I know.
I say, if I get up and run, yourun with me.
If I say don't ask me noquestion.
And sometimes she had to tellme, though, baby, just be in the
moment, just be in.
(30:27):
But there's a way that you cantalk to a person and tell them
be in the moment, because theyhave done their work.
They say what is wrong with you, my God, can't you?
Oh, now we are.
Now we both up here.
So it was tools that we had tolearn in order to continue to be
(30:50):
married with this, because whenyou married with PTSD I don't
care if it's war or not and youdon't get to work, it start
compounding.
Then you become a blendedfamily, and then that adds.
So it's so much that adds on toit that if you don't go and
seek help, if you don't put yourfamily in therapy, if you don't
say we need help, it'll be,you'll be a basket.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
And then the other thing that I want to point out
is that you said that I totallyagree with you.
Can't expect, because when I wasgoing through my thing, me and
my husband handle traumadifferent, differently to,
whereas when someone dies, forme you know, I'll just say, you
(31:35):
know my own path from cancer towhere my husband he'll handle it
like well, babe, you know hewas sick, you knew he was gonna
go and you know, you know, Imean, I don't even know if this
man has tear ducts, you know I'mtelling you you know, like you
know, just recently, you know,my daughter just went in the
(31:59):
hospital.
She, she, uh, she was in anambulance and I got a phone call
from my, my middle girl, sayingshe was non-responsive.
Her husband and I.
I'm learning now to not justbecause before I just correct
you know when my but that's no,that that's sometimes.
That's a normal mom reaction tooyeah, well, yeah, yeah, but you
(32:21):
know, I try, you know, becauseI've, I have five children.
We're blended family, so wehave, um, we have eight children
all together, okay, ok, so it'slike for me, you know, he, he
had to teach me Correct how notto just fly.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
Because, before Hold on, ms Brie this is the powerful
part, though you was willing tolearn.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
Yes, you have.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
That's the powerful point.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
You have to be you.
You have to, especially asstrong marriage needs
communication.
And what I love about myhusband now you know, because I
want to blow his head up and hesee this interview but he's a
great communicator.
And he will say, if he don't,ok, I agree to disagree will say
(33:14):
, if he don't, okay, I agree todisagree.
But what we're gonna do is,whatever the issue is because,
again, I went into the rush homeand I was so angry because he's
a bike rider, he rides withrare breed, okay he loves to
ride.
Okay, but I needed you.
My nephew just committedsuicide and for my husband it's
like babe, I'm sorry to hearthat I'm in the hospital bit now
I just had emergency surgery,and this was again.
(33:38):
This was 2023.
I had emergency surgery.
A few hours after the surgery,I got the message that my nephew
committed suicide.
I was trying to get off the bed, bernard, I was trying to make
it, the film, I get it.
My husband said you ain't goingnowhere.
I said I ain't going to arguewith him, I'm going to show him
(33:59):
different.
I'm going.
I don't know what I was going,how I was going to get there,
but I'm that type of person thatthat's my heart, you know.
I person that that's my heart,you know I'm gonna.
I'm gonna serve you.
You know we tried to serve it.
That that was my way ofavoiding and masking to helping
other people avoid it.
I'll.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
I'll focus on somebody else so you was going
to help him, and then they willhave to help you too, so you was
gonna go there in the ambulance.
So you, you was gonna go therein the ambulance.
But you know what, though?
We need people around us whoare going to sometimes sit your
hind legs down.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
But you know, it's just.
You know I was angry with him,correct, because it's like.
You know, after all, that afterI lost my nephew, I went to the
P and then, like I said, Ifound out what all this stemmed
from.
But you know, I was angry angry, my husband, because I was
(34:56):
suffering and because you don'tact as I do or you don't
understand what I'm goingthrough now.
I want to leave and my husbandhad told me about that before
you know.
He said you want to stop so ifyou do not leave my house
because my way of handling myptsd and anxiety now I had a
17-year abusive marriage.
One thing I didn't want to dois now I'll become the abuser,
(35:17):
so my thing is to leave Correct.
I've learned that that's notgood either.
Speaker 2 (35:22):
Correct.
Speaker 1 (35:23):
So it's like okay, but this you don't understand me
and my therapist there.
They said you can't expecteverybody to know what you're.
You are walking in these shoes.
He's walking in his.
Now he got seven deploymentsyou know.
Speaker 2 (35:39):
But you know what though?
It's amazing you say thatbecause I was the same situation
it's like when you was talkingto your ex and you, you was
expecting a fight.
Oh yeah, yeah, right here, eventhough you know, you still
expecting that fight.
But when you don't get it, it'slike so what do I do now?
(36:00):
I don't get the fight, what doI?
So and I heard you say talkingabout the tear ducts it took me.
It took me a long time to getemotion back.
Oh, wow, it took me a long.
I'm gonna tell you one of thestories my I moved into a
community and I think I had beenliving in the community about a
year and I had just been backfrom iraq, probably about two
(36:23):
and a half years didn't cry,they had no emotion.
My neighbor next door we usedto talk all the time he was
coming home from work one nightand got into a car accident and
passed.
As I was getting up the nextmorning to go to work, his wife
was out in the yard and she wascrying and she was like hi.
(36:43):
I said, oh, she would tell.
I said I didn't see an accidenton the news.
She said that was Stan.
That was he died last night andmy emotions from Iraq.
It was like we saw so many deadpeople.
Okay, get them, bury them,let's move on.
I had to go back and apologizeand say I am truly sorry if I
(37:04):
felt cold or cold Cause that wasmy I couldn't get cry, I
couldn't show emotions, emotions.
So that's another thing that wehad to learn, because my wife
didn't see me cry for a long.
She was like does this man haveemotions?
Because it's like we hide it sodeep yeah, we hide it so deep
(37:26):
to when it does come up, it hasto be some really uh dramatic.
But I just want you to be ablejust to have a good cry sometime
and just it's.
It's refreshing.
I listen to gospel music and Ijust get a cry and it just feels
good because I'm now I'mgetting back to my emotions and,
uh, I know I'm still talking,but one of the biggest I ain't
(37:50):
gonna say arguments but one ofthe biggest come to Jesus moment
we had every time I was insignal in the military, so in
the army, so I had a cell phonewhen we was in war.
We had radio when we was in war,so every time there was a
bombing, or every time somebodyor we called somebody, if they
didn't answer the first thing,you think they did.
(38:12):
So when I had my cell phone, Icame back every time the phone
would ring.
I would pick it up on the firstring.
Oh yo, what's up, man?
She was like why do you do that?
Let it sometimes let it go tovoicemail, I don't care,
sometimes we could be just in aconversation.
A phone ring, hey, she had tounderstand.
(38:32):
I had to go back to mytherapist to find out why do I
do that?
And she broke it down.
She said when you was in waryou had all these communication
tools.
If somebody didn't pick up thefirst thing, you thought they
was dead.
So now in my mind, when peoplecall me, I had to pick it up to
let them know I'm alive, but I'mnot in war.
(38:53):
So that's what is the retrainingof the mind.
Because you have trained yourmind to go to war.
You have trained your mind notto trust anything because
anything over there couldpossibly kill you.
So I had to retrain.
So that's some of the thingsthat when I said we had to learn
to learn, we got.
(39:13):
You have to be willing torelearn yourself and relearn
life, and some people don't wantto be around to, uh, to help
you do that and I'm okay withthat.
We have to be okay with peoplein our life who we used to roll
with.
When you walk away, they say,hey, I just can't.
We have to be okay with that.
Sometimes we will walk awayfrom people because my biggest
(39:34):
thing is, hey, I don't have themental capacity to handle that.
I can't do everything.
I tried it.
No.
Speaker 1 (39:45):
That is so awesome.
Look, I am so glad to have thisconnection.
Speaker 2 (39:51):
I think yes, I got another friend, another brother.
Speaker 1 (39:54):
You are amazing.
What, what, what's next?
What's next for you?
What are we doing now?
Where are you at?
Because I want to make sure I'mthere so I could get my stuff
well what I do.
Speaker 2 (40:05):
I'm going back.
I had a podcast called ptsdprocessing traumatic situations
differently.
That was the acronym I came upwith for uh, for ptsd, because
people process their traumadifferently.
Like you said, you processyours by leaving, but you had to
(40:25):
rethink it to process ithealthy leaving sometimes, no.
But I tell people, however youprocess it legally and ethically
process you might want to planta garden, you might want to
walk, ride horses, kayak, knit,whatever mines is laughter,
(40:46):
whatever you have the point isto find find something just
don't give up just don't give upand let it take you there you
go.
I mean, I told a friend I said,look, if you want to grow a
garden on your sidewalk, peoplemight not, but that if that's
helping you get to the next day,do it.
So that is the.
(41:07):
That's one of the things I'mgonna come back with and I just
I'm doing comedy.
Uh, most of my events areprivate events or corporate
events.
I don't really go to the clubs.
I don't.
I don't because I'm 57, I'mgetting too old to be staying
out all night.
Uh, no, I like being, I likebeing home.
So me and my wife, if I have ashow, we'll go together.
(41:30):
If I still go out of town, Istill being home.
So me and my wife, if I have ashow, we'll go together.
I still go out of town, I stilldo that.
But more than what I'm doing,that is speaking, it seems like
God has given me more avenues ofspeaking with humor in it,
because people really need tolaugh and really need to talk
about mental health.
Speaker 1 (41:53):
In some ways, just talking about it is let's laugh
about it, and that is so whengod has something for you and I
wanted to say that as well whengod has something, but he uses
us, us to help other people.
So when god has a calling onyou and you know, and I look
back now I say I.
Now I know my why.
Yeah, god, why did you make mego through all of this?
It's because he said Brie orBridget is my real name.
(42:16):
He says I have something foryou.
So, again in the military.
You know I'm comfortable.
I was speaking, I was doingpoetry, being a leader.
I always spoke to soldiers, soI had to come.
After I went to the rush home,I lost my nephew and in 2024 is
when I was like or 2020, the endof 2023, I built what, uh, the
(42:37):
house of humanity that's mynon-profit where I service um
homeless uh homeless individuals, that's domestic violence
victims and I serve a slowincome.
That vision was was given to meand it's like, okay, god says
okay, you can do a little moreOkay.
So, it's like I am a servantfor his people and I used to
(43:00):
hate that.
I had that heart and I used to.
That's why I said well God, allthese people are dying around
me.
What am I here for?
I wanted to give up becauseevery I have this heart heart
you gave it to me, but I'mlosing people and we can't save
everybody and he said they usedto call me mother theresa.
I have had that name.
(43:21):
All about old bridget is mothertheresa.
But what I have learned is, andwhat he has me doing is
focusing.
Stop focusing on a soldier thatyou couldn't save.
Stop focusing on the soldiersthat you lost due to whatever
situation they had.
Stop focusing on that and focusthat.
(43:42):
So he, I'm telling you and Idon't know if it's like this for
you, but I could see what hewants me to do is just plain as
day.
He puts the brick.
This is why me and you are heretoday, right.
Because, he's lining it up.
Speaker 2 (43:55):
Networking, that's right.
Speaker 1 (43:57):
He's given me the tools and the people to get the
message out, because I have thisthing that I, bernard, I want
to save the world.
I want to save the world.
Speaker 2 (44:08):
And you know what.
You know what Jesus came tosave the world and want to say I
know, and you know what.
Speaker 1 (44:14):
You know what jesus came to save the world.
People.
The only one deal with him.
Yes, yeah.
So so you know.
What I'm learning now is thatyou know, okay, god, I wanted to
help people, but he said why?
Just in your own circle?
Right, I'm outside the box.
So, now I'm doing the speaking,I'm doing the podcast.
And it's like the audacity ofme to get fearful in what.
(44:39):
I'm doing.
Speaker 2 (44:40):
You know Correct.
Speaker 1 (44:42):
You get fearful because now you're on a broader
scale and you know I don't knowhow it was for you.
You know you have over 20,000followers and the thing about me
but you know it's, yeah, it'ssomething it's something, and my
thing is you are out here,brother, and I applaud you, and
(45:03):
you know I never really was acomedian comic type person.
I think, the only people thathas been funny to me is Jim
Carrey, Kevin.
Hart and Cat Williams.
But I like Kevin Hart and CatWilliams because they're comics
that just use realness and makeit funny.
It ain't funny, you know what'sgoing on, but they make it
(45:26):
funny.
But just seeing you and how Godhas led you and the things that
God you know, I know that mytime will come.
I admire you.
I thank you for what you aredoing, because you are helping
people.
Speaker 2 (45:41):
That's all I ever wanted to do.
I keep telling folks this is mytherapy Me going out speaking
doing comedy is my therapy.
That they get to have therapyfrom speaking doing comedy is my
therapy that they get to havetherapy from.
Speaker 1 (45:52):
Oh, you said that you are very good with words, and
this is what my therapy is.
My therapy is speaking.
My therapy is getting otherpeople to be transparent and in
this month of men's appreciationmonth, I appreciate you coming
on here and giving us the timeand your time to just show
(46:13):
somebody like you can make it.
Here are the tools, the othertwo and I tell folks.
Speaker 2 (46:18):
I tell folks.
The tools I have are in myrucksack and I might not need
those tools every day, but whenI do need them I know where they
at you know where they're at.
Speaker 1 (46:29):
That.
You know where they're at.
That's the key.
Speaker 2 (46:30):
To know where these tools are at.
Speaker 1 (46:33):
That's so correct, my brother, you're my friend, we
friends man.
I thank you and I look forwardto having you back.
I will keep up with youwhatever you do.
I will support you in whateveryou do.
I thank everyone for coming onand viewing this amazing.
(46:54):
Yet another amazing uhinterview would be for you with
mr bernard heinz.
Yes, and we will see yes, goahead.
Speaker 2 (47:03):
If people want to follow me, you can follow me on
all social media at the laughtherapist on instagram and
Bernard Hines on Facebook and mywebsite, wwwthelavetherapistcom
.
Speaker 1 (47:15):
Yes, and we're looking forward to that book
it's coming, it's coming, it'scoming.
And the podcast is coming back.
Speaker 2 (47:23):
It's coming back.
It's coming back.
It probably start back inSeptember.
Speaker 1 (47:27):
September I will be following you.
I'm going to keep all myviewers up and following you,
but you probably got morefollowers than me.
But whatever I got, they'regoing to follow you.
Speaker 2 (47:37):
There you go.
I'm going to do the same.
I'm going to put your name outthere.
God bless you.
God bless you.
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